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hunkjodiefoster · 1 year

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Tears In The Rain

Chapter 1: Interlinked

Characters: Chiren, Alita, Joi (Blade Runner 2049)

Fandom(s): Alita Battle Angel x Blade Runner 2049 crossover/Alita sequel (Robert please get on this)

Summary: After the events of Alita: Battle Angel, Chiren wakes up with some memories of what had previously happened to her. A friend from the past helps her become human again. She's greeted with a new companion. Joi. Things happen from there...

Warnings: lots of angst, Joi and Chiren being flirty, Alita being a boss, robot/cyborg stuff, and fluff if you squint.

A/n: I don't know how I came up with this concept but I love both Blade runner films and Alita (& the fandom) so much.

Chapter 1: Interlinked

First feeling: None. Second feeling: Feeling, yes. Within cells interlinked. Within cells interlinked, Within cells interlinked.

Chiren felt everything come together in her body, her new one, within her cells interlinked, within her cells interlinked, within her cells interlinked.

She woke up on a bed of sorts, in an empty room, a bright light above her head blasting into her eyes. Struggling to tilt her head to her left side there’s a large window that covered the whole wall from floor to ceiling. What is that? Making out blurry images becoming clear now. It was a gray sky, raining out, pouring, sad for her thought. Successfully she got up, as she noticed she wasn’t wearing any clothing feeling weary. This wasn’t any place, this was her home. Her bed, her window, her kitchen, yada yada yada.

There was a chair next to the bed with some lower-class clothes; a sweater, boots, cargo pants, and a fleece-lined trench coat. Far from what she’s used to normally wearing. As she finished putting them on a small folded-up piece of paper slowly fell to the floor from within the coat. Chiren undid the paper, written inside was lettering;

“It’s what I could find. If you want, Joi will tell you a lot, she will go where you please. I’m sorry, for everything…” -A

Chiren knew who this was who wrote it. ‘Joi?’ the former doctor thought the woman hadn’t seemed to notice that she was thinking out loud. A hologram of a woman appeared standing in front of her, smiling.

“Can I help you Dr. Chiren?” If this was Joi she was definitely kind and polite toward her.

“You’re Joi?” Chiren questioned.

“Yes.”

“Joi. Do you know who wrote this?” Chiren pointed out the slip she held.

“I only assume you know” Joi’s grin became sublime

“It was Alita, wasn’t it? Why am I here? How am I here? I feel different. The last thing I remember was being locked in a box with just my eyes and brain for days” Chiren’s face grew in longing, this was the first time in a while that she felt grief.

“Yes, it was Alita. She went searching for you for a bit, she felt bad about leaving you and retrieved you from Nova. This is your new body, although you still look the same your insides are all synthetic, including your programming. You’re the first human hybrid that I know, and that’s a good thing” Joi stated in a favorable tone.

Chiren raised for her forehead, where the mark of Zalem used to be, was gone, nothing there. She was dismayed and not at the same time. A face of remorse and regret came upon her, with memories of what had been done coming into view.

Visions now made her soon realize that Alita is just who her daughter was before she passed and that she may be Chiren’s only reason to become whole again.

Joi spoke up to break the silence “Dr. Chiren…with your mark removed you’re finally able to feel what most want to feel, like a real human being. Now that you’re back together with your new human hybrid body your lifespan is infinite, you have all the time in the world, so what will you do?”

Chiren thought for a good minute and soon answered; “First thing; Just call me Chiren, second; I’m going to find Alita and I know you know where she is…what year is it?”

Joi was weirdly confused by the last part but smiled for her anyway “Of course, I can do that. Chiren it is then…Chiren…it’s 2584, I’m sorry. I guess I should’ve told you sooner”

“Oh god…I- it's been so long- I have to find her, otherwise I don’t know why I’m supposed to be here…do you know anything else?” Chiren asked.

“Yes actually. Your next sign is in the kitchen.”

“Alright, leaving me hints eh?” She went into her kitchen and saw a letter on top of the microwave, she opened it, seeing what was in there was a piece of paper written with “Joi is quite nice, isn’t she? I hope you’ll bond a relationship with her, as she will follow you anywhere, I programmed her to be accessible outside anywhere too. I hope that is helpful. Meet me at the bar or whatever you usually go to, I promise I’ll be there.” -A

“Hmmm, well I guess let’s get there then”

“Get where?” Joi asked.

