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#“i think this kid was made to mentally and emotionally torment me”
tangledinink · 2 months
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[ prev ] -> the last thread was getting SOOOO long so i'm starting a new one :3c @revitalizationrat @tmntaucompetition
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sotogalmo · 2 months
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6:06
Hmmm ... nightmare gas & red Smoke ,,,,
Hmmmmm
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wandermit · 1 year
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[takes a good look at the hollow vanessa] what if i magica madoka'd her
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thatbitchsimone · 7 months
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I love you I love you
Thank you thank you
It’s a long story of circle of abuse, I used to save her from my father hitting her and few years later I had to save myself from both of them hitting me
I truly believe she’s evil, not what she does to me but to others also, she beats and humiliates not only me but the maids too, the other siblings are not beaten, the brother sometimes rarely but he’s her worshipper so i don’t think he minds.
I will get a job soon but I don’t think I can move out, it’s not very common here you know, and my father is like a influential guy, but hopefully when I earn my own money and cut her off I’ll be happy, we have a big house so living separately is possible.
I found out something today and it made me sick to my stomach, I have my whole life faced disgusting men, but turns out my brother is also one of them, he is after all my fathers and mothers son. he is an Andrew tate fanboy btw so you can guess his entire personality by that lolllllll.
I am so sorry this is alot of stuff to hear on a site where you are supposed to have fun, I am sending you apology hugs, take care 🫂❤️
Btw have you read the bell jar by Sylvia plath? It’s so depressing it’s taking me months to finish HAHAHAH
that is fucking awful and yes, i dont even believe in the whole concept of evil (i was raised without religion in a completely secular country + im very into psychology so good vs evil is not part of my worldview lol) but some behaviors even i just have to describe as evil and ur mom fits that pretty well like abusing ur own children is fucking evil. i have empathy for her to some extent since her behavior is clearly the result of her being abused herself like u said but it gets clouded by the absolute disgust and hatred and rage i feel for her for letting herself become the abuser herself and keeping the circle of abuse going by passing it on to her children. its one thing to not have the strength or power to stop ur husband from abusing ur kids, but straight up joining in on the abuse is a whole other level of disgusting and im so sorry u have to experience this.
but i do have to say that u seem like a genuinely good person like i really feel like u have so much kindness and love in ur heart and u seem like a very strong, sensible and intelligent girl and i get a strong feeling that the cycle of abuse is gonna end with u (as in, u wont be carrying it on and u will break free from it and if u have kids in the future u will be a good and loving mom to them) and i just wanna acknowledge that bc thats amazing and inspiring and i admire u so much like i just have so much admiration for u right now like u are everything u are the moment u are the vibe
anyway, glad to hear that u at least live in a big house so that u can at the very least have some space from her even tho u live together. i get that its not as easy or simple as some ppl think to ”just move out” especially if u live in a very family oriented culture where its not the norm to do so on top of it all so i think the best thing to do currently is to just kind of try to stay out of her way and honestly just not even listen to the bullshit she says bc her insults are kinda meaningless tbh bc lets be real, if u were skinny she would just use something else to criticize u for. she just wants to put u down in any way she can no matter what u look like. u could probably look like a damn supermodel or movie star and she would still find something to pick on and put u down for, bc she has issues. shes disturbed. her words are empty and her opinions on u are just completely irrelevant. why should u care if a deranged abusive sadist doesnt ”approve” of ur body and size? this woman thinks its ok to mentally torment everyone around her, even HER OWN CHILDREN that she just so happens to not just verbally and emotionally abuse but straight up physically abuse. shes a child abuser. actual scum of the earth. like honestly next time she says something about ur body or calls u fat or whatever this psychopath likes to call u just remind urself that this woman is actually disturbed and sick in the head like shes literally a terrible human being lol who the fuck is she to criticize anyone like ok so u got a little extra meat on ur bones meanwhile she is a deranged sadistic child abuser. like girl whatever flaw u may have is nothing compared to the flaws she has like u are so far above her in every way that actually matters like ur literally so much better than her in every way like shes actually pathetic.
sorry about ur brother btw. seems like us women can never catch a break from these male parasites that are crawling around everywhere these days. they just keep getting worse and worse now with all the andrew tate shit brainwashing them. thank god we women have each others backs in this vile current climate. sisterhood is so important, especially now with all this crazy shit going around.
and yes ofc ive read the bell jar! read it for the first time when i was 16 and have reread it a few times since then. its one of those books that deeply resonates with nearly every woman who reads it even now generations later like its truly timeless in that way thats why its so good
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jay2898 · 4 months
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At some point in time , I hope things get better . I hope to meet new people as the years go by . I hope to grow less empathetic for those to who don’t care enough to care wether I’m dead or alive . I hope to distance myself from all of you and not care as much if losing any of you. I hope to learn how to block out the things that eat me alive mentally and emotionally. I hope to be in a stage in my life where I am financially stable and live the life I deserve. I hope to one day never look back to where I came from and only think about the next adventure of my life . I will no longer keep calling. I will no longer keep texting . I won’t ask myself if they care , because I know they don’t . I won’t beg anyone to stay . I won’t ask why . Or wait for anyone . People only stick around so they aren’t consumed by guilt , or only say what they think I want to hear , to make themselves feel better, while me , I know they’re full of shit and they’re liars. If they really cared , they would show it . At times I ask whats the point of living . Will my existence satisfy those who see me as burden , or too much to handle ? Me being dead can solve a lot of my issues . I won’t cry myself to sleep when people get under my skin. I won’t feel as though my thoughts are tormenting me anymore. I don’t know what my purpose is. I don’t know why I am here. I don’t know why I got stuck with this life . Full of disappointment. A perfect life would be me having a strong relationship with both my Dad and my Mom. But they failed me at the one job they had . They failed to love me. They failed to guide me. They failed to teach me . They failed to ensure everything was going to be okay. Being in flight or fight mode is the only thing I know. Being in survival mode. To protect myself . I wanted to sit at the dinner table like they do in the movies , talk about my day. I wanted to have all of my siblings in my life . Take photos . I wanted to experience learn how to drive at 16. Learn how to ride a bike. Have my first sleep over. Get my first job . Be the highest of my all my classmates . Have a big group of friends. And by this age , 25, have it all figured out and be in a place in my life where I’d be satisfied. I am not satisfied. I got the short end of the stick . I was raped at 8 years old , put in a foster care at 3, ripped away from my mom and Dad , grew up with strangers , was told I was a bad kid, got bullied , I didn’t have any friends. I can name every single one of you who had made my life a living hell, and it has stuck with me since. I was told that if I allowed the person who raped me to do what they did . it was because I liked it . That stuck with me since . I can’t say these things out loud . People will look at me like I’m crazy. Or think that I’m lying . I can’t express myself the way I want to . Because I’ll get judged for it. I wish to crawl in a hole sometimes and never get out . I get so annoyed with myself because there are bigger issues in this world , people who have nothing , people are seeing their loved ones get ripped away from them. People who wish to have a roof over their head . And a warm place to sleep . Food. I have those things. I only wish people weren’t so fucked up in the head . I wish people had some sort of common sense of their own behavior . I wish pain didn’t exist. I wish grief didn’t exist . I wish people could live forever . That will happen in another universe. This world is fucked up . People are snakes . People hurt each other , with no remorse. I can only express myself in writing , because it makes me more comfortable. It makes me feel safe . It’s a coping mechanism for me. I’m at point in my life where if I don’t work hard to get what I want , I will end up with nothing . If I don’t push myself , I will have see no success . I only have myself . Because the rest of you suck. Not all of you, but a good 80% of you . I don’t believe in new year new me, because people do the same exact shit and don’t change . Liars.
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billconrad · 10 months
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Afterschool Special
    Entertainment has changed so much since I was a child. I fondly remember waking up at the crack of dawn on Saturday morning and turning on the big Motorola television in great anticipation of the upcoming cartoons. Of course, 6 a.m. was far too early; the only video was the test pattern. Then the national anthem came on, followed by the early morning news. Boring!
    The first cartoons of the day were awful, but then the magic started. Scooby-Doo, Bugs Bunny, Rocky, and Bullwinkle were my jam. Just writing that last sentence fills me with wondered memories. However, the magic faded by 10 a.m. because regular television took over. BOO!
    For the rest of the week, there was not much for a kid to watch, with one exception. The ABC network had what they called an Afterschool Special. They intended these dramas for children and teenagers. For that audience, the production quality was surprisingly high because most shows aimed at kids had low budgets. I remember one awful show called Wonderbug. It was about a dune buggy that drove teenagers around during their adventures. Just thinking about it still makes me shutter.
    ABC ran the series from 1972 until 1997. What set it apart was the thorough analysis of painful topics, including drug abuse, bullying, mental illness, physical/mental disabilities, crime, AIDS, race, and bad parents/siblings/teachers/friends. I wanted to learn more and found:
    From the above, here are some plots:
Episode 32: The neighborhood youth gang agrees to bully and torment the new kid on their 17th Street turf.
Episode 33: 13-year-old Kate deals with the sudden death of her younger sister.
Episode 67: After their mother passes away, a 12-year-old girl assumes responsibility for her two younger brothers, Johnny and Roy.
Episode 72: Teenager Nancy Parks stumbles upon a case of child abuse. Their overworked mom beat and emotionally abused her new boyfriend’s younger brother.
Episode 73: A blind, developmentally disabled infant with cerebral palsy is left in the care of an elderly English woman who refuses to let him die.
    These hour-long specials usually left me shaken by their message. “What if I was in a car accident and could not walk like the boy in the show?” These stories brought big issues into my tiny world, causing me to think about consequences, other people’s problems, and life-changing events.
    Afterschool Specials were often a topic for my friends, and I distinctly remember one had the same issue. His sister was a bully, and he did not know what to do because she was much older.
    I am sure the Afterschool Specials helped many kids talk about genuine issues and made them more aware of people with problems. However, many of the shows were difficult to watch. For example, it was hard for me then to face the fact that a disabled person should be treated normally. In real life, (back then) I wanted to look away. This is the show’s greatest legacy. It taught kids to be respectful, understanding and speak up about problems.
    The Afterschool Specials were an anomaly. They could have produced “The ABC Afterschool ROCK-OUT Hour,” and kids could have listened to the newest disco music back in 1972. Yet, ABC leaped controversy and produced something extraordinary.
    I think some of my good values came from watching these shows. But what about kids today? Where do they learn hard lessons? YouTube? Tic Toc? No, that entertainment spectrum teaches them important lessons like playing Minecraft and eating Tide Pods. What about movies? They are intended to entertain, not educate, instill values, or explore problems.
    That only leaves books. However, today’s kids do not want to read about depressing topics. Plus, modern parents shelter their precious children from problems. What mother will buy her child a book like Episode 67, where a 12-year-old girl assumes responsibility for her two younger brothers? The teacher would call child protective services if they saw their student reading such a book.
    Something big is missing from children’s education that was present when I was young because society no longer tolerates exposing our children to painful topics. This is unfortunate because, in this complex world, we need more than ever for our children to be exposed to reality in a safe and supportive manner.
    You’re the best -Bill
    July 05, 2023
    Hey book lovers, I published four. Please check them out:
    Interviewing Immortality. A dramatic first-person psychological thriller that weaves a tale of intrigue, suspense, and self-confrontation.
    Pushed to the Edge of Survival. A drama, romance, and science fiction story about two unlikely people surviving a shipwreck and living with the consequences.
    Cable Ties. A slow-burn political thriller that reflects the realities of modern intelligence, law enforcement, department cooperation, and international politics.
    Saving Immortality. Continuing in the first-person psychological thriller genre, James Kimble searches for his former captor to answer his life’s questions.
    These books are available in soft-cover on Amazon and eBook format everywhere.
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Why I can’t hate pandemic?
In my experience, pandemic was the best and worst thing that has happened to me.
Pandemic may have tortured me emotionally and tormented my mental health but I wouldn’t trade it off anything especially now that I realized that there’s this new relationship I have created with my mom during the lockdown. Our relationship has evolved in a way that I never expected it to be.
A little back story, I have been physically away from my family for years. I would only take breaks and go home during the holidays. Vacation for me would usually last only for 3 days to a week and then I’ll be back to my regular programming which is work (or in the earlier days, school). I was comfortably living alone by myself for years. Being independent at an early age is such a liberating feeling. Teenage was fun for me, I guess. For years that I was too comfortable in my own space, the pandemic brought me back home.
Pandemic has also made me realize that:
“Ah yes, I forgot how to co-exist with my mom anymore.”
That is why we would constantly clash. What else should I expect? I would honestly say that it has taken a toll on both of us, especially her. I was such a pain in the ass. I am always rational and logical even if the situation never asks for it. I could’ve been more sensitive to her feelings.
On a different note, regardless of the countless times we argued and fight especially in 2021, I think it has only made us closer to each other. We learned more about each other everyday (we still are). I also accepted the fact that the person she was in 2012 has flourished to a better person that she is now. And I’m slowly letting her see though me as well.
Having said that, I’d like to believe that for the entire duration of lockdown I was able to respectfully tear her guards down. I was mindful of her feelings and emotions. I looked out for her. I made sure that I won’t trigger her in any way. In such a circumstance, I have created a safe space for her so she can finally open up about the tragic event in the past. There is so much joy in my heart when she finally trusted me enough to share “her story” word-for-word.
I am so proud of her as my mom and as a person especially now that she started to speak up. She has gone through so much in her life. She lost both of her parents, husband, older sister and her loving mother-in-law, who practically adopted her when she lost her parents. She basically lost all of the people close to her heart. I understand why she just chose to kind of shut up/shut people down and disconnect.
In my childhood days, I would catch her crying at the most randomest times. I knew the reason. She never knew that I knew. She protected us against it. I have the slightest idea of what had happened in the past but I never forced her to share the stuff that she’s dealing with. I would just try my best to comfort her and give a glass of water but I could only do so much as a kid. We never talked about it, I just wish she did. She would brush it off every time and then move on with her day. I trusted her pace. I would wait for so long for her to open up, but the moment never came. It definitely remained as the elephant in the room for sure. It was honestly hard to grow up with a functional depressive mother. As an offspring of a parent who’s dealing with PTSD, that shit fucks me up too.
Last night, I FINALLY got the heart-to-heart talk with my mom. I waited for my entire life for this to happen.
Although it took her more than 30 years long to open up about the past events in her life... at least I know now that she’s healing. Obviously, she had a meltdown again last night as she tried explain it to me in vivid details as best as she could. Tears came running down her face. She was having flashbacks for sure. Traumatizing it was. I cannot even begin to comprehend it. It’s just genuinely hard for me to wrap my mind around it. As an emphatic, I was crying with her as well.
I love her so much. The respect I have for her goes beyond not just as a mom, but as a woman and as a person. I couldn’t even make sense of how she’s still able to exude calm and peacefulness around the house even if she has a troubled mind.
Now I understand why she would sometimes get random brain fog. She’d forget our names and be a completely different person. Sometimes it would last 30mins to an hour. I read that trauma causes it. It’s a trauma response. No one knew about this, only us her kids, our dad, and her new life partner.
Strong is an understatement and for lack of a better word, I think she’s a superhero.
I love this woman so much!
Interesting fact: Today is the Death Anniversary of both of mom’s parents (my grandparents)
Mom, I wish I have your patience of a saint. You are, if not always, most of the time, calm and composed. You are kind. You are super down to earth that it would sometimes annoy me because you’d let other people step on you. You are humble and I love you for that. It taught me to ALWAYS ground myself as well. I love you. I don’t want you to grow old and see your hair turn grey. Please please stay youthful.
