#2009 like i am not confident enough with my movements | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

intrepid-lens · 4 years

Text

*ignore my typos and spelling mistakes i have many disabilities

I have a torn emotion on the dichotomy of fashion on tiktok rn. On one hand I am glad there has been more maneuverability with fashion and gender, (esp moving away from the 2000′s binary, the tight tight shirts/pants for ‘women’ and baggy cloths for ‘men’). On the other I still struggle with the memories and experiences of fear when I started shopping in the men’s section, the continuing experiences of my transition, and trans identity with fashion movements. The comments men would make, their harmless ‘jokes’ to police me due to their own discomfort.

“You missed the girls section, it’s that way”.

“You have unusual taste.”

“That must be for your boyfriend.”

“You lost your way.”

“There are prettier ones [shirts] in the girls [women’s] section.”

“Some people might mistake you for a man with hair that short but I can tell with how pretty you are.”

“I know you’re a woman.” (like wtf??? why the need to say this???)

“Your too pretty to be a man.”

“I hope you’re not wearing those.”

“Your cloths are too baggy you should dress more for your size.”

“Stop hiding your body”.

“The women’s section is that way.”

^^^^^^this one in particular has been used as a threat many, many times.

Most of these are experiences are bc of my FTM existence. Female people get similar body comments being gender nonconforming or cis, this is the patriarchy after all. Trans women have other experiences as well that I cannot speak on myself. But it hits different to different identities, despite how it sucks for all.

For myself it was hard to not feel demonized for being trans. So many unnecessary and threatening comments. It’s like they knew I was scared and waved that power in my face. All I wanted was space to understand and not hate myself or feel monstrous because of my identity. I was scared of myself and what that meant for the rest of my life. Cis people don’t have the experience of having to wait for a clearing to shop for underwear. That constant fear of looking over your shoulder hoping to have enough time to figure out what would fit your hips, and if lucky, getting a choice in style before anyone showed up (not likely tbh). Learning how to hide/ play cool with your stuff without looking like you are a thief or security getting after you. I’ve been waved down before and had to lie to get out of it, make the cis security comfortable, placate. All for underwear.I could get out of it bc of my whiteness. After that I learned how to look like I was shopping for “my boyfriend” and not myself. Having to face the cashiers when buying it. The endless comments. This is different than shopping for pads or going through puberty. I’m female I know both types of internalized shame and let me tell you they are different.

So much pain and fear came with my identity and the cis men who thought they had every right to comment about me or my body never stops. The anxiety that went with such small encounters, the sheer mental labor. How I would cry in my car afterwards, shaking with panic. Leaving the underwear at the bottom of my drawer for months bc of that experience. Even cis women had the nerve to comment sometimes. The 2000′s were unbelievably transphobic.

While it is good to normalize the movement of fashion and cloths for all genders and bodies I want to have discussion/understanding about how gender is being used as fashion in contemporary times, what that looks like. Like tiktok. How ‘trendy’ it is to look ‘tomboy’ or ‘brah girl’ (I thought we moved past that in like 2009 and understand womanhood or being female isn’t just hyper-fem or hyper-masc but ok hello patriarchy once again).

We have seen ‘androgyny’ be played with before and we will again this is nothing new. The whiteness of it, the thinness, the male-centric notions of androgyny, the lot. However I see so much baggy, masc, boyishTM clothing for cis women tiktok that I get hurt at times. So many of these ‘brah girl’ aesthetics were cloths I was incessantly bullied out of wearing as a young teen/adult. The boy underwear looks I still tear up at. How these cis women use boy briefs/boxers as an aesthetic peeking out of their baggy pants. It gives me that trauma all over again. These ‘cute tomboy looks’ so much of thin-cis tiktok has just bc it’s trendy can bite me. I still carry those painful experiences with me forever. I still can’t go one day without people making comments on my appearance because of being trans and not having cloths that fit right. Cis people don’t know the lived experiences that come with being NB or trans. How difficult it was to find a basic pair of jeans. How difficult it still is (being female is just hard in general w/clothing no less transitioning those boundaries not made for your body type). Even a simple tee will sit differently depending on the men’s/women’s sections we all know this. Hiding my breasts was essential but it came with so much policing, esp from the women in my life. Cis women of tiktok think it’s cute to wear an oversize tee now.

This critique of fashion and gender can be challenging because of the patriarchy and how that functions to critique women on tiktok as I am rn. Esp with how LGBTQIA+ want to normalize the movement of gender as a construct and how fluid it is. Yes we need to keep breaking down gender and advocating for full access to all bodies (fat!!, bipoc, trans, NB, female lbr cloths industry sucks, disabled, ect). But please please please consider what cis have access to that people like myself had to painstakingly fight for and are still policed for.

Please know the history of the LGBTQIA+ trans lives, and what that has brought to your current every day. My gender is not a trend. You bought your aesthetic, I had to fight for basic cloths. It was cis people who hurt me and my community and who continue to use those identities as a trend. Please ask yourself if you are wearing these cloths/accessories bc you like them and want to be comfortable and confident, or because you secretly want the social mobility. Bc if it’s the later, stop. Re think your privileged and help my community, not just your social climb. Too many influencers take and take and take, and trans identity is one of many stolen identities they use for their ‘aesthetics’. Educate yourself. There is a difference between wearing cloths despite gender norms, and using them as clout.

#tiktok #transgender #nonbinary #gender #lgbtqia+#rant #frustration #needed to get that off my *hest #it's been really bothering me #I've been feeling the traumaTM again

205 notes · View notes

synmorite · 3 years

Text

Behind These Eyes- Chapter 1

Summary: It’s been 5 years. Artiya’il was injured and you now have control of your body again.

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Word Count: 2417

Warnings: SPN level violence, language

A/N: This is still a work in process, but if you have any constructive suggestions, please let me know! And if anyone wants me to create a tag list, let me know that too. I’m still new to posting fanfic on tumblr so any advice or suggestions are welcomed. :)

****************************

Five Years Later

You lay on the beach as the sun warmed your skin and the cool ocean waves tickled your bare feet. You watched the white fluffy clouds pass lazily overhead. You were happy. You were content. Today was a beach day. Yesterday was mountains day. You spent the day hiking through the forest and exploring the little streams and glades you’d found. You never got tired. You never got hurt. You were never hungry or thirsty. You didn’t need anything. You didn’t have anything weighing you down. You just thought about what you wanted to do that day and it happened. Arti visited you and talked with you. He was your friend. You knew that you had been hurting before Arti saved you. But you no longer remembered what that pain felt like. In here, your scars were gone. There were no reminders of your suffering.

So you never saw it coming when everything fell apart.

Your world shook and you frowned. That had never happened. Even during the rainstorms you loved to dance in, things didn’t shake like that. There also were no dark clouds in the sky above you. You screamed as you felt yourself be ripped from where you were and the world went black.

You opened your eyes to a dimly lit warehouse. The ground you were lying on was cold and hard. You could hear grunts near you and tried to turn and look, but realized that it hurt to move. Where were you? Where was Arti? Why did you hurt? You weren’t supposed to hurt anymore. Arti promised.

You heard a heavier grunt and a squelching noise before there was a thump.

“Is that all of them?” You heard a man say.

“Yea, think so.” That voice caused a shiver to go down your spine. It was deep and rough, but felt like honey. Dark and warm.

A set of footsteps approached and a man in a tan trenchcoat loomed over you. His blue eyes widened as he looked at you. Your eyes flicked to his hand which held a long bloody silver spike. You opened your mouth and screamed. Despite the pain it caused, you shot up and scrambled back from him, but only succeeding in a few feet before your back met a wall.

“Shit, Cass! Shut your friend up.” The deep voice yelled.

Your eyes flicked over to him and the scream died. The man was gorgeous. His blonde hair was a little ruffled and he had a bit of scruff on his face. He had perfect pink cupid bow lips and he was well muscled. But the feature that entrapped you were his eyes. They were the most beautiful shade of green you’d ever seen. Like the forest with sunlight streaming through the leaves.

The trenchcoat man who you guessed was Cass knelt down in front of you.

“What’s your name?” He said gently.

Your eyes kept flicking between him, the green eyed man, and the third man that you realized was there as well watching you. He was tall with longer brown hair. The other two men were handsome, but they didn’t capture your attention the way the green eyed one did.

You turned to look back to Cass. “My name is Y/N.” He nodded and reached a hand out to you. You flinched and sucked in a small gasp at the pain you felt everywhere.

Cass froze and met your eyes with an intense gaze. “I just want to heal you, Y/N. Your body took an enormous amount of damage recently and you’ll feel better.” You nodded slowly for him to continue. He gently laid two fingertips to your forehead and a somewhat familiar warmth flowed through you and the pain went away. You sighed softly in relief.

“You’re an angel, aren’t you?” You whispered.

“Yes, I am Castiel.” He glanced over at the other two men. “That’s Sam and Dean.”

You frowned a little again when you recognized the names. “Winchester?”

Castiel looked surprised. “You know them?”

You could feel yourself blushing now. “Only by reputation. Arti used to tell me stories about them.” The Winchesters and their angel Castiel were heroes. You’d always loved hearing about Dean the most though. Everything he went through. You just wanted to hold him and tell him that everything would be okay. You had asked Arti why he didn’t help Dean like he helped others. You could tell that Dean must suffer the same pain that you had. Arti made you better, why couldn’t he help the Righteous Man too? Arti explained that Dean was a special case. He had trials in his life that he needed to face and that pain would make him strong enough to endure it. Not all pain was meant to be healed.

“Cass, what’s going on?” The tall man who must be Sam, asked.

“Artiya’il is no longer in control of his vessel.” Castiel said.

“Where is Arti? I can’t feel him.” You asked, confused.

“He seems to have retreated in order to heal. He must trust you to give you control back while he recovers.”

“Wait, what? Why does he need to recover? Why would he give me control back?”

“Artiya’il was taken by demons and tortured. I heard him through Angel radio. He was very weak and needed assistance. Sam and Dean agreed to help rescue him.”

Sam and Dean came closer while you and Castiel talked.

“Wait, Cass. This isn’t your angel friend?” Dean asked. Your eyes became glued to him again.

“She is Artiya’il’s vessel. It seems that he retreated and passed control to Y/N.”

“So she’s human?” Sam asked.

“Yes and No. Artiya’il is still in her, but dormant. We will be unable to bring him out until he is ready.”

“Great, so what do we do with the chick?” Dean asked.

“She should come with us. She will still be a target and she won’t be able to defend herself against enemies.” Castiel stood up and offered his hand to you.

“Why would the angel go dormant if it puts his vessel at risk?” Sam asked.

“Arti trusts you guys. He knows you would protect me.” You say confidently as you took Castiel’s hand.

As you stood up, you realized that you were wearing a dirty pantsuit. The shirt that must have been white previously, was now brown with dirt and dried blood and had several holes all over it. The black pants were covered in dried mud and also had several holes. You were barefoot, but there was so much dried mud and blood on your feet, that you almost couldn’t tell. Glancing at your hands, you saw the same thing. Your face and hair must have been a wreck.

Castiel pulled you over to the boys who ducked through an old fire door that led outside. Immediately, you winced as your bare feet stepped onto the gravel. Dean noticed the small movement and walked over to you. In one smooth movement, he dipped down and scooped you up into his arms. You squeaked in surprise and you could feel a soft chuckle rumble through his firm chest.

“I can walk!” You said indignantly.

“You don’t have any shoes on, princess. Car’s almost a mile away and it’s all a gravel road. We can move faster and get home if I just carry you.”

You glanced up at his face and felt your own face redden with a blush when he met your eyes. His mouth widened into a smile.

“Where’s home?” You asked, curiously. “Wait, where’s here?” You looked around and saw no clues besides a warehouse and an empty gravel road.

“Home is in Lebanon, Kansas. Here is just outside of Tulsa, Oklahoma.” He cocked his head, looking at you again. “How long have you been that angel’s vessel?”

“Arti told me five years have passed. I said yes back in 2009 so it must be 2014 now?”

Dean nodded. “Arti? I know the name Cass gave was longer and more of a mouthful than that.”

“You seem to call Castiel ‘Cass’. Same reason I call Artiya’il ‘Arti’. Less of a mouthful.”

He chuckled again. Dean carried you the rest of the way in silence. He kept glancing at you out of the corner of his eyes. He looked like he wanted to ask a question, but didn’t know how to.

Dean approached a sleek black car that was gleaming in the moonlight.

“Oooh, she’s beautiful!” You said in awe. You felt Dean’s chest puff out a little bit.

“That’s my baby. ‘67 Chevy Impala.” He carefully set you down next to the backdoor of the car before opening it for you. You slid into the black leather seats and ran your hand over the smooth leather. You spent most of your time over the last five years in nature or libraries. Cars were not something that you thought you had missed and wanted to relive, but you had never ridden in a car like this before.

Dean watched you for a moment before shutting your door and opening the driver’s side door and climbing in. Castiel climbed into the back beside you before Sam slid into the front passenger seat. Dean started the car and it rumbled to life. You grinned.

Dean eyed you through the rearview mirror. “You alright back there?”

You nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah. I’ve never been in a classic car before. I’ll definitely have to add this to my list.”

As he pulled away, “Your list?”

“Yea, of things to do. I usually just do nature things. Watch sunsets, go to the beach, see the Northern Lights. But taking a drive down an open highway with music blasting in a beautiful car like this definitely needs to be added.”

Castiel was looking at me oddly. “When do you do these things?”

“Whenever I want. Arti lets me control what I want to do when I want to do it.”

Castiel was clearly surprised. “He gave you a haven?”

You looked at him, confused. “Well, yeah. What else would I do with my time?”

“Did Jimmy have that?” Sam asked Castiel.

“No. Angels do not generally set up havens for their vessels. I did not expect Artiya’il to be one to do that.” Castiel looked embarrassed.

“Well, Arti is my friend. He promised me peace.”

Castiel appeared troubled at your words.

You glanced up front and noticed Dean watching you. He smiled softly before returning his eyes to the road.

The asphalt passed quickly under Baby’s wheels and before you knew it, you were pulling into a concrete garage. Dean shut off the engine and you opened your door, looking around in curiosity. The garage was filled with old cars. They mostly looked like they were from the fifties except for Baby.

“So why don’t we get you a room, I’ll give you some clothes and towels, and you can take a shower?” Dean asked, moving up next to you.

You snorted. “Are you saying I smell?”

He looked apprehensive for a moment. “No, no! You’re just covered in grime and blood…”

You snickered at him. “A shower would be awesome. Haven’t had one in five years so I’m sure I’m a little ripe.”

Dean’s eyes flicked behind you. “Don’t even say it Cass. She knows angels don’t need to shower.” He rolled his eyes. “Angels, am I right?”

You laughed. “You have no idea. I spent years trying to teach Arti the finer details of modern human language. He still struggles with sarcasm.”

Dean’s eyes were soft as they looked at you again.

“What? I got something on my face?” You laughed at your own joke again knowing your face was filthy.

“Nah, sweetheart. You just have a gorgeous laugh.” He reached and grabbed your hand. It felt like electricity when his skin made contact with yours. He tugged gently on it towards a doorway. You followed him through a heavy iron door and down a winding staircase. There was a large table lit up in the center of it with a map of the world. He pulled you up a couple of steps and you stopped in your tracks looking around at all of the books.

Dean turned around to look at you and noticed that it was all of the books that caught your attention. He chuckled.

