#( words cannot describe what i'm going through right now | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

samandcolbyownme · 3 months

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This was originally going to be just a Sam one shot, but then i decided to make it a Sam and Colby one shot. I felt like Sam's cover was too good to change, so enjoy the buy one get one free deal lol.

Summary: Reader drives herself insane trying to think of this mystery man she cannot stop thinking about and completely caught off guard when there's two of them.

Warnings: SMUT18+, vampire!Sam, demon!colby, compulsion and mind reading from both Sam and Colby, mentions of blood and blood drinking, strong language, mentions of alcohol, reading feeling like they're going insane, hair pulling, biting, scratching, choking, fingering, oral (m&f rec), threesome w/ dp, dirty and cute pet names, unprotected sex, creampie, filth

Word count: 10.3k | NOT edited

Not a request

Bold italics are Sam and Colby speaking in readers head.Regular italics are scenes they create in her head & reader being compelled at times.

╔═══━━━─── • ───━━━═══╗

Have you ever tried moving on from something that hasn't necessarily happened, but no matter how hard you tried, you just can't?

Your mind, constantly replaying stuff in your dreams, random times throughout the day.

Hitting you when you least expect it?

Then, when you finally think you've gotten over it, gotten rid of the haunting thoughts, it comes back, stronger than it was before?

That was you. Right now.

You had this feeling of anxiety, feeling like something was going to happen. It's happened multiple times a day, even causing you to wake up in the middle of the night, sometimes gasping for air.

But, you can never remember your dreams and nothing ever happens.

You could never describe the feeling.

Your friends would ask if you're okay because you looked 'tired' or you said no to doing something you always have said yes to.

They knew something was up, and so did you, but you just didn't know what was causing you to feel like this so it was always 'I didn't sleep well last night' or some other lame excuse that they could see right through.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Your friend, Cami asks, "You've been, not sleeping well, for the last week or so." She tilts her head, "What's really going on?"

You take a deep breath, "I honestly.." you pause, leaning forward to set your coffee mug down on the coffee table, "If I tell you, you have to promise not to call me crazy."

She nods, leaning back against the couch, "Okay."

You pinch the bridge of your nose, "So besides me not sleeping well, I'll get to that in a sec, but it started last week, after we came home from Tara's party."

"Did someone h-"

You cut her off, "No. no. It's not that."

She sighs, "Oh fuck, okay good." She motions, "Continue. Sorry."

You bat the air, "When I came home I felt like I was forgetting something, but I had everything I took with. I also felt.. I don't know, almost guilty for going and having a good time? Like, almost like I shouldn't have gone? I'd don't know."

She furrows her brows, "That doesn't make any senses. I mean, I just.." she stops, "it sounds like you're feeling emotions you'd feel when you're with someone and you did something you know they don't like."

You shrug, "I mean, yeah. It kind of does feel that way, but at the same time if I really think about it, it still doesn't make sense. I mean, maybe I think about it way too much, but-"

She cuts you off, "Are you talking to anyone? Maybe someone who is a potential boyfriend and you felt bad for going out?"

You look up at her, "That's where it gets crazy."

She gives you a weird look, "Huh?"

"I feel like- okay. You promised not to call me crazy, so just.. hear me out." You stare at her and she nods and you continue trying to explain, "I feel like.. I already belong to someone."

She makes a face and you hold your hand up, "I know. I know. I just, I can't. I can't explain it really. I mean, I keep seeing this person in my dreams and it almost feels like they're who I'm-"

You shake your head, "That sounds absolutely fucking insane. I take back what I said, you can call me crazy."

You laugh, slightly embarrassed at what you just said.

This is the first time that you've actually talked about it out loud, and it sounds a lot crazier than you originally had thought.

"You're into reading books, right?" Cami asks and you nod, "Yeah, I'm actually reading one right now."

"What's it about?" She brings her legs up, moving the blanket to cover up. You purse your lips, "It's a darker romance book, so it's basically about a guy who comes at the most random times but he has a big secret and all that."

"What's he described as? Like what does he look like?" She brings her mug to her face and you shrug, "Um. I mean, like a normal looking guy. Slightly tall-ish. Blue eyes. At first he had brown hair, then he bleaches it to blonde, what does-"

"Who's the guy you see in your dreams?"

You stare at her, "Oh shit."

She chuckles, "I don't know about you, and now when I say this, I speak from experience because I'm sure we've all have done it, but it sounds like you're experiencing fictophilia."

"What the hell is that?" You laugh slightly at the last word she said, "fictophilia?"

She nods, "Yeah, it's where people, real people like us, fall in love with fictional characters in a book."

"Can it be as strong as taking over how you feel?" You ask, tilting your head, "Because when I tell you, I could have puked from feeling guilty that night, I was-" you hold up your thump and pointed, an inch from each other, "-This close."

She shakes her head, "No, I don't think it can cause that. I think you just drank a little, too much." She smirks, "Those back to back shots definitely had something to do with it."

You sigh, closing your eyes as you nod, "Yeah, yeah no. You're probably right. I'm just definitely over thinking about it."

"And the not getting sleep will definitely play a part in that. You need to take a nap. A real nap." She smirks, "and stop being delusional."

You roll your eyes, smirking as you nod, "Yeah, yeah. I know. But these fictional men, Cami. They'll getcha."

She nods as she stands up, "No I know. I watched a movie the other day and thought about the one character for three days straight."

"See. My point exactly." She laugh as you walk her over to the door. She turns, "I don't think you're crazy. Fictional characters happen to us all."

She leans in for a hug, "But if it gets to the point to where you tell me you're dating someone who isn't real, I'm funny farming your ass."

You laugh, leaning back as you look at her, "I won't put up a fight."

You close the door after she walks out, turning around to look at your empty apartment. You flick the lock before you walk over to the couch, sitting down to switch on the tv.

You put on the show you were watching and you can't help but think about your conversation with Cami.

It felt like so much more than what you told her.

It felt too real, but you really didn't want her to think you were losing it. That you were crazy.

But you felt it.

After multiple days of trying to figure out who the guy in your dreams is and not having any clue whatsoever is maddening.

Constantly telling yourself, I'm going crazy, each time you try hard to remember his face and about lose it because you can't.

You have a feeling that he wasn't just the guy in the book.

He was so much more than that, to you, in your head at least.

But, little did you know, that he was a creature who had such a pretty face, a dark, dark soul - along with his friend.

You shake your head, laying down and getting comfortable on the couch so you can try and take a well needed nap.

.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.

You reach over the counter, smiling at the barista, "Thank you." She nods, moving on to hand out the next coffee.

You walk away, heading towards the door. You go to push it open but stumble out when someone on the outside opens it before you.

"Oh, shit." The guy lays an arm in front of you, stopping your stumble. You stand up straight, looking up at the blonde.

He smiles slightly, "Are you okay? I'm sorry. I didn't see you coming out."

You nod, laughing slightly, "Y-yeah. Yeah I'm okay. Thank you for opening the door for me." You smile at him and he shrugs, "Call it fate."

A loud thump causes you to jump awake. You sit up, slowly turning to look back over the couch. You blink a few times, trying to get your vision used to the darkness of your apartment.

You call out slight groggy, "Hello?"

No answer.

Your phone ringing causes you to jump and you let out a sigh as you look at it. You debated on not answering, mainly because you seen the movies.

You know how it goes.

But it was cami, so you answer, "Hello?"

"Hey, a bunch of us are going out tonight. Wanna join?" She asks, "We're going to bar hop." You bite your lip, quickly turning around when you feel a presence off to your left, "Uh, yeah. Yeah."

"You'll come?" She asks, excitement seeping from her words, "Great. We can all just meet up in the parking lot of your place and we can walk to Bar Eight."

"That's fine with me. I need a shower, I just woke up from a nap." You stretch your arm above your head, "you can come over whenever. I'll be here."

"I have to finish getting ready, too but I'll be over within the hour."

"Okay." You nod to yourself, "See ya." You pull the phone away from your ear and stand up. You walk over to the lamp, switching it on and from the corner of your eye, you can see a figure disappear.

"Oh fucking hell." You rub your eyes and sigh. You mentally tell yourself that it's the sleep deprivation or that you just need to distract yourself.

Maybe having people stay over after a night out will help.

You walk to the bathroom, switching the shower on and it quickly fills with steam. You undress, stepping in and sighing as the hot water washes over your body.

It feels like hands slid over your shoulders and you zone out.

You're walking down the street with Cami, having a small conversation. You're oblivious to the people walking towards you on the left side of the side walk.

Someone runs into your shoulder, knocking your purse off. It falls to the ground and some of your things spill out.

As you bend down, what you assume, is the guy who bumped into you, bends down to help you.

"Here. Let me help."

You look up, tucking hair behind your one ear as your eyes meet a guy with dark hair and blue eyes, "Oh, um. Thank you."

He nods, handing you the strap of your bag, "No need, I should watch where I'm going more often."

You laugh slightly, "Yeah, that probably wouldn't be a bad idea." He stands up and holds his hand out. You felt oddly trusting of him, so you take his hand to stand up.

"I'm Colby." He smiles and you nod, "I'm y/n."

You turn around quickly, wiping the water from your face as you only remember the hands on your shoulders, "what the fuck!"

You pull the shower curtain back, peaking out as if that was the smartest thing to do, "Go away."

Nothing in response.

You lean back into the shower and fix the curtain before doing your routine. As you're rising the conditioner out of your hair, you feel like there's eyes on you.

Like someone is watching.

You finish up, quicker than you thought, and step out.

You tilt your head at the neatly folded towel on the corner of the counter and stare at it, "Did I do that?"

You think hard but can't remember.

You grab it, snapping it open so you can wrap up your hair and put the other one around your body. You open the bathroom door, and nothing else seems out of ordinary as you step out.

You turn, walking into your room and going to your closet. You shift through the hangers, finding a cute top and a pair of ripped jeans.

You toss the towel down, quickly getting dressed before taking your hair down.

A very faint, she's so pretty, causes you to snap your head towards the door, "Cami?" You slowly scrunch your hair in the towel and shake your head, it's just the tv.

After a while, there's a knock on your door and you get up to go open it, "Hey guys. Come in." You smile as Cami and your other friends walk in, greeting you with smiles.

"I just need to grab my bag then I'm ready." You walk into your room, grabbing your purse and turning to walk out when you suddenly stop.

You don't know why you stop, but you just do.

Your mind goes blank for a second and then suddenly you're walking back out to your friends like nothing just happened, "Okay. I'm ready."

.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.

"So do you come here often?"

You try not to roll your eyes at the cringey, overused pickup line, "I mean.. kind of?" You laugh slightly and sip your drink, "I only live a few minutes away."

Why would you say that? You don't know him.

Your brows furrow, "That was weird."

"What was weird?" The guy still standing infront of you asks, making you realize that you now just thought out loud, "Um, nothing. Nothing sorry. Continue."

"No." He laughs, "I like weird shit, tell me."

You sigh, smirking slightly, "Do you ever.. how do I say this." He shrugs with a smile, "Just say it."

"Do you ever feel like there's someone in your head but it's not you?" The words roll off your tongue and you instantly regret it, "Wait. No. That sounds awful."

He shakes his head, "No I know exactly what you mean."

No he doesn't.

You close your eyes, "Almost like it's someone trying to talk to you, but it's just.." you laugh, "Confusing. Weird. I don't know."

The guy nods, "I'm so glad someone else thinks the same as me."

You smile and that feeling hits again. Like you shouldn't be there. Like you're about to be sick, which can't be from the alcohol, you've only had three so far and they weren't your usual double shots.

"If you'll excuse me I need to g-" you walk away, leaving your drink at the bar. As you're walking towards the bathroom, someone steps back from the bar, too quickly for you to dodge them.

You run right into them and sigh, "Excuse you."

"I'm sorry, sweetheart."

You look up and a blonde guy is standing there. Something about him causes your curiosity to spike, "No.. it's fine. I was just-" you shake your head, "I'm sorry, is this is weird, but do I know you?"

He shrugs, "My name's Sam."

"Sam. Sam. Sam." You repeat to yourself a few times quietly, "No, sorry. I don't think I know a Sam."

"Hmm. Well maybe we can call it fate that you just happened to run into me like you did." He smirks and for some reason, his words cause you to straight up your posture, "first off, you weren't paying attention."

You smirk and tilt your head, "Second off, I swear we've had a conversation before. I just-"

"Can't think of it right now? That happens to me all the freaking time." He chuckles as he sips his drink, "Are you drinking?"

"I mean, I was. I left mine back there with a guy, I was on my way to the bathroom."

"Oh, shit. I'm sorry, are you with someone?" Sam asks and you shake your head, wanting to say yes because it really feels like it, but in reality, you're not.

"No, no. My friend just left me there and he appeared and yeah. Nothing serious, I don't even know his name."

Why are you defending yourself to someone you don't know, you think, "I'm y/n. I guess I should have told you that when you told me yours."

He smiles, "Pretty name, y/n." He motions to the bar, "Can I buy you a new one?" You smile, "I think I'd like that a lot, Sam."

You step up to the bar with him and Sam flags down the one bartender, "Whatever she wants. It can go on my tab, Golbach."

As you look up at him, you get this odd feeling of déjà vu.

"What?" He asks with a smirk and you shake your head, "You just.. remind me of someone I can't really remember."

"What?" He laughs, "Sorry, I don't mean to laugh I just-"

"No, no please laugh. I'm so awkward." You cover your face with one hand and he shakes his head, "I'm sorry." He moves your hand from your face, "I think you're beautiful."

You feel your cheeks heat up and he bites his lower lip, "Can I ask you a question?"

You nod, "Yes."

He leans in, eyes focusing onto yours, "You will answer yes to my question and not question anything else. Can you follow me to the bathroom so I can have a taste of you?"

You smile, "Yes."

"That was easy." He downs the rest of his drink and slides his hand down into yours, "Follow me, princess."

You leave your drink, mind only focusing on one thing right now and you absolutely were not questioning it.

He leads you to the back, pushing the door to the bathroom open and lets you walk in first. He follows behind you, shutting the door and locking it.

He stares at you for a few seconds, the only thing he's focused on right now is listening to your blood flow through your veins.

"You're going to taste so fucking good." He moves in front of you within a second, hands on your hips which guide you back to sit you on the sink's edge.

His eyes focus on yours again, "Don't make a sound."

All you do is nod, moving your eyes from him to the wall behind him as he dips his head down to press his lips to the side of your neck.

Your eyes flutter closed as he gently sucks a spot into your neck, tongue moving over your skin before lifting his head ever so slightly.

His grip tightens on your waist as his fangs emerge, eager to be sunk into your delicate skin.

"Ready?" Sam whispers and you nod silently. He smirks and your eyes go wide, hands sliding up and gripping the collar of his shirt as his teeth sink into your skin.

His groan is muffled by your neck and his hands pull you in closer to him.

Your hand lays on the back of his head, mouth parted in completely silence as your eyes flutter closed.

The feelings you get is pain mixed with the upmost euphoric pleasure.

As you open your eyes, you see a man leaning up against the wall, watching. You can't tell who he is, as your vision is kind of hazy.

Sam lifts his head a little, "Go away Colby."

The guy, who you presume as Colby now, chuckles, "Come on, who says you can have all the fun?" Sam stands up, licking his now red lips. He lifts a finger, wiping away the blood drop that's rolling down his chin from the corner of his mouth.

"You can have your fun later. This was my idea, so I get first dibs, remember?" Sam glances back at him and he walks up next to him, eyes on you, "She is so fucking beautiful."

"Ain't she?" Sam grips your chin, "You can talk now, but you're still not questioning anything."

You clear your throat, swallowing to relieve it from the dryness and Colby sighs, "Clean her blood up, Sam."

"Why?" Sam teases, "Smells good doesn't it?"

Colby shakes his head, "You know I don't have control like you do." Sam sighs, rolling his eyes as he wipes the blood from your neck with his thumb, "Scaredy cat."

He smears some of his blood on the open wounds, getting them to heal faster so he can cover his tracks before he brings his thumb to his lips.

You watch as he licks the red liquid from his skin, "Mm." He leans back slightly before leaning back in, his voice going quieter, "So fucking good."

He presses his lips to yours and the metallic taste of your own blood washes over your tongue.

"Alright. You gotta get her back to her friends, they're ready to go to another bar." Colby moves back, leaning against the wall and Sam nods, "Do you have any questions for me, sweetheart?"

You smile slightly, reaching out to grab his shirt with your hands, "You're coming with me."

He raises a brow, "Is that a demand?"

"Only if you want it to be." You bite your lip, staring up at him as you continue to smile at him. He sighs, "I'll find you, babe. I promise."

You nod, sliding down from the sink, "You better." As you go to walk towards the door, Colby clears his throat, "Sam."

Sam sighs, "Shit, right." Sam quickly moves between you and the door, "I promise I'll undo all of this later, but for right now.." he cups your cheeks with his hands, looking into your eyes, "Forget about what happened and what you saw. You're going to tell your friends that you used the bathroom and only remember me as Sam Golbach. A regular guy from the bar down the street."

Within a blink of an eye, they're both gone and you're left standing alone in the bathroom, "Guess I'm done here."

You walk out and your friends are standing in a group by the door, "There she is. We thought you left." Cami says reaching out to grab your hand.

"No, I was just using the bathroom." You smile, "Are we going to another bar?"

Cami nods, "We're going to go hang out at Electric Avenue." You groan, "Oh my god, I love that place."

She laughs, "Then what are we waiting for?" She wraps her arm around yours and as you leave Bar Eight, you can't help but feel like you're forgetting something.

Something that happened, but you can't quite put your finger on it. That sick feeling returns, but this time it comes with heartache.

Even though you're with your friends, you feel extra lonely right now. In this moment you just want to go home, curl up in bed and cry because you're missing something so bad right now, but if anyone were to ask, you can't give them an answer that sounds sane enough for them to not laugh or think you're not crazy.

Because let's face it, the fact that you're obsessing over someone or something that you have zero knowledge about, is pretty insane.

"ID's please." The bouncer says as you walk up. You dig into your purse and pull out your wallet, slipping your id from its holder.

He checks it over, handing it back to you to move onto Cami. You wait for her by the door and when she walks through, you link your arm with hers, pretending that you're not ready to run home.

"Shots. Please!" She yells over the music and you sigh, "I'll do one, maybe two."

"We'll see." She giggles as she pulls you with her to the bar and rests her arms on the tall counter.

"Well hello ladies." The bartender walks up, "I'm Blake, anything you need I'll be happy to serve it to you."

Cami giggles, "Thank you, Blake. I think.. to start off, we'll do-" she pauses for a second, "Six teq-"

"No." You say quickly and she sighs, "Fine. Six vodka shots."

Blake smirks, "You got it." He winks at you before walking away and Cami leans in, "He is so hot." You shrug, "He's alright."

