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#you guys are eating well this week
lilybug-02 · 6 months
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Bribed with Chocolate. The way it should be.
Part 22 || First || Previous || Next
--Full Series--
More to come as this is a two-parter. But you know how I am with schedules.
Bonus:
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I think this was an equally possible reaction from Chara.
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How You Turn My World; Chapter 4
You finally find your way into the labyrinth, coming across some new and old faces; both friendly and malicious.
Character; Lilia Vanrouge
Content; Gender-neutral reader, reader is getting tired of being stuck here and smelling like a bog
Content Warnings; Swearing, some talk of death, reader passes out
Word Count; 2.2 K
Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 |
As per usual, don't put my work into AI.
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You were finally making some decent progress, what, with not being stuck in some bog and knowing somewhat of where you were going. A vast improvement really! Well, it would be, but unfortunately, you still reeked of rotten eggs and skunk — apparently the bog stench only got worse the longer it stayed on.
“Why did it have to dump me into the swamp,” you huffed, rounding yet another corner. “Like, it could have dumped me beside the water, but, no, no, let’s dump the magicless human right into the putrid bog water! A good guffaw, don’t you think? Ha ha ha HA!”
At least your au de Bog of Eternal Stench kept any would-be assailants away since you hadn’t run into anything (besides a rose bush, ouch) since you started making your way through the labyrinth. So maybe it wasn’t all that bad… damn, maybe your sense of smell was just used to it… hey, if stink helps you not die, then you would gladly stay stinky! Well, bitterly stay stinky is more like it.
“Assholes,” you muttered, rounding another corner. 
But it wasn’t a corner; it was a crossroad. Three paths merged off of the one you were on.
… aren’t labyrinths just one long line? THIS IS A FUCKING MAZE?! You groaned, looking at your possible options which all looked exactly the same.
Decisions, decisions, decisions. Of course nothing is easy here, no no no! Gotta make things difficult now.
The hedge behind you rustled, and you whipped around, getting into a stance where you could either land a pretty good sucker punch to the hedge-stalker or make a mad dash away. But out of the hedge crawled out a small, fuzzy, caterpillar. And back at home you would have thought it was cute, but you learned your lesson from the doors; don’t trust it, or anyone for that matter.
You looked down at the caterpillar, and the caterpillar looked up at you, blinking slowly. 
What are the chances… 
“Do you know a way out,” you asked the caterpillar, crouching down so that you didn’t tower over it.
The caterpillar blinked at you again (apparently caterpillars in the Underground have eyelids, which isn’t the weirdest thing considering everything). “No,” it chirped and continued crawling on its merry way, wherever that may be. “But you’ll find the way.” And it disappeared into the growth of the maze, humming a little tune to itself.
You sighed, and pushed yourself back up, straightening out your shoulders and looking up to the sky. “I’ll find a way,” you breathed, looking up at the cloudless sky which was starting to turn a brilliant amber with the setting sun. “I might want to find a way is more like it.”
You looked back down to the ground, looking at the three paths in front of you. They all look the same, save for the ground making up paths themselves, with the middle and right paths looking well worn with travel. And while they may be well worn, there was a voice at the back of your head that was whispering caution. The left-most path was not as well travelled, with dead vines covering parts of it.
“Hopefully you’re right, little buddy since I could use all the luck I can get.” And you made your way down the path, hoping that it was the correct one and didn’t lead you to your death or some other unpleasant thing.
Lilia was at the entrance of the labyrinth, in front of the two doors.
“Have you seen a human, about this tall, a bit of a temper, and smelling foul,” he asked the doors.
The doors looked at each other before looking at Lilia. “And what’s it to you,” they said in unison.
Lilia smiled, but it was one of mild annoyance, not joy or amusement. “Royal orders I fear. You wouldn’t want the mistress finding out about you both tampering with a royal matter, would you?” The smile turned cat-like since Lilia had backed them into a corner.
The doors paled, with the blue door speaking up. “No no, sir! We would never dream of such a thing!!! Yes, there was a human, a wretched one at that, horribly rude!”
