#wow i havent dont these type of posts in like.... years damn
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tagged by cutie @ohyoungjae thank u bby ♥
The rules are:
Tag the person who tagged you.
Answer the questions.
Tag 10 people
How tall are you?
155cm / 5′1 ....... im gonna cry i want to be tall SOOOO BADDDDD
What colour and style is your hair?
brown blackish + that middle eastern wavy hair. its up till my shoulders.... omg who remembers back when i was 15 and crying my eyes out on here bc i literally lost all my hair (i swear to god someone gave me nazar i just know someone did......) AND NOW MY HAIR IS FINALLY GROWING BACK LIKE.... GIMME A SECOND IM GONNA CRY!!!!!!!
What colour are your eyes?
brownnnnnnn
Do you wear glasses?
used to... i only wear contacts now
Do you wear braces?
no but i used back when i was like 12
What is your fashion style?
casual chic? like skinny jeans w blouses and long coats plus sneakers
Full name?
am i supposed to put my last name here lmfao........... my full first name is melda i dont have a middle name
When were you born?
january 29th ! mark it down hoes!!! AQUARIUS RIGHTS!!!!!!!!!!!!
Where are you from and where do you live now?
im turkish but i was born n raised in the netherlands (pray for me that i can find my way in life and leave this country PLEASE)
What school do you go to?
i go to uni first year
What kind of student are you?
uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh in hs? procrastinated a lot was a bit of a problem kid but at least unlike a girl in my year i never sat in class while being high..... i was smart tho i did what i had to do... in uni im still a procrastinator leaving my hw for the night before but i still get my shit done when it needs to be done
Do you like school?
ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i hated hs for the reasons i think almost everyone on here did (all the cool kids r on insta lmao and us losers are here ....) i like uni.. life is different im a lot more grown and more at peace w my life but i also barely have time to breathe since im busy w school like 24/7 :///////
Favourite subject?
in hs i think it was art... everyone that did art always had to finish projects after school so all different classes would come together in the art rooms to finish the projects and my crush from a different class would sometimes be busy w his works when i was too and it was fun working w him n talking n stuff ... lol..................................................................................................
Favourite TV show?
avatar the last airbender................. god there really will never be anything better than atla huh ????
Favourite movie?
sword of the stranger !!!
Favourite books?
THE WITCHER !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WILL NEVER SHUT UP ABT THE WITCHER 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣
Favourite pastime?
bro im so busy w school i literally dont even have time to breathe....... i like reading and making gifs and going out w friends to shop and eat u know
Do you have any regrets?
lmao youre asking me this ? ......... shoulda seen me in my teen years on here lmao
Dream job?
ha........ that dreams dead
Would you like to get married?
as much as i hate love ....... yeah ://////
Would you like to have kids?
god i literally hate being the turkish stereotype but.... YEAH BITCH!!!!!!!!! GOD !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How many?
two.. one boy one girl and preferably them being twins so i dont have to get pregnant again lmfao that shits scary as hell
Do you like shopping?
UHHHHHHH SADLY......
What countries have you visited?
belgium germany france turkey and then bc we go to turkey by car sometimes ive driven through many european countries but never really “visited” so ://///
Scariest nightmare you have ever had?
i dont remember any of the dreams ive ever had lol
Any enemies?
yeah that bitch yg and his shitty management
Any significant others?
mark tuan ... if ur out there
Do you believe in miracles?
i believe in god
How are you?
going thru the motions as always !
can yall believe i tag ppl ??? i never do that lmao but anyways which ones r my friends i literally cant keep track:
@wishingformemoria @bleshilegend @sophrosynes @yeabeom @jacksonurs @kangdonghos @girllgroup @huiracha @jacksonurs @poc7
#i dont even remember who my mutuals are i was on hiatus dont @ me#about#wow i havent dont these type of posts in like.... years damn
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wow-
literally just wow- i genuinely have nothing to say about this please- i cannot explain how much this means to me- there's 1000 of us- *hugs all of you* [ especially the porn bots ] *turns into formal luna asf*
i remember when i started in may, just a tiny chatbot with only one mutual, only known to you guys as [ answer : admin ]. and now, almost a year later, i have 1k of my chainsaw eating demons who are metal as fuck 💪ive learned so much being on tumblr, as a part of both the skz writers community and the chatbot community. ive made a bunch of friends, lost a bunch of ones, and 1k of you stuck with me. i cannot begin to express my gratitude to all of you, and how much all of you and your interactions with me mean to me. all of the simping, the random stories, everything. i cherish all of it, and i love all of you. aight so letz get to the personal thanking asf
alsoer i kinda wanted to do something sexy so imma do what color they remind me of :D most of them can be found at this link : https://louisem.com/29880/color-thesaurus-infographic
@kvinly linn bb 🥺through all the drama we've been through and shit im so glad we ended up becoming friends again cause we're kinda sexy together 😉thank you so much for being my 1000th follower bb you mean so much to me and if anyone hurts you im about to *turns into jennie and kachows them* licherally lets nevah fight again
-> you remind me of the color punch , and not only because of the name- underneath that grr me edgy grr me bully you're just a softie simp and that reminds me of punch :D
@undeadbots steph 🥺lemme be your personal broken chopsticks pls :( KLDSKLD anywayz we've also gone through some sexy drama and thankfully you saw da light 😉and now look at us, with our own band, and our own producing line 🥺brohemian rhapsody for life bro 🥺 *big kithie for da best dad in da world :D*
-> you remind me of the color viridian , because it gives me confident vibes :D you carry yourself proudly and confidently as you should tbh go steph
@binniesthighs oh look its a cutie *pushes you to a mirror* right there :D RORORO YOUR BOAT :DD we havent talked too much, besides my simping for jisung- but you give me very sexy energy so imma propose rq *gets down on one knee* will you be the rororo to my boat 🥺thank you for being my moot :D
-> you remind me of the color espresso , because espresso looks like the color to be pretty chill and laid back, and you're all of those, and calming to be around
@toshis-flower BAYBEE BEBE BEEBEE :D thank you so much for being my moot and making me a wifey asf ‼️ you're literally so much like me whats not to love <3 JKSDJKD JKJK you're really sweet and really just a good person to rant to, i love you so so so much and i think im going to remarry you :D
-> you remind me of the color taffy , because you're sweet, cute, and bright :D *eats you* yummy
@lov3ric seyoung. i love you. so much. MY SOULMATEEEE :DD even though we tell the story over and over like a bunch of grandmas, ill still never forget how we became soulmates and then bonded over boba 🥺im licherally going to marry you one day like ez 💪also i wanna eat you can i eat you youre really cute *eats you*
-> you remind me of the color daffodil , because it reminds me of banana milk which reminds me of you tbh- buuuttt did you know that daffodils are one of the first flowers you see when spring starts? that definitely reminds me of you because through all of the cb drama, you've always been there with me, like literally always- i cannot express how much i love you *kithie*
@simpchimp LIDDLE CHEESE FUCKER THEMBO :DD drink water *spank* i love you so much you cutie 🥺you're also licherally the funniest person ever like stop bae i kinda need to be the funniest but noer its you 😔alsoer i love how random you are KDSKLD so nevah stop that because then *revz up arm* youre going to get luna-ified
-> you remind me of the color jam , because even though you seem kinda scary at first [ yes i was 100% scared of you ] you're really soft :D
@berrywoo the sun themself 💪you are easily the purest person ive met, and im so happy i somehow became moots with you :D you literally hit diff, yk? theres something about your personality and the way you act thats so comforting, and that means i eat you because youre too cute :D you cant just be a wholeass teacher for kids and expect not to get eaten kids are licherally demons whoever deals with them properly and treatz dem nicely gets a nom asf
-> you remind me of the color honey , because you're a sunshiney yellow, and you're sweet like honey :D i think you need to hear that its okay not to be okay bb, and you can come to my dms anytime you want to rant 😎
@yourchungha MS OG CHUNGHA MS IM KINDA SCARED OF THE SHIT YOU DO MS FURREH LOVER 101 MS ANNA BANANA :D yeah youre like really nice- thats all i have to say- like how tf do you deal with [ redacted ] like eggsplain- ALSO YOURE CARRYING OUR CONVERSATIONS BECAUSE IDK HOW TO TALK TO PEOPLE DKSJKD I LOVE YOU FOR THAT AND WE SHOULD HAVE LIKE ACTUAL CONVERSATIONS MORE OFTEN
-> you remind me of the color scarlet , because youre a sexy bitch tf and scarlet gives me 'idc what you think im hot' kinda vibes which is like exactly you
@satosimp WINTER DADDY :DD i lub you asf *insert we dont talk anymore by charlie daddy* ugh the way your personality matches mine is kinda sexy or whatever im also kinda in love with you but lets ignore that part 🙄 💪 *big kithes* *eats your cats casually*
-> you remind me of the color lilac , because it just gives me tsundere vibes, you act like you dont care but really do care :D you liddle sawftie *noms your cheekie*
@nightshade-minho DUCKIE :DD *insert we dont talk anymore by charlie daddy pt 2* licherally bae where the fuck are you i miss you you bettah be doing well in school otherwise im going to smack you with a chappal asf DSJJKSD *eats your cat because hes such a cutie*
-> you remind me of the color marigold , because you're adorable and sunshiney :D
@onigirimeeya MICHIE MICHIE MICHIEIEEIEI MY DAD :DDD i like you mucho much if you didnt know *kithes you* you're like one awf da best listeners ever- which is such a weirdass compliment but its true- you're really good at listening, and just being a comforting presence in general, like when you go to the beach and youre just staring at the waves all edgy mode, and it calms you down a fuck ton
-> you remind me of the color mint , for obvious reasons- mint choco chip cookie michie :DD
@hhjs bae we dont talk a lot but im kinda lurking on all of your posts- JKDSJSKD bae remarry me please youre really fucking hot 😭and the way you have with words is like damn- teach me oppar asf
-> you remind me of the color wine , because you're refined, and carry yourself in a way that makes everyone want to be you. the color wine is rich and deep, which reminds me of the way you write :D
@nsfw-stay MY LICHERAL BABIE YOUVE BEEN AN ANON FOR SUCH A LONG TIME AND WEVE TALKED ABOUT SO MUCH SHIT TOGETHER [ a lot about seungmin and jisung but shhh ] I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BB AND I WILL NOM YOU >:( BUT SOFTLY AND OUT OF LOVE *nomz yew* :D
-> you remind me of the color cerulean , because its a baby blue and what fits better than a baby blue yk? you're adorable and squishy and i want to nom you 24/7
@secretary-yeji *iz chan ig cause we dont talk admin to admin* oh erm gee is uncle chrith 😉DKLSKLD my liddle koala :D my liddle burgah :D my liddle aussie :D my besth frien :DDD evah since may i think we've been friends, and i think one of the highlights of that day was me marking you as spam twice and on accident too- LKSDKLSD WE DONT TALK ABOUT THAT anywayz thank yew for being uncle chrith's friend *kith*
-> you remind me of the color seafoam , because it's a very soft and light color yk, you're delicate asf which sounds like a bad thing now that im typing it BUT IT ISNT DSKLDSLK YOURE VERY CUTE YOU AND YOUR FLOOFY COWS :D
@ayolistenupp im kinda... in love with you? wtf? KDSDKSL MY DESI DADDY ASF I LOVE YOU SOER MUCH :D our music nights™️ mean so much to me, like theres just something so personal about listening to what the other person likes to hear even though half of your songs are sexy asf KLDSKLD
-> you remind me of the color ocean , because the ocean is loud but calming yk- like you're full of energy but you're also calming :D
@yanderexchungha OH ERM GEE YEW :O YOU PROBABLY WONT SEE THIS IN LIKE 10 MONTHS BESTIE MERRY CHRISTMAS IG KLDSLKD anyway i love you dad your lessons about vape >>> to quote your drunk ass exactly "vape isnt cool" JKSDJ anyway its gonna be sexy if we accidentally run into each other in the hallwayz asf
-> you remind me of grey cause youre a hag- JKJK KDJSD you remind me of the color caramel , because you're sweet, and licherally addictive caramel isnt good for my braces but i keep eating it 😰but youre addictive in a good way :D
@yanderelee literally only doing this because you were moping about not having a simp sunday and im such a good person 🥸you're cool 💪and unfortunately, you're funny too 😥and even though i bully you asf dont take it personally because i dont mean it asf
-> you remind me of the color dijon mustard because you just give those hacker vibes please dont hack me after i said this i like to keep my location private
@kpopswitchbot BESTIE 😏MY FIRST MUTUAL 😏 LICHERALLY DA BEST CUTEST FUNNIEST SMARTEST SEXIEST KEWLEST I CANT EVEN EXPRESS WITH WORDS FISHIE IN DA WORLD :D LICHERALLY STOP OUTDOING ME WITH YOUR GOODNIGHTS LIKE *spankz yew* YOURE LITERALLY TOO GOOD WITH WORDS ITS NOT FAIR- AND THE DAY YOU JUST TALKED TO ME IN SHAKESPEAREAN BECAUSE I FELT DOWN- AND EXPRESSED YOUR LOVE THAT WAY LIKE- PLEASE I ACTUALLY ADORE YOU AND I WILL LITERALLY EAT YOU ONE DAY
-> you remind me of the color coffee , not only because youre addicted to it but also because of the way you act, you're like the definition of an old soul- with the words you use, the drama kid you are asf, etc- you're a talented bitch *mwah* i love you so much you also remind me of those movies where they find an old ass book and they kinda hafta dust it off and it gives you treasure or something cause yeah that reminds me meeting you
AIGHT DAS IT ASF MWAH I LOVE YOU ALL :DDD
#if you wanna know more just drop an ask asf#would be cool if i had 1k for 1k but NOOOOO#i have more btw#*dabz*#THE WAY TUMBLR KEEPS GLITCHING BECAUSE THERES TOO MANY WORDS#NOT SEXY TUMBLR
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I think I want to try writing do you have any tips on how to get the boys on character
Wow my first asking for writing advice. Whew idk why you chose to ask me boo because I just talk out my ass (I’m kinda kidding). Thank u bby and let me try to say something useful. Kinda long????
