#you see i dont have a name for this because it was kind of an in the moment occurance
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hii haha i dont see a lot of topaz x reader so im gona req one hehe so you know the trope where like (character) introduces their pet to their s/o and the pet likes the s/o more than (character)? i wanna see how topaz would react if numby would rather chill with reader more than topaz, if u dont wanna write this then its okay have a nice rest of your day! :D
warnings: female reader (but no pronouns are used), reader hips, jealous Topaz, Topaz needs a hug
p.s sorry if this is not what you wanted, but as soon as I saw your request, I immediately thought of jealous Topaz
Right now, Topaz was dismayed by the sight in front of her.
She witnessed how Numby lay on your thighs and rubbed against them as if it was the best pillow of his life (in fact, it was true).
Your fingers ran over the piggy's smooth skin, stroking him in every accessible place and cooing sweetly at his every joyful squeal. But once upon a time it was Topaz herself.
She's actually very happy that you two have become friends. Even at the first meeting, Numby began to feel a strange attachment to you. He tried to climb into your arms when they met him, squeaked happily and jumped, which was quite surprising, because it took him time even to let himself be petted. And you never missed a chance to play with Numby.
Despite your work, you remained a good person, and that's what attracted Topaz to you.
And she is glad to have such a wonderful lover, but now she constantly has the feeling that she no longer lives in this house.
But Topaz is partly to blame for not intervening. And she can’t even figure out who she envies more.
"Who's the good piggy here? It's Numby!"
You laughed quietly at the excited sounds Numby was making. It was very difficult to resist his charms.
"Agree Topaz. Topaz?"
She continued to look at you through her eyelashes, resting his cheek with one hand and frowning slightly. You looked at woman worriedly and called her name again.
Your voice seemed to bring her out of some kind of trance.
Topaz shook her head and gasped at the realization that you were calling her.
“Haha, sorry, I was lost in thought. Did you want something?”
She rubbed the back of her head and focused all her attention on you. You couldn’t help but notice the slight sadness in her voice, and even Numby stopped playing and began to pay attention to the conversation.
"Are you sure you're okay?"
"Yes, eh...I"
Topaz couldn't find the words? If anyone had told her that, you and she would have laughed about it. You noticed how her gaze ran over Nambi lying on your lap, and without thinking twice you put two and two together. Oh, who would have thought...
"Topaz, are you...jealous?"
After your words, an expression of shock appeared on the girl’s face. white-haired woman began to actively shake her head, fervently denying your words.
"No no! Well maybe a little... But I like watching you and Nambi have fun, I really do."
You immediately realized that Topaz had received almost no affection lately. A guilty expression appeared on your face.
Numby looked at you and seemed to understand what you were thinking.
You and Nambi “looked at each other” and a smile immediately appeared on your face, while the piglet stomped around impatiently. Topaz did not have time to react when at the one moment two bodies knocked her down, pinning her to the sofa.
She felt your warm breath on her neck, tickling her skin, one of her hands held your waist while the other stroked Numby, who settled comfortably on her stomach.
A heartfelt, loud laugh burst from her chest, making you laugh along with her.
"What is this for?"
Topaz asked, stopping laughing. You moved closer to her face and quickly kissed her lips, a light blush appearing on her pale cheeks.
"doesn't matter."
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sometimes i think about the future symphony "i should have married you" post you made and it makes me so sad but the other night as i was falling asleep i was struck with absolute agony by the awful idea of "i should have married you" because marrying her would have made her hamato and maybe just maybe then she would have been able to become a hamato spirit. and the brothers most likely would have been able to make contact with the hamato sprits like they do in the series. and because if he married her at least he would have been able to contact her spirit. hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh anyways thought i should share hope your day is going fabulously captain desceros
oh, this is awful. allow me to make it even worse :)
we’ve seen in the series that you dont actually have to have the hamato name to be ‘a hamato’ as april demonstrates. we’ve also seen varying levels of. hm. ninj-oscity? ninpo skills? from the boys. like raph and leo doing a ninja mind meld. just. just mikey.
and we’ve always seen that donnie struggles with ninpo the most.
his ninpo is mechanical. when he uses it at its most conscious level, we see it manifest as blueprints coming together. literal pieces, as if constructed with real material. when he panics or doesn’t go through this process, it’s a vague shape that isn’t as strong or as defined in purpose.
so let’s take this scenario you’ve brought to us.
viola-chan would have, unquestionably, been a hamato. and for that reason, i can definitely see her having a hamato spirit.
