dietcokedemise - Tumblr blog

dietcokedemise · 11 months

Text

Confessions of a Junkorexic

june 9, 2023 | entry #16

🩷☠️🖤☠️🩷☠️🖤☠️🩷☠️🖤☠️🩷☠️🖤☠️

my redemption arc is in full effect! i’ve felt super sh*tty about the calorie overconsumption streak i’ve been on for the past few days but unlike in the past, i’m now choosing to make the conscious effort to assess the problem and work towards a resolution instead of my former method of coping by essentially just giving up on holding myself accountable, reinforcing the bad/harmful behavior, and continuing the cycle instead of forming a solution to end it 🙂 trust me, i may sound “enlightened” and “in-tune” with myself but i am faaaaar from either 😅

this being said…i ate out at a restaurant again today 💀 i made plans with a friend of mine to grab lunch and i literally spent an entire hour last night sifting through the menu to plan what i was going to eat and calculate the calories of everything…this however got thrown out the window when i got flustered while ordering and ended up ordering more food than i originally planned 🥲 BUT I CAN EXPLAIN!

so i went to Hooter’s for the first time ever today (it was f*cking delicious and i have zero regrets) and because i knew that this would be a restaurant where my fast a*s could easily go overboard, i ultimately planned to just order a boneless buffalo wing kids meal—that way i’d still be able to eat something i’d enjoy with portion control—hooooowever, it did not go as planned. i didn’t see the meal listed anywhere on the main menu but i still tried to order a kid’s meal anyways. i asked for a 5 piece boneless buffalo wing kids meal but i don’t think our waitress heard the “kids meal” part and told me that the lowest count for wings was 8 pieces. i was too embarrassed/flustered to repeat the order of what i actually wanted so i just went with it and ordered 8 wings instead of 5 😕 my friend and i also got an order of fries but luckily for me they weren’t that good so i barely ate any.

overall i’m not super peeved about it because the wings were amazing, i just would have felt like less of an obese whale had i been able to order my kid’s meal 😣 but on the bright side, i started my fast pretty early so hopefully i’ll finally be able to complete a 24 hr fast by tomorrow! fingers crossed🤞🏾

🩷☠️🖤☠️🩷☠️🖤☠️🩷☠️🖤☠️🩷☠️🖤☠️

food log

breakfast

N/A (0 cals)

lunch

8 boneless buffalo wings (660 cals) [estimated]

1/4 serving of curly fries (160 cals) [estimated]

side of ranch dressing (200 cals) [estimated]

diet pepsi (0 cals)

dinner

N/A (0 cals)

snacks(s)

N/A (0 cals)

total cal intake

1,020 cals 👎 [estimated]

🩷☠️🖤☠️🩷☠️🖤☠️🩷☠️🖤☠️🩷☠️🖤☠️

daily stats

cw

196.6 lbs (89.2 kgs) [-0.02]

bmi

37.1

lbs until current gw (180 lbs)

16.6 lbs

lbs until ugw (100 lbs)

96.9 lbs

steps

NOT TRACKED

hrs fasted

15 hrs

days binge free

1 🥲

1 note · View note

dietcokedemise · 11 months

Text

the delusion that i’ll look like this at my ugw is the only thing keeping me going tbh 💀

27 notes · View notes

dietcokedemise · 11 months

Text

You can make yourself fat, you can make yourself thin

2K notes · View notes

dietcokedemise · 11 months

Text

2K notes · View notes

dietcokedemise · 11 months

Text

Confessions of a Junkorexic

june 8, 2023 | entry #15

🩷☠️🖤☠️🩷☠️🖤☠️🩷☠️🖤☠️🩷☠️🖤☠️

i f*cked up my 1 week binge free streak :( i didn’t “technically” binge (at least according to my standards) but i overate two days in a row and the cals essentially all add up to a binge so i’m counting it. i feel full and gross. this could have been avoided had i just kept my fast going after i ate dinner yesterday :/ i know that once i start eating i can’t stop, yet i keep sabotaging myself over and over again.

