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mothmanperson · 5 months
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only maggots love the taste of rotting flesh.
cw: blood, gore, angst, really bad attempt at being poetic, reader implied to be from another world/universe(isekai), dead dove: do not eat
no character is mentioned, but it’s a jujutsu kaisen…. thing i wrote, i honestly don’t know what to call this
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what were you doing…?
what have you….. done….?
blood rushed to your head and you suddenly couldn’t feel your feet and hands anymore, besides the aching cold that filled you to your bones.
your knees screamed, the rough, cracked ground you kneeled on duh into your skin like needles. but you didn’t move just yet, your body just… refuse to let you turn away from the gruesome scene in front of you.
one that you alone had caused.. this, was your own doing…
at one point a painful sound rung through your ears, piercing your eardrums, red bleeding down your neck onto clothes you borrowed.
you didn’t notice, it felt as if everything around you was dulled yet so enhanced at the same time. you thought if you felt hard enough, you could feel the pitter patter of ants from the park far away, that was spared by the havoc.
god…. have you always been this cruel?
you never thought you could fall this far.
clarity, yet you couldn’t even see your own perspective anymore. you lost sight of something you could barely remember anymore, lost in a war that had nothing to do with you, that shouldn’t have been possible to have anything to do with you.
yet… like a fool, you went with whatever was thrown at you… instead of helping yourself, like you always did, instead of taking things into your own hands, like you knew you had to.
you sat around and did nothing: twiddled your thumbs, achieving nothing to help your peculiar case.
the day you came to was a blur, yet you seemed to gain a sense of deja vu, red filling to much of your unfocused view.
you breathed calmly, deep breaths that made your lungs want to burst out of your chest in shame of what you’ve achieved.
your heart beating uncomfortably fast, but not enough to be threatening.
it felt like when you didn’t sleep a minute at night, your body doing everything to pull your through the day, while also staying alive and alert, creating an almost out of body experience, you could see yourself kneeling in front of the growing pool of crimson blood.
the one you created, on your own with no one to blame but your own.
god, those hands that were smeared with cake batter just a few days prior, now forever stained with cooling blood of someone you recognize.
you took another deep breath and your lips parted, cracking and tearing apart, fresh dropplets of blood filling the spaces between dried skin, your teeth coated in a lot more of the same liquid, horrifying, as it forced it’s way down your throat.
you didn’t even mind the taste.
your hands shook, as did your vision as you looked at the appendages, moving them in any kind of way hurt as dried wounds reopened, ripping open even more and your bones scratched from below.
your skeleton wanted to escape its sinful bindings, and so did you, run away to a place that wasn’t this, that wasn’t here.
hide from the world and rot until dirty maggots feast upon you like you are a delicacy, loving your taste, your texture, your thoughts and feelings.
loving you, even if they were lowly, filthy things that crawled to the dead like moths to a flame.
eating hole in your heart, finding there is one already, round and empty, black and blistering like tar, bleeding into your live essence, mingling with your blood like old friends. when it shed, only then was it’s true nature revealed, sticking to everything like sweet, sweet honey, everything you once reached for so hopefully, was painted it’s ugly color, the saccharine smell attracting flies to lay their spawn, setting their doom.
yet you were still alive, the maggots loved your flesh, yet you moved and lived and continued on with your live, letting decay fall upon all without a care.
you should‘ve helped yourself, when you still had the chance, now you killed and your fate was sealed, your doom was to come. you felt it in your corroding heart, you felt it.
god, or was that feeling just the larva indulging in your core?
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mothmanperson · 5 months
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Picture Unperfect
cw: gender neutral reader, slightly insecure reader, angst, tiniest bit of fluff, reader doesn’t cry, mean frat dude probably, ooc probably
tw: mocking, being made fun of for appearance
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well at least until you have the glow-up everyone else seems to be having, or already had, or never needed.
you were so jealous of those people,
and you genuinely never understood how it even came to, that you befriended them.
that they genuinely want to hang out with you in breaks, write you(by their own will, mind you) regularly or ask if you‘d like to go out with them, to a restaurant, expensive ones, your friends seemed to have that money, or amusement parks, or to one of your places.
you were amazed by the fact they simply didn‘t care. they didn’t care that you looked a mess 80% of the time, they didn’t care that you had emotions, that you were more sad and depress at times. your small friend group didn’t care that your room looked how it looked, overlooking the trash mountain by the side of your bed, which you didn‘t have the energy’s to clean up yet.
you were never conventionally attractive. and you never will be, you made peace with that. it was hard, and it still is. every time you come across a reflective surface and catch a peek of yourself you falter, jump at someone you don’t quite recognize. you know those features, all to well, after spending hour standing in front of a mirror, criticizing every wrong placed cell in your body, but they don’t make sense in the way you want them to. your image in your mind is so much different than whatever it is that owlishly blinks back at you.