“The bar.” That was all she said. Joi decided to go ahead and follow Chiren to the rooftop, they both got into her abandoned Peugeot spinner, it was practically not starting but they eventually got it started in the cold dense rain. “Alita said she’ll be there. And I trust her. How'd you get my car?- Nevermind”

Joi nodded, looking out the window she traced her finger where the raindrops were running across the window, the look on her face was curious, almost acting as if she’d never seen rain before. The corner of Chiren’s eye caught this, it just being a little moment, it’s the little things that matter to her as she remembered. Chiren turned her head to her, setting the car on autopilot as they made their way to the place.

“What are you doing?” Eyeing the innocent one. “Have you not experienced rain before?”

Joi turned and smiled back at her. “I know about rain. It’s programmed in my system, I just haven’t seen or touched it before. I am only a couple of days old too..”

Chiren nodded and let out a grunt in response. “Hmm” Turning her eyes back to the outside weather. Joi’s gaze lowered, about to speak but hesitant at first.

“What was it like…being in there for so long”

Chiren quickly got emotional inside about the question. She started playing with her hands, then rubbed her eyes. “It was horrible. You couldn’t move, couldn’t speak, couldn’t feel…anything, all you could do was blink and watch time pass by. Made me want to just get killed already but I knew it was my punishment, then the rest of my body was sent to the yard. Then everything went black, I don’t know what happened after that”

Joi felt bad about it, and even though she had nothing to do with her punishment, she has sympathy for her nevertheless. “I can’t imagine what that must’ve been like…”

The former doctor met her gaze with the android and let out a sigh, trying to ignore her demons and instead wondering about what she can do. “Thank you…do you feel anything physically?” She asked.

“Physically no. I can only feel things through my database”

Chiren placed her rather attractive hand on the armrest. Keeping eye contact with Joi. “Try feeling this” Saying that as she indicated her hand to Joi “Try. Try as hard as you can to feel touch” Again Joi gave the raven-haired woman innocent eyes along with her fading confusion, proceeding to do the task. Joi was mesmerized by her, she knew she may not be able to physically feel things, but she does have feelings for others, as she was programmed to. She finally moved her hand, right onto hers, Joi focused as much as she could, but unfortunately, it went right through.

“I can’t do it…I know it's leather and plastic but I cannot feel it as what people call it.”

“Hey, that’s okay, I can work something out for you alright? Did the shops around here stay the same?"

***

The two arrived at their destination. The building was a part of a large warehouse complex that seemed to stay the same, just more filthy and worn, the walls covered in dirt and grim. Definitely shady. It used to be at least a bit cleaner than this. Everything changed now, including her own appearance, going from looking like a rich snob to the lower class even though her good-sized penthouse is high up there. Again, just appearance. Chiren reached into her coat to scratch herself. Hey, she felt that. It felt good. While doing so, she looked at the note again. 'This better be true' she thought to herself, folding the paper away.

Chiren motioned for Joi to follow her. Joi faded from the inside of the vehicle, reappearing outside the car and standing up. The slightly taller woman looked up into the sky, letting the water hit her face. Knowing she could feel again, relieved her. Looking back at Joi she saw her doing the same. Instead, the water droplets fell through her hologram. The recovering woman saw this and sadness swooned upon her again, knowing she was a real person, neither was she really. Did it all not matter? No. She had a real mind and heart, she is a real human being. Yeah. Real to her anyway.

"Come on, let's go inside."

And so they did, finally realizing they were getting soaked. Running inside now remembering oh hey it's pouring out.

Opening the door inside they are greeted with the smell of sweat and smoke and with the sight of dirty gray walls and a table to sit at.

"Well, this place went to shit."

Chiren raised one eyebrow with a fuzzy feeling still clouding her mind. She looked over the several booths, her eyes locking on jet-black hair, walking in that direction and her conscience is revealed. Playing with her hands and staring in awe Alita stood up from her seat. Both had stunned almost blank expressions on their faces looking at each other. Alita didn't know what to do other than break the silence.

