#( oof my heart already with this
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sometimes i like to imagine a future where i write that (y/a or adult targeted) dragon book series i desperately want to, but i know that i wouldn't be able to do it without including art in the book. every time a new important character is introduced the next page would have to be a reference / art of them to Show What They Look Like
#i dont think id be able to handle like. publishing or whatever Without that#maybe that stems from my control issues maybe im just an artist at heart#but i would also need there to be a glossary and a detailed map and maybe footnotes or a basic bestiary-#but then sometimes i wonder if i'd want it to be like... a comic instead#manga style in a way??? i wouldnt color it. it'd be in b&w with only the occasional colored spread or somethin#but all of that If Possible or plausible is a very long way off which is okay its okay#ill get there ill get there#unless something changes and i want to do something Else but its been a goal for many years already#its only recently that ive buckled down on the worldbuilding and character crafting and genuinely considering the plot and themes#its a hot mess! but theres something in there! im determined to find it#its definitely a couple years yet of changing things and switchin stuff around and Thinking....#who knows if ill ever get there! i hope i will!#but yeah it'd be a book with a bunch of art shoved in it httyd style (kinda)#bc if im gonna Make something im gonna combine my favorite hobbies as best i can#absolutely unprompted#its an exciting but daunting prospect. writing an actual Thing#mostly the plot part of it#i can craft characters i can do worldbuilding#but the plot? oof#there's this other one ive been working on since 8th grade#and its still... barely anything lmao#its for my favorite personal characters - my very first real oc my special boy light of my life but Man.#plot has hands!!!#and then ofc there's my beloved idiot squad... i want to do something for them some day maybe....#so many ambitions so little energy... i will strive to make future me healthy enough to achieve Something we so desperately want!
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Was anyone gonna tell me Prince King Radovid was in Fleabag, or was I supposed to find out by myself??
How does he look even more like a twink, and why is my blorbo always suffering?
#“loving you is painful enough” OKAY#i just started and oof. already my heart is aching. i love harry and his emotional support dinosaur#fleabag
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Missed it by ten days but Cruel Summer is officially a year old 🥺 Published on 1/21/23 and I just still cannot believe it
#billy hargrove#Kim mayfield#Cruel Summer#I’m sobbing#I cannot believe it’s been that long already#and now I’m nearing the end the end?#oof my heart#I don’t want it to ever end#thank you all for sticking with me and#sorry about the excessive words LMAO
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Alistair: So I'm not going with you, I see. Any particular reason?
Tabris: I'm not going to risk you getting hurt, Alistair.
Alistair: And you think I want you going in there and sacrificing yourself? You think I want you to die!? But there's no use arguing with you, is there? We don't have time... and you are a stubborn, stubborn woman.
Tabris: You would do something foolish.
Alistair: Maybe… I guess we'll never know now, will we? I guess this is the last chance we'll get… before this is finished, one way or another. Be careful in there.
Tabris: I love you, Alistair.
Alistair:
Guess who made the ultimate sacrifice...?
Me. It was me.
I made the ultimate sacrifice.
The achievement wasn't worth it.
#dragon age#dragon age origins#dao#alistair theirin#dao alistair#warden tabris#i'm genuinely so heart broken#i just wanted to see what ending you get when you reject morrigan's ritual since i have very strong opinions on it as i've discussed before#and it's more in character for my tabris to reject it anyway so this was the first time i did it and just...... i am hurt#like... it's such a hopeless 'what was even the point? she didn't deserve this' feeling y'know? she didn't deserve this!#and neither did alistair... he already holds so much guilt over duncan and cailan making him stay out of battle in ostagar#and then rose makes him stay behind so she can face the archdemon and die ALONE... while also robbing him of the chance to stand beside her#the way i play dao is alistair is forever in my party like i literally take him *everywhere* he is with rose the entire journey#they are partners in this forever and always and they planned to face the archdemon together but that changed with riordan's news...#and this is the first time since they met in ostagar that he hasn't been in her party and i didn't expect it to hurt so much...#plus i keep alistair a warden so he's left alone in the aftermath of a blight that took everything from him#and i know the end card was retconned but it says that he was so hurt over the warden's death#that he said it wasn't the same anymore and he fucking *left* the order and fereldan and his whereabouts are unknown after he made#a small monument for duncan in his birthplace like.... again i know that was retconned since he obviously didn't leave the wardens but OOF#oh and don't even get me started on morrigan and how she responds to being rejected like i'm chewing on all my furniture right now#there is so much to dissect in that conversation and i'm too emotionally drained to handle it right now...
