The best part of Will saying he wants forever with Mike so blatantly is that he isn't the one who brought it up, Mike was. In an act of projection he asks "What did you think? That we'd actually get to be together forever? When we're both boys?" and will says yes. He says yes, and Mike immediately regrets it.

just pretend for now // reddie

(mostly posting my ao3 fics here for now // i’ll take requests too!)

pairing: eddie kaspbrak x richie tozier 

genre/warnings: none! fluff

word count: 2,037

summary: a loser’s club wedding...but kids!

“Let’s just skip it.”

“Our own wedding, Rich?”

“We already got married, Eds,” Richie murmured as he turned over in the sheets to reach for Eddie in the mid morning light. He was well aware of the plans that had to be set into motion, as well as the many things they must actually be present for―like getting married, for one―but all Richie felt like doing was spending the rest of their Friday afternoon in the hotel bed. Well, Eddie had brought separate bed sheets for the hotel bed, but still the same idea in spirit.

Eddie pulled Richie closer and rested a hand in his tousled hair. Though he did not fully bring him to his chest―the wound had healed months ago, but Eddie was still extremely careful. It made Richie wonder what their wedding night was going to look like if Eddie wouldn’t touch him. Not like it made much of a difference considering all the other times…

“I’m not sure what you’re talking about, but we can’t just not go to our rehearsal dinner,” He stated, craning over Richie to stare at the clock displayed on the hotel nightstand with a groan.

Richie tilted his head up to stare at Eddie―or the foggy shape he assumed was his soon-to-be husband, having forgotten to put on his glasses.

“You don’t remember when we got married as kids?”

“I don’t think that a children’s cereal box ring counts towards marriage.”

“Oh, please. It wasn’t a cereal box prize…It was a Ring Pop,” Richie said with dignity.

“You’re gonna have to tell me the story of our so-called wedding, since there’s clearly some pieces I’m missing.”

Richie flourished a hand, in an old British clip. “With pleasure, Mr. Tozier.”

“Tozier-Kaspbrak,” Eddie corrected him.

“Nuance. Anyway, I’m pretty sure it was one hot ass summer when we were all sitting in Bill’s backyard, eating candy…”  

The Denbrough’s yard was stifling that summer in Maine, and all of the Losers crowded under the aged umbrella from their outdoor patio furniture to stay cool in the grass. Mike and Stanley were huddled close, admiring a bluejay that had perched on the fence, while Ben passed around a plastic bag of assorted candies from Costello’s Market―one that his mother had purchased for him the morning of―and tried not to sneak a glance at Beverley’s smile, or the way the sun made her hair glow like an open fire.

“It’s so fuckin’ hot,” Richie whined, popping a cherry Ring Pop into his mouth.

Ben shifted uncomfortably on his place in the dead grass. “You shouldn’t say that word Richie!”

“Oh hush, Haystack. I can say whatever I’d like,” He replied coolly and fell onto his back to stare at the cloudless sky.

“There’s nothing to do out here,” Eddie said in a soft voice, still awed by Richie’s crude remark. The brown-haired boy had some color on his cheeks, but not from the heat. He was startled, and maybe a little captivated by how confident Richie was, and Eddie wondered if some of that confidence could work on him the next time Belch Huggins shoved him off the playground equipment at school.

Bill fished inside the shopping bag for a candy bar that wasn’t already melted. “W-We have some board games i-i-inside.”

“Let’s go to the library,” Mike murmured. “There’s a new issue of Superman out and if we don’t act now all the other kids'll take them all.”

Stanley leaned in toward Mike’s neck and used the binoculars he was wearing, pointing at the bird. “No, let’s go back to my house for my sketchbook so I can draw her. Look, she’s so pretty.”

The three argued about what to do when Richie pondered over his candy, then said thoughtfully, “We could get married.”

Eddie looked away, knowing full well that Richie’s finger poking into his side meant that he was talking to him.

“W-What?” Bill spoke above Stanley and Mike’s chatter. Ben was too busy sorting the candy to pay much attention.

Richie shrugged, wiping sweaty hair out of his face. “We’ve got the rings, right Eds?”

Eddie crossed his arms, scowling at the Ring Pop on his own finger and spoke to the ground.

“Don’t call me Eds. You know it’s not my name.”

“It’s just pretend…unless you’re too chicken to do it,” Richie challenged.

Beverly glanced between the both of them, her eyes finally landing on Richie as a wicked grin lit her face.

“I’ll be the lucky lady, if my daddy doesn’t find out,” She giggled.

Richie sat up, wiping the grass from his shirt. “I was talking about Eddie Spaghetti, Bev. But you can be my best man.”

“I don’t think that’s how it works,” Stan said.

“Fine! I’ll marry Beverly, then Eds. Okay?”

Stan pulled his binoculars down. “You’re still not getting the point.”

“Oh, whatever. We’ve got a wedding to do,” Richie stood alongside Bev and held out his hand.

Eddie blinked at him for a speechless moment but took his hand warily.

“This is a bad idea,” He mumbled with a red face as the three sautnered over to the Denbrough’s rusting trellis, its vines once lively now hung dead across the scorching metal.

“Bill! Will you come marry us?” Beverly shouted across the lawn, even though the boys were only a few feet away.

“S-Sure Bevvie,” The boy immediately stood and went to her.

“Got yours, Bev?” Richie held up his candy ring, as well as the one on Eddie’s hand, still clasped in his own.

“Let go of my hand!” Eddie flung his arm back, nursing the Ring Pop in hopes that neither could see his expression. It was the only comfort he had, that sweet taste of blue dye, he’d left his inhaler at home.

Beverly showed them her ring, fresh from the package and shining a neon green on her pale finger.

Bill clapped his hands together, nervously looking to Bev. “Alright, uh, R-Richie go stand by Eh-Eh-Eddie, I’ll marry Bev and you f-first.”

Richie grabbed Beverly’s hands and grinned sheepishly at the young girl. The other three watched from the shade of the umbrella, a mix of amusement and anxiety filtering across their faces. Luckily Bill’s parents were not home to see the ceremony, but the Losers knew neither mother nor father would take much interest in their antics.

“Do y-you Beverly Marsh tu-tu-take Richie T-Tozier to be your, uh, husband?”

“It’s ‘lawfully wedded husband,’ Bill!” Mike commented, while Stan slapped his shoulder.

Richie winked at Bev, which made her laugh harder. “I do.”

Bill nodded in agreement. “Okay, D-Do you, Richie Tozier t-take her to be your,” He turned to Mike, remembering the phrase, “Lawfully wedded wife?”

“Sure do, Big Bill. Now, how bout a good one, right here, Bevvie?” Richie clicked his tongue and tapped a cheek with his finger.

Bev blushed and leaned forward to peck his cheek. Eddie closed his eyes, trying not to picture Richie’s lips on his face. She pulled back, smiling and waving around her ringed finger in the hot air. Richie did the same.

“Eddie, your t-t-turn.”

Beverly gave Richie’s shoulder an affectionate squeeze before dashing off to hide under the umbrella. Eddie ran his tongue across the dry roof of his mouth and stepped forward, accepting the boy’s sweaty hands.

He hardly understood Bill’s words, not because of the stutter but more so because of the way Richie cleared his throat, and the firm grip he had on his hands, as if it were an actual ceremony and not something thrown together in a small town backyard.

Richie was busy staring at Eddie and stammered out an ‘I do’ just in time for him to whisper the same.

Bill bristled at the next line, his eyes flickering to Richie, who nodded his approval and said, “You m-may, uh, kiss each other?”

“On the cheek!” Eddie squealed, but Richie used their locked hands to propel him forward, smacking their lips together with an unceremonious crash of saliva. Richie’s mouth moved quickly across his, with neither having the slightest idea what they were doing or what it meant, but were drawn further into the kiss by the sugary taste left from their Ring Pops.

Richie’s glasses drove up against Eddie’s face in the seconds that their kiss lasted, and when he moved away Eddie let a small smile break through his resolve at Richie’s crooked glasses and wet curls of messy black hair. Eddie wouldn’t realize it until much later in the day but that hot summer afternoon, and Richie’s cherry flavored kiss was a brisk line in the sand on his feelings, and the memory of it would linger in his mind every time the dark-haired boy passed by. He kissed me, he kissed me, his mind would scream with gleeful abandon. Now go tell him you like him.

“See? Just pretend,” Richie released Eddie’s hands and stuck the Ring Pop into his mouth, biting it clean off the plastic ring. He stuck his tongue out, it was still red from the artificial flavoring and Eddie could almost feel that cherry candy in his own mouth. He shuddered at the thought and hurried away from the other boy, terrified and amazed at him.

The patio door slid on its hinges, and a small mousy haired boy stepped out―George, Bill’s little brother.

“What's going on? Who got candy without me?” The boy commanded, looking hurt by the other’s failure to include him.

Bill rushed to his side, holding out what was left of his chocolate. “S-Sorry Georgie. We were just gonna ask i-i-if you wanted some.”

“Uh huh.” Georgie snatched the candy bar, then sought out the plastic bag that promised more treats.

“So what’re you gonna do now Richie, with your new husband and wife?” Mike asked. Stan was bent over his travel-sized birth encyclopedia, so lost in thought the boy was getting smudges of milk chocolate on the pages.

Once Richie went back to the umbrella he slung an arm around Beverly and Eddie’s shoulders and looked up at the sun with a weary grin.

“Take a nap.”

“See Eds? Married,” Richie sighed happily as he concluded his story.

“Rich, there’s no way that you kissed me in front of everyone at ten years old.”

“Would you like me to call Bev for clarification?” Richie said, lovingly resting his head against Eddie’s waist, smiling where the other man could not see―because for a minute Eddie did not flinch away.

Eddie eased Richie’s head away from him and slid off the bed, throwing open his luggage.

“I’d like for you to take back the past twenty minutes, because now we’re going to be late. Ask her tonight at our actual wedding rehearsal.”

Richie rolled over Eddie’s side of the bed and found his phone and glasses while trying to tug off the shirt he’d slept in. “Yeah, Bev? Remember that one time at Bill’s house when we got married?”  

“You’re calling her, Rich?” Eddie disappeared into the bathroom so he didn’t have to witness the reason they were going to inevitably be late for dinner.

Richie stopped and listened, slipping into a pair of dress pants. He rolled his eyes and threw the phone onto the rumpled sheets with a childish whine.

“What did she say?” Eddie asked smugly, poking his head out of the door.

“She said, and I quote, ‘If you don’t show up in the next five minutes I am telling your parents you decided to elope at age forty.’”

Eddie grinned and straightened his shirt collar, exiting the bathroom to kiss Richie’s smooth cheek. At least he’d done one thing: shave.

He took Richie’s arm and they headed out the hotel door. “Let’s go then, Mr. Tozier.”

“That’s Tozier-Kaspbrak, according to you,” Richie grumbled.

“I said I was fine with Tozier.”

“Are you ‘fine’ with it? Just fine? ‘Fine’ is like, ‘I’m fine with my shitty low-end job.’ That sort of fine?”

“How about, ‘I’m more than fine with it for the rest of my life?’”

Richie chuckled. “Sounds good to me, Mr. Tozier. The wedding planner’s gonna give us hell, though.”

“We’ve been through worse.”

‘21

Amidst all the popular hype for seeing the end of 2020, it didn’t hit me until about lunchtime what the real highlight is that I’ve been waiting for: For the first time since 1999, the year finally ends in “numberty-number” again.    It low-key irritated me that we had to call it “two thousand three” and I was relieved when “twenty-thirteen” caught on, but it still wasn’t right because it was too short, and now we’re back in the sweet spot, and I should be safely dead by 2100, so that’s one less thing I gotta deal with.

Really, even “numberty hundred” rings true to me.    “Nineteen hundred” sounds like a year.    “Twenty-one-oh-six” sounds like a futur-y year, which is even cooler.   So did “Two thousand five”, until I was actually living in it, and it sounds even worse now that it was a long time ago and adults will talk about their childhood happening in that year.    Daniel Witwicky would be old enough to get married and grow a fancier beard than me.    That’s nuts.    My point is that, honestly, it’s the year 3000-3019 that I have to worry about, so if I ever decide to go vampire, those will be the years I hide in the ocean or force society to reset the calendar, whichever’s easier.  

I spent New Year’s Eve finishing Superliminal, which I bought on Steam after I watched Vegeta play it on YouTube.  It has a similar look and feel to the Stanley Parable, so if you liked one you’d probably enjoy the other, although Superliminal has a different theme.  I kept hoping I’d find some secret passage that I wasn’t supposed to take, and a narrator would scold me for finding the “Chickenbutt Ending”, but it doesn’t work that way.    Superliminal’s all about puzzles and awesome visuals, but it does have the same soothing design aesthetics as TSP.   Honestly, I enjoyed just wandering around in Stanley’s office, and Superliminal does the same thing with a hotel and several other settings.   It’s nice.

This got me thinking about how I kind of did everything there was to do in The Stanley Parable, and I sort of wished they would add new stuff to the game, but I’m not sure there would be much point to that.    I could play the older version, but it presents the same message, just with different assets.   The Boss’s Office would look different, but it’d be the same game.   And this got me thinking about various “secret chapters” in pop culture.  Secrets behind the cut.

I first heard about this idea in the 2000′s, when fans invented this notion that there was a secret chapter of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.    I read a website that tried to explain the concept, and of course it lauded J.K. Rowling with all this gushing praise for working an Easter egg into the book, a literary work of “well, magic.”  

That pretty well sums up my distaste for Harry Potter, by the way.    These days, JKR has thoroughly crapped all over her reputation and legacy, but in the 2000′s it felt like half the planet was in a mad rush to canonize her as a writing goddess, to the point where fans were congratulating her for writing secret chapters that didn’t actually exist.   The idea was based on lore from the books about Neville Longbottom’s parents.    They were patients in a mental hospital, and he’d go to visit them, and they would give him bubble gum wrappers, intended to demonstrate how far remove they’ve become from reality.   The secret chapter lies in those wrappers, which all read “Droobles Best Blowing Gum” or some such.    What if Neville’s parents were only pretending to be mentally ill, so as to throw off their enemies?   Naturally, they would want to stay in contact with their son, so the bubble gum wrappers would have to contain coded messages.    Said code involves unscrambling the letters on the wrappers to make new words, like “goblin” or “sword” or “Muggle” or “Dumbledore”.    The problem is that you can also use it to make other words like “booger” or “drool” or “booobbiess.”   Play with it enough, and you can make the code say anything you want it to say, which means it’s no code at all.   

But the idea was that the not-yet-published sixth HP book would reveal all of this gum wrapper nonsense, and Neville would decode the messages and discover all of his parents’ super-cool adventures.   I’m not sure why we needed a secret chapter if Book 6 was going to explain all of this anyway in several not-secret chapters, but that was the whole point.   Fans didn’t have Book 6 yet, and they were so desperate to read it that they started trying to extrapolate what would happen next based on “clues” from the previous five.    That’s like trying to figure out what Majin Buu looks like by watching the Androids Saga.   I guess some wiseguy would have guessed that he’d resemble #19, but that’d just be blind luck.  

And when you get down to it, this whole secret chapter business is really just a conspiracy.   This is literally how Qanon works.   Some anonymous jackass posted vague “hints” on an imageboard, and people went goofy trying to interpret them and figure out what would happen in the future.   They call it “research” because they spend a ton of time on this, but there’s no basis to any of it.    It took me a few minutes to figure out that you can spell “Muggle” with the words in “Drooble’s Best Blowing Gum”, but that’s not research and it doesn’t prove anything.   But all these guys keep looking for “Hilary Clinton goes to jail next week” and lo and behold that’s all they ever find.   

In the same vein, the gum wrapper thing was really a complaint disguised as a conspiracy, disguised as a “magical secret chapter”.   At least a few fans wanted to see more Neville in their Harry Potter books, they wanted Neville’s parents, or someone like them, to have cool spy adventures or whatever else.   The point is, they clearly weren’t getting what they wanted out of the printed works, but they didn’t want to turn against their Dear Beloved Author, so they started casting about for an alternative reality, one where J.K. Rowling wrote a cooler story and hid it in the pages of the one that actually went to press.    So instead of just saying “Hey, Order of the Phoenix was kind of a letdown, I hope there’s more ninjas in the next book,” they said “Rowling is a genius because I wanted ninjas and she’s definitely going to give them to me, I have the gum wrappers to prove it.”

The same thing happened all over again when the BBC Sherlock show took a turn for the nonsensical.    I don’t know from BBC Sherlock, but I watched the fascinating video critique by Hbomberguy, and it sounds like the show did tons of plot twists until it stopped making sense altogether in the fourth season.    If you skip to 1:09:00 in the video, you’ll hear about fan theories that suggested that season four was supposed to be crappy, as part of a secret meta-narrative plan that would be paid off in a secret, unannounced episode that would not only explain everything, but retroactively justify the crappy episodes that came before.    But it’s been a few years and it never came to pass, so I think we can call this myth busted. 

Most recently, I think we’ve all seen a lot of talk about the final season of Supernatural, where I guess Destiel sort of became canon but only one guy does the love confession and the other doesn’t respond.   But I guess he does say “I love you too”  in the Spanish dub, which means the English language version was edited for whatever reason.    It’s not exactly a secret episode, but the implication is that there’s more to this than what made it to the screen.    So the questions turn to what the screenplay said, what the writers and actors wanted to do, etc. etc.    My general impression is that SPN fans are a bit more used to crushing disappointment, so they’re not quite as delusional about this show being unquestionable genius, like Sherlock and Harry Potter.     Maybe this is an Anglophile thing?   Like, if you suck at something with a British accent, people will accept it more unconditionally?   

I had seen something on Twitter about how there should have been a secret Seinfeld episode in the 90′s.    Someone suggested it at the time, they tape a whole episode, then wait until 2020 to air it, because by then it would be worth a fortune.    But they didn’t do it, because it costs a lot of money to make a TV episode, and if you don’t air the show right away, you aren’t making that money back any time soon.    Yeah, you might recoup a fortune someday, but Seinfeld was making a ton of money then.    It exposes the fannish nature of the idea.    A fan would love to discover a cool secret chapter, but a content creator isn’t necessarily keen on making a cool thing and then hiding it where few people would find it.  

I thought about doing this myself recently.   Maybe Supernatural gave me the bug, but I thought “I’m writing this big-ass story, so what if I wrote me a secret chapter for it?   Wouldn’t that be cool?”     But no, it wouldn’t be cool, because it’d be the same work as writing a regular chapter, and the same stress I feel when I hold off on publishing it.    Except I’d just never publish it, I’d put it in some secret hole on the internet and hope that some superfan who might not even exist can decode whatever clues I leave.  

I mean, it’d be awesome if it got discovered and everyone loved it.    “Hey, I found this hidden chapter!   Mike’s done it again!”   And I could bask in the glory.   But what if no one finds it?  Then I just wasted my time, right?   I want people to read my work.   My monkey brain needs the sweet, sweet validation of those kudos and comments, folks.   Once I realized that, I understood why no one else would want to do a secret chapter either.    Easter eggs are one thing, but the bigger bonus features they put on DVDs were pretty easy to find, and with good reason.

I think that’s what made the Stanley Parable so appealing to play, because it teases you with the idea that you can “break” the game and find some extra content that you weren’t supposed to see, but as you go exploring all those hidden areas, it gradually becomes clear that this is just part of the game; you were meant to find all these things, and that’s why they were put here.      It’s hidden, but he secret aspect of it is just pretend.   

