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eiseryn · 9 months

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Arknights AU Sketches (Lei ft. NPC friends)

Today I am introducing Lei's NPC friends but it's kinda funny that I'm introducing them as sketches for an Arknights AU. It is what it is.

Let's start with Elise! In the original cyberpunk setting Lei's from, Elise is an older female doctor who worked for the most prestigious med corp but quit and opened up a clinic in the slums instead. She's obviously a very talented doctor and Lei looks up to her a lot, as Elise appears to be the epitome of an ideal doctor, in Lei's perspective. Someone who actually views saving lives as being the most important - a rarity in this capitalistic dystopian setting. TLDR: Elise is Lei's doctor senpai.

Elise in the Arknights AU is obviously a medic (the operator class). I'm not sure about her archetype/subclass but she's definitely one that actually does healing and a lot of it. They don't do that anymore XD. She is a six star (highest rarity) because she is really good at her job AKA doctoring around. With input from the Keeper (COC's version of the GM/DM), she's a liberi (bird people) specifically, an eagle. I thought this was extra fitting since Lei is a liberi (swan) as well, which makes them more parallel to each other.

Elise's introduction/onboard quote is: "Elise Amaya, a doctor of the medical department. You're worried about me? Don't be. I can take care of myself. Please come by if you have any injuries yourself."

According to Ceres (another one of Lei's friends), Elise has collapsed from overwork. Elise is just the self sacrificial type who would risk her life to save someone else's. Perhaps... this is due to guilt? So in her quote, I imagine the Arknights Doctor has heard about this too and showed concern for Elise, who brushed it off with the "I can take care of myself". This is how she brushed off Lei in the campaign when Lei showed concern for Elise. Elise... please :')

The next one is going to be Ceres! Who is Lei's bestie in the slums. Lei met her very soon after she moved to Prism's clinic in the slums. Although Ceres has her whole medical degree (apparently a neurosurgeon, according to Lei's coworkers), Ceres' job is to drive Prism's ambulance. Personality wise, Ceres is very shy, gentle, and soft-spoken. She's 2 years younger than Lei, so Lei dotes on her Ceres like the younger sister that Lei's never had. Ceres is also small and fragile-looking, so I imagine Lei has a fierce protective instinct over Ceres. They hang out a lot during what breaks they can steal on their long shifts and even spend time outside of work. Their relationship is so cute. 🥺🥺🥺 I love me girl friendships.

In the Arknights AU, Ceres is either a supporter/specialist class and let's pretend there's a subclass that involves driving/car XD because Ceres is not a fighter. That's also why I made her a 4 star, because she is definitely physically weak and doesn't seem to have any fighting skills. She probably is not there doing damage but I imagine if you put her on field when Lei and Elise are also on the field she gives big buffs to them or something XD. Moral support, you know. I wanted Ceres to be a soft prey animal but I ultimately settled for a deer because she is a dear. (I'm joking). In actuality, I describe her eyes as doe-like before and because of her docile, gentle personality, I thought a deer was very suitable for her!

Ceres' onboard quote is: "Oh, he-hello. I'm Ceres... I'm an ambulance driver. Have you seen Lei or Elise? I'm looking for them."

Sometimes Ceres stutters when she speaks! I think generally she does this more when she's nervous. (Or lying???) She's looking for her friends, Lei and Elise in this, because in the campaign currently she's also waiting for Lei and Elise to come back (crying in the club noises). 🥺 She's so cute I constantly want to give her headpats and hugs.

The last of Lei's NPC friends is her former (?) patient, Vail. (DISCLAIMER: ETHICALLY, THIS IS BAD). He is a runner and his info broker's name is Martial (whom we do a little job for in the campaign~) Anyways, he's kind of suspicious because he used to visit the clinic once or twice a week, sometimes injured, sometimes not, and purchase sedatives and brain stimulants. When Lei expressed concern for him, he replied. "Don't worry, most of them aren't for me". (bro, that's sus. But he's cute so it's okay 💅<- this is a joke but he is a cutie). Apparently he hasn't been in the Prism clinic for like 3 months now but he and Lei meet up for drinks sometimes, and they last met 3 weeks prior to the campaign. I wrote about this event :3 and made it mildly spicy :3 but welp we'll see if I post it.

In the Arknights AU, I originally wanted him to be a ranged guard (Lord class, my fave!!!) but there weren't any vanguards XD so I decided to make him a vanguard! He doesn't seem very high DPS based on what we've seen of him in combat -- which was one time and I don't think we saw him do any fighting. We got there when he had already 1v4ed and taken down 2 robot dogs though! (😳😳😳). He was using the same handgun as Lei, which I've drawn badly here LOL. Subclass wise, I imagine he's an agent for the range :3 I made him a catboy because he likes cats and also he's really catboy coded like there is no other way to describe him. He just feels like a catboy to me.

Vail's onboard quote is: "Hey Doctor, got any sedatives on you? Ask the medical department? Nah, that'll worry my usual Doc."

Hahah I sure wonder who his "usual Doc" is. Hmmmm who could it be? As I mentioned above, he purchases sedatives a lot. Here he is asking the Arknights doctor for some. What he's using them for is still a mystery to me at this point in time 😔

Another thing to note is that in Arknights, there's a deadly disease called oripathy and those Infected with it are heavily shunned by society. Anyways lots of operators (the character/ units) in Arknights are Infected people who are working to pay for their treatment (and also there are lots of doctors who are working on treatment). Unfortunately, Vail is infected😔

And finally, my girl, Lei!

As described before, she is a liberi! Specifically a black swan because I feel like she has ugly duckling -> swan vibes. She doesn't have many feathery parts to her outfit because she tries to keep her outfit neat and clean as a doctor/medical expert. She's also a medic like Elise, but she's probably more of an incantation medic who is a subclass that both heals and does damage. Just like her, in the campaign :D I drew her holding a healing gun that you can put like uhh healing chemicals into. And probably deadly chemicals too :') - or sedatives :3

Lei's onboard quote: "My name is Lei Lani. I'm a doctor who specializes in pharmaceutical research and synthesis. Let's work together and save more lives, Doctor."

Here she has a pretty cut and dry introduction quote. Nothing fancy, but it suits her. I imagine her other voicelines will talk about her friends more.

In Arknights, Olivia Silence gives people her feathers as gifts. So I kind of stole that idea for Lei, where she is also giving her friends her feathers, but she fashioned them into little charms with little gemstones. I imagine she spent lots of time putting the together for her friends and she wants them to serve as good luck charms where she prays for their safety and happiness.

The locations for where those charms are also pretty important! For Lei, she wears it as a necklace which hangs close to her heart because her giving out these charms is like her handing out pieces of her heart to her friends. For Elise, it hangs off her medical symbol because Lei looks up to her as a fellow doctor and I guess they're both working hard to save lives. For Ceres, it hangs off her antlers, close to her head because Lei always thinks of Ceres first. For Vail it uh.... well let's just say it's the most appropriate place to hang it without getting in the way of his movement. XD

I do plan on making actual E1 art of her one day ;w; and also I plan for her to have a 6 star alter who is a sniper (maybe caster?) cuz uh she sure has done lots uh one shot one kill type of thing.

EXTRA SPICY BONUS UNDER THE READMORE (It's not that spicy)

What's going on here? 😳😳😳 Some tail action??? Scandalous!

I mean, it can be cute and wholesome if you want it to be cute and wholesome.

