#"you can't have [insert health condition]
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So those of you who have been following me may have noticed that I all but disappeared for about three months...well, that's because I've been planning to go to Japanese language school, and the wheels have really begun to start turning!!!!!!
I have been given the opportunity of my lifetime to be able to attend a Japanese language course at the International Study Institute in Tokyo's Shinjuku Ward. The course runs for a year, with the opportunity to extend it to two years, if my grades and money are sound [insert sound of children cheering here].
Being able to study Japanese locally and long-term has been a life goal of mine since I was fourteen. Though I'll probably never be able to fulfill my teenage dream of being an interpreter/translator for expats, this feels like the next best thing. Due to suffering from several comorbid chronic conditions that have majorly altered my life, most notably the beast known as systemic lupus erythematosus, I will probably never be able to seize another chance like this ever again. I won't be going in as a total novice, as I was able to take a year's worth of 1000-level Japanese language courses in college…before I had to drop out…… Since then I've been self-studying and using language exchange apps for practice, but nothing will beat the experience of using it in the day-to-day.
At this point in time (January 2024), my first six months of tuition have already been paid for. I am currently in a quiet waiting period while I wait to get to the next steps of the Certificate of Eligibility/Student Visa process. Before that, though, I need to secure my flight and housing. For the sake of my health, safety, privacy and comfort, a sharehouse will not be an option; I will have to seek a private apartment. I am here today to request assistance with the aforementioned flight and initial housing costs. It's still too early to commit to either of those, but:
The average cost of flexible one-way flights from where I am to either of the two Tokyo metro airports (Haneda and Narita) is running around $1200
I am doing some preliminary apartment scouting and am hoping not to exceed $800 per month (I will be traveling with suitcases and will need to properly store them). The apartments I am looking at do not require a security deposit or key money, but will probably come with a guarantor fee.
Now because I'm not going over there through one of the more common avenues - through a university or a job - I have to do it myself. Real life has meant that I've had to dig into my bank balance a bit, and after paying for the first six months I'm a little under the 2 million yen (~$14k) threshold that Immigration likes to see for a year's study. I'm lucky enough in that I will at least have a regular source of (unearned) income, as well as a financial sponsor; it's just the bank balance, flight, and accommodation that are hanging me up. Right now I am setting the initial goal at $3000, but I expect to move those goalposts at least once. Any extra will go towards a flight home for the Christmas holidays in December. After that, it'll go towards paying down my credit cards as much as I can prior to leaving the United States.
I can provide my conditional letter of acceptance from ISI, as well as the school invoice and receipt of the bank transfer for the first six months of tuition upon request (identifying information redacted, of course).
Because there's still a couple of months until I'm set to fly out I put together a GoFundMe (now that's a name I haven't used in a while) to idly collect whatever help I can. At the very least I just need this post to circulate enough to eventually cast a wider net outside of Tungle.hell.
GoFundMe
If you can't use GFM, V3nmo and P4ypal are also options:
V3nmo: @/venus3palette
P4ypal: @/fantasytheater
Again: I'm not in that much of a hurry, and the situation isn't dire! Thank you for combing my wall of text!!!!
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Dragon Age Demons vs Real-Life 'Inner Demons'
Way back in the summer of 2015, my symptoms got so unbearable I was bedridden. 20 years old and experiencing psychosis, quasi-hallucinations, and actual, unending panic for the first time. It marked the start of a condition that has never stopped since.
My aunt (and other relatives) helped me develop proper mindfulness skills based off of our homeland's folk Buddhism - the 'second arrow'. The meaningless of forgiveness. Devaluing control. And something that struck me as a new Dragon Age fan … 'Possession'.
Well, when translated to english, you'll find texts using the word 'insight' rather than 'possession'. But that's the word my mom translated from off the top of her head, and it immediately resonated with me.
"Imagine your panic as an inner creature. Something that is also you, but is acting independently. Treat your panic with kindness and mentorship, not antagonism. The more you struggle in the spider's web, the worse things get. But if you nourish what's hurting in you, let them tantrum, then come back in to nurture."
Up until the 2010s, the most acclaimed mental health books you could buy written in the english language would most certainly be christianity-influenced. Maybe not overtly, (but you'd be surprised how many have a chapter about "insert-book-topic-here and Christ") but there's little hints like how the reader must have left home at 18 to avoid mooching off their parents, or how to 'turn guilt into something productive' (???), the use of the word 'gamble' as a bad word, etc. But these books tend to include a chapter that would be some weird bullshit like "The Dark Souls Of Respawning?? What Daoism Says About Immortality" and take a brief moment to talk about the radical, never-before-heard-of methods from across the pacific that Will Turn Your World Upside Down.
Behavior therapists (of the 1950s) were aware insights about the origins of the problem usually weren't helpful. Exposure to the thing the patient feared was often curative. -When Panic Attacks by David D. Burns MD, Chapter 18, "Taking a page from the Tibetan Book of the Dead"
Now, it's no secret that the Dragon Age serial is very. Um. Christian. Catholic, specifically. Faith is written to be an unequivocally redeeming trait. Attempts at inventing fake elf/qunari/Tevinter 'religions' still have them be belief-based, colonialist, and conversion-heavy, while also at the same time implying that the 'Maker' of Chantry faith is the single actual true god.
So it's no surprise that the demons and spirits of DA are very seven-deadly-sins. Party banter and side-quests do point out the euro/christian-centricity of this demon categorization (Merrill, Solas), but that doesn't mean shit if, in overall story and gameplay proper, Pride is the most powerful demon while Faith is virtue at all.
So here I am, lying in bed and only capable of just riding the waves of panic day after torturous day. You bet I'm gonna try to geek-erize my symptoms. If people do it with Jesus, then I can do it with Dragon Age.
Enter Vigilance the Spirit. I was an at-risk young Rivani mage, so their Magic Welfare Government helped me join their クサビ-依り代 program and matched me with a spirit to induce possession. Can't boil two skulls in one pot, so to speak. I could have chosen to do their hemispherectomy program (I am made Tranquil but carry around a piece of the Fade like a pacemaker that keeps me perfectly lucid, only turning off when I sleep), but that comes with its own risks.
But it doesn't take much for a spirit of Vigilance to do a 180 and become Panic. They're still Vigilance, and I am still me, but the taste in the mouth is different. Our life will need to adapt.
I will not kick myself for 'failing' my friend. Vigilance has turned to Panic, yes. But they have always been one. Now, so are me and Panic. Such is the nature of spirits.
If I am kind to my spirit, then I am kind to myself. It's what we both deserve.
#dragon age#DAI#DA2#da:o#da: origins#da:d#dragon age dreadwolf#dragon age discussion#dragon age meta
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Hello, I want to ask for a headcannon regarding how Liv and Chrome deal with my condition, a person who is picky about eating vegetables and fruit. Are they going to advise me or what? Because I was really picky and often refused to eat some food if it's contain things like eggplant, papaya and so on, end up having stomachache.
Thank you very much.
Operation: E.Y.G....
Pgr Chrome + Liv Head canons
Tags: Fluff, headcanons
You have a bad habit, and you know it. Yet, it never bothered you. Finishing your meal, you got up from your seat in the cafeteria. With the food tray in your hands, you walked up to the utensil collection station; not knowing, there were a pair of eyes looking at you, as you returned your food tray, still, with untouched greens on it...
Liv (Benediction)
Your pickiness is driving her into a frantically frenzy.
She would first tell you about your bad habit of being picky with your vegetable.
You promised her to change.
