#yall need to focus on Bokuto and Atsumu's relationship | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hexisqueer · 3 years

Text

insignificant

a/n: two posts in a week??? damn im whack anyway- the pov switches everytime there’s a cut, hope yall can recognize it,, telling me if you like the style i rly liked writing it (._.) also this is after the timeskip so aha word count: 1.6 K (wow look at me go) pairing: atsumu x reader genre: angst (if it’s not very good, pls forgiveness, internet person)

The smooth, laminated floors were littered with confetti, plastic knife lying limp in your hands. Your friends were long gone, leaving you alone with your thoughts, alone on your birthday, alone even when you had reminded him last week. But maybe you were just that insignificant, just that easy to forget. You carefully pick up each piece of cake, packing it safely in a box for later, distracting yourself to keep from break into pieces. Was it that difficult to keep track of things, when you had to focus on the team, organize all the meetings and practices?

'He always has enough time for all his fangirls', the first bitter thought flooded your mind. The first of many that plagued your mind that day, that week, when he returned only late at nights, falling into bed without so much as a glance at you. The first of the string of wonderings that eventually widened the proverbial gap between the two of you so much that crossing it back would have required too much out of either of you. The first train that led your thoughts so far away from the reality of it that you overthought every gesture, every word, every kiss, questioning if he meant them for you or there was another, he wanted to reserve them for.

And there was. Another. Not at first, but the more disinterested he got, the more skeptic you got, the worse the miscommunication got. And there she was, so willing to satisfy him, take care of him that the image of you flew right out his mind, replaced by her, her tiny giggles and impossibly large eyes. And he was only human, desperation was tempting him and he took the bait, indulging himself for the night, two nights, three nights, a week, a month.

But every time he returned, he would notice the soft look in your once shining orbs, he knew you still loved him, still waited for the day he would make time for you, but didn't have the heart to tell you... that day was long gone, and unnoticed you went, like snow in the Arctic, that lay a fine layer of white over the land, beautiful, necessary, but insignificant.

He knew, that he would have to tell you, face the broken look in your eyes, the slight downturn of your lips, not yelling, because you couldn't be mad, not when your heart beat for him, every step of the way.

You were always there for him, the side-lines of his matches, cheering for him, only him, louder than the rest, glowing with pride that he was yours, allowing him to toss every spike with determination behind his eyes.

You were there, every time they lost, when the fangirls crowded the winning team and his slunk away to join them, you showering him with kisses, words of encouragement, and cuddling him until the feeling of failure in his heart gave way to love for you. You were there, uncomplaining, content to just be beside him, be the one he comes to with worries and desires, with food for his hunger and affection for his soul, there just as you always would be until he told you.

Maybe you would stay with him even after he broke your heart, forgive him even if you didn't trust him, keep the routine you had fallen into? He could only hope.

"I wasn't lying when I said I loved you." Your shivering sobs, racking breaths and tear-filled eyes began the way he slowly fell apart. But right then he was cold, aloof, giving you the choice of returning back to him even though he could tell you wouldn't by the way you flinched away from his fingers. "I loved you. I just… fell out of love too."

Wrong words, he sensed. Your reaction changed out of the blue, and his heart thumped against his chest, enough to hurt. Standing up, you brush yourself off and wipe your tears. Though your face was stained and swollen with your very much recent emotions, you tried to put on a strong façade.

Because if he didn’t care, why should you? Why should you be the only one silently braving yourself through the ordeal when he didn’t so much as shed a single drop for the four-year long relationship he was so casually throwing away? Why should you let yourself be defined as insignificant time and over again by the same person who didn’t appreciate the things you did for him, didn’t love you anymore? Why should you if replacing you was just that easy, falling out of love just that simple, shattering you just that effortless, bringing in one of the fans that would turn on him the second the ball slips out of his hands and he misses his toss?

The answer was that you didn’t.