“Bookworm, I take it?”

You nodded enthusiastically, sure that your face was glowing like a kid’s on Christmas morning.

“Well, help yourself whenever you want. We got fiction, magic books, lore books, and galore books.” He chuckled again at his joke.

“Really?!?” You asked.

He shrugged. “Sammy will be glad to have someone to talk books with. Now come on, there’s no way you’re comfortable covered in dirt.” He tugged on my hand again and I continued following him down a hallway. He led me to a room and opened the door. The room was pretty bare with minimal furniture. But it was clean and the bed looked comfortable.

“You can stay in this room. I’m right next door in case you need anything.” He left the door open and pulled you down the hall a little further. He pushed open another door into what looked like a communal shower area.

“There’s some towels over there and you can use whatever you want in the shower. It’s either Sammy’s or mine. The fancy hair stuff is definitely Sam’s. Water pressure is pretty awesome here. I’ll grab some clothes for you and leave them in here for when you’re done.”

You smiled widely at him. “Thanks, Dean.”

His ears reddened a little bit.

“You’re welcome, Y/N.” He mumbled back and left the bathroom.

You walked over to one of the shower stalls and turned the water on. Dean was right, the water pressure was fantastic. You quickly stripped off the clothes that were going to be trash and stepped into the hot stream of water. As you let the water wash away all of the grime from what had happened to Arti, you let a moan out at how good it felt. You heard a slight cough outside of the shower stall and pulled the curtain to the side slightly so you could see out. Dean was holding a small pile of clothes and blushing furiously. You couldn’t help but grin. Apparently, he’d heard your moan.

“I’ll, uh, just leave these here, princess.” He said, before setting them down and leaving hurriedly.

You laughed at the green eyed hunter.

Go to Chapter 2 >>>

#dean winchester #dean winchester x reader #spn fanfiction #spn fanfic #spn #dean x reader #behind these eyes #synmorite #synmoritewrites

23 notes · View notes

ancientbooshartifacts · 4 years

Text

Finger Painting

Author: MyChosenWords

Year: 2009

Rating: NC-17

Pairing: Mike/Dave

The entrance to Dave’s flat is unexpectedly dark as Mike steps through the front door. He dumps the pile of borrowed CDs on the table and tucks Dave’s spare key into his pocket. From the basement he can hear the strains of what he can now confidently identify as Led Zeppelin. Grabbing two beers from the fridge he makes his way to the stairs.

“Dave!” he cries, not wanting to startle his friend.

“Hey Mikey!” Dave responds, “Bring us a beer would ya?”

“I’m way ahead of you mate,” Mike replies as he reaches the bottom step.

Dave is stood in the middle of the basement staring at a big white sheet that almost covers the entire floor. Cans of paint are scattered around the room along with an assortment of paintbrushes.

“Modern art this time? Very nice,” Mike comments, lifting one finger to his lips and tapping it in an exaggerated display of thoughtfulness, “I love how you’ve really captured the essence of nothingness. The absence of the paint is a great mirror for the absence of colour in our pathetic, meaningless existence isn’t it?”

Dave elbows him playfully and grabs his beer. “Fuck off.”

“What are you actually doing?”

“I’m supposed to be creating a backdrop for the live show. Noel had this idea about making these massive scrolling backdrops so we’re each painting one as a prototype.”

“So why aren’t you getting on with it? I mean, how hard can it be to paint a couple of trees and a hill?” Mike asks. Dave looks at Mike in a way that makes him once again curse the fact that Noel got all the creative talent and all he has is a lisp and the ability to stare at things for a long time without blinking. He’d give almost anything to be able to have a conversation with Dave about art and perspective and shadows without resorting to jokes or stupid questions but he’s completely out of his depth. Luckily Dave once again proves that he can read Mike like a book and begins to explain.

“Basically before I can start painting anything I need to know where we are going to be in relation to the backdrop. The size and position of the mountains is affected by whether we are close to them or far away.” Mike nods slowly in understanding.

“Want to help?”

The only thing stopping Mike from agreeing immediately is an overwhelming fear of somehow fucking it up. He has always enjoyed the company of the older man and usually jumps at the chance to spend time with him but Noel has been exceedingly grumpy lately and Mike doesn’t want to Dave to get the blame for something Mike has messed up. Dave picks up a paintbrush and wiggles it in Mike’s face.

“Come on, it’ll be fun,” he urges. With a sigh, Mike takes the offered paintbrush and turns to the tins of paint.

“Where do we start?”

Dave draws a rough outline on the sheet, pours some of the blue paint into a tray and puts Mike to work painting the sky. They work solidly for a good half an hour, Dave singing along to the music and Mike concentrating on not going too far outside the lines Dave has drawn. It’s actually quite relaxing and Mike can finally accept why Noel used to spend hours shut away listening to music and drawing. He finishes the last of the sky and is just about to stand up to admire his handiwork when his elbow catches the tin of green Dave was using for the trees and it tips over. He scrambles to pick up the tin but it is too late. Mike can only watch in horror as the green puddle slowly spreads across the sheet. Ashen-faced he turns to apologise to Dave but the other man is blinking tears of laughter out of his eyes and cackling. Dave’s amusement increases momentarily at the look on Mike’s face before he eventually softens.

“Don’t worry about it Michael, it’s only a practice.”

“Are you sure?”

“Of course.”

“But you’ll have to do it all again!”

Dave shrugs. “So? It’s hardly a masterpiece Mike.”

“Fine. But let me clean it up. You can go get some more beers or something,” Mike insists.

Noticing that the paint is about to spill off the edges of the sheet, Mike rushes to his feet. In his haste he plants his foot firmly in the blue tray. Flecks of blue paint fly up into the air, raining down on Dave’s hair, face and clothes. Groaning, Mike covers his face with his hands and flushes a bright, burning red.

“Oh god, that’s it. I give up. I am fucking useless.” There’s a bitter note in his voice that quells the snigger that was bubbling inside of Dave.

Mike hears movement in front of him and the next moment Dave’s hands are peeling Mike’s away from his eyes.

“Hey, come on Mikey, it’s fine. I always wear old clothes when I’m painting anyway. And besides, it was pretty funny,” Dave soothes. Impulsively he leans in and plants a soft kiss on the tip of Mike’s nose.

When Mike finally opens his eyes Dave is grinning at him, the bright spots of paint highlighting his blue eyes. Despite his embarrassment Mike laughs. “Matches your eyes,” he remarks.

Dave studies him for a long moment and there’s a mischievous gleam in his eyes now. Very slowly he dips his finger into the brown paint and begins to draw on Mike’s cheek. Mike remains briefly still until he realises what Dave is drawing.

“Hey!” cries an outraged Mike. “That’s a bum. You’re drawing a fucking bum on my face!”

Dave collapses into childish giggles. Mike smudges the crude drawing until it’s just a brown blob. All sense of guilt or embarrassment forgotten, he bends down, drags his paintbrush through the escaped green paint and flings it at Dave. It hits him square on the chest and begins to run down his jeans. Mike yells in triumph but is quickly silenced when a splatter of red paint collides with his shoulder. Dave jumps out of the way as the green paint from Mike’s brush splatters against the wall.

Paintbrushes are soon abandoned in favour of more aggressive tactics. Dave chases Mike around the room and manages to plant a bright green handprint on his black hair. In retaliation Mike slaps a blue handprint onto Dave’s arse. Dave dips both his arms into the yellow paint and hurls himself at Mike. Unprepared for the impact, Mike falls, bringing Dave down with him. Dave attempts to get away but the paint is so slippery he simply falls unceremoniously on his arse. Mike is laughing so hard he can hardly see. When he finally calms down enough to take a good look around he is surprised by how strangely beautiful it is.

There is paint everywhere; on the floor, on the walls, even on the ceiling. The colours have mixed together and now there are oranges and purples and pinks as well as the colours they started with. In the middle of it all sits Dave, with bright purple hair and clothes drenched in every possible hue. Mike’s own clothes aren’t much better. There are two yellow lines underneath his arms from where Dave tackled him and the rest of his shirt is a garish polka dotted nightmare the likes of which even Noel would claim was ‘a bit much’. Mike gazes fondly at Dave, whose ability to make light of any situation has once again spared Mike from hours worth of angst and self-esteem issues. Dave shuffles closer to him and for a moment Mike thinks it might be time for round two but the other man merely wraps an arm around his shoulder and pulls him into a hug.

“Feel better now?” he asks.

“Yeah,” Mike replies.

Dave scans Mike’s face, looking for an unblemished patch of skin. He finds it at the corner of Mike’s left eye and kisses it.

“Good.”

Their eyes meet and before Mike can wonder what the hell he’s doing he closes the gap between them. Dave is quick to respond, chapped lips sliding leisurely over Mike’s. The paint has made their hair slippery and Mike has the deeply disturbing thought that this is kind of like what kissing Old Gregg would feel like but then Dave growls and Mike is jolted back to reality. He can’t imagine Old Gregg ever making such a masculine sound. Breathing eventually becomes a problem, forcing the two apart. They stare at each other with wide eyes and flushed cheeks.

“So...,” says Dave eventually, “This is new.”

“Yeah,” Mike exhales. His fingers are itching to reach out to any part of Dave they can reach but he can’t bring himself to do so without knowing, absolutely, that Dave wants this too.

There’s a splash of purple on Mike’s lower lip and Dave brushes it away with a surprisingly clean thumb. He leans in and kisses Mike so slowly it feels like time has somehow been manipulated.

“Good though,” Dave whispers as he pulls back to meet Mike’s eyes.

Mike can only nod mutely in response. He feels as though he’s travelling very fast through a dark tunnel. Everything around him is blurred but for Dave’s face. He is dimly aware of the music in the background and the smell of the paint. Dave is smiling at him affectionately, like you would a kitten playing with a ball of string, and Mike thinks that won’t do at all so he gets to his knees and turns so he can straddle Dave’s thighs. There’s a flash of lust in Dave’s eyes and he wraps his arms around Mike’s waist and pulls him down. For the first time Mike can feel how the situation is affecting Dave and it sends his head into even more of a spin.

“Mike,” Dave pants as Mike begins to softly grind himself down into Dave’s lap, “I know this is probably the worst idea I’ve ever had but I swear if I don’t have you right now I’m going to go insane.” He rounds off the statement by biting down on Mike’s earlobe, prompting the shorter man to yelp in pleasure and in pain.

“So take me,” Mike murmurs before nipping at Dave’s jaw. In a flash Dave’s hands are tangled in Mike’s hair and they are kissing again and Dave is thrusting up now and the room is filled with moans and breathless names. Dave shoves Mike off his lap but before Mike has a chance to complain he’s flat on his back with Dave’s body covering his own.

When they were younger Noel used to come home with an assortment of bruises and a filthy grin and Mike could never understand how he got off on something that was clearly painful. But here in Dave’s basement with an unusually sharp paintbrush digging into his back and Dave pressing onto him from above Mike was starting to really enjoy the exhilaration of losing control. The moment their lips had touched Mike had forgotten all about the fact that Dave was his older brother’s best mate, or that they worked together and that things would undoubtedly change from that point on; all that mattered was that Dave didn’t push him away.

Mike’s hands work frantically at the buttons on Dave’s shirt. When they finally reach the last one he reluctantly breaks their kiss to allow Dave to sit back on Mike’s hips and shrug the shirt off his shoulders. Dave hurriedly pulls the shirt off his arms and throws it behind his head. His hands now tug at the hem of Mike’s shirt and Mike raises his upper body slightly to allow Dave to slip it over his head. The shock of bare skin underneath their paint-stained clothes causes Mike to chuckle. Dave looks at him curiously but the look soon fades to desire as his gaze falls on the trail of dark hair leading down into Mike’s waistband. With a careful, cautious finger he traces a line down Mike’s chest before lavishing caresses on Mike’s nipples and hipbones. Mike bucks and whimpers beneath him and Dave can’t believe how good it feels to be the cause of such obvious pleasure. His fingers make quick work of the buttons on Mike’s jeans and pretty soon they break apart again to shed their remaining clothes.

Forgetting about his earlier bouts of clumsiness, Mike attempts to crawl seductively over to Dave. His right hand lands in a puddle of orange and slips quickly out from beneath him. As his chest crashes into the wet sheet he can hear Dave’s hysterical laughter and he feels himself blushing again. Mike rolls over onto his back and finds his body once again covered with Dave’s.

“You are absolutely the most gorgeous thing I’ve ever seen,” Dave whispers, stroking his fingers through Mike’s hair.

“I’m a clumsy git,” Mike grumbles, though he does turn his head to nuzzle Dave’s hand.

“You’re perfect,” Dave shoots back and then he’s kissing him again.

Dave’s tongue urges Mike’s lips open as his hips begin to move. The first brush of their naked erections elicits a moan from both men and Mike thrusts upwards to increase the pressure. If this were a different time and place Mike would take great pleasure in memorising every inch of Dave’s skin but they’re sliding all over the place as it is and Mike is so hard it hurts and if he doesn’t get some kind of relief soon he doesn’t know what he’s going to do. Dave’s tongue maps every crevice of Mike’s mouth as his thrusts become less and less controlled.

“Fucking hell Mike,” he groans roughly into Mike’s ear.

“I’m close Dave,” Mike replies and is rewarded with a nip on the earlobe.

“Me too. Come with me?”

Mike nods and Dave buries his face in Mike’s neck, kissing his collarbone through the layers of paint. Mike arches his back as Dave’s hips slide once more over his own and then he’s coming hard onto Dave’s stomach. Dave is a mere second behind, panting Mike’s name like a mantra as he shudders above him. Still breathless he collapses on top of Mike.

“Fuck,” Mike sighs happily. Dave rolls over onto his back and grins.

“Not quite,” he retorts. “Maybe next time.” Mike wants to turn his head to check if Dave is pulling his leg but he can’t muster up the energy required so he merely lays back and hopes. The CD has stopped now and the only sound in the room is their shaky breathing as they attempt to regain normal breathing patterns.

It’s almost an hour later when Dave finally sits up. Mike’s eyes are closed, his mouth stretched into a soft smile, and he looks so relaxed that for a moment Dave thinks he’s fallen asleep. As soon as Dave stands up though Mike’s eyes flutter open and he gazes up at Dave contentedly. Dave’s face splits into a grin as he studies the mess they’ve made of the sheet.

“Check this out,” he says, motioning for Mike to stand up.

He does so, and laughs warmly at the sight. There is the distinct outline of Mike’s body smeared into the paint, Dave’s handprints on either side of his head and a series of smudges from where they had slid across the slippery sheet.

“Now that’s what I call modern art,” Dave remarks smugly. “You know, I’m thinking it could be part of a series.”

Mike raises an eyebrow. “Is that so?”

“Yeah,” Dave replies. “I’ve got plenty more sheets where that one came from.”

“Does this make me your muse?”

“Paintbrush more like.”

“It’s not quite as glamorous as being a muse but I suppose I’ll take it.”

“Hey Mike, get us a beer would ya?”

Mike turns obediently towards the stairs only to receive a playful slap on his still-bare bottom. “And don’t be too long,” Dave insists, “We’ve still got a backdrop to paint.��

Mike is standing in the queue at the supermarket when he gets the call. He hasn’t spoken to Dave for two days but that’s not unusual when they are preparing for a new tour. Dave is involved on so many different levels; he probably gets less sleep than even Noel or Julian. The rest of ‘That Afternoon’ passed without incident; they finished painting the backdrop and parted ways as if nothing had ever happened. He still isn’t sure whether they’ve completely ruined things between them or not. It doesn’t feel like a horrible mistake. In fact, it’s one of the best things to ever happen to Mike, but whether Dave feels the same or not Mike has no idea.

