#-what you made. art is a lovely thing! show us!
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Am i delulu or does raphael admire tav/durge? I know its him performing, but as gale says "inviting to dine with devil is devils equivilant of serenade and roses" and first scene where we meet him he does eye tav/durge througly from bottom to top. Also he says "im fan of your work" to durge. So idk?? It lowey feels like raphael is fond of us in game but i need proof/ professional analysis. [Ahem you are the professional mouse afterall heehee~]
He Loves Us, He Loves Us Not: What is Raphael’s Relationship with Tav/Durge?
*Puts on my little mouse glasses* I’m glad you asked. I’m summing up a few points that I have also written about in another analysis called ‘Raphael and weaponized mortality’, so if that sounds interesting, you can find it in my reading list.
Everything about Raphael screams wolf in sheep’s clothing (or a cambion in man’s clothing if you will). Here are a few points illustrating this:
Cambions naturally have a really predatory kind of stench to them because they are entirely carnivorous. Yet, he is described as a perfumed trickster who smells of cherries and sulphur, most likely because he is trying to cover up that smell.
Poetry, an art that is very dependent on nasty mortal concepts such as ‘feelings’, is something we know he uses a lot. He’s not really good at it and he even says it’s not his ‘main interest’ to Karlach in the second act. His theatrical nature and use of poetry humanizes him, and I think he is well-aware of this.
When you call him out as a devil in front of Mol, he says something about how she wouldn’t believe them anyway, ‘not with his angelic complexion’. We also know that Gortash’s parents sold him to a ‘warlock’ and that’s how he ended up with Raphael. I’ve seen multiple places that that warlock is supposed to be Raphael himself.
Now this all makes me believe that he usually does not reveal his true nature to his clients unless: 1) they’ve already signed, or 2) they are so utterly fucked that they have already reached the point of no return with him and are forced to take his deal no matter what.
Yet, he reveals his true nature to us from the get-go. Yes, one could argue that the tadpole-gang does fulfill option 2) according to him and that’s why he does it, but I think it could also be something else. I think he knows from early on that we are his best bet, so he chooses to lay out all his cards on the table and tries to build as much trust as he can from the beginning.
This is also the function of helping us with Astarion’s scars. Dealing with a devil when you’ve never dealt with one before? Scary. Dealing with a devil when he has proven once before to keep his word? Much less scary. He’s ‘grooming’ us for trusting him to keep his word with THE deal (and he gets to fuck over Daddy Meph by potentially robbing him of a lot of souls. Win-win.)
I think Gale is right on the money when he says that it’s ‘a devil’s equivalent to serenades and roses’. Raphael is like a bird or something. He’s showing off, charming us, but also reminding us that he is big and scary. Although despite the fact that he is big and scary ‘he simply wants to help us’.
He’s done his research and already knows everything about us, so he knows exactly how to play us. This is demonstrated in the comment to Durge in the beginning and the thing he says in Last Light if you tell him he knows nothing about you: “Don’t I indeed?.
I really think that we turn into an obsession for him at some point and that the lines between the obsession about the Crown and his obsession about us blurs. This seems definitely to be the case in his journals. I mean the poor guy has nightmares about us…
I also am so sure that he is not even trying to trick us into anything with the Orphic Hammer. He truly does believe that the Emperor is a threat to us. See this:
I DO think he admires us or at the very least is heavily rooting for us. I don’t remember the exact quotes, but Korrilla tells us in Sharess’s that her and Raphael made a bet about if we would make it to the Gate, and Raphael won that bet because we had. He really believes in our merry little band of idiots.
His reaction if we betray him is also very telling I feel like. Notice how his eyes widen for a moment before they narrow and say the ‘You’ line. He seems surprised. In that whole sequence he is obviously pissed, but most of all I also just get the feeling of a man that has been humiliated and who is angry that he had put so much time, work, and trust into us.
He says that ‘he is fond of us, in his way’ and that I completely believe. It might not be out of love or affection or anything like that, but he is as fond of us as a cambion can be of someone. We’ve grown on him, and he sees potential and use in us. We fascinate him and I’d even go as far to say that he respects us. I feel like even if you give him the Crown of Karsus and he gets to rule the Hells, he will not forget the people who brought him there. He would not flaunt the fact that he had mortals help him get the Crown, but I think that when he goes on his spree to fuck up the realms outside the Hells, Tav and gang would at the very least be spared or even given privileges in that new world order. Is that a bit fucked up? Yeah…But we have to remember what he is: a devil.
(Thank you so much for the ask <3 That became a long answer. I love to yap lol)
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I MADE IT
CHARACTER REF SHEETS
FINALLY I CAN SHARE THESE GUYS PROPERLY
:D
*ahem* Hello fellow fans and au makers! I am here to showcase my silly little au. Allow me to introduce you to our main characters:
These are Sunset and Moonlight, from The Sunset and Moonlight show!
Close ups and info dump below
Where to start where to start, okay, a general description of the AU should be good to start with yeah? Yeah
This is a swap au, but unlike what I usually see swap AUs do, this is less of a full personality swap and more of a ‘bend the characters to a point where they change roles’ thing.
NOW. THE CHARACTERS THEMSELVES—
Sunset Rays Celestial-
Sun is a tired and apathetic guy. He would like to be left all alone in his room for the rest of his days, but that’s not really a good thing so he’s fine just living a calm and drama-free life.
His hobbies include cleaning, painting, sewing, and gaming. The cleaning has gotten embedded into his code to a concerning degree, he will clean a spot over and over for hours if he’s having a bad day. He got into art while he was undergoing “repairs”, he found painting to be a fun activity despite its messiness, and sewing has proven to be fruitful for his wardrobe. He’s gotten so good at these that he actually gets commissions and is paid very well. He prefers to draw with pastels and markers when he can. The video games are a shared hobby with his twin brother, Moon, they both play together sometimes. His favorite game is Cult of the Lamb.
He has a malfunction of sorts where his voice box will give out randomly and he’ll be unable to talk. It’s annoying but he doesn’t really mind, he has gotten really good at sign language from it. Plus, he uses it as an excuse to avoid talking to Moon whenever he gets the chance to.
The Computer absolutely hates his guts and has sent him off to various different dimensions. He’s acquainted with quite a few people and even has friends.
He has very good aim, both in video games and physically. He usually uses it to throw something at Moon to get his attention. Or to get him to leave him alone. Or to annoy him. Or just because. This has proved to be a really bad habit.
Despite being generally apathetic, he’s actually pretty good with emotions, being able to read them well on others and act accordingly.
He also knows magic.
Crescent Moonlight Celestial-
Moon is an energetic and nervous guy. He wants nothing more than to live happily with his brother. And do science, he’s a nerd.
His hobbies include science and gaming. On the side of science he specializes on robotics, programming, and inter dimensional studies, with some advanced physics as well. He’s a genius, basically. Gaming is a shared hobby between him and his twin brother, they both play together sometimes. He seems to have taken a liking to the Kingdom Hearts series, but Pokémon will forever have his heart.
The killing code is very much still in him, it manifests as heat on the back of his head and irritability. During a full kill code episode he’ll be extremely aggressive, on top of having increased physical capabilities and virtually no filter. He dreads having those and constantly checks his temperature. Independent from the kill code he has a bad temper.
He isn’t exactly a ‘people’s person’ yet due to having been the active Daycare Attendant for a few months he has grown acquainted with a few of the Pizzaplex animatronics. Montgomery took a liking to him. Because money.
Because of reasons he has a lot of bunkers on a lot of different parts of the world. He remembers them all thanks to the collection of tree branches he has picked up when he visited. These are jokingly called The Whacking Sticks (and is a genuine joke, he just likes collecting sticks)
He wanted to learn emotions better so he decided to find the code that controls emotions in himself and turned it on all the way. He’s starting to realize this wasn’t a good idea.
A master acrobat, he loves flying with the wire.
In case it wasn’t clear yet, Sun and Moon switch places in this au. Things may change, and I may come up with funny details later, but I hope you had fun reading this little introduction to my au
More stuff about them to come at some point!
#sun and moon show#tsams#the sun and moon show#sams#sams au#sams swap au#swap au#The Sunset and Moonlight Show#sams sun#sams moon#character reference#things may change but this is the general stuff#Go read the fic (please)#(The first chapter is kinda bad but it’s a cool au I swear—)#Sunset’s an asshole by the way I hope I made that clear#Tune in next time#for more character reference sheets#Hopefully Clipsy and Lunar Eclipse’s#Or maybe one of the Bloodmoons idk
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You reopen your request! You must be drowning with requests.
Can I ask for Thrawn xF!reader.
Reader Is born mute, and because of their she had been tormented by her father for a very long time, and because of this she doesn't trust men.
Thrawn falls in love with her and gains her trust, helping her heal. Maybe eventually smut?or just some fluff?
I do have a good number of them indeed ! I will do my best to honor them all!
Thrawn x F!reader
Tags : Non-speaking reader, abusive and violent past, little hurt/a lot of comfort, tooth rotting fluff
You recoil in fear...
You can hear the footsteps approaching and the sound of the belt. You can still feel its bites on your skin the last time he used it! You cover your ears, knee pressed against your chest, trying to squeeze in your hiding spot.
If only you could scream and alert the neighbors...
“I know you are hiding around here (Y/n). If you go out now I promise not to be too harsh on you...” Your father calls walking in the room you are in.
Don’t open the closet. Don’t open the closet. Don’t open the clos-
“There you are you useless little...!”
You wake up in a split second, breathless and sweating.
Another nightmare...
You sigh, they have been recurrent lately. It’s the stress. You are in a new campaign with new enemies. New battlefields and risk of dying...