You let go, set him free, cut off all ties. Since he was really that calmly ‘out of love’ with you, it shouldn’t bother him that much if you pretended that he never existed. You would never have pegged Atsumu as the unfeeling type, Kiyoomi maybe, but not your (now ex) boyfriend. He always overwhelming people with his emotions, akin to Bokuto and Hinata, little balls of energy, and now they would all be gone too, simply because Atsumu had a whim to be with someone that wouldn’t disappoint him like you.

And maybe he was right, maybe you were too clingy, too desperate, too loving for someone like him who could have any girl he wanted.

Thoughts cloud your head, as you pack a quick overnight bag. You just needed to get away from here, away from the hurt, the images of you huddled against different walls of the house waiting for him till late into the nights, innocent, naïve.

You stop at the figure that leaned against the door frame, looking into his eyes for remorse, grief, regret, anything. It’s too dark to see anything but the cold glint in his eyes as he stares back.

So, you smile, because anything else would have left you sobbing on the now fading laminate of the floors. “’Tsumu, I- I would have given you the stars if you asked for them.” At that his head snapped up, the reference to a summer day, surrounded by cherry blossoms enough to rattle a reaction out of him. “But I was never enough for you, was I? I hope you’re happy now. Don’t forget me, my love.”

You were leaving but you wanted him to remember you; they could call you selfish, manipulative, inconsiderate, but then what was he? Where was the reprimand for his actions? Was he not heedless in his actions? Thoughtless, unmindful? You were leaving the one you believed you would end up with but for his mistake, your life was torn apart, much like your heart.

And you were gone, with a slight caress of his cheek, a soft smile and teary eyes. Leaving him regretting, but still he wouldn’t call out to you, for you. He hoped he had done right by you, right by himself, in telling you, no matter what you felt. Then, why did he feel so empty?

Home though he still came smelling of smoke and elegant perfume, from her house, he always searched for you first, glancing around in rooms for your familiar figure, sitting against a wall as you did before, waiting for him. It took him a minute but he always remembered, felt the hole in his heart ache, where you once belonged, now gone, not gratuitously.

His days were monotonous, unsurprising. You were, he realized, the light in his life, the unpredictable spark of energy, full of love and affection and kindness and forgiveness and patience and you were his. More than she could ever be, belonged to him like snow to the Arctic, rightfully in its place.

Remorse overtook his body, his mind, his soul. It snowballed into something that he couldn’t control anymore, energy drained every morning, crying late into the night, dragging himself around. All because he decided he was better than you, that you were insignificant. That his fangirls could replace you, care for him even a tenth as much as you did. But they didn't, because no one ever could.

The MSBY team wasn’t doing as well as they usually did. The setter seemed distracted, staring up into the stands ever so often, always at a particular spot. The spot remained empty, and the rest of the team turned pitying glances at him. The slow build of frustration took a toll on ’Tsumu, self-loathing building up until it overwhelmed him.

The straw that broke him was the loss of the match. Their first one in two years, first one since you had started to attend his matches. You, his lucky charm. You, the only one that kept him sane. You, who loved him like no one ever had.

The whole stadium watched as the strong, beautiful, majestic setter fell to his knees, hands on his ears, screaming himself hoarse on national television. Screaming for you to come back to him. Screaming for you to forgive his idiocy. Screaming for the only person who had mattered to him more than the world. And no one dared stop him.

Your last words to him resonated over and over in his head, echoing in his ears as his throat went dry and tears streamed down his face. ‘Don’t forget me, my love.’ How could he, when you were the only thing on his mind?

#haikyuu angst #atsumu miya angst #atsumu x reader #atsumu miya #miya atsumu #miya atsumu angst #miya atsumu x reader #miya atsumu x y/n #atsumu x you #msby atsumu #hq atsumu #hq angst #atsumu #miya #jfc i dont go easy on the tags do i #bone apple tea hoes

252 notes · View notes

quirklessidiot · 4 years

Text

Title: coward :: coming clean Pairing: Y/N x Miya Atsumu Genre: angst, romance, and very slow burn [ex to lovers au] Warnings: Cursing, alchohol, mentions of unprotected sex, unplanned pregnancy, and mentions of abortion

Synopsis: You try to push him away from you but he isn’t taking any of it, the much long-awaited confrontation is there but you’re still finding a way out.

notes:

have yall seen the new season?? mY FUCKING HEART MAN NSNDNND it got me so stoked i literally wrote something about kita after that trailer skdjjdm kita is so underrated. I love him.

also, a huge thank you for the 200+ followers. Ma’am i literally only had this tumbler a month ago and im already celebrating a lot of milestones, hence i present you a more angsty chapter! I hope you’ll love it <3

previous next masterlist

“You’re on gossip sites.”