I suppose that what I like about games like TSP and Superliminal is the illusion of secrets more than the secrets themselves.    I like roaming through the hallways, having no idea what I might find ahead.    I kind of wish I could open all the doors, and not just the ones the game designers put stuff behind, but the reality is that there’s nothing on the other side.    I used a cheat code once  to explore the unused doors in TSP and it’s just a bright white field on the other side.   Interesting to look at, but not much of a reveal.   Honestly, the doors themselves are more appealing than anything that could lay behind them.  

And that’s probably what makes secrets so fun.   They could be almost anything, but once you open the present, the number of possibilities drops to one.   If they had ever made that Secret BBC Sherlock Episode, I doubt it would have lived up to expectations, but fans could amuse themselves by imagining what could have been in it.    In the end, though, things usually don’t justify the hype.  For every Undertaker debut at Survivor Series 1990, there’s a Gobbledygooker debut at Survivor Series 1990.   It’s impossible to manufacture a secret with a guaranteed payoff.   

Can’t Fight This Feeling

-2-

I was waiting patiently in my room for the excitement that I was expecting to hear from my brother once his friends announced themselves.

Over my music, I could hear some of Dustins toys making noise and I realized that they must have set some up in the living room to draw him out.

Probably Will’s idea, he was always the really creative one of the group.

I heard the excited shouts and party horns, then I heard Dust scream then I heard another scream. Then I heard the ‘Are you okay?’ cries.

I hopped off my bed and went out to the living room quickly before seeing Dustin hugging Mike.

“What happened?” I asked.

Dustin looked back at me, “Huuh, they came to surprise me but then they scared me because the toys were going off and I might have sprayed Lucas in the face with hairspray.”

I looked at him wide eyed and he looked right back at me with the same look.

“Hairspray, really?”

“I was trying to protect myself!”

“But with your hairspray? What were you trying to do? Style his eyelashes?”

“Well it wouldn’t have hurt to have them styled!”

I sent him another bewildered look before moving to the kitchen where Max was shoving Lucas’ head back under the water harshly.

“Now, Max,” I started, getting her attention, “you don’t wanna spend your youth in jail so I wouldn’t recommend murder.”

She smiled at me before letting go of her boyfriend, “Well, Lou, what would you do if your boyfriend asked if you had a new zit on your face?”

I looked over at Lucas who had a small embarrassed smile on his face. I tilted my head and grimaced, “Was the water scalding? Because the water should be scalding for that one.

“I agree,” Max said cheerily reaching for the tap of the faucet.

“No! No!” Lucas said, putting his hands over Max’s, who by this time was laughing.

“I’m sorry!” Lucas said with a smile on his face.

“Fine,” she said simply, letting her arms fall back to her sides, “say it again and it will be scalding next,” she said sternly.

He raised his hands in surrender, “Understood.”

“Your eyes good though, for real?” I asked him, walking over.

He nodded and blinked harshly a few times, before wiping away some of the lingering water.

“Yeah, stinging is pretty much gone.”

I snorted and patted his shoulder, “Good, now get back to Dustin, he missed you guys,” I told the two of them.

They nodded before walking around me and back to the living room.

I made my way back through the living room past the group of kids who then greeted me since there wasn’t a chance to before, even Elle who was seemingly, hopefully, coming out of her shell a bit more. She was still clinging onto Mike but it was cute. Young love.

I walked back to my room and absentmindly grabbed a magazine and sat on my bed and flipped through the pages lazily.

My mom eventually came in to my room to see if Dustin and the rest of the party were with me. I told her no and that they probably went with Dustin to set up his radio.

“But I made the dinner he wanted!” she said sadly.

I bit my lip to stop the smile, “I think his words were ‘whatever you want, ma.’”

She pointed her wooden spoon at me before she smiled lightly at me,”Well I guess it’s just a girls night in, do you wanna invite Robin to come over?”

I shook my head thinking about my best friend, “She’s working at Scoops today till nine when the mall closes.”

She nodded, “Well...come on, dinners ready,” she said before disappearing from my doorway.

I sighed and tossed the magazine onto my bed before I got up and followed my mom out, I looked through the window in the kitchen that faced the backyard. Dustins bike was gone from where it had been the last month so I definitely knew he had gone to set up his radio with the party.

After dinner I helped my mom with the dishes before going back to my room. It was getting later and Dustin still hadn’t come back.

I was trying not to be overly concerned. He was at one of two places. Either at the top of the hill talking to Suzie or at Mike’s playing a round of D&D. If they were playing a campaign he usually didn’t show back up at home till later.

After Will’s disappearance almost two years prior mom and I tried to place some more restrictions onto Dustin. But to know Dustin is to know that he’s a bit stubborn. During Will’s disappearance we couldn’t find him for the longest time one night, only to get a call from Mrs. Wheeler saying that Dustin was at their place and the cops and FBI were there. He was grounded for a bit and wasn’t let out of her sight for a little while after that.

Things eventually settled down and life seemed to go back to the same old routine. Even after the truth came out about Barbs disappearance and what was going on at Hawkins lab with their experiments and coverups, mom eventually lightened up and let Dustin get back to his kid business. I didnt necessarily agree with that but that’s just me personally. I just didn’t have a good feeling about letting him wander alone after everything that went on the last almost two years.

I sighed and tossed my magazine over to my desk that was a few feet from me. I got off my bed and kneeled down to look under my bed for the walkie talkie that Dustin made me keep with me, ‘Just in case!’ he would tell me.

I pushed aside some shoes before finally laying my eyes on it, I grabbed it and pulled it out, I stood up and turned it on, making sure it was on the station he set aside just for me. I sat on the edge on my bed with the stupid thing in my hand crackling at me. My leg was bouncing. I checked my bedside table and saw that my alarm clock said it was 8:30pm.

Not that my mom wouldn’t care if i went to her mentioning that Dustin hasn’t been home in hours, but she’d probably tell me to leave him be, that he was finally back from camp and hanging out with his friends.

I pursed my lips and ran my finger through my hair, getting rid of the few knots that were there because of the curls.

I stood up and grabbed my bag. Maybe just a quick drive over to the Wheelers to clear my mind on his location. If he wasn’t there I would check the hill in case he was still there for some reason.

I was just reaching my bedroom door when I heard his voice break through the cracking static.

“Lou, it’s Dustin, do. You. Copy?? Over!”

I held the walkie talkie up to my mouth, “Dustin? Are you okay?”

Silence for a moment before his exasperated voice came back over the airwaves, “Lou,” he complained, “you HAVE to say over or else i dont know when to talk! Over!”

I rolled my eyes my worried feelings became replaced by irritation over his common sass, “Oh my God, are you okay? Over!”

He cleared his throat on the other end, “Yeah, just that everyone left me on the hill and it’s dark out so I don’t wanna ride my bike home...could you come and pick me up? Over.”

I sighed, “Are you still on the hill? Over.”

“Yeah. Over.”

“And you’ve been there for hours by yourself? Over.”

“Yeah. Over.”

“Wow, what an exciting way to officially start your summer. Over.”

He scoffed at me, “Just shut up and get over here. Over and out.”

I snorted and tossed the walkie talkie into my bag before going to the living room where mom was sitting with Tews in her lap watching TV. I grabbed the keys from the hall table and told her quickly I was getting Dustin. I was out the door before I heard her response.

I drove down the familiar Hawkins road to the hill in question. Upon arrival I parked and looked along the bottom trying to spot the curly headed kid, but it was empty. I shut off the car and got out.

“Dustin?” I called as I walked along part of the bottom of the hill.

That little shithead, I thought. Made me come over here and he’s not even down the hill.

“I’m gonna kill him,” I decided as I began the long trip up the hill.

I finally saw the top and heard talking, I wondered if he had gotten in touch with Suzie.

When I reached the top his back was to me, and I could hear the talking from his machine, but it definitely wasn’t English. Was that...Russian?

“Dustin?” I asked quietly.

He screamed and jumped to face me, with his hand resting on his chest.

“You scared the shit outta me!”

“Who was talking out of that?” I asked him taking a step towards him.

His eyes began shifting back and forth, “What?”

I nodded to the huge radio tower he created, “Talking from that thing? Who was it? Didn’t sound like a girl from Salt Lake City, Dust.”

He shook his head quickly, grasping his hand held walkie talkie in one hand and a tape recorder in the other.

“Nothing, just some interference. Let’s go.”

“What do you mean interference? Whoever that was, was speaking a different language.”

“So? It’s fine. I don’t know what it was, Lou. Let’s just go!” he demanded before walking past me beginning his descent down the hill.

I turned around and looked at his retreating back, I gritted my teeth and followed him all the way down to moms car.

He opened the front door and tossed his shit in before walking over to the tree line where I made out the faint outline of a bike. I went around to his side of the car and opened the back door so we could force the bike back there but when he came back he was empty handed.

“Bike?” I questioned.

He shook his head at me, “I’ll come back for it, I just wanna go home.”

“What if something happens to it, mom will be-“

“Then I’ll deal with it!” he said loudly, “Jesus, Lou I’m not a little kid!”

“Don’t take it out on me because your friends left you on the hill alone, Dustin! That’s not my problem!”

“Can we just go home?” he cried, “That’s why I called you here, not for a damn lecture,” he said before taking the open back door where his bike was supposed to go and slamming it shut right next to me.

“You better fix your attitude,” I told him as he slid into the passenger seat and closed the door a bit more gently.

I went to the drivers side and go in.

“Wanna talk about the little temper tantrum?” I asked turning to look at him.

He sighed deeply and leaned his head back, “I’m sorry...they just...they all left, Louise,” he told me sadly, “I’m gone for a month and it’s like everything changed or something. Mike and Elle left to make out or some shit-“

I held up my hand, “I just have to interject that I’ve known that kid his whole life so that’s a bit much for me to know,” I said, Dustin turned to face me with an unamused expression.

I cleared my throat, “Continue,” I said simply.

“Anyways. Then Will kept wanting to play D&D and none of them even believe that Suzie is real. And then the three of them left and it just pissed me off. I’m sorry I took it out on you.”

I nodded once, “I’m sorry, Dust. The party...you’re all getting older...some priorities change y’know? As far as Suzie being real, I beleive you.”

He smiled a bit at me, “Thanks, Lou.”

I smiled back at him, “But what was with that talking though?”

He looked away from me and put on his seatbelt, “No idea, like I said...probably some interference. Doesn’t matter couldn’t understand them anyways so...yeah,” he said drifting off.

I looked at him for another few seconds, but I knew he was pretty much done with this conversation.

I put my seatbelt on too and started the car driving back to our house. The ride was silent except for the quiet radio music in the background. I wanted to ask him why he was being so weird now, but I knew he would deflect. So I dropped it. For now.

Once I parked the car Dustin jumped out, grabbing his tape recorder tightly in both hands with his walkie talkie tucked under his arm, only letting go to open the front door and disappear inside before I had even closed my car door.

I leaned against the car and I knew...I was going to get to the bottom of it, I knew there was something going on and I was going to find out.

As always, GIF credit to owner and title credit to REO Speedwagon.

Retrospective! Chapter 104: Witch Hunt

It took the greater portion of the year (and with 42 pages per week it’s not hard to imagine precisely why). With Witch Hunt finishing just recently, it’s time for another chapter retrospective! The last time we did one of these was around the conclusion of the previous chapter, Fair Game, so it’s been a while! I opted to start doing these as opposed to going back and updating each of the character megaposts with newer information with each new chapter. I’ve only planned for these retrospectives to start from the most recent chapters, absolutely no intention of going back and examining what I’m likely to cover in character megaposts. Once BCB goes back to a three day schedule expect to see more of these.

Right, so, since Lucy’s return to Roseville we’ve had a great number of chapters dedicated to following alongside Paulo as he tries to tie up loose ends, daydream about Korats, and well, try to figure himself out. We’ve had one for Daisy, and a number of them to Lucy as she reintegrates back into the town. We’re due for more Lucy and this chapter delivers, ripe with interactions between the other characters as well, as we get to see how neo-Lucy deals with the problems still going on in Roseville. 

This chapter opens with a surprise as someone knocks on Lucy’s door.

It’s Carmen Sandeigo, ready for her next big heist!

Actually, it’s just Sue trick-or-treating. Lucy’s presumption she’s not here for the chocolate is correct; there’s certainly a heist going on; it’s not the chocolate. She’s at Lucy’s house with a different heist in mind; stealing her away and spending an evening on the town trick or treating. A treat for us! The last Halloween chapter was back in Volume 2 with Mischief Night. Things aren’t likely going to go the same way this time with poisoned Korats. 

But hey, who’s to say? Right?

Sue arrives not giving any formal notice before hand, she knows Lucy far too well in that she’d likely say no and not make plans for the evening, as Lucy has never been outgoing in the past, and she’d be right, Lucy hasn’t made plans for the evening. Hearing Sue out and considering it’ll be the last time they can have this kind of fun before the adults start to tell them to grow up, Lucy obliges, although warning her — since she wasn’t planning on going she isn’t ready, but she does have something.

Inside, Lucy’s mother (She’s named Joy isn’t she? Because Nurse Joy?) overhears and tell’s Lucy to go on with her friends that evening. She’s got no problem covering the treat giving in her place. But Lucy’s not able to get too far without Michael Jordan over-hearing and deciding to fulfill the role as the over-protective older brother and not letting her go without him. Lucy objects but Jordan’s best interests lie with his family. It might take him a long while to get to the point where he doesn’t believe she needs further supervision either. especially after last year’s events that her friends are yet to learn about, or won’t.

Not willing to put up with Jordan’s dorky-ass following her around, Lucy suggests a compromise; Augustus goes with them instead. And why not? Jordan is not a very intimidating presence (and if last chapter was any amount of insight, he’s a complete pushover). Sue’s not at all intimidated by him having gotten to know him better ever since Rachel’s group started hanging out with them at the same lunch table at school. The rest of their group have come to understand him a little better, and that’s left him not being as threatening of a presence, unlike the time he was telling them all off when they were outside their door when Lucy pulled out of the school. 

Augustus is perfect for the occasion. He’s got the reputation to keep others away, the attitude and the attire, an added bonus as Lucy points out; he doesn’t need to get dressed, his goth/punk attire is more than enough for the evening, much to Augustus’ chagrin.

It’s a wonder why Augustus keeps to the punk attire given he’s no longer in Alejandro’s group.

So, Lucy goes upstairs to get changed for the evening, leaving Sue with the creepy guy who molested Daisy a couple of years ago.

Yeah, there’s still that.

But hey, if Lucy has let him stay at her place, surely that means he’s not that bad of a guy...right? Sue decides to try and at least get along with him and break the ice. This doesn’t really work out too well; Augustus isn’t too interested in getting to know too many of Lucy’s friends at this stage. Sue takes that for what it is. 

Finally, Lucy calls out saying she’s ready much to the relief of Sue who turns back towards the stairs. . .

All to the dismay of Sue when she realises. It seems Augustus isn’t the only one getting a bit of cheek this evening, as Sue looks back crestfallen at a Lucy with the smuggest face imaginable as she emerges down the stairs wearing nothing other than the dress from Sue’s play. Not at all what she had expected but to be fair though, Lucy had given her some fair warning that she only had ‘something’ for Halloween, and sadly that dress probably wasn’t going to see much use outside of the play. It would have likely rotted in her dresser. It’s been reduced to a joke for the evening at Sue’s expense. A lesson on being careful with what you wish for.

It’s not hard to comprehend why Sue’s being this way. Sue’s had mixed feelings over her play since its completion. On one side it’s a form of pride being the first considerably successful thing she’s accomplished at the school (having previously failed to become School secretary), but sadly it also hasn’t done well to boost her social status or her self-esteem, as ‘friends’ have used it against her (between being bad/boring etc or being regarded as ‘that incest play’), but also more a debilitating problem for her as she’s previously questioned whether it had been responsible for Lucy leaving Roseville. She understood and realised a little too late she had overstepped Lucy’s boundaries having forced her into the role, and forcing her to cooperate with someone of whom she didn’t want to be around  — fearful of making things worse by continuing to be around them  — in order to get them to discover common ground again, as we saw in “It’s All In The Mind.”

Despite appearing initially upset in being reminded about the play, Sue thankfully comes around not too long after. Perhaps able to put it behind her in much the same way Lucy is able to wear the dress again. I wouldn’t put it past that as much weight as the dress carries in the form of bad memories for Sue for previous overstepping of boundries, it likely carries weight for Lucy in a much different way. Wearing it now gives it some better meaning as the two enjoy the evening, as Sue and Lucy find themselves laughing about it, and moving on from a dark part of their friendship. 

Things are looking better. But something’s still biting at Sue. She’s noticed something. It’s not the same like it was the last time they were Halloweening.

Where are her pets? Where’s Yashy, Chirpy and Lily? They weren’t to be seen in the household just before. Actually, we never saw them since her return, and there’s a reason. They’re not out of frame; they are not there at all. It turns out they have not come home to Roseville with Lucy, instead choosing to stay with her aunt the next town over. 

Of the many reasons as to why, one regards Chirpy, who found her real mother.

Yashy appears to have been the main pet who didn’t want to return to Roseville  and had chosen to stay at her aunts. Lucy believes she doesn’t want to see Mike again having believed for the longest time that Mike and Lucy would become a pair (her otp) and still resents him, having only learned the truth towards the end of ‘Just Beautiful’ when Lucy is pushed too far and reveals the truth of Mike’s marital status. Her small world became a lot bigger after that day and she still seems to be working through it.

With Yashy staying behind, Blur would not want to return home by himself either prefering Lucy and co.’s company to Mike’s. With Lucy having reasons to come back to Roseville, the only way forward was to leave them in the care of her aunt and Lily, who also offered to stay behind as well.

It’s a tough breakup but Lucy appears to be doing well on her own. Sue tells her she’s got her.

And the creep too. 

Well if you didn’t want to be called the creep you should’ve said something more about yourself back at the house, Augustus.

Turns out, the night is going just as Lucy had expected as Augustus points out two more of their friends have shown up and are keeping their distance. Augustus the deterrent is working successfully, all to Augustus’ expense, as one of those is PuyoPuyo-witch Daisy, all too shocked that what Lucy said to her in ‘It’s all in the mind’ was true. As for Kermit-De-Mike, well, give it a few more pages.

Augustus is free to wish Daisy didn’t appear to resent him so, but doing so out loud garners him nothing but a bad look from Sue and Lucy.

On the other side of the street we see that Mike is livid about the revelation being true and selfishly believing that Lucy is intentionally befriending Augustus in an attempt to make him jealous. Daisy tries to downplay his idea in that maybe they really are just genuine friends. That does not help anything but give Mike reason to believe she’s desperate for attention, stepping on Daisy too as well as she too had tried to be a friend to him too once upon a time.

Daisy tries to defend Lucy’s actions believing what she’s doing has some good reason behind it. She’s firm in her belief Lucy isn’t being petty and dating him as what she told her back in ‘It’s all in the mind’. Daisy wants to believe that was the case, instead suggesting if she really wanted to date someone, it would likely be with Paulo, much to the amusement of Mike who’s astonished it hasn’t happened yet and that she hasn’t tried to rub that in his face either. Unbeknownst to either of them it never will; it doesn’t look like Paulo has said anything about the carnival. Instead he’s sure it’s just another card up her sleeve to make him jealous. Everything’s just an attempt to get attention. 

Daisy tries to shoot that idea down pointing out that Lucy has been trying to avoid all of them; here, but presumably she also means at school where Lucy is not seen during lunch where she instead goes to find Augustus. Mike’s all but sure that it’s got everything to do with his own circumstances. 

Mike is just not listening to reason and that’s ruining Daisy’s evening, and she snaps telling him the world doesn’t revolve around him.

She’s had enough of his mean attitude and his mopey behavior causing Mike to stare in socked disbelief as Daisy shouts what would otherwise be the truth that night; why would she hang around you if you’re always so mean about her all the time? The girl who he expected would follow him to the ends of the earth has put her foot down. A night of Trick-or-treating hasn’t been anything like she imagined, and she ditches him for the group across the street if there’s any chance away from Mike’s toxic attitude. Leaving Mike to realize what he’s done.

