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james: hey, do you think i could fit 15 marshmallows in my mouth
remus: you’re a hazard to society
sirius: and a coward, do 20
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279. We are not allowed to change the password to the prefect’s bath to “getting clean is almost as fun as getting dirty”. 
This is the real reason why Quidditch captains shouldn’t get the same privileges as prefects. They’re certain to take advantages they shouldn’t have and cause chaos in places where chaos does not belong. - RL
This was your idea! - JP
It’s a shame really. - RL
I tip my hat off to you good sir. You got James good. - SB
Well played Moony. But this isn’t over. It’s just begun. - JP
We’ll see. - RL
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Snape: I found this ‘Marauders map’ in potter’s possessions. Do you have any idea what this is?
Remus:
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278. We are not allowed to enchant ravens to follow only Ravenclaws and finish each of their sentences with “thus saith the raven, nevermore”. 
Didn’t we already do this prank? - PP
No, they’re different. Before we transfigured objects into ravens. This one we charmed actual ravens. - SB
They sound pretty similar. Don’t we have a strict “no repeats” policy when it comes to pranks? - PP]Normally, yes. But SOMEONE felt the need to impress a certain girl and disregarded the rules we’d put in place for ourselves. - SB
And she was impressed, so I’d say this was a success. - JP
Plus, Professor Flitwick was impressed with our charms work, so we didn’t even get detention. I’d agree that this was a success. - RL
Credit to @egregious-quagmire for this prank idea. Thanks!
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Sirius *to James and Remus*: Anyone else have the weird urge to lecture themselves?
Sirius *mimics McGonagall’s voice*: “Mr. Black, what are you doing here?”
McGonagall: Mr. Black, what are you doing here?
Sirius *gasps*: I conjured her
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277. We are not allowed to transfigure objects unto ravens that only quote Edgar Allen Poe and have those ravens follow people around.
“Deep into the darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before.” - JP
What’s that a quote from? - SB
The Raven. The story where we got this idea from. - JP
I thought he just said nevermore. - SB
There’s more to the story than just that one word. - JP
Where did you even hear about this story in the first place? - RL
I read. - JP
So, Lily made you read it? - SB
Yes. - JP
Credit to @egregious-quagmire for this prank idea. It’s been a long time since I’ve read The Raven. However, I have visited Edgar Allan Poe’s grave multiple times, and it is beautiful. 
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goodboys
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276. We are not allowed to grow hallucinogenic mushrooms for an extra credit project in Herbology.
This project brought me up from an E to and O. An outstanding success. - SB
Whatever happened to those mushroom? - PP
They were confiscated, then discarded. - RL
What’s the likelihood they were actually discarded? - SB
I’d say 50/50. - JP
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illegal animagi? in my wizard school? it’s more likely than you think
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275. We are not allowed to place water buckets over the doorways so when people walk through them the water dumps on their heads.
So simple. So brilliant! - SB
And we didn’t even have to use magic on most of them. - PP
I told you muggle pranks could be just as good as magic ones. - RL
That you did. And we stand here, grateful we chose to listen to you. - JP
It would do you good to remember that. - RL
I wouldn’t hold your breath. - JP
Credit for the prank idea to @egregious-quagmire. 
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Sirius: It's never too late! I'm Sirius Black and I never say "never"!
Remus: You just said it. Three times.
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274. We are not allowed to step foot towards any of the creatures Professor Kettleburn is keeping safe.
Kettleburn really doesn’t like me. - SB 
Well, maybe if you stopped harassing his creatures, he’d change his mind. - RL
James harasses them too, yet he still seems to like him! - SB
Everyone likes James. He just has this likable quality. - RL
Thanks mate. - JP
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james and harry. oh and one more thing:
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273. We are not allowed to let any sort of creature loose in any of the house dormitories.
I really hate it when they come up with these generalized ‘rules’. What did we do to deserve being singled out like this? - JP
It was the hornets. And bees. And fire ants. And all the other countless creatures we’ve handled over the years. - PP
I’m with James. We are innocent in all this nonsense, yet seem to be the only ones punished. - SB
We literally just wrote about these pranks. Do you not remember? - PP
Let it go, Pete. They’re just messing with you. - RL
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I could get killed. Or even worse. Remus might give me a lecture on responsibility again.