…..but i dont think donnie would ever be able to communicate with it.
mikey would be the most likely, since he has the strongest ninpo. but he’d be in high demand since he’s so strong, so i think it would tire him and i dont know how much time and energy he’d have to talk to anyone. not to mention the stress he’d feel when donnie would come to him like Hey Can I Talk To My Dead Girlfriend and mikey’s like…. dude i just got home from 24 hours of straight ass kicking i’m about to pass tf out.
and raph, i imagine, died not too long after viola-chan, so whether he could or not is moot.
leo. well. i dont think leo could communicate with viola-chan either. leo is rather avoidant when he feels guilty or ashamed, and (without going into too much of spoiler territory) he’d feel largely unworthy to talk to you, i think. and since we’ve seen that it takes an open heart to use the technique, it wouldn’t work.
and donnie. god. donnie would try. he would try so, so hard. he would try, hours upon hours, every free moment, banging his fists on his thighs as he’d meditate until he’d collapse. reaching out. seeking. already not as strong at this whole ninpo nonsense. unable to calm himself from the need to see you need to see you please just let me see you one last time please please please that would make it impossible to focus. he’d start thinking about tech that could bridge the gap. that’s how his ninpo works, after all. modeling his blueprint. so if he can design a machine that can talk to you. his ninpo can bring it to life.
but he doesnt exactly have a lot of time to dedicate to a personal project like that, let alone one so fucking insane in scale, so actually impossible to do. and as the time passes he grows more and more obsessed with thinking about it. yet simultaneously more and more sure it’ll never happen. i feel like his last moments, alone, bleeding, staring up at the rust-colored sky, he’d be smiling. because of course he he has some kind of death drone army set to go the moment his ninpo cuts off, and it’s one last middle finger to krang. …but also i think he’d be a little relieved. hoping his spirit will find yours and lavi’s.
(do they? who knows. no more hamato exist in that timeline to find out.)
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Thoughts on Gale x Minthara? I read a wholesome fic on ao3 and now I crave
Sorry anon for taking so long! got a bit busy.
You know what this ship never crossed my mind but I love it!
For me, Gale has always been attracted to powerful and strong partners. So, him falling in love with Minthara would not be surprising.
Gale seems like the type to not mind not being in charge most of the time and Minthara loves being in charge. Gale is respectful in general and I know Minthara already respects Gale (this is especially more obvious in Gale!origin) so no problem in power dynamics.
The thing that made this ship for great is the fact that Gale and Minthara teases one another in the epilogue so teasing banter will be a sure thing in their relationship.
I can just imagine Gale being his usual kind self and being a puppy dog to Minthara. And Minthara at first seeing him as good soldier encouraging him and pushing him to be more confident until a shitty day for Gale(about Mystra asking him to blow himself up)
she suddenly realizes
'Mystra is a heinous bitch. This man is strong, powerful and reliable. He deserves the best partner. Someone as strong and powerful as him. Someone who can push him to be stronger some one like me.'
And she just goes
oh.
Other notes I have thought about this ship
Minthara probably will bulldoze Gale's confession the first time but she will realize later that this is important to Gale. So, she will listen to his speeches but only when she is feeling romantic
Gale will definitely learn drow language for Minthara ( both a dialect and the sign language)
The first time Gale effortlessly fights off an assassination attempt on him(because he is Minthara's partner), Minthara would be proud and incredibly horny for being proven right on how powerful Gale is
A rare thing about Minthara as a drow woman, is her demand of loyalty in partners since apparently drow women especially high ranking ones have harems of men and rarely marry. They choose a patriarch but I dont think marriage is common. So, her being possessive and demanding of fidelity is a great compatibility with Gale.