"Alright? Are we seeing the same guy? Y/n. He's into you!" She nudges your side with her elbow, "Get his number."

If he, as so little as it may seem, gets your number, I will snap his neck in front of everyone.

"No." You snap at Cami, "I'm not giving him my number. And you aren't either."

She scoffs, "Is this about the little crush you have on that character in your book because if so-"

"Cami." You roll your eyes, "no it's not about that okay." She turns towards you, leaning against the bar, "Then what's it about? Hmm."

You sigh and right as you're about to give her some bullshit answer, a guy comes up beside you and wraps his arm around your waist, "It's about me."

You look up and your mood instantly switches, "Sam! There you are."

"Here I am." He smiles as he looks down at you, "I told ya I'd meet you here."

Cami shakes her head, "Wait." She points to Sam, "Who is this and when did you meet him?"

"Cami, this is Sam Golbach. A regular guy from the bar down the street." The words seem scripted to you, but you didn't really pay attention to that.

You felt safe. Complete. Almost like this is the meaning to your obsessing and empty fantasies.

"Why didn't you tell me? I thought you were talking to that other guy?" Cami tilts her head and you scoff, "You make it sound like I'm a whore, Cami."

She laughs, "Oh god, no. No, I didn't mean it-"

"It's fine." You laugh, "He knows about the other guy I was talking to. It just.. didn't work out."

Blake comes back and delivers the six shots on the tray. His eyes move to Sam, staying on him as he speaks, "Six vodka shots."

He walks away and Sam can't help but laugh, "I don't think he likes me."

"Well maybe it's because he was eyeing up your girl before you showed up." Cami grabs a shot and looks around for the others.

She waves them down, motioning for them to come over and they do. Singing along and dancing mildly to the music that's bumping through the club.

"Heyyy. Who's this?" Your other friend asks pointing to Sam. He leans forward, "I'm Sam."

"Sam. Sam. Sam." She laughs, clearly reaching her alcohol limit, and fast, "You gonna stick around?"

Sam nods, "I mean, yeah. I planned on it. At least until one of us-" he nods towards you, "- is ready to leave."

Your friend laughs, "No, no. I meant sticking around as in dating my girl here." Sam's brows raise and he nods, "I mean, yeah. Yeah. I plan on it, I mean. That's if she wants me to."

Your arm tightens around his waist and he smiles, "I think that's a yes." You nod, resting your head on his shoulder. As you're standing there, waiting for the shots to be distributed, you spot another oddly familiar face.

"Who's that guy over there?" You ask pointing across the bar. Sam leans down, "Which one, sweetheart?" You lean over slightly, "The guy next to the girl in the pink top."

"Oh that's Colby." Sam turns his head to look into your eyes, "You recognize him from back at the bar, he's a good friend of mine." Sam looks at you and you nod, "Oh okay. Yeah that makes sense. Maybe I do remember him."

Sam smiles and kisses your temple. He closes his eyes as he takes a deep breath, remembering what your blood tasted like on his tongue.

His hand grips your hip tight, loosening as he takes a shot glass from Cami, "Thank you."

You take yours and wait for Cami to tap hers against the bar. Everyone follows, tapping each glass against the wood before knocking them back.

Everyone cheers, pulling each other onto the dance floor. Sam takes your hand into his, pull you with him before spinning you around to press his chest against your back.

His hands slide down, gripping your waist as you move to the beat of the song. Your head rests back onto his shoulder and he rests his cheek against yours.

Your arm slides up, wrapping around his neck and you spin around to face him, your other arm moving up to interlock your hands behind his head.

"You're so beautiful." Sam says which causes you to smile. He brushes hair from your neck, subtly inspecting the now healed bite mark. He lick his lips, tilting his head as his eyes meet yours again.

"Does your friend need a dancing partner? I can send Cami over to talk to him?" You tilt your head and Sam chuckles, "Nah, I think he'll be alright."

"Girlfriend?" You ask and Sam shakes his head, "No."

"Oh, is he gay? My friend Curtis ca-."

Sam laughs, "No, no. He's not. He just.." he brushes hair from your face, "He has his eye on someone very special already."

"Good for him." You smile, pulling Sam closer. Sam nods, "Yeah, it really will be good for him." He leans in, lips connecting with yours and its sparks.

Bright sparks, hell. Those are fireworks.

"I don't want to leave you." You admit, "Sorry if that w-"

"I don't want to leave you, either." Sam cuts you off, lips connecting right back with yours. You lay your hand on the back of his back, sliding the other one down his chest and pushing away from him, "They're all coming back to my place, so I hope that doesn't change anything."

Sam shakes his head, "doesn't change a thing, baby."

.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.

You giggle slightly to yourself as you dig for your keys, "I hope I grabbed them."

"I'm sure they're in there." Sam says giving you a smile. Cami pushes between the two of you, "Do you have them?"

Sam glances at her and back to you, "She's looking for them."

You look up at her, "Can you move your head, you're blocking the light." You try not to laugh but fail, causing her to laugh which spreads throughout everyone else.

Sam shakes his head and you pull out your keys, jingling them as you look back, "Found them."

They all cheer and you unlock the door, pushing it open before you drag Sam in with you.

You set your bag and keys on the counter before turning to face Sam, "Do you need a drink or anything?"

He licks his lips, brushing hair from your neck, "I do, but I'll get it then."

"I can get it fo-"

He cuts you off, "I'm fine, sweetheart." He smiles, "Come on, let's go sit." He takes your hand into yours and pulls you towards the couch.

You sit on his lap, looking back at Cami and your other friends who are raiding your fridge. She gives you a look and nods towards your room.

She walks over stopping at the door way, "Y/n, can you come help me unzip my dress."

You look back at her, "Oh yeah." You get up, sliding your hand along Sam's shoulders as you walk around the couch.

Cami pulls you into your room and shuts the door, her voice is quiet, "Don't you think.. Sam is.." she trails off and you tilt your head, "Sam is? What, Cami?"

She waves her hands in a circle, "I don't know, he seems a bit.. controlling."

You laugh slightly, "What do you mean?"

"The way he just pulled you over to the couch, I mean you were just trying to offer him a drink." She shrugs, "I don't know, it just.. you just met him, we just met him, and he's already back at your place?"

"I don't understand what you're saying? You do this all the time, cami." You cross your arms, "Do you want me to kick him out?"

"That's not what I'm saying at all, y/n. I'm just saying that I get a really weird vibe from him, he just.. he seems cold." She shrugs, sighing as she turns around, "Can you unzip me quick, though please?"

You roll your eyes, reaching up to quickly unzip the dress, "I know you're just trying to look out for me, but something about him just feels.. right."

She turns around, leaning down to grab her bag, "ultimately it's your choice at the end of the day, but I'm just saying be careful. I just didn't like the way he drug you over to the couch."

"I think you're being a little dramatic." You laugh, "Now change, and come out so we can watch a movie."

You walk over to your door, opening it to walk back over to the couch. Sam greets you with open arms as you sit back down on his lap, "Everything okay?"

You nod, "Yeah, her zipper was just stuck in some loose string from her dress."

You didn't have to lie, Sam already heard everything.

"Dress okay?" He asks and you nod. He plants a kiss to your cheek, "Good."

Cami walks back out, coming over to sit next to you, "So, what movie are we watching?"

"Something funny. Oh!" Cami snaps, "Why don't we watch Vampires Suck? Have you seen it?"

"Isn't that the movie that's based off of Twilight? Doesn't actually suck?" One of your friends say, and Cami nods with a smirk as she leans forward to grab the remote, "Yes, it is, and it's supposed to suck on purpose. That's the whole point."

Sam chuckles shaking his head, the thought of watching a bad vampire movie was so cliche to him.

Cami turns his head, leaning out to look at him, "Is that alright with you?"

He looks at Cami and nods, "Why wouldn't it be?"

"Cami." You sigh, "Just play the stupid movie." She sighs quietly and presses play, tossing the remote down next to her.

A little bit into the movie, you lean in to Sam, "I'll be right back, I have to go to the bathroom." He nods, giving you a smile as you get up.

You walk to the bathroom closing the door and as you look at yourself in the mirror, your mind shifts from Sam and you zone out.

"You're just.." Colby smiles, brushing hair from your face, "So pretty."

You smile, a blush rising onto your cheeks, "Thank you, Colby." He leans in, "I've honestly never come across anyone as pretty as you."

"Okay, now you're just saying stuff." You laugh and he shakes his head, "No, I'm not. I'm being serious. I've seen hundreds of faces, and yours is my favorite one of all."

You look away, laughing slyly, "Colby."

He grips your chin, turning your head back to face him, "I'm being so serious right now. I'd risk fighting Lucifer himself to be with you."

"Lucifer?" You question and Sam's voice pops up, "Colby. That's enough. Knock it off."

You look around, unable to spot Sam..

Your eyes focus on your figure in the mirror, blinking a few times before you continue to do what you went in there for.

You open the door, flicking the lights off as you walk out.

"Hey I think I'm going to head out." You look up at your friend as you sit down next to Sam and Cami, "Are you good to drive?"

They nod, "Oh yeah, I feel fine. I'll text you when I get home."

"Okay. Be careful." You smile and they nod as they walk out.

A little bit later, two more friends leave, then another one, leaving you with just Sam and Cami.

"Is it just me, or were they acting kind of weird?" You look between them and Sam shrugs, "I know they were getting tired, probably didn't want to have to sleep on the floor." He teases them reassures you, "I think they were good."

Cami yawns and stretches as she leans forward, "Yeah, I think I'm going to head home. I forgot I had an appointment early in the morning."

"But it's Saturday?" You question and she shrugs, "Yeah. There's one that has certain hours."

"Oh." You nod, "Okay." Your eyes follow her as she gets up, walking over to grab her back, "I'll talk to you tomorrow. Love you!"

"Yeah, okay. Love you, too." You watch her shut the door and then you slowly look over at Sam, "That was so weird."

"Maybe they just settled down, got tired from the alcohol?" Sam suggests and you shrug, "I mean, yeah. You're right." You laugh, "Sorry I'm just-"

There's another thump, almost like the same one at earlier on in the day.

"That happened earlier." You look back, "Hello?"

"Maybe it's your neighbors?" Sam stands up, "I'll go check, maybe someone else did leave."

You nod, turning around to watch as he walks back to check the rooms. He comes out of your room and shakes his head, "No one's here."

You nod, continuing to watch as he then gets this annoyed look on his face and he sighs, "Fine."

"Sam?" You slowly get up, "Who are you talking to?"

"No one, I just-" he laughs, "I have something to tell you."

Your heart starts racing and you feel like your chest gets heavy, "Oh god." Your mind starts racing through every single idea that could potentially happen.

He had a plan this whole time. Gain your trust, get your alone, murder you.

He chuckles, "Relax, sweetheart. I'm not going to murder you."

Your head snaps towards him and you point, "H-how did you-"

"I can read your mind."

His words catch you off guard, "Y0u ju- you can r-" he pause, closing your eyes as you rest your forehead in your hand, "What the fuck is hap-"

You look up, gasping when Sam is right in front of you, "Shit." You go to step back but Sam grabs your wrist.

As scared as you want to be, when he touches you, it's like all your fear washes away and you want to do anything in your power to keep him with you.

"Listen to me." Sam's voice is soft, "I have to tell you something, but I need you to not freak out." He looks into your eyes, "Okay?"

You nod your head, "Y-yeah. I guess I can try."

"Come." He motions towards the couch, "Have a seat."

You walk over, sitting down. You turn your body towards him and rest your hands in your lap. Sam leans back, casually extending his arm over the back, "I made your friends go home."

"Huh?" You tilt your head, "What do you mean you made them leave?"

He shrugs, "Because we were getting impatient and they were just being massive cockblocks."

You sit in silence as you try to process his words, "We?"

Sam nods, "Yeah, remember Colby from the bar?" You nod slowly, "um, yeah. Yes." Sam nods, "Well he's here, too."

You whip around, looking for him, but you don't see him, "Where?" You turn back around, heart racing faster, "Why is he here, too?"

Sam stares at your chest, biting his lip as he pushes the thirst for your blood out of his mind, "You can't see him, he's hiding himself."

"Hiding himself?" You run your hand through your hair, breathing out a quiet, "Fuck."

After a moment of silence, Sam speaks up, "Do you want to know what happened at the bar?"

"I know what happened at the bar. I met you, we talked had a drink, I went to the bathroom then came out and walked with my friends down the street to another club." You look at him and he smirks, "No, sweetheart. Do you want to know what really happened?"

"What really happened?" You question and Sam leans forward, looking into your eyes, "When you remember, you won't make a big deal about it."

You nod and Sam tilts his head, eyes still on yours, "Remember."

You freeze as your mind plays what actually happened at Bar Eight.

Sam compelling you to say yes to his question. Following Sam to the bathroom. Sitting on the edge of the sink and being told not to make a sound.

His teeth sinking into your neck and you can almost feel the pleasured pain he caused you as he sucked your blood from your neck.

Colby emerging from behind Sam as your vision goes hazy.

Everything flows if, filling the cracks with missing information and you're left speechless.

You blink, your eyes moving to look at Sam. The only words you can form leave you more shocked as they leave your lips, "Y-you're.. a vampire?"

Sam smiles, nodding his head as he leans forward to rest his elbows on his knees, "Correct."

"And Colby?" You raise your brows and Sam tilts his head, "He's a demon."

"A de-" you shake your head, "No. I'm dreaming I can't- this can't be real." You stand up, placing one hand on your forehead and the other on your hip, "I'm having a really, really weird dream."

"Hate to break it to ya, babe." Colby's voice startles you as he walks around from behind you. You jump, stepping back as you look at him. He holds his hand out, "I'm sorry. Didn't mean to scare ya."

He chuckles, "But you're not dreaming. You're awake, and we're here."

You slide your hand down, resting your fingers over your lips and your mind starts racking up questions.

"Yes, we're why you felt guilty after going to Tara's party." Colby nods, "And why you felt so obsessed over, well.. nothing really."

"It wasn't really nothing, y/n. We made it so you were, what? Colby. I don't even know what you'd call it." Sam looks to Colby and Colby purses his lips, "Mm."

He snaps his fingers and looks to you, "Love sick."

"We made you love us, without even knowing us. That's why you felt so comfortable with me at the bar, we'd basically manipulate your dreams so you'd know who we were, but someone.." Sam trails off, glaring at Colby before looking back to you, "Thought it would be best if we made it so you couldn't remember when you woke up."

You can feel your legs shaking below you, "And the making me do things? What.. what's that?"

"Oh the compulsion?" Sam nods, "Yeah, that's my favorite thing about being a vampire." He laughs, "I can make anyone do anything I wanted."

"So you.. compelled me.. to.." you point to your neck and he nods, "Yes."

"Why?" You stare at him and he shrugs, "Come on, if a stranger came up to you and said follow me to the bathroom, I want to bite your neck and drink your blood, would you have honestly, willingly gone with?"

"I mean, no but- wait." You point to Colby, "You don't like my blood?"

He sighs, "Ah, yeah. That."

"He could rip you apart if he really wanted to." Sam laughs and Colby rolls his eyes, "So could you, Sam."

Sam nod, leaning back to bring one of his legs up to least on his other one, "That's true. I could tear you apart if I wanted."

Sam is in front of you within the blink of an eye and you lean back slightly. His arm snakes around your wait, hand planting on the small of your back, "But I think you are just.. the sweetest thing."

There is absolutely no fear in your body, and they both know it.

"Why me?" You ask, your breathing growing faster as Sam slides his other hand up your arm to push your hair out of the way, "Why not you?"

His fingers run over the spot he had previously drank from before, "You have such a pretty face, on a pretty neck. You drive me crazy."

He leans in, lips gently pressing against your skin before tilting his head up, "Tell me you don't want me right now. Tell me you don't want us.. right now."

"I-I." You gasp as you feel Colby appear behind you, his hands sliding onto your waist. You bite down on your lip, "Are you going to hurt me?"

"Not unless you want us to, baby." Colby chuckles, "We're here to pleasure you. Make you feel things you've never even thought of feeling."

Colby presses his chest against your back and Sam tilts his head, "We don't take orders from anyone.." his thumb brushes over your bottom lip, "But you."

A rush of excitement washes over you and they both chuckle, "she's excited." Colby whispers, "I can feel it."

"This is so fucking weird." You laugh, still slightly in shock, "Oh my god."

"What do you say, sweetheart." Sam looks into your eyes, "Will you let us be your sickening desire?"

Your lips part open as Colby's lips attach to your neck, sucking a mark into your neck.

You had to admit, the devils voice is so sweet to hear.

Along with them being pretty cute for being, what others would consider monsters.

"You think we're cute?" Sam teases and you sigh, "My thoughts aren't safe anymore are they?"

Sam shakes his head, "Not at all, babe."

"You share them with us now." Colby whispers, "So are you going to answer Sam's question. Are you going to let us show you what an exhilarating ride it is to dance with the devil?"

After taking a moment to think, your eyes meet Sam's and you nod, "Take me."

"As you wish." He lifts you up, walking over to the couch, "But before we start. Can I have that drink now?"

"So that's what you meant?" You bite your lip and he nods, "Uh huh. Exactly." He looks over at Colby and when you look over at him, he's gone.

Sam turns your chin back towards him, "He's not too far off." He winks and slides his hand to the back of your neck, pulling you in closer to him as he leans up, mouth close to your neck.

Your hands grip the collar of his shirt, preparing for the initial piercing of your skin.

"Tell me when. You call the shots." Sam whispers and you nod, "Go."

You let out a whine, tilting your head to the side as his fangs sink into your neck.

Your fists tighten with his collar still balled up in them, and a moan slips through. Sam wraps tightens his arm around your waist, groaning against your neck.

The euphoric feelings rushes in, causing your arousal to spike.

You need him, and you needed him bad.

Your mind dances off onto the topic of Colby, thinking about how good he looks in the black leather jacket.

How his dark demeanor intimidates you, but also turns you on more than anything.

"Fucking hell, babe. You taste fucking good." Sam leans back, fangs still out as his licks the blood from his lips.

Your eyes gaze over his face as you slide a hand up, wiping away a bead of blood that's getting ready to drip. You drag your finger up his chin, slowly placing it in his mouth and you gasp when his lips wrap around it, sucking your flood off your finger.

"I know I should be scared but.." you bite your lip, pulling your finger from his lips, "I'm not."

"We don't want you to be scared." Sam whispers, "We love you."

Without any hesitation, "I love you both."

"That's the way we want it." He smirks, looking over your shoulder, "You good, Colbs?"

"Oh yeah." Colby answers from behind, "Clean her up. I want my turn with her." Sam smirks and licks his lips again before leaning forward.

A shiver goes down your spine from Colby's words and Sam's tongue gliding over the fresh puncture wounds.

A little whimper leaves your lips, "Please."

"Soon baby." Both say in unison.