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cerealmonster15 · 2 years

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more farm sim twst au doodles ft a hasty consideration of where the teachers might go for stardew leaning aus bc i forgot the idea i had about mayor crowley being just as Unhelpful as Lewis fkjdsjf, and then i just felt the need to place the rest of em somewhere.

then some doodles i found from back in july, cater discovers The Fish jdslfjd i dont remember if this context they were also still joja boys in their spare time or if they were simply Creatures

and THEN before that there was just a day i was Thinking About Harvest Moon and Also Jamiazu , and it’s EMBARRASSING and SAPPY lol but that whole set was like, how in most farming sims ur a semi silent protagonist just running around like 😐 while the npcs do all the talking and slowly fall in love with u anyway. i was particularly reminiscing on certain love interests from HM games that are like, rooted to one spot where u gotta go out of ur way to visit them (leia, kappa, harvest goddess, harvest king, keira, etc etc etc) and also how in these games characters start to get all wistful as they fall for the protag lol. like “wow my day is brightened when u come see me, im so lonely here lol if only i could live on a farm like u 🧡🧡🧡” and ur character is like 😐🥚 LOL. azul dreams of legs to follow his human buddy around but also bc he wants to pursue capitalist dreams ✨

EDIT: [1] [3][4]

#twisted wonderland #cereal tries to draw #twst farming sim au #<- new tag new tag #SORRY THESE LOOK WEIRD ASIDE FROM THE FIRST PIC NONE OF THESE #WERE EVER MEANT TO BE POSTED LOL they were just stuff i shared with my friend #bc im always doin farming sim au talk and doodles lol #but. since i started talkin about it yesterday i wanted to Keep Talking lol #IT'S REALLY EMBARRASSING BUT IM TRYING TO EMBRACE MY SHAME LOL #twst stardew au #i might change that tag to like twst farming sim au tho bc #bestie harvest moon is a heavy inspo lol #thats honestly what i was thiking about when i was playing with goofy azul dialogue #like it just sounds like stuff theyd say in old hm games #kinda corny but kinda cute lol #dont think about why floyds body is half as long as jades #i drew him first and then i just wanted curly eel tail when i got to jade l o l #also kalim is there. someones gotta be jamils no.1 supporter in every au lol #actually. DID i ever post these before??? i dont remember jkldfjdslf #i dont think i did? i def didnt plan to when i drew them . they were just 2 show my friend #but idk maybe i did on a whim #ok i gotta get in bed wtf bye lol 🏃‍♀️🏃‍♂️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♂️#thanks 2 people that said the other post was cute :3

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dawndelion-winery · 1 year

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I posted 11,112 times in 2022

That's 11,112 more posts than 2021!

7,485 posts created (67%)

3,627 posts reblogged (33%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@dawndelion-winery

@ilyelan

@cxlrosii

@lo-cinno

@almond-adeptus

I tagged 11,034 of my posts in 2022

Only 1% of my posts had no tags

#acco's echoes - 3,218 posts

#down the grapevine - 2,046 posts

#winery guests - 678 posts

#icymi - 593 posts

#wild crystalflies - 463 posts

#winery guests: 🌹 anon - 394 posts

#winery guests: tired - 385 posts

#latest harvest - 273 posts

#winery guests: capitalist anon - 232 posts

#winery guests: yue - 190 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#the way he'd be like 'scared? regretting your poor choices?' and i stubbornly protest my innocence in the matter as he dubs me a liar and-

My Top Posts in 2022:

I'm sorry but I absolutely would let all of them wreck my shit

3,069 notes - Posted July 11, 2022

They're So-

How they talk about you

Ft. Arlecchino, Capitano, Childe, Dottore, Pantalone

Arlecchino:

She speaks fondly of you, almost as if she were talking about family

She smiles softly, and anyone can tell you're the most important person in her life

Her words are curt, though, because she doesn't like other people prying into your lives

She'll only speak of you when asked

Unless she's with Columbina, then she won't shut up

Columbina finds it funny, probing every now and then when Arlecchino seems almost done only for Arlecchino to speak of your achievements with vigour once again

She's always so proud of you

And the fact that you're dating her? You have impeccable taste in women

She probably has a while presentation on why she loves you and Columbina has heard it at least seventeen times

The other harbingers have probably heard it at least five

Even the Tsaritsa isn't spared from hearing about how pretty your hair is, flecked with snow as light reflects off it

"Arlecchino, how are things with you?"

"All is well, my s/o recently-"

Yeah, she just goes on

Capitano:

He talks about you like he's your knight who's helplessly pining for his master but cannot admit he's in love because that would be preposterous

Which is ridiculous because you're sure you're way more into him than he is you

Wrong. You can never love him more than he loves you - he will always love you more and shower you in it

He thinks you're beautiful in every sense of the word, and he makes it known to everyone

"Are those the new uniforms? Oh, it's nothing, I was just thinking the colour would suit y/n. Don't you think so?"

"Yes, lor-"

"Yes, yes, they'd look good in anything, what was I thinking"

There is only one person willing to listen to him and that's Childe because the ginger gets to spar with him in exchange

Cue Capitano effortlessly pinning Childe down as he rambles about how you once stepped on his chest in a similar way and looked stunning while you did it

Childe:

Anything and everything he sees will be likened to how amazing you are

See the full post

4,124 notes - Posted July 30, 2022

Hear Me Out

They try hint at their crush on you

Ft. Arlecchino, Capitano, Childe, Dottore, Pantalone

Arlecchino:

She does it from the moment she confirms that her feelings for you are genuine and not just some passing fancy

Which means she's very serious about it and does take slight offence that you're not responding accordingly

Do you not like her back? Are you ignoring her hints to avoid hurting her feelings?

The definition of "please reject me so I can move on"

Is it because you heard the orphans calling her "mum" and got the wrong idea?

Please she's dying to know, she's been bringing you flowers like every other day

Lends you her jacket and hopes you forget to return it so she has an excuse to see you again

Columbina awkwardly patting her back when she stares into empty space in agony when you brush off yet another of her flirting attempts as being friendly

At some point she does ask you to just outright reject her so she can move on

Lowkey wants to go apeshit when she finds out you actually like her too and were just too nervous to flirt back

Capitano:

He has a good rep, so he hopes that improves his dateability in your eyes

He'll bring you cute trinkets he comes across from wherever he goes!!

Would also keep a matching piece for himself so he can imagine that y'all are dating

Also has someone help him take pictures of him should he ever go anywhere scenic and have it made into a sort of postcard for you

He wonders if you ever end up looking at him instead of the view (he hopes you do)

He subtly sneaks glances at you, but not so subtle so that there's a chance you'll catch him and possibly tell him that you're into him too

Ok in all honesty his flirting game probably sucks ass and he'd probably tell you your eyes are like his dog's as a compliment

Please just give him a chance his colleagues are getting sick of his silent brooding when you don't notice how he polished his helmet extra shiny just for you

Childe:

The most obvious of them all please he's clinging to you like he's obsessed

So many terrible jokes that aren't even jokes

"Wouldn't it be funny if we kissed- no? Not even once? Ok haha, no I'm not upset I was kidding."

Unlike Arlecchino, he knows rejection isn't going to make him move on

So he hovers like a dog off the streets that just picked you as its new master

Makes a point to tell you everything he succeeds at, even if it's mundane

See the full post

4,171 notes - Posted August 1, 2022

Hii can i request streamer Childe,Xiao,Kaeya,Kazuha x online friend!reader?(separate) Like sometimes reader streams with them and LITERALLY his fans can tell that he's inlove with reader.💞

I can already imagine those ship edits on tiktok...👀🍵

Hello, I'm sorry it took so long to get to this- I hope you like it (also added Scara<3) now for streamer duos<3

Streamlined

Streamer au! Ft. Childe, Xiao, Kaeya, Kazuha, Scaramouche

Childe:

Often streams your co-op for the sheer chaotic energy of it

Tries his best to be family friendly which results in very amusing variations of swearing from him or you jabbing him in the gut when he's about to curse

“You’re so mean to me, comrade. What happened to me being your favourite person? Look at how you wound me.”