But you knew what you signed up for by enlisting in the Navy, trying to escape your violent father. But he kept following you in your dreams.
You rise from your bed. It is not time for your shift but you won’t be able to sleep for the rest of the night. Might as well rise early.
Grand Admiral Thrawn asked your help for a task anyway...
----------------------------------------------------
You focus on your datapad.
This art piece should go in this section, while this one goes there...
Your mind is focused on your task, categorizing art pieces for Grand Admiral Thrawn for his next campaign. Usually, he does it himself but he picked up on your knowledge of the region’s art and asked you for help.
You don’t mind, it’s easy for you.
His art collection has extended lately, a lot of presents and auctions won. But mostly a lot of holographic ones that you need to categorize by species, civilizations, time periods, and planets.
“A cup of caff, Senior Lieutenant?” A melodious voice rises behind your back making you jump.
Thrawn appears slightly amused by your reaction. When did he enter the storage room?
“You should learn to focus without sacrificing your awareness of your surroundings, (F/n).” He preaches, handing you a fuming cup.
Oh... That is nice of him to bring you a hot drink. You take the cup, bowing down your head in gratitude. You lift the cup to your lips, black with the lightest touch of sweetener as you love it.
“While you are here, Senior Lieutenant, I need your expertise on some signs I learned recently.” He asks, his amused expression letting place to his professional demeanor.
One thing you are grateful for is that Grand Admiral Thrawn is actually taking the time to learn sign language. You do not always have the occasion or the time to type your words in your datapad to express yourself and he started learning to understand your signing.
Until now he was the only one to do it.
“What does this sign signify?” He asks, signing.
You take your datapad and type something on it, and a mechanical voice rises from the speakers.
[Iridescent]
He signs another one.
You frown, wrinkling your nose.
[You are a pagoda?]
He modifies his sign. You smile, understanding what he means.
[Assertion]
He nods, satisfied with the addition to his vocabulary.
Every day he takes an hour off his packed schedule to describe some art pieces to you to practice his signing and you correct him, showing him the good signs or formulation. He made spectacular progress in very little time, sometimes signing entire conversations with you while speaking the words out loud. You spent a lot of time discussing art and enjoying virtual expositions during some of his really rare times off.
Art is one of the only comforts you had for decades and discovering that your Grand Admiral shared your admiration really helped you relax around him.
Because Marker’s know how distrusting of men you are...
You sign ‘Thank you.’
“Why?” He tilts his head.
‘For learning the language, little people bother with it.’
“I need to be able to communicate with all of my officers at any given time. And a new language, whatever it is, is always useful.” He speaks and signs.
You nod with a thankful smile.
You quite like this man.
He is one of the very, very few you are comfortable with.
But since Commander Vanto disappeared out of nowhere, everyone has been on edge. You too, to be frank, but you were more worried about your reckless colleagues than the Grand Admiral. A lot were prone to judge him guilty for that disappearance, that he executed Vanto in some way...
To you, it didn’t make any sense.
At the depth of your being you know Vanto found his path and Thrawn didn’t endanger the life of his commander!
But that’s just a you thing, no one would take you seriously here.
You look up at Grand Admiral Thrawn, looking at his datapad, sorting his own list of art. He looks nothing like your tormentor, so much so that you have difficulties imagining them being part of the same category of person.
Your father was an Army officer and wanted a son.
But he got a non-speaking daughter.
And you pay the price since then...
You thought that going into the Navy he would look at you with pride for the first time in your life.
No.
To him, you were only good to marry off.
So you packed and left. He didn’t try to stop you.
You have been wary of any male approaching you since then. From the brutes to the ones aroused by your speech impairment you navigate life avoiding men and problems. Of course, once on an Imperial ship, you could never truly avoid them. Thanks to the Maker men's and women’s quarters are separated. Even today your two other roommates are women and you are thankful for that.
“A problem, Senior Lieutenant (F/n)?” Thrawn’s voice resonates in the room.
You blink, realizing that he is looking at you and that you are still fixing him intently. He must have felt your gaze on him. You shake your head and sign ‘Nothing’ and ‘Sorry.’
His gaze is clear and inquisitive, gauging you up and down.
“All is well.” He answers enigmatically.
He is aloof and professional as always but you don’t feel him... displeased? Like he truly is unbothered. You lower your gaze to your screen, he is patient with you but no need to push his buttons uselessly!
“I did not expect to see you this early.” He continues mundanely, focused on the hologram projected on his screen “Your shift is not supposed to start before four hours, why sacrificing your sleep?”
You breathe deeply and type on your datapad.
[Nightmares]
His gaze travels from his datapad to you, looking deep into your soul with his burning gaze. His face is neutral but a flicker of emotions seems to flash in his gaze before disappearing just as quickly.
“I understand.” He nods with a grave expression. “We are all grappling with our demons, you are not alone with fears.”
Is he... trying to comfort you? Why would he do that?
[Do you have nightmares too, Grand Admiral Thrawn?] You cannot help but ask.
He seems to think about it for a little moment. For a second you are afraid he will take offense to you prying into his personal life,
“In some ways. I can have unpleasant dreams like everyone else. This is the lot of warriors and those who set high goals for themself.” He finally responds with a focused tone.
Oh... So a man like Thrawn can also have nightmares? You would have never guessed that, he always appears so in control and... peaceful in some ways. Nothing ever comes troubling the inner balance of this man.
[How do you deal with nightmares when they become too much?] You ask full of hope for advice on how to let them consume you entirely.
“They never become too much. I never let irrational dreams hinder me in any way, those are simple remnants of your subconscious rising to the surface. No need to dwell on them unnecessarily, you only need a sharp mind to pursue your goals and mission.” He answers resolutely.
Oh...
Okay...
Not exactly the answer you hoped for. For some reason, you hoped he would reveal he does get affected by nightmares and would sympathize with you. But apparently, nothing can reach that man.
You sulk, feeling hopeless against the anxiety in your veins and the bad dreams plaguing your mind.
Thrawn notices.
“Nightmares are only figments of thoughts, they cannot harm you Senior Lieutenant. Do not give them the power to dictate your actions. You will find the strength to surpass them.” He tries, laying his hand on your shoulder.
This simple touch sends shivers down your spine, forcing the memory of your father’s hand on your skin, the bites of his knuckles on your fragile body. By pure reflex you slap his hand away, looking at him furiously.
Until the realization of your error flashes in your mind. What did you just do?!
Thrawn’s eyes flicker with surprise at your harsh reaction to his attempt to comfort you. But his aloof expression is back in a mere millisecond.
“Apologies, Senior Lieutenant (F/n). I did not want to make you uncomfortable. I trespassed my rights.”
You immediately shake your head in a panic, signing ‘Sorry’ multiple times. Fuck! What if he takes it badly? What if he gets angry? What if he decides to punish you? What if-
“There is no harm, (F/n). Everything is all right.” He informs you as you kept signing your apologies.
You raise your gaze to meet his, seeing he appears sincere, that he truly is not mad at you. You tentatively nod at him, trembling as fear slowly settles down away.
He looks at you intently, with his piercing red gaze that ties your stomach in knots. Your mouth stretches in a single thin line, awaiting your judgment.
“I will let you work in peace. Thank you for your help.” He courteously bows his head to you and leaves you alone to get a grip of yourself and calm down your anxiety.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
“Fancy finding someone here.” A deep melodious voice rose in the silence of the gallery.
Your breath got stuck in your throat. You who came hiding in the art gallery of the hotel to avoid guests, here’s one now! A man... You tried to calm down your heart.
It was one of your first official military parties as a Junior Lieutenant, and there was a lot of top hats here. A lot of ego and loud voices, unconsidering and detached from the common experience. You preferred to take refuge in the adjacent art gallery for peace and quiet.
You turned your head to observe the new visitor and gauge his intention. You discover a blue alien in an admiral regalia, a glass of champagne in his hand. You tilted your head in surprise, an alien officer of the Empire?
You never heard of such a thing...
Except for one person.
The blue alien approaches you, his gaze traveling to the immense canvas you were observing. His sharp cheekbones drew haughty features and the light accentuated the edges of his symmetrical face. His eyes are of a deep, burning red emitting a glow in the dim light.
You dug your nails in your arm and lowered your gaze as he placed himself next to you to better observe the canvas. He remains silent, looking into the details of the painting with a carefully fascinated expression.
“It is quite rare to encounter art enjoyers in those soirees, do you not think?” He addressed you again, “I did not expect someone else preferring the peace of the art gallery to the discussions and dances of the ballroom.”
You risk a glance at him. It must be him.
Admiral Thrawn.
“I am sorry if I disrupted your peace. I will leave you undisturbed to appreciate the paintings if you prefer.”He proposes before your resounding silence.
Honestly? Yes, you would prefer. You’re never really at peace alone with a man, but he is clearly an admiral and you are a simple Junior Lieutenant. If he ever catches your name and speaks of the fact that you refused to humor him, it could go bad for you.
[It is alright. You can stay, Admiral.] You type on your datapad.
His gaze lowers to your datapad with an interested gaze.
“Fascinating. Can it mimic inflections and emotions?” He asked.
You typed a random phrase and chose the laugh setting. The robotic voice exploded laughing, repeating your words, making the Admiral tilt his head, curious.
“Interesting. This is quite ingenious, is it used a lot in the impaired-speech community?”
You shake your head.
“Will you allow me a quick glance?” He asks softly.
You froze for a split second. This software is your buoy to communicate. Almost nobody knows sign language, especially in those settings. You held down your datapad before forcing yourself to lend it to him.
He is an Admiral and you...
He gently took it and started scrolling down the software, tampering with it. You gulp as he tested and observed your little software.
“It seems well built. How much time did it take you to code it” He turned back his head to you.