"Stand up for me, princess." Sam says and you stand up, slightly wobbly. Colby moves behind you, sweeping you off your feet, "You'll get used to that the more it happens."

You stare up at him, captivated by how a demon can look so pretty.

"I'm not in my true form, sweetheart." Colby smirks, walking you into your room, "Maybe one day I'll show you."

"What do you look like?" You ask and Colby lays you on the bed, "Let's not talk about that right now." He licks his lips, pressing them to yours.

Your hands move to his neck, moaning quietly against them. He slides a hand down, slipping it under your shirt, earning a moan as he toys with your nipple.

You tilt your head back, arching your back as he pinches a bit harder.

You wonder where Sam is, and he instantly appears next to you, "I'm right here, princess." He smirks down at you and you bite down on your lip.

You had so many emotions flooding through your mind and body.

You have never, never felt like this before and that was part of their goal.

Colby slips his hand out, gripping your shirt at the top and tearing it with a smooth glide, exposing your chest, "Mm. Naughty girl, not wearing a bra."

You bite your lip, looking down at him and he smirks, "I like it better when you don't." He winks and leans down, attaching his lips to one nipples while his fingers find the other.

A moan leaves your lips as you lay a hand on the back of his head, "Fuck."

Sam leans down slightly, laying a hand on your head and brushing it over your hair, "We've been watching you for a while now. Did you know that?"

"N-no." You whimper and Sam chuckles, "Of course not. We didn't want to make you love sick, we just needed a way to make you ours before we told you who we truly are."

Colby leans up, "You're the only sense of humanity we have."

"Really?" You look from him to Sam and Sam nods, "Really." You look back to Colby as you feel your jeans being unbuttoned. You lift your hips, eager for them to be off quicker.

Sam stands up, unbuttoning his shirt as Colby works on undressing you fully, "Shit, this is so fucking hot."

Colby smirks, chuckling as he slides his hands up your bare legs, stopping at the band of your panties, "You're more than ready for us, aren't you?"

You nod quickly, "Yes." You move your hips up and down, "yes."

"Taste her, Colby." Sam commands and with that, your panties are ripped from your body, tossed like nothing to the floor.

"Fuck." Colby groans, quickly getting into position with his head between your thighs. Your lips part as you watch his inch closer to you, biting down on your lip when he glances up at you.

He closes the space, his tongue gliding up and down your folds, groaning against you as he finally tastes what he's been anticipating.

Sam's eyes are heavily focused on Colby, watching as he eats you out, "Fuck." He whispers, hand sliding down to palm himself.

You slide your arm towards him while placing your other hand on Colby's head, moaning as your back arches, "S-Sam."

Sam's eyes move to you, instantly picking up on what you want to do for him. He discards his pants, his boxers quickly following, leaving him naked as he climbs on the bed.

He sits on his knee, resting back on his calves as he reaches down. His fingers wrap around your wrist, guiding it to wrap around his cock.

He lets out a relieving moan, bucking his hips as you squeeze and gently stroke him up and down, "F-fuck."

His chest rises and falls quickly as his eyes watch you touch him.

You look over, locking eyes with him as you moan. He focuses on yours, "Cum."

Your body tenses up as a wave of absolute pressure washes over your body, screaming out as you tug on Colby's hair, which earns a deep groan from him.

"That's it, princess." Sam moans, "Fuck."

You catch your breath, watching as Colby sits up. He moves up, attaching his lips to yours and you moan at the taste of yourself on his tongue that moves against yours.

Sam grabs your wrist, pulling it away from him as he moves to the end of the bed. Once Colby climbs off, Sam grabs your ankles, easily pulling you down so your legs hang down.

You watch as Sam drops to his knees, hooking his arms under your knees as he moves in. His tongue slips into you, groaning as you gasp, "Sh-it."

Colby gets onto the bed, biting his lip as he watches you take his cock into your hand without being told, "Such a good girl." He reaches down, running his thumb over your bottom lip.

You part them, taking his thumb into your mouth and sucking. He tilts his head, watching the sight below him.

He looks down at Sam, watching him devour you before looking back, "Use your mouth, baby."

You comply, you don't need any kind of compulsion to do anything.

It's all you.

You push his thumb out of your mouth with your tongue, lifting your head to allow the tip of his cock to replace it.

He gasps, moaning as he lays a hand on the back of your head, "More, baby. Take more of me."

You swirl your tongue, coating him in saliva before you push your head onto him more. You moan around him as Sam slips a finger into your soaked cunt, tongue swirling around your clit.

Colby fights to keep his eyes open, "Shit." He pushes your head down, holding it there as he thrusts his hips, "Doing so fucking good."

Your back arches and your moans are muffled. Colby holds still, allowing you to have control again.

You bob your head, pausing as Sam slips another finger in, curling them slowly as he sucks your clit.

"Fuck." Colby glances down at Sam and back to you, brushing hair from your face. You tilt your head back, taking a deep breath as you moan loudly.

Colby moves back a little, leaning down to whisper in your ear, "Cum."

You whimper as your orgasm rushes in again, ripping loud moans and screams from your throat as you cum around Sam's fingers.

"Does that feel good?" Colby asks stroking his hand over your hair, "Looks like it does."

"Yesyesyes!" You scream out, "Fuck yes!"

Sam pulls his fingers out, standing up to lean down over you. Your eyes lock into his as he slips his two fingers into your mouth, "lick them clean for me."

Your tongue swirls around his fingers, sucking them clean like he said. He drags them out, pulling your bottom lip down slightly as he leans down to kiss where he bit a not, too long ago.

He reaches up, gripping your chin as he studies your face, "I want to drink from you while Colby fucks you from behind."

You nod, "P-please, Sam."

"You don't have to beg, princess. Not this time." He smirks and stands up, walking around to lay on the bed, "Come here."

You sit up, turning around to crawl up the bed, straddling his lap. Colby moves behind you, hands on your hips as you lean down to connect your lips with Sam's.

You feel spit run down over your center, followed by Colby's cock rubbing it in before slipping the tip of his cock in.

You gasp into Sam's mouth and both of their hands hold your body still, "Feel good?" Sam asks lowly and you nod, eyes closed as you moan, "So good."

Sam kisses down the front of your neck, licking back up to under your jaw, "Think you can take both of us at once?"

His words surprise you and he chuckles, "Only if you want to try of course."

Colby pushes his cock into you, groaning as his fingers dig into your hips, "Shit." He bites down on his lip, slowly pulling out before starting to thrust at a slow pace.

You moan, looking down at Sam. He watches your face scrunch up as he slides his hand up to your neck, slowly squeezing.

"fuck, I can't fight it anymore." Sam groans as he pulls your hair back into a make shift ponytail, holding it with his hand, "Stay as still as you can for me, okay?"

You whimper in response, moaning from Colby's cock thrusting in and out of you.

Sam licks his lips, tilting his head to get to the side he hasn't bit yet. He pulls you in close and sinks his fangs into your neck.

You let out a small yelp, quickly covering it up with a loud moan. You fist the sheets next to Sam, pulling in them as you try to stay as still as you can.

Colby's grip on your hips is tight enough to where you know you'll have small round bruises from his fingers digging into your skin.

Sam sucks your neck, moaning lowly as lifts his head slightly. His eyes flick down to your neck, "I'll never get enough of you."

"I'm yours." You moan out quietly, "Both of yours."

"Who do you belong to?" Colby asks, "Say it louder."

Sam reconnects his mouth to your neck, making your vision go blurry, "Y-yours." You moan, screaming out, "Both, I belong to you both."

"That's our girl." Colby groans, "Our fucking girl."

Sam lifts his head, licking your neck clean and lays his head back. You stare down at him as Colby's thrusts come to a stop.

Sam reaches down, grabbing his cock to slide it into your cunt along with Colby's.

You let out a whimper as you feel yourself stretching to accommodate them both, "F-fuck." You hang your head down, whimpering as they both start to thrust, quickly finding a pace.

Sam slides his hand back up, cupping your cheek, "Tell us how good you feel."

"So.. fucking.." you gasp, "Good!"

"Do you want to cum?" Colby asks and you answer him immediately, "Yes, yes. So bad." A string of whines and moans leave your lips non-stop.

"Little bit longer baby." Colby rubs his hand up and down your back, "Doing so good for us."

Your eyes scan quickly over Sam's face. There's just something about the blood covering his chin that turns you on even more.

"Thank you." He groans out with a smirk. You smile, biting your lip as your brows furrow, "Oh fuck. Fuck."

"Think she's had enough, Colbs?" Sam asked eyes not leaving your face.

"She's earned a break." Colby answers and Sam pinches your chin between his pointer and thumb, "Look at me, princess."

You open your eyes and he locks his onto yours, "Cum."

Pleasure washes over you, causing your body to shake as it feels much more powerful than the last two orgasms you had.

You feel their cocks slip out of you and you cling to Sam, moaning and whining as you work your way through your high.

"That's it, baby. That's it." Sam whispers as he plants kisses on your face, leaving little spots of blood.

You slowly relax, breathing heavy as you roll off of Sam to lay on the bed.

"You know. You look so cute with blood on your face." Sam leans over and smiles down at you. You laugh slightly, too tired to even care.

You feel someone one wiping you off and Sam comes back with a clean face and something to wipe yours off with.

You didn't think they would do this, you thought they were just going to have their way with you and leave.

"Just because we're labeled as not good doesn't mean we don't care about the aftercare part." Colby smirks slightly and you smile, "Sorry."

"Don't be sorry, sweetheart. You have a lot to learn." He winks and pulls the blankets up over your legs, "And yeah, that means we aren't going anywhere."

"Mhm. We claimed you." Sam says lying next to you, he brushes hair from your face, "so does it all make sense now?"

You nod, looking between them, "oh yeah. Everything is so much clearer now."

"You're still in shock aren't you?" Colby asks and you bat the air, "not at all." He raises a brow and tilts his head, "We can tell how you're feeling, babe. No need to lie."

You sigh, "Okay, fine. Maybe a little bit."

Colby lays next to you on your other side and rubs your arm, "Do you have any questions for us?"

"Were those thuds I heard earlier, you guys?" You ask as you pull the blanket up a little more. Sam laugh, "Yeah, that was Colby accidentally knocking stuff over."

You laugh, "This is just.." you sigh, "I'm sure I have more questions, I just.. my brain right now is so scrambled."

"You're fine, princess." Sam smiles, "You need rest."

"Will you be here in the morning?" You ask and look between them. Sam nods and Colby smiles, "We're always with you."

Sam smirks, "You have claim on us now."

.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.

I hope you enjoyed this as much as I did and let me tell you, it was A LOT. So let me know how I did!

Likes and reblogs are majorly appreciated!

Taglist: @fawned01 @theblackcatwitch @jaeyuns-world @littlec0ffeegirl @rosie-writings @nikkiwastaken

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anistarrose · 3 months

Text

The thing about the Heart Attack segment in Wonderland is that they put so much aromantic subtext in it. They accidentally put SO much aromantic subtext in it, on behalf of multiple characters, and I'm thinking about it constantly. Let me tell you all about it.

Magnus is dropped into a dating game and literally leads with "I cannot stress enough how uninterested I am in this." Now, it's perfectly valid to read this as due to him waiting for Julia, or just him being plain old uncomfortable with having his love life put in the spotlight. However! I cannot stress enough the exchange that happens just a minute or two after that line:

Magnus (describing his ideal date): ... and we don't see each other again, ‘cause I'm really not interested in dating. Audience: [exaggerated] Oooooh! (cheers) Griffin: The silhouette is like, fanning itself. Lydia: Playing hard to get, huh? It seems like our contestant is into that.

And I just have to say: unfortunately, this is one of the most aromantic fucking experiences I've seen represented in fiction in my life. I mean — saying you're not interested in romance, then having those words twisted on you, like they're some secret coded way of saying that you are interested in romance? Not having a single way to express your disinterest that'll actually be believed? That's some aro shit right there. God. Fuck.

As an aside, it's enough to really tell that Heart Attack is not designed to be a reprieve from the pain, even though it's the "good outcome" of Trust or Forsake. It's designed to be uncomfortable. To funnel suffering to Edward and Lydia, just like all the other games do. (More on that later, in fact.) But in summary:

Magnus is a character who can be read as uncomfortable with romance for either aro-spec reasons or unrelated reasons. But in either case, his discomfort attracts reactions that reek of amatonormativity — and therefore, resonate with aromantic experiences. (Psst, I did recently write a gray-aro Magnus fic!)

Two more analyses below the cut (and only one of them is for another Horny Boy):

Obviously the next character I need to talk about is Merle. I've found aroallo readings of his character to be compelling for a long time (having sex with plants so you don't have to worry about romantic commitment, am I right?), but the way he describes his "ideal date" is another factor:

Merle: I volunteer to drive her vehicle, and tell her it's filthy, and so we go through the uh- drive through vehicle wash and she pays for that too. Um, and then I take her to have dinner with my family, and- Magnus: Wait, like your wife and stuff? Merle: She meets my ex-wife.

Merle's probably exaggerating as a joke, continuing on about both him and his partner being miserable, but I think the fact that Merle's mind goes here is genuinely drawing from a lot of poor romantic experiences in the past. He didn't get a choice about being on Heart Attack, and his marriage with Hecuba was similarly "arranged".

It's also worth noting that at this point in time, Merle is putting in the work to be part of Mavis and Mookie's lives again, but is not interested in doing the same for Hecuba — he instead just asks Mavis how Hecuba's doing. That said, given that Magnus is the one to put the focus on Merle's ex-wife, I think it's fair to read the "family" comment as Merle actually expressing that he'd rather spend time with his kids than give any special romantic attention to his date. Moving on to the rest of the "joke":

Merle: She's having a miserable time and she's really mad, she can't wait to get outta there. I take her back to her house, and so I lean up against the door jam and say, 'Sure you don't want me to come in for a few minutes?' and she slams the door in my face.

It's possible Merle just has a more roundabout, self-deprecating way of expressing a similar thing to what Magnus did: Merle just isn't interested in dating. To me, the last line implies he might not say no to sex, if offered — but overall, it reads as if Merle is putting minimal effort in because he's looking for an excuse to get out of this relationship anyway.

It's also possible that Merle's "rejection" of a suitor being so disguised as humor could point to him still coming to terms with his disinterest in dating. Particularly, in comparison to Magnus, who is so vocal and unashamed about it, while Merle might still be figuring this all out.

(Honestly, the self-deprecation Merle turns to here is actually kind of sad, when viewed in that light — he already lets himself be the butt of jokes so often, and now he feels like the way romance doesn't click for him has to be a joke, too? Oof. Someone give him a hug and tell him he's not broken this instant!) But regardless:

Merle views dates, and perhaps romance in general, as things that will inevitably turn disastrous for him and any party involved with him, and he would rather spend time with his children than repairing a relationship with an ex, or cultivating a relationship with a new partner. This is not an experience exclusive to the aro-spec umbrella, but you can't say that an aromantic reading of his character doesn't fit him like a gardening glove...

...which he wears while fucking his plants. Because plants don't demand emotional intimacy, nor take too much time away from the platonic relationships that matter more to him. And you know what? He's fucking valid for that! Fly your flag, nasty grandpa!

But moving on: I promised you aromantic analysis of characters outside of our protagonists, and henceforth, that analysis I will provide. And not just because I admittedly see Taako as the token alloromantic (though clearly an aro ally; if he hadn't chosen Forsake we wouldn't have gotten all this incredible characterization!)

I digress. So let's go on to addressing the lich twins in the room: Edward and Lydia.

Remember my argument earlier that Heart Attack serves the purpose of collecting suffering just like the rest of Wonderland does? How it's just a subtler way of making Wonderland's victims fundamentally uncomfortable?

...Using, of all things, romance?

How the vogue twins, for whatever reason, felt inspired to make people uncomfortable with matchmaking and adoration? How, some way or another, they noticed how much potential romance had to induce suffering? Being pressured into a relationship, being told that no matter how firmly you say you're uninterested, you're not really uninterested?

...Relatedly, I have always gotten the sense that Edward and Lydia projected relentlessly onto their victims.

Edward: This resolve, this desire to do whatever it takes no matter the cost to save yourselves — do you know who you three remind me of? Magnus: No? Merle: Who? Edward: Us!

I'm even going to go a step further and say that on top of projection, they want their victims to go through things they went through. Swallowing the guilt of having fucked someone else over to survive, of course — that's basically self-admitted. But possibly also... the feeling of not being able to get back what you lost (Keats). The feeling of being able to heal (Keats).

So, where does that leave Heart Attack?

Lydia: It was the three of us, surviving against all odds. The world against us.

Their family of three was (is) indescribably important to them. I'm not necessarily saying that societal expectations of romance, especially of romance as a priority above that of family, left a bad taste in their mouths — if not downright contributing to their trauma — but, okay, I wrote the rest of this post and now that I'm back, I can no longer deny it. I'm definitely, absolutely saying that.

At the time of the podcast, we know Edward and Lydia's own relationship is heavily strained. Until the end, they are lying to themselves and to each other about the fact that they continue to be emotionally and magically reliant on each other. After all, Lydia wouldn't say "I guess we really needed each other after all" in her dying moments with such surprise otherwise.

This is the second reason that I... well, I wouldn't quite call it a "theory," but I find it most impactful to read Edward and Lydia as characters for whom the concept of Love has baggage. And always has, from their origins as youth in a tough spot in an already amatonormative world.

Maybe the constant societal devaluing of platonic, familial bonds left them with serious emotional scars. Maybe the constant conflation of Love and morality just weighed on them and weighed on them and weighed on them until they decided: well, we don't love the way people expect us to, so we might as well give up on being the good people they expect us to be. We might as well embrace this new fuel of suffering.

...And you know, I hope this gets across what I mean when I always say I headcanon villains as aromantic to make them more sympathetic.

Edward and Lydia, textually, are already tragic villains. As twins and liches, they're also textually foil characters to several of the Seven Birds. But I also like to think that they have a lot in common with Magnus and Merle, and the possibility that tugs at my heartstrings the most is the possibility of them all falling under the aromantic umbrella.

#taz #taz balance #taz balance spoilers #magnus burnsides #merle highchurch #vogue elves #wonderland twins #(i always forget which tag i use for them lol)#aspec taz #taz meta #happy aro week this essay is my gift to myself <2

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lunargrapejuice · 2 months

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Hiya Luna, I hope you’re doing well 🥰! I saw your requests were open and decided to send one in, I hope thats alright! If I may, may I ask for Sephiroth and the prompt “It’s weird. I never thought I could feel like this, but you showed up. Now, it’s like I don’t wanna go on knowing I might lose the feeling.” please? Ngl I was going to ask for Cloud or Zack because they’re my faves, but I got too nervous 🙈!

