#<-my new general oc tag <3 i got so many fucking ocs i should be ashamed of myself
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random things about my ocs (and aizawa because why not)
Masato is quite impressive on the dance floor. It doesn't take him long to find his rhythm no matter what is playing. Chances are if music is playing, he can be found gently shimmying his shoulders and nodding his head if he's not already begun to tap his feet. It's funny, he used to be an absolute wallflower up until he reached his twenties. He never would have danced before! Sure, his mom made him dance with her a bit as a kid but the way he feels about dancing now is... different. Though his clubbing days are long over, those nights in Gunma transformed him and although he could've gone without all the drama- he does miss the nights when he could knock back a few with his boys after a long shift and just let the music move him.
Arika has a few scrapbooks now. The hobby originally started as a way to document something more nefarious that she simply wanted to 'keep up with' but she realized that she could do it for other things as well. More wholesome things. With the help of the polaroid camera Kenji gave to her as a gift after she graduated college and her bucket of craft store supplies, she's committed to making the cutest scrapbook imaginable. At any point in time her coffee table has a messy pile of polaroids just waiting to be snipped/taped onto stationary. She's got a perfectly healthy, perfectly normal collection of photos of Goro mixed in the pile. Why do you ask?
Maria was a bit of a coffee snob. It was a pain for anyone to get her to agree to join them for coffee at a café that hasn't gotten her prior stamp of approval. Masato was always the more adventurous of the two of them and he'd have to combat her "Well, I just don't know if I'll like their coffee.' with a "How will you know if it's not good if you never even try it Mãe? C'mon, I know your tastes just trust me'. But even when she reached the counter that didn't mean that she was convinced. She was always polite about it when she'd ask in her sweet, careful but accented Japanese for "a simple cup of hot, black coffee, please." Her son took her to PLENTY of cafés but there were only a handful that she truly liked. In the end, as long as she had a functioning coffee machine at home and her preferred coffee beans were still just a train ride away, she was perfectly satisfied having coffee at home while she watching tv. No, exploration necessary.
Edna has a voice so powerful that she could bring one of the most powerful men in Japan to his knees and quite frequently does- to tears, even. When she sings, her voice comes from somewhere deep within her but it sounds like a million angels are calling out to the room instead and it can leave anyone with goosebumps. When Hiro first heard her sing- he cried. It wasn't just a few tears either, he sobbed. Hideously. She's brought Kenji to tears as well but he knew how to play it off, at least. With each member of her small family spread across the country to live their own lives while she stays in her private care unit, on her better days, there's no one to bring to tears with her song but herself... but no one could ever know that or they'd worry and she can't have that.
Hiro has a private bar room at the Wynn Royale on... permanent reserve, where he goes to unwind after a long day or sometimes entertain some guests of his. Classy place. He's aptly named it The Place so that when it comes up in conversation in front of people who aren't aware- and something major is going on, no one knows exactly what they're speaking of. Only authorized staff are allowed to enter The Place, they may have been employed by Wynn Royale but they only get authorization from Hiro. Naturally, authorization comes with clearance levels. For example, waiters are authorized at tier 1, entertainers are authorized at tier 3 but the bartenders- and there are 3 of them- are tier 5. Things can... happen at The Place and after a signal, the waiter is long gone, and the pianist ushered out, the bartender is prepared to serve more than drinks... Very classy place.
Kenji used to be a glorified errand boy when he was living with the Namikawa's, that was how he earned his Itou stripes. One of his responsibilities required, not driving Hiro around, Hiro had his own driver. Actually, he had to drive Edna and Arika around instead. It was a test and the kid passed with flying colors. After Hiro gave him money for a startup, his first goal was to earn enough to buy himself his own car- one just like the Namikawa car, newer though and sleeker, cooler. Naturally, he did and he hasn't missed an opportunity to cherish that car since... It's become a source of stress relief, even! When he's stressed, a late night cruise with the right cassette and a cigarette or two never seems to fail him. He's no loner though, he doesn't mind good company. Sit in silence or chat his ears off, just don't turn your nose up at his music selection.
#kulemiisplayhouse#<-my new general oc tag <3 i got so many fucking ocs i should be ashamed of myself#and those aren't even all of them- these are just kinda mains#i have side characters that i wanna start talking about#especially with doal stuff coming out#like those friends i referred to in aizawa's bit 😢 so many little guys and gals#aizawa masato#masato aizawa#arika namikawa#namikawa arika#hiroshi namikawa#hiroki itou#edna namikawa#edna smith#maria da silva#maria aizawa#kenjiro hara#hara kenjiro#shinjiro itou
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>> oc quizzes
needed to catch up with tag games so i did a bunch of them in one post >:) was tagged by @arklay, @shellibisshe, @aceghosts, @florbelles and @strafethesesinners to take this test for my ocs, was tagged by @strafethesesinners to take this test and this test for my ocs, and was tagged by @aceghosts to take this test for my ocs, thank you all so much and sorry for the delay i've just been sitting here LMFAO <33
tagging @radioactiveshitstorm, @sweet-mephistopheles, @awful-roffle, @dickytwister, @roses-of-heaven, @reaperkiller, @steelport, @aartyom, @morvaris, @swordcoasts, @girlbosselrond, @cultistbase, @liurnia, @faarkas and anyone else who wants to do this :D <3 feel free to just pick one!!
– WHAT'S AT YOUR CORE?
– SPUN GOSSAMER.
the easiest thing to do is stay quiet when something’s up. you’re not bothered, and you know what? you shouldn’t be! it’s none of your business, even when it’s entirely your business. it’s difficult (read: impossible) to tell if your cheery demeanor is a cover-up for something sadder, or if it’s simply your natural state of mind. you see a lot of things: people coming through town, people leaving the house and never coming back, lies and deceit of the highest degree. what happened to you? will you ever be that kid again? your presence smells like cotton candy, and your fingertips sparkle like stars. whatever white rabbit you’re chasing isn’t going to lead you to wonderland if you don’t start reaching out when you’re not feeling okay
– FLIGHTLESS BIRD.
the thought of your found family is what motivates you in your own little world. you touch the clouds, and the soil gives way under your footprints… this is utopia. if you were to erase one thing, it would be your memory. experience is important, but ignorance is bliss. identity, in heaven, should give way to happiness. you'd give anything just to sit by the swings and eat ice cream, but this isn't that kind of world. you have to get up and wash the dirt off of your scraped knees
– WHAT JEWEL ARE YOUR BONES MADE OF?
– PEARL.
you are a bit of an open wound. ⍜ the pain won’t kill you like you think it will, let yourself bear it and you’ll find you can ⍜ you might even find that the world is a lot more than your oyster. ⍜ reticent (unwillingly so), passive, introverted ⍜ resilient, generative, adaptable ⍜ you hold the ability to create and recreate the world around yourself
– STAR SAPPHIRE.
well hello, beautiful. ✦ how does it feel to have their eyes on you all the time? ✦ do you like to perform? do you like the way their hands reach for you as you turn in the spotlight? ✦ do you wish they would stop? ✦ they won’t. they can’t help it. ✦ is that the reaction you wanted? you want them to laugh, to cry, to moan, to yell at you maybe. ✦ you only exist in the lines spreading across the faces of others, right? ✦ if nobody thinks of you, you aren’t. so you make yourself headline news and they won’t look away ✦ attention won’t solidify you when the sun comes up and love won’t fill that hole inside. ✦ you might want to install an alarm system. just because they want you, doesn’t mean you have to give yourself
– WHICH GREEK GOD ARE YOU?
– ARES.
ok i had to really search the myths for some positive ares rep… i did not find any. regardless. you are not some meathead or the embodiment of rage or whatever. you've just got your thing, which ok is a little bit to do with war/anger/wrath etc. but so do the rest of these guys. you're just as good as the rest of them and you have an incredibly hot aura so congrats on that. there's more to you than some people bother to see, fuck them if they don't
– APRHODITE.
you honestly have the hardest energy to pin down. 'oh aphrodite is just some love/sex god' wrong the spartans worshipped her as a war goddess. you can be found anywhere and nowhere, you are mysterious, you are ethereal, many probably love you
– WHAT KIND OF SPOOKY CREATURE ARE YOU?
– GULPER EEL.
king of the deep sea. your whole deal is swimming around with your mouth wiiiiiide open. fearless. hungry
– FRESNO NIGHTCRAWLER.
hahaha oh my god. oh my god your legs are so long. your joie de vivre is unlimited. i’m terrified
#tag games#ask:cassidy#ask:cato#ask:luna#ask:reid#ask:teo#ask:twitch#ask:vincent#ask:vitali#much to think about! there's a lot going on here!!!#cato's result. chef's kiss truly#luna's result was mean so i got rid of the last sentence >:( but there's Something there so i kept the rest#cassidy and vincent out to kill me once again#reid as ares. yeah#vitali as aphrodite. yeah#and teo and twitch my besties!!!!! they're here now!!!!!!!!#kinda speedran these a bit but also. spinning everything in my brain
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9 FANDOM PEEPS TO GET TO KNOW BETTER
Tagged by @grayintogreen and I never typically do these but why not, you know
3 Ships You Like: Widomauk (Critical Role), Stucky (Marvel mcu and I gusss in the comics as well but that would really only apply to post ice Steve due to the whole 'thats your teenage sidekick' thing), and hm...let's go real old school and say Anastasia/Dimitri from both the movie and the musical. I've got other ships I'm interested in, I can give you several more from CR alone, but it's hard to say if there's some sort of pattern that I can pick up with what I like and get interested in. Like there's definitely ships I feel like I SHOULD like and certainly understand buy just... don't. I guess.
3 (Hazbin/Helluva) Ships You Like: okay okay okay. So, Huskerdust, M&M, both of which feel like no brainers. I really enjoy Chaggie and Cherrisnake, and I am fascinated by the deeply fucked up dynamic between Stolas and Blitzø. Look, I can see and angle for a lot of stuff here, I'm not gonna be picky.
Unless Valentino is involved. Fuck that guy, he sucks, Vox deserves better.
First Ship Ever: oh God, okay, I thiiiiink if we're not going with baby's first Mary Sue esque OCs and character I like, the first was Tobias/Rachel in Animorphs. It's at least the earliest I remember, and it still punches me in the gut. I might like my happy endings but sometimes you just need a ship that ends like a sucker punch to the gut.
Last Song You Heard: Mad World by Tears for Fears. I really like Tears for Fears and a lot of 80s New Wave music in general.
Favourite Childhood Book: OKAY LET'S THINK FOR A SECOND. CUZ THERE WERE A BUNCH. GOD. When I was real young I was a big fan of the Madeline series, the Babar books, the writings of William Steig (particularly The Bone)... there's this book called Ruth's Bake Shop that I adored, and this book called Messy Jessie that was very relatable...
But I adored the Animorphs books. So much. I got into those in the 4th grade after my favorite teacher introduced me to them and I was absolutely hooked. What a series. Honestly, I wanna reread em.
(Honorable mention to the HP series, which feels a little bit tainted now given everything but I really liked as a kid.)
Currently watching: I'm so bad at watching TV for the most part, especially by myself. But I'm rewatching Hazbin and am planning to do so for Helluva as well. I watch CR and d20 weekly, I watch a lot of Game Grumps, and I also tend to watch a lot of Mst3k and Rifftrax. Also, Julia Child. Lots of Julia Child.
Currently Consuming: I'm ALSO bad at eating in any way resembling consistent or healthy behavior...but I'm working on improving that. Right now I'm having two pieces of toast with ricotta.
Currently Craving: oh God, so many things at different times, all the time. I'm trying to develop better eating habits in general (and need to make myself cook more but the combination of my much loathed job sucking all my energy and my much enjoyed but poorly times gym classes get me home later than I'd like makes it difficult)... I guess right now I'm craving Moe's, I enjoy their burritos a lot and their El Guapo salsa is one of my favorites. Like I'd eat that shit all the time if I could.
I'm honestly not sure who to tag here...I suppose if you're in the fandom and interested, consider this an open invite?
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Any tips on how to grow your own blog by chance?
Aah man I've written a response to this kind of question many times but I always delete it because I'm afraid of coming off as self centered or arrogant, but I definitely have some tips on what works and doesn't work (on tumblr.)
I will say that I never believed I would get to the "Big Fandom Artist" stage. I've seen people drop my name in conversations or descriptions and just assume other people know who I am and that's still incredibly wild to me. I never really pushed to get a big blog it really just happened.
But! I do have rules and personal guidelines that might help if you are thinking of actively building your blog!
1: Keep personal information and vent posts to a minimum
It should go without saying that its not a good thing for your personal information to be on the internet. Once its out there its near impossible to erase. This is for your own safety.
Vent posts give out more information than you might think, but also some people who are following you may be going through difficult times themselves. I go on the internet to get away from my stressors and problems and i've specifically catered my dashboard to reflect my desires. I have no doubt others are the same.
I've unfollowed mutuals because they vented too frequently. I enjoyed what they made! But it stressed me out to read their vent posts because I couldn't help. I realized it was taking a toll on my mental health and I made the tough decision to unfollow.
It is very tempting to vagueblog because its nice getting out all the angry feelings, but a blog with thousands of people following it is not the place to do it.
2: Shitpost vs Quality Foley
I could go into a massive essay on this alone (ive even written out an outline already) but i'll keep it as brief as I can.
Throughout my time on Tumblr I’ve seen a number of posts of artists complaining about the lack of notes on their serious work compared to the abundance of notes on their shitposts.
This is because Tumblr IS a place of shitposts. It's like squeezing a clown nose and expecting it not to honk.
However! It's more complicated than that and i've broken it up into four parts organized by importance.
A. Relevance/Meta: Is it something that people are already familiar with? Is it something that's currently going on?
People want to enjoy things they're already familiar with. For example, people getting into Hollow Knight are more likely to follow a blog that posts HK content regularly over a HK blog that posted a picture of Grimm once and then is full of original content. It's not that people don't like your original stuff, its just not what they're looking for.
If you like striking while the iron is hot, meta jokes are the way to go. Making references to games like Among Us during the height of its popularity for example would get you lots of notes.
B. Hilarity
Is it funny? Does it subvert expectations?
Shitposts will always be more popular than a well drawn post. People like to laugh and share things that laugh. A cool, well drawn post is more often than not met with a "hm, cool. scrolls down."
This is a polished comic I made 10 months ago. I'm very proud of it and i'm pleased with the amount of attention it got. It took me 2 days to finish.
This is a shitpost I made 3 years ago that I still haven't been able to top. It took me 30 minutes to make.
That's not to say a well drawn post can get popular! It's just that people enjoy a good laugh over something shiny. This is a factor of knowing your audience. Some things land better than others and you'll be better off if you just roll with what you get.
I will say tho I appreciate the people who reblog my oc posts 200x more than people who reblog my shitposts and fanart. Those are quality followers and you must cherish them.
C. Appeal
Is it cute? Is it fluffy? Is the design easy to understand? Does it make people emotional? Is it angsty? Is it relatable?
People like cute shit. People like things that make them hurt (albeit not too much). People like things that they can see themselves in.
D. Skill
There is some merit in being good at what you do. People do like funny things more than shiny things, but shiny things are cool too.
If you post things that are funny? You're normal horoscopes.
If you post things that are well drawn? (its really telling that I can't think of someone right off the top of my head)
If you post things that are funny AND well drawn? Well then you're iguanamouth
3: Know your boundaries.
There's a difference between being understanding/tagging things correctly and catering to people who want you to be someone else.
I know that many people get upset with others who gender the vessels in Hollow Knight. While it doesn't bother me, I can recognize the misgendering of vessels as a source of dysphoria and I tag accordingly.
If someone comes into my inbox and tells me to stop drawing a character because they're "problematic," I'm just going to block them and go about my day.
4: This is your blog, its your rules.
I'm apologetically myself on my blog. I post what I want and what inspires me. The reason why I have so many AUs is because its my blog and I like AUs. If a large portion of the fandom doesn't like my AUs, its their loss, I make great AUs.
In fact, its just a good mindset in general to have. If some people don't like what you make, its not your problem. It makes you happy and it makes hundreds of others happy then continue to do what you do. It's impossible to have a large following and not have someone who dislikes you purely out of spite.
Make stuff for yourself, not because you want numbers.
5: Don't feed the trolls.
If someone sends you hate, take a picture of it, share it with your friends, laugh, block the person, delete message, move on with your life.
It's really fun to feed the trolls, but feeding trolls attracts more trolls and soon its not fun anymore. Just laugh when you get your first anon hate, maybe frame it in your room, and don't even acknowledge them with a "fuck you."
6: Recognize your position.
This is more advice for when you do get a big blog. You get to a point when you realize you have a portion of your audience who value much more than a regular human being and are willing to take up arms for you.
Do. Not. Weaponize. Your audience.
It's incredibly shitty and can ruin peoples lives.
7: Post Frequency/Schedule
Now this is one I can't do. It's normal for me to become incredibly active for 2 weeks and then end up posting nothing for a month. I don't have the patience to build up a queue of new things.
However! If you have more discipline than me, posting daily or twice a week builds up anticipation for your next post. You're dependable and people have the chance to look forward to seeing something from you on their dash on Friday.
Thats all I can think of so far.
There's no TL;DR you'll miss my important advice within these tips.
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fuckspn’s mini deancas fic rec
i said a few days ago that i would write a mini fic rec list, and here it is! i tried to limit it to fics i hadn’t seen on other rec lists before, but there are a few that i couldn’t resist adding even though everyone and their mother recommends them. there’s a whole section for “dean pulls cas out of the empty” fix-it fics because i know what the fuck i���m about. also literally all of these are deancas because i don’t read any other type of supernatural fic, and they all have happy endings because i’m not reading supernatural fanfiction to make myself sad.
a quick disclaimer before we start: i generally don’t like explicit sex scenes in fic unless i feel like they’re really narratively earned, realistic, in-character, and necessary to the emotional arc of the story. so while there are explicit fics in here, all but the last two on the list are sufficiently character- and plot-driven that you can skip the sex scenes entirely if you want.