How did he know you coded it yourself? You frowned incredulously by reflex.
“You seem a talented coder, ma’am. I could use someone of your talents at my side.” He gives you back your datapad.
You feel your skin heating up. You’re not used to compliments.
[It is nothing too complicated really.]
“To you maybe, but for some other people coding is as nebulous as the never-ending universe. Did you code something else?”
You slowly nodded. You did know your way around coding and liked tampering with your electronic toys when you started to get really interested in it.
[I slightly improved the machinery of my father’s squad. Like canon sights, but nothing groundbreaking.]
“Really? What do you think of the current programming of tie fighters?”
What would he want to know your opinion on that? You’re a nobody.
[I would have done things differently.]
“I agree.” He nodded solemnly, “I am more of an amateur engineer than a coder but I have projects for a new kind of TIE fighter to propel the Navy’s fleet towards new heights. I am searching the galaxy for new talents to help me. If you allow me to test and judge your level would you be interested in participating in a military revolution?”
Was this man for real? You just entered your post a Senior Lieutenant and he jumps on you to propose you a new post?
[I just received my new affectation. I cannot just go against the Navy’s wishes and ask to change like that.]
“Of course. But if an admiral personally asks for your affectation to change, the Navy would probably oblige.”
You almost took a step back.
You know the reputation of this man. A genius in battle but a complete clown in politics, you heard he recently allied himself with the likes of Governor Price and rumors circulate that he invited a witch in his fleet?
He seemed quite the character and you had enough of those types of people in your life.
On the other hand, coding is your passion. Maybe a post dedicated to coding wan’t that bad?
|How would it go?]
“Simple. Your task would be to rewrite the pre-existing TIE code to sharpen it. You will have your own space on the ISD to test and modify the ships to your heart’s content. I will only ask you to follow my directives.
Your own space? Like... Away from other people? You being alone and free to give yourself fully to coding all day long? You being away from other’s peskiness and sharp-tongues?
That does sound enticing.
[I will think about it.]
“I thank you for considering my offer.” He extended his hand again, “I am Admiral Thrawn.”
You shook his hand after a hesitation, resisting the shudder coursing your body as your hands touched.
[Junior Lieutenant (Y/n) (F/n).] You typed.
He nodded a slight expression of satisfaction starting to paint on his face.
“I am pleased to have crossed your path tonight, Junior Lieutenant. I hope this is the beginning of a fruitful relationship.”
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“Will you come to my suite tonight, Junior Lieutenant (F/n)?” Thrawn asks.
He observes as you almost choke hearing that proposition. He knows this is quite forward of him. He doesn’t leave you guessing for long.
“I recently acquired new pieces for my private collection, and I recall you especially enjoying this period in art history. We could discuss those pieces peacefully together.”
Usually, your daily art talk happens in his office or around a cup of caff at the mess hall when he, rarely, descends to that room.
“I received a particular mirror that I think will especially flatter your taste, I am curious to know your opinion on it.” He pursues.
You nod with a small smile, visibly relieved and now interested before typing on your datapad.
[Of course Grand Admiral, I always enjoy talking art with you.]
“I am glad to hear it. I will not take too much of your time, do not worry.” He nods with a slightly satisfied expression.
As he awaits for you he tidies up his salon, displaying his latest acquisitions on pedestals. Those pieces are not for war but his personal enjoyment, and yours too he hopes. His heart clenches slightly at the thought of you joining him tonight.
He always had immense respect for your coding abilities. You spoke of it like it was nothing but he discovered you had a real talent for it, a natural jewel that he helped carve and sharpen since the first day he found it in you. He absolutely needed you on his team and congratulated himself when you announced to him you would join him in this adventure. And since that day your presence in the team only has been beneficial.
He never had to complain about you.
You worked diligently, for long hours and found the solution to most problems he threw at you. You even helped Vanto build a better Excel sheet software in your free time after you witnessed him losing his mind on the older version. Thrawn and Eli took the liberty to train their supply officers and data analysts with it and witnessed progress in productivity and speed by 20%.
And those 20% can be crucial during battles...
You received a reward of course! All people improving his ISD deserve a high reward for their deeds.
You are an invaluable member of Thrawn’s team, even of his close circle, even if he didn’t realize it right away and you never realized it ever.
But it is true.
He sees you as a true friend. You bring him so much in work and share his passion for art, something he is grateful for.
People never understood him on this level, and in some aspects, you don’t either. Your talents lie somewhere else than military strategizing, but your common passion allows him to stim off and share his special interest with someone actually interested.
Vanto could never, despite all his will, understand. As Thrawn never understood numbers like he did.
This is why he is also deeply happy to have you around. To share and receive in art. It allowed him to communicate better about his ideas and strategies.
When he thinks back that he almost decided not to come to that party... He only came because he learned the hotel had a small art gallery and he discovered a young lady in a fine dress, eyes glued to the painting in front of her.
He almost didn’t dare enter to disturb your moment. He understood the pleasure of being alone in a gallery to observe art on your terms. But the urge to share proved itself stronger and he entered the room.
He just wanted to speak about art with another aficionado and he left with a little genius coder in his team.
He saw how uncomfortable you were around him and didn't want to impose himself too much. Once you exchanged names and numbers he left you in peace. He didn’t get to enjoy the gallery himself but he came out better off after this exchange.
He welcomed you to his ISD three months later for the tests and you walked out victorious. You changed affectation and joined the Chimaera two weeks top after that.
He quickly picked up on your shy, or rather cautious nature around others, especially males and him. It was not his place to question you, all he could do was to remain polite, courteous, and professional to make things more comfortable for the both of you.
You saw each other at least one time a day for him to learn to sign and talk about art. You have quite an extensive knowledge about art and he was truly impressed. You taught him a lot about certain regions he didn’t have the time to visit and he learned a lot at your side, as you learned a lot at his side.
A truly beneficial relationship.
You slowly relaxed around him, getting less jumpy and stressed in his presence, to the point that sometimes you seemed to forget his presence when you focused on something. You never forgot any other male presence, always having an eye on them.
But not him.
Not anymore.
And that strangely delighted him. He doesn’t know why. He is just pleased by that fact, he takes some pride in it. He always prided himself in the fact to be safe for women to be around, when he thinks about all the things men do to women daily, he feels like being a decent person really shouldn’t be that hard and not such a high demand. He always appreciated the trust his female friends and colleagues had in him, and he just wanted you to feel the same.
For you to not see him as any kind of predator.
A tight smile comes stretch his mouth as he thinks back about the number of times he had to carry you to your cabin. How many times did he came to visit your office to witness your advancement to discover you sleeping on your desk after an obvious night crush? He took your precious datapad and carried you to your bed.
You never knew about that.
And he doesn’t really intend to tell you, as long as you rest that beautiful brain of yours to come back fresh the next day he can carry you to bed without a fuss.
He signals the droid to leave the champagne bottle in the ice bucket and on the coffee table. He remembers Ar’alani complaining about the lack of drinks when he brought her to the art gallery. You will not have to complain about that when admiring his personal museum.
He is strangely excited by that prospect, his heart beats strangely fast at the idea of letting you see his personal collection. He never shared it with anyone else, he feels like metaphorically stripping naked before you.
Overall he just hopes you will have a nice time.
With him.
He checks his display one last time. He gave the mirror he thinks you’ll love a special place, well visible and under a beautiful light.
[Grand Admiral Thrawn?] a mechanical voice he learned to love rises in his back.
He turns, his hand clasped behind his back, a small smile to welcome you.
“Ah! Senior Lieutenant, right on time as always. Please approach, I have several pieces for you to see.”
-------------------------------------------------------------------
You were a little bit nervous about the idea of joining Thrawn in his suite, but he promised it was about art so you came.
But until now he hasn’t been anything else but courteous and professional with you, never an inappropriate move or word, always respectful of our personal space and headspace.
You realized recently that you actually quite like him. He is quite a gentleman all things considered.
Nothing like your father...
Right now he stands next to you, at a respectable distance, to explain a statuette to you.
“It is a goddess of love and fertility of the Lokma region. A fine work isn’t it?”
You nod enthusiastically. It is indeed a very beautiful statuette, well-carved and polished.
You’re quite happy the Grand Admiral appreciates art as you do. You used to bury yourself in art books to escape your violent reality back home. Nobody liked art at home especially not your father. You had to hide all those books from his view or he would burn them before you.
But Grand Admiral Thrawn is a man of elegance and taste, enjoying art as a real connoisseur. His knowledge of the subject would put any encyclopedia to shame!
You reacted badly last time but you had time to rationalize that he simply tried to comfort you. You clearly overreacted. He had no bad intentions towards you, quite the contrary.
You look up to him, explaining the origin of the sculpture to you with a light smile floating on your lips.
-------------------------------------------------------
His heart is beating so fast. You are looking straight at him, smiling so genuinely. He could almost lose track of what he is saying if dared look into your eyes.
So he remains focused on the art piece, to not start stammering in front of you.
He doesn’t know how it happened but you both end up on the couch, drinking champagne and chit-chatting about everything and nothing. Right now you are trying to keep a straight face as he retells his political mishaps. It is no news to anybody that he is a clown in this department, but he never took the time to explain the finer details to someone and you have difficulties not exploding laughing.
Obviously, no sound escapes your lips but the simple expression, how you try to contain your stretching smile to grow too much, how your dimples appear on your skin, how you bite your lower lips to control yourself, how utterly relaxed you appear...
He details this spectacle, absolutely fascinated. He saw plenty of people laugh before but none appeared as... Radiant as you are right now. You are just so solar and magnetic with this elated expression.
For some reason, his throat goes dry when his gaze lends on your lips. They are plump and carefully drawn with a pencil of color in nude tones, adorning your mouth deliciously. He fights the urge to lick his own lips at that sight.