Thank you so much and I hope you have a lovely weekend 🥰!

lyra!!! it is more than alright! i am so so happy that you did🥰🩷 and PLEASE LOVELY YOU CAN ABSOLUTELY ASK FOR ZACK OR CLOUD!! - I'D LOVE TO TRY WRITING SOMETHING FOR THEM💕 thank you so much for submitting this one🥺 - i'm down bad bad this also got longer than i planned whoops 🤭

🌙 prompt event

“it’s weird. i never thought i could feel like this, but you showed up. now, it’s like i don’t wanna go on knowing i might lose the feeling.” | sephiroth x reader with no pronouns used

it’s safe to admit to himself that love is very unfamiliar.

growing up sephiroth was taught that such feelings make you weak, softens the heart that should be hardened and cold and calculating. over time he had learned for himself how not necessarily true that was. maybe it wasn’t love, at least not in the capacity in which he feels it now, but he’s cared for comrades and friends even when others might argue it made him weak. but what’s before him now, and slipping through his fingers each day that passes, is something he has never experienced.

something he never saw coming and hasn’t known what to do with but also doesn’t know what to do without.

and he was going without considering you were actively avoiding him and hadn't spoken a word to him in what felt like weeks. even in meetings you were forced to attend together, you always left swiftly and without another glance his way, finding one reason or another to deny him a moment of your time and when he almost caught you alone in the hallway, your eyes meeting for but a moment, you were gone as quickly as he had blinked.

he has been wrecking his brain on what he had done wrong that would make you avoid him, his mind wandering to the chest aching distance between you every chance it got. he had almost lost to angeal in training two days because of it and nearly again to genesis today before his friend looked knowingly into his eyes and recited loveless; ‘the wandering soul knows no rest’

the words echo in his mind, in genesis’ voice no less, when he spots you in the distance. restlessness doesn’t quite begin to describe what your absence was doing to him. it was an uncomfortableness he had never felt before. one he had to do something about because every day it grows worse and if it stays like this he fears you’ll be torn from him entirely.

it already feels like you are. he looks as collected as he always does but inside his heart stirs and he knows he cannot let this go any longer.

you swear you saw him down the hall in your side view. he was impossible to miss for so many reasons but the most prominent of them all being your eyes were always evidently drawn to him, just like your heart had been and you cursed them both when they made you stall in your sprint to run away and avoid him right now.

it’s not as though it’s what you wanted but it is what you felt was best when you could feel yourself not being able to hold back your emotions. he couldn’t know, even though you’re sure it was written all over your face everytime you stole a glance but stolen looks weren’t the same as saying the words i love you and being rejected by someone you couldn’t bear to lose.

so you started your plan of avoiding him until those feelings disappeared. except the distance had not made them go anywhere, leaving them to simmer uncomfortably in your chest like they might burn you. when you saw his lips fall each time you made an excuse to get out of his vicinity, you felt nauseous for upsetting him. it wouldn’t be forever, you keep telling yourself but you don’t know how true that actually is. you cannot picture a life without these feelings; without the way his smile makes your insides buzz with warm incomparable to the sun, with how safe and cared for you feel in his proximity and how utterly gentle shinras strongest soldier is whenever he touches you.

you turn around to make your escape just in case your peripheral vision is not playing tricks on you but before you can make it two steps, you’re staring at his half hidden chest, hardened leather around soft skin your hand aches to touch. so it’s like that, using his actual speed to not let you get away. perhaps you had made him more upset than you initially thought..

“sephiroth!” you smile up at him and it nearly reaches your eyes if it weren’t for the shake of your voice that accompanies your eagerly beating heart.

“you’ve been avoiding me.” it’s not a question but a very obvious observation that fills you with guilt, though he hadn’t said it in an accusing tone.

your smile falls and you swallow the lump building in your throat, unable to meet his eyes but you don’t try to deny it. “.. i’m sorry. i just..” you can’t find any words that aren’t just the truth.

taking a step back, to run or just put a little more distance between you and find your strength to push back the emotions, you really aren’t sure for which but within an instant his hands are on your face, cupping your jaw like you’re made of glass but in a steady hold that told you he didn’t want to let go, bringing your gaze up to his. you could pull away if you really wanted, you knew he’d let go without you having to ask but you don’t do anything of the sort.

thin slitted pupils stare back at you, swirling in a sea of blue and green and glowing with mako and your brain screams for you to bite your tongue while your heart urges the words forward but he looks at you like he’s going to say something, staring at you with an expression you can’t decipher nor look away from while he pauses.

he says your name, breaking the silence between you, and you hope he can’t feel the heat of your cheeks and neck with the way your body reacts to the way he says it. then he chuckles a bit breathlessly, like it’s helping him let go of something that was holding him back before.

“i cannot stand being away from you. it’s weird..” he says, his thumbs brush along your cheeks and you swear the world around you stops, like the goddess is leaving this moment only for the two of you. “i never thought i could feel like this,” he smiles fondly and you feel your eyes soften in time with his, your hearts beating with sync. “like i have something to care for. someone i can be my true self with. but you showed up and now, it’s like i don’t want to go on knowing i might lose the feeling.”

your heart is somehow tearing and mending itself back together at his words and you finally let yourself touch him in return, feeling the wetness of your tears dripping from your lashes before you realize you’re crying.

his expression falls to worry as he wipes every tear that falls but all you can do is smile and shake your head, closing the distance between you and letting your worries crash to the ground as you reply to him in earnest.

♡♡♡♡♡

main masterlist

#final fantasy vii #sephiroth #sephiroth x reader #final fantasy vii x reader #final fantasy x reader #final fantasy 7 #ff7 #ffvii #ff7 x reader

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sunhowler · 1 year

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hey y'all. how about instead of talking about the fucking wizard game and jk rowling until the heat death of the universe, we talk about real legislative threats on our freedoms that are happening right fucking now.

republicans in my state, missouri, have proposed a bill that would make it illegal for teachers to teach anything about lgbtq issues to students from kindergarten all the way to fucking 12th grade. only licensed mental health professionals, *with parental permission*, can broach the subject to students.

a seperate bill proposes that trans kids be forced to play sports with other kids of their assigned gender at birth, banning any gender affirming care for minors, and criminalizing public drag performances by up to a year in jair and a $2,000 fine.

no doubt adding fuel to the fire, very recently an ex-practitioner at the gender clinic that quite literally saved my life has written a hit piece about washington university's transgender clinic. republicans are calling her a whistleblower. her name is jamie reed, and she describes herself as a queer woman and a progressive, and is apparently married to a trans man. here's an article about that as well, but it is flawed in my opinion (claims with no source that the effects of hrt and puberty blockers are unknown), so read it critically: here.

i cannot stress enough that this clinic saved my life when i was younger. i say that with full sincerity. i've received hrt and top surgery from them and i could not be happier. they connected me to a gender affirming therapist when i desperately needed one. i have friends who transitioned through the same clinic as well, and they are thriving in their gender identities. i suspect that the clinic is going to come under fire soon-- more than it already has. i'm honestly at a loss for what to do here. best i can say is spread the word, be there for your trans friends and family, and donate to the saint louis childrens hospital who saved my life. thank you.

#transgender #trans rights #missouri #st louis #barking

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upslapmeal · 6 months

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Notes from the Taskmaster 16x10 recording

The last two episode recordings I went to, I meant to make comprehensive notes when I got home afterwards that I would be able to look back at and post when the episode aired. I did not, in fact, end up doing that. So this time I was determined to have lots of notes, and made them on the go in the breaks in recording. However. They were made in a rush and I never went back through them to pad them out (you'd really think I would have learned by now). So instead of just having to rely on my memory, I ended up with an almost coded list of words and phrases that it's taken me pretty much 2 weeks to sit down and decipher lol. So with that said:

the pre-episode Greg-Alex entertainment was Greg getting Alex to sing a song about a recent news story to the tune of a song suggested by the audience - in this case it was Trump's lawsuit (the one in May 2023 since there are...a few) to the tune of Wuthering Heights

Alex really went for the whole live thing, and was constantly referring to it throughout the episode

when the contestants came onstage, I obviously first saw Sam in his bright colours and blond hair

we were right on the back balcony and my first impression from that distance was that he kinda looked like Jamie Laing lol

Greg made a passing comment about how he's been dressing in grey but I was completely taken by surprise when the vt rolled and he looked completely different!

I had assumed he'd actually buzzed his hair and didn't realise it was a wig until the ep aired

Sue made comments throughout the episode about how Sam looked like Dahmer

Lucy's prize task story, unsurprisingly, went on for ages and included a whole story about the holiday they went on that I tragically cannot remember

I was so glad they didn't cut 'untaffled' because I looked through my notes before again before watching the episode and couldn't for the life of me remember what she'd said

Greg's said that his immediate response to naked Alex in the prize task was that he was 'smooth like an eel'

After Julian's prize task there was a discussion about how people wanted to be buried, and at one point (I wish I could remember the conversation leading up to this) either Greg or Alex said they would be buried 'together forever in the Victoria monument'

There was a whole long debate about whether Sam intended to use nature as part of his doughnut task, and whether the bird toppling Ms Doughnut to her death should be counted

Greg told Sam to 'convince me to give you 3 points'

Sam went on talking about how amazing nature is and how we're all connected and at one point said 'consider the statistics.....3000' (I'm 99% sure this is what he said and I didn't just forget the rest of the quote)

Julian's exercise name was absolutely not a one-off, to the point they started running a 'cunt count' for the episode

Sue talked about how she had recently had an ADHD diagnosis, and that she kept viewing tasks holistically rather than paying attention to the details. This was specifically in relation to the exercise where she just did the same thing 4 times

I'm not sure if we saw the full extended version of Hotel Taskmaster, but we definitely saw a cut that included more than the aired version (though tbh I think they do that for most tasks and I just noticed this one bc we got the extended version)

We got an 'I put it to you' from Greg that Alex-as-Qrs looked genuinely cool

Lucy described Alex as having 'tight metallic buns' which Greg later referred to as his 'robot arse'

I cannot stress how much of a breakdown Susan had in the studio about the forks and marbles - you get a glimpse in the episode but that was nothing!

Susan also took AGES to do her throw in the live task - she kept on being about to throw before being interrupted, or saying her arms were too short, or that she needed a wee, or having a fit of giggles, and the longer it went the worse it got lol

Greg and Alex also had a go at it, and Sue wanted another go without the pressure. Greg and Sue got the ball in but Alex didn't

Don't ask me to remember the context, but at one point during the record, Greg told a story about someone he knew (whose name he said he would tell the others backstage) who would have sex in a cow mask and would demand 'LOOK AT ME!!!'. Anyway that was referred back to a few times in the ep

When Sam was given the trophy he just stood near-motionless with it for what felt like ages before we got to the hugs and everything

And now we enter the magical world of ~what on earth was this note referring to~ where I just hope someone else who was there (@politicalprocrastinator how's your memory?) sees this and can fill me in on what I've forgotten:

At some point around the prize / first task I wrote 'correct dog guess'. Whose dog? What was being guessed? Absolutely no idea

At some point there was a joke about the 'former Prime Minister', I think the idea being that by the time the episode aired we'd inevitably have a new PM? but I honestly can't remember

Someone called someone else submissive in a way notable enough for me to have written 'submissive' as a one-word bullet point, but not notable enough for me to actually remember

And now three bullet points which I will present in their original form:

Birthday

Bum hole in back

Get in bath

#posted on reddit so I thought I'd put it here too #taskmaster #ramblings

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heavenlythea · 1 year

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"trying"

whenever you have the tendency to use the word "trying" to describe your current situation, it means you're doing too much and it's good for nothing, certainly not for you.

i'm trying to manifest... i'm trying to become... i'm trying to make it happen... i'm trying to let go...

etc. etc.

the name of God is I AM, not I TRY or I DO. it doesn't matter what you're trying to do, for God you ARE just someone who is trying at that moment.

BEING is the core of our existence. if you think that there's something more that you have to do, if you think that you cannot just BE but have to try to do something more, then you are overcomplicating things.

your new desired identity (state) might seem tiny at first. that is okay. what matters is that it's what you want. just like a mustard seed is tiny but will grow into a big lush plant. the size doesn't matter, what matters is that it is a mustard seed. the same way your desired state might feel tiny at the beginning. let it be tiny. it'll grow through you the more you come back to it.

this also applies to areas of life outside of manifesting:

you're not trying to love. you either love or you don't. you're not trying to change. you're either changing or you're not. you're not trying to heal. you're either healing or not.

the speed doesn't matter. baby steps are still movement. don't label them as just "trying". trying is a trap. trying is an artificial effort of your conscious self (the outer man). being is a divine act. just let the mustard seed be at the size where it is right now. it'll grow, but let it be where it is at this moment.

God is I AM, so who ARE YOU? someone who IS or someone who is TRYING?

#heavenlythea #law of assumption

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llyfrenfys · 9 months

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On Cadi as the Welsh equivalent of Queer

(image: screenshot of the entry for Cadi in Geiriadur Prifysgol Cymru)

Some of you may already know this, but for those who don't, Cadi is a Welsh word which is analogous to the word Queer in English. I say analogous, since their meanings aren't quite a 1:1 match. But for shorthand, Welsh equivalent of Queer sums 90% of it up.

It has been suggested tentatively by some to use Cadi as the Welsh translation of Queer. I'm going to explore arguments for and against, but ultimately the choice to use/not use Cadi as a 1:1 with Queer is entirely up to you. Warning that this post is quite long, but I do hope you'll stick with it- please let me know what you think in the notes!

Without further ado, let's get into it:

Definition of Cadi:

Cadi is a term which has existed in Welsh since the 17th Century (roughly) and generally refers to effeminacy in men (real or perceived). Over time, the meaning of the term has expanded to refer to other (Queer) things as well. But the term itself largely has been applied to Queer men and queer masculinities through time.

The term itself derives from the girl's name Catrin and you will come across women who call themselves Cadi as a shortening of their name (like Liz from Elizabeth and so on). In this way, there is a strong point of comparison to be had with the English queer pejorative Nancy, which also derives from a girl's name.

Can Cadi be considered the Welsh equivalent of Queer?

So now to the real meat of the post. Can Cadi be considered the Welsh equivalent of Queer? The answer to that is, unsurprisingly, complicated.

As described above, Cadi is a term which has had strong associations with male effeminacy (real or perceived) and has close parallels to the English term Nancy, which is also nearly exclusively applied to Queer men and masculinities. What this presents is a quandary and I'll explain what I mean by that. But first, we need to outline the history of LGBTQIA+ terminology in general (in the West).

LGBTQIA+ Terminology and the inclination towards cis gay language:

This is a huge huge topic which I cannot possibly do justice to here alone, so I'd highly recommend reading up on these topics when you have time, but for the sake of brevity, here is a tldr on the history of LGBTQIA+ terminology (slightly UK-centric but similar events also happened in the US and Canada, as well as other parts of Europe).

Campaign for Homosexual Equality (CHE) is a British Lesbian and Gay rights organisation founded in the 1960s, during a time of great social and political change. The organisation's membership grew and grew well into the 70s before declining in the 80s. It was during this time that some lesbian members of the organisation left citing erasure of lesbian issues and misogyny in the movement. CHE and similar gay and lesbian rights movements in this period had been inclined to centre gay men's issues in their activism, which understandably led to many lesbians feeling alienated. Some lesbians left in the late 70s and early 80s and began to form their own advocacy groups. This indirectly fed into a wider feminist upheaval at the time and led to the rise of lesbian feminism, which aimed to centre lesbian issues within feminism, but unfortunately (for complex historical reasons) did then contribute to the proliferation of rad\ical femi\nism within the Queer community, which then unfortunately contributed to the rise of tra\ns exclu\sionary rad\ical fem\inism. Regardless of the unfortunate rise of transphobia within the lesbian feminist movement, the original catalyst for the formation of these groups was a sense of alienation from the rest of the Queer community because gay men's issues had been prioritised over lesbian issues, when both could have been tackled together, with each other. This alienation was echoed in the names of organisations and events- many early homosexual rights groups only had homosexual or gay in their group names. It took many years before advocacy groups started adding 'and lesbian' to their names and events.

(For further reading, I would suggest watching this video by Verilybitchie about the history of lesbian erasure in homosexual advocacy and how that led to (some) lesbian groups excluding bi and trans people in the same way they were excluded by gay men)

What does that history mean for Cadi?:

Because of a history of lesbian (and by extension, women's) exclusion from homosexual advocacy groups, is Cadi the best term to use as a catch-all given its strong associations with men's expressions of Queerness? (namely, that as a pejorative it is largely aimed at femininity in men and subsequent assumed homosexuality). It is important to consider if using Cadi as an equivalent of Queer would centre a (typically cis) gay experience/expression of Queerness and if that would alienate other members of the LGBTQIA+ community.

However, a counterpoint to this would be that there are variations of the term Cadi which do include other experiences of Queerness:

Cadi ffan (similar to just 'Cadi')- typically used to describe femininity in men and boys [N. Wales]

Cadi genod/ Cadi merched (similar to above) - effeminate man/boy [N. Wales]

Cadi bechgyn - Romping girl, tomboy [N. Wales]

Cati fachgen - (similar to above)- Romping girl, tomboy [S. Wales]

Cadi Haf - Male maypole dancer dressed as a girl

They are, however, somewhat limited for use in reclamation and have to be qualified by another noun to indicate diversion from the original term's meaning.

But when talking about the term Cadi, we often speak in the abstract- without the context in which the term is used. So here are a few extracts from texts which use the term Cadi (or variants). Since this is a mostly spoken slang term, it doesn't turn up in print often, but there are a few examples to draw on.

Examples of Cadi in texts:

Page 164- Cwm Eithin by Hugh Evans (1931):

"DAWNSIO HAF Ceir darnodiad o'r ddefod hynafol dawnsio haf yn Y Gwyl- fedydd, 1823, tudal. 306, gan un a'i geilw ei hun “ Callestrwr,” fel yr arferid hi yn Callestr (Fflint, mae'n debyg). Ym mis Ebrill arferai o ddwsin i ugain o bobl ieuainc ymuno i baratoi ar gyfer y ddawns. Gwisgai'r dawnswyr eu crysau yn uchaf wedi eu haddurno ag ysnodennau a blodau. Cariai'r arweinydd fforch bren ar lun y llythyren Y. Gwnïid lliain o'r naill fraich i'r llall, ac addurnid y fforch ag amryw lestri arian, tebotiau, llwyau, cigweiniau, efc. Byddai gyda hwy grythor yn ei ddillad ei hun, “cadi” mewn gwisg merch, ac ynfytyn mewn gwisg ryfedd â phlu yn ei ben"

[emphasis mine]

This extract is the author's account of Dawnsio Haf- a Summer dance held on May Day and his investigations into it. At his time of writing (1931) the practice has died out, but later in this chapter he interviews an old woman from the Conwy Valley who participated in the dances as a child. Evans draws upon a source from 1823 for his description of Dawnsio Haf. In it, he mentions that 20 young dancers meet up for the dance wearing shirts decorated with ribbons and flowers. A leader carries a fork in the shape of the letter "Y"- between each point on the "Y" a cloth was strung with silverware dangling from it to make noise. With the 20 dancers would be a crwth-player (crythor), a Cadi in women's clothes and a fool with a feather on his cap and odd clothes.