"Chiren…..I-"

"How am I here?" She almost said it like a statement. Confused. Almost blessed with rage and tranquility at the same time.

"I searched for your box for days tracking you, I fought them because I left you there and Ido- I found you after losing your location before, I eventually found you…after so long, I brought you to Ido's and replicated your old body luckily he taught me how to do that at least, transferred you to your place, and set up Joi for you. I couldn't meet you there because there's a gang after me. I'm sorry I didn't want to leave you there all alone I had to stop-"

"What about Ido? I take it I missed the funeral. Ya know I actually loved him and my….. daughter… I was kept in that box forever waiting for something or anything to happen, I was in a jar for years! Thank zalem I went into hibernation 2 days in luckily but still. I have no one. Before too. Now anyone remotely close is dead except for you. You're the closest thing to me ever having a daughter again…"

Chiren let herself down, everyone in the bar wouldn't stop looking. She eventually sat down and let out a quiet sigh. Alita across from her did the same. Joi looked at the both of them reading their faces, noticing the disdain in Chiren’s voice when she mentioned her dead daughter she lost so long ago. Alita knows she has every right to despise Ido for it, still made her angry about what happened so long ago. Ido has been gone forever. Chiren will never get to tell him how sorry she is, how she regretted causing everything to fall apart after her child’s passing, She could’ve done more when she had the time. Why didn’t she? Gosh, she was a wreck through and through but no she wants to do what’s right. To both of them. Joi sat next to the grieving woman.

“You say people are after you? How’d this happen?”

Alita’s big eyes widened. “Yes…long story short I stole Joi here, from them…”

“How much was she?

“A lot. I’m also struggling to get back an adapter for her. It would make her a solid and not just a hologram.”

Joi gave a look on her face that shined with hope and desire. Wanting to be able to live as the closest to being something real. The program went to put her hand on the much older woman’s thigh. When they both looked down at the same time Chiren felt sullen for her, only a hologram's touch. Knowing Joi just wanted some reassurance for herself, Chiren gave her a slight nod before rubbing her thumb on the translucent humanoid even though neither of their nerves had a trigger in their systems or brains if you will. Showing her some compassion as well. Loving care. Was this a sign of love? Compassion? It was the first time neither of them have felt warmness, for Chiren that was a long time.

Alita tried to not think of it that much even though it was pretty obvious that was a kind move on Chiren’s part.

“If we somehow get the adapter from them, Joi can do a lot more than set appliances to make dinner and schedule appointments for you.”

Chiren thought for a good second or so. “What’s your living situation?” She asked. Thinking up a plan for all of this.

“I’m still living at Ido’s place. Although it has been rotting, literally, water damage and hail damage were caused by the big storm we had a few years back.

The woman across from her raised an eyebrow again. “I’m not an expert but I sure know it’s very unsafe to live in a place with mold that bad. The air. Is it affecting you?”

The super android fidgeted with their hands. Chiren didn’t know that anxiety happened in andriods like this. She knew that they could have anxiety but not till a level where physical stumulation happened. “I’m only doing some light coughing. But other than that I am fine.”

“That’s not good for you. I know you’re different but it can still mess up your internals. I want you to move in with me. If you’re fine with it that is but you’re not living in a suitable environment and I would prefer if you…do that.”

“Okay, when do we start?”

“Joi turn off so we can make room for Alita here in the car.”

***

Chiren had the spinner do an auto-pilot landing on the street. “I take it you’ll probably have a few items you want to bring with right?”

“Yeah I do. I’ll be a few.”

#ao3:melaniecavillmybeloved #battle angel alita #alita movie #alita sequel #alita battle angel #alita #chiren #chiren alita battle angel #jennifer connelly #rose salazar #ana de #joi blade runner 2049 #blade runner 2049 #fanfic #alita battle angel fic

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mndvx · 2 years

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LOVE, VICTOR – Fast Times at Creekwood High (S03E02) ››› James Martinez as Armando Salazar ››› Ana Ortiz as Isabel Salazar

#love victor #james martinez #ana ortiz #armando salazar #isabel salazar #lovevictoredit #tvedit #love victor spoilers #🥺🥺🥺