but after years of yearning to be normal, to look normal, you‘ve come to an agreement with your body and mind, and now you don’t completely hate how you look anymore. it was nice in a way, but it still wasn’t easy.
you felt like you lost so much in your younger years. something you could never recover or catch up on.
conventionally attractive people have it easy, you always thought. sure they might have problems too, but they didn’t wake up with dread, dressing in the biggest and darkest clothes because nothing else felt right on their dirty skin, you always told yourself, in that close mindedness of yours. and that’s okay, somehow this close mindedness brings comfort, just once you only thought of yourself.
conventionally attractive people didn’t have the problem of seeing their friends get pined after left anf right, didn’t have to give advice to a topic they couldn‘t even imagine, and only dream of.
people tend to say ‚your time will come‘ or ‚you will meet someone when you least expect it‘, well…. now you don’t expect it at all anymore, so where is your soulmate? you angrily thought to yourself as a, now ex friend, told you how hard it was to have three people have a crush on her at the same time, because it was so exhausting trying to be nice to them, even if they annoyed her and she only had eyes for one.
‚just block them‘
you once said to which she simply replied
,i don’t want to be mean‘
you stood up and left then and there. your friendship crumbled like ash after. and you never talked again.
romantic interaction and people telling you they like you, romantically or platonically, wasn’t really a thing for you growing up.
one or two friends stayed with you over the years, but the rest you never saw or even talked to anymore.
you often wonder if they think about you as much as you do about them and the way they openly disrespected you and hurt your feelings and you didn’t even get it.
you never had much reassurance growing up that how you looked didn’t matter, that to some people you looked cool, that they wanted to be friends with you because you looked the way you looked.
and that ruined so much for you, most of which you have yet to heal from, yet you’re trying your best.
and then, after you graduated from secondary school, you went off to a technical college. were you met your new friends.
they were so odd and awkward at the beginning. but so were you. you guessed it was destined you got jumbled together into this mess of a group you call friends.
and things finally started to look up. you laughed and cried, shared secrets and insulted each other, it just fit perfectly.
you were oh so greatful to finally find people that you could start to believe, wanted to be friends with you.
even when you started to doubt and ask, they always reassured you, so lovingly, in a way no one else had, you had no other chance than to believe them.
but you have yet to come over the fact that such, ethereal, pretty and handsome people, wanted to be friends, with you, it sounded absurd and made absolutely no sense to you.
all of them were more than just conventionally attractive, and definitely way above ‚over average‘ and they definitely knew, how could they not?
gojo satoru, a tall, white haired dude with big blue eyes was the heartthrob of the school. wearing sunglasses all the time, his laid back and nonchalant personality made him even more popular with everyone but the teachers.
geto suguru was more toned down, a calm and collected individual, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t just as much of a menace as satoru. his long hair, done in an attractive loose man-bun most of the time, helped bring across his put together yet relaxed persona. and slightly slanted and ever narrowed eyes that gave him such an alluring look that had everyone swooning in secret.
(he even had tunnels, a feature you shared, which made you even more happy, his were just a bit smaller than yours)
and last but not least, shoko leiri, an ever tired, chain smoking woman. her brown hair suited her well, and while controversial, so did her dark circles, it gave her such character you couldn’t even begin to describe. when you looked at her, everything just clicked into place and made sense. having smoker parents yourself, her scent was comforting, oddly enough, mixed with her cherry scented lipgloss (she sometimes shares it with you).
and then there was you… you knew how you looked like, and that’s the exact reason you avoid looking at yourself in group pictures. it was a sweet gesture of them, of course, and you appreciated not being left out, but you simply couldn’t stand seeing yourself next to them. so out of place, so happy yet, it almost disgusted you, you disgusted yourself for ruining such a pretty photo once again.
‚aww, it looks so cute!‘
you excitedly tell your friends as they show you the picture they took of you all while out eating, skillfully ignoring that nauseatingly familiar face, stuffing itself full with food. they don’t notice how you felt, years of covering your disappointment made that possible.
it’s not like you didn’t want them to see or know, because they did, you just… didn’t know how to stop doing it.
if you knew someone, gojo most of the time, took a picture, you took great care in hiding your face, with your hand or a piece of clothing. but sometimes your weren’t fast enough or didn’t notice gojo was taking a picture in the first place. he loved to take those kinds of pictures. and you let him have his fun, admittedly, some of them were really funny and made you laugh aswell, but you‘d never tell them that… they‘d never let you live it down.
it was only one time this kind of escalated into something ugly…
———————————————————————
„oh my god, i look disgusting in this picture..“
„whaaat? no! you look totally cute“
you shot gojo a glare as you continued to look through the plethora of pictures he had taken, physically sick at the way you looked.
it was already evening and the sun just started to set. you and gojo sat on a bench, waiting for geto and shoko to come back from their smoking break. satoru hated the smell and you didn’t smoke anymore so you two always did something else while they killed their lungs.
and today satoru felt like taking pictures, stupid ones that looked ugly no matter how you looked at it, but also some really pretty ones if it wasn’t for you and your little imperfections that only seemed visible to you.
