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xoxo-chika · 22 days
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we're 20
and suddenly everyone are like, "you're old enough to ask and speak for yourself."
I know I am. But I am clearly not treated that way. Not babyed exactly but don't our families tend to look at through a time machine wherein we're still a teenager?
The society with it's responsibilities peer at our greeness, the novelty we find in the world - a soon to be forgotten or discarded feeling, which I'm sure it's not!
I see the world different. I always have. The people in them somehow always tend to lock us in boxes they find comfortable, we find comfortable - for they're always afraid. Afraid of change, afraid of failing. Afraid of people and afraid of themselves.
A child I envy for they always are their own no matter anything else. I wish to still be a child. I am one, at heart. But what the world expects of you is what you of the world, so what does that say? I am not ready for it?
When can anyone ever be ready?
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xoxo-chika · 29 days
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Confessed.
i feel fine, good, great, better, clear, free -
I feel it all, all at once.
What is this? This calmness,
So unfamiliar, scary, daunting, inviting.
Butterflies walking on parasympathetic, nerves talking and batting their wings.
Their strength baffles me, their message feeble for now.
I await for more, for growth, for more butterflies.
For you.
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xoxo-chika · 1 month
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i like him so much
I feel like I'm being picked apart by the world
For my love, for my "like."
Why I like him is not for the world
But why does that bug me?
If not for the world to know, that my heart
Explodes everytime I think about you,
I don't wanna think.
I want your mind, your time, to be able to have the permission to delicately touch your birthmark on your face that feels like mine to touch.
I don't want anything.
Anything except for you to know every single that I just said, which you'll never know.
But I like this for now. I really like you.
And I read a poem which goes "Isn't love the muse for making poems? Your confession - a collection of those poems in the end?"
So let me do this for now. Writing poems, as l keep testing my love for you.
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xoxo-chika · 2 months
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Ok so i like this guy. I'm getting too tired of not confessing, not having the mental energy to try it. Sure, I'm the bravest person you can find but I feel life's too short to both risk it and to not risk it. I really really like him and I don't even know if it's romantic or platonic. It's been such a long time to realize the difference.
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xoxo-chika · 3 months
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Rant.
I fucking hate fakeass words or meaningless and unnecessary adjectives most people just love to use for whatever they write. Worse if it's about something actually insightful and the reader has to no way but dig or sweep through a horde of these uselessly thrown out words for aesthetic and/ superficial purposes of seeming more intelligent. It's fucking infuriating. And it's not helpful when reading exactly isn't fun, god forbid having signs of dyslexia/ADHD.
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xoxo-chika · 4 months
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FLEABAG: S02E01 SAM SAX: HYDROPHOBIA
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xoxo-chika · 4 months
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fleabag! why? ㅠㅠ
Kinda spoilers ahead. I'm not sure. I'm just gonna say how I felt. It felt PAINFUL. Ugh so beautifully painful. It felt like reply 1988's second ml's pain. I can never understand choosing something over love and when you truly know it's love, without denial. Controversial, but choosing over god? I'm genuinely curious how a calling feels. I'm not very religious so the ending seems so painful and unfair to fleabag who's also an atheist. I like how they showed their pain as well, how even though fleabag attempts to understand she can never really do but simply accept his choice in the end cause she truly loves him. And how people do sometimes repress their feelings and themselves for the things they love and choose.
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xoxo-chika · 5 months
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running errands like kurt vonnegut
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xoxo-chika · 5 months
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They say a gift from a woman will keep you alive.
My Dearest 연인 (2023) Dir. by Kim Sung Yong – Ep. 5
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xoxo-chika · 5 months
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Can't be said better than obsessed! It was such an heart catching series. More people should be watching this! It made me go through all five stages of grief and hurt so much it was good and feeling ughhh such a masterpiece, they totally have our hearts > <
it's been a long time since i've been so obsessed with a drama, until my dearest. this drama is exceptional. the beauty of the story, the settings, the images, the dialogue, the characters and the acting. yu gil chae is probably one of my favourite female characters of all time, and lee jang hyun! i love them both so much.
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xoxo-chika · 6 months
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Man In Love (2021)
My eyes are swollen. From crying again. I don't understand why I love stories like these so much. It must be because of the way the story went, how unironically silly it was, to being one of the most well written, realistically painful plots.
The underrated soundtrack, the evolution of the characters, their unconditional love, the momentary happiness, the inevitable pain...I felt it all as they did. It can make you miss your loved ones along the journey the characters themselves take. It reminded me of my grandpa, the memories we made, the conversations we had and the dreams we shared. Just like I'm sure, everyone else would feel and definitely get reminded of someone seeing this movie.