Sirius Black (via incorrectmarauderquotes)
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272. We are not allowed to let bees swarm into the Hufflepuff house, saying that we thought that bees were their mascots because of their colors. 
What was up with that one girl who just stood in the middle of the swarm of bees and let them envelop her? - SB
That was Hannah. I asked around. Apparently, she comes from a long line of bee keepers. - JP
No wonder they listened to her. She was like the bee whisperer. - PP
Now there’s a person I wouldn’t mind getting to know better. - SB
Your reasons for wanting to get to know people better always astounds me. - RL
She can literally command and army of bees. Who wouldn’t want to be friends with that? - SB
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hey i hope you are well. the marauders reaction to finding out hat remus is a werewolf and their jokes about him being grumpy before the full moon. please.
“Hey, have you ever noticed how often Remus goes to visit home?” Sirius asked James and Peter out of the blue, closing his book and putting it away rather than pretending as though he were actually going to do his homework.
“Yeah,” James answered unconcerned, looking at his quill, hoping that it would just write his essay for him so that he didn’t have to, “His mom’s sick. So, he got special permission to go back and visit her once a month or something.”
“I thought it was his grandma that was sick,” Peter corrected.
“No,” James answered definitively, “It was definitely his mom.”
“Right,” Sirius answered slowly, “It was his mom this month. But last month was his grandma. And the month before was his aunt.”
“So, his family has a lot of health issues,” James answered with shrug, his eyes still focused on the blank sheet of parchment sitting on the desk in front of him, “Some families are like that. Plus, he looks a little sickly too, sometimes. Maybe it’s something that runs in the family.”
Peter looked up startled, glancing in between his two friends, “Do you think Remus is okay?”
When both boys shrugged, Peter continued, “Do you think it’s contagious?”
Sirius rolled his eyes, “Most diseases don’t work like that.”
“Besides,” James added, “they wouldn’t let him come to school if they thought he would infect the other students.”
Peter relaxed in his seat. “Good point,” he conceded, turning back to his own homework.
“But, that’s what’s weird,” Sirius tapped his fingers against his knee, “I could’ve sworn he told me he didn’t have any aunts and I’m pretty sure his grandma has died at least three times now.”
James finally looked up from his paper and looked at Sirius, “You probably misheard him.”
“I know I didn’t,” Sirius answered confidently, “I think he’s lying to us about where he’s been going.”
“But, where would he be going?” Peter asked, abandoning his homework as well.
James shrugged, “I don’t know if it matters. Maybe there’s something that he’s not ready to tell us yet.”
“But why wouldn’t he tell us?” Sirius implored, furrowing his eyebrow, “we’re his friends.”
“We’ve only been friends for a year,” James reminded Sirius, “I’m sure he’ll let us in on his secret in time.”
Sirius clicked his tongue a few times before nodding in agreement.
James turned back to his work, ignoring Peter’s sighs as he pulled out his homework as well, muttering under his breath how none of this made sense.
Sirius simply looked out the window, staring at the bright full moon lighting the sky as he thought about his friend.
--
“You okay, Remus?” James asked, looking at his friend’s hunched shoulders.
Remus was sitting on his bed, head bent down towards his chest as he took shallow breaths.
“I don’t – feel so good,” he answered.
“You don’t look good either,” James agreed, grabbing the chair from his desk and dragging it over so he could sit next to Remus.
“You need something?” James asked.
“I think I need to see Madame Pomfrey,” he answered slowly.
He stumbled slightly as he stood up off of his bed, shooting James a grateful look when he reached out to help stable him.
“Come on,” James said, throwing his friend’s arm around his shoulders, “I’ll help you down there.”
--
“Where’s Remus?” Sirius asked as they sat down for class.
“I believe he went home to visit his mom whose unwell,” their Professor replied, overhearing Sirius’ question.
James learned forward and whispered, “Actually, I took him to the Hospital Wing earlier this morning. He wasn’t feeling well.”
“That’s weird,” Sirius answered, looking back at their professor who was writing instructions on the chalkboard, “Usually Madame Pomfrey is good about notifying teachers.”