i was supposed to be doing a 24 hr fast today to make up for all the sh*t i ate yesterday and i was so close to completing it…but like a true junk food addict, i ended my fast 4 hrs early just to shove chips and ice cream down my throat like a fast. a*s :( yet another day of consuming almost 2k cals in one day *sigh* i’m doomed to be a fat f*ck forever…

i almost forgot! i weighed myself this morning and shockingly enough i lost 1 lb 💀 i probably gained it back after downing an entire bag of chips and a pint of ice cream but it was fun while it lasted 🥲 i’m meeting a friend for lunch tomorrow and i cannot overeat again. three days of overeating like a pig would actually send me into a spiral and i am not well enough mentally to deal with that sh*t right now.

gonna go spend the next hour vigorously planning my cals for tomorrow now ✌🏾

🩷☠️🖤☠️🩷☠️🖤☠️🩷☠️🖤☠️🩷☠️🖤☠️

food log

breakfast

N/A (0 cals)

lunch

N/A (0 cals)

dinner

N/A (0 cals)

snacks(s)

bag of hot fries (525 cals)

1 pint of ben & jerry’s half baked ice cream (1,120 cals)

total cal intake

1,645 cals 👎

🩷☠️🖤☠️🩷☠️🖤☠️🩷☠️🖤☠️🩷☠️🖤☠️

daily stats

cw

196.8 lbs (89.3 kgs) [-1.00]

bmi

37.1

lbs until current gw (180 lbs)

16.8 lbs

lbs until ugw (100 lbs)

96.8 lbs

steps

1,597

hrs fasted

20

days binge free

0

3 notes · View notes

dietcokedemise · 11 months

Text

Confessions of a Junkorexic

june 7, 2023 | entry #14

🩷☠️🖤☠️🩷☠️🖤☠️🩷☠️🖤☠️🩷☠️🖤☠️

fml. fasted for 20 hrs bc i was out with my mom most of the day. we went to Chili’s for dinner and my food was so high cal ☹️ (damn you chicken crispers!) also just had a “little” snack a few minutes ago. i went over my cal limit by 686 cals. i didn’t binge but it feels like it. i feel gross. probs gonna 24 hr fast tomorrow to repent for my sins 🙏🏾 now i’m gonna go to bed b4 i actually ruin my 1 week binge free milestone tomorrow 💋

🩷☠️🖤☠️🩷☠️🖤☠️🩷☠️🖤☠️🩷☠️🖤☠️

food log

breakfast

N/A (0 cals)

lunch

N/A (0 cals)

dinner

2 chili’s chipotle honey chicken crispers (530 cals) [estimated]

side of fries (420 cals) [estimated]

side of ranch (170 cals) [estimated]

1/2 of a caesar side salad (155 cals) [estimated]

coke zero (0 cals)

snacks(s)

15 slices of pepperoni (160 cals)

2 colby jack cheese snack bars (160 cals)

blueberry cran snack medley (90 cals)

total cal intake

1,685 cals 👎 [estimated]

🩷☠️🖤☠️🩷☠️🖤☠️🩷☠️🖤☠️🩷☠️🖤☠️

daily stats

cw

197.8 lbs (89.7 kgs) [-3.2]

bmi

37.4

lbs until current gw (180 lbs)

17.8

lbs until ugw (100 lbs)

97.8

steps

2,365

hrs fasted

20

days binge free

6

3 notes · View notes

dietcokedemise · 11 months

Text

Confessions of a Junkorexic

june 6, 2023 | entry #13

🩷☠️🖤☠️🩷☠️🖤☠️🩷☠️🖤☠️🩷☠️🖤☠️

I’M BACK IN THE 190s! it has been damn near two years since i last weighed this low!! wtf!!!! it sounds a bit pathetic out loud (ok very pathetic) but i’m sooooo happy to finally be out of the 200s 🥹 don’t get me wrong i’m still obese, especially for my height, but i’m still rlly proud of myself. my never ending b/r cycle has wrecked havoc on my life for YEARS and it’s been a long time since i’ve had the strength to fight it and actually stick with my self control efforts.