Until, Liv walked into the cafeteria one day, and saw your vegetables on your plate, untouched.
She gets upset, "C-Commandant! Did you hear what I said a week ago?!"
In reality, you never put what she said about eating your greens at heart. You forgot about it completely.
Ever since, Liv would make extra effort to give you reminders to eat your greens.
"Commandant, don't forget to eat this at least [insert healthy amount] of fibre." she said.
Her tone is never harsh or mean. More so, her tone is soft, but firm.
Sometimes, she would watch you eat, and will not leave until you finishes everything in the plate.
Usually, she won't take such extreme measures, but she couldn't gurantee that you would stick to your promise.
Besides, it's nice to break out of a bad habit.
Chrome (Archlight)
One day, Chrome was looking for you. He heard you were at the cafeteria, hence he went, and saw you eating by yourself.
He walked up to you to ask a series of questions and other mission related things. Only to constantly get distracted by the untouched greens on your plate.
Once the conversation ended, Chrome watched, as you threw away the greens and place the food tray at the collection station.
It bugged him to some extent, yet, he refrains from voicing his opinion, as he believed it was none of his business.
However, the notions of, "A good Commandant, is a healthy Commandant", was something Chrome also firmly believes.
He can't risk to have a mission go wrong if you weren't in the fittest condition.
Unlike Liv, he would, somehow, coax you you increase your intake of fibre and leafy greens.
Such as, randomly put out facts about the benefits of eating vegetables. Or, he would suggest you taking supplements under the guise of, "I heard they help improve your immune system and organ function."
You never caught on. Yet, you never really gave in.
It's not a must for Chrome to get you to stay healthy as with Liv, however if it does impact your health in a huge way, he will not be on standby.
(C) Punishing Eden
#pgr#punishing eden#punishing gray raven#punishing: gray raven#pgr chrome#pgr headcanon#pgr liv#requests
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Request Rules
i've decided to start taking requests again. feel free to send some in after reading these rules!
Before you request, please read my DNI, these rules and make sure to check if requests are open in my bio (and for which fandom they are open).
Since I have a full-time job, I can't put too much on my plate so works that have been requested will be around 600 - 1000 words max. If you want something longer than that, refer to commission info.
You can request up to 3 characters for headcanon posts. Post length will stay the same so if you request only one character, you will receive more in-depth writing. You can request a short scenario for only one character.
Reader will always be gender-neutral.
What I write
Fluff
Angst
Hurt / Comfort
Text Messages / SMAU
Reader-Insert
Content for just the character / Trivia
Platonic Works & QPR's
LGBTQ+ related topics (ace!reader, aro!reader, nb reader, poly etc.)
Heavy Topics (reader who is an abuse victim, mental illness, major character death etc.)
What I don't write
Yandere, any abusive relationships between the character and the reader
NSFW, Kinks & suggestive content
Any health conditions I don't know enough about (will decide on a case by case basis)
Romantic content for characters under the age of 16
Pregnancy & raising children
AU's (I just don't like writing them)
Things that don't exist in canon (f.e. vampire reader when there's no vampires in the source material etc.)
Ships
Characters I don't write for
because I either don't know much about them or don't like them
✧ Honkai Star Rail
Arlan
Asta
Herta
Pela
Qingque
Anyone without a humanoid experience, I'm not writing for Qlipoth.
✧ Genshin Impact
Aloy
Bennett
Chongyun
Kirara
Kujou Sara
Kuki Shinobu
Mika
Noelle
Razor
Sayu
Shenhe
Sucrose
Xingqiu
Xinyan
✧ Twisted Wonderland
Divus Crewel
Chenya
#honkai star rail#hsr x reader#honkai star rail x reader#honkai star rail fluff#jing yuan x reader#blade x reader#luocha x reader#gepard x reader#sampo x reader#bronya x reader#nanook x reader#yaoshi x reader#dan heng x reader#seele x reader
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Sorry to keep going on about this but I have anti-vaxx parents so it's important to me, but homeopathic groups are so fucking predatory. They specifically target people who are justifiably wary of the medical system (mainly women of color, especially black women) and people who are either chronically or terminally ill and desperate for something that makes them feel in control of their illness.
They push bullshit "traditional medicines" and use all the right buzzwords to make people scared of both medical professionals and standard Western medicine and then they push themselves as the "safe" and "natural" alternative. They employ cult tactics to make people scared of the world so that they don't feel like there's anyone they can trust except [insert "wellness" company].
They leap at any bit of fear, any tiny medical complication or bad experience, and they use that as their opening to dig into people's heads. The best case scenario for a lot of the victims of these groups is going fucking bankrupt because they spent thousands on what is essentially water that had a leaf in it for a very brief moment, but a lot of people end up dying because they put their trust in these scams. People try to use crystals and colloidal silver to treat their cancer, get "chakra" massages for their heart conditions, drink pennyroyal tea to induce "natural" abortions.
A lot of these groups also end up turning into actual cults, which is a whole other can of worms. The founders of these companies become controlling, violent, turn themselves into religious figures. Then suddenly people in the group find themselves transferring their "ascended" leader's mummified corpse across state lines in the car trunk.
And then the victims get blamed for it, mocked and harassed. And I get it but I'm also the child of someone who is neck deep in that mindset and I've seen much how fear is the driving force. And the more and more misinformation and disinformation becomes common not just online but also on the news and on tv, the more people end up falling into these groups.
You can argue that people who fall for those things are just idiots who don't know how to do research, but the simple fact is that search engines? News sites? Youtube? Social media entirely? Those are becoming increasingly dominated by "wellness" cults and anti-science nonsense and it's getting harder and harder to pull people out of that spiral. Especially right now, with how fucking terribly the US government at least has handled covid; people know they can't fully trust government agencies to take care of their health, and these predatory groups are just giving them explanations for that distrust, even if those explanations are wrong.
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I think other vision impaired people need to understand that the fear of loosing your vision is not always "hey blind person, your life is a nightmare to me."
A lot of times it's really seriously, honestly, "I am not ready for the major adjustment it will take to live my life blind" and it's spoken by someone that has a hidden good reason to worry.
It's "If I lost the ability to see, I would lose a lot of things that are extremely important to the enjoyment of my life"
The "I would commit die if I became blind" is not "I'd kill myself if I was you" it's "I am not as strong as you and my life is more easily ruined by such things"
You don't have to, as a blind person who is totally ok with being blind, insert yourself into this worry because vision impairment affects everyone differently. Some of us have preexisting conditions that make life untenable should we lose vision.
The assumption it takes to twist "I worry about being able to function if this happened to me" into "I think your life is a nightmare" very much feels like inserting yourself into that persons perspective on their own life, when you could think about how being well adjusted to being vision impaired is a privilege unto itself. You could also be the one that dashes that fear by talking about something you had difficulty with that became easy.
Consider also whether your experience with blindness is innate because you were born with it. because it certainly does make a very big difference If you didn't have to suddenly drop everything in your life and readjust to a different one after becoming blind. It's not a nightmare to you when it very well could be for someone else and you really shouldn't talk over those people.
Like the context is super important here.
The people you are mad at are the able-bodied folk giving you unsolicited opinions directly to you about what your life would be like for them, not people who are speaking about a fear they have on their own and not talking directly to you.
If we are allowed to mourn and fear a loss of ability then why does that stop at vision impairment. Why does "you don't have to like your disability" stop here. If I don't have to love my disability then let me say I hate my vision impairment! Let me say it would ruin my life if it got worse!!