Love,
Bebs (your middle child)
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do you ever feel like billy's scenes make you happy; like maybe when he's calm, or like a bit down in the dumps? for me all of billy's scenes are intriguing, certainly but not likable in terms of how he treated max and steve... his character kind of had a fluctuation in behavior... anyways, like the ones where he's sad or he's feeling broken- bc that's his "real mask" he's a sad broken boy and idk why but seeing him at his worst- like suffering makes me sad but at the same time i feel for him like it makes me LIKE him more all those scenes where he's being tormented are hard to watch- but it makes me like him and gives me a justifiable reason to like him.. if yk what i mean. i always liked billy- not just lookswise but for how he was that sweet kid that loved surfing; and I think his dad just made him the way he is; inexcusable actions; he's not bad nor good like all of us... we all are humans we make mistakes; he didn't kill anybody (forget about him being possessed; that doesn't count). i just rlly felt for his character bc Dacre himself wanted to humanize him and make him likable after his sacrifice he said that word for word in an interview.. that he did redeem himself and his arc was made. People say he did have an arc but it wasn't fulfilled but then again it's just a matter of people's opinions. Billy also reminded me of someone i knew irl.. and they apologized to me for being a douche for no reason; they had issues; and billy did the same to max; he said sorry to her. i felt like dude was just a teenager going through hormonal/mental health issues due to neglect by his mom leaving him and being stuck with his hunk of an extremely unstable father.. sorry i made this so long
I understand what you mean. Those scenes with Billy can be hard to watch, but they're also comforting in a way because now he's relatable. You understand him and the root of his actions. Plus, it helps show that healing from trauma isn't always easy or this shiny positive upwards climb. Like Steve's arc. Sometimes it's messy, and angry, and you hurt people along the way. Be it physically or emotionally.
I think if Billy had a supportive circle, the way Steve has the party, he would've been better off. 🥺💔
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worldwarlove1 · 2 years
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Some of the things I have been through...
Back in my hellementary school days, there were a few teachers “2 in particular (A couple, there last name being Cole, which was very fitting for their hearts) and as for the other, even though he wasn’t nearly as bad, he was still able to make my list” (And 2 IAs, one in particular who was rarely around but was a much bigger bully) that were bullies along with 4 students in particular who were notably worse then the other bullies. I went through a lot, believe me. To top it all off there was this one time when I went to the principal's office to talk to the vice principal about the bullying from the teachers and other students and I was angry, sobbing and the works and I did not hold back on how I felt or on what I was saying, but little did I know that the system for the entire schools speakers was on, so everyone in the entire school heard everything...
Now, some of the things that was done to a good friend of mine (Who has Cerebral Palsy), well, she had an instructional assistant (Same one I had) who at times put the lock of her locker on backwards as she was being timed, sometimes also having her wear an intentionally heavy nap sack when she was walking with her crutches when she already had a hard enough time with nothing extra weighing her down, on the odd occasion had her crutches put towards the classroom door so she had to use the desks to balance herself to get to them, one day she slipped and fell in the mud on her way to one of the portables and she was forced to enter the classroom… (As for me, I have roughly 30 regular sized pages with regular sized font single spaced “I think it was around 50 or so before it was edited for me” of a bunch of the BS that happened to me).
Anyways, after the schools PA system incident, the bullying got even worse. It did not matter that mom and dad called and tried to help. No one was able to do anything at all for me, nothing (I was a caged animal with no escape/no way to get any kind of help. Even now, emotional abuse is not something that the cops will typically intervene in)... Then one day towards the end of the 7th grade I just snapped completely on one of the bullies, ripped his shirt, tackled him to the ground and would not stop going completely ballistic on him/just absolutely out of control... The lunchroom/recess supervisor who basically did pretty much nothing against emotional bullying ended up pulling us apart and if she hadn't have stepped in then I would not have stopped...
The thing about these days is with the internet, social media/etc it just seems like there is a lot more evil stuff going on because it is a lot easier to uncover it, and kids/teens (As well as adults/seniors/etc) need to be encouraged to stand up to bullies (If they can), and to stand up against bullying when they see it happen and to secretly record if things get bad enough (Recording live stream if possible just incase they get caught.having those recording being recorded to some secret place on the web that the victim can have access to those files when and if they ever need them. Recordings that will never be seen/known by the bullies if they do happen to snatch the recorder, if this advanced type of option is even possible).
As for the job end of things, with my second last boss he was a real master at manipulation (Could be one of the most vicious to one of the most loving people you have even met on the drop of a dime/flip of a switch) and knew how to pull peoples mental/emotional strings, and believe me when I say that I make a really good target especially during some days when I was the first/only one there where at times there were alcohol and beer bottles over the floor and during those time especially he had the kind of rage that literally shook my body and went right through to my very soul.
I was mentally/emotionally trapped there for like 8 years and as such I have lots of stuff that I typed about that job/torments as well as a couple videos I made of shots that I took in secret), there was one time in particular where the boss (A strong guy) took a large post and just chucked it at me in a way so it barely missed me…
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fedzkun · 3 years
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Villain Hunt Arc Meta: All For One’s Horrific Guide to Methodically Breaking Down Your Local OFA Holder
Ft. Turning the ‘Overpoweredness’ of OFA into a Setback, and AFO’s Successful Manipulations Of Midoriya Izuku
In which I also give AFO too much credit for all the pain he’s probably caused, and theorize that his plans to break Izuku actually started getting enacted even before he’d escaped Tartarus.
(A.k.a. me loving the angst because this is really good angst writing, but also hating it because the manga doesn’t come with a Angst with A Happy Ending tag unless you count Izuku’s ‘this is the story of how I became the greatest hero’ which isn’t really a guarantee of happiness )
So. What an arc! In the span of ten chapters (starting from the end of the War arc) Hori delivered a full-on Villain-looking, Vigilante Midoriya Izuku. Congratulations, Horikoshi, for finally introducing Akatani Mikumo!
The fast pacing and lack of breather panels are so fitting for this arc truly. AFO never gave them a moment’s rest. Yes, from henceforth as he’d promised... It’s always going to be his turn.
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Izuku is making amazing progress with unlocking the full power of One For All. In his words, his abilities might as well already be on par with what a healthier All Might could do, and with no recoil to boot. Plus, there’s only one last quirk to unlock. For villain fights, I don’t think we need to worry about him losing, or him breaking anymore bones at this time.
Which, some might argue, makes Izuku too ‘OP.’
To start with, I want to talk first about the ‘overpoweredness’ of the One For All quirk. It’s a wonderful quirk truly, having inspired and amazed so many because of its sheer power. Used well, it could grant instant victories and restore the people’s wavering faith to the heroes. Because with a quirk like that on your side, everything’s going to be alright, right? There’s always gonna be that bit of hope that something is still strong enough to stand against the looming evil...right?
Yeah. That’s what the people who’d lived under All Might’s Era of Peace thought so too. History repeats.
OFA’s ‘OP-ness’ is both a great blessing and a great burden.
Here are some points on how the narrative has made OFA's 'overpoweredness' a setback:
1. All For One—that bastard—exploits the urge that comes with OFA. Just as ‘AFO the quirk’s’ goal is to steal OFA, OFA’s job is to defeat AFO, and Izuku is sacrificing himself to its cause.
Here’s another thing I want to point out: The conclusion that the heroes drew about AFO planning to capture Midoriya Izuku alive? In rereading, I’m starting to believe it’s nothing but a mere assumption of his plans. Aside from the deal made with Lady Nagant—of which I think AFO didn’t take seriously anyway and set her up for failure— (and while we as readers are already aware of his true intentions to wear Izuku down) it’s weird that nowhere had AFO directly mentioned to Izuku that he’s going to kidnap him and take his quirk from him.
2. OFA made Izuku so brilliant (e.g. Pros and former Pros alike going “This kid...”) that they really can't help but place all their hopes on him. Sighs. In an ideal world, this would be a dream come true of Izuku getting his due credit for all his heroic achievements Pro heroes have started to do to Izuku what they’ve done all their lives to All Might--which is to put him on the pedestal, while they fall back to cover him like guards/safety net. Hence, falling back to the One Pillar Model mindset.
3. OFA makes Izuku untouchable, not only to the villains, but also to his allies. Prime material to reinforce isolation. And if Izuku doesn't want to be caught, he won't make it easy for either side.
4. OFA IS SUS AF, OKAY? What are the Holders doing?! While gaining access to them makes it easier and convenient to have personal trainers in handling OFA, the vestiges prove to add a lot to Izuku’s mental load. If they’d allowed Izuku to come to the point of being caked with blood and filth, they’re not doing very well at guiding him. Realize that most of their arc interactions with Izuku is Quirk Talk. They, of all people, should know how AFO’s machinations work! Hey First, for the love of god, warn Izuku! He’s showing so many signs of being manipulated that you should be picking up on. please /sobs ;;
Tbf, like, I’m pretty sure that the Holders haven’t been as mentally okay either, which would feed into Izuku’s current mindset.
Now that the setbacks have been listed, let’s dive in to AFO’s plans to toy with Midoriya Izuku.
PHASE 1: Pre-Tartarus Breakout
Speaking of OFA being sus, there’s something that has been niggling at the back of my mind.
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All For One basically tells Izuku: “You were my main interest that entire time I was in prison”. So, to pass the time in Tartarus (since he can’t use any(?) of his quirks), AFO has been doing nothing but apparently daydreaming and designing a personal hell for the Ninth Holder during that entire period. HOWEVER, it also made me wonder…
…Even before he’d broken out, had AFO made any moves at all in enacting his plans to break Izuku?
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Yeah?
And here’s the kicker: he says that before Blackwhip bursted out.
AFO is a master manipulator. Assuming that Izuku doesn’t have any latent AFO quirk (for whatever reason *coughs* maybe dfo if you're a believer) or that Quirk Singularity has anything to do with it, what is the trigger to Izuku suddenly having access to Blackwhip?
I’d argue that it is All For One himself.
Why? What’s his goal? If you notice during the Joint Training arc, Izuku is feeling pretty confident about his progress. He’s rather happy and feeling blessed, and he is making leaps and bounds with base power OFA.
AFO can’t have that. He can’t allow the Ninth Holder to become too emotionally stable, or else he’d have a stronger will. So by somehow activating Blackwhip, AFO makes Izuku feel like he hasn’t made any progress with his quirk at all. During the evaluations, Izuku mentions that he still needs a lot to work on, and while not all of it is visible, with the way he behaves, it’s pretty evident that his self-confidence has taken a rather large hit.
But, wait! If AFO had tampered with OFA during the JT arc, paving the way to unlocking the rest (like he’d also done during the War arc when he tried to ‘steal’ it then), then wouldn’t AFO be sabotaging himself since he’d be making Izuku a more formidable opponent?
Sure. Except that the quirks inside OFA are mostly useless when it comes to the mental part of the fighting. The only thing they’re useful for is for the current Holder to be able to play keep-away in the physical realm. And AFO could easily just find counters for those through his work on Tomura.
You know how else the situation becomes advantageous for AFO? With every quirk unlocked, Izuku’s goalposts keep on getting away from him, and Izuku will always feel like he isn’t ready or prepared enough. Izuku will push and push himself to master OFA to its fullest, to become more powerful, at the cost of his mental/emotional stability and physical wellbeing as he wears himself down.
And every time Izuku grew more powerful, and became more ‘OP,’ he is burdened with all the aforementioned setbacks that came with it. He could be the most powerful person in the world, but it’s all for naught if he doesn’t take care of himself. This plan is both a high risk and high reward on AFO’s part, and as of the moment, with a bloody Izuku staggering all over, AFO is visibly reaping these high rewards.
PHASE 2: Post-Tartarus Breakout
He’s going to toy with Izuku until Izuku fucking breaks. What follows is his series of actions that instills the desired responses from Midoriya Izuku. Let’s see how the master manipulator plays this game of chess, shall we?
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Izuku’s plan: Reach out to villains and try to save them.
AFO’s counter: Kill off those who turn their back against villainy and/or acknowledge Izuku as a true hero.
Izuku’s resulting response: Stop reaching out to villains. Gain an instant victory and move on.
After all, what do you get when you block a hero from showing sympathy? You get an unfeeling living weapon.
---
Izuku’s plan: Work with the top pro heroes to bring down AFO.
AFO’s counter: Make plans that will serve to highlight how the top pros are just slowing Izuku down. (e.g. Making moves while it’s raining, so as to divide them, but also to bring out No. 1 Hero Endeavor’s "slowness" in the rain. Nope, I don’t think that’s a throwaway line at all.)
Izuku’s resulting response: Grows more reckless, often leading the charge.
---
Izuku’s plan: Track AFO down.
AFO’s counter: Lead them to dead-ends. Or when they do supposedly reach something, endanger them.
Izuku’s resulting response: His tunnel vision worsens, as he grows more desperate.
---
Izuku’s plan: All Might following him around is okay since it would help All Might from worrying so much, and Izuku could simultaneously keep an eye on and protect All Might.
AFO’s counters: There are a lot to really fuck with this bond, damn you AFO.
Taint that passing the torch memory of ‘You’re Next.’
Declare that All Might no longer interests him. Liar. He outright stated before that he’s one for keeping a grudge
Send another assassin to Izuku [Underlying Message: You yourself are a walking danger zone to those whom you dearly care for.]
Izuku’s resulting response:
Interpret that memory of ‘You’re Next’ as taking up the position of being AFO’s shiny new plaything, and therefore supposedly sparing All Might from the torment (Unfortunately, making Izuku push AM away is just part of the torment ;A;)
Think that AM is no longer in the direct line of fire as long as AFO focuses on Izuku
Finally, push his last line of morale support away, and completely isolate himself.
Btw, I wonder how All Might feels about Izuku using Nana's quirk to get away from him.
---
The suffering doesn’t end.
Izuku’s plan: Save people.
AFO’s counters: (possibly offscreen) Send more villains and assassins to torment Izuku some more with the knowledge that he can’t save them. Sending villains out also puts innocents in danger.
Izuku’s resulting response: He won’t stop for anything. He won’t sleep, won’t eat, won’t slow down. He will always do his best to save as long as someone is in danger.
His body will keep on moving and moving and MOVING on its own.
--- All For One is very effective as a supervillain. He has managed to make the heroes think that his only goal is to capture Izuku alive for his quirk. He has Izuku right where he wants him: dancing to his tune at the palm of his hand, utterly toyed with, left with no escape in sight.
Psychologically vaulted.
.
.
.
PHASE 3
And so, if Izuku is being manipulated to drive himself further and further into self-destruction, what then is there left for All For One to do?
So much more. Because, my god, I think AFO has mastered the art of traumatizing the OFA Holders.
All For One once told All Might, “I will destroy all that you’ve protected.” And boy, is he delivering. He's definitely not done with AM btw.
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First, he destroys All Might's image. And he is manipulating Izuku to drive himself to that point. To looking into his absolute worst.
And when that point arrives, AFO will hammer the final nail home.
Something like...
BEHOLD
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JAPAN’S SYMBOL OF PEACE.
And oh, how it'll hurt. To see All Might's pride and joy be flaunted about as looking nothing like a hero to the masses, for him to be so utterly humiliated.
"See what I did to All Might's successor."
AFO will be banking upon the possibility that the angry masses will not want to be saved by whom they're tricked into viewing as someone that's the cause of all the pain. Izuku might have the willpower to stay true to his resolve, but with him on the verge of total breakdown, what would happen when he is shunned by the very people he is trying to help?
I once wrote a post about how the current events seem to be a bastardization of Izuku's wildest fantasies: he's working with the top pros, he has the most powerful quirk, and he's working with All Might (whom technically acts as a sidekick to him rn).
AFO has warped all that into a never-ending nightmare. And Izuku...
Izuku is really in need of saving.
Last thoughts:
Let me just say that it shouldn't be a competition about who gets to get through to Izuku. Right now, he’s gonna need all the help he can get, and it can’t be delivered by only one or two people. Saving Izuku is going to be a team effort, a solid support system that sees Izuku as their classmate/friend/student/actual person that they care about. And there’s sufficient space for that.
More hands reaching out means more chances to catch him if he falls.
