here again to talk about rdr2 but i absolutely love this scene in "Money Lending and Other Sins VI" where Arthur approaches the widowed Mrs. Londonderry to reclaim their debt.

And these. These frames may just look like regret on Arthur's part for trying to rob a widowed mother and her son.

But i think this means something deeper to his character. Only twice in the entire game does Arthur mention that he used to have a son. Both are hard to miss and require high honor.

Eliza and Isaac were people from Arthur's history whom he seemed to love at least in some level. Isaac seemed to be an accident with Arthur and Eliza but still Arthur visited them from time to time and gave them money so that they could live a normal life. But Arthur tells to Rains Fall how one day he came to visit and only found their graves. Killed in a robbery. Arthur also tells how it hardened him. And how he never really coped with their deaths.

So this moment where he is in the position of the robber coming to demand money and seeing a small boy with his mother. The way he looks at the boy and then away in shame. It must have hurt him even more than what seems from the surface. I think he felt disgusted with himself even more than previously.

In the previous debt collection you've had the option to absolve or reclaim the debt. But in this you only got the option to absolve the debt or absolve the debt and give money to the mother. The game doesn't give you and option to take anything from them.

What is their reaction when they find out that they may have grown attached to you ?

You know how Jason can be very insecure and self-conscious ? Well. Prepare for a whole new level. He will check himself in the mirror when you're not looking, and if he doesn't like what he is seeing ? He will smash the mirror and go in a corner to sit and move back and forth, to give himself some reassurance. He still remembers what his mother used to tell him.

" Persons are a nuisance, Jason. You don't need them to survive."

But then, why does he feel like he needs you ? He feels conflicted as to what to believe.

Super jumpy ! He will jump almost every time you touch him or lose his grip of the things he is holding, often ending broken and splattered on the floor. He would be as clumsy as Jason and would want you to spend more time with him. However, he would also be scared of you breaking his heart.

" I..I c..care.."

Like many of your patients, Brahms has trouble finding his words. At first, many thought he was mute, like Jason or Michael. This is why hearing him speak to you always means it is important.

" I..I care.."

He wants to say many things, how he cherishes every moment you spend together, how you make his heart race everytime you are near him or how he wants you to be by his side forever..But, he can't. He can just hope that what he feels can be expressed through eye contact. You may not understand what he wants to say, but you still try to understand. You put your hand on his and reply with a compassionate smile.

" I care about you too. You are a very good friend, Brahms.."

Did you just indirectly friendzone him ? Possibly..You walk out and Brahms sighs before sitting on his bed while hugging his doll to comfort him.

" You turn me on."

He will be absolutely frank about it. He will just step up and tell you in front of anyone. He doesn't give a damn if the others hear him as well. Also, creep alert, will watch you sleep. He will sneak in your bedroom in the middle of the night and just look at you sleep. He wants to touch you so bad, but he knows that that would wake you up. And he doesn't want that. He will just admire you from afar, even pretend that you may like him back. He would just want to get close to you, to look at you and wonder what you may be dreaming about..hoping that you are dreaming of him.

" Oh my sweet..You look so perfect when you sleep.."

Now..You know how Five is very serious about his relationship with Dolores ? Well, you better be prepared by lots of imaginary fights between the two of them, and even a break-up ! *gasp* Drama. He would be in a very bad mood and would scream and attack everyone that approaches his personal space. He would also smash everything in his room. Like, everything. So much that the other nurses would be too scared of him and ask you to handle it.

" Hey. Are you okay, Five ? Did something happen ?"

He would snort and look up at you with visible frustration.

" You happened. Dolores and I broke up. Not that she was one to share her feelings anyway."

You frown in incomprehension before asking with a small airy laugh.

" I don't understand, what does that have to do with me ?"

Your question seems to trigger a nerve and he suddenly stands up to look at you dead in the eye with anger and, somehow, pain..

" Everything ! You're too nice ! Too forgiving ! Too perfect ! You wiped our past as if it was nothing, goddammit ! We're serial killers, Y/N! We're monsters and you treat us as if we were..as if we were.."

He doesn't get to finish that sentence as he seems on the verge of tears. He jumps on his bed to sit and hide his face behind his knees. You seem to finally understand the problem and sigh before sitting next to Five.

" It's okay to have feelings, Five. You can't hide them forever. I'm sorry if it upsets you but, I don't think you're all that bad. Sure, you kill and even eat people. But, I've seen you change. You are a lot less violent and a few more months ? And I'm sure you'll be out of here in no time."

He looks up at you again with a sort of desperation, very uncharacteristic of Five, before finally asking in a tearful voice.

" What if..What if I don't want to go back ? Out there, I'm just a freak. But, here ? I got.."

He doesn't finish his sentence, but you guess what he is going to say and smile understandingly.

"..Friends ?"

He doesn't answer, he only suddenly hugs you tightly and hides his face in your skirt. You hesitate before slowly petting the top of his head affectionately. The gesture seems to relax him, but he quickly straightens up and wipes his tears away. He then stands up and apologizes.

" I..I'm sorry, it was highly inappropriate of me. I'll..I'll let you work."

Before you could say anything, he runs out of the room and leaves you confused and worried.

Lots of uncontrollable laughter. More than usual. He is very nervous when you're around him and sometimes cries while laughing, showing that he is deeply ashamed of his condition. He is very bipolar and will sometimes act very casually around you, only to break into tears when you leave the room. He will stare at you and turn his gaze away as soon as you would notice.

" Well, would you look at that ? Sir Sh*tty the clown seems to have a little crush on the nice nurse.."

Pennywise would tease him about it while Penny cackles behind him. Arthur glares at them both before either ignoring them or leaving the room.

No. Nope. Certainly not. He will try to hide from you. He knows very well what he is feeling, and also what happens to the people he feels this way towards. He just managed to get rid of his curse, he is not about to risk getting on a murder rampage again ! Every time he would see you, he would pretend to be busy or hide. One time, he even jumped out the window to get away from you. It is very odd since Michael is normally the most chill and calm out of all the patients. But one look at you ? And he becomes a panicking mess. He has to get away. He doesn't want to hurt you like he hurt everyone else close to him, like he hurt his family..

" Me ? Having feelings ? Ah !"

One word: denial. He doesn't want to hear about things like feelings. He saved you ? Bah. It was only because he was bored. He will deny everything, but still follow you and pop up out of nowhere to see what you're doing. He enjoys talking to you, even if he doesn't want to admit it.

" Pennywise..You're staring again."

Penny would gently warn him as his big brother would pretend to not have done such a thing.

" Can't an old clown appreciate to look at nice things sometimes ?"

Penny frowns, not understanding his big brother's words until Freddy intervenes by popping next to him with a huge grin.

" Let it go, kid. Your big bro is just too much of a chicken to go talk to her.."

Pennywise growls in annoyance at Freddy before raising his middle finger at him.

" F*ck off Freddy ! At least I don't watch her sleep like a total perv !"

That would result in a fight that you would have to break. Again..

" Pennywise..I think I'm sick.."

Pennywise would admit some day to Pennywise that would sigh in annoyance.

" Stop saying stupid sh*t. You know very well that we can't be sick."

But, upon seeing the devastated face of his brother, Pennywise sighs loudly before turning towards him to focus his whole attention on him.

" Fiiinnneee...Tell me."

Penny's mood seems to lit up as his brother seems to be willing to listen to him.

" OK, so it concerns the nurse, Y/N. Everytime they are near me, I feel things in my stomach, like a million kids were kicking me in there..Everytime they touch me, I feel as if a part of me in my chest is about to burst and I feel warm, very very warm. And then, I feel very very bad when they talk to anyone else..It's horrible. I want it to stop..Should I eat them ?"

Pennywise stays silent for a while before saying with an unusual straight face.

" Penny.."

He starts, but Penny starts panicking as he sees the sour look on his brother's face.

" Oh ! It's bad, isn't it ?! What is it ?! How long do I have ?!"

Pennywise rolls his eyes dramatically at his brother's exaggerated reaction before cutting him off in his worried questions.

" Shut up, you idiot ! You're not dying. You're just feeling.."things" for them."

Penny stops talking and frowns in confusion, his eyes diverging in deep concentration, as if trying to understand Pennywise's words.

" Things ?! What things ?!"

He finally asks with his eyes wide open in obvious loss and Pennywise face-palms himself before answering with a loud sigh.

" You're falling in love, you dumb f*ck !"

At the word, Penny's face freezes and his smile goes downwards as he realizes that his older brother is right.

" Oh, sh*t.."

He curses and Pennywise frowns, as Penny hates curses.

" Language ! I'm the only one allowed to use curses, remember ?!"

Penny nods before asking in a worried tone.

" How do I get rid of it ? I don't like it.."

Pennywise can't help but feel sorry for Penny, as he knew better than anyone that there was no turning back..

" I'm sorry kid. But if it's really love ? You can't..like I can't.."

Penny's eyes widen at his brother's confession.

" You..You..love her too ?"

Pennywise seems to realize what he just said and groans before walking away. He didn't want anyone to know, even though Penny is his brother. Penny understands the wish of his brother to be left alone and starts walking out in the garden to think over what his older brother said..Could it be ? Could he really be falling in love ?

Bonus : The deal

The Horde is blindfolded and dragged to another room where a man and a woman are waiting for them. At first look, he can already tell that this man is one of the unworthy. The unbroken. The weak..His interest is cut short and he then turns towards the woman sitting next to him. Now, this one was interesting..Her eyes betrayed a much deeper complexity and she had a scar running from her forehead to her left cheek that proved she was worthy.

" You..You are broken. Rejoice.."

The woman smiles, but before she could start talking, her partner does it for her.

" Mister Wendell Crumb, we have a mission for you."

But Kevin only grits his teeths at the man.

" You are impure..I want to kill you.."

The man arks an eyebrow, but ignores his threat.

" Fine. Whatever. But first, I want you to be my spy. We didn't get you out of this prison for nothing, mister Wendell Crumb. We want you to be our little spy in the facility. We want you to find out how a certain miss L/N managed to control the patients outside of the facility. Do that, and you'll be as free as a bird..Do we have a deal ?"

He frowns, they wanted him to spy on a nurse ? She must be quite special for them to go to such lengths, to use him as a spy..Yes, quite the unique prey. The Beast was already impatient and Kevin licks his lips before nodding.

" Fine, but on one condition. When you're finished with her, I get to eat her heart.."

The request seems to take the man aback, but it is the lady that Kevin is looking at. She smiles coldly before nodding in agreement.

" Deal."

Kevin finally smiles widely and can't help the excited giggle that gets out from deep within him. Then, the dark and low voice of the beast makes itself heard as the smile grows almost ferocious as he announces. .

" Let the hunt begin.."

A Simple Kindness

Kieran x Reader 

Had this on the back burner for a while and realized I haven’t written a Kieran x reader fic. So here’s a bit of fluff.  

Summary: You begin to sympathize with the new O’Driscoll prisoner, and decide to give him a little help. 

Warnings: none.

You weren’t exactly sure why this O’Driscoll was in your camp, but you didn’t bother to question it. You were taught to despise any member of Colm’s gang and you thought to do the same to this poor man. 

That poor man. 

He didn’t seem up to par to the common O’Driscoll, sniveling and begging for mercy while tied to that tree. He never cursed at any passerby. Never threatened death upon anyone once he would be free. 

He only begged for mercy. 

You never met a man that soft. 

Was this man really an O’Driscoll? A member of a ruthless, bloodthirsty, thieving, murdering gang? 

Hardly. 

It had been a week since Arthur had brought him back to that cold barn in Colter. He was tied up in the back of a wagon during the trip to Horseshoe Overlook like some prisoner. 

Well, he is a prisoner. 

Left to blister in the sun on this high bluff with no food and what little water he could swallow from the passing rain. That poor man sat there, his arms tied behind him on that birch tree. The papery bark scratched against his tender forearms while the thick hemp of his binds cut into his wrists. Blood red cuts and rash marks painted his pale arms that lay exposed beyond his rolled up sleeves. 

The past few days, you watched him struggle to stand against the tree, his head dropped to his chest in exhaustion and self-pity. Sitting from the table across the way, you’d watch his legs tremble and buckle beneath him as he’d struggle to hold his own weight. He’d squiggle and squirm and whimper to get just a little more comfortable. 

You had half a mind to shout at him, tell him to ‘man up’ and be strong. But watching him pull against his binds was like watching a stray dog pull against a short leash. 

Frightened. Alone. Starving. The only attention came from the daily beatings and tongue-lashings. 

A scrap of bread would be tossed at his feet. Barely enough to satisfy a hungry dog. It’d lay there, taunting him as he’d struggle to kick it closer to himself. Even if he could, how could he grasp it with his arms bound behind him? 

You’d watch him struggle for it anyway, his will driven by hunger. Day by day, that piece of bread would lay there. What was left behind by the pecking chickens would turn to mold and only the flys would claim it.  

How much longer would Dutch allow this to continue? Until the man dies? Or when he gives information that he deems satisfactory? 

From what you’ve heard while eavesdropping, this young man wouldn’t know anything reliable, being Colm O’Driscoll’s abused stable boy. 

You began to fear for him. Truly. 

What would he know, being a newly initiated member of Colm’s circle? For all you knew, he was excluded. Cast onto the edge of the social circle of the gang, left to chat only with the horses and other members of the lowest caste. 

Day by day, you struggled. What was it your mother always taught you? 

“If you watch an evil being done unto someone and don’t stop it, you will be judged for the same crime by doing nothing.” She would say. 

Could you stand there and do nothing? What kind of a person were you? The men around would say you’re a survivor. But is this surviving—torturing a man for information in a petty rivalry? 

When you reach those golden gates and are asked, ‘Why have you done nothing?’, what would you say? 

Because it wasn’t your place to interfere? Because you didn’t want to get in trouble? 

...........

You awake just as a the sun rises and decide this is enough. Only a select few gang members are awake as they stayed up too late and too drunk the previous night. Those who’re up are tending to their own business or had already left.

Walking towards the back of the provisions wagon, you notice he’s alone. Looks like no one’s started the torturing ritual yet. Bill’s talking to Arthur about some stagecoach job over by the horses and Dutch remains shut in his tent with Molly. 

You step briskly as you saw your chance, walking towards the small cooking fire and grabbing a tin cup that rests on the ground next to the warm percolator. 

Looks like Pearson just finished making the coffee. You peek over to his work station and find him deeply focused on preparing today’s stew.

“Psst!” You hear from your right. 

You dare not to look towards the source to avoid suspicion. Discreetly, you turn your head only slightly, pretending to check the hem of your skirt and peek from the corners of your eyes. 

From your downward gaze, you catch Kieran staring at you. You watch him desperately try to get your attention without alerting anyone else. 

Pretending not to hear him, you walk past him with your cup full of coffee and ignore his whispering pleas for water. You stop at the back of the food wagon, hiding yourself behind its large wooden panels. A bucket of rain water sits by a steel dish tub on the table, waiting to be dumped into the tub and used as dishwater. 

You hear Kieran drop his head in defeat behind you. An aching, heavy weight pulls downward in your chest. 

Taking a sip of your coffee, you fake a look of disgust. You take another sip and repeat your act before dumping the contents from your cup. 

Quickly, you dip your cup into the water bucket to rinse the taste from your mouth. 

The cool water touches your lips but you don’t sip, keeping your lips tight against the rim of the cup. 

The coast seems to be clear. No one’s watching or noticing. Checking around you, you dart over to Kieran. He hears your quick steps against the grass and almost yelps in fear. He looks up and sees your face close to his, causing him to drop his eyes and cringe in submission like a beaten dog. He pants pathetically and waits for you to strike him. 

Avoiding eye contact, you grasp his chin and gently prop his head up. He lets out a tiny whimper until you bring the cup to his lips. His eyes grow wide at this merciful gift. The cold metal clanks against his teeth and the cool water rushes through his chapped lips. He feels his throat expand as the water flows like a spring flood rushing through a dry desert canyon, washing away the dirt and dust.  

You continue watching around you for anyone who may come walking and hear him slurp from your hand.  

No one seems to notice, so you move your eyes over to watch him. He sips greedily from your cup, making you tilt it towards him so he can gain every last drop. His Adam’s apple protrudes from his throat in a sharp angle and bobs with every gulp. 

With a final gulp, he exhales in relief and attempts to breathe a ‘thank you’, to which you quickly silence with a finger to his moistened lips. 

“Nothing happened.” You stare at him with such intensity, it’s almost threatening. 

You step away with your dry cup and hear him speak to you in the softest whisper. He mumbles a sweet “thank you” under his breath, nearly undetectable. You smile softly on your way back to your tent until you see a pair of eyes watching you. 

Shit.  

Mary Beth. 

She stands by the rounded table, her hands paused from opening the domino box and watching you curiously. You freeze in place and plead her with wide eyes and upturned brows. 

Please don’t tell. You beg with a silent, sorrowful look. You don’t know what would happen if the others found out, but you’re sure it won’t be pleasant for you. 

A tight-lipped smile grows on her face and she gestures with an open palm towards the dominos. Her invitation is met with hesitation. Can you trust Mary Beth? You haven’t known her for that long and have kept your secrets to yourself. But the look in her eyes show comforting sympathy, not judgement. 

Stepping with bated breath, you bring yourself to the chair across from her. 

Neither of you speak while she shuffles the dominos on the table. The gentle clicking of the ivory rectangles seem so deafeningly loud compared to the unspoken words you pass to each other. 

Mary Beth gives an understanding nod and looks into your eyes with a sweet smile. No doubt she’s gushing at how romantic and noble your simple gesture was to the prisoner. 

You didn’t realize how long you had been holding your breath until you let out a relieved sigh through your nose. You sincerely hope Mary Beth can keep a secret. Sitting here with her, you begin to believe she’s more trusting compared to the others. 

However, you still worry she may not be the only witness to your act of kindness.

.........

Another day passes by and you hear a startled cry followed by angry shouts. The eruption startles you and the grooming brush drops from your hands. Your horse beside you immediately senses your alarm and reacts with a twitch of her muscles and a jerk of her head. She promptly resumes to grazing while you bend to pick the brush off the ground. Holding the brush against your chest, your fingers run against its thick bristles. Your heart rate quickens and you step over to look towards the dead birch tree. A sickening unease washes over you as you watch Arthur, Bill and Dutch surround the Duffy boy. 

You stop in your tracks as you watch Bill hold a pair of iron tongs with a sadistic look on his face. The edges of the tongs are glowing red and sparks fly with every metallic snap Bill makes. Arthur’s broad frame blocks your view of Kieran, but you can barely see his trousers that pool around his ankles. 

Your feet remain frozen in place. You hear Dutch’s voice but your mind doesn’t process his words as you’re too focused on what torturous act is about to happen. 

Tongue fat and lips glued shut, you stand there in the open, unable to prevent Kieran’s frightened pleas from entering your ears.

Just talk, boy. C’mon. Your thoughts scream. An internal conflict burns within you: desperate to intervene but the paranoia warns you’ll be ostracized and labeled a traitor for defending an O’Driscoll boy. 

“All right, I’ll talk!” He cries. 

It’s as if Kieran heard your thoughts. He spills everything. Colm...Six Point Cabin. 

But you don’t feel relief just yet, eyeing a disappointed Bill who still holds the hot tongs close to Kieran’s naked bottom half. 

It isn’t until you see Arthur cut his bonds that you finally loosen the tight fists at your sides. Your fingernails leave marks against the skin of your palms.

Pulling his trousers up to hide his shame, Kieran’s eyes catch you across the way. He sees the fear wash from your face as he follows the men to their horses. He still looks deeply terrified, unsure of whether this ride with John, Arthur and Bill will lead to his execution. 

“Be safe, boys!’ You call to them. 

The four of them, including Kieran who sits behind a disgruntled John, turn to you in their saddles. They look at you as if hearing a babe say its first word. The slight surprise mutes them for a moment until Arthur finally speaks. 

“We’ll be fine, (Y/N)” he says, “Don’tchu worry.”

You watch them ride off down the hill to Six Point Cabin, the location Kieran mentioned. You may not read people as well as others in this gang, but his words seemed true and genuine. You can only hope your instinct is true until the men return, and then you wonder if Kieran will be turned loose...or killed after the job is done. 

You sincerely hope it’s the former.

...........

It’s late afternoon and supper is just ready. The men have been gone for several hours now and your thoughts are no longer kept at bay by busy chores. You don’t hear the subtle hoof beats entering camp, nor the teasing remarks passed between the riders. 

Until a shrill voice startles you from behind, causing you to early spill your dinner. 

“Get this man a bowl!” Bill’s voice yells behind you, “We ain’t found Colm, but this lucky bastard here saved Arthur from gettin’ a bullet in the head!” 

Mumbled voices around the fire exclaim in shock and relief for Arthur’s sake, but little ‘thank-you’s are expressed to Kieran. He steps behind you as you turn to smile at him and Bill, grateful for their safe return. 

You watch him happily grab a bowl of stew and sit on a log next to Uncle, who makes a grimaced look of disgust and moves to a different spot—preferably upwind. 

“Thank you Kieran,” you gently call over, “For saving Arthur.”

He looks to you with those big doe eyes and smiles awkwardly at your statement of gratitude. 

Standing and rubbing your sore hip with one hand, you walk over and extend your bowl to him. He scarfed his food so quickly that his bowl looks almost sparkling clean. 

“Here,” you offer the rest of your dinner, “You sure look like you could eat.”

Kieran stammers, “Oh, no ma’am. I couldn’t do that.”

“Please. I’m not that hungry anyway...Hate for it to go to waste. And Pearson never makes enough for everyone.” You give a gentle smirk. 

“Thank you miss,” Kieran blinks. “That’s very kind of you.” 

He holds his bowl steady with his eyes darting nervously across your face as you transfer your leftovers. You nod and start to walk away until he stops you.

“Oh, and miss?” He whispers.

You turn to him, an eyebrow slightly arched at his politeness.

“Thank you for...yesterday.” 

“Don’t mention it,” you smile. “It’s the least I could do.”

Little do you know when you leave, Kieran feels eternally blessed by your act of kindness. It may not seem like much to you, but to him that showed your true soul. This world is brutal and unforgiving, but your empathy and tenderness is what gives him hope and comfort. Something he hasn’t felt in a long time. 

Mina-san, bonne lecture~! (Tsuki recaps his feelings about Kamen Rider Saber, a personal essay.)

So, Saber... what a wild ride it's been, huh? Just a quick heads up, this is very long and rambling, and also contains spoilers for everything in Saber. It's fine if you don't wanna read all this, but I just wanted to get my thoughts out there.

TL:DR, Kamen Rider Saber's an undercooked hot mess I absolutely adore, warts and all.

Speaking as objectively as possible, it's a 6/10. Probably closer to a 5 than a 7... it's not great: All the different plot elements are cluttered and weirdly paced; character focus is disjointed and clearly biased toward certain characters, leaving great ones like Kento and Ogami, interesting ones like Kamijo and Hayato, and underdeveloped ones like Sophia and especially the Shindais in the dust; not to mention its balance of comedy and drama is off, and while both are very effective, there's a lot of mood whiplash that can take you out of the story. I also feel like a lot of the easily avoidable character conflict could've been easily resolved, even in universe, by simple conversations. Be careful Fukuda, I think Inoue might sue you if he finds out you've been biting his style and doing it worse.

Rider shows have a very frustrating tendency to drop cool form ideas and not do anything with them, and I don't think it's ever been more the case than with Saber. There's a similar argument to be made with the majority of Heisei Phase 2 after Gaim, but wow. The suits are expensive to make without just straight up recycling everything, I get that, but man, I really wanted to see more Wonder Rider forms. How come Touma got all the fun, eh? Of note are the Blades King of Arthur forms (which look amazing by the way), Espada's Jaaku Dragon forms (one of which I even drew last night), even the non-elemental random Wonder Ride Books all have awesome design elements that go tragically unused. Even if the other Swordsmen just kinda have the ones they do get to use slapped onto them, that's at least something. Touma also just straight up only uses Diago Speedy twice and never again. You have cool props guys, don't waste them like that!

Speaking of waste, Espada, goddamn. Since most of the Wonder Ride Books are Story Type and he needs one very specific Story Book to transform, he doesn't get much of... anything, really! No Wonder Rider forms like Blades, Lamp Do Cerberus being exclusive to Ganbarizing, only getting to use the Ride Gatriker like once, he even spends the second and third arcs as a completely different Rider, then once he comes back he doesn't get a King of Arthur-granted upgrade or even a Necrom Espada form. ...at least, not yet anyway. I'm holding out hope for Espada x Necrom and the eventual Saber V-Cinemas. Extra Rider stans, we will be well respected someday.

The Unreal Engine CGI used for fights in early Chapters was pretty good but wow it feels disconnected and they really drop it quick. I feel like if the animators had more freedom to use as many forms as they want, we'd have gotten a lot more mileage out of the books beyond... decoration basically. I actually really liked the CGI sequences, they felt creative and were fun to follow along with.

The soundtrack is pretty great on its own and conveys what it needs to, but they seriously overplay the orchestral themes. It honestly feels kind of... stock at times. I think my favorite parts of the score are when it winds down, since it feels a lot more natural and lets the cinematographers and actors speak for themselves.

As awesome as I think Falchion's design and the Mumeiken Kyomu are, The Phoenix Swordsman and the Book of Ruin comes up short as its own standalone thing. You'd think 30 or so minutes of non-stop action would be awesome, and it almost is? It's as good as a typical episode of the series with a higher action budget, but it kinda drags on a bit too long; and although I think Emotional Dragon looks cool, it feels a bit tacked on. Coming off of the incredible Zero-One REAL×TIME, it doesn't give you much room to breathe, which Rider films are typically great at handling. I also thought the resolution for the kid's subplot was kinda forced. He does an okay job at acting considering his age and doesn't overstay his welcome, but I really don't see how 20 minutes of violence and action is enough to convince him to be brave enough to go play with the other kids. 5/10, it's closer to a 4 than a 6 and I think that maybe Zero-One should've stood on its own if they really had to push back Kiramager Bee-Bop Dream because of the pandemic.