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carolinahope · 1 year

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The Best of 2021 - 10 female characters (5/10)

#Isabel Salazar #Ana Ortiz #Love Victor #The Best of 2021

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survivoreddie · 2 years

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Panic - scene 5

#eddie #chris #ana #5x01 #dr. salazar my beloved #s5 #scene

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sociedadnoticias · 1 year

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Opinión | Que no le digan… | El triunfo contra dos

Opinión | Que no le digan… | El triunfo contra dos #PeriodismoParaTi #SociedadNoticias #QueNoLeDigan @MarioA_Medina @GoblernoMX @lopezobrador_ @Claudiashein @GobCDMX @rosaicela_ @SSPCMexico @USAmbMex

Conocí a Alejandra del Moral y a Delfina Gómez cuando ambas fueron diputadas federales. La primera, por la LXII legislatura, la segunda en la LXIII. Por Mario A. Medina Conocí a Alejandra del Moral y a Delfina Gómez cuando ambas fueron diputadas federales. La primera, por la LXII legislatura, la segunda en la LXIII. Como reportero pude…

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badgaymovies · 2 years

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Heli (2013)

Heli by #AmatEscalante, "the rabbit hole these people fall into is very deep but their way out of it feels suspiciously convenient"

AMAT ESCALANTE Bil’s rating (out of 5): BBB.5 Mexico/Netherlands/Germany/France, 2013. Mantarraya Producciones, Tres Tunas, No Dream Cinema, Le Pacte, Consejo Nacional para la Cultura y las Artes, Fondo para la Producción Cinematográfica de Calidad, unafilm, Lemming Film, Ticoman, Iké Asistencia, ZDF/Arte, Fonds Sud Cinéma, Centre National du Cinema et de L’Image Animee, Ministere des Affaires…

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9-1-1-polls · 1 month

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#911abc #9-1-1 #911 poll #911 #evan buckley #chimney han #maddie buckley #yes I was feeling chaotic

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useramor · 1 year

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realized just now that when eddie goes to see dr. salazar in 5x01 she offers him a pamphlet and he tries to refuse, looks at ana, and then takes it LMAO i love one (1) silly little gay man

#eddie diaz

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bananaofswifts · 11 months

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The 2023 class is 40% women. 34% belong to underrepresented ethnic/racial communities and 52% hail from 51 countries and territories outside the United States. There are many recent Oscar nominees among the invitees, such as Austin Butler (“Elvis”), Paul Mescal (“Aftersun”), Stephanie Hsu (“Everything Everywhere All at Once”) and Kerry Condon (“The Banshees of Inisherin”). The list also includes many of the 95th ceremony’s winners, such as Ke Huy Quan (supporting actor for “Everything Everywhere All at Once”) cinematographer James Friend (“All Quiet on the Western Front”) and composer and songwriter M.M. Keeravani and Chandrabose (“Naatu Naatu” from “RRR”). Even the dynamic “RRR” lead acting duo of Ram Charan and N. T. Rama Rao Jr. have also been extended invitations, along with the film’s production designer Sabu Cyril and cinematographer K.K. Senthil Kumar.

Even “Swifties” were upset that Swift was double snubbed at last year’s nominations — for original song (“Carolina”) and live action short (“All Too Well: The Short Film”) — however, they can rest assured, seeing her join the ranks of the music branch as she continues her global tour, and has her feature directorial debut in the works.

Also invited are a slew of global artists, artisans and talents such as actors Zar Amir-Ebrahimi (“Holy Spider” and recent Variety breakthrough talent recipient) Raúl Castillo (“The Inspection”) and Rosa Salazar (“Alita: Battle Angel”), director Joseph Kosinski (“Top Gun: Maverick”), screenwriters Kazuo Ishiguro (“Living”) and Charlotte Wells (“Aftersun”) and marketing and awards public relations executives such as Warner Bros-Discovery CEO David Zaslav, Bela Bajaria and Kelly Dalton from Netflix and Antonio Gimenez-Palazon from Sony Pictures.

“The Academy is proud to welcome these artists and professionals into our membership,” said Academy CEO Bill Kramer and Academy President Janet Yang. “They represent extraordinary global talent across cinematic disciplines and have made a vital impact on the arts and sciences of motion pictures and on movie fans worldwide.”