Finale Fix-Its:
(they’ll never break) the shape we take by ~ME~ (Teen, 9k)
Yes, this is my own fic, but listen, I wouldn’t have written it if it didn’t hit what I wanted to see in a fix-it! I’m not gonna make any promises as to whether or not you’ll like it, but I do, and that’s what matters here. Read it if you want to see basically every wrong prediction about the finale rolled up into one fic, if you wish they’d kept the Empty as a morally neutral outsider instead of a villain, or if you just like somewhat uncanny, slippery dream logic and gratuitous callbacks. Also even though idk if I’ll ever finish or publish it, I’m working on a fluffy domestic follow-up featuring, among other things, fixes for both Jack and Billie’s endings. I’m just saying that so if you read this fic you know that even though it’s not mentioned, Jack does come back and get to be a normal toddler with his two dads.
my heart a compass by lagaudiere (Teen, 10k)
Again, I REALLY hope you like uncanny, slippery dream logic because that’s in this fic too! Cas POV is such a rare and difficult thing and I think lagaudiere nails it. Literally my only complaint about this fic is that at one point Cas imagines Jack having missing baby teeth at age 4 and my immediate reaction was to worry about why Jack would be missing teeth that young. This is because my brain is broken. Your brain is presumably not broken in the same way mine is, so you should enjoy this fic fine.
The World At Large by cenotaphy (General, 4.9k)
This fic is so sexy because cenotaphy was like “hey what if there were actual stakes for Dean in the Empty besides the threat of losing the love of his life? Like what if he had a time limit? What if he got fucking stabbed?” and then somehow turned it into the softest little thing about how much all the characters love each other. Truly incredible artistic decisions made here. Despite being relatively short and deancas-centric, Sam and Jack get a lot of screentime here too and they’re absolutely delightful. Tbh you should probably read all of cenotaphy’s season 15 fix-its but if you’re only gonna read one, make it this. (Or Bring Home, but I’ve seen that one on so many rec lists that I think statistically everyone on Earth has read it.)
Other:
You And Your Husband by mikaylamazing (General, 17.9k)
5+1, Dean and Cas getting mistaken for a couple, 80% fluff then 10% angst that genuinely hit me like a gut punch then 10% fluff again. Dean and Cas are at PEAK old married couple in this fic. Yeah they bitch at each other constantly, but they also will tool around the country in their car like a couple of retirees and Dean will indulge Cas’ random flights of fancy even when they’re for something he hates, like the original Starbucks at Pike Place Market. (I’m with Dean on this one.)
Command Me To Be Well by prosopopeya (Explicit, 28k)
Not gonna lie, this one hits the “angst with a happy ending” trope hard. The author is NOT fucking around with the warning for internalized homophobia, and I damn near cried at how Dean and Cas clearly loved each other and wanted to be together but just couldn’t because Dean’s psychological hangups were hurting them both. But not only does the happy ending come, the fic luxuriates in it—this is no band-aid slapped over the end, they genuinely fix their shit. Also, this fic has my favorite “Dean coming out to Sam” scene I’ve ever read.
Bring Up the Deep by deathbanjo (Explicit, 22.6k)
Okay. Listen. Yes, this is the fic I was talking about the other day, with the tags that make it sound way kinkier than it actually is. And yes, technically this fic does contain dom/sub undertones and sex pollen. But look at me—hey, look at me. This fic owns. It’s a horror case fic, so it’s mainly plot (and three brief sex scenes, but two of those are part of the plot). The monster is genuinely creepy and creative, the supporting characters are enjoyable to read about, the setting is well-drawn, and the ending is something I’m still digesting but in a very enjoyable way. As far as the kinky tags go, the fic basically plays out like Dean and Cas (who are in an established, albeit new, relationship) are slightly randier than normal due to case weirdness: the dom/sub undertones are so light that I barely noticed them, the “sex pollen” is a deliberately unnerving plot device, and both Dean and Cas have nuanced emotional reactions to the whole situation that they are allowed to process and talk through with each other. I’ve never read A Complete Kingdom and never will, but if you’ve ever wanted a Deancas horror casefic set in coastal Maine that won’t leave you a shattered husk of a human being, Bring Up the Deep is for you!
Though The Course May Change by imogenbynight (Explicit, 51.5k)
I’ve seen this one on a number of rec lists, but I couldn’t not include it because it’s just so fun. Another case fic involving Dean and Cas staying in a cabin in a rainy, semi-isolated location surrounded by colorful OCs, but this time the only horror is the prospect of fake-dating the guy you’re secretly actually in love with. It’s a delightful read.
More Than Ever by Sass_Master (Explicit, 20.2k)
Canon-divergent fic from 2015 about Cas choosing to become human and Dean being a real bitch about it. It’s very fun, but I’m mainly recommending it because it’s part 1 of a series and therefore provides the necessary backstory/buildup for the next fic on this list.
You’re There by Sass_Master (Explicit, 11.5k)
This is part 3 of the same series (part 2 is not required reading, it’s just a short explicit fic set in between these two fics), and while most of it is about sex, it’s also a fucking A+, 10/10, award-worthy character study of Dean and his internal relationship to his sexuality. Literally I was reading it going, “That’s it! That’s the Dean Winchester who lives in my head!”
till the juice runs by deathbanjo (Explicit, 8.4k)
The epic saga of Dean’s terrible knockoff-Grindr hookups while Cas waits at home for him like if you could see that I’m the one who understands you been here all along so why can’t you see you belong w— Listen, I’ll be honest here, this fic is completely not my usual speed (lots of sex, relatively light—but not nonexistent!—romance, zero Big Emotions), so it doesn’t have much in common with any other fics on this list besides a rotating cast of fun OCs. It is, however, the single funniest fucking deancas fic I’ve ever read in my life. Fun minigame: count how many times one of Dean’s hookups is described as having messy dark hair and/or blue eyes.
#fic rec#idk how 'mini' this is at this point it's 10 fics#but that's only a tiny fraction of the amount of deancas fic i've read in the last 100 days so
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Elevated Extras: Ranger Ghost Companion
You a Courier? If so, this might be your lucky day...if you don't mind walking a bit and your eyes are good.
(Original sketch by @tarberrymentats / based on the OC Companion Meme by @falloutfandomeventhub / if you borrow this concept please tag it as #fallout elevated extras)
General
Name: Ranger Ghost
Location: Mojave Outpost
How to obtain: Complete the sidequest “Keep Your Eyes on the Prize,” then begin the sidequest “Giving Up the Ghost” to get her reassigned from the Mojave Outpost. Once freed of her assignment, she can travel with the Courier to monitor Legion activity throughout the Mojave.
Companion Quest: “Giving Up the Ghost.”
Ranger Ghost, like everyone else, is sick and tired of being stuck at the Mojave Outpost. Unfortunately, orders are orders. With the courier’s help, though, she just might be able to come down from that rooftop, but dealing with NCR bureaucracy might be a worse ordeal than Legion crucifixion.
Companion Wheel
I think we should travel together. You probably can’t tell, but that’d make me very happy. Let’s get the hell out of here.
Let’s talk about your tactics. Sure. Lecture the ranger on tactics. Go ahead. / What’re you thinking?
I want you to change your combat style. (humoring) Alright. / If you insist.
Use a melee weapon. Close combat, then. / Sure. We can hold their hands and tuck them in while we’re at it. / (Wild Wasteland Enabled) Try to remember the basics of CQC.
Use a ranged weapon. (stating the obvious) It’s what I do. / You going to spot for me? / (deeply sarcastic) Aww. Finally remembered I’m a ranger?
Be passive. Sure, give peace a chance. / Don’t go pacifist on me, now.
Be aggressive: Locked and loaded. / (mocking the company line) Right, and with “extreme prejudice.”
Enough about tactics. Agreed. Anything else? / Are we good, then?
Let’s talk about how close you’re following me. Is there a problem? / What are you...implying, exactly?
Wait here. Right. Things to do, places to be? / Holding down here. / I’ll keep watch here.
Follow me. Let’s roll out. / Finally. Don’t like waiting. / Right. Skip to my fucking lou.
Stay close to me. (sternly cautious) Define “close.” / Got it, on you. / Just don’t bump my gun.
Keep your distance. Positioning, got it. / Yeah, covering you. / (facetious concern) Don’t get lost, now.
Let’s trade equipment. Don’t get fucking handsy, now. / Just don’t hog the ammo.
(Overburdened). I’m not your fucking pack brahmin. / (exasperated) I’ve only got so many pockets.
(Sneaking). Staying low. / (wryly imperative) Quiet, now.
(In Courier’s iron sights). What the fuck is wrong with you? / (slowly, emphasizing) Watch your trigger discipline. / Don’t make me take that away.
(Courier lays mine). I’ve got my eyes on that. / You’d better have a plan for that.
It’s time for us to part ways. It’s because i’m a bitch, isn’t it. / Such sweet fucking sorrow, I bet.
I’d like you to go to the Lucky 38. Hm. Sending the Ghost to the haunted house. See you there. I’ll try not to spook the Securitrons.
We can meet again at the Mojave Outpost. (sucks teeth) Guess I’ll report what I’ve got back to headquarters. Hopefully by now they’ve got someone else watching the brahmins shit full-time.
Injured: (seething) SSShhit. / Didn’t want it like this. / (with conviction) I didn’t get off that roof just to fucking bite it.
Damaged Limb: (shout of pain) Fucker clipped me! / Sure could use a fucking medic.
Regaining Consciousness: What...what the hell happened? / (trailing off) Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck...
Death: (death rattle) / (weakly) Ghosts...can die, huh...ha...
Attributes
Aggression: Aggressive.
Confidence: Brave.
Assistance: Helps friends and allies.
Karma: Neutral.
Perks
Ghost of a Chance: When Ranger Ghost is by your side, so are the odds. In addition to gaining an extra 3% chance to critically hit, any single attack that would kill you may instead leave you just barely alive and invulnerable for a brief moment..
Drops, if killed
Ranger Vest Outfit
Ranger Grey Hat
Authority Glasses
Cowboy Repeater
Combat Knife
Iguana Bits
Grognak the Barbarian
Dialogue, Quest Details, and Ending Slides:
Dialogue
Why do they call you Ghost? What, don’t I scare you? Boo? Nothing? (beat) Well, if you gotta know, it stuck pretty quick back in basic. Not like there were many other albinos in boot camp. The all-white spooky bitch who shoots better at night? Yeah, that’s a ghost, alright. Pissed me off at first, but I came around when it started giving privates the heebie-jeebies. Just a little kick, is all.
What’s an albino? Albinism is a pigment disorder. You know, the color of your skin and hair? As in I don’t have color. Pale as a sheet.
[Medicine 35] A sharpshooter with albinism? Isn’t your vision affected? Done your homework, huh? Well, these big, bad sunglasses aren’t just for intimidation, doc. They only come off when I sleep. Sucks enough being photosensitive in the goddamn desert, but like I said. I’m a lot better at night.
What’s your real name? (the thousandth time she’s answered this exact question) If I told you that, I’d have to kill you.
Aw, come on. Curiosity killed the courier. Don’t push it.
[Speech 40] I’m just trying to understand my partner better. Then “understand” that I don’t owe you shit except loyalty. Just call me Ghost, and you’ll get that.
[Cherchez La Femme] Surely you’ve got a name to match that lovely personality. (flustered) Are you d-...I-...Yeah, I do.But you can just keep calling me Ghost. (quietly) For...for now.
What’s the deal with Ranger Jackson? Man hasn’t got a thought in his fucking head...which is why he’s such a good C.O., from the top down. He’s a nice enough guy on a good day. He’s...principled, for sure. But the man wouldn’t budge on an order from brass if it’d save his life. Stranded caravaneers get so bored and restless because of the impasse he’s overseeing that he’s started (excessive emphasis) “hiring” the rowdier ones for odd jobs off the grounds, which is why we’ve been “losing” supplies for a while. Gets shit done, I guess, but wish he’d show half that drive when bitching to HQ, but no. They tell him to sit tight, he says yes sir, and then he takes it out on us when we get frustrated at the frustrating bullshit.
Do you know Major Knight? (standoffish) Yeah. Good guy. Known him a while. Hell, he’s been at M.O. longer than I have.
What does he do? Repairs, mostly. With all the caravans backed up, we sort of have a monopoly on maintenance and upkeep. And believe me, he does damn fine work.
[Confirmed Bachelor] Is he...you know…? Is he...oh. Between you and me? Yeah. He and I are...alike. I mean, I’m the bitch everybody hates, so I don’t really give a shit, but beneath that…(thinking how best to describe him, ribbing him a bit)...accountant exterior of his, he’s really the soft, sensitive type. Needs someone to talk to sometimes. I’m that someone, sometimes, but if you get the chance...it’d do him good just to know he’s not that alone out here.
How can I best use your skills? Hard to find a way that’d be worse than all the wasted time at M.O., but I’ll make it easy for you: give me a target and let me shoot it. If it’s too close to shoot, I’m trained in hand-to-hand, and if it’s too far to shoot, it’ll never see me coming. Standard repertoire for a ranger.
What’s your opinion on the NCR? High enough to keep me enlisted, low enough to where I’ve got plenty to mock. We’re a good country, a damn good country. We’re the only real country actually left in the West. We’d be the best thing to ever crawl out of the bombed-out ruins of this war if it weren’t for all the bureaucratic bullshit, and the brass getting duller the higher you go. It’s all just song and dance and sloganeering to them out here. Whatever looks good on paper. They don’t give a shit what really happens to people out here, and if Caesar doesn’t kill us, that might. At least on the inside.
What’s it like being a ranger? Ranger training is the best, most brutal gauntlet this side of the Colorado. Hours and hours of days and days spent shooting, drilling, fighting, bringing the body to its breaking points, pouring blood and sweat just to get an inch past the wide-eye hopefuls who were always going to just wash out...and all of it just to stand on a fucking rooftop staring at ants and malnourished raiders on the interstate. I swear, if you gave headquarters a golden egg, they’d fucking cook it.
Were you at the battle of Hoover Dam? Was going to be, but believe it or not, I sat out sick. Got the fucking flu right before and was stuck at McCarran the whole time, half-lucid. Let me tell you, the whole tent of coughs and sneezes crowding around that radio, listening to the reports...when Hanlon ordered that retreat out of Boulder City, we were grabbing our rifles and getting ready to march out on foot, even if we could barely stand. We thought that was it. Of course, it wasn’t, and we cheered so loud when they radioed about the explosion that I hope Caesar damn well heard it.
Do you wish that you had been there? Of course I do. If I miss the next one because I’m stuck at the Outpost or some shit, I’m deserting with a dozen fed-up caravaneers to flank his fucking fort myself, if only for some goddamn excitement.
How do you feel about the Legion? Love ‘em. Joined the NCR because I just wanted to meet them that bad. Their new Legate’s such a heartthrob, I hear.
You’re not serious. (sucks teeth, deep sigh) Look. You saw Nipton. It was just a taste of what they do. I’ve seen good men die on crosses, and that’s a mercy compared to the good women. I hear when women sign up now, they get about five extra “are you sures?” from recruiters. Not officially, of course. Brass would never let people back home know how bad it is. But it’s just another thing that makes me glad I’m a sniper, sometimes. Engage at range. Out of reach.
What about Legion society? Do you know anything about life across the river? There’s nothing across that river. Nothing. (beat, pondering) Do you remember the Enclave War? Bitter, bloody, big explosion at Navarro? And the Brotherhood campaign out here? Even worse of a shitshow, but still, we won that out, too. But the Enclave and the Brotherhood at least stood for something. They were societies, or at least promises of one, and if things had shaken out the other way for the NCR at least something would still be standing here. The Legion isn’t like that. They aren’t “something.” They’re one big razor across Arizona, shaving everything down. And if we don’t stop them here, we never will.
What about their Legate? (with contempt) Lanius, “The Monster of the East.” Caesar must’ve plucked him out of hell or something after his first legate blew it at Hoover Dam. Word from recon is that the only reason we’re all still twiddling our thumbs there is that he’s out making friends for Caesar someplace, and he’ll be bringing them all back for a whole ‘nother goddamn jamboree soon. (tension broken by a funny thought; spoken dryly) Or should I say a Damboree. Since it’d be at the Dam.
Do you know anything about Mr. House? No. Closest I’ve ever been to the Strip has been McCarran, where I was too proud to get wasted on expensive booze in the casinos. As punishment, I got stuck with nothing to do but get shitfaced on cheap booze at the outpost. All I know is Mr. House runs the whole Strip himself, and there’s one casino, the Lucky 36 or something, that’s supposed to be all his. No one’s allowed in, no one’s ever come out. Frankly? Just strikes me as fucking weird.
Companion Quest: Giving Up the Ghost
After completing the sidequest “Eyes On the Prize” (in which the Courier checks Nipton for survivors), Ghost will remark that the Mojave’s going to hell, and all she can do is sit and watch. The Courier will reply that she ought to stop watching and travel with them, to which she’ll respond that her orders are absolute—but if the courier can change her orders somehow, she’d be indebted. The quest then begins.
= = = Stage 1: Deal with Jackson = = =
First, the Courier must speak to Ranger Jackson and convince him to consider Ghost’s reassignment. They can do this through the following dialogue options:
[Speech 80] This outpost is just waiting to be overrun by Legion. You’ll be the next Nipton unless you’re proactive.
[Speech 55; completed “Can’t You Find It In Your Heart” beforehand] Maybe I could tell your superiors about where I “found” these “lost” supplies, then.
[Barter 80] Ghost is an exceptional asset to the rangers. Stationing her here is a waste of valuable NCR resources.
[NCR Fame] There’s work to be done for the NCR out there, and Ghost is who I trust to do it with me.
[Black Widow] I’ve ways of making men come around...especially handsome men in uniform. (The Courier must then sleep with Ranger Jackson)
Note that the Courier can not simply complete the quest “Can’t You Find It In Your Heart?” as a favor to Jackson for Ghost’s reassignment. While he’ll let a caravaneer go, it’ll take more than clearing some ants from the road to get him to compromise his standing force and let go of a ranger.