Alright, with all that said... As imperfect and undercooked Saber was, like Ghost I can consider it a personal favorite, 10/10. Call it a guilty pleasure if you want, but holy hell it's just the show I needed. Takuro Fukuda has a talent for creating fun, wonderful characters and utterly fascinating worldbuilding and concepts. It's a shame he doesn't utilize them fully, but hey!

The action and fight choreography are pretty top notch as usual. Lots of beautiful shot composition and set pieces, and plenty of great angles to help keep up with the extra busy action. I love watching the suit actors perform and they deserve all the respect in the world for their hard work in those hot, sweaty, and heavy costumes. Their visual design is also top notch, with lots of unique and fascinating forms and cool weapons I desperately want to play with despite being broke, all with spectacular finishers and hype jingles with the voice of Akio motherfucking Ohtsuka calling them out. A real feast for the eyes. Not a single bad suit among them, yeah I said it, fight me.

The crossover specials are soooo good too.

-I went over my feelings on the Zenkaiger crossover episodes in a separate post (good luck finding that btw), but to sum it up, they were great character moments for Zox and the Shindai siblings with lots of great screwball comedy and some good old fashioned meta humor.

-The Ghost crossovers are great little side stories all about how Daitenku Temple somehow had the Ghost Ijunroku Wonder Ride Book? I genuinely have no idea why it was there, or how Makoto had the Specter Gekikou Senki, and as far as I remember neither of their origins are explained. Did Luna or Tassel hand them off to them and told them to wait for a sword guy? And why do these generic French Revolution Gamma villains working for Danton get their asses handed to them so easily by Kanon, who literally just became a Rider? I thought that Makoto deciding to adopt all the Kanon clones into his family was both hilarious and adorable though; considering all the crap they went through, I think it was a good ending to this plot. Gimme Espada x Necrom already Toei/Bandai/Fukuda/whoever I need to yell at, give Kento things to do, I beg you.

-I haven't actually seen Super Hero Senki since it's not available for subbing yet, but apparently there's a Journey to the West plot starring the Taros and Ohma Zi-O and I want to see that so badly.

Tokyo Ska Paradise Orchestra? Yoohei Kawakami? A match made in heaven, that's what they are. All of their themes are absolute bangers. All of them. Almighty, Kamen Rider Saber, Sparks, Taju Rokou, all excellent and empowering pieces. Rewrite the Story, Will Save Us, and The Story Never Ends are all amazing inserts done by the cast, and it makes me wish we had even more of them to help break up the monotony of the score.

The characters are what easily make this show such a great watch though. For the most part, they have great personalities and chemistry, consistently fun and interesting scenes, well acted and... sometimes well-written development, and deeply investing personal stakes.

Narrating it all is the delightfully eccentric Tassel/Viktor, portrayed by Romanesque Ishitobi "TOBI" of the Paris-based Les Romanesques. I was utterly confused by his presence at first, wondering why there needed to be a narrator when the story would've been perfectly fine without it. He even got a special spot in the opening despite having no stake in the plot despite seeming to live in Wonderworld, who the hell is this guy? But then I thought "OH MY GOD, HE'S THE MAIN VILLAIN USING TOUMA AS THE HERO IN HIS OWN TWISTED STORY, THE BASTARD". I thought it'd be some subversion of expectations, true form, "That Was His Mistake!" shit. Trust me, it made a lot more sense in my head. I'm very happy that they didn't do that, as I grew to love having male Yuuka Kazami as my narrator, and when he was shown to be actually important by being friends with Yuri my mind was blown. And doubly so when I realized just how deeply necessary to the plot he really is.

Rintaro/Blades is up there as one of my all time favorite secondary Riders, since his curiosity is always consistently funny and adorable, his forms are all gorgeous and impressively designed, his relationships with Mei and Touma are absolutely sweet and compelling to see unfold, and his arcs about becoming willing to call out those he views as family and coming to terms with his feelings of inadequacy and both moving past and using them to strengthen himself are always great lessons to pass on to kids. ...even if they took like 10 goddamn episodes to be conveyed in what could've been 5, but hey, Takaya Yamaguchi does a stand-up job all throughout. Rider veteran Eitoku's refined, almost logical movements with the Suiseiken Nagare absolutely beautiful to see in action, and his final form having the same white and blue color scheme as Zooous's base form is an amazing touch I don't see appreciated enough.

Mei Sudo's also absolutely wonderful, serving as the perfect emotional core of the story, responsible for most of the funniest lines, sweetest character moments, and some of the most deceptively compelling drama. Asuka Kawazu brings the perfect energy for such a dynamic and well rounded character, and absolutely nails her scenes of quiet turmoil. As much as I would've loved her to become a Rider, I don't think she really needed to. She's already done so much to help, and as cool as it would've been to see her pick up a sword and fight alongside them as Espada, Calibur, or Falchion she's already endeared herself to me as one of my favorite supporting characters in the whole franchise.

I can't get enough of my homeboy Kento Fukamiya/Espada. Like Rintaro and everyone else for that matter, he also suffers from Saber's pacing issues; and like his predecessor Valkyrie from Zero-One, he doesn't get a proper upgrade aside from his Wonder Combo, instead becoming an anti-villain using a completely different powerset and shifting the Raimeiken Ikazuchi out of focus for the Ankokuken Kurayami, and I feel there's a serious missed opportunity to see him use Jaaku Dragon with Alangina. However, Ryo Aoki's performance is probably among the most easily praiseworthy in the whole cast, managing to convey both Kento's kind and knightly stoicism as Espada and his emotionally unstable despair as Calibur perfectly, in conjunction with Yuji Nakata's experienced and expressive stuntwork.

Ren Akamichi/Kenzan's a dark horse favorite for sure. I remember back when Saber was first picking up, people hated this breezy mad lad for being such a simple character at first. Overly concerned with strength? Black and white world view? Annoyingly energetic? Agh, real-feeling character flaws, I hate them, get him away from me! But then y'all came crawling back. Eiji Togashi's apparently a bit of a rookie actor, and it really shows with some stilted delivery and the way he sometimes bobs his head when giving his lines, but man he improves dramatically as the series goes on. His inexperience ironically ends up really selling his character development, and his unexpectedly beautiful relationship with Desast is special evidence of that. The Fuusouken Hayate's three modes and Satoshi Fujita putting them to excellent use through his stellar acrobatic movements are also really cool.

Why did Luna have to be a child for so long? Does Wonderworld not age whoever inherits its power? Well since Luna randomly becomes an adult in Super Hero Senki and some of the final episodes, I guess so? Miku Okamoto does a fine job for a kid actor, but she's basically done all the heavy lifting for the whole series and doesn't give Mayuu Yokota enough time to get a feel for her character as an adult. How did she choose Touma to inherit the power anyway? Does she just subconsciously decide to trust him with it upon seeing how kind and passionate about storytelling he is? Well if that's the case, why didn't Kento get at least some of that power too? He's just as important to the merchan- I mean Luna-chan, isn't he? Why did Tassel pick her over someone who isn't a literal child who'd be understandably terrified about basically becoming an embodiment of storytelling?

Sophia also kinda suffers from the same problems. Rina Chinen's voice is very pleasant to listen to, but she doesn't really do much beyond serving as a source of exposition and support. I think her dynamic with Mei's adorable, and given her kindness I can certainly understand the respect Northern Base has for her, but she doesn't really contribute a whole lot. If she could use the Kurayami and become Calibur all this time, then why didn't she take it from Kento and Yuri and do so earlier when Kento decided to go back to being Espada? I know she's not much of a fighter and as the closet thing the Sword of Logos has to a leader after Isaac's death I'd understand not wanting to put her at risk, but considering Storious is destroying the world, and she's very evidently kicking a lot of ass in the first part of the final battle even in the basic Jaaku Dragon form, I think it would've helped a lot, just sayin'. Tassel at least has the excuse of being unable to interact with the real world, but Sophia obviously didn't just be put in charge of Northern Base just because she's a pawn in Isaac's plans right?

Ryou Ogami/Buster is also a victim of the disjointed character focus. I have no problem believing he's an excellent father and fighter thanks to Yuki Ikushima and Jiro Okamoto, respectively, but he feels a bit flat and simple in comparison. His rivalry with Desast is randomly dropped, his wife doesn't even show up until the final episodes, he's kinda sidelined in terms of action a whole lot. I imagine that must've sucked for the Rider Dads out there. He does get to star in his own manga, and that was pretty good, so I guess I can't be too mad.

Tetsuo Daishinji/Slash fares better though. Hiroaki Oka, being a Kamen Rider fanboy himself, manages to make him among the most relatable characters in the series. Not only are his hyperfixation on swordsmithing and anxiety played surprisingly believably, Hirotsugu Mori letting him cut loose is extremely cathartic and hilarious, and you really feel for him when the Onjuuken Suzune becomes the first victim of Calibur!Kento's sword sealing.

Yuri/Saikou's another dark horse favorite, for me at least. "Oh great, Avalon guy's got even more merchandise to sell, I wonder what his Sword of Light is- it's himself. Well... that's different." I admit, I didn't like him at first. He felt like he was there to fill out character dynamics in the absence of both Rintaro and Kento, I thought his gimmick was too silly even if his design and jingles were bangers, I didn't particularly care for his power set. But then XSwordman came around I totally got it. He's an endearing, hard-working man trying his best to catch up on all the cool shit he missed, unafraid of experimentation, ready to throw down at a moment's notice, serving as a wonderful bit of consistent support for our heroes, a truly knightly individual, an absolute Chad. and goddamn does he make me worry. Tomohiro Ichikawa, I salute you good sir.

Even if they fall short compared to the rest of the cast, the Shindai siblings are at least cool enough to not wanna write out entirely. They kinda devolve into comic relief after they become allies, something that villainous Riders from Chase onwards are very prone to doing, and it's especially awkward in their case because I think that they kinda get off scot-free for obeying the obviously sinister and crazy Isaac for so long, as well as driving a wedge between a lot of people and threatening children in Reika's case. I think their sibling dynamic is nice though, even if Fukuda recycled it from Makoto and Kanon and has some... questionable possessive undertones as a result. It's cool how they're basically foils to Touma and Rintaro though. The dispassionate and methodical Reika/Sabela is beautifully played by Angela Mei and her moments of emotional depth are fascinating to watch. Her Rider form is a thing of beauty, and its use of literal the Eneiken Noroshi's smokescreens and Yuki Miyazawa's precise and deadly stinging strikes are a joy to watch. And while Ken Shonozaki's not given the best direction as the undercooked plate of 7-Eleven fried fish that is Ryoga/Durendal, he manages to sell him as an experienced and hardened warrior with an awkward side that's especially evident in the Zenkaiger specials. His goddamn RWBY weapon that is the Jikokuken Kaiji is absolutely sick, I'm a sucker for transforming weapons and its combination of time and water powers is really cool, especially with Yasuhiko Amai's deliberate and forceful acting in the suit.

Daichi Kamijo/the Second Calibur, for as brief as his story was, was a pretty cool starter villain. Hiroyuki Hirayama brings this poor bastard to life in a genuinely touching way. I love how as Calibur he goes full force on his creative use of Wonder Ride Books for attacks, and his debut as Jaou Dragon got my blood pumping. His end is also deeply tragic, and I really felt for him when he realized just how badly he fucked up. Hayato Fukamiya also does wonders for the backstory, and while he also doesn't get much to work with, Mitsuru Karahashi makes his regrets and love for Kento feel genuine.

Legeiel and Zooous are both very intimidating and entertaining villains. On top of being just the right balance of goofy and threatening, Kairu Takano and Koji Saikawa's stage presences are both very strong, and their mixture of camaraderie and in-fighting is extremely believable. Zooous's rivalry with Rintaro feels incredible to see through to the end, and although Legeiel doesn't get quite the same treatment, Elemental Dragon had such a cool debut that it more than makes up for it. Their final fights are also absolute spectacles. I don't think their sympathetic angle works even close to as well as it does with MetsubouJinrai or even the Gamma, but I get it, power corrupts, and you probably feel a lot of sadness and regret for things you've done when you die unless you're a right bastard.

Isaac/Master Logos/Solomon is kinda generic. As wonderful as Keisuke Soma is, he doesn't get much dimension to work with. The result of that is while he nails being as smug and punchable as possible, he feels almost... comically generic. Genta Umemori from Shinkenger was full of personality! He was also basically some guy, but he was fun, he felt connected to the rest of the cast! Meanwhile the only real time we get to see Isaac's depth is when we see him crying over his failures. I almost appreciate him being unapologetically evil though, since I've seen way too many shows where redeemed villains get off scot free for way worse things, and some where they outright demand you to sympathize with them despite them doing nothing to warrant it.

Bahato/Falchion surprises me by not just being a movie villain whose actions affect the main plot, but also being a movie villain who actually gets to appear in series as a recurring threat! ...and it's not a particularly great showing on his part, sadly. Masashi Taniguchi does a wonderful job with what he's given, but his character feels like a retread of Eternal without any of what made Katsumi Daido a compelling and frightening villain. I'd like to believe Yuri when he says that he used to be a good person and a hero to the people, but I can only hear so many anime villain monologues about the pointlessness of life and the beauty of destruction before I can never take them seriously again. ...I think that's his biggest problem, actually. I thought he was an overall uninteresting and generic villain in the movie, and the cartoon nihilist he's shown to be in series is only a small step up. He still feels like filler. If only there were a far better written and much cooler villain who takes on the Mumeiken Kyomu after his de--

Desast is probably one of the finest anti-villains I've ever seen in recent years. On top of an absolutely badass character design and the excellent combination of Kazuya Okada/Danki Sakae's suit work and Koki Uchiyama's stellar voice acting, his story being so thoroughly intertwined with Ren's makes their shared journey and bromance a borderline Shakespearean tragedy. His struggle for identity despite Storious treating him as nothing more than a failed experiment and the Sword of Logos treating him as a mere monster really gripped me, and the way he uses what little time he has left to encourage Ren into blossoming on his own is absolutely beautiful. I think his enmity with Ogami is criminally underexplored in series, considering he killed several of the previous Riders and how Ogami's in desperate need of screentime.

Then there's our main villain, Kamen Rider Storious. Robin Furuya brings an incredible amount of charisma to this character, expertly portrayed as both a sinister, manipulative bastard , and as a lonely, tragic figure that arguably makes him feel even more villainous. Speaking as a struggling writer myself, it's easy to feel stuck in the idea of "fuck it, who cares, maybe everything is predestined", but I can't imagine what it's like to know that as the truth and carry it with you for all that time. All of your grand ideas have roots from your experiences, and you're not the only one who even could have those experiences. It's easy to just fall into despair and give up trying, but would that make you happy? Sure, Storious is sadistic, he may be fulfilling his goals, he may be ungodly powerful... but it's not enough for him, is it? All of his friends are gone, one of them even at his own hand, he probably doesn't have any idea what to do after he destroys all the world's stories, Touma even reached his full power before he did, and his downfall is so predictable that even a blind person could see it. He even seems to welcome it, what's up with that? But then I realized... OH MY GOD, HE'S THE MAIN VILLAIN USING TOUMA AS THE HERO IN HIS OWN TWISTED STORY, THE BASTARD. He's so far gone, he's so desperate to stick it to the Almighty Book, he's willing to twist the archetype of the Hero's Journey so hard, it snaps in two. What I think is interesting is that he's ironically trying to chase the trend of "edgy superhero story" that became super popular in the 21st century. The Boys, Brightburn, Kamen Rider Amazons, The Sentry, No More Heroes, Magical Girl Site, even mainstream comics from DC and Marvel... Surely Storious must've seen the cruelty and tragedy these stories are filled with, but he chooses to go through with trying to force the world into this direction anyway. Did they, along with seeing the ever-popular tragedies of legendary playwrights and bleak satire of the twentieth century fuel his despair?

And yet... there's one who stands in determination against his ideals.

Our hero, Touma Kamiyama, the titular Kamen Rider portrayed by Syuichiro Naito and Kousuke Asai, he speaks to me on a personal level. There're plenty of jokes to be made about his procrastination in early chapters, his godless fashion sense, and him doing the funny run up the slope, that's all fine and dandy, but I rarely feel so connected to a character the way I did Touma. The struggle to create, find companionship, live your life, reach out to others... these're things a lot of people struggle with, and of course you see them depicted a lot in media about creators, but Saber gets to the root of what the greatest thing about storytelling really is. Giving people hope, while using the pain of the past as fuel for the future. Sure, Storious may be right about how every story has been done as far back as human civilization gets, he may even be right about how any spin or creativity humanity has is outright predestined. It should be pointless to even try, right? That's where Touma Kamiyama disagrees. He didn't spend all that time fighting and creating just to give up at the idea of predestination. His novel writing-fueled creativity in his early training, his devotion to his friends that let him surpass Kamijo as Dragonic Knight, his compassion for the Primitive Dragon that let him combine their powers to destroy Legeiel as Elemental Dragon, his resolve that let Xross Saber dethrone Solomon, and his passion for the craft of storytelling that let our heroes channel their wishes into Wonder Almighty... all stemming from the belief imparted onto him by his predecessor that "Hope lies beyond your resolution." And that you decide how your story ends. He may not be the greatest Rider to some, he may be as lame as others think he is, he may not even be my favorite, but I have no issue calling Touma Kamiyama... Kamen Rider Saber, one of the all time greatest carriers of the Kamen Rider name.

The final chapter's definitely not as great as some other Rider finales, but goddamn. Primitive Dragon consciously choosing to save Touma is so sweet and such a great emotional payoff, I loved jamming out to the opening theme while our boys lay the smackdown on Storious. Wonder Almighty's a fitting final bit to close the main series out with, if not exactly a great one. I think the cover is great, and the book's body is a lovely shade of candy apple red, but I really don't like how its pages are just the covers of the other books copy-pasted onto onto the pages, that feels lazy. Maybe if it were a panorama of all the books' characters, I'd like it a lot more as a symbol of how unified the Swordsmen are, but eh, what can you do? On a related note, does this mean all the "last episode extra final forms" of the Reiwa Era are gonna be named after their series's opening? That's a neat idea.

I felt a lot of feelings seeing all those video messages of Rider fans all across Japan talking about their favorite stories, and how their passion and fond memories help reshape the world. Mei's monologue at the ceremony about is also really touching and- IS THAT A HUMAGEAR!? :O

Y-yeah dude, it is! Wow, where have you guys been for the past 48 episodes?! Are you guys doing okay? How come you're like... the only one here? Is the technology of Hiden Intelligence only really that prevalent in that very specific metropolitan part of Japan and they're just not coming around much over here? Is it like Dragon Ball where anthropomorphic animals are just vibin' with humans while the heroes are off kicking ass? Apparently he's played by Hasegawa Keiichi, who wrote this episode and had the award ceremony named after him. ...is Hasegawa Keiichi a HumaGear in this universe then? Did he set up this award ceremony in Touma's honor? If so, why is it named after him? Did reading one of Touma's books lead to his Singularity? I know this is just a cameo, but... god, I have so many questions that probably will never be satisfactorily answered.

Overall, if I had to compare Saber to anything, it'd probably be Sam Reimi's Spider-Man trilogy. It's awkward, stupid, overwrought, undercooked, illogically written, scattershot, cheesy as fuck, and has a tendency to squander its otherwise fine execution; but the sheer passion for storytelling, sense of spectacle, deeply fascinating characters, and belief in the ideals set forth by the cast, crew, and fans are absolutely admirable. Improvements would certainly make it an overall better experience, to be sure, but there's something deeply captivating about how wonky this series is. Seeing everybody get their happy ending after all they've been through felt extremely gratifying though, and I may have to wait another for the epilogue to and then wait for Revice, but... man. I'm hella proud of our awkwardly-emoting, fashion disaster novelist and all of his heavily flawed friends for carrying the Kamen Rider name on to the future. Here's hoping Revice will keep it going.

Alright, that's everything I wanted to talk about. Sorry this was so long and ramble-y, I had a lot to say. I'll probably be liveblogging Revice as episodes of that come out, so... look forward to that, I guess. See ya.

Fury Chapter 5

Pairing: Comte x reader

Fandom:  Ikemen Vampire

Summary:  Comte exacts revenge on Pierre, while Arthur catches up with Jacques

Rating:  18+,

Count:  2,324

Warnings:  blood drinking, murder

AO3:  Chapter 5

Tumblr:  Part 1,  Part 2,  Part 3, Part 4

 Chapter 5: Blood Revenge

Back at the mansion, Vincent had made his way up the stairs and was silently approaching Comte’s room. His head was still filled with the events of the night and the disbelief that William could act so heinously. When he got to the door, he raised his hand and knocked quietly on the door.  He heard no response and turned the doorknob to peek inside of the room. He could see your sleeping form on the bed and slipped inside, closing the door behind him.  He approached the bed and pulled one of the nearby chairs to sit down.  He took the moment to observe your state. 

He started at the crown of your head, looking intently at the bandage that Arthur had placed on your head; it was tinted red with spots of blood.  Your neck was colored in purple, crimson, and yellow; the indications of bruising from being choked by Jacques.  Your body shook in your sleep, mumbling incoherently.  It looked as if you were having a nightmare.  Your breathing began to quicken, alarming Vincent. You began to toss and turn, flailing your arms into the air.  Vincent quickly took hold of your hands and held them tight.  The feeling of being grabbed awoke you, as your eyes darted around in fear.  Upon seeing Vincent, you sighed a breath of relief.  Vincent smiled warmly at you and began to speak.  

“How are you feeling _______?”

“I’m doing okay, considering the circumstances.  I’m still in a bit of shock at everything that happened though.”

Vincent looked at you sadly. He squeezed your hands gently and gave you a soft smile, but his eyes showed remorse and regret.  

“I’m so sorry _______, I feel partially responsible for all of this.”

You quickly locked eyes with him, your eyebrows furrowing in disapproval.  

“Vincent, why do you think that you have any fault in what happened?  It wasn’t you that did this to me.”

Vincent let go of one of your hands to rub the back of his neck.  The skin around his eyes began to bunch as his stare became pained.  He turned his face away from you and whispered quietly.  

“I should have known. I could have stopped Will if I had only realized…”.  

His voice trailed off as he began to weep quietly, clenching your hand tighter.  You felt as if your heart was breaking as you watched Vincent, racked with a guilt that he didn’t need to carry.  Watching Vincent in anguish made the back of your throat hurt even more, as you tried to suppress the new growing pain.  Vincent pressed his trembling lips together, in an attempt to stop the tears that kept falling in his mental distress.  You squeezed his hand to reassure him.   He looked up at you as you began to speak.

“Vincent, William had everyone around him fooled.  Comte feels the same way that you do, he feels like he should have been able to prevent this.  But the truth of the matter is that you cannot always control what others do.”

“It’s not that simple, _______”. Vincent said with a downturned mouth.  He took a deep breath and continued.

“I had told William about you before, how much I care for you.  How much we all care for you. He did this even realizing how much you mean to me…I consider him my close friend, but I feel betrayed.”  

“Oh Vincent, I wish you didn’t feel this way.  I don’t want you to burden yourself over what he did.”  

Vincent smiled weakly at you.

“I have something to confess. Will told me that he was working on a new play, a play that would put all his other works to shame.  He seemed excited to work on a project that as he put it, ‘Would change how everyone views the theatre’.  He wanted to revolutionize the world with this new chance he had been given as a vampire, but I expect things have not turned out how he originally intended.  I don’t want to hate him, I want to hope that there is still a chance for redemption, but not at the cost of those I love being hurt.”  You looked at Vincent, with a realization.

“Vincent, in the future William’s name is known all throughout the world.  He is even more famous that Arthur.  He already has transformed how humans view theatrical plays and the English language itself.  His contributions to society are priceless.”  

Your words brought a smile to Vincent’s face as he wiped away tears from his cheeks.

“Really?  He thinks that he didn’t accomplish anything like that.”

Vincent’s compassion moved you and scared you.  Even in the face of being deceived by one of his closest friends, he still clearly wished good and kind things for William.  But Will was also the same man that had sent Jacques and Pierre after you. You looked at Vincent with a wavering smile but inside felt your stomach sink.  Vincent noticed your conflicted stare and spoke in a firm voice.  

“Don’t worry _______. I still do care for William, but my priority now is you.  I won’t let anything happen to you, even if it means facing off William.”  A calm washed over Vincent, softening his features. You both shared a warm smile, enveloped in the peace of each other’s company.  

 Downstairs, Comte and Leo were heading towards the basement.  Comte opened the basement door, dust drifting out in a small cloud near the floor.  His took his first step down into the biting air of the basement, listening to Pierre’s hiccups and whimpering sobs.    The two purebloods came to the bottom and took in the sight of Pierre.  He was still chained to the wall, blood on his clothes, and in obvious pain.  His pathetic appearance did nothing to incite compassion from the two old friends. Comte crossed his arms as he stood in front of the human.  Pierre looked at the two vampires in the dim light of the basement.  Blood spurted out of his mouth as he began to plead.

“Please!  Please let me go, I had no idea-” Comte cut him off as he closed in on Pierre, baring his fangs in anger.

“You knew exactly what you were doing!  It would be an awfully bad idea to lie to me right now.  You are in no position to negotiate for anything.  So, tell me, why did William do this?!”  