„i’m going to delete them..“
you said, after a lengthy pause and instantly were tackled. gojo put his whole body weight on top of you and reached for his phone, eyes wide and panicked.
„NO YOU‘RE NOT- THOSE PICTURES ARE AMAZING-„
he yelled, or more like whined as he struggled to get ahold of his phone, you kept far away from him. you tried to push him off but to no avail, so you wriggled your way out from beneath him and took some steps back as a precaution.
„nooo- i look awful in these, i’m not gonna let you keep those-..“
you groaned, sidestepping your friends attempt at catching you.
„oh come on, why not? it’s not like anyone is gonna see..“
he tried convincing, stalking closer, eyeing his expensive phone, gripping tightly in your hand.
you faltered a bit, your arm lowering slightly, easily convinced.
„alright, okay“
you sighed out
„but you’re not gonna show anyone else alright? you can send them into the group chat but no showing around..“
you handed him back his phone and he sighed in relief, checking his phone for damage that wasn’t there.
always so quick to exaggerate.
you really hope you could rely on the small chance no one would see.
but alas, you hoped to soon..
days later, in the big break, you sat with suguru, shoko and gojo at a small table at the back of the cafeteria, where you always sat. there was more space for others to sit at but most f the time it was just the four of you.
not today though, some people you didn’t know, but gojo apparently did sat with you for some stupid reason, talking his ear off and taking all his attention.
to say it was awkward would be an understatement. you geto and shoko weren’t quite as extroverted as gojo was, so you didn’t talk, which you were totally okay with, but there were strangers at the table that stared, and talked about topics you didn’t know about. they were loud and unruly, disrespectful and you you could see satoru cringe here and there at something one of the guys said, his phone screen side up layed in front of him, as he played with it impatiently, hoping the guys he knew but really didn’t know would finally leave.
it all happened in a matter of seconds, and gojo received a message, his screen lighting up, showing a dimly lit photo.
it was one from a few days ago, on the bench.
someone stupid and ugly looking sitting right next to him, as if they were on the same level. they shouldn’t even be near him.
thoughts started to crowd their mind, progressively getting worse and worse but you said nothing.
„who is that person with you on that photo?“
one of the guys asked, his voice sounding odd, almost degrading even if he hadn’t said anything bad. you snapped out of your mind, and your eyebrows furrowed. now you felt ashamed.
you could just hope gojo wouldn’t say it wad you, to spare you the embarrassment of being perceived.
„is that your partner?“
another voice called out, less condescending and more curiously before a third voice joined in, grating and mocking tone of voice. it hurt your ears.
„really? you could do better than that, satoru, they look so weird, you can even see their double chin“
the voice laughed, and so did the other’s. all the while your friends already small smile slipped from his face, as now a borderline annoyed expression took it‘s place.
„and such unclear skin“
„and their weight?“
„they look stupid“
„ugly“
„unlovable“
you weren’t quite sure anymore which words your mind made up and which ones were truly spoken, but it mattered little. if you could, you would just love to sink into the ground and never face earth an it’s opponents ever again.
„it doesn’t matter does it?!“
gojo’s uncharacteristically angry voice interrupts, and you were happy it was quiet again.
„how they look doesn’t fucking matter does it? their personality is awesome, unlike yours and they look stunning something you could never achieve, so fuck off..“
it was unusual for gojo to slip out of his happy-go-lucky persona, but this was his friend we‘re talking about, he never held back when it came to his friends.
you didn’t listen what happened after that, leaning onto geto’s shoulder and indulged yourself in your phone, a nice distraction from this escapade.
you knew it didn’t matter, those guys… didn’t matter, but that didn’t make it hurt less. emotions from still open wounds trickled out like cold blood. you took a deep breath as the table got silent again. no one talked. but it wasn’t awkward.
there was just a bitter solemn tension in the air.
you were a bit more reserved after that, quiet and less engaging in silly conversations, and your friends knew to give you a bit of time, they didn’t pity you and kept treating you normally.
but they were a bit more affectionate, especially geto.
gojo kept his distance knowing he was part of the cause, and also because he didn’t know if or how he could apologize.
shoko gave you her silent support, a stable individual you could rely on. and you loved her for that.