Alternatively, Jackson’s death will advance the quest.
Kill Jackson. Similar to Cass’ companion quest, Jackson can simply be killed. However, Ghost is far less sympathetic to this course of action and will confront the Courier over the murder. If Jackson is simply killed, the Courier will either need a convincing alibi [Speech 90] to argue that they weren’t responsible or admit to the murder. If the Courier fails the Speech check or admits to the murder, Ghost will turn hostile (“Maybe you didn’t fucking think this through, but do you know what we call someone who kills an NCR ranger? An enemy of the NCR rangers. Now, eat shit.”). Alternatively, the Courier can intimidate Ghost into silence with a [Terrifying Presence] option, after which a shaken but seething Ghost will simply ask the Courier to leave the outpost and never come back. Passing the Speech check is the way to not fail the quest from this option.
Kill Jackson and frame Cass. If the Courier kills Jackson themself, attempting to loot Jackson’s body will trigger a message suggesting that they could frame Cass for the murder by splashing whiskey on the body (so long as Cass is not currently the player’s companion and is currently at the Mojave Outpost, not the Lucky 38). By adding a whiskey bottle to Jackson’s body without themself or the body being discovered in the meantime, they can successfully implicate Cass for the murder, and explain as much to Ghost. She’ll buy it, since Cass was one of the most frustrated residents of the outpost and was drunk almost all the time. Cass will then disappear from the game, and if Lacey, Major Knight, or Ghost (if the Courier left the outpost before speaking to her again) are asked, they will explain that Cass was arrested by the NCR.
Have someone else kill Jackson. A desperate, fed-up caravaneer named Paul by the brahmin pens is willing to kill Jackson for 5,500 caps. This price can be negotiated down to 4,000 with a [Barter 60] check, and 3,500 with [Barter 75]. At midnight that night, Paul will attempt to sneakily kill Jackson. Alternatively, Paul can be incensed into attacking Jackson immediately and for free with a [Hot Blooded] trait check. In either case, though, there is no guarantee that Paul will succeed, and if Paul is killed then the Courier must advance the quest another way (though they can loot their spent caps from Paul’s body). When spoken to afterwards, Ghost will remark that she saw the Courier speaking to Paul and ask if they had anything to do with it. By passing a [Speech 50] check, the Courier can convincingly lie that they were trying to talk him out of it. With either the [Black Widow] or [Cherchez la Femme] perks, the Courier can lie and say that Paul very foolishly did it to try to impress them. With [Low Intelligence] the Courier can earnestly say that they thought “taking care” of Jackson meant doing something nice for him.
Somehow allow Jackson to die. If Jackson just somehow dies in an unaccounted way, such as from a spawned-in deathclaw eviscerating him in his own office, Ghost will remark on the strangeness of the situation but won’t blame the Courier. This is a failsafe option to prevent quest breakage.
= = = Stage 2: Find a Replacement = = =
If Jackson is alive, he’ll agree with the Courier that he ought to let Ghost go, but he’s still under orders to maintain a standing force at Mojave—a standing force which includes a highly trained sniper. If Jackson has been killed, Ghost will mention that Major Knight is next in command and would be glad to give her clearance, but that he won’t be able to do so without a replacement sniper, either. Either way, the Courier is tasked with finding a suitable replacement. The Courier can ask her for advice:
Who should I look for to be your replacement? They have to be NCR, obviously. Ex-NCR might work, too, so long as they’re in good standing. Any Dick or Jane off the road is a no-go, since brass put the kibosh on officially contracting mercenaries. Oh, and anyone you get would have to be well-trained. Not necessarily a ranger, but good enough to replace one, even for a sit-on-the-shitter job like this. Only the best and brightest get to stare at this fucking road all day, apparently.
Where should I look for your replacement? If you checked out some of the ranger stations around the Mojave, they might be able to move some people around. Hell, take it all the way to McCarran if you want, or with Hanlon. If you’re going to give them shit on my behalf, by all means, go nuts. A lot of higher-ups can be greased with enough favors, anyway. Whoever you get just needs the right credentials. Legion attacks get dragged asses and twiddled thumbs, sure, but bad paperwork would set a goddamn fire at headquarters.
The following characters can be recruited as the Mojave Outpost’s new watch:
A generic ranger. By speaking to the commanding officers of at least three of the NCR ranger camps across the Mojave with sufficient [NCR Fame], the Courier can speak to Chief Hanlon to arrange for Ghost’s replacement with a generic ranger. This option is impossible if “Return to Sender” has already been completed.
Craig Boone. If the Courier has completed “I Forgot to Remember to Forget” in a way that makes Boone repentant over his past, he can be persuaded to take over Ghost’s position as a good way to put his skills to use. Otherwise, he will refuse, either preferring to stay in Novac where he lived with Carla or not wanting to be stuck as a watchman again when he could be out killing Legionnaires. If selected, Boone’s home marker will change from Novac to the Mojave Outpost.
Manny Vargas. Novac’s other sniper can be convinced to take up Ghost’s post, but only if the Courier has completed “One For My Baby,” “Come Fly With Me,” and eradicated the Legion presence from Nelson. Once convinced that Novac seems safe, for now, he’ll be willing to reenlist if paid a generous salary. The Courier can either pay Manny 5,000 caps to reenlist now, pass a [Barter 65] check to explain that it’s a provisional reenlistment and reduce their bribe to 3,000, or if the Courier has already passed the [Confirmed Bachelor] check in dialogue with Knight, they can tell Manny about the cute little major sitting behind the desk all day there by his lonesome. Once convinced, Manny will relocate to the Mojave Outpost and take Ghost’s place.
Bryce Anders. This keen-eyed ranger can be recruited to Ghost’s position if he is rescued from the Vault 3 Fiends by the Courier. Once spoken with in Camp McCarran, the Courier can explain that the Mojave Outpost needs a new ranger stationed there. He will defer to Colonel Hsu’s authority on reassignments, and with a successful [Speech 60], [Medicine 40], or [NCR Fame] check, Hsu will agree to the reassignment on the grounds that it’s a useful position still sedentary enough to not complicate the ranger’s recovery.
Little Buster. The listless bounty hunter at Camp McCarran is looking for another career path and would be willing to take over Ghost’s do-nothing position. However, the only way to recruit him is to fabricate both credentials and enlistment records by either stealing personnel files from either Colonel Hsu’s office at Camp McCarran or from the filing cabinets at Camp Golf, or speaking to Daniel Contreras, who “knows a guy” who’ll take care of it if the Courier has already acquired access to Contreras' expanded inventory by siding with him in the unmarked quest “Dealing with Contreras.”
Private Halford. The sole survivor of Camp Guardian mentions that he wants to head back home through Mojave Outpost after being rescued from the mirelurk caves, at which point the Courier can mention no one is allowed to leave through there, and ask if he’d like to take Ghost’s position there instead. At first he’ll refuse, but with a [Speech 45] or [NCR Fame] check he can be convinced that a quiet, do-nothing watch assignment would be a lot better than anything else after what happened at Camp Guardian, to which he’ll agree. He will also relocate to the Mojave Outpost after being freed anyway, getting stuck like everyone else so that the speech check can be re-attempted. However, Halford isn’t considered well-trained enough for a ranger’s job. The Courier must speak to Jackson (or Knight, if Jackson is dead) and pass a [Speech 80] or [NCR Fame] check to make a strong endorsement, or a [Survival 55] check to explain how impressive it is that he survived an attack from so many mirelurks. Alternatively, the Courier can fabricate impressive enough credentials through the options required to assign Little Buster.
Once Ghost’s replacement has been assigned to the Mojave Outpost, the Courier only needs to speak to Ghost again. She will explain that she’s been “reassigned” to open patrol across the Mojave, ostensibly to track Legion activity, so long as she does so with the Courier. She also gains an additional dialogue option dependent on your choice of replacement:
What do you think of your replacement?
(Generic ranger) For this job? Any ranger’s as wasted as any other. I almost feel bad, I doubt she’ll like that fucking roof any more than I did...almost feel bad. Doesn’t quite cancel out the relief.
(Boone) First recon is one hell of a pull. Took right to it, too, like he was already used to it. Strikes me as the...quiet, contemplative type. Likes to think. Not much else to do up there, anyway. I bet those brahmin pins have never felt safer.
(Manny) First recon is one hell of a pull. Took right to it, too, like he was already used to it. Seems like a nice enough guy, and seems to be getting along with Major Knight. Hell, you love to see it.
(Bryce) A good man. Heard about what the Fiends did to him, and after all that, he certainly deserves a break. Didn’t think of this shit job as much of a vacation before, but seems like it’ll do him good.
(Buster) Not sure where the hell you found this guy, but if (Jackson / Knight) gave the okay, then...okay. I would’ve put a goddamn brahmin in a beret up there if it could have gotten me another assignment.
(Halford) The mirelurk guy? Yeah, he seems alright. I’ve never actually seen a mirelurk, but after hearing his story, I don’t think I want to. I didn’t even know we had a camp that far up there.
Speaking to Ghost after her replacement takes her position completes the quest, and from then on, she can now be recruited as a companion. However, similar to Boone, she will only remain the Courier’s companion if they maintain good reputation with the NCR, and as an active-duty ranger, her intolerance for anti-NCR actions is even more strict.
Ending Slides
If "Giving Up the Ghost” is started, but never completed:
NCR Victory. Ranger Ghost remained at Mojave Outpost, dutifully, thanklessly, and restlessly. When the rangers there received word that the Legion had made their move on the dam, the entire outpost went silent. Waiting. From her rooftop perch, at least she was the first to see the bearer of good news come up the road. In the moment, at least, it was worth everything to be there.
Legion, House, or Independent Victory. Ranger Ghost remained at Mojave Outpost, dutifully, thanklessly, and restlessly. When the rangers there received word that the Legion had made their move on the dam, the entire outpost went silent. Waiting. From her rooftop perch, she was the first to see the NCR’s retreat, as civilians and troopers alike began fleeing through the Long 15. She was right: this whole time, all she could do was watch.
Ghost is dead. Ghost, bitterly, died as she lived...(deep sigh) at the Mojave fucking Outpost.
If “Giving Up the Ghost” is completed:
NCR Victory: When legionnaires by the score descended upon Hoover Dam, Ghost was proud to have been one of the many rangers in the battle that kicked their shit in back across the Colorado. She celebrated with the rest of them, even a smile creeping onto her face every now and then. Still, Ghost returned to business before long, as part of a squad out East tracking down the straggling remnants of Caesar’s retreating Legion.
Legion Victory: Ghost was among the many rangers who fought at Hoover Dam, but when the army of legionnaires led by the Courier, to whom she owed her very presence there, proved unstoppable, she was ultimately among its many casualties. Their advance was too sudden, too overwhelming, for a clean evacuation, and a grisly duel with a centurion trapped her near the front. Still, the Legion never took Ghost alive. She made sure of it.
House or Independent Victory: The arrival of the Securitrons at Hoover Dam was a surprise to every NCR trooper stationed there, including Ghost. Their sudden turn against the NCR, and their allegiance to the Courier, even more so. The triumph of vanquishing the Legion was short-lived, then, as Ghost joined the forced retreat, one pale face in a sea of many.
Ghost is dead: Despite her name, there was no supernatural flourish when Ghost died. She simply died like a ranger, fighting to the end. That’s all that mattered.
(Bonus) Cass’s Ending Slide if the Courier frames her for the murder of Jackson:
Rose of Sharon Cassidy spent all of her time at the Mojave Outpost in a drunken stupor, which is why when Major Knight oversaw her arrest for the murder of Ranger Jackson, it took so long to get exonerated. By the time the alibi was pieced together and the evidence was admitted as circumstantial, the battle of Hoover Dam shifted NCR’s attention elsewhere, and the crime was never solved. For a few months in the clink, though, at least Cass got what she wanted: home, and finally away from the outpost.
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Happy Halloween.
So it’s about time I gave a real fucking update instead of just dicking around being cagey about shit. I’ve mentioned a new project repeatedly. So let’s sit down and actually talk about it, friends. Pull up a chair, grab yourself some hot cocoa and strap in. Welcome to Sarc’s emotional roller coaster.
Bear with me. This is hard to talk about for so many reasons, but mostly because I’ve been belittled and ridiculed so many times in my life for liking “cringy” things or wanting to do things that other people think are stupid or childish. I hear the voice of my father telling me to “make something of my life” and “don’t squander your talents”, I hear the voice of my mother telling me I have “so much potential” and “one day I hope you get some ambition”, I hear the voice of my ex telling me to “stop wasting time with stupid shit” and “nobody is interested in failures”. I hear old teachers telling me honor roll students should go to college and study high-demand majors and anything else would be lazy and detrimental and won’t contribute anything worthwhile to society.
It’s the same shit that prevented me for a long time from posting art online. From posting writing online. From making ocs and showing them to other people. And now it’s preventing me from starting this project, and I’m so, so tired of it.
My biggest fear right now is that once I start talking about this project I’ll lose this tiny little community of people vaguely interested in my stuff that have somehow stuck around. External validation and sharing the things I love are my primary motivations with everything I do online, and while screaming into the void is all well and good, I need feedback and interaction and community. I need it so, so badly. I wouldn’t post jack shit – ever – if I didn’t need that, to be honest.
So anyway.
When the pandemic kicked into high gear earlier this year I got laid off for a few months. It gave me a lot of time to think about who I am and where I wanted to be in life, what mattered to me, what dreams I still had and which ones had fallen by the wayside.
Some of them are huge – once upon a time I was very religious. I went through seminary, got my minister’s certification, and was slated to be an associate pastor in a mega-church and rake in a six-figure income within 3 years. But I lost my faith and couldn’t stand the idea of being disingenuous.
And there was also a time when I received a full-ride scholarship to a very prestigious university that would have spanned a 12-year program and resulted in me having several doctorates and masters degrees by the end of it, in the fields of geology, palaeontology, and cladistics. But the scholarship program that was supposed to sponsor me went bankrupt the very semester I was supposed to capitalize on it. I was still accepted into the school, but the $1.2 million price tag would have all been out of my own pocket. So obviously that didn’t happen.
Those were the “acceptable” dreams. Those were the ones that parents and teachers and the general outside world approved of and thought were worthy goals. But neither of them panned out, and all I have left are the cringy ones. Like homesteading and sustainable living (can’t start without land, can’t have land without money). Like making comic books and doing art commissions for a living (it has to be steady to support myself, and I’m far too slow an artist for things to be steady). And like… playing video games.
Ha.
What’s funny is I can already envision the eyerolls and hear the snorts of laughter. What kind of dream is that? Only a handful of famous youtubers and twitch celebrities play video games for a living, and breaking into a field like that is pretty much impossible unless you already have friends in famous places.
Yeah, but… it would be so much fun. Right?
It WOULD be fun. I don’t have to become a super popular celebrity for it to be fun, right?
I don’t have to make it my day job and rake in piles of cash for it to be fun, right?
… I don’t have to actually be successful for it to be fun… right?
… Right?
:/
… I love video games.
I’ve loved them ever since I tried and failed so many times to win The Empire Strikes Back on Atari 2600. I’ve loved them ever since I played Mortal Kombat with my cousin in his basement with the sound down super low because it was ultra-violent and I would have been in so much trouble if mom caught me playing it. I’ve loved them ever since I tried and failed to finish Strife and Hexen and Heretic without the computer crashing and rebooting to DOS. I’ve loved them ever since I had to cheat-code my way through Jedi Knight: Dark Forces II just to get past the first boss fight but then no-clipped through the wall and died anyway. I still love that game.
But I stopped playing video games for a very long time. I was intimidated out of them by an ex and a somewhat toxic friend group who were Real Gamers™. I was brought to LAN parties but not allowed to play, because I slowed down the team and didn’t know the controls. I was banned from commenting on other people’s moves or cheering people on because it was distracting and I could cost them a win. I was even kicked out of their online D&D campaigns because I couldn’t be serious enough or roleplay well enough for their standards. Even if I was playing a game on my own, I couldn’t play with anyone else in the house because I’d be ridiculed for dying a lot, or for going the wrong way, or for picking the wrong game because only certain games are “good” and most of the ones I wanted to play were “stupid” or “trash” or a “waste of time”.
That kind of thing sits with me for a very, very long time. I didn’t really play games at all for over a decade. Even after I ended up on the opposite side of the country, with a new circle of friends, I couldn’t bring myself to play much of anything.
And then I had an extended visit with a friend of mine, and he introduced me to an early version of a ridiculous little game called Minecraft. My friend was an avid gamer but also a very kind one. In the ten years before this, I had told myself that I just preferred to watch other people play games instead of playing them myself (a lie. I mean, I absolutely adore watching other people play, but I also want to play too lol), my friend saw through that and very gently encouraged me to take a stab at playing Minecraft myself. He moved his laptop over to me, and I played a whole ten minutes with him watching before my nerves failed me and I promptly died. But miraculously it wasn’t a big deal to him. It was just a game. I might have cried in relief, I don’t remember.
After my visit I shelved playing video games for like another year, despite buying a whole mess of them because other friends online loved certain titles and wanted to talk about them with me. (I never played them, just bought them. I couldn’t even handle the thought of playing by myself in my own house). But for some reason I mentioned to my brother-in-law my old visit to my Minecraft-loving friend, and he just… up and bought the game for me. My brother-in-law is also an avid gamer with a lovely and patient disposition, and he suggested I just play in creative mode and build things to start. So I did that (behind a locked door in the RV that I lived in by myself, with the lights off and the sound down low) and Minecraft was my sole video game for another several years.
Then a couple years ago another friend of mine (hi Char) introduced me to Star Wars: The Old Republic, and I fell in love. It sparked a renewed interest in video games that I thought I would never really have the opportunity to satisfy, because games were still intimidating.
Let me clarify: I… SUCK. At video games. I’m terrible at them. Learning controls is a nightmare and a tunicate evolving its own brain would learn faster than me. If I’m aiming, I can’t hit the broad side of a barn. I have the direction sense of a whirligig beetle on the back of a drunk pigeon. I die fast and I die often. I can count the number of games I’ve actually finished on one hand. Even less if we don’t count the ones I had to use cheat codes to get through. But none of that diminishes my love of experiencing them, and over this whole pandemic and quarantine thing I’ve had a lot of time to unpack and mull over my thoughts and feelings and passions about them.