Daisy integrates well enough into Lucy’s group despite the deterrent. Friendship is ever so much more stronger than Augusts’ intimidating presence and Daisy appears to trust Lucy enough to not be afraid of him. But she is cautious, before she can ask, Lucy assures her if Augustus tries anything, she’ll beat him down. Not that Augustus appears to be inclined to try anything.

We find Mike hasn’t moved from the other side of the street, watching on as everyone else is having a good time, feeling miserable for himself.

But he’s not alone out here. Out from the bushes and Bat-David and everyone’s favourite clown crash the party. It looks like Mike won’t be completely alone this Halloween from this point forward.

Oh thank god he’s come as something better this year. Remember when Paulo went as Twilight the vampire?

The focus of Trick or Treating is in the cards this time around, no more hijinks with trying to scare the kids younger than them like he did with Jasmine. But before they can do that, the first order of business is emptying out his bag into Mikes’ to undo a mistake, and that appears to have been Halloweening around his side of Roseville, where the least favourite candies could be found in multitudes. He’s hoping the richer kid neighbourhoods yield better candies.

And things work out well so far. Until they run into the other group again.

And oh god already their small group is one man less as David runs off to admire Augustus...

We also see that Amaya has joined the group at some stage and is a Hershy’s Kiss.

Well, the evening just went to shit for Paulo and Mike as David has ditched them in favour of the early 2000 Final Fantasy aesthetic. Leaving the two of them alone until Paulo wonders why the hell they’re not over there either, not at all intimidated by Augustus himself. That prompts Mike, it’s Lucy. 

Not at all understanding how deep the rift between Mike and Lucy is (Or at least playing dumb or willing to compromise if that means trick-or-treat as a group), Paulo tries to talk some sense into him in that there are other people he can talk to, not having prior knowledge of what just transpired minutes ago with him and Daisy, and he drags him over before Mike can voice a protest, noting that they share something in common as he believes Lucy’s not likely interested in talking to him either. This surprises Mike especially regarding earlier. Paulo’s message gives off an implication he hasn’t tried to speak to Lucy since “After you” either, given it happened a few days before Daisy’s Birthday, which took place in September, Paulo hasn’t spoken to her for somewhere closer to a month.

Paulo insists they bring Mike into the group. You can tell from everyone’s faces how well they believe that’s going to go, Augustus’ the only one who has to verbally be real with him. Not that Paulo listens and tries his best to entertain the notion regardless how vain it’s going to get.

Already dragging Mike into crocodile infested waters, Paulo tries to play it off like it’s no big deal, after all, they’re all there for chocolate and that’s something they all have in common, who cares? Let’s get a move on with the evening!

While the others stare on in disbelief (or confusion) at the performance, Daisy comes in support of not having the evening be wasted by one sourpuss. You’ve just gotta feel for Augustus as his heart tears itself up inside as she rises in support and follows Paulo’s lead. 

But like Lucy, we all know what’s really going on as Daisy tries to chat with Paulo. It’s a perfect evening for the two to get closer, but it won’t happen, not with Mike still feeling and appearing pretty down that evening and Paulo focusing his energy on that. 

We hit turbulent waters as Daisy has not let go of earlier either and reveals Mike’s being anti-social because Lucy’s in their presence. Paulo’s attempts a vain effort of small-talk but that faulters when the topics Paulo chooses are all sorespots.

Even that tree one which I thought was very clever with how innocent it is. It gives off the impression of how boring Paulo considers Mike to be. The thing is, trees are likely a sorespot with Mike given how Sandy reacted back in Model Girlfriend.

Oops.

Well, Paulo’s upset because he’s not able to maintain equilibrium; he wants to hang out with everyone else and for everyone to co-exist, but Mike doesn’t want cooperate by being in any mood other than a bad one. Unfortunately for Paulo the whole drama playing out between him and Mike is affecting everyone else and it’s starting to show: Any chance of having a good evening out without any sign of drama isn’t happening so Sue’s night’s getting ruined. Lucy can’t help but watch on as Paulo keeps trying to be a friend. Daisy is not at all happy with Mike at all for earlier either.

The only resort Paulo has left is to bring up Sandy. It’s the only thing Mike’s probably willing to talk about.

Oh thank god; a reaction. Paulo asks for some gossip but we quickly enter a problem.

Sandy’s disappeared again.

They entered another drought and Paulo is livid in how Mike continually tortures himself. Paulo finds himself needing to be the voice of reason for the occasion: being in this relationship is killing him because of his needs and Sandy’s constant disappearances.

They need to talk about this; she’s disappeared again even when it looked like things were going to work out (as according to Class of 2008). It’s happened again! it’s paramount if Mike’s ever going to happy and it appears that Paulo’s at his wits end in how Mike just does nothing! Mike being still under the impression rather than care about how he feels, he should be happy that Sandy is making huge strides in her career at the cost of himself. Mike undervalues everything to do with himself as insignificant in hers in contrast, and that line of thinking keeps Mike from making any forward changes, resisting any and all suggestions from Paulo to think about himself in this relationship for a change. The argument is going in a circle and Paulo is unable to get through to him.

And then Lucy unexpectedly joins in, much to the shock of everyone around them.

Not willing to make amends while Mike is acting the way like he did back towards her in Unspoken Rule, but on the assumption that Mike is actually moping about because of Sandy and not because of her, Lucy tells Mike what he would have wanted to hear had it still been her shoulder to cry on as he did in the past, that’s if it’s anything to have the night saved from what it is currently. She gives thoughtful ideas to take his mind off her absence. But Mike does not take her suggestion well or her interjection and tells her to butt out.

But then Daisy joins in, having misgivings herself about Sandy and the way how Sandy had completely forgotten her first best friend for three years. 

This doesn’t help matters whatsoever, as the idea of having his relationship trivialized in the same boat as Daisy’s is enough to push Mike to the brink.

And he brings all his canons down to bear.

Mike begins vehemently defending Sandy by belittling Daisy’s past relationship as nothing more than being an acquaintance. Sick of everyone’s attitude towards Sandy, he offers to give Daisy her number so she can vent to her directly and get off his neck about it. He reaches into the Mike-Hammerspace to get his phone, only to find it’s not there. Someone’s beaten him to it. . .

And is calling her now, much to his horror.

Having shown really good sleight of hand in the past, Paulo has taken his phone and used it to call her when he least suspected it, and unsurprisingly found no reply on the other end. He wastes no time in managing to leave a hateful message before Mike can try to wrestle the phone free. With the deed done, Mike just asks him why he did it.

It’s apparent Paulo has had enough and he’s grown sick of Mike’s attitude, witnessing a friend being at the receiving end of Mike’s frustration at Sandy’s absence. Having been on the receiving end of it himself and apologizing for instigating it, the line is drawn when Mike directs his anger on the people around him. Having known what Mike had done to Lucy (Happy Hour) likely learning about Sue’s encounter, the victim now is Daisy. Retribution comes in the form of telling off Sandy in no uncertain forms everything that is bringing Mike down about the relationship. 

It’s not at all one of the best things that Paulo has done thus far and one of the more morally ambiguous actions as Mike’s friend. But at the same time it needed to happen as Mike constantly refused to address the issue directly, prolonging himself in this never ending cycle where he keeps his emotions bottled inside and letting it eat away at him, and in turn that caused him to take it out on the people around him. If there was any hope for change, it would be by forcing Mike to talk, and Paulo has forced his hand, now he has to deal with it.

If they’re all wrong about Sandy and Mike is justified in how wrong everyone’s concerns or feelings are wrong, then all it would take is for Sandy to ring him back right now, as even Paulo offers to apologize for being an asshole if she does.

They both know she won’t.

The drama of the evening comes to a close as Sue has had enough; enough of the drama and she screams at them both. Her night is being ruined by this drama being prolonged. Lucy agrees, they’re here for candy, And so does Augustus, how the fuck are any of them friends?

Mike swipes at Lucy’s attempt to move things on, but Lucy doesn’t reciprocate in the way he expects. She’s moving on, without him.

And so is everyone else, including Paulo who’s at his limit. They don’t wait for him. They’re done. It’s Daisy, the one who had been Mike’s cheerleader for the longest time the one who looks back for a moment before joining the rest of the group. Mike’s universe stops in a bizarre moment as everyone follows Lucy.

Not at all playing out like he imagined, indeed - The very opposite.

(Bonus: Shoutouts to Marona Possessed!)

Daisy takes a moment to apologize to Paulo feeling responsible. It’s understandable, she might have thought she had resulted in Mike and Paulo’s relationship ending up about the same state as hers as well. She swears she will not be trouble for the rest of the night if they allow her to stay around, and tries to apologize for defending him all the time as well as well. It’s no wonder given that Sandy had forgotten about their three year friendship. After all this time Daisy did not want the same thing happening again; she didn’t want to have another friendship where she ended up forgotten. Mike happened to be just as hurt when Sandy left, and Daisy eventually came to like him as well. So, since they both were forgotten, she tried being a better version of Sandy to him. Smart, but willing to depend on him and defend him to her dying breath of necessary. 

All for naught.

Paulo tells her nothing was her fault. She was only following her heart and nobody could fault her for that. 

It’s very heartwarming and we get the most loveliest make up page for it.

Paulo x Daisy lives on.

Meanwhile Mike watches on, alone and miserable as everyone else is having fun without him.

And then his phone rings.

Oh shit, it’s actually her!

But it’s too bad because nobody hears him, and Mike has to deal with the fallout from Paulo’s nuclear attack.

Well, apparently she was around. 

Mike downplays the whole thing for her explaining that Paulo doesn’t understand her circumstances. Sadly this whole conversation going forward with Sandy does nothing but raise red flags; even despite being half the country across the world that shouldn’t keep her from talking to him. But we already know this is the case as Mike has dug his own grave to sit in by letting her know he has no problem with her long absences. Her career is so much important.

And she believes that too throughout this whole thing.

To no one’s surprise Sandy’s memory of his friends is not perfect and she mistakes Paulo for David. It feels like Mike has actually spoken about them before based on what he’s saying, but Sandy can’t recall. 

Paulo’s suggestion she should spend more time with Mike over the phone is ‘so weird.’

Yes...weird.

Another red flag as Sandy can’t divulge anything specific to her boyfriend about her current going-ons but at least lets him know she’s in this life-changing event that might mean the most to her in the future. Taking a pot-shot at someone much less opportunity than her and less better off as ‘slacking off’ doesn’t win her any points either.

There does appear to be some thought to what Paulo said as Sandy reciprocates Paulo’s message in that she hasn’t paid much attention to him. . .

But it’s a question of when, as Sandy prioritizes the big event the next day over explaining to her boyfriend or digging deeper into his grievances, and that does not fill me with confidence. Mike does nothing in return but offer endless support.

‘You’re too nice’ takes me back to Model Girlfriend and I am absolutely not enthused about where this is all going at all.

Unfortunately for Mike the opportunity to find out more about what’s going on in Sandy’s life shuts as Sandy needs to be ready for the next day at 4am. 

There’s nothing more to say here, is there? It’s an endless cycle and you’re seeing it again to have that point drilled in. Mike puts a lot of love into this relationship, but he’s just not getting any back as Sandy’s priority is more with her job. It’s dubious if you can put the whole blame on Sandy, as Mike hasn’t been quite forward himself at times. But given that Mike , but it ‘s clearly the wrong relationship for Mike.

End stage for Mike.

Meanwhile with the main group Daisy spots the best house for Halloween and everyone else charges towards it. Leaving Paulo with a rather apologetic looking Lucy.

Well if you thought Lucy was intentionally avoiding Paulo tonight you’d learn it was for a different reason, if at all before as well. Finally able to catch him alone, Lucy is hopeful he wasn’t offended by seeing her wearing the dress again and hoping it isn’t reaching back far for those memories when Lucy attempted to win him over. It was only meant to point fun at Sue, there was no thought that she’d run into him again figuring he still hated her for turning him down, and she felt she needed to make sure she wasn’t intentionally being awful to him again. Even better, going back to the thoughts of that moment back in the dressing room where it all started, it comes with a better apology in how they couldn’t be a pair, something Paulo anguished over for a great deal of time after her departure, all in a much better fashion from After You. Much to Lucy’s relief; Paulo is all but willing to forgive, forget, and move on. 

Well... forget in some ways, not more in others....

By the end of the chapter, Lucy is likely more relieved in that no one in her social group was willing to make her a pariah through her association to Augustus, or her disassociation to Mike. No one was deterred by Augustus’ presence. They might not trust her decision in associating with him, at least initially. But they’re choosing to trust that she knows what she’s doing, and that’s more than enough.

So where are we now?

Well, of course, things haven’t gone the way as Mike prophecised in December. It wasn’t true then, it certainly isn’t now as everyone wanted to be friends with both of them, but Mike has continually taken his anger out on the people around him might see him isolated from the group. It’s going to be interesting to see what’s going to become of him in the next few chapters as I would be under the assumption the camel’s back has finally been broken and his friends are not willing to continue to deal with him while he’s in this state. 

Lucy was not willing to put up with him on her return knowing full well that she would not be treated as a friend but instead as the shoulder to cry on especially when Sandy wasn’t around as it had been in the past. It turned out to be the case in Unspoken rule when Mike attempted to apologize, but when it meant telling her precisely what he meant to her back in December, he could not. He was not there to apologize at all and he was there for another reason. Having Mike explode at her for bad mouthing Sandy again gave her more reason to believe that was the case, and she was right. Mike had shown this behaviour before in the same way in Just Beautiful. Mike was not likely going there that time to apologize despite Sandy asking him to. Although he appeared to initially at first, it was at the last second he turned away. He might have gone there almost instinctively instead, as much in the same way Mike ‘accidentally’ ran into Lucy in unspoken rule, begging Lucy to forgive him, but unable to let Lucy say anything bad about Sandy. 

As co-dependent as Lucy had been with Mike in the past, he is just as co-dependent with support about his relationship. This is closer to the case given by what happens towards the end of Dial Tone; where instead of dreaming of a better time with Lucy, he instead dreams of her providing him emotional support. 

Symbiotic codependency.

Lucy seems to have gotten over that dependency, but Mike has rediscovered it. She’d be right in not wanting to go back to those days as it became emotionally debilitating to her when she began to develop feelings for him.  She’d be right to avoid it. And Mike is anguishing because previously Lucy had been attempting to be supportive of his relationship by providing alternate solutions to take his mind off it or trying to assure him things were okay. Paulo, who found himself as the replacement, is more of a realist. 

Sue had tried to be a helping hand after witnessing Mike take out his anger on Paulo, but in trying to, and at the mere mention of Sandy possibly being the problem, Mike had lumped her with the rest of people who have no faith in their relationship given her previous support of Lucy. Having known him as far back as kindergarten was not enough to get him to open up, instead knowing that Sue had always stood to support Lucy. She took that to heart. She wasn’t going to ever let him speak to her like that again.

Daisy became the latest victim in that for the longest time the source of all of her grief was with trying to be a better friend to Mike than Sandy. It wasn’t the first time Daisy has voiced such a bad opinion about Sandy as she had before to Augustus back before inviting Mike to the carnival, and told him there she could be better. Model Girlfriend did nothing but push the envelope in that Daisy’s worst nightmares had come true and Sandy had completely forgotten about her, that meaning of being her best friend meant nothing and Daisy resented her even more. She’s done being his cheerleader.

Paulo had come to know that he wasn’t the only person who Mike had exploded at and there had been others. He’s known about Lucy when Mike admitted as such in Happy hour, but he’d come to know about Sue’s run-in and witnessing Daisy just now. Having tried to give helpful advice to Mike previously, Paulo might have recognized a dead end to the help he can provide. 

Mike’s relationship isn’t doing so well as we’ve gathered and the signs are there for everyone to see. Mike included - but those rose tinted glasses refuse to come off. Mike can’t help but idolize Sandy in such a way his feelings mean absolutely nothing. He enthusiastically defends anything she does, and any challenge to her brilliance and his perfect relationship is met with the same level in rage. 

And for what? It’s cost him, his closest friends don’t want to be near him. And Sandy isn’t completely unavailable as what it first seemed. To no one’s surprise, her priority is around her career and Mike has agreed to be second to that. When it looked like their relationship looked like it was in trouble, Sandy’s priority was getting to sleep, and Mike let her go. 

He’s the master architect of his own unhappiness.

So what happens now?

Serendipity (C.B) | Chapter 15

Summary: Serendipity: (n) the chance occurrence of events in a beneficial way

Popular youtuber Isabella Hart, known as Bella to her audience, bends over backwards to separate her youtube life from her private life. Known for her overall clean content and her bubbly attitude, Isabella has a wild side to her that only those inside the youtube community know about. When Bella meets Colby during one of the trap house parties she finally meets someone she can be her genuine self with. When trouble arises after their meeting, will Bella be able to hand the pressure or will she destroy her relationship with Colby as well as herself in the process. [This starts in 2018]

Written: 2019

Word Count: 2,882

Warnings: swearing

Serendipity Masterlist

"Colby, if you don't get out of my car and get on your flight, Sam, you, and me are not going to be happy." I sit in the drop-off area for LAX. A few people are just angry honking at me for prolonging my designated drop off time.

"I'm going, but only if I know you're going to be okay. Only if you're going to be fine while I'm gone." I look past Colby at Sam who is waiting for him outside.

Colby's been like this for a week. Sam and Colby have had this trip planned for a while, but since I nearly died last week he's been trying to push back the trip. Normally, Sam would put his best friend's feeling first and push the trip back indefinitely. But every time I heard them talking about it, I would go behind Colby's back and tell Sam that they're still going. If they don't go now they're going to run out of videos soon. I already ruined my career, and I'll be damned if I let my personal shit ruin Sam and Colby's careers too.

"Baby, it's fine. I'm a little better than I was last week. And if shit hits the fan again, I have people here who can help out. We talked about this. Don't do this to Sam."

He pauses for a second and closes his eyes, "Fine, but we'll talk a lot."

"Okay, fine. Go before Sam comes and drags you out of the car." I give Colby a quick kiss goodbye before pushing him out of the car. As soon as the door closes I lock the door before he changes his mind. I watch them go inside and quickly drive away before the airport security gets on my case.

For the past week, I've stayed at the trap house. The only ones who knew about my trip to the hospital were Sam and Colby, but whenever someone saw me in the house they would treat me like a doll. Because they assumed that I would fall apart. Considering everything that happened, they assumed right. Jake wouldn't even hang around me for the week unless someone else was in the room. Luckily for him, Colby would hardly let me out of his sight. I could only get peace in the bathroom; if I was in there for longer than 5 minutes he would panic. I know he means well, but it made everything even more overwhelming.

Yesterday Colby took me out of the house for the first time, after a lot of persuading. The whole week I didn't have a phone or my laptop. Which was fine because I was surrounded by other people and if anyone wanted to get in contact with me, they could ask Colby or come to the house. But now that I'm going back to living alone in my apartment, Colby insisted that I get a new phone. It was one of the conditions of him going on his trip. So he took me to the phone store, where I had to explain why the phone was broken and why I had to get a new number. On top of that, I had to go grocery shopping. While we were out, Colby also decided that we should eat out. Needless to say, I had enough of the outside world. I couldn't even enjoy my time because I was nervous that someone would approach me and bring up the whole leak situation.

