I always feel like I'm fighting myself between spending and saving money. Like one part of me wants to save and be financially independent, but the other part of me wants to spend it all on things I like and allow myself to feel good.

I don't understand why I only feel good when I buy something new and something that I genuinely like and want.

𝖉𝖔𝖓'𝖙 𝖌𝖔...

One thing I have always been jealous of (but know in hindsight that my autism would despise it ) are the people that can handle parties. Specifically, house parties. It looks so fun and exciting. But if I am not tipsy or drunk already then I would turn right out of there immediately.

I have two cats, and I could not imagine having 4 kids right now. I just seems like an impossible thing for me

"you will wake up in a saw trap tomorrow" is so fucking hilarious

I always love when the funniest response is half cut off

I also confiscate my personality when someone tries to play me. Like you see how I act funny and friendly with everyone else? Now YOU get to be the outsider 🫵🏻

does anyone else do this thing where they stop masking out of spite like you know what? fuck you. I know you wouldn't like me either way so it's not even worth it im going to start acting MORE autistic and hard to deal with just to piss you off

One thing that I'm working on in terms of my autism and unmasking is communicating and speaking to other autistic people. I've unconsciously projected the "social" cues that I had to learn to blend in with neurotypicals with other autistic people, and that causes confusion and anger in myself and I believe the other autistic person.

It's been a real learning process and 'trial and error' thing which I hope will continue to help me grow 🙏🏻

I have been on Tumblr since 2012-2013 and various social media platforms since 2010. It has taken me almost 9-10 years to start actively commenting, participating, and make contributions because of how self-aware and the overwhelming sense of embarrassment I feel and felt trying to post or show my true self online.

Every time I try to post something that I believe is "cringey,' my body is completely consumed with this need to delete the post and hide in my bed.

I do not know if it because of my autism, or if it is because any type of perception makes me want to curl up and wither away. Like now, typing and creating my own post is okay but trying to interact with other users is too much for me. Which also interferes with gaining friendships and companionship

Me: *to my therapist* I had the spoons, so I did heaps of stuff and now I'm so exhausted I feel sick.

My Therapist: This is where you got to treat spoons like cash. Just because you have them, you need to figure out if you have enough to spend, or else you're going to be in debt. Remember, you're autistic, so you regain those spoons slowly and use them quickly. Everything, good and bad, uses that cash for you. You may enjoy the activity but it's going to exhaust you just as much as a bad activity if you're not careful.

Me: Goddamnit....

One thing that I absolutely hate is when a parent of an autistic child tries to compare their child to me. Or if I try to explain the reason I do something that their child does not do, it immediately goes to "well, I raised an autistic child, I would know x.y. and z"

Like okay?!?!?!?! But you didn't raise me??? Just because we are both autistic doesn't mean we are twins 💀

I just wish those parents and others would understand that WE ARE NOT THE SAME. WE HAVE OUR OWN PERSONALITIES. WE HAVE DIFFERENT COPING SKILLS AND INTERESTS. STOP COMPARING US BECAUSE YOU CAN'T UNDERSTAND THAT OUR DISABILITY IS A COMPLEX THING. PLUS THERE ARE OTHER MENTAL ILLNESS' THAT INTERACT WITH THE AUTISM.

Stealing for food? I totally understand. Stealing for baby products? I didn't see shit. But trying to steal Starbucks coffee and then get mad at me because you weren't smart enough to not get caught? 🤡 God I wish I had a sound board for work when I can't express my thoughts in words

I always forget how shaken up car wrecks make me until I get into one like last night 😭😐

So, I got a new water bottle and I drank around 80 ounces today and my head hurts. Idk if that is because I drank too much water at once or if it is because I'm not used to drinking that much water at all. Still proud of myself tho

I can't wait for it to warm up some more so I can go walking at night again 😫 I guess I could now but good lord it's too cold for me. Plus I don't really like walking alone💀

Got some cute things at the second hand store by my house 🤗

I agree. It's hard to see the love that others give us as genuine when the love that has been given to us has been transactional. Especially if you have been used, when all you wanted was a friend.

It's hard to see the silent type of love that we give out, and it's hard to believe the spoken love, when it can be easy to talk ourselves out of it. Plus it doesn't help when you try to describe how you feel, and the other person just doesn't understand. So, the cold gets colder.

something i never see anyone talk about is how lonely autism can be. not because we don’t fit in or whatever, but because our love languages are so fundamentally different from the rest of the world.

i won’t always hear it when someone tells me they love me. i won’t always understand it when someone shares a kindness with me. sometimes it hurts to be touched. sometimes i interpret genuine care as mocking or insincere because i’ve been burnt so often, and i have no way of knowing otherwise.

when i spend time in my room engaging in interests i enjoy, but i leave the door open to let my friends come in and out and interrupt as they please, that’s love. when i send someone a long ramble about something i care about, that’s love. when i let someone hug me, that’s love. when i try a food even though it’s not a safe food, because my friend made it and is very proud of it, that’s love. when i take the time to tell you when i need space and that i’ll come back when im able, that’s love.

i don’t think people hear me when i tell them i love them. i don’t know if i can hear others when they say it either. i feel very alone most of the time, like there’s a glass barrier between me and the rest of the world. i can see them mouthing, i love you, i love you, but how can i believe them? they’re nowhere near me. no warmth and no life in it.