Lilia hummed, cocking a brow at the door. “I do think wretched is a bit of an overstatement now,” he whispered to himself. “Well, tell me where about they are then. The sooner I can collect them, the better for you lot.”
The red door sighed, “Near the heart of it, they took the left path.”
Left path? Why the left path leads to… Shit. Lilia mentally groaned, knowing that regardless of the path you took, you would end up having to deal with them eventually. “Your cooperation has been noted,” is what he said though, giving the doors both a nod before turning into a bat and flying over the labyrinth, trying to find you before you ran into whoever them was.
“Please be clever enough not to die,” he whispered to no one, hoping that he didn’t have to deliver your body to the Queen.
The left path brought you to what looked like a forest; with old-growth trees, ferns and moss covering the ground, and a list mist hanging in the air. It was peaceful and beautiful, with the setting sun illuminating the mist without burning it away.
But that would not last, night was fast approaching and you had nothing to protect you this time; no rowan tree to haul your ass up, and no sort of weapon to protect yourself besides the oh-so-lovely smell of the bog to deter something from eating you. You were pretty sure it would also keep away anything that wanted to otherwise snatch you up.
“AH!” Something jumped out from a tree, and you couldn’t fully register what it was since you were also screeching, much like the creature was at you; you with fright, the creature with amusement and joy.
Two other creatures jumped out from behind the trees and startled cackling, jumping, and clapping. Together, they surrounded you, with no way to really escape them without fighting through.
… you really should have read about fae species, since you didn’t know what they exactly were, or how dangerous they were either. 
One pulled you near a pit and lit a fire, cackling in glee and dancing, trying to get you to join them. “Ah come on, human, have some fun! DANCE BABEY!!!!”
But you stayed still as more creatures came out of the shadows, dancing around the fire, giggling, cackling, and pulling a bit at your clothes to prompt you to join them. You didn’t know, cementing your feet down, your eyes watching their movements with caution.
‘Should you dance with the fae, you shall not stop dancing until you exhaust yourself. And once you wake up, you will continue dancing. This cycle will repeat itself until you dance to death.’ 
At least that was what the book said, and so you stayed still, regardless of how much the creatures pulled at you. While it looked like a grand old time, you remained where you were.
“I don’t have time for dancing,” you answered coldly, flinching from pinching fingers. You were also a bit shocked that Eau de Bog of Eternal Stench wasn’t keeping them away. Either, they couldn’t smell, or, they didn’t care that you smelled downright awful. “So this ‘baby’ won’t dance.”
And should I be offended by you calling me ‘baby’ or am I reading too much into it?
The main creature just shrugged and spun its dancing partner around. “Your loss human! More fun for us then! YIPPEE!!!” And it threw something in the fire to where you could feel the heat on your face.
What now? You were just standing there awkwardly as the creatures danced about, singing something that you couldn’t really make out. All you knew was that the heat, noise, and the dizzying dance of them was making your head pound, and throat scream in thirst. You hadn’t drank anything for over a day(?) — no, bog water did not count — and the heat from the fire made the thirst only worse. Shit.
“Ah, you don’t look too… hot there human,” one of the creatures snickered at its own joke at your expense. “Maybe if you dance with us, loosen up and have a bit of fun, then you can have a drink? Hmm? Dancing won’t kill you!” But its failed attempts at covering up its own malicious giggles were more than enough to stand your ground… which was coming at you quite fast since you practically collapsed.
Was it the thirst? The pounding migraine that wanted nothing more than to crawl into some dark hole and hide? Or your exhaustion from making that tiring trek, crawling yourself out of the bog and making the trek again, or the hours you had spent wandering around the maze with no real idea of where you were going? All you really knew was that you were now on the ground with the creatures poking at you to see if you were still alive.
“Aw, man! Are they already dead? That’s no fun!” One of the creatures pouted, raising up your arm, and you let it plop back to the ground. “Come on human! Get up! You’re not a party pooper are you?”
Scre you buddy! Can’t you read the situation?!
You were trying your best to stay quiet, which wasn’t all that hard, since all of your energy was gone. 
“They best not be,” a familiar voice called out.