Well 1st off watching the anime/reading the manga is very helpful (although I havent read the manga in its entirety hence why I dont write some characters). Focus on who you want to write and pay extra attention to them and how they act/respond. Look at the wiki if you want summarizes personalities
However what I mostly do is READ. There are so many writers on here and more often then not people kinda specialize in a certain character/ group of characters. Find a writers who [you think] perfectly encompas what a character is like. Even if it gives you a slight direction. Like I’d like to think I have a pretty decent grasp on sakusa (or that’s what y’all mfs been lying and saying) For example to me noora (@ below) perfectly encompasses suna. (She also has character breakdowns too which are great) and with that I’ve built up my own idea on how he would act and it’s literally the suna in my head whenever I write him.
Another tip is pull from ppl you know irl. I tend to do that for atsumu and kuroo. Find some traits you think you can see a character do/say
Also: check out character breakdowns!!!! They are great as well as those posts that are like “most mischaracterized characters”
Ppl I think are rly good at certain characters
@watermelonsugawara i love her karasuno 3rd years in particular
@samwrights (I luv mom sam sm but that aside) I like how she’s written seijoh 3rd years but especially makki!!!! Even in her self ship type posts for him her makki is amazing
@inarzki queen of inarizaki ESP suna. Like come on now. Literally created the suna-verse here’s her character sheet post
@crocyoota has a being friends w/ seijoh 3rd years that I think is pretty spot on (also if u want nsfw atsumu your GO TO esp for his accent bc that shit be tiring to write but she did it)
I dont want this to turn into a recs list bc that’s be me doing too damn much but yeah here are ppl that I think about when it comes to certain characters. But ultimately hey it’s writing write what U want. there are more amazing ppl but yall i only tagged folks ive at least spoken to cause im shy
*check my tag: hq recs for recs.
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Another reason people probably didnt like Symphonia their first time but later loved it is because of the themes and undertones. Here is another essay that's going to be a very quick Symphonia walkthrough as a young child playing.
Here's a warning: I mention some stuff that happens in Symphonia. It will be mostly vague but there will be mention of death. There also might be some spoilers in here but nothing too serious, just some of the beginning story more than likely.
Let me begin by saying the box art looks pretty cool for the Gamecube but the front and back does look like a very, very young child's RPG. It seems like an RPG that was creates for super young children that havent hit there teens or are in the very first years of being a teen.
I'm about to give a quick walkthrough as if I am a very young kid playing Symphonia for the first time. This is to show why a lot of people had this as their first game in the series but didnt like it. Why a lot of people weren't the biggest fans until their second playthrough or when they gave it another chance and realized it is absolutely stunning. A top 10 game of all time across every platform created.
First off, there was a lot of adult themes and tones in Symphonia. Obviously, I dont mean nudity or sexually explicit material. I'm talking about the Desian Camps. The idea that millions of people are being captured, put to work, then put to death or letting them die. These type of adult themes.
The first time we played, we were young. We didnt get choked up or super sentimental about what was going on in video games. We didn't care so much about the parallels between real life and our video games. Usually, we just wanted something fun to play. I mentioned it earlier but the start of Symphonia looks super childish and like it's going to be a lighthearted adventure. You have a cast of kids (2 very young adults that added comedy and badassness). A majority of the beginning fights are snakes, birds, bunnies, and bears. The battle system is fun but also easy enough to get the hang of. You can honestly button mash with the occasional arte and not worry about combos . You didnt have to worry about combos at all, really, and just use artes when you wanted. Some of the artes were pretty cool looking and strong too which added more of a "wow, the combat system is cool. There's attacks and a bunch of power attacks you can use. You can also move around and dont have to wait like a turn base game." It's also possible to just button mash or use all your MP on Artes and really kick their ass.
Combining all of those elements together makes it seem more kid friendly than it really is. Playing through the start makes you feel like a 10 year old playing his first RPG with an age appropriate game since you control a bunch of kids. The fights are easy and usually bees or some weak animal. Nothing serious, really. The artes are cool and the more artes you learn, the cooler and more fun Lloyd gets. It's cool to play as Lloyd when you learn a new arte or two.
So far everything has been pretty lighthearted. This RPG is fun, the characters are pretty cool and can be funny. The dungeons aren't super confusing. It's just a fun game overall but nothing spectacular or crazy. Really the worst thing that has happened is "Desians bad. They destroy hometown over something stupid."
Marble's scene is the only real adult sad part in the game so far. They kill Marble in a way that you kind of don't get crushed by emotions. They let you down pretty easy and you get Marble's ring for Genis so now she is always with you. Her death isn't too bad because she was old and it was just one old woman in the game. It's sad but not devastating. Also the Ranch. They use them as slaves. But tbh it doesn't really hit you that they resemble real world stuff and you dont see the parallels like you should. You just kind of write it off as shitty and Desians are evil and the bad guys. Surely you save everyone from the ranches and that's the point of the game. Kill Desians and save everyone.
You get to the dessert oasis where Colette crashed through the wall. Cute and funny. Oh, Lloyd and Genis get captured by bad Desians but the wanted posters were bad so it made it funny. Eventually, You escaped the bad, bad Desians and are back with your friends, yay!!! You go to the fire shrine, finally see more menacing enemies but they still arent that bad, and start your first puzzle dungeon! It's short but a lot of fun with a boss fight. It was a little tough but fun!! You beat the shrine, yay!!!
The serious Angel (Remiel) comes down again and talks to Colette and the gang. He gives her wings! She is becoming an angel. At this point you are thinking, "How cool. Colette is becoming an angel!!! She has wings now and can probably fly wherever she wanted to go! This game is really fun. It's not bad at all. The weapons and equipment aren't difficult and it's fun buying or finding stuff better than what you have and equipping the new stuff. The skits can be funny too and I get to know the characters better with the skits. This game is really cool, actually." It's time to speed this post up, though. I'll be going faster and doing more short versions/storytelling.
We sail across seas and bow we are at Palmacosta!!! Here's where things get a little weird and stuff too. So Palmacosta is cool. We look through town, only to find imposters. That's right. These fools are pretending to be me and my gang. Im the one with a cool group and shit. People wanna be me so bad!!! Lol.
By the way. General Dorr is also the Mayor of Palmacosta.
Imposters are rude and we meet mayor who seems cool till he tells us he thought the imposters were us and gave them a book we need. So....little me is like
"YOU DID WHAT!?" .... so we leave. Lol
We go to mountain gate, cant pass yet, learn Palmacosta is under attack by ... you guessed it... Desians. ,
*little me has eyes stretch wide open* But I was just there!!!! Sucks, I know.
So we head back and make it to Palmacosta. Remember the girl we saved from extreme questioning and customers that were badgering the girl since she was the store clerk/owner. Of course not. I never mentioned it. I saved her back then at the start of Palmacosta. Naturally they chose Chocolate, in some weird, sick revenge way for me making them look weak when they verbally attacked her. So Chocolate is about to hang and be killed. Some stuff happens and Lloyd ends up using his sword to save Chocolate. Boom. He is a hero. He saved someone from hanging....
Wait.... hanging? In kids game? Damn that's a little intense for a kids game but I guess you do save her. Carry on.....
So let's speak to the Mayor. He was conveniently gone while that was happening but meh. Coincidence right? Yeah. Yeah.
Talking to the General/Mayor we decide to go rescue everyone who has been kidnapped from Palmacosta. By the way there's a ranch for most cities that Desian's manage. So there is a Palmacosta Ranch and a bunch of people from Palmacosta are now held prisoners in the Ranch. Boo! But I digress.
Off to Palmacosta ranch!!! We finally reach it and... oh look... General Dorr"s personal Aide/Assistant. What's this? He is a traitor!? You've got to be kidding me! I trusted that dude!!! Maybe that will teach little me to be careful about who I hang out with. A pretty good life lesson for little me and nothing too serious. I'll handle that later though, and rescue the prisoners in the Palmacosta Ranch.
We save Chocolate but she would almost rather die than be saved by you. So you save her but not without a fight and learning some shocking stuff that little me is like "WHAAAA!!!???!??? NO WAY NO WAY NO WAY!!!!!!!! she still lives cause of you and you fight the leader of the Ranch and win that battle!!!
So yay!!! You won the battle and beat Palmacosta Ranch! Good job little you! You did awesome!!! The game has been really great, with a pretty light tone for the most part. Everything is bright, the enemies arent that bad at all, nothing truly fucked up has ha---"we're going to blow up the Ranch with people still in it" -Raine.
That's right.... "YOU'RE GONNA WHAT!?!?"
So yeah, we blow up Palmacosta Ranch. Desians were probably still inside along with a janitor named Chet that everyone forgot about lol. So bye bye Ranch!!!
"That got dark really fast and Raine is pretty ruthless but most people escaped. I guess I can kind of forgive that. This game is definitely darker than I thought but it could be worse. Most people escaped anyways I am sure. So it's not that bad." -me.
Back to Palmacosta to confront the traitor General Dorr!! Here we are! General Dorr and his daughter are standing suspiciously in the basement of the government building in Palmacosta. I'm sure he knows that he has been found out. I know he tried to sabotage the Chosen's journey. He has no exc--- OH NO! They got his wife with the Demon Seed, too!! Now she is a monster! No wonder he is a traitor. He is trying to get a potion which is the cure to save his wife. I kind of get it but that's pretty messed up. He is basically being held hostage. This game just got a little darker.... but it could be worse, I suppo----WHAT!? HIS DAUGHTER IS A DEMON! DID SHE JUST SAY SHE KILLED HIS DAUGHTER A LONG TIM AGO AND HE WAS TOO STUPID TO NOTICE!?"
She really just called him stupid and is acting like he is the biggest idiot for not knowing she killed his daughter!!! This whole time she has pretended to be his daughter. That means she probably went to her school, played with her friends, talked to her dad and played with him. She probably told him she loved him which is so messed up. She also knew there was no potion but continued to watch him and be ready to kill him if he tried to snitch about his wife. This got dark really fucking fast wtf!!! She is a complete demon stranger in a girls body pretending she loves her daddy, plays with friends, and does child things but is a demon the whole time. "I love you daddy says the demon pretending to be your daughter. That's really sick and twisted. Sad thing is little me is like "well that's weird. How did no one notice at all she was acting odd?
Maybe she didn't have any friends and her dad is to distracted about the medicine for his wife, he doesn't notice.
That's absolutely crazy and completely dark. Woah. This game is way way darker than it lead me to believe when I was young. That was pretty much my first reaction/playthrough when I was little. Symphonia is dark as fuck.
I played a little bit further to the next ranch my first playthrough but quit when I found out they were killing people like it was nothing. I was really little then, too, btw. I quit because it got really dark and kind of weird and complicated to fully grasp everything going on and the parallels to the real world. I always played RPGs relating it to real life and such. I have done that since my first RPG so with Symphonia I had to quit. It was too dark and weird when I first played it.
Once I came back and beat Symphonia I thought it was Brilliant. It was absolutely amazing and worth so much more praise. I loved it and still do. Even the dark side of things.
Turns out I am not the only one who did this. Play through, reach a dark part or part where you realize how dark it is, and then quit. I'm glad I picked it back up, though. It's almost a perfect game!!!