757 notes · View notes
taeyongdoyoung · 3 years
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summary: as someone who’s been tormented for being a nerd, you’ve never viewed your friendly teasing towards your best friend seonghwa as bullying. but that is until he completely changes his style and image in school, confronting you about your past behaviour, so you have no choice but to admit the real reason why you’ve been making fun of him...
pairing: popular boy!seonghwa x nerd!reader
genre: high school!AU (the characters are 18 for the spicy parts huehehe), best friends to fake dating to lovers, angst, romance, smut, fluff
warnings: friendly teasing, clichéd/unrealistic portrayal of high school dynamics, hwa does kabedon on yn like once, seonghwa’s a bit of a tsundere, fake dating, hints of possessiveness, slightly problematic remarks, yn is briefly hwa’s slave?! (no, i will not elaborate), bullying, mean girls, insults, hair-pulling, kicking, death threats, some swearing, self-blame, power play, overuse of pet names (princess, baby, little girl, etc.), sir kink (i won’t apologize lol), begging, yunho being nosy (yes, that’s a warning), mention of hypothetical collars, insecurities, making out, loss of virginities, lots of kissing, soft dom!hwa, eating out, fingering, blowjob, consensual protected sex, dirty talk, praising, aftercare, crying, hurt&comfort, a lot of dorky references (cuz that’s me, after all), jumping off a balcony (don’t try this at home!), happy ending
author’s note: will i ever stop bullying poor hwa’s kermit hoodie? no. jk, i lov him so much, he’s so talented & gorgeous no matter what he wears ;-;
disclaimer: all jokes aside, i do not in any way condone bullying and this work is entirely fictional for entertainment purposes! i’ve been physically and emotionally tormented in school and though i have not talked much about it, i do not wish such an experience to anyone! treating people with kindness is cool and i hope everyone spreads more love! ❤️
word count: 9.4k
Having been best friends with Seonghwa for four years now (ever since your first year in high school), you couldn’t help but making fun of every little adorable thing he did. And honestly, you admired his patience when it came to putting up with your incessant teasing. Diligently cleaning up everything after him? You’d call him a neat freak. Not being able to drink coffee? You’d call him a teacup loser. 
So, when he started wearing that green hoodie of his to school, you couldn’t resist the temptation to call him Kermit the frog. And at first, it all started as a joke. But then the nickname kinda stuck and you just kept addressing him as Kermit, even if he wasn’t wearing the delectable green hoodie. And at one point, you could tell that poor Seonghwa was not a huge fan of the whole thing. But he never called you out on it or told you to stop. He never teased you back for being a hopeless nerd who studied 24/7 and read books for fun. So, you kept going.
Until the summer before your last year in high school arrived. Sadly, Seonghwa was going to be out of the country for the whole vacation. You were going to miss him terribly, you realized. You had become so used to seeing him everyday that you couldn’t imagine how you’d last three months without being able to see his pretty face all the time. You’d occasionally text him memes and ask him what he was up to. But as the summer was coming to an end, his replies became less and less frequent, more and more concise. You kept wondering if you’d done something wrong. It couldn’t be the Kermit thing, you began telling yourself. After all, it was normal to tease your best friend every once in a while. Right?
When the first day of your last year in high school came, you were nervously anticipating the moment when you’d see Seonghwa again. Summer without him had been so boring and you couldn’t wait to hug him again and find a new thing to joke about.
The second you saw him, you instinctively knew there would be no more joking around. Seonghwa practically walked into the school hallway like he owned the place. He’d completely changed his style and overall image. Gone were the dorky hoodies you secretly loved so much. Instead, they were replaced by a black leather jacket. Gone were the casual sweatpants he looked so good in. In their place were dark jeans that made him look kinda dangerous. And the whole confidence with which he carried himself was just totally different. 
If you had known that a summer abroad could change a person so much, you would have tried harder at convincing him to stay in the country. On top of it all, he was now hanging out with a bunch of popular a-holes that you had never talked to before. Honestly, you couldn’t even gather the courage to approach your best friend. He looked so distant and unfamiliar that you couldn’t help but feel a little hurt. Especially when you heard him laughing at the cool kids’ jokes. That should have been you...
You remembered when you were the one making him giggle, as if it was a century ago, when in reality it was just a couple of months. You kept sighing during the whole day, not daring to even talk to him. If he wanted to still hang out with you after his sudden “change in status”, he would, you kept convincing yourself. But he didn’t. In fact, he ignored you the whole day, making you feel like shit.
Just as you were leaving the school building in a hurry, mentally prepared for an evening of crying your eyes out and eating ice cream, you felt a hand grabbing you tightly. Turning around, you were surprised to find Seonghwa’s eyes staring back at you.
“Hi, princess,” he greeted you calmly.
“H-hi, S-seonghwa,” you responded dumbly.
“What? No witty comeback?” Seonghwa scoffed, smirking.
“What are you talking about?”
“Aren’t you gonna bully me and call me names again? Kermit? Teacup loser? Neat freak? What’s it gonna be this time?” he spat out, pushing you against the school wall and extending his arms to touch the cold bricks so that you would feel trapped.
“Bully you?” you whispered in disbelief. “H-hwa, I wasn’t...I didn’t m-mean...”
“Oh, yeah?” he mocked your stuttering self. “Then, why did you say all these things, huh?”
“You know why,” you replied.
“No, I don’t. So, tell me right now or I swear, I can make your existence a living hell,” Seonghwa threatened.
“Because I like you, you idiot!” you cried out. “I like you so that’s why I’ve been teasing you. Because if I didn’t, I would have to admit how attractive I find all your habits. How adorable it is when you used to tidy your desk and how sexy you looked in that damned green hoodie. There, I said it. Are you happy now?”
You were so frustrated with the way he ignored you all day only to accuse you of bullying him that you ducked your head swiftly beneath his arm, simultaneously bending your knees, and, thus, successfully escaping from Seonghwa’s ambush.
“Y/N, wait!” he called after you, but you were running too fast and luck was on your side, as the bus arrived at that exact same moment, allowing you to get on it, before he could.
You couldn’t sleep much that night, tormented by the fact Seonghwa had confused your friendly jokes with bullying and how foolishly you’d confessed your feelings for him. You were certain that your affections were unrequited and now that he had this whole new position in the school hierarchy, he would undoubtedly make fun of you for them. You were even considering transferring to another school to avoid the potential embarrassment.
In the morning, no sooner had you finished breakfast in the comfort of your room than you heard loud honks. They were unlike the ones in your dad’s car so you couldn’t help but wonder what jerk had decided to park in front of your house and make your day even worse.
“Sweetie,” your mom informed you a bit after. “Your friend Seonghwa is here. He said he’ll drive you to school today. As promised.”
“He did?” you mumbled in confusion. But maybe because you weren’t ready to talk to your mom yet about what happened yesterday, you lied. “Ah, that’s right, I almost forgot.”
Hurriedly, you grabbed your bag and practically sprinted downstairs. You were curious to see what he wanted. And that’s exactly what you asked the minute you entered his car.
“What the fuck are you doing here?”
“Aw, no good morning for me, princess?” Seonghwa pouted and God, you hated how cute you found him after the way he’d treated you the previous day. “What does it look like I’m doing?” he rolled his eyes, starting the engine. “I’m driving you to school.”
“I can see that. But why?” you hissed.
“Well, someone got up on the wrong side of the bed,” he groaned. “If you’re so insistent on finding out, I’ll tell you. Ever since you told me how you felt yesterday, I’ve been thinking...And I’ve come to the conclusion that you have two options. Option number one is to enjoy your hellish last year of high school. You’ve had your fair share of teasing me so I’m definitely going to enjoy telling everyone about your little crush on me. It’s going to be so much fun to embarrass you in front of the whole school.”
What the fuck was wrong with him? Seonghwa was supposed to be your best friend! Why was he suddenly acting like you were worth less than a dirty rug? Was it possible that he had changed so much in the span of three months? Or was he always like that? Had you been blinded by his good looks? No, that definitely wasn’t the case. Seonghwa was the sweetest guy you’d ever known. How did he get so...cold? Cold enough to chill your bones.
“And what’s option number two?” you grunted, already anticipating the worst.
“So, there’s this annoying girl in our class I want to avoid at all costs. Just because her parents are doing business with mine does not mean I’m into her. Option number two is for us to pretend we’re dating in school. Considering how much you like me, I’m assuming it won’t be very difficult for you to pretend. If you agree, that is.”
What a jerk...You shared your sincere feelings with your best friend and that’s the first thing that crossed his mind? To use you in order to avoid some random girl? If it was any other guy, you would have said no. If you weren’t desperate for even a fraction of Seonghwa’s time and attention, you would have said no. If you weren’t so pathetically whipped for him, you would have said no.
“I’ll do it,” you said. “For how long do you need me to be your fake girlfriend?”
“Just until graduation. Then, we’ll fake break up and each go our separate ways. How does that sound?”
It sounded terrible! You wanted Seonghwa to be a part of your life forever. But with the way he was treating you, you weren’t confident he felt the same way anymore.
“Sounds great,” you lied, because you couldn’t give him the satisfaction of hearing your thoughts. You’d never be perceived as weak again.
The second you walked into school, Seonghwa’s arm wrapped possessively around your shoulder, everyone’s eyes were on you. It was like high-schoolers had no better thing to occupy their time with but to gossip around the latest dating news. If you weren’t enjoying his company so much, you would have found their reactions pathetic. And somewhat unnerving.
“When did you two lovebirds start seeing each other?” one of Seonghwa’s popular friends Yunho asked.
“Oh, you know what they say. A girl and a guy can’t stay just friends for long,” Seonghwa responded.
You internally rolled your eyes. Your best friend before the summer would have never said such a thing. Whatever the reason for his current behaviour was, you would get to the bottom of it. And right now, you felt like going along with this whole fake dating thing was your best chance at unraveling the mystery.
For the first day of your little arrangement, everything seemed to be going fine. Everyone was staring at you two but you didn’t mind. All you cared about was him. However, soon enough Seonghwa started asking you for weird things.
“Carry my bag for me.” / “Get me a drink from the vending machine, will you?” / “Bring me a snack from the supermarket across the street.” / “Oh, and for my friends, too, doll.”
Seriously, it was getting infuriating. You no longer felt like you were his bestie. You didn’t even feel like you were his fake girlfriend. At this point, you had practically become his slave! Running any errand and carrying his stuff for him. But what was the alternative? If you refused to play your part in this pretend dating scheme, he could easily turn against you and make fun of you in front of the whole school. So, you kept your mouth shut and swallowed your pride.
One evening, around a month after the fake dating agreement had started, you had stayed in the library a bit longer to prepare for an upcoming assignment. By the time you were out of the school building, you supposed that Seonghwa had already gone home. Frankly, the only nice thing he was intent on doing for you was driving you to school and back to your place most of the days.
As you were making your way towards the bus stop, you had the strangest suspicion you were being followed. Not daring to turn around, you started walking faster. But unfortunately, your attackers also sped up and soon enough, you were surrounded by a group of angry faces. Their leader was obviously Eunhee, the most popular girl in the whole school. And coincidentally, this was also the girl whose parents were doing business with Seonghwa’s parents. The very reason you were fake dating your best friend in the first place.
“Well, if it isn’t the little bookshrimp,” she mocked you, sticking a sharp nail into your chest. You didn’t bother correcting her that the right term was bookworm. You were already in enough trouble as it was. For some reason, teasing Seonghwa had been easy because you meant well and you were sure he wouldn’t hurt you. Not really. Because he knew how badly you’d been bullied in middle school. But now that you were met with so many threatening figures, you froze rightaway, unable to defend yourself.
“Just l-leave me alone,” you stammered.
“Aw, aren’t you a little pathetic shrimpie?” Eunhee cooed and started pulling your hair harshly and kicking you onto the ground. The other girls were holding you down so that you wouldn’t fight back. “Did you seriously believe you can steal Seonghwa from me? We’re meant to be together and if you stand in our way, I will fucking kill you!”
“S-stop, you’re hurting me!” you exclaimed sorrowfully. You tried your best to shield yourself and push her away but her loyal minions were preventing you from doing so. Just as Eunhee was about to slap you across the face, you witnessed as her threatening hand was stopped mid-air by the interloper whose features you couldn’t quite discern in the dark. But whose voice you would recognize anywhere.
“You think you’re so brave?” Seonghwa yelled at Eunhee and her friends. “Ganging up on her like that? Six against one? You’re the pathetic ones.”
“Hwa, we were just trying to teach her a lesson. She should learn her place, after all,” Eunhee tried to explain.
“A lesson?” he scoffed. “You dumbasses can’t even pass Calculus and you want to teach the smartest girl in our school a lesson?” your heart melted with warmth at how highly he thought of you. “Oh, that’s rich.”
“You won’t tell my dad, right?” Eunhee was suddenly on the defensive. She’d probably be in big trouble if he found out how his precious daughter was behaving in school.
“Get out of my sight right now or I’ll tell the whole country,” Seonghwa threatened through gritted teeth. (Later on, he actually did tell her dad about the incident and Eunhee, along with her followers, were suspended from school for two weeks. Oh, and their rich parents cut off their money, which was pretty impressive an accomplishment). And so, the vicious girls scattered like roaches in daylight. Pulling you onto your feet, Seonghwa grabbed your hand and started walking towards his car which you somehow hadn’t noticed parked nearby. Getting inside, he started the engine immediately but his hands were clutching the steering wheel so hard you were feeling a bit scared. You had never seen your best friend so angry. Well, maybe the only other time that came close was when you were telling him about your past experiences with bullying...
“Are you mad at me?” you asked sheepishly.
“At you?” he chuckled harshly. “Why would I be mad at you? You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“I don’t know...”
“Why didn’t you fight them back?” Seonghwa inquired.
“I tried, but I was reminded of middle school and just...froze. I’m sorry.”
“It’s alright, I’m not blaming you,” he replied calmly. “I was just wondering. Cause I know you’ve been going to self-defense classes. And I thought you were making progress. I mean, the last time I came to watch, you were pretty good.”
That was before the summer. Of course it was. Still, you were touched by the fact that he remembered. Despite acting like he didn’t care, you instinctively knew he did.
“I mean, I was,” you said. “But I panicked.”
Seonghwa let go of the wheel with one hand and placed it on your bare knee, rubbing calming circles around it. You two were alone so you were certain this was no longer the fake dating thing. This was just your best friend being there for you when you needed him the most.
“If anyone tries that shit again, just tell them you’re my girlfriend, alright? They have to be idiots to mess with you,” he spoke angrily.
“Fake girlfriend,” you reminded him sadly.
“That’s none of their business,” he replied, but didn’t correct you. Oh, how badly you wished to be his real girlfriend. To show him how much you cared for him.
“Why did you change so much over the summer?” you suddenly asked, while Seonghwa was driving you home.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Seonghwa responded harshly. “You don’t like my green hoodie and you also don’t like my leather jacket? There’s really no satisfying you, is there?”
“I didn’t mean your clothes,” you mumbled. “Just...your overall attitude towards me. Before the summer you used to let me squeeze your cheeks and sit in your lap and now you seem so...unapproachable. I’m just saying, we were closer when I was your best friend than we are now that I’m your fake girlfriend.”
Seonghwa stopped the car abruptly, making you blink in shock.
“I changed because I was sick of you treating me like a little boy and I wanted you to start seeing me as a man,” he admitted but without looking into your eyes.
“W-what are you saying?” you swallowed nervously.
“Nevermind.”
“No, you have to talk to me, Hwa!” you insisted desperately. “If you still consider me your best friend, be honest with me. Please.”
“This,” he gestured vaguely at you as he finally met your gaze. “This is exactly why I changed so much, Y/N. I don’t want to be your best friend anymore.”
His cruel words hurt you more than anything you’d ever experienced in your life. More than all the bullying, the slapping and getting pushed against a wall. Losing your best friend was your worst fear. But you had promised yourself to never be weak again. So the second he said that, you pulled the handle of the side door, attempting to get out of his car. Before you could do that, Seonghwa grabbed your hand, effectively keeping you in place.
“I want to be your boyfriend. For real this time,” he elaborated.
You stared at him in utter confusion.
“But...when I confessed, you acted like you didn’t care. Like I meant nothing to you.”
“Forget how I acted. I only offered the fake dating shit because I wanted to get closer to you again. Make up for the lost time during the summer. Do you honestly think I give a fuck about what Eunhee thinks or says about me? I just used that as an excuse. I’ve told her I’m not into her hundreds of times. And yes, maybe I have changed. Not because I don’t care about you. But because I do. You used to gush about Count Dracula and Darth Vader so much that I thought if I became the bad guy, you’d finally notice me. I wanted so terribly to impress you and make you stop seeing me as your adorable best friend that I got too lost in the feeling of holding power over you...Too lost to notice you liked me all along, didn’t you?”
“I did,” you whispered teary-eyed. “I do,” correcting yourself. “H-hwa, I’m so sorry to break it to you but-”
“If you reject me, I won’t be responsible for attempted murder,” Seonghwa interrupted you jokingly.
“I’m so sorry to break it to you,” you repeated with a sly smirk. “But no matter how hard you try to change, I will always see you as my adorable best friend. And though I have to admit I did stop teasing you temporarily, that was only because you suddenly started behaving like the dangerously sexy king of the high school. Can you blame me for feeling a little intimidated? I know I’ve said this before but I didn’t think me teasingly calling you Kermit would go this far. I never meant to hurt you, Hwa.”