Sirius had a hard time paying attention in class that day.
--
“He wasn’t there,” Sirius told the other two, “I checked. Madame Pomfrey said he was visiting his grandma.”
“Why would she lie?” Peter asked confused.
Sirius scratched the back of his neck, “I have one theory.”
James and Peter looked at each other before turning back to Sirius expectantly.
Sirius pointed at the window of their dorm room.
“Window?” Peter guessed, “Glass?”
James took a step forward and looked out the window to see the night sky.
“The moon?” James asked slowly.
“Full moon,” Sirius answered.
James turned to his friend, his lips thin as he pressed them tightly together, deep in thought.
“That’s a serious accusation to make,” he finally spoke.
Sirius flinched slightly, “I wouldn’t make it if I didn’t think I was right.”
James folded his arms, a permanent frown on his face as he waited for Sirius to present his case.
Sirius jogged over to his nightstand and pulled out a journal, tossing it to James who caught it with ease.
“What is it?” Peter asked confused, “What does the moon have to do with anything?”
The boys ignored him as James opened the journal to reveal a list of dates Remus went out-of-town. Everyone of them coincided with the full moon.
“It’s not just that,” Sirius assured James, bending forward to turn the page for him, “I’ve noticed other signs too.”
James looked down the list, seeing symptoms like: prone to anger before the full moon, bouts of exhaustion after the full moon, likes rare meats, and feeling ill before and after the full moon.
Underneath the list, Sirius had written the word werewolf? and underlined it three times.
Peter glanced over James shoulder and gasped, “Werewolf? You think he’s a werewolf?”
Sirius shushed him, despite they were the only three people in their dorm room, fearing that someone may hear Peter’s shouting if they walked by at precisely the wrong moment.
“Wh-what do we do?” Peter asked wide-eyed, looking in between the two, “Do we tell someone?”
“If the teachers are lying for him too, they probably already know,” Sirius answered thoughtfully.
Peter scowled, “That’s not right. They can’t let his kind in the school.”
James immediately turned on Peter, fury raging behind his eyes, “Why not.”
Peter blinked once, his scowl lightening softly as he insisted, “It’s dangerous. What if he attacks someone’s pet?”
Sirius interjected, “Actually, I read that werewolves won’t harm other animals. It’s just people that they attack.”
“That’s even worse!” Peter exclaimed, throwing his hands up into the air, “What if he bites someone? He’s a monster, he shouldn’t have been allowed in the school.”
“Shut up,” James growled, “I don’t ever want to hear you talk about Remus that way again. He is our friend.”
“But,” Peter startled, unsure how to handle James’ anger directed towards him, “But he’s a werewolf.”
“He’s allegedly a werewolf,” James reminded it, “And if we find out it’s true, it won’t matter. Remus has been nothing but kind and loyal and funny. We may have only just met him last year, but he’s one of my best mates.”
“But,” Peter started, but James cut him off.
“What about you?” He asked, turning towards Sirius who was watching the two with his mouth agape, “You got a problem with this too?”
Sirius shrugged, slightly embarrassed, “I mean, there’s precedent to what Peter’s saying.”
James shook his head in disappointment, “No, there isn’t. This is Remus we’re talking about here, mates. The guy who helped me study Quidditch moves before I went to try-outs and then waited there for them to finish to support me. This is the guy who stays up late to help you both with your homework, trying to make sure you actually understand the material so you can get a good grade in our exams. This is the guy who reminds us not to take our pranks too far, as he doesn’t want to see anyone get seriously injured.”
James took a couple of deep breaths, attempting to calm himself down before he continued, “When we first met Remus, you were the one to see how funny he was, Sirius. And Peter, if it wasn’t for Remus standing up for you, telling us that you were cool, we may not be the friend group we are today.”
Both boys looked down at their feet, shuffling nervously.
James looked in between the two of them, scoffing when neither of them spoke.
“This changes nothing. And if you think it does, maybe you’re not the friends I was hoping you would be.”
He turned and walked out of the room, slamming the door behind him, leaving the two boys staring back after him in stunned silence.
--
Several hours had passed before James finally convinced himself to go back to the dorm. He knew both Peter and Sirius were just reflecting the prejudiced views of their society, but he couldn’t help but be disappointed in them.
