Now asexuals can’t be the only ones compared to plants

did you know there are bisexual flowers and they’re perfect

Names

I wish my name was Charlie.  I’m not really sure why.  I would ask to change my name, but I also really like my birth name, and it’s something special because my parents gave it to me.  I guess I just wish someone else had it.  I wonder why I like the name Charlie so much.  Maybe it’s because it’s unisex, leaning towards masculine, like me.  Maybe just because it’s different.  Every time someone calls my name, I always imagine what it would be like if they called me Charlie instead.  It just makes me happy.  Charlie *my last name that has been censored for obvious reasons* .  It looks so nice, doesn’t it?  It sounds nice too.  I’m proud of the name I have now, so that’s not the problem.  It just doesn’t seem to fit me.  My birth name seems like a name that would be given to someone who’s always in charge.  Poised, graceful, powerful, respected, reserved, almost lethal.  That just… Doesn’t fit me.  I’m terrible at keeping my poise, I can’t stand upright for more that about 10 seconds, I’m seen as just a little kid who is “developing” in all senses of the word, I’m the most extra and loud and talkative and flamboyant person you will ever meet.  Because of that, no one takes me seriously.  But, I think I’m okay with that.  It’s who I am, and it’s not going to change.  The name Charlie just sounds like freedom to me.  Like it’s my name because I chose it.  If people don’t respect me or take me seriously, fine.  It’s gonna bite them in the ass later though.  I will earn respect through my own methods.  I will work hard to achieve what I want.  Freedom.  What a nice thought.  I like the name Charlie because it sounds like freedom to me.  I chose it, and I will make it mine.  People will remember my name.  What for?  I’m not sure yet, but at the end of my life, I will look back and say, “See?  I told you I would do it.  Maybe you didn’t believe me then, but you sure as hell better believe me now.”

HEY GUYS I JUST UPLOADED THE FIRST CHAPTER OF A KLANCE FANFIC I’M WRITING AND I WOULD BE SUPER GRATEFUL IF YOU CHECKED IT OUT!

(that’s the title and username)

Dysphoria Problems

So for those of you who don’t know, dysphoria is basically something that happens to most people who don’t identify as what their sex is.  It’s when your body doesn’t match how you’re feeling and you feel gross and fake (at least for me, it’s different for everyone).  For example, a trans guy might experience dysphoria because he has a visible bump underneath his shirt, or if he’s forced to wear clothes that don’t match what he’s feeling because of one reason or another.  Now that we have that out of the way, let’s proceed to the rant.

Dysphoria can come in many forms.  There are also ways to cope with it, but sometimes it’s just not enough.  Dysphoria is always hard, but it’s kinda weird for me.  Since my gender is fluid my dysphoria also changes if that makes any sense.  When I’m a guy I feel too feminine, but when I’m a girl I feel too masculine.  Then there are some days where I’m in the middle, and it’s almost like I can feel people trying to guess my gender.  I’m not trying to say dysphoria is worse for gender fluid people, I guess I’m just trying to say that it’s different.  

I personally also get dysphoria from the way I act.  Some of my personality traits change when my gender does.  I mean, I’m still me, just some things are a little different.  Like, when I’m a guy I’m more aggressive and emotionally stoic, and when I’m a girl I’m much more flirty and submissive.  So when it’s a guy day and I do something in a girly way, it always feels like someone stabbed me in the gut.  Just simple things like the way I sit, or how I talk, and even just how excited I get over something can make my anxiety shoot up like a rocket.  

The most widely know form of dysphoria is physical dysphoria.  There are ways to cope with this, but depending on the situation it can be very difficult to use those methods.  It’s especially hard if you’re in the closet or an unsupportive area.  Ways to cope with physical dysphoria can be things like wearing a binder, or putting on a dress, or doing your hair in a more “girly” hairstyle.  Even though it seems the most trivial, it’s one that is the hardest for me.  Since I’m not out, it’s next to impossible to wear the clothes that I really want.  First impressions are also incredibly important.  If I present as a girl when I first meet someone, they’ll automatically assume I’m always a girl, and vice versa.  For this reason I try to dress as neutrally as possible, but because there are people who knew me when I thought I was cis, they introduce me to new people as though I were cis, not giving me the chance to even try to keep my gender identity on the low down.

Alright this probably has terrible grammar, spelling, and makes no coherent sense, but this has been a really big problem for me lately so I needed to get it off my chest.  

- Charlie

Little Introduction

Hey guys!

I should probably clear up the basics first. I’m just a smol little closeted genderfluid child trying to find my way in the big world.  I identify as bisexual, although I guess technically I’m pansexual with a preference towards boys.  

20 Facts About Me That You Probably Don’t Actually Need To Know!

*In no particular order of importance*

1) My favorite color is purple

2) My favorite anime is currently Haikyuu!! (Gotta love them volleyball gays)

3)Klance is my OTP

4) My favorite book series is Heroes of Olympus (SOLANGELO IS CANON)

5) I play softball (Heyo team captain here)

6) I have two cats, Poog (from Akiko), and Oshus (from The Legend of Zelda)

7) The Legend of Zelda is my favorite video game series

8) I got my first Zelda game when I was three

9) Yes, I own Hyrule Historia.  And possibly all of the mangas

10) I can only draw chibi

11) My favorite ice cream flavor is cake batter with mini chocolate chips

12) I play the euphonium and trombone

13) I’m in choir

14) I am the human embodiment of Lance McClain

15) I actually wrote down my workout schedule with rainbow colors

16) I run a fandom trash acc on IG

17)  I’ve actually cried over a Klance fanfiction

18) I have diagnosed ADHD

19) I own rainbow socks

20) I can promise you right now that updates will not be regular

-Charlie