crying-andtrying
kenza or ken
hey there love💗they/them i have so much love in my heart, but can't seem to give myself any pro recovery for all illnesses and all people the occasional sad poetry type post
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#body positive#body posititivity#ancient greek#greek gods#greek goddess#aphrodite#statue#beauty#beautiful#beauttiful girls#self love#beauty standards#tummy#greek posts#greek mythology#greece#goddess#goddesses
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been clean for too long i miss cutting so much
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haven’t cvt in so long, like i kid you not, it’s probably been like 6 months (some may think that’s a long time, others may not, but for ME 6 months is a long time, this is about my experience because everyone is different) and for some reason, i decided to today. not upset or anything, just kinda missed the feeling, ya know? either way, ima try to not do it again for a while. i don’t want to relapse, i just wanted to feel it again
i used to do it on a daily basis, multiple times a day. i have mild 0CD symptoms and it became a bad habit. but i broke it!! i guess i was trying to reward myself for going so long? i honestly don’t know man but it is what it is
#tw mental health#tw kms#wanna kms#tw#tw rant#tw perfection#tw sh vent#tw self destructive behavior#tw selfhate#tw self h4rm#tw self sabotage#tw pain#tw self image#tw body insecurity#tw blo0d#tw blade#tw relaspe#tw obsessive behavior#tw obsession#tw ocd
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Rules
Cause whenever I'm starving
my pain is hiding,
it's my stomach growling for success
not it begging for some plate.
Being empty makes me full,
being full makes me empty,
every time i sense food in me,
i can't help it but get angry.
Will I ever be enough?
Pretty enough,
skinny enough...
No, it will never be enough.
It's the numbness when I wake up,
the dizziness when I stand,
the cold when others are hot,
the love I have for control.
I feel my best when I'm at my worst,
I'm filled with excitement when I see the scale drop;
when the clothes don't fit me, and my bones start to show,
only then is when Ana tells me "good job".
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Some of my absolute favorite th1n$p0 🤍🤍🤍
Made it my phone wallpaper to keep motivated
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I miss the times when cals didn't scare the shit out of me.
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did i binge or did i eat the recommended amount of calories for someone my age?
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i hate to admit it but the only thing I care about rn is losing weight
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to be so thin that ur stomach rolls dont show when u slouch
to be so thin that ur thighs never touch
to be so thin that the bones protrude out of my body
to be so thin that i can wear whatever clothes i want and still look good
to be so thin that i look fragile and dainty and feminine
to be so thin that i get compliments from ppl asking me “omg how did u lose all that weight”
to be so thin that i can eat what i want and not have to worry about how much weight i’ll put on afterwards
to be so thin that the calories wont matter anymore
to be so thin that my hip bones stick out
to be so thin that i can wrap my fingers around my biceps
to be so thin that the smallest size doesnt fit
im doing this to be thin
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bitches are like 'all bodies are beautiful' and then starve themselves because they're not skinny enough
i'm bitches
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crying because you don’t know what to eat because there is no food in the house except like popcorn and cereal and your mom told you to stop eating and several days later told you you need to lose 10 pounds
i have never felt so ashamed and embarrassed, i have never felt so pathetic and weak. i genuinely feel like i can’t do anything right
like i’m sorry but like wtf?? don’t tell your own child to stop eating cause maybe i will stop just to scare the sht out of them… if they would even care enough… yeah… ouch…
#tw mental health#tw kms#tw#tw rant#tw body negativity#tw ed rant#tw parents#tw perfection#tw eating issues#tw ana shit#tw ed#tw body image#tw crying#wanna kms#tw disordered eating#tw ana diary#tw weight#tw food#tw family
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