Finally! A summer day without rain! 🙏 Love reading outside on a sunny day 🌞 And this one is scrumptious 😋 https://www.instagram.com/p/CRuZH91rpzQ/?utm_medium=tumblr

Spoiler alert: They Both Die At The End. (by Adam Silvera) This book proves that life is really about the journey, not the destination. It brings up some heavy topics and philosophical questions without actually feeling heavy or philosophical, which makes it a great read for teens. After all, we all die at the end, yet the moments leading up to the end are what truly matter, and it's up to us to make the most of it. Recommended for: Teenage boys (one of the few YA books with 2 male leads) ... #amreading #amreadingya #bookstagram #yafiction #yabooklove #yabookstagram #adamsilvera #theybothdieattheend #readingcommunity #readersofig #readersofinstagram #bookrecs #yabookreview #yabookrecs #bookreview #mentalhealthawareness #livefully #livelifetothefullest #livelikeyouweredying https://www.instagram.com/p/CQvli9eLpm1/?utm_medium=tumblr

The BFF's backyard beach. Ah summer: the sun on your skin, your toes in the sand, and your nose in a book. #livinthedream #summerstaycation #beachreads #makeyourownhappiness #findyourhappyplace #sunkissed #amreading #summervibes #summerreads #bookstagram #amreadingya #backyardbeach #readingcommunity #readercommunity #readersofinstagram #readersofig #yareadersofig #yareadersofinstagram #yareaders https://www.instagram.com/p/CQMkQ1trvlF/?utm_medium=tumblr

Snow. In the middle of April. Just last week we were outside in t-shirts. Welcome to New England!! Aaand this is why my current WIP has to do with weather. #BlameRaine #Windswept #welcometonewengland #newenglandlife #snow #weather #amwriting #weatherandbooks #snowedin #snowinspring #snowinspring❄️🌸 #amreading (at Putnam, Connecticut) https://www.instagram.com/p/CNue32RLFTA/?igshid=48iap2g9jufc

I saw this online and thought it would be fun! Post your answers below! Open the book you're currently reading to page 83. The first complete sentence describes your love life. . . . #justforfun #amreading #amreadingya #booklife #booklover #booksarelife #booklove #readersofig #readercommunity #readersofinstagram #bookgames #readergames https://www.instagram.com/p/CMNxwV7g9A1/?igshid=1cdnd8tjmzu50

Breaking out these old gems in the name of novel research! Brings me back to high school English. Oh, the nostalgia! Ms. Cav always comes to mind. With her big hair and even bigger personality. I just adored her and always looked forward to her class. Who was that one teacher who really stuck with you and made a difference in your life? . . #amwritingya #amwriting #highschoolthrowback #highschoolliterature #writingcommunity #writerscommunity #nostalgia #novelresearch #amresearching #highschoolenglish https://www.instagram.com/p/CL7x1RXA7SQ/?igshid=1oo788jb1odln

Just edited "the rose" scene, and (*sigh*) even after all these years, it's still my favorite ❤ . . #amwriting #nightwriter #darkestbeforethedawn #pivotalscene #amwritingya #writercommunity #writersofig #writersofinstagram #lightfantasy #yafantasy #blameraine #Windswept #booklove #allthefeels #writerslife #whencharacterscometolife https://www.instagram.com/p/CLvUZKeAypp/?igshid=1x9cufei47ust

Be kind. You have no idea what someone else is going through. . . . #amwriting #blameraine #snow #weather #naturesbeauty #bekind #amwritingya #kindnessmatters #kindness #internalstruggles #mentalhealth #wereallinthistogether #wereallhuman #wereonlyhuman #quotestagram #quotes #lifequotes https://www.instagram.com/p/CLuok4XDNZG/?igshid=16k065kcnedrw

What's your book love? There's so much to love. What are some of your favorite genres, tropes, characters, etc...? . For me, I love a story with heart. It can be contemporary or fantasy (light fantasy hits thay sweet spot). I like to see characters overcome their fears and their struggles, gain confidence as they grow. A good romantic subplot with a slow burn or enemies to lovers is also fun. I like to see characters who are three dimensional, complex, and feel real, like they could step off the page. . When I can't get a character out of my head, returning to the book is like meeting up with a good friend or lover, welcoming me back to their world with open arms. . . . #booklove #amreading #amwriting #amwritingya #booklover #bookstagram #booksarelife #booksarelove #booksaremagic #bookworm #readerslife #writerslife #writingcommunity #writerscommunity #writersofig #writersofinstagram #whatareyoureading #readingcommunity #readercommunity #booksandtea #booksandcoffee https://www.instagram.com/p/CLrDCAjDmVB/?igshid=15yd4h9dzwzwg