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I am so close to caving in, I'm so close to having my obsession with HSR being joined by an obsession over BG3 and the only thing stopping it from happening is that I don't have enough money to spend for BG3 at the moment... but I'm slipping man, I'm so close
#RAAAHHH#My main interest is stemming from#Seeing Karlach (lovely darling I am falling) shadow heart (she seems so interesting) and#Most of all and most unfortunately bc of Astarion#I am not immune to vampires and OOF the performance from his va??#I'm impressed#I feel an obsession with that man in the making and I'm not sure what to do#i must confess#i already have a WHOLE backstory for my Tav#ngl thats eaten up most of my brainrot about bg3
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GASPPP
gassspppp
gasppppppp
#personal#GASPPPPPPPPPPPP#LOOK AT HOW CUTEEEEEEEEEEEE#OPENS WALLET#OOF#SEE THE THING IS IF UR ALREADY IN THE NEGATIVES WHATS WRONG WITH GOING A LITTLE LOWEERRRR#EATING IS OVERRATED ANYWAY WILL EATING MAKE MY HEART GO AHHH AND EXPLODE EVERYTIME I SEE CUTE WITTLE KI#NO IT WONT#I WANNANANA HOLD HIM IN MY PALM AHH WAHHHHHHHHHHHHH#T-There's still a Ki I have to unbox that I preorded from dekai and there stuff is much cheaper but it takes forever to comeee#Expect now that I have him I no space#I NEED NEW SMOL KI SHRINE AREA#I I want#I WANT#LOOK AT THE KIIII#HES ON SALE FOR 11 I KNOW THATS A TRAP BUT LOOOOOK AT HOWWW CUTEEEEE#OMG WAIT I HAVE POINTS I CAN USEEE#CUTE PRECIOUS KI HERE I COME 🥺 he will only be like 5 dollars nowww#ACTUALLY WAS 1.99 IM SO HAPPY CUTE WITTLE KIII AHHHHHHH
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Found in the old files the time I was going to write a sort-of cryptid necromancer Maglor meeting Thranduil. Canon timelines/characterizations seem to often elude me.
A very short snippet, but my favorite of the WIP.
The minstrel danced amongst the alders, shadows twisting like marionettes, a smile playing on his face. Thranduil gave a harsh pull of his reins, staying his mount.
His eyes held an inner light that marked him as ancient.
“Minstrel,” the Elvenking called. “What brings you to my realm, with the blight no less?”
Shadows lingered about his ankles, coiling like vipers poised to strike on the upturned soil, smoky as his robes. “Merely passing through,” rasped the stranger. Thranduil narrowed his eyes.
#I'm going through old works to see if I can either A) finish them or B) rework them into something#Sometimes I forget I had a Maglor somehow serving Sauron as a thing#but then I also remember this is Maglor and he's already a certified cryptid in my heart#So there's little to no need for me to write him as such but I do it anyway#Sheesh. Docs dates this in 2019. OOF.#WIP#WIPs#My writing
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@shacchou (Plotted AU Starter)
Never did he think his life would be like this...
Mokuba could handle where he was before the sudden changes that started a few weeks ago. Being the illegimatie child of King Kaiba meant he had to live a life of seclusion, for no one could know the man known as a perfectionist had a child he didn't intend for. It was lonely, downright depressing at times, but...it was something he had been able to manage after creating S.E.T.O., an ai meant to fill the role of an older sibling his own half-brother refused to take on in his life.
With S.E.T.O on the other end of his computer screen, he felt happy for the first time in his miserable life. He felt like he finally got a sense of familial love he had been denied all these years. He felt like he finally was able to accomplish something despite never given any opprounties to succeed or do anything of substance with his existance.
