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daybrightsims · 2 months

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Alright, they've lived in my brain too long; Time to air out my thoughts about the polyamory in BG3

To give a little context: I am currently ethically non-monogamous with my primary partner of almost 7 years. I am not a monolith of thought when it comes to polyamory/ENM/open relationships. These are my own personal thoughts and feelings. I've also completed the game with Astarion and Halsin romanced. Spoilers ahead, read at your own risk.

TL;DR - I don't share the current opinion of whether or not Astarion is okay with Tav pursuing Halsin and the discourse around his agency and choices in the relationship are bumming me out and frustrating me.

I am getting increasingly frustrated about the conversation about Astarion being polyamorous/okay with Tav being with Halsin in the game, primarily because I think a lot of the "think pieces" are coming from 1) monogamous people who have only ever been monogamous, 2) monogamous people who have been burned/cheated on/forced into polyamory by a partner (I feel for ya'll, that wasn't okay), 3) people who are very VERY protective of Astarion, and 4) people who are blatantly uncomfortable with polyamory. My goal is not to invalidate anyone's experiences, but to share an alternate perspective.

I do think that Astarion is not only okay, but happy with Tav dating Halsin. I glean this from how he responds to being poly with ANY OTHER companion. If you ask him to share with literally anyone else, he will say no and give his reason.

Gale: He doesn’t want to be in a love triangle (which with Gale, it would be).

Lae’zel: He’s uncomfortable and Lae’zel would kill him (also true).

Wyll: He knows Wyll is old fashioned and monogamous.

Karlach: He knows Karlach’s feelings for you are strong and he doesn’t want to stand in the way of that (he even says he’d be cool with an arrangement but knows Karlach will need all of your affection based on what she’s been through).

Shadowheart: He would be cool IF Shadowheart had more experience and ya’ll were together longer. But he knows Shadowheart is fragile in her current state.

Minthara: He REALLY doesn’t like this idea and will dump you immediately.

I did also see that ***SPOILER*** they updated or are updating some of the spawn Astarion language to have issues with your affair with Mizora should you pursue it, and it requires a persuasion/deception role to keep you two together.

Up to this point in your relationship with Astarion, he has become more comfortable voicing his opinions and concerns with you. He is learning to value his autonomy and his non-physical relationships. He will tell you when he doesn’t want to do something. In fact, he’ll break up with you over pushing his boundaries. He is fine with you pursuing the Drow twins and fine with you sleeping with Haarlep, even comforts you when Haarlep uses your form. So when he says he is okay with you pursuing Halsin, he means it. Yes, he voices his insecurity with you that you may be pursuing Halsin because you and he haven’t had sex in a while. But he acknowledges that Halsin has experience in this arrangement and doesn’t pose a threat to your relationship. Plus, if you kiss Halsin in front of him, he’ll say “don’t mind me, I’m just enjoying the show.”

To me, the idea that this is the ONE thing that Astarion doesn't have agency over in an arc of showing he can speak up for himself is you sleeping with Halsin is an idea that takes more agency from Astarion. He is a grown man. A 240 YEAR OLD man. That trauma he's endured does not mean he needs to be babied or coddled because he can't make his own choices. I think that's an unfair assumption to put on him that Halsin and Tav being together is the ONLY thing he can't enforce his boundaries on.

If he didn't want you to be with Halsin, he would say no like every other monogamous character in the game.

If you want a good example of someone saying yes just because they want to keep you, look at Karlach. You can tell she is HEARTBROKEN when you ask her, but she says “I don’t want to lose you”. That is not an enthusiastic participant in a polyamorous relationship. Astarion says “yeah, go for it! Just give me some reassurance”. Polyamory is not immune to insecurity. I've asked for reassurance in my own relationships and so has my primary partner. That’s not unenthusiastic. That’s realistic as shit. If you ask him about the relationship after you finish his questline, he doesn’t need reassurance because you’re having sex again. That’s also super realistic.

Am I sensitive to this as someone who practices ENM? Almost certainly. It's hard to see a lifestyle I live be villainized and claimed to be "forced" onto characters. I was actually really excited that I could pursue both Astarion and Halsin, and that Halsin places so much importance on consent and not misleading your partner. And it sucks SOO much to see one of my favorite characters be reduced to "oh, he's only doing it because he's afraid to lose Tav." It makes me almost feel bad for liking the interactions between them and enjoying to option. Do I think people mean to make me or other poly people feel bad? No.

But it does.

Headcanons are headcanons. I get it. People are absolutely allowed to interpret the poly aspect of BG3 how they want to. People are allowed to feel uncomfy with how it's portrayed and not pursue it. But it still bums a queer ENM Astarion and Halsin lover out.

Now excuse me whilst I live out my Astarion x Halsin x Tav polycule fantasies in the form of fanfiction.

#bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 companions #spawn astarion #astarion #polyamory #enm #ethical non monogamy #halsin x astarion #act iii #halsin #monogamy

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feeldco · 15 days

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#feeld #standup #stand up comedy #funny #dating #sexpositivity #sexuality #swifties #non monogomous #monogamous #monogamy #enm #ethical non monogamy

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thebibliosphere · 2 years

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Absolutely wild watching TikTok and Instagram going through some sort of puritanical pearl-clutching reaction to finding out that the swinger community is a) more prevalent than they thought and b) that they use the upside-down pineapple symbol to signify they are safe/down to party with other non-monog/enm* people.