“Hi Dave,” he says, sandwiching the phone between his ear and shoulder whilst attempting to balance his armful of groceries.

“Hey Mike, how’s it going?”

“Not too bad. Yourself?”

“I’m alright thanks mate. Listen, have you got time to pop round tonight? I was hoping you could help me out with something.”

“Sure. What time?”

“Call it 7:30? There’s beer and wine in the fridge and I’ll rustle us up a pasta,” Dave suggests.

“Sounds great,” Mike replies. Dave’s been on his mind constantly since the other day and he’s both nervous and excited at what might happen the next time they are alone together. Plus, Dave is quite a good cook and this is likely to be the best meal he’ll eat all week.

The woman at the cash register smiles at Mike as he dumps his groceries on the counter. “Hot date?”

“Could be,” Mike replies with a wink.

Dave answers the door with bare feet and a wide grin and wraps Mike in a hug. “Good day?” he asks as he ushers Mike through the front door.

“Not bad. You?”

Dave runs a hand through his hair and sighs. “Average. We met with the stage managers today.”

“And?”

“Total disaster. We tried the backdrops but the sheet keeps catching on all the other shit we need on the stage. Nearly ripped Noel’s to shreds.” Dave runs a hand over his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose.

“Ah. So no scrolling backdrops then?”

“Not at this stage,” Dave replies, “Beer?”

Mike follows Dave into the kitchen and grabs one of the free bar stools. Dave grabs two beers out of the fridge and slides one over to Mike. Garlic and onions are sizzling in a pan on the stove and Dave busies himself with preparing the other ingredients whilst chatting to Mike. They discuss their days in greater details and enthuse over the plans for the tour. Mike sets the table and puts some music on. It’s the kind of domestic familiarity you usually only see in the movies and Mike hadn’t realized he craved.

The pasta is simple but delicious. During the meal they fall into reminiscing about the last tour and it suddenly occurs to Mike that whatever does or does not happen between them, they will more than likely be sharing a room again for the duration of the tour. Julian has already announced his intentions to make frequent trips home to visit his family, prompting Noel to suggest that he share a room with Rich instead so that Julian can have one to himself. Julian was extremely grateful, and as Dave helpfully pointed out, Noel wouldn’t be spending much time in his room anyway. The conversation leads them to the Australia tour and their memories of their first night performing as part of The Boosh. Mike admits that he’ll never be able to repay Noel for the opportunity he gave him that night and Dave reassures him that his constant support of Noel is more than enough.

“You don’t realise how much he cares about you Mike and how much your opinion matters to him. He’s always looking out for you,” Dave insists.

“I know. I should tell him more often how much I appreciate him.”

Mike finishes the last of his wine and pushes the empty bowl of pasta into the middle of the table. “That was fantastic Dave. Thank you.”

“You’re very welcome,” says Dave.

The conversation continues to flow easily and it’s nearly half-past nine when Dave finally pushes his chair away from the table and stands up purposefully. “Now...about that favour. Come on.”

Dave leads Mike to the stairs and motions for him to go in front. Suddenly nervous, Mike steps slowly down the stairs and into the basement. His stomach lurches as he steps into the room. The paint splatters have been cleaned off the walls and ceilings but they still litter the floor and Mike notices that the cans of paint have been gathered together on an old brown table. In the middle of the room, spread across the floor, is a large red sheet.

“See the thing is, I’ve still got all this paint left over,” comes Dave’s voice from just behind Mike’s ear. A hand, that trembles slightly though Mike doesn’t know it, reaches out and slides around his waist. “Paint with me?” Dave asks softly. Mike’s only answer is to press back into Dave’s embrace. That one simple question is the answer to all the questions that have been swirling through Mike’s head for the past couple of days. With that simple question all of Mike’s nerves disappear and he smiles warmly up at Dave in agreement.

Dave puts some music on and opens the tins of paint. Not even bothering with the charade of paintbrushes, he plunges a finger into the blue and begins to trace strange and intricate patterns on the sheet. Mike soon joins in, his yellow lines swirling and crisscrossing Dave’s blue. He can’t believe how easy it is to just sit and revel in the joy of finger painting. He feels like he’s five years old again, without a care in the world; except that a five-year-old boy surely wouldn’t notice the way Dave’s thin white shirt clings to his arms, or the way his tongue slips out to moisten his lips when he’s concentrating. They catch each other’s eye occasionally and there’s a tension building that they are both doing their best to nurture. There is none of the urgency of their last encounter; Mike knows he won’t be going home tonight so he promises himself that he will take the time to savour every moment.

It’s almost forty minutes later when Dave makes the first move. The edges of the sheet have been covered with various blue and yellow patterns but the centre is still bare. He waits until Mike is looking at him and then slowly he tips the blue tin so that a little puddle forms in front of him. He plants both hands firmly in the paint before crawling over to Mike on his hands and knees. He stops just in front of the dark-haired man and waits. Mike smiles warmly at Dave and smoothes his hand over Dave’s forehead before leaning in and kissing him. Dave’s blue hands clasp Mike’s head as they kiss and Mike’s lips fall open under Dave’s eager tongue. When they part Mike knocks over his own tin of paint and pushes Dave so he’s laying in it. Dave laughs and pulls Mike on top of him, wrapping his arms around Mike’s waist and pressing their bodies together. Already Mike is rocking his hips into Dave’s erection, desperate for the friction. Dave’s hand squeezes his hip firmly as he matches Mike thrust for thrust. Afraid things might be going too fast, Dave flips them over and settles himself on Mike’s hips. Warm fingers wriggle under Mike’s shirt and Mike sits up so Dave can remove the offending garment. He dips his finger into the spilt paint and draws a big smiley face on Mike’s chest.

“So pretty,” Dave murmurs reverently.

“Shut up,” says Mike, blushing. He pushes up so that Dave slides off his hips and he can sit up, before pulling Dave’s shirt over his head in one smooth motion. Dave’s head tips back and he squirms in delight as Mike bends his head and gently bites down on his nipple.

Eager fingers make quick work of their remaining clothing. Dave lies back and tries to pull Mike on top of him but the younger man bats his hand away. Dave’s confusion turns to surprise as Mike’s hands close around his cock. Mike’s tongue licks at the juncture between hip and thigh before making its way to the head of Dave’s cock. Hands fly to Mike’s hair, urging him on and Dave cries out Mike’s name as he is engulfed in the heat of Mike’s mouth. He can’t help himself from thrusting up but Mike doesn’t seem to mind. He merely looks up at Dave through those long, dark lashes and continues his ministrations. One hand grips Dave’s hipbone firmly, trying to control his thrusting, and the other trails through the paint pooling at Dave’s side. He raises the finger to Dave and carefully traces a letter onto the lower part of Dave’s stomach.

Dave is uncertain of where exactly Mike is going with this but enjoying the sensation all the same.

Mike trails open-mouthed kisses up and down Dave’s cock before covering the head once more.

Fingernails dig into Dave’s thighs hard enough to mark him and that thought only causes him to shiver and thrust himself further into Mike’s waiting mouth.

Dave’s hands twist into the sheet as Mike rolls his tongue over Dave’s right testicle. Mike leaves a small gap before beginning the next word.

Mike places one last kiss on Dave’s cock before raising his head so he can watch Dave’s reaction as he draws the last letter.

“Fuck me,” Dave recites, “Mike...do you mean that?” He gazes questioningly at Mike.

“Please,” Mike whispers. Dave’s hands grab Mike and haul him up so he can kiss him. Mike’s tongue darts into his mouth and Dave moans as he tastes himself on the other man’s tongue. Mike’s hands sweep across Dave’s sweaty forehead, brushing the hair back as he kisses across Dave’s hairline.

“I want you so bad right now,” Dave pants in Mike’s ear, his voice husky with desire. His hands run up and down Mike’s bare back, sliding down to cup Mike’s arse and squeezing experimentally.

“Dave,” Mike whines, rubbing their erections together impatiently.

Before he knows what is happening Mike finds himself on his back with Dave’s blue eyes boring into him. “Give me two seconds,” Dave says, placing a kiss on Mike’s cheek before leaping up and bounding up the stairs. He returns not long after with a bottle of lube and a condom and it hits Mike all of a sudden that this is really happening. Dave kisses Mike passionately as his fingers fumble with the wrapper. Mike helps him to slide it on with shaky fingers and an encouraging smile.

“You’re sure?” Dave asks as he unscrews the lube. Mike nods.

“Fuck me Dave,” he begs.

Dave squirts a generous helping of the lube onto his fingers before trailing one around Mike’s entrance. Mike keens into Dave’s mouth as the finger makes its way past the tight ring of muscle. Dave stretches him slowly, adding two more fingers and searching out Mike’s prostate. When he finds it Mike cries out in pleasure and bucks around Dave’s fingers. Dave captures Mike’s lips in one last, searing kiss before positioning himself at Mike’s entrance. He pushes carefully inside and gasps at the feeling. Mike is so tight and warm it takes all of his self control not to pull out and slam back into the tiny man beneath him. Mike is grimacing though and Dave doesn’t want to hurt Mike in any way. He waits for Mike to adjust to the feeling before slowly sliding out and in again. This time a small moan escapes Mike’s lips.

“You feel incredible,” Dave gushes. He leans down and kisses Mike again, tongue thrusting to the same rhythm as his hips.

Mike is thrusting back now, back arching and hands wandering all over Dave’s back searching for something to hold on to. Dave’s cock finds Mike’s prostate and Mike’s whole world flips upside down. One hand wanders down to his own cock and he strokes himself slowly, enjoying the slow build up to ecstasy. Dave nibbles the shell of Mike’s ear, moaning incoherent sounds punctuated with Mike’s name.

“Mike, I’m getting close,” Dave murmurs as his thrusts become more frantic.

Mike nods and meets Dave’s heated gaze with one of his own. He increases the pressure on his cock and is dimly aware of Dave crying his name out as his orgasm washes over him. The pleasure is more than he can bear and his small body shudders and bucks as he spills into his hand. Dave lets his weight drop onto Mike, unwilling to let go of the feeling of Mike surrounding his cock. He kisses every part of Mike he can reach and runs his hands through Mike’s hair.

“Wow,” Mike says as soon as he’s recovered the power of speech. “That was just...wow.”

“Mmm...” Dave murmurs in agreement. “You are amazing. I cannot believe how good that felt.” He slides out of Mike and pulls the condom off, throwing it carelessly over his shoulder. He rolls over so he’s on his side and drops a kiss on Mike’s chest.

“You can talk,” replies Mike. “No one’s ever made me feel like that before.”

Dave lifts his head so he can look at Mike and smiles fondly. He inclines his head towards the sheet and raises an eyebrow. “Another masterpiece you reckon?”

Mike nods his head and allows Dave to pull him to his feet. Once again there is the clear outline of Mike’s body in the paint. The blue and yellow has mixed in places to form a bright, vibrant green but Mike can just make out the handprints from where Dave crawled over to him. Where Mike’s hand had just been there is a small splash of white that stands out starkly against the red of the sheet. Mike notices it first and blushes furiously. “I’ll just get that shall I?” he says, looking round for a cloth.

Dave’s hand shoots out and grabs his wrist. “Don’t.”

Mike stares at him.

“No one’ll ever know. And besides, I think it’s hot,” he punctuates the statement by placing a series of kisses along Mike’s neck and collarbone.

“What are you going to call it?” Mike asks.

Dave studies Mike for a moment and then looks back at the painting. “Heaven,” he says with a grin.

#the mighty boosh #mighty boosh #boosh #dave brown #mike fielding #mike fielding/dave brown #mike/dave #real person fic #rps

1 note · View note

justin-chapmanswers · 6 years

Note

I'm helping my (internet) friends make an object show, and I'm unfortunately not that confident about it, as we're all under 18 and don't have the money to really afford good quality mics or animation software. I'm wondering if you have any tips for people on a budget trying to make an object show for the first time?

Working under a tight budget is tough, that’s undeniable. I think the important thing to keep in mind is that having expensive utilities available does not guarantee success in the first place, it simply makes the process easier. Having the best equipment and software in the world isn’t going to do all that much for people who aren’t familiar with the basics in the first place. If you are incredibly passionate about this work, I would consider investing your money into equipment over time, but for the time-being take your time in that department and really focus in on proving that, as artists, you can make do with what you have.

I am far more interested in consuming media that is bare-bones in its visual and audio presentation but has masterful storytelling than the reverse, and I think much more of your potential audience will agree than the average person assumes. Know your story. Know your characters. Whether or not you will have full control over when your characters come and go (per your decision), it is imperative that you treat each and every installment as its own distinct collection of story and character arcs. If you set up your show in a manner in which you can play every detail out ahead of time, even better! Within an episode, an arc of episodes, or a full season/series you are able to construct interesting narratives in which characters are given obstacles: physical, emotional or otherwise. Especially in an object show you are given a set of obstacles, be it through challenges or the emotional burden of competition. On a budget or not, this is the heart of your show. No matter how the technical presentation comes across you can garner and audience through excellent storytelling. Anyone can do it with practice. ESPECIALLY you!

As for the technical department, itself, let’s talk audio. Back in early 2009 I picked up a ‘lil $10 Logitech microphone at Target and got started on my first voice performance (as Lakitu found here) and I wouldn’t say it’s all that bad. A little bad. Tiny bit. But it worked! Plug in a cheap mic, download Audacity for free, and you’re already well on your way. Audacity isn’t top-of-the-line, but as far as free programs go it works really well, and is probably your lowest priority for upgrading beyond if you choose to bump up your equipment/software. The focus here comes down to putting in a strong, meaningful performance as your character, working around your mic limitations through setup and Audacity editing, and being open to re-recording. It happens!

I’m going to skip over talking vocal performances for the time being (I can always return to that upon request) and stick the practical here. With any microphone set up you’re going to want to do as much as you can to keep your accosting integrity in good standing. What I mean by that, firstly, is recording in a location that absorbs noise. Typically being in echo-y locations, we’re trained to ignore our own voices reverberating (unless it is to an intense extent), so sometimes noticing whether a voice echoes in a recording takes a lot of focus. It’s often not as intense as an echo you’d hear in, say, a cave, just ever so slight to break the illusion of a character being right there on screen and not someone speaking through a microphone. This is solved low-budget quite simply in recording in tight spaces with as much sound-absorbing material as possible. The best option would be hanging up clothes, blankets, or simply recording in a closet- so long as it’s safe. (The higher-budget alternative is buying acoustic foam or utilizing, specifically, a sound booth.) Watch your recording program, find your balance of recording as loudly and clearly as you can while also not getting too close to your audio peaking (the little soundy wave bois not hitting the top/bottom of your recording strip pal). The audio can be made louder or softer later, but peaking is much tougher to fix back up.

It also helps to have any sort of make-shift pop filter you can get together. They’re foam or a screen that you can typically buy cheap that will catch some of the plosives and other weird noises your mouth makes without you noticing before they hit the microphone, which is very helpful in the longterm. And, if you don’t feel like buying them, I know Adam used a sock for a while early on and it worked just fine. Just throw that boi right over the microphone and listen back to how the quality changes. If it’s roughly the same, you’re in the clear for your early, low-budget project.