“I know you didn’t, princess,” Seonghwa whispered, gently stroking your cheeks.
“And yes,” you smiled shyly, leaning into his touch.
“Yes, what?”
“Yes, I want to be your real girlfriend. It would be a dream come true.”
“Yeah?” he chuckled, as if the very idea seemed amusing to him. “How badly do you want it?”
“So badly, I would do anything for you, sir,” you uttered the last word without thinking much, your brain somehow recalling a time when you two had discussed how you’d enjoy being called by a potential significant other. In retrospect, that wasn’t really a thing best friends generally talked about.
“Sir?” Seonghwa grinned, leaning his head against your forehead. “Keep that up and your real girlfriend status will be confirmed.”
“I want to kiss you so much,” you were on the verge of begging. Oh, screw it. “Please, please, let me kiss you.”
He didn’t respond, just connected your lips with his own softly, taking his time with you. It was pure magic. You had thought about kissing your best friend thousands of times. But nothing compared to the reality. Parting your lips further to let his tongue in, you physically couldn’t prevent yourself from moaning into his mouth, overwhelmed by how good it felt. How insanely intoxicating he tasted. How you were burning alive and it would be the sweetest death imaginable.
“Not if I kiss you first,” Seonghwa said once he broke the kiss apart. “Oh, wait, I just did.”
What the hell...had just happened? Sneaking a peak at the time, you were suddenly panicking by how late it was.
“Holy shit, my parents are going to kill me!” you exclaimed. “Can you please drive me home?”
“Sure thing, princess,” he laughed, increasingly amused by your flustered self. “That’s exactly what I was intending to do anyways. I’m not in the habit of keeping little girls past their bed time.”
“Shut up, I’m not a little girl!” you complained. “I’m just a few months younger than you. Asshole.”
“Hey! Is that any way to speak to your devoted boyfriend?” Seonghwa scolded you teasingly.
Oh, God. You loved the sound of that. Your best friend was now your boyfriend. It still felt unreal.
“I’m sorry, sir,” you mewled apologetically, already knowing how to make him weak for you with just one tiny word. “And thank you for taking me home.”
“Anytime,” Seonghwa smiled. “See you tomorrow, baby.”
You could get used to it. Reaching forward to open the door for you, he whispered in your ear:
“I’m taking you out on our first date. Doll yourself up for me, will you?”
You nodded, your heart beating too fast to actually manage a verbal response. After you got inside and suffered a brief interrogation from your parents (using the library+extra assignments excuse), you hurried up the stairs, took a quick shower and then went to bed. No sooner had you closed your eyes than your phone buzzed with notifications.
Kermit the Frog: You still up?
Kermit the Frog: For fear of sounding lame, I moss you already
Kermit the Frog: *Miss...damn autocorrect
You chuckled upon seeing his messages. Whatever demon possessed you to still keep that nickname in your chat, you knew you had to change it immediately. If he saw it on your first date tomorrow, you would never hear the end of it.
You: I’m awake, yes
You: And I moss you too 😉
You purposefully misspelled the word to tease him. After all, it was only in order.
Boyfie 🐸: That obnoxious Kermit nickname better be gone by tomorrow
He texted as if he’d read your mind and you gasped in surprise.
Boyfie 🐸: Or we’re having our first couple fight!!
You: How did you know?!?
Boyfie 🐸: Not my fault you keep your phone unlocked sometimes
Boyfie 🐸: I’m not kidding, change it right now 😡
You: Changed it already
You texted him back quickly, sending him a screenshot.
You: Can I at least keep the frog emoji? 🥺
Boyfie 🐸: NO!!! REMOVE IT OR WE BREAK UP 😡😡😡
You: Damnit, Hwa, your angery Aries is showing...okay, fineee
You sent another screenshot of the now changed emoji.
You: Happy now?
Boyfie ❤️🖤💙: Much better, princess 🤗🤗🤗
Boyfie ❤️🖤💙: Now go to sleep, we have early classes tomorrow
You: Wow, so bossy. Okay, sir, I’m going
Boyfie ❤️🖤💙: Good night, my baby 😘
You: Staaahp, ohmygosh. And good night, Hwa 🥺
The next morning you ran outside faster than The Flash as soon as you heard the oh-so-familiar honks. When you saw Seonghwa waiting there to pick you up, your heart did a backflip as you excitedly took the passenger seat.
“Good morning, boyfriend,” you greeted him and kissed his cheek. “This still feels so strange.”
“Well, you better get used to it, doll. Wow, you really cleaned up nicely today,” he complimented your pastel pink dress. “Not that you usually don’t! You’re always gorgeous, I just meant that you’re especially gorgeous and...nope, that also sounds wrong. Okay, I shut up now.”
“Relax,” you giggled. “It’s fine. I appreciate the effort. You don’t look so bad yourself. Oh, who am I kidding? You’re practically sex on legs 24/7. I think it’s time for me to shut up now.”
“You’re so cute when you get flustered. Anyone ever tell you that?”
“Just you,” you admitted.
Once you walked into the school, it was like everyone noticed the subtle change in your dynamic. Because Seonghwa did something he never did before. He carried your bag and gave you his leather jacket! And Hwa’s friends were immediately onto you like bees to honey.
“I mean, I knew you guys were dating,” Seonghwa’s friend Yunho observed. “But I never saw the chemistry before, to be honest. Until now. I mean, come on, Y/N was like a loyal puppy, always following Hwa around.”
“Hey, don’t give him any ideas!” you joked.
“Too late. Already ordered the collar,” Seonghwa winked.
“Kinky. Can’t tell if I’m into it or want to cut off my ears,” Yunho grinned. “Probably both.”
“Nice chat, but we gotta head to class, Yu,” Seonghwa said because his friend was in a different class.
“See you for lunch?” Yunho suggested.
“Can’t. Already made plans with this little girl,” Hwa tilted his head towards you.
“Whoo, enjoy, then!”
“It’s not what it sounds like!” you groaned, feeling uncharacteristically embarassed.
“Isn’t it?” Seonghwa smirked mysteriously and pulled you towards the room you had class in.
“Nothing involving collars and puppies, I assure you!” you yelled (perhaps a little too loudly), twisting your head, not wanting to give Yunho and the rest of Seonghwa’s friends the wrong idea.
When your classes for the day were over, Seonghwa led you towards his car once again. You were a bit nervous to make a good impression on your first date. Even though it was silly. Your best friend of four years had surely made a first impression a long time ago.
“Where are we going?” you asked to break the awkward silence.
“It’s a surprise, princess. Can you be patient for me?”
“I can,” you promised dutifully and placed your tiny hand on top of his. “Anything for you, sir.”
Seonghwa lost focus on the road for the briefest of moments in order to give you a warning look. One look and that was all you needed to keep you quiet and obedient. Eventually, you realized where he was taking you. Though you hadn’t been to his place for a couple of months now, you couldn’t forget how the drive to Seonghwa’s home looked.
“I dressed myself up and we’re just going to your place?” you hmphed in playful annoyance. “So much for our glamorous first date.”
“Don’t underestimate the power of my cooking skills. Shit, I sorta ruined the surprise, didn’t I?”
“Aww, you were planning to cook for me on our first date? Hwaaa, I’ve only had you as a boyfriend for less than 24 hours and you’re already pulling out the big guns! I don’t mean to push my luck but if you’re cooking now, I’m trembling to witness our one month anniversary.”
Seonghwa rolled his eyes.
“You’re very ambitious to think you can put up with me for an entire month.”
”Hwa, sweetie, I’ve put up with you for four years.”
“Not as your boyfriend, you haven’t.”
“We’ll talk again in 30 days,” you vowed enigmatically.
“Here we are,” Seonghwa announced once he parked in front of his home. “My parents are currently at work so you don’t need to worry about...well, anything, really.”
“What’s the supposed to mean?” for some reason his words made you even more worried.
“Nothing, I just meant you can...like, be yourself. There’s no one to impress.”
“There’s you,” you pointed out. “Don’t forget your parents already know me. And besides, you’re the only person I care about impressing.” 
“Not to stroke your ego, but you’ve already impressed me. After all, you’re the only one who’s had the audacity to compare me to a freaking muppet and survived.”
“Point taken,” you chuckled.
“Come on, let’s get inside,” Seonghwa suggested and the two of you entered his house. No matter how much you begged him to let you help with the cooking, he was insistent that he would do all the work. Said something about making up to you for the times you had to carry his bag or buy snacks to him and his friends. When you argued that you also had some making up to do for all the times you teased him a little too insensitively, he said that you agreeing to be his real girlfriend was enough to satisfy his wounded heart. Seeing that there was no point in arguing, you gave up and occupied yourself by mindlessly scrolling through social media. About an hour later, Seonghwa finally deemed his culinary masterpieces ready to be eaten. He allowed you to at least help set the table which you considered a small victory. The second you tried the first meal, you were so overwhelmed by the exquisite tastes that you spoke without thinking much.
“God, I wanna marry you.”
Seonghwa simply chuckled, amused by your unexpected reaction.
“Did I say that out loud?” you whispered, completely mortified, covering your mouth in embarassment.
“I’m afraid so.”
“Shit, I’m such a mess,” you mumbled.
“No, it’s fine. I take it as a compliment. Now, eat up before it gets cold. If my wicked plan works, you’ll have bought me a wedding ring by the time dessert arrives.”
“Truly wicked. I’m in danger,” you laughed and kept enjoying the various meals Seonghwa had prepared. 
Once the plates were empty, you felt so full and warm you couldn’t possibly move. And no, that wasn’t an exaggeration. Seonghwa had to physically carry you to the couch so that you two would re-watch Star Wars: Return of the Jedi together, warmly cuddled up under a blanket.
Suddenly, you were possessed by the urge to speak your mind and be as honest with him as possible. After hiding your true feelings for four years, now that you were finally given the chance to be yourself, you were feeling uncharacteristically brave.
“You know, even though I was messing around earlier, I had indeed daydreamed about marrying you back in our first year of high school. You were the first boy who ever treated me like I wasn’t the walking joke of the universe. The first who ever hung out with me not as a prank but because you actually saw me as a friend. When I started teasing you about your cute habits, I hope you know I never wished to hurt you. I just wanted to show you that I notice and appreciate every single detail about you. So, yeah, I really like you, Hwa. Have liked you for a long time.”
Seonghwa had paused the movie the second you started talking. And now that you were done sharing your thoughts, he seemed unable to say anything. The silence was a bit awkward so you interrupted it once again.
“I’m sorry, that was silly. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable so early in our re-”
This time, he interrupted you with a kiss, pulling you into his lap, just like the good old days. You smiled into his mouth, wrapping your arms around him.
“It wasn’t silly. I appreciate you saying all that,” Seonghwa reassured you. “And for the record, I know you meant well with all the teasing. In a sense, a part of me even suspected that you liked me back. But I was also feeling a bit insecure. I kept thinking that you could do so much better than go out with dorky Kermit guy who has an obsession with tidying up, you know? That you deserved someone else. But I couldn’t allow anyone else to be that someone. So, I changed myself.”
“Maybe you did change a little. But in my heart, you’re always going to be my Frog Prince Hwa.”
“I hate you so much,” he rolled his eyes.
“Naw, you don’t.”
“Fine. I hate that you’re right.”
Things between you and Seonghwa were going great. It had been three months since you two started dating for real. He was super attentive and caring towards you. However, you were a bit bummed out since not much changed compared to his behaviour as your best friend and as your boyfriend. Sure, you did start kissing each other and occasionally making out (which wasn’t exactly a best friend activity). But there was one thing that still had not happened. And the more time passed, the more anxious you felt to bring it up.
One evening, you had miraculously convinced your parents to let you have a sleepover at Seonghwa’s place. After insisting that nothing out of the ordinary was going on between you two and even if something unusual did happen (which you highly doubted but secretly hoped for), you were going to use protection (and no, you were certainly not referring to Seonghwa’s collection of action figures who carried weapons).
As you and your boyfriend were enjoying your snacks while watching TV from the comfort of his bed, you couldn’t help but finally raise the question that had been tormenting your mind for a while now.
“S-seonghwa...do you not find me attractive?”
“What the hell are you asking me that for? Would you be my girlfriend if I didn’t find you attractive?”
“Well, I don’t know. I’ve never dated anyone before so...I was just wondering if there’s a particular reason why we still haven’t...taken things to the next level?”
“The next level?” he chuckled. “Relationships aren’t video games. And to answer your question, the reason’s actually the exact opposite of your concerns. We haven’t done anything more than making out because I find you ridiculously attractive. And it’s taking every last inch of my self-restraint to not pressure you into something you’re not comfortable with. I just wanted to wait until you’re ready.”
“Ready? So you knew that I haven’t...with anyone...yet?” you purposefully left out some words because you were feeling incredibly shy discussing this with Seonghwa.
“Of course I knew, princess. You’re my best friend. And my girlfriend.”
“Well, that’s a relief, at least. That you’re not repulsed by my...inexperience.”
“Why would I be when we’re in the same boat?”
“We are?” you whispered in shock.
“Why do you look so surprised?” Seonghwa laughed. “I’ve had the biggest crush on you since forever. Did you honestly think I would just screw anyone else?”
“Well, it’s not like you didn’t have options,” you pointed out, referring to all the potential love interests swarming around him like bees. “Unlike me.”
“Are you regretful, little girl?” he inquired, running a lazy finger across your cheek. “Jealous?”
“No, I just...want to be the best for you, sir,” you confessed nervously.
“You’re already the best I could hope for,” Seonghwa responded and kissed you hungrily, burying his hands into your hair.
“Why didn’t you tell me earlier?” you curiously needed to know. “That you haven’t either...”
“It’s not something that comes up in everyday conversation?” he pointed out. “What was I supposed to say? Hi, bestie, let’s have lunch together. Oh and by the way, I’m a hopeless virgin pining over you?”
“You’re right,” you laughed. “It would have made things awkward.”
“Now, unless you have any other pressing issues, I suggest we go back to kissing.”
And without giving you the time to argue, Seonghwa devoured your lips rightaway, gently pushing you down so that your back hit the sheets. Then, he started slowly taking off your jeans. Anxiously trembling under his vigorous touch, you placed a hand against his chest. He immediately noticed and put a temporary halt to his ministrations.
“We don’t have to do this right now,” he comforted you with all the seriousness in his voice.
“No, I want to, I swear,” you nodded eagerly.
“Princess, you’re literally shaking,” Seonghwa remarked.
“What’s wrong with me?” you sighed.
“There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re perfect. Tell me to stop if you feel even the slightest hint of hesitation or discomfort and I will, I promise.”
“I know you would, Hwa. I trust you. But even if I’m a bit nervous, I want to do this with you. Please?”
“Well, I can’t deny you since you’re asking so nicely,” he grinned and continued where he left off. “Can I get rid of these?” Seonghwa inquired, carefully pushing your panties to the side.
“Yes, you can do anything to me.”
“Oh, sweetheart, you really shouldn’t have said that,” he chuckled darkly and tore your underwear savagely. You couldn’t even gather the energy to complain about the ruination of your new pair, you were far too turned on by Seonghwa’s aggressive nature to care. He didn’t waste any more time, grabbing your thighs to hold them in place, he began licking your pussy with his tongue and stimulating it with his long fingers. It didn’t take long for you to start squirming beneath his touch, helplessly moaning his name. He didn’t cease his merciless movements until you reached your orgasm. When your breathing finally eased, you gathered the energy to speak again:
“I thought you said you’ve never done this before? How were you so...so...”
“So good?” Seonghwa smirked confidently and bit his lower lip. “I mean...I’ve seen videos. Read some things here and there.”
“Honestly? I think you’re a god.”
“You’ll have to stop complimenting me so much or I’ll develop a god complex,” he joked. “What do you want to do next, baby?”
“I want to suck you off,” you mumbled.
“Who taught you such dirty language?”
“Hey! I read, too,” you pouted and assuredly made your way towards the carpet next to his bed.
“Where do you think you’re going?” Seonghwa asked.
“Aren’t I supposed to kneel in order to pleasure you, sir?”
“Princesses never kneel,” he instructed and got up from the bed, urging you to lie down with your head hanging from the very edge of the bed and make yourself comfortable. “Open up that pretty little mouth for me, will you?”
