#you can choose it any way
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#fifth doctor#ainley!master#doctor x master#classic who#doctor who#dw#*#LOVE this moment & it gives vital context to what happens in planet of fire i think#god. the mind games the master is playing here#things he knows the doctor is going to do:#1) refuse to kill him in a duel to the death#2) beg for the master's life#3) choose an innocent's life over the master's#this whole scenario (which the master has scripted! entirely!) is him going 'SEE. I KNOW YOU.'#it's like. i can prove you still care about me. and also. i can prove you don't care about me enough#it's not enough!!!#it's like the master saying to the doctor 'how can you ask me to change my ways when you won't change yours'#'what is any olive branch from you worth when i know you'll make this choice'
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Spring is here , the true beginning of the year , the season where my soul reborns and blooms .
I have made some progress in terms of the person I am becoming, truly in all my honesty all that i have done is to stop caring for everything that once used to matter , the less I care about anything in particular the less I am bothered and the happier i stay. And i really hope everyone here is doing well and I appreciate all the love that was sent.
The problem is I care a lot about everything and i don't even get the bare minimum in return and when i do get it it's too late, so much time has passed by then ,when it comes by then i do not want or need it because it's the not care that came out of love it came out of their guilts. And the longer i wait for it to come by -the more I learn why I don't need it anymore .
I am slowly learning to value myself ,trying to put myself in a position where I can agree that i too deserve all the good things and love even on the days when i have nothing to offer .
Idk guys I am just here to rant and to be stupid
Better late than never they say , I guess it's not too late for me either, I will start my life and live up to what I want & how I feel ,i don't have to care about anything else as long as I feel alive in my bones things will eventually flow, I will fall in love with myself little by little day after day.
I will choose myself instead of choosing others and I will fall in love with my solitude instead of bearing it with me , i don't care if I end up alone if I do end up all by myself I will be with someone who i know has a tendency not to give up .
Life is really short i just don't want to sit and watch it pass by , if I am lucky enough I will have 40 more springs to experience , I have clear boundaries and thoughts in my head now, eventually i will find peace through it I hope so.
Ramdan kareem to people who celebrate it here please remember gaza in your prayers and fastings
#i love everyone here i hope you all are really good and if you are not i will just hope you all will be eventually#things will get better guys give yourself a chance dont crosss oceans for people who cant cross a mile for you#choose yourself over and over again let things go let people leave when they want to#keep yourself happy you are all you have everything is temporary#do good for yourself don't do anything whixh will hurt you in any way shape of form#seem therapy if needed#always remember if it can happens once it can happen again#dont think too much about anything just live do your part feed yourself well#find happiness in small acts of your living#this stupid blog is currently still active on Instagram in case you want to read more of poetry#remember you deserve all good things but don't go around hurting people#take care of your heart bye 🫂❤️🩹
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Highkey so sad to see Kim's character get butchered by people who see Harry as whichever addict wronged them in their life.
#disco elysium#unironically seek help Disco Elysium isn't your revenge story#like treating him like he *wants* to be an addict and *wants* to be the way he is#idk how you can play most of the game in his head and still come out of it thinking he's choosing this on purpose#atp i think you're just stupid sorry#“I don't want to be this kind of animal anymore” means nothing to some people I guess#and also the people who treat Jean like he's better than Harry for not being addict should know that its heavily implied#that jean also uses substances#and also kim shows interest in using speed#so literally none of these characters are any different than harry#saw someone say that “everyone enables harry” as if 99% of the game isn't everyone telling him he's shit garbage for being an addict#assflash newshole everyones addiction gets enabled it came free with your fucking RCM badge
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Say something true!