From your position, you couldn’t see who it was, but you could make out the creatures jumping away from you like you were the hot fire instead of the fire pit. But someone else was approaching until you could make out a pair of shoes in front of your face.
They crouched down beside you, placing their fingers gently at the base of your throat; taking your pulse. “Hmph, playing dead, are we, Beastie?”
That irritating chuckle. The annoying nickname. Those mischievous magenta eyes that now looked at you with curiosity and amusement.
It was him — Mr. Sparkles.
And he had just blown your act of playing possum (well, not really, since you had actually collapsed).
But you didn’t say anything, instead favouring to give him a dirty look. Yet he just shook his head in jest, and proceeded to pick you up and wrap you around his shoulders and neck like some sort of bizarre ermine pelt; better than being carried like a sack of potatoes or the bridal carry you supposed.
“Her majesty sends her regards for not turning or killing her guest,” Lilia offered the creatures. It would be such a waste and pity to see such an entertaining Beastie leave us too soon now. “But do know she won’t take to their condition lightly.”
My condition? I’m not some Victorian child with some unknown illness wreaking havoc on their body you know?! But all that you did was groan and cough. You couldn’t even cough in Mr. Sparkles’ (Lilia’s) face, since you had a lovely view of the moss-covered ground and the fae’s shoes.
He patted the back of your calves, and you would have kicked him if you had more energy, but you didn’t. “Now, we really should be off, since Beastie has… an hour to get out of this maze before they turn into some sort of worm, or a hedge; never know what this old labyrinth will decide on really.” Lilia chuckled at the thought (was it merriment, or was he happy that you weren’t joining the caterpillar you met earlier?).
“No,” you wheezed. “WoRm!”
“See! They said it themself! No worm! How lovely that we are on a similar wavelength, Beastie! Marvellous even!” Lilia exclaimed, and the both of you started levitating off of the ground. “Now, do enjoy your party, Fireys!”
The creatures (Fireys apparently) groaned but got back to their party, dancing around the fire like they didn’t just try to lure you to your death mere minutes before.
“Tsk tsk, Beastie,” Lilia’s tutting brought your attention back to him and you grumbled. “You owe me two favours now, you know. Lucky that I found you… although that part wasn’t hard. I thought you learned your lesson the first time you decided to take a dip into the Bog of Eternal Stench?”
You lightly kicked him, letting your irritation be known, but Lilia just hummed. “Now now, no need to be like that! Do you want to smell like a bog when you meet the mistress? She wouldn’t take kindly to your… unique aroma.”
You hissed out a breath since he decided to pinch at your ear rather harshly — prompting for you to answer. “No,” you whispered hoarsely.
“Also, do read up on that book, since you will want to know about the government and fae species etiquette!”
From a smelly bog and fumbling around a maze for hours on end, to finding yourself being taken to fae high society… was it too late to become some worm in the maze? I think being a worm actually has a better chance of me living.
But sadly, you were saved from an eternity of being a worm. Hopefully, Mr. Sparkles (Lilia) would cover for your blunders a little for when you found yourself in front of ‘the mistress’.
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To be continued!