She will definite marry Gale immediately especially since she lost her right to her House's name. She would probably say along the lines of bringing the Dekarios clan to a Golden Age!
Gale will be like that famous patriarch in drow lore. He will be the only one to truly calm Minthara in her moods. He would bring her favorite things, buy her gifts and read her poetry until Minthara is calm from being pampered in Gale's tower.
#bg3#gale dekarios#gale of waterdeep#baldur's gate 3#baldurs gate 3#bg3 gale#baldur’s gate 3#gale bg3#bg3 headcanons#bg3 minthara#minthara baenre#gale x minthara#i love this#i might write more headcanons of this#i love gale with strong partners#I also ship gale with laezel#asks#ask#hey anon hit me up if you wanna brainstorm more headcanons
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charles rowland relationship hcs
a/n: i dont know if ghosts can change their outfits but i choose to believe so bc wouldnt we all like to see him dressed up ? also i wrote this so quickly, the dbd brainrot is REAL
tags: gender neutral reader
what being in a relationship with charles rowland would be like...
- charles will greet you with a bouquet of your favourite flowers plus some other species with specific meanings (he consulted niko on that!) on a first date
- if he plucked them from someone's garden or 'borrowed' them from a flower shop thennn it's for a good cause so...
- on a second or third or more, he'll show up with a mixtape he made for you - it definitely worked on girls back in the 80s AND present day
- he always has amazing style but you bet he made an extra extra effort to look nice for you !
- if you're arranging future dates he'll secretly want to coordinate outfits bc he thinks it's super cute
- when suggesting it he'll be kind of shy
- "y'know, it'd be brill if we tried to, like, wear similar things to match..."
- will kiss you when you agree
- if you wear jewelry he'll get you lots
- oh and matching jewelry for the two of you ofc
- him grabbing your hand and spinning you into a kiss
- charles is a nickname kinda guyy .. probably not 'baby' or anything but something original he came up with himself (bc he's so proud of the dead boy detectives name)
- likes it when you call him handsome or pretty boy
- when you kiss he'll hold your face gently
- likes when you pull him in by his clothes
- heat of the moment kisses give him the most thrill, like after an investigation nearly gone wrong
- when you're walking together he'll have an arm over your shoulder or around your waist
- when cuddling: prefers being the big spoon but if you wanna kind of just sprawl over each other he doesnt mind that either
- he'll scratch your scalp or massage you or something to help you fall asleep
- he himself doesnt need sleep but he'll lay down next to you and close his eyes so it isnt weird that you have someone staring at you while you try to fall asleep
- but once you're asleep he's obviously gonna admire you because this boy thinks you're drop dead gorgeous (no pun intended)
- top love language is quality time but obviously he's gonna be expressing his love for you in any way he can
- on special occasions like birthdays or anniversaries he'll make a heartfelt speech and give you a thoughtful gift
- you're guaranteed to like any and all gifts he gives you
- charles frequently consults the others on if they think you'll like something
- edwin: YES charles, for the millionth time i am SURE they will appreciate the gift
- charles: yeah, BUT do you think this will be better-
- when gift-obtaining, he does it on impulse and THEN goes to ask the rest of the crew but he knows you very well so obviously everyone knows you'll like it
- anything you give him he will treasure forever and keep in a box
#charles rowland#dead boy detectives#dead boy detective agency#dead boy detectives fic#charles rowland x reader#charles rowland/reader#charles rowland x you#charles rowland/you#dead boy detectives headcanons#dead boy detectives netflix
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Cherri Bomb Redesign (Bonus!)
Surprise!! It’s her!
I refuse to believe Cherri doesn’t have bunch of scars or injuries from using explosives and fire all the fucking time. There is no goddamn way. Also shes like running and jumping all over the place constantly she’d definitely have a running blade like 90% of the time. (Don’t walk on running blades you will probably trip) Her pant leg is ripped to look cool and also just for easy access to her leg.
I wanted this to be kind of sloppy with the colours; show how a lot of sinners dont have just a select few sins and note how often people participate in almost all of them. Ik it may not be the most pleasing colour palette to look at but that’s kind of the intention. Jumbled colours and asymmetry is really just Cherri’s thing in my head. I wanted it to look like she made or thrifted her clothes as well or like just stole them.