So yeah... here's a playthrough of little me and Symphonia. I was too little to be playing games with dark themes even if they were short or small. I say this because I was stupid small and really let my imagination run wild when I played games and read. I often make things 20 times worse so I really shouldn't have played Symphonia till later.
Anyways it's amazing. Nearly perfect.
Enjoy your games, everyone. If you arent currently doing so, find a Tales game to pick up and start playing!!! Tales of Arise or some other Tales game will be here before you know it so practice up!!! Play a Tales game!!!
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I Do. (Post 1/2) (part 1 of ?)
Ashton.
"I just want a nice, normal guy to sweep me off my feet, and support my carmel vanilla coffee addiction. Is that so much to ask?!"
My best friend gave me an amused glance before dropping her gaze back towards her phone. I swear, that girl could hold two conversations face to face, surf facebook, and hold a buisness Skype call, all at the same time. A.D.D., they name is Rae.
"I've set you up on five dates so far, and you havent lasted longer then ten minutes with any of them," she countered. "So how about this...you tell me your dream guy, and I'll work off of that."
I sighed, tapping my foot nervously against the metal rung of the coffee shop table. I was always fidgeting. Whether it was shaking my foot, drumming my nails along the table, or pacing aimlessly around, I was always moving.
"I don't know," I sighed out on a breath. Picking up my iced vanilla, butterscotch, and chai latte, I took a sip before responding. "Dont you know anyone that actually has a life?"
Rae glanced up at me, cocking an eyebrow. "A life? Like, the other 5 were dead?"
I groaned. "The first guy had the ambition of a goldfish. Second guy wanted me to move into his mother's basement with him. Third guy was perfectly content to be a cashier th erest of his life and didnt want to even think about making more than minimum wage or he would loose government assistance.....shall I go on?"
Rae gave a throaty chuckle, causing three random guys to stop their conversations and look her way. She just had that way about her.
"Tell you what," she mused out loud. "Since the last five was a complete disaster, and I thought they would have been perfect for you, the next guy I pick will be the one who I think you'll hate the most. So.... Here's what I want from you. You pick what you want him to wear. You pick if you want flowers or not. And you pick the place to meet for drinks, dinner, movie...whatever. deal?"
I thought about it for a moment, the shrugged. "Fine. I want to come here. This coffee shop. No flowers. No expectations. I'll even pay for the both of our drinks. But he has to have a job. A good job. Or at least have a goal in mind," I amended.
Rae nodded. "Tell me more. Actually, tell me your dream. What's your fantasy date for this coffee. Close your eyes and describe the guy to me. What is he wearing. What does he look like. What is he drinking?"
I laughed, but saw the amusement in her eyes. Deciding to play along, I closed my eyes and tilted my head slightly back.
"White button down shirt with the sleeves rolled back a bit. Nice jeans, probably faded with a hole in the leg," I laughed out. "Gorgeous smile because he laughs a whole lot and has an amazing sense of humor. Eyes that are kind and sparkle. Shaggy hair that probably falls into his eyes...." I trailed off.
"Sounds like quite the catch," Rae laughed out on a breath. She sounded amused, which kind of worried me a bit.
I opened my eyes and glanced at her. "Why do you sound like you just ate a canary?"
Rae's eyes sparkled as she tried to suppress a smile. "I know who would be perfect for you, and...he should be here in about two minutes."
My jaw dropped to the floor. "What?! Theres no way you could have called someone and set it up so fast. You had this planned!" I shrieked. Not because she set me up, but because she didnt warn me.
I was dressed in my -I dont give a shit, today is my day off- clothes. A pair of faded dark grey sweatpants with a hole in the left knee, dark green jumper with a faded brand logo running down the arm, and hair unbrushed and tossed into a messy bun. Plus I was still wearing yesterdays makeup which had faded to a lovely raccoon inspired look.
"This wasnt a setup," she argued lovingly, tossing her hands up to her side quickly. "Swear it. You know i was meeting a few friends here today. One of them would be perfect for you."
I eyed her warily. "The so-called friends that are mysteriously out of the country doing something tha you refuse to tell me, along with their names? The ones who you are best friends with...yet I know nothing about, and we have been best friends since middle school?!" I mused, scrunching my nose up at the thought.
Granted, my and Rae are best friends for over 15 years now, but there was a random 2 year period where were were heavily into the party and drug scene. We kinda split ways and didnt talk for 2 years, then both of us, separately, decided to get our lives in order and somehow reconnected as if nothing had happened.
Strange how life works out.
"They aren't...." I trailed off.
"They were, " she nodded. "Not anymore tho. I used to hang out and binge with them tho. They cleaned their lives up as well. Just took them longer."
I nodded, glancing down at my almost empty iced coffee as I dragged my nails along the styrofoam, making patterns on the cup. "I'm willing to give it a go I guess. Coffee never hurt anyone, right?"
"Right," she agreed, glancing down once again to her phone to resume whatever multi-conversation she was having.
I didnt realize until a few minutes later that I was humming and singing along the the songs playing over the cafe speakers.
"Do you like this band?" She asked randomly, not taking her focus from her phone.
"Love them," I remarked, not really paying attention. "I just got their new album yesterday actually."
She made a small chuckle. "Let me guess then...you were always a guitar or lead singer chick. So.... Luke?"
I grinned, breaking my gaze away from all the pretty little designs my nails etched into my now empty coffee cup. " Usually , yes you would have been correct. And while he is hot, as is the othe guitarist...my heart lies elsewhere in the band."
"Bassist?" She chanced, finally placing her phone down and looking up. Her eyes darted over my shoulder, then came back to focus on my face. A grin broke out, smile so wide it reminded me of the Cheshire cat.
"Um, nooo," I drawled. "I actually seemed to be drawn to.....why the hell are you staring a time like that?!" I asked, breaking the conversation. "You look fucking creepy."
Her eyes seemed to dart over my shoulder again to where the cashier counter was, then back to me again. "So the drummer then?" She mused, not bothering to hide the grin. "You have a thing for the drummer?"
I continued to stare at her, trying to puzzle out what the hell was making her act so weird. "Yeah...?" I dragged out.
"Hmmm, and why would that be? I'm honestly curious. Usually you always go for the guitar rock-God type for looks."
I cocked my head to the side. "You really want an answer?"
Rae grinned again. Nodding her head emphatically. "Oh yes. Please, by all means."
I shrugged, taking the last small sip from my coffee. "He always seemed the most put together. Knows how to laugh, but always seems polite. Has an amazing voice, but would rather be in the background playing his heart out. And he gives out total Daddy vibes," I joked. "Plus, he is seriously hot. They all are in that band actually."
Rae burst out laughing, covering her mouth with both hands. I swear, tears started to form in her eyes.
I just stared at her. "Seriously Rae, what has gotten into you today?! What's so funny?"
Her eyes darted behind me once again, but this time she nodded. I didnt even have a chance to turn around to see what she was looking at before an arm snaking over my shoulder, placing a styrofoam cup in front of me.
"You can call me Daddy if you feel the need to, but I prefer Ashton on a first date," a voice said.
I closed my eyes tightly, slowly opening them as panic filled me. My eyes traveled from the coffee, up to a bare forearm dusted in dark golden hair, to a shoulder and chest that had a white button shirt...sleeves rolled back.
Damn, but did Rae tell him how to dress?
He smirked at my dazed expression, while Rae finally got herself under control. "I didnt tell him," she rasped out, still trying to hide the amusement as she spoke. " He really was randomly dressed like that to come here."
Ashton raised a brow as he pulled up a chair, leaning over to give Rae a quick one-armed hug before sitting on the chair backwards between us.
He reached over, palm up while smiling at me. "She did however, demand that I randomly walk in and order you a vanilla butterscotch coffee without even telling me your name, or why I was buying you one. I'm being set up on a date, I take it?" He questioned again, glancing to Rae for affirmation before looking back at me, then down to his still extended hand. "Do I get a name? Or should I introduce myself again?"
I shook my head, trying to snap out of the surreal experience going on. Placing my hand in his, I cleared my throat. "You're Daddy, right?" I smirked, trying to fight the blush rising on my face. God, but do I hope he can take the joke.
His face split into a grin, laugh bursting out of his lips. "I like her," he chuckled, looking over to Rae. " This one actually knows what a joke is."
I grinned at that as he looked back at me. "I take it that Rae has tried setting you up before as well?" I questioned.
He nodded, a faint smile still gracing his lips. "One girl who decided living in her car way her dream goal. One who only ate foods that were yellow. And one who wanted to be a psychologist because she didnt understand how people laughed or why we smile at things."
My eyes went wide. "Wow. And here I thought I had it bad with the guy who only showered on days it rained cause that's how the bathtub got refilled."
Ashton let out another bark of laughter, breaking eye contact to speak to Rae once again. " You suck at setting people up. You know that?"
She raised a brow at that, stopping her cup of coffee in mid air before she could take a sip. "Oh, so should I not have introduced the two of you?" She asked, feigning a look of hurt. "And here I thought you were getting along fairly well."
Ashton shook his head. "Are you kidding me? this girl is horrible! Wont tell me her name, wont call me by mine, and she laughs at everything I say!" He rambled out. A small smile tugged at the corners of his mouth, but he didnt stop looking at her.
"And he isnt the greatest catch either, " I added. "Eavesdropped a private conversation, assumed I wanted him to pay for something. I didn't ask for without asking me. And he wont let me go," I added, flicking my gaze down to our still entwined hands.
Rae nodded, a huge, fake sight escaping past her parted lips. " okay, I give up. Sorry to waste your time, Ash. I'll take her home and be back in a few minutes to catch up with you all. I assume the others are on the way?" She asked, standing up and motioning for me to follow.
Ashton shook his head. " They are on the way. But you cant take her."
Without warning, he turned and licked a wet line up my jaw. "I licked her. Shes mine now."
My jaw dropped open, but rae looked amused. "Are you gunna pee on her too?"
He turned to look at me finally, slightly swaying our hands back and forth. "Is that your kink?"
"What?! No! Why would you ask that?!"
He shrugged. "Well, I know you have a Daddy kink, just had to be sure."
"I do NOT have a Daddy kink!" I hissed out, trying to pull my hand out from his grasp. "And why the hell did you lick me?"
He was having none of it. Keeping hold of my hand, he slowly brought it up to his lips and kissed the back of my hand before finally releasing his hold. "Cause I wanted to see what you tasted like. Vanilla, I like it." He winked.
"You do have a daddy kink," Rae interjected, laughing through her words. "I'm going to go get another coffee and grab 2 other tables for the guys. You two enjoy yourselves."
Ashton glanced at me before looking at Rae. "If I did that, we would be arrested and barred from this shop."
I think my heart stopped. Was I breathing?
"Mind if I go grab myself a drink?"
I blinked, trying to focus on his face once again. "Didn't you just order one while you were up there?"
He shook his head. "Only ordered yours. I wasnt sure if I wanted to stay once she told me she had a girl with her for me to meet."
"And now you are sure you want to stay?" I questioned.
He smiled. A sweet smile that lit up his eyes. "I think you are fucking perfect."
I blushed at that. "Yeah, right. Cause messy girl with raccoon eyes in your kink, right?"
He gave me an amusing look. "Like a guy in jeans and a white shirt is yours?" He retorted. A small sigh left his lips as he pulled out his phone and scrolled through a few messages. Once he found what he was looking for, he stopped and put the phone down on the table in front of me.
Raelyn- her fantasy sounds like you, in a white button down and a pair of worn out skinny Jean's. Just get your asses here!
Ash-and you are so sure I would like her? I sisnt agree to another date with your wacky high maintenance friends. They just want a sugar daddy.
Raelyn- shes sitting here in pajamas, messy hair, and yesterdays makeup. And she insists on buying our coffees every week. Still wanna pass her up?
Ash- ....be there in 5.
Raelyn- get her a butterscotch vanilla iced coffee.
Ash- thought she didnt want people to buy her shit?
Raelyn- then get it for me.
Ash- do I have to buy flowers or anything?
Raelyn- only if you want her to hit you with them.
Ash- I like her already.
I glanced up at Ashton, a small smile gracing my face. "So I guess it's my turn to buy you a coffee?"
He shrugged, swinging his leg back over the chair to sit down backwards on it once again. "If you insist. Pick whatever you think I would like."
I grinned this time. " whipped cream, cherries, and handcuffs?" I joked.
He beamed at me. "Nah, that's the second date. And woulsnt you know it....you already know what to call me then," he teased.
I laughed, walking away to get him a drink. I slid up alongside Rae, elbowing her in the side gently. "Are the other three coming?"