You did as he asked obediently and even went the extra mile to stick your tongue out. Unbuckling his belt and throwing it to the side, Seonghwa was quick to follow your wishes and let his cock spring free from his jeans. Your mouth went dry at the sight of his monstrous size. Seeing your worries if it will fit reflected in your eyes, he expressed his concern for you:
“Are you sure about this?”
“Please, please, I need you,” you whimpered without thinking, eager to have a taste. Without making you wait any longer, Seonghwa pushed the tip of his cock inside, gently letting your cheeks get used to the unfamiliar feeling. Slowly, he went deeper, allowing you to acquaint yourself with the stretch. When you kept blinking at him in anticipation, he realized you were ready for more and began moving faster, fucking into your mouth at a steady pace. As he neared his high, his motions became less controlled you were sucking more intently, impatient to swallow every last drop of him.
“Shit, I’m going to-” he attempted to break away, but you managed to wrap your hands at the back of his legs in order to keep his cock inside your mouth. 
Seconds later, he released his cum and you began drinking it thirstily. When you had made certain that no drop was wasted, you finally let go of his legs, allowing your boyfriend’s dick to dangle freely outside of your mouth.
“You’re fucking incredible,” Seonghwa praised you and placed a soft kiss on the top of your head. “My incredible girl.”
“I’m only yours, sir,” you mumbled, way too affected by him.
“You like this, don’t you?” he mocked you teasingly.
“Yes, sir, I want to belong to you,” you whimpered and turned around to pull him back into bed.
“Your wish is my command, princess,” Seonghwa smiled fondly and took a mysterious package out of the back pocket of his jeans. Soon enough, you realized what it was, as he started lining up the condom on his cock.
“Oooh, I brought one of those, as well!” you exclaimed in surprise.
“You came here on a mission, didn’t you? Wicked little thing,” he tsked in fake disapproval.
“It’s not my fault you’re walking around like an Adonis,” you defended yourself boldly.
“You’re one to speak. Freaking goddess,” Seonghwa complimented you and slowly began unbuttoning your shirt you had somehow forgotten you were still wearing. “Is this okay?” he asked softly, always making sure you were feeling safe.
“More than okay,” you consented. Left in nothing but your baby pink bra, you unintentionally shivered at the sudden cold air surrounding you. Soon after that, Seonghwa undid the clasps and you were now only wearing your birthday suit. Feeling a bit timid, you self-consciously covered your breasts and broke eye contact with your boyfriend.
“Hey, hey, look at me,” he pressed the palm of his hand against your cheek. “Do you want to stop?”
You weakly shook your head and somehow managed to gather the strength to look into his beautifully dark eyes once again.
“Then, let me see you, yeah?” Seonghwa nudged your hands away gently. “You’re so beautiful, baby.”
You blushed at his sudden praise and allowed him to have a look. But seconds later, you were getting a bit impatient.
“Please, Hwa, I want you so much.”
“Anything for my princess,” he chuckled and coaxed his tip at your entrance slowly. When you gave him a sign he could go deeper, his movements became bolder. “Fuck, you’re taking me so well.”
“M-more, sir, I swear I can do this,” you begged as you were beginning to unravel beneath him. As he fucked you faster into oblivion, you were no longer thinking straight and his name was the only word you were capable of uttering. Over and over again. Until you both came, blissfully lost in each other’s arms.
“Here, let me clean you up,” Seonghwa offered sweetly, picking you up with little effort and carrying you to the bathtub. 
When he started shampooing your hair, rubbing body lotion into your sensitive skin and covering your neck with soft kisses, you couldn’t stop your tears from falling, touched by his infinite tenderness and by the sheer intimacy of the gesture.
“Darling, are you crying?” he questioned you upon hearing your hiccups.
“N-no,” you lied but it was useless, because it was quite obvious you were, in fact, bawling your eyes out.
“Did I hurt you, my sweet princess?” Seonghwa asked in concern.
“How...how could you think that?” you whimpered. “You’ve been nothing but kind and caring towards me. It’s just that...this is the first time I’ve felt so...special, so worthy, so...”
“Loved?” he offered the word you had been seeking for but had been too scared to utter out loud.
“Y-yeah,” you confirmed shyly. “Is it too early to say this? I’m sorry if it is but...I love you, Seonghwa.”
He simply stared at you in disbelief for a couple of seconds. This time, you were once again the one to break the deafening silence.
“You don’t have to say it back. I just...I wanted you to know. It’s okay if you don’t feel the same way but-”
“I love you too, baby. Of course I do,” Seonghwa reassured you. “And I’m not just saying it, I don’t feel obliged to say it. As my best friend, you know me better than anyone else. And you know I don’t do things unless I want to. So, believe me when I say this.”
“Fuck,” you uttered and only started crying harder in his arms.
“Shhh, you’re safe with me, sweetheart. I would never harm you,” he comforted you and stroked your hair lovingly, putting all your worries and self-doubts at the very back of your head.
After you were all dried up from the bath and had put on your boyfriend’s shirt while he was still in the shower, you were feeling uncharacteristically confident. Confident enough to look for something you hadn’t seen for a while. You had been wondering if he had it hanging around somewhere in his wardrobe. And after a short period of rummaging you found your treasure. The green hoodie. The Kermit hoodie. You smiled mischievously as you changed into it. It still smelled like him, you beamed. Back when he was simply your best friend, the amount of times you had fantasized about him lending it to you should have been illegal. So now that you had been promoted to his girlfriend, you simply couldn’t let such an opportunity pass you by.
Once Seonghwa got out of the shower, water droplets running down the divine skin on his bare chest, you were too busy staring at him in all his beauty and glory to notice the angry look on his face.
“How did you even find this? It was hidden so well in my wardrobe,” he scowled.
“Don’t be mad,” you pouted adorably. “I look so cute in it, right?”
“Cuter than me, that’s for sure,” Seonghwa rolled his eyes and tickled your belly.
“That’s impossible, you make the cutest Kermit,” you giggled, enjoying how easy it was to get on his nerves.
“You’ll never let me live this down, will you?” he groaned.
“Never ever, my stunning Frog Prince,” you vowed and kissed him quickly, taking him by surprise. His eyes widened in shock and he seemed too flustered to continue scolding you.
“You’re in luck today. Nothing can ruin my good mood,” Seonghwa was determined.
“Great,” you grinned gleefully. “Cause from now on, I intend on making all your days filled with joy.”
“From now on?” he chuckled sarcastically. “Oh, princess, my days have been filled with nothing but joy ever since I met you.”
And indeed, both Seonghwa’s days and yours were nothing but pure happiness ever since you decided to make your relationship real. And despite his foolish statement that he no longer wanted to be your best friend, you had somehow managed to convince him that he was both your boyfriend and bestie and that was perfectly okay. As if in the blink of an eye, spring came which meant that the whole school was in nervous excitement about the upcoming prom. Generally, you weren’t the type to get overwhelmed about such a trivial topic. But now that you were dating Seonghwa, the most popular guy in the school, you couldn’t help but worry a little. What if he wanted to go with someone else? Someone equal in “status”? Your worries and insecurities further intensified when he started asking questions in a weird way.
“I need your help,” Seonghwa blurted out over lunch.
“Shoot.”
“Okay, so, I have this friend. And he really likes this girl and wants to ask her to prom. What do you think would make her happy?”
You blinked in surprise. You knew that when people pulled the “I’m just asking for a friend” card, they were most likely talking about themselves. Was he seriously thinking of inviting another girl to prom? You tensed a little but tried really hard to remain neutral in your answer and actually make an attempt to help your bestie.
“I mean, all girls are different,” you reasoned. “If you describe her to me, maybe I’ll be able to give a more appropriate suggestion.”
“She’s a bit like you. You know, kinda bookish and-”
“It’s alright, Seonghwa, you can say it. I’m a nerd.”
“Well, yes, but...”
“It’s not exactly a slur,” you chuckled coldly.
“I know, but that’s what your bullies in middle school called you. I didn’t mean to sound insensitive,” Hwa put his hand on top of yours in a gentle, comforting manner.
“It’s fine when if you say it,” you smiled. “I won’t get offended.”
“I was going to say my friend’s crush is intelligent like you but, oh well.”
“That does sound better, I admit,” you giggled.
“She’s also a bit shy and introverted so maybe she wouldn’t enjoy a public promposal. Crowds tend to make her nervous,” Seonghwa observed.
“Seems like you didn’t need my help after all,” you scoffed playfully.
“No, I do! I still haven’t come up with an actual way to propose. I mean, for my friend.”
“Right. Your friend. Well, he can’t go wrong with some poetry under her balcony. If she has one, that is.”
“I’m pretty sure she does.” Seonghwa smirked. “Alright, thanks.”
He jumped from his seat, not even having finished his lunch.
“Wait, where are you going?”
“I gotta prepare my friend’s promposal,” he shrugged and disappeared from your sight, leaving you a bit crest-fallen. If he was intending on asking you, he wouldn’t have turned to you for help, right? That would sorta ruin the element of surprise, wouldn’t it? And yet, you knew that Seonghwa wasn’t the type to care about people’s opinions and randomly ask a more popular girl out because of public demand. And he definitely wasn’t the kind of person to just date you for kicks and then ditch you at prom. Despite those very logical reasons, you couldn’t help but feel a little anxious.
A week later, you realized all your worries had been for nothing. It was a Sunday morning and you had just finished having breakfast with your family. You were leisurely reading on your bed when you heard some suspicious noises coming from your window. You looked up from your book and you could swear you saw tiny rocks hitting the glass! You jumped up angrily, half-expecting to find a bunch of neighbour kids pulling a prank. But you were surprised when you spotted your boyfriend standing under your balcony. Wearing his iconic green hoodie.
“What are you doing here?” you whispered, though a hopeful part of you already knew the answer.
“But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Juliet is the sun. Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon,” he recited diligently in a song-like manner.
You couldn’t help but chuckle at his overdramatic acting but it was the effort that touched you immensely.
“And none but fools do wear it; cast it off. It is my lady, O, it is my love! O, that she knew she were!” he continued sweetly.
You were so in love with this man it was insane.
“Two of the fairest stars in all the heaven, Having some business, do entreat her eyes To twinkle in their spheres till they return,” Seonghwa kept going.
You couldn’t resist the urge to leap off the balcony. It was just the second floor so what could possibly go wrong? Other than a scraped knee and a bit of a limp. God, you were such an idiot.
“Shit, are you okay?” Seonghwa asked in terror and wrapped his arms around you.
“The excruciating pain is worth it if I get to hug you like this,” you grinned, leaning against him for support.
“Why couldn’t you just walk down the stairs like a normal person?”
“And what’s romantic about that?” you joked. “Jumping off a balcony makes for a much better story.”
“You’re impossible.”
“Only for you, my sweet Frogmeo!” you teased and kissed his cheek.
“Wait, I wasn’t finished!” Seonghwa exclaimed excitedly, not bothering to act offended about your obsession with him and that Kermit hoodie. “There was something about cheeks, I swear.”
“See, how she leans her cheek upon her hand!” you helped him out dutifully.
“O, that I were a glove upon that hand, That I might touch that cheek!” he finished proudly and placed his palm against your cheek.
“Only you could possibly mix Romeo and Juliet with The Frog Prince and somehow make it work,” you praised him.
“Does that mean you’ll go to prom with me?” Seonghwa tilted his head to the side adorably.
“Of course I will, baby,” you responded happily.
“Thank God, ‘cause learning that monologue drained my soul and brain,” he whistled playfully.
“You know, you had me worried there for a second,” you confessed reluctantly, because you didn’t want to keep any secrets from your doting boyfriend.
“When?” Seonghwa asked in confusion.
“Lunchtime. A week ago. When you asked me for advice. I thought that...”
“That I would ask someone else?” he correctly guessed your suspicions. And you nodded. “Have I ever given you a reason to doubt me?”
“No, you’re perfect. In fact, too perfect. It makes me feel like I don’t deserve you.”
Seonghwa smiled sadly and kissed the top of your head. But he wasn’t angry with you. Just wanted to erase those silly thoughts from your mind.
“You deserve so much more, princess. But I’ll try my best to give you all I can.”
“As will I,” you promised and mischievously pulled the drawstrings on his hoodie, making his face squished adorably.
“If this is the best you’re capable of, I dread to see your worst,” he shook his head in amusement.
“Prince Frogmeo and the Nerdy Princess,” you sighed wistfully. “That would make a hell of a fairy tale, wouldn’t it?”
“How about Kermit the Frog whoops the Princess’s ass for being a brat?” Seonghwa threatened jokingly.
“You know what? I wouldn’t say no to that,” you giggled and started running away from him. “If you catch me first!”
Prom night arrived and despite all the preparations and excitements around it, it was nothing special in itself. What made it special, however, were the moments you spent with Seonghwa. Just dancing and talking seemed to be enough to make your heart leap with joy. And the smile never left your face the entire night.
“School’s really ending, huh?” you spoke aloud without thinking, while you were swaying slightly to the music in your boyfriend’s arms.
“This isn’t the end of us. We’ll go to college, we’ll grow up. The best is yet to come, darling.”
“You know what I meant,” you replied, a hint of sadness tinging your tone. “In college, I’ll study Literature, you’ll study Music. We’ll no longer be able to sit next to each other in class or exchange notes or hold hands under the desk.”
“We’ll do all sorts of other things,” Seonghwa responded cheerfully, trying to think positive. “We’ll have study dates in college, we’ll visit new restaurants and make more memories together. Just because high school is over, doesn’t mean we are. I’m not giving up on my best friend ever.”
“Your girlfriend,” you corrected him playfully.
“My best friend,” he repeated. “You were right. Being in love with each other doesn’t nullify our friendship. Both are equally important to me. You are the most important to me.”
“God, Hwa, how can you say such things so easily?”
“Is your heart fluttering?” your boyfriend and best friend teased you, swirling you around while dancing. You were met with his beautiful dark gaze again as he murmured: “Hi, princess.”
“H-hi, S-seonghwa,” you chuckled in response.
And you were finally home.
The End
323 notes · View notes
decennia · 3 years
Text
I don't know who needs to fucking hear this, but I'm about to say it with my full chest:
SEVERUS SNAPE DESERVES NO RIGHTS, I SAID WHAT I SAID.
Why? I'll tell you why:
Let's start with Neville Longbottom. Often the butt of the joke, Neville was often played up for comedic effect, so I can understand why we never took the implications of his boggart seriously.
But the fact of the matter is: Neville Longbottom was more terrified of his potion's teacher than he was of Bellatrix Lestrange, a woman who was a proud Death Eater who tortured his parents into insanity, a fate several people throughout the series state as "worse than death."
I've heard the argument from Snape Apologists that Boggarts are "superficial" creatures, so they don't go much deeper for a fear of yours, and, having gleaned a recent and prevalent one, will shift into that. Hence why it would be Snape, who recently tormented Neville, rather than Bellatrix, who Neville has never met.
It still stands, however, that Bellatrix is a known Death Eater, and Snape was just his potion's teacher.
We also see from Harry's own experience with the boggart, that the boggart hesitated before turning into the dementor. It "chose" which of Harry's fears to become, Voldemort, or fear itself?
Now, because I always listen to both sides of a story, try and see it from both perspectives before I draw a conclusion, I asked myself "why?"
There never is a good reason for abuse, but I still tried to look at it from Snape's eyes. And the conclusion drawn was literally the same as almost every single motivation for every one of Snape's decisions: because of Lily.
Neville was born several hours before Harry, and was a contender for being "the Chosen One" (the one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord will be born as the seventh month dies) but Voldemort chose Harry.
By Snape's logic, it meant that if Voldemort had chosen Neville, Lily would've still been alive for him to woefully pine for from a distance.
And so he takes it out on a fucking c h i l d.
He abuses him, torments him, and even forces Neville to poison his pet toad, Trevor, who has been shown to be of incredible significance to Neville.
And when the potion doesn't poison Trevor? And actually proved to be a competent potion? Snape made his displeasure known by deducting five points from Gryffindor.
I know that's not a Big Deal™ in the grand scheme of things, but we have to remember that Neville was a CHILD.
Moving on from Neville, let's get to: Lily.
Remember what I said before, about Lily being his end-all and be-all for everything? I meant it.