This usage is quite archaic and refers to a folk dance- much like mumming or morris-dancing. There is however, a picture in the People's Collection Wales titled 'Cadi'r Big' taken by the prolific photographer John Tomas c. 1875, near Y Ro-wen:

Which is very interesting as Cadi'r Big has dried flowers and ribbons attached to their clothes, much like in the description in Cwm Eithin. This is very likely a picture of a "Cadi" from a Dawnsio Haf.

Page 4- Y Ddraig Binc Issue 4 (1994):

Y Ddraig Binc was a Welsh-language Queer magazine published by CYLCH, a gay and lesbian rights organisation based in Aberystwyth. The term Cadi-ffan is included in an article about the commercialisation of Queer identity in the magazine's fourth edition.

"...Nawr te, medd wrtho’i hun, be’ gymera’ i’r mis hwn, copi o GQ ynte Arena neu ydw i, efallai, yn teimlo’n ddigon ifanc a trendi am Sky? Ond aros funud, beth yw hyn? Dau gylchgrawn steil newydd a gwynt digamsyniol cadi-ffan arnyn nhw?

Ydy, mae’r hyn a oedd y tu hwnt i ddychymyg wedi digwydd. Mae grymoedd y farchnad rydd a chystadleuaeth wedi cyrraedd y byd cyhoeddi hoyw - rhaid bod Lêdi T wrth ei bodd. Nawr fe gaiff llanc hoyw ddewis o ddeunydd darllen sgleiniog, llawn erthyglau a hysbysebion yn arbennig ar ei gyfer ef a’i rywioldeb. Hwrê! Fedr hynny ddim bod yn beth drwg. Neu a fedr o?..."

[emphasis mine]

This humorous article (dealing with an important topic, mind) pokes fun at the arrival of Queer commercialisation. The article opens by explaining that there's a ruckus in the gay world (and not two old queens getting into fisticuffs)- but that this ruckus is taking place at WHSmith (UK stationery shop and newsagents)- apparent winner of this year's most vulgar uniform award. The author goes on to describe a hypothetical situation in which a gay man walks into a WHSmith to buy a magazine. He wonders whether to get a copy of GQ or Arena (men's style magazines- remember this was published in Section 28 Era so explicitly gay magazines were not common) or is he trendy enough to read Sky? (film and tv magazine). But wait- what's this? Two new style magazines with a whiff of Cadi-ffan about them? The author explains that yes, the unimaginable has happened. The forces of the free market and competition have reached the world of gay publishing.

Now a gay youth has the choice of glossy reading material, full of articles and advertisements especially for him and his sexuality. Hooray! That can't be a bad thing. Or can it? Writes the author. The article is very witty and I recommend a read (find a pdf copy here). But the usage of Cadi-ffan here is very much in a reclaimed sense. Though it must be noted that the story is told through a stereotypical cis gay lens.

Conclusions:

As I said at the start of this post, you are free to claim or not claim Cadi as you wish. However, as awareness of Welsh LGBTQIA+ terminology increases, I wanted to raise important questions and start a conversation about the words we have, what we want them to be and how they have been used against us. I hope in any case that this post has been interesting to you. If it has, please reblog this or add any comments/thoughts in the notes, tags or in my asks.

Beth yw eich barn chi? I'd love to hear other's thoughts on this and start a conversation about it! Diolch am ddarllen

#cymraeg #cwiar #cadi #cadi ffan #Welsh #Gymraeg #yr iaith gymraeg #term reclaiming #hoyw #lhdt #deurywiol #lesbiaidd #cymru #long post

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jikjinz · 6 months

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★﹐cause i'm like: yes & no ．﹗﹑

anonymous asked: I... I might need a Junkyu/Doyoung hard smut.... I can't get out of my Dokyu brain rot this is killing me😭 ESP WITH JUNKYU'S NEW BLONDE HAIR??? Anyways I love your writing I'm glad I found your account.

cw: k.doyoung x fem!reader x k.junkyu, smut, dom!junkyu, switch!doyoung, sub!reader; threesome, porn with little to no plot; (now bear with me) masturbation, handjob, blowjob (m!receiving); one (1) pussy slap; oral, fingering (f!receiving), hickeys, multiple orgasms, question about safe word & discussion about it mentioned; praise & pet names (princess, good girl, pretty one); double p-in-v penetration, creampie, mention of birth control pills; finger sucking; lmk if i missed something cuz for sure i did)

wc: too much (aka 2,450 in total)

note: i wrote it with my pussy and yall have to deal with it. also it's my first threesome i have ever written so go easy on me or smth; imma disappear for some more but leave nice asks about this piece, reblog it and comment how good it is (if is)

“what?”

okay, that’s not how you intended on spending the evening. you came to your friends’ apartment for some notebooks and what-not you left there last time, and now? it’s a mess.

this can’t be true. you just misheard it, imagined it, or it’s the unholy amount of caffeine kicking it. because there’s no fucking way you heard your friend moaning your name. right?

oh no. the door to doyoung’s room is slightly open, and the whimpers and moans definitely sound like him. but there’s just no way he’s jacking off to you! so you gather up your guts, knock a few times on the opened door and move them out of your way so you can bust in the room-

“you nasty little bitch.”

it sounds terrible; these words aren’t good for describing other people unless you want to disgrace them… and there you are, speaking like that, with a smile on your face, lust in your eyes, and a slowly growing wet patch in your lower underwear. you chuckle quietly, waiting for any reaction from doyoung.

“do you need any help?” trying to get something out of him, any sign that you can or cannot stay in the room, you try asking, and-

“uh-huh!”

“but i need to know what to do, little one,” you tease him, closing the door to his room, and going to his desk, by which he’s sitting. turning his chair so doyoung is facing you, one hand placed on the desk and your other hand reaches for the hem of doyoung’s boxers. “what do you want from me? what can i do to make you-”

“fuck me finally.”

taken aback by little, you smile brightly at this straightforward information. but that’s what you need, actually! now you know what to do, and… you’re more than happy to oblige.

you pull his boxers down enough so you can see, touch, and be surprised by the view. impressive length with a leaking tip that would make you gag for sure; that’s why you choose to use your hand. slowly, you take it in your palm; as you do it with extreme care, doyoung still jolts at the slight touch. you chuckle and give him a few slow strokes, smearing the precum all over it; you smile at his cute reactions, the way his lips part, the way he tries to maintain eye contact despite the blissful feeling. leaning in for a kiss, you can’t help but chuckle between the meetings of your lips. as you swallow all his moans, you stroke him for the last time, moving your thumbs across his tip; that’s what sends him through the edge. doyoung still thrusts into your hand, while you help him through the ecstatic feeling.

“umm-”

you turn around really fast, almost snapping your neck. you chuckle though, seeing your other friend and doyoung’s roommate, junkyu, standing at the entrance to the room.

“i- might need- help- as well.” junkyu mumbles out and laughs awkwardly, face flushed and breath uneven. since you were leaning a bit, you stand up properly again and look at both of your friends, stare switching from junkyu to doyoung.

“and what if i need help, too?” though you joke in a way, that’s actually a bit true; not only did you have soaked underwear already but the thought of taking both your friends, not in a fight, makes your head spin. laughing quietly to bring yourself to reality, you take a few steps back, to doyoung’s bed, where you plop. “i can help you both if you will help me. deal?”

both of them choke on air; junkyu almost passes out, weak in the knees, yet he still sprints in your direction. doyoung also throws himself on the bed, where you all talk first. the safe word and a few other things are being talked through, until everything is settled down; that’s when both junkyu and doyoung snap.

it looks like they are crazy beasts in human disguise, yet they still have some restraints. and it’s a nice turntables situation; the usually soft junkyu is now rough and dominant, while usually-tough and cocky doyoung is now a needy little bunny.

all of you practically rip and throw your shirts, pants, and everything you have on yourselves soon lands on the floor. both of your friends’ eyes spark with excitement, as they really wanted to do that from a long time. and seeing you getting desperate for them both is making them lose their minds.

“stay still, pretty one.” junkyu commands, as he’s laying you on the verge of the bed, throwing your legs over his shoulders as he kneels in front of your glistening entrance. then, he points at doyoung. “if you keep on sucking him off, without squirming around, you’ll get a reward, got it?”

“uh-huh.” the dreamy tone of yours has both junkyu and doyoung in a straight-up chokehold. it was really hard for them to believe that their usually tough and intimidating friend will be so putty in their hands, let alone you’ll be so fucking wet for them.

sex isn’t new to any of you, yet a sexual experience like that IS new to all of you three. so a lot of mistakes, bumping into one another, and whatnot other ‘fails’ happen. yet, the adrenaline and excitement of this happening is so big that none of you care about some mishaps.

after you finally set a comfortable position, you start to take care of doyoung. first, some gentle pumps, even though he’s already hard again. then, kitten licks and kisses all across his length that have him whimpering already. you can see him getting impatient but those nice sounds flowing from past his lips are like a banger to your ears.

but then you get a light smack. and this time it’s you who whines.

“suck him off finally, pretty one. or you won’t get the reward.” junkyu warns, hand flat on your pussy, massaging the slit that he just slapped. the desire in his eyes makes them so dark, and the demanding stare he gives you makes you mewl like a sad puppy. as he’s hurrying you with his stare, you give him last sad look and finally give in your all to suck the batshit from doyoung.

giving his dick one final and long lick from his shaft to the tip, you start to take him in your mouth. it’s weird, sucking him off from underneath; you’re laying on the bed, back on the sheets, and only legs hanging off from the side of it. as junkyu is between them, doyoung stands over your by the other side of the bed, making you see him upside-down. you’ve never done it like that but it seems exciting, so you get off to work almost immediately.

almost immediately doyoung loses his composure when you slowly take him all in your mouth.

piece by piece, but you manage to fit his impressive length, gagging only a little; taking your time, you relax a bit and manage to bob your head, dick in and out of your mouth, helping yourself with your hand. doyoung tries really hard to stay still, and you have to praise him for that; you do everything in your power to give him the best suck he can ever have and he ever had.

but then you moan, vibrating air causing doyoung to shiver in bliss. why?

because junkyu starts to eat you out.

slowly, he first licks across your slit to taste the slick seeping out of your pussy. he chuckles to himself at the taste, giving you a quick look before he devours you completely. his tongue lands on your clit, swirling around it like a pair of lovers dancing around the ballroom; his tongue, lustful yet calm and dedicated, dances with your clit that’s slowly losing the rhythm to get lost in the beautiful feeling of desire.

pleasure gets to your head soon, moaning even louder despite the dick stuffed in your mouth. as you move your head, your hand starts to feel sore; that’s when you only use your mouth and tongue, and holy shit, doyoung couldn’t be more than happy when your nose touched his balls.

“i’m- i’m gonna-!” he starts but doesn’t finish the sentence; rather, he finishes inside your mouth, spurts of white creamy liquid all over your tongue, mouth, and lips, when he takes his dick out of your warm mouth, splashing the remaining cum on your lower face and cleavage. doyoung pants, huffs, and tries to calm down from the hill of heavens you take him to; your comforting touch on his waist is not helping exactly how it should. “fuck it, princess- you’re- you’re so good, fuck-”

“good girl.” junkyu chuckles right into your pussy, where he’s still feasting. you try to muffle your moans by biting on your lips, but the pleasure is too much; you end up with lips parted, nose scrunched, eyes tightly shut, completely lost in the feeling of junkyu in your cunt. he’s still sucking on your clit, making out with your lower lips, as doyoung starts to suck on your nipples, leaving hickeys all around your chest.

“fu- fuck-!” you have nothing else on your mind than your body being toyed with, two men playing with you for you, and the circulating thoughts of the situation as of now is making you lose your shit as well. “fuck- fuck, make me- make me cum, please-”

“such a good girl-” junkyu says to himself, taking mental pictures and notes of you and things you’re capable of. though he’s not the one to disobey such a pretty princess, he’s taking his time with making you release. he quickly makes up his mind, sucking harsher and lapping faster, causing you to cum in seconds.

with one hand in junkyu’s hair, you unconsciously pull on his, riding your high on his face, with the other hand deep in doyoung’s hair, causing him to moan into your lips, as you make out with him for a few seconds. and they let you since the view of the mess you’re becoming is worth it.

panting heavily, you finally let go of their hair. all of you are smiling, still drunk on the pleasure. none of you is done yet; the fun has just begun.

“we have to prepare you, right?” junkyu coos, shifting places so now you’re laying on top of him, back flat on his chest, facing excited doyoung. junkyu keeps you in place, arms around your waist and chest, fingers playing with your sore nipples and going lower to your pussy. then, he looks at doyoung and nods, causing the younger one to get closer, you two.

“you’re pretty like that, you know?” doyoung starts, eyes fixed on you. he does not dare to look away, even though his finger is exploring the warm pussy of yours. a soft moan escapes past his lips when your gummy walls clench on him so deliciously.

you’re getting weak. not only in the knees, causing both of the men to keep you in place; your mind is giving up as well.

“look at you,” junkyu starts, a devilish smirk on his face you’d never expected to see. “already giving up, and it’s just the beginning… but you will take it, right? you’ll take it like a good girl-”

weak “yes, yes” and “uh-huh” are all you can form when doyoung pushes in the second finger, joined with junkyu’s one. your hips wiggle on their own, instinct kicking in. and when they thrust a few more times, you cum again, screaming both their names slurred together.

as they let you ride your high, you don’t register much already. only when their fingers disappear from inside you, you whine at the sudden empty feeling.

“shh, it’s okay, we got you,” junkyu shushes you with a few sloppy kisses, swallowing your mewls and other cute sounds. “light?”

“green.”

“good girl,” junkyu responds, almost combusting. with the last bits of self-control, he slides his length into your glistening entrance. as you gasp and then moan softly, he lets you adjust to his dick for a few seconds. first few thrusts are slow and deep; until doyoung is pushing his dick inside you as well.

you’re full. both their dicks feel so good inside your gummy walls that you go non-verbal for a short while. the splitting feeling in your lower stomach doesn’t burn for too long, and as you get used to the fullness, you start thrusting your hips as well.

“fuck, taking it- way better than- i imagined,” junkyu laughs, his hips thrusting deeply, at a steady pace. you don’t answer, mind without any single coherent thought; your brain can register only the feelings the two of your friends provide. all you can do is just mewl some mumbo-jumbo about how good it feels, which makes both doyoung and junkyu laugh. that’s when doyoung gains some self-confidence.

“already dumb? it didn’t take you- long, princess.” he says, though his confident words don’t really match with his erratic thrusts, fast ones, as he’s some bunny in heat. “fuck-! i’m gonna- i’m gonna-”

your pussy is sucking their dicks in too well. there’s no way in hell doyoung would pull out, not when your velvety insides are taking him even deeper. all hail the fact that you’re on the pill and he can cum inside you as much as he wants.

“fuck- fuck, so good for us- i’m gonna-” junkyu mumbles under his breath as well, placing his hand on your chin to turn your head towards him, yet you take him off-guard. you start to suck on his thumb.

“you’re so- hot when you do that, princess,” doyoung can’t hide his amusement and excitement. you look too beautiful, fucked dumb so much that you start to suck on thumb almost unconsciously, with eyes rolling back to see your brains, that are already fucked out of your head.

as junkyu cums inside you as well, you can’t take it anymore. screaming and crying at the overwhelming pleasure, you throw your head back, eyes closed, only hips still moving, in attempt to chase a much-wanted high. and when you do, you’re almost powerless.

“it’s okay. you did so well, pretty girl. you’re really a good girl, an amazing one…” both junkyu and doyoung keep to talk you through the aftermath, as you lay on top of junkyu, limbs heavy, without enough power to lift them up. you’re breathing heavily, trying to calm down and to come back to your senses. and when the reality kicks in, you can’t help but laugh sincerely, giddy at the thought you had a threesome with your favourite boys.

| MAIN-MLIST | TREASURE-MLIST |

taglist: @yedamies-blackswan ; @en-happiness ; @mashiluvs

unfortunately i don't know who's the author of the art piece used in the banner; if you know, please let me know!!!

@ jikjinz / ness-iness, 2023 do NOT copy, translate or repost without permission !!

#fics: doyoung #fics: treasure #fics: junkyu #treasure smut #treasure kpop #junkyu smut #doyoung smut

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bteezxyewriter12 · 8 months

Text

Secret's Out

Pairing- Jungkook x Named Reader

Word count- 6.1k

Includes- Jungkook has a secret, massive dick Jungkook, kinda subby Jungkook, 69, pussy eating, blow job, cum eating, passionate animalistic sex, cock riding, missionary, squirting, tummy bulge, multiple orgasms, fluff

Tag List- @mingtina @jaxxmine @yeosayang @delightfulmoonbanana @tannie13 @y00nzin0 @marsstarxhwa

@borntowalkaway @soulseobi05 @kpop-bambi @seokwoosmole @meowmeowminnie @realisticnotes @effielumiere @svnbangtansworld

Masterlists- check out for more fics

📝Masterlists 📝BTS Masterlist 📝Jungkook Masterlist

J POV

This fucking photo shoot is killing me

The fucking open jacket, the no shirt, abs and chest muscles on display, silver necklace against his skin, his black boxers peeling up from the waistband of his baggy jeans

My best friend is hot

I know, I have eyes

I can appreciate his good looks and his body is fucking beautiful

Plus the sexy stares mixed with the cute smiles...he knows what he's doing

ARMYS will go feral

And I'm pretty sure he's doing it to get his makeup artist ex-girlfriend jealous

She's here today, she did his makeup

I dunno why he'd want to make her jealous or want him when he broke up with her but guys are stupid

Very stupid

He takes the jacket off, now completely shirtless and sits down

He drapes the jacket over one of his shoulders, then poses with his hand over his mouth

Jesus Christ

His tattooed arm is on display, the colors popping

I love tattoos and the whole sleeve on him looks so....well hot

I watch the next few shots, moving from one foot to another in a pee dance

I have to go to the bathroom but I don't want to just walk away

I don't want him to think something is wrong

So I wait until the set is moved next to the couch and I get Jungkook's attention

"Bathroom", I mouth

He nods, giving me a thumbs up

I walk quickly through the doors to the set, then I practically run towards the bathroom

When I'm done, I'm on my way back to the set and I see his ex, Hannah, coming towards me

Well probably towards the bathroom, not me necessarily, just in my direction

I feel like I should say something to her

Jungkook dumped her suddenly and I'm sure she's hurt

And it must suck to have to keep working with someone who hurt you

"Hey Hannah. I'm sorry about you and Jungkook", I say, as she starts to pass me

She stops, sneering at me, "Yeah I bet you fucking are"

Uh what the fuck?