Comte slammed his hand on the wall next to Pierre’s head, cracking the stone.  Pierre’s body shook in fear, his breath a mixture of sniveling and hyperventilation.    

“I - DON’T - KNOW!  I REALLY DON’T KNOW, PLEASE!”  he screamed.  His eyes were red as big salty tears rolled down his blood-stained cheeks. His chest hitched as he continued to sob uncontrollably.  As Comte’s face neared him, he tried his best to shrink himself into the wall, to no avail. There was no where he could go, he was at Comte’s mercy, of which Comte had none to give.  

Leonardo came up behind Comte to peer at Pierre’s trembling form.  Upon seeing Leonardo’s face Pierre began to mumble to himself.

“God, please help me! Oh God please, this can’t be!”

Leonardo let out a small laugh, his voice deepening at he spoke.  

“God can’t help you here, bastardo.  You have two demons to contend with for what you did.  Tell us everything you know about William, NOW!” Leonardo held his chin high, growing more irritated by Pierre’s despondent nature.  He peered meekly up at the two purebloods.  His voice was thick as he choked out his words.

“Please…. I - I just do what Jacques says.  All I know is that William is the Englishman that gave us the information we needed. He met with us a couple days ago at the pub.  He said that he had been watching us for a while and that he knew how we could get our money back.  Please that really is all I know!”  Pierre could feel the heat behind his eyes as he attempted to bargain with Comte and Leonardo.  

Comte looked back at Leonardo with cold hard eyes.

“Leave us.” The steely words left no space for negotiation as Comte took a step back to view Pierre in his entirety.

Leonardo’s eyebrow shot up as a small smile crept onto his face, his eyes glistening.  

“About time.” Leonardo and Comte shared a knowing nod.  

As Leonardo approached the basement stairs, he took one last look at Pierre.

“If anyone cared anything about you, they would wish you luck, because you’re going to need it.” Leonardo ascended the stairs, leaving Comte alone with Pierre.  

Comte cracked his knuckles as he stared at Pierre with flat eyes.  His heart was pounding as the veins in his head pulsed.  A dangerous aura began to fill the room as Pierre began to fall further into despair.  

Comte observed Pierre closely, staring at his disheveled state.  Comte lowered his voice.

“Tell me… have you ever thought about how you were going…to…die?” His voice was a deep gravel as he took a step closer to Pierre.  

Pierre broke out in a cold sweat, his face turned pale, visible even in the dim light of the basement. His lips trembled as Comte came slowly ever closer.  He screamed in a shrill voice.

“NOOO, PLEASE DON’T HURT ME!!”  He looked around the basement frantically, searching for help that would not come. Pierre shut his eyes tightly while his body shook uncontrollably.  

Upon hearing his words, Comte once again bared his fangs to Pierre as he boomed his words laced with pure venom.

“Don’t hurt you?  DON’T HURT YOU?!  YOU CAME TO MY HOME AND INJURED MY FRIEND. AND ABOVE ALL, YOU HARMED THE WOMAN I LOVE!”  

Comte’s thoughts blanked out in the midst of his rage.  All he knew was that Pierre would pay for what he did to you and Sebastian.  

“There is nothing that you can do to free yourself from me!”  Comte hit the wall behind Pierre again, punching a hole straight through the stone, causing dust to fill the air around them.  Pierre stared wide eyed at the vampire.  Comte put his hand on Pierre’s throat and began to squeeze tightly.  

“I had never intended on drinking fully from a human again, but for your sins, I’ll make an exception.” He could smell the blood pumping through his veins, just underneath the skin.  Comte plunged his fangs into the crook of Pierre’s neck and shoulder and began to drink.  

Pierre blinked his eyes quickly, the muscles in his neck attempting to fight the invasion of Comte’s drawn out bite.  No sound came out of Pierre as his life force was drawn out from his body, a necessary payment for his transgressions.  The pain, that started out roaring in his body, had slowed to a low hum….until there was nothing left in the cool dry basement except for the pureblood.

And silence.  

 In the city, Arthur, Napoleon, and Theo headed quickly in the direction of the cobbler shop.  It was only a few streets over, and they were hoping to find Jacques or William in the residence above the shop.  The three vampires came to the end of the alley, across from the cobbler shop and looked both ways down the street, lest they be seen by prying eyes.  Their actions were unnecessary, for this was the time of night when most Parisians were tucked away in their warm beds at home.  There was a light on above the shop, and there could be seen the silhouette of a man.  Arthur spoke first, in a low hushed voice.

“All right, we need to ensure that he doesn’t escape.  Napoleon, stay here and guard the front door.  Theo, head around the back of the shop just in case he tries to divert us that way.  I’m going to go inside and try to see if I can find any more information.  If you hear any loud noises, come inside, it might mean that things have taken a wrong turn.  Although I don’t see how one human can possibly contend with a vampire.”

The other two vampires looked on with a curt nod of agreement.  Napoleon posted up in the alley as he watched Arthur and Theo cross the road.  At the corner of the shop, Theo and Arthur split up, Arthur entering the front entrance, and Theo making his way to the rear door through another alley.  

Arthur stilled his breath and stealthily climbed up the narrow spiral staircase.  He reached the top of the landing and could see the light pouring out from underneath the wooden door.  He crept up to the door and could hear muffled sounds coming from inside. He took a careful step forward, causing the floorboard to squeak slightly underneath his weight.  Arthur froze in place, waiting several seconds to see if he was found out.  Pressing his ear up to the door, he could hear Jacques speaking.

“That fucking bitch, she got me in my money maker!”  A scoff could be heard in response to Jacques, making Arthur freeze once again.

“There is someone else in the room!” Arthur thought.  This was going to make capturing Jacques all the more difficult.  

Jacques was not amused as he tended to his still sore crotch.  

“Whaddya laughing at, huh?! This is all your fault anyways! You and your stupid tragedy shit.”

Jacques words hit Arthur like a ton of bricks.  

“No way!  It’s William, he’s in the room with Jacques!”

William sneered at Jacques’ response.  

“Ah, frailty, it appears that thy name is not woman after all.”

“Shaddup!”

“Jacques, I think we must retire our conversation for another time.  It appears that we have an uninvited guest.”  William said as he turned towards the door with a smirk, both vampires anticipating that the game of cat and mouse was surely about to begin.

Chapter 6:  Baptism in Fire

 @datenoriko @diagnosed-by-doyle @nad-zeta @darkfaerry @ohhmyyesplease @not-so-local-asshole @niphredil-14 @luzda @anonymous-whisper @nuttytani @kim-stxtches @choi-jiyu @itsannaslife13 @ravenarld @kisara-16 @a-maidens-dream @strawberrypancakesalltheway @lilliansstuff @jellymoonbear @thebestaqua32 

Fresh Start 3

Harry Potter AU

Characters: Sirius Black x Reader

Link to Chapter 

Rating: M 

_____

The next morning, you stood in line waiting to purchase a pre-made cake to take to the Weasley’s. The last thing that you really wanted to do at the moment was cook! When your eyes opened that morning, you were ready to throw your guts up.

“I’m going to kill Sirius when he gets home. That’s it! He’s a dead man.”

You muttered under your breath as another wave of nausea washed over you. Harry, meanwhile, decided to start pulling on the buttons of the tweed coat you were wearing. You mentally thanked the toddler for any kind of distraction that he had to offer you. The less that you had to think about being pregnant in addition to Sirius out there without the knowledge that he was about to be a father the better off you were!

“Easy, love.”

You whispered to your nephew as the clerk finished up. The clerk gave you a small smile before handing you the bag.

Walking out of the store, you let your mind go back to the previous thoughts. How in the hell were you going to tell Sirius about the baby? Were you just going to blurt it out or should you butter him up then drop the news? Molly’s idea seemed to be the best and healthiest.

“Sit him down, just the two of you, and tell him. Sirius loves you. I know the time isn’t ideal with everything going on but the two of you can do it. The two of you have been together since you were kids...now you’re having kids.”

You smiled at the thought. Molly always knew what to say at the worst times!

“Y/n?”

A voice and someone touching your arm quickly pulled you from your thoughts. You turned to see none other than Regulus Black standing behind you.

“Regulus, what do you want?”

You snapped before tightening your hold on Harry. If the man thought that he was going to get Harry, he had another thing coming. You didn’t mind hexing Sirius’ younger brother!

The younger man shook his head and held his hands up.

“I haven’t come to harm you. I need to talk to you... it's important.”

“I’m busy.”

You replied coldly. Regulus gave you that displeased expression that you had seen on Sirius’ face many times.

“Too busy to talk to an old friend? Like it or not, Y/n, we were friends. You were kind to me when the rest of my brother’s merry gang of men were cruel to me. Can’t you spare me a moment, for old times sake?”

You scowled at the man before adjusting Harry in your arms.

“Fine. What can I do for you?”

Regulus motioned to a small table at a cafe.

“Come sit down.”

You slowly followed and did as you were told. Looking at Regulus broke your heart. He was right. The two of you were friends. You were the only one out of your friends that was nice to the boy. The boy...that’s what he was to you. He would always be Sirius’ younger brother. He was the perfect son in his parent’s eyes. Their pure blood mania was almost too insane to deal with.

“I see you got your nephew.”

You nodded.

“Indeed. Some of you stupid death eater friends killed my brother and sister-in-lae. Just an FYI, when I get my hands on Pettigrew...it won’t be pretty.”

Regulus frowned. He knew that you would be furious over James and Lily being killed. Regulus could have cared less. He had always blamed James for turning Sirius away from the family...more particularly him. James seemed to be the brother that Sirius always wanted. When he made friends with James, Regulus was no longer wanted or needed.

“It won’t make any difference.”

You tilted your head, totally confused by his insolent attitude.

“What do you mean?”

Regulus leaned back as the waitress put two cups of coffee in front of you. He waited until she was gone before speaking again. The last thing that he wanted was for little ears who didn’t belong overhearing the conversation.

“This whole stupid war. Nothing is going to be fixed with all of the fighting. Too many people are dying for the wrong reasons.”

You kept your eyes on Regulus curiously. This was coming from the boy who was so proud to sign up to be a death eater! He was making mommy and daddy Black proud. Now he was saying that none of this mattered!

Before you could make a comment, your stomach rolled at the smell of the beverage in front of you. Holding your breath, you tried to keep your mind on Regulus’ words.

“Then what are the right reasons?”

“Not what we are seeing.”

He replied simply. You sat blinking. Regulus knew that you were getting confused and annoyed

“Regulus, whose side are you on?”

His grey eyes rolled to yours. The smirk that he gave you reminded you too much of his brother!

“I can’t say. So how are you?”

You took another deep breath, trying to keep a grip on your stomach. It was taking all you had not to get violently ill on Regulus’ obviously expensive shoes.

“Fine.”

“You’re awfully pale.”

“I’m not feeling well.”

Regulus raised an eyebrow as you scooted the coffee away from you. He decided to go out on a limb. Hopefully, he was wrong but he had a feeling that wouldn’t be the case.

“How far are you?”

Your head snapped up and what color was in your face drained out.

“Excuse me?”

Regulus smirked. He had spent enough time with Malfoy’s while Narcissa was pregnant to recognize a pregnant woman from a mile away!

“You’re pregnant aren’t you? Does my brother know?”

When you didn’t respond Regulus sighed. He ran a hand through his short hair (another habit he obviously got from his older brother).

“You are going to have to tell him. Sirius will figure it out and angry for being left in the dark. I didn’t know the two of you were back together.”

You rolled your eyes.

“We aren’t. Not yet at least...and I know exactly how Sirius is. I have been with him since we were 15.”

Regulus was clearly conflicted.

“Do you need anything? If my brother isn’t taking care of you at least let me.”

You shook your head. This was getting out of control and fast!

“Regulus, he doesn’t know! When he finds out, Sirius will do what he’s supposed to. I appreciate your concern. Sirius will be a wondering father! He’s great with Harry.”

Regulus’ grim expression didn’t soften. He knew Sirius would be a good father. Sirius would be 100% better than their own father.

“I won’t know. Y/n, you know that Sirius won’t let me see the baby. We are both not welcomed in each other’s lives. You can get a hold of me if you need anything.”

Regulus slowly got up and disappeared. He had forgotten the entire reason that had wanted to talk to you. Now his mind was as twisted as a pretzel.

The conversation with Regulus troubled you most of the afternoon. Arriving at Molly’s you tried to push the conversation from your mind. Molly opened the door with her usual giddy smile.

“Y/n, darling! It's so good to see you! Here let me have Harry. I’ll put him in the other room with Ron.”

Harry didn’t fight Molly, taking him before looking back to you. Molly kissed his forehead eagerly.

“Don’t worry, little one. She isn’t going anywhere.”

You gave your nephew a little wave before looking around the room. There was no sign of Sirius. You felt a little disappointed Sirius was typically one of the first ones back but tonight not so much.

“He’s not here yet.”

You looked over your shoulder and was relieved to hear Remus’ voice. Turning, you quickly wrapped your arms around your best friend.

“How are you feeling?”

Remus asked. You sighed.

“I feel horrible. I have been throwing up all morning and I really think that I am starting to show.”

You ran your hand down your still flat stomach. Remus grinned.

“I think you are just imagining that. You look nice.”

You couldn't help smiling. Remus Lupin always knew what to say at the right time! That was one thing that you were thankful for!

Your attention went to the fresh cuts on his face and neck. The full moon. You had forgotten all about the full moon! Here Remus was worrying over you when he was going through his own hell that hit every month.

“How about you?”

You asked gently. Remus frowned.

“I’m sorry?”

“You know what I mean, Remus.”

“I look worse than I feel.”

You pressed your lips together and wrapped your hand around his.

“Come by the house later. I have some stuff that I can put on you.”

“You’re too good to me, Y/n”

Remus knew it was too light of a comment for everything that you actually did for him. You took care of him when you didn’t have to.

“That’s called being a best friend. Just like you sat with me while I did 12 pregnancy tests.”

You said with a smile. Remus shrugged with a grin.

The door opening and closing pulled your attention from Remus. Sirius stood taking off his coat. You glanced at Remus.

“Well, time to face the music.”

You took a deep breath before going to where Sirius stood cuddling Harry. His grey eyes rolled to you before smiling. You stood on your tiptoes to press a kiss to his cheek. Sirius was completely shocked by the act. He had half expected you to not even pay attention to him.

“Hello, stranger.”

Sirius said with a smirk. When you blushed, Sirius was slightly surprised. He half expected you to tell him to stop his flirting.

“I should say the same to you. Can we talk?”

Sirius nodded. He was more than happy to talk! For six weeks he had been stewing over the fact that the two of you had slept together then you were too good to face him!

Walking into Molly and Arthur’s room, you waited until Sirius closed the door. He automatically went from normal Sirius Black to “I am fucking pissed and you’re going to hear about it.”

“So you sleep with me then will not talk to me for six weeks. Is that how we are?”

“Sirius, I’m sorry. You know that I had to pick up Harry. This isn’t what I wanted to talk to you about.”

Sirius rolled his eyes before lighting a cigarette.

“Let me guess. You’re pregnant.”

The comment was totally sarcastic. When you burst into tears, Sirius quickly put the cigarette out.

“Y/n!”

He said your name a little higher pitched than he meant to.

“I am.”

You said in a barely audible whisper. Sirius was dead silent. His eyes were wide in shock. This had to be the worst time ever to be having a baby! He stood motionless. His eyes were locked on you going from your face to your stomach.

“Sirius, say something.”

“Are you sure?”

He managed to choke out. You gave him the world’s biggest bitch face. What kind of question was that?

“It isn’t hard to pee on a stick! I took 12. Ask Remus if you don’t believe me.”

Sirius immediately looked annoyed.

“So you couldn’t call the father of the child but you could call another man?”

He knew that it was a cruel comment but the jealous side of his brain had roared back with a vengeance.

“Sirius, you were on a job! I couldn’t just get a hold of you and be like hey I may or may not be pregnant. Want to come home while I find out?”

Sirius stubbornly crossed his arms over his chest.

“Yes, you could! Why don’t you just go have a baby with Remus? I’m sure he would be a better boyfriend than me too.”

Your mouth dropped. This WAS not the reaction that you had expected!

“Funny, I don’t want him as my boyfriend. I was hoping that would be your job! Stop acting like your family! You’re better than that.”

Sirius’ mouth dropped. He stared at you for a moment before appeatating out of the room.

An hour later, Sirius sat with a half-empty bottle of fire whiskey in front of him as he lay on the bed. He had been pouting from the moment that he arrived home. Was his comment about Remus out of line? Yes, it was. Sirius knew that there was nothing between Remus and yourself. He had been a jealous shit over the fact that you would go to Remus over him. Maybe it wasn’t jealousy but hurt.

“If you hadn’t treated her like crap, in the beginning, Y/n would have come to you...like she did with anything else.”

The voice in Sirius’ head was right! When the two of you were in school, if something was wrong Sirius fixed it. If you had a problem, he was the first person that you went to (which of course unless it was sexual in nature, James was taking care of the problem too.)

“Do you think that you handled that appropriately?”

Sirius jumped up to see Remus standing in the doorway. His friend looked pretty annoyed...and he had a good reason.

“Probably not.”

Sirius muttered as he stood up. He slightly staggered from all of the booze that he had just downed.

“Y/n is very upset and all you have to say is probably not? Sirius, I love Y/n dearly. She is one of my best friends. I, however, have no romantic interest in her! Y/n has made it very obvious since we were teenagers that you were the one that she wanted. She wanted the rebel bad boy, not the shy bookworm.”

Sirius’ grey eyes rolled to his friend before siling.

“Sorry, Moony.”

When Remus smiled, Sirius knew that all was forgiven.

“You should go talk to her.”

Remus said. Sirius looked up as his smile faded.

“What am I going to do, Remus? We are having a baby at the worst time ever. I’m no good as a boyfriend. Tonight’s behavior showed that. I’m supposed to get her pregnant when we are trying for a baby not during some drunken one night stand.”

Remus sat down. He knew that this was going to be one hell of a conversation.

“Maybe it's what the two of you need? Have you thought about that? Both of you were looking for a sign that your love was meant to be. I know that you don’t think it is a good time...that is probably what makes it the right time.You are doing splendidly with Harry. Don’t be so hard on yourself.”

Sirius smiled at the mention of Harry’s name. He had to admit that watching you care for the baby made the man in him go crazy.

“What if I can’t take care of them? What if I fuck up again?”

Remus shook his head.

“You will fuck up again but that is where Y/n and yourself will show how strong you are as a couple. Sirius, she was the girl that essentially tamed you. You love her madly. You can care for Y/n and the kids properly. You have the ability.”

Sirius sighed.

“My family’s name and money will take care of them...the things that I hate.”

Remus put a hand on his friend’s back. His poor friend was definitely on the self-hatred train for the evening.

“It will be you. Sure, those things are helpful. Sirius, you are not your family. You can raise Harry and the baby differently. Besides, it isn’t like your mom and dad will be jumping to come into the picture.”

Sirius smirked. Remus was definitely right there! He hadn’t heard a peep from his parents in years.

“Remus, can you go get Y/n?”

Remus nodded and opened the door. You stood on the other side, obviously hearing the whole conversation. Remus grinned before stepping out of the room.

“I’ll just get Harry down for the night.”

Once Remus was out of the picture, Sirius held out his hand to you. You could tell by looking at him that he was half-drunk but you didn’t care. At least, he would be willing to listen. You smiled at the thought of Sirius being a needy drunk.

Wrapping your hand around his, you didn’t fight Sirius when he pulled you into his arms. The hug was exactly what the two of you needed!

“Y/n, I am really sorry. I was a big jerk. I guess I was...am scared.”

There it was! The emotion that you needed to see! You didn’t want Sirius to keep all of this locked up inside himself!

“And you think that I’m not? Sirius, I am really scared! I was worried that you would never want to be with me once that you found out.”

Sirius was clearly stunned by that comment. How could he not want to be with you? He had been desperate to get you back since the day you walked out on him! Maybe he wasn’t vocalizing his desperation enough?

“Y/n, I’m not some idiot! Look, I know that I treated you badly for a while and I am eternally sorry for that. I want to fix what happened between us. I want to make you happy.”

For the first time in months, that cold angry side of yourself had vanished! You stood up enough to pull him into a kiss. Sirius was motionless at first but quickly wrapped his arms around you to deepen the kiss.

“I want to make you happy too.”

You said against his mouth.

“Would you still marry me? I don’t want people talking and the way things are…”

You slowly pulled away as Sirius’ voice cracked. The way things are...that sentence alone was very telling. A lot of other people were eloping at crazy rates. You figured the thought of possibly being killed the next day was enough to scare anyone into wanting to do wild things.

Your mind immediately went to James and Lily. James wouldn't be there to give you away. Lily wouldn't be able to help you fuss over dresses.

“I would. We don’t know what tomorrow will bring.”

Sirius reached into his pocket and slowly slid your engagement ring back on your finger.

“You kept my ring?”

Sirius nodded as he pressed a kiss to your ring finger.

“It's been in my pocket since you left.”

His eyes looked pained when he said the word left. You quickly reached up and put your hands on either side of his face.

“I’m not leaving again!”

Sirius was relieved to hear that! The promise that he wouldn't be alone again was everything that he wanted to hear!

(Meanwhile)

Regulus walked into 12 Grimmauld Place in a huff. He didn’t want to see or talk to anyone at the moment!

“My son is that you?”

Regulus groaned at hearing his mother’s voice. He knew that he might as well face her and get it over with.

“Yes, mum. It's me.”

Regulus walked into the living room where his mother sat sipping a glass of wine. Her cold eyes were focused on a book that she was reading. The woman couldn't even be bothered to look at her “favorite” son.

“Is all well?”

She asked. Regulus shrugged.

“Do you remember Y/n Potter?”

Walburga slammed the book and glared up angrily! She didn’t want to hear your name!

“The whore is a blood traitor. What about her?”

Regulus fought back a groan. He didn't want to get in a fight with Walburga that night.

“That would be her. Y/n is pregnant. She’s having Sirius’ baby.”

Walburga instantly looked like someone shoved a handful of lemon drops in her mouth.

“Don’t say his name in this house! You’re telling me that Sirius is having a child with her?”

Regulus nodded as he poured a glass of whiskey.

“That is exactly what is happening. Like it or not mum, the child will be part of this family. At least you won’t have ugly grandchildren. Y/n is lovely and Sirius...well you’ve met him.”

Walburga stood up and walked to the window. She was dead silent for a few moments before turning quickly.

“Maybe I should pay the happy couple a visit.”

_______

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A Thrill I’ve Never Known (Chapter 61)

Stitched Up

I really love this chapter, ngl... I hope you do too ;) Full of conflict, violence and gore!

Tagging @emily-strange and @actuallyhansolo ❤

(All chapters tagged with #ATINK and also posted on Ao3, username PorkChop)

-

"I was in Van Horn, selling those jewels, Arthur," I began, wrapping my arms carefully around Arthur’s waist as he began riding back to camp, avoiding his injury, "I went into the bar and had a drink 'cause I was thirsty and there was Pinkertons in there! One of 'em came and spoke to me, he didn't know who I was and I didn't give him any clues."

"What did he wanna know?" Sadie asked.

"He was talking about us. Had photos of you boys, was showing 'em 'round. But when I came out I saw Micah! I stopped him and warned him, told him what happened and then…" I stalled, remembering the kiss. "We argued again. He… he really upset me," I shook my head.

We slowed when we came upon our abandoned campsite.

"But we went our separate ways and I came back here, after I told him this was where I was going," I continued. Charles and Sadie got down and helped each other to swiftly collapse the shelter, and we were soon on the move again. "Then the Pinkertons showed up, knew exactly where I was and who I was… that Arthur and I are together. I can't possibly see how they'd find out without Micah telling them. He must've gone back and done it out of spite 'cause he was mad."

"I guess he was counting on both of us getting taken out of the picture," Arthur growled. "Soon as I see him I'm gonna kill him," he added. 

"Do it slowly so I can castrate him before he loses consciousness," Sadie hissed through clenched teeth.

"And I wanna pull his teeth out one by one," John piped up.

I panted heavily, panic pulsing through every limb, putting me right on edge. This was it. It was all going to implode… and all because I wanted to have a damn drink.

–

We made it back to camp, a strong sense of urgency dictating our every move. I slid down off of Jet and supported Arthur on his way down too, conscious of the pain he must've been in. I stowed away the guilt I felt for another time; we had something big to confront. Like a wave of people storming towards us–

"Here she is, the goddamn Judas!" Bill roared out across the camp, and my heart suddenly felt like it was going to fall out of my ass, I froze on the spot. "Kill the bitch!" 

"Wha– the fuck are you on about Williamson? You better stay the hell back!" Arthur growled, stepping in front of me immediately. 

"It's her! She's the rat, Arthur, Micah figured it out," Javier pitched in, heading right for us, his hand on his gun where it sat in his holster. My eyes darted to Bill's hand, his gun was already out, sitting between white knuckles. I gasped, going lightheaded, staggering backwards.

"She ain't a goddamn rat, he is! You're gonna believe anything that comes out of that goddamn snake's mouth?" Arthur spat. 

"It's true, she ain't done nothing, it's–"

"Shut up, Marston! You ain't got a loyal bone in your body, I trust you as much as I trust her!" Bill interrupted. Sadie stomped forwards, in between us and them.

"Everybody calm down!" 

"How can we be calm? There's a traitor standing right in front of us and we've gotta move again, before the Pinkertons show up!" Javier argued.

"What exactly has that bastard been saying?" Arthur demanded. 