Other interesting statistics about this invitee class are four branches invited more women than men to join — casting directors, costume designers, makeup artists and hairstylists and marketing and public relations. The Actors and Directors branches had most of their candidates hail from underrepresented ethnic and racial communities.

Eight filmmakers have been invited to multiple branches — Daniel Kwan and Daniel Scheinert (“Everything Everywhere All at Once”), Colm Bairéad (“The Quiet Girl”), Edward Berger (“All Quiet on the Western Front”), Antonio Campos (“The Devil All the Time”), Lukas Dhont (“Close”), Ana Katz (“The Dog Who Wouldn’t be Quiet”) and Santiago Mitre (“Argentina, 1985”); however, they can only select one upon accepting membership.

In 2022, the Oscars invited 397 new members, including singer Billie Eilish, Oscar winner Ariana DeBose, “Belfast” stars Caitríona Balfe, Jamie Dornan and Disney exec Dana Walden.

With the addition of this new member class, the Academy is now 34% women, 18% from underrepresented communities and 20% from outside the U.S.

This year’s slate of awards contenders will have massive star power and legendary filmmakers in the mix such as Martin Scorsese’s “Killers of the Flower Moon” with Leonardo DiCaprio and Denis Villeneuve’s “Dune Part Two” with Zendaya and Timothée Chalamet.

Music Taylor Swift – “Where the Crawdads Sing,” “Cats”

#taylor swift #oscar

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tina-aumont · 1 year

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Fábulas: La Gata Mujer (II/II)

Spanish TV series directed by Jaime de Armiñán & Gabriel Ibáñez.

Cast:

Fernando Fernán Gómez - Profesor Salazar

Mónica Randall - mujer

Carmen de la Maza

Julia Trujillo - Lola

Ricardo Lucía

Manuel Alexandre - Jacinto

Verónica Luján - Adela

Mary González

Ana Carvajal

Magda Rotger - mujer

Carmen Martínez Sierra

Teresa Hurtado

María Montez - the girl in the shop

Onofre Fraile

Francisco Matesanz

Antonio Burgos

José María Cordero

La Gata Mujer is the chapter 9 of season 1 and it was aired the 7th April 1968.

#María Montez II #Maria Montez II #María Montez Gracia Fiallo #Maria Montez Gracia Fiallo #1968 María M #La Gata Mujer #1968 La Gata Mujer #Fernando Fernán gómez #60s TV #60s Spanish TV #Spanish TV series #1960s Spanish TV series #my screencaps #actress #TV actress #stage actress #dancer

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canonicallyobserving911 · 2 years

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Buck & Eddie: Eddie’s Heart-Reference #5

Is it possible the CANON references to Eddie’s heart started before season 4? Heart Reference #5

There were many references to Eddie’s heart included at the end of season 4 and they continued throughout season 5. But what if the references began during season 2 and continued through season 5? Let’s review the fifth reference to Eddie’s heart which was his first panic attack and determine how it relates to conversations Eddie had with others or his interactions with Buck from other episodes.

5x1 “Panic”

Eddie had his first panic attack while he, Christopher and Ana were in a suit store. They were there to buy Christopher a new suit for Ana’s sister’s baby christening but Eddie wasn’t supposed to be buying a suit for himself. Christopher was in the dressing room and when Eddie went to check on him, Christopher said he thought the suits made him look funny. Eddie tried to convince Christopher that they would find a suit that fit but the salesperson stepped in and said, “Why don’t we see what mom thinks”. Ana quickly spoke up and said, “Oh, I’m not his mother. I’m just a friend” and then she went over to check the fitting of Christopher’s suit. Eddie started to hyperventilate but he was trying to hide it. The salesperson’s statement caused Eddie to have a full-blown panic attack in the store. He was rushed to the hospital where he met Dr. Salazar the cardiologist who was on call for the emergency room. When she entered his hospital room she said, “Well, it wasn’t a heart attack” and Eddie said, “Are you sure?” and then Dr. Salazar said, “You sound disappointed”. He then said, “No, I’m just surprised because it sure felt like one” and then she said, “Panic attacks can often present as heart attacks”. Eddie replied, “That’s not what this was. It’s not possible I don’t panic”. Dr. Salazar asked, “Because you’re a guy?” and Christopher spoke up and said, “And a firefighter”. That’s when the doctor started asking him the routine questions about new stressors and if he had any lifestyle changes. Eddie looked at Ana and said, “Everything’s been great, right?” but she didn’t respond. The doctor gave him a pamphlet to read but he didn’t want to take it.

