From Panic! at the Disco to Panic! at the Dog Park

As I write this I am 32. For the last couple years or so I've done what they call "getting my shit together." This, after spending the better part of my post school years being a charmingly labeled "lost boy." (More on that in other stories). I got a full-time job and did well enough to where they saw it fit for me to eventually lead others while handing me a decent paycheck. So I wear the clothes and speak the language by day and maintain what is the "real" me by night. I sometimes catch myself waxing poetic and regurgitating old cliches about motivation and development, and then gag almost immediately while taking solace in the fact that I haven’t adopted a cell phone holster. Seriously, there are few things more vapid and cringe worthy than quoting the cliched wisdom of others as your only recourse to motivate other people or “stand out.” I don’t care, if being a yuckster is your grand plan for visibility, then I probably hate you. I digress...

I think for me, it was the moment I ushered our beloved adopted dog Huey through the threshold of our overpriced and overly gentrified Atlanta apartment. Gentrified mind you, in a way that you can only find in the ATL. Now I know what you’re saying, but what about kids! Shouldn’t it be kids! It’s having children that changes us! Kids kids kids blah blah blah. I’ve seen this show, I want my money back... I'm kidding of course. I like kids just fine. We like kids just fine. We just don’t LOVE kids and that decidedly goes against a personal motto of mine, which states “love it, or leave it alone.”

A little backstory on Huey: We adopted him from a shelter in Atlanta in 2020 at the age of 4. He was newly with a foster when we found him and were able to meet him, then subsequently bring him home for a trial run. (A quick side note, the fact that you can just test drive prospective adopted pets is emotional terrorism at best and I’ll leave it at that). For me, it was love at first sight. I was ready to sign the papers as soon as he came up to me, face happy and tail wagging, looking to hang out next to me. What can I say, I'm notoriously easy… For my fiance, well she was a bit more skeptical about the whole thing and wanted to see how things went over the next week or so.

Now, one could say Huey is a bit socially awkward and anxious. He is also incredibly smart with a big personality. Equally, he is protective of his loved ones and our space as we would come to find out. He seemed to be trained in the basic sense, knew how to sit, lay down, and let us know when he had to go to evacuate the bowels and/or get some fresh air. All seemed well, so we signed the papers about a week into his stay and that was that. He was a part of the family. Now, back to the socially awkward and protective bit… We lived in a sprawling compound-like apartment building in the city of Atlanta, or ITP for you locals. This building came with a dog park right below us, a dog park for a lot of residents with a lot of dogs of all varieties. This does not mix with a protective and socially awkward dog, with shades of anxiety who proceeds to go into this yelp/whine/bark hybrid thing almost instantaneously at almost every dog and blurry shadow of a person he sees. Although he was never vicious, he was most assuredly "that dog." I could tell this particular reality made my fiance nervous. Nervous enough to constantly worry about what the neighbors thought and to enlist a dog trainer, for our otherwise sweet and playful pup. The trainer helped, I will admit, but it wasn’t a cure for that particular tendency. Collectively, we just had to love and accept him as he was and start from there. This was unconditional love. This was active love.

To be completely honest, he was a lot like us. Outside of the aforementioned peppermint schnapps of legend, we were both anxious and a bit socially awkward individuals who only welcomed the company of others when we had the mental energy or comfort level to do so. He also needed us as much as we needed him, if not more since he was in fact a dog. I can’t say the same about anything or anyone else, not even my fiance. She’d be fine without me. Some might even say she set the bar a little too low where yours truly is concerned. But not him. He was now the center of our world and we and we were responsible for making that world a healthy and happy one. And for him, a guy with history unknown and who's been through it, we were now his only world. I've played packed venues, given speeches, tended packed bars, managed sales teams etc etc, but for me that brought a whole new level of pressure and responsibility.

So that was it, the lightbulb moment of acting like fucking adult for once. Sometimes the most unexpected situations are the ones that reward and change you the most. Gone were the days of being the cool kids, stumbling through the latest ill conceived hook ups, and reveling in the afterglow of the “best. night. ever.” over greasy food and semi-cold beer. It’s not even the endorphin rush of screaming out your favorite songs or in my case, playing them, at the latest concert of your favorite band that takes you there. No.

It’s going from Panic! at the Disco to Panic! at the Dog Park.

Mark A.D.

Silence is compliance.

11/9/16

This is who we are now.  A detrimental mix of apathy and ignorance.  There are people in this country other than yourself and your failure to realize/accept that, affords not only them, but yourself less of a place here.  The American ground you stand on, shrinks by the syllable and slur.   We were born to each other, from each other.  We were made to fight the good fight.  To dream great dreams and accomplish great things.  To speak in rhythm and see in color.  We were made to shape our world and our reality.  WE were; together.  You've made nothing "great again," because it was not great before.  True greatness is only earned when it is strived for and reached continuously, not while harkening back to a time back when.   You blew it.  We blew it.  We had a chance, but this is who we are now.  This is who we've always been.

I'm of the belief that if someone else's views or beliefs "offend" another person, it has more to do with said person's own insecurities regarding their own views or beliefs, more so that actually being "offended."  As Americans, we are taught to find zero value in losing or being wrong and that is a fundamental problem in desperate need fixing.