I'm not saying your blind life sucks, I'm saying MY life will suck if I completely loose my vision. Just because you can manage doesn't mean everyone will. Its actually really fucking belittling how much y'all talk about how insulting it is to hear how people can't deal with what you're oh so used to.
I'm autistic and I stim visually. I am allowed to think a life without being able to stim is a bad one for me. I'm allowed to regard visual input as the most important thing in my life.
My system is a professional artist. I'm allowed to say that blindness would destroy my life as I know it and I would have to build a new one from the ground up. I'm fast losing acuity even though I can probably see more colors than most people. Colors are my God and I seriously would have a mental health crisis if something were to take color away from my life. I'm allowed to say these things without people thinking I'm talking about how their life sucks.
This is a post made by someone with legal blindness and deteriorating vision. I will block the fuck out of you if you take this post in bad faith and misinterpret what I'm saying in a mean way.
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hey. tell me about your oc.
Okay i'm really sorry i let this sit in my drafts for a million years. My Pla oc is like such a self insert. and is not very well defined since i am Just getting back into writing. being gone for like 10 years. XD
Anyways He's named Myth and he did live in Modern day Sinnoh. When he was younger he put all of his Hopes and Dreams on being a Pokemon Trainer. But wasn't actually good at it by the modern competitive standards. Didn't have the skills, the abilities, the mental health. Doesn't do much in the modern day. Stays in his house and basically Just Rots. Single minded little man. Can't be a pokemon trainer? then doesn't want to be anything. Doesn't want to do anything.
I'm inserting a read more for safety reasons. For how he ends up in Hisui.
Tw: self harm/Suicide (not graphic)
He does self harm, so he has scars all over his arms. And right before the story he had attempted to kill himself and he laid down and waited to die basically.
Which is how Arceus comes to rescue him. And when Laventon finds him, he's exceptionally sick and disorientated and like depression brain fog. So he doesn't even think to question what's going on. You know "This might as well happen" ?
Laventon assumes that Myths self harm injuries (scars and fresh wounds) are from pokemon attacks and thinks myth must be a super tough man who deals a lot with scary pokemon. and because Myth prefers this assumption over the truth he Just doesn't correct him. (Laventon uses it as proof on how helpful he would be because "Look at how many tough encounters he's survived!" )
Even when he does figure out that he's Not dead and this isn't some hallucination he's basically like "Well my life sucked anyways." surprisingly chill about the situation. Basically throws out his modern day knowledge. Doesn't care. Irrelevant. Obsolete. (At least until he meets Ingo.) Also think that due to his fresh injuries, Laventon takes him to see Pesselle first. To help him out as he is quite sick. (although not so sure on the kinds of healthcare that's going on here. XD) Which is actually how he meets Captain Cyllene. Because of course she's heard of this commotion happening.
Throughout the game Myth learns to appreciate his new life. Through the many life threatening encounters with pokemon and also the dangers of the wilds in general. He has a purpose to his life and he belongs somewhere. Even if it's quite conditional. His skills as a pokemon trainer may not be any good in the modern day, but in comparison to people afraid of pokemon, he's impressive to them. Also his skills do genuinely improve because they have to.
During the banishment and Red Sky thing, he's basically helping to solve it, because He Lives Here Now and Doesn't Want To Die. Totally for self preservation reasons 0% for the people of Jubilife, because they really sent him to meet his death. But ultimately does forgive them because Saving the world really does give you some leverage in the village.
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Hi sex witch! I'm having some period trouble. I'm trying to start using tampons, but no matter what, I can't seem to get them in far enough. I've tried everything, with and without applicator, angles, positions to insert them, they always end up sitting near the vaginal opening, which is uncomfortable and feels like they might slip out. The applicator ones I basically can't push any further in, the others tend to be shorter so I have more room, but they keep sliding down. It feels like I keep hitting a wall when I try to push them more and I get vaguely nauseous. What am I doing wrong? Is my vagina exactly One Tampon long??? Is that even possible???
hi anon,
have you ever heard of a tilted uterus? it's a common condition, impacting about 1 out of 4 or 5 people with a uterus, and very rarely causes any health complications or requires treatment. one of the only major problems is, in fact, a frequent difficulty with inserting things into the vagina. I'd recommend doing a little reading on the topic to see if it sounds applicable to you, or scheduling a pelvic exam for confirmation with a healthcare provider.
but while that may be interesting to know, that doesn't solve the issue of what to actually Do about collecting menstrual blood. if you're definitely set on using something inserted in your body, might I recommend checking out a menstrual disc? many people who have difficulty with vaginal penetration find them easier to insert than tampons or menstrual cups, thanks to their flat shape.
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UPDATED REQUESTING RULES (IN DEPTH)
➳ gist of rules is in the character list above the cut
➳ this provides more in depth parameters for the rules
➳ if you're unsure if your request is ok, please check under the cut
➳ if something you're checking for isn't here, throw it in anyway, if i don't write it, i will respond and clarify what i don't write and why
➳ things i am happy to write for are marked with a ✓
➳ things i don't write for are marked with a ✗
𝐧𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐠𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧.
── 𝐏𝐔𝐓𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐈𝐍 𝐀 𝐑𝐄𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐒𝐓:
no more than eight (8) characters per request // this is so i can still handle the other requests and i don't spend a super long time on a single request
you don't HAVE to specify genre // most of the time, requests explain themselves in terms of genre; if you have a very specific idea, best to tell me
reader traits don't NEED to be specified // i try to write in a way that's very accessible to people and keep the reader as ambiguous as possible to make it easier to insert yourselves; if appearance or personality trait is part of the concept, please include them
please make sure you've read the rest of the rules // this ensures i will write your request
please make sure the characters you have listed are on the character list // if it's a single character you've requested, i can't write it for you unfortunately; if it's multiple characters in the request and i don't write for one of them, i will still write the others
check the wip list to see if your request has been accepted // it will be in order of which requests are getting posted first to last; will be added to the wip list within 2 days of submitting the request
REQUESTS: 20/20
rules about genre, reader traits and fic tropes under the cut
── 𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐑𝐄𝐒:
✓ fluff // hand holding; kissing; cuddles; confessions; domestic themes (cooking together, breakfast in bed, household chores); soft sfw things etc.
✓ angst // break ups; injuries; death; arguments etc.
✓ crack // more comedic scenarios like giving characters a gift wrapped in 20 layers of wrapping paper
✓ general // reader is excluded; fic is written about the character(s) in their canon universe without the reader inserted
✓ suggestive // implied sex (either has already happened or it's a fade to black); making out; sensual touching
✗ smut // explicit sex (oral or penetrative), foreplay
✗ match-ups // providing descriptions of yourselves or your OC's and asking me to pair you with a character
── 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐈𝐓𝐒:
✓ any gender identity // if not specified, it will always be gn!reader; even with a fem! or male! reader, pronouns are unlikely to be mentioned unless the character is referring to reader; trans!readers are accepted
✓ any ethnicity // if not included in request, will not be mentioned; this is likely to be implied with cultural aspects rather than physical appearance; i try to stay away from directly describing physical traits unless asked to make my work more accessible
✓ any body shape or type // if not included in request, will not be mentioned; chubby!reader accepted; skinny!reader accepted; mid-size!reader accepted
✓ any other physical trait // if not included in request, will not be mentioned; eye colours; skin details (freckles, birth marks, vitiligo); hair length (short, medium, long, bald); hair colour; height
✓ most medical conditions // if not included in request, will not be mentioned; PCOS; IBS; cancer; UC; mental health conditions (anxiety, depression, ocd, adhd, bpd, bipolar disorder etc.); vision impairments or blindness accepted; hearing impairments or deafness accepted
── 𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐏𝐄𝐒:
it's easier to say what tropes i DON'T write for. if your request has a trope that ISN'T listed on here, you're good to go so long as it abides by everything else.