I'm not saying she was the sole reason Snape became a Death Eater, but she was the "last straw."
Snape's dislike for muggles stemmed not from Lily (of course not, he loved her), but from his father. Yes, I remembered his father, Tobias Snape. The muggle, the abuser. Apples and trees, I guess. From what I recall, Tobias was never physically abusive towards Eileen, Snape's mother, but he was emotionally and mentally abusive towards her. This would be cause for resentment for any young child growing up in that environment.
But, for a moment, may I direct your attention to Harry James Potter?
Who grew up that exact same way with the Dursleys?
Who was also neglected (Severus was said to have ill-fitting, mismatched clothes, sound familiar?) but who also did not have Eileen there to protect him?
And did Harry ever become a member of a muggle hate group? (No. The answer is no, in case you all didn't remember that Very Important Detail of the series).
So, yes, Snape was abused, and no, I am not condoning it, I do sympathize with him on that front: no child should ever go through that. Ever. No matter the fucking child, there is no good reason for it. But do I condone his actions later on in life? Absolutely not.
Because he called Lily a "filthy mudblood."
Not just "mudblood", but a filthy one, too. And why did he do that? Because she defended him against his bullies. Yes, Sirius and James were bullies, I guess everyone's faves are a little problematic in this bitch.
And not only did he call her that, but he also was besties with people who fancied themselves the next generation of Death Eaters.
And when Lily asked him if he STILL intended on becoming one, he never gave her an answer, prompting her to sectumsempra all ties with him. Meaning, she probably gave him multiple chances to not be a raging bigot, none of which he took. Love of his life my fucking toe, gtfo—
Also, Snape obviously knew what his "friends" were doing at the time. Particularly, and especially, Mulciber's attack on Mary Macdonald.
Now, we can't talk about Lily without talking about James and the Marauders.
I HAVE NOT FORGOTTEN THAT THE MARAUDERS BULLIED SNAPE, OKAY? But listen up: still not a good enough reason to join the wizarding world's KKK. Actually there is no good reason, period, end of message, send tweet.
He loathed them so much, he literally gave zero fucks about their wellbeing.
Even though! Sirius' biggest crime against Severus is jokingly telling him to follow Remus Lupin under the Whomping Willow during that time of the month.
And Severus would swear that James' biggest crime against him (after "stealing" Lily, of course) would be stopping him from encountering the werewolf and saving his fucking life.
Where the fuck was that reciprocated energy when Snape KNEW that James was also marked for death?
Also, are you going to tell me, that with his ear so pressed to the ground about news on Lily, that he didn't know who the real rat was? That he didn't know that it was Peter Pettigrew? This is speculatory, but... Snape had to have known that Sirius was not the betrayer, he must've at least known it was Pettigrew, meaning he let an innocent man waste away in Azkaban and for what? Something that happened when they were kids? I wonder why Sirius is a "stray dog" idk probably because someone let him rot in Azkaban for thirteen years?
Don't even get me started on how he literally stepped over James' body to get to Lily's while Harry sat there crying. Please. Or the fact that he only wanted Lily spared? He literally said "yes, only her, please, Dark Lord, fuck that newborn"?
OKAY AND MY FINAL POINT BECAUSE THIS GOT TOO LONG AND HONESTLY I'M LITERALLY WAY TOO FUCKING ANGRY AT THIS POINT... I PRESENT TO THE COURT: THE CARROWS.
Severus had been made headmaster of Hogwarts, and what does he do? Allow the Carrows to torture muggleborns and first years. Eleven year olds. Disgusting. Please. What the fuck.
I don't think Severus Snape died a fucking hero, or in "penance." NOT when twelve hours prior, he'd been turning a blind eye and a deaf ear to eleven year olds screaming as the Cruciatus Curse was used on them.
Also, James never sexually harassed Lily? Wanna discuss sexual harassment? How does "waiting outside the Gryffindor common room until someone lets you in even though it has been made very clear that the person you want to speak to doesn't want to speak to you" sound?
I am not denying that Severus Snape is a tragic character; he's a very complex and somewhat interesting one, even. All I am saying is that I don't think saying "always" on the brink of death excuses any of your past actions. He's a martyr at best — having his sins "forgiven" by sacrificing himself for a just cause.
Yes, this is a hill I'm willing to die on. But, as always, I am open to a respectful conversation (not argument, conversation). If you disagree, I'd love to hear why. Try and change my mind; as long as you do so respectfully, I will hear you out.
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Gabriel Agreste: Interesting Villain, Horrible Character (400 Follower Special)
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I'm honestly surprised more people didn't want me to talk about Gabriel, especially with how often I rag on how horrible of a person he is. But, three character analysis posts later, and we're going to talk about why the main villain of Miraculous Ladybug is a real letdown.
Gabriel Needs to give the Whining a Rest
The interesting thing is one of the few things I actually liked in Season 3 was Hawkmoth. His plans actually made sense (for the most part), and by playing the long game, he managed to turn Chloe against Ladybug and deprived her of several key allies. Granted, Season 4 immediately undid the latter, but I was still impressed by his strategy.
Generally, one of the better aspects of Gabriel as a character was just how over the top he was as Hawkmoth. Keith Silverstein is clearly giving it his all with his performance, and he is just so enjoyable to watch as a cartoonish supervillain.
And therein lies the first major problem with Gabriel as a character. While he is fun to watch as a simple supervillain, the show tries to give him more depth and unintentionally makes him worse.
In Season 2, when it was revealed that Gabriel was Hawkmoth, many fans speculated on what he needed the Miraculous for, until the Queen Bee Trilogy showed it was to save his possibly dead wife, Emilie. The idea of that is so the show can give more depth to its main villain, and I think it's an interesting idea in concept. After all, the road to Hell is paved with good intentions.
The problem is just how radically different Gabriel is normally compared to how he is as Hawkmoth. He always goes on about how he's “doing this for Emilie”, but it's hard to really sympathize with him when you consider he constantly gives evil monologues and evil laughs, really getting into the supervillain role. And let's not forget all of the “I'm going to wear Ladybug's skin as a suit” faces he loves to make.
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Clearly this man is the picture of mental stability.
Gabriel's motivation for being Hawkmoth when compared to what he actually does as Hawkmoth is shady enough, but the thing is that the writers clearly want the audience to at least feel a little bad for him. They want to make the audience sympathize with him despite the way he acts with or without the mask. Without Miraculous Ladybug, he is routinely putting innocent lives in danger and never once shows regret for his actions. All he talks about is how “he's doing this for Emilie”, or that “he'll get their Miraculous soon”. There's no real reason to feel bad for him other than “because the script says so”.
Let's compare Gabriel to Malcolm Merlyn from Arrow. His big plan in the first season of the show is to create a machine that will cause an earthquake to destroy a crime-infested portion of Starling City, claiming to be trying to help everyone, but it's clear he is only doing it out of revenge for his wife getting killed by a criminal from that part of the city. In addition, throughout that season and future seasons, he always makes sure his plans lead to him benefiting in some way, showing he isn't just some noble man trying to achieve his goals with a less than noble method.
If we got some moments that showed that what Gabriel was doing was selfish, it would make him a more complex villain. But we don't get anything like that. What do we get instead? Well...
I Could Really Care Less About Emilie Agreste
We have known Gabriel's motivation has been to save his wife for a little over two years at this point, but at the same time, it's hard to believe that motivation because of how underdeveloped Emilie is as a character.
There have been a total of two lines in the entirety of the show that explain what happened to Emilie, and they're both vague as hell. One of them was from “Feast” that implied Emilie used the broken Peacock Miraculous.
Adrien: My mom used to have dizzy spells… just like Nathalie.
And the other that outright tells the audience what's happening to her in a clip show that most people will skip.
Nathalie: As I've watched Emilie falling deeper into an endless sleep, my sadness for her has deepened, too
That is literally all we get for an explanation, and nothing else. We have no idea of what she's like as a person or what her relationship with her family was like other than Gabriel and Adrien saying they miss her. Other than the way the narrative says she's important to Gabriel and Adrien, we don't really have a reason to care about her as a character. There have also been some lines that imply she went along with Gabriel's questionable parenting techniques, like how he was apparently only homeschooled as a kid (Origins) and never had a birthday party growing up (The Bubbler), so how do we even know if she's a good person? In fact, why not set up this question as a mystery to make the audience wonder if Gabriel has another reason to bring Emilie back?
It ultimately turns Emilie into a plot device and not a character that Gabriel and Adrien only bring up to make the audience feel bad for them, and meant to justify Gabriel's actions by saying that he's “doing this for his family”.
But hey, if he's doing this all for his family, surely Gabriel's redeeming traits come from his relationship with Adrien, right? Right?
As a Parent, Gabriel is Far From the Best
I've talked about this briefly before, but parenting in Miraculous Ladybug is written in such a black and white way, even by the standards of this show. Parents are portrayed in one of two ways. They're either amazing people who love and support their children unconditionally, or they're awful people who treat their own children like trash. And much like a lot of things in this show, there are times where the latter is treated like the former.
There are so many times where the narrative insists on making you see Gabriel as a troubled, but wellmeaning person who tries his best to be a good parent to Adrien, but it is far from the truth.
I'm not going to beat around the bush. Gabriel is a terrible parent. Like, he is awful at being a parent in so many ways, even before you find out he's Hawkmoth. In his first appearance, “The Bubbler”, he delegates getting Adrien a birthday present to Nathalie, his assistant. He literally can't be bothered to take time out of his schedule to get his own son a present for his birthday. And as the show goes on, he becomes more controlling and forbids Adrien from going out with his friends in other episodes (Captain Hardrock, Silencer). While this could be used to show Gabriel getting worse, it's never acknowledged in-universe, with Adrien continually defending his father essentially keeping him on house arrest.
“But IOTA!” You might say. “Gabriel has made efforts to bond with his son in some episodes.” While that might be true, most of those come right after his Akumas have almost gotten Adrien killed. He only hugged Adrien and made an attempt to learn more about him after Simon Says invaded their home, he only decided to watch that movie Emilie was in with Adrien after Gorizilla nearly dropped him off a building, and he only hugged Adrien again in public after he was turned into a gold statue by Style Queen.
In fact, let's talk about how Gabriel acts in the Queen Bee Trilogy. He actually decides to quit being Hawkmoth, but it's not because he realizes all the damage he's caused. Instead, he gave up because his “magnum opus”, a stronger than usual Akuma that only got the advantage on Ladybug ironically because of dumb luck, failed. Sure, he says he can't keep putting his son in danger, but he rarely ever acknowledges that he does so in the first place. When Riposte wanted to fight Adrien, Hawkmoth did nothing to stop her other than giving her a stern warning earlier on and nothing else. Where was this attitude earlier?
Hell, even then, he immediately goes back to being Hawkmoth as soon as he sees an opportunity, not even a day after his “mAgNuM oPuS” blew up in his face (because I guess Scarletmoth was just Plan B). If he made such a big deal about caring for his son, why didn't he try harder to spend time with him? Has he ever had doubts about what he's doing before? If Chloe didn't show up as Queen Bee, was he going to follow through on his promise and try to be a better father to Adrien instead of trying to get Ladybug and Cat Noir's Miraculous?
And yeah, the whole irony is that Gabriel is doing this for his family when he is unknowingly fighting his own son, which could lead to some interesting drama if done right. The idea of how Gabriel would react to his son being Cat Noir could really lead to some internal struggles for him to go through. But then we got “Cat Blanc”, which shows just how terrible of a character Gabriel is.
In an alternate timeline where he found out his son was Cat Noir, what does Gabriel do? Does he try to steal Adrien's Miraculous while he's sleeping? Does he reconsider his actions or realize he was endangering Adrien's life?
NOPE! He just decides to akumatize him all while emotionally tormenting him, before causing the end of the world.
This is honestly one of the most appalling things I've ever seen in any TV show, because it's basically an abusive father ordering his son to listen to him all while referencing his (kind of) dead mother to back up his point. And rather than use this to show how despicable Gabriel is, the episode decides to blame Marinette for this happening. Yes, according to the show, her present to Adrien caused several events to happen which caused Cat Blanc, but this logic makes no sense. It's like blaming the JFK assassination on the man who sold a gun to Lee Harvey Oswald, instead of, you know, Lee Harvey Oswald.
Not only was this episode yet another excuse to blame Marinette for something that wasn't her fault, it leads into the biggest problem I have with Gabriel as a character.
Sympathize with Gabriel? Surely, You Jest
After everything I've gone over regarding Gabriel as a character, after all the awful things I've talked about, are you really surprised that I don't feel bad for him at all?
Gabriel is just an awful character and a despicable human being, but the show just keeps wanting me to feel bad for him. It's just so hard to when you consider everything he's done has made him anything but sympathetic. I'm just saying, it's kind of hard to feel bad for someone who tries to start World War III with the only justification being “i'M dOiNg It FoR mY fAmIlY”, especially when he treats his family like crap.
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The writers go out of their way to show how horrible Gabriel is as Hawkmoth/Shadowmoth, but they think because they throw in a few moments where he looks conflicted, we'll immediately feel bad for him. What makes so many people interested in seeing Chloe become a better person is that they can tell she's the victim of a troubled upbringing, and know that because she's only a teenager, she still has room to grow as a person, represented by having more honest moments of vulnerability. Gabriel is a grown man who once caused the apocalypse because of how terrible of a parent he is, and has even fewer sympathetic moments than Chloe does. Which one of these two is supposedly irredeemable? The answer may surprise you.
But the frustrating thing is that this kind of villain could have worked. Instead of making him this mustache-twirling psychopath, show how much Gabriel regrets what he has to do, but keeps pushing onward despite all the lives he's risking if it means that he can save his wife. Instead of making Gabriel like Lex Luthor, make him like Mr. Freeze, who is basic a better written version of him.
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But as it stands, there's a good reason why Gabriel gets little to no respect as a character in the Miraculous Ladybug fandom, as a villain, or as a father.
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verdantmoontruther · 3 years
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the anti-bkdk ramble that turned into an anti-internet ramble
i’m not like the biggest or most present bnha fan on here (i’m more about naruto personally) and i know this point has been discussed to death within the more intellectually capable circles of the fanbase, but i think we should really talk about the hypocrisy of people that excuse or ‘forgive’ bakugou’s behaviour for whatever purpose they come up with, whether it be shipping or ‘bc he’s hot’ or whatnot.
the tl;dr of what i want to say: bakugou and midoriya do not like each other. there is no evidence for that in the books or otherwise. it is unwise to view their genuine dislike as unresolved sexual tension because injecting a sexual component into bakugou’s decade-long antipathy makes for a much, much scarier bullying scenario. also, please touch grass and get a hobby outside of media consumption; i make friendship bracelets and photograph graffiti around my town. it’s very fun. take a break from the online world.
first things first: i UNDERSTAND, fully and wholeheartedly, the desire to see a queer enemies-to-lovers relationship happen in mainstream media. i may be young enough to be on the cusp between gen z and millennial, but i’m also old enough to remember when homosexuality was the weird joke paraded out on late night telly to explain a man’s bizarre behaviour, or be the shitty punchline to an equally unfunny joke. i remember feeling young and disgusted, young and scared, young and hopeless when i thought that we would never see anything remotely resembling a healthy gay relationship on tv. i didn’t even think legalised gay marriage is something that would be won in my youth. but you’re going about it the wrong way.
bakugou bullied midoriya for a long time. that is an immutable fact, and a very important aspect of both of their identities. in their childhoods, bakugou cemented midoriya into a victim role by singling him out and tormenting him. it’s important for some of you to understand that you can’t come back from that. whatever relationship they may have in the future will forever be tainted by the fact that, when bakugou knew he had the upper hand physically over midoriya, he chose to ridicule, belittle, and hurt him, and was never told by those around him that he may have been wrong for it.
it bothers me to no end that the people who will recognise how well the bnha universe fits as an allegory to the treatment of disabled people in society - which is, in my opinion, a completely astute and intelligent observation - will fail to see bakugou’s treatment of midoriya in their formative years as not abusive or ableist, but criticise a character because they said something demeaning about the quirkless population. it’s interesting because the allegory only extends to the characters and actions that are easily dealt with (cancelling a minor character for their words is very easy), but as soon as you raise the issue of physically, emotionally, and mentally abusing someone for their disability, it gets wishy washy because that’s their favourite character that we’re accusing of unsavoury behaviours. it begs the question - do you actually give a shit at all?
the reason i raise this is because fiction directly translates to real life. the things an author, screenwriter, or mangaka write about and the perspective they write about it from effect our view of ourselves and other people, especially in an industry aimed at, and mostly consumed by, the youth. that’s why i discussed what i did in the second paragraph - representation is important because it makes people feel more comfortable in their skin. and i can understand why you crave seeing yourself depicted as the hero of a story. but it also means that bad interpretations can weasel their way into the malleable minds of the young people consuming these stories: think about everything jk rowling was cancelled for. her only irish character constantly blowing things up. hook-nosed elves in love with money. werewolves preying on young boys as a metaphor for the aids epidemic.
i can’t blame horikoshi for the way that people infer his writing because there is absolutely no evidence in his writing that bakugou and midoriya harbour romantic feelings for each other, but i do know where this sentiment comes from: you kids are grasping at straws, wanting to make genuinely antagonistic characters into some sort of star-crossed romance because this is your first time being exposed to fighty blowy uppy shounen that doesn’t give a shit about love, and it worries me, because it means you begin romanticising all the wrong behaviours. if i was reading half the shit you guys like about the mythical bkdk dynamic in an actual book, it’d be raising red flags immediately. no communication. possessiveness. jealousy. entitlement. belittling. taking out their anger on each other. i’m concerned for you lot.
some of you aren’t going to like hearing this, but i think the reason we are seeing such a strong insurgence of the romanticisation of such an unhealthy relationship dynamic, apart from representation, is because being bombarded by so many stories and headlines and works in a day due to the internet has desensitised us to a lot of things. you look at a news headline about a bombing or a murder and you don’t feel anything anymore. same thing with fiction: ten years of bullying, when you have nothing from your own personal life to compare it to, doesn’t sound that bad. someone telling you to kill yourself gets brushed off like water off a duck’s back because everyone tells everyone to kts these days. having no friends is normalised because all of us people online are ‘depressed and anxious uwu no fwends’. in order to get a real hit right in the gut you need something that takes the word angst and amplifies it by a scale factor of seven million. in a culture that sensationalises pain and is devoid of empathy, midoriya’s situation is just not enough anymore.
once again idk if any of this made sense. i write what i think and if it comes out like a jumble of random letters then oh well.