And your eyes...
Utterly gorgeous.
They can say everything your vocal cords cannot. They are just expressive, there is no second-guessing your mood or character, he just has to look into your sparkly eyes and unravel your entire being before him.
It is not that you are easy to guess, it is that your body is so completely honest with him, he doesn’t need to walk on eggshells like with the Emperor or any political figures, with you he can act and feel like himself.
Something that hasn’t happened since...
Forever.
In fact.
He always had to mask a part of himself to go his own way peacefully but he feels like he can open up to you.
That you wouldn’t judge.
That you would understand him, like Thrass did.
But he never looked at Thrass like that. He always was his brother but you are no Chiss. Is he looking at you as a sister...?
No... that doesn’t sound right to him.
Like a friend perhaps, like Ar’alani?
Neither...
He tilts his head as he watches you retelling him one of your stories with signs, a large smile on your beautiful face.
Because you do have a beautiful face, he realizes. Very symmetrical and... harmonious. It is a weird thought crossing his mind, he met plenty of objectively beautiful people in his life and he was able to tell that they were handsome but he never knew it in his gut. Just a passive acknowledgment of their well-made features.
But you are the first one striking him as truly gorgeous. His eyes seem to open up for the very first time and he is discovering true beauty.
What curious train of thoughts he has right now, observing you hiding your elated expression behind your hand.
He loves that expression, it suits you so much better than this worried, tense one you always were around your colleagues or that you had with him at first.
He had the occasion to witness different facets of your personality while learning sign language, but it feels like meeting the true you for the first time. You have so many things to say you don’t lose time typing it on your datapad, you just sign everything at lightspeed with enthusiasm.
Such a wonderful expression...
He wants to get lost in your eyes.
He wants you to smile more, to smile everyday.
His breath gets stuck in his throat as he realizes he wants to be the reason for your smile. Every day and forever.
Is he...?
He has to know!
He details your blissful expression while decoding your signing. He doesn’t get everything but he knows the important one. You are telling him that you love working on this project, that you feel useful and part of a real team thanks to him, and that he doesn’t reject you for being non-speaking but that he makes true efforts to involve and welcomes you.
“That is nothing, Senior Lieutenant.” A small grin grows on his lips, “You are too valuable for me to lose. I must make sure you are well cared for or you will leave me for greener lands.”
You bite your lips, lowering your gaze before the compliment. How adorable.
“Since you entered the project we made fantastic advancements. You wrote an almost perfect code and still keep working to improve it days and nights. We would not have gone so far without your input.”
Your face heat signals worsen, proof of your embarrassment. You sign ‘It is nothing’ without daring to look at him.
He leaves his slouching position to lean forward, closer to you, legs almost brushing.
“It is not ‘nothing’ as you pretend (Y/n). This is incredible work and you should be properly recognized and rewarded for that.” He ditch the ranks for a more warm approach.
You seem a little confused by the sudden use of your name so casually.
“Does it displease you?” He asks.
‘What?’ you sign, dubious.
“Me, using your name. I quite like it, you wear it perfectly.”
You smile, embarrassed.
“I am not joking. It has a wonderful sound to it, it suits you wonderfully.”
You push a strand of hair behind your ear to try to put up a front, but your heat signals are all over the place. You are very obviously melting.
On his hand, he realizes he enjoys complimenting you. It feels right to do it. For absolutely nothing too. For you just being here, for your hair style that enhances your natural charm, this absolutely adorable behavior, the list is infinite!
For you to keep that endearing look too.
He gently raises his hand towards you, slowly for you to see it and stop him if needs be. You look at him with round eyes and freeze entirely. He incredibly gently brushes your cheek with his knuckle.
A very soft, very light touch. He’s just testing the water, where you will put your boundaries.
You seem to release your breath when you realize he didn’t intend to hit you.
Why would you ever think that? He wonders.
What happened to you to always live in a fight or flight mode? He is dying to know, but that would be improper to pry. If you want him to know, you will reveal it in due time.
You blink several times as he resumes his gentle caress, like you don’t know how to react to tenderness. He couldn’t know either, to be honest. He just felt like giving you physical affection was the right call.
You are so pretty after all tonight, he needs to physically convey the tenderness he harbors towards you. Or he feels like he is going to implose or spontaneously combust.
"You are beautiful, (Y/n).” He simply lets you know his truth in a whisper.
You turn your head to avoid his gaze like it is too much. Your face heat signals are the worst they ever have been he notices.
“Are you uncomfortable?” He asks softly, “Would you prefer if I stopped?”
You go to type something on your datapad but stop mid-movement before putting it on the coffee table and spin away from him. He listens carefully. No sobs can be heard, to his relief.
“I am sorry if I was too forward, (Y/n).” He presents his excuses, “But I find myself in a weird head space tonight.”
You slightly turn your head towards him. Not enough for him to see your face, just enough to signify that you are listening.
He gently caresses your arm, avoiding pressing himself against you to leave you your space.
“(Y/n), I will not try anything you will not allow me to. I just want you to look at me.”
You shake your head, pressing your knees against your chest, boots on the expensive sofa.
“(Y/n), please do not deprive me of your sight.” He breathes, getting slightly desperate as you disposess him of your beautiful gaze “I am confused and need to know. Only you can help me. Look at me, my friend.”
This is the first time he calls you friend out loud and it doesn't feel stong enough for his feelings.
Is he really...?
“I need your help. Just this time, will you allow it?” He asks. “Let me look at you.”
His hand gently grasps your chin to invite you to turn to him, he does it softly, if you truly don't want it he will let you escape no question asked.
But you do turn towards him, eyes wet and glistening but without tears rolling down your cheeks. He releases your chin to gently cup your cheek, caressing it with his thumb.
“You are beauty incarnated.” He murmurs like he cannot believe you are in front of him, “I need only one thing and I will let you in peace. Will you allow me?”
He lets your hands free for you to sign but you just gulp and tentatively nod. You are clearly unsure but are ready to let him try whatever he has in mind?
But he doesn’t want to force you, your consent is the most important thing to him at this instant.
“I am about to kiss you. Will you allow it?” He looks straight into your soul through your eyes.
Your breath gets visibly stuck in your throat and your eyes get rounder. He keeps caressing your cheek gently, ready to face your rejection.
But you remain mute, not signing, nor shaking your head to escape him. You just look at him like you cannot believe you heard him right.
“I need your consent to continue.” He insists.
Your throat contracts as you dig your nails into the fabric of your pants.
Finally, you sign something.
‘Why?’
He cannot help a light chuckle escaping him. Is it that hard to imagine?
“I want to make sure if I am in love or not.” He very clearly explains, no sugarcoating it.
You appear even more lost.
‘Why?’
“Why would I be in love with you?” He tilts his head like your question didn’t make any sense, “You have plenty of qualities and virtues, why would you not be loved by others? Why would I not love you?”
Your face in no more but a deeply red spot in his infrared vision.
“What about you, (Y/n)? What are your sentiments? Do you feel something or am I alone in the storm?”
You try to sign something but your hands tremble so much your signs are unrecognizable.
He gently kisses your forehead before looking back into your gorgeous eyes.
“I only ask for one kiss to settle everything once and for all. Do I have your permission?”
You gulp before weakly nodding. You appear so tense, are you that estranged to tenderness? That pains him immensely, whatever comes out of that kiss he wants you comfortable and feeling safe at his side.
He slowly leans forward, leaving you time to dodge if you change your mind. You close your eyes shut like you can’t face him right this instant but let him do. He gently closes the gap and softly kisses your lips.
This is soft and light.
But he feels a firework lighting in his chest, his heart beating at lightspeed, pumping his blood like a machine. He feels his very soul rejoice and sing blissed verses. This chast kiss sends fire to his very being.
Not a lustful fire but a warm, comforting fire, like everything was clicking into place at last. Like he just found his other-half that he searched for so long.
And he is so euphoric that it is you.
He releases your lips, feeling your short breath on his lips. He opens his bright red eyes to discover you, eyes still closed but with a serene expression. You reopen your eyes slowly like you’re going down from a high.
You gasp, stupefied.
He awaits your judgment with anticipation and a touch of fear, but nothing pierces through his carefully crafted mask.
You raise your hand and sign.
‘Again please?’
He cannot help but smile, he will kiss again and again until you are sure of yourself! He captures your lips back in a more demanding kiss, holding the back of your head to press it against his craving lips. He sighs of pure satisfaction in the kiss, if it is what happiness feels like he would have it every day, please!
He suddenly feels your own hand gently cupping his cheek, caressing his ear delicately. He smiles through the kiss and starts purring loudly.
When you part again you are both panting. He takes one of your hands and kisses your knuckles reverently.
“I thank you for this enlightening experience, (Y/n). I now have my response.”
You look at him curiously, blood flowing furiously in your cheeks.
“I am certain now, this is love.” He confesses, “My heart is beating for you, (Y/n).”
You gulp again, but your hand keeps cupping his cheek, tenderly touching him.
“I must know your response, (Y/n). What is your truth?”
You retract your hand to start signing something but stop mid-movement of the first sign. He instantly picks up your discomfort.
“I do not intend to force you into anything. If you wish for nothing to change between us, I will not impose myself on you. The choice is yours only.”
You shyly nod and resume your signing.
‘I am embarrassed.’
“Do not be. You may speak freely, (Y/n). Whatever your response is, I am ready to receive and honor it.” He asserts, encouraging you to open up.
‘I never felt like this’
“Me neither, this is all new.”
‘What if I am wrong?’
“You can always come back on your decision. If you wish to leave me later I will set you free, if you wish to come back into my arms I will welcome you.”
