eyesofhellabore - Tumblr blog

eyesofhellabore · 10 months

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I feel like a bad dog

So easily tamed And so easily loyal

Like stupid dog When you hit me I sob and recoil

I think it's my fault The bad things you do

And still into the night I'd follow you

I feel like a bad dog Who's done nothing wrong I feel like a bad dog Who deserves all the hits, love

I take it all cause Cause i feel like a bad dog

I take it all, I eat scraps of love

My bowl is empty under the table your leg I nudge

I don't mean to beg you But I've been starving since birth

I'll lick any knife No matter what it says bout my worth

I don't mind at all I've gotten used to the name

I believe it all and all of the shame

Cause I believe I'm a bad dog Who's done nothing wrong I believe I'm a bad dog Who deserves all the hits, love

I take it all cause Cause i feel like a bad dog

I feel like a bad dog

Maybe Imma bad dog

I am a bad dog

#poetry #my writing #sad poem #writers and poets #writings #literature #love poem #prose #original song #bad dog #idk this feels emo #sad dog poem

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eyesofhellabore · 10 months

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A rats eulogy

Rat was beloved Made from stardust from the sky Little black holes Infinity eyes Ryo is with the cosmos Rat is with the earth With beautiful life of all things With flowering flowers And soft dirt Ryo is with all things especially Your heart He was beloved From the very start

(my friend's rat passed away, all I could do was hold them and wipe their tears and kiss their head and cry with them. I wrapped him up to make him look like he was sleeping. goodbye little guy)

#poetry #sad poem #my writing #poetic #writings #literature #death #death poetry #eulogy #euloges #greif #greif poem #dead poem #deat rat #good bye angel #you are loved #rip #rip ryo

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eyesofhellabore · 1 year

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The flowers of water will not kill you

I promise, in the beginning,

the softness was pure

I wanted to love you

And be content painting flower piece,

After flower piece

But something spilt the water vase

And left it in thirst upon the floor

And flowers begged for life

In desperation their morals gone

And sought any way

To possibly live on

flowers will not kill you

I promise you they won't

For these aren't flowers

They haven't been flowers

since vase broke

I can't hold it in no longer!

These paintings of longing peace!

I am going mad painting flower piece

After flower piece!

Oh what elegant craftsmanship

Bold colors catch the eye!

The flower blood stained dye!

Oh flowers consuming me

I cannot run from fate

I am not the victim here

I am not innocent to blood taste

I am a flower doomed

In a vase of blood I lap!

I am starving for your blood be spilt

I am wishing for your sight go black

I failed myself!

I could not cut, you

, charming man, from my life

So I cut and cut myself

Till my self hatred turned it's knife

And could not hold it in no more

All the pain I wished to turn to you

And the flowers became thirsty

But not for morning dew

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eyesofhellabore · 1 year

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Weave

And I live

and breathe almost anything into art

Taking one’s sorrows

And will the pain through the medium of writing on paper

As prominent as glass that stains the skin with blood

Ever so gently

With words that weave

Through poetry

The soul sings high

And low

And I ask who are you to call

The sky grey

In such tone

Cause poetry sings on broken wings

it makes grey skies

As important

As Blue ones in may

It creates clarity from something so murky

It takes the broken

And weaves it into song

It takes the pain and answers your questions

Of worry that goes on and on

#poetry #spring poem #spring poetry #may #may flowers #meaning of poetry #poetic #writers and poets #my writing #writings #creative writing #literature #forensics #writers of tumblr

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eyesofhellabore · 1 year

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Lucky little favorite

(tw: verbal abuse mentioned)

Daddy held the key to me

The one that let me speak

The key that could let me shout

And free me from the deep

But that key is shrouded in the alcohol

He nails me to the edge

And makes me feel so small

Daddy said that I was lucky

Mama didn’t like hitting

Used your mouth like kerosene

And then the words would do the spittin’

Light me up

Hit me up

Light me up again

Didn’t need to lay a hand

His words could thunder in

Like a hand pulling insides out

Altering your lungs

Rewiring your brain

So you can’t fathom love

Daddy taught me when you’re cryin’