✗ yandere // this is toxic and creepy; i can't see the appeal; people who are like this should be in jail if they act on it
✗ a/b/o // i also just don't understand the appeal; this also feels very weird
✗ cheating // this isn't hot; this isn't up my alley; if this happens to you, break up with them
✗ pregnancy // i personally could never be pregnant; this seems like an absolute nightmare to me and i will greatly struggle not to put that opinion into the fic
✗ abusive relationships // i will not write this explicitly; reader or character; i can write this as a backstory (has happened to reader or character prior to current relationship), but specific details will not be included
✗ incest // this is just weird; this is illegal and if it isn't, it should be; can't get past the disgust to write it in a remotely romantic or sexual way
✗ sexual assault // i will not write this explicitly; reader or character; i can write this as a backstory (has happened to reader or character prior to current relationship), but specific details will not be included
✗ self harm // i will not write this explicitly; reader or character; i can write this as a backstory (has happened to reader or character prior to current relationship), but specific details will not be included; i can write it as a current event, but not in detail, more implied
✗ suicide // i will not write this explicitly; reader or character; i can write this as a backstory (reader or character has previously attempted or had experience with someone else), but specific details will not be included
✗ crossover // i like to keep things in their own universes because it feels richer as a standalone; depending on the fandoms, i don't trust myself to be educated enough on BOTH fandom universes to combine them; not a massive fan of crossover fics as a reader
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May I have parental Valdemar with a non-binary teen that just went through their first heart brake? I’m very curious as to how the’ll handle the situation
Yeees, sure.
The teenager's condition will be noticed quickly enough, much earlier than it will result in an obvious problem. Valdemar everyone notices and notes any changes, even those who are not able to catch a person with trained eyes.
Questor tries to give them a chance to cope on their own, exactly until the situation starts to get out of control. This is necessary in order for the teenager to figure out for himself whether he needs to talk about such a personal problem or not, because Valdemar is clearly not one of those who will climb into personal space against someone else's will, especially when it comes to other people's feelings and emotions.
Valdemar has a high, very high empathy, but if they don't tell them directly, they won't do anything to to help, but they will just wait or watch the pupil. It may seem like they're being bullied or something, but they're not.
They just don't know what to do. They see teenage condition perfectly, maybe even understand them feelings, but Valdemar simply don't know where to start, if the teenager himself does not turn to them with a problem.
If this moment comes, the Questor will first express gratitude for the trust shown and fall asleep with a lot of questions about what exactly happened, which is most disturbing, and will not forget to ask about your physical well-being.
Expect questions in style:
"What makes you worry the most?"
"Do you forget to take care of your health due to circumstances?"
"Will you explain what kind of help I can provide?"
Their support and care is very non-standard. Valdemar managed to forget about such things as teenage problem during his long existence, so they can't show enough sympathy. It's not easy for them, but that doesn't mean they don't try. Questor's methods are aimed at a practical solution to the problem rather than caring about feelings, for example, they will monitor more closely how they sleep, whether appetite has become worse, whether have become ill more often. But it's a little bit not what they need, so we will have to clarify again that the trouble is not directed at the physical condition, but emotional.
Questor are not very good at emotional support, but this pragmatism can help in many ways: in the course of analyzing the problem with them, it is easy to identify the main weaknesses and take note of it. Conversations are often accompanied by the fact that Valdemar gently hold the hand of the pupil, hug their shoulders slightly, stroke back and try to maintain visual contact. These gestures clearly demonstrate their indifference to problems and the desire for the teenager to feel better. Conversations are not complete without tears of grief on the part of a teenager. At such moments, Valdemar, although amazed and in a stupor, they do not stop quietly saying soothing words, despite the fact that it often sounds the same and monotonous.
Surprisingly, after such uncomplicated conversations, it gets better, despite the fact that the Questor did not do anything supernatural. They just sat next to each other, silently listened to absolutely everything and occasionally inserted comments. They just know that a teenager needs to give free rein to emotions, especially when it has been held back for too long. They can cry for hours on the Questor's shoulder, scream, swear at injustice, but Valdemar will be there all the time, no matter how long it takes - hours or minutes, handing napkins and giving awkward touches. A little later, they will bring them a cup of soothing tea and continue to sit next to them in silence. No, they won't get bored, even if it goes on all day. The Questor is ready to spend at least a day on his pupil, if necessar. yNo, they won't get bored, even if it goes on all day. The Questor is ready to spend at least a day on his pupil, if necessary.
A little later, Valdemar explains that the current situation is not the victim's fault.
"Darling, just accept and let it go. You still have your whole life ahead of you, which will be filled with moments that can overshadow your trouble. Forget about it. It doesn't matter anymore and it's not worth your fragile nerve cells. Besides, did you know that nerve cells don't regenerate? No? Then now you know and take note."
Anyway, they are worried about the condition of the teenager, so they cannot avoid controlling the quality and quantity of sleep and appetite.
Regular conversations with Valdemar soon help to feel the growing day by day easement. The teen feels the old heavy load leaving them and clears the way to a new life. Why is this happening? After all, Questor did not do anything special, but there is nothing complicated in their method: they were nearby. Then, when necessary, when the pupil felt the need for someone to be with them and Valdemar successfully filled this need, did not condemn and did not get angry.
Their last words during one of the conversations were: "No matter what happens, you can always come to me and I will be here."
#the arcana#the arcane game#nix hyrda#the arcana courtiers#quaestor valdemar#valdemar#the arcana headcanons#the arcana courtiers headcanons#quaestor valdemar headcanons#quaestor valdemar the arcana game#valdemar quaestor
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ok truly deactivating Twitter until I move because the line is autistic people lack theory of mind or ability to imagine experiences other than our own (I know this is not true in practice, I am being sarcastic), but I think as a consequence of the character limit? I have observed a discursive habit where people really backed in to a corner by Circumstances OR using those backed into a corner by Circumstances as a rhetorical checkers piece--not always clear which, because it's presented as a broadly observable phenomenon, a generalization rather than a first-person narrative, empirical and authoritative--anyway. The tl;dr of this post is like. There are Two Prongs of Disability & Work Discourse. One says: You need to rest! Don't let capitalism dictate the terms of your life, relinquish productivity imperatives, embrace radical UNproductivity or you'll make yourself even sicker! Also: [insert isolation & public life Discourse] The other says: We can't draw a false dichotomy between disability and work, many disabled people are workers and the fact that they need to work to survive makes them more disabled, when that section of Disability Twitter talks about isolating forever and grocery delivery and working from home it's unrealistic for many of us who remain uninsured and marginalized and at the intersection of other identities that prevent us from being able to prioritize our health in the absence of state-level mitigation measures re: Covid, and it's also clear that discourse is dominated by those with access to other support, whether from family or a second income from a partner, etc.
All of these things are true, but these Factions end up Yelling at each other like they're on opposing Sides of the Class War, I guess?
Me, screaming: People die every day because they physically cannot work OR because they try to get work in desperation but nobody will hire them / they keep losing jobs due to hiring and employment discrimination. You need an address to get a job. Many jobs require, if not a vehicle, at least a driver's license even if the job itself is accessible by public transit and has nothing to do with driving, and you can't allege hiring discrimination on those grounds even if it's patently absurd, just like the "must be able to lift 50 lbs for a call center job" requirement is. If you actually cannot work or live with family and you are disabled under those conditions you become homeless--couchsurfing homeless if you're lucky--but then try getting a job without a fixed address. You freelance and do odd jobs under the table and beg online. Ask me how I know!!!!!!! Stop arguing online about who has more Privilege and organize, the government is trying to kill us!!!!!!