She smiled at me. "Yeah, be here any minute."
The barista asked up for our orders, while I pushed Rae's card back towards her. "I got them."
"That's 7 drinks you are paying for today," she reminded me.
"Glad your good at math," I remarked. "You can get the next round. And if they like me as a friend and we hang out in the future we can all take turns. If not, then I get to say that they are forever indebted to me. Win-win I say."
She shrugged, but didnt argue. "Fair play, that. I'll go shove the tables together and be back to help you carry them all."
But it wasnt her who came back over when the order was ready. It was Michael.
"HI," he practically yelled, squeezing me in a tight bear hug. "I'm Michael. Or Mike. Whatever."
"You seem overly happy to meet a stranger, " I laughed out, hugging him back just as tight before letting go.
"You made ashton happy," he shrugged, a huge smile on his face. "Anyone who can make his smile in the first few minutes of meeting him...especially lately, deserves to be treated like the fucking queen they are."
My brows shot up at that. "I'm a queen now. High praise. Does that make you the court jester?" I asked, handing him a cardboard tray with 4 drinks in it.
He grinned. "Sure. Anything else you wish me to carry, m'lady?"
I laughed and gave a curtsey. "Not at this time, good sir. Go forth and conquer the bistro que!"
Michael laughed, draping an arm across my shoulder while walking back to the now full tables. He set his 4 drinks down, then took one out of my hand and gave it to Rae before distributing the 4 he had.
"They're marked, and we all drink the same shit every time we go out," he explained. "The one you have is the only one I dont recognize so I assumed it is yours."
I shook my head and resumed my seat next to Ashton, with Luke next to me on the other side now. Michael and Calum were sat across from me. "Its for Ashton actually. He bought me my coffee and forgot to get his own."
"Trying to ditch her," Calum asked.
"Nope." Ashton stated. Simple. Direct. One word.
"Finally found a girl that will put up with your crazy-ass for longer than 10 minutes?" Like remarked.
"Gunna marry this one, mate," Ashton laughed out.
"Shit, you move fast," Michael snorted. "And here I was being engaged for over a year already. What am I doing wrong?"
"You actually asked your fiancee," Luke answered. "Ashton will just be standing in front of the magistrate with a blowup doll."
Everyone laughed, including me Ashton fake pouted, poking me in the side before lacing his fingers through mine. My heart gave a little flitter, but I didnt pull away.
"Come on, Love, you're supposed to defend our relationship!"
I chuckled. "Yes sir. Would you like to get married now, sir? I think I still have my old bicycle pump in my garage if you need it. And some duct tape in case your fiancee gets a hole."
He threw his head back and laughed, tightening his grip on my hand. Not hard, but in acknowledgment that it was a good laugh. "Fuck the lot of you."
"Damn, already cheating on me. And with three other men no less," I crooned, pouting my lips.
That caused another round of laughter.
"I think I'm in love with your girlfriend, " Calum huffed out. "She knows how to give back shit we dish out."
"Dont be hitting on my wife," Ashton fake growled. "I worked hard on this relationship!"
"Oh yeah? What's her name?" Rae jumped in, bemused laughter lacing each word.
A slow silence fell across the table, followed by abrupt laughter for everyone.
"Oh. My. God. You didnt even ask her what her name is yet?!" Michael bellowed, tears forming in his eyes. "I can see it now. The priest standing there like do you take this girl for your wife? And you being like, who's that?"
"Fuck all of you," Ashton gasped out through laughter again. "I'm gunna marry her one day and then shes gunna kick your asses for making fun of me."
I grinned, reaching over to poke my finger into his dimple. "Yeah? I'll kick their asses for you if you ask, darling." I agreed. "Just as soon as you get my attention and ask me. Oooh, right. You can't. Dont know my name," I beamed.
He threw back his head and chuckled. "Fuck you too, sweetheart," he remarked, leaning over to place a quick kiss to my cheek.
"Only if you scream my name out while you do," I joked.
"Fuck, but do I love a smart mouth," he agreed.
The conversation flowed easily. Two more rounds of drinks were bought over the course of a few hours, until the cafe was getting ready to close.
We all agreed to meet up next weekend, have enjoyed each others company and realizing the six of us were going to be amazing friends.
"Can we bring our girls next week?" Luke asked.
"Hell yeah " I agreed readily. "Me and Rae need all the help we can get against you four."
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My Oblivious Boys!
Did you ever notice just how oblivious Sam and Dean are to what’s normal sometimes? Like, right here, we have our wonderful, Sam Mr Morals Winchester thinking nothing of breaking into the post office, even though its a felony. Im not complaining, I think its really kind of adorable.
The boys live in this big, grand, beautiful, mysterous bunker, thats pretty damn close to a mansion, yet its “our house” and they dont seem to want to impress anyone when they come in. Like, “Hey come check out our gun range!” “Ever seen a real dungeon before?” “Hey, come see our classic cars and motorcycles!” But when asked “You live here?” Dean just answers “Yeah, when we’re not on the road” ya know... nbd. They could literally sell any one of those classic cars or ancient artifacts and have money for years so they dont have to run credit card scams are hustle pool. Yet, Dean acquires thrift store recliners for his and Sam’s man cave, because they just got a big TV that they could have purchased at any time before this LOL
How about not thinking its weird at all that 3 dudes adopted a kid? Sure it’s not official, like done through the courts or anything, but Sam just blurts out “He’s our kid!” to someone who doesnt know them very well, without hesitation like (ok that sounds weird that brothers share a kid). I love this stuff!
I noticed it earlier in the series, when Ash points out to them that they’re soulmates. The boys didnt flinch or even look at each other. I think anyone being told that would be at least “Really?? WOW!” and brothers, especially ones that arent getting along very well at the time would be “You’re kidding right?” but nah, you may as well just told Sam and Dean they have the same blood type “well yeah... obviously”
They have really no idea how gorgeous they are. Sam especially. Dean plays a lot that he thinks hes good looking, and he probably really does, but he doesnt flaunt it like most guys who think theyre hot. Sam just has NO clue how gorgeous he is, though I think he’s happy in his skin, as he does use fancy shampoos, buys nice colorful flannels with mother of pearl buttons, works out and watches his diet, yet, not obsessively, as he does eat burgers and pizza too.So I think he’s comfortable, but has no idea he’s stunningly handsome.
They appear to know they’re the best hunters ever, but I dont think it really sinks in. They have a huge arsonal (tool kit) yet, they think Asa Fox is “legit” because he killed 5 Wendigo in one night and has an Angel Blade. They now admit they’ve saved the world, a lot, yet they just seem to think its just a job. They’re not at all snobby about it, nor do they have an “Im better than you” attitude towards anyone. They’ve died and come back a zillion times but when Billie said they’re important, Sam said “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” and Dean’s like “I have no clue” Id think one need only come back from the dead once and theyd think “Damn, I must be important”
The boys had God in their kitchen making them pancakes, and Sam held him up as he was dying, and Dean saved his life, yet, they were both impressed that Father Luca met The Pope! Some might say this is bad wrting, but I dont think so, it keeps them humble. It keeps them human and allows for us to believe they fear for their lives, and their brother’s life, and not just “Yeah kill me, Ill be back by breakfast”
Season 12 did a very good and important thing I think. Fans were complaining about S11 and having saved God’s life, “They have nowhere to go from here! How can you make a big bad thats bigger than God?” but S12 made everyone take a million steps back. Sam is kidnapped and chained to a chair, being threatened by a woman. Sam, all cocky and defiant, says “Ive been tortured by the Devil himself, and you, youre just an accent in a pant suit. What can you do to me?” Well we soon find out dont we? Seems like S12 tought us, as well as the brothers, that theyre not all powerful and invincible, they can get their bell rung by normal humans!
Along with that, even though theyve been brought back to life dozens of times, its still tragic for them when their brother dies. Every time its as though they have no hope of getting him back. It’s why it still breaks my heart every time one of them dies.
My friend @small-scale-majestic told me recently, “Sam and Dean are larger than life... but not” And really they are. Their lives are extraorginary, things we will never go through, but they’re so human and down to Earth, we forget, and they forget, that they’ve been written about by Prophets of God. If we met them, and went to the Bunker, Dean would want to show us his vinyl collection, and Sam would make us coffee and listen to our story. Im glad they havent become as big as they could be in their own minds.
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What is your typical order at your favorite fast-food restaurant? What are your top 5 favorite songs right now? What was/is your favorite subject at school? Do you have a favorite author or illustrator? 💜
OHHHH WOW hello!
hmmmm, tbh i go with my family and i havent gone alone.... hehe but i prefer fried chicken and barbecue burgers bcs im not a fan of burgers... and i remove the lettuce bcs i dont like the lettuce... i often order coke if there isnt nestea. tbh i always have a weird time in fast food places bcs im not a fan of burgers, i prefer fried chicken or pizza, oh hot dogs are nice too!!
my top five RN....
oh my god a hard one... i will do the list of my top 5 listened songs RN.
Spring Day BTS
Get Cool Stray Kidz
Electric heart exo
What is love exo
We Young Chanyeol & Sehun
hm tbh rather than listening to this ones
I just type in youtube Exo soft playlist and play anything that comes up, i love soft music and ballads.
But a small thing, I make the coffee in the morning for breakfast and i always play exo´s The First Snow in the mornings, it makes my mornings nice.
Oh, i was a nerd at school, i love science and geography, Specially chemistry, i seriously loved chemistry, i loved the part of geography that focused entirely on earth and space rather than mapping. i love geology in all sides, tectonic plates, volcanoes, earth and minerals, as well as space and astronomy!
But in my second year of high school we had to choose electives and i was supposed to be an engineer so i choose all maths and physics subjects and it got pretty ugly save for the geometric drawing classes. but i got into a design elective and i loved it too! and thats how i got here
Regarding college, i loved basic 3D, character design, Audiovisual Narrative, Typography and visual Narrative (thats basically storyboarding)!
Hmmmm not really, i often just gather many many things, but so far i dont have a favourite one... Shinkai´s movies are wonderful taking into acc not only ilustration but story, characters, narrative, colors and music.
And authors im giving out the names of the authors of the best i´ve read in my last two years
@syncxpatewriting theres a sweet and wonderufl feeling here, just very warm and i just think they are probably one of my favourite, since I read a Hanahaki saga, i couldn´t stop reading. my favourite is reality check, ive read it like 3 times
bmot - just wonderful and amazing worldbuilding, without knowing a single thing of dragon age i was fully introduced into the world so naturally.
@jinkisbelly i arrived for very soft jongyus, and i remmeber crying over a very sad onkey just a few hours later, since then ive loved their way or writing!! its just so beautiful, i love the fantasy settings a lot here and the flexibility in writing amazing au settled in our world, i re read a very cute ghosty!jinki jongyu like 2 days ago and it made me so happy!!!
theres another author i love whom removed their works but i really loved them, it wrote a very very pretty minkey where kibum was an android, it was amazing
@keyspetite their way of writing jjong is so so so accurate so casual yet so comfortable to real, they write jjong in a very beautiful way, and the whole setting and ambience of the stories are just amazing, light in a way you want to read them again and again
@unnie-bee uhhh been eons since this was written but i still cannot get over phoenix and exodus, this are one of the best fics ive read,this fic basically pulled me into exo, more like dragged me. the whole ecomplexity of getting those 12 stories to blend so wonderfully has me awake at nights lol
u know what i will just post names of my favourite fic authors. you know, theres an option in AO3 to download fics as epubs, i often go into ao3, download many and keep my favourites, so im getting all of them from my fics saved on my ipad.
astroblemish the writer of a fic called cor mechanica. just Amaazing so creative, a fantasy sci-fi where there metal dragons conquered the world ;;
incroyableirreel the writer of a fic called cirtuit breaker, a heartwrecking androidxhuman AU where damn!!! made me cry at night.
NovemberMagpie writer of a Tied and Tangled. ok here the writing of an 18 y/o boy is so so so accurate and so charming, he thinks and behaves just like a boy of that age and its just wonderful.
ink-and-stars. the bane of my heart with So silver bright, and my daily cry Codename M.O.N.S.T.E.R. a hanahaki and dystopian sci-fi au respectively
koizoras author of Hard Bright Light Mechanical- i read this one just like 2 days ago and dang i loved this so so much. dystopian sci-fi
And those are by now my favourite Authors, whose art isn´t print on paper by an editorial but whose art is still breathtaking and keeping us up at night and wrecking our hearts, making words come to life and turning pixels into whole worlds.
Probably noticed im into sci-fi and fantasy uhuhuh im starting to read a new one that sounds just wonderful like gold tonight!! im excited
and maybe i need to make a whole list of Ilustrators too huh
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Mutuals!!! here!!! read this!!! i love you!!!
heres an appreciation post to all my mutuals that i consider family!!!!! because i love you lots!!!