You better shut up

Told me that winning’s more important

Than happiness and love

Bought me things

To make me quiet

Treat me like a dog

And call me like one too

My name was bitch and cunt

When he’s drunk

I’m his all-time fav

When he wants to bash my soul

And nail me to the grave

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eyesofhellabore · 1 year

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Moon tears

I am terribly reminded I am full of life

I am the full moon

And you are an anchor

I can't love you

I pull the waves

but they always crash back to their original state

I cannot bend the water

I can not bend the ocean

Or the sea

To wrap my celestial form

In the vacuum of cold

No matter how hard I try

It seems the moments I need you most

I am too much

Too far away to you

It is a terribly lonely thing, being whole,

It is lonely to be everything you need

To be able to reach the heavens

To create the finest creations

But be weighted down in agony

For your simple desire to mend the loneliness of touch

You have god-like hands

Your duty, to weave the stars into being,

But oh,

All you want is for them to be held gently

By the person

Who feels numb and cold

To everything he thought he craved to touch

I dont want you to touch me

You desert everything

that you love that loves you back

I pull you,

Ocean,

And it almost seems you rise to meet me

Only to recoil,

And crash back to earth

#new moon #moon #moon poems #moon post #moon poetry #sad poem #writers and poets #writings #original poem #my writing #my poetey #the night post #im a bit sad #i forgot my meds #remember your meds #i hate crying #this is why i need meds

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eyesofhellabore · 1 year

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Spring Salad Tulips

To the rabbits,

My tulips are their spring salad

In the night, like thieves, simply hungry,

They take out their forks and knives

(their little teeth)

Their daintily tied hankies to their necks

(they truly are not this formal in the real world)

And proceed to munch away at the sweet tops

Leaving the stumps behind

Delicious spring salad

To me,

My tulips have been massacred once again

In the day, like a mourner, angry,

I take out wire and cylinder blocks

(pesky palace walls barring them from their tasty rapunzel)

To Cover and protect my pretty crop

(I am the evil witch to them!)

And I (cruelly) take away their ability to monch

Their delicious spring salad

To stumps

#spring #spring poetry #tulips #flower poetry #cute bunny #bunnies #hare #spring poem #rapunzel #mother gothel

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eyesofhellabore · 1 year

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A layer not often shared

I guess I can't help it

Can't help the way

You help the

sun

Spill in to open space

You see it's awkward

Unnatural so

To spill the words

Poetry knows

In conversations

Simple

And real

aye , even if it's true

To what we feel

See, even within

This poem

If these things

Were said

From my mouth

instead of my head

I'd sound crazy

And foolish

Like a drama on screen

Reality doesn't take kindly

To poetry

He's like the sun

What I saids true

Glowing and radiant

Contrasting blue

You bring out

A part of me

Soft and sad

Melting the sorrow

Through a hand

Its odd really

The way I find

My way back

Every time

To a similar situation

The topic, you

How beautiful

Yellow, the hue

Once poetry fumbled

And now it runs

And now its crazy

Like dancing sun

And poetry's seeping to all my wounds

And starting to create happy tunes

And writing seeping to all of me

And writings dipping ink

I'm happy.

(time passes, a summer.

A poem, this poem, complete

And many others similar, so similar,

Lie before my feet)

(I'm sorry,

Sweet child,

You wanted this to end

With yellow

Around the bend.

But the poems not over

This poem ends sad

These hands find it hard

To tell you,

My s̶w̶e̶e̶t̶summer lad)

Only now

I don't distort hues

And I don't idolize the

Sun

And the words of

Poetry

No longer

slip

From the tongue

(for him

Here is the last poem of him be

Where it sings of his being

In words of happy)

And as soon as summer begins

School has begun

And my summer

Spent healing

But I am not healed

All the while,

you act so brightly

In your sunny field

So I just walk on?

Do I just laugh?

Why do I keep these memories

On whose behalf?

Do the muses of poets

Have the final laugh?

I think they're laughing

That's how poets are made

They make them bleed unto

Their gilded cage

And for awhile I was free

My poems dipped in happiness!