The leads, Roy chiu and Tiffany Tsu, unbelievable. Crazy acting. They were them, A-Cheng and Hao Ting.
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xoxo-chika · 6 months
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made me dream
You came to me.
Parking right in
Front of me.
You came to me
On a rainy day,
A reason to play
And smile at.
You came in a dream
Of mine, i wish
I could remember
How you smiled.
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xoxo-chika · 6 months
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oh my dearest
I binged upto date that upon doing so I couldn't actually go about doing daily activities at all. My dearest's part 2 continuation is pretty heartwarming for now, feeding all our hopes and ships of them.
But man, the amount of tears from all that ugly crying, yelling in frustration at the characters in certain scenes, this took the biggest chunk of my brain for 3 days I couldn't think straight. Not to mention, how my eyes were so puffy from all that crying 😂
I really hope to get some good arcs ahead, else it would be one of the most saddest kdramas following 25 21.
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xoxo-chika · 6 months
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Why would she do that?
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xoxo-chika · 6 months
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All the scenes of GC taking care of gloriously malingering JH are the breather we needed so badly.
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The way he just melts when he wakes up and sees she's asleep holding his hand...
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This is just for me! (Side note - at one point, she's swooning over a mole on his hand. Girl's got it bad.)
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Seriously, this is FEEDING me!!!!
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He is so gone, too...
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I caaaaan't!!!
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This bit of her weeping into his robe after she found exactly everything he did for her is AAAAA!
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Not truly related but I loved her reaction on finding out he was a government slave who bought his title by basically bribing the King with a large rice donation - so yes, he's a noble now but he's the definition of noveau riche - she just jokes she wishes he was still a servant so she could buy him and take him with her everywhere. This is so so so in another universe of GC from the very beginning, so conscious of appearances.
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xoxo-chika · 6 months
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Gil Chae might be one of the best female characters ever written in a K-drama. She's so freaking strong it's inspiring. Her character is introduced as this self obsessed, vain girl who only cares about being with the boy she likes. And now she's this leader who protects her people, keeps food on family's plates, finds innovative ways to keep her business going in the middle of a war, and fights like hell to stay alive in this deeply cruel world. But the interesting thing is even when she was portrayed to be materialistic and arrogant, she still had these amazing qualities in her, which is why Jong Jong and Eun Ae loved her so dearly even then. Her arrogance came from her knowing her own worth and it's admirable.
Gil Chae is a girl's girl. She fights for her girls. She protects her girls. She encourages them to stay strong and not let the sexist world bring them down. Gil Chae understands that everything that's happening to them: the violation, the rape, the harassment, none of it is their own fault. It's happening to them and it's unfair. So best believe she's not afraid to tell someone off or slap them (twice) when they're being disgusting despite not knowing anything about what the women went through.
She's had so many amazing moments but two that come to mind are: 1. Her explaining that her getting married will not suddenly make her lose her spark, sass, and courage to stand up for what she believes in. Because while she is beautiful, fair, fragile looking, and everything men looked for in women back then, she is also fiercely independent, loud, proud, and ambitious. She can be all of those things and because she is all of those things she is Gil Chae.
2. When she finally meets her husband after coming back home after being kidnapped, she tells him that she was sold to someone else and faced utter humiliation. However, she makes it clear that none of that was her fault and if that was the sole reason her husband would be divorcing her, she would fight him on it to no end. BUT because she finally acknowledged to herself that she loves another man, Lee Jang Hyun, SHE will be divorcing HIM. The divorce is her choice. She will not be abandoned because of circumstances that were completely out of her hands. She chooses to leave the marriage because she believes it's not fair to stay with one man while loving another.
I cannot explain to you all how much love and pride I have for this character. She's so commendable and her actions are so intentional. Now, just because she's an amazing character does not mean she has no flaws. I am not looking for a perfect character, those don't exist. Gil Chae is terrible at expressing her emotions to Jang hyun (so is Jang hyun). She's loyal to a fault sometimes. And she finds it hard to trust the one man who has showed up for her time and time again. BUT she's learning and she's quite literally growing with every single episode.
I am so happy that the writer of this drama chose to write such a strong female lead, one who has just as much strength as the male lead. They are truly equals. The writer chose to invest in their female characters and flesh them out throughout the trajectory of the show. I can only say thank you... and please give my babies a happy ending.
Special shout out to Ahn Eun Jin who is absolutely phenomenal and I am in awe while watching her every single episode.
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xoxo-chika · 6 months
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NAM GOONG MIN & AHN EUN JIN for DAZED Korea, October 2023
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