****

I get into my apartment and lock the door. I scan the living room for a second before going into my room and collapsing on my bed. Alone at last. Besides the members of the trap house, Colby's Netflix account, and Colby the only other thing I had to keep me occupied and sane was paper and pen. I wrote a lot. You could call them poems or songs. The only reason I'm looking forward to being home alone is being about to play around with my instruments and see what comes of it. I dropped my dance and music minors last week too. They weren't as fun as I hoped and what I wanted to learn I figured I could learn on the internet instead of spending more money than I already have. Speaking of school, I'm glad that I decided to take online classes this semester. I got ahead weeks ago so all I have to do is just take it slow before everything catches up.

I stare at the ceiling for a little bit before pushing myself off my bed and dragging myself to my office. All my youtube crap is still out. My cameras, mics, and lights face a corner that hides my computer and instruments. My desk is cluttered with SD cards and my external hard drive. There are so many edited and unedited videos that I worked so hard on that are probably never going to see the light of day now. Even if I decided to go back to youtube, I can't just go back to posting the same content. It's just not me anymore.

I slowly and carefully start packing away all of my youtube gear in a box. Even if I never do any of this again, I might be able to sell or give my stuff to someone who could actually use it. As I push the box of stuff into the small closet my phone begins to ring. I slide my phone out of my pocket and quickly answer.

"Hello?" I close the closet door and drop myself to the floor. The box was heavier than I imagine.

"I was just calling you to tell you that we're about to take off. Why are you out of breath?" Colby says on the other end.

"Oh, you know... just cleaning up. I'll probably be asleep or something when you land though. Just text me. Have a safe flight, I love you."

"I love you too. I'll call you tomorrow." I end the call with Colby and go to mess around on my instruments for a few hours.

****

I sit in my car parked in front of the slap house making sure I have everything. A few days ago, after messing around on my instruments for a while, everything began to sound decent. I wondered what it would sound like with actual studio sounding music. I wanted to do it myself because I would have full control but I have no idea where to begin. Luckily, I remembered that Mike is doing just that. I asked him last night if he could teach me how to mix music on my computer.

"Hey, why are you just sitting in my driveway?" Mike says as he comes from the house.

"I'm just thinking." I grab my back and exit the car. I give Mike hug and follow him inside.

"I was surprised to hear from you actually. You've been like, dead to the world for a while."

"I didn't have a phone for a week. My number got leaked and I kind of broke my phone. Where are Kev and Aryia?" I sit down on the couch and set my bag on the floor.

"They're at work. So what did you need help with?"

"I will pay you or take you out for lunch—"

"Now I'm scared. What do you need me to do?" I ignore Mike and grab my notebook out of my bag.

"Calm down, I'm not going to ask you to murder someone for me. It's just that in the past week and the past couple of days I was messing around and— You know what? Just look." I don't know why I can't say it.

Mike takes the notebook and flips through it for a second. I sit nervously as Mike scans a few of the pages.

"Wait, is this entire notebook filled with songs?"

"I mean technically yes. The very first page is blank because it's a thing I do. Then immediately after that, I have a table of contents. Before I even began filling in the songs. I had the lyrics on sheets of paper. Then when I transferred them into the notebook I thought that I should add a little drawing based on the song. Then when I was doing the actual music part I figured that each instrument should have its own set of pages so each song is in there multiple times." I stop myself from talking too much. When I thought about fixing my songs up last night I became excited for the first time in a while.

"And what did you need my help with? Did you want to collab or something?"

"No, at least not right now. I was trying to record everything to see how it would sound together. But the way I was doing it was sloppy and time-consuming. I know you mix and make your own music. I was just wondering if you can give me some pointers. Like what program to use and how to use it. Like I said earlier, I'll pay you or take you to lunch." I stand there for a second and watch Mike consider helping me.

"I don't want your money, but I will take your offer for lunch." He takes my notebook and walks into his room. I follow quickly behind him.

****

After nearly two hours of Mike trying to teach me how to make music on my computer, we decided to go out to lunch. And because it's such a nice day out, we decided to eat outside. For once, it's not boiling or freezing. The temperature is just right. I'm not as nervous to be out in public like this. Everything should have died down a bit.

"So, what are you going to do? Become a singer?" Mike asks in between bites of his burger.

"I haven't thought about what I'm going to be doing. Right now, this is just a hobby. How are you doing? Like, really doing." I take another bite of my patty melt.

"In all honesty, I'm doing a lot better. I'm just focusing on myself and music. Jesus, I should be asking you that."

Mike and Xepher broker up not too long ago because Mike wasn't doing well mentally. He did what I tried to do with Colby. Colby, like Xepher, understood why a break was needed. But it wasn't going to work if I had to stay with Colby for a while. He would have gladly taken the couch if I told him I didn't feel comfortable with him sleeping next to me. But Mike and Xepher had a clean break, meaning no contact what so ever. That would have worked for us too because I scared Colby shitless.

"I'm okay. I moped around for a week, so I'm forcing myself to do other things. Which explains all of this." I finish my patty melt and just sip on my shake.

"Don't push yourself too much. Where's Colby?" Mike eats a couple fries on my plate.

"Colby is somewhere in the world doing illegal shit with Sam. I have all of his information on my phone in case of emergencies, but I highly doubt I'll need it."

"Those two are fucking lucky." Mike and I joke around and talk about random topics a bit more.

While Mike and I get back on the topic of music, I feel something ice-cold suddenly be poured on my head. I jump up and keep my head down to avoid whatever is on my head from dripping into my eyes. I slowly stand up and turn around to find two girls with empty cups in their hands laughing. One of them has her phone in her hand.

"What the fuck was that for?" Mike asks walking next to me.

"You looked a little thirsty there, we thought we could help you a bit." One of the girls with long, dark brown hair says. Her friend with short red hair cackles like the witch she is.

"I didn't know prostitutes worked during the day? What's the matter, went broke after losing all of your sponsorships?" Said the witch.

"You—"

"Mike, drop it. They're not worth it." I put my arm out to stop Mike from making things worse.

The server walks out and to see what the commotion is. I go in my bag, grab two twenty dollar bills and put it on the table. It's more than our food cost but at this point, I don't care. I grab my bag and grab Mike's hand and high tail it out of there. The whole time I bite my tongue to keep myself from crying. The whole time we are walking away, tweedle dee and tweedle bitch follow us yelling insults. I let go of Mike and turn around to face them.

"Will you please leave us alone? I've literally done nothing to you two." My efforts to not cry in front of them falter as tears escape me.

"I think us having to see your fat naked ass all over the internet counts as torture. If you wanted to be relevant again, there are so many other things you could have done."

"You shouldn't believe everything you see online. And you really shouldn't talk about things you don't understand." I stop myself from yelling at them and walk off.

"Stop following her or we'll call the police for harassment," Mike says before following me.

I don't even know where I'm going. I can't go to my car, the seat will be sticky and a mess. Can't just walk back to mine or Mike's place, they're too far from where we are. Eventually, I stop walking and crouch down in the middle of the sidewalk crying. I had a slightly bad feeling about today when I woke up. I brushed it off as paranoia and left. Everything was going so well today that I let my guard down. I should have listened to my gut.

"Isabella, come on. Let's sit here for a second." Mike helped me up and took me to a bench.

"L-let's just go," I say trying to wipe my tears. I'm really sticky.

"Wait here for a second." Mike runs off towards the shops.

While waiting I touch the top of my head. One of the things that was poured on me was definitely a juice. The other feels like a smoothie. Those dumb bitches really spent money to pour two good drinks on my head. Or maybe they bought those drinks to enjoy but then wasted them. Either way, it's ridiculous.

Mike comes back with a CVS bag. He sets the bag between us and starts pulling things out. He pulls out a couple of big water bottles and some wipes.

"Take off your shoes, I'll clean them. Here take the water bottles and rinse out your hair or something." I kick off my shows and hand them to Mike. I stand up and walk a little bit away from the bench and start pouring the water over my head. A few seconds later a familiar ring tone fills the silence. Mike digs in my bag and looks at it. He sees that I can't answer it and takes it upon myself to answer my phone.

"Hey, Colby... Yeah, it's Mike... Izzy? She can't come to the phone right now... Why do I have her phone? That's a long story... That's also a long story—" I take the phone from Mike and brace myself before putting the phone to my ear.

"Hey, babe, what's up? Aren't you supposed to be breaking into bandos right now?" Hopefully, Mike didn't make things sound suspicious.

"Sam and I finished earlier than we thought and I wanted to surprise you but everyone is too busy to pick us up. Getting an uber to the airport is nearly impossible. Are you busy?"

"I was hanging out with Mike but I was just about to drop him off. I can be there in half an hour."

"I don't want to rush you, we can find another way home."

"Trust me, it's fine. I'll see you soon." I hang up before Colby could ask questions. I give Mike a look for answering the phone.

"I'll go with you and drive. I had nothing planned for today." Mike says as he cleans my shoes.

"You don't have to. I'm fine. It's fine. Everything is fine. It was a momentary setback, but all is good."

Mike looks at me with sad eyes. I smile at him and finish dumping the bottles at me and slip my shoes on.

****

I dropped off Mike and went to the airport to pick up Sam and Colby. I could tell by the look on their faces that Mike told them. I had changed, Mike bought me some clothes while he was at CVS and changed before leaving, and my hair was mostly dry. I was hoping that it would look like I went to the beach. Luckily, neither Sam or Colby mention the incident. I drop Sam off and bring Colby to my apartment, per his request, and spend the rest of the say with him. He doesn't mention it for the rest of the night.

White House staffers, working in the secure, soundproof Situation Room in the West Wing basement, listened in and chronicled the conversation . National Security Council personnel edited a memo written about the call. White House lawyers, according to a government whistleblower , directed that the memo be uploaded into a highly restricted classified computer network. And there were the staffers whose keystrokes on a computer made that happen.

They represent a universe of people, little known outside their vital circle of national security officials, who can either support or disavow the whistleblower’s account. Their roles could well become more public as the impeachment investigation unfolds and Congress seeks additional witnesses.

Some staffers involved with the call still work at the White House; others have left. But what was thought to be a routine conversation with Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskiy turned into anything but that, when Trump asked him to investigate Ukraine’s involvement in the 2016 presidential election and the activities of Democratic political rival Joe Biden and his son Hunter.

___

30 MINUTES THAT CHANGED THE TRUMP PRESIDENCY

By the time staffers in the Situation Room got the president of Ukraine on the phone at 9:03 a.m., Trump had just finished firing off tweets claiming complete vindication from former special counsel Robert Mueller’s congressional testimony the day before about the Russia investigation. On the call, Trump was first to speak. He showered the 41-year-old Ukrainian, a novice politician and former comedian, with praise following his party’s victory in parliamentary elections. Zelenskiy chatted about how he wanted to “drain the swamp” in Kyiv and how he wished the European Union would provide more financial support. He told Trump that Ukraine was ready to buy more Javelin anti-tank missiles from the United States.

The next 10 words that came out of Trump’s mouth — “I would like you to do us a favor, though” — are what triggered the House impeachment inquiry that has imperiled his presidency.

Trump asked Zelenskiy to work with Trump’s personal lawyer Rudy Giuliani and Attorney General William Barr to look into Biden and his son, who served on the board of a Ukrainian gas company.

Trump says it was an innocent, “perfect” call. But some White House staffers, worried that Trump seemed to be asking Ukraine for dirt on Biden, sounded alarms. They suggested the memorandum of the call — “telcon” for short — be transferred into a restricted server, usually reserved for documents about covert operations.

___

BEFORE THE CALL

This call, as well as others Trump has had with foreign leaders, was unusual in other ways, too. In past administrations, top foreign policy officials routinely briefed a president in person right before a call and provided written materials as well.

A former U.S. ambassador to Russia, Michael McFaul worked at the NSC during the Obama administration and helped write briefs to prepare for dozens of calls with Russian leaders, including Vladimir Putin.

“Judging from the content of the Trump-Zelenskiy call, Trump was not reading talking points,” McFaul said. “No one on our team ever would have prepared a call package prompting Obama to ask for a personal favor that would help him win reelection. I also doubt that Trump’s NSC staff would have written or cleared such a talking point for their boss.”

One individual with firsthand knowledge of how the Trump calls with foreign leaders are handled said the president “hates” such “pre-briefs” and frequently has refused to do them. Trump doesn’t like written background materials either, preferring to handle the calls himself, often in the morning from the residence. Occasionally, while on the phone with foreign heads of state, Trump has handed the receiver to his daughter, Ivanka Trump, so she can talk with the leader, according to this individual.

The person said a six-page pre-brief with attachments was once prepared for Trump before a call to a foreign leader. But that turned out to be too long, as did a single-page version. Preparing pre-brief note cards that offered about three talking points for Trump to make on a call was the norm, according to this person, who feared retribution for describing this process and spoke on condition of anonymity.

The individual said that when Trump is done with the note cards, he often rips them up and tosses them in a burn bag. Staff who handle records have had to retrieve the burn bags from the residence, put the papers out on a table and tape them back together to preserve them as official presidential records, this person said.

___

RUN OF THE MILL

Calls between a president and a foreign leader typically start with U.S. intelligence officers detailed to the White House gathering in the Situation Room, a process that has been in place for decades, according to two people familiar with the operation in the Trump White House and past administrations. They spoke on condition of anonymity to discuss how Trump’s calls with foreign heads of state are handled.

During the Ukraine call, several others listened in. Secretary of State Mike Pompeo and Keith Kellogg, national security adviser for Vice President Mike Pence, were on the call. It’s unclear if they were at the White House or listened in on “drop” lines, secure hookups top officials can use from outside the White House.

Others who typically would have listened in would have been the president’s national security adviser, John Bolton, or his deputy, Charles Kupperman, who have both left the White House; the NSC’s director of Russia and Europe, who currently is Tim Morrison; the NSC’s Ukraine expert; and possibly someone from White House chief of staff Mick Mulvaney’s office.

Lawyers who handle NSC issues include John Eisenberg and his deputy, Michael Ellis. It’s unclear what, if any, role Ellis played, but the former counsel for the House Intelligence Committee has been in the spotlight before.

The New York Times reported in March 2017 that he allowed his former boss, the then-committee chairman, Rep. Devin Nunes, R-Calif., to review classified material at the White House, seeking to bolster Trump’s claim that he was wiretapped during the 2016 campaign on the orders of the Obama administration. The intelligence reports consisted primarily of ambassadors and other foreign officials talking about trying to develop contacts in the inner circle of then President-elect Trump. The report was not confirmed by The Associated Press.

The NSC declined to confirm who was on the call.

Down in the Situation Room, several others would have been listening. One person monitors the call to make sure the line is not interrupted. Others are tasked with documenting what is said. No audio recordings are made. The memorandum of the call, the telcon, which the White House has released, is the closest thing to a word-for-word transcript that is produced and is the official presidential record of the conversation.

“When I got to the Situation Room and my predecessor explained this incredibly inefficient process that we use, I had a lot of questions,” said Larry Pfeiffer, a 30-year U.S. intelligence veteran who managed the Situation Room during the Obama years. “I said ‘Why don’t we just record the call and write a transcript based on that?’”

Pfeiffer said his predecessor told him that the White House stopped taping presidential calls in the 1970s when President Richard Nixon recorded 3,700 hours of conversations, transcripts of which were used by Watergate investigators and during impeachment hearings that followed.

Pfeiffer said White House lawyers finally approved the idea of having a duty officer, wearing a headset, sit in a separate room, and repeat what was said on the call into voice-to-text software — again without creating any audio recording.

Individuals familiar with Trump White House procedure say one Situation Room staffer, using voice-to-text software, repeats each word the president says and another listens and repeats what the foreign leader says. The software turns the words they repeat into text and a rough draft of the telcon is produced.

That draft is given to subject matter specialists on the NSC, who edit the draft for accuracy. Each draft is separately preserved. After it’s finalized, it’s turned over to the national security adviser — Bolton, at the time — or the deputy, who was Kupperman, for their approval. White House lawyers also play a role in approving NSC documents.

After that, the telcon is given back to staffers tasked with preserving the document as a presidential record.

___

WHISTLEBLOWER SOUNDS OFF

Somewhere during this sequence, people privy to the call questioned whether Trump was pressuring the Ukrainian leader to investigate the Bidens. Trump has denied that he did and publicly released the telcon recounting what was said on the call.

He released it after a whistleblower, a CIA officer, filed a complaint about the call with the intelligence community’s inspector general. “In the days following the phone call, I learned from multiple U.S. officials that senior White House officials had intervened to lock down” all records of the phone call, the whistleblower wrote. “This set of actions underscored to me that White House officials understood the gravity of what had transpired in the call.”

The unidentified whistleblower — one of two who have come forward — said White House lawyers directed that the telcon be taken off a computer server where classified documents on foreign leader calls are normally kept. They directed it be transferred to a computer network with restricted access for documents about covert operations or other highly sensitive information. The telcon, which was classified as secret, did not contain anything remotely sensitive from a national security perspective.

One of the two people familiar with how foreign leader calls are handled in the Trump White House said putting a document classified only as “secret” into a server holding very highly classified information is not against any rule, but is a means of “leak prevention.”

That person also said it wasn’t common practice to put telcons into the more restrictive server, but that around the same time Bolton became national security adviser in the spring of 2018, it became standard not to share the telcons with the State Department, the national intelligence director and the Pentagon.

Those officials were told that if they wanted to see them, they could read them the next time they were at the White House, the individual said.

Phroyd

It seems reckless to step on the heels of ‘The Shining‘, take it to another place with several of original characters and elements remain. Did you feel it as a risk?

Without a doubt, you can get scared of a great idea of making a film that follows what Kubrick created, but I didn't address it that way. When I spoke with my agent and he told me that this was happening, I was very excited. Then I had a general conversation on Skype with Mike Flanagan, to see if our ideas matched. Then I met with him and producer Trevor Macy and we started talking and ‘talk-talking’, a mix between talking and fighting, for two hours. And I thought "this is it", I want to do this. Then I got fully into the subject, creating. I did not think about the risk, it would have been almost like facing the entire universe.

Tell us about the process of creating your character, Rose The Hat.

Once I knew that I wanted to do it and that I was going to do it, I read the book, that I had never read before, and read the script again and again. I started watching interviews with psychopaths, that was the main source, and also general conversations you know, Mike had a clear idea of the character, me too, and we were shaping Rose in the scenes.

Have you experienced anything supernatural in your life that you could use?

No, I have not experienced supernatural things. Yes I felt that the book is supremely well written by Mr. King and that Mike achieved something brilliant in continuing Stephen King's 'The Shining' and paying tribute to Kubrick's version ... I basically started from the written page and  of Mike's imaginative idea, so I didn't feel I had to dig into myself. I don't have many of Rose The Hat's features, fortunately.

When did you see ‘The Shining‘ for the first time?

When I was about 13 years old, I think. I remember exactly that I was at my house in Stockholm, with a friend, and I turned off when Jack was chasing Danny in the maze. I think I was so tense during the whole movie that I couldn't take it anymore and disconnected. I did not finish it. Years later I saw it again, and I recognise it as a masterpiece and I understand why it is considered one of the best horror movies in history.

Rebecca, you are part of big projects right now, did you dream of a moment like this when you started acting?

I think that I am definitely not a simple person, my  brain moves a lot in this head, but I never had the push to feel that I got something that I set out to do.

I never dreamed of being an actress, life led me to do it, and I tried and loved it, I felt comfortable hiding behind characters. And I didn't know I could like it, I didn't go to acting school, I just tried things and I think I'm still trying things. Sometimes I like it, sometimes it disappoints me.

Deep down, I feel really fortunate that this wave continues, of continuing to receive incredible offers to work with people like that. I do not need anything. I have ideas, but I never put an end point, I never say "this is it, I did it". I follow, I continue, and it frightens me when the wave is over, but I am constantly grateful.

The world is now derailed, and you make fantasy, action, horror movies: how important is the art of creating and entertaining at this point?