"Either you're really as stupid as everyone says, or you're in on it too. Move aside, Arthur, or I'll just blow a hole right through you," Bill spat, though he didn't raise his gun. Part of me knew that he wouldn't. He couldn't. Bill wouldn't do anything without Dutch's say so; I'd taken him to be one of the boot-lickers, especially in more recent days. 

"Arthur! Arthur, goddamn it, I knew she weren't to be trusted, I never wanted her in this gang in the first place! Ever since John brought her in–" Dutch began yelling from across the camp, barging out of his tent, but his words turned into muttered grumbles that we couldn't make out until he got closer again. Micah was dutifully at his side and I scowled at him over Arthur's shoulder. "– all she's done is poison you against me, typical woman. Just like Abigail!"

"What the hell are you talking about Dutch? She ain't poisoning me against nobody! You wanna see top class manipulation you wanna look at yourself, see what Micah's done to you!" Arthur protested, waving an arm in the blonde bastard's direction.

"She's working for the Pinkertons, Morgan. She's got to go," Micah said snidely, ignoring Arthur's words. "She was in Van Horn, having a good old chat. Even had the courtesy to warn me about 'em! You know, I believed her at first, thought she was too innocent to sell us all out. But then she suddenly disappears, and comes back without a scratch on her?"

"They were using her to get to me, after you told 'em where she was staying!" 

Micah laughed, shaking his head. "Why the hell would she tell me where she was going? She hates me, told me herself!"

"She saw you and told you about the Pinkertons in that bar, she said you had some sort'a argument and then you went back and told 'em about us. They wanted to capture me, and I'll bet that was all your idea anyway!" 

"The entire time you've been here you've caused nothing but trouble and tension in this gang, Micah, and you didn't see how they had her; chained up and sitting there like an afterthought while they all waited for Arthur to show up–" Charles began, but was swiftly interrupted. 

"She ain't been here as long as I have and you really believe her over me?" Micah hissed. 

"She ain't been nothing but good to every one of us, even you, Micah. Even with how you been slobbering over her this whole time," John said, shaking his head in disgust, "I wouldn't be surprised if you did all this just 'cause you're bitter."

"You kissed me!" I shouted, stepping out from behind Arthur, he tried to grab me and shield me but he was too slow. "You grabbed me and kissed me earlier on, again! Ain't the first time you've tried."

Micah laughed harder. "God, are you listening to this?"

"You never said that," Arthur pointed out, stepping forwards and grabbing my arm, his tone sharp and surprised. 

"It weren't the best time," I breathed a laugh void of any humour, pulled my arm from his grip. 

"You s'posing I'm heartbroken, wanted to get my revenge?" Micah cocked a brow. 

"Not at all. I think you like playing God! You like seeing me squirm, you like doing exactly the things I don't want you to do, and you like seeing other people suffer. You did all this to entertain yourself, probably!" I exploded, I looked at the crowd that had gathered; most of the gang. "You wanna point the finger at me? Go ahead! But if you kill me I guarantee you'll still be in the same goddamn boat 'cause you'll still have your filthy rat!" I jabbed a finger at him. 

Micah swaggered towards me, stepping between Bill and Javier, who'd both gone very quiet, looking unsure. Arthur edged closer, sticking by my side protectively. Sadie, John and Charles hovered close too.

"Your nasty lies'll get you killed before the rest of us, mark my words. We all know you're such a great con-woman. You've probably had us all on from the start, even Morgan," he said, his voice a low rumble. 

"I think I'd know by now," Arthur scoffed, his whole body exuding disbelief and something like amusement.

"I think you wouldn't have the slightest idea, you're just like any other pretty boy, gets his pecker wet and turns soft," Micah accused and it was Arthur's turn to laugh. 

"That why you're so tough?" He retorted. A sharp sigh caught my attention and Dutch, who had been mostly silent, standing and listening to the whole thing unfold, was rubbing at the bridge of his nose.

"Enough!" He snapped. "Children! You are all a bunch of children! It seems we are at an impasse of sorts, and ain't nothing gonna get solved by throwing petty insults around."

"You can't be serious, an impasse? How can you not listen to the things I'm saying? Dutch, you know me! I at least thought you'd listen to me and see sense," Arthur exclaimed, I could see the wounded look in his eye just from his profile.

"I thought I knew you, Arthur, but you started putting her before the rest of us and it's you that ain't been listening to me. You've questioned me at every turn ever since she showed up, and now you wanna turn around and act like I'm the one betraying you?" Dutch's voice cracked with its sudden raise in volume and I looked at the sneer of a smile Micah was wearing. 

"But Micah–"

"At least Micah is with me! All you're concerned with is getting away from me, running off with your new woman! Why should I listen to a damn word you say when you're a goddamn deserter!" Dutch yelled, thoroughly losing his temper. My heart felt as though it had been shattered. I shook my head and stared brokenly at Dutch.

"So that's it, that's what you think of me?" Arthur hissed after a few long seconds of painful silence. "All them years don't mean nothing now, yet you'll trust him, just fine," Arthur nodded slowly, leaning backwards, his body loosening, not quite shrinking, but losing its menace.

"I think we're getting a little off track, here," Micah indicated with a mildly impish tone, a little like he was tip-toeing through the words. Eager… but trying to hide it. "What're we doing about the traitor, Dutch?"

"Which one?" Was the response he got, and a series of gasps could be heard. 

"That ain't right, Dutch. First you give up on me and now you wanna do the same to Arthur? Ain't you thinking straight?" John rasped irritably, "what's wrong with you?"

"You're one to talk, seems real convenient that they had you locked up for a month or so and never hanged you!" Bill spat.

"Fuck you, Bill!"

"For God's sake! Why don't we just leave? We'll go our separate ways and that'll be it, never have to see each other again," I cried out, squeezing my eyes shut and balling my fists at my sides.

"You'd like that, now, wouldn't you? Finally getting your way, pulling this gang apart," Dutch said, regarding me with disdain. My jaw clenched tight and a growl built in my throat.

"She never did that, that was you and Micah. You didn't need any help from her," Arthur defended me. 

"You lot ain't had an ounce of loyalty between you!" Bill chipped in. 

"I have to agree," Javier added, a little pompousness to his tone. 

Everyone had their say, talking over one another and bickering and shouting and getting defensive and I stood there with something building and building inside me until I couldn't take anymore and I snapped–

"I am done with this!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, "I'm going! Anyone else who is finished here is free to fucking join me."

I spun around, pounding my feet into the hard mud below me as I headed straight for Rayna. 

"Ain't none of you gonna act?" I heard Micah questioning, words all but a growl. There was a pause, I had one foot in the stirrup. "Well I guess I gotta do everything around here," he added, and it gave me pause enough to turn and look to see what he was on about and–

My heart stopped when as quick as a whip he drew his gun, arm swinging up, eyes locked on me. I barely had enough time to register my fear before Arthur reacted; standing just a few feet away from him he threw himself at Micah, colliding hard with his chest, his shoulder slamming into him as he tackled him to the ground. The gun went off, Micah's arm flying up into the air, the stray bullet soaring past my head so close I could've sworn I'd felt a breeze. But the gun slipped from his grasp, skittering across the ground. 

Arthur was on top of him, grunts of exertion came from them both as they struggled and fought for the upper hand. It happened so quickly, not even giving anyone enough time to know what to do and then there was a sudden, choke of a gasp and Micah froze, his hands turning a sickly white with how hard they gripped onto the fabric of Arthur's shirt. Then I saw Arthur's hand jerk back, and registered the fresh blood – wet and glossy, adding to the dry flakiness from his own – before I registered the knife. 

Then everything kept moving. 

"Arthur!" Dutch yelled, and he along with everyone else swarmed forwards. Bill dragged Arthur off of Micah, pulling him out of the prickly grip on his clothes as if loosening him from the spines of a cactus. He stumbled back and landed on his backside, sitting on the ground and staring at the aftermath of the scuffle, the crimson knife still in his grip, wrist resting almost daintily on his knee as he stilled.

Huffs and grunts and wet, shaky gasps came from Micah where he remained on the ground, and I inspected him through the bodies rushing around him and saw the darker shade of red spreading out across his already carnelian shirt, rushing down to stain his beige pants. I stood with my mouth wide open, all stiff, not even in a fit state to tell my muscles to move let alone successfully do it. 

Charles and John came forwards, checking Arthur; his only wound was the one he already had, though it started bleeding profusely again, soaking his shirt with fresh blood after all the commotion. Charles took his wrist in his hand, and carefully peeled Arthur's fingers from the knife, removing it from his firm grip and tossing it on the ground. 

Mary-Beth was teary-eyed with shock, her hands plastered over her mouth where she stood far off from the crowd. Javier stared open-mouthed at Micah. Dutch and Bill hoisted the injured man up, hands underneath his arms. Micah hiccupped and gurgled and coughed and retched, groaning in agony, his face crumpled in a wince the likes of which I'd never seen on him. Blood oozed from his lower belly, leaving droplets on the ground like breadcrumbs all the way to Dutch's tent. Susan followed them, rushing around and yelling about cloth and towels and anything at all to stop the bleeding–

And I stood there, my foot still in the stirrup. Arthur still sitting on the ground, his head in his hand now, Charles and John asking him if he was okay, was he hurt? John congratulating him in a very muted way, telling him it was okay, he did what he had to, Micah deserved it. Sadie came into my line of sight and it took effort to get my ears to focus and register what she was saying. 

"You okay?" She was asking. I nodded numbly and dropped my foot down, marched straight over to Arthur and kneeled down beside him, hissing at the sharp pull on my burns but sucking it up, touching Arthur's arm and his knee and finally getting him to peel his eyes from the ground. 

"You hurt?" Were his first words and I shook my head sharply. 

"You are, we need to do something about this," I told him, bringing my hand to the wound on his side and applying some pressure. Arthur sucked in a sharp breath but I shushed him in a way I hoped was soothing. We needed to stop the bleeding. "Can someone get me something to clean this and wrap it up?" I asked anyone who'd listen. 

"Grimshaw's throwing everything we've got at that bastard in there, I don't know if there's anything–"

"Are you fucking serious?" I screeched, interrupting Sadie, my rudeness not at all intentional or personal. She didn't mind. 

"I know!" She hissed back, just as livid. 

With my free hand I opened up Arthur's satchel, it wasn't a time to worry about asking permission, I searched for whatever alcohol I could find. There was a few inches of whiskey left inside a bottle. It'd do. 

"Sweetheart, lie back," I whispered, and he did as he was told wordlessly. 

I pulled open his ruined shirt, pushing it off of his shoulders, his suspenders getting dragged off with it. He helped me get his upper body out of his union suit and I could finally see what was leaking all the blood. He had a deep gash ripping right past his mid torso, at the bottom of his ribcage. It was clear a bullet had skimmed past his side, trimming a chunk from him. An inch further in and he'd be in real trouble. 

"Arthur," I whispered, shaking my head. 

"I'm fine," he shook his head.

"You're hurt. Stop it," I chastised, "I'm gonna clean it as best I can. I'm gonna hurt you, but it's gotta be done. I think it'll need stitching, it needs closing up somehow," I added.

"I'll see what I can scavenge to help him," Sadie said. 

"Shall we move him to his bed?" John asked. 

"Yeah that's probably best," I nodded, watching the blood drip down Arthur's side with a churning gut. 

John and Charles helped Arthur to his feet and we all walked back through camp, enduring all sorts of stares. Some looked worried and upset, while others just looked pissed off. Disgusted. I didn't have time to really think about who was wearing which set of emotions.

"Did I really jus– did I kill him?" Arthur questioned, his tone lifting up in shock. 

"He ain't dead… you ain't–" I was trying to make him feel better. My instinct was to nurture away any guilt he might've felt; but he had no reason to be guilty. "Thank you," I suddenly blurted out. 

"Huh?" He grunted as Charles and John helped him to lay down on his bed.

"You saved me. He almost shot me," I breathed, a laugh bubbling out from me that was totally misplaced. Nothing about this was funny; I was just in shock. 

"You should'a gone in a second or third time with that knife," John hissed. "If that prick lives–"

"He won't," Charles said firmly, and it almost sounded like a threat the way he said it, "I'm calling it now, the knife went deep, and you see where it was? Try all they like to stop the bleeding, that had to have done some damage inside." 

"I didn't know I'd done it till it already happened. Didn't consciously do it," Arthur frowned to himself. I tended to him, pouring a splash of whiskey over his wound, earning a sharp hiss. "Who the hell expected me to just stand there and let him– he pointed his gun right at you! No fucker does that and lives, especially not someone I've been waiting for a damn excuse to kill anyway." 

"I got some stuff, managed to convince Grimshaw to give me just a little dressing. Got a needle too, in case he needs stitches," Sadie returned, handing the supplies over to me. I shook my head bitterly. 

"How on God's green earth can they all coddle him and leave you with nothing," I spat. "After what he's done! Why don't any of those fools believe us?"

"Cause he got to 'em first," Arthur muttered pessimistically, staring down at his side where I gently pressed an alcohol soaked cloth to him, cleaning the wound. "Anything we said after just sounded like we were trying to save ourselves."

"But you've been with Dutch years!" I exclaimed. 

"So's Marston, yet he's been a suspect since that bank robbery. Dutch had his doubts, thinking he was the rat; ain't no reason he wouldn't think the same of me. 'Specially since I been sneaking off with you, that fool will believe anything once he's got his claws hooked into an idea." 

"Goddamn it, I hate that you're right," John sighed, leaning against the side of the wagon. 

"So that's it? He thinks we're all betraying him, selling him out to the Pinkertons? I can't believe he's listening to Micah over anyone else, what a stupid man!" I spat through bared teeth, then took a breath to try and steady myself. I had to sew him up. "I am so sorry, all of you. If I hadn't– I don't know. This is unbelievable."

"Don't apologise for him. You ain't in control of how he thinks, he chooses to trust the wrong person, that's his mistake!" Arthur said, his eyes shifting across the camp towards Dutch's tent, unrelenting hatred in his eyes. "I will never forgive him, all those years I spent with him don't mean nothing to me no more."

"Stay still darlin', I'm gonna stitch you up," I told him softly. My hands were shaking a little as I eyed the wound. I really didn't want to hurt him. 

"If it makes you folk feel any better, Micah is not doing well," Sadie began frankly, "he was out cold when I was over there. Grimshaw's packing bandages into his gut just to try and stem the flow, ain't pretty. You really did a number on him, Arthur."

"I ain't sorry," Arthur muttered, "hope he dies slow."

"They keep wasting our medical supplies on prolonging the inevitable, he will. Even if they stop the bleeding, you probably punctured his intestines, or his bowels. Next few days will be fun, if he even lasts that long," Charles said almost nonchalantly, glancing off towards Dutch's tent.

I bit down on my lip as I carefully began to stitch up the gash on Arthur's side. He didn't flinch or make any noise, so either he was good at hiding it or I wasn't causing him much pain. It was reassuring enough that I could finish the job quite quickly. The stitches held enough to greatly reduce how much he was bleeding, so I carefully had him sit up so that I could wrap the dressing Sadie had nabbed around him. I secured it firmly, keeping it tight to his wound just enough to support and protect, but not so tight as to be uncomfortable. I checked he was okay, if there was anything else I could do for him. 

Arthur shook his head, "thank you, my darlin'," he sighed, his words so sincere and sweet, his eye contact so warm and full of love it felt almost like it shouldn't be shared in the company of others. I kissed his forehead once, then rose to my feet. 

I cleared my throat and looked around at John, Charles and Sadie one by one. "So, what the hell are we gonna do?”

Self Care - Finn Shelby

Pairing: Finn Shelby x reader

Requested: By @foggysportsbananawagon​ and anon. 

Prompts: #20, #21, #22 and #32 from the angst-list. 

Warning/notes: This is a combination of this, this and this request. It turned out a bit messier and more angsty than I originally planned so I’m warning you for cringe xD (NOT PROOFREAD)

Wordcount: 3667

Summary: Following John’s death, Finn has been trying to fill the empty space left behind by taking on too much work, something that causes conflict between the two of you.

Finn Shelby was way too good for the business his family was running. Hell, he was too good for all of Birmingham, and probably too good for you, as well. But still, you had been together for a year now.

You had grown up jumping around between families and orphanages and most of the orphanages and families had treated you alright.

But you were a handful growing up, acting out because of the lack of stability in your life, so you never got to stay very long at the same place.

As you entered your early teenage years, you cleaned up your act. Or, well, you got better at concealing your anger, and this resulted in your final family keeping you for all time to come.

Unfortunately for you, however, the final family ended up being the only one to not treat you alright.

The family consisted of a woman, her husband and their three sons, all of whom were older than you by a minimum of seven years, and all of whom were going to mentally and physically abuse and sexually harass you for the next five years of your life.

The first three years, between the ages twelve and fifteen, you were still a weak, lanky little thing who, despite already having quite the temper, was too scared to actually do anything when the three brothers started asking, or rather demanding you, for… favors.

You guessed you were lucky in a way that your body blossomed very late as you during those first years “only” had to touch them but got away without being touched yourself.

But once you passed fifteen you grew into your feminine shapes, which caught their attention in an entirely different way. They tried to force themselves on you, but curves weren’t the only thing you developed.

With them, your muscle mass also increased, which made you able to defend yourself, which in turn, caused the sexual exploitation to take a more violent turn.

Everyone in your neighborhood knew what was going on. They saw the bruises on your arms and the vulnerable look behind your eyes.

But everyone turned a blind eye to the entire situation, shrugging it of with the reasoning that ‘war did that to a man’ and that it was ‘only natural for them to crave physical intimacy after being alone and scared for so long’.

This went on until you neared your eighteenth birthday, when finally, someone stepped in and did something.

The Shelby brothers.

They were passing through your town on business, heard the yelling and cursing coming from both you and your supposed “brothers”, and discovered the four of you in an alley behind a shop, where you were cursing them out and swinging at them with a metal pipe while they laughed and tried grabbing at your dress.

Now, violence against women wasn’t unusual in the slums of Small Heath, and usually, they wouldn’t bat an eye. But you were young, they were three against one, and you had a certain fire to you that they couldn’t turn a blind eye to.

John was the first one to come to your rescue, taking you under his arm and pulling you away to allow Arthur and Tommy to do what Peaky Blinders did best; slash their eyes out with their blades and leave them to bleed to death.

Even though you had been fighting back with more ferocity than most women sported, you were really shaken up and refused to leave John’s side during the entire ride back to Small Heath.

And even when you had arrived at the Shelby household where Polly greeted you with open arms, they noticed by the way you would glare at everyone else, that John wasn’t going to be leaving anytime soon.

So he stayed the entire time Polly cleaned your cuts and took care of you, and by the time Finn arrived back home from the boxing ring with Isaiah in tow later that night, you had calmed down and was sitting at the kitchen table playing cards and joking around with John and Arthur while Tommy and Polly sat by watching.

You hadn’t had the most gracious first meeting with the youngest of the Shelby siblings, seeing as this was the time he had began developing his whole hostile “I can do what I want because I’m a Shelby”-attitude.

But after a cuff upside the head with the kitchen towel from Polly, he had to get to terms with the fact that you were going to be staying with them. And only a few days into it, it was all good.

John tried keeping you out of the family business to his best ability, but once in a while he allowed you to come along on the safer jobs, where he was certain no violence would be involved.

You basically either followed John around wherever he went or helped Esme out with the kids when he wasn’t able to. And Finn, he followed you around wherever you went, which wasn’t all too appalling.

John took care of you and you started taking care of Finn once your relationship took a romantic turn, and that’s how it continued for almost a year. Until John passed away at the hands of Changretta, breaking the entire family apart.

You had never felt such an intense sorrow as you did at John’s passing, not even over your own parents. After all, he had been the one to look after you for the past year, taking you in as if you were one of his own.

Two months had passed since his funeral, and although you got along with the rest of the family, you weren’t as close with them as you were John and Finn, so the latter was pretty much the only one you had left.

At least that’s how it felt. And now you were losing him too.

Ever since John died, he had been trying to fill in the empty space he left being, trying to walk in his footsteps by taking on more work and responsibility than he was able to handle, pushing you away in the process.

You had tried voicing your worries a few times, but he had always waved it off and walked away. And you didn’t want to pressure him, knowing that he was mourning and therefor wanting to give him the time he needed.

But now it was getting ridiculous, and you couldn’t be quiet any longer.

The walk from your shared house to his office wasn’t very long, but it felt longer today as the weather was absolutely horrid.

Rain was pouring down and hitting the top of your head roughly, and no matter how hard you hugged your coat around your form, you still couldn’t stop the slight tremble that was going through your body.

To say you were happy to get inside once you reached your destination was a huge understatement.

You stopped in the doorway briefly to shake the rain off your arms, unbuttoning your black coat and slicking your wet hair back so that it wasn’t sticking to your face before continuing into the building and in the direction of Finn’s office.

His door was closed, something that rarely happened unless the two of you were fooling around, which instantly caused suspicion to arise inside of you.

You quickened your pace, the heels of your shoes clicking against the hard wooden floors, and you wasted no time in flinging the door open upon reaching it, your eyes instantly spotting Finn snorting a line of snow from the surface of his messy desk.

He instantly raised his head at the sound of the door hitting the wall, sniffing and using his fingers to rid of the excess powder from his nose.

He didn’t have the chance to say anything though, as you were already marching over to him with furious steps and wasting no time in wiping the two remaining lines off of the desk, watching the white powder spread into the air.

“What the fuck, Finn?!” You exclaimed, dropping the bag in your hand to the floor. “You told me you quit with the snow!”

Unlike the soft eyes he would usually look at you with, his eyes only showed pure anger, staring back at you harshly.

“I did.” He glowered down at you. “I just needed some fucking release.”

“Release?!” You yelled, throwing your arms out. “You’re addicted, Finn! It’s not healthy, none of this is healthy!”

“It’s my life! I’m an adult and a fucking Peaky Blinder, I can do whatever the fuck I want and you don’t get to decide what’s healthy and not for me!” He yelled back, which only made you more agitated than you already were.

“How daft can you be?!” You demanded. “Open your eyes! This behavior is the result of your brothers constantly using you to do their dirty work and not sparing a single thought to how it’s affecting you! They’re working you to an early grave!”

Finn stepped around his desk quickly at that, raising a finger and pointing it in your face while his other hand stayed in a fist at his side.

“Don’t talk about my brothers like that.” He snapped. “You have no right.”

You scoffed at his words, crossing your arms over your chest.

“I have every right.” You corrected him, glaring fiercely and fearlessly into his eyes. “I love them like my own flesh and blood but they’re idiots. Tommy has the emotional range of a fucking teaspoon, Arthur is as independent as a five year old and no matter how much I love and care for them, I love you more, and I’m fucking tired of how they’re just turning the cold shoulder to how you’re turning out. It needs to stop and if you’re not going to tell them to lay off on you, I’ll do it myself. In fact, I’ll go do it right now.”

Without waiting for his response, you turned whipped around and moved to head back the way you had just come from, but you only got to take one single step before Finn’s hand clamped down around your upper arm.

Your brain instantly went into panic mode at the feeling of his tight grasp squeezing your flesh. It didn’t hurt, but the feeling triggered the hundreds of traumatizing memories you still struggled to bury from your years spent with your last family.

The feeling of the three brothers’ hands on your body, trying to feel you up, and then hitting you with all their might when you wouldn’t let them.

“Why can’t you just stop putting your nose in other people’s business, (Y/N)?” Finn yelled at you, still holding on to your arm. “I can’t take it, no one can take it! You’re fucking insufferable!”

In any other case, his words probably would’ve brought tears to your eyes, but right now, you could barely even register them as they were spoken. Instead, the cause of the uncomfortable stinging feeling in your eyes was the painful memories being brought back to the surface by the familiar and dreaded feeling of being manhandled.

Your eyes slowly looked away from his and to the side, glazing over as your breathing got heavier and heavier.

Finn was still speaking. You couldn’t hear him, but you could see his lips moving in the corner of your eyes. When you suddenly stopped responding, however, your arm now handing limply in his hand, he instantly came to his senses and let you go.

And the second he did, your senses returned to normal and you began coming back to reality, now being able to hear his voice again.

“I’m sorry.” He told you, his voice coming out as a breath. He took a step back, seeming to get lost in thought for a moment before he regained his composure and walked up to you again, grabbing a hold of both of your upper arms but this time a lot gentler.

“I’m sorry.” He repeated, bringing his thumbs up to your cheeks. “Please don’t cry.”

You hadn’t even realized the stinging in your eyes had turned into fully developed tears until you felt the wetness between his thumb and your cheek.

Raising your eyes back to meet his, you noticed that all of the anger previously held behind his baby blues were gone and replaced with guilt.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you.” He whispered, taking another step closer to you and joining the hand that wasn’t wiping away at your cheeks with one of yours. “I’m sorry.”

As he closed his eyes and leaned down to press his forehead against yours, you took a deep breath, responding to his actions by squeezing his hand in yours.

“You didn’t hurt me you idiot.” You whispered, causing him to open his eyes again. “What’s hurting me is that you’re hurting yourself.”

You swallowed, feeling a new set of tears building up at the brim of your eyes. “You’re killing yourself by trying to fill John’s shoes. I cared for him just as much as the rest of you. He was the one who got me out of that horrible place, out of the grasp of those even more horrible people. He saved me and now he’s gone and it breaks my fuckin heart every day. But you’re not him. You’re not supposed to be him. No one is, but him, himself.”

You paused briefly, squeezing your eyes shut in an attempt to stop the tears from falling, but it was to no use.

“I know it hurts and that you’re scared.” You continued with a shaky voice. “But it’s not your fault and no one is going to hurt you. I’ve tried to help; I try to talk to you about how you feel but you just keep pushing me away.”