He is on the verge of implosion. Doubt and excitation are consuming him, what is flying through your mind right now? Will you accept or reject him? He is dying to know!
You take a deep breath and sign.
‘I love you’
His heart skips several beats before sprinting up at a worrying speed.
You love him back! What a relief.
“Sign it again please.” He demands
You fidget your fingers, embarrassed.
“Please, Ch’acah. I want to see you tell me again.”
You sign it again with trembling hands.
He seizes them and kisses them like holy relics.
“Thank you, (Y/n). You do not know how important it is for me. What do you want now?”
‘What do you mean?’ You gingerly sign.
“May we become a couple? Do you wish to try and explore this relationship? The choice is yours, what you want I will give.”
@bluechiss @thrawnalani @justanothersadperson93 @al-astakbar@thrawnspetgoose @readinglistfics @elise2174 @debonaire-princess @twilekchiss @pencil-urchin @ineedazeezee @mssbridgerton @dance-like-russia-isnt-watching @Cortisolcosplay @obbicrystaleo @germie2037
#thrawn#thrawn x reader#thrawn x you#thrawn x f!reader#grand admiral thrawn#mitth'raw'nuruodo#fanfic#vibratingskull
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Update on life -TDBR
Masterlist
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y/n4real.2002
liked by austinbutler taylorswift and 2.020.199 others
y/n4real.2002 😮💨 he's written "mine" on my upper thigh * cough * back off tchalamet
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austinbutler mine and mine alone 💜🧶
↪︎y/n4real.2002 austinbutler 🤭 hehehe
tchalamet where did you get that picture !?!! 🤬🤬 delete that immediately!!! NOW .. also when the f did you get a tattoo?! 🧐
↪︎y/n4real.2002 tchalamet chill 🙄 it's not my fault you can't admit your undying love for MY man
↪︎tchalamet y/n4real.2002 it's not funny 🤬
↪︎fan395 the way she probably left Timmy in read 🤣🤣 she's so funny
ts.13fan omg we've got matching tattoos
taylorswift dare I say some of our best work?
↪︎y/n4real.2002 taylorswift we cry a lot be we are so productive ✨IT's AN ART✨
↪︎fan10: I love them so much every song they write together is an undeniable bop
fans.29 she's so hot
y/n4real.2002
Liked by taylorswift killatrav and 1.020.488 others
y/n4real.2002 damn he knows how to ball. Congrats to the Chiefs and to Trav!!
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austinbutler so you had fun?
↪︎y/n4real.2002 austinbulter 🤭 I did
↪︎fan494 next time take Aus with you
↪︎y/n4real.2002 fan494 will do 🤓
killatrav my bestest cheerleaders
↪︎y/n4real.2002 killatrav boy you got it 🫶
↪︎taylorswift: killatrav actually I'm on the bleachers
↪︎fan13 that's so unhinged and fun
↪︎fan103 the "you belong with me" reference
fan04 they looks so silly and happy
fans.of.yn she's my favorite person
y/n4real.2002
liked by austinbutler tchalamet and 1.204.584others
y/n4real.2002 welcome to the family Rex 😊 I'm sorry he dressed you like that I couldn't save you. Thanks dogsofromania for the cutest boy ever
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austinbutler hei! He looks cute 😤
↪︎y/n4real.2002 austinbutler 🙄 oh I'm surrounded by children
fan394 hahaha that's so cute, welcome to the family Rex
tchalamet you're building a zoo or something?
y/n4real.2002 tchalamet 😤 I smell jealousy
fan34 the dog is so cute I'm so happy the rescued him
dogsofromania happy to have found him a nice home
↪︎y/n4real.2002 dogsofromania is a match made in heaven 🤭✨
buzzfeed
liked by y/n4real.2002 austinbutler and 973.838others
buzzfeed if you were wondering how Shadow the little rescue Austin took home was doing here you go, straight form the source.
Pic 1 Simba William & Dandi
Pic 2 Shadow & Dandi
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y/n4real.2002 the more the merrier 😊🫶 thank you buzzfeed for brining him to us. P.S don't be fooled Dandi is very much in active war with Shadow
taylorswift Ah the cutest things ever *meow
↪︎fan.ts I love that Tay commented on this 🤣
fan29 they look so cute, Y/n and Austin are an example
fan02: y/n and Austin are goals, I want what they have
austinbutler I couldn’t leave the little guy behind even if I tried
↪︎y/n4real.2002 austinbutler glad you didn't
fan.39 they are the only proof love exists
fan.200 the catmily tree
y/n4real.2002
liked by taylorswift austinbutler and 2.488.399 others
y/n4real.2002 love you Tokyo, so glad to bring the Eras Tour to you, it's so wild to feel the crowed going wild at my fingertips
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taylorswift you look like Stevie Nicks in '75, the hair and lips
↪︎y/n4real.2002 taylorswift agh I wish 😬
austinbutler best show I've ever seen
↪︎ y/n4real.2002 austinbutler 🤭 thanks I guess, Mr no 1 fan
fan.01 haha she finally found me out 👀 time to delete this account and make a new account pls do fan.001
fan49 🤣🤣 not the fan account jumping into the joke, it's iconic
fan390: best show ever, she sang so beautifully 😭😭
clown.13 but are we going to ignore taylor's comment? Wth is that 😭
fan305 yeah right? I can’t wait for ttpd to drop
y/n4real.2002
Liked by taylorswift fan040 and 3.000.029others
y/n4real.2002 the manuscript is yours now, to read, dissect and digest. The 9 songs I wrote with Taylor, Jack and Aaron are the rawest I've ever scratched my skin with the tip of my pen... so enjoy The Tortured Poets Department is out now
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taylorswift we put narcotics in all of our songs
↪︎y/n4real.2002 taylorswift the FBI has entered the chat
austinbutler dare I say my favorite I who's afraid of little old me? I might be!
↪︎y/n4real.2002 austinbutler thanks, but stop that, people will think I'm scary
↪︎fan393 y/n4real.2002 impossible you're the sweetest
fan.of.aus ah I love their comments all the time
fans.of-y/nxaustin we all live vicariously through them
jackantonoff love writing and recording with you every time
↪︎y/n4real.2002 jackantonoff always my pleasure, here's to many more songs
aarondessner the talent
↪︎y/n4real.2002 aarondessner well said
fan20 the best album I've ever heard
fan494 I can't take any Y/n hate that says she cat write, have you all heard Peter!!!
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#the delicate beginning rush instagram#austin butler x reader#austin butler#austin butler fic#the delicate beginning rush#austin butler fanfiction#austin#love story taylor’s version#taylor swift#the tortured poets department#guilty as sin?#mine on my upper thigh#austin butler fans#austin butler love#dre6ming writes austin fake instagram#austin butler fake instagram#austin butler instagram#instagram photo dump#austin butler imagine#I can do it with a broken heart#the eras tour
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Tell Him
Mushy May in Lucifer's Hollow: Day 12 - First Time
Secondo x Dewdrop
This fic is set in an alternate universe in a town called Lucifer's Hollow. It's sort of like a Satanic version of a Hallmark town. For Mushy May I'll be using the prompts to post little snippets of life for the humans and ghouls that live there 💙 Thank you to @forlorn-crows for putting Mushy May together!
~ In Lucifer's Hollow Secondo is the Fire Chief and Dewdrop teaches art at the high school. ~
Warnings: this ended up being the first time Secondo says a few certain words so there's angst and love confessions and then some smut at the end...anal sex, fingering, a bit of cum play and a dash of size kink, nsfw, 18+ only mdni, 2,600 words (thank you to @ghuleh-recs for the dividers!)
It had been a long time since Secondo had tried to woo anyone.
For one thing, he barely had time for himself let alone a partner. Lucifer’s Hollow might be a small town but it was big enough to keep him busy as the Fire Chief. A day could include anything from your typical accident to a fire ghoul kit still getting the hang of their element. He always did his best to keep his crew and his hometown safe but sometimes that meant sacrificing the free time he had. The free time he could use to focus on someone else.
Dewdrop was the one to make him change his ways.
From the moment he had met the little fire ghoul, his fuocolino, Secondo knew he was worth it. Worth rushing through his paperwork at the end of his shift, worth taking a little extra care of himself on calls and worth the grief he got from his brothers whenever he skipped their weekly game nights. He would do all of that and more for Dewdrop, anything to show him how much he meant to him.
“You should tell him.”
“Tell who what?” Secondo squinted at his computer screen as he checked over his supply order. “Get your feet off my desk.”
“Dewdrop.” Terzo leaned back in his chair, the legs creaking as he balanced it on two legs. His expensive Italian shoes knocked into a framed picture on Secondo’s desk earning the younger man a glare. “You should tell him how you feel.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Bugiardo.”
“Fine. Even if I did feel a particular way about him it’s none of your business.” Liar? Terzo was lucky Secondo had tweaked his back earlier that morning otherwise his little brother would be laid out on the floor. “Put your fucking feet down.”
Terzo ignored him, instead knocked his shoe against the frame again.
“Whose picture is in this?” The longer Secondo remained silent the bigger Terzo’s smile got. “Why do I have the feeling it’s not one of your brothers?”
“Another thing that’s none of your business.” When Terzo tapped the frame and started to turn it towards him he leveled a glare on his little brother that would have made anyone else run. “If you have even an ounce of self preservation you will stop.”
“Oh fratello, sometimes I feel like you don’t know me at all.” In a flash Terzo knocked the picture frame off his desk. Secondo was out of his chair before the front legs of Terzo’s hit the floor but he was still too late to stop him from grabbing the frame off the ground and holding it up with a triumphant shout. “Ah ha! What a lovely couple you two ma–cazzo!”