And yet his joyous days were never to last, it seemed. For the day Prince Noah died suddenly from an unknown illness, the rug was ripped from under him and his whole life fell apart never to be rebuilt again. His 'father' suddenly was forced to take interest in him due to no longer having an heir, and with that came many changes Mokuba was not prepared for.
He was suddenly thrust into a world he only got glimpses of, the Kaiba Kingdom his father had made through military might and dominance. New clothes, new servants, new routine, new everything was given to him without any time to process it all. It was so much on one so young, so inexperienced. But...he thought as long as he had S.E.T.O to come back to in his room at the end of each stressful and tiring day, he'd be able to make it through it okay.
At least...he did until he learned that when King Kaiba told him that everything around him would change, he meant everything.
Which leads him to his current predicment, tired and overworked by the very being he created to escape such things. S.E.T.O had changed by his father's hands. Not only did he have a physical form now in the form of a robotic body that you could not tell wasn't a human from a glance, his code had been completely destroyed and re-written, with none of his data from his times with Mokuba remaining, never to be recovered or restored.
Everything that made S.E.T.O well S.E.T.O was gone. For the Sibbling Emotion Thoughtful Openmind had been replaced with the Strict Education Training Operator, an ai with the sole purpose of training Mokuba to be a proper heir to the throne and protect him from those who'd wish him harm. Well...except his 'father', who ironically enough, is the person who has brought the most harm to Mokuba out of anyone in his life.
Between all the textbook readings, lectures, and strict disapline placed on the young boy for hours upon hours without breaks, he thinks to himself why did this have to happen? Was this what Noah had gone through? Why did his father reporgram S.E.T.O at all? What was really the purpose of all this studying to death? Was his father trying to kill him?
He's so tired and stressed he doesn't know the answers to any of those questions, but all he does know is that his heart aches like never before, desperately on the edge of breaking all together with each passing moment. Mokuba is barely able to stand as the clock on the wall signals the end of another hellish day that will soon come again the following morning. Purple hues glance at S.E.T.O, saying so much with no words regarding the state of his condition.
Trying to talk to his former brother figure was pointless. Mokuba had seen that enough these past few weeks, and yet...he can't help but want to keep trying, to try and see if even a bit of his old data remained in his system that he could somehow appeal to. A kid like him in a situation like this only could hold onto his hope to help him through this, a hope that S.E.T.O had once given him that he was so desperately trying to find again.
"S.E.T.O...?" The crowned prince starts, saying the other's name slowly and laced with sorrows and pleas. "Can...Can we please take the...day off tomorrow from studying? I...I can't...I can't think straight...I can't keep my eyes open...I'm so...so exhausted, that...I'm not really absorbing any of this information you're trying to teach me..."
His hands move to clasp together, a physical display of just how much he was begging for his desires to be granted. He looks at him with dull purple eyes that are accompanied by bags under them, his body swaying side to side as if he could faint at any second. The boy was in rough shape, rougher than he's ever been. For his sake, he prays this time things will be different, that the universe will give him a miracle like it day he initially finished the ai's code. It's all he could hope for, wish for, when he's been faced with nothing but pain for the last few weeks...
"Just...Just one day, t-that's all I ask."
#shacchou#💎 Vice Treasure (Mokuba Kaiba)#💎 Vice's Reprogrammed Fate (Mokuba Corrupted Code AU)#tw child abuse mention#tw mention of death#tw long post#( oof my heart already with this#(The first part is me just setting the stage cause I'm a narrative storyteller at heart#(and it helped me establish the context for mokuba's mindset#(but yeah mokuba lowkey hoping his physical condition is enough of a sign to appeal to seto in some way#(Though i imagine if he does its more to the logical sense that mokubas health is in bad shape and he was told to not let mokuba die#(i could see him having things akin to like baymax from big hero 6's ability to scan for heart rate and wellness#(protecting does involve health as well#(but yeah im so hype for this au! let me know if this works for you and if i need to change anything!!!
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afjaktdlyxts oh my goddddd hes going back to the christians!!! sir sir leave your cult pleaseeee i know its hard but like please for me!!! if i can so can you!!! come on dude just like last season when you remembered how much you loved food and books and music and heaven doesnt have that!!! theres no nightingales in heaven aziraphale come on!!