Why is she being such a shit head?

I'm actually being nice

I didn't have to say shit to her

I could of just ignored her

Fuck me for trying to be nice

"Yeah I don't know what that's supposed to mean but fuck you", I snap, "I'm trying to be nice-"

"I don't need you to be nice. I need you to get the fuck out of my face"

Ok, now, I'm pissed

I didn't do shit to this bitch

"What the fuck is your problem?", I snarl

"Like you don't know!"

Is she stupid?

Obviously I don't know if I'm asking her

"I don't know you moron, that's why I'm asking!"

"Yeah right! Like you don't know the reason Jungkook broke up with me is because of you"

I raise my eyebrows in shock

Because of me?

He never said they broke up because of me

I didn't do anything

I didn't give him any problems about her or tell him anything negative about her either

I supported him

So what the fuck is he using me as an excuse for?

"Me?", I gape

She narrows her eyes at me, "Yes you! He didn't tell you what he did?"

Uh no, only that he broke up with her

He said he wasn't feeling it or her and ended it

I shake my head

"He fucking yelled your name during sex!"

I cannot even describe the amount of shock running through me right now

"Excuse me?", I whisper

"He yelled your name! When he came, he yelled your name! He was thinking about you!", she snaps, "I was so hurt but I was still going to forgive him. Until he told me"

Told her what?

What did he say that made her hate me so vehemently?

"He told you what?"

"That he fucking loves you!", she spits hatefully, "He said he's in love with you for as long as he can remember"

My heart drops to my feet

No, no way

It's not possible

I would of known, I would of seen it

Felt it

Right?

"He told me that he was trying to date to get over you. Like an experiment. But it didn't work. Our whole relationship he just wanted you. He never had feelings for me. And he didn't want to try anymore. He broke my heart because of you"

I feel like I'm hearing what she's saying but my brain isn't processing it

I feel like that loading meme that's popular but it's happening for real

"So don't come here with your bullshit sorries. I don't believe you. Stay the fuck away from me"

I can't respond

For once in my life I'm speechless

"Fuck you", she spits, then turns away, stalking to the bathroom, leaving me utterly flabbergasted

I don't know how long I stand there until my brain finally screams, "Jungkook loves you"

I'm almost afraid to believe it

My brain keeps coming up with reasons why it's not true

He lied to her

He used me as a reason to break up with her

He didn't want her to try to get him back so he told her he loved me

There's just no way he loves me

Right?

The door behind me that leads to the set opens but I can't turn around to see who it is

I'm still dazed

"There you are", Jungkook says

Fuck, it's him

I don't move, don't answer him, I'm frozen

He comes around me, peering down at me, "Jo? You ok?"

I lock eyes with him and blurt, "You're in love with me?"

His eyes widen and for a fraction of a second I see pure panic in them

But it's gone in a nanosecond

"Excuse me?"

"You're in love with me", I repeat

"Jo what the fuck-", he starts

"Hannah told me"

He rolls his eyes, but it's forced, "Don't listen to her. She's pissed at me"

"She said you called my name when you came. She said you told her you're in love with me"

I don't know why I'm just stating these things like this

Just matter of fact, like all this didn't shake me to my core

Didn't make me hope

Must be the shock

He laughs, shaking his head, "No I didn't"

He's lying, I realize

His laugh isn't genuine

It's a nervous laugh

His eyes are darting everywhere, he keeps shifting on his feet, his hand is in the back of his hair like when he's caught lying

Oh my god it's true

He loves me

"C'mon Jo, you know I love you. But not-"

I don't even think, I just step closer to him, wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him

The millisecond his lips touch mine, it's like I'm floating, like everything finally makes sense

I've waited a life time for this

And like I suspected, he doesn't pull away

Instead his arms drop around my body, pulling me closer to him, kissing me back hard

His tongue finds its way against mine, deepening the kiss, his lip ring cool against the side of my lip

My head is spinning, Jungkook the only thing in it

I don't want to stop but I kinda need to breathe so I reluctantly break the kiss

I look up at him to find him looking at me in complete shock

"Don't lie to me", I whisper

He swallows hard but nods, saying so very softly, "I'm so fucking in love with you"

I close my eyes, letting the words wash over me

Then I open my eyes, look right in his and say, "I'm so fucking in love with you Jungkook"

Surprise enters his beautiful brown eyes, "Are...are you serious?"

I nod, "Yeah Kookie. I've always loved you like that"

"I've always loved you like that too Jo", he tells me, "Why didn't you say anything?"

"Because you're famous Kookie. You can have any of the beautiful idols and hell even American artists you want. I'm just your normal boring best friend. I never thought you'd feel the same way"

He shakes his head, "I've only ever felt this way for you. I tried to date other people Jo, I tried to get over you, I tried to feel this way with someone else but I never do. You're the only one I feel this way about. The only one I feel this way with. I can't even express how much I love you"

"I know how much Kookie. If it's as much as I love you, I know", I tell him

He nods, stammering, "Ok. Ok...you...we...are we.."

"Together?", I finish

"Yeah. Are we?"

"Do you want to be?", I ask

"So fucking much", he answers immediately

I smile at him, "Well I want that so fucking much too"

"Ok..you're....you're mine?", he asks so cutely, like he needs confirmation

"Yes", I clarify, "Are you mine?"

"Yes", he says rapidly, "Always"

I'm so fucking happy, I'm delirious

I never thought he'd ever see me like I see him but apparently he always did

And I was blind to it

Guess I'm very stupid too

"Good", I say, "Now that that's settled..."

I pull him back towards me and he immediately comes, his lips against mine again

My god, I'm never going to get enough of his kisses

Never

They feel so good, like I'm where I belong, like I'm home

His arms wrap around me, keeping me against him as the kiss continues

"You have got to be fucking kidding me"

We reluctantly pull away, turning towards Hannah, who's fuming

"Though you said you didn't know how he feels about you, you fucking liar"

"I didn't", I growl, not liking how she's talking to me

She's acting like I actively took Jungkook from her when I had no idea about his feelings

"Looks like you got really comfortable kissing my ex in the span of five minutes"

"You mean kissing my best friend who's now my boyfriend", I snap

"Move on fast huh Jungkook? Like a fucking man whore"

He rolls his eyes, "Oh fuck off Hannah. You know how I feel about her. You think I'm gonna say no when she tells me she feels the same? Because if you do then you're really dumb"

"Fuck you. I hate both of you"

I mean I don't care if she hates me

Doesn't bother me in the slightest

"I'm sorry Hannah", he says, "I don't know how many times I can apologize to you. I didn't mean to hurt you and I'm sorry but I broke up with you because I didn't have feelings for you. Would you rather I lied and stayed with you?"

"I would rather you had feelings for me and forgot about her", she spits

He just shakes his head, "I would never forget about her. I'm sorry it didn't work out the way you wanted it too"

"Yeah, you seem real sorry", she snarls, "Just fuck off"

He just sighs as she walks back to the set

"That went well", I giggle

He laughs, shaking his head, "As good as it'll get"

"Now, where were we?"

"Hmm", he smirks, leaning down, his lips against mine, "Right about here"

"So kiss me"

And he does

---------------------------

"Fuck baby, let me get the door open", he groans, as I press kiss after kiss to his gorgeous neck

"You were the one who wanted to carry me", I remind him, squeezing my legs that are around his waist

As soon as we got out of his car, he kissed me, picking me up and carrying me to his apartment

He just pulled away from my lips to try to get the door open but I need to kiss him somewhere

So neck it is

I'm getting all the right spots as his body is shivering with each kiss and I memorize where they are so I can make him feel good all the time

I drag my lips to his strong jaw, spreading kisses all over him as he finally gets the key in the door

I hear the locks turn and the door open

Barking fills the hallway as Jungkook shuts and locks the door

I feel puppy paws on my leg and pull away from Jungkook long enough to look down

Bam is barking excitedly, standing on his back legs, his front ones on mine and Jungkook's legs, his tail wagging like crazy

"Bam down", Jungkook commands, but Bam ignores him

I giggle, reaching down and petting Bam on the head

"Hi Bammi", I coo

Jungkook rolls his eyes, "Bam gets all your attention now huh?"

"Oh stop", I laugh, kissing his soft lips, "I'm just saying hi. Don't be jealous of your dog"

He huffs as he puts me down and it's the cutest thing in the world

"I gotta feed him. Hold on ok?"

I nod, kneeling down to hug Bam while Jungkook goes in the kitchen

Bam's such a cuddle bug, he loves to be hugged, petted, kissed

He thinks he's a tiny dog

"Bam! Food!", Jungkook calls

Bam takes off towards the kitchen running right past Jungkook as he comes out

He immediately comes over to me, picking me up and making his way to his bedroom

"You're all mine now"

"Always Kookie", I answer

He smiles, then he's kissing me and I'm in heaven

One of his hands lets me go and I hear the door to his room open

He walks in, our lips still against each others as he kicks the door closed

Getting us on his bed, he moves on top of me, his lips trailing down to my jaw

"Mine", he whispers

"Yeah Kookie", I confirm

"Fuck baby, I tried so hard to get you to notice me", he murmurs, kisses all over my neck now, "It was driving me fucking crazy when you wouldn't notice. I had to invite you to this shoot in hopes you'd notice me"

Wait, he planned that?

Then he was acting sexy....

"You were acting sexy like that for me?"

He nods, his lips sending shivers all over my body, "So you'd notice me. Did it work?"

"Nnn..no", I tell him, lifting his face to mine, "I noticed you when we were fifteen and I started noticing guys existed. I've noticed everyday since then, wanted just you every day since then. I don't need a sexy photo shoot to notice you baby"

He smiles softly, "I've wanted you since we were teenagers too baby. I used to think about you all the time when I was training for BTS, wishing you could be with me, wanting to make you proud"

"Always baby. I was always proud of you. Still am. Always will be", I promise, "No matter what you do Kookie, I'll always support you, I'll always be by your side"

"And I'll be by yours", he promises, gazing at me so seriously, "I'll support you in anything Jo. I'll protect you, keep you safe, do everything to make you happy every day of our lives"

Smiling, I run my fingers in his hair, "You make me happy Kookie"

He smiles back, "You make me happy too baby"

He leans down, his soft beautiful lips against mine, making me melt against him

His hands trail down my body, ducking under my shirt, his fingers finally touching my bare skin

I moan in his mouth as his hands run so slowly up my body, sparks flashing everywhere he touches

I almost can't believe my body is reacting this way but it's Jungkook so of course it is

"Your skin is so soft baby", he murmurs, "Feels so good"

I blush, whispering a thanks which makes him chuckle

"You're welcome baby"

Well let's see if I can get him to react the same way

As I kiss him, I move my hands under his shirt and fuck me his skin is so soft

Has to be softer than mine

And he's so warm to the touch

I explore the expanse of his back, feeling his muscles move under my hands as he continues to grope me

It's such a turn on and I can feel the power in him

Bunching his shirt up, I pull it up slowly, his arms moving to help me take it off

I toss it to the side of the bed, my eyes drinking in the beauty that is Jungkook

His hands start pulling up my shirt but I sit up, stopping him, mesmerized by his muscular chest and of course his abs, the skin looking so smooth there

I put my hands on him and he keeps trying to get my shirt off but it's not working

"Please baby, wanna see you", he whines, tugging harder on my shirt as my hands run all over his abs, dragging up to his amazing chest then sliding all over his upper arms

God he's amazing

I know I'm going to be groping him all the damn time now

"Baby!", he continues to whine, "You've seen me already baby!"

He's referring to today when he did the shirtless shoot

This however is not the same

"Never touched", I murmur, "And I haven't seen all of you"

I move my hands down, passing over his soft smooth skin down to his sweatpants, pushing them and his boxers down

I can't fucking wait anymore

"But I didn't see any of you yet baby!", he exclaims, frustratedly

"Just take them off!", I whine, "Then you can do whatever you want"

He groans but stands up, letting everything drop to the floor

I can't do anything but gaping at my naked boyfriend

He's....perfect

My gaze scans to his dick and oh my god that's huge

Long, massively thick, so stiff and leaking cum

He's a fucking god, I'm sure of it

"Fuck Jungkook", I murmur

He ignores me as he gets on the bed, pulling up my shirt, "Take the fucking shirt off or I'll rip it off you"

Oh god, yes please

So I just smirk at him, keeping my arms down so he can't get it off me

"Fuck", he growls, pushing me down on the bed, grabbing the hem of the shirt and pulling hard, tearing sounds ripping through the room

I feel the fabric give way as he completely rips the shirt down the middle

"Move your arms baby", he grunts and I do, letting him get the scraps of my shirt off

His arms move around my back, lifting me off the bed, one of his hands talking off my bra

I'm laid on the bed again as he throws my bra somewhere in his room

"Oh my fucking god, you're so fucking hot", he gapes, his hands roaming my body, his touch sending every piece of skin into a blaze

He leans down, his lips pressing kisses to my sternum tattoo and my body feels like it's made of electricity

My body, on its own, arches into his lips, wanting them on every part of my body

"Fuck baby", he groans as he moves to my rib tattoo, "I had no idea you had all these tattoos. They're so hot. You're so hot"

I doubt that

Definitely not hot compared to him

His lips leave kiss after kiss all over my chest, his hands squeezing my boobs at the same time

He kisses down to my nipple, where he tugs it in his mouth, sucking softly

Wetness floods my panties as I moan, arching my back into him, my hand plunging in his hair

After a minute, he switches to my other nipple, sucking away like he does this all the time

"Fuck baby, your nipples are so good to suck on. Fucking love them", he groans

"Kookie", I whine, feeling so good

He's hasn't even touched my pussy yet and I'm already feeling so much pleasure

He pulls off my nipple, his lips pressing kisses in between my boobs, scorching my skin in so much heat

He travels lower, endless kisses pressed into my skin, his fingers following his lip's wake until they end up by my pants

"You gonna give me a hard time about taking your pants and panties off too?", he asks, his eyes lifting to mine

I shake my head

No I'm definitely not

"Good girl", he smirks, pulling everything down and off in one go, throwing my clothes across his room

"Fucking beautiful baby", he whispers, his eyes all over my naked body

I'd thought I'd feel shy about him seeing me but I'm not

I guess it's because I oogled him just like he's oogling me

It's fair

And right now my eyes are on his massive cock

Fuck me, I want to suck on him so badly

He has other ideas, kissing my lower stomach again, hands squeezing my thighs

His lips move lower and lower, his hands spreading my legs wider

I must be crazy but I want to suck him off first

I'm dying to have his cock in my mouth

Right as he gets to my pussy, I push his head back gently, "Wait"

"Joanne!!", he explodes

"Kookie", I start

"Why are you torturing me?", he whines

I know he's frustrated but he's so cute when he whines

"I'm not baby. I just...I wanna suck your cock"

"No!", he exclaims

"No?", I ask, my eyebrows raised

What guy turns down a blow job?

"No! Fuck baby, I just want my face in your pretty pussy, I'm fucking dying to eat you out and you keep stopping me!"

Well, I want his dick in my mouth

"But I want to suck your cock!", I whine

"Arrgg", he shouts

The next thing I know, he grabbed me and maneuvered me so easily into a 69 position, his hard leaking cock right in my face

"There. Happy?", he grunts

Very

"Yeah. You?"

"I'll be happy when you finally let me taste you", he grumbles

I don't answer, instead licking along his slit, tasting his cum

Fuck, he tastes good

"Fuck baby", he moans, then his tongue is buried in my pussy, swirling everywhere as he pulls me against his face

"Oh fuck!", I cry, pleasure hitting me so fast

"Oh god, so fucking good", he moans in between licks, "So fucking sweet. God baby more, give me more"

My legs shake around his head and I have to concentrate on his dick in front of me so I can suck him off good

Putting my tongue on his underside, I lick up slowly, savoring the feel of his soft skin

He moans in my cunt, licking up and down rapidly, like he can't get enough

Holding his cock in front of my mouth, I swirl my tongue around his fat head, getting a taste of his cum as I do

How is he so good and why am I noticing it?