WARNING TO ALL NON MUTUALS, THIS IS LONG AS FUCK
@anpandan Danny boy!!! i love you so much oh my god you are such an amazing person and i have so many good memories with you, bad ones too but even those are nice !! you make me smile and i when you sometimes respond to my updates i send you it makes me smile so softly and its just a really nice feeling? i love you a lot Danny!!!!! happy new year!
@unknowntalesx Pao, we havent talked in a while and i hope youre doing well!! ill always love you even if we dont talk. i miss you and you are such a good part of my day when i do talk to you, even if they arent very often. happy new year and merry christmas Pao!!!!!
@little-star-in-the-universe Holley Jolly, im so so proud of your resilience. youve overcome so much and grown so much as far as i can see when i talk to you. you are such a good thing to me, even though you may not feel the same. i know that you always struggle, and im incredibly impressed at how far youve come, even if youve taken steps back. even when youre feeling shitty, you always listen to me and talk to me when i need it and im thankful for that. i love you, youre my family, i hope i never ever lose you. happy new year!!!
@little-bunny-jungkookie Parent!!! ahhh you are such a role model in my mind?? you always seem to keep a somewhat level head and always are so so supportive and just ugh i want to meet you so bad?? i always love talking to you and you always seem to know how to help even if its just like telling me to go drink water or sleep. i really truly consider you family, like i would consider you someone i would follow? anyway, i love you a lot, happy new year!!!
@sundaetae Dee Cookie, my smart cookie, you amazing person you. i love you a lot, you seem to have this aura around you that just lights up rooms. you are so so creative and im so glad your personality is the way it is. you are such a light in some peoples lives and are such absolute joys to them. you are so so smart and you are a god damn fantastic thing to this world, i love you, happy new year Cookie
@jungkooksbuttons Bub, i love you a lot, even when i do seem a bit agitated. you are such an important piece to my world, and you always are there to support me when i need it. youre my cub, my cutie patootie!! you always make me smile when im a bit down and its p great honestly, and when you always talk to me about cough cough you know who cough cough you always try to just let me talk about her? which is kinda nice, but i love you my cub bub, happy new year!!!
@bloomingjiminie Marshmallow, wow i remember when i gave you that name, you were pouting about not having a nickname and wanted me to make one for you and i thought of marshmallow bc youre sweet and full of fluff and a wholesome being which is what marshmallows are. we dont talk as often as i would like, but i love you a lot and you mean a lot to me, and i just want to hug you tbh, happy new year Dia!!
@seokjinownsmyass Mina!! you amazing person, i remember when i first met you i gave you the nickname my love because you were low key jealous that me and eden were flirting so i called you my love and it just kinda stuck for a while (tho i stopped when Rae showed interest cough cough didnt want to get into that whole thing lmao) but you are such a funny and caring person and we dont talk very often but im glad we do talk in those few cases we do, its nice, but i love you a lot and happy new year!!
@problematicsinnamon baby, where do i even start. you mean a fuck ton to me, even tho i sometimes act kinda shitty. youre so supportive and so so so kind and patient and i just love you so much. you just light up my world and always make me smile and just overall always help me a lot through things. youre so so understanding and i look forward to when i get the chance to talk to you. i remember when you would go crazy the first few times i flirted with you and it made me laugh and made me smile. i remember when i said i like being given nicknames and you called me starlight and the softness i got from it. i remember when the server started shipping us lmao i remember when the first time you said i could come to you whenever i needed it. they all meant a lot to me, because they made me smile. i love you Eden baby, happy new year
@simonbunnyjunior Simon Sweetie, you wholesome being that i love v much and would suffer from the most annoying people for you. you always get me so excited when you come around. its like a bout of excitement and its really nice when im having a bad day to see that youre talk, even when im just simply lurking. theres moments i had with you that really made me laugh and smile, like the “its just platonic” thing that happened a bit back, i love you sweetie, happy new year!!
@lofisapphic Honey Bee i would drop kick someone for you. you mean a lot to me, like really truly a lot. i would never let you die and i would kill you in the after life if you did, and im saying that bc you say you will a lot. i love you to the moon and back and i would 100% support anything you do, unless its killing millions of people, thats a big no no. bUt you have y love so that should sate you for a bit lmao but seriously tho, i love you a lot and happy new year
@bangtansoftboys Robin!!! my honey bun!! we dont talk often but you are a v wholesome person. just your entire personality is so soft and fluff and overall p great. when i first came on the server, and first talked to you, i kinda thought of you as this intimidating person that was impossible to talk to, and honestly thats hard to believe now. youre way too soft to even try to intimidate me, not that you cant try. anyway, i love you a lot and hope you have a great new year!!
@kingdomzeldaquest Lotte!! my other parent!!! i love you a lot, even though we dont talk too often bc of time zones. you along with some others have been my family the longest, and i love you a lot. i remember when i first met you and i thought it was honestly wild when you said you were from australia. you always have loved me so much and always cheer me up when im feeling shitty, overall im v thankful for you lotte, i love you, happy new year
@spriteisbetter Esther !!! you wholesome wholesome human being, where do i start. you are such a soft yet firm soul hon, and i love it. youre understanding yet know when clear about what you say. you always try to make me feel better about how im feeling when i talk to you all about that stuff. youre such a comforting person and always seem to calm me. i miss you a lot and i think always will. you made my day good when you were at school and always check up on me when you can to make sure im doing ok and better, and i appreciate it a lot, more then you know. i love you hon, happy new year!!!!
@generalchenchen Rachel, bby!!! you always are such a happy soul, a loud, but happy, soul. its really nice when you dont make me talk about anything and just,, talk. its nice when you ask about my day and i tell you then you babble on about whatevers on your mind. i find it v cute and endearing when you get super excited about something and just ramble on and on about said thing. i remember when you had me come over for a sleepover to cheer me up. im so so grateful that you trust me enough to talk to me about things on your mind and that you trust me enough that you want to tell me when you leave the country. i love you, would die for you, happy new year bby
@daydream-hobii Sweets!! ive always admired your writing and i just love it a lot. youre so sweet and just really make me happy when i read your stuff and when i see that youve answered my asks! youre a really nice and v understanding when im a little down or when im not taking care of myself. you overall are just a v caring person that im grateful to know, i love you! happy new year! (´ヮ`)
@puppieseokie Fay, i know we dont talk often and were not as close and i am as everyone else, but you still mean a lot, you always have a somewhat level head and you always seem to be so calm and i kinda admire that considering the server were in together lmao but i really do appreciate youre existence, love you, happy new year!!!
@shadowclaws Sophia!!!!! i miss you!!!! i love you a lot!! i remember when we were kids and vaguely remember meeting you in kindergarden and man that was wild when i had the revelation that were in the same kindergarden class as me. you are such a funny and relatable person and so easy to get along with tbh. youre my longest friend and im incredibly grateful for you, happy new year!!!
im sure theres people im missing but im getting tired of typing and my fingers are getting cramped and this is really fucking long so like ヽ(。_°)ノ
but i love you all a lot!!!!!
#sweets!!#cookie💜#rachel💜#esther💜#lotte💜#fay💜#marshmallow💜#simon sweetie💜#Robin💜#honey bee💜#my baby💜#bub💜#holley💜#parent💜#rae rae💜#pao💜#danny💜#mutuals#mutual appreciation#mina💜#bby💜
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everything im gonna write is gonna be concerning but it be like that and its really not concerning
for like months now i haven’t been ok. And like it’s gotten worse with the holidays and ive been so fucking angry and tired lol. like at first i was like its fine its ok, then i was like its the hormones it happens, then its the stress of finals and work but like its really not like i legit just dont want to be alive anymore im really tired of it. Like idk how to convey just how much i dont care anymore to be alive
1) I feel so fucking isolated here like i have friends but a majority of them are cis. And like the trans people i know? most of them on T are non binary which like valid, but they dont get the full extent. And like their families support them lmao and theres one person i could talk to but he doesnt seem to want to socialize much so i always feel awful thinking about hitting him up
and like i feel like my friends dont like me and i know thats not the case but also maybe it is!!! who fucking knows anymore!!!! i dont have time to talk to them bc im so busy at work and then i get home and immediately have to do more work and by the time im free this week theyll be home for break so like!!! fuck i guess!!! i saw one of my friends who i havent been able to see all semester and she said shed hit me up today and she hasnt and i know its cause she and another friend have to study and theyve been busy but in my mind its still “she fucking hates u!!! doesnt matter that she was so excited to see u and would definitely have no qualms in telling u to fuck off she hates u!!!”
2) no one listens to me lol like people listen to me when i rant, which is really helpful and i really appreciate and love that they do that bc emotional labor, but like in groups? i talk and people interrupt or dont hear what i say or disregard it and im like k. OR THEY THINK IM FUCKING JOKING LIKE THIS LEGIT IS SUCH A PROBLEM AND IVE HAD IT HAPPEN WITH SEVERAL PPL AND IDK WHAT TO DO. Like i physically say “im really not joking dont do that” AND THEY STILL THINK IM JOKING
and whenever i talk to people and they give me advice or just listen they do at least one thing. They either mention medicine, which again, valid, but i dont want to go back on medicine right now. But then they fucking push that shit and demand reasons why i dont want to like fuck u i dont have to explain shit to u i just dont want to. And/or it turns into me educating them and im just like great! i managed to do labor in this trying time! nice!
3) I cant talk to my therapist bc shell become concerned lol. i told her how i went to the labor looking for a book about the pros and cons of committing suicide and researched it and i had to talk for 10 minutes afterwards about the steps i was taking to help combat it but like i was legit scared to tell her in case she made me go into inpatient care lmao and this brings me to pt 4
4) theres like nothing here LMAOOOOOOO like no books at either library about stopping suicidal thoughts or helping depression or about family estrangement. I had to order books from different libraries to get something and theres a few that i got from the Libby app but like wtf lmao and theres no events during christmas and every volunteer thing? either i gotta fill out an application and do training which who knows how long thatll take or i need a car. Like there legit isnt anything here i did so much looking lmao like i have my hobbies but that wont make me leave the house
i talked to a professor about this shit too and he understands and stuff and told me to hit him up during break if i feel isolated but like I FEEL SO FUCKING GUILTY FOR EVEN BREATHING LMAO LIKE WHAT hes got shit to do too and i know he has research going on so like doubt it
5) im gonna die alone at this pt and i know thats mad dramatic and also probably false but im like so conflicted about everything i feel with my gender and dating
like every time i like a man im like wow if i was a girl, this wouldnt be a problem and like being cis has more privileges than being trans but i know last time i dated in the closet it wasnt a good time SO
and every time i like a girl, im like she prob wont see me as a man or will be disappointed in my body or transition
and like no matter who im interested in, the same thought is always “they prob dont see me as a man and will misgender me, even unintentionally” like i know people who dont even know my birth name and have known my pronouns as he/him AND THEY STILL GET IT WRONG LIKE WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO EVEN DO ANYMORE TATTOO IT ON MY FUCKING FOREHEAD
theres a guy i currently like, whos so sweet like theres one incident that happened that i had me thinking damn.... hope hes into guys and single..... and like its kept me up thinking “oh man hes definitely str8 this fucking sucks if i was a girl i would probably have a shot” but like every time i toy with the idea of detransitioning (not in a serious way, but just like casually thinking of a scenario) my mind physically rejects it and is like “motherfucking do u wanna go back to THOSE shitty feelings??? really??? it was worse before!!” and i will definitely get over this crush, like im just lonely and its cuffing season, but it fucking sucks in the meantime like i feel like i cant date because im too nervous and scared to!!! im so scared they wont think im a man and i know thats not every person but like Jesus its enough that its a good possibility
6) this part is sad but i think i have to stop talking to my sister or at least give her limited info bc shes having her parents contact me through her and im not giving them shit so...
like she just texted asking when id be home and for the millionth time (BC NO ONE LISTENS TO ME) i said i wasnt going home, im never going home, stop asking and i know that its them asking her to ask me and they can honestly fuck themselves
like these are all problems that have solutions and i know the solutions but like im so tired of it lol im tired of having to deal with my family situation, im tired of being ignored and interrupted and not taken serious and having to explain my boundaries over and over and over again, im tired of not being able to talk to people for fear of getting hospitalized or interrupted or pushed onto meds, im tired of not having resources, im so tired of it all. Im so sick of being suicidal and not even being able to get out of bed and having to deal with being depressed and anxious and chronically ill fuck all of it
legitimately had to make a list of shit i could do over break so that i feel like i cant hurt myself until i finish it bc thats how my shit brain works. like i dont want to die but i also just dont want to deal with this anymore and i know itll get better in time but jesus fucking christ its been 8 damn years when does it actually get fully fucking good? its gotten better but more shit keeps coming up like yea i started hormones but now i dont have a fucking family anymore.