this being said, i did cave and let myself have some simple carbs today 💀 i was supposed to be cutting simple carbs out of my diet this week but of course that only lasted what? two days?? i simply cannot help that i am a slave to pb&j sandwiches! (honestly i’m a slave to anything starchy) that loaf of brioche bread my mother bought has been taunting me ever since it entered my sacred home and i’ve been fighting the binge demons ever since. i want it GONE! i actually had to talk myself down from eating an extra slice of bread while making my sandwich 😭 i took one bite out of it but i had to force myself to rip it up and throw away the rest of it.

tossing food i shouldn’t eat has been a exponential struggle of mine for god knows how long. i so desperately wish i was one of those people who could just douse their food in dish soap or bleach to avoid eating it, but i’m never brave enough to actually follow through with it when the opportunity presents itself. being able to toss that extra slice was definitely a mini achievement for me and i’m proud of myself for being able to get rid of something instead of just caving and eating it. food addiction is a bitch, but i’m determined to make it my bitch!

🩷☠️🖤☠️🩷☠️🖤☠️🩷☠️🖤☠️🩷☠️🖤☠️

food log

breakfast

egg white bites w/ cheese (51 cals)

2 slices of bacon (80 cals)

zero sugar vanilla greek yogurt w/ cinnamon + sliced almonds (70 cals)

small vanilla iced coffee (136 cals)

lunch

pb&j sandwich (379 cals)

dinner

grilled chicken w/ creamy salsa (243 cals)

12 oz diet coke (0 cals)

snacks(s)

water + sugar free drink mix (10 cals)

total cal intake

969 cals 👍 (lol 69 🤭)

🩷☠️🖤☠️🩷☠️🖤☠️🩷☠️🖤☠️🩷☠️🖤☠️

daily stats

cw

197.8 lbs (89.7) [-3.2]

bmi

37.4

lbs until current gw (180 lbs)

17.8 lbs

lbs until ugw (100 lbs)

97.8 lbs

steps

967

hrs fasted

15

days binge free

5

5 notes · View notes

dietcokedemise · 11 months

Text

every hour you go without food you're getting closer to your goal. <3

3K notes · View notes

dietcokedemise · 11 months

Text

1K notes · View notes

dietcokedemise · 11 months

Text

My brain is severely anorexic but my mouth is not :/

755 notes · View notes

dietcokedemise · 11 months

Text

174 notes · View notes

dietcokedemise · 11 months

Text

Confessions of a Junkorexic

june 5, 2023 | entry #12

🩷☠️🖤☠️🩷☠️🖤☠️🩷☠️🖤☠️🩷☠️🖤☠️

today was a good day. not great, but good…and i’m okay with that :) i successfully restricted pretty well today (at least for my standards) and it didn’t even feel forced. i am souped up on prescribed appetite suppressants that are for sure 99.9% the reason restricting hasn’t been as painstakingly difficult for me these past couple of months as it normally is…but a victory is a victory!

the only reason i would say that today wasn’t a “great” day is bc i forgot to weigh myself this morning :( and i also forgot to wear my activity tracker band :(( but tomorrow is a new day! let’s hope my starved brain gets it’s shit together by morning…

its 2 a.m. now and i’m starting to get a little peckish…going to sleep before i fuck up today’s progress 😗✌️

🩷☠️🖤☠️🩷☠️🖤☠️🩷☠️🖤☠️🩷☠️🖤☠️

food log

breakfast

egg white bites w/ veggies + feta (66 cals)

3 slices of bacon (120 cals)

zero sugar vanilla greek yogurt w/ sliced almonds (72 cals)

small dunkin’ iced chai latte w/ skim milk (150 cals)

lunch

N/A (0 cals)

dinner

homemade chick-fil-a inspired southwest salad (372 cals)