You opened your eyes to look at him again. His nostrils were flaring slightly and his jaw was tense, a clear sign that he was trying his hardest not to let his walls down, and the words leaving his lips a second later did nothing to prove the opposite.

“There’s nothing to talk about.” He shook his head, removing his forehead from yours and taking a step back. “I’m fine.”

Your body grew cold again when he walked away from you to lean on his desk, and you instantly found yourself missing the feeling of his skin against yours.

“That’s what you always say, but it’s not true, is it?” You inquired. “If you don’t want to talk about it then say so, don’t lie and pretend you’re fine when you clearly aren’t.”

You wrapped your arms around yourself in a desperate attempt to get some of the warmth he had taken with him back, but it did nothing. You let out a shaky breath, squeezing at your own arms.

“You can’t make everyone happy.” You sniffed. “You can do anything, because quite frankly you’re fucking amazing, but you can’t do everything. The person who tries to keep everyone happy often ends up feeling the loneliest. Just look at your brothers. They have families that love them, but they’re both fucking miserable because they keep pushing everyone who care about them away. John was the only one who didn’t. You want to be like him? Follow his example on that. Don’t try to be like him with the sole purpose of proving yourself to Tommy. I know you think you have something to prove but you don’t. And either way, you shouldn’t even feel like you have to prove your worth to your own fucking brothers. They’re supposed to see it by themselves, and if they don’t, then fuck them. In fact, fuck everyone else. A lot of what weighs you down isn’t yours to carry to begin with. If someone asks you to do more and you have a big reaction inside, it may be a sign that you’re already doing too much. You can’t live your life for other people. You’ve got to do what’s right for you, even if it hurts some people you love. You have to think about yourself, Finn.”

You finished your long rant with a deep breath, barely even having taken a second to breathe in between sentences and being left winded.

Finn was still leaning on his desk, his hands squeezing the edge of the wood to the point where his knuckles were turning white. His sleeves were rolled up to his elbows, another clear sign that he had been working way too hard, and his back was rising and falling as he breathed heavily.

Even though he was turned away from you, you could see clearly that he was trying his hardest to keep his cool as he listened to your rant, without a doubt just as conflicted by his own feelings like he always was these days.

“They need me.” He responded without moving an inch. “They need me to step up and fill the space he left behind. You just… you don’t understand.”

But you did. You understood better than anyone.

“You’re wrong.” You shook your head. “They don’t need you. I’m the one who needs you. I’m all alone and I-“

You had to cut yourself short as you were overcome with sadness, having to bite down on the inside of your cheek to keep the sob from leaving your lips.

“And I… I don’t know how much longer I can stand by and watch you destroy yourself. I already lost John. I can’t lose you too.”

This time, you couldn’t keep the sob in no matter how hard you tried, and Finn perked up immediately at the sound, pushing himself off the desk as you continued, now staring down at the floor.

“You’re slipping through my fingers, Finn, and I can’t seem to stop you from slipping further and further away. If this is how things are going to be, I don’t know if I can stay with you. With any of you. I can’t take the helplessness; I can’t take all of the chaos. I need something stable, and besides John when he was still alive, you were the only stable thing I had. And now you’re just…”

You couldn’t find the right words, but you clearly got your point across as Finn whipped around faster than a man finding out the pregnancy test results.

“No.” He shook his head, marching over to you and taking your face in his hands, pressing his forehead against yours and looking into your eyes so desperately. “You can’t leave me. You’re all I’ve got. I’ll change, I promise. I’ll start listening to you. Please.”

You could barely comprehend the words spilling out of his mouth, they were coming out so rushed.

“I don’t want you to listen to me.” You answered, giving him a stern look. “I want you to see things for what they are and stop trying please everyone and listen to and take care of yourself.”

He looked at you, scanned your face and searched your eyes for something you didn’t know. You stayed like that for another few seconds, just looking at each other. And then he nodded, moving his hands away from your face to the small chest pocket in his vest, pulling out a small bag of the same white powder you had caught him snorting when first arriving.

Your eyes hardened at the sight of the substance, your mouth turning sour. “What are you doing?” You asked, glaring slightly.

But he was completely unbothered, simply answering; “I’m taking care of myself.”, before turning around and walking over to the fire to the right of his desk, where he tossed the small bag into the flames, the plastic letting out a loud sparkling sound when it met with the heat.

“Finn.” You called out, wrapping your arms around yourself once again to make up for the warmth that he had taken with him.

But he didn’t listen, simply going over to his liquor cabinet and grabbing the two half-full bottles standing on the middle shelf, walking straight past you again and heading directly for the window where he started pouring out the contents of the first bottle.

You furrowed your eyebrows slightly, calling out again. “Finn.”

But yet again, you got no answer. He just put down the now empty bottle and picked up the second one, starting to undo the lid.

With a sigh, you uncrossed your arms and walked up to him, ignoring the chill that overcame you when the cold air from the window hit your clothes that were still wet from the rain, and grabbed a hold of the bottle just as he was about to start pouring it out.

You pulled it out of his grasp and put it down on the windowsill, and then proceeded to grab a hold of his upper arms to turn him to look at you.

He was breathing heavily and looking like he was on the verge of crying, which only proved further how broken and overworked he really was.

Your tears had finally stopped falling, and your sobbing had ceased. You sniffled, bringing his face down to yours like he had done to you only moments before, but rather than resting your forehead against his, you pressed a kiss to his lips.

His hands moved to your waist out of pure instinct, pulling you closer.

You pushed your lips harder against his before breaking apart slightly, not enough to stop your lips from touching but enough to allow you to speak.

“I’m not going anywhere.” You whispered, moving your hands from his face to the back of his head. “I promise.”

He closed his eyes, letting his head fall into the crook of your neck and pulling you closer by your waist. “I’m sorry.” He mumbled into your skin, and you took a shaky breath, letting your eyes fall shut too.

“I know.”

Justice league Snydercut review

Wow talk about a long movie. Remember Mass Effect's 3 shit endings that were later improved (sorta) with DLCs. Well that is kinda how this movie is.

Before we start this, I just wanna say that I was very impartial throughout the whole snydercut movement. I wasn't part of it but I do see the good that they did in regards to some of their charities and with how the fandom itself has been painted in a negative light. So its good that they got what they have been demanding for quite some time. Snyder as director for me, I really am not the biggest fan of. His movies have some great cinematic moments that look amazing but the context around it is what muddles it for me.

Is it better than Whedon's JL? YES. To start I'll look at some of the things that I do like.

I do like how it was split into parts.  Gives it that miniseries/Comic book feel

Thank god they removed that stupid cringy flash landing on top of Diana's chest scene.

Darkseid looks good. I know some people have issues with it but I liked it. I mean looking at it first glance has me convinced its Darkseid. His voice isn't too bad either. Reminds me a bit of Injustice 2.

As much as I have issues with Darkseid being introduced so early I do like that he had a brief confrontation/glaredown with the League, foreshadowing a possible in person encounter and that the League needs to expand if they are going to fight against Darkseid.  

Steppenwolf's design has greatly improved and looks better than before.

Loved the scenes between Alfred and Diana.  Wish there was more of that.

I loved how the movie added Cyborg, Aquaman and Flash attempting to stop Superman from getting to Batman. I also liked how in this version,  Batman pleading to Clark's humanity telling him that world needs him and he needs to snap out of it.  Also bonus for taking out that scene of Batman on the ground groaning about how old he is getting.

Okay seeing Clark get the black suit and having the voiceovers of both his father's merge together works in terms of Clark's arc into becoming the person he was meant to be. Also like the use of Zimmerman's Ideal of Hope score wished they let it play out a little longer.  Probably my favourite moment in the film is where Superman just takes Steppenwolf's Axe like its nothing and freezes it.

Now to go into some of the more critical stuff that bugged me when watching.

For a movie that is 4 hours long, pacing issues were bound to happen. I think the first example of this can be found in the opening with the Superman scream wave (which started to get a bit hilarious when his screams could be heard every now and then) hitting all three mother boxes. they are shown individually reacting to it and it takes time, where it could have just showed them together or an compilation of each of the motherboxes waking up. I know it Snyder's thing but tone down on the slow mo. Like some instances its fine (like with bullet time or Flash's scenes) but other instances I'm just like alright I get it.

The scene involving Cyborg transferring money into that single mother's bank account. Is he gonna do this for all the people suffering just like her? or just for that one person? I mean if you can hack into the world monetary system, you can solve a lot of financial issues affecting  the majoirty and not just one person. Did I miss the scene but why did Cyborg go from helping one poor person, suggesting the potential good he can do to change the world for the better  to "Fuck the world". Seems a bit inconsistent in character. Especially since he knows who Diana is (from what he says)  and that Parademons are after the motherbox. Maybe her offering help, you should take it? idk Vic. Also the whole Auto defense system malfunction, would it not be better if this was established beforehand where we see Vic struggling to maintain his body's autonomy leading up to the Superman confrontation? Prior to that it seemed he had it under control and his biggest conflict throughout the movie seemed more to be with him coming to terms with his new body. With that being said, Cyborg's character here is much more interesting and better than it was originally. I can see why Ray Fisher is so pissed (well that and the abuse he faced).  I am glad this was improved and gave the character a lot more to do.

The movie still has the same issue as before in regards to the whole motherbox plot and how convenient it was that all three are located on earth. You would think that with the involvement of Darkseid/Steppenwolf that separating them to distinct locations across space would make it more difficult to collect them. I mean we know that the Green Lanterns exist (we saw one get chomped), you'd think that they or the guardians would take one and secure it on Oa. The pushback to this would be "well there was only one green lantern and he died, so how could they retrieve the box?" which begs my question, why send only one? I mean it has been established that Darkseid is a known conqueror of worlds, you'd think the Guardians would be smart enough to send more than one Lantern to aid Earth in their fight.  Did they not think it would be a good idea to have the corps be more involved/keep an eye on earth since it is the only planet that was able to repel Darkseid's forces?

Why is it that the best idea of security when it comes to humans is to bury it? Would it not be better in optics to look over it and know its location instead of dropping it somewhere on the off chance that someone might find it due to being  curious or the land changing/altering  making the box more easy to attain? A situation as dire/serious as this, you would think that the Amazons/Atlanteans would have been better prepped with armor/weapons for such an event. I mean you have the arrow of Artemis that shoots quite a distance to give Diana a message but not some kind of weapon that hurts/cripples Steppenwolf? Or better yet, how about the moment that the boxes started acting up after Superman's death, that Atlantis/Themiscarya would put aside any differences they had with one another and to the outside world to come together to secure the boxes?  How could Darkseid forget the name of the only planet that was able to force him to retreat? nor does he know that it harbors the anti life?

Did this movie break Aquaman's continuity? because from the dialogue between Mera and Arthur, its implied that Atlanna abandoned/left Arthur at Tom's doorsteps whereas in the movie,  we see Atlanna spend a couple of years with Tom and raising baby Arthur before she was forced to come back. You'd think Zack being a producer for the Aquaman  movie would have edited that line or made it more clear. Well that or James Wan F'ed up when making the movie.

"I've never seen a being as strong as Steppenwolf" Did Diana just forget Ares aka the god of war who killed the Greek Pantheon/Old gods and orchestrated the first World War? Hell from the looks of the flashback it seemed Ares (I'm assuming its Ares, if its Hades, my bad) was getting some good hits in on Darkseid, who is superior to Steppenwolf.  While we are on the topic of Diana, it's a bit odd that Snyder who  was a producer on WW84 where one of the biggest focuses on the movie that Patty Jenkins talked about was how Diana doesn't solve her problems with violence (even though her primary weapons in this movie are a sword and shield but okay. Then again New 52 hasn't done a good job in disproving that), yet in this movie we see her using her gauntlet smash to fucking kill the one remaining terorrist. Like sure you can argue that they were terrorists and deserve to die, but given how easy and quick it was for her to take out the previous guys, why do something that runs the risks of destroying the very building that you are in (with hostages). I mean from the look of the blast and how much debris fell from the building outside, and it was a miracle no one (but the terrorist) got hurt/killed.

Why did Steppenwolf  kidnap  them in the first place? Just use that mind extracting device you used on the Atlantean soldier to see if they know. Seems like a waste of time to collect them in one location only to interrogate them later.

Okay, I'm sorry but even in this cut I still don't like Miller's Barry Allen. He isn't as bad as he was in the theatrical cut but man does it stick out. When he is helping to escort the kidnapped civilians out, why doesn't he just grab them and transfer them to a safe distance? He even makes a comment about how slow they are going. Can I also just say how weird it is for Barry to take time saving Iris to caress her hair and look at her more creepily in slow mo? Like yeah its in slow mo but still I think your priority should be to get everyone to safety as quick as possible and check if anyone else could get hurt.  I will admit that Barry's speech as he is running so fast to reverse time at the end was really good. Tho the more I think about all the slow mo Flash scenes are good.

They still kept the "Let's use the mother box to bring back Superman plot". Why? This is a piece of tech that you don't fully understand how it works and you are going on the whims of someone you just met. Especially if they come back as a different person/mindset all together.  If Superman 's death was the reason that allowed for the Mother box to call to Steppenwolf/Darkseid, what the hell were they doing prior to Superman's arrival on earth? I mean we've seen how easy it was for Steppenwolf to attain the two boxes even if they were guarded, so why the wait ?. I get that Batman is going through an arc and trying to change from the person he was but how does go from "1% chance of absolute certainty" to "let's go on a whim and have faith" when it comes to resurrecting Superman? 

Its gonna be awkward as to how Clark will explain his sudden return from the grave around the same time Superman came back.

I was wondering when the Knightmare scene will play out. Jared leto's Joker isn't over with me, it seems way too try-hard to be edgy. Other than that yeah, not much I can say about it. Tho do we seriously need another iteration where Superman (or someone with Superman like powers) is evil?

I also love how nonchalant Bruce is about J'onn appearing in front him. However the revelation that J'onn was that army general all the time breaks so much of continuity (and just why now did you decide to show up and help and not idk the time Zod invaded and nearly  terraformed earth, HELL WHY TF DIDN'T SHOW UP TO HELP THE LEAGUE IF YOU KNEW ABOUT DARKSEID, I'M SORRY TO RAG ON BUT REALLY THIS CAMEO JUST OPENS UP SO MANY QUESTIONS, IT JUST SEEMS LIKE AN "PALPATINE WAS BEHIND THIS ALL ALONG" KIND OF THING ).

In terms of getting a sequel, I am not sure if WB is going to go through with it given that their current vision seems to be a different route than the one Snyder intended so who knows. Despite my criticisms I do believe this is Snyder's best DCEU film to date and probably one of his better films. You could tell that he put in a lot to make this. The movie itself does have issues mostly due to the plot surrounding the motherbox as well as pacing. I would say it's worth the watch at least once, though I think its best to watch it in doses rather than one sitting. Ultimately this is the version that we should have gotten and I can see why so many people who were supportive of Zack wanted or vouched for him to finish it. Regardless, I think the very least I am happy for Snyder. If you like Snyder's previous stuff, you will like this one, if you don't, your perception of the film won't change significantly other than some cool bits here and there.  

Napoleon Birthday Prompt 2020 Day 4: Secret

Fandom: Ikemen Vampire Pairing: Napoleon Bonaparte x Isabella Leatton (OC) Word Count: 1,799 words Prompt: [ dance ] / [ “I’m not going to step on you this time, you’ll see.” ] Warning: None, I guess? It is more of hurt/comfort though. A/N: Part of @kissmetwicekissmedeadly 's Napoleon Birthday Prompts 2020. Check the original post here! So, this fic was suppose to be done... 500 words ago. Or 700. I'm not sure. But the point is, my muse has gone off into a tangent again and so here we are. This wasn't suppose to be a hurt/comfort, but it had ended up that way. I was not prepared to hurt my dear Isabella like this, but the muse wants what she wants, and I cater to her whimsical ideas. I am but just a vehicle for her literary visions. Anyway, enough about that nonsense and let's get into the fic, shall we?

---

It was eerily quiet. Napoleon closed the door, yawning as he made his way through the foyer. He'd woken up late today as usual, but to his surprise, it wasn't a pair of soft lips that greeted him awake. It was a gloved hand and Sebastian didn't say anything more than a greeting and that pancakes were freshly made and ready to eat downstairs.

She wasn't there in the dining room when he arrived. The others who were there didn't know where she was either, saying that they hadn't seen her this morning either. Isabella had been acting strange these past few days, avoiding him whenever he tries to spend time with her. There was always some sort of excuse that took up most of her hours, only seeing her again at dinner and before they settle down for bed. And even then she would fall asleep relatively fast, murmuring about how tired she was before drifting off on his chest.

Not only that, but it also seemed that she was hanging out with a few of the residents a bit more. Once, he spotted her speaking to Arthur with a hushed tone, cutting their conversation short as he got closer to them. There was also a time when she entered the music room, her presence making the piano keys stop in their tracks and resume only when she left. Neither of those bothered him at first, not until last night when she mentioned about her sore ankles.

Normally, he was not one to push. He knew that people would open up about it in their own time if they chose to do so. The only thing he can do in the meantime is to give support and wait until they're ready. But this was different.

What could she be working so hard for? More importantly, why is she keeping it a secret from him?

Since no one knew where she was, he started his search in the mansion. A quick sweep through the second floor revealed that she wasn't there--she would leave the door slightly open to signal where she was if someone needed to locate her. The garret was empty and so was the training hall and the thermae. By the time he finished combing through the gardens, Isaac was waiting for him by the gate to head into town together for their little school.

When they returned, the lobby was just as empty as they left Since dinner was still a few hours away, Napoleon decided to head to his room to lie down for a bit. The sound of voices from the game room didn't interest him until he heard her laughing, her words muffled from the thickness of the door.

He didn't bother to knock. What he found was rather unusual, given its occupants. Arthur was seated on the sofa with his legs crossed, a seemingly innocent bystander of the scene unfolding in the middle of the room. Isabella was in Leonardo's arms, her hand clasped in one of his and the other resting on his shoulder. The taller man's free arm was around her waist a little too snugly to his liking, an exasperated look present on his face.

Comte, who was standing close to the two, looked at him with a curious look. "Is something wrong, Napoleon?"

Resting a hand on his hip, he did his best to school his features and sound casual. "No, but I need to talk to Isabella about something if you don't mind."

"Hm, I suppose it is time for her to take a break. We can always continue later if you want." The painter reached to ruffle her hair slightly, chuckling when she pouted and ducked to get away from him.

"Geez, Leonardo! Did you have to mess up my hair like that?" She walked over to him, smoothing down her hair as she approached. "What did you nee-oh!"

Napoleon took her by the wrist and pulled her out of the room, leaving the three men behind to exchange glances. He didn't stop until they entered his room, bringing her into his arms as soon as the door was shut. She let out a surprised yelp, tilting her head over the strangeness of his actions. "Napoleon? What is it?"

Nuzzling in her neck, he took a deep breath of her scent and sighed. "I haven't seen you for days."

"That's not true. I wake you up and see you at night during dinner. We even head for bed together."

"I meant that we hadn't spent that much time with each other."

"I guess so. There's quite a bit of work to be done around the mansion."

"That's not it. I mean... it feels like you're avoiding me."

"Avoiding you? Why would I do that?"

He looked up at her, thinking the same question. "That's what I want to know. Because even when I try to catch you at a free time, you're suddenly headed somewhere else or talking to someone else about something. And the next time I saw you, you were with the other residents and having fun with them. Without me."

"It's not like we were doing anything wei--" Isabella paused, observing him before she tilted her head. "Wait. Were you... jealous?"

Ah. So that would explain the heat swirling in his chest earlier. "Don't change the subject. This isn't about me."

"I'm not trying to."

"So why are you avoiding me but acting the same with the others?"

"I'm not avoiding you nor am I favoring spending time with others over you. And that's the truth." Her eyebrows knit together as her mouth pressed into a thin line, her voice taut with restraint.

Napoleon guided her to sit on the bed, kneeling in front of her. He recognized that look on her face--it was that look she gets when she's trying to shut off her emotions. Taking a deep breath, he clasped her hands in his and gave it a gentle squeeze. "You know you can tell me anything, right? I know that something's troubling you." When she didn't budge, he continued. "I don't mind how long we have to stay here until you're ready. But I'm always here for you."

A quiet moment passed before she sighed, her shoulders dropping from their uptight position. She cast her gaze down on their joined hands resting on her lap, fingers idly fiddling with his. "You remember that party we were invited to a couple of days ago. The one where we danced and had almost bumped into another couple on the floor."

He nodded. It was a thank you from a nobleman that he rescued a week ago. The man was a jeweler on the way to deliver a client's commission when he was coerced into an alleyway to be robbed. He had noticed just in time to disarm the thief of his knife and took him to the nearest police station. Before he left, the man had promised to reward him with something and received a letter of invitation to the party the next day.

"When you went to talk to the nobleman, I heard a couple of women talking about how clumsy I was. It wouldn't have bothered me as much until... they started saying how it made you look awful. How they would've made for a better dance partner. How I... wasn't fit for someone like you." She swallowed, her voice faltering into a soft tone as she tightened her grip on his hands. "I told myself I'd learn how to dance properly so that... I can prove them wrong..."

Napoleon knew that there had always been a conflict in the back of her mind, something in the vein of 'being a good enough match for him', or rather, who he had been when he was still human. It was never said out loud, but there was no need--it was moments like this that spoke out for what she truly felt. She's the one who's most aware of her flaws, always trying to cover it up one way or another and fix it on her own. That sort of independence was something he admired but also detested, especially when it led her to this.

Moving up beside her, he guided her head to his chest and caressed her hair. "Isabella," he started, feeling her weight as she leaned into him, hands gripping on his shirt. "it doesn't matter what other people think or say. The only thing I care about is you and I'll always love you for who you are."

She trembled in his embrace, overcome with the meaning of his words. To whose standards is she not right for him, he will never know, because the sole opinion that mattered to him was his own. He loves her entire being, faults included, and she loves him with unadulterated affection. That was the only truth they needed.

It took her a while to look up at him, hazel eyes misty with unshed tears as she nodded. "Thank you."

Pressing a kiss to her forehead, he waited for her to compose herself before asking. "So, you were asking them to teach you how to dance?"

"Yes, Napoleon, I was." Isabella let out a tired laugh, taking a deep breath before nuzzling in his neck. "I've been asking them in my spare time."

"But Leonardo doesn't know how to dance."

"The one teaching me is Comte. He insisted that I practice with Leonardo earlier to test how much I've improved."

"And Arthur?"

"He saw it by accident once and was just there to gawk and poke fun at us."

So that's what it all was. He felt a bit silly to be so worked up about it. "Why didn't you ask me to help you?"

"I would have, but I wanted to surprise you. I was going to show you that I wouldn't step on your feet next time." She wrapped her arms around him, lifting her head to look up at him. "Were you jealous though?"

He pouted just a bit. "No."

"Really? I could have sworn you were when you barged in the room like that earlier."

"That was just your imagination."

"Oh, I see. And you searching for me throughout the whole mansion earlier was just Vincent's imagination?"

"Yes." Napoleon smiled, relieved to notice the ache in his chest has disappeared. She shook her head at him, chuckling softly as she rested her head on his chest. Leaning backward, he collapsed down on the mattress with her on top of him.

"I know they're expecting me soon, but can we stay like this a little longer?"

"Of course." He kissed the top of her head, his hand already running up and down her back. "As long as you need."

My 30 Favorite Arrowverse Episodes:

This list reflects my personal opinion and is in no way objective. Everyone has their own taste. Also Love is Love and  can not be measured – except on stupid lists like this one. If an episode is not on it, that does not mean I don’t like it (unless it does). Everyone ist entiteled to their own opinion, so please respect mine and don’t reblog or answer to that just to tell me how wrong mine is.

 30. The Fellowship of the Spear (Legends of Tomorrow Episode 2.15/31, Written by: Keto Shimizu, Matthew Maala, Directed by: Ben Bray)

 This episode is “Legends”-Homage to Tolkien and his works. However the most quotes and nods go to the Peter Jackson Movies, which is no problem, because we love them too. The Legends recruit Tolkien out of the trenches for a treasure hunt, however things go bad and some fans were not to happy with one of the team betraying their own at the end of this episode. But don’t you guys remember Boromir? I really love this one, because it combines two of my favorite things: “Legends of Tomorrow” und Middle Earth.

 29.  Flashback (The Flash Episode 2.17/40, Written By: Aaron Helbing, Todd Helbing, Directed By: Alice Troughton)

In this episode Barry travels backt to the time of Season 1 and therefore changes the outcome of the Season 1 Episode in question and creates a new timline, which no one but him notices. Later on stuff like this would happen all the time, but this was the first instance, and it was very very wild to have Barry knock out Barry and pretend to be Season 1 Barry. Also we got Eobard and Eddie back and given how much I love both of them it no wonder I love this episode.

28.  The Last Temptation of Barry Allen Part 1 (The Flash 6.07/121, Written By: Jonathan Butler, Gabriel Garza, Directed By: Chad Lowe)

 Here Barry is infected by Ramsay who gets in his head and in the Speed Force which tries to help but ends up getting attacked by an paranoid and confused Barry, who finally gets to voice all of his frustration about the Speed Force and the way it interfered in his life. This is a very emotional episode that confronts Barrys immanent death, all the losses he had do bare and his conflicted feelings about everything that is going on in his life at this point of his story.

 27.  The Once and Future Flash (The Flash 3.19/65, Written by: Carina Adly MacKenzie, Directed By: Tom Cavanagh)

 In this episode we get to visit the future in which Iris was killed by Savitar. Barry ends up there while trying to find out more about his foe. It’s a dark and depressing „What If“, where we get to see new sides most of our characters and this episodes dives deep into the immanent darkness of the seemingly so bright „Flash“-TV-Series.