Taking his head in my mouth I suck on it, feeling how wide he stretches my mouth open

"Mmm baby", groans, his tongue flicking my clit, making me moan against his cock

He presses the tip of his tongue against my clit, wiggling it, sending pleasure careening through my body

I push down his cock more, getting as much as I can in until he hits the back of my throat

I choke, pulling a little off

I know there's no way I can get his entire massive cock in my throat right now

That I'm going to have to practice

But I can get a little more than half and I start bobbing my head on him

His fingers dig into my thighs, as he sucks my clit into his mouth, slurping all over me

Using my hand, I stroke the rest of his cock, as I fuck my mouth on his shaft, drooling all over him

This has to be one of the messiest blow jobs I ever gave

But God, do I love sucking his cock

Sliding up and down on his fat cock, I swallow every time I take him in, squeezing his cock in my throat

His tongue slides around my hole a few times before plunging inside

My mind goes hazy from the bliss as I clench down on his tongue

"Mmm, pussy's so tight", he groans, shoving his tongue in and out of my cunt, "Can't wait to feel you wrapped around my cock"

"Mm", I answer, pulling off his dick, keeping my hand moving, "Can't wait to feel this cock fuck me open"

"Oh I will baby", he assures me, "I will"

His tongue slides in and out of my hole while I take him in my mouth as far as I can and start sucking on him, hard

"Fuck baby", he groans, "That's it baby. Suck my cock just like that"

I smirk, continuing my movements

And he said he didn't want a blow job

Liar

His mouth wraps around my clit again, sucking as hard and fast as he can, keeping his tongue against my bump, blasting pleasure in my body

I'm gonna cum soon but I can't find it in myself to get off his dick

I'm enjoying sucking on him way too much

"Gonna give me that pretty cream that's flooding my face baby", he murmurs, before sucking again

"Mmmm!", I cry, my fingers gripping his thigh hard as I suck his cock like my life depends on it

My legs shake around his head, my eyes closing as bliss hits me hard and I cum all over his face

He sucks a few more times, then his tongue runs down my cunt, burying in my hole

"Oh fuck", he moans, licking and keeping me in pleasure, "Such a sweet pussy. Sweet cream. So fucking good"

He continues to run his tongue on my pussy as my orgasm tapers off, then presses a kiss to my cunt

He easily man-handles me, pulling me off his cock, making me whine

Turning me around, he puts me in his lap as he lays down, pleadingly

"Sit on my cock baby", he begs, his fingers gripping my hips so hard, "Fuck, I want to be inside you so badly. Want to feel you around me"

Fuck, is Jeon, Jungkook actually begging me

It's so goddamn hot

"Yeah? Is that what you want", I tease lovingly, leaning over him, pushing his hair from his forehead

His brown eyes stare at me intensely, biting his lip as he nods

"Please baby. I want you. Please, I waited for you for so long. Don't make me wait any more"

"I won't baby", I say softly, pressing a gentle kiss to his lips

I swear I will never get over how good his kiss is

He deepens the kiss, his tongue playing with mine as I hold his dick up, moving over him, aligning him to my hole

Sitting on his head, I push down trying to get him in

He's really fucking massive and I push down harder, feeling his fat cock stretch out my hole

It feels so fucking good

"Oh my fucking god", he cries, his head pushing back into the pillow, such pretty sounds coming from his mouth

I continue to slide down, my pussy watering his cock the more and more I get him in

"So tight! Baby, god your pussy is so tight", he pants, lifting his head slightly, watching my pussy take his cock, "Oh my god. So pretty. Your pussy's so pretty wrapped around my cock"

"You feel so good baby", I gasp

His cock is so fucking long, I haven't even bottomed him out yet

I move my hips in a circle, opening my pussy as much as I can around his thick cock

"Fuck, so pretty", he moans, "Pretty pussy moving on me. Wanna be stuffed inside you baby. Please, take all of me"

"I will baby", I assure him, holding onto his upper arms as I shove myself down

"Yes, yes yes!", he yells, "Oh my fucking god! Fuck"

His beautiful body shakes under me, pleasure all over his face

He's so fucking gorgeous

I finally bottom him out, taking all of his fat cock, moaning and feeling so fucking full

"Yes baby!", he yells, "So fucking good. God you feel so good. Throbbing so hard"

I am

My pussy is throbbing uncontrollably around his cock, we're such a snug fit with no room to spare

I've never taken a cock as massive as his but he feels so fucking amazing

"Please ride me baby", he begs, breathing hard, "Ride my cock. Please"

I nod, leaning on his abs getting ready

I'm so excited, knowing he's going to feel incredible

Pushing up, I slide up his long cock all the way to his head

"Yes yes yes", he moans, his tattooed fingers around my hips, looking so good gripping my skin like a life line

I slide back down, taking him all in in one shot, his cock splitting me open so widely, his head smashing my spot

"Jungkook, oh god", I cry

I move, bouncing up and down on his massive cock, somehow able to bottom him out with each move

And he's a complete moaning mess under me- panting, telling me how good I feel, moaning my name, sweat filling his hair and body, his body shaking with each slam down, gripping my hips so hard I know there's going to be pretty bruises

I watch him in massive pleasure, the sight such a turn on

I've never thought he'd be this way

He has such an aura of a dom and maybe he is but right now he's submitting to the pleasure

It's a beautiful sight

And he feels so fucking good, opening me so well, the drag of his cock making me shiver, making me so wet

I don't stop riding him, pumping my legs, wanting his cock buried inside me over and over

The sound of my skin hitting his is so loud in the room, I love hearing it

"Fuck baby", he murmurs, his eyes opening, staring at where we meet, "Your cunt is creaming my cock so much. Such a pretty mess"

"Mmm", I murmur, shivering as his head keeps hitting my spot over and over

"Want you to make a mess on my cock everyday", he begs, his eyes lifting to mine, "Please baby, promise you'll cream my cock everyday"

"I promise", I assure him, riding him hard, my fingers digging into his skin, "Gonna be on your cock all the time"

"Yes baby, yes", he whines, panting so hard

Each time I take him in, he hits my spot with his head, I get closer and closer to my orgasm

"So fucking tight!", he yells, "Fuck, want you to cum on me! Please baby, cum on me!"

"Sssss....soon", I murmur, continuing to play on his cock, right there

The next bounce has me seeing stars as I cum all over his beautiful cock

"Jungkook!", I cry, the ecstasy tsunaming over me, clenching his cock in a vice grip over and over

"Yes!", he screams, gasping for breath, "Yes, oh my god, you feel so good. Oh my god it feels so fucking good!"

The pleasure is so overwhelming, tears falling down my face as I grind and rock on his perfect cock

"Baby! Baby! Fuck!", he yells, tears of his own leaking from his eyes, "You feel so good. Oh god, it feels so fucking good when you cum!"

As the pleasure tapes off, I stop moving, gasping for breath, trying to get myself together after that mind shattering orgasm

Jungkook sits up, pulling me against him and flipping us over, my back slamming on the bed, his mouth against mine, tongue down my throat, cock still buried inside me

His arms move under my legs, pushing them to my chest and begins to pound his cock into me

I moan loudly in his mouth, my body shaking hard, the pure pleasure assaulting my body

"Gonna fuck you so good", he murmurs, "Fucking split your pretty pussy wide open every fucking day"

"Yes baby. Yes", I moan, my brain turning off from the pleasure he's giving me

"Pussy is so loud, so fucking wet. Drenching my cock, my lap, my bed. Fuck I love it", he pants, sitting on his knees, plunging his cock so deeply into me

I feel like my head is in the clouds, so fucked out from his perfect cock, tears flowing profusely from the bliss

He throws my legs over his shoulders, gripping my waist, lifting me up, his cock impaling me so fucking fast

"Gonna break this pussy on my cock", he growls, his eyes on his cock fucking me, "Fucking swallowing my cock so perfectly. I belong inside you baby"

I nod, gripping his wrists hard, "Yes Kookie! Yes"

His eyes lift to mine, "You belong wrapped around me. You're mine"

"Yes", I whisper, "I'm yours"

"I love you"

"I love you Kookie", I tell him

He leans over, kissing me hard and I fall into his kiss

When the kiss is over, he straightens up, fucking harder into me

I watch him fuck me and he's so goddamn hot

His abs tight as he moves, his chest flexing, his arms bulging, veins popping, concentration on his face

A fucking sex god

No doubt about it

"Need you to cum on me", he growls, "I need to feel you baby. I need it"

I pulse incessantly around him as I get closer and closer

"Yes baby", he grunts, "Pussy wants to cum. So tight for me. Throbbing so good. Cum for me baby"

His cock buries inside me, intense pleasure washing over me, blinding me as I scream loudly, coming the hardest I think I've ever cum

"Yes fuck", Jungkook screams, "Fuck, squirt on my cock baby. So fucking pretty!"

I'm vaguely aware that I'm squirting but I can't think through the bliss

"Feels so fucking amazing", he gasps for breath, "You're orgasms feel so good"

He keeps fucking into me, the pleasure lasting so long

I can't breathe, I'm sweating so much, my heart pounding in my chest as his cock barrels in over and over

"One more. One more", he chants, moving my legs around his waist, his thumb pressing into my clit, rubbing furiously, "Cum around my cock. Please baby, cum so I can. Wanna fill you with cum. Wanna fill my pussy with cum. Gonna let me fill you with cum?"

"Yes Jungkook!", I scream, falling head first into another mind shattering orgasm, right after my last one

Ecstacy takes over my body, uncontrollable shaking going through me

"Jungkook!", I scream, my throat raw, "Jungkook!"

I hear Jungkook scream my name, his cock throbbing, his hot sticky cum exploding inside me

I can feel every movement of his cock, every drop of his cum fill me and leak around us

I force my eyes open, the stunning sight of him coming knocking the breath from my lungs

Intense pleasure all over his face as he screams my name, tears flowing down his face, sweat dripping off him onto my skin, his body visibly shaking, his arms shaking as he desperately holds himself up

We finish together, both of us breathing hard as he pulls out, dropping on the bed next to me

I don't think I can move yet but Jungkook reaches out, taking my hand and pulling me to him

His strong muscular arms wrap around me, holding me to him, making me feel so safe and protected

Cuddling into him, I lay my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat

"I love you", he says softly

"I love you", I answer, hugging him tightly

"My baby. Fuck, I'm so happy you're mine", he says sleepily

"Me too Kookie. I'm happy you're mine"

"Mmm baby, nap time? I'm so tired"

I giggle, "Well we did fuck each other like animals"

"Yeah", he smiles, "Was so good"

"It was", I confirm

"We can do it again later?"

He's so cute, his eyes already closed, his voice so lazy

"Everyday baby, as much as you want"

"Mmm good"

I just giggle, pressing a soft kiss to his lips, "Sleep baby. You're tired"

I sit up, grabbing the blanket that was pushed to the foot of the bed and pull it over us

As soon as I lay down, Jungkook, moves, laying half on me, his face in my neck, arms securely around my waist, his leg thrown over my hip

I giggle tiredly, kissing his forehead, holding him and closing my eyes, feeling so safe in his arms

#jungkook smut #jungkook fanfic #bts jungkook smut #bts jungkook fanfic #jeon jungkook smut #jeon jungkook fanfic #bts fanfic #bts smut

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myoddessy · 1 year

Note

I’ve just found you from whoetoshaw’s blog and WOW! I love your blog! 💞

🎀 anything with Freezy?! Maybe like a reunion/rekindling type-thing from back then to now? Like friends who were shipped back then and date now? I hope that makes sense 🥲 Xx

aww, thank you!! I was waiting for a prompt like this 😭 I hope you like it!

September 2016.

January 2017.

liked by calfreezy, wroetoshaw, joeygraceffa, and 872,519 others

yourusername Through My Eyes 2016 out now. So much has changed for me over the past year, I (finally) got my own place, I've met so many new people, and we hit 5 million subscribers!! Thank you all so much for all you've supported me through this year, and let's hope for an equally amazing TME of 2017! 💞💞

ynfan4 Oh I've been waiting for the highlight of my year!!

taliamar Good to see my festival feature is still the best part of the video. So proud of you girl ❤️

ynxcal4ever At 14.52 when it's just Y/n and Cal in their kitchen for the last time before she moved out and they remade the first ever thing they cooked together 😭😭 I'm so emotional right now

calfreezy I would say I had a glow up but after watching this I realised that I've always been mindblowingly attractive

yourusername The real reason I had to move out was because your big head was leaving dents in the wall anymore and I didn't want to feel like I was living with two Harrys xoxo 😘😘

wroetoshaw Oi! What did I do?

yourusername Broke my LED mirror by throwing a controller at it.

sdmnsundayz Y/n is a Saint for putting up with them.

January 2020.

liked by youtube, oliviarodrigo, miniminter, and 1,982,370 others

yourusername Through My Eyes 2019 is out now. Enjoy a year of travel across the world and the family who kept me strong through all of it. Thank you all for every line we've crossed and every milestone we hit this year, I love you all so so much 💘💘

calfreezy This is my favourite one out of all of them

yourusername Is it because you're in pretty much every frame?

calfreezy Obviously

freyanightingale Ibiza you will always be famous!

taliamar We need to go back ASAP

yourusername Opening scene to the next tme planned? I think so

ynslover 'Cal and Y/n' this, 'Y/n and the girls' that, yes it's cute but can we take a moment to appreciate how STUNNING she looked in this video???

ynfreezy LITERALLY. Like shes always been stunning but something in the foreign air made her a literal goddess it's not even funny

calsfreezys the bi panic was panicking HARD

taliaxynxfreya Currently crying over the fact that Y/n and Cal were together in most of the shots

w2minter There's no way they're not together.

January 2023.

liked by emmachamberlain, gracieabrams, faithlouisak, and 3,419,778 others

yourusername through my eyes 2022, you are my soul. despite me saying this every time I post one of these videos, I mean it now more than ever. from hitting 25 MILLION subscribers (what???), to hosting interviews at the MET gala, to truly falling in love, thank you to you all, and thank you to the universe for guiding me to where I am now. I truly cannot put my gratitude into words 💞💞💞

faithlouisak beautiful girl, beautiful video, beautiful vibe. the best part of every year xx ❤️❤️

yourusername love u more than words can describe ❤️

calfreezy I guess the amount of clips of you laughing makes up for the lack of me

calfreezy barely, though

calfreezy I better be heavily featured in the next one

yourusername I'll make a whole video dedicated to you if that's what you want

ynfan124 how do his tantrums work on you 😭

yourusername I've learned through many years that its better to just give him what he wants

mintertalia Y/N SOFT LAUNCHING???? this is a make or break for the cal and y/n shippers

yn2s yall still exist? give in, it's been years, if they were going to reveal something then they would've done it by now

mintertalia bro stfu you're a ship account for two people who've called each other siblings 😭

yourusername just posted !

liked by ksi, calfreezy, mikesmic, and 3,998,770 others

yourusername @calfreezy satisfied?

YNXCAL NO FUXKING WAY

ynslover YOU CANNOT JUST DROP THIS ON US QUEEN

calfreezy it'll do

yourusername what if I broke up with you

calfreezy you'd miss me too much

taliamar cuties!!

freyanightingale what happened to soft launching it? 🤣

yourusername got bored, felt like causing drama

#calfreezy x reader #calfreezy #calfreezy imagine #calfreezy x you #calfreezy x y/n #youtube fanfic #youtube x reader #youtube #youtuber x reader #youtuber!reader #wroetoshaw #miniminter #ksi #zerkaa #tobjizzle #behzinga #sidemen imagine #sidemen #eden's 2k tea party 💞

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starkskeep · 1 year

Text

But if you hold me without hurting me (r. stark)

But if you hold me without hurting me r. stark imagine

Pt. 5 of Oh, all I used to do was pray, Right when I felt the moment stop, And I might be ok, but I'm not fine at all, And the life I gave away

Pairings - Robb Stark x female!Reader

Summary - You have a long-awaited conversation with Robb. It changes things between the two of you.

Word Count - 1,133 words

Warnings - Angst, Possibly unbearable cheesiness

A/N - I broke the Taylor Swift title streak. In my defense, I have been a LDR stan since middle school and Cinnamon Girl makes me sob every time I listen to it.

Songs I listened to while writing: Like Real People Do (Hozier), Cinnamon Girl, Carmen (Lana Del Rey), Me and My Husband (Mitski)

Robb feels his heart start to beat erratically as he watches you and Jon. It is obvious that you care deeply about Jon as he does you. Robb knows that he has walked in on something private, feeling jealous but also wishing that he could be the one to comfort you as such. Your moment with Jon is interrupted when Robb clears his throat in order to make you aware of his entrance into your chambers. The sound startles you and causes you to turn in Robb’s direction. Jon also turns to look at Robb, his expression wary that Robb would misinterpret the scene.

Robb begins to speak slowly but his voice cracks ever so slightly, his heart contracting in his chest due to an onslaught of emotions. “Am I interrupting anything?”

You quickly regain your composure. “No, my lord husband, you are not. I lost a letter earlier today. Jon has calmed me down and agreed to help look for it.” You dismiss Jon from your chambers, assuring him that you will be okay.

Jon locks eyes with Robb as he leaves. Tensions eased between him and Robb once he saw Robb trying to fix everything. However, Jon still continues to be an advocate for you. His brother looks back at him, eyes filled with questions he knows Jon cannot answer. Robb just needs to know that you are going to be okay, regardless of what happened.

Your husband takes a step closer to you. He looks into your eyes, searching for the pain that he knows must be there. You are a strong woman but no one should be subjected to the kind of abuse that the letter contained. As he moves closer, you notice the letter crumpled in Robb’s fist. “Ah. It seems as I I do not need to search for the letter.” You say with a sad smile, “I take it that you have seen what my father thinks of me?”

Looking down at the letter once again, Robb scowls. The fury that had been burning inside of him returns to the surface. His head shakes in disgust and he quickly closes his fist tighter around the letter, as if the action would make the item disappear from existence. Robb nods once in acknowledgment of her question. “I did. It is nothing less than disgraceful.” He draws his eyes up to meet yours. Robb’s voice shakes with thinly veiled anger. “Your father is a cruel, cruel man. To say such things to you, his own daughter…well, it is unforgivable.” He says the last word through gritted teeth.

You motion for Robb to sit next to you. In your almost year of marriage, this is the first time that you have actually asked him to be near you. It seems as if he has realized this fact as well if his hesitancy is anything to go off of. Robb’s nervous movements are in stark contrast to your controlled stillness. A couple moments pass between you two before you begin to talk. Long-awaited and much-needed words begin this conversation. “It’s cruel but what he says is true. I have failed in my duty as a wife. I should have given you an heir by now.”

Completely stunned is how the maesters would describe Robb if they were here to record this meeting. You are still calling him your husband, even after everything he has done, but you are voicing something that Robb would never want to believe. Yes, it is a wife’s and therefore your duty to give him an heir, but he would never, never force you to conceive if you were not yet ready. He turns to face the fireplace, staring into the flickering flames as he realizes how truly damaged you have been from a childhood in the Frey household and the months as his wife. Both of you have tried to do everything that has been expected of you, yet it is you who has suffered the most and continues to endure. Robb is angry at the world. Angry at the cruel words of your father. Angry at himself for the way he has treated you. Sighing deeply, he speaks after gathering his emotions. “Do not let them make you believe that this is your fault. It takes two to make a child. I am just as much to blame for the situation we find ourselves in…”

Robb’s words trail off when he feels you place your head on his shoulder. It seems to be a night of firsts. Much like you never asked him to be near you, you have never initiated any sort of physical comfort. You both enjoy the feeling until you bring Robb back to reality with your voice breaking the silence. “I don’t blame you for anything. I want you to know that. You were forced to marry me, forced to make me your queen, while you still loved Talisa. Why would you want to leave her side for a Frey, especially when Talisa was carrying your child? I ruined your life.”

Feeling a tear soak into the shoulder of his tunic, Robb tilts your head up so he can see you clearly. “You didn’t ruin my life. I made a deal with your father. I knew what I was agreeing to when I crossed the bridge.” He reaches his thumb to brush the tears off your face. “This is not your burden to bear. It is something we must share. Something we must work through so that we can grow together. Something I should have worked harder on at the beginning of our marriage.” Your husband sighs deeply and shakes his head, trying to accept how much he has just spoken. Robb comes to the startling realization that he has never voiced this sentiment to you before, much less even admitted it to himself.

“Thank you. I need to hear those words said to me.” You say and place a gentle kiss on Robb’s cheek. A blush spreads across your face as you do so.

He freezes when he feels your lips brush against his skin. A matching pink tint blotches his cheeks like yours did. This is the first time you have shown affection for him and it feels…good. Robb smiles and leans over to place a kiss on your forehead, wanting to continue this newfound physical affection that you have started. “I’m here for you. I know I haven’t been in the past, but from this moment forward, I will always be here for you my queen.” The increased presence of his Northern accent betrays the emotions that are overwhelming him. Staring into your eyes, his gaze reveals nothing but honesty and sincerity in his gaze. Robb meant every word he said to you tonight.

A/N - Once again, thank you so much for reading. My ask box is always open for requests, comments, or if just want to gush about our lovely Stark boys.

#robb stark x reader #robb stark x you #robb stark fanfic #robb stark imagine #robb stark

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theflyindutchwoman · 7 months

Text

Of course I'm scared. If we do this and it doesn't work, I'll have ruined the most important relationship in my life. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said, um -- No. Um… You're right. So we should just keep going the way we have been, right? It's not worth the risk. Unless it is.

| ANATOMY OF A SCENE - CHENFORD EDITION 5.08 - The Collar

Words cannot describe how much I love this scene… It's how different and refreshing this is… It's how Lucy has finally allowed herself to come to terms with her feelings for Tim, that he is the one for her… And now that she knows that, she can't brush it off or ignore it any longer. Just like Tim, who wanted to talk about it once he was aware of his own feelings for her. She has caught up to him, ready to be completely open and honest after their conversation in the shop...