#critical role#ygifs#imogearne#imogen x fearne#when you’re taking a picture of the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen and the camera falls back and fucking decks you in the face#fearne going it’s ok you don’t need to confess I know~~ while imogen interrupts to say ‘’you’re a loser’’ they drive me NUTSkljsgdlkjs#also my brain is a little beehive cos these two Started with Fearne being the enabler to darker things while imogen was cautious#to fearne Seeing imogen about to be lost to ruidus and hardveering into panic that the power would never be worth losing her#to imogen hearing fearne hesitate and deny the shard and then telling fearne she should do it anyway#the way these two handle the other's Sways in darkness in such a Knowing way - ‘’Are you sure it wasn’t intentional?’’#there’s like this ping and before it was encouraging and now fearne is scared and imogen is enabling the risk#and it’s like either imogen is silently ensuring laudna’s safety by fearne taking the shard despite any risk#or imogen honestly believes that fearne is stronger even than the power she would embrace. There is no risk. Fearne will conquer this.#so it’s like is it ulterior motives or is it faith or is it hypocrisy or is it all three at once it's so good#imogen spending her entire life running from her power so isn’t it so much easier to tell fearne she can just do it while imogen couldn’t#or is it just her genuinely encouraging fearne from Knowing the aftermath of pursuing the power#but it's like imogen ...... why would fearne choose you over the possibility for power when she's never done that before#and is this insistence/encouragement going to actually reassure fearne or is it going to be another crack#and when they do the ritual fearne asks imogen to be the one to take her out and imogen tries to comfort her by agreeing#and fearne looks on sadly and nods#remembering when she was asked to be the one to take imogen out and all fearne knew was that she couldn’t#anyway imogen's face when fearne said you're in love with me imogen said NOT NOWDSHKJF
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#trans#transgender#lgbt#lgbtq#ftm#mtf#nonbinary#trans meme#described images#image description in alt#this goes for ANY reason a trans person is on the 'wrong' hormones for their gender...#...whether it is by chance or choice it need not be excluded. there are no 'right' hormones for your gender or experience...#...if you're a trans person who is fine with your body's natural hormone levels that's FINE...#...or if you're a trans person who chose to take the 'wrong' hormones (again there's no wrong hormone)...#...or if you're just fucking EXISTING...#...you belong here. even if there are commonalities between trans people amd what hormones they do or don't take that's just a commonality.#...that by NO MEANS indicates that you must adhere one way or the other if you so choose...#...two things can exist at once: 1) hormones are a necessity and 2) people are allowed to go on whatever hormone they want#my testosterone is a NECESSITY it isn't something i can choose to take. but that doesn't mean that i am threatened by trans people...#...who exist how they do
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It's quite funny having followed you for years and years and knowing Machete as his dark, bloodied, cunning (and always on the edge of getting horribly murdered for his hubris) incarnation, and coming into 2024 and just... yeah he's gay now. Maybe he's even happy. Redemption at last... perhaps he DID get assassinated indeed and all those AUs are just his personal afterlife (does he get to go to Heaven? Seems so!)
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#redemption at last#personally I've always known he isn't as cool and cunning as he pretends to be#but when he didn't have anyone to interact with the dorkier more humane side never surfaced#the art I made of him was overwhelmingly serious and angry and sad and portrayed him in a more mysterious light#I didn't really talk about him or answer asks about what his deal is#(or any of my characters for that matter for years I just didn't feel comfortable opening up about them)#which is fine on it's own but I think he's currently benefitting from having a wider spectrum of emotions to choose from#doesn't mean that the dark bloodied cunning version is outdated I think these are traits that can coexist in a single character#answered#anonymous#but in a way seeing that he can be happy caring and genuine and gets tummy aches and likes snails and fresh bread#and has a small handful of loved ones and these positive qualities you might've not known about before#makes the misery more potent when they are taken away from him#at least in my opinion
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Tom's line about Shiv being selfish and "find[ing] it very hard to think about me" is actually so telling because while it's absolutely true that she rarely takes his position into consideration, Tom never once thinks about what he can do to help Shiv unless it also benefits him.