He winced at the sound the glass in the frame made when it hit the tile after slapping it out of Terzo’s hands. His arms were soon full of the mayor of Lucifer’s Hollow, easily dragging him from his office and out into the hallway. He nodded at Cirrus when the pair passed her, ignoring her laughter as she followed them until they got to the large open garage door of the station. With a shove far more gentle then he felt Terzo deserved he left him out in the driveway cursing up a storm.
After directing Aether to call Special to come pick up his boss, Secondo made his way back to his office. With the door safely closed and locked behind him he stepped over to the frame, slowly kneeling down to pick it up. His back protested the entire time, each twinge of pain telling him his night would now involve little more than pain killers and his heat pad.
He sighed when he turned it over, pieces of glass left behind on the floor. Tomorrow he’d have to stop by GraveYarns for a new frame. Secondo shook the rest of the glass out and then popped the back open so he could remove the picture. It was a recent one, taken at this year’s high school graduation. Primo had asked him to make the commencement speech so he had been decked out in his dress uniform. He had even worn the old Papal face paint his family used to wear in past generations.
The same paint that Secondo knew was smeared onto his fuocolino’s skin under the clothes he was wearing in the picture. Black mouth prints from his neck to his nipples and down his stomach to his cock. He loved worshipping Dewdrop, loved tasting his skin that was always warm and smelled slightly of smoke. Loved getting him to make noises, everything from breathy gasps to desperate moans. And he loved taking care of him when they were done, cleaning him and holding him for as long as Dewdrop would let him.
Terzo was right.
Fuck.
“What’s wrong with you?”
“I told you, my ba–”
“Yeah, yeah I know old man. You fucked your back up playing hero.”
Secondo chose to ignore the ‘old man’ comment and remain silent. Ever since his revelation in his office earlier that day he had been biting his tongue, afraid that he’d confess his feelings as soon as he opened his mouth. It’s not that he didn’t want to tell Dewdrop, it was more he would much rather say it when he felt more confident his feelings were returned.
It would hurt too much otherwise.
“I wasn’t playing hero.” He spoke slowly, trying to choose his words carefully. “I was just doing my job.”
“Well what the hell are the others there for? Stand around and flirt with teachers? That seems to be a skill firefighters excel at.” Secondo grunted when Dewdrop pressed a little too hard on his back. “Or maybe it’s just the Emeritus family.”
“A little of both perhaps.” He should just tell him. “I’m the best at it, of course.”
“Maybe not the best at it but you certainly have the best taste. Now hold still so I can finish rubbing this in.”
“Is it supposed to smell like that?” Just tell him. “It smells like toothpaste.”
“Do you want to call Primo and complain about the smell? Or should I?”
“Nevermind.” Tell him. “The smell is fine.”
“How does it feel though? Is it helping?”
“Did I say it wasn’t?” Say it. “It’s fine.”
“Don’t get bitchy with me, I’m just trying to help you.”
“I wasn't, I just don’t need all these damned questions.” Tell. Him. “Leave it.”
“Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I’m supposed to shut the fuck up while I’m spending my evening helping my boyfriend.”
Dewdrop growled as he moved off the bed, slamming the little jar of salve onto the nightstand. Secondo could hear his tail swish back and forth through the air like it always did when the ghoul was angry. He gritted his teeth as he rolled over, wanting to face him but also afraid to look. There was no anger on his face though, instead he looked almost sad and it made Secondo’s heart clench.
“Fuocolino…” Tell him. “Mi disp–”
“No, don’t try to sweet talk me.”
“I was trying to apologize.” Right now. “If you’d just give me a moment.”
“Ok, fine.” Dewdrop crossed his arms, glaring down at Secondo. When the room remained quiet he quickly threw up his arms. “I’m waiting!”
“I wanted to tell you…merda.”
Fucking say it!
“Unbelievable. And people say I’m emotionally constipated.”
“I am glad you’re here, I’m thankful that you’re here!”
And I love you.
“Why was that so fucking hard to say?”
“It wasn’t fuocolino, there's just something else I’d rather say.”
I love you so much.
“Then say it.” Secondo could hear the worry creeping into Dewdrop’s voice. The same tone he’d heard the few times he had to call him and tell him he’d been injured. “Do you want to break up?”
“Che cosa? No!” I never want you to go. “Why would you think that?”
“Because you’ve been short with me all night, like you don’t want to talk. And then you say you need to tell me something but you can’t spit the fucking words out. What the hell am I supposed to think?”
“I don’t want to break up with you.”
Ever.
“Then what the fuck is going on?!”
“I love you.”
The room was dead silent after those words left Secondo’s mouth. Dewdrop’s tail was still and neither one of them seemed to breathe. He was pretty sure his heart had even stopped, like it was waiting to see if it should bother beating again. Fear started to grip him the longer Dewdrop stayed silent and he began thinking of something to say, anything to say to try and ease the hurt of the rejection he feared was coming.
“What did you say?”
With the smallest tendril of hope tingling in his chest Secondo tried to move closer to the other side of the bed.
“Fuocolino, I love you.” He hissed when his back protested what he was doing but he was desperate to be near Dewdrop. “Ti amo.”
Dewdrop immediately turned towards the nightstand and Secondo couldn’t breathe again. He gasped in pain when he moved too much, falling onto his back and blinking up at the ceiling while spots danced in his vision. It was probably a few minutes before he was able to collect himself but when he did it was to angry murmurs from the ghoul practically petting his chest.
“...I swear to Lucifer if you die on me right now I will go to Hell myself and drag your ass back here. Satan’s dick what did Primo put in this fucking salve?!”
“Dewdrop, fuocolino, fermare. Stop.” The frantic touching ended but Dewdrop kept his hand over Secondo’s heart, needing to feel the reassurance of the steady beating. He brought his own hand up to cover it, entwining their fingers together and squeezing Dewrdop’s hand tightly. “I’m alright.”
“Say it again.”
“I’m alri–”
“Not that you stupid asshole.”
“I love you.”
“Again.”
Secondo smiled, slipping his other hand up Dewdrop’s back and burying his fingers in his long hair. With a few gentle tugs he got him to lower his face down so he could press their lips together. It was a relatively chaste kiss, for them at least. Dewdrop sucking on his tongue when he pressed it inside. He ended the kiss sooner than he wanted but his back was still screaming at him so he was in no condition to let the kissing go any further.
Dewdrop’s amber eyes were bright in the dim light of the room, staring unwaveringly into his own. He couldn’t tell what the ghoul was thinking but the fact that he was still here, still clinging to him gave him hope.
“I love you.” The admission earned him a quick and dirty kiss before Dewdrop pulled away again. Secondo watched him nibble at his bottom lip for a moment before he spoke. “What is it?”
“Nothing. I’m just thinking.”
“About what, fuocolino?”
“I was trying to decide if riding you would break your spine in half or not.” There was humor in the ghoul’s eyes but Secondo could also see the tell tale signs of lust there. “Maybe Primo has a salve for that.”
“Worth the risk.”
He attempted to bring Dewdrop’s mouth down to his again but the ghoul resisted. Secondo just wanted to kiss him, even if it hurt at least the pain would distract him from the fact that Dewdrop hadn’t said those words back to him. He knew enough of Dewdrop’s past to know those words would be hard for the ghoul to say. And even if he never said them it wouldn’t change how Secondo felt.
“Wait, there was one more thing.” Secondo let the hope build again as he watched his ghoul, his little flame take a deep breath. “I love you too, old man.”
Everything was different now.
The words he had barely spoken to even family came easily to him. Words he said every morning as he kissed Dewdrop awake. Words he said throughout the day when the moment felt right. And words he said at night, especially when he was buried inside of him like he was now. His cock pulsed along with the beat of his heart as he ground his hips against Dewdrop’s.
“Ti amo.”
Italiano always felt more right in these moments, when their sweat was mingling on each other’s skin. When they both sported marks from teeth and nails and claws. Dewdrop was warm, he was so warm inside and out. Even in the coldest days of winter when the old furnace in his house struggled to keep up. And Secondo craved that warmth, he craved being surrounded by it. He always longed to sink his cock into Dewdrop and feel him shake and shudder around him.
Sometimes Dewdrop struggled to say the words back but Secondo knew they were there. He could see it in those amber eyes and he could feel it in every touch. But tonight the words came out and Secondo swore he could see them ripple through the air between them.
“I love you.”
Hearing them had Secondo moving again, practically folding the slender ghoul in half while he pushed in as deep as he could go. He swore he could see himself moving there and he laid a hand on Dewdrop’s belly, wanting to feel it. Wanting to feel it inside and out while he thrust his cock into him.
There were no more words spoken. Only the wet sounds of Secondo’s thrusts and both of their desperate moans filling the room. It was possible Dewdrop muttered something in Ghoulish but the blood rushing in his head was too loud for Secondo to tell. When the ghoul’s claws dug into his forearms he knew Dewdrop was close. He picked up the pace, reveling in the sounds he was making underneath him. The sounds he was looking forward to hearing for the rest of his life.
It was almost painful when he came, filling Dewdrop for the second time that night. His ghoul came soon after, his cock spilling more cum all over his stomach and chest. Secondo rubbed his hand through it and then brought it up to his mouth, dragging his tongue through the mess and managing a dirty laugh when Dewdrop made a wounded noise.
He stayed inside of him as long as he could but as he gently lowered Dewdrop’s legs he pulled out, his cock soft and covered in lube and cum. Secondo rubbed at his stomach again while he watched his hole pulse, disappointed to see his cum dribbling out. He used two fingers to press it back inside, groaning along with his ghoul as he did so. Eventually Dewdrop’s tail came up and tugged at his wrist so he stopped, bringing his fingers up to his mouth to clean them off.