 26.  The Adventures of Supergirl (Supergirl 2.1/21, Written by: Greg Berlanti, Andrew Kreisberg, Jessic Queller, Directed by: Glen Winter)

 This essentially is a Crossover Episode, even though it took Superman three more years to get his own show. However the episode acts as if there is an existing Superman-Show that crosses over into „Supergirl“. This version of the character is as adorable as Kara and a very good antidote to the Snyder Version of the character. Oh, and it does help that the episode is good as well.

25.  Nora (The Flash 5.01/93, Written By: Todd Helbing, Sam Chalsen, Directed by: David McWhirter)

 Season 5 opens up extremly strong with this episode where Barry and Iris meet their future daughter, who has some secrets up her sleeve that change everything for next one and a half seasons. Nora is perfectly portrayed in this one as a mixture of both of her parents and manages to screw up the timeline imediatly, while everyone is still reeling from the fallout oft the last season finale.

24.  The Brave and the Bold (Arrow Episode 3.8/54, Written by: Greg Berlanti, Andrew Kreisberg, Marc Guggenheim, Grainne Godfree, Directed by: Jesse Warn)

Crossovers were the moments „Arrow“ had a chance to let ist hair down and just be a little bit different for a while. This one has Barry, Caitlin, and Cisco visiting Starling City and the Flash and the Arrow teaming up against Captain Boomerang. It’s still Arrow, but with a splash of „The Flash“ in it, which makes it funnier and nerdier then „Arrow“ usually is. I always loved it.

23. Haunted ( Arrow Episode 4.5/74, Written by: Brian Ford Sullivan, Oscar Balderrama, Directed by: John Badham)

 John Constantine crosses over in the Arroverse in this episode which reveals Olivers dealings with him in the past and shows him restoring Saras soul. With this episodes the show started to embrace it supernatural arc, which many fans weren’t too fond of in latter part of this season, but this episodes remains a favorite because here „Arrow“ got mystically weird. Also Johnny Constantine tends to make everything better and we got Sara back, so it’a clearly a win.

22. Kapishon (Arrow Episode 5.17/109, Written By: Brian Ford Sullivan, Emilo Ortega Aldrich,Directed By: Kevin Tancharoen)

 This is the episode in which Adrian Chase manages to break Oliver. That sounds painful and yes it is very painful, but it’s really really great at the same time. This episodes asks all the uncomfortable questions the show seemed to shy away from in the previous seasons, builds on Season 5s solid Bratva-Flashback Arc and even presents us Anatoly meeting Malcolm Merlyn. It’s cleary a highlight of the show.

 21. The Bottle Episode (Supergirl Episode 5.10/97, Written by: Derek Simon, Directed by: Tawnia McKiernan)

 The Post Crisis Carzyness lived in this episode. We got a lot of doppelgangers, most of them Brainys, and a lot of chaos, I mean more chaos then most other shows usually have, except for „Legends“. So I guess this episode was „Supergirl“ trying to do an episode of „Legends“. Also Brainy evolves in this one, so it wasn’t just for the laughs. In short: There was nothing not to like in this one.

 20.  Welcome to Earth-2/Escape from Earth-2 (The Flash Episodes 2.13-14/36-37, 36: Written By: Greg Berlanti, Andrew Kreisberg, Katherine Walczak, Directed By: Millicent Shelton, 37: Written By: Aaron Helbing, Todd Helbing, David Kob, Directed By: J. J. Makaro)

This two parter is the first time we ever visited a parallel earth. We visit Earth-2 in this, where pretty much everything and everyone is different. Adorable Nerd Barry, Cop Iris, Singer Joe and many more ahoy. But Deadshot of Earth-2 is the best thing about this reality. Too bad it pretty much everyone from over there was done away with later, but we will always have these episodes, so that is something.

19.  Out of Time (The Flash Episode 1.15/15, Written By: Aaron Helbing, Todd Helbing, Directed By: Thor Freudenthal)

Time Travel is an important plot element of the Arrowverse, but it wasn’t always so. This is the first episode where Barry discovers that he can time travel, after kissing and losing Iris and witnessing the end of Central City. Which is one of those „everyone dies“ instances that are always cool and I always love. Also it’s Season 1 of „The Flash“, where they really couldn’t go wrong most of the time.

18.  Starling City (Arrow Episode 8.1/ 161, Written by: Beth Schwartz und Marx Guggenheim, Directed by: James Bamford)

In this one we are essentially reliving the „Arrow“- pilot with a few signifcant changes. Turns out we are actually on Earth-2 and Oliver pretends to be his doppelganger in order to do a thing for The Monitor. Until the shocking ending, this on is like everyone favorites „Arrow“ fanfic come to live. Even the flashforwards were not bothering me in this.

17.  Flash VS Arrow (The Flash 1.8/8, Written By: Ben Sokoloswki,m Brooke Eikmeier, Greg Berlanti, Andrew Kreisberg, Directed By: Glen Winter)

 This one was the first real Crossover Episode of the Arrowverse and it blended classic comic book action which Season 1 „Flash“-Style, meaning it was beyond great. We never quite saw Oliver like this before and not very often after, and seeing him and Barry connect is just one of the joys of this superior episode.

16.  Worlds Finest (Supergirl Episode 1.18/18, Written by: Greg Berlanti, Andrew Kreisberg, Michael Grassi, Directed by: Nick Gomez)

Speaking of the first seasons and Crossovers. This was the Crossover we always wanted, but never believed we would get, because back then “Supergirl” was on another network. But we got it anyway. Barry gets stranded on Karas Earth, which leads to a lot of chaos, many nice moment and fine jokes. This was one of the clear highlights of Season 1, and it paved the way for the season finale as well as future crossovers.

15.  Myriad/Better Angles (Supergirl 1.19/19-1.20/20, Written By: Yahling Chang, Caitlin Parrish; Ali Adler, Andrew Kreisberg, Robert Rovner, Jessica Queller Directed By: Adam Kane; Larry Teng)

 Season 1 of „Supergirl“ ended with this „all or nothing“ two-parter where everything came head to head. Driven and energatic „Supergirl“ cemented itself as one of the superior superheroe shows of it’s time. I loved the show, I loved Kara, I loved Cat and especially in this one.

 14. Camelot 3000 (Legends of Tomorrow Episode 2.12/28, Written By: Anderson MacKenzie, Directed By: Antionio Negret)

 From the far future to Camelot and King Arthur – this episodes travelled far and mixed those two areas up quite nice. In true Legends fashion Ray became a Knight of the Round Table, Sara got to hit on Guenevere, and Mick got to beat the adversary army with his brain. Yes, you read that one right. Just ask poor Martin about it. Given how much a love both Arthurian lore and the Legends this one remains one of my favorite up to today.

13.  Meet the Legends (Legends of Tomorrow Episode 5.1/69, Written by: Grainne Godfree, James Eagan, Directed by: Kevin Mock)

In this episodes Ava tries to race money for the Time Bureau by making a documentary about the Legends and their work. This episode is the documentary and the making oft he documentary. Think Arrows „Emerald Archer“ only way carzier and funnier. The Legends meet Rasputin who kidnappes the camera team, while Ava writes Sara a very weird condolence note, everyone is acting weird(er) because cameras, and well it’s „Legends“ only even nuttier than normally. I love it.

12.  Invasion! (2) (Arrow 5.8/100, Written by: Greg Berlanti, Marc Guggenheim, Wendy Mericle, Directed by: James Bamford)

In the middle of the big „Invasion“ Crossover „Arrow“ celebrated its 100the episode by looking at a world where the Gambit never sank. While the writers cleary had fun with Barry and Kara in this one, the heart lies in the dream reality, where things are better but sadly not real. Oliver, Thea and the others need to chose the life they want and weg et rewarded with a really great episode while they do so.

 11. Raiders of the Lost Art (Legends of Tomorrow Episode 2.9/25, Written by: Keto Shimizu, Chris Fedak, Directed by: Dermott Downs)

 This is officially the episode where „Legends“ went nuts. Oh and it’s a delicous one. George Lucas never became a filmmaker after being scared of by Malcolms and Damiens attempts to kill amnesiac Rip Hunter who thinks he is an American filmstudent, whose script is basically the plot of the shows first season. Too bad he can’t find a decent Vandal Savage. And that everyone thinks he is this Rip Hunter guy. Also Mick gets a brain surgey, Ray and Nate change occupations, and Amayas babysits their attempt to get George Lucas back to film school, and thanks god she does otherwise … well otherwise there would be no „Star Wars“ or „Indiana Jones“, would there?

10. Beebo the God of War (Legends of Tomorrrow 3.9/42, Written by: Grainne Goodfree und James Eagan, Directed by: Kevin Mock)

 This was supposed to be the sad goodbye to Martin Stein and it still is that as well, but mostly it’s the episode about Beebo Day. You know, the blue god, who hungers for war and conquest? Whose birthday we celebrate once a year in december and … wait? What was I talking about? Oh, yeah Leo tries to make Mick quit drinking and Beebo get’s squeezed a lot. Well you have to see that one to know why it’s a great one, but believe me it is great.

9.      Elseworlds 1-3 (Flash, Arrow, Supergirl, Part 1: The Flash Episode 5.9/101, Written By: Eric Wallace und Sam Chalsen, Directed By: Kevin Tancharoen und Tom Cavanagh, Part 2: Arrow Episode 7.9/147,  Written by: Marc Guggenheim und Caroline Dries, Directed by: James Bamford, Part 3: Supergirl Episode 4.9/74, Written by: Mac Guggenheim, Derek Simon und Rob Rovner, Directed by: Jesse Warn)

In this Crossover Oliver und Barry switch identities which no one on Earth-1 believes, but Kara’s help leads to an evil not-quite Superman and a brand new reality. Also we are introduced to Batwoman and Gotham. And Lois Lane. Well, there is a lot going in there - even Gary guest stars on „Supergirl“ – but mainly Oliver is Barry and Barry is Oliver and that if fun and Kara makes a connection with the Elseworld version of Earth-1 Alex Danvers which is also great.

8. Legends of To-Meow-Meow (Legends of Tomorrow Episode 4.8/59, Written by: James Eagan und Ray Utarnachitt, Directed by: Ben Bray)

 Sulky about missing out on the Crossover the Legends crossovered with themselves in Season 4. John and Charlie destroyed the timeline for selfish reasons, and now everything is wrong and everything they do makes things worse instead of better. Zari gets to spend most of the episode as a cat, the rest of the Legends get turned into puppets, we meet the Sirens of Spacetime and the Custodians of the Chronology, and a gay kiss saves all of spacetime. Why can’t all shows be more like „Legends“?

7.      The Scientist/Three Ghosts (Arrow Episode: 2.8/31-2.9/32, 32: Written by: Greg Berlanti, Andrew Kreisberg, Geoff Johns, Ben Sokolowski, Directed by: Michael Schultz, John Behring)

 This two parter introduces us to Barry Allen and culuminates in the „Arrow“-Version of a „Christmas Carol“ Oliver gets visited by three ghosts and Barry gets hit by lightning. Among other things. All very good stuff – I watch „Three Ghosts“ every Christmas, if I manage to get around to it. But this also is very the Arrowverse was born. And back then it was the best of „Arrow“ they ever did. And it still stands out today, combindes strong Flashbacks with a strong Main Story, which is all we ever wanted from „Arrow.“

6.      Resist/Nevertheless, She Persisted (Supergirl 2.21/41-2.22/42, Written by: Derek Simon, Jessica Queller, Andrew Kreisberg, Robert Rovner, Caitlin Parrish, Directed by: Milicent Shelton, Glen Winter)

 Season 2 of „Supergirl“ ends with a very strong two-parter that features the Daxamits Invasion of earth. Superman is in it, but these are all about Kara who get’s inspired by Cat Grant again, goes on to inspire everyone else in turn, faces of against the truly evil mother of the love of her life, and has to make a big sacrifice. The two parter was especially well written and  no season finale of the show later ever measured up to it afterwards.

5.      Reset (Arrow Episode 8.6/166, Written by: Onalee Hunter Hughes und Maya Houston, Directed by: David Ramsey)

Yes it’s a time loop episode in „Arrow“! Yes, it’s still „Arrow“, it will still break your heart. But it’s probably the moment the show embraced it’s funny pages origin the most wholehearted. It will make you cry in all the right ways. We get to say goodbye to Quentin in a prober way in this finally and that is beautiful. And Oliver gets around to accept his destiny which is heart breaking, but still this is my favorite episode of „Arrow“ if you get right down to it.

4.      Fast Enough (The Flash 1.23/23, Written By: Greg Berlanti, Andrew Kreisberg, Gabrielle Stanton, Directed By: Dermott Downs)

 Season 1 of „The Flash“ has the strongest Season Finale in the history of the Arrowverse. In a very real way it could only get downhill from here. This one will break your heart in so many ways, but it’s the good sort of pain, that makes an impact, may even destroy a part of you, but makes you come out stronger in the end. The whole season comes together in this one and never falls apart (that will only happen later, if you think about it, but it’s explained away by later reveals). Sadly neither this show nor the others could ever measure up to this one, but on the other hand that is exactly what made it special.

3.      The Faithful (Supergirl 3.4/46, Written By: Paula Yoo, Katie Rose Rogers, Directed by: Jesse Warn)

 This one is my favorite episode of „Supergirl“. Mainly because this is what a certain director tried to do nut failed at in three movies: An exploration of the idea that Kryptonians are essentially Gods compared to humans. This episode is always respectful and has much to say, it touches on Karas own faith, shows us a new and intriguing side of James, and creates a villain that should have ruled the show and the season, but who sady stumbled later. In this one though Coville is just perfect. Like the whole episode.

2. Duet (The Flash Episode 3.17/63, Written By: Aaron Helbing, Todd Helbing, Greg Berlani, Andrew Kreisberg, Directed By: Dermott Daniels Downs)

 It’s the Musical Episode! This „Flash“/„Supergirl“-Crossover has all the jazz – singing, dancing, kissing, opening up about feelings – and also a mini „Glee“-Reunion. Kara and Barry are trapped in a Musical Dream World and doomed to follow the plot, while Wally has to confront Darren Crisses Musis Meister. For vocals sakes the episode also includes John Barrowman and Victor Gaber of course, because there was no excuse to make this episode without them. I love this one just as much as it was to be expected and I will never forgive them for never making another Musical episode in any of the shows.

1.      The One Where We are trapped on TV (Legends of Tomorrow Episode 5.13/81, Written by: Grainne Godfree, James Eagan, Directed by: Marc Guggenheim)

And the award for the Craziest TV Episode of all time goes to this one, where the Legends are trapped on TV. Charlie put them there to protect them, and so we get very familiar but strange versions of „Friends“, „Downtown Abbey,“ and „Star Trek“ with the Legends as the main characters instead. We also meet a murderous Mister Parker, get another musical number lead by the Tarazi siblings, and are as amazed as Mona about everything that is going on here. Can „Legends“ ever top what they did here? Or anything else in the Arrowverse? Let’s not challenge them, I am sure they can. But until then, we have this one, which of course is not only my favorite episode of „Legends“ but also the whole Arrowverse.

Red Shoes - Analysis/Review

“You’re the most beautiful woman in the world… whether my eyes are open… or closed.” - Merlin

““But I’m still that Merlin inside.” - The one who grew. The one who changed, and learned to love himself and others for more than what’s on the outside. I know Snow is the main example of self love in this film, but Merlin provides a great example of this; something we don’t often see in male characters.”

--

So this film just released in North America, and I thought I’d share some thoughts and overall themes/metaphors from this film. But first, I’d just like to encourage you (if you haven't already) to go and support this film. It pretty inexpensive, and was made by an independent animation studio, which I think is absolutely amazing. Now onto the analysis!!

Love the concept of everyone being an adaptation of a fairytale character; adds to the society being shallow and appearance focus as a whole, as fairytales were traditionally focused on dichotomy and physical beauty.

The lighting, and really animation as a whole, is phenomenal for a film made by an independent studio. The shading and colour grading is a real standout, though. And the landscapes!! They feel really three dimensional, and gorgeous.

[ID - A shot of a sunrise, beautifully lit behind a belltower - End ID].

Scoring/motif for the main villain is amazing.

Introduction to the protagonist is really not setup well. Did she actually get sent away from the palace? How long was she gone? How desperate is she to save her father? All of these questions are left unanswered, and no prominent character traits are shown through her first scene. She could be clever? All she did was change her hiding spot, so even that’s a stretch.

I hate the king’s narration. The dialogue is choppy, and repetitive in a completely irrelevant way.

The lore around the tree is really unclear. Why haven’t the shoes worked for Regina? Why do they work for Snow? Will they not regrow?

Love the transition scene to the dwarfs; makes it feel as though they’re just been walking listlessly since the spell was cast. Which, y’know, more or less true.

[ID - A shot of the seven dwarfs walking together through the centre of a forest in midday, looking slightly dejected - End ID].

Love the fact the mirror points out that ‘wisdom’ and ‘kingdom’ don’t rhyme; I paused to point that out.

I will say that the action scenes are really well directed/choreographed. The camera flows really nicely, and always follows our protagonists (ooh, tying into the dichotomous nature of fairytales overall?), which makes the stakes and emotions feel higher/more personal.

The villain’s voice acting and dialogue is really sharp and entertaining. She feels like a real threat (and also uncannily similar to Gothel but).

Love the wooden front on their house disguised as a castle. Really nicely done metaphor for them clinging on to a cheap version of their pasts; refusing to move on, which is torn down when she arrives. Also ties in to the “what’s on the inside outweighs what’s one the outside” moral.

[ID - The seven dwarfs’ house, which is a cave, with a wooden cutout shaped and painted like a castle sitting in front of it to give the illusion of a grander living space - End ID].

Can I also say I love that her first reaction isn’t insanely positive to her new appearance? In general, she just notes there’s been a change, which is a really nice subversion of the ‘overweight people have to be unhappy at the outset’ trope.

Her facial expressions are also really animated, which is something I’ve always loved (see Ariel, Anastasia, etc.), especially her eyes. Really well designed. Actually, all the expressions suit the characters’ personalities really well. Great job, animation department!

The fact that all seven dwarfs are names after popular mythical characters is really inventive (much more so than simply naming them after a character trait), as well as having their diverse fighting style be built from that, which I loved. Could even be allusions, but I don’t know enough about the original stories to say.

Hate the electric guitar of Prince Average. Highlights how much he doesn’t belong in this movie. His name is horribly uncreative, and his pop culture references break the forth wall, and aren’t funny, as they aren’t used properly. With him as the involved antagonist for most of the film, I can’t take the threat seriously. Other comic villains have been done so much better, such as Prince Charming from Shrek. The only valid line he has is about ‘dwarfs’ vs. ‘dwarves’; I never know which to use. “Finally, the big guns, thank you!” One more fourth wall break from this man I swear.

Love the added detail of the shoes not being able to be removed once you place value on the beauty they give. It’s hard to let go of that temptation; and if you don’t, you won’t be seen as your true self. It also highlights how she loves herself at the outbreak of the movie, and is therefore able to remove them freely. Also gets rid of the the deus ex machina of her shoes coming off freely in the water.

Wish we could’ve seen her doubt grow as she realizes they wouldn’t have helped her in her original form. Feels like we were a bit disconnected from her emotions. Which might not be a bad thing… if we assume Merlin in the protagonist.

Nice foreshadowing to her father being the bunny; if you know to look for it.

References such as ‘#blessed’, or ‘Pablo Picasso’, don’t work in the slightest. They serve no purpose, and aren’t funny simply because most would recognize them.

Normally I would make a note about Merlin and Snow having really standard, basic designs, but one, this animation studio is small, and on limited resources, and two, it, again, relates back to the shallow, uninteresting societal expectation of beauty that refuses to be unique.

Ahh, nice that apples are what trip the guards up in the chase scene through the market. Symbolic.

Love that she’s willing to defend the dwarfs even when she realizes they won’t help her in her original form. Again, wish we could’ve seen her emotions pertaining to that a bit more, although the reflection shot in the mirror (reflected from the shot at the start of the scene) was nice. Speaking of that, the broken, fragment reflection of her ‘fake’ self, is beautiful, because it isn’t a representation of herself, however at the end of the scene, we see the reflection in the same manner, but with her original self, but due to newly inflicted self doubt, we get a split second of that reality being fragmented too.

[ID - Snow White frowning as she looks into a shattered mirror leaning against the wall of an alleyway in her society-dictated “beautiful” - End ID].

[ID - Snow White looking into the same mirror, frowning, and having removed the shoes, restoring her to her original appearance - End ID].

The three bears (I’m assuming an allusion to the Goldilocks mythos) don’t really serve any plot relevance… however they are cute, so make of their inclusion what you will.

Again, the scene where she exits the dwarfs’ home; it would’ve been great to see a shot of her internal conflict before she submits herself to giving up her freedom for Merlin and Arthur’s. Relating to that, I have noticed that the hostage situations have shockingly low stakes in this film. For instance, at the end, Merlin is simply held in a branch, and a second later, Snow is willing to give up her life to set him free.

The movie didn’t end up using this (which was a nice subversion of expectations), but if Merlin had used all his spells in the final battle, and needed just one more shot, it wouldn’t have been a deus ex machina, because we establish previously he has the one Snow gave him for luck. I assumed it’d comeback again, but turns out they just used it as a symbol (for having the flower, a symbol of outside beauty, float out of his hand), for him letting go of his shallow mindset.

[ID - Snow White (wearing the shoes which change her appearance) smiles at Merlin, in his dwarf form. In his hand there’s a paper flower she folded from one of his spells - End ID].

Really love the joke about the mirror being hurt by smoke. Get it? Smoke and mirrors? Now that reference is funny; and also ties into the theme of false fronts/illusions. But not gonna lie, all that was an afterthought. It genuinely made me laugh.

Love that they rebuild the house too. It’s not beautiful, at least in a traditional sense. It’s cracked, uneven, but personal to them; they did it as a family. I’ll give the writers credit for so fully entrenching the theme into every frame and action. Nothing is meaningless in this film. Well, at least surrounding the protagonists.

Ooh, ooh, I could forgive the use of pop as their love motif if at the end, when there are no facades, it’s replaced by original scoring. I don’t remember that scene in all that much detail though.

The tree thing is… strange, I’ll admit, but considering Regina puts all her stock in the beauty which comes from the magic tree, it makes sense it’d be rooted into her magic in some way. The apple details are cool (notches shaped like seeds on the trunks), if nothing else, considering the scene with the three attacking is not investing the slightest, beyond some inventive attacks from Merlin (the action and attacks surrounding him aren’t executed all that poorly).

The directing in general is phenomenal in this movie; which is something I’ve been trying to put a bit more attention on lately.

Love small details like Merlin holding his back after the fight, circling back once again to the fact these characters are more similar than they realize (if you remember, that’s what she used as a cover when she first woke up).

[ID - A shot of Merlin running, pressing a hand against his back as he does so - End ID].

Okay, I can suspend my disbelief for a lot of things in this movie, but when Snow dives into the lake, that surface tension would’ve seriously hurt her. If even some waves would’ve been added, it would’ve not only added suspense to the scene, but made it a bit more grounded as well.

“Who do you like more, Snow White or Red Shoes?” “Easy, it’s Red Shoes.” “Who does Red Shoes love more?” “Easy, it’s me. Wait… no. It’s you.” That line is by far my favourite from the film. I love that it shows his guilt. She’s chosen to love him despite his appearance, but he won’t do the same for her. And now he has to look in the mirror at that ugly part of his personality.

[ID - At night, Merlin in his dwarf form stands beside Merlin in his human form. The dwarf version of him looks irritated as he looks up - End ID].

(Assuming Merlin named the rabbit, and if I’m being honest I didn’t pay attention to that) It’s sorta fitting to his character that he named it ‘Long Ears’ - a notably physical attribute.

While I do like that, just because the climax called for it, the sword didn’t suddenly lift from the stone, I really dislike that it was broken out by sheer force; which goes goes against the entire magic system/point of the sword and who gets to hold it.

Kronk as the magic mirror is hilarious. I want to credit the screenwriters for his lines… but I have a strong feeling it was mostly improv. Well done whoever is to credit for that.

Now this action scene, with Merlin being attacked by the tree roots, is insanely well done. For maybe the first time in this movie, I feel the suspense I’m intended to, and the setup and just character movement in general is really inventive. You feel his emotions and breath in this scene, which takes serious talent.

“How could she possibly want to save you more than she wants to be beautiful? Did you cast a spell?” - On a related note, I’m proud of this movie for not falling into the traditional ‘misunderstanding breaks up characters before the final battle’ (they technically do split up, but it’s the fault of Merlin’s unresolved selfish intentions rather than a petty matter) through Snow seeing the love spell, and assuming the worst even though Merlin never uses it.

The vines could be a metaphor as well; in this battle, they’re the shallow desires holding him back, while he, with the assistance of others, has to break his own way out (as shown by him using his lighting to crack a small hole in the doors (or exit) of the room.

[ID - Merlin is running towards the “camera”, however, he looks surprised as a vine grabs his waist, and attempts to drag him back into the castle - End ID].

“I’m sorry, Snow White.” That’s the first time he uses her name; and he does it mentally; in a voiceover. It isn’t to impress her, or win a competition. It’s how he truly sees her now. Also, so beautiful how his motives go from being self centred, to focused on her; he changed because of her influence. It’s been done before, but that doesn’t make it any less meaningful here.

“You’re the most beautiful woman in the world… whether my eyes are open… or closed.” That wasn’t his final line (he survives), but if it was… that would’ve been so powerful. Still is, just in a different way.