… I moved my RV to a new spot literally the day before the lockdown in my state first initiated. Before this I was in a spot that had no internet other than what reception I could get on my phone, with severely limited bandwidth and patchy, unreliable service. The new spot has a steady wi-fi connection, and while upload speed is utter shit, downloading and streaming video are just this side of manageable. So I spent the first three months of the quarantine lockdown doing pretty much nothing other than watching Jacksepticeye, CrankGameplays, and Markiplier play video games on YouTube. (I honestly had no idea before this that people even did let’s plays. My internet access/speed has been shit for so long I’m totally out of the loop).
It… for fear of sounding utterly stupid yet again, it inspired me.
Like. These people really love what they’re doing. They just. Play video games and have fun with it, and I mean yeah they make money hand-over-fist doing it but the main thing is they HAVE FUN doing it. They have fun! Playing video games! In front of people! It’s wild. And the thing that REALLY got me was… they have feedback on it too. They have a COMMUNITY. They have people they can talk to about it. They have people that they can play games WITH, even, who don’t yell at them or tell them they suck every five minutes or tell them they can’t play with them because they’re worthless as teammates. They can fuck up in a game and their friends are laughing along with them on Discord instead of screaming at them to get it right or get out. They can play games by themselves in their house and then upload videos on the internet and then they can talk to other people about it! They have fun! It’s awesome! They have fun!!
I just. It meant so much to me. It meant so much to me to see these videos of these three, and then another dozen or so that I’ve followed since, play all these games and have such a good time and also be such a positive and kind and encouraging source of energy.
I know all of this is not exactly about video games specifically. It’s about coming to terms with how I’ve been treated as a person and as a friend, about how other people respect someone’s interests and passions, about how it’s okay to share your interests with other people and it’s okay to like things that other people might not care about or think are important.
And I’m so, so tired of not doing the things I love because I’m afraid of what other people will think.
So I, uh. I invested all of the stimulus money I had into a new rig and equipment like a camera, lighting, acoustic panels, all that shit. I dug out all the games I bought but never played, I made accounts on all the big gaming services like Steam and Itch.io and GoG, and I made a YouTube channel. And I’m going to be making my own let’s plays. And it will suck, and it will be cringy and awkward and badly done, and it won’t make me money or be a valid career option or be anything but another very expensive hobby, but it will be mine, and it will be something I can share with people and (hopefully) have fun with, and it will (hopefully) be an avenue for some of this positive social interaction I’m craving.
I know YouTube can be toxic and super negative and full of trolls and cancel culture fanatics and people just waiting to find something to tear you down for, but like. Come on, y’all. I’m posting this on tumblr dot com. Toxic is everywhere anyway. I just want to try, you know?
I just want to love video games again.
Someone famous that I look up to so, so much told me – without knowing that I was even listening, without even knowing that I even exist – that if I enjoy doing something, to just go for it. To just jump in and do it, and if it works then it works, and if it doesn’t, what have I actually lost?
And I’m lucky enough to have four whole offline friends that I’ve mentioned this idea to, and each of them has said encouraging things like I’d have a good voice and face and style for making let’s plays. I honestly don’t know how true that part is, but on my good days I believe them. And they also said that I should go for it, to just try.
So that’s… that’s what I’m doing, I guess. I just want to try.
I know it’s not Star Wars fanart. I know it’s not Star Wars fanfiction. I know it’s not Star Wars meta or essays or ranting about the Sith and the Jedi and the Force. I know it’s not what y’all want from me. And that’s utterly terrifying. I’m bracing myself to be alone on the internet again, because I know that when I dive headfirst into this thing, it’ll eat away into the time that I normally might be spending doing writing or art, and it’s going to be something no one else wants to see and no one signed up for. And that’s partly why it’s taken me so very, very long to get started.
The other part is more physical. Of course as soon as I decide that I’m going to put my face on a camera is when my entire face goes to shit. I’m currently waiting on a potential diagnosis for mouth cancer, while already dealing with a severe jaw infection that’s causing my teeth and gums to rot inside my mouth. They already took part of my jaw, I’m missing teeth, others are turning black, if I open my mouth even just a little it is so obvious and I look like a very, very literal zombie. I have never been more grateful that masks are socially acceptable. I have a series of twelve appointments scheduled to treat this shit now that I have dental and health insurance (goodbye paycheque), and I might qualify for reconstruction surgery too. But that doesn’t really help how I look right now.
So I just can’t bring myself to start this project just yet. I’ve been sitting on it for months now with all the other pieces in place, but I just. Can’t. Start. It’s driving me crazy, because I want to start so badly. I feel like I’m wasting time. I feel like I’ve already wasted so much time, because I haven’t even done anything else in the meantime. I haven’t done hardly any art or fanfic, nothing. My anxiety is spiking so high right now because I have all these expectations of myself, but I can’t do anything about it. I’ve been told that I could just start without a camera or wear a mask on screen, and I’ve actually done some recording doing exactly that, but I just… can’t seem to make anything I want to finalize.
It’s also frustrating because I have no way of uploading anything at home. I’ll have to go over to my partner’s house which is nearly an hour’s drive away in order to get internet good enough to upload videos, which means that upload schedules are going to be shiiiiiit and that’s also frustrating.
But. But. BUT. I want to do this.
I want to do this so badly. I want to share let’s plays and experience a love of video games with other people. I want to actually play games with other people too. I also just acquired a piano keyboard, and I want to play again on the regular because I miss it so much. I used to play piano for hours every single day, it’s so relaxing and fun, maybe I can post that too. Maybe I can post let’s draws or something, where I ask y’all what to draw and then make a video of me drawing it while bullshitting to the camera I don’t know it sounds like fun. Maybe I can post videos of my cooking because the shit I make seems to be everyone’s favourite thing on instagram, and maybe I can take my camera with me when I go to the ocean or hike up into the middle of nowhere in the mountains and film how beautiful everything is up there. Or maybe I can do none of that and just focus on one thing, I honestly have no idea what I’m doing or how to do it, but I just… I want to try. I just want to try.
I don’t know where any of this is going anymore. I’m sorry I haven’t responded to messages, or opened up commissions. I’m sorry that this isn’t what y’all wanted. I’m still going to continue drawing and writing, I’m still going to be around, I’m not going anywhere, but I have no idea how prolific I’m going to be and I have no idea even when I’ll start uploading videos, to be honest. But I just. I’m just gonna try. It might still take me a while but I’m gonna try. Wish me luck. I love y’all.
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drafted this from @dominocity ages ago and forgot abt it until i was procrastinating just now :0
check in tag game ✅
1. why did you choose your url?
went by axx for a very long time (incredibly this actually had nothing to do with aximili-esgarrouth-isthill even tho i did grow up loving animorphs. i had an OC who used the online handle axolotl.... something... i cant remember.... and i thought it sounded cool so i started using it. wow i had actually forgotten this info until just now! lore!)
anyway someone on tumlr reminded me how much i loved animorphs and i wanted a new url at the time. someone just had it saved and wasnt using it so i was like fuck it, why not ask. politely messaged the blog and they were like oh ya i forgot abt this and freed it up
2. any side blogs? if you have them name and them and why you have them.
i have like 6 but i no longer use any of them & havent for years lmaoooo
3. how long have you been on tumblr?
i think its a decade this year. and ive never changed blogs once. im like a fungal infection here they cant get rid of me
4. do you have a queue tag?
i have never queued and i never will. you get my posts when you get em.
5. why did you start your blog in the first place?
a lot of my friends on deviantart (yes dear god) were becoming more active here and i started checking some humour blogs daily until i was eventually like why not just make an account
6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?
Him. (from the cover of #8 the alien, the first ax pov book, which i found in a 2nd hand bookshop as a kid and was soooo excited bc i could normally only read animorphs at the library, they were never in shops. still a treasured possession.)
7. why did you choose your header?
it just really describes my emotional state at any given time
8. what’s your post with the most notes?
unfortunately i believe it's this, which is not even my original content nor even the OP's original content, as it turned out. but "online job application form" dnd joke is probably second
9. how many mutuals do you have?
who the got damn hell is keeping track of this?
10. how many followers do you have?
1439. its been around this number for like 2 years i really just stagnated at a certain point but idm
11. how many people do you follow?
968. to paraphrase lydia, i suppose i should follow 1 more. (im sure that at least half of those are inactive. i have been here for a decade.)
12. have you ever made a shitpost?
by no means. none of my posts are shit
13. how often do you use tumblr each day?
uhhhhhhhh i probably open it and glance at activity/briefly glance at my dash llike 5 times a day? a lot less now that i use locked twitter for socialisation
14. did you have a fight/argument with a blog once? who won?
god no i am incredibly nonconfrontational. a couple times in my younger and more vulnerable years id post some stupid uninformed take and someone would rightfully disagree, and occasionally vice versa, but i honestly can't recall a "fight"
15. how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts?
it's good to only follow adults the dashboard becomes a peaceful place
16. do you like tag games?
yes i like talking about myself 😊 but i never tag anyone bc im lazy oops.
17. do you like ask games?
i rarely do them bc i would usually not get any lmao, but they can be fun
18. which of your tumblr mutuals do you think is famous?
alma my friend alma seems to get a lot of nonsense in their inbox even tho they only post abt yugioh. eliza was definitely my most famous mutual but she freed herself from this place to become a real author, godspeed. and logan really blew up with "your dad looks gnc af" most recently
i think i have some more well known mutuals (again. been here 10 years.) but i cant think of them rn lmao sorry if ur a famo and i excluded u.
generally people think i have a lot more followers than i actually have? it's hard to gauge whether that's a compliment or not, but i take it as one.
19. do you have a crush on a mutual?
i have crushes on like everyone i meet it's called being bisexual </3
20. tags?
i tag...... YOU yes you. if u want!
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35 Q’s for Fanfic Writers
From this post
I’m having a shitty, rude alter-y, crap night so I’m just going to answer all of these to distract myself and focus and to not bother anybody just making my own post and putting it under the cut
btw, notice to anyone not aware: since I’m moving I won’t likely be updating anything until I’m done doing so.
1. From one to five stars, how would you rate your writing? (No downplaying yourself!)
3/5? Could use more editing and description and can be weirdly paced.
2. Why do you write fanfiction?
Because it’s better than focusing on pain 24/7.
3. What do you think makes your writing stand out from other works?
I don’t seem to have a specific narrative voice that people recognize but I’m pretty proud of mostly organic dialogue.
4. Are there any writers that inspire you?
as a rule i never look up to anybody for inspiration but there’s some stuff in my ao3 bookmarks I fawn over.
5. What’s the fic you’re most proud of?
Right now, none of them. It changes normally, anyway. If get too proud then I’d get my ass kicked by RSD if someone didn’t like it so it’s safer this way
6. What element of writing do you find comes easily?
Dialogue.
7. What element of writing do you struggle with most?
Organic description, poetic language kind of stuff. I can paint a scene but I’m not so great with bring out out a feeling with description alone.
8. Which character(s) do you find easiest to write?
Janus and Virgil are probably tied. They both have things I struggle with but I don’t have to go back and do much adjusting of language and tone with them. Though admittedly my Virgil is signifigantly more foul-mouthed than canon and I tend to prefer pre-AA feral asshole Virgil.
9. Which character(s) do you find most difficult to write?
Patton. I write him the least, so people can probably tell. I love Patton, I really do, but it’s so hard to keep away from fanon Patton.
10. What’s your favorite genre to write for?
Angst w/ H/C obviously. Or if you’re talking about regular book genres, Fantasy. I fucking love fantasy world building.
11. Who or what do you find yourself writing about most?
Trauma. I blame Daeram. As if Ayri isn’t a giant Angst Demon.
12. Tell us about a WIP you’re excited about.
Slopes. I’m really into it. I’ve got three one shots running right now. Patrons can read the first part of the unnamed cat remus one, there’s also a coffeeshop au tropey nonsense one like eglantine & lycoris, but Slopes is addiction angst. Mmmmm. Virgil is addicted to coke and alcohol and will listening to his friends even be in time? Who knows, especially not me, but there’s already over 30k.
13. First fandom you ever wrote for?
InuYasha. Or was it Harry Potter? Or shit, The Blue Sword? Fuck, I’ve been writing for a long time, I really have no idea.
14. What’s your favorite fandom to write for?
Sanders Sides. The characters are the perfect dynamic for writing since they exist in balance of each other and the popular, easy to project on archetypes featured are incredibly fun to do basically any scenario with.
15. What’s the weirdest fandom you’ve ever written for?
Weird storywise? Kingdom Hearts? I can’t even follow the plot anymore.
Weird Fandomwise? Sanders Sides. Its simultainiously the fluffiest and angstiest nonsense at the same time.
16. Any guilty pleasure trope(s)?
Vampires. Gay ones. Gay Vampires. I also love calm tol and angy smol.
17. A trope you’ll never, ever write for.
Any tropes that normalize incredibly toxic behaviour or tropes that are inherantly ableist, but I can’t think of any.
18. Wildest fic you’ve ever written?
Incorrigible continues to be complete nonsense.
19. Do you prefer canon-compliant, AUs, or something in-between?
AUs. I mean closest I even have is canon-divergence other than a single short.
20. Gen fic or shippy stuff?
I like it when there is gay nonsense along with a plot that is treated as more important than the relationship the most. But I like both. There’s more shippy stuff in tss so i read more shipping action by default.
21. Favorite pairing to write for? (platonic or romantic!)
Anxceit/Sleepxiety, but in general, give me darksides or give me death/j
22. Do you listen to anything while you write?
Almost everything I write has a special playlist I listen to to help me write it, but otherwise I listen to my Nyan playlist, an alter is picking the tunes, or a voidfam playlist. I never have music off. When my internet is down I just listen to the songs I own or Anxiety’s theme on loop.
23. Do you prefer prompts and challenges, or completely independent ideas?
I’m fine with all of them. I love working with prompts but I tend to deviate. And I’ve never done a challenge since I can’t do deadlines and bad things happen bingo never sent me a card and I applied three times.
24. One-shots or multi-chaptered works?
I am generally multi-chaptered stuff, but I’ve been working on a few one-shots lately that are much longer than most one shots.
25. Have you ever daydreamed about side adventures/spin-offs from your fic? Tell us about them!
I was originally thinking of doing some little 13-year-old Dreaming!Roman (y’know, the one with a job) shorts but it turns out I just had an alter of that little bastard and that’s why I inexplicably know more about him then I ever even considered. I still might do them after Dreaming is done. But that’s paced so slowly who knows when that might happen. Otherwise I put stuff in my notes and just do shorts of it if I’m like “oh you know what’s cool???” but since I can’t daydream maybe this question doesn’t apply to me.
26. Is there anything you’ve wanted to write, but you’ve been too scared to try?
I want to do more autism stuff, and I’ve had it demanded a few times, but I’m scared of being that explict about it for some reason. Possibly because I might be, possibly because I’m scared of doing it wrong even though I’ve accidentally coded multiple characters autistic. I’m scared of explictly tagging them as such, too.
27. What’s the nicest comment you’ve ever received?
That I can remember off the top of my head? I’m going with one from @a-genz-with-trauma-and-kins. It really helped me out and was just so kind and literally the best christmas gift I got in 2020.
28. How well do you handle criticism when it comes to your writing?
I can handle it alright but Daeram is a little fucking pissbaby about it. Constructive criticism helps people get better, so I appreciate it. I can’t handle critism that is incomplete, though. “i just don’t get it” or “I don’t know I don’t like it” kind of things. If I can’t understand the why to fix it then things get out of control. And then I spiral and RSD for like four days minimum. If it came from an anon or a troll, too, It might not bother me for as long. Things that are just like “this is shit and you should feel bad” just make me laugh. Couldn’t even bother to read it long enough to insult me proper? I don’t care.
29. Have you ever gone outside of your comfort zone for a fic? How did it turn out?
I have a few times. Mostly in shorts and prompts, I think. I think they turned out okay. They’re not particularly inspired or anything.
30. Tooth-rotting fluff or merciless angst?
Depends on my mood. Am I triggered? give me the fluff. Am I vibin? Angst.
31. Do you have any OCs? Tell us about them!
Fuck, fam, no, I can’t, I have so many. I have multiple original stories and some of them have very large casts and like holy fuck. Or do you mean in Sanders Sides fandom? Um, Morgan and Thorn in PD. The lesbian and her himbo dynamic. I love them. They’re dorks. Morgan is strong person with sharp tongue and soft romantic heart and Thorn is just so kind and so dumb and so exciteable he’s like a puppy. They were just filler characters and I got attached to them. Felton even gets redemption for being an ass later in PD, like oof i never intended to include so much OC content, especially for names I just picked randomly.
32. Summarize a random fic of yours in 10 words or less.
nope I’m doing all of them because these are fun
plea for my new self: 2 gay vampires, 4 humans, 1 braincell
dreaming while I wake: trauma child needs therapy and so do you
break: big oof, oh dragons, oh why, go virgil go
rebuild: virgil is so not okay there’s more virgil to deal
painful death: gay teens drink themselves into a new religion
stargazing: whoops we didn’t realize people actually cared
whole castle: everyone will throw down for kid!patton, even you
incorrigible: found family with a shot of psychological horror and crack
dangerous instincts: wholesome crime syndacite action
slopes: addict gets mugged and thinks that’s just fine with him
conflagration: logan avoids everything ever like a champ
cat!remus: bored fae shifts gay pining from one person to another
caffeine cyptids: caffinated gay panic goes faster than regular gay panic
eglantine & lycoris: more tropes than you can toss a shoe at
storytime: overpowered virgil also overreacts literally always
33. Is there anything you wish your audience knew about your writing or writing process?
an alter and I write together and I have absolutely no idea what’s going to happen, what I’m writing about, or even what year it is. I often don’t even remember what I wrote. There’s no outline. I have an idea and I pick things at random for it. There’s just notes and an evil gleam in a demon’s eye. The only reason I know more than readers is because I take a long time to edit and some of these stories have fucking alters up in my head who can tell me things. Daeram tells me nothing. The writing demon supposedly has all this knowledge but I have absolutely no clue because he does not talk to me, he just fronts and slams out 9k in a few hours or we cofront to write and I’m like “oh no she didn’t” while typing
34. Copy and paste an excerpt you’re particularly fond of.
i’m fond of the entire painful death series and I tried to find something I really liked without spoilers in stargazing and I couldn’t so here’s a random thing from incorrigble:
“So, what do you do with your friends?” Patton continued on with a megawatt smile.