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Tags; @afunkyfreshblog @cheezy-moon @eynnwwyjth @identity-theft-101 @ithseem @lucid-stories @ryker-writes @twistwonderlanddevotee @xxoomiii
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arthursfuckinghat · 1 month
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There needs to be a scientific study done on how Rockstar Games' Arthur Morgan is able to provoke the most earth shattering emotions I didn't even know I had in me
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marblerose-rue · 1 year
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it's this way! / squirrelpaw and leafpaw
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yueebby · 7 months
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let me cook
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crystalkleure · 2 years
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Characters who are intentionally written to be horrible little bastard goblins: ✔️ Hilarious
Characters who are supposed to be viewed as being A Good Person in spite of them continuously doing horrible asshole things that would make any reasonable person fucking punch them IRL: ❌ Infuriating
#.It speaks#About me yo#I HATE THAT SECOND THING SO MUCH#INTENTIONAL ASSHOLES MY BELOVED. UNINTENTIONAL ASSHOLES MY BELOATHED.#The Goody Two Shoes Good Guy Protag @ their sad friend: ''Hey buddy! I am going to shame you for Not Being Happy!''#''Don't you understand that that's rude to all of your friends? You're killing all of our vibes! It Is Morally Bad To Be Visibly Sad!''#All of the other characters: ''Yeah!! What protag said!! We love you and forgive you @ Sad Guy but you need to stop being sad Right Now!''#And Everybody Claps#Literal worst thing in the world.#Like it is DRAMATICALLY DIFFERENT if the protag doing something like this has ACTUAL ACCURATE CONSEQUENCES#Like. Say. Sad Guy bottling too much up for too long and then eventually finally exploding in protag's face.#[And NOT being portrayed as Evil for doing so. Might be SEEN as evil by the protag but Is Not Narratively The Bad Guy For It.]#THAT does not bother me. Fuck yeah Sad Guy tell the emotionally abusive fuck and all their flying monkeys to eat shit.#BUT IF THE LITERAL ABUSED CHARACTER TRYING TO STAND UP FOR THEMSELF MAKES THEM THE VILLAIN OF THE WEEK/SEASON I'M MAD#You know?#Protag who THINKS they are Morally Infallible but is actually perfectly human and wrong/does bad shit sometimes: ✔️✔️✔️#Protag who is a total penis and their dickheadery WINS every time it causes conflict; the /conflict/ is portrayed as unreasonable: ❌❌❌#If you know me really well you can probably guess which specific two characters I am talking about#I hate both of those little bastards so much
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questionablealibi · 10 months
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Hi hello! Apologies for the lack of posting - I've been in a stump recently because I've been brainstorming ideas on how the HELL to build around my Stanley and Narrator and their individual backgrounds and how their parable came to be because i've been wsnting to build them into something cool but i've BURNT myself out in the process and now i cant even pump out a single DOODLE
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All you lot are probably only gonna get some sona doodles for the time being- i cant bring myself to screw around with elias and o'neil yet my brain is RHEGHD mussed right now :')
I might make a few exception on occasion though ^^; cant ignore them for too long ive grown to love them
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anotherpapercut · 5 months
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bro what the fuck are they doing with my package
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#fun story#i ordered 3 things from hot topic. they shipped but never arrived so a couple weeks later i messaged them abt it#and went back and forth with them for a while bc their customer service agents cant read apparently#before being told i had to call bc one of the things i ordered went out of stock and i was replacing it w smth more expensive#so i call and im on the phone for like a fucking hour missing the 15 minute window i have to eat between jobs#and being on the phone at work for a while lmao#i finally get it done and the guy fucking forgets my apartment number in the shipping address. it's in the billing address tho??#so i email them AGAIN and im like yo your man forgot my apartment number. they cancel that order and place another#the effect this has is that the $14 payment for the more expensive item is cancelled as well. bc again they don't read#so im like sick i will effectively get these $60 pants for $15 (im very good at sales and also manipulating customer service)#but apparently when they replaced the order they put ny apartment number not in the address‚ but as part of my name?????#so i think its fucking up usps. but it came in 2 packages and 1 has arrived so i still have hope. but thats not the end#yesterday guess who fuckin calls me. its hot topic. my original order arrived to the fuckin store in my local mall#and theyre like i think we fucked up bc we just found this package but it says you picked up your order already. do u want it#and i was like yes? not really sure what package to be expecting and its my ORIGINAL FUCKING ORDER#so once this package arrives i will have gotten 2 of the same shirt‚ 2 kiki sign things‚ a sweater‚ and a pair of pants for $40#and i figure i can return one of the shirts and one of the signs that i have duplicates of for store credit of their full price#so anyway yeah. thats been the past 3 weeks for me.
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Men stop commenting on my food challenge.