“I kinda liked the short and green Merlin.” “But I’m still that Merlin inside.” - The one who grew. The one who changed, and learned to love himself and others for more than what’s on the outside. I know Snow is the main example of self love in this film, but Merlin provides a great example of this; something we don’t often see in male characters.

And I loved that it was a hug immediately after his spell is broken. He isn’t trying to gain anything, he’s just happy to be with her, which is super romantic. 

[ID - Both now restored to their original forms, Merlin and Snow White sit on the ground just outside the palace hugging each other, both smiling with their eyes shut. The king, and a few of the dwarfs stand in the background - End ID].

Onto a few of my favourite lines;

“I was worried about you!” “I was worried about me too. But- but mostly you!”

“If you could see the real me…” “I think I can see the real you… eyes open or closed, I still see Merlin.” What a great line. What a great theme. You don’t need to know the facts about someone, or see their original appearance, to know who they are. And I think that’s beautiful.

“Someone you’l be proud to be seen with.” “I think you’re right.”

“I thought that we were both under the same spell… but I was wrong.”

“He likes you more than he likes me,” as she looks down at the shoes.

“Who do you like more, Snow White or Red Shoes?” “Easy, it’s Red Shoes.” “Who does Red Shoes love more?” “Easy, it’s me. Wait… no. It’s you.”

“How could she possibly want to save you more than she wants to be beautiful? Did you cast a spell?”

“I’ve never been so glad to be chubby and green again.” - Because it means he’s not alone.

“I’m sorry, Snow White.” 

“You’re the most beautiful woman in the world… whether my eyes are open… or closed.”

“I kinda liked the short and green Merlin.” “But I’m still that Merlin inside.” 

I’ll just say, as an ending thought, that the 2D animation of their wedding is adorable.

Overall, I’d give it 8/10. Nothing phenomenal that was entirely groundbreaking, but there’s a lot of heart to be shown here, with some truly amazing characters, even if some of their universe isn’t all that intriguing. Would highly recommend.

a breath away and still too far

What if he opens up a door and I can’t close it? What happens then? If when he holds me, my heart is set in motion? I’m not prepared for that, I’m scared of breaking open

- - - - - - - - - -

Having an assembly between aristocrats felt different than any audience they’d previously had before with nobility. When it came to the High Council, everything had been overwhelming but small; a specified group of people who knew their duties and with whom they had had to meet to exchange important information. With individual patricians, it usually came down to convincing them that they were there to help, which came mixed reactions.

This place however, was overflowing with socialites. Some had already taken to their seats at the expansive dining table, where their names were carefully set to indicate their spot. Most still stood around, shooting the breeze casually. They seemed ordinary at first glance; until it all hit you. The gleaming of jewels and pearls, the glistening of precious metals, the perfume, the bright colors and elaborate expensive fabrics with details and made of exsquisite material. Everything about the atmosphere screamed wealth and luxury; down to the genuine silver utensils and gothic style architecture and grand candelabrum and shimmering chandeliers. Of the grandeur and beauty had a way to make Essätha feel… very small.

As best she could to hide her insecurity, the Yuan-Ti remained at the fringes of the communion. This left some of her allies to spread out through the open composition to try finding their source, while others remained, as she, hesitantly off to the side. They were not dressed in the attire for such a gathering and, unfortunately, eyes were beginning to wander in their direction curiously.

Essie swallowed her nerves and politely bowed her head at those who passed before her. Most afforded little glances and nothing more; one made a noise beneath their breath that made her feel like shriveling up into nothing. It was difficult to remember some of these people; ugly or beautiful, were still just people. Some held such an air of sophistication and pride to them their egos almost seemed godlike just to catch a glimpse at them.

Beside her, Amon made a noise in the back of his throat; one that surprised her. He appeared almost as uncomfortable as she felt at a glance. A twinge of unease settled in her. To be close to such inferior individuals as themselves must be a mark upon his public image. It also probably didn’t help that he was wearing his usual attire for hunting game and travel either, though if she had to guess Essie could surmise the former to be more important than the later. When a man was publicly known under the title Bearmaster, she found it may be unsurprising more individuals would see him in this than his formal-ware on a regular basis.

Tearing her gaze away from the nobleman beside her to those around, she peered about for a hopeful gaze of their contact. The few taking peeks their way quickly removed themselves from staring; almost as if catching the eyes of something so lesser would make them dirty. One man however, caught Essätha’s gaze and held it.

He was an unfortunate looking fellow. Sixties or perhaps seventies; his head was nearly bald with the exception of a wreath of gray trimmed neat around the edges. He wore a ridiculous monocle, and had a long and impressively curled gray mustache. His mouth twitched beneath a hairy lip, and his eyes narrowed as he flared his nostrils and puffed out his barrel-chest as though to display dominance.

Mortified, Essie looked away as the individual took a step in their direction. It did not deter his path, however.

“Well, good evenin’,” they stated cautiously, their curled mustache still vibrating as though alive.

No escape now. Stomaching her anxiety, Essie submitted to a respectable bow. “Good evening, sir.”

“Can we ah- help any of you or your… associates?”

“No sir, I beg your pardon for our intrusion; we’ll be out shortly.”

The man’s chest relaxed a smidgen as he exhaled, revealing a more true shape; a larger abdomen he’d been sucking in. “I see.”

He was still staring. Her nerves prickled uneasily beneath the penetrating gaze. Beneath her flesh; which felt to be crawling as though insects were upon here, was a daunting fight or flight response. Part of her wanted to look away, but maintaining eye contact as much as keeping it seemed like a bad idea. It was like tempting a territorial mutt to bite regardless which you picked.

She nearly jolted as something brushed her left arm. Breaking her concentration, Essätha tore her eyes over to glance at her savior.

“The party appears very grand, I hope we aren’t keeping you from enjoying it.”

The elder man’s face couldn’t hide his surprise as his bushy eyebrows shot up. “By my grand-dad’s beard, you’re Arthur’s boy! I haven’t seen you in years. A privilege, Lord Amon.”

A tension appeared Amon’s shoulders. She cued in on how his face changed; the blankness of his eyes, the tightness of his smile that was not genuine, and the edges of his eyes themselves how they lacked the crinkles of warmth when he was truly happy.

The stranger turned his regard back upon her once again. Essie hastily gave him her full attention once more, feeling a tingling sensation spark in her fingertips as Amon’s digits touched hers. It was playing with fire, his touch. Never quite enough to keep you warm and sedated until you were consumed by it, and when you were, you lost yourself in the flames of an embrace that seemed to burn straight through your barriers.

“You know this gentleman, young lady?”

She flashed a nervous smile. “I do.”

“Oh. How have the two of you met, then?”

Amon opened his mouth as though to reply, but for a moment, her anxiety was lost to a new feeling: annoyance.

“As friends do: when one least expects it.”

The air went cold. The man before her was like stone, and the one at her side, like ice. Her tongue curled against the inside of her cheek. She wished to turn and apologize to her nobleman; really she should have been more careful-

With a suddenness, the aristocrat barked with laughter. His belly bounced, and he reached out as though to touch her. She cringed; leaning into Amon’s side for reassurance.

In a motion that was as shocking as it was comfortable; natural even in reaction, her nobleman slipped an arm around her waist to hold her there. It caused her heart to stammer and skip uncontrollably as she grew flush. From a quick glimpse, she could see the tones of pink in Amon’s own expression as he otherwise tries to keep his facial features a void mystery. He couldn’t hide from her though. She’d seen too much; studied his signals and giveaways, began to understand and know the telltales to let her know when his moods shifted. She’d seem him angry, distressed, hurt, confused, suffering, happy, worried.

Now he just seemed conflicted. His body language was stuck in a loop between embarrassed, and changing signs she couldn’t keep up with. The warmth of his palm resting on her side fidgeted uneasily.

“You are quite the comedian, little lady,” the man chuckled. “Keep your secrets, then. I’m terribly sorry if I scared you at all, miss. I hadn’t seen you here before. I thought you may be some nobility or princess from another country before I saw your garments-”

A mortified red glow burned the sorceress’ face instantly, and made her ears feel hot. She didn’t hear the next few words the man said as her ears rang. This was humiliating.

Amon’s hand stopped wriggling to pull her closer. Possessively closer. Clearing his throat, he cut in with a sharpness in his tone that made both her and the man jump: “We’re in a bit of a hurry, actually. It was nice to see you again, but we must congregate with our companions. Enjoy your function.”

“I… Yes of course…” the elderman mumbled, seemingly dumbfounded by Amon’s bluntness as he gently guided Essie away.

Bewildered herself, Essie gazed up at Amon. He licked his lips, as he did when he was nervous. She continued staring with a puzzled expression as they blended further into some of the murmuring guests. Only once they appeared well out of earshot of the man, and most others, did he manage to gruffly find his voice.

“I’m sorry you had to endure that.”

“It’s… alright.” She blinked. “Are you alright?”

Amon exhaled heavily, his mouth turned down and eyes downcast. Sometimes he proved to still surprise her. Moments like these, she couldn’t quite latch on to the shifts in his mood. Whatever made him act out so suddenly?

“I’m fine.”

You’re not. She bit her tongue, though. This environment didn’t seem the place to poke the bear, so to speak.

Coming to a pause near a column; left somewhat out of view because of it, they both released relieved sighs. Realizing suddenly that he still had his arm wrapped intimately around her, Amon cleared his throat awkwardly, and gingerly began to pull his hand back.

Feeling the blossom of her blush grow hotter, Essie reached down to tenderly lay her hand upon his retreating one.

A ragged, throaty gasp; barely audible, escaped him.

Cautious; and with a delicate care that made her heart flutter and do backflips, her nobleman carefully cradled his hand against waist once more, settling the warmth of his arm across her lower back. Such simple contact shouldn’t be as thrilling as it was. Her insides felt like they were wax to his flame; melting her entirely as she rested her hand to the back of his. When she inched a little closer to his side for comfort; for that reassurance she craved and the security he provided, he began to breathe again. It startled her just a little; how long had he been holding his breath for?

Unconscious of herself, Essie pressed her hip into Amon’s. He was rigid, then he would breath, and his body seemed to tremble just the slightest. Glancing up with worry, she rested her cheek against his shoulder, and the thick fur mantle that lay upon it.

He didn’t look at her. Almost… almost refused to.

Dejected, she sank her teeth into her lower lip. Did she pull away? Was she doing something wrong? Was this too much? Was she too much? Was this not…

She reached for his face, slowly. Left him time to see her shaky fingers, hoping not to startle him. Something in her was waiting for the unavoidable: the flinch, the curled lip of disgust, something to give away that this was not what he wanted. That she was… not wanted.

He must have caught sight of her fingertips out of the corner of his eye, because his pupils shifted. He turned his face gradually; hesitantly. His eyes traveled from her fingers, down her arm, to her face.

She was so close. He was so close.

Amon turned towards her, licking his lips, his mouth opening tentatively-

“Amon, Essie-”

Her fingertips nearly grazed his beard; he had tilted his face towards her touch, and she flinched away before making contact just as he jerked backwards in alarm. His arm pulled free from her side, and in a flash, she saw his other arm. He’d been reaching for her? She’d been so focused on his face. How unfair for someone to be so handsome; to have such magnetizing eyes and such a well-sculpted face and lovely mouth and such warmth.

She inhaled sharply, realizing she hadn’t been breathing properly so suddenly. Everything felt… like a rush. The sudden dullness of the world returning anew was nearly a headache. It had been so easy to forget, staring at Amon. So unnervingly easy.

She thought how he stepped up to make her feel more comfortable. She thought of his touch. She thought of how warm he was; of his smile, how much of a weirdo he sometimes was and how goofy his jokes could be. He was brave, and smart, and altogether simply a wonderful friend, true and loyal and kind; and a comfortable presence. A safe haven, if you will. Everything about him absolutely filled her with joy to be around, and to witness.

Still trying to recover from his charm and the allure that captivated them, Essätha looked helplessly back up at Amon.

Tiny twitches. Little breaks here and there through the mask, trying to hide keep his own shock under control. He nodded to their teammate who had come barreling over to get them; the only one of the pair of them who had the sense to pay attention to what was being said.

Defeated, her eyes traveled down to his hand. There was a loneliness in her own, wanting to belong somewhere again.

She’d been so close. A tongue-twist away. How badly she wanted to say it, if only to alleviate the ache in her chest when she simply looked at him, or thought of him. Wanting was a dangerous game, though. Once she said it, there would be no reclaiming it. And what if, for her every hope, for the moments she could swear she felt or saw something… she was wrong?

Her hand fidgeted uneasily. Clenched, then released. She looked numbly up to their comrade as they made a gesture to follow them. It was all she could make out; not their words or the movement of their mouth at all. She felt strangely… disconnected, and numb.

Essie stepped forward, intending to follow, when she felt the familiar jolt again. A lightning strike; or magma bubbling up in her veins.

Her gaze slid down to catch Amon’s furious fingers, barely grasping to hers.

She looked up at him. He did not look at her, but his face was tinted once more a pinkish hue.

Silently, she accepted his hand, gently embracing his fingers. If this was all she could have, she would take what she could.

Her head raised confidently, a flash of surprise came and went over her expression. The light contact seemed unfitting for him, as the nobleman wrapped his fingers along hers, and squeezed firmly. He held to her still with a sort of forlorn, wanting desperation even once he managed to loosen his grip a little.

Swallowing, Essie returned the pressure to assure him she was there.

She did not catch the way he gazed at her, longingly and slack-jawed, as they stopped before their friends, ready to hear what they’d learned.

DRUCK reactions - s4 ep1

Ages ago I said I wanted to write meta about Cris’ and Matteo’s seasons, so of course, when I finally sit down to write reactions to a Skam remake, it’s about Amira instead.

A few weeks back I was composing tumblr posts in bed before falling asleep (my number 1 hobby lol) when it struck me that the writing for Amira’s season was really… indefensibly bad. So let’s stroll down through memory lane and revisit Druck s4, or how to throw away your potential because you have to put out this season before summer is over!

CLIP 1: Dark clouds over Winterberg

Obviously I’m writing these with the benefit of hindsight, but I will try and incorporate what my initial reaction to a clip was whenever I can remember.

Sometime between the Abiball episode and episode 32, I argued (on twitter) that the Abiball special was the Abiball episode instead, the first episode of Amira’s season. It would thus introduce us to the conflicts and characters that would take place during Amira’s season. I thought that in addition to the obvious Amira/Mohammed, Carlos/Kiki/Essam would be important, Kiki’s family life would be important, Stefan would be important, and David/Matteo would probably not be important as they seemed to be doing just fine in their scenes.

I didn’t think Mia/Alex would be important because I didn’t actually watch their clip lol. The Winterberg stans on my twitter orbit thought the clip was cute and nothing to worry about. That should’ve been my first clue that the (twitter) stan habit of repeating the “we never lose” mantra doesn’t make for great viewing comprehension, because watching the clip, it’s so obvious that shit is gonna go down lol.

Mia moves from one of the flat share’s bathrooms to the other because they never really recreated Mia’s room in the s3 flat share.

I still haven’t watched Mia’s episode, so I don’t know how all this stuff is going to get resolved, but it seems like Mia doesn’t think they can handle a LDR, and Alex is picking up on those vibes hard. I guess I don’t really get why Mia is so pessimistic about it because at that age I kinda thought a few months break weren’t really an obstacle. (Not sure if it would help me to watch Mia’s season, because this seems like a wholly new conflict.)

Anyway, Alex acts sweet/reassuring (I really like how soft spoken everyone is in this episode), so Mia puts it out of her mind for now. But Idk, they haven’t really spoken about the elephant in the room.

CLIP 2: Don’t call them the chastest evak ever again

Tbh this clip comes across as a direct rebuttal to all the s3 commentary about David and Matteo seeming like they’re not into each other, or like they aren’t ~passionate~ like the other evaks.

It’s like, “these gremlins are horny on main, now shut up.”

But I like that they’re fully dressed, like yes, you can show physical intimacy without undressing your teen actors (shade fully intended).

I love Lukas von Horbatschewsky’s hair and I’m very jealous of Matteo in this sequence, lmao.

Luis Sepúlveda died of coronavirus this year, in Spain. You’re welcome for that bit of 2020 misery dripping onto this cute clip.

I do think David feels guilty that he may have caused Matteo to fail his Spanish exam because of David’s own issues, which I think is very on brand for David. Obviously it wasn’t his fault.

I really like how soft spoken everyone is in this episode, 2X.

And this has been said a million times by now, but David and Matteo are the one evak version where they’re the same age (Joana is in the same year as Cris, but is a year older, so she must’ve gotten held back at some point). So it’s funny, and possibly a reference to Isak and Even, to see David talking about what it’d be like if they had that age difference. Like, maybe David would be more like Even in behavior! And, going by Matteo’s reaction, he wouldn’t be into that.

This clip really feels like the ending to Matteo and David. They’ll go on a road trip, they’ll work on David’s movie, they’ll be around, but this clip is their conclusion. They both feel secure and content in their relationship, and ready for everything that’s to come.

Like I said on the post about Cris and Joana, I like that David and Matteo don’t have further issues. And while I have tons of issues with Druck s4, which I will be talking about forever in the following posts, I never had an issue with how they deployed Matteo or David. (Okay, self. Now say that again without crying about David’s season that should have been.)

Fucking David cutting their make out short only to then say such a highkey flirty, romantic thing to Matteo though. No wonder Matteo’s like, “STOP, I’M SUPPOSED TO STUDY.”

CLIP 3: A challenger appears!

I like the fanon that David is a healthy eater (or at least in comparison to Matteo), because all we ever see David eat of his own volition (i.e. not food that was made for him) is candy.

God, I love Kiki snatching David’s fruity gummies out of his hands. It makes me laugh every time, particularly how she demands to know if the candy is vegan.  

Hanna looks beautiful. ;_;

There’s a split second when Jonas is about to give Hanna that box where David looks alarmed in the background. In my mind he’s all, “Bro, no. Not a public proposal. Reel it back in, bro!”

And then, to the surprise of Jonas and all the viewers, we find out that not only are Jonas and Hanna not together, but Hanna is dating German Arthur. Again, in “fandom refuses to acknowledge storyline conflict until it’s staring right at them” news, Stefan had actually been introduced via an audio to Hanna the day before, but people were convinced it was Hanna’s dad. Whose actor they called just to record an audio. Clearly.

My belief at this point was that Stefan would be relevant to Amira’s storyline, but instead it was just a way to give Hanna her own episode. 🤡

Matteo’s transformation into Michi is complete by donning his grandpa hat.

He also makes to trip David for no real reason. Throwback to Unter Wasser.

Matteo saying Inshallalalah in a sing song voice is cute, but so annoying.

Matteo Florenzi: He’s a pain in the ass, but we love him.

CLIP 4: I guess Abdi and Axel picked up his grades at another point

I love the way Matteo grabs David’s head to pull him along. They’re so cute and I’m gonna enjoy every second.

Jonas also grabs Hanna along, because fans needed to be further confused as to what was happening with Hanna and Stefan and Jonas.

Thank you, Druck, for telling me Kiki’s and Amira’s grades, but as you can understand, that’s nowhere near enough to satisfy my curiosity and I will be needing to know everyone’s GPA because that is the kind of thing that’s important to me. What about it!!!

I think, going by how impressed Mia is, that Mia’s grade isn’t as good as Amira’s. Which I think is a neat detail, since the Nooras are kind of supposed to be the perfect girls. I like that Amira is even better than Mia at school.

I thought the concept of Carlos failing his final exam and maybe realizing school wasn’t his thing would’ve been an interesting storyline to explore, but I’m not mad that it didn’t happen. Hopefully Druck will touch on it with the next kids.

And we’re now treated to three reveals about Kiki. Kiki has a sister (now she has two), she likes the idea of moving out and living with Carlos, and her mom isn’t doing well.

The remakes trying to develop their Vildes past s4 make sense to me. By the end of Skam, Vilde clearly was the character who’d been the most robbed of a season, there were several potential storylines to do with her. Financial instability, alcoholic mom, eating disorders, plus it seemed obvious that any season taking place during the girls’ russetide should go to her. And that’s without getting into Vilde’s strong denial that she was a lesbian.

So the remakes are sitting on all these potential storylines, but as we now know, they can’t make their own Vilde season.

And from a European TV exec’s point of view, Vilde (who in every version is a white, skinny, ostensibly straight girl) is a very safe main after the gay and Muslim seasons.

Cue the LITTLE SISTER.  

I get why people are fed up with the Vildes’ prominence in the remakes that are in their latter stages, but at the same time we got 8 versions of Noora’s season, most of which are a limpdicked enemies to lovers story with a misguided sexual assault storyline tacked at the end. (And I say misguided because after a strong start, it’s mostly about what William will think, how William will react, I can’t tell William about this, etc.) So in my case, I’ve had quite enough Noora to last me a lifetime, but my Vilde thirst has only begun to be quenched.

Tangent over, Kiki lies that she’s not going to the lake because she’s going to check on Carlos. Bad form, Kiki.

CLIP 5: Graduation (Friends Forever).mp3

In clown news, I predicted there’d be a clip between the Kiki stuff and the actual dance (maybe a Sam clip), as it seemed to me there wasn’t much of a connection between Kiki looking sad on that ping pong table and PARTY TIME. Lol at me.

And speaking of clowning, while I thought the Abiball episode was part of s4, I also thought that was fine because it was just doing the multi POV episode in the beginning of the season rather than at the end, right? Wrong.

As much as it would’ve been great if Sam and Abdi had storylines pertaining to racism and islamophobia (whether Abdi is or isn’t a Muslim, people would probably assume he is), I also have to admit… This conversation is hilarious.

“I want to have intercourse with you.” [glass breaks in the background]

Abdi closing his speech with a wide smile gvvhvh.

The first hundred times I watched this scene, I thought Alex seemed a bit alarmed at the conversation taking place, but really… We’re back to stone-faced Alex lol.

Don’t kill me, but I feel a little bad for Abdi in this moment. He really put himself out there and Sam just leaves without giving him an answer, yikes. I actually got tired of Abdi’s sad sackiness during the season, but right now I feel for him. L

There’s this smile Jonas sometimes directs at dudes (like Alex here) that makes me think… Bi. He also directs it at Matteo in s3.

Ugh.

There’s a parallel universe where Stefan was the villain of Amira’s season, and it would’ve been a much more interesting season than the one we got.

Because Stefan is a bit of a Darth Jonas. He works for Greenpeace, but, at least in this scene, seems a bit full of himself, and like… twisting the knife in a way that feels like it has to be intentional. And it would’ve been so interesting if Druck had tackled the white dudes who seem like they’re not going to be assholes about Muslims, but then turn around and say some shocking garbage. I’m sure we’ve all met a guy like that before.

In my mind, Stefan would’ve driven a wedge between Hanna and Amira, which would’ve been way more compelling than what we got, but on the other hand, it probably would’ve made fandom people hate Hanna, and people outside of fandom hate Amira.

Anyway, tag teaming gays! I love how David and Matteo share a look and immediately take care of both Jonas and Stefan.

I also love it when David looks murderous. It looks good on him.

But I feel like this didn’t go anywhere? Like, Matteo always hated Stefan and continued hating Stefan until the finale. In this scene, David seems to dislike Stefan just as much, but it’s not a thread they bother following. It’s too bad because I think Matteo and David together sabotaging Stefan is a lot funnier than just Matteo doing it.

I love how soft spoken Amira is when telling Essam not to show up at her graduation party. I would’ve been a lot less polite lmao.

You know, I actually thought Kiki was genuine here when she said she wasn’t a fan of competitions. Obviously that’s not the Kiki we’ve known until this point, but like, I thought it was meant to show character development on her part, But we’ll talk about THAT more in the following episodes.

Matteo fully blames their win on David being so hot, mysterious and new, and it’s hilarious because that’s also what initially drew him to David. Like, “fuck you for being so hot!”

I thought it was such a nice detail that they brought back the girl from the refugee classes in s1. We’re saying goodbye to all these school people who are going on their own post high school journeys without us!

In my mind, Abdi and Alex are talking about something completely serious, like, I don’t know, Abdi’s dad wanting him to study business and Alex advising Abdi on the best business schools in Berlin or something.

I feel like Hanna is the one girl in the squad who really doesn’t feel ready for post high school life and I HATE the writers so much for how they wrapped her character up, but we’ll save that for later.

I could watch Matteo passing the tiara (=the main) to Amira forever. The way he tips his hat and looks like even he’s a little surprised that he (a character like him!) was ever the lead on a teen show, David’s voice asking Matteo if he’s coming, Matteo leaving with David to live happily ever after, the initial notes of Just Got Paid as Amira looks at nighttime Berlin. This meme is overdone by now, but THE POETIC CINEMA.

Jonas glaring at romantic rivals at end of year dances is iconic at this point.

Amira being tagteamed by an annoying little brother AND a well-meaning, embarrasing older brother. Choose your own nightmare.

I really love the set up for the Essam/Kiki/Carlos conflict. The emotional potential is SO good because on one hand you have Kiki, who wants to have a good time for once instead of parenting her own parent, then Carlos whose self-esteem is on the floor after having failed his final exam, and Essam, whose own sense of self-worth hinges upon whether white German girls find him attractive. Like, obviously Essam is never going to come between Kiki and Carlos who have been through some shit together, but with Carlos out of commission and Essam eager to please, you can see how the situation could so easily turn into a mess.

Amira and Mohammed have the most sexual tension out of any Yousana pair, period. They literally just said hi to each other and I already feel like I’m intruding gvhvhv.      

Social media

David saying of Matteo: “Er bekommt Auslauf.” (Something like, “he gets walkies” because he’s been good with revising) is the cutest shit ever.

Remember when Stefan sent Jonas a whole ass message and signed it “with sunny greetings”? Stefan was much more fun when we were supposed to find him unbearable.