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starlight-loki · 3 years
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The Thin Line Between Life and Death (Loki x Mystic!Reader) -- PART 1
Or, That Time You and Loki Saved the World
Request: is it alright if you do a loki x reader fic where reader's got powers like strange and wields one of the infinity stones and almost dies trying to save everyone? -- requested by anon
Warnings: this is darker than other fics i've written so far: descriptions of nausea, mentions of anxiety, and major character deaths (but not Loki, I promise).
Word Count: 4.8k (hooo weeee man, if I didn't split this into 2 parts it would've been like... over 10k omg)
A/N: For context, please read this headcanon first if you'd like to know a bit more about the reader and Loki's relationship as well as to sort of set the scene for this fic -- otherwise, if you're cool with jumping right in, enjoy! This was so much fun to write :)
Also this doesn't follow the events of Infinity War/Endgame at all; this is sort of... my take on it, I guess you could say?
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Everything started going downhill when you began getting visions.
They weren't anything concerning at first, in fact they were almost cryptic, really: manifesting themselves in your dreams in subtle -- almost metaphoric -- ways. First it was simply the colour orange, which then progressed to flashes of amber light at random occasions during the events of your dreams, then it became fire. For a while, fire consumed your dreams nearly every night, burning through cities, forests, and even planets.
The Ancient One had told you from the start that dreams carried messages from your subconscious. They weren't something to be dismissed, even the most simplest elements. They were to be respected, listened to, and were meant to encourage you to shift mentally and emotionally in indescribable ways.
You figured the fire was symbolic for the stress and worry you were feeling, with everything moving so quickly over the last few days.
After all, the threat of Thanos was looming more and more. No longer was he a whispered rumour that was occasionally passed around at dinnertime with the rest of the Avengers. He was an actual threat now, and the Avengers were holding meetings twice a day to try and develop a plan of attack.
He had the power stone. It was only a matter of time before he found the others.
Twenty-four hours before everything changed, a vision came to you differently than all the others.
You were in the kitchen preparing lunch for yourself when your ears began ringing. Whispers filled your mind from the inside and spoke to you in a language you didn't understand, yet chilled you to the bone at the same time. There was a blinding flash of light that nearly paralyzed you, and as you strained to focus your eyes, you noticed a small orange stone materialize in front of you.
The soul stone.
It glided closer and closer to you, and as it did so the whispers grew louder. The lives of thousands flashed before your eyes. Their deaths did, as well. It was showing you the cycle of humanity -- birth, life, death, repeat -- almost taunting you that this seemingly inevitable thing could be controlled.
You gasped, dropped the plate in your hands accidentally. It fell to the floor with an earsplitting crash, and as quickly as the soul stone arrived, it disappeared in a swirl of orange smoke.
Your hands were shaking as you knelt down to collect the bigger pieces of the now-shattered plate. A hand on your back made you flinch in surprise and you instinctively curled closer towards the kitchen cabinets in an attempt to protect yourself.
"It's just me." Loki's soft voice seemed foggy and distant as your brain continued to adjust from the voices and the ringing you had just heard. "Are you hurt?"
You shook your head and sunk to the floor, half in defeat and half in relief that you weren't alone anymore. These visions were growing far too intense for you to handle.
You looked up at Loki, who exchanged an anxious expression with you. His green eyes searched your face, seemingly looking for an explanation of what had just happened to you.
"I saw something," you whispered, absentmindedly gripping the plate shard in your hand tighter. "Loki, I think I saw the soul stone."
His eyes widened as he knelt down beside you and gently pried the glass out of your grip, setting it down out of your reach. He replaced the broken piece in your hand with his own, and you sighed shakily as his thumb gently stroked the top of your hand.
"Did it show you anything?" He asked quietly, and you nodded quickly in response.
"I saw life, death... everything." You felt far removed from you own voice, almost like it didn't belong to you. "It's been happening in dreams too, but I've never seen the stone itself before."
You gazed at Loki, who almost seemed to disappear into his own thoughts at your mention of the visions you saw. You knew all too well about the Tesseract, and the way it had tormented Loki once before. The infinity stones were not gentle to humans, or gods for that matter.
"Do you think this has something to do with Thanos?" You asked, your voice trembling as you whispered. "Do you think maybe he managed to get the soul stone?"
Loki shook his head slowly, but it wasn't without hesitation.
"The soul stone is far away on Vormir. It's guarded heavily. I doubt-"
"Hey, you two okay?"
You glanced up quickly just as Tony stepped into the room. His eyes swept over the mess of a broken plate on the floor before landing on you and Loki, huddled together in the corner of the kitchen as if your lives depended on it.
Tony looked as exhausted as you felt. No one had really slept well in the last few days, but you couldn't imagine what it was like for Tony: he had been staying up until ungodly hours of the morning with Steve, Vision, and Rhodey, trying to formulate a plan of attack.
"Yeah," you shook your head as you tried to clear the last of the visions out of your mind. "Sorry, that was an accident. I'm just... really tired."
Tony gave a perfectly-timed yawn as he knelt down and began to pick up the broken pieces of the plate you dropped.
"I feel ya, kid."
You watched as him and Loki exchanged resigned nods of acknowledgement, and you grabbed Loki's hand before he could step forward to help Tony clean up the mess.
Should I tell him? You asked telepathically. About the soul stone?
Loki gave an almost imperceptible shake of his head.
Not yet. His voice echoed through your mind like the whispers from the soul stone moments ago, bringing you warmth rather than fear. Until we fully understand why these visions are occurring, I believe it would be best to not burden Stark with any more details. It would only cause more problems.
You nodded in agreement as you pushed yourself up onto your feet shakily. You stepped forward to help Tony clean up the mess, only feel your head spin violently. You lurched forward, grabbing onto the counter as you tried to stop yourself from falling.
"Hey, whoa!" Tony sprang up and grabbed your shoulders just as you felt Loki's arms wrap around your waist in an effort to keep you standing. "Easy there, kid. Jesus, are you okay?"
"I feel sick." You mumbled, squeezing your eyes shut in an attempt to keep the room from spinning. Even with two people supporting your weight, you still felt as though you were going to fall over.
"Go sleep, okay?" Tony told you sternly. You made a sound of protest and tried to help him continue cleaning up. Tony shook his head in response.
"Don't worry about this, we'll clean it up." His gaze shifted over to Loki, who still held you tightly. You could feel his hands trembling ever-so-slightly, and you placed your own hand over his weakly as you attempted to silently reassure him that you'd be okay.
"Loki, make sure Y/N gets some rest."
"I will."
Loki scooped you up into his arms in one fluid motion, causing you to wince as spots danced in your vision. You buried your head against his shoulder, squeezing your eyes shut as you tried to hold yourself together.
Has this ever happened to you? You manage to ask Loki telepathically as he set you carefully down on your bed. He brushed a stray strand of hair out of your face before crawling into bed beside you.
Not to this degree, he replied. You couldn't help the sigh of relief that escaped your lips as he gently pulled you close, cradling the back of your head. The infinity stones all have variable levels of energy, but I have never dealt with the soul stone before.
Do you mean their frequencies vary depending on their roles?
Precisely.
You sighed defeatedly, troubled by the fact that -- out of all the infinity stones -- the one that boasted power over life and death itself just had to come find you.
You knew mystics seemed to have some sort of connection to the stones, seeing as Stephen knew the time stone and guarded it with his life. You had hoped, though, that if another stone were to find its way somehow to another mystic, it would be Wong, not you.
Loki nudged your chin up ever so slightly with his fingertips, encouraging you to look up at him. He gave you a warm, gentle smile as he caressed your cheek slowly.
"Rest now," he whispered, placing a kiss on your forehead softly. "I will stay with you, I promise."
You nodded halfheartedly in response. Every cell in your being longed for nothing more but rest, yet at the same time you were afraid to close your eyes in case the soul stone was still lurking somewhere in your mind. Waiting for you.
It felt as though you had only just closed your eyes, when the sound of thunder jolted you out of your sleep. You felt weightless as you opened your eyes slowly, taking in the purple hues of clouds above you. As you felt yourself float higher, you realized with a sickening sinking feeling that your body was still in your bed, far away from where you currently were.
Your spirit had separated from your physical body, and no matter how hard you tried, you couldn't seem to be able to get back.
You glanced upward as you continued your ascent just as two towering structures came into view at the top of a cliff. The whispers that had filled your mind earlier that day resumed, and you cried out in fear, clutching your head in your hands. It only made them grow stronger.
As flashes of orange began filling your vision, your blood ran cold as you realized where you were.
Somehow, your spirit had found its way to Vormir.
Reaching the top of the cliff, you stepped carefully onto the platform just as a hooded figure glided towards you.
Never before has this stone ever summoned a soul into its presence. A chill ran up your spine as the guardian's voice echoed in your mind, crackling like ice.
Many have sought this stone, but it belongs to no one.
"So why did it bring me here?" You demanded, curling your arms around your middle in an attempt control your nerves. You were vulnerable here. You were powerless without your physical body -- incantations and even the mirror realm would be of no use to you in this state.
The soul stone seems to have taken a certain interest in you. It sees potential... for what is yet to come.
"I don't understand." Your own voice seemed to wrap around you in an endless echo. You instinctively took a step back as your head spun from sensory overload.
You walk the line between the living and the dead, mystic.
"But I'm not the only mystic. There's more out there like me, surely they experienced the same thing? I mean, there's Stephen-"
No. Your breath caught in your throat as the hooded figure raised its head to gaze at you, and your eyes met fiery blood red irises. You turned your gaze to the ground in an attempt to divert your fear and calm your racing heart.
Stephen Strange is already in possession of the time stone, the guardian explained slowly. There are no other mystics who possess the strength -- or courage -- to cross over into the land of the dead.
"But I'm not dead." You protested, ignoring the small voice in the back of your mind that drew your attention back to the fact that you were currently a spirit on another planet, far away from your body. "I... I've been training in the mystic arts for a few years now. Never in my life has anything like this happened. Why now am I suddenly getting visions?"
There is another who seeks the soul stone as we speak, the guardian replied. To your relief, it kept its distance from you. He yearns to own it.
"Thanos," you whispered, feeling a cold chill run up your spine as you spoke his name.
Yes, mystic, the guardian nodded solemnly. However, there are elements of the soul stone that the Titan has not tried to understand. Just like how life and death are two sides of the same coin, so too does the soul stone have another aspect.
You gasped as the soul stone materialized in front of you, hovering level with your line of sight just like when you were in the kitchen back at the Compound. You watched as it began to spin, gradually growing faster and faster, until it split neatly into two halves.
The soul stone embodies both the physical and the spiritual, and thus each aspect is acquired through complete mastery of its respective lesson.
The guardian's words echoed in your mind as you gazed at the fragments of the soul stone curiously. The fear you had felt in connection with your earlier visions was gone now. In its place, all you felt was awe.
As one of the pieces of the soul stone began gliding closer to you, you reached out your hand in an attempt to touch it. It looked so warm, so inviting. You longed to know what it would feel like to hold a piece of ancient power in your hands.
No.
You flinched, glancing at the guarding whose voice boomed in your head. As if to reinforce his words, the shards of the soul stone vanished into thin air.
"What do you mean, 'no'?" You asked quietly. "You said there's a connection between myself and the soul stone, I don't understand."
You must earn it. It does not come willingly to anyone.
"Then I don't want it." You shook your head, taking a step back. "I don't know why any of this is happening, but I want it to stop. I want to go home."
Very well.
The guardian raised his hand, and you felt yourself being pulled backwards slowly, back the way you came.
I offer you a piece of advice, mystic, the voice in your mind echoed out louder than ever. In order to gain the physical shard of the stone, you must lose the one you love. To gain the spirit shard, you must know the path that leads you back to them.
There was a sharp tug around your middle, and you felt your heart freeze in your chest as you began plummeting down the cliff. You squeezed your eyes shut as the wind echoed like a jet plane in your ears.
Remember this, the guardian's voice was distant now. You had to strain to register the words in your mind. The spirit shard cannot be found on Vormir. The fate of the physical shard is being decided as we speak. Use this knowledge wisely, mystic.
An image flashed in your mind of a titan ascending the mountain, towards the top of the cliff upon which your spirit had just stood. You caught a glint of purple, blue, and red flash from his hand.
You gasped, bolting upright as the heavy sensation that accompanied falling back into your body ran through you. You were trembling, drenched in a cold sweat, and you yelped as two hands planted themselves firmly on your shoulders.
"Relax!" Your heart sped up in your chest as you tried to fight off whoever was holding onto you. "Y/N, relax, it's me!"
Loki came into focus in front of you, his eyes never straying from yours as you tried to catch your breath. His hands were steady, but you caught a flash of fear in his eyes as he gazed at you.
"What happened?" He whispered, pulling you into a protective and firm embrace. Your breath caught in your throat as your mind wandered back to the visions that flashed behind your eyes moments before you woke up.
"Thanos." Your voice felt far away, almost foreign to you, as you replied softly. Your trembling hands reached up to pull Loki even closer to you. You were afraid you'd lose control and end up separated from your body again. You didn't want to be alone once more.
"What?"
"Thanos." You repeated again, glancing out the window into the now-darkened sky to make sure you were no longer on Vormir. You couldn't trust yourself. "Loki, I saw him. He's got more stones. He found the Tesseract."
Loki pushed you away, only to wrap his hands firmly around your arms. The fear he had hidden so well moments ago was dancing like fire in his eyes.
"That's impossible," he said slowly, and you weren't sure if those words were for you, or if they were an attempt to convince himself. "You hid the Tesseract yourself, you took it from me and-"
"I know what I did." You snapped. You winced as Loki recoiled away from you ever-so-slightly. "I'm sorry. I'm just... Look, you have to believe me Loki. Please. I was on Vormir, or at least my spirit was. The guardian of the soul stone was there, it spoke to me, I-"
"I believe you." Loki's soft whisper stopped the rambling thoughts that were pouring out of your mouth, and you nearly cried in relief at his words. His expression softened as he took in your torn, distressed expression, and he kissed your forehead softly.
"I believe you." He repeated again, pulling you close.