He gets insufferable, clinging to your arm and resting his chin on your shoulder

He’s disgustingly affectionate even on camera

“Why do I play this character so often? Well obviously because y/n thinks they’re hot and this’ll make them associate being hot with me therefore they’ll think I’m hot.”

He sounds so sure of himself, people just roll with it because it’s hilarious to see him try

The most popular streams are the ones where Teucer crashes because it looks like a cute lil family all gaming together

Xiao:

Surprisingly calm

Has a tendency to go quiet when he's focused on the game, so that's when he thought it'd be a good idea to have you narrate for him

Sometimes Zhongli or Ganyu brings in some cut fruit for you two

Funnily enough, neither of you would remember to eat the fruit on your own, but somehow manage to remember to feed the other bites of fruit to make sure they're hydrated

Cue those compilation videos "Take a shot every time Xiao and Y/n feed each other"

Please don't actually take those shots, you will die from alcohol poisoning

Xiao honestly highkey gives off gamer boyfriend energy, and people probably would've assumed you were already dating when you started streaming together

They only realised you were both dense idiots when someone light-heartedly commented that it's a shame both of you were taken and you two looked confused

Kaeya:

Calm on the surface, is actually worse than Childe

Family friendly? Nahhhh, he said he'd try at first but the moment he teams up with Rosaria, the innuendos and swearing never end, as much as you try to censor it

Nowhere nearly as shameless either, but viewers still somehow notice his hand creeping across the desk to hold yours

Has the not so subtle "please date me" eyes when he looks at you and it's now a meme

See the full post

4,287 notes - Posted May 20, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

"Would You Still Love Me"

"If I was a worm?"

Ft. Dottore, Kazuha, Xiao, Scaramouche

Dottore:

"Of all the stupid things you could ask me..."

Stares judgementally at you, expecting you to revoke the question

Pinches the bridge if his nose and sighs when you don't

His scowl crumbles a little when you seem upset

"So you wouldn't love me if I suddenly turned into a worm."

Comes to the sudden realisation that if you're upset with him, you'll be less compliant...for science

C'mon, he's not gonna admit he's in it for the cuddles, not even in his head

Brings you a set of blueprints and a glass enclosure

"This is where you'd stay if you were a worm. I have three different design plans, so choose wisely because that's how your worm home will look for the rest of your life. You'll have a little worm car after four months if I haven't found a cure, however unlikely that is."

He will tell you all of his plans on what he'll do if you become a worm and you can't stop him because you started it

Your hypothetical worm situation is now fully prepared for, whether you like it or not

Wouldn't recommend because the diet he has planned for worm you doesn't look very appetising

Kazuha:

"You'd travel on my shoulder on in my pocket so I can share poetry with you."

Ruffles your hair and pinches your cheeks

If you swat him away he'll insist he was only checking if you were becoming a worm

Carries on like it was nothing after that

If you ask again he'll remind you that he'll love you regardless of what form you take

This does, unfortunately, spark some odd terms of endearment

You are now his "precious worm", "beloved wormy", "sweet wriggly", "fleshy straw", etc

They get progressively worse

But he swears it's all affectionate

"I'd love you if you became a leaf."

"That wasn't the question-"

"Every leaf has it's own tune when you play it like a flute, I wonder what yours would be."

Xiao:

See the full post

6,236 notes - Posted September 30, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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hopefulkittenconnoisseur · 4 months

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GNU GPL is a good idea in theory but it fails to consider its impracticality in the (unfortunately) capitalist economy. Losing the ability to monetize your work is a non-starter for people who want to program as anything more than a hobby.

With my opinion made clear:

rb for sample size!

#GNU GPL #software developers #i understand that effectively forcing people to bow to market demand is a cruell and inefficient thing #but simply prohibiting monetization is not a solution #it simply makes software harder for everyone #not to mention devalues the labor of the programmers

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mrsaloura · 3 years

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𝔹𝕋𝕊 𝕄𝕒𝕤𝕥𝕖𝕣𝕝𝕚𝕤𝕥 ♡

Jin

Coming soon

Yoongi

Late Night Lasagna A

To Yoongi, you were his loving caring wife. To the mafia world, you were one of the best mafia leaders out there.

I’m What A Bitch Needs A & F

You and Yoongi number one problem, was probably miscommunication. So when Yoongi misinterpret the two of you breaking up, and cheats on you? What consequences will follow?

Namjoon

Sacrificial Benefits ft Yoongi A & M

Namjoon just wanted to provide for his family. Being the queens whore wasn’t what he wanted, but it’s what paid the bills. However what happens when the queen becomes a little bit too obsessed with him?

The Oppa’s call me Noona M

You get the chance to Dominate Namjoon.

Hoseok

Always and Forever ft Jungkook A

You could never figure out why you cheated on Hoseok with Jungkook. Was it the money? Was it the sex? You just couldn’t pinpoint what. Would cheating on Hoseok be worth it? Or would it be risking a perfectly good relationship?

Jimin

Ass up, Face down M

You and Jimin argue while fucking

Taehyung

Heir ~ 1 A

Your first mistake in life was sleeping with your step sisters husband, your second one was dropping everything to have his baby.

Another College Party M

After you finally decide to attend one of your class mates party, a game of truth or dare leads to something much more...

A Child Of Destiny M & A

Your best friend tried to invite you into her crazy sex fantasy for her birthday, with her boyfriend Taehyung. After going back and forth, you agree, but how will you deal with the consequences that follow?

Drier Than A Desert M & F

You and Taehyung are terrible at role playing with one and other.

Jungkook

A Historical V-live ~ 1 • 2 • 3 • 4 • 5 A & M

After a Hotel Clerk accidentally gets your room number mixed up. You end up in Jungkook hotel room. You being you, you decide to sleep naked. What happens when Jungkook accidentally walks in while filiming a V-live?

Sugar Daddy Superstition M

The moment that Jungkook saw your beautiful tits, he just knew immediately, that he needed to touch them.

It’s Called Fashion Baby D

Arranged marriages was something that you expected to happen eventually. You were honestly okay with the idea. However, you just didn’t expect your father to chose some Bum he found on the street.

Heaux Tales A

Jungkook is misreable in his relationship with his girlfriend Aiko. However when he sees you, cheating might feel worth it.

Capitalistic Persuasion M

Jungkook buys you a self driving Tesla, and fucks you in it.

Artwork was found on Pinterest

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nako-doodles · 3 years

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check-in tag 🍎 tagged by @yoongisshadow @jinbestboy @jiminswn @jaehyukkies @taehyungq & @mintagust 💖✨🥰

5 songs you’ve had on repeat:

1. rainych ran - kiss me more (japanese version) 2. shinee - superstar 3. raon lee - closer 4. epik high - rain song ft. colde 5. lee hi - skyfall

6. day6 even of day - we

(+ cowboy bebop special performances of the real folk blues & tank!)

last movie:

i watched the megamind movie with my babies today 🥰🥰🥰 and for the rest of class they popped their collars up and calling each other fools it was adorable

currently watching:

not to oust myself from my last smidge of cool but i just (re: the last 2 months ya girl is a """"""functioning""""""" living in a capitalist society unfortunately) finished binging jujutsu kaisen and the literal most chaotic funniest nightmare show ive ever had the pleasure of watching asobi asobase...........maybe i should rewatch bebop?

currently reading:

switching between paul kalanithi's when breathe becomes air, shel silverstein's a light in the attic, an assortment of fics my friends and i send each other, and any and all news about kim seokjin.....oh and i read the phonebooth in mr. hirota's garden for the babies today as a reward for sitting well today

tagging @butterful @tae-bebe @jung-koook @thatredwine ✨💖🐹

#long time viewers will know my attention span pitiful and i tend to multiple books when reading bc im chaotic #me proofreading this: huh namjoon recc'd both a song and a book on this list.........even tho i only realized after the fact.......#formula to cry @ work: read the song he recd while reading the book he recd #anyways pls watch asobi asobase i need someone to laugh at the ridiculousness w me #hash tag games

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shuadotcom · 3 years

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interview tag

Tagged by the lovely @aroseforyoongi, @joheun-saram, @btsmosphere, @hobeemin, @shinekookie & @taegularities! y’all are so sweet thank you ❤️❤️

Rules: answer questions and tag 20 blogs you are contractually obligated to know better!

