Everything feels fucking unstable, like it's going to break. I don't want this anymore, it's not something and not nothing. After so much that broke I want something that doesn't break, something stable I can hold on to, but I guess I'm not a person who is meant to have a hold.

Sometimes I think I could do it.. like I could live a normal and healthy life.. like I could have a job and an apartment I can come home to.. like I could find the love of my life and be happy..

But then it all breaks down again and all I want is to die.. I can't do it..

Why is it so damn hard to live?

》You told me you love me, just like people before you did. You told me you will never leave me, just like people before you did. You told me I don't have to worry, just like people before you did.. and you wonder why it's so hard for me to trust your words《

Sometimes the small promises are the hardest to make

do you know what hurts?

sent at 9:58 pm

read at 10:58 pm

last seen at 12:03 am

Okay.. I understand I'm not even worth 30 seconds of your time

sometimes i wonder if all of this still makes sense

I am not proud of what I did but I'm not ashamed of my scars. Each and every scar has its own story, and the fact that wounds healed reminds me that things get better..

a true friend is someone who only wants the best for you .. even if it means someone else is best for you

there is nothing i love more than the stars.. because whenever i look at the stars i have the feeling that nothing is impossible

You call me stupid? I fake my smile everyday and you believe it

i'm only here because i made a promise a year ago.. i had forgotten that it was the day after my birthday.. i would never have turned 18 if i hadn't promised my best friend to come back..

I have a niece, she is 7 months old.. She is learning to walk and discover the world.. She sees all the beautiful things that children see in the world.. That made me think.. I am 18.. I have already experienced a lot and know that the world is not as beautiful as we always thought it was as children.. How will the world be when my niece is 6 years old..? I'll be 24 then.. Stand on my own two feet.. Work.. maybe married and am an adult.. What will the world look like then and what will it know about the world? How far is the technology? How far is the medicine? How far is climate change and can we still live safely? How much do wars affect our everyday lives? We live in a country where we don't really have to worry about anything .. but what about when my niece is 6? I have often asked myself what the future would look like.. for me.. for my family.. for my friends.. and for all other people.. I have forgotten how to see the world like a child.. I am older and year after year, I've seen more of the real world.. I'm scared of how the world will develop and what it will be like when my niece is 6 years old.. Will she be able to live safely? Will she be able to live her childhood like a child? Will she grow up without a war? Will the country we live in still give her enough protection?

and every word that you speak to someone you care about could be the last, that's what scares me

You think my clothes are dark? Be glad you can't read my mind..

Draw a monster.

Why is it a Monster?

I can't tell if I really wanna die or if I just want the whole shit to end

you feel bad when you are depressed, but you feel even worse when you have no motivation for everything, not to get up, not to eat, not to drink, not to go to the toilet, not to write to friends, not to talk, you don't even have enough motivation to hurt yourself