The bomb and cherry in her hair are supposed to kind of look like those hair bobble things that fucking HURT when you snapped them but they were cute so I feel like utilising hair bobbles is something I need to do much more
You could kill a man with these I swear to god.
Her tattoos and stuff are just basic cherries and vines and the little bomb and the bisexual symbol thing. Also bellybutton piercing is some I’ve only ever done once on an OC I have named Angela/Angie which is… kind of ironic?
You even get a little redraw for funsies! This was done for my friend helping me with my rewrite ideas so this is like the least I can do as repayment. You can see heaven up in the corner too :3
I don’t actually have a bunch to say about Cherri’s redesign, I want her to just be this “Oh wow! Thats definitely an outfit!” kind of design cause I love those. Oh and she definitely did the raccoon tail masking bits with craft tape.
I told my friend the dumbass stick figure on her arm is put there because I was thinking of her asking Angel to draw on her and she’d get it tattooed and he cannot draw at all so he just did a stick figure and was like “this is so cool.” and it was not cool at all/j
I wouldve added more stickers to her running blade and stuff but her colour palette is already VERY full so this is the price to pay. Still not sure if I’ll continue doing these but we shall see!! The next design post is likely going to be the lineup and some side by side comparison things ;P 📺
#hazbin hotel#hazbin critical#hazbin hotel criticism#hazbin hotel critical#hazbin cherri bomb#hazbin hotel cherri bomb#cherri bomb hazbin hotel#cherri hazbin hotel#cherri bomb#cherri hazbin#hazbin hotel rework#hazbin hotel redesign#hazbin hotel rewrite#hazbin rewrite#hazbin redesign#hazbin rework#hazbin redraw#hazbin hotel redraw
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Aww the ghost child with brook and sanji was so adorable 😭😭😭🧡🧡
If you dont mind can you make a pt.2 where ghost!dokucha meets the crew , love your work keep up the amazing job!!
Lonely no more (Strawhat pirates x f!Child!reader)
A/N okay this one was what started my wroters block, I kinda pushed trough it but you can also tell I pushed trough it because it’s not very good but I still wanted to give you closure
“What if they don’t like me?”
“They will”
“But what if they don’t!”
Sanji sighs, ruffling the small girl’s hair
“They will. I know Luffy will want you to join as soon as he sees you; if he wanted that moss head to join, there’s no way he would say no to you.”
“So this thing is what’s making this damn storm?” Zoro questioned, examining the child, who had started quivering at his words
He winced, falling to the ground as a hit was delivered to the back of his head as a result
“What the hell is wrong with you, woman?!” He screamed, holding his head and turning towards Nami, only to receive another hit
“Stop hitting me,” he growls
“Stop cursing around her! Look at her; you made her cry!”
“If anything, it was you and your violence that scared her,” he sneered back
Dokucha turned back to the skeleton holding her, the chef not far behind
“They’re scary,” she cried
“Yohohoho!”
“Don’t worry, little Lady. Nami-chan is an angel; she just needs to put the idiot in his place occasionally.”
“What did you say, Curly-brows?!”
“You heard me, Cactus-head,” he growled, smashing heads with him
“Don’t mind them, what’s your name?”Robin asked with a smile
“Dokucha,” she replied shyly
“It’s a pretty name; I heard you were responsible for the cold weather.”
“I ‘m sorry”
She chuckles, rubbing her head
“Don’t be; you were just lonely, right? You don’t have to be alone anymore.”
She sniffed nodding
“Thank you,” she mumbles, only to squeak as a lively man approaches her, laughing
“You’re a ghost?” He exclaims, a toothy grin on his face
She nods
“Do you poop?”
