Have just returned from Matilda's first puppy class, with an outfit I've previously had excellent experiences with, and I am furious and sufficiently baffled that I want to know if there is any way I'm missing something remotely reasonable, possibly as mediated through an inappropriately confident and poorly trained instructor. Or possibly just something new and incredibly dumb, IDEK. Baseline assumption is that this guy is puffed up on his own credentials*, insecure and inappropriately prescriptive about it, and that the broader company has fucked up on placing him with a class and/or that he's gone rogue in some way. If not, I want to know before I go lose my shit tomorrow morning when I call the school.

So, trainers of dogblr, can I get thoughts and opinions on:

an exercise involving holding two puppies firmly around the chest, marching them up to one another face to face on handlers' knees, and holding them nose-to-nose for 3sec; then turning one puppy so they're nose to tail for 3sec, then reversing and holding them nose to tail the other way 3sec, then cookie and retreat--this under the auspices of "teaching greeting behavior". Came with ignoring any signals of puppies not wanting to participate in this frankly batshit exercise and not modifying anything for variations in puppy age or range of development; I think the class is for 8weeks thru 14 weeks but we got delayed a week by the Snows. This alone had me ready to nope the fuck out and call next day. This exercise was apparently important enough to do twice.

An exercise holding puppies in a "relaxed puppy hold" (after the "greeting" exercise, mind you) in which the instructor described a few calming signals and then said that you want to actively see those things in the puppies because they are "signs the dog is calming itself down" as opposed to signals of discomfort or stress. Encouraged puppy handlers to hold the puppies firmly until they see calming signals "because that is how puppies learn to calm themselves down." No concept of stress thresholds or how to handle a dog beyond its threshold introduced.

Prescriptive insistence not just that puppies should sleep in the crate (totally fair; Matilda sleeps crated and will at least until six months) but that the crate should be located outside the bedroom to "teach the puppy where it is in the hierarchy". One person raised his hand and asked "if things are going fine, there's no real crying in the crate, and it's in the bedroom--can it stay there?" and was told in no uncertain terms no.

Relatedly, one person asked how to tell the difference between frustration whining and a puppy that actively needs to go out and pee. He informed the person that he expected everyone to "be able to tell the difference in the way they sound" and that real need to go outside had more of a whining quality. I suggested that if you can't tell, you should try taking the puppy outside to pee for ten minutes and taking it back inside afterwards. He "corrected" me that if the puppy DOES pee, it has earned its freedom! and otherwise it goes back in its crate! (My dude, Matilda has not earned her freedom at six in the fucking morning when she warbles to go out and pee. She has earned the right to go out and pee with her tiny baby bladder.)

Like, am I missing something here?! There was exactly one exercise involving practicing not jumping for a cookie that was any use at all, and there was zero free play time at all. Restraining the puppies got about three times as much emphasis as the fucking name game. And there was absolutely zero room for variation in household rules or variation in how puppies were handling various exercises--this in a class with puppies ranging in age from probably 9 to 14 weeks!

Christ on a crutch, I'm pissed off.

*(a degree in psychology and neuroscience, apparently, which are... uh, the depts I work in as a postdoc at the local university, so go the fuck off I guess and if I ever tangle with that motherfucker again I'm going to say so)

Sometimes I put my face up against my dog while he's sleeping to feel his little lungs expand and his little heart beat and I am struck by the beauty of of life and the miracle of nature to evolve for thousands of years just to create one little guy and put him in my house

CROISSANT

YES YES I NEED THIS SIGN IN EVERY SINGLE PARK PLEASE

This is my daily struggle, I had so many arguments with people with off-leash dogs (in a mandatory leash area!!!). Thanks to this behavior I'm struggling with Kim being anxious/aggressive with other females as she often gets involved in unpleased interactions with free females while on leash. And every single time that I ask for the dog to be at least recalled, I'm being called names and insulted of course.

Also 9 out of 10 their dog isn't really that friendly at all.

technically not dog content but i mean. look at this

(Approx.) 4th Century BCE Good Boys

Right now the top suspects are either HPAI (highly pathogenic avian influenza) or covid. If at all possible, avoid taking your dog to dog parks and day care, especially if your dog is older or already has difficulty breathing.

I can’t stop getting emotional about how tenderly a shepherd caresses his dog’s face on this marble sarcophagus from the third century

The dog’s face is just so lovingly crafted and it’s much more finely detailed than some of the other animals in the piece. The expression is pure contentment and devotion. This scene is a tiny portion of a huge elaborate sculpture but I really feel like the artist was trying to capture a specific emotion with these two. The way that you feel when you look at your dog is thousands of years old.

a redemption poll from that last dog name one i did:

reblog for a larger sample <3

Dog Doodles

PART 2 HERE

"Wow!!! What a handsome doggo!"

Sniffsniffsniffsniffsniff