“Tsum-tsum, why are you so close to L/N-san? I thought you hated her.”

“Riku-chan’s calling me-”

“Everyone shut up.” The setter throws the ball on the ground, “It’s not what it fucking looked like.”

“Can we talk, ‘tsumu?” Osamu’s voice resonates the most and Miya Atsumu knows where this is going already by the sound of it. He was surprised to see his brother come by today but when he sees why, he takes it back.

No wonder.

He follows him to the quieter side of the gym, he notices the tense air between them and he knows what's about to follow. He hopes that Osamu does this quickly, he has to practice well since he needs to impress those brats when the game comes up and try to let them have their eyes on him and not on Tobio and Shoyo.

“What the hell are you thinking?” His brother growls, “You have a fucking girlfriend. Y/N has kids and is very much in love with the dead guy who isn’t yo-”

“Why the fuck are you all getting up my ass when its about Y/N?” he suddenly cuts his brother off, eyes narrowed and jaw clenched, “It's been that way since you met her eight years ago. Just tell me that you didn’t like her from the start. You didn’t like her because she was different.”

“I didn’t like her because she wasn’t good for you.” the grey-haired twin barked back in reply, “In case ya don’t remember, You were a fucking mess after she left, Atsumu. You were almost not able to make it into the jackals because of what she did!”

Osamu wasn’t calling him by his nickname anymore, it seemed that the weight of the situation was too serious for him.

“Well, I’m here now aren’t I?”

“And you’re getting involved with her again. Can’t you give it a fucking rest already?”

“No.”

“Miya Atsumu.” He glowered, grabbing his brother by the collar of his jersey, “Don’t throw a good woman and your career away for someone like her.”

“I’m not throwing shit, ‘samu.” He hissed, slapping his hand away but before he could walk out, the younger twin grabs him and yanks him back, swinging a fist right at his face. The team members of the black jackals are immediately thrown into panic and chaos with what’s happening. Hinata and Bokuto grabs onto Osamu restraining him from damaging the setter even more while Shion and Meian hold back the blonde setter from throwing a punch, “Stop acting like a fuckin’ brat, ‘tsumu.” The twin yelled while Atsumu flipped him off with a middle finger, clearly showing no signs of restraint.

Sakusa remains far from them and snorts underneath his breath, completely indifferent, “Fuckin’ idiots.”

The twins end up at the infirmary right after, Atsumu lets out a heavy sigh as he recalls the feeling of his brothers fist. They’ve never fought this bad since high school and Osamu was never one to be triggered easily.

This just showed how grave the situation was.

A curtain separates them both as they lay on their separate beds, “You’re stupid, ‘tsumu.” Osamu calls out his twin as he lays on the bed of the infirmary, a patch on his forehead and a bandaged hand. Atsumu, on the other hand, has a busted lip and swollen cheek.

“I’m not fucking five, ‘samu and whatever you saw in that picture wasn’t what it looked like.”

“But you still love her very much.”

Silence ensued between the pair and Osamu breaks it off with a long sigh, “Ya gonna be some scrub that chases after her again or something? Break off with your girlfriend right now who looks and acts better than her-”

“Stop.” Atsumu cuts his brother off, sitting up to open the curtain to face him head on, “so, so what if I still like her? So what if I want to break off with Riku and be with her and try to take that bastards place?”

“Yer outta your mind.”

“It’s my fuckin’ life.”