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isabelguerra · 1 year
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sometimes i wish pnat was just slightly more adult audience-d can you imagine how much fun itd be if the kids could say swears and make dick jokes. i want max to say the fuck word every day of my life
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adore-gregor · 10 months
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So I could really use some advice
#on a guy#if he actually likes me#because i'm really oblivious and i can't tell for sure from any signs he might give#but there could be a lot of signs 😂#so if anyone can help me out or tell me your opinion 🙈#it's a guy i go to uni with and had a class with we're now friends and hang out a lot ☺️ but maybe it could become sth more...#well i really like him he's so nice fun to be around easy to talk to and so supportive 🥰#actually i think i never liked a guy like him 🥺 because all the things i'm scared or worried about in a relationship are less so with him..#and i think maybe it really could work while otherwise i often just wanna 'escape' not literally but you know#so we saw each other a lot lately like every week or more often than once a week#and he also texts me a lot or just randomly called me to ask me things or make plans :)#he just send me a youtube video link i need to look at it later 😄#when we meet we always hug as a greeting and goodbye 🥹#also he had a gf until april so i'm not sure if he'd be ready already but anyway#and we always talk about lots of things and he's so interested in what i have to say#we onced talked for like two hours in front of the door at night 😂#when we meet and go eat something he always pays for me and i kinda feel bad about it 😅#because it must cost him so much money so last time at the cinema i insisted to pay haha#and he finds it really cool that i play tennis and didn't mind i spend so much time doing it#bc i met some guy who didn't so much because it meant i have less time to see him ig#but that's really respectful#and he always compliments me about so many things#also once we took a selfie together which i then sent him and he was like that he's unphotogenic on it unlike me#which i didn't know how to react because i never look photogenic#so i was like “noo that's not true i'm the most unphotogenic person ever normally”#and he was like “i can’t believe that” which i don't see but 😂#and yeah he played tennis with me after i asked him if he wanted and he also always offers me his help#when i was decorating my room if i need help with carrying or he often wants to carry my bag#and he sent me old childhood pictures of him and just funny one so did i then#he also sent me one of the sweetest good luck messages before i played a tennis match for my club 🥹
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deus-ex-mona · 1 year
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why can’t this week just end alreadyyyyyyy
#rant about the week incomin’ in the tags bc ‘complaining’ is my unofficial middle name#this week has *not* been my week so far and it’s only wednesday morning#my horrible week commenced on sunday night when i was unable to sleep bc my pillow was oriented wrong#thus i had a grand total of 1 hour of sleep which was not very poggers tbh. so i tried to sleep on the train but…#the guy next to me??? kept swaying to lean on my shoulder??? so i hunched over to avoid physical contact but he just landed on my back??#so that sucked balls. i kept having to wake up to push him away with my bag and then trying to go back to sleep.#but then!!! just as i fell asleep after one such instance!!! the guy’s phone alarm went off????? like?? why???? why would you set an alarm??#we’re on a friggin train mannnnn!!!!! why did you have to set an alarm?????????????#and ofc when the dude finally alighted (and i was asleep) he just *had* to jab me in the side with his elbow when he got up. ಠ_ಠ#so that’s how i knew the rest of the week was gonna be just ✨peachy✨#anyways manning 2 workstations (+ 1 bonus ‘mini’ workstation) on 1h of sleep isn’t very fun. esp if you’re incompetent af like me#and ofc there just had to be problems too. like the printers couldn’t print (and the systems crashed everytime i tried to print something)#and this sample running software kept closing itself in the middle of running samples so that was a pain to deal with#and tuesday (yesterday) wasn’t much better. in fact it was ✨worse✨. none of the 2 workstations could get started till like 10am and aaaaaa—#to make matters worse i had stubbed my toe so badly in the morning that my skin tore. so walking was ✨much pain✨ as well :(#and ofc yesterday had to be the one day where i had to walk back and forth an unnecessarily high number of times >:( sadded#and ofc they *had* to have an hour-long meeting about something or other towards the end of the workday when i had yet to eat my lunch >:(#(fell asleep during the meeting though bc it was boring as balls whoops)#and i could only take a half-hour break after that >:((( i wanted my full hour dammitttttttt#and ofc it was raining when i left and ofc it took like 25 mins for me to hail a taxi on this booking app bc i didn’t want to take the train#and ofccccc i misheard the taxi driver when he arrived and he roasted my chinese speaking skills. and ofcccc we were caught in a traffic jam#(i had a really nice hour long nap in the cab though so thanks traffic jam)#and thus ended my terrible 2 past weekdays. i’m drained af and it’s *only* wednesday morning????!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i’m mentally looping anzu no uta (imascg) to cope. ‘nu-uh i don’t wanna work’ so true anzu#i just wanna sleeeeeeep and wake up this weekend or sth idk it’s too early in the year for this#it is suiyoubi my dudes#may spam self-rb my monster-length character image/gif posts later to cope. you have been warned