Parallels

The family Eddie chose vs. “A ready-made family”

Eddie’s actual heart started to panic in 5x1 “Panic” after the salesperson said, “Why don’t we see what mom thinks?” because Eddie realized people were starting to see him, Christopher and Ana as a family. That would never work for Eddie because he had already given his heart to Buck during The Will Reveal. He legally included Buck to be a part of the family he chose and it was the family the two of them had been building for the past four years. Eddie naming Buck to be Christopher’s legal guardian only legalized the family Eddie chose because Buck was already acting as Christopher’s co-parent and that was evident in 4x14 “Survivors” because Buck went to take care of Christopher after Eddie got shot. Eddie’s abuela Isabel, his tia’ Pepa and Carla were all available to help so the fact that Buck did it and no one from the 118 questioned it, illustrated how Eddie, Christopher and Buck were already a family that was separate from the 118’s found family (read blog posts: “Buck & Eddie: Bobby already knows how much Buck loves Eddie” and “Buck & Eddie: Chimney & Hen know Buck & Eddie are in love with each other” to learn more about how the 118 team already knows about Buck and Eddie). Buck did the same thing he did in 2x4 “Stuck” after Eddie got shot, he stepped in to take care of Christopher because he and Eddie were co-parenting him. Eddie said in 3x11 “Seize the Day” it was the family he chose which means the family he and Buck built was his decision and not anyone else’s. The idea of Eddie becoming “a ready-made family” with Ana as his wife and as Christopher’s stepmother was too much and Eddie’s actual heart couldn’t take it. Ana was never the root cause of Eddie’s panic attacks; she was only a trigger (read blog posts: “Eddie doesn’t panic. OK!” and “Buck & Eddie: Eddie panics about losing Buck” to learn more about how Ana was just a trigger) and that was evident when Eddie had three more panic attacks (at the air traffic control tower, at the firehouse and at the hospital) and she wasn’t present for two of them. One of them happened several months after they broke up.

Eddie and Buck started building The Buckley-Diaz Family within 4 weeks of them meeting each other and that was right after Eddie started at the 118. Buck stepped into Eddie’s life as Christopher’s co-parent in 2x4 “Stuck” when he talked to Bobby about Eddie’s childcare issues and when he spoke to Carla on Eddie’s behalf and then introduced them. Both of those things happened without Eddie’s knowledge or permission and Eddie never panicked about them. He actually looked at Buck with heart eyes when he learned Buck made those things happen.

Buck was mistaken to be Eddie’s husband and Christopher’s father in 2x10 “Merry X-mas” when they took Christopher to see Santa Klaus. Make no mistake, Eddie probably heard what the elf said to Buck because he’s always listening. He eavesdrops all the time when Buck is talking to someone (read blog post: “Canon Facts: Eddie be Eavesdropping” to learn more about how Eddie eavesdrops on Buck’s conversations). He did it in 3x18 “What’s Next?” when Buck was talking to Abby and he did it again in 2x3 “Hold the Line” (the LS Crossover) when Buck was talking to TK.

When Eddie took Christopher to spend the day with “his Buck” in 3x1 “Kids Today”, he didn’t have any shortness of breath or any other medical issues. He entered Buck’s loft with his own key and told Buck that he would be looking after Christopher for the day. It all seemed very domestic.

There were several other instances when Buck was viewed as Christopher’s other parent including 3x5 “Rage” when Eddie said, “Do you know how much Christopher misses you?” and in 3x10 “Christmas Spirit” when Christopher asked Buck if he could spend Christmas with him. Eddie didn’t panic once during any of those interactions when someone else including Christopher, considered Buck to be his husband and Christopher’s second dad or co-parent (read blog post: “Buck & Eddie: Christopher Diaz has 2 dads” to learn more about how Eddie and Buck parent Christopher identically). Also Christopher took Eddie’s phone, ordered an Uber and ran away from home in 4x8 “Breaking Point” so that he could go to Buck’s loft to talk to him. This happened after Eddie told him that he had started dating Ana.