MD

Temporary

Write your own songs, find your own love, fulfill your own dreams, live your own life. Don't be agreeable, but authentic. Invest with time, not with money. Invest in people, not in things. The only true metric for success, is the one you set for yourself. Do good for the right reasons. Do wrong for the right reasons. Destroy only to create some more. Never forget where you came from, but never fear to be challenged. What's unpopular now might save your life later. Never focus so closely on just yourself, that you lose sight of what's around you. The only true reality is that we are all temporary, but we are temporary together. -MD

Accept, Breathe, Live: An Open Letter.

The past year or so has been less than stellar. One might say the worst on record. Yet, I sit here surprisingly thankful and most importantly, breathing. I’ve learned a lot about the world and people in general… How it operates, how they operate, how it operates because of how they operate. I’ve accepted that you can not please everyone nor is everyone your kind, but that there is absolutely nothing wrong with that and to wish them well anyway. Or, that people will not only use your weaknesses against you, but your strengths as well and that it is important to still hold them as strengths regardless. I’ve learned that I will probably continue to get knocked down at times and that will never change, but I will be able to get back up equally, gravity be damned. I’ve accepted that right and wrong is a fluid concept and just a matter of perception, but to never forget the value of my own moral compass, because through that I will always find my center. Lastly, I’ve learned to accept that Rome wasn’t built in a day, as they say, and that it most certainly wasn’t built singlehandedly no matter what anyone tries to tell you. You don’t have to swallow your pride in order accept help and it doesn’t diminish your value because you’ve done so. There’s more good than you realize in working to make great use of what you’ve been given, and someday being able to return or pass on the favor. Reciprocation is its own reward. Do good. Fight the good fight. There’s beauty in everything, so don’t be afraid to look around once in a while or create some of your own. Don’t let time be a metric for success. We’re going to die and there’s plenty of time for it, but we’re all still living so act accordingly. After all, you may find yourself a spry twenty-something, full of piss and vinegar and having it all figured out, to years later (even only a few), just trying to breathe as you wonder if it really matters which piece of porcelain you aim into. Here's to pissing and breathing... -MD

I'm not afraid to say I do not like something, but I'm equally unafraid to understand its appeal to others.  To me, that is the definition of progress.

MD

A bleeding heart requires no apologies.

MD

Where you are from and where you belong, are not mutually exclusive.

MD

The Death of Art...

Art is an incredible devil of a thing.  It transcends the mundane, the routine, the norm.  It has the distinct ability to make you feel, even for a split second, and encapsulate that moment (or moments) forever in your mind.  It's equaled to nothing but the ability to feel, really feel, in the first place.  It's rivaled by none, except other forms of perfect/imperfect art.  Art is everything and nothing all at once, like the pause in between breaths.  As for the artist?  Well, they are just the architects of the operation.  The ones who not only create, but live and breathe the art itself.  Carrying it around in their pocket, in their soul, shackled to it for eternity.  But, I suppose that's nothing much really.  I suppose there's no reason to mourn the death of the artist.  The death of art...  #RIPDavidBowie #ZiggyStardust

True Confessions:

I’m scared as hell of finding the one.  Even more so of finding the one who suits me, then conceiving a daughter.  One who is rebellious and creative, equally.  A literary and logical genius who will act out in pure spite of me, just for the story.  Only to then put pen to paper and perform it eloquently and beautifully.  Truly frightening... 

-MD

I don’t typically do covers, but I’ve always loved this track and band.  Check it out.  My debut album “Daylight” is still available at http://www.eftmega.com/artist/spin-light-orchestra/ 

It took 1500 years for humans to accept that the galaxy did not revolve around the earth. I wonder how long it will take some people to realize that the world doesn’t revolve around them…

MD

Live. Burn. Rise. @spinlightorchestra #SLOsounds #ignite #takeaim #florida #singersongwriter

Just because you were placed on third to pinch run, doesn't mean you hit a triple. Be mindful of the struggle of others and who exactly helped you through yours, because not all are the same.

MD

Write of a life lived. Do not live a life that's been written.

MD

Light At Last

I’m not yet where I thought I would be… At this hour, of this day, on this year. I’ve worked hard at things I hate for survival, with little else to show for it. I’ve learned skills irrelevant to my goals, because what comes naturally doesn’t pay my bills. I’ve met many different people, in many different places. I’ve done things some only think or dream of, but in the grand scheme of my own dreams, they are just blips. I’ve made memories in surplus, so much so that I now find many have faded. I’ve been through heart ache and heart break. I’ve made mistakes and have been mistaken. I’ve found faith, seen it misplaced, and have lost it all together. I’ve suffered letdowns and losses, of my own doing and from others alike. I’ve seen personal triumph and personal failures. I’ve loved and have been loved. I’ve been hated. I’m not yet where I thought I would be… Because maybe what I’ve been searching for is not place, nor a paycheck, or a title. Maybe what I’ve been searching for is a person, the one I’ve grown to be. It’s just taken me until completion, to finally realize it. Now smile you simple son of a bitch, because you’ve found yourself right where you’re supposed to be. -MD