“Grand larceny,” Virgil deadpanned and glared at Patton, who was taken aback. Remy and Andy just broke out laughing while Virgil tentatively sipped his still-too-hot-cocoa.
35. Ramble about any fic-related thing you want!
slopes my dudes slopes i have learned so much about cocaine! like wow! I thought for a minute it was going to end with MCD around 30k but it swtiched from whump to hurt/comfort and I still don’t know if it’s going to be MCD but look at that funky little coke/alcohol addict go, it’s a medical wonder he’s alive! It’s not like there’s what seems to be a little talked about interaction between alcohol and cocaine that causes a toxic chemical to build up in the liver which can result in liver failure and sudden death at basically any moment! Which is part of why it may result in MCD but this time no ghosts! maybe it’ll be h/c with whump elements or maybe it’ll be whump with h/c elements we can’t know for sure
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An Imposter’s Heart
Relationships: Anxceit (Platonic), everyone else is just friendships
Characters: Virgil, Janus “Deceit”, Patton, Logan, Roman, Emile, Remy, various ocs
Tags: Among Us, Video Games - Freeform, Magic, Friendships, Queerplatonic Relationships, Cursing, Platonic Relationships, Chronic Illness, Card Tricks, Mentions of Quarantine, mentions of burn scars, mentions of vitiligo
Word Count: 3175
Summary: Quarantine sucks, especially if you're a chronically ill streamer and let's player. But it's nice to have friends and partners there to support you all the way.
And to accuse of murder.
AO3
"Is this your card?" Janus smirks when he holds up an eight of hearts, his audience clearly freaking out when it inevitably becomes clear that it is in fact their card. “I thought so, goodbye.” He clicks the button that takes him to the next participant.
“Hello,” he says, tipping his hat. While it has become difficult in getting gigs booked when he’s an amatuer magician (he’s not so much amatuer but young) becoming a MeTuber actually has become a much more entertaining way of living his dream and fucking over other people’s minds with illusions.
It’s much more fun, and much more lucrative.
“You’re that— that magician snake guy. Uhh, Deceit, right?” the participant says, clearly recognizing him. “I recognize you because of your whole—” a hand waves in front, gesturing towards a cheek.
Janus has never been one to shy away from his scars or his vitiligo, embracing them as his aesthetic and as much of his character as he can. And Virgil says it reminds him of scales and he definitely plays that up with makeup, adding to the whole snake character.
Janus nods in the affirmative, “I’m just here wondering if you can guess how I do this card trick. Would you like to guess?”
“Yeah! My grandpa was a magician and really liked to do card tricks. Maybe I can guess it!” they say eagerly.
Janus chuckles, flipping a card back and forth with his fingers. He doubts it. This trick he came up with all on his own. “Wonderful,” he murmurs. He singularly flips one card between two hands, forming a diamond with his thumb. He does it a few times, making sure that his participant sees the card appear and reappear a few times.
“Oh! I know how you do that. You— you take the card and put it between your fingers on your other hand behind your palm—”
“Really?” Janus says, doing it again. He looks down at his hands, feigning looking them over, spreading his fingers wide and then turning his hands back and forth to show that no card rested behind his fingers. “How do you do that?” he scratches his head, biting down a smile when his participant gawks at him.
“No, really, how do you do that?” Janus says with a faux sincere smile.
“I cannot,” his participant says, ducking their head and logging off to show the loading screen.
He chuckles, logging off of Omagle. Turning towards his camera, he smiles mysteriously. “Thank you for watching, I hope to see you on the morrow.” With a flirtatious wave, Janus turns off his camera.
With a sigh, he slumps back into his chair, groaning at yet another video he has to edit soon if he wants to make his weekly update. Being a MeTuber, as fun as it seems and is at times, is utterly exhausting. Not to mention what his roommate and partner deals with on a constant basis.
While he has gotten a bit of a subscriber jump ever since he played a few games of Amidst Us with the Sanders Shows gang, he won’t even begin to explain the hoops and valleys that his roommate went through to get such a jump.
Virgil, or as called by his online persona Corpse Emo, has gotten a 3 million subscriber jump ever since the normies as Janus liked to call them got addicted to his deep and soothing voice. Generally anxious, Virgil had freaked out. A Lot.
But Virgil loves being a MeTuber, Janus knows. He loves reading scary stories and making conspiracy theories about cryptids and other spooky things. But Janus also knows that Virgil gets freaked out by large numbers and performing if he doesn’t have everything handled.
Which is why he’s a faceless MeTuber and just a deep, soothing voice that people love to listen to. Something that Virgil is able to handle and control, to an extent. He obviously can’t help the fact that he has an incredibly recognizable voice or hair or hands.
So he compensates by being the main source of income and stays home while Janus goes out and gets the groceries and food. The little shit is lucky that Janus cares for him.
He hears the door to Virgil’s recording room open, and he blinks lazily. Groaning, he pulls himself up and stretches on his way out, only wearing half his usual attire and layers. With a scratch to his cheek, he leaves to meet Virgil out in the hallway.
“Gamer bladder?” Janus asks dryly when he sees Virgil zip through to the bathroom. He looks much too freaked to truly be in need of the restroom, eye bags darker than usual, so Janus assumes that Virgil needs to de-stress and take a moment to himself. The needs of the people too great and demanding. Janus can sympathize, fans can be the absolute worst sometimes.
Virgil flips him off, closing the door with a sharp thud. “Go entertain my chat,” Virgil’s words come out muffled behind the door, “they keep asking when Snake-Eyed Deceit is coming back on to play. It’s so fucking annoying.”
Janus would believe the indignation if Virgil doesn’t sound so fond. “You know I’m not much of a gamer, Virge,” Janus reminds him patiently.
“Just talk to them,” Virgil mutters, and Janus imagines Virgil curling into their bathtub with his hoodie drawn tight around him, lights turned off to complete the room. “Play a game if I take too long. It’s proximity anyway.”
Janus raps on the door lightly, “Just remember to drink some water. Did you take your meds?”
“Yes, mom,” Virgil rasps out, voice scratchy. “Fuck off.”
With a sigh, Janus raps an affirmative on the wood door and meanders his way down to Virgil’s recording room. He taps out a few greetings in chat, and then moves Virgil’s character blob in game.
“Emo, you’re back!” one of Virgil’s streamer friends cheers, doing a little wiggle in game.
“Not exactly,” Janus says into the mic lowly. A glance down at the chat shows them exploding in greetings to him with which he responds back politely. Doesn’t hurt to try and get new followers.
“Oh, it’s the Snake guy,” another says, and this voice Janus knows all too well.
“Hello to you, too, Roman,” Janus purrs. “Or should I call you Valkyrome? What a particularly creative name. Combining mythologies. Tell me, did you want to be a Valkyrie as a child.”
Roman puffs up, voice flustered, “Perhaps, they are one of the greatest warriors in Norse myths.”
“Oh, yes, I’m sure,” Janus says. He moves into the customization section of the game, changing from Virgil’s signature black and cat ears to yellow and a top hat. He keeps the name however, too lazy to change that. “How is everyone? It’s been a while since I’ve talked to you all. Yes, hello to you as well, chat.”
“Salutations, Snake,” Logic or Logan says monotonously in greeting. “I’m doing well.”
“HI, JAN!” Cupcake Harts, otherwise known as Patton Hart, cheers. Janus can’t help but twitch at the exorbitant cheerfulness, grating on his nerves a bit. Nothing against Patton, but the relentless sunshine can burn just a tad overwhelming sometimes.
Nevertheless, fondness tugs at his heart, “Hello again, Cupcake.”
“Is Corpse okay?” he asks, concern lacing every word. “He didn’t sound so lively last round. Is the kiddo good?”
“The Emo will be alright, but he gave me permission to play a few rounds as his little character for a bit if that would be alright.”
“Of course!” Patton says happily. “We don’t mind, do we?” Everyone else starts to overlap with words of reassurance at that, and Janus smiles. If anything, Janus is glad that Virgil was able to make friends this year. It has boosted the man’s confidence much more than it had been even if there is still some of that self-consciousness and anxiety that lingers.
“Alright, let’s start.” Logan cuts through the cacophony and the game counts down from five to begin.
---
“CUPCAKE WAS FAKING TASKS!” Roman screams when the meeting is called up, repeating it as much as he can. He clicks to vote instantly, not letting Patton explain.
Janus snickers at that, knowing for a fact that he was the imposter along with Remy.
“Roman, kiddo, do you really think that I would fake tasks with so many people in the room? I mean I could be the imposter, but I was alone so many times with Jodie.”
“He was,” Jodie confirms, “I don’t think that Cupcake is the imposter, he could’ve killed me so many times in specimen.”
“No, no Jodie, I mean I could be the imposter but that doesn’t mean that I couldn’t marinate you. I could just be playing a long game.”
“Ugh, he’s doing that double speak again,” Roman groans. “Cupcake, are you the imposter or not?”
“No, but I mean I could be,” Patton says with a mischievous tone that made Janus roll his eyes.
Janus skips his vote quickly, “Let’s just skip, there’s only one person dead.”
A murmur of agreement follows Janus’ declaration.
“Let me postulate this, but I think that the imposters are Deceit and Sleep.”
“How dare you—?” Remy immediately starts in on Logan, false offense filling up his words and making him much louder. Incessant clicking from their keyboard as rage fills their heart. “I will have you know that I was nowhere near the kill. You know what, I think it’s Specs, actually, he keeps framing me.
“Well, let’s settle down now,” Emile, otherwise known as Dr. Stitch, tries to intervene. “It’s only the first round of the game after all.”
“Uh, no can do, doc, not when my integrity is on the line.”
“What integrity,” Virgil mutters, and Janus whirled around in Virgil’s desk chair to see him leaning on the frame of the door.
“Is that Emo??” Patton squeals happily, “Hi! Are you taking over for Deceit? The game’s just started.”
Virgil shakes his head even though the only ones who can see are himself and Janus, his thick purple-brown curls falling in front of his brown eyes, “Nah, let Dee have a turn murdering everyone, I know he enjoys it.”
“Liess and slander,” Janus hisses, purposefully elongating his ‘s’ to make him seem more snake like.
“Does that mean Dee’s an imposter!?!” Roman screams as the meeting panel falls away and the little characters start running around crazily.
“I’m not the imposter, I’m not the imposter,” Janus lies reassuringly, shooting a dark glare at Virgil behind him as the taller one stifles his giggles, hiding the amusement in his eyes behind his hair.
He settles into Janus’ lap, completely obscuring the screen and his view of the game. “Emo, please let me play the game.”
“Hmm,” Virgil hums, tucking his head underneath Janus’ chin, a feat in and of itself given the height difference, “no, I’m comfortable. I’ll just sit here and talk to chat.”
With a sigh, Janus continues the arduous task of running around in the game with the much difficult challenge of having an emo in his lap. Virgil, for his part, looks very content and Janus can’t help but run his fingers through curly purple-brown hair.
“Hello, Roman.”
Roman yelps, “Who said that? How can you see me?” The lights in the game have been turned off and have been for a while, and Janus is taking advantage of the fact that Roman has been left in the far left hand corner of the map where people rarely go.
“Oh, Roman, Roman, Roman,” Janus says, tongue curling on his name with a knife. Roman screams, protesting and shouting for Janus not to do it. “Sorry about that, Ro,” Janus says with a manic giggle as he slices through Roman’s character.
“Big yikes,” Virgil murmurs. “No, chat, I’m not gonna do that, stop suggesting it. Anyway, yeah, I’m gonna be having some major collabs soon with some artists and I have so many cool projects on the way. Thank you guys so much for everything. We wouldn’t have gotten this far without you.”
“Aww, is that you, Emo? Are you talking to chat while Deceit plays?” Leslie pipes up, running close and in circles around Janus’ little blob character.
“Yup,” Virgil pops the last letter, “and guess what?”
“What?” Leslie asks just as Janus’ kill cooldown hit zero.
Janus clicks kill and Leslie screams in protest, her outrage cutting off when the body flops down onto the map. Virgil snorts out a laugh, cackling as Janus smiles indulgently, running around crazily on the map.
A new meeting is called up, this time two people have been killed, clearly shown on screen as having died: Roman and Leslie.
“Guys, guys, guys. I think Remy is the imposter,” Patton is saying. He’s the one who reported Leslie’s body“I’m pretty sure I saw him vent in electrical.”
“Excuse me, Kingdom Hearts!” Remy interrupts rudely. “I wasn’t even in electrical this round. You should get your prescription checked.”
“We needn’t vote here,” Logan interjects sagely. “We are, after all, on seven. But, need I remind you that Remy has been suspicious two rounds now and this time two bodies have been killed. I believe it would be wise to vote him off.”
“Uh uh, glasses here. I know you’re Mr. Big Brain and everything, but I am telling you that it ain’t me,” Remy takes a large sip of whatever drink he has on hand to emphasize his point.
With almost agreed silence, everyone votes and it’s an almost unanimous decision to vote off Remy, causing him to squawk.
“Oh no, you guys really voted for him? You guys voted him off?” Patton is saying as Remy starts screaming curse words and regret.
“What do you mean? You’re the one who said that you caught him venting—”
Janus starts to walk off, the conversation dying out the further he went. He walks to a secluded side of the map, making sure that no one can see as he waits for the cooldown.
“Think you can pull it off?” Virgil asks.
“Without a doubt,” Janus responds.
“What are you guys talking about?” Jodie walks up, suspicion in her question.
“Oh nothing,” Virgil starts, “except this—” and Janus clicks to kill.
Virgil starts talking to both chat and the other players as Janus starts his murder spree quietly. The two of them work as partners, Virgil talking and distracting the players as Janus offs them one by one.
Janus accidentally kills a person in front of someone else, but luckily he didn’t seem to see. “Okay, so I think this was Dragon,” Jace is saying.
Dragon immediately protests, “What do you mean? Where’s the body?”
“Emo, you just walked into admin, right? Did you see Dragon run out?” Jace asks.
“Um, maybe, I think so, yeah?” Virgil says, playing dumb.
“Then it’s Dragon. They were the one to kill, I saw them run out of admin just as the body flopped. Emo, back me up here.”
“Wait, what? I wasn’t even near—”
“AND they were sus last round, so.”
Quite easily, Dragon is voted off, but the game continues.
“I don’t get it, I thought it was Dragon and Sleep,” Jace says.
“Unless it was a self-report,” Logan posits. “You could’ve been caught by Dragon or Emo and you just reported to throw suspicion off yourself.”
Janus called up the meeting button, and Virgil got ready to speak, “Well, we could always 50/50 it. One of them has to be the imposter, right? We’re sure we got out one of them earlier with Remy and if it wasn’t Dragon, then it has to be Jace.”
“No, listen, Emo, I am begging you. I am on my knees, literally in real life right now, don’t vote for me, I am innocent. Please, I’m literally on my knees right now! It’s not me!!”
“Patton, I��m trusting you here,” Logan says. “Do you really think it’s Jace and not Emo?”
“Emo wouldn’t do that to us,” Patton says, though a bit unsurely, “and here’s the thing if Emo’s the imposter then he’ll win and get his video, but if he’s not then we win as crewmate. Either way, it’s a win-win situation!”
“What? Guys! That’s not how this works,” Jace pleads. “Please, it’s not me! I’m serious.”
But too late, the votes come in and Jace is voted out, his character yeeted out into space. And the game continues.
Logan screams in realization, “Patton, I trusted you! It’s Emo, it’s Emo. Oh my goodness. Patton, run! Run!”
“Logan, I have been waiting for this moment my entire life—” Virgil says manically as Logan starts to lose it, running around and screaming at Patton that he trusted Patton and that they voted off the wrong person.
Virgil calls a sabotage and starts to really race after Logan.
“Logan, I was right!” Patton says, slowly trailing after them just to keep up with the conversation. “That means Emo does get to have his video. And I get to be in it! Either way, it’s a win!”
Janus loses it, laughing just as hard as everyone else when Virgil finally manages to click the kill button, the victory screen loading up just as quickly as everyone’s voices come back loud and cheery.
“Good game, everybody—”
“Emo, that was hilarious—”
“Patton, I trusted you—”
“YOU GUYS VOTED ME OUT???—”
Virgil smiles up at Janus from his perch on Janus’ lap, contentment swimming in those brown eyes. Janus is helpless to smile back, even if he’s a bit overwhelmed by the noises. He nuzzles the top of Virgil’s head, burying his face in dark purple-brown curls.
“That was an amazing game, oh my gosh—”
Virgil buries himself into Janus’ warm body, a catlike grin stretching across his face. “Good job, Jan,” he whispers, making sure that chat doesn’t hear the name.
“I think you should be getting that congratulations, little Emo nerd,” Janus says dryly. “You got the final kill of the game after all.”
“Hey, Emo and Dee cheated! They worked together—!”
“We were using one character, jackass! It’s not our fault you guys didn’t think it was us!” Virgil yells back in retaliation, laughter edging on his words. More protests and compliments and whatnot continued as the gamers started arguing over each other again.
Warmth wraps around Janus like a warm hug and he wraps his own arms around Virgil as he continues heckling and joking around with friends, a new game already started. Virgil squirms in his hold to sit in his lap properly so that Virgil’s back is to Janus’ chest, moving to get comfortable.
“Alright, we won’t play together again—” Virgil is saying. Janus just holds Virgil in his lap tightly, contentment curling around him and settling into his stomach like a warm meal.