His own parents had taught him to always judge people by their character, rather than their status (whether it be blood, or in this case condition).
When he entered back into the dorm, both Peter and Sirius were sitting there waiting for him, sheepish smiles on their faces.
“We talked about it, after you left,” Sirius started, “and you’re right. Remus is the kindest of the four of us, and while he may not be quite – himself – once a month, he’s still our friend.”
James nodded once in approval, “Good. Glad to see you’re both starting to come to your senses.”
Peter cleared his throat, shooting James an apologetic look, “We’re sorry for the way we reacted.”
James shrugged, already ready to let it slide as he scooted back into his bed, ready to fall asleep.
Realizing this was their silent dismissal, both boys sighed and followed James in returning to their own beds.
--
They were walking out of the Transfiguration class the next day when James got the idea.
“McGonagall’s a cat.”
Peter looked at James confused, “No, she’s a human.”
“A human who can turn into a cat,” James reminded him.
“So?” Sirius asked, looking just as confused as Peter.
James looked around, making sure no one within their vicinity was listening in on their conversation and whispered, “Werewolves don’t harm animals.”
“No,” Sirius answered, taking a moment before he realized what James was suggesting.
A big smile crept onto his face, “You’re bloody brilliant.”
“What?” Peter asked, having no clue what the other two were talking about.
“I impress even myself sometimes,” James answered boldly.
“What are you talking about?” Peter asked again.
“Do you think it’s difficult?” Sirius asked, pausing in his step as he looked down the hall to where the library was.
“What’s difficult?” Peter interjected.
“Probably,” James answered honestly, joining Sirius in changing their direction towards the library, “but I don’t see why we couldn’t.”
“Why we couldn’t what?” Peter whined, following behind the two.
The boys ignored Peter as they walked into the library, searching the shelves for twenty minutes before Sirius found what they were looking for.
He opened the book to the right page and pointed at it for Peter.
Peter mouthed the words animagus, his eyes widening with every word he read about it’s description and process to become one.
“This looks impossible,” Peter answered dejectedly.
“Not your standard run of the mill transfiguration, sure,” James admitted, “But I think we can do it.”
Sirius smiled bright, sticking out his hand, “For Remus?”
James immediately placed his own hand on top of Sirius’, “For Remus.”
They both turned to look at Peter who was chewing his bottom lip nervously, looking back and forth in between the book and his friend’s outstretched hands. Finally, he took a breath, sucking in as much courage as he could find and placed his hand on top of theirs.
“For Remus.”
--
Remus hated his transformations. The days prior he had a hard time controlling his annoyance at the other boys in his dorm, while the days after he struggled to hide from them how exhausted he felt. He never thought he’d have friends, and to now have three was a dream come true.
He didn’t want to do anything that might jeopardize that friendship.
He paused in front of their room’s door, taking a deep breath as he reminded himself to act normal. He hated not being normal.
When he opened the door, he was immediately met with his three friends, sitting on their beds as they stared at him.
Remus closed the door behind him, feeling a little uncomfortable at their piercing stares.
“Hey,” Remus started slowly, not feeling prepared in the slightest for this strange situation, “What’s up?”
“We know,” Sirius informed him.
Remus’ heart dropped.
“Know what?” he asked, desperately hoping against all odds that they didn’t know.
Perhaps they were talking about something else, something that he wasn’t thinking.
Sirius shattered his hope, “We know you’re a werewolf.”
Remus felt his world crashing down around him. While he’d only had friends for a year, it’d been one of the best years of his life. He would look back fondly at this time and cherish the memories forever.
“I understand,” Remus answered, working to keep his voice steady so they didn’t hear the devastation creep through, “I’ll pack my things.”
The other three boys shared a look.
“Pack your things?” Sirius repeated.
“Why?” James immediately interjected.
Remus looked back at the other three confused, “So I can move out. I know you don’t want to live in a room with someone like me.”
Peter shifted slightly in his seat on his bed while James spoke up, “You’re not moving out.”
Remus blinked slowly, unsure what he was hearing, “I’m sorry, what?”
“You’re not moving out,” James repeated, gesturing to himself and the others, “We talked about it and we decided we didn’t care.”