Name/Nickname: cherry

Gender: she/her

Star sign: scorpio

Height: 5′4

Time currently: 3:20 pm

When is your birthday: november 2nd

Favorite band/groups: bts, seventeen, twice, red velvet, chloe x halle, monsta x, fall out boy, my chemical romance, shinee, txt

Favorite solo artist: lizzo, megan thee stallion, ariana grande, sza, rihanna, bruno mars, the weeknd, beenzino, beyoncé, kehlani, chungha

Song stuck in your head: 34+35 remix - ariana grande ft. megan thee stallion & doja cat

Last movie you watched: his house. it was really good and very unexpected!

Last show you binged: haunting of bly manor! yes i’ve talked about this a lot and yes i will continue to do so!!!!

When you created your (main) blog: this blog has been around since 2011

Last thing you googled: sims 4. i was looking at the new expansion pack 👀

Other blogs: none

Why I chose my URL: because honeyjoons, honeyjoon, honey-joon, and honey-joons are all taken 🙃

How many people at are you following: 256

How many followers do you have: 1242

Average hours of sleep: 7ish on a good night

Lucky number: i don’t have one? but my favorite number is 2

Instruments: i used to play flute in middle school until i gave up lol

What I’m currently wearing: sweatpants and a topp dogg t-shirt! it says jenissi on the back 🥺 i miss topp dogg and i miss him😭😭

Dream job: my dream is to NOT have a job lmao. but since we live in a capitalistic society and i need a job to survive, i’d love to do social media for a black woman owned tech business.

Dream trip: i don’t have a dream trip really, but my wife and i were supposed to go to japan for a late honeymoon last summer which obviously didn’t happen so i’ll say that trip!

Favorite food: tie between korean food, japanese food, and indian food

Nationally: blackity black

Favorite song: lmao there is no way i can name ONE. off the top of my head some of my faves are save me - bts, love maze - bts, nasa - ariana grande, and girls in the hood - megan thee stallion.

Top three fictional universes you’d like to live in: 1. wakanda 🙅🏽‍♀️ 2. whatever au universe involves me knowing bts lol 3. my animal crossing town

tagging: @kkulfm @jinings @cremeandsuga @wheresmymoniat @joontopia @monotape @jinned @viopera @iridescentjin @joonspetals @suhdays @namjin-fangirling-again @gamerkooks @namjoonbaby @artaefact @fakeleaves @merakiiverse @vanillagguk @artsyjoons @flytomyjoon @bratkook and anyone else that wants to do it!!! IF YOU’VE DONE IT ALREADY IGNORE ME I JUST STARTED TYPING IN THE @S OF MUTUALS AS THEY CAME TO MIND 💜

#tag game #cherrycore

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beesatthedisco · 4 years

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How does this even work...

Okay, so I’ve been on tumblr since before the first time they very slightly changed the shade of blue and I hope that in and of itself is enough to help y’all know... I’m ancient. (I’m 27, and will only rp with ppl 18+, sorry friendos)

Somehow, despite being on tumblr and despite having made about a million accounts for various things in my day, I’ve not made an RP account, and don’t really know how to get started. I guess I’m just gonna put down what I know about myself and what I’m looking for here and hope for the best, but I’d be open to any kind of protips from those of you who have been using tumblr to find rp for much longer.

RIP to your eyes ahead of time, this is a long post. If you want to skip to the part where I share my Original plots, pairings, and fandom cravings, please just scroll to the end and accept my humble apologies. (Highkey I copied this out of my google doc, don’t shoot me.)

I enjoy writing both original plots and fandom stuff. When RPing within a fandom setting, I'm open to playing as canons, as ocs, or any combination of both. I'm open to co-creating settings inspired but not based in fandoms, and open to playing AU or canon settings as well. When originals are involved, I prefer co-creating our worlds together, so we're both invested in the landscape that our characters inhabit. Speaking of characters- I'll play as any gender and in any pairing type- I hope that this is the same for you. I love writing a broad spectrum of characters to keep things interesting for myself and to practice viewing the world through different perspectives. I feel it's difficult to do this when being forced or pigeonholed into writing as a gender you DEMAND of me. However... I can be flexible, and if your ideas are interesting enough, I may just give you what you ask for anyways, haha. I'm perfectly open to playing multiple characters, whether it's a broad interactive cast of mains and background characters, a system of noninteracting or separate sets of doubles, triples, you name it, or whatever other configuration of multiple-character-playing you prefer.

I'm not too terribly concerned about post lengths and am open to writing with people who might be new to the RP scene. I'm pretty flexible about how much I'll write. A good rule of thumb for myself is that I tend to respond with more when I have more to work with. That doesn't always mean that there are more words on your post for me to respond to; instead, I mean that if your post has enough ideas, inspiration, and momentum, I can go buckwild with my posts. My comfort zone seems to be around 4-6 paragraphs per post, but I've been known to write either a lot more in particularly thrilling rps. If I'm writing a huge post- don't feel daunted or expected to match length. I love all sized posts!!! I'm just overly enthusiastic and get carried away sometimes. (This means you can also at any time tell me to chill out on how much I'm writing. ) When it comes to writing style, I only have a few hard expectations of you- I do not engage in roleplay featuring the 'would' style of writing. (For example: "She would pick up the rock and inspect it closely.") I don't exactly know why I dislike this tense so much, but it pulls me right out of the immersion of writing/reading and tends to entirely destroy my interest in the story. I'm sorry. Next, I care at least a little about punctuation and spellchecking. If you're roleplaying online, you have access to ways to make sure that you're not just submitting gibberish. If you need help finding those resources... feel free to ask!

I'm open to the idea of making profiles for our characters, but I'm okay without making them too. I'm also vaguely ambivalent to 'beautifying' our posts, should we do them somewhere that allows that sort of thing. I'm fine with any style of reference images, or with not using them at all. I can't promise I won't send you songs and images and memes that remind me of our story, though! Also- I'm super down for dice systems if we decide to go that route (and prefer dice systems if we include combat of any variety in our story.) I love romance, but it doesn't necessarily have to be the drive of our plot if that's not your style. My favorite genres to write in are science fiction, any variety of fantasy, horror, drama, historical settings, wild western settings, and mysteries.

Last but not least, I tend to like making friends with my writing partners. I prefer writing with people I actually get along with, so for me, the plotting phase is the most important. It helps me get to know your personality a bit more, and you mine, so we both know whether or not it's a good match to write long term! I'll write on most platforms, so let's discuss what makes the most sense for us. Finally, I generally only write with folks 18+, for the safety of everyone involved. Thanks for understanding.

Well, as I said, I've got a big ol list of ideas, if any of this strikes you as 'good writing friend' material, so send me a DM and I'll get back to you asap! Feel free to share your ideas too!!!