The world is chaotic, always has been. It has had ups and downs, either because of the Great Depression, World War II, or the struggle for women's rights. There are wars, there are things happening constantly. Curiously, someone took out statistics that prove that musicals are doing very well in times of crisis, and I think we are in a state of crisis a long time ago.

I don't think that musicals, or fantasies, or expressions that allow the audience to escape reality are more important than telling stories that tell where we are today. I think they are equally important.

Sometimes I wonder, what do I do? I act, that's nothing compared to doctors who save lives, and I think, "Sure but we tell stories, right?" We compare the story with the place where we are today, we put the reflector in the changes, or in the lack of these. And that is very important, telling stories is very important.

Tell us a little about working with Mike Flanagan. You talked a lot with him when he was developing the character. How was the process?

My process was wonderful. I loved working with him. He carried everywhere a kind of book, his bible, and in it was the whole movie: every shot, every angle, nurtured with images. It was the film on paper. And at the beginning it made me a little nervous ... I thought "what am I going to do", but it also made me challenge myself, to present what I considered, new ideas. And when we started working, I understood that it was not his film, it was his manual, his ideas and his vision, but that it was not final, that we were there to complete them, make them more colorful, try things. Mike was very receptive to spontaneity ... And on the set we had movement tutors, voice. And the film tells 3 separate stories, Abra's, Dan's, and Rose's The Hat's, and that's why Mike took us all three on individual trips. It was a lot of fun talking to Ewan about his process, and telling him about mine, that they were very different.

End Game [Chapter Four] Flip of a Coin [Levi Ackerman]

“Honesty … that’s all I want; the truth. Each one of you lied to me, and I have the right to know why.” Camilla was fuming, barely able to keep herself still. Her leg bounced like a float on top of the water as she waited for a reply, looking between the powers that be.

A week’s time had passed since she talked with Yeager; a week it took for Erwin to return, bringing with him a handful of new recruits. Taking everything Camilla had to keep calm and not blow up at Hange – who stood in charge – she wasted her time, holed up in the castle library. Her effort had been pointless, and the more she stewed in her anger, the more furious she had become.

A week I waited, and none of them have a damn thing to say. Her finger tapped irritably on top of the table. “Don’t everyone speak at once,” she growled.

Erwin was the first to speak, clearing his throat before he did so. “I made the decision to keep certain information from you until I was sure we’d have the manpower to proceed.” His expression was calm and collected, but his icy eyes were full of irritation. “Also … I understand you are upset, but raising your voice won’t reduce the tension you are feeling. Ask your questions, but please remember that we have no obligation to answer them.”

Very well. Camilla took a deep breath, releasing it quickly a minute later. This didn’t make her feel much better, but he was right. Had she continued to argue, Erwin would have been unable to explain. She knew how difficult she could be when she was angry – Levi termed her a brat. Ask only what you need to. Taking another breath, she gave Erwin a kindly expression. “Please … why am I here?”

“To save humanity,” Erwin stated. She almost knew he’d say this. But, he surprised her by elaborating. “Hange is on to something; Eren is the key to everything we’ve been searching for. Imagine being able to finally understand what the Dolls are and how the Titan strain came to be. You out of everyone should appreciate the relevance of this.”

She did; Camilla wanted nothing more than to save the lives of everyone within the walls. Getting back onto the field was another story. She wasn’t ready. Too many people had been lost on her dream; too many sacrifices she wasn’t ready to burden. “Erwin I do, but not like this. I don’t even know what you’re getting me into. Selling me this same pitch isn’t going to change my opinion.” She didn’t want back out there, beyond the walls – plain and simple.

“Show her the papers, Erwin. Settling with her isn’t going to work,” Levi interrupted.

What papers? The curious woman tore her brief gaze away from her husband and watched as Erwin slid her a stack of hand written papers. Before she even began to read them, she took notice of the names scrawled at the bottom of the first page. The MP commander, Nile Dok was one of them – her recent senior officer. Erwin was another, and the last belonged to the man who directed the three branches, Darius Zackly. Her heart sped up a bit. This can’t be good, if he’s involved. Camilla read over the papers, aware that the others were waiting for her.

What she made out didn’t sit agreeably with her. This can’t be true. Camilla shook her head in annoyance and slumped back in her chair, trying to process everything she read.

Levi was next to speak. “I asked Erwin to reinstate you and that imbecile in the interior signed you over without so much as a fight. All he needed was a signature from Zackly and once Erwin explained the situation, he got it. Give yourself a slap on the back, you’re a scout again.”

“It was the only way,” Hange followed up. She gently smiled, but knowing Camilla, the woman was not happy.

The irritated woman bit her tongue, attempting to keep her anger in check. She stared at the papers with uninterest. “So what then? You got me back. What do you expect of me, Commander?”

“Take back your position as Captain of the Medical Team; that’s what I expect. There will be a brief period between now and the time of the next expedition, where Levi and Mike will be training the new recruits. Take that time to get to know your team – organize them into units. They will know about you before the end of the day,” Erwin explained.

Camilla bobbed in agreement. “It might do me some good to have a combat refresher, if you intend for me to return to the field.” There was nothing she could do about it. She was stuck, and instead of going out there rusty, Camilla would rather have a few sessions under her belt.

“Hange can help you settle.” With a nod from the Squad Leader, Erwin set his attention back on Camilla. “Feel free to ask questions, if you have any. This will be the last time we meet before the expedition.”

I don’t count on them to answer me, considering the fact they lied to me just recently, but I have to see. Thinking over her options, Camilla realized that she had a few issues she’d like to shine a light on. “It’s come to my attention that Eren can regenerate. The bite on his hand is nothing more than a scar now. Can you elaborate how that’s even possible?”

Hange shook her head. “We have no clue, actually. His body is almost like that of Dolls; it can heal at rapid speed. The first time we even noticed it, was after his trial. Levi knocked a tooth out of his mouth and later on a new tooth grew in it’s place – it was so cool. I assumed that he could easily do it again, but we’ve had a few set backs since then. One of them being that he can’t become a Flesh Doll again, no matter the situation.” She whined loudly, squirming in her seat. “I want to see it.”

“He … turned again. When did this happen?” Camilla was eager to hear. The report hadn’t mentioned this. She thought it was impossible, given that Eren was already immune. But maybe he isn’t. Not completely sure, Camilla felt irritated with herself. All this is too much to understand.

“It happened in Trost, before we arrived.” Erwin didn’t know much about it, apart from what Dot Pixis had told him. “Eren once again turned into a Doll – unstable at first – and helped clear out the district as Garrison soldiers patched the breach in Wall Rose. He hasn’t been able to do it since, like Hange said, but we are doing out best to figure out why.”

“The best part,” Hange added. “Is that Eren is capable of rational thought while he’s a Doll. He took orders, and once we figure out how to do it again, he can help us take back Wall Maria.”

“If the brat can do it again,” Levi grunted.

Camilla missed his comment, stuck in her own thoughts. She understood the reasoning behind the experiments, and the idea that Eren could be an asset. However, too much was riding on him. Even if he could become a Doll, there was no guarantee that he could stay one for long. I’m thinking too much into all this. I just want to find a cure, nothing more. She sighed gently, accepting her role. “Shiganshina – you’re riding on this. Yet it’s a long way from here. I saw the chart and put it together; only one base has been set up, but if you’re sure we can do this … I’m with you.”

Hange cheered loudly. “This is going to be like old times again.” She bounced happily in her seat – Camilla smiled.

A big hand on her shoulder brought her attention over to Erwin, who just until now Camilla realized was standing, beaming at her. “Trust us. I will have a uniform delivered to Levi’s room. Until then, I hope you will take this time to relax, get back into the swing of how we do things around here.”

“Yes, sir. I’m sure my training will go smoothly.” Frankly, she wasn’t sure it would. Camilla was determined to make the best out of it, however.

Erwin bobbed his head. “Good to hear.” Ending the meeting, he excused himself and left the room.

Camilla did the same, but hastily. She went to Levi’s room, needing to grab a fresh set of clothing from her travel case, but it wasn’t where she had last placed it; near the wash stand, out of his way. Searching the room for it, she came up short handed. Her obsessive husband must have recently cleaned up and put it away. Therefore she checked the wardrobe. Inside was her case, but her clothes were missing. Camilla let out a growl of annoyance. With no other option, she slumped down onto the loveseat and waited for Levi to return.

The minute he did – what felt like hours to Camilla – she crossed her arms and watched him lock the door, then move over to his desk without so much as a look. She huffed a sigh, knowing she’d have to start the conversation if she wanted to freshen up. “I can’t find my clothes. Did you put them somewhere?”

“I had a team member of mine take them to be washed,” he answered, curling his nose in disgust. “They stank like shit and was making my room dirty.”

Camilla felt her face heat up. “Levi … my underwear was in that case.”

“Petra took them; she’s a woman too. Nothing you have she hasn’t seen.” His eyes narrowed at her. Levi wasn’t dumb enough to let just anyone wash her clothing. The thought of another man touching her underclothes made him feel sick.

That girl who follows him around like a pup? Camilla rolled her eyes. Of course he’d ask her to. He could have asked Hange to do them, someone I trust. The resentment was back. It felt strange for her to feel so upset at another woman, especially one she barely knew. Yet, she couldn’t help it. The feeling was new, but natural to her. She pushed it aside for now. “I need a change of clothes, or else you’re going to be smelling a lot more of me.”

Again Levi curled his nose is disgust. “There are shirts in the wardrobe and underwear in the dresser. Put on my clothes until someone brings you a uniform.”

Silently she did as told. Camilla was in no position to argue. She put on a single colored button down and briefs that left nothing to the imagination. Her short husband was not the least bit fashionable and being an inch taller than him she found his clothing to be uncomfortable. This will have to do, regrettably. Camilla gathered her dirty clothes and shut the wardrobe doors with a loud click. “Anyplace you want me to put these?”

“Loveseat; folded neatly.” I’ll be damned if I let her turn this room into a pigsty after I cleaned it. The thought made Levi feel unwell, however once Camilla ambled over to the bottom of the bed and turned her back to him, folding her clothes, he couldn’t help but to stare; recent thought lost. Full, tan legs were exposed to him. Feeling uncomfortable and a bit embarrassed, Levi shut his eyes and squeezed the bridge of his nose hard. He was sexually frustrated, no reason to deny it.

His wife’s gentle sigh helped compose him, bringing his attention back to her. She was slumped down on the loveseat, lap covered with a throw blanket he laid out for her since she refused to take his bed – not like Levi used it himself. In truth, Camilla hadn’t been in the room much since her first night; she took up residence in the library. He found out from Hange that she had been staying there only to give him space, in addition to being upset with him. Levi understood, but it was his obligation to follow orders and as much as he wanted to tell her the truth, she was not someone who easily accepted fact over feeling. Frankly, it grated his nerves. Levi agreed that space was easier for them, but it made small talk uncomfortable after that. Mainly because he never knew what to say.

However, to his relief, Camilla was also someone who couldn’t tolerate silence for very long. She chuckled to herself and met his fixed gaze. “I was generally surprised to see how far you’d go to bring me back, trapping me like you did. But … had you just come to me in the first place … I think maybe I would have willing followed you. Guess I shouldn’t have hoped for something I knew wouldn’t happen.” Levi could visibly see the tears in her soft eyes. She’s an emotional brat. Is probably the most unwavering woman I know when it comes to her aspiration, but her moods are like the flip of a coin; always changing. Again, he didn’t know what to say and let her continue.

“Like it or not, I am mad at you; Hange and Erwin too, but I realize now why you all did it. There is no future inside these walls. Knowing what I do there would be no easy life for me, nervous and afraid. What I want to sa–”

“Don’t,” Levi interrupted. “You will come to regret it, saying it now. Focus on surviving first; save humanity, prove me wrong. I honestly don’t care either way, as long as you don’t disappoint yourself.” Later, if you should feel like thanking me, then do, but know that you will be content with the outcome.

Camilla gently smiled, wiping away the tears from the corner of her eyes. “No regrets … right?”

“Not even an iota of shit given,” Levi stated. It’s hard, but it also makes living in this hell a lot easier to bear.

By lunch the following afternoon, Camilla was set up with a clean, hot-pressed uniform and knee high boots – annoying straps included. Wearing yet another button down from Levi’s wardrobe, she went to the mess hall for some food, having nothing else to do. I am supposed to be training, but Hange can’t pull her nose out of Eren’s butt long enough to help me, she retold herself. What am I to do? Hiding in her room was beginning to bore her, and while Levi was a source of companionship, he wasn’t exactly the most enjoyable person to hold a conversation with. Get out of the room, he says. Stop being a lazy brat. Camilla rolled her eyes up. She was certain Erwin told her to relax; the level of stress that man brought her.

With a groan, she walked into the mess hall, surprised to see that it wasn’t loaded down with soldiers. A few were situated here and there, but not as she had expected. Levi wasn’t amongst them, but neither was his team; probably still out on the field. Camilla recalled him saying that he was knee deep in new recruits, having to baby sit them while Mike was busy – she didn’t ask why. Grabbing a tray, the cadet in the kitchen greeted her and filled up a bowl with freshly cooked potato soup. Camilla took it with a nod and went to sit at a bench near the door, ready to revel in the silence of the near vacant mess hall. But, the moment she took a seat, another group enclosed her.

“Captain,” a bright eyed woman spoke, balancing her tray as she went into a salute. The others imitated her, Camilla noted. “I apologize for interrupting your lunch, but we were hoping to join you. Is it alright if we sit down?”

Camilla felt her skin heat up, but nodded regardless of her sudden embarrassment. She watched as each of them sat; one at both her sides and two across the table. Spotting the insignia around their right arm – a red cross – she gathered that they were all members of her team. Better now then never, I guess. Most awkward greeting I’ve ever been given. She huffed a sigh.

“I’m Michella Henderson,” the one who sat on her right said while a smile. She was the same hazel eyed woman who greeted Camilla a moment ago. “Your second in command … it’s a long story.”

A man with spiky black hair laughed, shoving a spoon full of soup into his mouth. “We have time, unless you’re too ashamed to tell her.”

Michella visibly tensed up. “She doesn’t want to hear that, so not a word. Also, I am your senior officer, so you’d best toe the line. And … you’re being rude to our new Captain. We came over here to introduce ourselves, or have you forgotten?”

Raising a curious brow, Camilla looked between the two, opting to not raise the issue. She very well could, but seeing as it wasn’t her business she kept quiet. At any rate, she was enjoying the way Michella dealt with him. It was obvious to Camilla that her team was close; he spoke to Michella like she was someone he trusted, despite the woman’s inability to be stern. Meeting his eyes, the male blushed and dropped his shoulders.

“Please overlook my rudeness. My name is Brendon Tremaine. It’s a pleasure, ma’am.”

“No harm done,” Camilla admitted. “But lets bury the hatchet. Unless it’s relevant to this meeting, then I don’t need to know.”

Michella shook her head and smiled. “No ma’am. It’s not.”

“Very well. Carry on.” The Captain glanced at the nervous looking teen beside Brendon, who until now was staring at her bowl with uncertainty.

Once she noticed her Captain was looking, she quickly saluted again. Fresh out of the Training Corps, she was afraid that she had upset the senior officer. “Cadet Katrin Felde, ma’am. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“Did Keith Shadis train you?”

Katrin bobbed in agreement. “Yes, ma’am. Ludo and I graduated together.”

The male sitting to the left of Camilla raised his hand to call attention to himself. He wasn’t as timid, but a sense of alarm could be seen in his icy eyes. “I’m Ludo … Ludo Bergt.” He felt appreciated when his Captain nodded in acknowledgement.

“He’s a good man; very intimidating though.” Camilla had to suppress a laugh. Keith didn’t oversee her training, but for twelve years he was her Commander. She hated to admit it, but he scared her.

Clearing her throat, Camilla added respectfully, “I appreciate you all coming over to meet me; it’s a pleasure. I wasn’t going to do introductions until mass tomorrow, considering the number of members in the unit, but it would be rude of me not. My name is Camilla Ackerman and I am going to your new Captain, starting tomorrow.”

Brendon nearly choked on his soup. “Ackerman … like the SO leader?”

“I’m his wife. And no, I’m not as impolite, but I do expect your best while you’re on my squad. Friendships are important, but beyond the walls I insist that we keep focused. There are a lot of people depending on us to watch their backs.” Switching off the boss persona, Camilla laughed and picked up her spoon. “With that aside, let’s eat before our soup gets cold.” Everyone followed suit.

“I’ll second that,” Brendon stated, swallowing down the rest of the broth.

Michella rolled her eyes. “I swear. One of these days you’re going to choke. Take it easy.”

Almost like her words held some power over him, Brendon sputtered, coughing as the liquid went down the wrong pipe, burning his throat. Katrin rubbed his back while he choked, asking Ludo to grab some linens and clean up the mess. This brought a smile to Camilla, who tried not to laugh. She was fond of them, something honestly she didn’t want to feel. It was too soon; too late to change her mind. She let herself laugh along with Michella, until someone urgently shouted her name.

Moblit sprinted up the Captain’s table, not really sure what had transpired before he came barging into the mess hall, but with no time to ask, he saluted and motioned for her to get up, aware that he was being disrespectful to her. “Please … follow me. Eren is in trouble.” He wanted to quickly get back to his own Squad Leader before she did something to endanger herself. Fortunately, Camilla was quick to act. She barked orders to her team, even as she followed him, bringing with her the Vice and a cadet with blue eyes.

Following Moblit to the yard where she had met Eren the previous week, Camilla saw a small number of soldiers off to the side. Some of them were in shock; others had their weapons drawn, but all of them were focused on something further ahead. Aside from a thick fog, the curious woman couldn’t see anything.

Yet, she heard it; rattled shouting. Noises that got louder the further she progressed.

“Captain Ackerman … what do you think happened?” Ludo was staring at her with fear in his eyes.

Camilla didn’t know how to answer. She wasn’t sure herself. It seemed like a steam pipe had busted and engulfed the field with tendrils of white smoke, but she knew that couldn’t be the fact. “Stay alert. An explanation would be nice though.”

“It’s hard to say, Captain. You should probably just see for yourself.” Thinking his explanation would not ease her worry, Moblit escorted Camilla to the source. His Squad Leader was still there, trying to test the new data she collected. Moblit rolled his eyes, hoping to convince her to move aside, before she got reckless. “Squad Leader, I brought Captain Ackerman.”

Hange turned and leaped with a shout. “There you are. Look at it. Isn’t it amazing, Camilla.” She pointed at the teen behind her, but Camilla was already staring in awe at what she saw.

In some way, Eren had shifted into a Flesh Doll.

Just his right arm, in fact. Luckily the smoke had thinned out so Camilla could see. She noticed Levi in front of the teen, guarding him from the others – his team mostly. Each of the SO unit had drawn their weapons and surrounded Eren, who was on his knees, clawing at the steaming flesh of his arm. He looked frightened and in so much pain.

“Eren … darling. Are you in control?” Camilla moved forward and stood beside Levi. She cautiously bent to her knees and inched as close to Eren as the steam would allow her to. Her skin was hot and began to sweat, but she remained near him.

“Not yet,” he answered with a groan.

Camilla panted. The heat was exhausting her. She tried to usher him along. “Focus; you can do it. I heard about the incident in Trost, but I know you learned from it. You won’t go wild, because you can switch it on and off.”

Making an effort, Eren tried to recall the words that Armin said him that day. Without him, it was hazy, but he could vaguely remember the promise they made. He focused on this, and for a moment, the pain resided. But just as quickly it returned. A swift, burning throb ripped through him, making Eren cry out in pain. It was nothing like the first time it had happened.