Even if i didnt have this list i wouldnt do it bc 1) i dont want to do that to my closest friend and 2) im helping someone get out of an abusive situation. She has like no support, just one cousin whos there for her, but he doesnt have resources for her. Ive been listening to her and validating her and making sure she knows that a) this is the type of shit abusers do and b) shes not fucking crazy for thinking certain things!!! she really isnt and i get it so much so ive been gently giving her contacts from the beginning to help her and she finally left and is in a really delicate place. So like not exactly the best thing for me to suddenly be gone and id feel terrible if she had no one there for her
anyway this was a long post that can basically be summed up as i really want to fucking kill myself but i wont but also im suffering a lot
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You did an intro to got7 a while ago could you maybe do one for A.C.E.??? They seem like a good group but I'm clueless atm so it would be v helpful!!!
lololol i did an intro to mark from got7 but not got7 as a whole, but yes ofc i will i love my talented bois and i love rambling about them heRE WE G O
an introduction to a.c.e, for dummies (jk ily choice is a great fandom pls join us)
also this is gonna get rlly long so im gonna put it under a cut
A.C.E is a 5-member boygroup under beat interactive!! which is a p small company atm so my boys dont exactly have the high quality living and practice areas and food that they deserve :(( THEYLL GET THERE THO IM SURE OF IT THEYRE LEGENDS
here’s their youtube channel with aaaaall sorts of goodies
i started stanning a.c.e predebut, bc they had a lot of content for a group that hadn’t debuted yet, and it was enough to snatch my attention real quick so you should check that shit out, they did a shitton of AMAZING covers and to get their name out there more, street buskings its a lot but i swear its worth your time theyre so talented!!
also they have matching tracksuits what more could you ask for tbh (as you can see from that vid, they’re literally so fucking extra)
a few of my favs are
this rlly long busking video w girl group songs and just a bit of everything tbh,
THIS amazing remix/cover of kard’s don’t recall by the rap line + this one cute girl,
only THE most iconic playing w fire cover, band version, (I WILL NEVER STOP SCREAMING ABOUT THAT VIDEO HONESTLY I COULD MAKE A POST ON THAT COVER ALONE ISTG)
their flashlight cover that is enough to make a grown man cry omfuckigngOD it makes me feel things hjskskkh
that ONE TAKE dance cover they did of 3 of taeyangs songs, all focusing on a different member of the dance line
im gonna stop here before i link every damn cover they made
okay so now that thats covered (bad-um-tss) time for…DEBUT
THIs beauty right here is their debut song cactus, which has this really deep meaning to it. bc they came from a small company so they have to work extra hard to even be able to debut let alone be successful and they’re like a cactus bc cacti grow in the desert where there’s very little water but they still manage to stand strong even through the hardest of weather an environment conditions and eventually sprout beautiful flowers,, buuuuuut its also a meme for obvious reasons.
tbh debut era choice culture was just listening to cactus on repeat for days bc it was their only song at the time skjslaas not much has changed tbh LMAO but yes theyre a very edm loving group so their DANCE SKILLS ARE ON POINT SERIOUSLY IVE SEEN FEW GROUPS AS AMAZING AT DANCING AS ACE WOWOW
oh yeah did i mention that their fandom name is choice and that choice are literally the softest fandom my multifandom ass has e v e r been in?? theres literally no cringy or toxic side of the fandom its just so soft and welcoming and pure and everyone is so nice and sweet and friendly and just??? wow i love choice a lot hjkskjsshkhk choice are also SUPER talented too stan talent stan choice
speaking of cringe ace is that group that just like skipped the entire “rlly cringy boygroup debut phase” completely like no weird debut haircuts or outfits or weird lyrics about girls, well actually thats all kinda objective but like they made those outfits work ok and im a cactus isnt that weird of a lyric if you know the deep meaning behind it
aS yOu CaN sEe, cactus era was the era of the tHIGHS and the hot pants. it was literally so iconic it blew up and with great reason too, have you seen those thighs?? AND THEY KNOW IT TOO they even mentioned they chose the hot pants as their style concept and took better care of their legs than their faces. true kings. heres a video of a.c.e talking about the whole hot pants thing and just their legs in general its some quality shit. and heres a video where they decide to show off just how great their thighs are bc they like to kill choices like that, this video is important and iconic bc its where the wowson ship began and also when they declared who the king of thighs were amongst the kings of thighs. definitely a necessary watch for new choice imo. donghun lowkey grinds on the floor at 4:04, you’ve been warned. honestly that video just gets progressively gayer lmao i love it
also for us international choice they made an ENGLISH cover of cactus CAN YOU BELIEVE IT I LOVE THEM SM they didnt have to but they did and oml stan a group who stans you back this hard their english aint that great but theyre trying and i appreciate it so much theyre so amazing look
five months later they dropped their second single, callin’, and b o y was this a stressful comeback, beat had us FOOLEd,, i genuinely thought it was gonna be a flowerboy soft concept yknow with like some sweet lowkey ballad or soft pop song, but nOOooOOOooo, MORE HARDSTYLE EDM not that im complaining callin is a bop but i was TRICKED
LOOK AT THIS SHIT ITS ALL AESTHETIC AND THE CLIP OF THE SONG WAS ALL SOFT I WAS REALLY EXPECTING SMTH SOFT im sorry im still salty that beat tricked me but ITS FINE bc callin is a HELLA BOP like i honestly didnt expect them to top cactus so quickly bc like cactus was hella but they DID and its amazing and heres the link be blessed (warning, these gifs above make it look like a soft vid but there are LOTS of flashing colours and lights and its really intense on the eyes if youre not comfortable with that dont watch, just listen)
they also supplied multiple dance pracs you can find on their channel for callin bc ace feeds us well, although callin had a reaaaally short promotion period bc right after they got thrown onto survival shows for more publicity, but hey, its working!! choice is growing bigger every day and im so proud
donghun, wow and jason all went on yg’s show mixnine, and jun and chan went on the idol rebooting show, the unit. both teams are doing EXTREMELY well on their respective shows!! but ill talk more about that in their individual member profiles bc they havent been put on the same team for anything yet rip
edit: mixnine finished and donghun and jason made the cut for the final group, sehyoon didn’t :(( so dongson will be promoting with the mixnine group for a lil bit!! also chan made it to the unit debut group but jun didnt. im hoping for a sehyjun subunit pls
that was long af but now im gonna dive into the members individually!! so its probs gonna get twice as long sorrynotsorry i warned you
Jun (Park Junhee)
jun is the so-called fiery leader of ace (also lead dancer and lead vocal) but is honestly just a giant dork and a sweetheart. hes the type of guy who you scream at for being dumb and call him an idiot but thats your weird way of expressing your undying love for him?? ask literally any jun stan, they’ll say they hate him. hate him for being so PERFECT like a fucking DISNEY PRINCE he’s the designated prince of the group you know theres always that one member and hes just so LOVEABLE and stupid and skjdakhkjs he fuckign dropped his cake on his birthday when do your faves ever. dad of the group, probably lost the maknaes in the shopping mall about 3 times already. talks a lot, hates aegyo, his members might be planning on sacrificing him to satan? he does on idol class with chan every…i think its wednesday and fans vote who gets punishments n stuff and jun loses every damn time i think hes losing his faith in choice lmao. #saveleaderjun
he’s kinda married to donghun, they’re the parents of ace but donghun might try murder him in his sleep idk man, but now hes on the unit with chan and theyre all cute and you can literally ship everyone with everyone in this group
he has HELLA charisma on stage tho oh my gOd also he has one of the most unique singing voices ive ever heard so its really easy to single out, his face also is the first i learned to tell apart?? he has rlly high cheekbones and a wide but thin smile.
this is actually an ot5 video not just jun but jun’s reaction was by far the most iconic so i have to put it in his section, get you a fave who can FLY lmaooo
it would be CRIMINAL if i didnt solo out jun’s ringa linga cover, thE MOST ICONIC JUN COVER EVER HJFKDSJKFDSJK if i ever stop talking about this assume im dead bc IVE NEVER GOTTEN OVER IT jun in a leather jacket looking all rude and staring at the camera like that im WEAK, SO WEAK, AAAAAAAAHHHH
[ahem] MOVING ON
Donghun (Lee Donghun)
donghun, sometimes romanised as donghoon and often referred to by choice as hun or hoon, is the oldest member of the group and another total sweetheart, honestly ace is just a group of sweethearts, he cares for his members so damn much and is super soft?? but ALSO A s Av Age he’s on mixnine with sehyoon and jason and he SHOT DOWN YG, once again I C O N I C, yg was at a loss for words, heres more receipts of him being savage, i love my sassy boyfriend. BUT HES ALSO A SWEET NOODLE HJKSHJKS oH and did you know that before he joined a.c.e he had no experience in dancing whatsoever and in a year and a half, he caught up with the other four members that have been dancing since they were kids?? I STAN TALENT YALL you’d literally never be able to guess that bc all of them are like on an equal dance level its insane
also he used to have braces during cactus era and it was the softest shit
[cOUGHS] so like did someone say disrespect,,, bc he can do that too,,,,, aAAAAAAAH the duality of this man istg
he’s the main vocalist and has vO C AL S OF AN A N GEL, he has so much soul and emotion in his voice, and has adlibs for days oh my god, he also has the MOST BEAUTIFUL FALSETTO i’ve ever heard, fight me, actually come at me. his voice works REALLY well with chan so they pair him up with him for quite a handful of covers like the all of me one i linked (one of my favs omfg it makes me emo) cause like, his soulful voice plus chan’s higher, sweet voice just sounds so great together i love our main vocals wow.
sPEAKING OF WOW,
Wow (Kim Sehyoon)
his stage name is wow, but its hard to take seriously so the fandom just calls him sehyoon lmfao. it used to be seyoon but when he went on mixnine, he revealed sehyoon was the official romanization so here we are lmao. even if your bias isn’t sehyoon…it’s sehyoon. he’s just that guy ya feel me?? anyways sehyoon is a relatively quiet and reserved guy, but his members really pull out the dork in him, i love it so much?? he doesn’t talk much but when he does all of a.c.e directs their full attention to him to listen, its really sweet, hes pretty awkward with people but you can tell he just feels so safe and comfortable with ace it honestly warms my heart. he’s the main rapper and main dancer, but!! our multitalented man is also a vocalist. yes, you heard, me, the main rapper can sing, and really well at that. (if you scroll up back to the flashlight and dont recall covers, you can see more of his voice.)
gets the least lines, but not by much. although hearing his singing voice in their actual songs has happened like with 2 lines?? so idk man im just waiting for their ballad song that theyre apparently doing for their third song, god im so ready. i love his voice a lot, damn.
he’s also like reeeeeeeeeally gay for jason…the entire fandom ships it and they even ship it themselves. wowson, the otp of ace, they honestly just cant keep their hands off eachother??? i know a friend who struggled to tell apart jun and jason so she just looked at who sehyoon was standing next to and instantly knew it was jason. THEYRE SO CLINGY. i love my squishy boyfriends.
OHHH BOY…i really could’ve used an even more disrespectful gif than this but that would ruin the surprise of watching it in the actual video!! as you can see, sehyoon is the K I N G of disrespect on stage, that shy lil fluffle bean you see offstage?? GONE. DISAPPEARED. VANISHED. this is why his stage name is wow, sehyoon disappears and you just go wow. choice has dubbed him king of bodyrolls with great reason, he makes every concept into a sexy concept, he just has that intimidatingly sexy aura to him, its incredible.
now…are you ready….i bet youre not…who am i kidding NOBODY was ready for this shit. on mixnine, sehyoon was picked as leader for one of their stages (i think he was leader for ringa linga too??) and got to choreograph the routine. if you think its already rude 10 seconds in, its all over for you bitches when the lighting goes yellow. i feel the need to repeat, our boy CHOREOGRAPHED THIS. IT WAS ALL HIS IDEA. EVERY. SINGLE. PART. this is the same kid who everyone on the show knew as the shy, quiet, handsome boy. but then.
but then he did this.