Original Ideas

- There's something dire down in the mines to the east of this old Western town. Folks keep goin' in to investigate, disappearin' for days at a time, then comin' back all different-like with the lights gone from their eyes. What could be happenin' out there, sheriff? (horror/western)

- A high-fantasy world's balance is shattered when the source of magic is destroyed. How will the people of this mystical land navigate a now mundane life, and how can they survive when so many magical devices go defunct and awry?

- A no-magic world is suddenly spun into chaos: an apocalyptic event leads to the sudden introduction of magic into a world that had previously never known it. In the post-apocalyptic (and mystically-charged) ashes of a world that once was, how do the survivors compete for resources and control?

- A star falls from the sky! They're rare, and it's dangerous to be one. Are you the star, hunted and lost? Or are you someone who finds a star?

- A lich (my character) is rumored to live in the castle at the foot of the mountains, only a mile or so from your town. It's said they're a true villain, the worst of the worst... but what is the truth?

-Arranged Marriages between physical embodiments of the seasons or planets

-A sailor, pirate, or other seafarer keeps noticing the same shape in the waters near their ship. After a terrible storm, the ship wrecks… now, one’s a mermaid, one’s a sailor, and they’re both idiots trying to find their way back home.

-Disaster has struck! A grisly assassination attempt leads a bodyguard to quickly usher their liege to safety. Drama ensues!

-Stowaways, and the people who catch 'em!

- Androids and more androids! Or... androids and non-androids!

-In a dwindling-magic world, those who cling to the olde magicks and the old way of living struggle against the new capitalist society and its nonmagic technology. In one still-magickal neighborhood where our story takes place, shopkeepers fight against nonmagickal gentrification in an effort to keep their businesses, communities, and traditions alive.

- A wandering traveler gets caught in a storm and chances upon an abandoned home, castle, or manor.... oh no!

- A train hopping crust punk encounters the ghost of a fellow train-hopper who fell under the rails and died.

- A living person's computer, gaming device, or phone is inhabited by a flirty ghost!

- There's a friendly but sad ghost living in a living person's new home! (Can you tell I like ghosts?)

Original (and corny) pairing ideas

fairy or elf / vampire or other dark creature

vampire / human

god / mortal

demon / angel or other dark/light archetypical pairings

dragon / humanoid

naval captain / stowaway

mob boss / citizen

superhero / supervillain

serial killer / investigator

serial killer / citizen

Bounty hunter/outlaw

outlaw/sherriff

outlaw/outlaw

farmhand/outlaw

Current Fandom Interests/Cravings

Pokemon - preferably with ocs and in a custom setting ft. all the ‘mons/us playing as humans

Elder Scrolls - pls, i’m craving this almost more than anything, and have been for years

Red Dead Redemption - it is cowboy time now

Legend of Zelda - i have a couple of cute ideas for this!

Avatar/Legend of Korra

Labyrinth - please please please someone play jareth for me, ill give you my firstborn in exchange

Star Wars - currently a little burned out on playing as kylo for everyone, so please don’t ask me to be him dlfkjdslfj

Game of Thrones

Lord of the Rings

Night in the Woods

Brutal Legend - does anyone but me remember this??? Omfg lets rp in this setting PLS

The Dragon Prince

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auxgod · 4 years

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Ranking Every Jay Z Album From Worst To Best

The rapper who began his career as a witty corner hustler is now just about the greatest capitalist success in the genre’s history. The 13 albums he’s released during that period reflect this growth in real-time, leaving behind a group of indelible but often flawed records that are equally exciting and bewildering to pick through. Jay has a few unimpeachable classics, and you’ll find them at—or near–the top of our list. Most interesting, though, are the ones that, depending on your perspective, also get there, very nearly do, or perhaps even miss altogether..

Here’s our ranking from Least Favorite to Favorite

13. Kingdom Come (2006)

it’s only a matter of time until someone brings up Kingdom Come so lets get it out the way. Kingdom Come was Hov’s first album after a short retirement.

After “retiring” with his brilliant “The Black Album” in 2003, fans were eager to have Hov back. But no one wanted it like this. “Kingdom Come” was fun for Jay-Z, but probably ranks as the most uninspiring thing he’s ever done. Hard to imagine anyone is still blasting any track from this one not named “Lost One.”n.

https://open.spotify.com/album/3A29Ss77LjRZ3sKuauWieYr.

12. The Blueprint 2: The Gift & The Curse (2002)

Too many songs

It wasn’t the same quality as The Blueprint. If I had not pushed this double album concept and just made it 12 songs, it would’ve been an incredible album. Personally I don’t feel the Blueprint needed a sequel to begin with but all and all the album wasn’t bad.

https://open.spotify.com/album/5xHStEOG8PsbzNQb7LkxZU

11. Magna Carta Holy Grail (2013)

With one of the biggest deals in music history, Jay Z achieved 1 million sales weeks before the album was released thanks to Samsung, who delivered the album for free to Galaxy owners through a special app.

The album featured a lot of well-acclaimed track such as Holy Grail and Tom Ford but it just wasn’t our favorite.

https://open.spotify.com/album/0OTjYdGtP7AbwOwbYsGhyi

10. The Blueprint 3 (2009)

The Blueprint was better than 2 in our opinion because the timing. Jay didn’t need to release a sequel right after the first. But this coming after American gangster came out of no where.The LP has a lot of nice tracks and stellar features such as Hate ft. Kanye West and Off That ft. Drake.

The track he refers to is Empire State of Mind, which is lately becoming more popular than New York New York by Frank Sinatra as New York City anthem

https://open.spotify.com/album/2CUT0104gySOIvqwtXeFsX

9. 4:44 (2017)

4:44 is the long-anticipated thirteenth album from JAY-Z. It arrived after a four-year hiatus, and just 15 days after his historic induction into the Songwriters Hall of Fame on June 15, 2017. The entire album is produced by No I.D

https://open.spotify.com/album/7GoZNNb7Yl74fpk8Z6I2cv

8. American Gangster (2007)

A American Gangster was released in 2007, following the disappointing Kingdom Come. The album was inspired by Denzel Washington’s movie (whose voice is sampled in the intro of the album) and by New York’s lifestyle. That’s how Jay Z explained it

The album debuted at #1 on the Billboard chart and sold 1,131,000 copies overall earning a platinum plaque.

https://open.spotify.com/album/6QOGDVh3mVnAJYPnt66Qj5

7. The Dynasty: Roc La Familia (2000)

The Fuckin intro........The album was actually born as a showcase for Roc-A-Fella artists such as Memphis Bleek, Beanie Sigel, Amil and Freeway but also featured other artists such as Snoop Dogg and R. Kelly. Production-wise it featured up and coming producers such as Kanye West, Just Blaze and The Neptunes.

It contained the Streets is Watching sequel, Streets is Talking, and other hit tacks such as Change the Game and I Just Wanna Love U..

https://open.spotify.com/album/3VfeeJElCEDeXlDiNZbn3E

6. Vol. 3... The Life And Times Of S. Carter (1999)

Vol. 3... Life and Times of S. Carter is the fourth studio album from Jay-Z and exhibits a return to the street-oriented sound of his first album, Reasonable Doubt. Pro

The final in his Vol. series. The album features Jay’s biggest stylistic departure thus far, moving stridently away from the Mafisio theme of his first three records and embracing his life as a crossover artist. The tracklist was rearranged at the last minute due to widespread leaking of the album, further giving the album a

https://open.spotify.com/album/3rWJsuu7ukoZZhp7YYkjNZ

5. The Black Album (2003)

Hov’s eighth and (supposedly) last album was released in 2003 and dominated the charts, going double platinum. An acapella version was later released for remixes and mashups, such as Black is Back by 9th Wonder.

https://open.spotify.com/album/4FWvo9oS4gRgHtAwDwUjiO

4. Vol 2... Hard Knock Life (1998)

A In 1998, Jay-Z had everything lined up perfectly. He had observed and understood every trend happening in rap. He knew, for instance, that there was a void at the center of New York rap, a void that his old friend Biggie Smalls would’ve filled if he’d survived to fill it. The flashy, excessive Bad Boy sound still had some steam, but it was on its way out..