A beautiful winter day for a walk downtown with the nugget. . . #winter #winterinnewengland #community #winterwalks❄️ #winterwalk #selfcaresunday #explore #downtownadventures #kidsandbikes #ct #ctlifestyle #walking #wintertrail #giantornament #lightupputnam (at Putnam Rotary Park) https://www.instagram.com/p/CLk_hKGDFjs/?igshid=1rku8hyh67n0c

I read the Twilight Saga back when Eclipse was released, and I loved it. So I was super excited for Midnight Sun, and it didn't disappoint! Even though it has been years since I've read Twilight, I decided to *not* re-read it because I knew going into Midnight Sun that it was the same story told from Edward's perspective, and I think it was a good call! As I read, bits and pieces came back to me, and I loved that nostalgia factor. . What about you? Did you read (or re-read) Twilight before Midnight Sun? Do you think that impacted your enjoyment of the new book? . . #amreading #bookishlove #twilightsaga #midnightsun #stepheniemeyer #twihards #booksarelife #yaseries #yabookseries #bookstagram #bookspread #bookishlife #bookishpost #booklove https://www.instagram.com/p/CLjiz8UjNvv/?igshid=i7c48hotrz8

Push yourself. Change won't happen until you step outside your comfort zone. #Motivation #lifelessons #QOTD #lifequotes https://www.instagram.com/p/CLKDOBGjaMg/?igshid=swmz3kssy9z7

You've heard the cliché, "Knowledge is power." But that's the thing about many clichés: they're repeated so often because they're true. I hold this phrase especially close because the unknown isn't just scary for me--it's paralyzing. Example: There used to be this restaurant in central MA called Finders with instructions posted at the entrance to "finder your own seat," and "finder your own menu," and "finder your own popcorn..." I'm not even kidding. Now, I'm a person who won't go to a restaurant by myself, but in this instance, if I hadn't been to the place before with someone who knew the rules and walked in confidently, securing a table, menu, and popcorn for us, I would have started to panic and left. After holding myself back for so many years, I've found a way to push past this paralyzing fear of the unknown by learning as much as I can about it ahead of time. The more knowledge I have, the more at ease I feel and better equipped to handle a challenge. By nature, I'm not a gambler or a risk taker. I'm a researcher, a planner. I won't forge blindly ahead, but I'll be the map-reader and guide us down an unknown path, feeling the comfort of knowing that I can read the map and find my way out of the unknown path that plunges into the forest ahead. Listening to podcasts and reading books, articles, and posts from other writers and professionals in the writing and publishing industry help ease that fear that grips me. It unbinds the chains that hold me back. So, thank you, fellow writers, for sharing your experiences and being vulnerable and open when it's such a difficult thing to do. Thank you, honestly, for being you. 💛 https://www.instagram.com/p/CLHiQBNju3Z/?igshid=1i9orvydiaexe

The first lines of "Daisies" by Katy Perry is how I feel about telling people I'm a writer. It doesn't matter that I've typed "THE END" on 4 novels (that I haven't had the guts yet to revise and publish), that I spend every waking moment thinking about books and writing and making it my career, or how many books, podcasts, and articles on the craft I've consumed when I'm not actively writing, planning, or revising my own work. I too often feel like an imposter, and I worry that others will think I am, too. I have this (entirely wrong) notion that others won't see me as a writer or take me seriously unless I have been published by a big 6 traditional publishing house or have my name appear on the NYT Bestsellers list. And that fear has held me back from querying agents and putting myself out there. Well, I'm done. I'm ready. I'm finally revising the novel that I've known for years would be my debut. So, as Katy Perry said, "They tell me that I'm crazy, but I'll never let 'em change me till they cover me in daisies..." And I onclude myself in "they." So, maybe I also have a slight Gollum complex, eh Precious? 😉 . . #impostersyndrome #impostersyndromeisreal #writerslife #writerscommunity #amwriting #daisies #katyperry #writingcommunity #dontstopwontstop #keepgoing #dreambig #dreambigworkhard https://www.instagram.com/p/CLFPgCYjAcT/?igshid=s1b0u6kcwjq7

You know that scene in LEGALLY BLONDE when Elle Woods says, "Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people don't shoot their husbands."? 😆 I love that scene (along with the bend and snap, but that's a story for another time).