#i need to go lie down#that hurt so good tho#really pouring one out for our religios trauma bitches now huh#that i forgive you had me ready to throw the remote across the room#like ooof geez#its the bless your heart of 6000 year old angels#but like to the love of your life huh#screaming#good omens s2 spoilers#good omens#good omens spoilers#im queuing this specifically so mental breakdown no 1 isnt right next to oh no no 2#and none of yall are allowed to say anything about it#bout to invent parasocial relationships for fictional characters#cuz oof those are my bitches now#and all cuz of mr kfc looking ass#upset youll never be popeyes#i knew it was coming to#cuz i was dumb enough not to filter my tags until id already been spoilered#but nothing could have prepared me for that
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was playing valkyria chronicles 4 (the only vc game I've ever played just to lower the expectations of actual fans of the game lol) and had to stop bc I just finished a REALLY sad part and from the START, since Kai's story was revealed, my brain immediately thought supercorp but after watching that really sad part I'm even MORE determined now to make it supercorp but angst with a happy ending bc I CANNOT!! THAT SHIT WAS SO SO SAD!!! I NEED TO UNDO THAT!! BUT QUEER!!
but basically (for anyone familiar lmao)
obvs the gang will be federation forces and lex and the other villains of the week on cw sg will be empire forces and just!!!!
I see it all so clearly in my head but I'm too fucking sad right now!!!!
#supercorp#valkyria chronicles 4 au#i can't continue the game yet my heart HURTS#but my brain's already assigned clark as claude and lois as riley#kai is lena and forsetti is lex and raz is kara bc oof#and minerva is alex and the tank dude loyal to minerva is brainy/winn#there are others my brain thought of but all it can register rn is SAD
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the way people are once again removing all the nuance and moral greyness and complexity out of the last of us, but especially joel miller’s character is kinda concerning lol
#i told myself i wasn't gonna get into the discourse but i was reading through some of the posts and comments in the tlou tag and... oof#like i get it i could write whole essays about my feelings on this story and its characters and the ending ect.#but a lot of people are already getting annoyingly defensive of every single one of joel’s actions#literally stripping him of all of the flaws and complexities and moral greyness that make him such a great character#why are yall turning him into a clean cut selfless hero that did everything right like that's so boring#what’s most frustrating is how people are completely ignoring ellie’s perspective in all of this#some even just pushing her entire character aside in favor of joel#only bringing her or her trauma up when they’re trying to justify something joel did#and treating her like an accessory to his character when you should be reflecting how his actions are gonna affect HER#i hate to break it to yall but if you bring this highly romanticized version of joel into the next season#yall are NOT gonna have a good time#it happened once and it will happen again and i know the inevitable backlash is gonna be twice as bad this time that’s why im concerned#anyway those are just my two cents that no one asked for if you see me posting any type of discourse again pls shoot me lol#and please don't think i'm a joel hater either those people are just as annoying they're just in the minority i think especially on tumblr#why can't we just enjoy joel for the morally grey complex and honestly fucked up and tragic man that he is#it's like joel defender this joel hater that let's just be joel enjoyers#or joel lovers that'd be me because i love him with all my heart 🥺#especially hbo joel like his characterization was so good he just hits different and honestly i prefer him over game joel#and i do enjoy the occasional ''joel is innocent/did nothing wrong' memes/jokes i think they're hilarious and ultimately harmless#(also the joel/abby memes but that's another story sjafhksaf)#this was more about the people writing almost whole ass dissertations or actively starting arguments in their fervent need to defend joel#okay im done lol#lucy rants#i tried to keep this little rant as spoiler free as possible because there's no way in hell im tagging this asjfknsa this was more for me#if you read this whole thing through the end: hi i hope your day was good and if it wasn't i hope it's great tomorrow :)
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Dew on the Vine by Bear's Den is such a good Hunter song, I've been thinking about it all day:
Born to break or to last, is it all in the past?
Is that a scar or a birthmark?
Retracing this cold heart and now I'm all out of thread
And I don't wanna die here.