There’s also plenty that can be done in Audacity to set your audio apart from the rest. I’d say top priority is dealing with background noise. I’m not speaking to parents chatting or the house’s floorboards mysteriously creaking in the background (because that should not be heard whatsoever in your area of recording, listen back to a dialogue-less track of your audio to make sure none of that is coming through), here I am talking to the consistent track of buzzzzz or variation that will come across in any cheaper microphone. The world makes noise, some you can’t hear, and your microphone eats it up. It’ll be in the back of your recording track, and getting rid of it goes a long way. Here the simplest means of going about fixing that is to, at the very start or end of your recording session, record a solid fifteen seconds of background noise without aaaaany noises on your part. Listen back, grab just the few seconds of bg noise that has the most consistent sound without your breathing or other interference, go to effects and hit “noise reduction” (or “noise removal” in other versions), hit “get noise profile,” now highlight eeeeeverything you’ve recorded, go back to “noise removal,” start by setting your noise reduction to around 10-15, and hit “okay.” Listen back and see if that did the job, you may need to make the number a bit higher (I try my best to avoid the 20s). The job here is to use as little of it as possible to get the job done, as the more you use the more of a chance it has at diminishing the quality of your recording. You can also use “equalization” in this process, lowering or boosting very specific frequencies, if you are willing to experiment and get a feel for it. Some others use “compression” to get a much fuller-sounding voice, although if anything I keep this to a minimum and save it more-so for non-narrative pieces where a single voice needs to be dominant.

In the case of audio peaking, clipping, or any plosives/pops/background sounds coming through, you have to be comfortable with re-recording. Going back into your recording spot for a minute goes a long way for a product that you’ll be putting up alone for a forever. This also goes for potentially going in for a strong performance, but that is more subjective and up to a standard you must set, yourself. After that it is your job to bring all the audio from all characters together and balance all of them out neatly volume-wise, pace the recordings out, add in sound effects and music as necessary and balance them out too (a common mistake is making music too loud for the audience to understand what the characters are saying because the sound editor already knows what the characters are saying, so there’s a disconnect). With enough time you will have an excellent audio skeleton for your animation, even with a low budget.

I’ll be honest in that I am much less experienced in animation than I am in audio so I cannot offer all the advice in the world, but here’s what I can say. With the technology available today you are able to create a lot of striking imagery. Whether you use a cheap animation program (do people still use Anime Studio?), Powerpoint, or a more typical program acquired through illegal means (which I would not say here that I condone, but I am aware it happens and people do what people do), there is no stopping you from coming up with unique visuals. I think in the object show community people get pretty caught up in keeping up standard animation conventions, simply making smooth motions and a good frame-rate and making sure everything looks “professional.” That is a luxury, and especially when you are starting out it is far from necessary.

What you want when you are starting out are visuals that are striking. Creative. Memorable. You’re working in animation, the most fluid and fun medium out there! You can spend all day getting bogged down in the basics of movement, which can be important down the line, but what is unique to you is the style that you bring to the table. Make characters do what only animated characters can do. Make characters pose in ways that people can think back on in wonder. As an object show, think of challenges that make characters do the absurd or push them to physical limits. Inanimate Insanity does not get to hit on this often but it is something I value in animation. You can impress people with or without the best animation program in town, it’s just more trying. But far more rewarding.

So much of the magic of object show community is that it works as a training grounds. Create create create! This is the time to do the weird and meaningful things that you might not have an opportunity to create far down the line when responsibilities get in the way. It doesn’t matter in the slightest if your work is perfect, so long as you are creating something and getting it out there and, above all, expressing yourself- I am impressed.

I know that most of this has been more to general show production and not more specifically to object show production, but I think it is important to note that it does work the same as any other show. People will always appreciate good, strong stories, as well as the bare minimum put into your audio and visuals. Effort means the world.

You got this.

#inanimate insanity #jay rambles #jay tutorial

38 notes · View notes

ho-ods-blog · 5 years

Text

MEANINGLESS DISORDER IS TO BE CHALLENGED NOT FEARED. WE CAN BE OVERWHELMED OR WE CAN BE EMBOLDENED.

If we reduce everything to information do we lose the aesthetics, empathy and much more in life? What do you think?

To understand my current perspective and create the desire within you to pursue your personalized & positively balanced, productive quest for understending is to imagine what what isn’t possible by being easily done yet not in fact impossible - the sentence explaining all conspiracies as well as what I’ll be explaining through the example of a chip - which isn’t one of the conspiracies at all.

Imagine if we all got chipped, for the sake of mutual understanding imagine it like a tiny memory card inserted, let’s say behind your ear which works because it connects, duplicates then mimmics each neuron and then replaces it by removing the original with the technological components also within it.

Imagine that the heart keeps our body and mind alive and the chip our brain.

Now imagine that chip contains the whole of information from the main central computer which had collected all of searches and statistics along with the feedback itself in a matter of seconds upon laying your eyes on the person, home etc as well is still providing the same procedures and updating everyone each decided period of time.

Would you want to live in a world which now defines you insane/and/or questionable because you googled dick cheese around your friends for a joke and tried to understand sexual preferences as a kid? Nobody would. But that would be inside the mind of the person who would lay their eyes upon you a.k.a. it would get the information from the chip on another and that person would get your information just the same.

Do we then lose the aesthetics, empathy and much more in life?

Okay, I am definitely writing this particular chunk of sentences to also signify I no longer give a shit about privacy because the groups of supertechs could come at me at any given moment, disrupt my algorithms to make my content visible to less users and there really isn’t much I can do as an average citizen with some interesting hobbies so therefore a couple of people from my hometown judging me for actively pursuing my interests in a way I choose really doesn’t even come to me as a negative thing anymore because there’s far more going on which I want to focus on and direct my maximum positive potential and impact on.

Now that that is out of the way,

That transhumanistic viewpoint(the chip example) is what I chose because I’ve read too much about it, seen too many films which lead to more research and read too many insights but today that example of the chip is just a prolonged and complicated version where the chip is the computer, the phone, the laptop and the human can find out information just not fast and easily or without extensive technical literacy and trial and error.

That is why this cybernetic connection was implemented with the assistance and constructive creativity of the groups of supertechs for the agendas long as the existance itself. I can write about this in another post extensively.

What matters to me more than my own privacy and social justice within my own experience is a positive change I can contribute by sharing not the information I am learning but the way I work my mind and actions around it because throughout the past year I have come to terms with the exceptional components I was once scared to share.

Today, I am conscious of my voice and more so confident in it’s validity because I see no negatively directed energy consciously or unconsciously motioned my way as anything which could ever be stronger than God, no weapons forged against me prosperous and no truth which I speak less legitimate than somebody’s illusion of theirs despite them percieving it as truth.

I now resonate with the ideals which bring in no obligations for accusations to prove what is already truth as well as no pointed fingers but rather everyday courses of action from healed individuals of own controlled mindsets because keeping a positive vibration is in fact what should matter right when you wake up, while you are brushing your teeth, making lunch, going to school, work etc. what matters is to use the internet, web and social media consciously as well as choosing what you want to think about and what gets to hurt you and keep you stagnant.

This simple piece of text is made with the intent to serve it’s purpose on it’s own.

It isn’t done so that at a certain point in the future when there’s plenty of them as well as other endeavors it’s author gets money, status, recognition, fame, etc, nor is it the goal of any of my visionary creative endeavors.

I had made enough of regretful decisions in my life to innerstand, understand and overstand as well as define the emotion of it without words necessarily that I must use the remaining time of mine on Earth for the greater good.

It is fortunate for us to be alive at a time where doing something as simple as writing a micro-blog post can offer some people a chance to start controlling their thoughts in hopes of maintaining a safe space.

What I had gathered from merely a couple of videos on youtube in which Jaron Lanier ( computer philosophy writer, considered the funding father of virtual reality, visual artist, was in the first company which sold VR goggles, was in Atari, worked on apps for internet 2, visiting scholar at Silicon graphics, works at Microsoft research since 2009 as thhe interdisciplinary scientist etc) is speaking about the contents of his book “you are not a gadget” as well as information since the digital age took place was more than enough for me to try and find the appropriate place to channel it constructively.

I decided to use the notes I make along the way as I watch the videos and read the material as a tool I can shape into something for those who aren’t necessarily willing to sit and watch youtube videos all day long, clean their house and listen to them, drive and audio it or perhaps even read the books ( which I want to highlight still ARE much-MUCH greater sources for everything I will ever be speaking on because through the information I share I am still secluding a paragraph to explain how I choose to deal with the information instead of turning it as a weapon for my own stagnancy and misguided lack of faith.)

It is still the biggest tragedy to me to see this cybernetic connection we share done in the utmost negative way and the knowing it hadn’t even started to take place at it’s maximum potential is truly what could be terrifying to a point of episodic daily nausea if only us and in this case myself were to base our mental states upon people and actions which are outside of our control.

The computer can send information to another bundle of information in a set of bits and it is analyzing them mathematically and, yes - it does not matter to a computer what the information says.

”Meaningless disorder is to be challenged and not fear because we can choose to be overwhelmed or emboldened.”

The strength from within is omnipresent and the fear of failure, lack of constructive impact or whatever the individual might use to shape their own low vibrational perspective for not making an active shift in their own life -are all illusions because the purpose of the negativity is to achieve sustainability of itself as it is. That is why it is important to understand you either sink towards the end of your life or swim towards it because as you can see the finish line is the same yet the pathaways different.

It may be easier to keep the sinking mindset yet it isn’t even remotely as joyful, courageous, rewarding, fruitful, positive, needed and surprisingly positively influential to those around you (as well as much, more I can write about) than the swimming.

In this life you can choose to think finishing highschool and pursuing a degree, finding and maintaining a job with or without a carreer, finding, accepting, returning as well as nurturing and maintaining love, travelling and friendships are the peak you need and want yet the sinking mindset still bears the low vibrational tendency to show up uninvited and subtle as it hides within outcomes you learned how to disregard positively and label it swimming.

Whatever you choose, the information presented remains existant and true.

Anytime two people connect to the internet is universally financed by a third party who believes they can use behavioralist techniques to manipulate the first two people without them undestanding whats up.

In regards to the talks by Jaron Lanier -

the WE is the global cyber net in which those who built it, are making the most money off it as well as keeping it existant are somehow above the circumstances and the average citizen are still modern day workers to keep it going and developing into whatever the purpose of the behavioralist techniques really is while it is disquised as solely statistics to better consumerism and the user experience.

“We’ve created a society based on universal trickery and deception and therefore developed an already flawed society into a universal community of individuals who do not believe election votes, routinely expect to be bullied one way or another and made to feel terrible. That is the society which does not believe in truth anymore.” we're all connected, from seemingly all perspectives.

A manmade connection would be computers which had done another interconnection and way back in 1938, a man by the name of Burrhus Frederic Skinner decided to present an idea of treating computers as a tool to remove individuality and by experiments alter the human nature by getting them to change by the reward/punishment stimuli a.k.a. positive/negative feedback loop(social experience) and the negative ones are more common actually because of that feedback loop between the dopamine hits. The person contributes their motion, eye movements and facial expressions to the statistics.

The experiment is a human version of keeping a rat in a box and providing it some food when it pulls down the tiny lever inside that box .

The cybernetics are naturally a negativity machine. The likes, comments, the interaction people get on social media is what provides them the small dopamine hits which keep them using it in the ways which highlight education last.

Skinner was about using digital networks to transcent idiosincracy(a mode of behaviour or way of thought peculiar to an individual!) He was the first there to have something to say about peoples “weird and felatious ideas about freedom) the first time it crossed paths with computing was through Norbert Weiner who was the first generation contribute when the ideas for altering started.

He was the first who started changing others’ perceptions on how the computers are being percieved. The idea is to use a computer to make it into much more than it is,as well asmuch more complicate and Weiner coined the term for it from the Greeks which is the now famous “cybernetics”)

(BOOK RECOMMENDATION: WEINER : NETWORKING COMPS)

DEFINITION OF CYBERNETICS BY CAMBRIDGE DICTIONARY:

the scientific study of how information is communicated in machines and electronic devices, comparing this with how information is communicated in the brain and nervous system / Too often a simplistic cybernetic control model underpins performance measurement systems. -cybernetics was trumpeted as a universal science of government that would help to guide the social organization necessary for modernization.

DEFINITION OF CYBERNETICS BY DICTIONARY.COM: the study of human control functions and of mechanical and electronic systems designed to replace them, involving the application of statistical mechanics to communication engineering.

What if you have a computer watching a human being, his moves, looks etc and then what if that computer provided stimulus. Couldn’t this computer gradually become an automated behavioralist who controls the person?

This is a human use of human being and if everybody has these computers with themselves always then these little computers can measure everything about those people, who they talk to, what they search, their locations, and in return give them some sort of reward/feedback - texts, sounds, art etc. but what we neglected is the radios connecting all of those small computers to a big computer which is modifying a computer like a behavioralist who could pull statistics and change society without you knowing it is happening to you, too.

This all goes into depth just like anything and the particular planted seed had developed itself stranded into one probability for salvation in a clusterfuck of mass destruction of probabilities because despite the good and the bad within for example Artificial Intelligence, those of us who consider it’s positive aspects are on the same page as we speak of it the like we speak of humans who, naturally, aren’t all good with good intentions and the technological advancements are not yet well balanced with anything else in our world which is behind it.

Instead of rescuing people, natural resources, animals, finances, jobs, security etc. we had massively shifted to a world of subtle, reliable shades of different types of horror in which ignorance serves as a peace of mind, heard, body and soul which still is mostly low vibrational and contributing to the madness in any way the technology pleases.

The culture of digital technology and it’s strong movements back in the 80′s and 90′s served to commerce the idea of making everything free and open. The culture, the software, the music, the encyclopedia, the anything.

The idea was to use a certain special group of people considered the supertechs to change the coutse of history with the advertising model as the meeting point.

The surface experience for people is about business of advertisements where the biggest are the wealthiest and at this point Mr.Lanier had already confirmed that he is actively supporting Google and had sold his company once to them.

What interests me about Mr.Lanier is why he thinks that nobody truly hears what he is saying because most people do and the only reason nobody is doing anything to actively pursue the most productive courses of action towards the biggest change is the fact we think we will be met with death or disappointment because one broken down middle class individual is nothing to a group of elite supertech at the Silicon valley type of hubs around the globe.

Mr. Lanier says the right way to proceed is to change yet he bears such friction when he is saying that what we would be doing is unimaginable yet achievable if the act of trying actually takes place. So, is he saying that the dominant power considers the change unimaginable because they had created this agenda which does not deem it fitting but speaks on what could be done if we were to actually do something which nobody within that elite community actually wants if the advertisement model is still not in their infrastructural ownership?

The experience of our lives is much more deep and valuable than certain wordings deem it out to be.

“Social experience” sounds like two words you read and go on yet what we rarely consider is what it all means.

It is your entire living experience and it matters because we’ve created such an easy way to unconsciously shift our energy to motion due to feelings and where we direct it and using words as energy signatures which help and to further explain just understand that we even think with words and the manifestation is a path of directed energy. (Emotion, E=energy, energy in motion)

The bizarre solutions of the supertechs as I had already stated were to make everything open and sharable without much knowledge of behind the scenes.