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Tfw you identify as cripplepunk, but you feel like people would gatekeep you because your physical disability is not visible.
Realizing you don't fit in with able-bodied people and often get called or just treated as burdensome for needing accommodations for your disability (which is made even worse by needing accommodations for mental illness/disability). People treating you like you're asking too much/being a freak for wanting to keep yourself as healthy and stable as possible and not be in incredible pain and unable to function to the best of your ability on a good day. People acting like it's selfish for you to advocate for those good days, to prioritize your health and comfort over their convenience/fun. When I go out I need a guarantee of several things. I don't care if you think it's tedious or if you think I'm being a buzzkill.
And also, on the other hand, feeling like you don't fit in disabled spaces either. Because "it could always be worse" and "you don't get bullied for it because no one ever sees or acknowledges it unless you disclose it to them" and "what if even in all my pain and struggle to live a fulfilling and comfortable life I'm just Not Disabled Enough but also Too Disabled." What if I can't even fit with the groups I'm a part of.
What if I'm not crippled enough to be cripplepunk. What if I'm not queer enough to be queer. What if I'm not mentally ill/disabled enough to be madpunk. What if I'm the Wrong Kind of Victim to be part of abuse survivor groups.
Being controversial is fun sometimes but. Really feeling like you can't quite fit into a group you identify with/a movement that you agree with and consider important for yourself and other people is just kind of depressing.
Am I allowed to talk in cripple spaces without it being misconstrued as centering mental issues because I have both?
Can I fit with taboo art groups that still vehemently disagree with being kind to people with paras even though they really are just thoughts and feelings?
Am I allowed to talk about surviving abuse on my terms and in my experiences without people believing I'm being ableist against those with personality disorders for even daring to mention that someone's mental illnesses can absolutely affect how they abuse or neglect? *I* have at least 1 personality disorder. I support people with personality disorders. But somehow I'm not madpunk enough if I say "hey this mental problem visibly changed the specific way they abused me" and people see that as me implying people with a specific disorder are inherently bad or abusive instead of. What I actually mean which is. All mental conditions, illness or not, trauma or not, beliefs, ideas, and how one handles their emotions and thoughts, affect how they act on a day to day basis. That's a fact. I can't look at myself and go "the fact that I did [insert any action good or bad here] is completely separate from my mental conditions." Because nothing is completely separate from that. It's a part of your mind, and instead of screaming ableism in acknowledging that we can use what we know about these issues to find ways to possibly reform those who choose to do bad things. For example; if I think the world isn't real due to a psychotic episode and choose to hurt someone or commit a crime, you can see how my mental disorder affects thinking and decision making and we can come up with solutions catered to that specific disorder or group of disorders rather than resorting to a one size fits all ruthless punishment. Abusive people should be out of your life, but they also deserve help and the ability to make better decisions. And that is never a one size fits all solution. And if we can describe what happened to us with understanding of their mental capabilities or conversely why we did something bad to someone else because of that, we can have much more individualized solutions that encourage healthy coping mechanisms, self control, whatever we need to work on. The first step to making a world without abuse is acknowledging that anyone can be an abuser and their unique situation can affect how or why they hurt someone. Anyway.
The point is that I'm sad about not being able to stuff my whole person into a version of myself that fits well enough with groups I identify with.
#rambling#vent post#cripple punk#madpunk#controversial#block me if you want but i dont think its ableist to reason that mental disorders are part of ones brain#and therefore absolutely affect how we treat ourselves and other people just like anything else in our brain#proship#pro para#exclusionism#disability#abuse survivor#identity#community#trying to be part of a community is a minefield#you're too weird for this you're not weird enough for that too radical for this not radical enough for that#man i just want to be in spaces where i can be myself with other people who have stuff in common with me#but sometimes being myself is just not right to anyone
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Hi, I know this is something I really need to talk to a doctor about but I'm still trying to see a gynecologist and endocrinologist so in the meantime I figured I'd ask here in case anyone knows what this is
So I recently found out that it isn't normal to get intense clitoris pain but it's something that I experience extremely frequently, not just when doing sexual things but also when I insert q-tips into my ear I get a stabbing pain down there for example and even just going about my daily life there's a constant pressure around the area (feels like something is weighing it down) to the point where sometime I try to masturbate just to disrupt the sensation a little (but masturbating hurts so it doesn't actually take the pain away)
In addition to that my vaginal opening is extremely tight, I cannot use tampons or insert anything in there and the passage is just extremely narrow, when I'm aroused this does not change.
I know I experience some kind of hormonal or adjacent disorder because my periods are incredibly irregular, I'll skip months at a time but then I'll have a heavy period that lasts two months straight or I'll have spotting for prolonged periods. In addition to that I consistently have been getting bladder infection symptoms but every time I test for one it comes back negative.
I have a developmental/hormonal disorder that stopped me from ever growing fully (I still more or less have the same body I did as a teenager and am well under 5 ft tall) I was supposed to take shots for it from 8-12 years old but lost my insurance so I took less than a years worth iirc.
When I try and google this stuff I get incredibly vague "this could be a lot of things talk to your doctor" about most of it and have not been able to find a single person who reports vaginal/clitoral pain when inserting anything into the ears and I don't know if I'm intersex or not but it seems a bit likely given everything?
I know you can't diagnose me with anything but have you (or any followers) heard about this before? Could you help give me some idea of what it might be? My paranoid ass thinks I'm secretly dying of cancer or something.
Hi anon, so I’m really glad you’re going to try and get help for this! I really hope that it works out well for you, that you’re treated well and with compassion.
This might seem a little far off, and I am not claiming that I know for sure if this is what is happening, or if what I’m thinking might be connected is even right. While the ear and the pelvic region can seem incredibly different and unrelated, the ear is very close to our jaws, and tension in the jaw (I would say tension in general can do this, but especially if your jaw is constantly tight) can lead to issues in the pelvic region.
Something that can include pain in the clitoris, not only by touch but just by wearing pants/fabric in general, could feel like consistent pressure or even a stabbing-pain, and can cause issues with vaginal insertion, is Vulvodynia. This can be caused by a lot of things, but is often seen alongside other health issues; that is to say vulvodynia can be acquired through things like infection (like bladder infection!) but also be present with conditions you might have been born with.
This is an article talking about the rates of vulvodynia in people with EDS/HSD (cw cissexist language) https://ehlersdanlosnews.com/news/high-rates-of-vulvodynia-likely-in-women-with-eds-hsd-survey/?cn-reloaded=1
Hypermobility spectrum disorders (HSD) are not uncommon for intersex people to have, some intersex variations are thought to be related to HSDs but there are many many reasons a person might have a HSD that is not intersex related. A condition often “comorbid” with HSD can be PCOS (one of the symptoms for this is irregular periods), but definitely is not limited to it.
Pelvic floor dysfunction like vulvodynia can have a lot of underlying causes, and some of those causes might come from being intersex. Pelvic floor dysfunction can also be managed and treated. I personally don’t know much about growth hormone, so I can’t comment much or find connections there, but it would be interested to know if there’s any studies that look into the connection specifically.
Again, I’m not saying any of this is what you have, I’m just making a few connections for you so you don’t immediately jump to the idea that you’re dying. Hopefully, the appointments you’re planning to make will be able to tell you more about what the underlying cause of this pain for you, and provide insight on how it can be treated.