And now muse

Still is he

But this poet now sings

In minor D

The musician’s

Melancholiest key

They say befriend a poet,

An artist,

Before your time

They say you will be encapsulated

And will never die

But here’s the thing of poets

Here's a thing of me

You don't get to choose what parts

Make their way

Into the artistry

You love my poetry

I believe if I shared, others would too

But when you look at my face

When these eyes stare back at you

Do the poems of sorrow click?

Many are about you

I don't share my poetry with many

Not many get my art

But with you, for once it was easy

To open up my heart

And you did not think carefully

And you did not know

That was the first time

After so much trauma

I willingly opened up my soul

You did not think carefully

You did not think through

And all the pain and sorrow

Ended up with breaking into two

I take back my yellow

Not attributed to you

You are a soft sad periwinkle

A soft sad blue

A layer no longer shared

With you

But do you know you're still yellow?

In my mind?

In my sorrow

I forgive you every time

Although at times

You’re periwinkle

And my skies are grey

Somehow you are the most confusing sun

Out when It's raining

raining on a sunny day

It's been a long while

Perhaps enough to forget

Long enough to accept

It's been a long while

Enough to forgive

To see how silly and small this is

But something happens when you don't talk

When the moments still ripe

When both of you refuse to knock

You cause the scar to become infected

Causing it to rot

Although time passes

And The scar does heal

There are jagged pebbles bellow you swear you feel

The wound was cleaned

When the laceration was made

And you have to accept

You missed you chance

For it to heal the right way

So maybe things are okay now

Things are healed

Are fine

But you'll always have that reminder

Buried in scar lines

#poetry

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eyesofhellabore · 1 year

Text

I actually say goodbye

It's quite silly

These maladaptive dreams

I fashion in my mind all the time

Long and stretched-out explanations

Like a Greek tragedy

Prolonged in its drama

In its tug

And pull

Of whys and whys

Till there is a neat finish

There's two people

Actually speaking

But I think these dreams

Are not what I need

And they are not what's really before me

Whenever I think now of how I must leave,

Let go

There is no room for the dramas

played up there in my mind

It's more like this,

Im standing in this

Yellow wallpaper flaked room

One wall near the street view

Leaking in this sappy looking light

Bright

Air particles floating in it

There's that cigarette thick sludge on the walls

Though I know I don't smoke,

My emotions might as well have though

Its addictive,

Grief

Its often all you have left

Of someone you once let occupy so much space in your soul for

I know at some point

These walls weren't really plastered with yellow wallpaper

No, they were white

And I convinced myself the yellowing was happiness

As I grew sicker

There's no one here to yell at

Explain my grief to

There's not a soul left in this room

To play out that drama I crave

That release I need

That closure

I'm alone

I have all these boxes packed on the floor

In a large heap

Something in past me wanted to pack all this up

Move it out

Carry it along with to wherever I went next

I'm starring at all these things

These photographs

These phrases

These ideas

These futures

These promises

And there's still this craving to bring them wherever I'm going

This craving to drag them out that door

Take something small

Anything

But I look at them longer

And the longer I Look

They fit

They're meant to stay in this room

The only thing meant to leave is me

And there's no maliciousness

There's no breaking the contents

No boxes thrown out windows

No screaming

No tears

nothing

I think the reason it's been so hard

To just get up

And just say goodbye

Until now

Was the fact they're not emotionally here

For me to say it to their face

But I don’t have that

The moment for a talk long expired

And I wont ever be getting that

so,

I get up,

I look around the room

Shut off the light

And I leave

There's something to leave

But no one to say goodbye to

And nothing worth brining along

I'm gone

And there's no one left to say goodbye to

All I cried over

Was never really even here

And if it ever did exist in reality for the other,

If that's even possible,

it was brief

Like a granule of sand

Ticking in an hourglass

I already lost

A long time ago

#on life #poetry #poetic

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eyesofhellabore · 1 year

Text

What to write of now?

Now that I've closed that door

What to write of

When something seemingly endless

Is now nevermore

What do I write of now!