12 oz can of diet coke (0 cals)

snack(s)

sugar free pink lemonade gum (10 cals)

water + sugar free drink mix (10 cals)

water + sugar free drink mix (5 cals)

total cal intake

805 cals 👍

🩷☠️🖤☠️🩷☠️🖤☠️🩷☠️🖤☠️🩷☠️🖤☠️

daily stats

cw

201 lbs (91.2 kgs) [-0.00]

bmi

38

steps

1,749

hrs fasted

13 hrs

days binge free

4

2 notes · View notes

dietcokedemise · 11 months

Text

don't eat it please, you aren't thinking clearly right now and your impulses are controlling you. don't give in i know you can do it

3K notes · View notes

dietcokedemise · 11 months

Text

confessions of a junkorexic

june 4, 2023 | entry #11

🩷☠️🖤☠️🩷☠️🖤☠️🩷☠️🖤☠️🩷☠️🖤☠️

i weighed myself today…and i maintained. i’m not super peeved by the results—and i guess anything’s better than gaining—but i’d be lying if i said i wasn’t a little disappointed. i have no one to blame but myself. my intake this week wasn’t horrible, but it definitely could have been better…

i’m sure my almost 3k cal binge thursday didn’t help. what super sucks is that i took two separate lax dosages this week (one b4 the binge and one after) yet my weight didn’t even move a singular decimal. now that i’m thinking about it…maybe my binge episode made me gain? and if that’s the case it looks laxes saved my ass once again.

i have to start being stricter with myself if i want to start seeing any real results. i think i’m gonna start weighing myself every morning again. i only stopped because i didn’t want to become so fixated on the numbers the scale read, but i’ve realized that that’s a luxury only reserved for people who aren’t walking beluga whales. i need my weight to be a constant reminder. i need that trigger to help me fast a little longer and eat a little less. it’s all a mind game, and i’m tired of not feeling in control of my own impulses.

i did experience a twinkle of hope today though. i fasted for 22 hrs and didn’t even notice it! (thank you appetite suppressant pills 😘) i stood with my fridge wide open for a solid 10 minutes just staring at its contents while trying to convince myself to eat. countless meal ideas filtered through my brain but i just kept swatting them all away. “too high cal”…“too carb heavy”…“too much work to make”…etc etc etc. i eventually just settled on a leftover piece of fish from my dinner last night and half of a baked potato—if i’m being honest? it was the smallest meal i’ve had in months—but it didn’t phase me. not one bit. for once i was content. a feeling i’ve long since forgotten while trapped in my never ending binge/restrict cycle. granted, i did devour an entire pint of low cal ice cream an hour later (don’t judge me it’s shark week 🩸) BUT that still made my daily intake for today the lowest intake i’ve had in weeks. it felt good to feel in control. even if it was just for a moment 🩷

🩷☠️🖤☠️🩷☠️🖤☠️🩷☠️🖤☠️🩷☠️🖤☠️

food log

breakfast

N/A (0 cals)

lunch

N/A (0 cals)

dinner

flounder (103 cals)

1/2 of a loaded baked potato (228 cals)

water + sugar free drink mix (10 cals)

snack(s)

water + sugar free drink mix (5 cals)

1 pint of n!cks chokladchip dough ice cream (340 cals)

total cal intake

686 cals 👍

🩷☠️🖤☠️🩷☠️🖤☠️🩷☠️🖤☠️🩷☠️🖤☠️

daily stats log

cw

201 lbs (91.2 kgs) [-0]

bmi

38

steps

1,364

hrs fasted

22

days binge free

3

5 notes · View notes

dietcokedemise · 11 months

Text

Th1n$po

643 notes · View notes

dietcokedemise · 11 months

Text

no one sees you binge, but everyone sees your body.

there's no way to hide your body. There's no way to disguise your greed. Stop trying to hide.

Treat your body like everything you do will affect your appearance. Because it will. Every shower, every gym trip, every meal, every drink, every cigarette. It all shows up on your body.

3K notes · View notes

dietcokedemise · 11 months

Text

put the food down. remember you deserve to be beautiful and thin. <3

3K notes · View notes