Until now, the infection was not visible. But in a matter of seconds it had spread up the length of Eren’s arm, reaching out like tiny, dark tendrils. Camilla saw and grimaced.

“You need to give me better results, Eren. There’s no time for this.” The woman couldn’t restrain her impatience. She glanced back and noticed that Petra was closer, ready to cut the teen down if he so much as bared his teeth at them. Biting her tongue between her teeth, she felt the gravity of the situation weigh down on her. Eren was as good as dead if she couldn’t talk him through it. Camilla tried a more forward approach, reaching out to lay a hand on his cheek. “Listen to me. You’re nervous, I know. Me too … my hands are shaking, but I do trust you. Show me that you trust me too.”

Eren widened his eyes in alarm. She was indeed shaking; he could feel it. No doubt, she had faith in him. He leaned his face into her palm and shut his eyes tight. It hurts … everything hurts. But I have to try. So much is riding on me to do this. The strength in him faded and he let himself tumble over into her sweat drenched arms.

“Captain,” Michella cried. She regretted not wearing her gear. “Please move away from him.”

“It’s fine; I’m fine.” Levi has me. She glanced over Eren’s head and noticed the blade pressed against his neck. Her possessive husband was glaring at the teen as if to dare him into taking a chunk out of her. Camilla knew Eren would be dead before he could open his mouth, and curled her arm around his back to assure him that it was merely the way Levi was. She curbed her need to smile and glanced down behind Eren to were his infected arm rested, noticing that it was back to normal.

Levi noticed it too and removed his blade. “Consider yourself lucky. You get to keep your head.” He grabbed the collar of Eren’s short, beige coat and removed him from the arms of his reckless wife, tossing him onto his back.

“Not too rough, shorty. He’s still capable of shifting back into a Doll until his injuries are healed,” Hange mentioned, a bit disappointed to see his arm restore itself before she got the chance to test it.

If he doesn’t want to lose that arm he won’t. Levi rolled his eyes and put away his blade, keeping his hand on the hilt just in case.

“That was extreme. You didn’t need to knock the wind out of him,” Camilla furthered. She stood with a grunt and dusted off her white pants.

Levi grunted, “Extreme … you and I need to have a word.” He shot a look at Eren, who had been watching the exchange with tired eyes. “You’re done for the day. Head back to your room.”

“Let me send one of my own with him. I need to have someone look him over,” Camilla suggested. She grinned as Levi agreed, waving over Michella. The brown haired woman did as ordered – a relief to the Captain – and helped Eren up, staggering back to the castle. She was proud of her, even though she witnessed Eren almost turn into a Doll and attack them.

However, that feeling was short lived as Levi softly grabbed her jaw and brought her attention back to him, directing her head to the side as he looked her over. Once he was content, he shot her a look of annoyance. “Cautious is the word you meant to say. Reckless … is what you were being.”

“It worked out,” Camilla said with a sigh. “But yeah … reckless … I know.” She puckered her brow. Her feeling was simply that – a feeling. She honestly didn’t think it would calm Eren down, but somehow it did. Maybe a trigger word. I’m not sure. Again she huffed a sigh, looking away from Levi’s harsh stare. “I wasn’t using my head. Would you … have honestly done it differently?”

“I would have cut him down,” Levi responded blatantly. He pulled her gaze back to him, narrowing his eyes. “He’d be missing a head if he had changed and harmed you.”

Visibly a blush warmed her face, and before she could reply, Levi continued. His fingers gripped her jaw firmer. “But … I went with my gut and watched you risk your life on that brat. It pissed me off, so before you jeopardize the mission again, try to remember that I’m a selfish man. I will shut this shit down before I let you go.”

I love you. Camilla bobbed her head, covering her eyes with his wrist. Fresh, warm tears leaked down her face.

Levi remained silent and let her cry.

Attack On Titan // Manga Analysis

contains spoilers.

this post is focused mostly on the Marley Arc and Sasha’s death. read at your own risk.

Ah, I said I would do this, here I am.

I believe pretty much all of the Attack On Titan fandom is pissed right now. Whether you are a manga reader or not, I’m sure you’ve come across with the most recent spoilers.

Yes, Sasha Blouse is dead.

We shall start with some background on her, using the anime. She was rather irrelevant during season one, I think we all agree. She was simply the ‘potato girl’, or the girl who spoke in a ridiculously polite way, but, during season two, she gained some focus for her character. Truth is she was meant to die in chapter 40, more or less, when she fought that one titan with the arrows. (Titan that was confirmed (i think) to be Connie’s father.)

She was unharmed. She didn’t have her gear on, but she did save a small child from a titan and fought it with something she was good at, shooting arrows. But though, I think she isn’t given enough credit for this. She had this whole episode for herself and still, she was still ‘potato girl’.

Throughout the whole anime, Sasha is seen as a goofball who has an incredibly high appetite. Sure, she is a rather positive character, so is Connie, but both of them have their own demons as well.

Believe it or not, Sasha was rather important during the Uprising Arc. She was one of the chosen to be part of the new Squad Levi, as long as the other 104th soldiers and she had an important role in protecting Eren and Historia.

After she takes care of Levi’s wounds, she stays on guard all night as the squad is eating and drinking.

She then takes part in the rescuing of Eren and Historia, as they know their whereabouts and, shall we not forget, she saves Connie’s life.

And, later on, it’s Connie’s time to attend to her safety, in the Return to Shingashina Arc. Being hit by the debris upon fighting the Armored Titan, Connie takes her unconscious body to a roof and everyone begins thinking about the Titan Serum. Though, she’s not injured to that point and the debate is then between Armin and Erwin, Levi ending up deciding to give it to Armin.

Even more, as they return to Trost and she finally recovers, she is exhonerated with a damn medal. Sasha is a worthy soldier.

And finally, we get to the shitty Marley Arc. Personally, it has been my least favorite arc so far. Now, having read chapter 105, I feel like I’ve wasted all the time I’ve put into reading this manga. I used to love every bit of it, even with the death and all the angst, I still looked forward to the next chapter. Now, I don’t. Now I’ll think “Ah.. Another chapter. I’ll read it later.” and just go on with it.

Alright, let’s get this Arc straight, shall we.

We had a heck ton of chapters that made us though “Where the fuck is the Survey Corps” since only hobo looking Eren and mentally fucked up Reiner were on the show. Sure, we got to know some stuff about the Marley dudes, but they’re not that interesting.

It seems to me that Eren left to Marley on his own accord, that he probably even disobeyed his superiors orders (That’d be Commander Hange and Captain Levi) and even wrote them a letter.

Both Hange and Levi show their discontent with Eren’s development and behavior. Eren, who used to be Humanity’s Hope is now nothing but a suicidal soldier, who uses himself as bait and causes his comrades to die.

He was, for a long time, talking to Falco, bonding with him so that he could get to Reiner. I’m not sure how I feel about Falco though, because he seems to be a good person and he felt deceived by Eren, because he thought Eren was a good person and he was surely though that the people of Paradis were monsters. 

Falco felt used by Eren and realizes he was lied to. The kid probably has trust issues, who knows.

Despite knowing that his name is Eren Jaeger, he still goes for Kruger. He’s upset, he understood Eren is a bad guy, I guess.

But anyway, Eren masters up to fuck Reiner in the head even more and bam- he goes batshit crazy and turns into a titan. Nothing we haven’t seen before, right?

Well he goes and kills the Thor look alike and ye, look it’s a new titan!!!

You are one creepy fucker, Tybur woman.

And, of course, the rest of Marley had to come, right? We get a better look at Pieck’s cart titan and Zeke’s beast titan as well. Let’s not forget what Levi promised Erwin before he died. He would take down the beast titan.

But, surprise surprise. Zeke is betraying Marley. Or.. You can’t be that surprised, c’mon, he betrayed his own parents.

Here’s how it starts:

Eren seems a bit unamused to me, I don’t know, woops.

On another note, both Levi and Jean talk about ‘time’. That’s another confirmation note to the fact Zeke is actually on Paradis’ side (apparently) and Levi killing him, for now, is an act.

Pieck knows that Zeke just betrayed him, so.. my question is. Why didn’t she do anything about it? She probably just realised that Levi did not kill him, that he acted as if he did. So why did she just carry on battling and didn’t do anything? Hm.. Fishy.

But moving on.

Let’s talk about another character. Gabi Braun. She’s just 12 and also an Eldian and Warrior Candidate. Her goal is to kill Eren Jaeger, who trampled over her home.

So here’s the thing about Gabi. First of all, she’s a brat. Second of all, she has a superiority complex. Third of all, she doesn’t listen to anyone. We all know Falco is more inteligent than Gabi and less impulsive than her.

Don’t talk back, you brat.

But here’s what pisses me off. She made it clear. Eren Jaeger is her target. Sure, she holds a grudge against all Survey Corps members, but mostly, Eren.

So why, why did she have to kill TWO soldiers before she got Eren?

She killed Lobov and, right after, she didn’t even aim. She grabbed the gun and shot. She had no idea if she’d get anyone or not. But she did, she killed Sasha with one shot.

What was the damn  logic? She shot randomly. Did she even know if she’d get someone? As much as she knew, she could’ve shot against a wall. Her aim wasn’t defined, she didn’t know what she was doing.

But no. Poor innocent Sasha had to take the damn bullet. No one was expecting that, Jean and Connie are dumbfounded as Sasha falls backwards. 

Some people are supporting Gabi in here, saying she’s protecting her home, but let’s get something straight. If Sasha hadn’t hesitated back then, Gabi would be dead. Sasha spared Gabi’s life and how did Gabi thank her? She didn’t. She killed her. She killed the one who granted her the miracle of life when she could’ve taken it away.

And of course, the Survey Corps flip. Sasha is obviously dear to everyone, we can tell that everyone sees Sasha as a close friend, or even a relative. While Jean and Connie, the closest people to Sasha, try to take care of her, the others are quick to pin Gabi and Falco down and hit them. They’re seriously pissed that a brat got in their ship and shot one of them.

We all know Jean is an emotional guy. But, seeing try to stay collected, giving orders as he sees Sasha slowly slip away from life.. Damn mate.

Also, Connie asks her to hold on until they go home. I still wonder why.

Also, y’all know what pisses me off? When I’m sad/upset and people still make fun of me. And this happened here. Everyone’s sad about Sasha’s death, some people are probably sad over Eren’s state and how the Survey Corps are treating him and Sasha’s last word is ‘meat’ ?

Seriously now, m e a t ?

At this point, I can’t help but believe Isayama is toying around with us. Sure, Sasha became known at the ‘potato girl’ and someone with high appetite, but is that what her whole character is about? Apparently.

And know what hurts the most?

This probably happened about five minutes before she was shot. Both Jean and Sasha are reflecting on their mission, on what they have to do and how they have to kill. And of course, Connie plays the positive guy. Sure he ain’t smiling, but he’s glad he’s alive. He’s glad his best friends are alive. Jean and Sasha are pretty much everything that Connie has. Sure, he might be a bit close to the others, but Jean and Sasha are definetly the closest people to him. He’s lost his family, he’s lost comrades and now.. Well, he lost Sasha. 

We can see the closure between Sasha and Connie and I’m not saying this because I’m a Springles shipper, but I think that there was something more than friendship, but of course romance would never, in a million years, be relevant to Attack On Titan. (cue; Hannah and Franz died rather quickly)

Sasha was smiling after Connie said she was special and soon they were happily talking about dinner. They just wanted to hang out and relax now.

But no. Sasha had to be murdered.

Jean is stressing out. Sasha is dying in front of his eyes. He’s probably thinking that he couldn’t protect her, but deep down he blames Eren for this.

The other soldiers have beaten Gabi more than Falco, of course, Falco isn’t even bleeding, but they threaten to kill both.

Gabi’s speaking shit and how they’d let the commander know and Jean just tells her she can tell Zeke in person.

On another note, Pieck is talking about Yellena, and how she knew Zeke was betraying them with Yellena’s help. Once again, why didn’t she do anything or report Zeke’s intentions to the other warriors?

Zeke wasn’t expecting that. He probably wouldn’t expect Gabi to murder two soldiers either. He thinks that these kids ruined his plan. I’m still not sure what the plan is, but well, the Corps seem to know.

Well, seems like Gabi ruined things for ya, Beardie. But calling those kids miscalculations is almost the same as called them failed abortions. Yikes.

I’m still very confused about this page, about the conversation between Levi and Zeke. Of course Levi would want to kill the one who killed Mike, got other soldiers to die and was heavily involved in Erwin’s death, not to mention he promised Erwin he would take down the beast titan. And, no matter how much he has to team up with Zeke now, Levi keeps his word.

And well, this was it. I don’t have anything else to complain about. I hope y’all enjoyed this if you reached this line. Maybe if I read chapter 106, i’ll add more to this,

Molly Hooper Appreciation Week Winter 2018 - Day 6

Also on FFdotNet and Ao3

MHAW Day Six – Day 6 - Love The Way You ___ (Fanworks focusing on particular things loved about Molly)

Only one more day left of Molly Hooper Appreciation Week Winter 2018 AND I’ve already written my fic for it.  Which means . . . That’s 6 full Appreciation Weeks down - 42 fics over (combined) 42 days.  Next is Sherlolly Appreciation week at the beginning of March.  Fingers crossed I’ll manage 7 for 7 again.

And here is today’s fic.

The Molly Hooper Project

Rosie squirmed in her chair, obviously eager to move on from the cake portion of the birthday party to the presents.

“All right, Sprout.  I’ll help Mrs Hudson clean up later.  Show Molly what you’ve made her.”  John indulgently smiled at his eight-year-old daughter.  

She slid off her chair in Mrs Hudson’s dining room and rushed out the door to the stairs to 21b.  “Up here, Aunt Molly.  Hurry!”  

Molly laughed as she climbed the stairs at a much more sedate pace.

By the time the adults followed the little girl into the sitting room and arranged themselves to Rosie’s satisfaction, the young girl already had the telly remote in hand.  Someone had rearranged the furniture in anticipation of Rosie’s gift; pushing the chairs that were normally in front of the fireplace to the side and turning the telly so that everyone in the room would be able to see it.  Molly sat in the middle of the sofa next to Rosie, as requested, with Mrs Hudson on her other side.  John and Greg each took one of the relocated chairs.  For some reason, Sherlock chose to stand, leaning his shoulder against the doorframe to the hall.

“Are we ready?”  Rosie didn’t wait for an answer before she aimed the remote at the telly.

A carefully hand lettered sign appeared on the screen.  It read “The Molly Hooper Project by Rosamund Watson”.

The screen went dark for a second. John appeared, stretched out on the sofa in the Watson sitting room.  He had his index finger stuck between the pages of a book.  “Is that my phone?”

The image tilted wildly for a moment, ending on a view of Rosie’s favourite sparkly purple sneakers seconds before her little feet turned to run.  Everyone heard her squeal of laughter before the picture cut out entirely.  

When it came back on, John was there again.  Only this time he was sitting up on the sofa, the book set to the side, and he looked as if he were trying to hold back a smile.  “- a movie for Molly’s birthday?”

“To show her how much we all love her.”

“That sounds like a very nice project, Sprout; but you still need to ask before you take my phone to make videos next time.”

“Yes, Daddy.  I’m filming now.”  The phone wiggled as if to emphasise her point.

“She’s . . . consistent.  Always there when you need a hand.  A friend.  I have always known I can trust her with the thing I love the most.”

“What’s that, Daddy?”

John smiled and hopped up off the sofa, heading straight for his daughter.  “You, of course!”

There was another squeal of laughter.

The image flicked over to a tilted view of Mrs Hudson sitting at her kitchen table.  “What is this for, dear?”

The image straightened as Rosie answered from off camera.  “Aunt Molly’s birthday.”

“Oh, happy birthday, Molly!”  Mrs Hudson waved.

“What is your favourite thing about Aunt Molly?  What do you love about her?”

“She’s the sweetest thing. Considerate.  Always willing to pop in for a cuppa and a bit of gossip when she’s here.”  Mrs Hudson’s nose crinkled as she smiled.

The scene changed again.  This time it was Mike Stamford answering Rosie’s question.  “She’s a hard worker.  The kind you can depend on, no matter what.  Even when someone else keeps popping up to distract her.  And she’s kind.”

“How-?” Molly started to ask.

Rosie shushed her.  “Uncle Sherlock took me.”

“You took my daughter to Barts?” John aimed a glare across the room.

Sherlock waved his hand.  “She had a list of people she wanted to talk to, and I had an afternoon free.”  

Now Greg was on the screen.  Molly recognized his office from the time she’d tagged along with Sherlock on their crime solving day.  “Does John know she’s here?”  Greg pointed at the camera.

“He left her in my care,” Sherlock replied from off screen, as if that were an actual answer.

Greg wiped his hand over his face and leaned back in his chair behind the desk.  “His mistake.”

“Exactly,” was Sherlock’s reply.

“Aunt Molly, Mr Greg.  You need to tell me what you love about Aunt Molly.”

“Right.  Right.”  Greg looked up at the ceiling for a moment, then back at the camera.  “She’s brilliant.  I mean, she really knows her stuff.  I’ve dealt with a lot of people who . . . do what she does.”  His gaze flicked to the right where Sherlock was presumably sitting.  

“Pathology,” Sherlock helpfully supplied.

“That means she works at the hospital looking at diseases and dead bodies and helps figure out what killed people.“  Rosie also tried to be helpful.

“Yeah, I’m aware of what she does.” He sent a glare toward Sherlock. “I just didn’t realize the eight-year-old was aware of it too.”

Sherlock snorted.  “Don’t blame me.  That was Molly.”  

Greg shook his head.  “Does John know about that?”

“Yes, John knows, unfortunately,” the man in question grumbled to the room at large as the image shifted yet again.

This time it was Molly’s best friend Meena, and they were sitting at a table in a coffee shop.  “Aren’t you adorable?” Meena asked as she offered the camerawomen a biscuit.

“Thank you, Miss,” Rosie politely replied as her hand crept into view to take the offered treat.

“What isn’t to love about Molly? She’s smart and goofy, generous and forgiving.  Perhaps to a fault.”  Meena’s gaze flicked rather pointedly to the left.  “Wouldn’t you agree, Sherlock?”

From somewhere to the left of the camera, Sherlock huffed.  “Eat your biscuit, Watson.  We’ve got to get you back to Baker Street before your father comes looking for you.”

“Seriously, Sherlock, we are going to have to have a talk about-Sherlock?”  John looked confused as he called out his friend’s name.  Molly looked around with everyone else, and realized that Sherlock had left the room.  He must have slipped out during Meena’s interview.

Before anyone could call his name again, the scene on the telly changed once more.  

This time it showed very room they were sitting in.  Sherlock sat at his laptop, typing away at something as the camera focused on him.

“Okay, Uncle Sherlock.”

“Hmm?”  He looked up briefly and offered an absentminded smile for his goddaughter before he returned to his typing.  “I thought you were down stairs with Mrs Hudson.”  

“Her story came on the telly and there was messy kissing.”  Even without seeing Rosie, her disgust was clear.  “Your turn.  What do you love about Aunt Molly?”

“Everything.”  His fingers stilled and he remained utterly motionless for a full five seconds.  

Molly held her breath.

On screen Sherlock slowly pushed his chair away from the table and turned his full attention to Rosie.  “I have been thinking about how best to answer your question since you told me about your project, and that’s it.”  He took a deep breath and stared right into the camera. “I love everything about your Aunt. But I can’t tell her that, not to her face.”

“Why not, Uncle Sherlock?”  The poor girl sounded confused.  

“I told her once, years ago.  But it wasn’t . . . right.  And it hurt her.  It hurt us both.”

“Why would hurt?  Did you lie?  Because you’re not supposed to lie.”