Every single time he makes a move or sacrifice that might help her, it's always something that he thinks will give him a leg up. He volunteers to take the fall for cruises, not for Shiv, who is in no way implicated, or even for Waystar, but because he thinks it'll ingratiate him to Logan, and the second it seems like he might have to actually follow through on that, he immediately tries to get out of it and even throws Shiv under the bus. Meanwhile, for all that Shiv disregards his interests, there are a number of things she does that only help him, and she's the one who actually sacrifices something and undermines her position with Logan to beg him not to let Tom go to jail.
It just makes it so clear that no matter how much he might love her (and I think he does, in his own compromised way), for him their relationship was always built on the underlying assumption that it's her job to prop him up, but it's not his job to help her.
#i rewatched that ep a few days ago and this was just cooking in my brain for a bit#their relationship is so messy and interesting i want to watch them get a divorce on a loop forever#and like. the wildest thing is that Tom does occasionally do things that don't serve him to help someone else. but its always greg#which you might say is ultimately down to the power dynamics (shiv can do more for tom than he can for her and tom can do more for greg)#but there are still plenty of points where tom actually does have the power to help shiv and chooses not to#and I love how succession never really has a clear 'what this character is telling you is 100% the truth of the story' moments#anytime a character is making a statement like 'this is who you are/who i am' or 'this is what i really want/what you really want' there's#always some kernel of truth to it but the narrative they're spinning is almost never fully honest#you can't take any of it at face value and it's such a good way of showing how they're always on some level 'playing the game'#and like. at a time when so many stories are basically spoon-feeding their audiences it's so nice to have a story that trusts you to#sort through it all and see what's real and what's not and rewards you for putting that work in#succession#4x07 tailgate#succession season 4#failmarriage#shiv roy#tomshiv#tom wambsgans#siobhan roy
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I think there is a lot to be said about Imogen trying so hard to meet Laudna where she is at emotionally post-resurrection.
It’s first obvious in the moment Pike doesn’t find Delilah’s spirit. Imogen is taken, for the briefest of moments, by joy because this is what the two of them have been working on for years together. From the very beginning, Imogen was in the conservatory looking up how to separate Laudna and Delilah. “We’re going to get her out of your head,” was Imogen’s reassuring promise to Laudna after the FCG fight. So, Imogen shows unabashed excitement for a split second.
However, Imogen also just made a new promise to Laudna. A promise that she will meet Laudna wherever she is and be there for her. So, Imogen uses her hands to cover her smile, steels herself, and matches Laudna. And we watch her do this over and over again that day in Whitestone. She takes every single cue from Laudna.
Laudna needs a hand to hold on to? Of course.
Laudna needs a promise that Whitestone is real? Imogen crosses her heart.
Laudna wants to touch the Sun Tree? Well, get up here.
Laudna is excited about a newly alive Pâté? Imogen has never giggled so openly.
Laudna can’t eat lobster? Luckily, potatoes are Imogen’s favorite food!
I can’t help but be impressed with Imogen in those moments. Imogen hasn’t had as many chances as Laudna to be the caretaker in their relationship but she will be damned before she neglects that duty now. She recognizes that Laudna will be in the place that Imogen was when they first met, and there is not a moment where Imogen doubts her ability to step up and be there for her. Imogen, in all of her self-doubt and anxiety, knows for a fact that she can keep that promise to Laudna. There is a confidence in Imogen’s love for Laudna that has never been more obvious.
#i’m always so intrigued by the facets of imogen we only see in her relationship to laudna#laudna saved imogen’s life and you can tell by the way they interact#imogen feels honored by the chance to provide any support for laudna#god it’s just so good#they love each other so much#AND laudna knows she can trust it!#at least right now she chooses to trust it#imodna#critical role#cr3#cr spoilers#critrole#laudna#imogen temult#critical role spoilers
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arthur (prince of camelot) still has to study under a tutor bc yknow uther wants him to be very intelligent before becoming king or something bc its super important idk idc anyways merlin is doing chores in his chambers while arthur is squinting at a book and merlin eventually caves and asks him what he’s reading and arthur gruffly explains that its a collection of stories from greece that make absolutely no sense so merlin asks him to read them outloud to him. arthur of course teases him and calls him an idiot and asks how he could possibly help but does as he’s asked and reads the stories to merlin as he does his chores. merlin (being crushed under the weight of destiny and tormented by the prophecies that kilgharrah spews) understands the stories almost immediately and gets all excited and starts rambling about them with arthur. arthur is glad to have someone who understands so he can give something that reflects a hint of understanding to his tutor who accepts it and moves onto the next unit of education.