Keep chasing echoes of my mind,
Babe it's a fine line,
And I'm so far over it,
And I know it.
Beneath it all it's still broken,
Cut me out, cut it open,
I can't do it anymore,
I can't do it.
#the owl house#toh hunter#bear's den#i already associated this song with him before Thanks to Them but after? hoo boy#oof ouchy my heart
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would like the Pride & Prejudice 2005 film soundtrack tattooed onto my soul thanks
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Luffy screaming "Sanji, food" out of habit when looking for him.... oof
#carrot's drawings ajdhakdjk thats how luffy looks to hancock#jinbe just carrying nami lmao#'sanji knows.... okay im outta here'#now just realized carrot yurified the mugis.... or they look like a classic yaoi webcomic#luffy has never looked worse... sanji go get him the picnic basket come on...#also the implications of this... he made everyones favourite food on accident for pudding and then it ends up with luffy..... come on...#talking tag#watching one piece#episode 821#luffy on a hunger steike is breaking my heart... and the soldiers dont leave him alone....#this level of desperation is measurable to sabaody can i say that..... he gets so scared when he is in a position of losing someone#big mom poot brook on a dres??? lmao#cant wait how this thing about mama calling pudding a disgusting monster is going to lead#also reiju and sanji wanting germa gone... like the fathers and mothers are not leaving that ceremony alive lmao#how is sanji sleeping omg.... oh nvm is the guard xd#oof the cream guy lying to protect himself.....#them already on party mode... troia hasnt happened there i see#nvm he doesnt trust hus brother lmao#the music and the rain paint such a scene.... lufyyyyyyy.... :(#the fact this is what luffy puts himself thru to not lose sanji.... he is so unwell....#him just sliding on the ground... ENOUGH!!!!! ENOUGH!!!!!#sanji thinking he doesnt need to worry about the rest and luffy just dying of hunger omg.......#he just plans to die??? WHAT DO YOU MEAN THATS WHATS BEST???? WITHIUT DARING YOUR ENEMIES????#didn't he notice big mom isn't going to let the others escape with the deal he made? hello??#about time sanji... go feed your captain.....#luffyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy luffyyyyyyyyyyyyyy :(((((??#they got A CORPSE to make a dummy for brook 💀💀💀#episode 822#episode 823#jinbe the mvp again...... they need to build him a statue or something... a big one lmao the room
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"Grief Lessons: Four Play by Euripides" - Anne Carson
#tragedy#anne carson#oof#i didn't read the plays yet - though i might have read those in french - but punched in the guts already#i have a weird relationship with tragedy#especially regarding my own writing#when i went to see ivo van hove's electre/oreste (twice) i considered turning my current novel into that kind of tragedy#but then i need any sparkle of hope i can convey#but i also need the violence? i was rereading my first novel recently and i had forgotten how emotionally violent it was#but then again in tragedy or at least in euripides i find a kind of truth i don't find elsewhere#he has a WAY of conveying feelings including extreme violence in so few words and leaving you in shock#seeing that on stage was something. really really something#i know only once translation of euripides though except for the bacchae so i'm curious to dive into those#and i trust anne carson with all my heart#also also#in crisis their souls are visible#:)
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the only 3 sports anime ive watched are oofuri, yowapeda, and kurobas and i like that the premise of all 3 of those are "small wimpy autistic coded ass kid who sucks at the sport BUT IS ACTUALLY THE BEST AT THE SPORT BECAUSE HE SUCKS SO MUCH.......... and also because of the power of friendship :)" and i don't know if it's possible for a sports anime to have a different premise. like are there ones where it's like yeah he's a normal guy and he's decent at the sport? what would be the point.
#oh i guess free counts as a sports anime and isn'tttt that bc haru is like p good already anyway#but he does have the main character autism#i don't think i'd rewatch free or kurobas (idk if i ever finished kurobas...)#but yaoi pedal was very dear to my heart i should rewatch that when im done with oof#also one thing about sports anime it's all blatantly homoerotic/homoromantic as fuck they don't even try#i wouldn't wanna watch one where it isn't just absurdly gay#again what would be the point#shitpost.txt
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