Sherlock shook his head.  “No, it wasn’t a lie.  But it wasn’t really the truth, either.  I had known, before I said it, that I cared for your Aunt.  But until the words came out, I hadn’t understood how much, and what those feelings really meant.  And I wasn’t ready for that.”  He grimaced.  “Then there were so many other things to deal with, important things that couldn’t be ignored, and by the time I finally worked up the nerve to sit down and speak with Molly about it . . . it was too late.”

“I don’t understand?  You and Aunt Molly are friends.  Did you make up for hurting her?”

He nodded.  “Eventually.  You know that Molly and I are-”

“Kissing.  With tongues,” Rosie finished for him.

“I was going to say dating, and perhaps you should stop watching Mrs Hudson’s stories all together, Watson.” He sighed.  “I love her and I know she loves me; but we don’t, we don’t say the words.  Those words. I want to.  I wish I could just say them without being scared that I’m going to reminder her of how badly I hurt her that first time.  I think that might be why she’s scared to say it, too.”

“Don’t be sad,” Rosie tried to console Sherlock.  “Oh! You can tell her now.  It’s not face to face in the movie.  You can say it and then she’ll see it and then she can tell you back and then you don’t have to be scared anymore.”  Her words grew faster and higher pitched as she spun out her idea.  “And then you can kiss some more!”

“I was just thinking something similar.” He took a deep breath and looked straight at the camera again.  “I love you, Molly Hooper.”

The screen went black.

Molly stared at the telly, the sound of those words echoing in her ears.  She had braced herself when she realized what he was about to do.  He had been right, she had been scared to say it again after that first time.  

But hearing him say it didn’t make her hurt.  It didn’t overwhelm her with painful reminders.  If anything, it made her feel lighter, happier.

Rosie’s little hand reached out to touch hers.  “Are you okay, Aunt Molly?  You’re crying.  Is it bad? Did I do it wrong?”

She hadn’t realized she was crying until she blinked and felt a tear trail down her cheek.  Molly scrubbed her free hand across her face and shook her head. “It’s perfect, sweetie.  Best present ever.  Thank you.”  She leaned over to press a kiss to the top of Rosie’s head, then looked around the room at everyone else.  Everyone but Sherlock, who was still missing.

“I just need a minute to . . . Excuse me.”  Molly pushed herself off the sofa and hurried through the kitchen to the bathroom, intent on splashing some water on her face and composing herself.  

The door to Sherlock’s bedroom was open just a crack, and she could see that the light was on inside.  She pushed the door open to see him sitting on the side of the bed, his hands holding on to the edge of the mattress so tight that his fingers had turned white.

“Did you make it to the end?” he asked.

“Yeah.”  Molly stepped into the room and shut the door behind her.  After a moment’s hesitation, she joined him on the bed.  “Sherlock, I-“

“No!”  He hopped up and stood in front of her.  “Wait.  Let me say it first.  The right way.”

She watched him duck his head and let him have a few seconds to gather his thoughts.  The expression on his face when he looked at her again made her heart pound.  She’d seen that expression too many times to count over the last few years, and it still took her breath away.  “You know, you have to know, how I feel about you.  Molly, I love you.”

It felt even better to hear it in person.  “I love you, too.”

“Oh, thank God.”  He dropped onto the bed beside her, causing her to bounce and laugh.  Sherlock waited for her to stop giggling to reach for her hand.  “Are they waiting for us out there?”

Molly nodded.  “Probably.  But they can wait a bit longer.”  She leaned her head against his arm and gripped his fingers tighter.  “You know I’m not going to be able to stop saying it now, don’t you?”

He squeezed her fingers back. “Neither will I.”  

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Frogface

It was November of 1984, El was officially back to Hawkins, adopted by Hopper and starting to cope with the year she had been missing for. A lot had happened in the year she was gone. Some good things had happened-- The boys had made a new friend, Max, and Will was back home and healthy. However, not everything was perfect in the small Indiana town. Nearly a month before she returned home, Mike Wheeler had disappeared mysteriously from his house one night. Chief Hopper had spent weeks looking for him, but to no avail, there wasn't a single trace. It was as if he had just vanished into thin air. Of course, after what had happened to Will the year before, Hopper had his immediate suspicions on where Mike may have gone, but the gate was closed, the Demogorgon was dead, and as far as he was concerned, there was absolutely no chance he could be in the Upside Down. So that left the mystery of Mike's disappearance. When El had returned, of course she was ecstatic to see Dustin and Lucas once again, but couldn't help but notice that one freckled boy was missing from the bunch. They tried to push off telling her for as long as they could, not wanting to give her the bad news on her first day back, but they couldn't hide it forever. Lucas and Dustin sat El down and told her all about the vanishing of their friend, and El just took it all without a word. She couldn't understand exactly what she was feeling upon hearing the news, but it felt as if there was something inside her chest, banging on her heart desperate to get out. She wanted to lock herself away from the other boys, but didn't dare miss a single word of what they said about him. The initial shock was hard. El felt she should be grateful, she had finally returned home, she was getting a family, and she was seeing her friends once again. Well, some of her friends. But nonetheless, El didn't feel lucky. No one questioned her upset state. They all figured she was just coping with the Upside Down, and of course there were the remaining traumas from that as well, but she was too quiet to voice the biggest concern on her mind. After a few weeks, El had begun to accept it. Maybe accept isn't the right word, because she still hated to think about it, a part of her still refused to believe it was true. But still, the aching pain in her chest began to dull, and curiosity got the better of her. She started to ask everyone all about Mike. She talked to the boys, to Max, to his family, to anyone who could tell her all the things she wasn't able to learn from her single week with him. On the last day of November, El decided she needed to do something for the boy who had meant so much to her. He had been missing for two months now, and everyone was starting to lose hope that he would ever return. So Eleven put on her brand new winter jacket and headed out for the Hawkins woods, the same place where she met Mike. She found the spot in the trees that was so familiar, the same spot that she remembered so vividly, lights flashing into her eyes, while three boys surrounded her, questioning on what she was doing alone out there at night. Tears started to well up in her eyes at the memory. El had been doing that a lot lately, crying. Everyone noticed, but no one dared to say anything. They all understood that she had been through too much to be deprived the right to get upset about it. Her nose started to sniffle so she wiped the dripping tears from her cheeks. She didn't want to think about this spot anymore, she didn't want to think about the moment she met the boy who would change her life, then just disappear away from her. She continued walking through the woods until she came across another familiar spot. Old, worn down train tracks lined the ground, covered in dirt and leaves from years of kids stomping over them. She had been one of those kids, a year earlier. El remembered walking over this spot with Mike. They had stayed a bit farther back from Dustin and Lucas, instead deciding to talk on their own. El smiled at the memory, remembering Mike always staring at her from the corner of his eye, not realizing that she could tell. Of course she could tell, who wouldn't notice the way he refused to pull his eyes off of her? Ribbit. El was yanked away from her thoughts by a loud sound below her. She looked down to see a small frog sitting beside the track, staring up at her like he knew exactly who she was. A goofy grin broke out on El's face upon seeing the creature. She bent down to lift it up, eyeing it closely. It had a slimy back and was covered in dirt, but El didn't care, she loved frogs. Well, she hadn't always loved frogs. That love was actually a fairly new thing. It started during one of her many conversations with Lucas about Mike, begging him to tell her anything. Lucas told her everything about what school was like for them. He mentioned that mouthbreather, Troy, who El remembered so vividly, and with so much anger. Apparently Troy had decided to give his own special “nicknames” to the boys, Mike's being Frogface. “Frog? What's that?” El had asked him, and Lucas walked over to his bookshelf, pulling out one of his old science textbooks. He flipped through pages until he landed on one and showed it to El. She saw the strange-looking animal, and couldn't understand how that was supposed to look like Mike. El figured Mike must have hated that name, Frogface. It was degrading and insulting, but El couldn't deny, as strange-looking as these animals were, they were cute. If Mike was a frogface, well she didn't care, he was her frogface. She looked back down at the frog in front of her, it continued to ribbit like it was screaming for her attention. It's beady eyes were fixed onto El, and she couldn't shake that feeling that maybe it did recognize her. But that's impossible, isn't it? El traced her fingers on the frog’s back for a second, petting it lightly. She loved frogs now, because they were inherently connected to the boy she loved. She almost laughed imagining what Joyce would say right now if she saw her, she'd probably convince El to drop the frog down, that it was dirty or could carry sickness or something. But as El looked at the critter before her, she really didn't care. The sun was starting to set, and she figured she should return home before Hopper began to worry, or before it got dark out. El was still a bit unsettled by what these woods were like in the nighttime. About to put the frog down, El decided to give it a special goodbye before she left. Slowly she replicated what Mike had done to her a year earlier in the school, placing his lips onto hers. She wasn't exactly sure what he was trying to say, but he said that it was a way he liked her, so it must have been some kind of form of affection. She leaned in, quickly placing her lips on the frog’s backside, and pulling away just as fast. Then, with a rush of light taking over the entire woods, the frog began to change shape, morphing and twisting in every direction. Eleven wanted to scream, thinking somehow she must have hurt it, she must have misinterpreted what Mike had done and now she was going to kill this poor frog. But then frog started to grow, and it's shape changed to something more, well, familiar. Black hair popped out through the light, along with a dirty striped shirt. When the light had finally faded, El was awestruck at the sight in front of her. She didn't know whether to scream or run or refuse to believe her eyes, but in the place of where the frog had been just a minute before, now lied a boy. Her eyes widened when she saw his face, freckles that stood out far-too clearly. He looked back at her, obviously just as mesmerized. El couldn't move her glance away, she was transfixed on the familiar figure in front of her. Slowly, the boy got his bearings and stood up. Now he was facing her, and El figured she should say something, but she had no idea what to say. So she took in a deep breath, and called out to him, silently praying that it was how it seemed. “Mike?”

That’s a Wrap!  On the Road with FELICITY

I don’t even know where to start and I mean that in the best way. A little over a year ago (June 2016) I was introduced to my final project for school. A final project that I had to build up from scratch over the course of a year. Paperwork (so. much. paperwork.), sleep deprivation, and staring at editing programs for 8-10 hours at a time was basically what my life consisted of this past year. Add in my internship, dealing with the worst of my depression, and working part-time and you got it.

From the very beginning I was passionate about this project. I was nervous and anxious, but mostly excited. Out of all the styles of videos we could do, I chose to do a Music Promotional. During the very first lecture on this project, FELICITY came straight to mind. Earlier that week I remember seeing them on Facebook and we interacted in some way so I checked them out and liked their band page. The same night of the lecture, I went home and contacted them via their band page. Within an hour if not less, they got back to me and were all on board. The following week I went over to the band house and gave them the very, very, rough outline of the project. To be honest, I didn’t know what to expect either so I winged it as best I could. The guys were super nice and presented a totally “go with the flow, tell us what you need from us and what we need to do” kind of vibe (which honestly, I could not have gotten more lucky on that front).

After I met with them, the first thing I had to do was submit a proposal. The proposal consisted of the kind of video and its duration, the client, the locations, the idea of what the video would convey, and how the video would be distributed. I had to make that proposal and a back-up proposal because, well, shit happens. Both of these proposals had to be approved by my program’s Board of Directors.

Proposal 1 

Fast forward to August and I’m shooting my very first show. FELICITY was playing at The Social; a popular hole-in-the-wall venue in downtown Orlando. For the most part, everything went smoothly. Luckily my sister Holly was visiting me so she was able to be there for me for support in case I freaked out. It was my first show so I just went with the flow and tried my best. It was such a comfortable, happy feeling and a major adrenaline rush! After that night, everything was pretty steady and consistent when it came to working with them. I shot every show they played thereafter and I have never felt happier while doing anything else.

Jump to January of 2017. This was the month where I had to write out an Audio Video Script which again, had to be approved by the Board. Audio Visual scripts are a little different than screenplays. They require scene and shot numbers, dialogue, color coding (for objects, actions, props, locations, etc), and the music/voiceovers that will be used in the video and at what time in the video they would be present. Basically, this was the outline of my video.

Lined Script 

This month had the first actual “shooting day”. It was the interview portion of the video. I had to create lighting diagrams, storyboards (minimum of 30 with a minimum amount of certain shot types), and interview questions. Besides getting establishing shots, this was the only time I really had to plan word for word, visual for visual because it was something I had control over. I had no control of the shows, their lighting, their venue, etcetera. That is probably what I’ve learned that I love most. Although it can be a major pain during post-production, you’re forced to go with what you have and make best of what is presented to you while shooting a concert. Every show is different so it’s always exciting and a challenge which I really enjoy!

The next few months were pretty smooth. I kept shooting their shows and stock piling footage. June is when I was probably the most stressed I’ve ever been while creating this project. First off, this was the first of two classes I had that was strictly about my project (in other words, I learned everything I needed to and it was time to focus on the project only). This month was nothing but paperwork. When I say paperwork I mean more than 100 sheets of paper, easy. I had to do location scoutings/maps, location permits and releases, talent releases, crew member deals, liability contracts (for myself and the school), safety plans, copyright documents for any audio and footage that was being used, casting calls, call sheets, scene breakdowns, shot breakdowns, budgeting sheets, and shooting schedules. I know you probably got lost about halfway into that sentence. Yeah, it was incredibly difficult and stressful simply because of the amount of time I had to do it (3 weeks) and how many people I had to get in contact with. Oh and not to mention, if you didn’t have all necessary contracts, you had to retake the classes the following month. I’m pretty sure I cried about three times during that month out of frustration, worry, and sleep deprivation.

Shot Breakdown Sheet

During July things kept rolling, but the paperwork portion was finished! This was the production month of the project. So it consisted of more shooting and submitting 3-4 minute videos, aka dailies, of footage each week that was going to be used in the final edit. I was pretty nervous about this month mainly because this was the month right before the guy’s began their tour so I didn’t have any recent footage to submit. From what I submitted, my teacher for that month didn’t think I had enough content to move on. I passed that class by the skin of my teeth.

Now, August- my favorite month by far! This month was all about the post-production stage. After getting home from work, I spent an average of 8 hours a day in front of my computer editing in Adobe Premiere. Those 8 hours quickly rolled into the early mornings till about 3am. My sleep schedule was terrible and barely even there, really. For this Post-Production class, I had to submit an edit each week. The first week an assembly edit was due. An assembly edit is the roughest kind of edit one can do. No music, no fancy editing or transitions. You literally place the clips in the order you think you want them in and you’re done. It looks awful. I got a 100 on it. The second week the rough edit was due. This edit is where you added in the music, trimmed the clips to your liking, and added the transitions in. The third edit was the final edit. All color grading and correction needed to be done and the title/introduction of the video needed to be added. Any effects you wanted to add were required as well. Finally, the fine cut was due aka, mother of all edits. Up to this point, everything visually should have been fixed and polished. This edit was where you focused on the audio levels between all dialogue and music. You focused on the audio effects and overall balance of the mix which needed to average around -6dB. I got a 100 on the last edit, too!

Fine Cut Edit 

I received my grade and tears came to my eyes. This project has been my baby for the past year and the fact that it’s all finished is very bittersweet. With that being said, I still had to show the guys. A year of shooting and I never showed any of the guys of FELICITY any part of any edits. I wanted it to be a surprised and to be the best it could be! So I went over to the band house during rehearsal and we all watched it together. It was such a great moment. I was smiling the whole time with butterflies in my stomach, slightly nervous because I didn’t know what they would say. Thankfully, they loved it and wanted to watch it over again!

I’ve already had my sappy moment with the guys, but I will never be able to repay them or thank them enough. They did this to me as a favor. I had nothing to give them except a finished product. I was a stranger to them and they let me in with open arms. Without a doubt, they are five of the sweetest, respectful, funniest, easy-going, most talented guys I’ve ever met. I’ve gained a friendship with each of them and will forever cherish this project and them for helping me get started on the path of my career. This past year has been one of the best. I’ve made some great memories, experienced so much, met and worked with awesome people, learned a lot about myself as a videographer and photographer, and have become confident in my work. I’m doing exactly what I’ve wanted to do, exactly what I’m passionate about and it all started with them.

With that being said, they’ve decided they still want me around! I’m going to continue working with them for the rest of this tour and beyond (...or at least until they get tired of me). I am still working at my internship and plan to stay in Orlando once I graduate on September 29th. And if things keep going how they are, I’ll have a big announcement to make soon!

Again, this is such a bittersweet time in my life and I’ve loved every minute of it.  Thank you to my mom and sisters for the continuous support and for watching every edit of this project even when the slightest of changes were made. Thank you to my friends who have understood my passion for what I do and have stuck around even when I can’t see them as often as I’d like to. And thank you to Andrew, Damien, Mike, Tyler, and Cory for trusting me to portray your music and brand to your fans and for just being you. I am grateful for you all. 