Sometimes life sucks, giving you chronic illness or vitiligo and burn scars. But sometimes life doesn’t suck so much when you have friends by your side and laughter surrounding you.
A/N: @sanderssidesgiftxchange Hi, @emo-does-things!!! I was your Secret Sanders this year and I hope I was able to fulfill your wish! I honestly couldn’t decide between the two things that I wrote, so you get two fics! Happy Winter and I hope you’re staying safe and that you enjoyed this!!!
#anxeit#anxiet#virgil sanders#janus sanders#roman sanders#logan sanders#patton sanders#various ocs#among us#emile picani#remy sanders#sleep sanders#secret sanders gift exchange#my writing
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OC Music Meme
I was tagged for this by @actualanxiousswampwitch ! Thank you & sorry it took so long, didn’t have time to write this out before I left for holiday stuff so here we go!
I shall tag: @actualanxiousswampwitch (go on give us another one XD), @a-muirehen , @kyber-heart , @thedinalixlegacy (no pressure as always, I know I’m kinda late now sksjkshskhs!) and anyone else who wants to do this, yes, I promise I mean you!
art is by @ ocellifera on deviantART! :D
Let’s do Aria this time, shall we! Since her playlist is the second-longest, and her and Vano’s ship playlist is the longest, we’ll have the most (probable options! Long post so goin’ under a cut. Additional TW’s for: drugs, alcohol, alcoholism, drug addiction and murder, in case I’ve forgotten to add it to the song-specific sections. If you click past this cut, know that this is what you may find there.
reminds you of them most: It was super hard to pick just three for hers, there were so many others I wanted to include here, but couldn’t, as I wanted to make sure I included songs that covered as much of her over-arching characterisation as I could. Honourable mentions to: Miss Jackson - Panic! At The Disco feat. LOLO, Wilson (Expensive Mistakes) - Fall Out Boy, Beekeeper - Keaton Henson, and Bones Of A Rabbit - Young Heretics, which can all be found (and more) on her Spotify Playlist - catch-all warning for: sex, drugs, violence and murdering of parents applies here, be aware her playlist is very dark, just as dark as Rai’s but with differing subject matter, proceed with caution if you find anything like that triggering!)
You’re Going Down - Sick Puppies :: This one is kinda self-explanatory. I heard it on a Spotify or Youtube shuffle at some point a year or so ago and immediately went “Oh, hey Aria!” so onto her playlist it went XD
“Because I'm hyped up out of control
If it's a fight, I'm ready to go
I wouldn't put my money on the other guy
If you know what I know that I know.” don’t mess with the Tiny Sith, guys, she will put you in the medbay. She’ll do it, she’s done it before ask Vano what happened to the last guy *nods*
Liar - The Arcadian Wild :: This is a relatively “new” song in comparison, which was sent to me by a good rp/writer friend on Discord (who afaik doesn’t have other socials!) that I often discuss plot points etc. with among other things, saying “hey this reminded me of Aria thought you’d like it!”. I listened to it and yep, sure enough, it’s an Aria song. A big part of Aria’s character is that at the start, she really is quite a bad person. She’s nasty, and cantankerous and she really doesn’t care about anybody except for herself (and maybe her dad. A tiny bit.), as things progress, however, while she is still inherently quite rude and selfish, she DOES learn to value other people...provided they are people she cares about, like Vano, and her friends, and so on, as well as (sometimes, she’s working on it still) taking the blame for her own actions and learning it’s not “weak” or bad to a) admit you care about people, b) make mistakes and c) admit those mistakes and take responsibility for them.
"I sense there’s trouble ahead, it’s clear by the signs and warnings.
That should tell where all blame is due,
So why are they pointing at MY head? [...]
I sense deception to come.
Honestly, truth and I are never one.
'Cause I am the lying man and I have made you my next victim.
I need you to see through my act, to tell me I'm wrong, to take off the mask,
or else I'll be left in the lie.
And I'll deceive my way straight to demise!
Cause I’m not in the right state of mind,
I just wish I had strength to admit it.
My stubbornness will put up a fight!
But I don’t deserve to win it...
I’m left in the dark, pondering my mistakes
But in the light I swear I will, deny it all...”
I didn’t mean to post like half the song but woops it’s done so have it anyway lmao
Brutus - The Buttress :: TW: intense violent imagery in the lyrics. This one is very relevant but contains spoilers for upcoming and as of yet unposted/incomplete chapters (as in...like 3 ish chapters time at most) of Creeping Shadows, so I’ll post this quote as “explanation” and let you theorize who it’s about
“My name is Brutus and my name means “heavy”
So with a heavy heart I'll guide this dagger into the heart of my Enemy!
My whole life you were a teacher and friend to me
Please know my actions are not motivated only by envy
I too have a destiny!
This death will be art!
The people will speak of this day from near and afar
This event will be history,
And I'll be great too!
I don't want what you have,
I wanna be you!!“
reminds another character of them:
Where’s My Love? - SYML :: (Vano) I think the acoustic version is especially emotional : ))) Vano looked for her for years but couldn’t find her and genuinely thought Aria was dead. You can understand why she was so fucking angry when she found out that was a lie...but at the same time, she just wanted her love to come home :(
“Did she run away? Did she run away?
I don't know
If she ran away, If she ran away,
Come back home Just come home“
Mothers - Daughter :: (Myla, her mother)
“Love all you need to love before it goes...
When your face becomes a stranger’s that I don’t know.
You will never remember who I was to you [...]
I’m called “mother”, but they’re called “home”.”
Myla raised Aria for the first few years of her life, and really wanted to keep her away from both the Jedi and the Sith but as it became more and more clear that Aria’s Force affinity was as strong as her father’s, the situation rapidly spiralled out of Myla’s control. She tried to hide Aria, but in the end her father Noctis did find them and take Aria to train with the Sith. She didn’t see her daughter again until she was a teenager, suddenly turning up with the task to kill her for treason against the Empire (Myla is not the canon Imp Agent, but follows the general trajectory of the LS!Agent storyline i.e. an agent disillusioned with the Empire who eventually defects to the Republic with the help of the SIS.).
Though she’s a Senator on Onderon now, Myla carried a blaster for personal protection and ofc knows how to use it, except...she couldn’t shoot her own daughter and that was all she wrote. I imagine her thought process during her final moments went something like in this song, especially the bit that I highlighted up there.
reminds you of a relationship of theirs, doesn’t have to be romantic, can be paternal, friendly, etc:
Tongues & Teeth - The Crane Wives :: Aria & Vano (Romantic). Aria’s relationship with Vano is incredibly messy and complicated. On one hand, she knows Vano deserves better, but at the same time she doesn’t want her to go anywhere else and it seems like no matter what she does to try and “warn her off” about what a “bad person” she is, Vano keeps coming back anyway. Ergo, this song.
"Oh, I will ruin you. I will ruin you.
It’s a habit...I can’t help it.
I know that you mean so well, but I am not a vessel for your good intent.
I will only break your pretty things, I will only wring you dry of everything!
But if you’re fine with that, if you’re fine with that [...] You can be mine.”
Colours - Halsey :: Aria & Merak & Ziri (Friendship/Platonic Love) “You’re only happy when your sorry head is filled with dope, I hope you make it to the day you’re 28 years old...”
Aria “coped” (i.e. not very well but she did it) with the guilt of killing her mother and the stress brought on by the night terrors by self-medicating with glitterstims (spice) and alcohol, and this is how Merak in particular remembers her. Though she got clean from spice after they picked up Ziri, she still continued to drink (and still does) quite heavily, though at least it’s easier to manage that habit. Both of them supported her through this the best they could and it’s probably a big reason (other than Merak being Vano’s little brother) that they’re still Aria’s friends to this day, even if she doesn’t actively travel with them anymore.
(honourable mention to Agnes - Glass Animals which also falls under this “category” but I didn’t want this to get too crowded lmao, it is once again a super long post woops)
You’re Gonna Go Far, Kid - The Offspring :: Aria & Roan/Darth Noctis (Familial/Familial Love)
Listen, he may have taught her very bad emotional habits and turned her into a tiny attack dog, but her father did love & protect her the best way he possibly could. He was very proud of her and always envisioned her taking his place as a Darth one day (and it takes her a longass while, but eventually she does! Congrats dad!). That’s all I’ve got to say about this one 🤷♀️
Monster - Willyecho :: Aria & Satele Shan/The Jedi Order (Enemies to Begrudging Respect (eventually)
“I can see the truth. No, you don’t have to lie to me.
Don’t fill your head with things and think you’re free~
[...]
You don’t believe in monsters, do you~?”
”Of course not!”
”Well, I do...”
See me change...into something...darker....”
My personal favourite from this “round”. It’s not until Ilum that Satele and the Jedi finally realise they have not “converted” Aria as they thought they did, but rather...they’ve had a Sith hiding under their noses, a Sith related to a Dark Councillor well-known for murdering Jedi no less, and that perhaps...the “deaths” she had convinced them were accidental, were in fact, not an accident at all. 😈 Aria, of course, gets her ass thrown in jail for a few years for this lmao
When the schtick with the Revanites happens and Theron needs someone who can “negotiate in a civil manner with Sith”, he and his mother agree Aria is the best bet - if it works, the Sith will respond more positively to her than any other Jedi, if they kill her instead then they’re “rid of” her and don’t lose one of their own - when Lana’s point-of-contact happens to be Vano and the pair reunite after another several years apart, Aria refuses to return to the Republic after Yavin IV. By then, she’s developed enough of a begrudging respect for Satele (and vice versa) that the Grand Master lets her go (not that she was willing to try and fight Vano, Ni’kasi, Marr & Lana to try and take Aria prisoner again anyways). They haven’t seen each other since and though Aria is neutral to the Jedi who have joined the Alliance, she doesn’t care for those who are still loyal to the Republic and would rather have nothing to do with them if she can help it.
#swtor#star wars: the old republic#tagged meme#OC music meme#swtor oc: aria saal#jedi consular#ds! jedi consular#jedi consular (sith assassin)#subterfugeverse#swtor shipping#aria/vano#ariano#tw: drugs#tw: drug addiction#tw: alcohol#tw: alcoholism#tw: implied ptsd#tw: violence#lots of angst on this one i'm sorry#i didn't expect aria's to be more angsty than rai's but here we are LMAO#tumblr ate this post right as i was about to queue it when it committed die last night#so uhhh...it might not be as good as the first draft#but i tried to put back as much as i could remember#:'D
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@swtorpadawan tagged me in this meme, and I am hella into it. This is my favourite musing bc swtor in the canon of star wars is fucking hilarious. On a side note, for anyone who does this and chose only one oc, but has thoughts about the others oh my god do and let me know. Im a snoopy bish give them all to me. In this case I’m going to try to keep it brief while covering my main four, Viticalia, Thomsyn, Belville and Montym. Partly bc I’ve been thinking about their dynamics for a joint Alliance Commander AU lately
This got really long, bc I couldn’t choose one, and Im a wordy bish, so I’ve put the actual answers under the cut, so as not to kill everyones dashes
What would your OC do if they were thrown through time and into Star Wars the Clone Wars:
1. Who would they fight for?
I think most of them would either end up going independent or siding with the Republic. Montym and Belville would actually be the most likely to commit to the Republic, they’re both two people who value loyalty and understand that sometimes things need to be changed from the inside out. Thomsyn I think would stay with the Republic, but may end up with the Grey Jedi. She isn’t inclined to this whole “just peacekeepers” deal and would want to take the fight to the Sith directly. Viticalia would be an independent, committing to neither except for who would pay her most, or just destroy the CIS and take her place at the top of it. She would not be willing to submit to being ordered around by Dooku, or lord forbid Grevious or Ventress, and she definitely wouldn’t appreciate Sidious being unwilling to step up on the frontline with his troops.
2. If not a force user, would they keep their job (Would a trooper still work for this new Republic and would an Agent be loyal to the Separatists?)?
Bel would probably make a play to join the SIS. And then immediately question how the SIS went from agents like Theron to seemingly having the capabilities of two people and paperclip. I’m just saying how did no one put any of the diddly dang dots together. He’d be the type to pull off an op and then basically drop it at the Jedi’s feet like “here, give me a job.” I’ll get into why he would go to the republic in a bit.
3. Who would they hate?
Vits would despise Dooku and Sidious. She would like Ventress but find her training considerably lacking. She understand some cunning, undercover work, and what it can do, that’s why she and Bel get along, but the lack of commitment to stand beside your men and fight with them is something she despises.
Thomsyn would have some problems with the way the Jedi, but she and Montym would both have a much bigger problem with Senate oversight. They’re both used to working with politicians, but the inability to work without that oversight would bother them. Neither of them think the Jedi are infallible, but they both have a big problem with the idea of needing politicians to greenlight things like humanitarian missions.
Bel would have a huge problem with the Jedi that he keeps under lock and key. Part of it would be due to Kothe. The other part is...well he’s seen what happens when Sith lead, he doesn’t really think the Jedi should be given military power for their ability with the Force either.
4. Who would they get along well with?
Bel would actually get along really well with GAR Specforces. I think he’d adjust pretty easily to them, and people like Skirata and Vau would be comfortingly familiar as Bel actually got along really well with Shae and Torian. And he would very much enjoy the troopers, he understands their mindset, and especially with the Commandos, they understand the importance of intel people like Bel are meant to provide. He’d also be all in to spar with the ARC’s, and hone his skills against theirs.
Montym would have had a romantic crush on Obi-Wan within five seconds of the man dramatically dropping his cape and that’s really all there is to it. He would also get along well with Senator Organa.
Like I said earlier, I think Vits would have liked Ventress, and probably tried to poach her as an apprentice in a damn second. Thomsyn I’m not really sure who she’d get along with best.
5. What would they think of the Jedi Order?
Viticalia has, and always will be fascinated by the Jedi in that sort of detached, research-esque way. Otherwise she doesn’t care about them much, although she does find it a bit amusing to watch some of them tout the ideals of the Republic as things go down hill. She at least never had any misconceptions about the Empire. Thomsyn and Montym sort of understand how the Jedi could have come under such heavy control of the Senate. They both would have hoped for better, but aren’t that surprised, not after Saresh.
Bel could not care less about the Jedi. Likes them well enough individually for the most part, but that’s his approach to any and all force users really.
6. What would they think of the “rule of 2” Sith?
Viticalia thinks its the stupidest thing ever. Probably starts taking on as many slightly sensitive people as she can and calls them her Apprentices just to piss off these new “Sith”. Really she’s just adopting herself a bunch of children, but it counts and that’s all she cares about.
7. What would they think of having a clone and droid army fighting instead of typical soldiers?
Bel understands what its like to be treated as less than a person. As an asset only. It’s still something he does to himself, thinking about himself as only an asset or a liability, which is a mindset Theron’s working on having him get rid of. So he would sympathize pretty heavily, which is part of why he’d go to the Republic. He’s turned the tide of a war and saved countless of his coworkers in the military before, he would try it again.
Viticalia and Thomsyn would have more practical issues with the idea a droid army. They aren’t creative, they can’t interpret, and they aren’t built for every situation. Thomsyn however would have a lot of problems on the legality of clones, whereas Vits is used to slavery and is prone to forgetting about how that works.
Montym thinks the whole idea on either side is terrible, for various reasons, but cannot stand that clones are not legal citizens but the Republic uses them anyhow.
8. If Republic - if they became a general in the army what would their relationship with their clones be like?
I think Montym would accept a position as a General, Thomsyn...maybe for a while. Montym is a little better with handling the cost of war, whereas Thomsyn counts on herself to keep everyone around her alive. I think they’d both be on good terms with their troopers, Montym would take a bit longer, he’s quiet and a bit...odd, but when he likes people he makes it clear. Thomsyn would get close to them quickly, and each death would hit her pretty hard.
9. If Imperial - what would they think of the complete lack of sith and excess of droids in the Separatist army?
Viticalia has soooo many problems about tradition with the way the Sith operate, but in particular thinks the CIS is...stupid. The idea of a civil war is fine, sure, but their execution is lacking. Bel thinks they’re stupid but also finds it very funny. Terrible tactics, questionable leadership, not a good spy in sight... but he also thinks the way the Republic has alienated so many of their own...well he’s seen it before with Imperial worlds, and after Saresh it isn’t surprising. He’s largely disillusioned and just wishes someone would learn from their mistakes already. Part of what would push him to join the Republic in this case would be that he values peoples lives a lot more than droids, and he hasn’t valued the Sith as leaders in a long time, so he has no reason to go to the CIS and as far as he’s concerned, Republics got the better chance.
10. Consider they were born in this era - where would they fit in Clone Wars canon?
This I’ve actually thought about this a bit. Thomsyn and Montym would be still pretty much the same, Jedi, although Thomsyn would not have joined the Grey Jedi in that AU as she would be more accustomed to what this Republic is like. Viticalia I would go with a Jedi who leaves the order eventually, simply because it would be really fun to explore a much more light-sided Vits. Bel’s a bit more difficult to place, in a society that doesn’t put as much importance on genetics and perfection, he would have the chance to do whatever he liked, which he didn’t in the Empire. In an au that follows his canon life a little better, he would probably join the SIS, but more likely as an anaylst or undercover agent, not as a sniper and agent.
Honestly time travel and born in that era, they’re def aus I’ve thought about writing
#tag meme#Viticalia Volcatius#Belville Abelard#Thomsyn#Montym#swtor#my ocs#swtor ocs#thank you for tagging me!#this was really fun#and I adore these au musings
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Fanfic 102: Unit 3, Diversity
Hello! Welcome back. This week we’re going to talk about Diversity. Beyond how to insert diversity into your writing, the nuances, and the ways you can create a believable character. The Editor and I understand how sensitive of a subject this is, and wanted to take the time to make sure the information we are doling out is inclusive and well-written and quality. There is often a lack of diversity in media and books, and often when it is included it’s shoe-horned in for brownie points. We understand that, and we want the up-and-coming writers to be better than those before them. The two most important things to remember are the following: no diversity beats terribly-done diversity, and, the way that the character is diverse is not and should never be their whole personality. We will be discussing LGBT, ableism, and race.