the thing is, arthur finds more stories in camelot’s library and brings them up to his room to read them aloud to merlin under the guise of completing his studies but really he just wants to watch as merlin’s eyes gleam when he understands whats happening and listen to him ramble on and on about them bc he’s gay. the stories stick with merlin though and he realizes that they’re cautionary tales, that the heroes who were told too much of their future doomed themself to fulfill them - that them fighting the prophecies led to their completion. merlin takes it to heart and gives a big “fuck you” to kilgharrah before forging his own fate and helping morgana with her magic and handing out an olive branch to mordred and now everyone can live happily and peacefully in an albion teeming with magic.
#merlin and arthur are of course at each others side in the end#merlin is curled up with arthur in their bed and says a silent thank you to his king for saving him#arthur returns the sentiment wholeheartedly#bbc merlin#merlin emrys#arthur pendragon#merthur#fic idea#fanfic#fanfiction#headcanon#hc#head canon#merthur prompt#i have my own hc of fate vs destiny in bbc merlin and i like to incorporate that into everything i write#but then i realize that not everyone thinks that way lmao#i like to think that destiny is unavoidable. merlin and arthur are destined to form albion and lead it together#i think fate is like a fragile version of destiny#i think most people are tied to fate and will follow what they are fated to do unless those who arent tied down by fate change course#like i hc that seers are able to see the potential future of what is to happen should they not interfere#and the goddess leaves it up to them to choose. so like seers arent tied down by fate and can change the course of history#since merlin is literally magic incarnate i also think he isnt tied down by fate and can act to change things#kilgharrah told merlin the prophecy that would result in the dragon getting free and ending the pendragon line#and since merlin never got close w like any druids or magic users. no one told him the inner workings of fate vs destiny#so he listened to the dragons warnings dooming him to fulfill the prophecy that brought about one of the worst possible futures#bc the dragon was salty about his whole species being eradicated by uther and vowed to destroy the pendragon line#omg im ranting okay post over thank you and good night
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Naruto has a multitude of characters where their writing is heavily based in queerness and queer experiences. From the devotion two characters have for one another to a point where they would trust each other with their lives, to feeling like the other one is the only person who truly to their core understands them and accepts them for who they are despite their flaws and issues they’ve done in the past.
Naruto as a series is so queer in its writing that the writer - whether intentional or not - made the main two characters always run after each other even if one of them fell into darkness, saying he’d shoulder the pain he’s holding just so he can be near him and you’re saying you think… Obito is gay?? The guy who literally lost his mind over a girl??
Edit: I’m talking about canon btw. Hc if you’d like I’ll always support that, but he’s not canonically gay or bi. His character is rooted in his love for a girl and the only reason he saved kk was to have time alone w Rin because he didn’t want him interfering. He’s in love w Rin and only Rin in canon🙇♂️
#Obito Uchiha#anti obkk#anti obikaka#Sasuke Uchiha#naruto uzumaki#hashirama senju#madara uchiha#Maito Gai#rin nohara#kisame hoshigaki#Itachi Uchiha#sasunaru#sns#we have lost the plot#Obito wouldn’t kiss a man even if his life depended on it#out of ALL of the characters ALL of them… it’s him??#I just don’t understand how you can see his spiraling beginning with Rin’s death#and then say he’s absolutely in love w kk…#I’m not saying you can’t enjoy the aus or the fanfics#what I’m saying is y’all who say it’s CANON that he’s in love w him are stupid#there’s just no way y’all read this shit w your eyes closed…#please don’t debate me about this idc I just wanted to share some thoughts on my blog#and I know I’m right. Obito would choose Rin over kk any day and y’all are maaaad#sins posting
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win the fight, save your life.