“It is but I’m not watching you throw yourself away for that woman.” Osamu paused, “Just what the fuck do you see in her? She feels nothing for ya, even when you dated-”

“Now that’s a fucking lie.” Atsumu defended you, eyes glowering right at his twin, “You didn’t see how Y/N would take care of me whenever we were alone. You don’t see how selfless she was most of the time and how she doesn’t expect me to be some character that everyone expects, shit, you don’t even see how she’d patiently sit down and just listen me babble off about how bad my day was when I didn’t even know she was from a fucking bad family with a bad life back then!”

Atsumu is panting from that long explanation and he’s shaking because why couldn’t they see it? Why couldn’t they see how much you tried back then? How relationships were so out of your comfort zone but you force yourself to try it because he asked you too. He feels sick, he feels sick that they couldn’t see. That they could only see the tip of the iceberg.

“Yet she doesn’t feel the same for you.” Osamu points out, “Not anymore. So stop clinging onto her with those past memories of yours and move on, ‘tsumu. Fuckin’ suck it up, life isn’t fair.”

“Nope, don’t wanna.”

“ ‘tsumu-”

“I-I’m breaking up with Riku. I want Y/N back in my life, I want her. I-I’ve never wanted anything so badly since volleyball, ‘samu. If I have to wait again, shit, I-I don’t fucking mind.”

Osamu sees the glint of conviction in his eyes and lets out another hefty sigh, god, he feels like he’s aging faster because of his twin, “I know you won’t listen to me.” he settled, he knew that if Atsumu wanted something, he wouldn’t stop until he got it, “Just know that I fucking told you so.”

You’re wary.

After that little stint your mother had pulled, she kept calling you and bothering you. It also didn’t help that you ended up on tabloids because someone had caught wind of that little moment you and Atsumu had. If it weren’t for your kids' over-excitement on Atsumu’s promise, you wouldn’t be here, “...Y/N-san? Are you alright?” Sugawara asks, tilting his head in curiosity as you enter the arena.

Some people seemed to have recognized you and the kids that you had to hold onto them tightly in case anyone did try to approach you.

“I’m good.”

“Kaasan, kaasan, I saw a super big picture of Hinata-san!” Youta called out, pointing at a rather big banner of the orange-haired blocker.

“I think I saw Kageyama-san buying milk, can I follow him, kaasan?” Yuuto adds, blinking innocently as he looked at one of the stalls.

Sugawara is absolutely in awe by your calmness in this situation, he knows that you’re probably feeling far from alright after all those gossip articles came out. Atsumu, of course, tries to lessen your burden by letting out a public statement that you were his good friend back in college but it didn’t really help since someone tweeted a picture of the both of you back in college with the caption that you were exes.

“Could you do me a favor, Sugawara-san?” you turn to the man, “Do you mind switching seats with me? Stay with the boys in front while I just stay at your seat?”

“Sure but wouldn’t Atsumu be-”

“Please.” You frowned, giving your ticket to him, “I’ll take the kids right after the match.”

The boys looked at you in complete wonderment when you didn’t follow them to the front row. You maintained a good distance as the game started, the players being introduced on the big screen. Your eyes narrow when Atsumu gets out of the dugout and gazes at your kids in confusion then around the crowd as if he was looking for someone.

“Don’t be silly.What feelings would there be but hatred?”

“It’s anything but that, L/N-san.”

You felt your fists clench as soon as the game started, you wanted to direct your focus to the game but Inunaki’s words kept bothering you and pestering you throughout the whole thing. Why did Atsumu like doing this to himself? Was this some sort of premonition? Were you going to have to tell him?

What if it ended up like your parents?

Would your kids end up like you?

Cold, untrusting, and anxious?

Would you end up like your mother?

A borderline alcoholic, desperate for a man’s love?

Would Atsumu wake up and realize one day that this was all a mistake and call you one too? Blaming you for every single bad thing in his life?

You held your doll tightly on your hands as you held your breath behind the pillar, you had just come home from Daiki’s house as you heard the loud voices of your parents arguing again. For the past years, it seemed to have worsened and you spent more time around your friend’s house rather than this cold and big empty place you called home.

“...are you doing? It's the middle of the day! Stop drinking!” you hear your father bellow.