She gapes at him, jaw-dropped
“What kind of question is that you moron?!” Nami exclaimed, sending a punch his way only for him to avoid it easily
“Shishsihi”
Had to 😂
Taglist:
@imaginarydreams
@amethystviolin
@h0n3y-l3m0n05
#one piece#one piece x reader#one piece imagine#one piece fluff#one piece x child!reader#straw hat zoro#straw hats x reader#one piece strawhats#strawhats#straw hat nami#straw hat sanji#straw hat pirates#sanji#robin#nico robin x you#sanji x child!reader#sanji x reader#brook x child!reader#brook x reader#zoro x you#zoro x y/n
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ive exclusively been playing it by ear with the makeup (no tutorials or anything) and i somehow always end up looking like a secretary kind of so ive been practicing looking exasperated while wearing makeup cuz i figure i gotta work with what im given ya know
#image#thank you for all the kind words#i typically tend to stay away from full sincerity online because i think having a few layers between what you see and what i am is like#a reasonable safety measure for someone with a massive following to take#but i will say that im very lucky to have already accumulated a following of people so in support of *this* already#because it makes it much easier#theres still a lot of parts of it that dont feel real and probably wont for a while but right now#but while im just putting on makeup to feel pretty and posting pics for fun#before im ready to take a deep breath and fully commit to a shift of name and pronouns#just for right now#i appreciate it
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to preface this post i am anti-advertising i think we should explode the entire industry but it's sooo funny when you people make posts like "and they don't even work!!" like. sorry to be the bearer of bad news but yes they do. that's why we have to put up with so many despite everyone hating them and thinking its annoying. because they actually work really well and make a shit load of money
#it actually would be way better if they didnt work and made no money bc businesses would abandon them#this isnt like stocks where everythings abstract and is essentially gambling (i dont understand stocks)#like ppl in the ad industry create things. that make a tangible and quantifiable impact on the business#which is then used in further ad planning. it is NOT all smoke and mirrors#like its fake in that the industry is not providing a necessary service the way like. grocery stores are#but its not the level of fake where everything is abstract like theres deliverables#moreover there is an extensive body of academic work specifically on how to make ads more effective#ALSO i think some of u views ads like. as if they have a win condition. which is you buy product#but in current advertising this is pretty rare and comparatively ineffective#which is why you see MANY ads which dont seem to be selling anything in particular. or which have nothing all to do with the product#the 'win' condition for THAT kind of ad is something more like 'viewers remember our name'#like. ex i would say ads for temu have not been effective on me bc i havent bought anything from them#but temu probably thinks they were SUPER effective on me because i talked abt them like 5 different times at work#and i do in fact know exactly what the company does and what they sell#and they were able to capitalize on the reputations of existing companies (wish shein etc) to build their own brand#good idea generator
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#psychonauts#boyd cooper#the milkman#nightmaretheater#you see i dont have a name for this because it was kind of an in the moment occurance#i was playing around with some brushes and it..kinda just happened#flashbanging my poor followers used to my dark ass art sorry#turn your brightness up? *LOUD INCORRECT BUZZER*#but seriously.The milkman is so fucking interedting to me#my favourite sleeper agent brain demon 💞💞💞💞#i will always be depicting him as an angel.Its important i think?You get me?????Thanks#mostly did the rendering on one layer :)#time on canvas: 3 hours 30 seconds#Update:Yes his hand looks a bit weird.Because i drew the wrong hand.Its okay…Its okay….I uehr I MEAN IT WAS TOTALLY INTENTIONLA🏃🏃🏃🏃
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sonic being given a picture frame and immediately having the perfect picture to put in it implies that he had pictures on hand . does he just carry pictures of his friends around or something . actually that would be a cute explanation for why amy thought that would be a good gift for him
#idk how in character this would be though#because i cant really see sonic as the kind of guy who would own a lot of stuff or carry much with him while hes running around#if he did keep a lot of pictures of his friends/adventures they would probably all just be kept in a box in one of tails' labs#not carried around with him#but i guess you could argue maybe he just happened to have said box nearby since they were streaming from tails' lab#okay wait i just had a thought#werent there really rare and difficult to trigger voice lines in sonic frontiers#that heavily implied the cyber corruption was messing with sonic's head and making him struggle to remember things#including things like his own name and why he was doing all this#what if that whole thing made him a bit afraid that something like that could happen again and he could forget his friends#and he started taking/keeping pictures more often because of that. i dont know