#octaviablakeedit#octavia blake#octaviaedit#the100edit#the 100#*#i just saw this quote and it of course SCREAMED octavia#and spawned so many thoughts about how everything octavia is#and becomes is unresolved childhood trauma (and further trauma on the ground of course)#comes from a miserable life of not being allowed to exist to suddenly being given the EARTH and devouring it grasping for strength for powe#for connection for life for everything she was denied for 17 years#and because octavia grew up in violence and death#every lesson she learned being harder and more violent by simple nature of it#and how everything octavia's ever been taught is fight and violence and demolition of weakness#slay your demons#i am not afraid (yes you are you've always have been)#and so how could she end up any other way#but finally she does confront this she finds a way to make peace with her darkness she finds peace and happiness#and that saves her life#ultimately she does choose healing in large part so she can be a healing influence in a child's life rather than a damaging one#and i love her sooo much#but beyond being meta of course.. octavia a summary literally and figuratively
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You said in tags once that pedophiles and child predators aren't the same, can you explain why? /GEN
For the same reason that people with any kind of attraction to anyone ever aren't all rapists/don't all pursue romantic/sexual feelings that could or definitely would hurt the other person. Because paraphilias are simply the morally neutral state of experiencing attraction and rape/grooming is Not That. Because people *choose* to hurt others, but not what they feel. Because a good majority of child sexual abusers aren't even pathologically/paraphilically attracted to children, they *just want to hurt them because they can.* Because they're dissatisfied with something in life, or want a punching bag, or want to feel powerful, etc etc.
It's not really different conceptually from physical abuse. Do people do it because they have icky feelings about liking blood or violence? No. They do it to feel powerful. Sexual abuse is not about sex but about power. Hope this answers your question. I've answered it a good million times on this blog but eh I'm in a generous mood.
#anon response#pro para#girl imagine if ppl blamed randomass sadists for me getting beat up as a kid#like. no. thats not how that works. if they got off on hurting me in a literal sense they mightve been a little nicer ab it.#honestly its just flat out offensive to equate thoughts and feelings with abuse#regardless of someone's pathology you can always choose to do good and always choose to do evil#what you do with that ability is up to you. but rather than focusing consequences on random 'freaks' maybe focus them on#'normal people' who decide to covertly abuse their kids. or the priest who got tired of being godly and did some fucked shit#it is not the freaks you should fear but those who put on a face of normalcy while treating others like garbage and hurting people#also mostly those that are self aware know how to Be Good so to speak and im saying this broadly ab all 'dangerous' thoughts#ppl who know they can get triggered into violence will usually avoid sais triggers. ppl who spiral out of control during an episode will#have someone watch over them or find some way to offset any possible damage#even for people in whom some sort of harm is an instinctive reaction and not a conscious decision#steps can be should be and are taken to minimize problems and recover from anything that needs it#i trust a big 3 paraphile easier than an unstable person in power with no self awareness#because ive met both and only one has ever seriously hurt me. guess.
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I’m probably a little late to the party (heh) but there’s something I’ve noticed concerning color theory and Max, and Max in general
When she is introduced to us as MADMAX, her situation with Billy makes her feel lonely and angry. She’s wearing red clothes (with a white stripe!) and her hair is down (letting her rage roam free).
In here, she’s clearly annoyed. She’s just left Billy’s car, Mr. Clarke made her stand before the class and named her Maxine when she just wanted to melt into the background and get over her first day at an unfamiliar school, still not thrilled about having to move from California.
Still, she’s zipped down, since those people didn’t do anything especially hurtful towards her and maybe she’s a little hopeful about them.
When she’s mad after an interaction with Billy she’s wearing red:
Darker red! She’s at school where she won’t have to deal with Billy for a while. She’s cooling like lava but there’s still one streak of the anger in the back of her head.