Eddie and Buck both know Eddie doesn’t panic

Eddie and Buck both know Eddie doesn’t panic. Prior to the suit store, he had never experienced a panic attack and that was after both The Well and The Shooting. When he finally admitted to Buck that he actually had a panic attack instead of a heart attack, they were both very alarmed. Eddie told Dr. Salazar in 5x1, “I don’t panic” when she told him he had a panic attack, not a heart attack. Buck said the same thing in 5x2 “Desperate Times” after Eddie finally told him about his panic attacks. Buck said, “Since when do you panic?” The fact that he’d never had a panic attack before but he started having them after he realized he was about to lose the family he chose was very LOUD. Eddie knew why he had been panicking; he just didn’t tell Buck the reason when Buck confronted him about it, while they were at the firehouse during the blackout.

The Suits

The suits Eddie and Christopher tried on were parallels to how Eddie and Ana’s relationship was never meant to be. Eddie wasn’t there to buy a suit for himself and all the suits Christopher tried on were ill-fitting. Eddie said they were supposed to be buying a suit for Christopher not him; therefore his comment was a parallel to the fact that he was dating Ana to find Christopher a mother, not to be with her for himself.

He proved that when he broke up with her in 5x3 “Desperate Measures” when he said, “I thought it would work. I did. The idea of us. Chris loves you so much. I just thought…” and Ana said, “Eventually you thought you would too.” Christopher’s ill-fitting suits were also parallels for Eddie’s relationship with Ana. Eddie said, “Come on Chris, it’s the third one” with regards to the number of suits he had tried on, which meant Ana would have been the third co-parent he tried to fit inside of his heart but Chris said, “I think I look funny” and “I think I look terrible” which further illustrates how Ana would never fit into their lives as Christopher’s co-parent. Christopher couldn’t see her as a mother and/or co-parent because he wasn’t comfortable with their relationship just like Eddie wasn’t. Shannon passed away but before she died, she told Eddie she needed a co-parent while he was away in Afghanistan. Buck has always been a co-parent with him for Christopher and Christopher never felt uncomfortable when he was out with him at the zoo or during the Tsunami. Eddie told Chimney in 5x2 that Buck takes Christopher to the zoo all the time which illustrates how much time Buck spends with him as his co-parent. But when Eddie tried to move on, after he gave Buck his heart during The Will Reveal, his actual heart started screaming NO! at him and it came out in the form of a panic attack. Things would never work between them because Christopher was sticking it out just like Eddie was and they were both trying to make a family work with someone they didn’t chose together or agree on.

Also when Eddie looked at Ana and said, “Everything’s been great, right?”, while they were in the hospital, she knew things hadn’t been great but neither of them were ready to admit it. The look on her face said it all but she wasn’t ready to admit there had been red flags present while she dated him. She just chose to ignore them because Eddie is beautiful, handsome and very sexy. She was more interested in showing off her hot firefighter boyfriend to her family just like Buck told Eddie she was during the 118′s game of playing pool at the firehouse in 5x1.

Eddie was hiding

Eddie told Buck in 4x14 “After the last time, when the well collapsed on top of me,” then Buck interrupted him and said, “Which you survived”. Eddie continued and said, “After that it got me thinking, what would happen to Christopher if I hadn’t. So I went to my attorney and changed my will”. Buck asked him later during that conversation, “You said you did this last year why are you just telling me now?” and that’s when Eddie called him Evan and explained how Buck said it would have been better for Christopher if he was the one who got shot (read blog post: “Buck & Eddie: The Will & Legal Guardianship” to learn more about Eddie’s will). Eddie hid the fact that he named Buck to be Christopher’s legal guardian in his will for more than one year and if he had not decided to tell Buck about it when he did, Eddie probably would have kept hiding it.