“What’s it to you? Shouldn’t you be around with that young woman? That whore you proudly call your business associate?”

You flinch as you hear those harsh words and the sound of a bottle breaking, it seemed like the argument was particularly bad today. You shakily make your way up to your room, wanting to avoid this ordeal and skip dinner but fate wasn’t on your side today.

Despite your light footsteps, they seem to have noticed your presence.

Your father’s eyes soften just a bit while your mother’s remain cold. As much as possible, you grew up wanting to avoid those scary and expressionless eyes. At the young age of five, you feared your mother and loathed your father at the same time but that didn’t stop the fleeting feeling of wanting them to change. Wanting to feel the warmth and youth that every child craved for.

You suck in a deep breath, “I-I’m home, okaasan, otosan.”

“You’re always out these days, Y/N.” her voice is cold, far from the warmth that a mother should have.

“I-I was out with Daiki.”

“With that boy again?” a frown immediately paints her features, a small tsk under her breath to signal how disappointed she was of you yet again, “Aren’t you supposed to be studying? You said you wanted to skip a grade this year.”

“I-I am.” you replied, “B-but Daiki-”

“All you need to do is study and get good grades, Y/N.” she cuts you off, walking close to you, the smell of alcohol growing stronger, “Is that something too hard to do? Are you being ungrateful now?”

You turn to your father for help but he remains unmoved, was he really going to watch your mother do this to you? You hold onto your doll tightly, trying to control yourself. You shouldn’t cry, especially not in front of them.

“N-No, okaasan…”

“Then why are you crying, Y/N?”

Your eyes widen as you feel the wet substance flowing down. No, no-

“Answer me.” she repeats, you feel the tears flowing down faster, “Why are you crying, Y/N? Are you feeling ungrateful? Is that how it is-”

“(M/N) That’s enough!” Your father finally says but your mother continues to ignore your father.

“Don’t you think we should tell her that she shouldn’t feel sad?” she expressed, telling your father as if you weren’t standing there, “After all, we didn’t have her aborted, she should be grateful we let her live well with three meals a day and expensive clothes and belongings. Even if she was a mistake.”

You're shaking so hard at the moment, you didn’t like where this was going at all. Your father can’t respond to your mother’s blank tone, did he agree too? Were you, were you really just a mistake? Countless questions flooded your head as she walked close to you, her cold presence looming over you even more so today. With the same blank and expressionless tone, she says, "if you probably hadn't been born, we would've been happier. We'd have better lives, Y/N. So don't go around and cry and think you got it bad, you hear me? Your sadness is nothing compared to ours. It's nothing, Y/N. So stop being ungrateful."

You watch as the game comes to an end. You had zone out for the most part, the fleeting memory of your past and your anxiety bubbling up couldn’t keep you still. You texted Sugawara that you’d meet him and the boys at the front.

You were about to leave your seat when you saw the blonde approach the kids after the game, ruffling their hairs and pinching their cheeks with a huge smile. Why couldn’t you be as open as Atsumu? Why couldn’t you express yourself well?

You shut your eyes tight and turn to the exit, right, you were a coward. You didn’t face things like this head-on, you ran from them because in all your life, the only thing you knew was fear from people you expected love from.

“Y/N…”

You turn to find Atsumu standing there, still in his jersey and a towel hung on his shoulder like he had just ran out to chase you. Where was Sugawara and the kids? Why weren’t they here yet? What is he even doing here? You grab his wrist and immediately pull him towards a private area.

“Are you out of your mind? What are you doing? You have a girlfrie-”

“We broke up.” he cuts you off.

“W-what?”

“We broke up.” He repeats, “I couldn’t stay with her anymore, Y/N.”

You clenched your fists, what was he even thinking? Wouldn’t the rumors worsen if he broke up with her now?

“I-I can’t let you go again.” Atsumu confessed, throwing all his pride out the window again for you because damn it all, you are worth it, “I can’t keep pretending that I’ve moved on when I’m clearly hung up on you.”

“What are you doing?” You spat, anger slowly creeping in, all the pent up emotion towards him being released, “Why would you do that?”