The LGBT community is a vibrant community with members of all shapes and sizes. The most important part when writing a character who is gay or trans is that this aspect is part of their identity but it is not their whole identity. When we discussed characterization in Fanfiction 101, we talked about not reducing side characters or members of the cast to one-note aspects of their personality. The same applies here, and a character’s sexuality or gender expression should not be at the forefront of every conversation. You shouldn’t create these characters with their sexual or gender identity being at the forefront of your mind, because you wouldn’t do that for a straight or cis character. You wouldn’t sit down to make a character with your first thought being ‘ok but they have to be cis,’ so it’s silly to do the same to a gay or trans or nonbinary character. Make them like you would any other character. What changes would be aspects of their identity, or values they hold near and dear to their heart or motivations. Those may be different than a straight character or a cis-gender character.
If you’re straight or cis and writing a gay or trans character, you need to do your research to accurately portray the character in a realistic and believable way. An example we love is Todd Chavez in Bojack Horseman, who portrayed an asexual character, and Todd’s journey as he came into his own. Bojack Horseman also portrayed polyamory with Hollyhock, who was the adopted daughter of 8 dads. What we enjoyed was that Todd’s sexuality added dimension to his character. It didn’t reduce him to being the token LGBT representative, and it didn’t force him into a box where he could only focus on LGBT issues. Todd was and is so much more than that, and his sexuality is a part of his story, but it’s not the sole story.
Rick Riordan is a master of writing experiences that are not his own, and he cheated the system by basing his characters off of people he knew. This is a method that you can use. You can base your characters off of friends, public figures, etc. If you decide to not do that, googling what transgender men and women have to experience or what top surgery is isn’t enough. I would suggest looking to Youtube, where many transgender and LGBT influencers have talked about their experiences. I would suggest looking to forums, Reddit being one of them. Yahoo Answers is also a really good source. What you want is as many experiences as you can get: ones that are similar, and ones that contrast. The goal is to combine them and make your own character in a melting pot of other experiences. You owe it to not only those who read your story but yourself to do the research. You want your characters to represent the communities you do, and the ones you don’t as best you can.
Let’s move on to people of color (POC). The same rules we’ve discussed prior apply: A poorly written POC is worse than no POC (Looking at you Baljeet). In addition, that POC’s ethnicity should not be their entire personality, and if you are creating a character just to say that you have made a POC, then you have already failed. There are many issues we see when we find people of color in fanfiction. Among them are language barriers, naming, and a misinterpretation of cultural values and experiences.
Putting words in a foreign language in the middle of fanfic is very, very common. You see it everywhere. In Avengers fanfic it’s Russian or Norse. In Batman fanfic, it’s any of the languages that the Batkids speak. The writers put in these conversations that sometimes go on for pages in another language, and then add an author’s note at the bottom with the translation. This is awkward, and when you read books, this is something you never see. If you want your character to speak another language, you don’t need to actually write the other language. Putting a few sentences through Google translate doesn’t make you a better or more dedicated writer than someone who adds the tag: “she was screaming now, all her words coming out in rapid French.” Tags can be used to dictate a change in language, and I encourage you to use them. Now, there are of course exceptions to this rule, and those exceptions usually lie in food, names, and things. Calling someone a name that is in another language is fine. Describing food in another language is fine, and things are generally ok. But that’s just for you. Your characters also have to speak the language.
No one worth their salt or heritage is going to go through a moment where they start out speaking in their fluent tongue and then “forget” to switch back and forth between English and their native language. It is so incredibly unrealistic and awful and it lets the reader know someone who is not actually bilingual wrote this piece of work. When you learn two languages, here’s what really happens: you forget words. You have to stumble through words in your own language before you get to the one you need. You call things, “that thing.” You point. You sometimes say “what’s that called?” you find aspects of the second language, or even your own language stupid and you don’t want to do it. You get words mixed up and you make mistakes. That’s all okay, and that all happens, and should be written as such. One of my teachers never forgot the French word for spider because she got the shit scared out of her by one and didn’t know what to call it when she needed someone to kill it. My aunt took 3 years to learn Turkish by immersion and now can speak it fluently. You don’t even need to be fluent in every language, and many people only know a handful of words in one or a few sentences in another. That’s totally okay! If anything that’s more realistic because it’s super hard to learn a new language and speak it fluently. Don’t force your characters into a box like that. Let them make mistakes.
Culture is a huge thing when writing POC. You have to keep in mind that culture shifts, and what may have been culturally huge for one set of characters won’t be as significant for others. You want your characters to interact with their culture in a way that is realistic, and not reductive. Kelly from the Office is a great example, as she invites the office to celebrate Diwali with her. Lara Jean from To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before is another example. We see her eat Korean food at home, and in the books, she still celebrates Korean holidays. Where the shift comes into play can be seen in Never Have I Ever where Devi is not as Indian as her parents, and we see her struggle with the culture. She still goes to Hindu association things, Ganesh puja, and she wears Indian clothes. However, she’s still a normal teenager out chasing boys and worrying about colleges. In Superstore the Muslim character prays 5 times a day, and still works at the grocery giant. The big takeaway is that these people have lives that include, but aren’t limited to their cultures. They aren’t reduced to stereotypes.
Naming characters is already rough. However, naming characters from a different background than you are even tougher. The Editor has a lot of anger towards Panju Weasley, from Harry Potter and the Cursed Child. Her exact words, as they were texted to me:
**
>Like Cursed Child where Ron and Padma has a kid named Panju.
>What the fuck is a Panju?
>That’s literally the dumbest name in the world
>All she had to google was Indian names.
>There are so many fucking lists.
>I dont even think it’s an actual name. Like it might be a nickname for some people but I dont think people have actually named their child panju.
**
As usual, the Editor is very correct. There is a simple solution to getting around what we’ll call the Panju Dilemma- a phrase which we’ll use to describe terrible naming choices of POC. In Fanfiction 101 we had an entire unit centered around naming. Nameberry.com exists, and if they don’t have it all you need to do is Google the country of origin and the sex of the OC. Sometimes you can add in the year the OC was born, to really get a feel for the time period, but that doesn’t always work. For example, in one of our stories we have a cluster of kids from Syria. When it came time to name said kids, we Googled: popular Syrian names 2003. That’s how we got our OCs: Reem, Nour, Nizar, Jano, and Stella. Naming is very important, and you owe it to your readers and your characters to do them justice, and not saddle them with a terrible name.
The final note of diversity we want to talk about is actual ability. Ableism is often overlooked in movies, shows, or books. It is something that is shoehorned in as an extra adversary for the OC or the cast, only *gasp* This time the biggest adversary is themselves. I hate that. I want to eliminate that because as someone with a disability and someone who has worked with kids with disabilities, you can absolutely write and code characters like that in so long as, and say it with me now, it is not their entire personality.
You can totes write a character with anxiety and/or depression, so long as you don’t snub these very real mental disorders that millions face on a daily basis. You also have a duty, especially with anxiety and depression, to not glorify, glamorize, or romanticize either. Do not romanticize self-harm. Do not romanticize anxiety. Do not romanticize depression. They are not cruel tricks of life that befall beautiful intelligent women. It is not “tragically beautiful.” Depression and anxiety and self-harm are not a paragraph for you to lament on while the OC gazes longingly out the window at her lover. Anxiety keeps some people from talking on the phone they’re so nervous. It gives girls panic attacks in mall food courts because they don’t know what’s going on anymore. Depression isn’t your OC watching the rain in a hoodie and sweats, it’s not showering for days on end because you can’t find the motivation to. It’s having insomnia because you can’t sleep. Self-harm is not an OC’s love interest holding their wrists and telling them to stop. It is deep pain and numbness and hurting yourself to try and feel something. It is rubbing Neosporin on your cuts and hoping they go away. It is forcing your friends to keep it a secret because you don’t want anyone to know because what if they take it away from you. These mental disorders are not yours to romanticize. They are yours to show the growth and power and strength of your characters. They are yours to use to show how trauma has affected your character and can represent normality behind mental health and emotion and talking about things like this. Even more so than girls, writing a male OC with anxiety or depression is more empowering because you are allowing a character to talk about their feelings when that isn’t seen as acceptable by their sex. If you feel you are able to take that plunge, and you can do the adequate research to represent the disorder well, go for it.
In addition to mental health, physical disabilities are often overlooked. I have a chronic illness. I have never seen in a book, movie, TV show, or fanfiction anyone with a chronic illness, let alone my chronic illness. That in of itself is a broad term, and I’ll let chronic illness mean anything from lupus and POTS to asthma and anemia. These disabilities make a character have to work harder, but hey, look at Captain America. The boy had every disability under the sun and he got out alright. No one is going to make changes for you. You have to be the change you want to see. If I want OCs with chronic illnesses, I have to write them and do them justice by not only my community but the communities that I don’t represent. Jeremy Scott’s The Ables is a great example of writing disability and using it as part of, but not a character’s entire identity. The main characters all have superpowers but are put in a class that doesn’t allow them to use said powers. This is because they are all disabled. The main character is blind and telekinetic, another can read minds but is in a wheelchair, another is a genius but has cerebral palsy. Their disabilities are a minor obstacle, but not the big bad, and that is a great way to write disability. People who live with physical disabilities or chronic illnesses have to deal with said limitations every day. To us, as time goes on it becomes less of the monster at the end of the story and more of an everyday beast. It becomes normal, and there are bigger things for us to worry about than just our disease. This speaks for every aspect of diversity we have covered in this chapter: The people with said note have to live with it every day. It is a common enemy, not the final boss. To treat it as such is to say that it is our biggest concern in life. I wish my chronic illness was my biggest concern, but I have other fish to fry.
What we have done here is not an all-inclusive list of diversity. This chapter took 2 weeks to write because the Editor and I wanted to do right by our community. Not just the communities we proudly represent but the communities we don’t. There are many more nuances and aspects to diversity that are out there, and what we have presented is our best. Yet it is still incomplete. If there is something important that you feel we have left out, we sincerely apologize. We acknowledge that what we have written here is not all-encompassing for diversity. We wanted to talk about issues that are common occurrences. However, what we have covered is not the end-all of what’s out there. We apologize for the delay, and to make up for it, our next unit Writing Children will be published at the same time as this one. We sincerely apologize for the delay.
Xoxo, Gossip Girl
#ff101#ff102#Fanfiction102#fanfic#writing#my writing#OC#self-insert#Original Works#Harry Potter#diversity#Batman#Batfam#Supernatural#Sherlock#percy jackon and the olympians#Percy Jackson#Marvel#Daredevil#DC Comics#avatar: the last airbender#ATLA
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THE MEGA RP PLOTTING SHEET / MEME.
First and foremost, recall that no one is perfect, we all have witnessed some plotting once which did not went too well, be it because of us or our partner. So here have this, which may help for future plotting. It’s a lot! Yes, but perhaps give your partners some insight? Anyway BOLD what fully applies, italicize if only somewhat.
Mun Name: Mik Age: 26 Contact: IM, discord, smoke signal, whatever.
Character(s) I rp: Nora, Spike.
Which muse(s) inspires you the most atm?(for MM): Nora, most likely
Current Fandom(s): Fandomless
Fandom(s) you have an AU for: pretty much everything I find around and hop on.
My language(s): spanish, english.
Themes I’m interested in for rp: Fantasy / Science fiction / Horror / Western / Romance / Thriller / Mystery / Dystopia / Adventure / Modern / Erotic / Crime / Mythology / Classic / History / Renaissance / Medieval / Ancient / War / Family / Politics / Religion / School / Adulthood / Childhood / Apocalyptic / Gods / Sport / Music / Science / Fights / Angst / Smut / Drama / etc.
Themes/Genres you have an AU for: modern without supernatural, I do have some fantasy set up but eh.
Preferred Thread length: one-liner / 1 para / 2 para / 3+ / novella.
Asks can be send by: Mutuals / Non-Mutuals / Personals / Anons.
Can Asks be continued?: YES / NO only by Mutuals?: YES / NO.
Preferred thread type: crack / casual nothing too deep / serious / deep as heck.
Is realism / research important for you in certain themes?: YES / NO.
Are you atm open for new plots?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.
Do you handle your draft / ask - count well?: YES / NO / SOMEWHAT.
How long do you usually take to reply?: 24h / 1 week / 2 weeks / 3+ / months / years.
I’m okay with interacting: original characters / a relative of my character (an oc) / duplicates / my fandom / crossovers / multi-muses / self-inserts / people with no AU verse for my fandom / canon-divergent portrayals / au-versions (as main or only verse).
Do you post more ic or occ?: IC / OOC.
Are you selective with following others?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.
Best ways to approach you for rp/plotting: ask, IM, discord, singing telegram, smoke signals, messeger pidgeos -- whatever dude. I will most likely talk and ramble a lot, I do like plotting and I squeeze my brains out to think in ways to rp with ppl. and I really suck at approaching others. really...
What expectations do you hold towards your plotting partner: Ideas and somewhat more enthusiasm than me. I tend to shy away or feel very much awkward right off the bat if the person approaches me with not much to say or give. And honestly, some people really intimidate me because I am too hard on myself, so giving a bit of a pat on the back makes me relax more. I deal with a lot of anxiety and I know people run away the second I show it.
When you notice the plotting is rather one-sided, what do you do?: Mostly when I am doing the talk or coming with ideas or looking generally more interested. It takes effort for me to get on things and actually do stuff but if it’s not the other way around I end up thinking they got bored of me. I am one hell of insecure person. As for what I do, if after many tries of trying to reach another person and end up feeling rejected or ignored, then ... I stop. What’s the point of insisting if the other person would just be awkward or not spare you a word?
How do you usually plot with others, do you give input or leave most work towards your partner?: well, I usually ask first what the other thinks or have in mind, if nothing, I either suggest or start brainstorming with the other person. I know some who have dealt with me at first I seem like a dettached person but not having ideas really makes me feel like I have not much right to talk. I want to give yet without impossing or letting it twist my arm. I know for a fact nora’s lore really doesn’t help shit for most things.
When a partner drops the thread, do you wish to know?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.
- And why?: if the thread was meaningful and we were really into it , then I would ask but as for the most, I don’t really bother with it. Sometimes people just lose muse, and even if I was enjoying it, I don’t have the right to force someone or ask why they stopped. thread dropping is normal, i guess.
- What should your partner do when dropping a thread?: whatever they want. telling me or not is up to them, I don’t really mind. RP is not something SUPER serious like it should be just perfect. I try to convice myself of this a lot.
What could possibly lead you to drop a thread?: either because it was old as fuck, I couldn’t find muse or because it was lost in the void of tumblr’s amazing tracking system.
- Will you tell your partner?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.
Is communication in the rpc important to you? YES / NO.
- And why?: if I do not have some idea of who am i rping with and what they have in mind, then it’s nearly impossible. being purely IC is really uncomfortable and could lead to a lot of misundertandings.
- Are you okay with absolute honesty, even if it may means hearing something negative about you and/or portrayal?: yeah. mostly yeah -- I mean, I will feel bad, I do have feelings, but I will take it with water.
- Do you think you can handle such situation in a mature way? YES ( but I will feel bad anyways ) / NO.
Why do you rp again, is there a goal?: connect with others, ramble a lot about characters, have fun. I’ve been rping since i was 12 ( back then it was not big deal your age apparently ) and having to connect with other people by making these plots and stories and just having a fun time is something that brings me joy. There’s so much that can be done. And exploring my muses with other muses influences is really helpful to fill the holes left due indecisiveness.
Wishlist, be it plots or scenarios: I wish people joined my lore more. Having muses that could be in the same story department as Nora in particular, would be hella and inspire me more. There is so much I have. Explore nora’s power is also something I want but it’s hard -- it’s very invasive and not many would really like it, feeling it’s meta. For now, I don’t really have other muses and Spike has her little crew outside tumblr.
Themes I won’t ever rp / explore: umm, it’s hard to think in something in particular. But mostly stuff that collides with nora’s story/character. but there is a lot I am willing to explore.
What Type of Starters do you prefer / dislike, can’t work with?: casual starters are my fab. It’s easier to figure out how to go or stop and think. plotted ones also work. as for what I dislike or cannot work with, things that force my muse to not act how they would? not giving me something solid is hard to handle.
What type of characters catch your interest the most?: I really like out of the norm muses, something that you see and say /oh , look at that/. Aesthetically, story wise or personality wise, something that goes out the usual troup most would use. I do have a guilty pleasure for opposite to my muse characters --- something that would really show the contrast with one another.
What type of characters catch your interest the least?: Very basic ones? or those who try TOO hard to be special. A character that doesn’t fit in the context they are in, esp. in fandoms. HEAVILY divergent characters that just basically turn them into OCs. I know I sound like a bitch but I am the type who respect canon and the actual author behind the character too much. Also those that I don’t know much about? as in, the fandom never managed to catch my interest or smth in that line.
What are your strong aspects as rp partner?: I know where is the line between fiction and reality. And that what your character does it does not reflect as the person you actually are. I am pretty laid back and I understand people’s views and reasoning. idk. I draw a lot if I am super invested ?
What are your weak aspects as rp partner?: I am super sporadic and can go from being super active to flat out dead for weeks. my mood swings a lot with the amount of attention I get, as horrible as it sounds. I am very anxious as a person for reasons ( not IRL mostly, just bad experience from previous partners ). I promise a lot but do little? honestly I will just bad mouth myself if I keep writing this.
Do you rp smut?: YES ( tho mostly on discord ) / NO.
Do you prefer to go into detail?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.
Are you okay with black curtain?: YES / NO.
- When do you rp smut? More out of fun or character development?: both?
- Anything you would not want to rp there?: ehhhh, idk -- i don’t do as much to know what I don’t like here.
Are ships important to you?: YES / NO / RELATIVE.
Would you say your blog is ship-focused?: YES / NO.
Do you use read more?: YES / NO / SOMETIMES.
Are you: Multi-Ship / Single-Ship / Dual-Ship — Multiverse / Singleverse.