Jason (Kim Byeongkwan)
jason is his stage name that he chose for himself but his real name is byeongkwan, its another case of an idol having a stage name and nobody calling them by it?? i mean most new choice call him jason and i personally switch between the two but most choice seem to call him byeongkwan or bk if theyre extra lazy lmao. memers call him byonk sometimes.
jason is the weird child of the group and we all love him…he’s the second lil ball of sunshine and part ½ of the maknae line. he’s often found clinging to sehyoon or literally any of the members bc he’s an affectionate son who loves cuddles okay?? p r o t e c t h i m.
he’s also the lead everything. yeah thats really not fair but jason is op ok?? singing, rapping, dancing, visual, like sehyoon he’s the full package, i can hardly call them the rap line they’re just the op line t b h. triple threats.
on their official twt jason likes to confirm wowson a lot, its p great lololol he’s the biggest wowson shipper of all time. want more wowson? i gotchu, here’s one of my absolute fav moments. (ft. junchan/chun)
he has some HELLA CHARISMA on stage like boy can u pls chill. they also love doing his eye makeup with that red makeup and it looks rlly good bc bk has such pretty eagle eyes and its his Look™ and that along with his onstage persona is a DEADLY COMBINATION HDSJKSKSLKJS
i’m just gonna keep this short; even if your bias isnt byeongkwan, your bias is byeongkwan. he has that affect on everybody. number one bias wrecker out of the fandom t b h apart from sehyoon (he cant be my bias wrecker if he is my bias so im safe :^J)
Chan (Kang Yuchan)
INTRODUCING OUR CHANSHINE, MAIN VOCAL OF ACE, CUTIE MAKNAE CHAN!!!! he always introduces himself as a.c.e’s main vocal cutie maknae chan, its his iconic line and it suits him so well like LOOK AT HIM ISNT HE JUST A FUCKING RAY OF SUNSHINE WHAT A PURE CHILD I MUST PROTECC he’s literally the happy virus y’all AND ACE KNOWS IT TOO heres this one time where donghun even said that looking at chan cheers him up. certified sunshines only, everyone. also watch that whole video its long but its worth your time.
anyways our boy is a main vocal and as mentioned in donghun’s part they harmonize!!! so!! well!! i mean tbh all of ace can harmonize with eachother its the most beautfiul thing but these two are main vocal for a reason okay. if you didn’t already watch it in donghun’s part listen to THIS and have your ears be blessed i cry everytime oh my god skdfhd ALSO THIS IS SUPER IMPORTANT ITS LIKE ONE OF MY FAVOURITE VIDEOS ON THE INTERNET i want to cry i lvoe chans voice so much i love chan i love kang yuchan og hmylhdg sodf i was gonna say i swear im sehyoon biased but im not istg ace is bias wrecking me 24/7 its been the hardest group to pick a bias in ever im not kidding i cant even
also known as kang RUDE, chan was all innocent sunshine and daisies until out of the blue he decided to give the disrespect king sehyoon a run for his fucking money. NOBODY FUCKING SAW IT COMING WE ALL THOUGHT HE WAS SO PURE AND THEN HE SUDDENLY STARTED FLASHING HIS ABS EVERYWHERE AND GRINDING ON THE FLOOR AND DOING THAT AND WE JUST CANT HANDLE IT i dont know a kang yuchan please save me oh my lord
okay this already has an ungodly amount of links and honestly i could go on, but this should be a good enough kickstart for you!!
stan talent stan a.c.e everyone. welcome to the choice family. its literally the softest and sweetest fandom out there. we welcome you with open arms and lots of cacti!!!
#the-parting-gllass#ive been procrastinating finishing this for god knows how long#i got this ask weeks ago#made half the guide in one day#then forgot about it#lmao#i hope it was satisfactory#a.c.e#ace#ace7#kpop#ace kpop#guide to ace#ace for dummies#jun#junhee#park junhee#donghun#lee donghun#wow#ace wow#kim sehyoon#sehyoon#jason#byeongkwan#kim byeongkwan#chan#yuchan#kang yuchan#ace jun
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IGNORE THIS, ITS A RANT ABOUT ABSOLUTE NOTHING
dont say you havent been warned...
im fucking angry. my phone is a fucking ass and i want it to die in a hole- please go die in a hole phone... or got to the damn apple store and get fixed so youll i dont know STOP DELETING MY PHOTOS AND CONTACTS AND LOGGING ME OUT OF EVERYTHING AND GLITCHING!??!?1?1 get your DAMN SHIT TOGETHER PHONE OR IM GONNA THROW YOU INTO A WALL.
i swear if ula says stop phone abuse... shhh- its being stupid.
but why am i writing this? i dont know, i like ranting- its fun because my life is very sad and boring and i dont know how many times ive cried out of sadness and frustration today BECAUSE OF MY PHONE- and other things.
and i dont feel like going onto instagram to see blood pictures- why?- and have some nightmares thankyouverymuch... also why??? i swear i hate october sometimes. and i have a math test tomorrow and i cant even finish the revision sheet i forgot everything (we had damn residentials dont blame me)
also i dont wanna go onto instagram because im gonna see nice art by 13 year olds... like me... that have friends... and dont have methylchloroisothiazolinonephobia (thats a mouthfull) and can actually tALK TO PEOPLE! i envy you dude... the internet makes me sad sometimes seriously.
i would honestly vent more about my feelings and stuff but hELLO PEOPLE I KNOW IRL- IM NOT READY TO TELL YOU ABOUT THIS STUFF BECAUSE IT INVOLVES YOU AND HAHA- ill tell you someday when im happy...er...
i dont even know if im happy anymore- for the most part im really sad and isolate myself from everyone and i have my reasons to do that but ahem people ik irl... you can see this,
i actually like this... just typing down my thoughts and stuff- so that way i dont look insane when i talk to myself in my room- seriously why does EVERYONE i know always act like im the ONLY PERSON WHO DOES THAT??? seriously, and also because then i dont just end up looking dumb for telling this to people that actually dont care and dont even listen (wow thanks)
people ik irl, dont ask me why i dont open up... thats why.
also because i think everyone will assume that ill just end up crying over that one really sad usuk fanfic which... i probably do a lot and people on snapchat always feel the need to tell me how annoying my story is and how it ‘spams their notifs’ idiot you can just SKIP MY STORY- ITS BASIC KNOWLEDGE OMFG, i dont CARE if you skipped my story again stop telling me in english class jfc.
wow i ranted a lot... i think im the only person on tumblr who actually just rants in a text post instead of the tags but ill try not to make this a common occurrence because i rant a lot???? thats probably a bad thing but i have a lot to complain about especially when people are idiots on instagram (we GET IT YOU HATE USUK YOU CAN GO NOW) jeez, if you hate a ship just ignore it dont be that person who just googles it for no reason then complains... you googled it, your fault.
yeah thats mostly what i rant about- people who hate usuk but then google it anyway for no reason- i have a lot to say about that actually but im not going to because i dont think tumblrs ready for that amount of rage... but one day... just pray that i dont make another one of these honestly, today was just a rough day in the evening and i had a lot on my mind and i actually filled 8 pages in my journal... wow... and just ive been feeling down for a while and my phone didnt make it any better.
welp thats me done ranting- whew that was long... have a good time and pray i dont do this again.
-b
#hush brice#rantrantrantrantrant#ignore ignore ignore#IGNORE THIS#ITS A RANT#RANT#ME RANTING FOR A LONG TIME#IGNOREEEE
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wow dont read this if youre gonna unfollow for me speaking a bit abt my life situation btw even if the whole thing sounds so much like a 15year old narcissistic cunt’s post venting about their emo problems and their ‘i hate my fucking life’ stick like i used to vague about on scattered fanfic french blogs; look ill get over myself ! sooner than you think ! but i havent made a really personal post on this blog in a while cos it felt.. useless and self pitying in the wake of the really upsetting suffering i see on my dash, from the mutuals i consider friends and the political situation that i kinda want to escape from? but even then. that feels self pitying. and also its almost 8 am so no one will see the bs im posting. so anyway an update on my thrilling life ! my moods have been flickering between extreme anger and complete exhaustion ! obssessively checking social medias of artists i really looked up has transformed the feeling of admiration i felt into complete beatdowns of myself, always comparing myself to them and rejecting everything decent i made.. getting angry over ship content for absolutely no reason when ive always been the type to be ‘oh fuck it live and learn’; now my anger is making me feel like im expecting ppl to draw content for a f/f rarepair and when this rarepair is overshadowed by huge het or m/m popular pairs i get pissed off, storm and brood about it, feeling like im a child throwing a tantrum ! so thats fun !!!!!!!!!!! lol !!!!!!!!! all my insecurities flooding back because the dam is damn broke when ive been taping it the best i could over the past years. so im feeling intense jealousy at talented artists finishing their projects and starting new ones, and w/ mikus 10th bday coming up and everything- it feels like when youre following your multiplayer guild’s quest in a mmorpg but with bad internet. theyre accomplishing so much and im. here? what? what achievement do i have for myself? oh yeah. i played dr:ae at least ten times. and yet i still couldnt find the energy to make decent dr:ae fanart. its awful. its terrible ! and my asshole dad feels like he can strut all he want because i chickened out on calling the cops on him that one time and hes been even more verbally abusive, although the good side is hes not hitting me or my sis anymore. i guess pulling a knife on him once when hes done so on me so many times impressed him a bit, yknow, the snake that comes back to bite you in the ass? you reap what you sow bs? yeah. so no more slaps or punches, which is good. i guess he yells more and lashes out at the dog, which is terrible, but he hasnt been a complete ass to the rabbit, mostly because hes too lazy to come upstairs and kick chaussette’s cage or smash stuff off the shelves i guess. still the wifi is Very bad cos obvs my parents are hogging the bandwidth, the weather is bad, my sis and i dont have money to fish out of our purses to go to the pool, the library is closed & friends are either working or on holiday away with their families, also our teacher just confirmed that there will be an entrance exam at the start of year2 and i need to get stellar grades to get into the teacher course,so im wasting my eyes frantically speedrunning japanese grammar basics from year1; while my moms accusing me of being selfish for not wanting to go on a stupid 2week trip when i want nothing to do with her and my dad. my ex’s situation is still hanging over my shoulders, that bitch is still cursing me beyond the grave shes been digging and the shit morons that are her friends are still trash talking me, make ‘triggerd memes ;)))’ about me which is fine i guess :)) at least im not lurking their every tweet & post they do so my head is mostly clear on that, the trick is not to think about it or else it WILL fuck me up.. u got other worries like im worried about getting a job even and im worried about celeste’s job and while i know she definitely can handle herself im afraid of drunks coming into her store, have been ever since i started living with one, so theres that lel.
im glad i got to spend some time with suke and yura and manon before we parted ways two weeks ago, and celeste i ever so sweet.. its been 1 (one) whole year since weve been together although it feels like ive loved her for .. way longer than this so. like if i could get one wish rn, it’d be to get to leap across the ocean so i could be physically close to her and enjoy some time w/ her. get you a girl who gives you butterflies like that, man. shit. wow wow chica bow wow this is long winded and whiny and ill probably regret ever writing that
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tagged by @01bri . thank you so much!!!
Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people
LAST:
1. Drink: peach green tea from starbucks
2. Phone call: my mom
3. Text message: my friend viviana bc i was telling her about this old lady giving me the stink-eye for blasting celia cruz out the car lol
4. Song you listened to: tequila by g.soul
5. Time you cried: last night over how good haechan looked in cherry bomb (REBLOG IF YOU AGREE LMAO)
HAVE YOU:
6. Dated someone twice: nope, and wouldnt want to. if we broke up we gonna stay broken up lol
7. Kissed someone and regretted it: havent kissed anyone
8. Been cheated on: nope
9. Lost someone special: yes, sadly
10. Been depressed: yup, but i think my depression is well handled now
11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: nah man, im a child of jesus
LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:
12-14: maroon/crimson, forest green, & dusty rose
IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:
15. Made new friends: yes!
16. Fallen out of love: lol, never been in love
17. Laughed until you cried: every damn day lmao
18. Found out someone was talking about you: mhm, and i shut that shit down real quick. dont mess with a cuban/italian lmao
19. Met someone who changed you: my friend caleb
20. Found out who your friends are: yes, and im glad i have. i dont need any more negativity in my life
21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: nope
GENERAL:
22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: i think pretty much all of them except for like 5 or so
23. Do you have any pets: i have a cat named sammi and he is the spawn of satan LMFAO
24. Do you want to change your name: i used to when i was little because i thought it was boring, but now i really like and appreciate it
25. What did you do for your last Birthday: i went out with two friends for lunch, and then we blasted suavemente and danced in the best buy parking lot at like 10:30 at night XD
26. What time did you wake up: around 1:30pm. it wouldve been later but my mom said she brought home mcdonalds lol
27. What were you doing at midnight last night: facetiming my friend viviana and crying over how good haechan looked in the cherry bomb mv
28. Name something you can’t wait for: GRADUATION!!!!!!! SENIOR YEAR BITCHES LETS MAKE IT GOOD
29. When was the last time you saw your mom: like 5 mins ago lol
30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: bring my friend caleb back
31. What are you listening to right now: myself typing this long ass q&a post lmfao
32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: idk probably
33. Something that is getting on your nerves: ignorant and uneducated people like ughhhhhh
34. Most visited websites: probably youtube, my online course website, and buzzfeed bc i love to procrastinate by doing a quiz when i should be doing my classes lol
35. Mole/s: i have like 3 on my neck ( 2 of them are close together so it looks like a vampire bite, i know its dope asf lmao)
36. Mark/s: i have a bunch of beauty marks/freckles all over my body, plus scars on my legs for being a complete idiot as a kid who thought she was fucking superman at the playground XD
37. Childhood dream: to become a marine biologist, or go to hogwarts (idgaf about marine biology anymore, but im still pressed i never got my acceptance letter to hogwarts)
38. Hair color: naturally blonde, but its dyed to a redish-brown now
39. Long or short hair: medium-long hair
40. Do you have a crush on someone: nope, all the boys at my school crusty asf
41. What do you like about yourself: my sense of humor, my sass and wittiness (basically my personality in general), and my eyes
42. Piercings: 2 on each lobe
43. Blood type: idk but i think its AB
44. Nickname: tori and grandpa lol
45. Relationship status: single and an independent woman who dont need no man
46. Zodiac: taurus/gemini cusp
47. Pronouns: she/her
48. Favorite TV Show: rupauls drag race, and impractical jokers
49. Tattoos: none yet, but when i turn 18 next year im getting one for my bday and more down the line
50. Right or left hand: leftie!
51. Surgery: none, thank jisoos
52. Hair dyed in different color: shit my hair has been the whole fucking rainbow lmfao. ive dyed it red, magenta, pastel pink, dark blue, red/brown, and purple.
53. Sport: i used to play volleyball and basketball but i ended up breaking my ankle so its difficult to run around now (also im a lazy piece of shit too lmao)
55. Vacation: i just recently went to savannah, ga & washington d.c to see some family (me and my cousin binge watched the harry potter series the whole time it was lit)
56. Pair of trainers: im guessing we talking about sneakers. the only nice ones i got are my adidas, the rest are like converse and keds lol
MORE GENERAL:
57. Eating: i had sushi for dinner. blessed the fuck up
58. Drinking: peach green tea from starbucks lol
59. I’m about to: finish working on my english project (kill me pls)
61. Waiting for: monsta x first win (wow i love triggering myself) :)
62. Want: PEOPLE TO STOP SLEEPING ON MONSTA X SO THEY CAN GET THEIR FIRST WIN FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD IN THE WORLD ASDFGHJKLDKDFK
63. Get married: i dont think i want to get married bc i dont like feeling like im held down. maybe when im on the verge of becoming a crazy cat lady i’ll reconsider lol
64. Career: music producer, psychologist, or private investigator
65. Hugs or kisses: i dont really have a preference but i guess hugs
66. Lips or eyes: EYES!
67. Shorter or taller: i would like someone taller than me idk just bc
68. Older or younger: older, but not by too much. i think the max would be like 5 years older
70. Nice arms or nice stomach: IM A SUCKER FOR SOME NICE ARMS LIKE SDJSDLKNAFGK;FKFd
71. Sensitive or loud: LOUD. i cant have someone too sensitive it would drive me insane. i have a really strong personality, so if you sensitive as shit you’d probably cry just bc i looked at you lmfao
72. Hook up or relationship: relationship
73. Troublemaker or hesitant: probably somewhere in the middle. i dont want someone who is too scared/hesitant to do anything fun, but i dont want someone who will put me in a lot of bad situations. just a little mischievous lol
HAVE YOU EVER:
74. Kissed a Stranger: nope
75. Drank hard liquor: possbily vodka oF COURSE I HAVENT I AM A CHILD OF JESUSSSSSSSS
76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: my grandma freaking threw my glasses in the trashcan when i asked her to hold them while i went to play basketball with my neighbor
77. Turned someone down: many times lmao
78. Sex on the first date: no
79. Broken someone’s heart: possibly idk
80. Had your heart broken: by my biases bc they dont know i exist :’)
81. Been arrested: nah, and lets keep it that way lol
82. Cried when someone died: of course, im not that heartless
83. Fallen for a friend:i dont think i have
DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
84. Yourself: 100%
85. Miracles: no
86. Love at first sight: lmfao no
87. Santa Claus: when i was little
88. Kiss on the first date: depends
OTHER:
90. Current best friend name: ayszha
91. Eye color: hazel
92. Favorite movie:harry potter and the order of the pheonix
NOW, TAG 20 PEOPLE:
@won-markiepooh-woo @joshuahxng-kong @owopinky @echoayszha @puppyoongs @shownu-the-muscles @skittleluver101 @trollintraining @blockbyung @u-r-my-bias @puervy @tahyungs @jinn1e @min-yoongle @ole-dole-peaches @minyoong-ii @spidermalfoy11 @johnnys-hypewoman @sunshine-hoseok @joishua
(pretty much just tagged my mutuals. you dont have to do this if you dont want to, and if i didnt tag you and you would like to do this tag go right ahead!)
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back home again, got a little bit of transcribing done but not much and my friend said our neighbour started playing music right as i got home. damn im rly in bad luck lol
also its real real fcking hot in my room nd the neighbour is playing marco borsato and the opening of the dutch soap opera goede tijden slechte tijden????????? nd someone else is playing those summer hits-type songs / dutch rap and god, im so annoyed HOW could i get my homework done like this
also i havent posted abt this i think but my spalk(? the metal wire behind ur teeth that u get once u quit braces but still have to keep ur teeth straight) broke a few weeks ago when i ate smth hard like a nut or smth, so its still attached to my teeth but at one spot it’s broken nd the tips of the wires flare out nd the string is pulled tighter ever since it snapped.
on the good side, the weather was rly rly nice today!!! its like 20 or 21 degrees and not windy nor dry nor damp outside so its just like, wow no harsh wind that makess it hard to cycle nor sun nd heat thats so intense i smell like sweat in a minute, it was just nice weather while not being wintery and i dont think ive experienced that type of weather in the netherlands in years??? its either strong winds every day or too high temperatures or both
also the autism place i went to has cute alpacas and fluffy chickens and they walk near you w/o a fence and it feels so special TT_TT ive seen such alpacas (not the same ones tho) at their previous location but it still felt rly special
also i just discovered after talking to my friend that my “desk“ in my room is apparently a dinner table and that i explicitly said myself that i found the desks they had at ikea too low (nd i vaguely remember saying that?) but now i have this table thats too high nd i cant work well from this position hfgfhkj
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fuck it. anytime i talk to someone about this, they never take me seriously and im so sick of it. you say i can talk to you about anything that im feeling but im telling you this shit is really fucking me up and the most you can say is some shit like ‘wow sorry’ or ‘omg that’s crazy’ like i get it, sometimes you dont have shit to say but damn. or if i do start ot talk about it or something else with anyone, i get cut off because something else is more interesting or what ever you say is more interesting. this is why im always posting so much on this damn site because i cant get interrupted when im typing. this is why if i ever feel some type of way, i dont say anything until im t h i s close to killing myself because what’s the point anyway? what are you going to say to make me feel any better. what can i say to you to make you feel better. i feel like a failure of a person if i have to go to you about what i feel because now not only am i giving you my sadness and my deadweight (tainting your life, basically) but im also admitting to my own weakness and as a black young woman i cant afford to do that any more than i have in the last two years. so you know what? if this post is already too long for you then keep scrolling. otherwise, listen the fuck up because im gonna tell you how im pretty sure i have ruined my whole ass brain with some wacky shit.
*fstfwd to the part where im walking from the dorms to the track*
at first im cool, you know? im really chilling like having a blast until suddenly i feel that like dehydrated feeling where everything gets bright af and im a little dizzy. so i take a pause on the brick wall next to the sidewalk. i think classes have just let out for the afternoon so a good amount of people are walking by me. i still feel that ‘i havent had any water all day but im gonna do this super hard workout’ feeling as im sitting on the wall. then i look at people, and theyre all looking directly back at me (in hindsight, they weren’t) but when i blink, they turn their heads in slow motion away from me. now im getting worried. so i stand up slowly and make my way further down the hill towards the track. now i only see three people....but i keep seeing the same three people. i cant feel my body at all anymore now. not in like a ‘numb’ way but more like, my being has become the air around my body instead of my body itself. im walking on a treadmill now but the treadmill is made out of the sidewalk ive been walking on. everything is passing me but ive been walking in place for what seems like centuries. the guy in the red shirt passes me a fourth time and this time i make eye contact. as i look at him, his head splits into two different heads and they start to twist around each other. i try to ignore it because i know that any sort of freak out will not end well, so i pretend it’s normal and keep walking. i’ve finally made it to the crosswalk somehow and the sun is beaming on my arms. the heat feels different. it feels more like my skin is just different where the sun is hitting it. so i look up at the sun and the sky starts turning purple. again, i act like it’s normal. the same guy who’s head just split into two is standing next to me now as the crosswalk light tells us the cross. now im walking down the hill, still on the treadmill while ‘confidently lost’ keeps playing in my earphones. i lose track of what i hear normally and what’s in the song which is why im confused when this girl (one of the only three people i kept seeing on my walk) comes up to my other shoulder. she looks like a normal student, brown hair in a ponytail with super duper green eyes. like vegetable green. i dont take my earphones out but she looks at me and says “well....this is it”. and she keeps walking in front of me. a few steps later i start thinking she means death. then i start freaking out as im processing that i died and im trapped on our campus for eternity, walking on the same treadmill forever. then i start thinking maybe im in some sort of coma and there is a world outside of the one im living in. i go along with this idea. everything starts moving slower though and it’s scaring me because i see every phase of the movements. i move my hand in front of my face and i see 10 of them go by until they turn into one. i keep doing this until the trees around the walkway start bending and twirling in my way. (anyone on the outside wouldve seen me climbing over nonexistent small fences). the song is still playing and it’s driving me crazy because i dont know if i actually hear birds chirping or not. after wrestling and climbing my way through trees, i find myself at the track. i look up and the sky is still purple but the track itself is starting to rotate. i see som many people moving at once and it’s scaring me. it’s scaring me a lot that all of these people have the ability to move so much and i dont. so i turn around and walk to the locker room. i lay down on the couch and people filter in and out. no one really questions what’s wrong with me just laying there in normal, non-athletic clothes, staring at the wall (another concern we’ll address later because at least i know if i do off myself no one will actually care) except for ashley who assumes ive been crying because my eyes are bloodshot and swollen. some friends come in and just think im ignoring them talking to me about their problems, etc. i dont say anything. so i close my eyes (at least i think i do) everything goes black, like curtains have dropped and i see little bits of things that i thought i forgot from my life literally fly by me. like super quick trailers. then four circles appear at the end of a tunnel thing that was formed by these scenes and they start spinning around themselves. im aware of everything happening within my body at this point. i can feel every drop of blood inside me. my heart is beating slower than i recall it ever beating and when it does, it’s one hard pound against my chest. the air conditioner in the locker room turns on and i can tell because it’s making every nerve stand on end and the goosebumps raising from my skin are excruciatingly painful because i can feel them rising. like the intensity of everything my body was doing was just.......too much to handle. i start thinking “wait is this death or did i already die? is this official death?” and then i black out and come to when im at my apartment door and im unlocking it. i have no idea when i got here or when i made the decision to come here but here i am. i check the time on my watch “13:42″ and then go to sleep. i wake up and it’s dark outside. i check my phone and apparently ive had an entire conversion with my coach who was concerned after seeing me walk to the gate and turn around and a few random snaps, etc. i have no idea what happened. i start questioning which reality im supposed to exist in and i start wondering if the one ive been living in all along has been a hallucination. and the other day when i experienced pretty much the same thing again, it was a bit different because this time, my realities kept changing. like when you walk from one room to another, that’s how i would feel looking from one object to another. i dont ever want to feel this again but it’s obviously had some lingering affect because every now and then ill see something in my vision that i know isnt there, i wont process things ive done until way later (like responding to my boss today at a meeting. i didnt process that i said something to her until she was responding because in my head i was like ‘why is she talking to me rn’. ill be doing my usual walks and i’ll start feeling like im on a treadmill again. i dont know if it’s an out of body thing or if that’s what dissociating really is.....idk but it’s fucking scary because it feels like my entire being keeps leaving my physical being for brief seconds. that’s my story. that’s all i have wanted to say to people who pretend to care.
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