When the boys approach her, her zip-up sweatshirt is unzipped to show some of the color underneath. She’s happy! She will not let her guard down completely but she won’t hiss at them immediately! Still, she’s ready for disappointment and snapping right back to being fully red.
Yellow is not a lighter shade of red, but it’s definitely close on the color wheel. Closer to white, too! She is showing she’s not only mad, there also is softness inside her! It’s still a shade connected to red (anger) but yellow by itself is more of a happiness color. She wants to make friends but is still scared because of the new environment and Billy.
In the car with Billy (the scene where he wants to run over the party), the entire scene is shot in a way that’s barely letting us see her clothes. It’s mostly covered by hair, too, but we can see it’s still at least a little unzipped as there’s a bit of the yellow collar visible.
In the scene, she’s defending Hawkins saying, that it’s not that bad and that she can’t see any cows (yellow). She’s scared of Billy, so she’s trying to cover up her sympathy towards Hawkins and towards the boys (with red and her hair, Billy saw her get out of the car with the sweatshirt zipped up and hair down, now she’s covering her softness with what is familiar to Billy, so that he doesn’t see anything has changed, notice that softness and hurt her. That’s exactly what she does when she says she doesn’t know the boys trying to protect them from getting ran over).
Yellow! Fully yellow :) She’s happy to be shown weird pollywog-like creatures with the rest of the Party!
Right after Will gets possessed, her question as to what “true sight” means gets brushed off by all of the boys. She’s hurt and feels excluded, but her hurt makes her angry again. Next time we see her, she’s all red again.
“Party members only! This is non-negotiable.”
“I thought you guys wanted me in your Party!”
At the arcade! She’s already acclimated to Hawkins, and the arcade is her favorite place.
Alright, I’m getting tired and my third eye is slowly closing, so I’m going to wrap this up quickly, since I think I presented what the gist of the idea is.
In season 3, yellow, patterns, colors! She is now fully a member of the party! She has friends, she knows the secrets, El is back. This is the happiest she’s been.
Clothes are important in both of the girl’s characters! (El changes from murky colors to vivid patterns when she finds herself and there’s a post about El shedding layers of blue in season 4. I’d link it but can’t find it, I’m sorry!) There being a scene like this, with them fooling around with their clothes is basically the peak of happiness :)
Here Max gets really worried because of Billy. She’s feeling a bit guilty ‘cause that’s her step-brother that’s sowing chaos and hurting her friends. El is straining herself. The situation is looking BAD. Blue!
Beginning of season 4
Blue - she’s grieving and feeling guilty, Black coat - she’s hiding herself in a shell. She’s not particularly hiding her grief but she can close off at any moment.
(Btw Lucas is also wearing a blue shirt with some coats. I’d say he is sad because Max dumped him and doesn’t want to tell him things but the coats have a couple of colors because he’s hiding away his nerdiness in order to be cool :)
Now, the overcoat is blue with yellow elements - Max is being honest about her grief. She’s targeted by Vecna, the Hawkins gang knows she is SAD. It’s her last day, she can unfurl. The sweatshirt is unzipped and showing red and white underneath, the same colors we’ve seen her wear when we first met her. The girl that slammed the door of Billy’s car. The one that was scared of him. That girl is still inside Max.
Sometimes, she’s wearing this. Grief covered up with brownish-reddish... Red. She’s going back to her previous self, she is talking to Lucas again and he SEES her... But to get that shade of red you go more towards black on the color wheel. She’s not that vivid, fiery red anymore. There are bits of that girl deep inside her, but she’s too tired to make it her entire self. She’s tired.