In his book Decoded, Jay writes about how he got approval to use that Annie sample. To clear that sample, Jay wrote a letter to Martin Charnin, the song’s lyricist. In that letter, Jay told a story about how he’d won an essay contest in seventh grade. As the prize, he got a trip to Manhattan to see Annie on Broadway. In the letter, Jay wrote about the feeling he had seeing that play — the feeling that he was seeing his own story playing out on the stage. It was all a lie. Jay never won an essay contest, and he never saw Annie on Broadway. He saw the movie on TV, like everyone else. The lie worked. Jay had his sample,

https://open.spotify.com/album/3j1xCJdBMCl6wYQXurz2tb

3. Reasonable Doubt (1996)

A He was only going to make one album. So goes the story of Reasonable Doubt, anyway, a tale Jay Z has regaled us with at every opportunity since its release. There is nothing like the debut of Jay Z, a stroke of genius chronicling the life of a 26-year-old drug kingpin from the Marcy Houses with a love for craft unrivaled elsewhere in his work.

Reasonable Doubt was the debut of the Marcy Projects rapper and immediately you notice he spoke from the perspective of a boss with expensive taste. The was the perfect way to introduce himself to the game and is considered his third classic album.

https://open.spotify.com/album/3YPK0bNOuayhmSrs0sIIBR

2. The Blueprint (2001)

Hov’s second of his three classics, If you heard the Dynasty and saw where exactly Jay was at this time, you would’ve already solidified him as the best, but the Blueprint made it no debate. The Blueprint was a movement as much as an album – the album that began to turn Jay Z from a rapper into the rapper.

19 years after September 11, 2001, Jay-Z is a towering figure in American culture, a businessman and "business, man. The Blueprint was showcased the Jay Z-Nas beef, The birth of Kanye West and Just Blaze as production superstars. The iconic records (“Izzo,” “Song Cry”). The Blueprint forever changed Jay Z’s career, and Hip-Hop.

https://open.spotify.com/album/69CmkikTHkGKdkrUZTtyWl

1. In My Lifetime, Vol. 1 (1997)

Our personal favorite album which may come as a surprise is Jay-Z’s sophomore album which found Hov at the peak of his hunger for success and recognition. Look at In My Lifetime as a transitional work, all the ingredients for the superstar version of Jay are there — the transcendent arrogance, the pop instincts, the unimpressed-to-the-point-of-boredom street-talk.

A year later, everything would click for Jay. Jay would release Vol. 2… Hard Knock Life, the album where Jay really became the larger-than-life figure that he’d always imagined. To listen to In My Lifetime in 2020 is to hear Jay’s process at work. It’s a fascinating exercise, and for it to be the follow up to reasonable doubt will always be why it will always be our favorite Hov album.

https://open.spotify.com/album/2nJapeqTbOhnhHUhh5tzpB

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thecreaturecodex · 5 years

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Daemonic Harbinger, Caracalla

[ When the Lamb opened the third seal, I heard the third living creature say, “Come!” I looked, and there before me was a black horse! Its rider was holding a pair of scales in his hand.Then I heard what sounded like a voice among the four living creatures, saying, “Two pounds of wheat for a day’s wages, and six pounds of barley for a day’s wages, and do not damage the oil and the wine!” Revelation 6:5-6

The fact that PFRPG’s Horseman of Famine represents cancer has always rubbed me the wrong way, as it strikes me as redundant with the Horseman of Pestilence. Interpreting famine as poverty is not only more Bible accurate, it gives that Horseman a different flavor. I present here a challenger to the throne, not a replacement. The historical Caracalla was a Roman emperor known for his crippling and unfair taxation.]

Daemonic Harbinger, Caracalla CR 25 NE Outsider This gaunt figure resembles an enormous female statue with clawed hands, hoofed legs and a head like an antelope’s skull. Her neck is bent under an immense yoke, a blazing pan hanging from each end.

Caracalla The Balanced Scale, The Bean Counter Concerns economics, inequality, poverty Domains Artifice, Darkness, Evil, Travel Subdomains Daemon, Loss, Toil, Trade Worshipers capitalists, misers, slavers Minions astradaemons, evil dragons, yagnodaemons Unholy Symbol a set of scales, weighing wheat on one pan and a skull on the other Favored Weapon light flail Devotion Take money from someone poorer than yourself. This can be through any legal or illegal means. Spend one hour justifying to yourself why you deserve the money more than they do. Gain a +4 profane bonus on saves against emotion effects. Boons 1: feast of ashes 2/day; 2: rusting grasp 2/day; 3: geas/quest 2/day

Caracalla the Balanced Scale is the harbinger of poverty and inequality. She believes that the rich have the imperative to do whatever it takes to secure and expand their fortune, and that the poor are such due to their own failings and unworthiness. Her worshipers and minions do what they can to erode social safety nets and spread the gospel of unfettered prosperity for the chosen few and crushing destitution for the rest of civilization. Caracalla is intensely ambitious, and her ultimate goal is to take the place of the Horseman of Famine in Abaddon’s hierarchy. She knows that winning this battle will not be easy, and is in the process of using her incredible fortune to buy the services of enough allies to turn the tide.

Caracalla appears as a antelope-headed statue of black and gold metal, although she may change her hue to a solid gold if she sees fit. The corrupting power of wealth is her specialty, and she grants her worshipers the means to elevate themselves at the expense of others. Those who use their money for the betterment of their fellows are Caracalla’s worst enemies, and she targets them above all other foes, first with mind-influencing magic to harden their hearts, and then with destruction if they resist her.

In combat, Caracalla is a nightmare, supplementing crushing physical blows with her potent spells to weaken enemies and turn them against each other. Her natural weapons suppress healing magic and abilities, and she delights in trampling foes beneath her hooves. Perhaps her most feared ability is what she terms her “exaction”—one touch of the scales that hang from her yoke can cause an opponent’s weapons, armor and other worn equipment to grow damaged and cracked, and a second touch can destroy them completely.

Caracalla stands twelve feet tall and weighs ten tons.