Anything you desire

Cry out in the fire

Let the storm rage on the shore

As it thunders on the line

As waves crash

And your heart dies

As your heart is ignited

And you love again

Riding on the waves

In a jet ski

My friend saved me

All those I couldn't see who loved me

In my darkest hours

When I couldn't see them

I can write of anything

All the things I couldn't see

When he left me

I can write

Of anything

I'm free

#FREE #poetry

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eyesofhellabore · 1 year

Text

He Wears Dirt

There's a little creature

In the yard

Working hard summers

Building forts

Landlord's sun

Using scraps

To build his hobo city oasis

Landlord's child taken up to two rivers

In cold Michigan water

Building sand castles

Father's round point spade

Father's drain spade

Quickly they learn

They're much better tools

Than the square point

He forgets to feed them

No breakfast

No lunch

Now 3 pm

Finding a random sub place

Chow down

Landlord's child

A yes ma'am, yes sir kid,

Unfortunately,

Way too sensitive

Way to timid

A bit too dense

And silly

A bit too much soul

For this father

Landlord's son

Gets tired

Of hiding under the dresser

And lacing his journals and papers

With wishes to cross lake michigan

To where the horizon meets nothing

Landlord's son’s sun

Grows darker

As son realizes

His father is no better a parent

Than his father was,

An abuser

Father's child is tired

Lacing hatchings

Landlord's son is tired

Nights numb and silent

Aftermath of thunder

Broken man of glass

Pouring addiction all over himself

Landlord's son is tired

Making his forts of joy in deep echoing woods

They start to look less of forts

And more of insanity

Landlord's son

is getting lost in the maze of trees

That claw to the sky

He is weaving this cloth of mud and riverbank grass

His eyes hollow

Wendigo eyes

Knitting fine clothes

Of dirt

landlord calling

Calling when time to be soft most needed,

raging

With threats and anger

As though hatred bellows would beckon a deer

From hiding

Landlord's son is wearing dirt

The finest ever seen

Landlord son is one with

The evergreen

#poetry #nature poem #queer poems #sad poem #evergreen #hashtag for poets #literature #trauma #writting #long read #forest #trees #bog

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eyesofhellabore · 1 year

Text

I love you and it will not be

I will not take your hand

I will not fantasize of merry

Lover land

I got a sip of nectar

I thought “t'was divine”

Till I realized this nectar

Was a grieving road

Like serpentine

I thought the water deep

But when got in I saw

The water barely reached

Past my wetland paws

If a lover tells you find another

You deserve all the prairie's flowers

Run away run away

Don't let them lock you in that tower

I knew a boy of wetland marshes

With shimmering ocean eyes

I’d’ve kissed his every breath and word

Till the day I died

But you see

This cannot be

This love of mine that could light the world

For as a friend he’s beautiful

But as a lover he is rot

He takes and starts off devine

You think not twice to shoot your shot

You look at what has been laid in thy hands

Look at your spoils of war

And it's the pain of a thousand nights crying

It your soul all ripped and torn

#poetry #love poem #sad love #sad poem

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eyesofhellabore · 1 year

Text

Droplet rings

The rings of droplets upon the lake

like the beetles and water snakes

That glide across them

Like a sea

Of rippling eternity

Radiating kiss to lips to cheek to ear

From far costal lines

To all seasons of the year

And eyes fluttering like mariposas

Delicate but strong

Futtering with grasses, lashes,

Wavy,

Flowy long

And freckles like that of pebbles

of the seed scattered across lawns

The fields the prairie hillsides

That echo echo's to the great beyond

I call to Echo, hear me dear

Hold my phrases, please

Keep this land beautiful

Keep it nourished, happy

Let them forever know

I understand

Its complexity

Like the intricateness of the woodlands

Of the underground and skies

All vastness of complexity

Your kisses and mine

#poetry #love poem #poems and quotes #nature #nature poem

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eyesofhellabore · 1 year

Text

Eat brother, it is not selfish

The man who refuses to feed himself,

saving all the bread for others,

will not live long

to feed all of the masses

he so wishes to cure of hunger

But if he takes a portion,

Just a little to live,

little by little,

All the world shall eat,

for he will live long enough to forever give

#poetry #selflessness #sacrifice #poems #short poem

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