Secondo loved his fuocolino so much. The way he tasted and smelled. The noises he made when they were together like this. But it was also so much more than that. It was the little pictures Dewdrop would draw and sneak into his pants pocket before he left for work. The proud texts he would get during the day of him showing off his students’ artwork. He loved Dewdrop more than he could ever describe.
But he would spend the rest of his life trying.
If you'd like to be added/removed from the tag list (or if I accidentally left your name off) of this fic or any of my others please leave a comment or send me a dm! Thank you 💙
My Masterlist ~ My Archive of our Own ~ My Ko-Fi Tip Jar
More snippets from this verse are on my masterlist under "Ongoing Series"!
Other Mushy May days: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9 / 10 / 11 / 12
#secondo x dewdrop#the band ghost fanfiction#ghost band fanfic#secondo fanfiction#dewdrop ghoul#mushy may 2024#tales from lucifer's hollow#oakie's writing
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which is worse: d20 tumblr or d20 twitter?
this is such a funny question. frankly I prefer talking with my existing friends over discord over either of them but here's a breakdown of my experience with them
d20 tumblr
feels like a more isolating experience because of the way tumblr is set up in general as a platform. I follow relatively few people here, so all my interactions are from people engaging with my art (love you mwah) or asking me questions. nearly every time I go into a d20 related tag I regret it
I think frankly I disagree with 90% of the opinions on d20 here but because I don't have to see it I can just post my art and go
feels relatively static like there's not a good way to get everyone talking about a specific transformative fandom thing instead of only what's happening in canon because it's a looser more disconnected community
allows for longer posts and the search system on my own blog is great though. I love directing people to go through my tags or archived art
d20 twitter
incredibly, astonishingly, bad at recognizing jokes for people who are fans of a comedy show
way easier to interact with people which means most of the friends I make are from d20twt...
very easy to get everyone talking about one specific thing (ie fhsonas) because of how interactive Twitter is as a platform and how quickly word spreads
downside of this^ is that every time I express an opinion someone disagrees with they tend to assume that this is a majority opinion rather than like, 3-4 popular gay asian artists speaking their mind? when I complained about fhjy 18 battle on here I got interesting and thoughtful reblogs and everyone kept it respectful meanwhile on twitter people started making vaguetweets about how people who hated the episode were morons. stuff like us joking that oisin's grandma's whole mahjong group got murked getting 200 likes VS people directly shitting on us getting 1.7k likes and people going "wait... people are mad about oisins grandma for REAL?! she was going to kill people !!" getting 2k likes. clearly there is some sort of strange authority people put on your words whether or not you're actually just trying to have fun with your friends
I did talk about this more on twitter but I am not a fan of the CRitterfication of d20twt either. feels like much of the fandom is now watching because they're megafans of the cast rather than for the story which leads to some really big toxic positivity bias and the implication that criticism of the show == direct attack on the crew and therefore on THEM because parasocial attachment. I don't think it helps that for a majority of them d20 is their first big fandom experience aside from like... kpop or tswift because they have not developed a lot of the detachment from canon + not being parasocial + ignoring opinions you don't like if they're not directly addressed at you mechanisms that people who've been around have. sorry I'm not trying to fandom elder or whatever here I'm 21 years old but I think it's incredibly hard for me to interact with people whose entire understanding of canon depend on siobhan thompson's opinions like this
tldr;
d20twt has way less reading comprehension and critical thinking skills. better for making friends. I interact almost entirely with 30-40 of my artist friends. (my) d20tumblr experience is more chill and feels like I'm doing a seminar and people come up to ask me questions afterward. more isolating but easier to do my own thing. I do recognize and am fond of a lot of you but I've made one (1) entire friend who I can talk to off platform and not just see on the dash/my notes and that's just the nature of how tumblr works as a platform (it's terrible for conversations)
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remember that you don’t have to post exclusively finished pieces! people want to see your doodles and your unfinished work too!! when i see art of my favorite characters i go ballistic regardless of the completion!!!! bitches love art!!!!!
#i’ve worried about this in the past & i know several others who do too#it’s normal to worry about what you’re posting but just remember everyone loves all of your work :)#i try to say Show instead of Post to myself so i don’t get caught up in internet stuff. it’s good to change posting into showing everyone-#-what you made. art is a lovely thing! show us!#also remember it’s okay to keep your doodles private too. do not show your art if you are content in keeping it to yourself!#just positivity today because day has been bad so far
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so REVENGE, HUH? or justice, if that makes you feel better. it tastes the same when cooked just right. 'I REALLY WANTED A BROTHER.' such a shame to burn a bridge you so desperately wanted to keep, especially when it wasnt even you who started the fire. especially when you hope that not a single fragment of that bridge ever washes ashore.[MAY IT ROT FAR FROM MY SIGHTS]
an unfortunate loss! atleast he has his friends.
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi prime defenders#jrwi prime defenders spoilers#jrwi pd spoilers#jrwi pd#william wisp#vyncent sol#THIS ONE IS FUUUUCKIN OOOOOLLDD RAAAHHHHH i made it like. a year ago. but didnt finish it for so so long bc i just wasnt happy w it.#BUT LIKE A CENTURY EGG the decades of being encased in salt n lime n ash have done WELL to bring out the flavores of this piece#i sorta recently cleaned it up and posted it onto twitty. didnt tag it bc it was SO OLD AND SCUFFED(i see so many MISTAKES NOW)#that i didnt want to expose it to the open air just like that#if i show smth to my small circles then it shall only be understood in those small circles.#open air and open interpretation from minds i cannot predict are NOT something i enjoy the thought of. usually. i am brave tho#BUT EVERYONE ON TWITTY WAS SO NICEEE i was like damn... i guess it IS good enough to be enjoyed by the masses...#lets work on being nicer to our art together. THAT BEING SAID. i really love my colors here HELL YEAHHHH#FIRST TIME IN A WHILE COLORIN THESE BOYS.... i dont use proper color enough..I ALSO RLY LIKE MY BACKGROUNDS HERE#i LOVE when the bg is hyperrealistic (i frankestiened stock photos) and when the subjects are all flat colored n cartoony#recently rewatched Making Fiends and they do that similar thing!! soft shading! lotsa details! almost painted? ill paint one day#ive already rambled so much abt the art im runnin out of ROOm to ramble about WWWIILLIAM GODDAMN WWIIIISP. its been a minute since i saw-#-this episode..but i DO remember the funny smoke trick that will did to his funny brother. EVERYTIME U GIVE AN ORDER. THAT BRINGS HARM-#-INDIRECTLY OR NOT. YOU WILL HEAR THOSE SCREAMS. YOU WILL FEEL THAT PAIN. OHHH WHAT A COOL PUNISHMENT THAT IS#its still an olive branch in a sense! a final chance for big bro bell to show that hes NOT an irrideemable piece o shit. and if not#well. to the wolves of psychosis with him!!! i really think william did the best he could here. if i was in his shoes i have no doubt i-#-woulda done the same. IM ALSO GLAD THAT VYN DECIDED TO STICK AROUND N SUPPORT HIM! thas character development baybe!!#i loooove prime defenders.. its been so long since i watched any eps of it but i KNOW it still has such a grip on my heart..GOTTA rewatch i
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there's cliche's and then there's intentionally leaving a piece vague but it still having meaning and assuming your audience isn't stupid so they can come to their own conclusions about how the piece makes them feel based on visual language
#that's what we did in art school#when you actually have to do shows and tell people in person your artist's statement#I like seeing how people feel and react to my work rather than care about the style or aesthetic or tropes used#it's the /meaning/ of the piece and I love how even though my experience is specific#it still feels relatable to others#in that moment where people go wow or that's so cool like#i had a guy run up to me once just because he bloboed a work of art I made#i love that shit#i miss shows but eugh pandemic :(#jackal's journal#my art historian would have a fit rn#her whole thing is Pompeii and she showed us how much enjoying and relating to things you love or find neat helps inspire you more#than worrying about how other people feel about you#like damn
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-“Just a flower, in the middle of the field at night, a light is turned on and reveals.. A day arriving with confident hope and silent happiness!”🌹🐝
#for those who didn't get it.. today is my birthday! and so tomorrow is really the day of the party and etc..#that's why I put “arriving” because tomorrow is a really special and very important event in my life akzbskhzjsb#and yes. I'm cosplaying as princess bela. she's one of my favorite characters and her dress.. It's literally a dream come true for me!#because I'm really going to use one similar to this one tomorrow irl and-#I won't tell you guys more details because it's personal things but- well. that's a little explain of what the art is about!#I really feel very happy.. and I admit. I don't even know how to explain my happiness but.. well...#I feel special. surrounded by people who *really* love me and show true affection for me and..#that I just have to thank. for everything. I have gratitude for all of you! like- thank you very much. really. for everything..#I can't even express in words how grateful I am for each of you#know that I love and appreciate everyone who is still with me on this journey called life!#and of course- I couldn't forget to talk about him lol. thanks to mike!#I don't know what would have become of me if I hadn't met someone as friendly and good-hearted as him#he was always by my side and made me feel more special in every day. in a unique way and one of the most important to me..#I love him very much/p. and I hope that our friendship will be forever happy and respectful the way it already is!#(of course. this also works for the other friends I made here too- please don't get mad or jealous! I love you all. okay??)#and well.. that's it.#I hope I still stay here. that I enjoy my day and face any fear or harm that I might have ahead of me and..#that I just hope for the best. I put everything in God's hands and I feel confident that things will work out no matter what the cost!#thank you guys again for everything and happy birthday to me lol-💛#happy birthday to me#it's my birthday#mel creator#mel loly#cosplaying of beauty and the beast#i'm mel and this is my blog✌️#my art blog#art mel#art#my art#my oc character
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what do you fucking mean that's how charlie dies. THAT'S HOW CHARLIE DIES??? i mean i know the show has a penchant for killing off every character who's not a winchester brother or an angel of thursday but good god. what the fuck. charlie was such a good and enjoyable recurring character, and she had such a fandom impact that i've seen, and she's only around for THREE SEASONS?? (sidebar: it's amazing she has the presence she does for only being around for a couple episodes in the long run!) but: was this necessary? and she just dies offscreen after her skills are utilized to progress the plot of decoding the book of the damned?? oh my god. what in the actual fuck. i'm finding myself getting genuinely very upset at her death. she did not fucking deserve that. and i can absolutely see why the fan response to her death is what it is now. completely fucking unjustified and throwaway and useless.