Caracalla CR 25 XP 1,636,400 NE Large outsider (daemon, evil, extraplanar) Init +13; Senses darkvision 60 ft., Perception +44, true seeing Aura frightful presence (120 ft., DC 34), unholy aura (DC 27) Defense AC 43, touch 22, flat-footed 34 (-1 size, +9 Dex, +4 deflection, +22 natural) hp 555 (30d10+390) Fort +34, Ref +23, Will +32 DR 20/good; Immune acid, charm and compulsion, death effects, disease, poison; Resist cold 30, electricity 30, fire 30; SR 36 Defensive Abilities fortification (75%) Offense Speed 40 ft., fly 80 ft. (average) Melee gore +41 (4d8+12), 2 claws +41 (2d6+12 plus bleed), 2 slams +41 (2d8+12 /19-20 plus exaction) Space 10 ft.; Reach 10 ft. Special Attacks bleed (2d6), festering wounds, powerful charge (gore, 8d8+24), trample (2d8+18, DC 37) Spell-like Abilities CL 25th, concentration +34 Constant—true seeing, unholy aura (self only, DC 27) At will—charm monster (DC 23), disintegrate (DC 25), feast of ashes (DC 21), greater dispel magic, greater teleport (self plus 50 lbs objects only), rusting grasp, telekinesis (DC 24), unholy smite (DC 23) 3/day—enervation, geas/quest, empowered mass inflict critical wounds (DC 28), quickened waves of fatigue 1/day—dominate monster (DC 29), energy drain, summon (9th level, any CR 20 or lower daemon, 100%) weird (DC 29) Statistics Str 34, Dex 28, Con 37, Int 30, Wis 33, Cha 29 Base Atk +30; CMB +43 (+47 disarm or sundering); CMD 62 (64 vs. disarm or sunder) Feats Combat Expertise, Combat Reflexes, Critical Focus, Empower SLA (mass inflict critical wounds), Exhausting Critical, Greater Disarm, Greater Sunder, Improved Critical (slam), Improved Disarm, Improved Initiative, Improved Sunder, Power Attack, Quicken SLA (waves of fatigue), Tiring Critical, Stand Still Skills Bluff +42, Diplomacy +42, Fly +40, Intimidate +42, Knowledge (arcana, history, nature, nobility) +40, Knowledge (planes) +43, Perception +44, Profession (merchant) +44, Ride +39, Sense Motive +44, Spellcraft +40, Stealth +38, Use Magic Device +39 Languages Abyssal, Celestial, Common, Infernal, telepathy 300 ft. SQ daemonic harbinger traits, item creation Ecology Environment any land or underground (Abaddon) Organization unique Treasure triple standard Special Abilities Daemonic Harbinger Traits (Ex/Su) Caracalla is a daemonic harbinger, a powerful unique fiend. This grants her the following traits:

Immunity to acid, charm and compulsion effects, death effects, disease and poison

Resistance to cold, electricity and fire 30

Telepathy 300 ft.

Caracalla’s natural weapons, as well as any weapons she wields, count as evil and epic weapons for the purposes of overcoming damage reduction

Caracalla can grant spells to her worshipers.

Exaction (Su) A creature struck by Caracalla’s slam attack must succeed a DC 34 Will save or all of its equipment gains the broken condition. A creature that fails its save a second time has all of its equipment destroyed. The save DC is Charisma based. Festering Wounds (Su) A creature that takes damage from any of Caracalla’s natural weapons must succeed a DC 34 Fortitude save or heal only half damage from any form of magical or mundane healing. In addition, any healing spell cast on this creature must overcome Caracalla’s spell resistance (SR 36) to have any effect. This ability can be removed by a break enchantment, remove curse or similar magic against Caracalla’s caster level. A creature that succeeds on its save against Caracalla’s festering wounds is immune to this ability for the next 24 hours. This is a curse effect and the save DC is Charisma based. Flight (Su) Caracalla’s fly speed is a supernatural ability. Item Creation (Su) Once per week as a full-round action, Caracalla can create up to 100,000 gp worth of mundane items, coins or gems in any combination. These created items are permanent and appear adjacent to her.

#daemon #four horseman #poverty #caracalla #pathfinder rpg

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jancisstuff · 4 years

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Character Profile: Music Edition - Jancis Milburga

For many of us music is a source of inspiration for our characters, so I want to know what songs inspire and/or relate to your muse! Chose between 10-15 songs, compile them into an album and tag some friends to share the beat!

1) Peter Gabriel - Don't Give Up (ft. Kate Bush): A great duo that shows some of Jancis’ ability to always find the good in someone and believing in them.

2) David Bowie - Lady Grinning Soul: Jancis had danced to this song years ago in front of a crowd covered in only bubbles. It’s the odd complex and confusing world of her mind that she bears to all.

3) Aerith's Theme ~ original lyrics by Erutan: Enjoy more of Erutan, too, please. There’s a lot of kindness and heart here which Jancis is named for.

4) Ori and the Blind Forest OST - 32 - Light of Nibel: Another term used for Jancis. Light.

5) Damien Rice - I Don't Want To Change You: A song that speaks to Jancis’ heartache.

6) Shatter Me Featuring Lzzy Hale - Lindsey Stirling: Part of Jancis’ passion and also the song she’s done a rendition of as Milly Red.

7) Ghost Loft - Be Easy: Meditation, one of her daily activities.

8) Three Days Grace - Fallen Angel: The pains to overcome.

9) Celtic Guitar Music - Fairy Forest: A lot of her daily behavior.

10) Katie Herzig - Way To The Future: Sums up a lot of who Jancis is from the beginning.

Tagged by: @gegenji @marjiandco (Thank you! I’m not very good with music, so I have to thank my friends for sharing such wonderful things that make me think about the many sides of Jancis from hopeful to passionate and kind to drive. I think it’s better that way in a collaboration, because she is also the parts of how people view her.)

#meme prompt

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cannabisrefugee-esq · 4 years

Photo

(via The Welfare Gnome! It's Like a Sock Gnome Except This One Can Actually Kill You. Ft. Joker (Again))

The Welfare Gnome! It’s Like a Sock Gnome Except This One Can Actually Kill You. Ft. Joker (Again)

Cannabis Refugee, Esq.

Advertising / Media / Cultural Conversation

Capitalistic Patriarchal Medicine

Crohn's Disease Stories

Euthanasia / Suicide

Law / Legal / Benefits

December 20, 2019

According to the internet, a “sock gnome” is a mythical creature that pilfers socks. Presumably it lives in or around the dryer where you put an even number of socks in and get an odd number out. Sometimes it gets tricksy and spits out an even number but the pairs don’t match (meaning it’s pilfered one from more than one pair) but the usual evidence that you’ve had a sock pilfered by a gnome is that there is one left over that doesn’t have a mate and the missing sock never reappears ever. This is a real thing (if not a real gnome) and everyone knows what this means.

Well, there appears to be a similar creature that lives at Social Services and pilfers sick and poor people’s applications for welfare benefits. Or something, idk. I assume these creatures are related but maybe not since this gnome doesn’t play games: it’s goal seems to be to drive you insane before it literally kills you. I wrote here before about an application for benefits that went missing, along with a half a dozen other boondoggles that have wasted my spoons and left me scrambling to repeat some administrative process I was barely able to complete survive the first time.

Because while a sick person’s literal inability to jump through bureaucratic hoops is actually the best evidence that someone is extremely ill, someone has decided that only those who are well enough to sing for their supper (or pursue benefits) deserve to eat, as it were. The first application that went missing was for food stamps, while today I found out that my application to get on a 4 month waitlist to see a doctor went missing 2 months ago and has not been since heard from: although my disability advocate hand-delivered it, the application was never received.

I didn’t know it had never been received since I was instructed to wait for 2-3 months for a phonecall from them whereupon they would then tell me that I had to wait another 4 months to see a provider. Now I get to start the whole process over again. Of course, the clock starts, again, from zero: 2-3 months for the application to be processed and another 4 months before I will be seen. And as both Crohn’s disease and high functioning Autism are untreatable and incurable, the only reason I’m even trying to get in to see a doctor is that I need up to date records of medical compliance (not actual therapeutic medical care since none exists) to support my claims for disability. As if sick people have the time and energy for that.

Just “apply for benefits” then keep applying indefinitely or forever! Just get showered, dressed, don’t eat or drink anything though because Crohn’s, get somehow transported across town, pretend to act human for a several hours while you are being humiliated, interrogated, starved and otherwise tortured in public, then somehow get a ride back home. And do all of that without “acting” sick. Easy peasy.