“You don’t – “ Remus looked around, taking a steps towards the side so he could lean against a side desk for support while he stared at the others in disbelief, “ – you don’t care?”
“Nope,” James answered, popping the ‘p’ at the end of the word as a great big smile grew on his face.
“But,” Remus was grateful he moved to the desk for support as he was sure his legs would have given in by now otherwise, “I’m a monster.”
Peter and Sirius both flinched slightly while James narrowed his eyes.
“You are not a monster,” he growled, “You are our friend. And we like you no matter what – “ he paused, snapping his fingers together as he tried to think of the right phrase, “ – furry little problem you may have.”
Remus choked on his own spit, “Furry little problem?”
James shrugged, looked pleased with himself.
Remus could barely believe. Was it true? Did they actually really not care?
He immediately turned to Sirius and Peter, asking for a confirmation, “What about you too?”
“You’re a good friend,” Sirius answered back honestly, “It’d be a shame to let prejudices get in the way of that.”
Remus’ heart skipped a beat as he realized that they weren’t lying.
Peter spoke up, nervously wringing his hands together, “You gave me a chance when no one else would.” He paused, remembering back in their first year when Remus convinced James and Sirius to give Peter a chance to be their friend, “It’s our turn now to do the same.”
Remus felt tears pool in the corners of his eyes as he sat down on the ground.
James jumped off his bed to join him with Peter and Sirius not too far behind.
“We’re with you,” James assured him, “every step of the way.”
“Literally,” Sirius added, handing Remus a book he was holding that he hadn’t noticed before.
Remus took the book, his hands shaking as he read the title of the entry.
It didn’t take long before he understood what they were implying.
He couldn’t hold back the tears that poured from his eyes, too exhausted from the brutal transformation just the night before.
He had thought he was walking into his worst nightmare, but instead discovered this was a dream come true.
He had no clue how he had gotten so lucky to have such wonderful friends, but he planned on doing whatever it took to keep them close.
--
BONUS:
“Man are you grumpy before a full moon.”
“Yeah, well you would be too if you’re body tore itself to pieces month after month,” Remus grumbled, grabbing the cup of coffee Sirius was holding out for him.
“Be careful there, buddy. You don't want to burn your throat by wolfing it down too quickly.”
There was a beat of silence.
“Get it?” Sirius promoted, “wolfing it down? Cause you're a wolf?”
“Yes, I get it,” Remus answered hastily, slapping at Sirius’ hands to try and remind him not to say the word out loud.
They may be alone in their dormitory, but he shuddered at the thought of someone else in the school finding it his secret by accident.
James and Peter both walked in through the door, arms full of pastries and fruit from breakfast.
“Breakfast is served,” James announced as he dropped all the food onto his bed, motioning for Remus to come and get some.
“Finally,” Remus muttered as his stomach growled aggressively.
Sirius tapped James on the shoulder to get his attention, “I told him to be careful not to wolf his food down.”
James let out a loud laugh, giving his best friend a high five, “you always leave me howling with laughter.”
“Oooh!” Sirius answered excitedly, returning with another high five.
“Ha ha,” Remus spoke with no emotion, grabbing the food he wanted and carried it over to his desk, “very original.”
“Don't mind him,” Sirius reassured James and Peter, failing to keep his smile off of his face, “Remus isn't a fan of Moondays.”
Remus sighed, trying to ignore his friends laughter and wishes silently that it was any other day than Monday.
He took a bite of a muffin and calmly reminded himself his friends weren't usually this annoying.
“I'm aware that you all think you're funny, but I'm here to reassure you, you're not,” Remus nodded definitively, satisfied that he'd had the last word.
That was until James's eyes sparkled with glee.
“You're a-were?”
It was a brief moment before the pun registered on the others mind and left Sirius and Peter on the floor, rolling with laughter.
Remus merely groaned and dropped his head to hit the top of his desk.
“Come on, Rem,” Sirius said, leaping forward to drape his arm over his friend’s hunched figure, “You know you love us.”
Remus looked up at the mug of coffee and mountain of food his friends had brought back specifically for him so he didn’t have to make the trek to the Great Hall.
He smiled softly, he truly did have the best friends.
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