It's how mature this feels. There's no need for unnecessary drama, for a shouting match or, worse, for one of them to play dumb. These two have spent years developing a shorthand and are pretty good at communicating, there is no reason for this to be suddenly any different. But most of all, they know each other, their character. They both understood what their willingness to sleep together meant, even if it was under the guise of undercover. They infered the same conclusion : for them to be ready to cross that line, there had to be feelings. The only thing that was holding them back, besides their respective partners, was the fear. The fear of losing the other, of losing this relationship that is so important to them… Of losing their person...

It's how, in the end, this scene feels like a breath of fresh air… Where the respect and love Tim and Lucy have for each other shine through. Where they both take that leap together. And it's how this happens in the parking lot, in front of the station… A place charged with history, where so much has happened lately. This is very close to where Tim fake-proposed to Ashley, with a heartbroken Lucy watching… To where they met the morning after their first kiss, both hopeful and awkward… To where he watched her leave with Chris, the pining and longing written all over his face… And yet, despite all of this, this feels like a brand new place… On the other side of the sidewalk, as they're crossing a symbolic threshold… With a much softer and romantic atmosphere, with all the flowers and plants around them, creating a colorful bubble just for them… Both sitting so close to each other, completely disregarding the chairs nearby… Forgetting the concept of personal space, as always.

It's how Tim was waiting for Lucy, as if they had convened of a meeting at the end of their shift, to end what they started in the shop. An idea that is reinforced when Lucy claims they need to talk as soon as she arrives : she knew where to find him. I'm a bit curious as to what she was actually planning to say before Tim joked about yet another listing and took over the conversation… Regardless, this part illustrates how they are still a bit out of sync. Lucy might have had her revelation, but Tim is very much in the dark in that regard. As far as he knows, she has at best realised that Chris isn't the one… She's one step ahead of him here. And it absolutely shows with the way he goes right back to where their discussion ended in the shop. Asking her again why she is staying with her boyfriend when it's clearly not working. And, while it might sound a bit judgmental, he's simply trying to understand what's stopping her, so he can help her. This is truly about her for him. I like how he zeroes in on her guilt because she did stay with Chris longer than necessary out of guilt and responsibility. For almost cheating on him. For what Rosalind did to him. And it was all the more obvious when she was trying to convince herself that she should love him back, implying that something was wrong with her… She deflects a bit - again - by calling him out for doing the same thing. And she isn't wrong : everything he told her in the shop fitted his relationship with Ashley to a T. He was settling, knowing full well they didn't want the same future, not arguing because it wasn't worth the bother (her retirement plans, the Whole30 diet…). If anything, this highlights how they were both denying their feelings, hiding behind a safe relationship. Not wanting to be alone.

And this is where their frustration boils over… Lucy because the conversation is not going the way she intended and they are getting off topic a little… And Tim because he is getting defensive. He's correct in his assessment : she definitely stayed this long because it was safe. But he couldn't be more wrong about the other part : this has everything to do about him. He is the reason she stayed with Chris (why she even went out with him in the first place, one might argue)… And, ultimately, why she could have never committed to a life with him either. Because he's not Tim. And so Lucy blurts out how she feels, why she is so scared… what she figured out in the shop. Out of frustration and out of nervousness. And because this is something that has been on her mind since their last talk. That's how intense those feelings are : she can't contain them anymore.

'If we do this, I would have ruined the most important relationship in my life'… It may not be a love confession per se, but the implications in this one sentence are huge. And in a way, it feels more powerful and true to them : it encompasses the entirety of their relationship, what he fully means to her. As I said earlier, she's not even questioning if he has feelings for her : she knows. She saw the looks, the signs, the reactions. Like when he was ready to talk about their feelings, something he usually avoids doing… or when he came in her apartment… When he didn't want her to worry about him… or when he said she deserved someone who's worth the bother and effort… What she doesn't know yet, is the extent of these feelings. But it wasn't really the risk of hers being unrequited that was scaring her the most : it was the fear of losing him, of losing what they have. Because their bond is already special, even without the romance. He is her person, the one she trusts completely and implicitly, the one whose opinion matters the most, the one who supports her unconditionally… And it's not like her fear isn't legitimate : she spent the last couple of months believing that she had already ruined everything, when Tim pushed her away (or so she thought). She was devastated in that hallway. And now that they're getting back to where they were, she doesn't want to lose him again.

And Tim… The magnitude of her statement is hitting him in full force. He was so focused on her relationship with Chris that he's completely caught off guard by her confession. He certainly never expected to be this important to her, this significant. To be chosen, let alone be her first choice. Because time and time again, he has been relegated to second choice. Told repeatedly, even if implicitly, that he wasn't enough. So Lucy, of all people, telling him this, is blowing his mind. The micro-expressions on his face are amazing. The editing is as brilliant, with this moment of stunned silence, both needing some time to comprehend what has just happened, emphasising in the meantime the lyrics in the background : 'I'm scared to go home'… And this epitomises what they are feeling so poetically. They are each other's home.

Lucy is the first one to recover, all nervous and terrified that she has said too much. That she has scared him away. But she hasn't. Even when he agrees with her statement, she still doesn't question his feelings for her. She simply takes it as his way of saying they should maintain the status quo and go back to how things were. That it's not worth taking the risk of ruining their current relationship. 'Unless it is…' Her confession is all the final push Tim needed : he has been ready to talk about this and risk everything since that second kiss. He knew what he wanted since then, he just didn't think it was in the cards… But now that she is opening the door a second time, he's not holding back. His sigh… He's gathering his courage before asking her out to dinner. And his grin! He is absolutely elated. And it matters so much that he's the one taking that first step… 'Rules matter, Boot'… But 'some things matter more'. She matters more. He told her earlier that she deserves a relationship that is worth the effort, so it fits perfectly that he would assure her that this one is worth the risk. That THEY are worth the risk. And how heart-warming is it that after all the heartbreak he went through, he doesn't hesitate to take that leap of faith with her… The fact that Lucy was the one who helped him heal along the way and get to this point, just makes all of this even more beautiful.

Her little 'yes' is so adorable… She comes off a little shy at first, becoming more assertive. Tim couldn't look happier, flashing his trademark Lucy Smile… Before experiencing the biggest whiplash when she suddenly says no. The way he's instantly shutting himself off, using his hands almost as a barrier between them, sitting a bit straighter and away from Lucy… How she reaches for his thigh to stop him and reassure him that she hasn't changed her mind… She simply remembered that she is still in a relationship - a detail they both tend to forget in the heat of the moment… And she's right : she needs to break up first. For Chris. And for them. They deserve to start their romantic relationship on a clean slate, with no regret, especially after almost jumping to bed together… While Tim agrees with her, it's clear that he isn't completely convinced either : it's like he is afraid she may change her mind. It's really when she tells him to ask her again, 'after', that he fully grasps that she is just as committed as him. Well, that and how she lights up. That last shot of them, with her little shimmy (the one she always does when she's excited) and his bashful smile while looking down is the cutest thing… It's so soft and full of promises and hope… and the perfect tone to end this scene.

#the rookie #chenford #chenfordedit #tim bradford #lucy chen #5.08 #Anatomy of a scene - Chenford Edition

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screemnch · 5 months

Text

Heterotopias, Pathologic, and what they have in common.

In the introductions of these I tend to put completely unrelated life anecdotes, because this isn't an academic paper. With that being said - I do hope to put together the next instalment of the bilingual madness project that I've started, but not right now. I'm in the part of my life where I'm majoring in a subject and a few months of study have granted me the delusion that I actually know things, and I'm taking that and running with it. This little unhinged essay will include the following:

A brief recap of who Foucault is (really brief. Just for the context)

A little less brief recap of his concept of the "heterotopia", an explanation of some necessary concepts and essays on the subject

The examination of heterotopias in game - how they exist within the fictional town on Gorkhon and what that means

Finally, a pretentious talk about video games and specifically Pathologic as a heterotopia, where I might go completely off the rails and lose all my trains of thought at once.

So let's get started.

Who is Michel Foucault?

Michel Foucault (1926-1984) was a French philosopher, critic, activist and damn near everything. There are few topics in my current major where his name doesn't come up. He's had a say in theories of language, gender, sexuality, identity, space, politics, power and so on and so forth. There have also been multitudes of people criticising his ideas, and not without good reason. In this discussion I'm not putting this dude on a pedestal and I don't encourage anyone to base their whole understanding of philosophy on one French guy's opinion. That being said, let's go look at some of his ideas in terms of language and space.

What is a "heterotopia"?

Wikipedia kindly tells me that the word was first used in the preface of an essay called "the Order of Things". In the preface, Foucault compared it directly to the concept of a utopia (which is where the alarm bells go off for any and all pathologic fans). This was preceded by an important discussion of language in terms of relations - the idea that many concepts and things are described and perceived through the lens of comparison and juxtaposition. Think about how one would perceive light by comparing it to darkness. In Foucault's opinion, these relations make up a grid that shapes our perception. These relations are, by definition, also mutually exclusive. That which is a dog cannot also be a cat. That which the language defines as close cannot be far.

Which is why, immediately after that, Foucault says "lol, syke" there ARE things that can encompass these contradictory sites within themselves; a fantastical conceptual instance in which something like that is possible - he calls those things "utopias". In the preface he even calls the road to such a utopia "chimerical". The more common view of a utopia is "a perfect place with no flaws". But in Foucault's writing, utopias are something that rises above our perception of relations and embodies multiple contradictory things at once - which is what makes it perfect. Most importantly, however - utopias have no physical space. They cannot. Our language doesn't allow for something that exists outside of comparisons, especially not when it physically manifests in our world.

This is why, for example, in pathologic, Aglaya Lilich so vehemently insists that the Polyhedron cannot stand. She calls it a utopia, and those things cannot exist, must not exist. They cannot take up physical space. Which is when our good friend Foucault comes back for a surprise round.

See, we were lead to believe that utopias cannot exist, and it's meant to be a comfort - there isn't anything in our perception of the world that shatters our grid of comparisons and juxtapositions and that's wonderful. But we were, all of us, deceived. And we should be scared, because, to quote him directly - "Heterotopias are disturbing, probably because they secretly undermine language, because they make it impossible to name this and that, because they shatter or tangle common names, because they destroy 'syntax' in advance, and not only the syntax with which we construct sentences but also that less apparent syntax which causes words and things (next to and also opposite of one another) to 'hold together'" (this is still from the preface, yeah). In saying this he does not make clear what exactly a heterotopia is, which is why we'll turn to his other works. Namely "Heterotopias" (the introduction to which, written by Anthony Vidler helped me a ton in understanding what the hell this overly verbose dude is talking about) and its later iteration called "Of Other Spaces." I think those were both originally speeches, but I've found them transcribed, and I'm more focused on their meaning anyway. Those two texts are almost the exact same thing, with a few select differences, which aren't exactly relevant.

We get our proper explanation in these essays that I'll sum up to my best ability. A heterotopia is something that takes up physical space, yet has properties similar to a utopia. A physical space that embodies contradictory qualities. One of his early examples of something that is a heterotopia (but also a utopia at the same time, go figure) is the mirror; the false reality in which you are portrayed in a physical space where you are not, because you are quite clearly not standing in front of yourself, makes it a utopia. Yet the fact that by existing it creates a space in which you are technically standing in front of yourself makes it a heterotopia. He also points out a children's playground as a heterotopia. In "Heterotopias" the essay he likens it to children playing on their parents bed, but we could compare it to, say... A sandbox. Children playing in a sandbox is a heterotopia. The sandbox is a physical space, and yet it's also an unreal "other" space that exists in the children's perception. This space, say, a town, is both existent and non-existent. Contradictory.

Foucault goes to say more about the kinds of heterotopias that can exist, and as he mentions them, it becomes clear as to why architects took to the concept so readily. Many of these heterotopias are not just physical spaces, but buildings - theatres, museums, prisons, etc. There are other types of heterotopias - cemeteries, or "heterotopias of festival", but that's beside the point. A prominent example Foucault brings up is the brothel (a place both public and private at the same time) but he states the "perfect" heterotopia to be the boat/ship. Seriously, he calls them the "greatest reservoir for our imaginations" ("Heterotopias") and waxes poetic about how if we didn't have boats we'd be deprived of dreams. But hey, I'm here talking about a video game, who am I to judge.

Architecture, Space, and the Town on Gorkhon

Good old Wikipedia defines heterotopias as spaces that are somehow "other." Which is a good explanation for people who already know what a heterotopia is. As I've explained above, it's a little bit more complicated than that. However when I first heard the definition, my brain went "That's the Polyhedron! That's the stupid tower from that one game I'm obsessed with!" And indeed, it'd be easy to look at Wikipedia's definition of a heterotopia and compare it to the Polyhedron - it's most definitely "other." Even by what we've established here - it's a utopian contradiction that exists in physical space. So is Aglaya Lilich wrong for calling it a "utopia"? Is it actually a "heterotopia"? Would that change anything at all about the events of the game?

Real answer is: I dunno. Out of context of the game's story, it very much would count as a heterotopia (if we treat it as something existing within a real space, not in game space). It would be an architectural wonder, but it would also be a physical space that encompasses multiple things at once. It's made of paper and mirrors at the same time. It's precarious and safe at the same time. You could even bring in a specific type of heterotopia it could be - namely a "crisis heterotopia" (as outlined by Foucault in both "Heterotopias" and "Of other spaces") - a kind that is supposedly phasing out of existence. A place where people go when they are in a state of crisis. This is where debate would no doubt arise, because there are a bunch of types of heterotopias it could be (heterotopia of deviation, for example) and I love that. It's contradictory. It cannot be juxtaposed to other types of heterotopias. It shatters the liguistic definitions we cling to. Meta as fuck and I love that for her.

But also, raining on the parade of "the Polyhedron is totes a heterotopia, y'all" is the existence of context within and without the game. The town on Gorkhon is not a real space, and isn't in a real time. And that is both as a "game space" (a game played by kids in a sandbox) and as a ""game space"" (a game played by us, the players). In this way, concepts can manifest themselves without manifesting, things can exist without existing. The Polyhedron only takes up physical space within the eyes of the dolls, but to the kids it is no more real than the town itself. Within the laws of the game - the Polyhedron never became a heterotopia. It's a concept that the children spoke into existence, a contradictory thing, that also remains within a fantastical "game space". It's only rational that Aglaya would call it a utopia - her meta awareness allows her to see the tower, the whole town, for what it is. And as a utopia, it should not have a physical manifestation within the world that Aglaya can perceive. She is still just a doll, after all, and the world she perceives is physical to her, even if she knows it's just "game space".

I'm not posing either one of these ideas as "the correct one". You can choose to believe that the Polyhedron is a heterotopia, or you can believe that it's a utopia because it's all a game. You can even say that all of this is bs, and all the developers at IPL were trying to say is that perfection is impossible. But I'm gonna keep playing around and talk about another fun thing: the heterotopias are everywhere.

Go back to treating the town on Gorkhon as a physical space again. You may recall in the examples of heterotopias I cited some buildings and spaces that might sounds particularly interesting. A theatre. A cemetery. There's also the idea that heterotopias have a unique relationship with time, in terms of either constantly accumulating time (museums) or emphasising its transience (fairgrounds). This temporal quality may remind you of the Catherdal in marble nest, where it warps time and changes the way it's perceived. In all honesty, when considering heterotopias besides the Polyhedron, my first thought went to the Abbatoir - it's a place where only select few are allowed, where a collective exists both privately and within the eye of society (which is also themselves), that accumulates time from way back in the history of the town. In short, just like the real world, the town on Gorkhon is full of heterotopias. And it's not surprising - Foucault's first principle of heterotopias established in both of the aforementioned essays is that "there is probably not a single culture in the world that fails to constitute heterotopias". Similarly, no longer thinking of the town on Gorkhon as a physical space, the town becomes a heterotopia as well. That is - it's a town within a sandbox during some kids' playtime. Delightfully meta. Let's all get delightfully meta, shall we?

Are video games heterotopias?

I was unable to find if Foucault has ever said anything about video games throughout his life. Technically he has existed at the same as them, but maybe at this point he had lost interest in talking about these spaces. There are multiple articles out there talking about games and Foucault's theories, and the sole reason why I haven't read them for this essay is because I didn't want to go down a goddamn rabbit hole and waste the next 8 hours reading about... Idk, tadpoles or smth. Let's work from the start, shall we?

Foucault clearly states that children playing pretend in a physical space is heterotopic. The place where they play becomes a heterotopia. Jumping off of that we can assume that things such as LARP (which takes place in a select location) is also a heterotopia, with an addition of some rules that the players adhere to. This leads us to considering things such as live dnd sessions heterotopic as well - players are gathered around a table. Their combat map, the physical space the DM uses to create the imagined space - all becomes a heterotopia (yes I made it about dnd, I'm a nerd of many talents). Once we take a step further, towards things like online dnd sessions and eventually video games - an important question emerges: can digital space house heterotopias? I'm sure Foucault would have considered cyberspace itself a heterotopia, if I've understood him correctly so far (and if I haven't... That sucks, cuz we're almost at the end of the essay). Can a heterotopia exist within another heterotopia? Would it be possible to peel away a layer by claiming that the digital screen - our window to the cyberspace, to the "game space" - constitutes as physical space? Is a video game, in that case, a heterotopia as well? And does that mean that by playing Pathologic we are experiencing a heterotopia, within a heterotopia, within a heterotopia? Are you tired of the "h" word yet?

Truth is, once again: I dunno. I like to believe that it is, cuz it allows me to think of Pathologic as something even cooler than I originally thought. Something even more meta. It's interesting thinking about how something that came from linguistics then went into architecture and eventually came to media entertainment. I also really like the implications that come with the significance of this concept in regards to the architect characters present within Pathologic. I wonder if they knew (given how patho is set in a dubious time, so it'd be difficult to establish if them knowing about Foucault's theories would even be possible). In part I just also felt fascinated by many people linking Pathologic to concepts within theatre (like Codex Entry, or that one post on here about Edward Gordon Craig by tumblr user erriga) and got really excited about bringing something similar to the table. I hope it sparks some discussion and brings forth some ideas from other passionate fans. Anyways.

Go read the actual stuff:

https://www.jstor.org/stable/43202545

https://www.jstor.org/stable/464648

(sorry about the links if they don't work. I'm not technologically advanced enough to figure out if smth is wrong before I post it)

#pathologic #ramblings #мор утопия #philosophy #I was supposed to pace myself #But instead I just wrote this whole thing in one sitting

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