#theo.txt#spn#charlie#spn spoilers#spn 10x21#almost none of the women who've gotten fridged on this show have deserved it but still#good god this one made me especially angry#why do you use this character for a plot point and then ship her off somewhere. to oz or to the afterlife. so often?#she was such a cool character with a good story that i enjoyed and related to and THIS is what they did with her?? and from my perusing she#doesn't even really come back like bobby occasionally does?? and his death. while devastating to me as somebody who really liked him. still#felt WAY better than this#sorry i ended that episode with my jaw on the fucking FLOOR oh my god. /neg#what did she have to die for? where is that post about female characters dying so male characters can feel sad but it's a gifset of all the#bullshit ass deaths of women on supernatural#i love the show fucking obviously but jesus h christ.#but also you know what. having the context that i have. still a fucked up thing to say but i see why dean says That to sam now during#charlie's funeral. it IS an interesting look into how they respond to the other one violating their wishes/freedoms and into their larger#dynamic actually! but thats not what this post is really about#wow. i am actually livid. poor fucking charlie.#if she was like a sister to the winchesters how about you bring her back huh? how about you revive her? jesus christ#i wonder what her heaven is like. i hope its dnd and movie night with the girls#i took a little break mid-typing this to see if i was just being insane and angry but no the super wiki has a whole section about the fan#outrage at charlie's death and the discussions it furthered about the show's misogynistic tendencies#and you know what? good!#ok anyway. im going to go browse charlie art and feel abnormal now.#supernatural#charlie bradbury
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I say this in the most loving way possible, how the fuck can you write the most expressive and magical tags ever?? How do you have the mental energy to form words? 50% I can only say "nice post op". You inspire me to spread positivity to everyone but I literally can't be this positive and kind all the time. Just want to send you love and know that I appreciate you <3
HKJGH AW RED!! :'] <3 it does take a lot of energy, i understand :'0 i keep a lot of cool art in my tumblr drafts. the art stays in there until i have energy to type all my thoughts out. a lot of things stay stuck in there… i try to make sure art from my friends get out soon though :0 don't feel bad if you can't type a lot!! anything you can manage is okay! no one can be positive and kind all the time, and that's normal! just do what you can. i promise it's enough. (<- these are things i need to remind myself too <3)
a lot of it is literally just me needing to scream hkjfh, i have a lot of thoughts and i love sharing them always. i love rambling, can you tell? (<- joke) also i have a lot of love to give and i love artists and their creations. like WOW someone made a thing!! and they wanted to share it with the world!! AND I GET TO SEE IT!!! i GOTTA tell them i enjoy it!!!!!
it's also my empathy acting up because im also an artist!! and he's like "hey!! you love people writing nice tags on *your* art!! imagine if you were this artist, wouldn't you be happy to see someone tagging it with nice things? :)!" and im like yeah!! if this makes me happy, i should make other people happy too :3
ANYWAY I APPRECIATE YOU TOO RED YOU'RE DEAR TO ME!! SENDING LOVE BACK!!!! <33
#my conceptualization and my empathy handshake WE GOTTA COMPLIMENT ALL THE ARTISTS IMMEDIATELY!!!#i used to take art classes and we were taught how to do art critiques? so i use a lot of that terminology too but only the compliments part#i don't remember much from those anymore but you'll see a lot of my tags talk about ''wow i love the warm colors you used here!''#''the poses are so dynamic!'' ''what an interesting composition!'' ''really good use of texture!'' <- it's basically habit now#talk about what you notice! talk about details you like! talk about how it made you feel! (<- did you laugh? smile? cry?)#truly sometimes i just write ''this made me feel indescribable emotions'' and thats cool too hkjhg <33 also uh. scream a lot?? :']#''WAAAAUHGKJH!!!'' <- very common in my tags hgkjh <3 i know it's hard a lot of the times though!! words are DIFFICULT... we try our best!!#it helps when its a character i know too lmao you'll see me YELL SO MUCH about a post with volition in it bro i will not shut up jhkjdh <3#or when theres a lot of things happening in a scene to comment on! like if theres a lot of characters or its a comic!#THAT'S MORE THINGS TO COMPLIMENT BABEY!! B) i just like supporting artists. we're all creating such cool things to show to each other :]!!#my whole fuckin goal on earth is to be kind and silly and loving and earnest so!! im trying my best hkjhg <3#volta transmissions
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Just reread one of my newer fics and damn that was good. Like, it was not beta read but damn. I also like my older fics, but there is a definite improvement there.
I like writing :)
#writer speaks#i think everyone should look at their older art#doesn't matter what kind of art it is#you should look at what you made and realize that you made that with your own hands and your own mind#and you should love it because it shows just how much influence you have on the world around you#you should love it because everything we create is part of us and it's beautiful#so look back on what you made in the past and love it for existing#love yourself for creating it#and then look at the newer things and realize that you have improved#you have improved and while you don't love your older things any less you are proud of that#because you can keep creating and getting better and getting more comfortable#creating things; making art is beautiful#and as an artist you are beautiful too
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me being hyper-aware of my ability to learn easily is combating my inferiority complex right now and I hope it win
#I forgot how I can hyperfocus on something to the point of getting it enough to do what I want quickly - that I actually have a skill#the first gifs I made I posted on here - I had never tried and I did it#I had never used canva before I had my stat ideas#I had never combined my design skills with stats in this way- thinking of it as art with info - not just info#ffs I don't even like math#I even shared my art with strangers!! (who aren't strangers anymore <3) when before I rarely showed them to my own partner#I ignored my need to stifle myself because I never shut up#and then found people who like when I ramble? AND THEY DO IT TOO?#shit I had never shared my headcanons or show breakdowns or even had a friend to joy in our love for our fandoms - not like this#it's never been like this#In fandom I have actually proven I can do the things I think I can't do#that I can follow through#that I am not a failure#that I am capable#so fuck you inferiority complex - I hope you die#twotalesmentalhealth
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4 am and I can't sleep bc my joints are in so much pain 😒
#im so tired too o<-<#miss the days i could draw in bed easily at night. i share my bed now.. but would be worth trying djdndjdb#my puppy sleeps in the bed now too i really like it!#except in the morning if shes up she will dig us out of the blankets.. its cute but ridiculous dhdndh#also omg... this evening i forgot to give her dinner (so much going on w me 😞) and didnt realize until a few hours late#but like. it made me also realize that she doesnt really ask for food. i dont think she knows she can ask...?#i was like omg are you hungy ? and she was like omg yay ☺️#idk why this is a thing w me rn. like she doesnt know she can ask for dinner. babey..... ;_; ...#anyways i think i just came here to complain as usual#nothing new with me other than new art. reading more. think thats abt it..#my partner and i have been reading together before bed. he reads out loud to me#i like it a lot. were really into horror right now and looking for more !#he does voices and the whole bit and i love getting to freak out together mid chapter and stuff.#its different than while watching a tv show or movie idk.#and currently on my own im reading ag/e//ls bef/ore man. maybe 80 pages in or smthn its nice so far#what ive been REALLY wanting to read is medieval horror. surprisingly hard to find.#i asked someone who works at the bookstore and she was so like. baffled by it o<-< she was trying so hard but couldnt think of or#find anything but genuinely trying so hard i felt bad... and i tried to say it was okay but she was dedicated atp 😭#and then at the checkout she came by again like. medieval horror..... thats a tough one. and i just profusely apologized again djsbsusbshsn#so if anyone had some medieval horror they enjoy 🧍♂️ id love a recommendation
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Thank you, younger me, for drawing so many things in which the lines were never quite right. It is quite literally the only reason I ever figured out how to get them right.
#And I imagine future me will have a very similar thing to say when I am them and they are no longer me.#original#something about zyr improved composition and speed hopefully#i keep wanting to use she pronouns for future me. probably bc that is what i do for past me sometimes.#but i really don't think I'm ever going to want she her pronouns again#I still don't get my lines exactly how I want them a lot of the time but I am at a point where I'm fairly confident I can#produce nearly anything I see in my head and capture the spirit of it in a way that makes me proud.#even if it takes a really really long time sometimes.#and although I don't think the art I made growing up was bad i love the phrase#' the road to good art is paved with bad art.' I think I saw it in a video by Bobby Chiu? idk.#and I like it because whenever I'm not sure about what I'm making and I get to insecure or perfectionist about it#*too insecure#I remember that if I want to get good at the thing I'm struggling with I'm going to have to do it poorly or just okay a bunch of times#and that doing this is my ticket to this skill I'm placing value on. also doesn't hurt that Im drawing things I love and I enjoy doing it#although at this point I really really should just sit down and study leg muscles for like a hundred years#it's one of the more longstanding blindspots of mine. that and literally everything that is not people.#as in locations animals objects scenery... did you know that most graphic novels have some or all of those things???#how homophobic that in order to show my characters experiencing such luxuries as plot action and context I couldn't just#drop them on a gradient and be done with it!#I've been drawing for like 20 years and only a couple years ago was i like... OH MY GOD I CAN'T DRAW A FUCKING TREE
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