#mod stev#came back to answer one ask hi!#pelvic floor#ask to tag#I’m really not sure how to tag this! let me know#long post
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Hey creepy. Quick medical question:
My doctor (GP) has very little experience in trans patients. She listened very patiently and was very understanding (got tissues when I broke down, etc). She filled in all the paperwork for stuff. But, she then gave the advice to *not* change my sex on my medical records. She said tests for certain things yield different results based on sex, and a particular result might be a problem for a male but not a female, or vice versa. She said that changing the sex might affect whether I receive the right medical care for the biology on the inside.
How much of this is true? Is there any case where changing your sex on your medical records could be a problem (from female to male and vice versa)? Sorry to come to you for advice, but you speak openly about this stuff and seem to know what you're talking about. Thanks in advance.
I am not a practitioner, so I can't speak to every aspect of this from a medical standpoint, but I have had trans patients that went both directions. My place in the health care world comes in about 6 months to a year after the visit, so the way we use gender markers is different since we're not at the diagnosing portion of the journey. No matter what, the US health care powers that be (CMS) cannot handle a trans record smoothly--regardless of the gender marker. What I see is the government arguing with doctors that an M or F is enough to insert themselves (as non-physicians mind you) and say "This patient can't actually have that" despite extensive documentation that supports often years-long management of the condition (all CMS really needs for it to be valid.....in their words). Don't try to control your records smoothness of journey by keeping/changing your gender markers--do what you're comfortable with bc CMS will shit itself no matter what, even with non-trans patients.
As far as the MEDICAL side goes, your doctor halfway made a point. She's assuming your records will be mishandled/unread by every provider going forward and it sounds like she's trying to keep you from some headache. There are some tests that do have different parameters depending on gender, but that can be translated to "certain organs or hormone balances will need different result ranges". HRT can also skew results, so being on HRT with your assigned at birth marker will still result in potential mishandled lab work. Currently, the only way we can haphazardly record that "body state" is with a gender marker. There are suggested alternatives, but it would be extremely expensive to implement most of them, so we're stuck w M/F. It's not unreasonable to be prepared for someone to do sloppy work either in documentation or method, but a good doctor should be on top of that, especially if they are dedicated to making their practice safe to their trans patients.
I still have my birth name and marker on my medical records, but it's the only place I do so. I see a lot of doctors and the headache of explaining it all to every single practice is just not worth it to me--it also keeps my records clean of administrative errors so I don't have to contend with additional insurance push back for coverage. However! That's just me! It really is a person to person decision. Chronic illness makes these things all the more complex, so sometimes it's worth it to let that sleeping dog lie while trying to get other things under control.
Never discredit your voice in your care either. If you need to say "I'm transgender, please perform the necessary exams for the organs I have" then do it. Request it be recorded in your record. Usually I see it as the second word in the patient's history of present illness like "37yo transgender male with history of xyz presents today for blah blah". Your doctors will all be reading that same line. They should know, but we both know that people miss things for whatever reasons. If it's any consolation, every other patient demographic has their own equivalent problems. It's not just you that has to remind doctors of basic facts about your body or care history.
I wish you luck, bud! Take some time to think about if the gender marker swap is something you can handle when kinks in the chain form at some point. It's not a guarantee that you'll receive skewed care, but it's very good to remain lucid to the fact that the health care world is still learning to incorporate trans patients.
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Animal Crossing Fish - Explained #234
Brought to you by a marine biologist who hopes you're not sick of sea stars yet...
CLICK HERE FOR THE AC FISH EXPLAINED MASTERPOST!
Animal Crossing Pocket Camp sure does feature a lot of sea stars, and I guess I can't blame them. It seems that with each iteration, they are simply recoloring an old one. But here at AC Fish Explained, we're not about to count them all as just one species - oh no! Each one is a great opportunity to talk about these weird little monsters. So, today's star is the Purple Starfish:
The purple star, along with two others (Gold & Nebula), appeared during Fishing Tourney 43, Star Signs, in October of 2021. It was a related Halloween event that featured the pumpkin-headed Jack. Maybe someday it will make a comeback...maybe it won't.
By now you are all sea star experts, right? We call them "sea stars" and not "starfish" because they aren't actually fish, but are part of a group of animals called the Echinoderms, which include all the sea - stars, urchins, cucumbers, lilies, sand dollars, and brittle stars. Animal Crossing's diving activity and certainly Pocket Camp do a pretty great job representing this group (except I'd love to see a Brittle Star or Sea Lily in the game someday, just so I can really tell you more about them!). Today's star is quite the interesting little guy, with even more super powers than stars already have. It is actually called the Purple Sea Star, but also the Ochre Sea Star (Pisaster ochraceus).
By D. Gordon E. Robertson - Own work, CC BY-SA 3.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=6434467
This species is native to the west coast of North America where it lives in the inter-tidal zone munching on bivalves, like the California Mussel. Just like other stars, they use their tube feet, controlled by their water-vascular system, to pull the shells apart and insert their stomach to digest their prey. Sounds weird, right? Well, that's just a Tuesday for sea stars. The Purple Star has a few other tricks up its sleeve to become perfectly at home to the inter-tidal zone, where a vibrant, underwater community finds itself above-water everyday when the tide goes out.
This star is an apex predator of the inter-tidal zone, possessing the amazing ability to survive being out of the water for an extended period of time. Even under conditions where the Purple Star has lost 30% of its bodily fluid (which is critical for an animal that relies on water to get around), it can tough it out.
By D. Gordon E. Robertson - Own work, CC BY-SA 3.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=6434470
Ocean acidification also doesn't bother this guy, despite the fact that, like other echinoderms, its skeleton is made of calcium carbonate, a substance that is dissolved pretty readily in acid. This super power is thanks to a skeleton formed from nodules and the reliance of soft tissue, allowing it to adapt.
All of these super powers allow it to be the apex predator it is in the inter-tidal zone. Despite what that sounds like, the Purple Star's rule over the rocks is very important to the ecosystem. It's considered a Keystone Species, meaning its presence has a disproportional effect on its own habitat. Removing the Purple Star from a swath of shoreline for an experiment showed a marked decrease in biodiversity of the shore, which became inundated by California Mussels. When Purple Stars are present, the shoreline's biodiversity increases, as the star's appetite for mussels leaves open space for other organisms, like barnacles, to attach. Lots of sea stars that call inter-tidal zones home end up becoming a keystone species there, and can be used to gauge the health of the habitat. Who knew being a little voracious monster could reap so many benefits!
And there you have it! Fascinating stuff, no?
#purple starfish#purple sea star#marine biology#animal crossing#animal crossing pocket camp#sea star#starfish#ocean#marine#animals#acpc#science in video games#animal crossing fish explained
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BROKEN HEART OF GOLD - chapter 6; can't see my way out
AO3 link
pairing: chishiya x gn!reader
format: gender-neutral original character/self-insert, they/them pronouns are used when necessary, no use of y/n or "___", feel free to picture the character however you wish!
tags: canon-typical violence, slow burn, ocs as side characters, mentions/depictions of mental health issues
word count: 3290
song recommendation: "One By One" by ONE OK ROCK
________________________________________________________
[GAME]
SCAVENGER HUNT
DIFFICULTY
SIX OF CLUBS
[RULES]
Players must find a key to unlock their collar to be able to leave the building.
Clues as to where the keys can be found will be sent to your phones.
Every 5 minutes, the players' collar LED will switch between ON and OFF.