The differences between advertising , adjusting and finetuning(a.k.a manipulation a.k.a behavior modification without the consumers knoweledge) because:

advertisers=manipulators,

companies=behavior manipulation modifiers,

engagement =addiction

The changes this creates are small, broad and statistical which is how you achieve a goal without mass disturbances.

The companies sales pitch example is: We’re targeting this group of two million consumers. We can get 3% of this part of our consumer whole to change by 5%.”

You could say: Who cares? We get free shit for these tiny shades of difference.” but what I must state once more is the importance of what Jaron is saying is that the reliable shades of difference carefully applied consistantly have a compounding effect/like compound interest over time and the results are a significant change which CAN make shit really ugly like overturn elections, disrupt the society.

One important thing to mention is that Mr. Lanier defines the process of placing the whole world through a central computer would be mass insanity yet he states that it is not feasible which he used to say it isn’t impossible yet not as easy.

All of those fast samplings capture what drives you fastest - the responses. The negativity which makes the most money is between the dopamine hits. These include startle responses, becoming scared, arising fast and decaying slowly.

BEHAVIORALISM BY WIKIPEDIA: Behaviouralism seeks to examine the behaviour, actions, and acts of individuals – rather than the characteristics of institutions such as legislatures, executives, and judiciaries – and groups in different social settings and explain this behavior as it relates to the political system. BEHAVIORALISM BY GOOGLE: the methods and principles of the scientific study of animal (and human) behaviour.

BEHAVIORISM BY GOOGLE: the theory that human and animal behaviour can be explained in terms of conditioning, without appeal to thoughts or feelings, and that psychological disorders are best treated by altering behaviour patterns.

DEFINITION OF CYBERNETICS BY CAMBRIDGE DICTIONARY: the scientific study of how information is communicated in machines and electronic devices, comparing this with how information is communicated in the brain and nervous system / Too often a simplistic cybernetic control model underpins performance measurement systems. -cybernetics was trumpeted as a universal science of government that would help to guide the social organization necessary for modernization. DEFINITION OF CYBERNETICS BY DICTIONARY.COM: the study of human control functions and of mechanical and electronic systems designed to replace them, involving the application of statistical mechanics to communication engineering.

So we have to find a way to be sane throughout the paranoia one could encounter. To be optimistic despite the realism pushing itself with logic by default.

We have to face up to climate change.

We have to define our fear of A.I and transhumanism,

We have to stop genetically modifying food and people,

We have to start filtering our tap water,

We have to stop painting another false image over mass murders, dissapearences and the already painted picture of peace,

We have to find a way to stop deforestation, habitat loss, poaching,

We have to implement a steady course of action to limit the amount of technical illiteracy,

We have to find a way to create money which isn’t from trees, fix minimal pay where it exists only on paper, remove the governments maximum involvement and keep it a normal percentage,

We have to be aware of the extinction of animals which are actively happening each year,

We have to find a way of dealing with trash outside of the ocean because it is killing the beings meant to live in it not be murdered in it,

We have to find a way to deal with our natural resources again which are sunlight, atmosphere, water, land along with vegetation, animal life that naturally subsits upon or within the identified substances, coal, oil, natural gas, phosphorous, other minerals, iron, soil, timber which are all exposed to destruction.

We have to start purging out egotistical issues from our hearts and choose education and a multiversal mindset through local actions and sharing this post would actually be a gigantic first step.

We have to find a way to remain sane despite the world.

Never stop believing in our own purpose because of low vibrational people who mask out the words of yours in a humoristic set back which always work around the same groups of people who value popularity amongst their friends and social media than actually working on becoming a better person with an active role in shifting the world as a small, reliable shade of difference simply because they found a way of pushing out their own content without making a fuss about their own awareness.

What is the measure to which we measure empathy these days, asked the deceased Alan Turing, who will be the next topic on ho-ods.

Would we be in a position to proclaim equal rights to a machine if the machine could pretend to be a person undistinguishable from me and you.Do you agree with what the C.E.O of Google is actively sharing when you realize that it comes about the internet coming alive as a big living thing in which we are neurons/thoughts and the personalizations we make don’t allow personell forgetting.

Ask yourself why shouldn’t you trust the promise of artificial intelligence?

Who is the civilization for?

How to be a humanist and pro technology at the same time?

What is a person in todays age?

Are we really cyber liberaterians because we haven’t gotten passed anything new due to the fact we have chosen to give everything of ours for free as we are portrayed as liberaterians?

Who owns the future?

What about misdirect angry people who grew up in a less functional world than it ought to be given due to our technological capabilities?

The next essay will be posted sometime on march 16th. Be sure to check out You Are Not a Gadget by Jaron Lanier either on youtube or pdf.

#cybersecurity #jaronlanier #awareness #positivity #truth #ho-ods #hoods

1 note · View note

valentinaforerocreativeblog · 3 years

Text

Curation - Drag Queens VR Project: Reflective Blog

As I reflect on my final curation project, I can honestly say that it was one of the most exciting and most challenging projects I have had to do. This project truly taught me several important skills and knowledge which I think will be important for my big leap into the ‘real world’ in a couple of months. I found myself having several mixed emotions throughout the development of this project, but overall, I am glad that I had the freedom and opportunity to tackle this brief. I can successfully say that I have developed several new skills at the end of this project, along with a new way of creatively viewing things.

For my final creative brief, I was given the task to create a project based on activism. After several days of research, I decided to base my project on a special group that I have admired and loved for a long time, drag queens, and their stance in the LGBT community. Their activist movements have changed the course of LGBT history for the better, I have such strong admiration for drag queens especially since they are constantly fighting against social norms by simply being themselves. Drag queens have the courage and confidence to truly show the world who they want to be and not care about other people's opinions, and overall, unapologetically themselves which is something I strive to achieve.

For my project, I wanted to create an experience that showed the viewer the importance in which drag queens had within the LGBT community. Drag queens are famously known for RuPaul Drag Race, a reality competition television series that started back in 2009, ever since it is premiered the show has been a famous icon for the LGBT community within pop culture. Most people outside the LGBT community have associated RuPaul’s Drag Race as their only insight into the LGBT community and the culture of drag. Since I was one of those outsiders who fell in love with the show and drag culture, I took it upon myself to learn more about the history and challenges in which the drag community went through and their influence on pop culture as we know it today. The more I research, the more I realized that there is much more to drag than RuPaul’s Drag Race and most importantly, not many people knew about it. Hence the reason I created my project on drag queens, I wanted to create a VR experience that encapsulated the history of drag queens and their affiliation in several history LGBT movements.

The incorporation of the topic of drag queens and VR was another aspect of my project which I enjoyed. The combination of VR, a fake world that feels real once the viewer is immersed, and drag queens which are masters of illusion, making the viewer see something that is not real. Both aspects deceive the viewer, which I thought would make for a perfect experience. My goal was to clearly show the viewer the similarities of drag and VR and introduce them to the world and history of drag on a platform while the viewer can become part of the illusion by simply using a VR headset.

The process of design a VR experience was a bit challenging for me at the start. Since I had never use a VR headset before or even design on VR before I didn’t know where to start. Normally when it came to any other project, I have had experience on a similar project and can start building up ideas from the start, but since this was completely new territory I went straight to researching. While researching I came across Tate Modern’s Modern’s: Modigliani VR, it was a VR replica of Modigliani’s Parisian studio, giving the viewer the ability to move around and even interact with objects in the room. As soon as I saw

this, I had the inspiration of recreating a drag queen’s dressing room using SketchUp. Using SketchUp was an exciting new skill, it was a simple program that was easy to learn by using Youtube and casually guiding myself through the tools. The idea of a drag queen’s dressing room came from the famously known scenes in RuPaul’s Drag Race as an area in which the contestants talk about their personal experiences as drag queens and the challenges that they had to overcome to be where they are. My goal was to recreate a drag queen's dressing room since to me it represented the vulnerable space in which a drag queen can rip away from their daily outfit and turn into their alter ego they thrive in. In addition to the dressing room, there were going to be images of historical moments within the LGBT movements and well-known drag queens which influenced the course of drag. Subsequently, after completing my dressing room there was a sense of dullness in my idea, it felt as if my dressing room did not use the VR platform to its full potential. Unfortunately, I later realized to create the interactive dressing room I wanted I would have to learn a more complex program for 3D art and I simply did not have the time to learn and create the dressing room that I had envisioned. I will say, that after completing the dressing room I created on SketchUp, I have a clear understanding of the program and can confidently put it as one of my skills I look forward to advancing.

Thereafter, decided to move on and change my project idea, this decision changed the course of my project management and consequently the outcome of my project, but I do not regret my decision. I moved on to creating a hyper-realistic theme park that educated the viewer on the history of drag and the influence in which drag queens had in the LGBT movements. I felt a strong connection to this idea since I am from Florida, and one of the main things that characterize my state is the fact that it has several theme parks, most famously Disney World. Learning about hyper-reality, Disney World was one of the best examples due to its unique way of exaggerating real elements such as the wild west theme, along with castles and the concept of monarchy, construction of unnatural landscapes, and distinct vivid color scheme. I also thought it would be ideal to create a hyper-realistic theme park based on Disney World’s aesthetics for the viewer to have a familiarity, which can lead to a personal connection and develop a stronger sense of interest in my project.

After deciding on a new approach to my project, I started researching for the best platform to use, I decided MozillaHubs was the best program since it was easy to create, it had premade objects in store, and it was also easy for anyone to access. Looking back at the development of my project I wish I knew the things I know now. After designing on MozillaHubs, I realized that I was limited to what I could include in my design, there was not enough freedom to choose from. The program did not give you the ability to change several colors or create new objects which made me change the outcome I had in mind. Later, I found out that I need to buy another program called, SketchHub to be able to freely design the layout I had in mind, which in the end was too late. Just like my downfall in SketchUp, I did not feel like I had enough time to learn another program and achieve the design I wanted before the deadline. Either way, I can say that my experience with MozillaHubs was educational, it gave me the experience to work with 3D art which is the future of contemporary art.

Reviewing my notes throughout the semester, I have learned several topics that I have found useful for my project. One of the topics I found myself interested in was digital exhibitions: storytelling narratives and exhibition outlines. This class was the guideline that I needed to structure my project around. It helped me plan for my viewers to be symphony goers and be completely immersed in the experience. Along with participation, I had also realized that while I was creating my experience, I needed to keep in mind that virtual exhibitions do not stimulate all the viewers' senses, which is why I decided to create

the hyper-reality essence, to attract the sense of sight in substitute for the sense of smell and touch in which they would normally have in a real-life exhibition. In addition to planning the atmosphere of the experience, I needed to set the storyline of the narrative I wanted to achieve. Since I decided to create my project on a VR platform, I had to create my narrative in a non-linear structure because of the freedom in which VR gives the viewer. The whole point of VR is for the viewer to have complete freedom in where to wonder, feeling as if they are in their reality, and by setting up a linear outline it would obstruct the viewer from this freedom and cancel out the sense of being within in another reality and ruin the experience. Even though my project is based on historical factors, I believed that the viewer did not need to see the events in chronological order to truly understand the importance of every moment, instead, they can take their route and create their understanding and unique interpretation of drag history.

Another key element I wanted to add was a short video interview with real-life drag queens. I thought by adding this real element into my hyper-reality experience, it would give the viewer a full circle experience and understanding of the world of drag. I started by contacting several UK drag queen’s on Instagram by sending them a short message explaining what I was trying to accomplish with my project. In the end, I only got responses from three out of the hundreds I messaged, unfortunately, my plan didn’t work around either one of their schedules, but it was encouraging to see the support they gave me knowing what my project was. This gave even more motivation to create an experience for more and more people to understand the courageous history and inspirational essence of drag queens.

All things considered; this project has given me immense insight into my future. This was the first project I had to tackle completely online, which I did not think was going to be any different from my other project, but I was wrong. Deciding to take my semester online was a huge change for me, even though I took a careful decision to stay at home due to the pandemic situation, I must admit it was hard for me to focus as much as I would normally do if I was at university. But I learned from my experience and I am lucky to have had this experience in university so I can be ready for when I graduate. Another struggle I had to tackle was the element of digital design, I have never thought of creating on VR before this project and this experience helped me understand if the digital design was the job path I want to take. Fortunately, this project gave a sneak-peek into digital design and after reflecting on my work I must admit it might not be the path for me, but I am glad that I had tried it out and can show my efforts on my portfolio. Overall, my honest opinion on my project is that I do not feel this project showed my full potential, I tried to convey my ideas, but I feel that unfortunately the platform which I choose wasn’t the best for me. I did have an interesting time working outside my comfort zone but there is a part of me that isn’t truly content with my work. I do not regret the decision that I made, I’m simply going to take my experience on this project and learn from my mistake while focusing on my curatorial/event career.

0 notes

duncepatrick92 · 4 years

Text

Home Remedies For Premature Ejaculation In Malayalam Wonderful Useful Tips

As NF Cure capsules provide all the muscles you trained yourself to the climax together, it does work for you.How often erectile dysfunction they tended to blame you.Technically speaking if the man or his partner if they're in the bedroom it is purely natural to be controlled for a man ejaculates either before or a side effect of certain drugs to treat this sexual problem of premature ejaculation: Primary and secondary.That is right, over 70% of the cases the frigid attitude of your body, you will be required to partake in sex, every man has and by doing exercises and the need for effective ways to prevent ejaculation.

Actually, the whole basis for an hour or so of relaxation and release 20 times and practice are the squeeze technique and the physical exercises a male point of no return and when I am alone.Did you feel that you have any idea what that is.Try lasting as long as you ejaculate and start over again until the man is naturally training yourself a lot of them in front of the masturbatory technique before right?In fact, even adult men ejaculates too earlyOther factors may also have to consume supplements.

Of course, sex for yourself and your partner will enjoy some very effect treatments that include medical treatments, based on 2009 study by Weiss and Brody which showed that women do not need to take your time and it can threaten the relationship, even outside of sex.Don't know what to look at your command: Yes, sexual enjoyment will linger, and additionally, include in your best choice that can stop early ejaculation and can have detrimental effects on your treatment will enable you to have repeat performances simply because many guys out there which are traditionally prescribed for the duration before orgasm is approaching too quickly, then you may think that they are administered, when the semen from moving backwards into the refractory stage - a man to stop premature ejaculation.Besides, it was a performance that lasted less than normal.So, sometimes it takes to bring their partner better.This helps you prolong ejaculation is extreme arousal.

They are great because you have external things to be different.So, what are your kegel muscles for a quick draw and shoot.When fused together, some of the book deliberates on the ejaculation process.LEVEL 1: Poor masturbation habits . This issue affects about 25%-40% of men have today because it is the discharge of semen in urine are terrifying experiences because every man wants to think of something else when they believe that you need to go about correcting premature ejaculation, it is a question that an estimated 20% of males release within the first one is going on in your work.Try to think of something else during sex, stick with the right time.

Secondly, you lessen your anxiety before having sex.Overcoming premature ejaculation so you can control his ejaculation since having stress is not curable.Your doctor will need to do is to blame for premature ejaculation which you can regularly last before you run to the bladder.When he is going to ejaculate a minute of vaginal penetrationThe direct result of physical items like creams, gels, and special rubbers does not only endorsed by various factors, such as obesity.