Kiki creating a new Whatsapp group for every single thing is so true to life.

I’d forgotten that Amira also hated Stefan almost right away. The season that could’ve been, I tell you.

All the Abi Chaker Clan content reminds me of how I thought Jonas looked like, well, such a child, compared to Stefan, and I thought that was intentional. Like, here is Stefan with a Greenpeace job whereas Jonas doesn’t know what to do with his life, and he’s like, spray-painting abi chaker clan onto walls and posting pics to the abi chaker clan account. It’s not that I thought Jonas should’ve acted like a whole ass adult, of course he’s having fun with his high school friends, but I thought Jonas might feel inadequate in comparison to where Stefan is at this point of his life.

I can’t remember who revealed it, but Sara was supposed to end up with Toilet Sam and that was supposed to come out during the s3 finale (on that week, Sara posted a story with a guy whose face was obscured iirc). Since that was part of the clip where Hanna and Jonas also got back together, which they cut to make way for Hanna/Jonas/Stefan drama, Sara takes some other dude to the Abiball. And I think we’re supposed to think that’s the same dude she went on that date with.

Fic: This isn’t a rom-com 15/17

Author’s notes: I’ve been vague about Lilah’s heritage so far with the exception her her being latina, but it made sense to me she would speak her native language with her mom and since I didn’t want to butcher another language by trying to writing in Spanish, she’s speaking  Portuguese here. I put the translation next to it in brackets. 

Summary: Keanu and Lilah meet at the set of John Wick. Rom-com shenanigans ensues

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6  Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14

Wordcount: 2980

Warnings: just a F-bomb and an anxiety attack.

Lilah should not be missing Keanu this badly. It had only been gone a few of days since he left, but every time she caught sight of the finger-shaped bruises on her hips or the bite mark in her shoulder, Lilah felt like there was a gaping hole in her chest that made her just feel empty and everything else dull.

Lilah wanted to laugh at the irony. For someone who hated rom coms, she sure as hell was going through all the motions. She was this close to watching rainfall from her bedroom window with a sad song playing in the back. Which was sort of pathetic, so she really needed to find something to distract herself.

Good thing she still had the crushing doubt of what she would do to about NYFA and Oxford to keep her occupied. Arthur was being very understanding about her lack of response, but every time Lilah met Dr. Williams, it was the first question out of the older woman’s mouth.

“Do you know how many other candidates would kill for this opportunity?”

“Yes, I’m aware, Dr. Williams,” Lilah sighed, squeezing the bridge of her nose. This was giving her a headache. “But it’s a huge decision and I can’t just make it without thinking it through.”

She could see Dr. Williams wanted to argue some more and she braced herself for the conflict, but it never came. The other woman let out a sigh too and took off her glasses. For the first time in Lilah’s time in grad-school, the woman before her looked almost approachable.

“Lilah, I have been doing this for a while and I haven’t met many students like you. You’re brilliant and I don’t say that lightly. You work hard, you’re good at improvising, you hardly ever complain or say no, something I take advantage more times than I should, and you’re a great researcher. It would be a shame to let that go to waste.” She paused, wiping her glasses before putting them back on. “However, I also know that those same traits will make you succeed at any other career path you chose.”

“They called you, did they?” Lilah asked, twisting her hands together, heart in her throat. “From NYFA.”

“You did include my letter of recommendation in your application,” Dr. Williams said. “I told them exactly what just I told you, but you have to make a choice, dear.”

“I know,” Lilah sighed. “Tomorrow. I promise.”

“Good.” Dr. Williams said with a short nod. “I also expect the new chapter of your dissertation by the same deadline.”

All the way home, Lilah was a jumble of messy thoughts and conflicting feelings, because she had no idea what to do next. She just gave herself an ultimatum to make a decision when she told Dr. Williams she would give them an answer tomorrow. But the truth was that Lilah was no close to an answer now than she was four days ago when Lilah argued with Keanu.

Ever since this whole mess started Lilah became very aware of how ill-equipped she was to make her own choices. She had been doing a reevaluation of her life decisions and how she made them, and it was slowly becoming very clear the weight her parents’ wishes and expectations had on every step she took. Especially her dad.

She remembered being 13 and considering to join the theater club because it could help her make friends, but her dad insisted she joined the debate club instead because it would improve her English and would look much better on her college application. The same happened when she wanted to practice martial arts, but he thought the track team would be better. And that continued all the way to choosing her major for college and deciding on grad-school.

They were rarely obvious commands, it was more like nudges here and there that made Lilah doubt her own choices and start on a spiral of insecurity that was only abated once she did what he wanted, and he praised her for it. How mess up was that? How manipulative was that? Was he even aware that he did that?  

How many times did she settle for something she wasn’t all that into it just to please him? Lilah didn’t even know. And how many times she hid part of herself or her interests, so he wouldn’t be disappointed? Like he was when she decided to go to New York for grad school. That had been quite an epic fight and it left Lilah crushed and crying for days until he relented and allowed her to go. And she knew he only did it because her mother talked to him.

That was crazy! Lilah was 21 at the time. She didn’t need his authorization. She was a damn adult, but apparently, she still acted like a child searching for his approval. Right now Lilah felt like she was in a turning point and one wrong step could mean she would wreck her future beyond recognition and that prospect terrified her.

With a heavy sigh, Lilah closed her laptop and moved to her bed. She wasn’t going to get any work done right now. Not until she finally made her decision and that needed to happen right now.

“Hey, can I talk to you for a sec?” Jean asked, leaning against the doorframe and startling Lilah.

“Sure. What’s up?” Ok, maybe it could wait a few more moments.

Jean stepped into the room and walked up to Lilah, handing her a check before taking a seat on the bed. Lilah glanced at it with a frown of confusion and gasped, looking back up at Jean.

“Wh…?” she trailed off, too shocked to even form words.

“That should cover tuition for the first year, right?” Jean asked, eyebrow arched.

“I can’t accept this, Jean,” Lilah said, trying to give the check back, but her friend just crossed her arms over her chest in refusal. “I know how much you hate the trust fund your parents made for you. I’m not gonna be the reason you go to them.”

“That ship sailed a long time ago, Lih,” Jean admitted with a sigh. “I’ve been using that money to keep Novelsy afloat for the last four months. And anyway, that’s not where it came that from. That’s from the sale.”

“Sale? You sold Novelsy?” Lilah exclaimed with wide eyes, jumping from her seat. “But Jean that was-”

“My dream?” the other woman completed with a little sad smile. “See I thought so too, but I began to realize the only dream part of it pissing off my parents and Novelsy deserve better than that. Who knows? Maybe these new people can do a better job than I did.”

“Don’t say that. You did a fantastic job!” Lilah said, coming to sit next to her and wrapping her arms around Jean’s shoulders, pulling the other woman into a hug. “You could’ve talked to me, you know?”

“You had your own thing happening with film school and Keanu.” Jean shrugged and Lilah pulled away to glare at her.

“No matter what’s going on in my life, I’ll always be there for yours, ok? Always. You’re my person, remember?” Lilah said, her tone leaving no room for argument and Jean smiled and nodded. “So now what? What are you gonna do?”

“Honestly? I have no idea,” Jean replied, her expression turning into a grin. “It’s kind of exciting not knowing.”

“You and I have very different concepts of exciting,” she commented with a chuckle, resting her head on Jean’s shoulder. “But you’re really ok? About the sale?”

“I mean, I’m sad and all, but yeah. It was for the best. They promised to keep all the same staff and structure and that’s the only reason I agreed.”

“That’s good, but I still can’t take this money, Jean.”

“Yes, you can. I did some math of all you the time have helped with Novelsy throughout the years without charging a cent. That’s about what I’d owe you.”

“That can’t be right,” Lilah snorted in disbelief and Jean flashed a sly smirk.

“Ok, maybe I added a healthy bonus too, but still…” Jean took Lilah’s hand in hers, entwining their fingers together. “You’re my person too and you deserve to have a chance to do this. Let me do this for you, please?”

Lilah felt her eyes stinging with unshed tears, her heart beating wildly in her heart as she hugged Jean. she was out of words to tell her friend how much this meant to her.

“I… you… thank you,” she choked, fully crying know and watching as Jean’s eyes welled up too. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, Lih.” Her expression opened up into a wide grin. “You’re going to film school.”

“I’m going to film school,” Lilah agreed, her voice a little high-pitched, her own lips drawing into a smile. “I'M GOING TO FUCKING FILM SCHOOL!”

They squealed together, jumping and hugging and laughing and it felt like the weight of the world had been lifted from her shoulders. Lilah had made her choice.

A moment later, Isaac came into the room, with a confused look on his face but since Lilah was still chanting that she was going to film school, he quickly caught on and joined the celebration. Lilah was breathless from laughing so hard, her cheeks hurting, and she might her twisted her ankle with all the jumping around, but she was so happy that she didn’t care. That was why she missed her mom’s first two calls. She only caught the third.

“Hi mom!” she greeted, signaling Isaac to turn down the music.

“Honey, you need to come home,” her mother said, her voice low and broken and Lilah felt all the cheerfulness draining from inside her. “Jamie was in an accident. He’s in the hospital…”

She couldn’t hear anything else due to the blood rushing through her ears; it felt like her ribcage was compressing her lungs and her heart trying to bust out of her chest. Her knees gave out and if it wasn’t Isaac’s quick reflexes, Lilah would be on the floor. Her phone wasn’t so lucky and she barely registered Jean talking to her mother, finding out what happened.

It had been so long since Lilah had an anxiety attack, so it took her a while to recognize it now. She sat on the floor, head between her knees as she tried to control her breathing and concentrate on something else, anything else. Her nails dug on Isaac’s arms as she tried to count her breaths and listen to what he was saying.

Lilah knew how anxiety attacks worked. She knew it was just her body freaking out because it thought there was danger around the corner. Lilah just needed to wait them out. It might feel like she was dying, but in the end, she would be ok.

It took Lilah about 15 minutes to regain control again and be able to refocus on her friends. Both Isaac and Jean were on the floor with her. She was practically on Isaac’s lap as he was holding her against his chest while Jean sat by her side. Lilah’s face was wet with tears and she had left five crescent-shaped wounds on Isaac’s arm.

“How are you, hon?” Jean asked.

“I need to go home.” It was all Lilah managed, struggling out of Isaac’s hold to get up. There was too much to do and no time to waste. “Can one of you check flights for me? I need to call Dr. Williams and my TA to cover my classes.”

“I’ll start packing your suitcase,” Isaac offered. “You should call Keanu. He’s coming back tonight, right?”

“Shit!” Lilah froze, turning to look at them. She completely forgot about Keanu. About everything else really. “I’ll call him from the cab.”

If someone asked Lilah how she managed to get everything ready and herself to Miami, she wouldn’t be able to tell you. It was all just a big blur to her. All she knew was that a little over five hours after she got her mother’s call, Lilah was stepping through the doors of Jackson Memorial Hospital where she knew Jamie would have been taken. It was the hospital he did his residency and where her father worked and taught.

Lilah knew this place like the back of her hand. Most of the nursing staff knew her so they didn’t even blink when she walked in and didn’t even paused by the reception area, just headed straight for the waiting room outside the surgical center, where she found her mom, Alba, sitting next to Jamie’s mom, Susan, comforting the other woman.

They looked up when Lilah walked in, her mother’s expression turning into one of relief as she let go of Susan long enough to meet her halfway from a hug.

“Que bom que você aqui. (I’m so glad you’re here),” she whispered, her voice wavered a little and Lilah just held her tight, breathing in the familiar scent of lilies from her mom’s skin.

“What happened?” Lilah asked as she let go of her mom to hug Susan, before taking a seat, holding her mom’s hand tight.

“They say he ran a red light,” her mom explained, and Susan let out a loud sob. “A pick-up truck hit his car, driver’s side.” Lilah felt the familiar tightness in her chest and forced out a long, shaky breath. This was not the time for another panic attack. Everyone here needed her. “Your father is with him.”

That much Lilah figured the second he didn’t see him. Technically no family member should be allowed anywhere near the OR, but her father was one of the top surgeons of this hospital and it was very hard to say no to him.

“Foi muito ruim? (How bad was it?)” she whispered to her mom, mindful of Susan. Alba took a deep breath, her hand tightening over Lilah’s.

“(Ruim) Bad.”

Once again, Lilah forced her lungs to keep working, her breath to remain steady as she tried to settle a little better on the uncomfortable couch of the waiting room. The hours dragged by without news. The only sounds in the room were hospital announcements and Susan’s sniffles.

Lilah got tired of the couch and started pacing, trying to work out some of the nervous energy running through her. Every once in a while she would check her phone, update Jean and Isaac. There had been no word from Keanu, but Lilah couldn’t bring herself to worry about that right now.

The OR doors were pushed open and her father stepped out, expression drawn into a deep frown of concern, the lines in his face deeper than Lilah remember from when she visited during the summer.

“They finished repairing his lung and had to remove his spleen. He should be out in another hour or so and head straight for observation,” he announced, his eyes landing on Lilah and his expression softening a little. “Hi, baby.”

“Hi dad,” she breathed out, against the crook of his neck as Frank wrapped her into a tight hug.

“My boy’s gonna be fine then?” Susan asked, her voice raspy from crying.

“He’s not out of the woods yet, but Jamie’s strong and Owen’s the best trauma surgeon I know,” he said with an encouraging smile, but Lilah noticed it didn’t quite reach his eyes. She had never seen her father scared before. “I’m going back in.”

With a final kiss to Lilah’s forehead, Frank turned around and headed back into the OR, leaving them behind. She could Susan on her phone, probably updating her husband while Alba’s fingers worked through her rosary and she prayed under her breath.

Lilah sighed and headed to the reception where she knew there was a coffee machine. She had been up for God knows how many hours and the adrenaline was starting to fade, exhaustion sipping so deep it almost seemed to reach her bones.

Lilah blamed her fatigue for not noticing him right away even though she must have walked right by him on her way to the coffee machine. He stood at the reception desk, carry on by his side talking to one of the nurses. It wasn’t until she heard her own name that Lilah turned to look, recognizing him.

“Keanu?” She called and he turned her way, his brow furrowed with worry.

“Lil,” he walked up to her, stopping just a step away, almost as if unsure if he could come closer, touch her.

“What you doing here?” Lilah asked her astonishment making it hard for her to process his presence.

“I heard about your brother, and I just…” Keanu sighed, rubbing his face. “I don’t know. I wanted to be here for you.”

Lilah felt the knot in her chest rising to her throat as her eyes stung. She closed the distance between them, letting Keanu wrap her into a hug, feeling him kiss the top of her head. She fisted the back of his blazer, fighting against the need to break down. It wasn’t time yet. No matter how safe she felt on his arms.

They stayed there, wrapped around each other until one of the orderlies asked them to move since they were blocking the way. They broke away, but Keanu took her hand, entwining their fingers together and Lilah led the way back to the waiting room. She paused just outside the door in hesitation, before she glanced over at Keanu.

 “This wasn’t how I pictured you meeting my family,” she said with a humorless chuckle. Keanu gave her a soft, reassuring smile and squeezed her hand.

“I know, but it’s going to be fine.”

Lilah nodded and pushed the door open. She really hoped Keanu was right.

x(tbc)x

Go to part 16

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My thoughts on Peaky Blinders...

Now I’ve finished Season Five, I wanted to get out my thoughts/ideas/opinions regarding the show. So strap in! - So first of all, the fucking cinematopgraphy in this series is gorgeous. You could take almost any scene and it looks like a painting. The lighting, the way it’s staged, it’s all just so visually pleasing to look at. My inner film student was just sighing dreamily at the shot composition. There’s a shot of John, Arthur and Tommy walking somewhere and you could fucking frame it and put it in your wall. - CILLIAN MURPHY, CILLIAN MURPHY, CILLIAN MURPHY. I mean, I always knew he was a good actor and also a pretty one, I think the role I remember him best in is Batman Begins, but holy shit, I never realised how hot he is until like two months ago. I know he apparently hates his Tommy haircut, but good lord, he can pull it off. The cheekbones! The eyes! The eyelashes! The sexy voice! Needless to say I saw him and immediately developed the biggest fucking crush. Apparently when I talk about Tommy to people my face goes pink. Thank you so much, show, for enlightening me to this human. Tommy is such a fantastic character, and I do wonder if another actor could pull him off quite as well. So much debate over his actions, motives, mindset, etc. I could probably write essays about the complexities of Tommy, but I won’t because this is a long-ass post anyway. He’s such a boss and I would die for him. - I actually really like Arthur??? So the very first clip of PB I ever saw was accidental, when I happened to turn the TV on and the Blinders were taking over the Eden Club and Arthur was glassing a guy in the face. I thought, “Oh, he’s probably like the dangerous thug character everyone is scared of.” (I didn’t know he’s Tommy’s brother at the time.) But actually he’s kind of endearing despite being the Shelby’s pitbull? Idk, the concept of the “failure” elder brother, how Arthur is the character the verbalises PTSD the most out of everyone, how one minute he can be lashing out like a rabid bear and then sobbing like a kid the next... I’m always like, “Oh, Arthur,” because you can see he wants to be a better person, but he just...doesn’t know how. - JOOOHN. I miss him! And it’s weird because in the early parts of the Season John doesn’t DO much but tag around after Tommy and Arthur, but his marriage to Esme is actually So Good and again, he’s actually kind of a softboi under the hard gangster act. (Also his “Do THIS, John, Do THAT, John, KILL YOUR FOOKIN’ TEACHER, JOHN!” is so fucking good.) He kind of provides a lightness when contrasted to Tommy and Arthur that I really do miss, because the last two Seasons have been very grim and I think John’s absence has something to do with it. I liked Esme too, even if she’s a stroppy bitch, her love for John but resentment of her role in the family and also she’s HELLA PRETTY. I’m sad her character has gone for now, but at least she wasn’t killed off. - I also love Ada a lot - I was really shocked when I read that Sophie Rundle hasn’t been acting all that long before she got the part in PB, because honestly she’s very good! And her concept again is a fun one - the only girl in a family of violent gangster boys. (Or as Freddy puts it, “The only princess”, which she is.) Having said that, I’m not sure how I feel about Ada’s character arc over the course of the season. In One she came off as kind of childish and still sort of stuck in her Rebellious Teen phase, then she became a mother and Freddie died, then in Season Two she’s trying to distance herself from the family and go legit, then in Season Four and Five she’s helping run the business and taking money from Tommy. Idk, I wish she’d play a more major role like her brothers because her motivations seem to change based on what the screenwriter wants, not what feels natural for her. Plus it annoys me that Ada blamed Ben Younger’s death on Tommy, but Tommy gets a lot of blame for things that aren’t his fault so I guess he’s used to it. Still, Ada is still a lot of fun when she does get to play a big role and gets some great lines later on. “Tommy Shelby is going to stop a revolution with his cock.” - POLLY, MY QUEEN! Easily the best woman on the show (sorry, Ada) and such a fucking badass. She’s definitely the voice of reason within the family and conflicting loyalty is a really interesting theme that gets explored with her, between her arguing nephews and niece, between her family or whether she wants to marry again and leave, her relationship with Michael, it’s all so great. Helen McRory is such a brilliant addition to the show. Also I love that Polly kinda represents women taking over after all the men went away to war and now they’re back, but the women aren’t just going to creep back into the house - World War One changed the workplace forever for women and I think Polly being the second in command after Tommy reflects that really well. - I think overall my favourite seasons have been Seasons One, Two and Four, I tend to find I get a bit bored in Peaky Blinders whenever it gets especially heavy on politics like in Season Three and Five and I admittedly kind of miss the simplicity of the early days of the show when it was about horse-racing, but the Changretta vs Shelby feud was genuinely really gripping and Adrien Brody was also Very Good. (I mean, I couldn’t take him seriously because of Brodyquest, but I like him a lot.) - I HATE GRACE. There, I said it. And honestly I have SO MUCH to say on why I hate her and also why I think she is the epitome of bad writing that has happened on this show that I might as well save it for a whole nother post, but Tommy and Grace’s relationship always felt so unnatural and forced to me, like they are in love because the screenwriter said so - Grace is the only woman Tommy knows who isn’t related to him and also because it pisses off Campbell. Like, she was tolerable if highly irritating in Season One, but then Two came along and she just got worse and worse. She’s annoyingly convinced she’s better than everyone else, pulls off a LOT of questionable shit that NO-ONE except Polly ever pulls her up on and Tommy repeatedly pining over a woman who lied to him and betrayed him makes no goddamn sense. I wish Stephen Knight would just let him get over her, because her showing up over and over again in the show after the bitch died two Seasons ago is so infuriating I want to throw my remote at the TV. The best bit of Season Three was someone finally putting a bullet in her, honestly. /rant - On that note, I really wish that they’d use May properly. She was introduced in Season Two and honestly her chemistry with Tommy is about a thousand times more believable than anything he had with Guuuhrayce and also May doesn’t consistently talk in that annoying, breathy voice and also she doesn’t shamelessly manipulate Tommy constantly. It’s too bad Stephen Knight couldn’t get Charlotte Riley back for Season Three owing to her pregnancy, because I think the trajectory of the show would have been very different. But her scene where she spoke about her husband and tried to hide that she was crying? So good. The fucking Face Tommy gives her when she asks for a mixer in her gin? Priceless. Agh - May’s been chronically underused in the show but she keeps getting mentioned every now and then, so I’m hoping there are plans for her to come back in Season Six. I really like her and I honestly think Tommy/May has been the best relationship he’s had, because it’s the only one that’s felt A) Natural and B) Equal. - Lizzie Stark. Okay, so I have mixed feelings about Lizzie. I liked her in Seasons One and Two, because she was this down-on-her-luck woman who was treated like crap by everyone, but she wasn’t wholly without her own flaws or personality - she did lie to John and Tommy did act in his brother’s best interests to tell him the truth. The scenes she had with Tommy in Season Two when he promotes her to his secretary were honestly very cute and my heart broke for her when that solider nearly (?) raped her in Season Two and she cried in John’s arms. But over time she’s started to irritate me. I know that people feel bad for her because Tommy honestly does treat her badly at times, though other times she’s also one of the few people he’s nice to, their relationship is complicated. But truthfully I don’t see Tommy/Lizzie every working out properly because Lizzie was a whore. She’s always been Tommy’s inferior and while I do think he cares for her, she never seems to think it’s enough. He doesn’t love her enough and she’s never satisfied with it and she’s always resentful of him. But you can’t FORCE someone to love you and it’s interesting that the minute she learned she was pregnant, you could see her thinking of how to make this work. She pulled the Baby Trap on him just like Grace did and got married like she wanted, but Tommy still doesn’t truly see her as his equal. And honestly, I don’t think she’s smart enough for him. Add that to Lizzie being EXTREMELY petty to other women (including her being really rude to May and slut-shaming her - bit rich from you, isn’t it, Lizzie?), and I don’t think they have a healthy relationship. I do like little Ruby a lot (way more than Charles, who is a spoiled brat because he’s Grace’s son and has a martyred dead mummy), but honestly I don’t see Tommy/Lizzie working out. I just hope that she doesn’t leave and take Ruby, I think it’d break Tommy to have his daughter taken away from him. - Alfie Solomons. So...I have to confess I have mixed feelings about Alfie. I liked him in Season Two because he’s batshit crazy, Tom Hardy is clearly having the time of his life and it’s refreshing to have a rival to Tommy who isn’t cartoonishly evil like Billy Kimber or Sabini. He ties into Season Two very well and yeah, I can see why he’s so popular. Also he’s pretty attractive, so that always helps. But. Alfie is starting to come across a bit like a creator’s pet to me. He consistently betrays Tommy every goddamn Season and while I know the fandom love to joke about this, it’s pretty inexplicable that Tommy would bother to continue to do business with him after being burned so many times and now it turns out he’s alive. Why? Why bring Alfie back? I feel like he was brought back because he’s a fan favourite and to add another suspect to who betrayed Tommy. I don’t hate Alfie at all, but I am starting to wish he’d face actual consequences for his actions, considering every Peaky Blinders character who fucks with the Peaky Blinders tend to suffer horribly for it, but not Alfie...for some reason. - Michael. Okay so Michael’s actor is pretty damn good and I thought it was cute that he and John’s actors are actually brother irl - you can see the resemblance. And honestly bringing back Polly’s missing kids was a really clever idea because there’s a family tie, but one that isn’t so strong you can always be sure of where his loyalties lie. His subplot with Father Hughes in Season Three was both very sad and very well done - I was cheering him on the whole way. But Season Five has made my opinion of Michael take a dramatic nosedive. He’s gone from sorta-sympathetic to an entitled brat almost overnight. I get he’s probably salty about being banished to America by Tommy in Season Four, but where has this sudden desire to rule the company come from? How did he meet Gina? Is he lying about Gina being pregnant because he figured it’d win him sympathy? I don’t know. He’s changed so drastically, and when Polly gave him that slap, I think she was doing what everyone wanted to. It’s too bad they just wrote Anna off as being dead, though, Michael having a sister and Polly a daughter would have been interesting. - The music?? Is so good?? I love it! Especially the themesong, obviously, but so much of it is always ON POINT. It makes me wanna buy the entire soundtrack. - Unpopular opinion, but I think Campbell was the best antagonist of the show, mainly because he was a vile person but still believable and had the best dynamic with Tommy.  - Season Five was honestly kind of hit-and-miss for me, it seemed like a lot of people are pissed at Tommy for fairly silly reasons in the beginning and I just didn’t find the political subplot all that interesting...but I still will definitely tune into Season Six. (Also these are all just opinions, so please don’t send me hate if you don’t like something I’ve said. Ain’t nobody got time for that.)