-R

Hey - Pat from StarterStory.com here with another interview.Today's interview is with Mitchell Colleran of Join It, Inc, a brand that sells membership management software.Some stats:Product: Membership management software.Revenue/mo: $20,000Started: January 2017Location: SeattleFounders: 2Employees: 3Hello! Who are you and what business did you start?Hi there!My name is Mitch Colleran and I’m bootstrapping Join It -- a SaaS platform that helps organizations sell and track their memberships.Previous to starting Join It, I spent 6 wonderful years at Eventbrite -- where I got a broad ‘tech education’ through roles on the Sales, Marketing and finally Product Management team.At the end of 2016, I left to start Join It, ‘moved’ to Spain for 3 months, and have been working full-time on Join It since then.As of March 2019, Join It is making $20,000/month and growing!What's your backstory and how did you come up with the idea?My last role at Eventbrite was the Product Owner of Eventbrite’s API and Developer Platform. While looking after the platform, we built integrations with 100s of popular SaaS applications like WordPress, MailChimp, SurveyMonkey and more.During this time, I identified an opportunity to serve customers of Eventbrite by creating a Membership plug-in for the Eventbrite platform.Initially, I tried approaching several incumbent membership platforms to build the connection with Eventbrite, as this was my primary goal. But after being turned down by all of them, I decided “this needs to exist” and started the work of building Join It myself. And eventually leaving Eventbrite before the completion and launch of the MVP.Take us through the process of building the product.I used to build basic websites when I was in High School, but when I decided to start Join It, I knew nothing about developing web applications.So I started teaching myself how to code (JavaScript / Node.js) while building the initial product.It took about 9 months of late nights and weekends to build a simple service that allowed folks to sign up an Organization, define their ‘membership levels’ and sell memberships.The length of time to build the product is probably a really poor signal for folks hoping to learn from my experience. It’s worth noting that again that I was a beginner dev teaching myself to code and had a full time job -- if I were to re-build this today, the initial product would take about a month to build. That’s more representative of how few features were in this first version.My personal belief is that you only start learning once you launch, get your product in front of customers, and start getting feedback. Everything else is just guessing.In hindsight, I was right to launch the MVP because I was so wrong about so many other features that I initially included / excluded. And the quickest way to figure that out was by putting a product in front of customers.After launching the MVP and going full-time on the product, it took another 3 months of incorporating customer feedback to get to something that I could really sell and be confident about putting in front of customers. This feedback often came in the form of incremental improvements, rather than anything radical. A lot of feedback centered around how our Organization’s (our primary customers) members’ interacted with Join It. I had developed a solid understanding of the organizations that would use Join It, but I needed feedback to get us to a point where I understood how Organization’s wanted us to handle their members’ experience.This was the time that I spent in Spain -- and a typical day would be 10-hours building the service and 2 hours talking directly to customers (phone, chat, or email).Two massive benefits from moving to Spain:Longer runway because my money went further (my Airbnb was 1/4th of my previous monthly rent in San Francisco)Easier to focus without social distractionsThis was a pretty intense 3-month period, but it was fundamental in building the service. And the end of this phase, I finally had a product that I was confident in and our first 10 paying customers, so I felt like it was time to focus on growing the business.Describe the process of launching the business.In my case, the launch was more of a ‘phase’ than an ‘event’. As soon as I had a product that was hosted and publicly available, I started trying to drive traffic to the service using Google AdWords.At this early stage, there was consistent feedback that the Product wasn’t ready -- but this feedback was invaluable because it allowed the potential customer to define what needed to be in the product.So during this launch phase, we were prioritizing the next feature based on conversations with actual customers. A lot of times, these features were very incremental rather than revolutionary (e.g. “I wish the purchase ended with a confirmation page, rather than a notification”) -- and we ended a lot of customer conversations with “Great! If we built this, would you purchase a subscription?”.And by the end of a short launch phase (~3 months), we had a small handful of customers paying for our service.Talking to customers as early as possible (even before what some would call an MVP) was incredibly valuable to shipping a product that customers will pay for as quickly as possible.Since launch, what has worked to attract and retain customers?As of March 2019, we have about 700 paying organizations that use Join It and we’re still in the phase where it seems like we have to individually fight for every single customer.Our price point is relatively low (our most popular plan is $29/month), and at this price point, most SaaS companies won’t engage directly with customers on the phone/chat because it’s not profitable at this value of customer. So for us, engaging prospective customers at our price point is a classic example of “ do things that don’t scale ”.And if you assumed that by $XX,000 in MRR, you’d have customer acquisition/onboarding/success figured out … Not. Even. Close! We're still trying to build our acquisition channels.To date, our acquisition is spread relatively evenly across multiple channels: Google Ads, Organic Search, and Word of Mouth.Three channels that specifically have not worked for us:Paid referral program - way more folks come from old fashioned word of mouth, rather than using our referral programCold emailing - in our experience, it seems impossible to convince someone to change membership systems if they aren't actively evaluating.Social Ads - we might try this again in the future, but Facebook/Twitter ads have previously led to low-quality leads.How are you doing today and what does the future look like?Our customers consistently affirm that we’ve reached Product / Market Fit -- but I think we’re still looking for our ideal Business Model / Market Fit. Essentially, this means that we have a product that customers want to use and we’ve found our market -- however, we’re still searching for the ideal economic fit in that market (which could come from changes to existing pricing, changes to service model to reduce overhead, changes to monetization, etc.).As I mentioned, we’ll be changing our pricing with the goal of charging more for larger organizations that use our platform. By increasing the average value of customers, we’ll be able to invest more into customer support / customer success and grow faster.However, even at our current price and growth rate -- we’re on a sustainable and healthy path.We just added a full time hire to the team and we’ll be expanding further before the end of the year.More broadly though, my goal is to build a sustainable company that's around for the next 25 years. I'm having a lot of fun and feel like we're just getting started. :)Through starting the business, have you learned anything particularly helpful or advantageous?When it comes to SaaS, it’s been incredible to see how product development and revenue compound.With respect to product development, it’s been so powerful to observe how much value we’re constantly creating by continuing to build the right features for our customers. Our customers are still using the features that we built in 2017, and years later, we’re still adding new functionality.Similarly with revenue, because we have a relatively low churn rate, we’re able to benefit from compounded revenue growth. Jason Lemkin summarizes this a lot better than I do: Want to Understand SaaS? If Nothing Else — Understand That It CompoundsWhat platform/tools do you use for your business?My favorite platform/tool has definitely been Stripe.We incorporated our company through Stripe Atlas, we sell our subscriptions using Stripe Billing, and our organizations sell their memberships through Stripe Connect -- my business literally wouldn’t be around today without the folks from Stripe.What have been the most influential books, podcasts, or other resources?Twitter has been a huge resource for me. It’s where I’ve found a community of other folks who started their own companies, and are rewriting the rules of SaaS (especially when it comes to bootstrapping).A few of my favorite follows:Joel Gascoigne from BufferWade Foster and Mike Knoop from ZapierClaire Lew from KnowYourTeamNathan Barry from ConvertKitPatrick McKenzie from StripeJulia Hartz from EventbriteTaylor McKnight from SchedKate Kendall from CloudPeepsJason Lemkin from SaaStrAdvice for other entrepreneurs who want to get started or are just starting out?Get started today!I’ve found that a lot of folks don’t start a journey until they think they have the entire route mapped out. Which often means they never begin.If you’re trying to go from step 1 to step 100 -- just focus on how to get to step 2.And only once you’re on step 2, figure out how to go to step 3.And again, just get started already!Where can we go to learn more?If you’re interested in chatting more about SaaS, bootstrapping, or non-profits -- then definitely slide into my DMs on Twitter: @ColleranIf you have any questions or comments, drop a comment below!Liked this text interview? Check out the full interview with photos, tools, books, and other data.Interested in sharing your own story? Send me a PM

Racial Profiles: Alt Skull Interview

In this edition of the Racial Profiles interview series, we had a chance to catch up with the infinitely re-spawning bane of the Twitter censors’ existence, Alt-Skull. You can follow him @whitepupper.

In ten words or less, describe your political persuasion.

I’m a White Nationalist.

How did you become “red-pilled”?

I have always held overtly right-wing beliefs, but there were many gaps in my knowledge which prevented me from recognizing some vital truths that I only discovered later in my political evolution. The first vote I ever cast was for Ross Perot. I was basically the only right winger at the liberal arts college I attended, but this was back in a time when Liberals and Conservatives could still be friends with one another. I was just viewed as having weird beliefs. I don’t imagine this sort of relationship is possible any longer in the current political climate. I’d always been racially aware, and understood there were real differences in our various peoples, but it was actually Gavin McInnes whom I have to thank for finally unlocking the secrets that the Jewish media machine is so successful in hiding from view. Though now I view him as a traitorous enemy to our people, there was a time when he was actually one of us.

My brother started sending me clips of Gavin talking openly about race in the most outrageous manner. Calling blacks nig-nogs and gays faggots, basically talking the way white men talk amongst one another privately and think inwardly, but we have been too cowed by the machine to suppress our natural instincts to call things what they really are. Around this time, Gavin started his show, The Gavin McInnes Show, on Anthony Cumia’s network. It was from this show that I was introduced to Alt-Right gateway figures such as Jared Taylor, John Derbyshire, Colin Flaherty, and also Sam Hyde and Richard Spencer. It was through the interviews on Gavin’s show that I was introduced to the concept of Race Realism and its fundamental premise of racial differences in IQ, time preference, and inclination toward criminality and violence. There was a moment I can distinctly remember, in an interview with Jared Taylor, that everything just clicked, and I realized the monumental amount of lies I’d been taught my entire life about “equality” and “fairness.”

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Later, after the creation of the Proud Boys and the establishment of its main Facebook page, erstwhile Alt Right figurehead and friend, Eli Mosley, answered my questions regarding the JQ. Up to that point, I’d always bought into all of the tropes we’re lied to about regarding our “greatest ally, the only democracy in the Middle East.” Led by the lies of Neo-Conservative Jews at the National Review among other such publications, I’d enthusiastically supported all of the disastrous wars in that region and thought Jews genuinely had our best interests in mind (little did I know how very much I had to learn). I enthusiastically accepted all of the other premises of the Alt-Right. I just couldn’t understand why all of these guys on the Alt-Right (who were all Proud Boys, keep this in mind) seemed to hate Jews so very much. I asked the question publicly, genuinely curious, and Eli took a lot of time out to kindly and patiently explain the JQ to me. In addition, he pointed me to Dr. Kevin MacDonald’s Culture of Critique. I was told just to read the introduction to start. Well, by the time I got through the story of Charles Lindbergh and how these Jews utterly destroyed his life for daring to oppose our entry into WWII, the final piece of the puzzle snapped into place. I was officially Alt-Right. Everything I’ve learned since then, and it has been a LOT, has only further affirmed and strengthened my belief that the Alt-Right is the ONLY political movement based upon the truth. And the good news is, we’re not going away. Indeed, we grow stronger every single day.

What figure has been the greatest influence on the development of your political beliefs?

It’s not a popular opinion in “polite society,” but I must say I’ve been most influenced by Adolf Hitler. If you’re not yet a member of the Alt-Right, you’ll probably be shocked and perhaps even horrified by that revelation, but you must understand that our educational system, our media apparatus, most major global corporations and the vast majority of our government has been overtaken by hyper-rich Jewish people with an unfathomable grudge against Hitler and his National Socialists; and they possess money and means to fabricate an alternate reality. The truth is that Hitler literally saved Western Europe from immediately falling to Soviet enslavement by Stalin’s army, which was the strongest in the entire world at that time and was amassed in offensive preparation along the European border. Stalin’s plan was to launch a massive offensive into Europe and Hitler’s preemptive attack was the only thing that could have stopped it. He forced Stalin to change his entire military and production infrastructure from offensive to defensive, giving Europe a chance to remain free. Unfortunately, instead of siding with him as they should have, most of Western Europe chose to side with true evil. Hitler’s love for his people, his pro-German volk policies, and his radical economic ideas changed Germany from one of the most destitute countries in the entire world to a world superpower in just ten years. Really think about how amazing that is. He used to tour the country unprotected in an open-topped Mercedes Benz and was loved by quite literally every German. Once you begin to learn the truth that has been hidden from you, you understand that everything you were ever taught about the history of your people was a bald-faced lie. It can make a man pretty angry to find this out. If anyone is interested in learning more about what truly happened in WWII I would highly recommend the book Germany’s War, by John Wear (Twitter acct @WearsWar) along with the works of David Irving.

Who or what are some others influences on you personally and/or politically?

I’m a Catholic who is very disappointed at the direction the Church has taken since Vatican II, and particularly since this installation of the current usurper Pope. I’m a HUGE fan of Eric Striker, Mike Enoch, Jazzhands McFeels, Marcus Halberstram, Sven, Alex and Jayoh, Ethnarch, and my buddies Spectre and Lauritz von Guildhausen. The entire lineup at therightstuff.biz is filled from top to bottom with tremendous people. And a message to any of you who listen to the podcasts but still don’t paycuck: You are missing premium content and I feel sorry for you.

Although I’ve always been political, I never really wanted to spend all my time doing this. I’m a fiction writer and to be honest I’ll be happy when we win this thing so I can spend more of my time on that. My literary heroes are Shakespeare, Melville, Faulkner, and McCarthy.

You are one of the original members of the Proud Boys. What premises were the Proud Boys originally founded on?

Although the Proud Boys did not call themselves specifically Alt Right, all of the original tenets of the group’s political identity were Alt Right, except perhaps regarding the JQ. When the group started, Race Realism was openly discussed and accepted. All of the original members were acutely aware of the problem of multiculturalism. To this clean living, a rejection of degeneracy, a rule forbidding masturbation and pornography, the veneration of the housewife and the elevation of the traditional family as an ideal. All of these were foundational principles and you can see how they overlap with those of the Alt-Right.

The Facebook page, over which Gavin had final say, was created as an explicitly free speech environment. Literally anything was allowed. The original group was teaming with guys who were either overtly Alt Right or guys like me, at the time, who’d just discovered the Alt-Right and felt like they’d found the father they’d been searching for their entire lives. The problem is that, because Gavin was a C-list celebrity, his creation of the group also attracted a lot of guys who were more interested in being a part of the cult of personality than they were interested in adhering to the actual moral tenets that originally defined the group. So when Gavin finally changed the direction of the group, there was a huge faction of these NPC types that just blindly agreed with anything he said, no matter how stupid or destructive.

How has that organization changed since its inception?

Well at some point, what happened was Gavin decided to vie for a cushy, high status, high pay job working at Fox News. He knew that in order to secure this position, he would have to clean up his image. That meant getting rid of all of the “racists” and “Nazis” in the group. There were a number of incidents in which his pronouncements and purges resulted in fairly extreme pushback from our guys. As you can imagine, Alt Right guys are NOT beholden to any leader who fails to adhere to our ideological standards. Gavin is a narcissist, so I think he just figured he could tell all of us what to do and we’d roll over and show our bellies. This is definitely not what happened, and it caused him much grief and irritation that he was unable to just decree what the Proud Boys would be about from one day to the next. One of his decrees, always couched in the weasel words of having been decided upon by “The Elders,” (there were no Elders, only his ego and ambition) is that there would no longer be any talk of Race Realism in any form whatsoever. After that he came after any criticism of Jewish power; unsurprising, being that he was working for Rebel Media at that time and his boss was the scheming Jew Ezra Levant. Each of these pronouncements was met with schismatic pushback from our side. I was kicked from the group twice by Gavin personally for voicing my vocal opposition at his taking what he’d promised us was a pro-White, pro-free speech, pro-truth group in the direction of GloboHomo “Conservatism,” in which homosexuals, transsexuals and based black guys in MAGA hats were elevated as the most important members of the Proud Boys and White men were no longer allowed to advocate for their own people.

There are still a ton of great guys in the Proud Boys. I’m still friends with many, many guys and I hold absolutely nothing against them. Indeed, many of them believe the same things we do and know all about everything the Alt-Right stands for, but because of the current political climate, are afraid to come out as explicitly in White solidarity as the Alt-Right does. That’s fine. I understand that. These are tough times and these guys are on our side and I will never abandon them. That said, not all of them are this based. Gavin invited a massive influx of NPC GloboHomo automatons in with his selfish actions, and these are the cringe fringe elements of the Proud Boys with which you may be familiar. The ones more concerned about fighting imaginary “Nazis” while us Nazis are the only ones standing between them and total Third World invasion of brown hordes who will gleefully set them and their families on fire after raping their wives and children. The Proud Boys could have been a real force to stand in solidarity with the Alt-Right and fight evil together effectively. The funniest thing about it is that it did not matter in the end. All of their cucking and signaling against so-called racism and Nazism only bought them about a year. Now they are in the exact same boat as us. With the recent arrest of these Proud Boys for defending themselves against some rich Antifa trust fund kids, expect RICO charges to come down on the group, possibly Gavin himself (there is an enormous amount of footage of him calling for actual gang violence) and expect Gavin to cave and either disavow or disband the group that paid him so much of their loyalty and, if nothing else, was willing to go out into the streets and fight for us.

How has Gavin changed, or do you believe he was always hiding this aspect of himself?

This is the thing that frustrates me the most about him. He had so much potential. HE KNOWS all of the things we know. He was our guy. He was not only woke to Race Realism and the Jewish Question, but he also had the rare ability to speak off the cuff about it in a hugely entertaining matter. He is the very reason I ended up where I did. He could have done so much more. And do you want to know what the funniest thing about all of this is? That cushy Fox News spot he wanted? They gave it to some 56% mongrel Affirmative Action hire former professional wrestler. Oh, the irony.

For those living under a rock, a “migrant caravan” of thousands of mestizos is headed toward the US border from Honduras through Guatemala and Mexico. These caravans don’t just magically appear—who is behind them?

Jewish NGOs most likely working with Mexican and Central American drug cartels. There is nothing organic about these caravans nor could there possibly be. It’s not possible for thousands of people to move across a 2000 mile stretch of land without significant supply trains providing food, water, medical services, and, in this case, transportation. They’re not walking or they would not arrive for many months. Those pictures you see are staged. These people are being transported here in trucks provided by these NGOs and cartels and they’re going to arrive, how conveniently, just in time for the mid-terms. My guess is that the ultimate goal is to force President Trump’s hand to the point that he must actually militarize the border and then, when he does, push things to further necessitate the use of deadly force to stop these “poor, defenseless people” and when that happens, use it to incite domestic and international outrage as if WE are the evil ones and not this invading army. We’ll see.

Can you explain to our readers who might not be familiar with or accepting of it what exactly the “Jewish Question” is and why they must understand it?

In short: Jews never feel comfortable in cohesive, racially homogeneous nations and are genetically compelled to constantly undermine, subvert and degenerate those societies. It's an ugly cycle because the more they do it, the more they are noticed doing so, and the higher the risk becomes of the very thing they so neurotically fear actually coming to pass. Eventually, it always does. This is the reason the worst thing you can call a Jew is Jew. This is why they've been expelled from over 1000 locations through history. Once you start looking into it, it really is hard to believe. The genetic aspect is a chicken and egg question. Do they exhibit extreme in-group preference and extreme negative out-group bias because they’ve been expelled from so many locations, or have they been expelled so many times because of their genetic inclination to parasitically prey upon their host nation? My guess is it’s the latter, but the reader will have to decide for himself. Again, I highly recommend Dr. Kevin MacDonald’s excellent book Culture of Critique for those interested in the historical and genetic proclivities of the Jews.

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Are you saying being expelled from over one thousand locations throughout history makes you a poor houseguest?

Well, let me just say this: If someone had been kicked out of the last 1030 apartments he’d rented, would you rent him a room?

Explain why -to your mind- the Alt-Right is the only logical home for any self-respecting white person.

The truth is, people cleave along racial lines. You may know a really nice, smart black person, but the majority of American blacks, particularly males, possess an IQ of around 85 and demonstrate an extremely elevated tendency toward violent criminal behavior. Study after study has demonstrated that multiculturalism brings with it the erosion of social trust and happiness, an increase in crime, and decreased social cohesion. Whites simply are not welcome in non-White communities, and we are constantly attempting to flee to areas that are more White, only to have governments (often at the behest of Jewish interest groups) force more non-Whites into areas deemed “too White,” via programs like bussing, Section 8 housing, Affirmative Action, the list goes on and on. The truth is, it’s only a matter of time before we will have no place left to flee to. When Whites become a hated minority in the countries their ancestors founded, countries which rightfully belong to us, they will suffer the same fate as the unfortunate White South Africans. Theft of their land, violence, genocide, and finally extinction. The Alt Right is the ONLY political group that exists explicitly to fight for the rights of Whites to retain their birthright and end forced forfeiture of our property, land, sons, and daughters to endless waves of non-Whites who demand infinite access to our wealth. It’s no accident that ONLY White nations are told they MUST open their doors to an unending stream of these needy people who contribute nothing to our nations, drain our welfare coffers, commit crime at an astronomically higher rate than do the native citizens, and finally just have no business being here for any other reason than that Jews decided this because it serves their interests.

How do you see this ending? Are we doomed or do we eventually win? If so, what does winning look like?

So much has changed in the last decade. If ten years ago I was told that transsexuals in demon costumes would be celebrated for reading homosexual propaganda to preschoolers in government-funded institutions, I honestly would have dismissed it as insane. I never would have believed there would be a “debate” over if a grown man who calls himself a woman could use the same public bathroom as an adolescent girl. Or that there would be streams of non-Whites the size of Roman legions flowing unopposed into our formerly sovereign nations. Or that the streets of Paris would begin to resemble those of Bangladesh. That the statues of the great White men who created the greatest civilization that has ever existed in the history of mankind would be torn down under the sigil of social justice for the made-up crime of “racism.” I never expected to begin to feel like an alien outsider surrounded by hostiles in the neighborhood I grew up safe and secure in.

The good news is, I’m not the only one feeling these emotions or thinking these thoughts. The White man is waking up, and the Alt-Right is here to offer him an alternative to the degenerate path to our own extinction that was the only road we were given for so many decades. Time is speeding up. We’ve witnessed massive changes in the past few years that none of us ever believed were possible. But all of those changes, all of this accelerationism virtually assures that enough White people are going to realize with alarm exactly what is happening to us, and why. And when they do, and I don’t think it will be long, you are going to witness a revolution on a scale heretofore unimaginable, that is going to drive all of the subversive, corrosive, evil elements from our nations in a more spectacular fashion than has ever been witnessed on the stage of written history. It will be a truly righteous correction. And from it will be born the revitalization of a healthy, creative, productive, thriving, happy White society. The White society that we always deserved. And the Alt-Right is going to lead that revolution.

Hail victory!

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