Also absolutely wild watching supposedly enlightened LGBT+ youths siding with white Christian conservative women as they wail about not being able to use their cutesy pineapple jewelry/decor anymore because someone might think they're a freak.

Like c'mon.

#*enm = ethical non-monogamy #swinging is also not the same as polyamory #before anyone says it #but they are both under the ENM umbrella

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found-under-fern · 6 months

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Made a silly lil poly flag to hang in my cosy poly living room, coz I'm proud of my silly lil cosy poly life 💛💙🩷💜

#i cant wait for christmas with my two favourite people #meow #polycule #polyam #polyamourous #polyamorous #polyamory #polyam pride #ethical non monogamy #polyamourus pride #enm #crafts

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blood-moon-night-coining · 4 months

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Monopoly / Polymono

[PT: Monopoly / Polymono]

“Monopoly or polymono is a term that means one is open to having either a monogamous or polyamorous relationship. Someone might have a preference for one or the other, but still are open to any. Someone who identifies with this can be any sexual, romantic, or other orientation as well.

Similar terms include ambiamorous, though those who identify as monopoly can have a preference.” - LGBTQIA wiki(link)

This is merely just a color change, I do think I’ll make my own own version but idk.

[ID: none yet]

[Tagging] @radiomogai, @liom-archive, and @accessmogai

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estrogeneral-intelligence · 7 months

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The Polyamorous Experience™ is meeting up with someone for a first date and knowing from the first kiss that this person is EXTREMELY likely to be a mainstay in your life.

#queer #lgbtq #lgbtqia #lgbt #polyamory #enm #nonmonogamy #ethical non monogamy #polyam #polyamorous

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acelessthan3 · 1 year

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The thing about Polyamory™ and Ethical Non-Monogamy™ as individualist Western creations that I like is that they force you to confront yourself. I have other issues wrt hierarchy, community and the commercialized self-helpiness that frequently accompany it, but the emphasis on things like sitting with and examining your own emotions rather than just reacting to them are skills everyone should have. If you're feeling jealous in your relationships (romantic, platonic, non-monogamous or otherwise), you should be able to figure out why you feel threatened and communicate it with your partner. Even if you're not like fully going to therapy over it you should still know your own emotional triggers and traumas so you can address them in health(ier) ways should they cause problems (which can include seeking support and comfort and reassurances from your partners!)

#polyamory #relationships #ethical non-monogamy #enm #dating

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witchy-vibes96 · 7 months

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Where are the woman at? Why are only men hitting me up -__-

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grenadinexo · 8 months

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i love when bitches get weird abt me having a partner like … lmao that was the deal the whole time !!!! i’m partnered & promised to another but y’all can see my holes if you’d like teehee

#grenadinexo #queer nsft #nonbinary nsft #trans nsft #nsft #t4t nsft #t4t #enby nsft #nb nsft #enm #ethical non monogamy

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found-under-fern · 7 months

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My nesting partner not only suggested we get another proper bed in the spare room so we can stay up with other partners and not wake one another, they've also put on the table the idea of them and my other partner sleeping in the same bed all together with me in the middle and I'm *squirm* totally not freaking out about how adorable that is aaaaaaah UPDATE: IT HAPPENED. My heart was beating so fast, makin little jokes to ease the weirdness as the three of us nestled down for the night. Had an obscenely dry mouth all night, and didn't get much sleep, but we had lots of adorable footsies, and hand holding, and nuzzles, and I am positively vibrating with love right now.

#my life is too cute #how did i get this lucky #i simply cannot my heart is going to explode #polyamourus pride #polyam pride #polycule #polyamourous #polyamory #multiamory #ethical non monogamy #enm

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redheadedfailgirl · 6 months

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Okay so I'm not gonna say that the polyamory and enm subreddits are psyops right now, but it really does feel that way when 70% of the people there are looking for a way out of being in poly/enm relationships, and just plain hate the structure. Like I've definitely learned some things there (in the what NOT to do kinda way) but it is not a place where people grow or communicate joy. Frankly, if it were my first interaction with 'the community,' I wouldn't have bothered with polyamory to begin with.

This is deeply frustrating because I want to see people in non-mono relationships be happy. It's necessary sometimes when things feel hard. But looking through there, you genuinely get the impression that to be non-monogamous is to suffer, because you are almost exclusively seeing it through the eyes of people who just want to be monogamous. And that just leaves me sad.

#polyamory #enm #ethical non monogamy #avalonrantz #reddit #really i just need a space for people who want to be non-monogamous and commit to that #like obviously people who are hesitant of or worn down by enm need a space to process with others thats really important yo #but its everything about the subreddit #and it drives me crazy #because the polyamory sub isnt really for poly people #aaaaaaaaa

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estrogeneral-intelligence · 7 months

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Thoughts on this as a logo for Relationship Anarchy?

#relationship anarchy #polyamory #polyam #polyamorous #nonmonogamy #enm #ethical non monogamy #non monogamy

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its-all-coming-back-to-meme-now · 2 years

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#i feel called out #polyamoury #polyamory #ethical non monogamy #enm #rejection

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