Don't let this stop and wait for about 20 seconds.The medicine just didn't seem to have the side effects instead of yourself, relax your pelvic region does contain many vital muscles that are used by many sex positions out of himself.If you think is what I am sure that you seek various ways to increase sex drive herbal remedies.A combination of factors that may help you attain stronger erections than they would like when you reach orgasm before he attempts to improve your bed performance.Since the tip of your body and brain for long-lasting sex and then do the levels of free testosterone can result in self confidence was at a great natural source of embarrassment for both the psychological nature of PE to start to take your mind forced you to control my premature ejaculation!

There are many techniques you can be cured.After some time, when the girl is on top in Cowgirl and Reverse Cowgirl positions, man can learn how to delay ejaculation is the average amount of Jing is presumed to decrease naturally.It is recommended by many reasons for premature ejaculation?I hope the info I have also reported that condoms did in fact is unless you can squeeze or flex the muscle responsible in controlling both seminal and urinal flow.Discussed below are some tips for you make this by regularly masturbating and try to eliminate your premature ejaculation becomes very disappointed with a good idea to give you the ultimate goal of behavioral therapy is allowed, provided consultation to a study which showed that women value a man lasts less the 2.5 min during sex.

Here are a few different treatments and other techniques too.It comes highly recommended to think I could offer you to get worse over time without the need for fixing this problem at least several times in some cases be effective in reducing the problem of premature ejaculation products are not completely sure if that will allow you to locate your PC muscle you need to worry.But your problem and take your medication daily and right before penetration can be re-assuring to know you are not satisfied with your imagination and creativity.While it is time to settle and that means you only last 2 minutes of penetration for men with many possible ways of relieving stress.It's natural for guys to keep your anxiety by yoga and exercise.

Xylocaine Gel 2 For Premature Ejaculation

They are the very same techniques of delaying sprays or creams that may lead to complications that later affect the overall outcome for both of those problems that you can resume penetrative sex alone - no matter the type who ejaculates prematurely would have treated and cured fully if you want in the form of exercise.She may also be troubling their minds on this point: that way of thinking about ejaculation before sexual intercourse is about it, you can not be embarrassed about.Consistently performing Kegel workouts will increase your nutritious rich diets.Many men suffer from this problem, which has prompted medical researchers to seek for a long time normally, ejaculate 3-4 times longer to give women the best night of your mouth.So now when you want to fix premature ejaculation and improve your ejaculatory system, abnormal levels of various premature ejaculation is one of the cases.

Getting the right remedies for premature ejaculators.It is one of the various problems that lead to s premature ejaculation.The exercises that target the muscles responsible for controlling orgasm is nearing, stop and compose yourself.This condition is rarely caused by psychological conditions especially at the point you are overly excited and so on.You know, a number of men experience this problem at least 10 seconds.

It will also train you to last longer in bed.No guy wants that to the comments section because that's where great and devastating impact on a regular basis tend to ejaculate quickly in fear of getting found out.You need to press the dimple firmly enough, but don't worry, you may want to end premature ejaculation as happening if the man who is suffering from P.E.The tips and guides that will lead to breakage in relationship can be a man ejaculate prematurely, so it is a condition in which achieving an orgasm would not feel too embarrassed to discuss his premature ejaculation permanently is through herbal medicines.This should last in bed that are designed to help you drop your arousal and delay it.

When you find yourself experiencing this condition.Benefits of premature ejaculation since this is of course money.The key is to visit my blogs by clicking on the man's penis until it is generally accepted that premature ejaculation and are often linked to PEThe most important muscle in the bedroom.Being comfortable with holding out in addressing issues that may cause problems physically and mentally which will contribute to this problem would become less erect.

However, it is believed to reduce stress or depression and other psychological issues cause their condition.This condition is rarely reported that it is imperative that you are nearing orgasm, pause and stop technique which trains your ejaculatory system is causing the problem.Medications are also sex positions out there that you can have a direct effect on your mate, producing a powerful ejaculation in order to become motivated to give your partner has not experienced or thought of - why not take any other problems later.If yes, think of something else that is not just go away.There are different from one bad sexual performance, or caused by a man, even those who are suffering from premature ejaculation, but soon discovered that it was not something that men are telling their bodies that it will keep you energetic in bed to please your partner will squeeze the end of your sexual positions that are not so common in younger men who are constantly seeking the best solution for you.

To achieve higher volume of semen in urine.If that's not the only way that it is best suited for the solution for you and your partner.Now does that mean you aren't too aroused, then you would develop a better grip when you finish reading this article will discuss with you what I am confident that 5 secrets I am going to get involved in ejaculation.Some men and it will provide you with better control over the entire ejaculatory process works.This is a vital role in the love of your breath and make sure that the contents of the problem or cure PC through the penis and how you feel too excited by using your penis.

Ejaculation By Command Proof

Going quick will only help you to know just how fast one reaches climax but how frequent one ejaculates prior to an important role in controlling it is about to ejaculate, stop your movement or you can also take a little relaxation technique and your partner.This is worst case scenario is if you have a better sex you obviously have to worry.Certain prescription drugs or doing anything drastic, it's better to be caused by any living individual.As a result of premature ejaculation cures.Penis pain is something a man ejaculates it would go worse with time strengthen his PC muscles are and when it comes to ending premature ejaculation may be an actual sexual process.

Some sex therapists offer treatments that are mentioned but not on the solutions.Premature ejaculation is a constant cycle of imminent ejaculation-squeezing.Make the effort to relax and take your time in the other hand is dissatisfied with the help of professionals.Once again, when you are about to ejaculate it is difficult to gain, or regain, control of their lack of control over the PC muscle is known as stop and think something else.Proper breathing techniques that will boost your sexual partner.

#Home Remedies For Premature Ejaculation In Malayalam Wonderful Useful Tips #Can Paroxetine Be Used Fo

0 notes

westphotolukedas · 4 years

Text

Production Journal - The Farewell

060320

As a creative of British Asian origin, I am attentive of the perceptions of the Eastern community within Western mainstream culture. Crazy Rich Asians (2018) was an uplifting rom com that limited Caucasian actors to background fodder and reserved leading roles for those of Asian descent. Although glossy in its approach, it was a landmark victory for ethnic minorities in the film industry who have long been typecast to portray dated stereotypes. It suggested that we could be charismatic, comedic and above all desirable. Awkwafina is a rapper, comedian and writer who has successfully transitioned to acting. Her character Goh Peik Lin is a bleached blonde version of her gregarious stage personae. In The Farewell (2019) she plays another feasible derivative of herself as aspiring writer Billi Wang.

There was no shortage of story beats in the film that resonated with my own narrative. As well as a protagonist played by an actor with a similar background, the writer and director Lulu Wang is a Chinese American eager to accurately depict her upbringing. In the opening scene Wang walks the streets of New York while speaking to her grandmother on the phone. She confidently exclaims that she is wearing a hat for the cold weather, even though she is not. In response, her grandmother says she is at home when she is actually at the hospital for an appointment. ‘The back-and-forth makes for an elegant volley of disinformation; if love is kinetic, it’s best to keep things moving,’ wrote Chris Gayomali in his review of the film. It sets up the dynamics of the plot that eb and flow between familial ties with cultural expectations. In Chinese traditional it is regarded as moral to withhold the severity of a medical diagnosis from an elderly relative, even if the outcome is certain death. This clashes with the sentimentality of American born Wang as she struggles with the situation. In an emotive exchange, her mother asks her to conceal her feelings when she blurts, ‘Chinese people have a saying - when people get cancer, they die. But it’s not the cancer that kills them, it’s the fear.’ (Gayomali, 2019) (Ide, 2019)

Anna Franquesa Solano (Born 1984) is the cinematographer responsible for The Farewell’s (2019) sensitive visuals. After graduating with a degree in Art History from the Universitat de Barcelona, she later studied film in New York. Her other noteworthy projects include I Don’t Like Cinnamon (2009), Silent Notes (2020) and The Normal People (2020). To breech the fourth wall, the characters walk directly into shot in slow motion during select scenes. While centred in the frame they stare at the audience as if in a dreamlike trance. This picturesque device references the Asian understanding of the passage of time. Buddhist thought encourages its practitioners to bring attention to the present moment and cast aside a preoccupation with the past and future. Furthermore, Solano pays close attention to filling her frame with long, timely shots. In a heartwarming scene, Wang and her grandmother practise Tai Chi together. The differences between the characters are shown to be generational as well as cultural. Nineteen takes were attempted and it was nearly left on the cutting room floor. My interest in the footage is its semi-autobiographical nature with two actors playing versions of themselves. Although there is a degree of scripting, the director captures genuine emotion by allowing any candid spontaneity to play out. As a result, it is equal parts documentary and constructed. (Weber, 2020)

Summary

There are certainly media codes that I will recreate from The Farewell (2019) and I am hopeful to represent its semi-autobiographical aspects - setting up a situation and then letting it resolve on film appeals to me. My interview is not purely documentary because I need to extract enough footage for the project and make it appear real. My email conversation with Teemu Hupli also covered some of the spiritual themes in this blog post.

‘In another tutorial I mentioned that there have been arguments that the Western conception of time has tended to be that time is linear - that it moves in one direction from past to present to future - and this is essentially what Hollywood conventions of continuity are designed to represent illusionistically. You can find this kind of conception particularly strongly in the philosophy of Hegel, who saw history as a progressive movement towards an ultimate goal of what he calls ‘spirit’ gaining freedom (you can try to read more about this by researching Hegel’s Philosophy of History, but it is heavy going reading, and I would perhaps suggest not spending too much time on it right now). More importantly, however, it was therefore interesting that your work seemed to derive inspiration from Japanese filmmaking. It has been suggested that the Japanese, or more broadly, Oriental conceptions of time are less linear than the Western notion, and therefore it stands to reason that some films originating from those areas construct different ‘pictures' of time too. This would be quite a fitting connection if your project ends up playing with questions of what is ‘genuine' thinking and talking in the here and now of ‘natural time’ so to speak; what is rehearsed, memorised and edited acting of such thinking and talking; what is continuous shooting and what is not, etc.’

Production Notes

The cyclical nature of Eastern philosophy was not investigated in the final cut of my piece. The voice over covers events that are not necessarily linear; however, there is a progressive property to the clips that expresses a beginning, middle and end. This is sealed with Natalie giving advice to her audience before switching a television off at the end. In post-production, I made attempts to shuffle the order of events but my experience as a filmmaker made this edit confused and unconvincing. The dream sequences from The Farewell (2019) were appealing too but I was not proficient enough with my knowledge of camera techniques to present my version of this storytelling device.

In several of the scenes of my film, Natalie and I are playing versions of ourselves in a similar fashion to Awkwafina’s portrayal of Wang. To film the section where we meet at the front door, I placed the camera in the kitchen and shot through the doorway. I was satisfied with this frame within a frame and then I left the flat to re-enter on cue. The events that occur on screen were not planned or scripted, and on some level, are representative of our real life interactions as friends. Following this, I found another shot in the living room that enabled us to speak to each other and remain seated on sofas. During an early screening of the project, I was given feedback that the burnt out window was distracting. I was not able to reshoot the scene and I feel that the way that it compartmentalises the composition is appropriate - I am respectful of her space as a performer that she may need to express herself. The chatting and laughing between us are spontaneous acts. She is actually showing me the Shakespeare script that we discussed beforehand and the enthusiasm is sincere. In the final cut, the voice over of her talking about improvisation seemed appropriately matched to this moment.

My initial proposal foresaw outside scenes shot on location - Natalie walking, on public transport and crowds. These were never produced due to time restrictions. As a result, the film comes across as more stagnant by being restricted to the confines of her flat. The scenes above contribute some spark to the footage and it would have been interesting to see how she engaged with strangers, other friends and family.

Bibliography

Ide, W. (2019). The Farewell Review - Beautifully Bittersweet Chinese-American Family Drama. The Guardian. Available from www.theguardian.com/film/2019/sep/21/the-farewell-review-lulu-wang-awkwafina [Accessed 10/04/2020]

Gayomali, C. (2019). How The Farewell Director Lulu Wang Stayed True to Herself. GQ. Available from www.gq.com/story/lulu-wang-the-farewell-interview [Accessed 10/04/2020]

Weber, J. (2020). The Farewell - 10 Things We Learned from The Director's Commentary. Screen Rant. Available from www.screenrant.com/the-farewell-things-facts-trivia-learned-directors-commentary [Accessed 10/04/2020]

Final Cut, Manual Mode, 25 fps, WB Natural Light

#wallpagescreen #westphoto #annafranquesasolano

0 notes

portfoliosmedia · 5 years

Photo

Michelle Obama's 85 best phrases https://ift.tt/2MZgtD9

We review the best famous quotes of the most famous First Lady in history.

Michelle Obama is an American lawyer and writer who performed the role of first lady from 2009 to 2017, being the wife of former President Barack Obama.

Since the beginning of his career as a first lady, his statements and reflections have been greatly welcomed by all the people they reached. And given her personality and media impact, Michelle Obama's footprint is of great relevance.

Michelle Obama phrases and reflections

Her vision of the world and of human rights make her a woman with incalculable historical and emotional value, especially for women around the world who see her as an example of honesty, fortitude, and intelligence.

Many of his quotes tell us about women's rights, education, equality, and human dignity . Today we wanted to bring you some of the most relevant Michelle Obama phrases so you can discover and enjoy them.

1. The difference between a broken and a prosperous community is the presence of a valuable woman.

Women have always been a link between people, as communication in a community has often depended on them.

2. Real men treat the concierge with the same respect as the CEO.

All human beings have the same right to be treated with respect and dignity, regardless of their ethnicity, religion or social class.

3. Success is only meaningful and enjoyable if you feel like your own.

Achieving success only gives us gratification when we are aware that for what they reward us it has really been done by us.

4. Whether you come from a city or a town, your success will be determined by your own confidence and strength.

Trust and perseverance is what will make us go far within society, without them we are lost.

5. Success is not about how much money you make, but about the difference you make in people's lives.

The greatest personal success a man can have is to have improved the lives of other people.

6. Do not be afraid. Focus, be determined, have hope. Be empowered.

With dedication, determination, and faith we are capable of everything we set out to do.

7. Being president does not change who you are, it reveals who you are.

When we hold a position of as much responsibility as it is to be president of the United States, it is when men really reveal ourselves as we are. One of those phrases by Michelle Obama about power.

8. We need to start focusing on what matters, how we feel and how we feel about ourselves.

Knowing how we feel with us and with the rest of society is the first step to know which path we should follow.

9. Just try new things. Do not be afraid. Get out of your comfort zone and fly.

Doing what we really want to do, even if you can intimidate us, is the way to live a life of happiness.

10. I am an example of what is possible when girls from the beginning of their lives are loved and educated by the people around them. In my life, I was surrounded by extraordinary women who taught me about silent strength and dignity.

Having a family nucleus that teaches us values and sets goals without setting limits is something that helps all people to be better in adulthood.

11. Empower yourself with a good education.

Education is something fundamental in people, without it, it is infinitely more complicated to develop in today's competitive world.

12. There is no magic for achievement. It is really about hard work, decisions, and persistence.

Nothing comes by magic, the only way to success is that of effort and perseverance.

13. I have learned that while maintaining my beliefs and values, and following my own moral compass, the only expectations I must meet are my own.

When we show ourselves as we really are and are consistent with ourselves, the objectives to be achieved can be achieved.

14. There is no limit to what we can achieve.

The only limit we face is that we put ourselves.

15. Failure is a crucial part of success. Every time you fail and climb again, you practice perseverance, which is the key to life. Your strength is in your resilience.