And truly, bureaucratic incompetence (or a welfare or Social Services gnome) isn’t even worth writing about and I wouldn’t bother writing about it except that it had an unsettling effect on me: I literally wondered, if only for a second, if I had hallucinated the whole thing and therefore wondered if my new disability advocate who had hand-delivered the applications himself, Dave, was even real. Jesus Christ that was disturbing. Around Halloween of this year, Dave had helped me complete numerous applications, some online, while he mailed some hardcopies out of town and hand-delivered the rest; the 2 applications that were both hand-delivered were supposedly never received. One would be understandable, if not acceptable, but both of them? I was shook.

Very shortly thereafter I realized that the only proof I even have that Dave came to pick me up several times, completed applications for/with me and took me home again is that one application we did online was actually received and has his name and information on it. Much to my chagrin, they initially returned that “online” application to me in hardcopy to review, sign and return (WTF) but as it turns out, that bit of bureaucratic fuckery actually saved me from something awful — a literal break from reality — and was the only proof I had that Dave and our interactions were even real. Also, my old disability advocate told me about Dave in front of another person and they both remember it. (!) So yeah, I’m legit losing my mind by now but at least I’m not delusional (that I know of). Everything about this is fucking terrifying.

Wait. Is Dave even real? Let’s review.

At some point, I know my readers are going to get sick to death of hearing about this shit and I wouldn’t blame them. Hearing about how the system truly victimizes people is unpleasant and predictably leaves those who don’t have to deal with it (yet) with the strong impression that disenfranchised people are “victims” experiencing “victimization” which is always, always read as a character flaw, or it is eventually, especially if it goes on for a long time and it often almost always does. And this material is about as appealing to read as…idk, a book of vintage recipes where the first and second ingredients in every dish are Jello and fake mayonnaise? Maybe. There’s a trainwreck quality that’s hard to look away from, it’s interesting (at first) to see how all the various parts fit together (or ultimately don’t) and I suppose it’s possible to have compassion for the vintage cooks who were trying so, so hard to be resourceful and whatnot.

But eventually that person’s judgement will probably come into question and the blame will fall squarely on them if they consistently choose to participate in such insanity, in that case, preparing and serving Spaghetti-Os and sliced hot dogs suspended in savory Jello, or a canned ambrosia Yule log. (I just watched a video of someone making a canned ambrosia Yule log from a vintage recipe, you can watch that here). Or in the case of a vulnerable person seeking benefits, choosing to consistently be relieved of their dignity and even being (seemingly) willingly neglected and abused. The comparison is kind of a reach but what I’m getting at here is that it’s not pretty. The things I discuss on this blog aren’t pretty.

So do I have an actual point? Actually I have 2. The first point I will make via another anecdote and is something I learned as a young attorney who was becoming seriously ill: I had been seeing a chiropractor/nutritionist for months to attempt to treat what was becoming unbearable chronic pain and GI issues when my health insurance company started denying his claims. The “doctor” wasn’t being paid but I was still in disabling pain and his treatments were working. Kind of. Until they stopped. We had to have “the discussion” which drew out our competing interests: my interest in continuing treatment without a lapse versus his interest in being consistently paid. (Really, this is where the myth of the compassionate Western healer is always undone: the issue of money. But that’s a post for another day.) This discussion is never pleasant and as I learned, is absolutely meant to be ugly.

As a seasoned provider with decades of experience in the insurance game, the “doctor” calmly explained to me that part of the game is to pit the doctor and patient against each other so that they can’t provide a united front against the real enemy: the insurance company. The goal is to have the doctor and patient part ways angry so that there is no reason to pursue an appeal and the treatment — whether it’s medically necessary or not — simply ends. From the insurance company’s perspective, the problem (of exposure to liability) just goes away: if the doctor and patient part ways it doesn’t have to expend resources reviewing appeals and no further claims will be made, their exposure drops to zero, and they win.

Get it? Bad guys 1, good guys 0. And this, I think, is the dynamic playing out when people get fed up (and fired up) with hearing about what sick and disabled people go through — regular, relatively powerless people blaming and judging other regular, relatively powerless people for being “victims” instead of providing a unified front against our common enemy. In this case, against our corporate and governmental overlords who spend billions if not trillions annually on “corporate welfare” and destructive black budget programs while reducing, eliminating or otherwise making inaccessible benefits that real people need to live in this shithole they created, not us. And Big Medicine torturing sick people and deliberately (or leastwise predictably) making us worse.

We all have a choice, don’t we, to pick the correct side and to not fall into this deliberate trap set by the elite, to not go against our own interests, to decline the invitation to support our oppressors while undermining ourselves and our ilk, our own people. Choose correctly. It matters.

My second point is this. I can only speak for myself when I say that I absolutely never wanted to be a “victim” and I spent my entire life and literally everything I had to try to ensure that didn’t happen. I have written about that before if anyone wants to revisit that part of my journey, but what I haven’t directly said is this: once I had exhausted every resource I had accumulated over a lifetime (which wasn’t much), after I had asked everyone I knew for help and they all declined, after I had failed to cure myself of an incurable disease, I knew what was coming for me because I had spent my entire life trying to avoid it.

My experience as a benefits attorney only underscored what I already knew, which is that there is nothing there to catch most people when they fall, and there is no bottom to the abuse and neglect one will suffer, and literally endless opportunities to be victimized, once anyone, especially an unresourced, unsupported female, is no longer able to control her outcomes and sick women can no longer reliably control their outcomes. I knew the benefits system would be inaccessible or inadequate, I knew I would be abused and neglected by doctors if I let them, I knew I could end up sick and homeless at the same time, I knew I could end up sick and homeless and raped and pregnant at the same time if there was nothing I could do to stop it, and I knew that once I got sick there was, in fact, little or nothing I could do to stop it. I knew there would be no end to my suffering as a sick woman under capitalism and patriarchy.

I saw this coming a mile out, and to avoid that outcome I knew I didn’t want and knew I couldn’t handle (and shouldn’t be expected to) and to fulfill a lifelong promise I had made to myself to never “allow” myself to be victimized in this way, I attempted suicide. 4 times. Four fucking times I took action against myself that was so incompatible with life that by all rights I should have died at least once if not every time but I didn’t die. Each time I woke to this nightmare that won’t end and I had to go on, dealing with the same shit and with the same hideous constraints only even more sick and even more traumatized than I was before if that was even possible. And it is possible, isn’t it — it is bottomless. There is no end, there is absolutely no end to how bad this can and will get for me and for everyone in my position.

And to be clear, I started this blog after what ended up being my final (well, most recent) suicide attempt which was 2 years ago by now. Get it? Every single post on this blog was written after that and therefore was very nearly not written at all. What I am documenting here, I think, is a fairly common experience that is almost always lost to time and tragedy: what it’s actually like to be this seriously, hopelessly ill, how “the system” works against sick people and sick women at every turn, and what it really looks like to have no options. And while this surely happens all the time, every force in the universe, it seems, is working against most people actually knowing about it. In fact, the most relateable thing I’ve ever read, the only thing that I have ever seen address these points and describe an experience nearly identical to my own was left behind by an activist/writer/seriously chronically ill woman in a suicide note. I wrote about that woman, Anne Örtegren, and her suicide note here.

In my own case, and this is the only reason you are hearing about it, I happened to be a seasoned researcher and writer with a specialized interest in dissecting the insane system of patriarchy, I had a preexisting platform on which to advertise this project and an audience that was open to hearing about it, and despite my best intentions and efforts, and those of everyone and everything else for that matter, where those intentions and efforts were not compatible with life, my life, I didn’t fucking die. Not yet anyway. I suspect that many women who experience what I and Anne Örtegren and others have experienced go down for the third and final time before anyone even hears them scream. And if any of this sounds a little crazy to you, that’s only because it is. It is completely, completely insane.

#joker #christmas #xmas #friends #family

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