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its so fucking disheartening realising that no one actually sees me as a guy, they just pretend to - and yeah its great being called theo but its less great being lumped in as one of the girls in the same breath
#i dont mind being the only non-girl invited to something (like my sisters hens for example) bc that just feels like a Gay thing yknow#but when the invite is 'hey girls' its kind of hard to consider that you see me as anything else#and i think the worst part - and this is probably the part of me that lacks self respect - is that i get it.#i have long hair i dress 'fem' and the only steps ive managed to take in my transition are wearing a binder and going by a different name.#so sure. but its still gutting and makes me feel fucking /gross/ makes my stomach hurt and my skin crawl#because like. theyll call me theo and a brother and an uncle and a son but?? do they even mean it??#do they actually believe what theyre saying or is everyone just going along with it because they dont want to look like assholes?#i almost prefer my uncle whos at least UPFRONT about not understanding it#like at least hes honest at least when he calls me a girl i expect it#i just wanna curl up w my nephew and read bc at least he doesnt even understand gender yet#to him i AM just his uncle and thats all he cares about#captain speaks
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©️ Aurosoul (FKA useless-machine), 2009 https://www.deviantart.com/aurosoul/art/Kokochi-Ref-Sheet-117207500 ;
this person is at aurosoulart on tumblr today :D they've only improved!
#wanna know something cool guys? i adopted this character!! her name is Chichi!!#im going to upload my characters that ive adopted because i think of them a lot >w<#i have a whole world or sort of loose story im making for my sparkles#which btw if you have old sparkle/eccentric furry characters that you dont use..you can dm meee i have money and can do art ~#you can see my story on @ sparklefur on toyhouse#rainbow#eyestrain#sparkledog#2009#that gemcat is her fursona. again see toyhouse for all my sparkles bios#also yes FYI adopted is like. Official. Like i dmed aurosoul who was super kind. I would never ever just Steal an old unused character
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My feelings on VnC and PH being connected have fluctuated, but currently, Id be hype to have an allusion/reference to PH but Id dislike an establishment that every Mochijun series will then have to fit into the structure PH created.
#dee p thoughts#vanitas no carte#pandora hearts#if you know you know#mostly because. it works as a first reveal but if we have to allude to it again and again...itd get old. and mochijun's series will become#predictable. I think itd only work if theres change and/or a new perspective on it (not in terms of replacing names but interpretation of a#concept per se) that is leading to a gigantic overarching story intended to be told over all the series but. I dunno risky business and a#hard ask imo. I dont think thingsll go to the extent of ''an establishment'' but this post is more for me to reflect on later and a just in#case sort of deal! if anything I think itd be amusing to feel like theres gonna be a connection and then mochijun will hit us that its not#connected at all. an ''I made sure not to just repeat myself/connect BUT/AND if you see a connection Im leading you to think of things in a#new way'' kind of case which would be yay!#ultimately I guess mochijun would work it if theres was ''an establishment'' my major gripe would be having to sit through explanations of#a series' ***** and ***** ** *** **** over and over again. knowing that its going to happen. I dunno I think itd get stale and Im saying#that AS a PH lover
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“what to tell a doctor to get an autism diagnosis” “here’s what i learned from realizing i was autistic at 40″ “i would never want a professional diagnosis” “person first language is so regressive” “autism symptoms are only a problem because of ableism” “we dont need treatment” “no autistic person wants a cure” “four doctors told me i couldn’t be autistic so i found a fifth” “autism is an invisible disability” “dont disclose your neurodivergency to employers” “i/dd and autism have nothing to do with each other” “nt parents/advocates have no place in autism communities” “of course im autistic have you heard me talk about horror movies” babe i have nothing in common with any of you