If you get caught by the night guards patrolling the museum, it's GAME OVER.
If you try to leave the building while wearing a collar, it's GAME OVER.
[CLEAR CONDITION]
Unlock your collar and escape the building. The time limit is 1 hour.
‘A six of clubs game? Alright, this doesn’t sound too bad. At least they helped us with these floor maps.’
‘What do they mean by our collars LED switching between ON and OFF?’ The girl that was in the car with us spoke up, her voice quiet and shaky. But before anyone could answer her, all of the lights in the building went out.
‘What– What is the meaning of this? Is the game broken?’ A man yelled, his voice echoing inside the hall.
‘Hm. Interesting.’ Chishiya said to himself, turning on the flashlight on his phone. ‘So we will have to search for our keys in the dark.’
‘But if the whole building is dark and we have to use flashlights to move around, we are going to be easily spotted by those ‘night guards’, won’t we?’ I asked, looking at Chishiya.
‘Exactly. And I believe the collar's LED will make it worse for us.’
‘And here I thought this game wouldn’t be so bad.’
A voice resounded through the building:
[GAME START]
The clues will now be sent to your phones.
I didn’t know what kind of clues I would have expected from this game, but the reality was kinda disappointing. We had to solve a riddle to get to the key. I expected it to be difficult, but it was simply ridiculous.
‘They can’t be serious about this. Riddles for a scavenger hunt? Are we playing like kids now?’ Niragi grunted beside me before reading his riddle out loud, ‘I'm small and white, and I'm often found in groups with my brethren. Apply water and heat, and you will soften our hard facade. This sounds so stupid.’
‘Do you think you can solve that on your own?’ Chishiya teased him.
‘Haha, very funny. The answer is obviously rice.’
‘Rice…’ I quickly opened my booklet, ‘Wait, I remember seeing something about rice here!’
Rushing through the pages of the floor map, Niragi walked in uncomfortably closer and shone his flashlight over me. ‘Here, three instances where rice is mentioned, all of them in the north area of the 2nd floor. Should we go up there now?’
Niragi snickered before looking at me, ‘I guess you’re not as useless as I thought you would be.’ He walked past me, making his way to the elevator, and I followed. Chishiya was also tagging along with us.
‘Aren’t you going to look for the answer to your riddle?’ I looked back and asked him.
‘Mine is on the third floor.’
‘...Did you memorize the map in that short time you were looking over my shoulder?’
‘No. I’ve been to this museum before.’
‘Oh. I see.’ I felt a little embarrassed at how stupid my question was.
Reaching the 2nd floor, I spotted a small sign titled ‘Japanese People and Nature’.
‘People too? Maybe I’ll find the answer to my riddle here as well.’
Inside that room, right at the entrance, there were some pieces of rice illuminated by small lights inside the glass display. All the pieces were secured behind the glass, and it didn’t appear to have any keys nearby.
‘What now? Do I have to break the glass to search for the key inside?’ Niragi said and immediately lifted his foot, preparing to kick it. I yelled ‘NO!’, causing him to look at me with an irritated expression.
‘You think you can tell me what to do? You know I’m your boss here, don’t you?’
‘No, sorry, I didn’t mean to– I mean, there must be another option, because breaking the glass would make a lot of noise and would probably attract the night guards to us, don’t you think?’ I tripped over my words trying to ease the situation, and he seemed to consider what I said.
‘So? If you’re so smart , what do you suggest, then?’ He leaned over the wall, staring down at me.
The problem was, I couldn’t think of any alternatives. I began touching the wood around the displays, hoping to find some sort of secret opening, while Niragi kept his gaze on me. ‘Tch, I guess you are useless after all. I’ll just break this damn glass.’
He walked closer to the displays again when a strong violet light suddenly flashed around us. I shielded my eyes with my arms for a moment until I realized the lights were coming from our collars.
Niragi didn’t seem bothered by the lights. He broke the glass next to us, rummaging inside and destroying the pieces of rice looking for a key.
While he looked for his key, I thought about looking around for the exhibition I needed, until I noticed a spot of violet light outside moving closer to us. Chishiya stopped at the entrance, darting his eyes from Niragi to the glass shards all over the floor.
‘Not even 10 minutes have passed yet, and you’ve already made this much of a mess?’
Niragi quickly got up at the sound of Chishiya’s voice, ‘You again? Why don’t you go after your own clue?’
‘Already did it.’ Chishiya picked up his phone and read the riddle he had received, ‘Large as a mountain, small as a pea, endlessly swimming in a waterless sea. It’s about an asteroid. I just came back from the meteorites collection on the 3rd floor.’
‘And was that the right answer to your riddle? You still have your collar on.’ I looked at his neck, the deep violet light glowing under his face.
‘The riddle wasn’t pointing to the key.’ Chishiya came over to the rice exhibitions, carefully avoiding the glass shards on the floor. He stopped in front of a small monitor in front of the broken display and tapped on the screen, where a QR Code appeared. ‘You can scan it with the camera app on your phone, in case you didn’t know,’ he looked at Niragi with a mocking expression.
‘You really get on my nerves, you know that? Fuck off.’ Niragi moved closer to the monitor and scanned the QR Code. A notification sound came from his phone, and an image appeared below the riddle.
‘What the hell is this?’ Niragi was flipping his phone in all directions trying to make out anything from that image.
‘It’s your next clue. I believe that’s where the key is. I still have to figure out mine, too.’ Chishiya raised his phone, showing us a picture of a silver sphere. He, then, turned his face to me, ‘Have you solved your riddle yet?’
‘No, I was about to do it!’ I moved to the center of the room where a huge display showcased the historical evolution of Japanese people, from pre-history up to modern times. Now that I knew what to look for, thanks to Chishiya, I stopped in front of the monitor and scanned the QR Code with my phone.
Except… it didn’t work.
The voice on my phone said this was the wrong answer.
Both Chishiya and Niragi came over to me, with the latter asking what the fuck was taking me so long.
‘Well, now I’m confused. This is the only exhibition showing ‘people’ that I could find.’ I opened up my booklet to double-check, and Chishiya tried to read the riddle on my phone.
‘Are you sure the answer you’re looking for is ‘people’? What does yours say?’
I sighed before lifting my phone and reading my silly riddle out loud.
‘What walks on four legs in the morning, two legs in the afternoon, and three legs in the evening?’
Niragi cackled out loud after hearing it. ‘That’s even worse than mine!’
‘Yeah, I know, I know. But it’s also very easy and well-known, that’s why I’m confused as to why the scan didn’t work. I guess I’ll have to keep looking.’
‘Try looking for ‘human’ instead.’ Chishiya pointed it out, and it did make sense; I remembered seeing an area on the map called ‘human evolution’, so it was worth a shot.
As we were making our way out, I noticed a faint spot of light moving outside, but this one wasn’t violet. It could be coming from a player’s phone, but I had an awful gut feeling about it.
Niragi passed by me, still laughing out loud. Out of panic, I placed my hands over his mouth to shut him up, but he quickly grabbed my arms and pushed them.
‘What the fuck do you think you’re do-’
Raising a finger in front of my lips trying to shush him, I whispered ‘I think the night guard is outside.’
Chishiya lifted his hoodie to cover the light from his collar and peeked outside; ‘You're right. And the guard seems to have a gun strapped to their belt.’ He whispered and turned to face us, ‘There’s an elevator around the corner.’ He left the room, running toward the elevator and pressing the button to open it.
Niragi and I moved next, but before I could get close enough, he pushed me and I fell on my back.