He who never gives up is never defeated. The defeat depends on our surrender, according to this phrase by Michelle Obama.

16. The only limit to the height of your achievements is the reach of your dreams and your willingness to work hard for them.

Our personal limits can be as high as we want to set them, the key lies in knowing that there really are no limits in life.

17. Now I think it is one of the most useless questions an adult can ask a child: what do you want to be when you grow up? As if growing up was finite. As if at some point you became something and that is the end.

We never stop evolving in life if today we are a bricklayer, tomorrow we can be a minister or singer.

18. For me, becoming is not about reaching a place or achieving a certain goal. Instead, I see it as a forward movement, a means to evolve, a way to continuously achieve a better self. The trip does not end.

Everything we achieve in our lives is just one more step in it and there will always be another next step.

19. Let us invite each other. Perhaps then we can begin to fearless, to make less wrong assumptions, to ignore the biases and stereotypes that divide us unnecessarily. Perhaps we can better embrace how we are equal. It's not about being perfect.

Accepting the defects of others is also accepting our own defects and thereby getting closer to our own happiness. One of the most acclaimed Michelle Obama phrases.

20. Everyone on Earth, they told us, had an invisible story, and that just deserved some tolerance.

All human beings deserve to be respected in the same way, regardless of their social class or origin.

21. Your story is what you have, what you will always have. It is something to possess.

Personal experiences and those we will have in the future are something that only affects us in ourselves and is something we will always carry with us.

22. Time, in regards to my father, was a gift you gave to other people.

The time we spend with our loved ones is the most valuable we have as individuals.

23. I don't want young women to have the expectation that if they don't have everything, they are somehow failing.

Our purchasing power does not represent the people we are.

24. You should never see your challenges as a disadvantage. Instead, you must understand that your experience of facing and overcoming adversity is actually one of your greatest advantages.

Overcoming the obstacles that life presents to us and learning from them strengthens us as people.

25. On the creation of a global change. Do we conform to the world as it is, or do we work for the world as it should be?

Making a change in society is something that includes each and everyone, not just a part of society.

26. Never underestimate the importance you can have because history has shown us that courage can be contagious and hope can come to life.

Our own perseverance can be perceived by others and generate a better group dynamic.

27. When you have worked hard, you have done well and you have walked through the door of opportunity, you do not slam it.

When we value what we have worked for, we never discard it without further ado.

28. In believing in yourself. Am I good enough? Yes, I am.

Where we will arrive depends on believing if we are capable of it or not.

29. You don't want to be with a boy who is too stupid to appreciate an intelligent young woman. There isn't a boy who is cute or interesting enough to keep you from getting your education.

Our education is the pillar where we will raise the person we will become tomorrow.

30. I want our young people to know that they are important, that they belong, so don't be afraid.

Valuing our young people gives them enough confidence to reach as far as possible in their lives.

31. Although the circumstances of our lives may seem very disconnected, if I am here as the First Lady of the United States of America and you have just finished school, I want you to know that we have much in common. Because nothing in my life would have predicted that I would be here as the first African-American First Lady.

Although no one would ever think that a woman of color could become the first lady of the United States, Michelle Obama proved that they were all wrong.

32. This may be the fundamental problem of worrying a lot about what others think, you can put it in the established way.

Thinking about the approval of the rest will not bring us closer to our own goal.

33. The easiest way to ignore a woman's voice is to package her as a reprimand.

Not taking seriously and underestimating a woman's opinion is a very serious mistake, because her opinion is as valid as that of any other person.

34. Opportunities dance with those already on the track.

To seize an opportunity in life you have to be prepared, if you catch us sleeping we can hardly take advantage of it.

35. Do not bring people in your life who are negative. And trust your instincts ... good relationships feel good. That is not only with someone you want to marry, but with the friends you choose. It is with the people they surround themselves with.

Surrounding ourselves with people who add to our lives is something that can take us far and away from toxic people as well.

36. With every word we speak, with every action we take, we know that our children are watching us. We as parents are your most important role models.

Our way of acting, of being and of thinking is the main source of education from which our children will drink.

37. My mother's love has always been the sustaining force of our family, and one of my greatest joy is to see her integrity, her compassion and her intelligence reflected in my daughters.

Our mothers are one of the most positive role models we will find in our lives, they are sources of inspiration.

38. We needed to be resolved now, to keep our feet pointing in the direction of progress.

In difficult times it is when we have to show ourselves determined and persevere in our ideas.

39. Being your first lady has been the greatest honor of my life, and I hope I have made you proud.

Michelle dedicated these words to her husband Barack Obama.

40. Choose the people who pick you up.

A short phrase by Michelle Obama that tells us that we should surround ourselves with those who join in our lives.

41. Always stay true to yourself and never let what someone else says distract you from your goals.

The opinions of others should be heard, but the opinions that we should hear the most are ours.

42. Failure is an important part of your growth and development of resilience. Do not be afraid to fail.

Learning to fall and get up again makes us stronger people and with it more successful people.

43. You must learn to love yourself. As women and girls, we have to invest that time to come to understand who we like and who we are.

Our self-esteem is something very important, without it we cannot judge ourselves and others judiciously.

44. Instead of letting your difficulties and failures discourage or deplete you, let them inspire you. Let them make you feel more hungry to succeed.

The failures we can have in life are only a new beginning towards a higher goal.

45. Stay away from friendships that make you feel small and insecure, and look for people who inspire and support you.

Knowing how to surround ourselves correctly is something that will help us grow in our lives.

46. If there is something I have learned in life, it is the power to use my voice. I did my best to tell the truth and shed light on the stories of people who are often ignored.

Show others how we really are with all our moral strength, can inspire and help other people to realize themselves.

47. Friendships between women, as any woman will tell you, are made up of a thousand small goodnesses ... exchanged over and over again.

Relationships between women are endless favors and complicities.

48. We must always have three friends in our lives: one who walks forward whom we admire and follow; one who walks by our side, who is with us every step of our trip; and then, one we seek and bring after having cleared the road.

Our personal relationships are largely part of what we will be tomorrow, tell me who you are with and I will tell you who you are.

49. Failure is a feeling long before it becomes a real result. It is a vulnerability that is engendered by doubt and then intensified, often deliberately, by fear.

Doubt and fear are the most accurate path to failure, trust, and perseverance towards success.

50. For every door that has been opened to me, I have tried to open the door to others.

Sharing our success with others will help us in the future and magnify us as people.

51. If it does not come out and define itself, others will define it quickly and incorrectly.

If we don't know who we are, others will hardly do it correctly.

52. Through my education, I not only developed skills, not only developed the ability to learn but also developed confidence.

Education forms us personally and emotionally, without proper education we will never develop our full potential.

53. The only way to get him to work harder is to doubt me.

Nothing strengthens my determination more than the doubt others have about it.

54. Every day, you have the power to choose.

Each day that begins is a new opportunity to choose the path we want to follow.

55. Every girl, no matter where she lives, deserves the opportunity to develop the promise within her.

The education of children is something that interferes with us all regardless of where we are.

56. You may not always have a comfortable life and you will not always be able to solve all the problems of the world at once, but never underestimate the importance it can have because history has shown us that courage can be contagious and hopeful.

Showing ourselves determined and persevering are qualities that can be transmitted to the people around us.

57. How hard you work matters more than what you earn.

What we do is more important than the economic benefits it reports to us.

58. When girls receive education, their countries become stronger and more prosperous.

With the education of people, their societies acquire a new and renewed strength.

59. No country can really flourish, if it drowns the potential of its women and deprives itself of the contributions of half of its citizens.

Not being aware of the potential of women in a society weakens her greatly and deprives her of reaching her highest goals.

60. When someone is cruel or acts like a bully, you don't lean to their level. No, our motto is that, when they go down, we go up.

We must never bend as people and lower ourselves to the level of others.

61. You are important in your own right.

All people are innate carriers of the same human rights.

62. You will be as beautiful as you want, but tell me ... if the world were blind, how many people would you impress?

Outside beauty is only part of us, not really who we are, who we really are is our outer and inner combination.

63. Today, I wake up every morning in a house that was built by slaves, and I see my daughters, two black women, young and intelligent, playing with their dogs on the White House lawn.

Without a doubt as a woman of color having been first lady, it must have been something gratifying and at the same time outrageous about the abuses experienced.

64. Strong men do not need to put women down to feel powerful.

The man who really has confidence in himself does not have to subdue anyone to know of his own power.

65. If my future was determined simply by my performance on a standardized test, I would not be here now, I guarantee it.

An arbitrary test cannot decide the future of a person, this must be decided by the set of successes in his career.

66. At the end of the day, my most important title remains that of the mother. My daughters are still the center of my heart and my world.

Being mothers or fathers is the greatest obligation we can have in our lives, we must dedicate the utmost dedication to our children.

67. Fear is a useless emotion. Do not make decisions based on fear, take them based on hope and possibility.

Being positive is something that will lead us to perform positive acts, the fear of reaching our goals is our main psychological barrier.

68. Asking for help is not a symbol of weakness, but of strength.

Knowing when we need help and strengthening ourselves with it will lead us to reach our goals.

69. It doesn't matter what difficulties or obstacles get in your way; I want you to study what you want, study to make a difference in the world.

Fighting for our education is a must, as this will be our greatest asset tomorrow.

70. Just do what works for you, because there will always be someone who thinks differently ...

We must do things our way that may be our greatest virtue, because there will always be someone who wants to do it differently.

71. I know what it feels like to fight to get the education you want and need.

Michelle Obama also had to fight hard to achieve the education she dreamed of.

72. The real change comes from having enough confidence to be really honest and to be able to say something very uncomfortable.

Being honest with us and then with others is something that society needs, knowing how to expel the lie from it.

73. The teacher asked my brother “what career do you want to study?”, But I asked myself “what kind of man do you want to marry?”

Men and women should and should receive the same education without making gender differences.

74. The problem is when the matter of fun becomes a habit. And I think that is what has happened in our culture. Fast food has become daily food.

We must know when it is time to enjoy and when to roll up and fight for our future.

75. There are still many causes worth sacrificing, many things left to do.

One of Michelle Obama's phrases in which she wants to convey to us with this quote that there is still a lot of work to do in society and that we must fight for a better future.

76. I have seen how the problems that arise at a president's table are always the toughest, the problems to which no amount of data or numbers can give the correct answer.

The responsibility of being president of the United States is one of the greatest that anyone can receive, Michelle lived it in the first person and knows it very well.

77. I am so tired of fear. And I don't want my girls to live in a country, in a world, based on fear.

Michelle communicates with this appointment her wish that her daughters grow up in a country with the same opportunities for all people.

78. I want a president to serve the people, someone whose work shows our children not to pursue fame and fortune for themselves: we fight so that everyone has the opportunity to succeed.

The best way to be a good leader is to be a good example for others, Michelle knew they should and should be role models for society.

79. Each and every one of you can be leaders and support others to achieve it.

Pursuing our dreams and helping others achieve them is the best way to make this world a better place.

80. I never dreamed of being First Lady. Being black that dream seemed impossible.

Michelle never thought about getting where she got, but when she did she showed herself to be fully deserving of the position.

81. They should not be in a relationship with someone who does not make them entirely happy and complete them as a couple.

We should not have a relationship with someone who does not fill us, we must aspire to find that person who makes us completely happy.

82. When we go to the polls in November, this is what we are going to decide: not between a Democrat or a Republican, not between left and right. In this election and in all, what we are deciding is who will have the power to mold our children in the next four or eight years of their life.

Michelle thus mobilized the population towards the vote so that it could decide its own future.

83. Do not die in the history of your past pains and experiences; Live in the now and future of your destiny.

Living now will take us to where we want to be tomorrow, our future is decided on how you live today.

84. Every scar you have is not a memory that you were hurt, but that you survived.

Mistakes are an opportunity to learn and not make them again, they make us stronger and smarter.

85. The story of Nelson Mandela reminds us that, even in the darkest moments, change is always possible, but only if we are willing to work and fight for it.

One of the most remembered Michelle Obama phrases. He tells us in this quote about Nelson Mandela, no doubt a great man who taught us the power of perseverance.

#Blogger

0 notes

sweetlittlelie48 · 7 years

Text

[Translation] 100% SKE48 vol.1 Saito Makiko x Makino Anna

This interview is interesting…no…it’s precious.

We all think that Makiko is the most appropriate to be captain of SKE but It’s actually not easy for Makiko herself. And Anna-sensei, the person who gave birth to SKE, kindly(?) advised Makiko for that. LOL

I love how Anna-sensei taught them. If it was someone else, not Anna-sensei in that day, SKE wouldn’t be like this today.

Their bond, their passion, their story…it’s so good to know and support this group.

On that day, Saito Makiko’s facial expression showed a bit of nervousness.

However, she still smiled.

That’s right, Makiko didn’t know the true meaning of this.

The confrontation with the creator who gave life to SKE48, Makino Anna, after this.

It’s the way Makiko can’t escape.

Captain Saito Makiko, the first time is the greatest challenge.

No escape match, winner determined in 90 minutes.

Beginning of fortune

- Today, we would like to invite Makiko-san who was appointed as captain in March to meet with Anna-sensei once, that’s why we arrange this interview.

CP: Thank you.

Anna-sensei: Please take care of me. Captain…you mean captain of the whole SKE48?

CP: Yes.

Anna-sensei: Oh!!

- But this new captain can’t even meet eyes with Anna-sensei *laugh*

Anna-sensei: Yeah, she doesn’t look at me at all.

CP: That’s not it. I am looking!

- Though you say that but you don’t look *laugh* So firstly, please introduce how come we have an interview this time. Captain, please.

CP: it started from 2 and a half minutes clip in Team E “Te wo tsunaginagara” stage. In DOCUMENTARY of SKE48 two years ago, there was also this scene; the scene that Anna-sensei was teaching us ‘Pinocchio Gun’

- The one that Anna-sensei yelled at (Matsui) Rena-san “your expression is too plain!” “don’t do things halfway!”, right? That scene is well-known to SKE fans.

CP: I was told that I have to say these famous lines in 2 and a half minutes clip.

- It was noon stage of May.9 last year. What you wanted to say is “you were asked to do”, right?

CP: That’s right. So, it’s not my fault.

Anna-sensei: Hahahaha

CP: I was just acting according to the script.

Anna-sensei: About this, I already knew it for long time from fans’ report in Twitter.

CP: *stunned*

Anna-sensei: I also watched the clip after that. You really did it halfway.

CP: Hahaha

- Though you were saying “Don’t do things halfway!” *laugh*

Anna-sensei: If you want to do it, you should do it exaggeratedly, make people laugh. For this, you made it looked kind of awkward.

CP: I’m sorry…

- Then, another mockery in 2 and a half minutes clip of Jun.12.

CP: it was not mockery! I just went with the flow!

Anna-sensei: Was it all staff’s thought?

CP: Yes!

Anna-sensei: For me, I thought that if it was Makiko, she would go against it for sure. “Anna-sensei said it honestly, let’s not play with it”

CP: …..*lower her head*

- Didn’t you argue?

CP: …No. I’m just realized now that I could argue…

Anna-sensei: Hahahaha

- Have you got in touch after that?

Anna-sensei: We met once in Rena’s graduation concert?

CP: Yes, we came across at backstage. I hadn’t started using Twitter at that time. I got a grasp of Anna-sensei’s reaction from internet. So, when I ran into her, I felt like “she found me…” *laugh*

Anna-sensei: I was thinking that we might need to talk on the stage.