I had gotten into a funk. And by funk, I mean depression. I had really struggled with depression and anxiety throughout adolescence, but in my twenties I started going to the gym, started writing again (I discovered my passion for writing in high school... hm... maybe that's why I'm still sick there in my head?) and I was able to wean off of my meds.

It was a good run for a while. I was writing, reading, got a new job, exercising regularly...

And then it all stopped.

I don't remember how it happened. But I got a new job and bought a house, the house too far to go to my gym regularly, especially between working and the communte. So, my gym membership expired, I worked tons of overtime, and then I vegged out on the couch in my downtime. I thought I was happy.

Then, I had my son and dealt with post partum. It wasn't severe, thankfully, maybe more like the "baby blues," but I was crying almost every day, felt sluggish, and found myself slipping into my former, self-destructive mindset.

Last year, around this time, I realized the trajectory I was on and I didn't like it, didn't like myself and the excessive weight I had put on (think like 50+ pounds!), when I stumbled across a weight loss post from a girl I went to high school with. Now, I say "girl," but she was a force -- she would enter a room like a boom box on max, messy bun and sweats (but in that preppy way that worked), a smile so broad you couldn't help but smile back, with a sharp-wit humor and a shining confidence like a pinnacle of light in the darkness. She was part of the Smurph, Hickey, Bowes group in high school, which, to me, and through my lens, was *The Group*. I didn't envy them. I admired them. I wanted to be them, a part of this group of intellectual, sporty, outgoing rays of sunshine. But that was not me.

I was the quiet one, the girl with her head down, passing "under the radar" to use Ms. Cav's words. I thought I was okay with it: after all, I didn't want to be seen, didn't want to draw attention to myself, so I stayed quiet, learning more about the grooves on the floor than the eyes of my peers.

Fast forward to early 2020, when the pandemic was still brand new, when people had divided into two speculative camps: COVID-19 was either the apocalypse or the flu blown way out of proportion. But I wasn't thinking about the end of the World, just the end of my world, and with tear-stained cheeks, I went against my timid, fear-of-judgment, self-preserving nature and commented on her post. And she reached out to me.

I'm now part of her fitness group, a year into the program, and approximately 45 pounds lighter and leaner. But it's not just about the weight loss. Oh, no, it's about so much more than that. Endorphins, as Elle Woods would say. Endorphins make you happy, and happy people don't mope around feeling sorry for themselves. They do something about it.

During my weight loss journey, my skin cleared up, my nails grew in thicker, but most importantly, I found a renewed raison d'etre. I started reading and writing again, and I actually plotted and wrote an entire novel over the summer (it's a contemporary college romance), from beginning to end without stopping. Of the three other novels I've finished, this was the first that didn't feel like work. It was straight up fun. But those other three were completely pantsed, and I've now learned that I'm a Plantser: plot the basic outline, fill in a few scenes, but then pants the scenes themselves. It's my sweet spot.

So, I saw the pattern: Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy Dean writes novels.

Peace out, 2020! ✌

So 2020 wasn't what anyone expected, at all. But this new year's eve, I was lucky enough to not only find a way to celebrate (safely) but to also have something worth celebrating. There was a time when I felt worthless, when I wasn't sure if it was worth getting out of bed in the morning, when I didn't think anyone would miss me if I disappeared. Would anyone even notice? But that was then, and this is now. It didn't happen overnight. It was slow and steady progress, but I've found renewed vigor, a sense of purpose, and not only the will to live but the will to live fully.

So, no, 2020 was not what anyone expected, but even in the midst of despair, there is hope, and that, at the very least, is something worth celebrating.

Do you ever get the overwhelming urge to jump up and dance when a certain song comes on? It happens to me all the time. And, you know, more often than not, I actually do it. And I'm not talking about those little shoulder sways and elbow pumps... I'm talking like full-on jump on the bed, spin around the chair, my-life's-a-musical style dancing. Sometimes, you just gotta give in to the feeling. OneRepublic's "Let's Hurt Tonight" does that for me. #feelinthebeat #dancebreak #messyhairdontcare #movetothemusicmonday #onerepublic https://www.instagram.com/p/CLCVyrmDxoy/?igshid=wbkl8qw96pl0