it was alright though, you‘ll come around eventually, you always did…
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mothmanperson · 6 months
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songs i think fit to YuuriVoice characters and listeners, maybe with and maybe without elaboration
Charlie(my love <3)
i’m german so i know what the lyrics say and it just fits you get me, also just the beat n stuff- it sounds very much ‚my life is going downhill and i’m getting chased by people who don’t like me‘ and it- just fits charlie‘s storyline so so well i think
now just for funsies we’re doing vamp!auron hehe
for him i have Overtüre from the dance of the vampires musical which i very much adore. even if you don’t know german, go listen to the whole musical(i know there’s an englisch version but the german one is just superior<3)
now onto Boo which is very mich meant as a joke but like:
how could i resist, please tell me. boo just shot bro and did a lil dancey dance like c‘mon the joke writes itself
now going onto charlie‘s(<3) listener to me they’re just so lady gaga coded like-
and especially government hooker????? YES PLEASE
and obviously IT GIRL like-
they are- they really are
and the boys, the bæs Al and Seth(YEA BABY)
another german song bc :P
for them ‚diamanten‘ by kontra k fits super well to. the beginning stages of their relationship when they were deep in the gang shit.
and yea that’s it for now, thanks for listening(go listen to ‚tanz der vampire‘ now >:( or else)
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mothmanperson · 6 months
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continuing my little luca and listener headcanon rant, since we don’t know much about the listeners job, i alway imagine they are part of the mafia elias is part of. idk how i came to this thought to be honest, but i feel it‘d be interesting to see.
so the listener, as i hopefully remember right, come around a lot, and brings luca all the hot chocolate and stuff, so they’re defending something of a executive or smth, and get to travel a lot. they don’t tell their husband anything about their job, because they want to keep him out of it as best as they can.
also, everyone in the mafia is so rooting for listener and luka, and they’re so in love, stopping interrogations and missions if luca calls without hesitating, and they always talk about him and they’re never overworking to get home to their love on time and ughh their so sappy and happy and lovely i wanna throw up
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mothmanperson · 6 months
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some hc relationship dynamics with luca from ZSakuVa bc i love him<3
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this one goes both ways
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i think this one is obvious. there’s no way luca‘s listener has a healthy sleep schedule and luca isn’t worrying about it 24/7
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they’re just so in love with him: down on their knees, rolling ugly crying kicking their feet like a schoolgirl n shit it’s disgusting
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mothmanperson · 6 months
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Tank: Asher once showed me the song „save a horse“ by Big & Rich…
Tank: Save to say i took that literally..
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mothmanperson · 6 months
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I want him to pray to me (he has a god complex)
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mothmanperson · 7 months
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to all my trigun stampede fans(i didn’t watch/read anything else)
stress psychological stress probably killed her second baby too :‘)
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mothmanperson · 10 months
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dad-vid
david shaw but… like… he lets pack pups dress him up and do his makeup and nails.
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mothmanperson · 11 months
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Like and reblog if you can relate to this:
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mothmanperson · 1 year
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[name]: so..... you play chess??
fyodor: yes, i do. its sport for ones mind and keeps me entertained for a while.
[name], judging: thats.... so gay-
fyodor: ?????
[name]: why are you making moves on another man??
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i wanna write for bsd so bad like more, fanfiction-esque but damn i am so stupid i don't know half the things they talk about, i have many ideas tho so idk
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mothmanperson · 1 year
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guilty
my toxic trait is thinking that i could get every single guy from bungou stray dogs if i wanted to
like it couldn't be that hard, maybe some of them would need a bit more work but at the end of the day i can have whoever i please
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mothmanperson · 1 year
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➳𝚋𝚞𝚗𝚐𝚘𝚞 𝚜𝚝𝚛𝚊y 𝚍𝚘𝚐𝚜
➪𝚜𝚑𝚎𝚗𝚊𝚗𝚒𝚐𝚊𝚗𝚜
☢︎︎1☢︎
☢︎︎2☢︎︎
☢︎︎3☢︎︎
𝕥𝕠 𝕓𝕖 𝕔𝕠𝕟𝕥𝕚𝕟𝕦𝕖𝕕...
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mothmanperson · 1 year
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me when i look up 'quotes' or smth on Pinterest and pretend i have a big brain, even tho my two braincells can't even manage to write anything
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mothmanperson · 1 year
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my toxic trait is thinking that i could get every single guy from bungou stray dogs if i wanted to
like it couldn't be that hard, maybe some of them would need a bit more work but at the end of the day i can have whoever i please
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mothmanperson · 1 year
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Dazai: I can't mansplain, manipulate, manwhore my way out of this one boys
[name]: manslaughter it is then
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mein gott ich fühl mich zu witzig haha (translation: i have severe issues and undiagnosed adhd)
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mothmanperson · 1 year
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