- What do you love to explore the most in your ships?: the very nature of human relations. I am talking about Nora big time here -- there is a lot to explore in her relations and how she reacts and acts towards someone is very very contextual. How much she fakes, how much she is sincere, how much she struggles or how relaxed can be. force her to show her real self, which is very hazy even for her as a task. Be very poetic deep and also very shallow. I particulary see her as a character that REALLY depends on her relation with the other muse -- but generally speaking for any of my muses: I love to explore them as a pair and as individuals.
- What is your smut tag?: the unfamily friendly. ( new tag (?))
Are you okay with pre-established relationships?: YES / NO.
- And what kind of ones?: Anything? I am open to anything honestly. As long as it makes sense.
► SECTION ABOUT YOUR MUSE.
- What could possibly make your Muse interesting towards others, why should they rp with this particular character of yours now, what possible plots do they offer?: Anyone who is denying their feelings, are peculiar as an individual or anyone who needs an insight of themselves and the world around them. Nora is a mentor type of character, she is here to be a support and help others explore themselves and learn. Also if you are a minor, she will most likely try to get close to help -- one must protect the good sad kids.
- With what type of Muses do you usually struggle to rp with?: Stubborn, very fixated with things. Who would not open themselves to other perspective without thinking someone is trying to change them. Also she would struggle a heck lot with psychopaths and sociopaths, or anyone that “doesn’t have a face” for her.
- With what type of Muses do they usually work well with?: Curious people, struggling ones, kids in general -- people that are willing to listen to her opinions and try to improve in a positive way. Also those who are quirky in a way.
- What interests your Muse(s) in general: rabbits, literature, interesting people, the unknown, learning, relationships of all natures.
- What do they desire, is their goal?: Live long without letting her particularity ruin her -- for her kind nobody makes it past the 50s and she wants that , to conquer her ability and prove that even with something like she is ( they are ), it’s posible to live and be happy. have a family of her own, yeah she is that cheesy.
- What catches their interest first when meeting someone new?: Their actions and the emotions that they are carrying on their back.
- What do they value in a person?: sincerity, willingness, enthusiasm.
- What themes do they like talking about?: a lot of phylosophic stuff, deep topics -- as well to casual things of life. about people and society.
- Which themes bore them?: excuses and avoidance -- people who are willing to drop everything and give up.
- Did they ever went through something traumatic?: the attempt of suicide of her mother. and the successfull suicide of many of her peers.
- What could possibly trigger them?: any sort of threat or violence towards someone who does not asked for it. esp. her peers and family.
- What could set them off, enrage them?: Immoral ones. Those who are willing to stomp on others just to success in their goal.
- What could lead to an instant kill?: is not killing, but touch a hair of her family and you are done. same for her friends and protegees.
- Is there someone /-thing they hate?: gorgers, suicide, her tired face.
- Is there someone /-thing they love?: her family and dear ones --- to a fault. rabbits or anything related to it.
Is your Muse easy to approach?: YES / NO.
- Best ways to approach them?: any way is okay as long as is not threatening.
- Where are they usually to find?: during the night, in the streets -- during the day is either her workplace or her house. maybe a park near her apartment/location if she is feeling stuffy.
Something you may still want to point out about your muse?: she is not a good person , she is willing to manipulate people and is constantly trying to impose her morals. but she is also very sensitive even if she doesn’t show it --- Nora does look tired for a reason , and one of them is because she cries a lot .
CONGRATS!!! You managed it, now tag your mutuals! ♥
Tagged by: @skyvar
Tagging: @batoushoujo , @obtainedloss , @lorddiiavolo , @evanesense , @sunpierce , @necrotrigae , @maljefe , @ethaeria , @calpio , @veiliisms
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OC Interview
Rules:
1. Choose an OC.
2. Answer as that OC.
3. Tag 5 people to do the same Open tag because you’re lazy
So about six million years ago @queen-scribbles dropped me a tag on one of these in case I wanted to talk about a character and so I’m cashing in on that because I want to talk about Zeph (my wonderful amazing air genasi monk who deserves all the happiness in the world who I unintentionally cursed with anxiety worse than mine. Poor darling.)
1. What is your name?
“Zeph.” She hesitates. “Okay fine technically it’s Zephyr but nobody I actually like calls me that. So if you want me to like you, don’t.”
2. Do you know why are you named that?
She rolls her eyes. “Yeah, because I’m an air genasi and the monks couldn’t think of anything better when I was dumped on them.”
3. Are you single or taken?
Her annoyance melts instantly as she blushes and ducks her head, almost trying to hide her smile. “Um... taken. Much to my surprise.”
4. Have any abilities or powers?
“Let’s see... good at punching things? I learned the other day I’m pretty good at hockey. I can levitate things, and sometimes I can blink into another plane if I can’t dodge something quickly enough.” She shrugs a little, almost bashful.
[we spent the first hour of our last session playing fantasy hockey; Zeph was the goalie thanks to the monk’s deflect missiles ability. It was delightful. Also indirectly led to her getting asked out which was a plus.]
5. Stop being a Mary Sue.
She raises her eyebrows. “I’m not sure if I should be flattered you think I’m perfect or insulted you think it’s unrealistic.” She laughs, then sobers. “Really though if you think I’m perfect you’re not looking hard enough.”
6. What’s your eye color?
“Gray.”
7. How about your hair color?
“Silver, mostly. Think there’s some blue in there.”
8. Have any family members?
She shrugs dramatically. “Fuck if I know. None that I know of. Maybe my parents are dead, and maybe they just dumped me, but either way I guess it doesn’t matter.”
9. Oh? How about pets?
Her smile returns. “Well the party has our blink dog, Ptoast. Long story.” She turns around to look back toward the docks, where a water genasi is play wrestling a gnoll. “Cotton Eye Joe doesn’t count, he can talk.”
[yes we adopted a gnoll. And we named him Cotton Eye Joe. Long story.]
10. That’s cool, I guess. Now, tell me something you don’t like?
“Wererats,” she says immediately. “Especially if they’re in a crime syndicate and frame people’s friends for enough crimes to get them thrown in jail for way too long. Also when people tell me I can’t do something.”
11. Do you have any activities/hobbies that you like to do?
“Oh, loads. Pretty much anything I can get my hands on, really. Puzzles, cards, I think I could probably still juggle if I tried.” Her gaze shifts upward as she thinks. “Does fucking with Ptah count as a hobby?” (”Yes,” three voices respond immediately. “Fuck you!” adds a fourth.) “Guess so.”
12. Have you ever hurt anyone in any way before?
She bites her lip. “Sure, I guess. Tends to happen when you get in fights. Got arrested for beating up a tabaxi in a bar once.”
13. Ever… killed anyone before?
She nods. “Not... much. Some gnolls, some wererats, some weird mushroom things. People... not really easy to get used to that. Though there are a few I’d make exceptions for. And besides I’ve got an assassin and a... well, Ptah, for friends, they can handle it.”
14. What kind of animal are you?
“Like, what animal would represent me? Some kind of cat, I think? Maybe a tiger. Gods help anyone who suggests I’m a bird.”
15. Name your worst habits?
She laughs. “Oh boy. Well I overthink things. A lot. Somehow I also manage to be reckless sometimes. And I spend way too much time and effort trying to figure out what other people want from me.” She sighs. “Working on that one.”
16. Do you look up to anyone at all?
“My friend Bright. Learned a lot from him. About the world, and about me. He’s about the closest thing I’ve got to family, I think. At least until I met these assholes.”
17. Are you gay, straight or bisexual?
She inclines her head. “Think you missed a few options there, but I’m bisexual.”
18. Did you attend school?
“Not in the traditional sense, no. I was educated in the monastery where I was raised.”
19. Ever want to marry and have kids one day?
She laughs again. “Bold of you to assume I even know what I want to do next week.” She bites her lip. “I haven’t really thought about it. I guess I wouldn’t be opposed, but it doesn’t seem... I don’t know. I’m trying to live in the moment right now.”
20. Do you have any fangirls/fanboys?
She grins. “Does my boyfriend count? I’m kidding. Um... not me specifically, I don’t think. There may be a few fans of our group, since we kind of stopped evil snake people from taking over the government, but I don’t think anyone would have much of a reason to be my fan.”
21. What are you most afraid of?
She blinks a few times. “Being forgotten,” she says at last. “And... well. No. I think I’ll keep that one to myself.”
22. What do you usually wear?
She gestures to her clothing--flexible, dark-colored pants and a tank top, along with the wraps on her hands. She’s also wearing a dark cloak that sparkles just a bit when she moves. “It’s a cloak of protection,” she says. “Ptah gave it to me, to see how I’d react. I was very drunk at the time (and so was he, to be fair) so I’m a little hazy on the details, but...” She blushes faintly. “Anyway.”
23. What’s one food that tempts you?
“I love pecan pie. Also, cookies and pastries and such in general are pretty great. Especially Ashyew’s reactions to them.”
24. Am I annoying you?
She raises an eyebrow, smirking. “Are you trying to? Try harder.”
25. Well, it’s still not over!
She smiles. “Full speed ahead, then.”
26. What class are you (low/middle/high)?
She gives a bemused sort of grin. “That’s a very weird question right now. I guess financially we’d probably qualify as middle class at this point, but we were also recently given a villa, so.... No idea. I really have no idea.”
27. How many friends do you have?
The smile stays. “One more than I thought I did a few days ago.” She thinks for a moment. “Brin and Bright, and Rhede, and the group, are the ones I’d call close friends. Kazimir and the others might qualify, to an extent, but seeing as I wasn’t even sure I was friends with Morana... so about eight.”
28. What are your thoughts on pie?
“Pie is amazing and wonderful. Do you have any?” She sighs. “Thought not. Worth a try.”
29. Favorite drink?
“Hmm. Never really thought much about it. Alcohol is pretty much nasty, yet for some reason I still drink it.”
30. What’s your favorite place?
“So far? Aargau. The dwarves have fucking indoor plumbing. And hockey. I really wish we could’ve stayed longer. And not just because I was promised a date.” She thinks for a moment. “I’m also a fan of the rooftop deck at our villa in Kalmar. But overall, gotta be Aargau.”
31. Are you interested in anyone?
She blushes, grinning widely. “Just a little. If I wasn’t clear up to this point, well, it’s still kinda new. But Ptah is my boyfriend.” Her entire face lights up with her smile as she says it. “So yes, I guess you could say I’m interested in him.”
32. That was a stupid question…
The grin doesn’t fade. “To be fair to you, I was being a little vague. Don’t worry about it.”
33. Would you rather swim in a lake or the ocean?
She thinks for a moment. “I haven’t really spent much time in either. Other than that giant octopus, though, I have enjoyed the ocean. Especially if Ash is there as a dolphin or something.”
34. What’s your type?
She laughs out loud and buries her face in her hands for a moment. “According to my track record of one, it’s dumbass tieflings who don’t seem to ever shut up and who are really fun to get drunk with. If you’re looking for a serious answer... it’s because he listened to me. I... I doubt myself, a lot, and I usually do okay at hiding it but I didn’t need to hide it from him. I could tell him anything, and not only does he not judge me he somehow always manages to say exactly what I need to hear. So...” Her blush deepens. “Yeah.”
35. Any fetishes?
“If I did, I wouldn’t be about to tell you.” She winks, despite her blush.
36. Camping or outdoors?
“Can I have both? You mean like... in a tent or under the stars? Depends on the weather. But if it’s clear? Stars. I didn’t retain much of what I read about the stars, but they’re beautiful.”
#ask thing#tag thing#zeph#look i love her an unreasonable amount#and she and ptah are so goddamn cute
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Fallout OC Interview!
thank you @robobrainmurdermysterytheatre for making this interview and also for tagging me in it! :D
i’ve done an interview for andre before, but he’s my baby so as much as he dislikes it, he’s going to answer more questions about himself lol he’s gotten a little more comfortable doing so!
-
What is your name?
“Andre.”
How old are you?
“Two hundred thirty-nine.” He smiles cheekily, then frowns when that doesn’t get a laugh. “Fine. I’m 29.”
What do you look like?
He blinks a couple times. “Uh, well, I’m a 6′3″ black man with lots of tattoos and locs. I need glasses, so I’ve got a couple of pairs of those in case I lose them out in the wasteland, and I’ve got a prosthetic on my right leg.”
“...It’s a long story.”
Where are you from? Where do you live now?
“I was born in Brooklyn, New York. Now, I live in a post-war, destroyed Boston. There’s... more to it than that, but, yeah.”
What was your childhood like?
He’s quiet for a few minutes, brows furrowed. “Overall, I think it was good. My dad was... kind of absent most of the time, but I don’t fault him for that. He worked a lot. My mom and I were really close, though.” He smiles at the memory of her and sniffles quietly. “I have-- had, two older sisters, and we were really close.”
What groups are you friendly with? Are you allied with any factions?
“I like Preston Garvey quiet a lot. He’s a great guy,” he smiles. “Anytime the Minutemen need any help, I’m there, but being the General really isn’t my speed. Aksel does a great job at that. And I used to be a part of the Brotherhood of Steel, but well, let’s just say that didn’t really work out when their “leader” tried to kill one of their best men and my partner,” he frowns.
Tell me about your best friend.
“Danse and I are really close, I definitely consider him my best friend, but realistically... He’s a lot more than that to me. I could talk about Danse for hours,” he smiles, looking down nervously. “But, uh, the only other person that means that much to me is Preston. He’s always there to listen when I need him, but also when Danse needs him. I can’t ask anymore than that, really.”
Do you have a family? Tell me about them!
He looks away and blinks a few times, taking a deep breath. “I uh, I have more of a found family now. Danse is the one I’m closest to, obviously, but beyond that, Preston, Sturges, and Curie are great friends. Oh, and Dogmeat. Such a good dog.”
What about a partner or partners?
He smiles softly. “I’m still in love with Lily, my wife. I think I always will be, but she wouldn’t want me to be alone, and I think she’d like Danse quite a lot. They both have a lot in common, like putting up with my bullshit,” he laughs softly.
Who are your enemies, and why?
“Probably the same as anyone in the Commonwealth; raiders, Gunners, the Institute... and the Brotherhood, but that’s more of a personal one.”
Have you ever heard of The Brotherhood of Steel? What do you think about them?
He rolls his eyes and leans back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest. “God, next question please.”
What about The Enclave?
“Hmm, no, never have.”
(op hasn’t played any other fallout games bc they’re poor oops)
How do you feel about Super Mutants?
“On one hand I feel kinda bad because they were experimented on against their will, therefore the way they are isn’t really their fault? On the other, they try to kill me on an almost daily basis, so... Not a fan.”
What’s the craziest fight you’ve ever been in?
“Oh man, where do I start?” he chuckles and adjusts how he’s sitting to get comfortable. “There was this one time when Danse and I were down in Quincy and we were taking out all the Gunners that took over, right? I can laugh now because it’s been a couple months, but at the time Danse and I got cornered behind a barrier they had set up. I only had a few magazines of ammo left and a couple frags, so I threw a grenade over the barrier and I shit you not, one of the fucker’s legs shot up into the air and landed right in front of us,” he laughs, running his hands through his locs. “Danse and I looked at it for a second, but couldn’t really react because we still had a bunch of Gunners to take out, y’know? Anyway, we found an abandoned house and camped there for the night and laughed about it over a couple of beers, it was great.”
Have you ever fought a Deathclaw?
“Yeah, that’s how I got the scar on my forehead. I was out of commission for a couple of months after that.”
Do you like fighting?
“Not at all. I do it because I have to, but it’s fucking exhausting and really dangerous.”
What’s your weapon of choice?
“My sniper rifle. I’ve had it since my army days and I’ve been modifying it since. It’s a... little different now,” he chuckles.
How do you survive? Your wits, your charm, your skills, brute force, some combination?(a.k.a. what’s your S.P.E.C.I.A.L?)
“I like to think charm has something to do with it? Maybe it’s intimidation, but it gets the job done. And skills.”
S - 10
P - 13
E - 8
C - 12
I - 9
A - 10
L - 7
Have you ever been in a vault? What do you think about them?
“Yeah, I don’t really like to talk about that.”
How do you beat all the radiation around here? Has it affected you?
“Typically, I’ll wear a gas mask when it gets really bad.”
What’s your favorite wasteland critter?
“Probably brahmin. They’re usually really sweet. Danse and I have been talking about starting a farm in the future and we both want a couple of brahmin.”
What’s your least favorite wasteland critter?
“They’re in Nuka World, but I fucking hate the crickets there.” He shivers and frowns. “Blegh.”
How do you feel about robots?
“I like Mr. Handys and Protectrons best. They just try and help most of the time. Plus, Codsworth is a great friend of mine.”
How many caps do you have on you right now?
“Around... 450? I don’t really spend my money much. Never know when you might need it, y’know? I have more at my home base, though.”
Nuka Cola or Sunset Sarsaparilla?
“Nuka Dark.”
Do you do chems?
“No, but I smoke and drink more than I probably should.”
Do you ever think about the Pre-War world?
He looks away, like he’s looking at someone for comfort, before answering. “Yeah, all the time.”
What’s your deepest regret? What would you do differently?
“Not asking if there was a couple’s cryo. There probably wasn’t because Vault-Tec were corrupt as shit, but if there was a way for me to know that I’d lose her, I’d do anything I could to prevent it.”
Danse comes in and puts his hand on Andre’s shoulder. “We’ve talked about this, Andy. She wouldn’t want you to worry about this all the time.” He leans down and kisses Andre’s forehead. “It’s not your fault.”
Andre nods, eyes closed, and grabs Danse’s hand. “I know.”
What’s your biggest achievement? Or what do you hope to achieve?
“Convincing Danse to stay in the Commonwealth. I’m not sure what I would have done if he left, or worse.” He squeezes Danse’s hand a little.
What do you want for the future? For yourself? Your friends? The world?
“Normalcy. I just want to be able to go to sleep without worrying if a raider is going to come in, steal my shit, and kill me and my family.”
#fallout oc#fallout 4#falloutedit#andre white#mine#i like fleshing out his character#and answering as him is really fun!#also if you get thru this whole thing#ur a trooper
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