"We don't have much time." Your voice felt tight in your throat as you spoke. "Right before I woke up, I saw Thanos approaching Vormir. The rest of the stones are on Earth, Loki. I think he's coming here next."
"We need to tell the others."
"Will they know what to do?"
Loki's gaze burned into yours determinedly as he took your hand and helped you up off your bed.
"All we can do is hope."
The two of you raced down the hall, pounding on every door you passed as you tried to wake everyone up at once. Tired groans of protest echoed from within a few rooms, only encouraging you to knock even louder on the Avengers' doors.
"Everyone up!" You exclaimed. You couldn't ignore the way your voice and hands trembled as you made your way down the hall. "Emergency meeting, now!"
The Compound slowly came to life once more as you and Loki reached the end of the hall, and the two of you were met with numerous confused and somewhat alarmed looks.
"What's going on?" Steve asked, effortlessly keeping up with your strides as you made your way to the meeting room.
"Y/N had a vision." Loki explained, taking your hand and giving it a small squeeze in an attempt to comfort you. "Thanos is coming."
"What!?" Bruce's shocked exclamation echoed out from behind you as he jogged to keep up. "We were monitoring his whereabouts, just a few hours ago he was still light years away from Earth looking for the other five infinity stones-"
"Yeah, well, he's managed to get two more," You answered as you sat yourself down in a chair in the meeting room. Loki sat close beside you, resting his knee against yours in a silent gesture, as if to communicate he was right by your side through all of this.
"He's on Vormir as we speak," you continued as everyone took their seats around the table. "He's looking for the soul stone. That's infinity stone number four. He'll be coming for us next."
"How do you know that?" Natasha's question sounded out from the other side of the room.
"There's six stones in total, right?"
Your question earned slow nods from the Avengers sitting around you.
"I saw his glove. He's got the power stone -- as we know -- as well as the reality stone, and now the space stone too."
"The Tesseract was destroyed along with Asgard." Thor remarked, frowning as he took in your words. You looked over at Loki quickly, the two of you exchanging anxious glances, before you looked back at Thor and shook your head.
"The Tesseract was... misplaced." You answered slowly.
Everyone flinched as Thor banged his fist against the table, his gaze immediately shifting away from you as realization burned in his eyes.
"Loki!"
"I assure you brother-"
"I knew it was a bad idea bringing Rock of Ages here onto the team." Tony interrupted pointing an accusatory finger at Loki. Several other Avengers nodded in agreement.
"It wasn't his fault!" You exclaimed loudly. The room felt silent as everyone frowned at you in confusion. "It was mine. I should've destroyed it but I didn't. I just opened a portal and... threw it in."
"Do you know where it went?" Steve asked you.
"At the time, I didn't. I had no idea Thanos was out there looking for the stones at the same time. I just wanted that thing far away from us. It's caused enough trouble, and we didn't need any more."
Loki squeezed your hand and gave you a soft smile as he heard your reply.
"There are two stones left," you continued, glancing around the room worriedly as you thought about the threat of Thanos looming over your team like a dark shadow. "Stephen is guarding the time stone downtown. Assuming he's kept his guard up as usual, he'll be one step ahead of Thanos and he'll already be taking precautions to keep it out of his reach."
You paused, glancing nervously over at Vision. His eyes met yours in understanding, and he gave the slightest nod in acknowledgement.
"The other stone," you continued quietly. "Is right here in this room with us."
A strange humming sound caused a hushed silence to fall over the Compound. You frowned, straining your ears as you tried to listen.
"Does anyone else hear that-"
Tony's question was cut off by an explosion that took out the entire side wall of the Compound. The force of the blast knocked you to the ground, and your ears rang violently as you tried to orient yourself once more with your surroundings.
"This is too easy. Everyone in one room together, how... pathetic."
You glanced up to see Thanos looming over everyone, an already victorious grin on his face as he examined the aftermath of the blast he had caused.
"I would've thought you'd make it more difficult for me."
The stones on Thanos' gauntlet began to glow, and you felt an arm yank you backwards and into their grasp before a ray of purple light blasted throughout the room. You glanced behind you to find Loki, his jaw clenched as he stared in fear towards Thanos, before casting a protective spell over the two of you.
You tried to pull away, to gather up the other members of the team and bring them to safety, but Loki's grip was firm and unrelenting.
"They need help!" You exclaimed in protest. "Everyone's vulnerable, all our defense and weapons are two floors down-"
"You go over there, and you'll get killed." Loki muttered through gritted teeth. "I can't lose you. Stay here."
"But-"
"Stay here!"
Loki trembled as he tried to keep his shield up. Pressing yourself closer to him, you cast the strongest protective spell you knew and placed it overtop of his. Green and gold magic intertwined together, forming a tightly-knit dome over the two of you.
"I think I can get Bruce," you whispered, nodding towards the corner of the room. "He's not very far-"
Your idea was suddenly interrupted as Thanos raised his gauntlet, and the soul stone began to glow.
You watched in horror as every member of your team outside of your protective dome was wrapped in an orange aura, and lifted off the ground.
"No!" You yelled, stumbling forward and pushing your protective spell further outwards in an attempt to save those closest to you. A spark of energy backfired, burning your hands and causing you to stumbled back with a cry of pain.
"I can't get to them," you gasped, glancing at Loki in horror. "I can't get past the soul stone."
Thanos heard your words, and he shifted his gaze in your direction with narrowed eyes.
"Why are you doing this?" You demanded, watching as Steve and Tony, among others, struggled to be released from the titan's invisible grasp.
"Those who play hero only bring more war," Thanos stated, glancing behind your shoulder at Loki and smiling coldly. "I'm putting an end to this child's play, once and for all."
"Let them go!" You yelled, reaching forward in a weak attempt to save your teammates. Your gesture only earned a piteous laugh from the titan.
"You're choosing to play a bold game, mystic." Thanos continued. "By keeping that shield of yours up, you're creating more pain. All you are doing is delaying your death."
"It'll give us more time to plot yours." Loki retorted from behind you with gritted teeth.
"Bold as ever, Asgardian." Thanos smirked. "But not strong enough. Neither of you are."
You glanced desperately over at Tony for any sort of help, but all you exchanged were helpless glances.
"There will be no more heroes," Thanos boomed, raising his gauntlet triumphantly. The soul stone began to glow once more. "No more martyrs. No more humans. Only gods."
"I believe in you, kid." Tony gasped out. "You can do this."
"I can't." You cried out, your heart racing as you glanced between your teammates and Thanos. "I don't know how."
You managed to catch a determined nod from Tony, before a loud snap reverberated through the room, knocking you and Loki backwards.
There was a gust of cold air as Thanos opened a portal with the space stone, smirking victoriously down at the two of you.
"We'll meet again, mystic."
Thanos pulled a now-unconscious Vision towards him with his gauntlet and disappeared, the portal closing as soon as it opened. You lowered your shield to run for your teammates, who were still hovering unconscious in mid-air, only to be stopped by Loki.
"Look."
You watched in horror as, one by one, each member of the Avengers dissolved into ash and vanished before your eyes. Crying out in disbelief, you lowered your protection spell and raced forward before Loki could protest.
"Tony!"
You tried to reach for his hand, to pull him out of the orange aura that held him captive. As soon as your fingers brushed his, he turned to ash immediately.
You sunk to your knees, the sudden silence that fell over the Compound feeling like a graveyard. You heard Loki run towards Thor, calling his name over and over again, before he too fell silent.
You caught his gaze from across the room, and a cold chill shook your insides as his eyes mirrored the same terror you felt inside yourself.
Unable to find the strength to stand, you crawled over to where he sat and buried your face in his shoulder. As soon as Loki's arms wrapped around you, you were unable to stop the sobs that wracked your body. You felt him trembling and realized that he, too, was crying.
"They're all gone." You whispered, your voice distorted through your tears. "Everyone's gone."
Loki didn't reply. Instead, he pulled you closer and ran his hands in small circles upon your back, almost as if he were memorizing the feel of you in his arms.
The sound of your cries echoed out through the Compound and reverberated back towards the two of you, piercing your skin like little knives. You squeezed shut your eyes, hoping that this was all a bad dream and -- when you opened your eyes again -- the Avengers would be right back in this room with you and Loki, ready to formulate a plan of attack.
When you opened your eyes, however, nothing changed.
There was only one infinity stone left.
Everyone was gone, leaving only you and Loki.
Thanos had won.
END OF PART ONE.
Taglist: @startrekkingaroundasgard @delightfulheartdream @justasmisunderstoodasloki @marvels-mischief @k8obr @pastyoverlord265 @lowkeytesss @levylovegood
Taglist for this fic only: @littleredstarfish @treblebeth @taylordani03
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hageny · 3 years
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Succession Thoughts: Gerri x Roman
AN: The first point in this post was requested by @thinkingfixatingobsessing​, so credit goes to her for the idea. 
WARNING: Mentions of child sexual abuse in point one. 
1. What In Here is Real?
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A lot of fans tie Roman’s ‘dog cage’ experience to his adult need for degradation, and certainly there is a valid reason. The murky circumstances surrounding the incident(s) in his childhood--Roman remembering being forced; Connor and Kendall remembering him liking it; Connor remembering what their father said about “two fighting dogs” in relation to the incident--make it difficult to say how much of what Roman remembers is real and how much is his emotions skewing his memories. What is totally overlooked is the scene above, which takes place in Austerlitz. The family has just arrived at Connor’s ranch for the not-so-optional family therapy session when Roman says something very interesting to Connor, telling him that he plans to tell Alon Parfit, the group’s therapist, that Connor molested him as a child. Given Roman’s ‘dog cage’ revelation only one episode later, it struck me as very interesting that Roman makes a joke about what is for many a deep, childhood trauma. Now, I should clarify, I don’t believe Connor in any way abused Roman, and it seems fairly obvious Roman was just doing this for shock value, but there is a point to be made here. It seems pertinent to ponder whether Roman’s ‘dog cage’ experience could tie into a deeper, darker truth in his childhood. Maybe it’s possible that Roman actually did go into the cage willingly, and to some degree submitted--as much as someone who is emotionally/mentally abused as a child can--to his siblings’ game. All of them being children themselves, they wouldn’t have had the insight and maturity to understand his behavior was abnormal. What we do know of Roman’s experience is that it caused him to start wetting the bed, and he was eventually sent away to St. Andrews; again, he thinks this occurred against his will, Connor says he went willingly. What is interesting his Roman’s description of the effects of the ‘dog cage’ incident closely aligns with what may happen to a child who is molested. As Roman puts it, “Kendall locked me in a cage, I went weird, I started wetting the bed, and that’s why dad sent me away to St. Andrews.” Now, I should be clear, I am not a mental health professional of any sort, so all of what I say here is gleaned through years of reading about crime stories and second-hand research, but re-watching this scene caused me to remember that when Jon Benet Ramsey was murdered, many wondered--and still do--whether it was possible she was molested as a child due to her still wetting the bed at the age of six. From what we can gather, Roman would have been probably around the same age, if not older, when the alleged ‘dog cage’ incident occurred; his mentions of ‘going weird’ could be his best way to articulate what could have been a mental breakdown suffered during his childhood. His parents, having no clue what to do with him, would have naturally sent him to a rigorous, regimented school that, they believed, could have righted his ‘abnormal’ behavior. There are many signs children can possibly exhibit as a result of sexual abuse, but a few of them struck me because they describe even Roman’s adult behavior:
Regressive behaviors or resuming behaviors they had grown out of, such as thumb-sucking or bedwetting
Overly compliant behavior
Decrease in confidence or self-image
Change in mood or personality, such as increased aggression
We notice Roman’s lack of confidence constantly over the course of the series. In Sad Sack Wasp Trap, we see him studying his body carefully in the mirror, obviously displeased with what he sees, and then quickly buttoning up his shirt when Grace enters. As an adult there’s no question that he is--around his father, especially--overly compliant, going along with what Logan says and most of the time unwilling to buck him. While Roman is certainly not aggressive in the sense of being a danger to others, we do notice that his temperament borders on the aggressive quite a lot of the time, and he has a sadistic side, taking pleasure in tormenting others for his own amusement. We also know that the infamous Lester McClintock--Mo-Lester--was a friend of Logan’s; while it’s not stated that he abused any children, if he was a family friend, there is a possibility he was around Roman as a child. Connor, in Safe Room, does tell Willa that Logan wouldn’t let his kids get in the pool with Lester, so the possibility of his being a pedophile is there. Maybe the abuser was someone else. Maybe Roman wasn’t abused at all and I’m way off base. But I bring the point up for discussion only because as I pondered it, I myself began to wonder. 
2. Patrick Bateman
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SPOILER ALERT: The ending to the movie, American Psycho. is discussed below. 
In I Went to Market, Shiv makes a quip when Roman tells her he has a hobby, saying to him, “Killing hobos isn’t a hobby.” Anyone old enough to remember--or old enough to have watched American Psycho or read the book--will remember that Patrick Bateman, the novel’s famous protagonist, descends slowly into violence as his disgust for society deepens, and begins literally killing homeless people on the streets of New York City, using homicide as an outlet for his uncontrollable rage. For the sake of convenience, I will discuss the movie a bit here, as I read the book years ago and do not remember much. The end of the movie is open to interpretation, leaving the audience to decide whether Bateman did actually kill anyone and it was cleaned up for him because he was wealthy, or whether he simply fever-dreamed the experiences. It’s interesting that the show draws a tie to Patrick Bateman and Roman, but having considered Bateman’s behavior there are some similarities. Roman, like Bateman, has a total disregard for the lower class, no more openly displayed than in the pilot episode where he tears up the check in front of the little boy at his family’s baseball game. He also, as noted in the previous point, has a temper, sometimes flying quickly off the handle when things don’t go his way. He is tightly wound, constantly agitated by the world around him, and driven by impulse. Where Bateman’s impulses lead him to murder, Roman’s take a different path, leading him to push the envelope of appropriate behavior for shock value, or drop and pick up girlfriends like objects. While Roman certainly would never kill anyone in a literal sense, he is not afraid to destroy those beneath him without a second thought, obliterating Vaulter simply because he wants to, manipulating the staff into admitting they want to unionize--which  might’ve saved them--and then handing his information over to his father so as to leverage himself and his desire to shut Vaulter down over Kendall’s desire to keep it open. The point is is that the show, by drawing a link between these two characters, could perhaps be suggesting to the audience that Roman’s behavior, like Bateman’s, requires an understanding of nuance. Bret Easton Ellis, who wrote the novel, grew up in an environment similar to Roman’s, coming from a wealthy family, deriving much of his literary material from what he witnessed as a child and an adult. It could perhaps best be said that both characters are a study in how environments shape people: what they bring out in them, and what they create that, for better or worse, can be left to bubble just below the surface. 
3. Only Good?
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This point will be fairly brief, but I did find it pertinent to comment on how many people in the fandom--maybe younger people who don’t understand the show’s nuances--seem content to constantly cast Gerri as an artless bystander to the cruises situation when this is simply not the case. It could be that some don’t recall, but in the above scene from Pre-Nuptial, Shiv demands that ATN lay off Gil Eavis by blackmailing Gerri, telling her that if she doesn’t get her way that she will blow the lid on the scandal that centers around Lester McClintock. What’s most important is the fact that when Shiv mentions the “cruise division horror show”, Gerri never asks for clarification regarding Shiv’s point. This, obviously, is because Gerri doesn’t need it. While I am not suggesting Gerri knew all along about the scandal, her lack of need for Shiv to clarify what she means by “the cover-up” is an indicator that Gerri not only knew what was going on before the audience did, but perhaps also had a hand in hiding what was happening. There could be many reasons she did so, but I felt compelled to make this point because so often people believe Gerri was caught off-guard by what was occurring at Brightstar, when in fact our introduction to her in the show was intended to serve as an indicator of her character. The phrase, “stone-cold killer bitch”, used flirtatiously by Roman, was not only intended to amuse, but also to give insight into her character. In order to survive and thrive in Waystar, Gerri would have had to have been anything but an artless child, and her reputation as a ‘stone-cold killer’ is apt, as it describes the sort of character a person generally has to take on in order to climb the ranks of the corporate world. Gerri’s panic as the cruises situation unfolds is not due to the nature of the incidences (nor is Shiv’s for that matter)--it is due to the panic she feels at having to take the fall for what occurred. What actually happened, the facts of it, don’t really bother her. That’s what makes a killer. 
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