#completely insane that i will go on autism twitter and somehow i am ''low functioning'' compared to the rest of the people on there.#what are you TALKING about. dont disclose your ''neurodivergency'' to your doctors?? autism is an invisible disability?#we live on different planets. like i think we live on different planets.#sorry but i am twenty two years old and my mother has a fippa exemption to access all my medical info bc if she did not#i would not be able to access healthcare.#the only reason i can live away from home is because i have a cell phone and internet and can keep in touch w family.#my legal government address is my father's house where i have not lived for seven years#because if an important document gets sent to my apartment i will lose it or forget about it and i know this because it's happened.#like ... yeah ! autism IS a spectrum ! and you are not doing such a good job recognizing and supporting people who are#in very different places on that spectrum than you !#it is. i mean it's kind of a form of hermeneutical injustice to argue that there is no meaningful difference between various groups#of autistic people#like yeah functioning labels suck ASS. also you DO need to be able to identify that there ARE people who need more support#because if you can't name that then you are going to forget that they exist#and i see that all the time. it's aspie supremacy by another name#by erasing people who did not have the privilege of self-diagnosing#who do not have the privilege not to disclose#who do not have the privilege of independent self-advocacy#you are going to end up achieving the same thing that actively dismissing those people achieves#like. i dunno. like i said it's completely bonkers in yonkers that EYE and the UNIVERSITY DEGREE EYE WILL BE GETTING IN TWO MONTHS#and my LEASE and my RESPECTABLE RESUME and my INCOMING SOCIAL WORK LICENSE#feel alienated by the default presumptions the ''autistic community'' seems to operate from about how autistic people function#like jfc if i feel erased and unwelcome then how are you EVER going to make your community accessible and helpful#to people who need miles more support than i do??#rhi talks#autie tag
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you know what actually? screw you pops, i'm gonna do what i want. i'm gonna get a job and go to the college i want and get my bachelors in fine arts in theater and i'll somehow get a little apartment in new york with my best friend and i'll do theater for the rest of my life and maybe someday ill even be on broadway!! and i'll change my legal name, and i'll get a cat, and maybe someday if i don't marry my best friend like we promised when we were little i'll find my Person by chance in a coffee shop, or we'll be castmates, and it'll be like the movies. i'm gonna go to italy, maybe i'll even live there for a while, and i'll learn all the languages you didn't want me to, and i'll do what i want.
one day i am going to get out of here, and i'm going to be happy, and safe, and loved. someday someone is going to give me the love you never could, dad.
#my dad has somehow convinced me that i dont deserve all these things#and you know what?#he's a racist bigot who spent far too much time in the military and that's not the kind of person i want to be.#i'm gonna be Me.#and he's just gonne have to deal with the fact that once i leave this house#he will never see me again unless my name is in lights.#and even then he won't recognize me because i'm his son and i'm happy and he can't hurt me anymore.#anyway.#feeling hopeful for the future for the first time in almost eight years.
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Normal people: vent about their feelings in a diary or blog post
Me: makes a whole ass zine at nearly midnight
#okay so i was CONSIDERING the vent zine#and then um something and then i was like “yeah no i cant rest until i get this out”#so i sat down and made this vent zine that's gonna embarrass me next year lmao#am i okay? ... actually I'm trying to be okay now#I'm just questioning something about someone#sorry to keep referring back to That Thing it's just been on my mind a lot#even before that vent post for a while now i was wondering if everything really was okay. if it was making me okay.#because i dont want to be selfish and abandon someone when they need me. I've been abandoned before.#but it's been going on like this for a while and I'm taking too much of it in#i cant even see their name on my phone or like receive a message without going through mini heart attacks wondering if something's wrong-#-again and if i need to hear another drama again#it kind of feels uncomfortable as well in a way. like they're oversharing and that I'm not supposed to be knowing so much#maybe that's just me though. maybe im automatically distancing myself without realising it?#i dont know i just want to hide and not be so... involved i guess?#i think maybe I'm a person more suited to lighter friendships. or maybe there's been so much heaviness that this is just too much now#i dont know. i dont hate them at all but i wouldn't be too upset if they ghosted me (maybe thats just how i feel right now)#i dont know if I'm running away from my problems instead of trying to fix them or something#i have fixed them before. i have communicated and fixed issues before but this time i just cant anymore#okay that's enough rambling. it's midnight#mind you my zine does look pretty good. for a zine made out of a single sheet of paper and written/doodled on in black pen with a lil red#alright that's enough from me now. if you've stayed for this long go drink some water-i know you havent hydrated in ages#(says the woman who hasnt hydrated either-)
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