Atsumu notices the change of emotion, you’re getting angry. It’s a complete contrast to what he was expecting, he’d expect the calm and cool exterior, even expected you to cooly reject him like the past but this, this was new, “Why can’t I?”

“Are you out of your mind?” You exclaimed, “I left you! I have kids from another man-”

“So?” He asks, walking closer to you. The familiar smell of perfume and sweat invaded your senses, something you were accustomed to when you were dating him back then. He traps you between the wall and him. You can see the busted lip, what happened to him? Did he got into a fight? You feel like your mind was turning blank by the sudden events. You want to say something, anything but he’s rendering you speechless again, “What if I tell you I don’t care? What if I tell you that I still feel the same even after all this time?”

“Y-You're insane...I-I’m in love with someone else-” you tried to lie but you remember this is Miya Atsumu, he doesn’t give two shits and was willing to work as hard as he could to get what he wanted.

“Y/N, your kids told me that the bastard left. Why didn’t you tell me?” he cuts you off, this time, his voice seemed disappointed and angry yet you didn't know if it was towards you.

“W-what would you have done then?”

“If you’d come back to me then,” he paused, voice turning soft, “I would’ve helped you. I would’ve been there to stand in as a father if you even needed one.”

You’re trembling at his confession, were those words really from the heart?

“Y/N, I don’t know what happened between you and that guy.” he laughs, he didn’t expect it to be like this, that even after six years he’d still be pinning over the same woman who repeatedly broke his heart, “I don’t know what happened between you and your fucked-up family. All I do know is that I’m still in love with you and I’m willing to wait here until you’re ready. I won’t ever leave, Y/N. I-I don’t think I ever will.”

“You’re crazy.” You shakily point out, you’re in a fit of rage. You’re angry at him, you’re angry that he still lowers himself to you when he could do so much better, you’re angry that he still feels the same after all the shit you put him through, most of all, you’re angry at yourself because you couldn’t own up and tell him about everything.

Atsumu slowly holds up his hands, wanting to cup your cheeks but it is immediately swatted away. He notices that you’re trembling now, your facade, slowly crumbling.

“What made you think that I’d come back to you?” Your voice was trying to maintain it’s cold and emptiness tone yet your eyes showed the complete opposite, “Please be selfish for once, Miya-san. Just because you give your all to me, does not mean I’ll return it. I hope I really don’t see you again.”

taglist [taglists are sadly closed now, thanks guys <3]

@fortheloveofiwaizumi ; @svtbitch ; @kiyoomile ; @lovedanii ; @juno-multifandom ; @gyubit17 ; @saeranoppa ; @nixxona ; @kyomihann @shorttstackk ; @intoomuchfandoms ; @yammmers ; @mx-minxx @itsmattsunshinehere ; @missingmystogan ; @volleybloop ; @imcravingyou ; @yams-wants-that-booty ; @liathachcapricious ; @pinknugget @seikamuzu ; @marigoldthoughts ; @sillykittt ; @baejinoffcl ; @alluring-akaashi ; @bnhasstuff ; @intheawks ; @bokuakadaily ; @agaassi ; @yams046 ; @dope-squish ; @chrisrue15 ; @vermillionwaves ; @demursv1ogs ; @just-snog-already ; @angmarwitch ; @angmarwitch ; @simpingonothers ; @woo-youngs ; @cowward ; @chaelysian ; @sempiternal-amour ; @jungshookmeup ; @jovialnoise ; @karlitabi-rrito ; @iwaizluv ; @sugarandsoft ; @tspice283 ; @ohshirabu

@misosamu @Etherynaw @ryaaaax @differentballooncollection @keniloveshaikyuu @allysasteaparty @syzygymai [hi, i can’t seem to tag u guys, i think you need to open your tags uwu]

#haikyuu imagines #haikyu!! fanfics #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu angst #miya atsumu x reader #miya atsumu imagine #atsumu x reader #atsumu imagines #miya atsumu scenarios #miya atsumu fanfiction #miya atsumu #coward series #haikyuu atsumu #miya twins

477 notes · View notes