‘Ah, sorry, can’t risk the guard coming inside while the doors are still closing, right?’ His tone was full of sarcasm. He had a disgusting smirk on his face as he waved at me before pressing a button inside the elevator; Chishiya was staring down at me with a neutral expression, though his brows were slightly furrowed.
Loud footsteps moved closer and closer to me; I glanced behind me and watched a night guard walking in my direction, reaching for the gun on their belt.
I tried to get up as fast as possible when I heard a scream followed by a whack – another guy slammed a fire extinguisher on the guard’s back, but they barely reacted and slowly turned their head at him, making that guy tremble in fear after his plan didn’t work.
The guard pointed their gun at that man and pressed the trigger, but no bullet shots were heard; the man began shaking violently before his whole body tensed up and he fell to the floor, now completely motionless.
It was a taser gun. And it was powerful enough to kill a person.
I stared at the scene in front of me, hearing the wires being pulled back inside the gun after the guard let go of the trigger. Suddenly, the collar of my shirt was pulled back with such strength and I was dragged inside the elevator.
The guard followed me with their eyes, aiming in my direction, but the elevator doors quickly closed before they could shoot. Our collars finally turned off, leaving us in total darkness.
Chishiya shone his phone flashlight at me and began talking, ‘You should’ve run the moment the night guard turned their back to you.’
‘You say that like it’s easy! I had just seen someone die in front of me, I was frozen in fear.’
‘It should be easy. You need to get used to that and move away fast, or else you’ll become an easy target. I won’t be there to save you next time.’
Chishiya’s words were blunt, and I recalled the moment he told me something similar during the Tag game. ‘Can’t stand the view of people dying? You’re not going to survive for too long like that.’
Still, I knew he was right, I would’ve died if it wasn’t for him. But I also knew I wouldn’t get used to the view of people dying near me so easily, and I didn’t get how he could be so apathetic toward death like that.
‘I will definitely be there next time to watch you die, though.’ Niragi was leaning over the wall, he had a small grin on his face that quickly faded away before his next words, ‘This idiot had been holding the elevator doors for you for too long, and you just sat there like a little prey waiting for its impending death. I was expecting to see you get shocked, but he dragged you here and ruined the moment.’
The doors opened, and both of them left without looking at me again. I finally got up to my feet and turned on the flashlight on my phone to look at the wall next to the elevator; we were now on the B1 floor.
I rushed to catch up to them. I didn’t know if I should keep following Niragi; he tried to get me killed, but he was still supposed to monitor me, wasn’t he? Following Chishiya could be a safer choice, since at least he came to save me, though he said he wouldn’t be so kind again and he seemed to be annoyed at me.
‘In the end, I need to survive on my own. And I need to be able to move fast.’
‘Oi, I need to check that map again.’ Niragi looked back at me. I reached inside my pockets, but they were empty. Anxiety filled my body and I gulped before slowly raising my head to look at Niragi – he had the most irritated expression I had ever seen on his face.
‘Don’t tell me you lost the damn map,’ he walked in my direction, and I moved back a few steps trying to keep the distance, ‘that was the only thing you were mildly useful for. Now you’ll just be a hindrance to me in this game.’ The look on his face was threatening, and he looked like he would kill me on the spot if he still had his gun.
‘We can still get another booklet! I’m sure there are some left at the central hall, which is just one floor above us-’
‘You go get it.’ Niragi cut me off. ‘This is your fault, so you go get it.’
‘Alright… I’ll do it.’ This guy was pissing me off so badly. But I still needed a booklet for myself since I had never been to this museum before. The idea of going up completely on my own made me anxious, but it would be a brief moment of peace away from these two.
I glanced at Chishiya for a moment, who was simply ignoring me and Niragi here. He was quietly watching something that looked like a pendulum, swinging back and forth in a corner.
Making my way upstairs, I walked over to the center and picked up another booklet, opening it on top of the table and shining my flashlight on it to get a better look. I wanted to find any other exhibitions that were related to people and get my clue as soon as possible.
As Chishiya suggested before, I looked for exhibitions that were titled ‘human’ instead of ‘people’ or ‘person’, and I found way too many instances of it. There was a huge area about human evolution, with specific exhibitions for each continent. ‘It will take some time to go through all of them, so I better go back fast.’
When I raised my flashlight, I noticed someone coming from upstairs – it was that climber woman. She also recognized me and walked over to me.
‘Hi! You’re that person from the Tag game, right?’
‘Yes, I am! Good to see you’re alive and well.’
She gave me a kind smile and we introduced ourselves to each other, before she mentioned being in a bit of a rush to get her key, explaining she needed to go downstairs. I told her I was also heading there, so I invited her to come along with me.
Back on the B1 floor, Niragi and Chishiya were arguing about something up ahead.
‘Oh, I forgot I’m stuck with those two for this game. I said we could go together, but that won’t be possible anymore, sorry.’
‘That’s fine, don’t worry about it. I’m going ahead then!’
Usagi quickened her pace moving toward the entrance to the Global Gallery when a night guard walked out from it and took notice of her. They immediately pointed the taser gun at her, but she was fast enough to run away from their aim.
I moved back to hide behind a wall, turning off my flashlight and noticing Chishiya and Niragi hiding in other corners of the room. I thought we all would be safe for a moment until our collars decided to turn on. Worst timing ever.
Footsteps came in our direction as the night guard made their way to us, and I got up to my feet heading for the stairs. I heard an electric shock sound, turning my head back to see that the guard had barely missed Chishiya. Glancing over at him, something else caught my attention – something was drawn on the silver sphere he was observing, though it disappeared when he moved far away from it.
It was like a cartoon lightbulb lit up above my head as I finally realized why our collars had violet lights, instead of normal white ones: They most likely had a blacklight LED, and our next clues were drawn with invisible ink.
I searched around for Chishiya, hoping that I could share my theory with him, and he was already watching me with a smirk on his face; it reminded me of the way he looked at me during the Tag game when he saw me staring at the safe zone door.
Shit, I really wanted to go over there to check the drawing, but the night guard was still nearby. I squatted and quietly tried to move closer to the sphere, but the guard spotted me and pointed their gun in my direction.
Before they could properly aim, though, someone – no, Usagi came running and jumped over their back, the guard struggled to dislodge her. They spun their whole body to fling her away and she hit the ground with a loud noise. My eyes darted between her and the guard as they looked over to her, readying their gun once again.
Something snapped inside of me, and I dashed in their direction. My heart raced with adrenaline when I tackled the guard and we both fell to the ground, making the guard drop both their taser gun and flashlight.
I sat back and looked up; the guard was already getting up while staring at me, and I felt my blood running cold. They walked in closer and I quickly scooched back, when my hand touched something on the floor – the taser gun.
Stunned and frightened, I could hardly think straight; my body moved too fast for me to realize, and suddenly I was holding the taser gun with both my hands, pointing at the guard in front of me as they had stopped moving. My arms were trembling and I couldn’t aim properly, but this wasn’t a normal gun – unlike a bullet wound, this could strike anywhere on their body and the shock would still kill them.
Was I really thinking of killing this person?
‘Would I even be able to do it?’
I had no time to reconsider anymore. The night guard sprinted toward me, and I pulled the trigger. A blood-curdling scream left their mouth when they received the shock, and soon they fell forwards to the ground, silent and unmoving, right next to me.
#hauntedsideofthemoon#chishiya x reader#chishiya x gender neutral reader#chishiya x gn reader#chishiya x oc#aib x reader#alice in borderland chishiya#chishiya fanfic#aib fanfic
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