In 5x15 “FOMO”, after the fake social media influencer went live to admit to her followers that she had been hiding and lying to everyone, May said, “I guess it took a near death experience for her to appreciate her actual life” and Eddie said, “Um hmm”. Then May started to explain how she had been thinking about the fact that she wasn’t really living her life for herself. She told him why she started at dispatch and how she had a whole different life planned for herself before Athena got hurt in 3x17 “Powerless”. Eddie said, “Trauma often causes us to turn inward.” and after they both laughed, he said, “I guess therapy is rubbing off on me. Look, you hid in a place you knew, where you could feel safe, keep your family safe. I understand the motivation”. May then said, “So how do I get back to that person I wanted to be?” Eddie laughed and said, “Ha. I’ll let you know when I figure that out”. Basically Eddie hid from the life and family he started building with Buck after he got shot (his trauma), which parallels with his comment to May and he didn’t know how to fix it. Eddie hid his love for Buck in his heart just like he hid his panic attacks from him and didn’t want to tell him about them. Carla told Eddie to follow his heart not Christopher’s in 4x13 “Suspicion” but Eddie waited too late to break up with Ana. By the time he was ready to tell Buck how he really felt, he got shot and Taylor had already made her move on Buck so they were both stuck in relationships with other people (read blog post: “Buck & Eddie: Buck has always been in LOVE with Eddie; Taylor never had a chance” to learn more about how Taylor friend zoned Buck and waited until Eddie was in a coma to tell Buck she wanted to be with him). Eddie’s first panic attack was the only time Buck wasn’t present like he was all the other times when Eddie’s heart was referenced. This fact also coincides with how Eddie had been hiding from who he really wanted to keep building the family he chose with and it parallels with what he told May in 5x15 about hiding in a familiar place.

Moving forward

When Eddie said, “He’s dead. I don’t even think about him anymore” and Dr. Salazar said, “It could be called repression.” Then Eddie responded with, “Or just moving forward”. In 3x1 “Kids Today” Eddie told Bobby, Hen and Chimney that his father taught him to “Brush it off and keep moving forward. It wasn’t easy but he wasn’t wrong”. Eddie’s panic attacks weren’t easy for him but he kept trying to brush them off so that he could keep moving forward but his panic attacks got worse. Since Eddie had been hiding his true feelings for Buck, who was he talking about when he said, “I don’t even think about him anymore”? Was he talking about himself and how he was trying to “stick it out” with Ana instead of him following his heart? Or could he have been talking about how he was trying not to think about Buck anymore and the family they built? Keep in mind Eddie never met the sniper and probably didn’t know much about him since he was still in the hospital when Athena killed him. Therefore his statement could be an entendre which means it has more than one meaning.

Eddie’s been hiding the things he wants for so long that his heart actually panicked and seized up which caused him to believe he was having a heart attack when he heard someone refer to him, Christopher and Ana as a family. She was not a part of the family he chose but he kept listening to other people tell him what he should want instead of him focusing on the person he had already given his heart to (read blog posts: “Buck & Eddie: Women pursued Buck, while Eddie was pushed towards women” to learn more about Eddie’s choices and “Buck & Eddie: Eddie flinches when women touch him but he doesn’t with Buck” to learn more about how Eddie flinched when women touched him). Eddie’s in therapy now and he’s finally learning how to be better for himself. Based on the comment he made to May in 5x15 “FOMO” of “Ha. I’ll let you know when I figure that out”, he's still not ready to admit out loud that he’s in love with Buck. He did reconcile with his father in 5x17 “Hero Complex” and he told him that he was going to be better for himself so he could be getting closer to finally admitting his true feelings (read blog post: “Eddie Diaz: He’s going to therapy so that he can be better for himself” to learn more about Eddie’s therapy).

Will Eddie finally stop hiding his feelings? Will he finally admit Buck is the person he wants to spend the rest of his life with during season 6? Could they finally confess their love for one another after they’ve discussed their shared traumas? Or will it take another life-or-death experience to happen to Buck before Eddie will allow himself to admit his feelings? Only the showrunners, writers and producers know the answers to those questions.

Additional references for Eddie’s heart will be posted daily.

Links to “Heart References” posts

“Buck & Eddie: Eddie’s Heart-Reference #1”

“Buck & Eddie: Eddie’s Heart-References #2 & 3”

“Buck & Eddie: Eddie’s Heart-References #4, 10 & 16”

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