#idk if this makes sense#i did not do research befor this i literally got this idea while changing clothes#and it works for the most part#maybe a bit delusional here and there#but i choose to choose being chill and just in awe of the costume department#i am also pretty sure you beautiful people have decoded this long ago#since the color theory makes a big part of the show#either way i love max#if she doesn't wear the prettiest colors in s5 then why should i live to see it#i hope SHE will be able to see it though#although blind max is beautiful; she doesn't deserve it :(#max mayfield#stranger things#lumax#elumax#elmax#not really color theory because i don't know the color theory :) literally just vibes#aaand i'm not gonna reread what i've written cuz i'm tired. hope it makes any sense.#but you're smart too so you can probably get the gist of what i was trying to say
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ageswap au made by @tenretsuzan on twitter! there's a brief explanation beneath the readmore
your name is hikari ku, age 30. you were banished from your home nation of ku at a young age and led a failed rebellion against your treacherous brother, laid low by a harsh betrayal.
"even if it means harnessing this darkness... i will see my country freed from war."
marred by scars left by your once erstwhile friends and plagued by a darkness that grows uncontrollable, you grasp onto the small hope that you may one day reclaim your nation once more...
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your name is temenos mistral, age 21. you led a peaceful life in flamechurch until one day your brother disappears after leaving you with an ominous message about the church.
"roi... what could have led someone like you down a path like this?"
despite your father's protests, you follow after his footsteps in hopes of uncovering his whereabouts, as well as the church's secrets that forced his departure...
#satsuhart#temehika#octo2#their goals are still the same it's just at different times#if you think about it hikari's rebellion would realistically take at least a few years lol#but this is after he tries to fight mugen but ends up being betrayed by both ritsu and rai mei and has to retreat to find another way#being alone and significantly less hopeful about his situation he starts leaning into his shadow more and more#temenos' is just a matter of... what if he went after roi immediately instead of choosing to stay#tldr its the 'im gonna fuck that old man' temehika au (30 isnt old but 21y/o teme thinks it is)#yeah teme looks the same but whatever. the light has not left his eyes#also fun(?) fact the english ingame descriptions of each char removed the ages#i can get why because saying 'you are x and you are a 21 year old warrior' sounds a little awkward in eng#but its also like. why i wonder if this is the reason people are way more weird about some of the ages#bc they werent told anytime within the game#meanwhile any jp player immediately going 30 YEARS OLD? 20? 18??? yeah u know who im talking about
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one of my favorite hobbies is in fact making fun of lestat because let’s be honest he does deserve it 99% of the time but then i start rereading tvl and suddenly I’m like….man he really went through so much, huh? he was really traumatized and taken advantage of over and over by both strangers and people he loved….like man he really was stalked, kidnapped, and forcefully made into a vampire against his will….he faced years of abuse from his father and brothers…..he witnessed the death of his only lover and before that his resentment and eventual madness….he really cries every other page and has 10 existential crises before he even becomes a vampire but he wants to be good he wants to be happy he tried to run away to the church he tried to run away with the theatre troupe he just wanted to act and love and be loved and at every turn he was done wrong and hurt and abandoned and nobody ever really helped him and I—
#like. not to be a lestat apologist on main but oh my god the horrors he experienced…..all alone……#I just kept thinking about the scene where he’s turned and he’s so scared and alone and he still chooses to say no and die human#he didn’t want this!!! and then he’s left all alone again and he’s dying and he’s in pain and#literally screaming and crying and then he has to see a pile of bodies that all look like him and then what????#he’s supposed to be the same person after all that?? like of course he’s got ptsd of course he’s got terrible coping mechanisms of cours#he acts the way he does because like how do you live with all that unless you turn it into something meaningful in any way you can#and for him that manifests as a god complex and controlling nature and enjoying all of life’s pleasures to mask#his crippling self loathing and fear of abandonment and intense intense trauma.#um. ….anyway…..sorry for lestat posting like this do you guys still think I’m cool#obvs not excusing the bad things he’s done but like……..it still hurts…….#to quote that one post I’ll always taking louis’ side in the divorce but….sometimes I stop and really thing about everything lestat has#been thru and like….I care him…..😔#iwtv#interview with the vampire#iwtv spoilers#lestat de lioncourt#the vampire chronicles#the vampire lestat#m watches iwtv
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