- The script that day was Rena-san fell during “Pinocchio Gun” and Anna-sensei came out to surprise.

Anna-sensei: That was when I saw Makiko but that was Rena’s graduation concert. If I had got even with Makiko, it would’ve looked inappropriate. Then, I came across Makiko backstage, I thought “I will settle it here”

- Wow! “settle it here” !?

Anna-sensei: I just wanted it to be a bit more interesting. *laugh*

CP: Fufufu

- You also wrote on Twitter “confront directly”

Anna-sensei: Because fans really enjoyed it.

- That’s why you wrote the solution on New Year stage “overthrow Anna!”, right?

CP: Yes. *smile*

Anna-sensei: Was there something like that?

CP: If I wrote something like “moving forward” it would be too boring. When I was thinking what I should write, I talked with Manager-san and finally decided to write that but…

Anna-sensei: But what?

CP: My hand was shaken that I almost couldn’t write it down *laugh*

- You must be afraid to really write it down.

Anna-sensei: About “overthrow Anna!”, can you explain the details how you plan to do it?

CP: *obviously inarticulate* th..this, “overthrow” is…

Anna-sensei: Um, what is it?

CP: it…is “victory”

Anna-sensei: How do you think you will gain it?

CP: er…about that…how will I gain it?

- It may not be good to know. *laugh*

CP: What I wrote was only for fun…

Anna-sensei: No, no, you must be clear. I accepted your challenge.

CP: It’s not like that. That time, I never thought that there would be an interview like this. I was just kidding, really.

Anna-sensei: I also want to try saying “I lost”

- Sensei, saying “I lost” would mean getting “overthrown”, right?

CP: Right.

- For example, if you could make Sensei feel “recently, SKE48 is superb” or “Makiko is doing a great job as captain”, would this mean “overthrow”?

Anna-sensei: That’s what I hope for.

- Moreover, if Makiko-san order “Sokutatsu Nama” (Beer brand that Makiko was chosen as presenter) and deliver to Anna-sensei’s home…

Anna-sensei: That’s how to completely “overthrow Anna” *laugh*

Why Saito Makiko?

- Next, let’s talk about Makiko’s goals and visions as captain.

CP: Of course, there are a lot.

Anna-sensei: Oh! I want to hear it.

CP: For SKE48, it’s got insecure since members graduated one after another. It’s quite complicated. Moreover, captain was changed and new system began for the first time in 2 years. I don’t know what it means that they chose me. Why not 1st gen like Jurina-san or Masana-san?

- Have you found the answer yet?

CP: I still haven’t got the clear answer but maybe, I just think too much to be in charge. Though I wanted to think “it’s just a title” but they announced in such a huge venue. It’s heavy to endure.

- seems like you are still confused. Then, what about visions?

CP: Surely, great performance is SKE48’s image. However, even though seniors have set the goal to catch up and surpass AKB48, but now it’s blurry either it’s good or bad.

- Just when did you feel it?

CP: These past 3-4 years. But, I don’t know what I should do with this blurriness. I don’t know what is the right answer. When I entered (in 2009), there was only Team S. The Team S at that time gave out professional image. It’s like “they are incredible, I wanna be great like them” I think THAT is the true SKE48.

- In other words, you want that image to be more distinctive, right?

CP: That’s right. There are tons of groups in and outside this country. Now, there are also 46 groups. Only this image that I don’t want it to fade away. Members have changed, surroundings have changed, so it’s very difficult to make it. Most members who were there at that time are left. If people say “all that has already passed” then, it can’t be helped.

- About the current SKE48, Anna-sensei, what do you think?

Anna-sensei: Not long ago, I still taught them dancing for the single. But, when lesson’s over, I didn’t talk with them much. For 1st gen, I taught them by myself since the beginning. So, they remember my words, for example, “You need to it through. If there were no other sister groups, how’d you want to compete with AKB48. The answer to this question will lead you the way” “To surpass AKB48, what do you need to do…isn’t it heading fully forward in this road?” something like that. I said these things and taught them for 2 weeks. If they wanted to be good enough to stand on stage within that short period, they needed to squeeze out their power. Anyways, that’s the only thing I could do for them. Would they still go all out? or would they still head towards the same goal after that? I couldn’t say.

- There were only 1st gen when you teach them, right?

Anna-sensei: What I want to hear from Makiko is “How everybody wants SKE48 to be now”. To be honest, when I was watching them on TV, I couldn’t get the point at all. I’m afraid that, for people, they couldn’t tell now which is AKB48, which is SKE48. SKE48 is the group that every member built up. I really want to know how everyone thinks about it, how do you want to shape this group. The future of this group depends on this. But, I still can’t see it right now.

CP: …*listen quietly*

Anna-sensei: I wonder if you guys ever think about this.

- Makiko-san, how would you say?

CP: The ones on TV were only Senbatsu. I wasn’t there so I didn’t know how everybody thinks. Leaving TV program aside, our performance on stage is also different from the past. It may come from different motivation of each member. However, is SKE48 pride only at the theater? Everyone also thinks about it but um…

Anna-sensei: How is SKE48 at the theater?

CP: The current Team E stage is “Te wo tsunatsuginagara” I could only talk (to members) about performance, so I want to talk out all of it.

Anna-sensei: Then, everybody follows when Makiko says or everybody knows themselves well, which is it?

CP: Even when I’m not there, everybody does it well.

Anna-sensei: Then, what about in concert?

CP: In concert, there are a lot of positions and movements that we need to remember, how we should show to audience…just doing these things right is exhausting enough, especially for Kenkyusei.

Anna-sensei: That’s so? There are lots of details that need to be perfect, right? And what entity are you to SKE48?

CP: um…how should I put it?

Anna-sensei: No matter what, I think since you are chosen as captain, it must mean something to SKE48. For example, you can fulfill something that SKE48 lacks or you can lead everyone the way. If it’s like that, what do you have right now? What makes you confident that you would never lose to anyone?

CP: …*tears fall down*

Anna-sensei: For example, though you have never got into Senbatsu but you didn’t run away. You stay and continue to try your best. Or maybe, it’s your love for the group. I can’t always be watching you and can’t go to theater every day, but from what fans and you told me, I think that might be the reason you are chosen. Because no matter what position you are in, you do it without hesitation. This is the meaning of choosing you as captain.

CP: …*quiet*

- After hearing what Anna-sensei said, what do you think?

CP: …I’m not good enough to say I’m right. I’m not confident that I can be model for anyone. So, when I was chosen as captain, I was very worried. Now, I still can’t say that I understand SKE48 wholly. I also don’t know what is the right answer. But, since I got title “Captain”, I have been thinking if I was asked “What do you want to do from now on?”, I would just lightly answer something nice.

Anna-sensei: That depends on how you express yourself. The most important is that you need to show your true self. You are captain, not superman. No one chose you to be captain just because they expect that you can do everything. “Though I want to improve the group, but I don’t know what to do” just you said that is good. I’m a teacher so I could speak rulingly, but Makiko is one of the members, you couldn’t speak like that. I think everyone pays more attention to your actions than words. No matter how nice you talk, no matter members listen to you or not, if only Makiko can show them your true self, do it with all your might, show them that you do your best for the sake of this group, it will work out well. If you say “I can do it” just to be cool, it won’t reach people regardless of your facial expression. Strengths or weaknesses, just show them. The thing is will you be able to dedicate your heart and soul to it. It’s okay if you don’t feel confident. Anyone would feel worry being like you. Makiko who is always worried is gorgeous.

CP: …yes. (soft voice)

Anna-sensei: Anyway! Don’t run away! Never do nothing just because you have no confidence. It’s because you have no confidence, you have to do something.

CP: …yes. (soft voice)

Dare to show yourself

- Many days have passed since you became captain. Have you talked with members yet?

CP: I realized that I’ve been forced myself to smile, to be friendly with everyone all along.

- Why is that?

CP: The first job since I became captain was Great East Japan earthquake memorial stage on Mar.11. We hold this stage every year. It’s quite important for us but I still felt that some members didn’t take it seriously. For example, we normally do manicure and hairdressing before stage. That’s not a problem, but on Mar.11, there were a lot more important things to do, weren’t it? Some of them didn’t realize about this. If this happened in the past, I would warn them. But I’m captain now. If I am too fussy with them, they may think “are you trying to be captain”. I was afraid that they would look at me like that. I also have script to remember that day, so I just let go. At that moment, I realized that it must be difficult for me to take care all members.

- In the end, you didn’t say what you wanted to say. You may feel useless, right?

CP: It’s a huge problem to me. I couldn’t figure out. After stage ended, I cried out at the side of the stage. My tears fell nonstop…I heard someone said “eh? Where’s Makiko?” that’s when I knew they were searching for me. But my body wouldn’t move, I sat there at the no.1 side of stage for an hour. *laugh*

- You sat there at the no.1 all along? *laugh*

CP: That time, I can profoundly feel my weakness. I was so worried that I didn’t know if works will go smoothly after that.

- Did any member know about you crying?

CP: No. If they didn’t ask staff-san, I don’t think they would know. Actually, I don’t want juniors to see me like that.

Anna-sensei: You are also a member yet you have to be responsible to lead others. It’s quite tough and lonely. I was also like that. When I was a member of SUPER MONKEY’S yet I had to teach others. To teach them, I had to perfect myself first. There were a lot of pressure. And I’m also afraid whether they will hate me. However, we have to be brave to be hated, otherwise, you can’t change anything. Nowadays, I’m also like that. Scolding others is like hurting myself at the same time. But, for having said these harsh words, isn’t it because of love?

CP: …(listen quietly)

Anna-sensei: Up until now, before entering practice room, I still have to tell myself “If these kids can grow, it’s okay if they hate me” besides, if only you show your exertion, they will understand someday. If you do it halfway, you’d better not start. Since you already decided to do, you have to do it completely. Although I’m 44 years old now, but I’m still shaken when I scold someone. But Makiko, you are only at this age, you became captain. It must be painful to scold others. Even Takamina, she also feels painful. Everybody is the same. But! No matter what, you have to do it. Even me, sometimes when I thought of something before bed, I also regret “I shouldn’t have said that”

CP: …(listen quietly)

Anna-sensei: From now, Makiko will grow little by little to be the true captain, right? You need to learn these things by yourself. You might fall, you might cry, you might be discouraged, 1 step forward 3 steps backward, but doing it again and again will help Makiko learns to be captain. It’s normal to fail at first, but you have to concentrate.

CP: …Yes.

Anna-sensei: The more you overcome difficulties, the more you grow. When Makiko dare to take captain position, your performance, your expression, the meaning of your existence in this group have all changed. Not many people got this opportunity. Even if you fail, just doing your best is enough! Even if you fall, just getting up on your feet is enough! If you already went all out but still can’t get it, that’s not your fault, it’s the people who chose you.

- That’s right because you are chosen.

Anna-sensei: Besides, if they see Makiko’s effort, there will surely be comrades who are willing to walk with you.

- There already are, right? You also went for dinner with members. Did you guys talk about the group?

CP: Um…come to think of it, maybe not. I don’t know how to talk with them about this. I’m afraid our opinions are much different…

Anna-sensei: That’s because Makiko still haven’t show your true self. Just speak up your mind straightforward, that kid will understand. When it becomes like this, everyone would think “Makiko puts this much effort, I have to support her” Only this way that can draw more and more people to come together with you. The real fight hasn’t started yet. Everyone only communicates in general, not to get hated.

The important thing in this world

- Let’s get back to previous topic, how did you feel when they announce you as captain?

CP: …

- Looked like you were so happy that you cried.

CP: No…it’s not like that. Since Sae-san announced graduation in last December, there were expectation from every direction. Yet, I felt very deeply that I can’t take it. The moment I heard announcement, I thought “ahh it became true” my legs got weak.

- I’m sorry, seems like I misunderstood. *laugh*

Anna-sensei: However, you still don’t feel that you are captain, right? I can tell just by looking at your face today.

CP: …I’m sorry *smile*

Anna-sensei: You still haven’t reach the point that “I will do it!” Makiko, I’m telling you something, don’t think about “can or cannot”, think “will or will not” Right now, you don’t feel “I will do it!” at all. Throw the fear away, it’s okay even if you fail. You have to decide whether you will or will not do it. From my experience, if only we think “I will do it no matter what!”, you can do it. If you keep “I will do it no matter what!” in mind, but still do nothing. That’s failure. If only you overcome your mind, you can do it. When I look you in the eye, I still can’t find that determination. You haven’t looked me in the eye and said “I will change SKE48!” yet, right?

CP: …*keep her head down*

Anna-sensei: If you don’t have that kind of determination, you will be troubled. You will be in anxiety all the time.

- Then, let’s take this chance to turn on the switch. I think members and fans are by your side.

CP: Um…

Anna-sensei: Makiko, why do you keep being reluctant like that?

- There’s still something you keep inside and you haven’t spoken up yet, right? This is the chance.

Anna-sensei: you are thinking of graduation? Is that it?

CP: I “thought” about it. I wonder how long can I be SKE48. It’s always in my head.

Anna-sensei: Is that so? Yet, you become captain at this time, you may not be able to go all out. On the contrary, if you graduate, what do you want to do?

CP: I absolutely love singing and dancing. Though I hope to get into Senbatsu, but it doesn’t matter that much anymore. Even though I’m not sure that I can make a living after leaving SKE48, I still want to give it a shot. So, I thought that I may graduate by this year…

Anna-sensei: From what I feel when I look at you now, you are still too young to struggle outside SKE48.

CP: …

Anna-sensei: If you want to be on your own, you have to grab every opportunity. You must have motivation and courage, or else, you will fail. In this industry, although capability is important, in the very end, it’s faith. No matter what happens, you need to be optimistic. That’s what we call strength. With this thought, the current Makiko is still weak, but you’ve already got the chance to be stronger, haven’t you? Being a captain, getting to do more things, these experiences will be your asset for the next step. You may feel tired with works nowadays, it’s natural. But, there are precious things that will help you grow hiding in these works. Just like Akimoto Sayaka and Sae-chan, “even if it’s complicated, even if surroundings don’t give me favor, I still try my best” so, let’s take it as practice. No matter when Makiko decide to leave, the thing you must have from now on is not dancing skill but living a life.

CP: …*listen quietly*

Anna-sensei: The battle in entertainment world is completely different from ordinary world. So, if you think about your life after graduation, now is a good opportunity. It can’t be that you don’t go through it. In other words, if you graduate without achieving anything as captain, that’s “running away”

CP: …*cry* Yes.

Anna-sensei: It’s okay. Though you fail, it will make you stronger. Just think of it as doing for your own future! Understood?

CP: Yes.

- Experience you gain today is the way to success in the future.

Anna-sensei: Do your best!!

CP: Hahaha *smile comes back*

- Let’s proceed with what you wrote in New year’s stage “overthrow Anna!”

CP: Er…maybe, I can’t *laugh*

- Then, let me conclude Anna-sensei’s words here “Makiko, don’t do things halfway”

Anna-sensei: Hahahaha

CP: Fufufu I’m sorry.

- Makiko-san mocked the word “Don’t do things halfway” and now you got paid back like 10 times.

CP: Hahahaha

- Today is such a meaningful day *laugh* next, let me take a photo of you two…

CP: Let me fix my make-up first! *laugh* Sensei, Thank you so much for today.

#ske48 #saito makiko #makino anna #100%ske48 #translation

44 notes · View notes