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nomaishuttle · 9 months
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the way i balance staying true to my tumblrina nature while also having a job and bills and rent is that at work while cleaning a room ill think of something id like to post and then repeat it over and over in my head and refine it until it sounds right and then i either post it as soon as i get a second to Or i forget it bc i think of anew post to make. and they always get 0 notes but its ok
#not a lot to post abt in a retirement home. its like yep this room is exactly the same as it was last week and the week before as well.#2day we mughtve had a missing resident idk. i also fink i saw her like 2 seconds b4 she went missing so im sure they found her#i was just sitting in the lunch room Seething and Coping ( iwas 40 minutes behind and had just found out i had an extra room on top of that#btw i didnt get out until 4:30. my shift ends at 330 but my ride leaves at 4 and due to The crisis my boss said i can stay clocked in until#4 so that i can do liberty and get overtime et cetera. whats hard is sometimes when i say et cetera i want you to read it as et cetera but#other times i want you to read it as E.T. cetera. but what can you do.#anyways where was i. right i was in the lunchroom oh also my ride didnt leave without me bc marians my bestie. anyways. i was in the break#room idk why i keep calling it the lunchroom im not a highschooler. its a breakroom we just sometimes eat lunch in there when im not outsid#or hiding in Closet <3333333333#aaaanyways what was i talking abt. a good thing abt desktop tumblr is that i can read through all the tags so far#mobile its like a whole debacle basically. idr how but its like. whatever ider what i was talking about hold on#oh right. so i was in the break room and there was a nurse in there and on the walkie (they all have walkies. brenda also has one) i heard#someone go Sooo 245 wasnt in her room and she wasnt in the cafeteria :worried: im gonna look around 2nd but keep an eye out..#and then like a minute later that nurse got up and quickly left idk if she got a different message bc i was listening to starstruck by sorr#and trying to figure out how expensive (indian restaurant) is. the answer is very ughhh i just wanted butter chicken and garlic naan and#rice and that wouldve been THIRTY DOLLARSSS :sobbed: it is very very good food though#i caint get it anyway my check hasnt come in. Tee be honest i might go ahead and order it anyway once my check does come in i rly rly want#butter chicken rn. if in being honest.#also the nurse was playing like a kids cooking channel youtube video rly loudly and the guy in it was obnoxious and i was having such a bad#day i was just sitting there hunched over in a corner forehead against the counter it was diree guys.#the way i made 'yeah i overheard on one of the nurses walkies that they couldnt find a resident for a couple minutes' into a 10 paragraph#debacle. this is what i mean when i say i have to be a tumblrina do you know how dire it would be if i had a social life and went outside#somebody would be like hey how has your day been! and id make it into a 15 hour long historical reenactment. lord
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problemcore · 1 year
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bbbbbbbbbbdsjbfidnfjdnfj rant in tags aaaa
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salsa-di-pomodoro · 1 year
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Girlies and pals of all genders i have come to two possible conclusions; i either have some form of PMS or submas angst is taking a worse toll on me than i realized,
(for not strictly legal reasons this is a joke. I have no idea what having pms looks or feels like so this might just be a normal girl thing. God do i wish i could get rid of it though it's real hard to filter content in a way that allows you to consume it at the right time to avoid triggering a (minor) depressive episode while hiding it when you cant handle it. I'm tired. I've taken to just avoiding scrolling the tag at all sometimes out of anxiety. I can't even read my followed fics sometimes out of fear of angst.)
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speltfields · 1 year
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pavloving a steve buscemi response in my brain by watching fancams of him over and over until i associate the songs in them with him. and then listening to those songs when i draw for ultimate steve brain time
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