Entry #1 - Angel's Landing
Angel’s Landing - Zion National Park - Utah, USA
Are you ready to meet God? No? Too bad.
I was told we were going to have a long, relaxing hike up the side of the mountain on the morning of July 7th, 2021. My party, consisting of my mother, father, brother, and a close friend of ours (Rowan), arrived early to Zion National Park, where a woman was being treated for heat stroke next to the shuttles. Immediately, not the best sign. It would soon come to my attention that my mother had decided to pick one of the most notorious hiking trails in the United States for both its view and its difficulty; Angel’s Landing, Zion National Park, Utah.
Some background: Angel’s Landing is just about 5 and a half miles round trip, along with an almost 1,500 foot elevation difference between the bottom and top of the trail. You take the shuttle from the front of the park to the West Rim trail, go through Refrigerator Canyon, up Walter’s Wiggles, and to Scout Lookout to arrive at the famous Angel’s Landing trail. I have hiked many beginner (even a moderate if I’m feeling spicy) level trails. I, however, am a fool in a man’s shoes, and was under the impression that this was a vacation activity rather than a death march due to my lack of familiarity with Zion National Park and Angel’s Landing itself.
It was a gradual transition, going from soft, dusty hills to packed soil and rock inclines, all the while completely free of shade. Rowan and I slowly took our place at the back of the party as the inclines got steeper and steeper. Eventually we got to the end of the West Rim trail, and made our way through the welcome shade of Refrigerator Canyon, which can sometimes reach a 20 degree difference in temperature from outside of the canyon. We kept a decent pace despite my face now being as red as a tomato, and the ice packs that we had brought along to cool our necks had softened up with the heat. We were just a couple switchbacks away from the view of a lifetime!
(Rowan and I.)
No angels looked down upon us today. No, dear reader. No loving god would create Walter’s Wiggles.
According to dangerousroads.org, Walter’s Wiggles is a series of 21 switchbacks (hiking trails that take frequent and sharp turns, usually constructed along a steep swathe of land) about 20-25 feet in length each. On paper, it doesn’t sound too bad. Even the name is silly! What’s the worst that could happen?
This is what it looks like from the top:
This was the worst part by far. While I didn’t yet feel the bony fingers of Death gripping my shoulder just yet (that’s later), Walter took my lunch money and gave me a swirly in front of my entire immediate family. the steep, short inclines absolutely kicked my ass. The silver lining to this was, after you lose your dignity, you don’t have too much else to lose, right?
Wrong!
After hiking through the summer heat and up the steep rock faces, my family and I reached Scout Lookout. Alas! We had made it! But as I looked ahead and saw a line of people forming, I was made privy to exactly why there was a permit, as well as a lottery system, put in place for this section trail. What I did not know was that the last half mile of Angel’s Landing is a hike along the canyon’s ‘spine’, with no guard rails and only a chain to cling to with 1,400 foot drops on either side. Reassuringly, the park also had a sign keeping tally of the number of hikers who had fallen to their deaths on the trail. This number was written with an erasable marker.
My brother and father flat out refused, leaving my mother, Rowan, and I. I did not want to do this. In fact, I was just about ready to pass out just from looking at the section ahead. Still, I knew I’d be mad at myself if I didn’t at least try. Rowan and my mother decided to hike along the first two stretches of the steep rock face, with my mother continuing on past her. I climbed the first section and witnessed a woman nearly topple over the edge after dropping a bottle of Gatorade and trying to grab it. Thankfully, a fellow hiker was able to grab her by her shirt before she lost her balance.
With this in mind, I promptly decided to sit the fuck down on the accompanying rocks and take in the view.
Once Rowan, my mother, and I had grouped back up at the first section of the final stretch, we proceeded back to Scout Lookout to join my brother and father. We had actually, factually, done it. Now, all we had to do was go back down.
It was past noon by this point, and us arriving early had spared us from the excruciating heat on the way up. This was when I honestly thought Rowan or I might pass out from heatstroke. As satisfying as the climb down is, it's hard to appreciate all the hard work you put your body through when you can hear your brain starting to sizzle in your skull.
(My brother and I, exhausted.)
Did I hate it? Yes. Did I love it? Also yes. If you’re able, this hike is a stunning look into the beauty that desert landscapes have to offer. Even if you don’t make it to the chains, the views at Scout lookout are vast and almost mind bending in their awesomeness and beauty. As someone who rarely has his face 2 feet from a computer screen, this gave my eyes quite the workout in terms of depth-perception. After a well deserved gas station pit stop and the best shower I’ve ever had, I was able to spend the night sore and stargazing at the infinite night skies of Utah.
Happy huffing and happy hiking.
-A thoroughly wiggled non-hiker
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