If you’re loved from the start, it gets stored in your cells, your brain recognizes it as the correct way for you to exist, and you don’t even get to doubt it; you seek it out as your birthright. When you don’t have it, your brain recognizes neglect and abuse as the ‘correct way for you to exist’ and you try and reprogram it, tell yourself thousand times it’s not supposed to be like that, you’re supposed to be loved, you’re supposed to be cared for, but you have no way to seek it out and have it, so it’s just struggling with your thoughts, all on your own. Feeling like you’re deluding yourself because surely if it was right and correct for you to be loved, you would be loved, at least for some part of your life, at least by someone. You’d at least have memories of how it felt, how correct it was, and you’d know what kind of situation you want to put yourself in, so you’d have that again.
But without it, you’re just blind without a map, telling yourself something you never experienced should and does exist, you only have no idea where to get it, or how to find it. And, if you do get closer to it, you’ll get uncomfortable and triggered and feel desire to leave. And you have to get out of it, because it’s part of your stability to get away from highly distressing situations, you can’t afford to be in distress that high.
Finding ways to feel like you have the right to be loved, is something complex and hard, that doesn’t come easily to those abused and unloved. It’s the one thing we have to teach ourselves over and over, and it still only works when other people agree, and put effort into being there for us, being willing to undo some of the damage done. You’re not to blame if you cant’ figure it out, or do it alone. If you struggle with relationships and friendships and feeling worthy, it’s absolutely not your fault. You were put in a situation where this would be hard. If you can only handle little bits and pieces, that’s okay. This is something other people are responsible for as well.
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Every character in Mob Psycho is so lonely at the beginning of the series, but they all express it in different ways so they don’t realize they’re all dealing with the same problem!
Mob makes himself small and quiet and blends in and does his best to never make a scene and never ask for anything and never think about what he wants. Reigen makes himself big and loud boisterous and takes up as much space as possible--but it’s all show, it’s all slight-of-hand, it’s a magic trick so everyone looks where he wants them to and he doesn’t have to risk anyone seeing through him. Ritsu makes himself perfect and dutiful and studious and pours himself into the mold of A Good Son, A Good Student, A Good Brother, and thinks that if he buries himself deep enough no one can touch him. Teru makes himself sharp and brilliant and frightening and puts himself at the top of the pyramid and convinces himself that it’s a feature that no one can get close to him. Dimple does the same thing--makes himself into a god and a monster, someone who only sees humans as pawns. Never equals. Never friends.
Everyone has walled themselves off from genuine connection, convinced themselves that there’s an important reason they’re alone that isn’t just that they’re afraid, and the series is about all of those walls being torn down, bit by bit. There are a million ways to be lonely, but the solution to all of them, every time, is vulnerability and kindness.
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The reason this fandom hates IDW Optimus isn't because he's a cop (plenty of people are fine with Prowl) or because he's a bastard (most characters in IDW are) but because he commits the crime of being an actual person who's messy, flawed, and makes a shitload of high stakes mistakes fitting for the intense situations and pressure he's put under constantly.
But we can't have Optimus actually react to his situations by lashing out or being unpleasant, no, he has to have the personality of a cardboard cutout of G1 whose only defining personality traits are "dad, funny, nice," and if he ever vents negative emotions it can only ever be #relatable depression or him being sad on his own without ever letting it show during the important parts of the story. If Optimus dares do things like be angry or frustrated or bitter it's just a sign that he's a bastard and LITERALLY the worst Optimus ever. If Optimus ever makes mistakes or does wrong things in the heat of anger/frustration/stress it's because he's just an evil bastard with no redeeming traits.
God forbid Optimus go through an unending gauntlet of war, politics, atrocities, near-complete loneliness, and a seemingly endless cycle of violence for his entire life and come out of it kind of bitter, angry, and tired of dealing with people's shit. He's not allowed to be a realistic person, context doesn't matter, sympathy doesnt matter. IDW Optimus doesn't fulfill the fandom's fantasies of Father Figure or Perfect Cultural Icon or Twinky Fucktoy and since that's the only reason most people care about Optimus in general, the fandom collectively trashes on IDW OP.
All because he can't fit into the overly simplified and childlike double standard the fandom has where if any other character is messy and flawed, that's good writing and interesting and compelling, but if OPTIMUS is messy and flawed, he's Literally The Worst and he's an asshole for no other reason than He Sucks, context be damned
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Little Bits I got from the hangout (Spoilers for Kaeya’s Hangout)
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Things in parentheses are my own thoughts rather than canon stuff.
- Kaeya is a very kind person at his core. Both to those he loves and total strangers.
- So many people love Kaeya. From the staff at the Winery to the KoF to the citizenry of Mond to mild acquaintances to total strangers, Kaeya is truly loved by those around him.
- The KoF are all co-parenting Klee together, though they disagree a bit on exactly HOW to parent her.
- Kaeya is a great schemer but he TERRIBLE at coming up with fake names (Albert Rich...really?)
- Kaeya was a very shy child while Diluc was rambunctious. Diluc would get them into trouble and Kaeya would go along with whatever Diluc wanted. (I hope that we get a bit more of their dynamic when they were younger explored and that we see more of what Diluc did to be a good brother to Kaeya)
- The entire winery loves Kaeya. Not just Adelinde, not just Adelinde and Elzer. Everyone. They watched him grow up into the man he is today and they consider him a member of the family.
- Adelinde has covered for Diluc and Kaeya’s antics in the past. (probably why she’s so adept at covering for Diluc’s darknight hero stuff.)
- Tunner knew that something bothered young Kaeya, that there was some sort of deep-rooted issue that it’s implied Kaeya never talked to them about. (If Tunner knew, it is very likely that others at the Winery knew that this kid had TRAUMA. My guess is that at some point somebody brought it up to Crepus, who had noticed something similar, and he then asked Kaeya about it. Whether Kaeya confessed at that point...IDK)
- Klee is the cutest thing to ever exist and she loves Kaeya so much (that is not opinion, it is fact).
- Kaeya sometimes forgets which lie he has told to a person before and uses it twice. Diluc WILL call him out on this, before inevitably capitulating to whatever Kaeya asks. (Standard older sibling behavior, you put up a fuss but ultimately you will do literally anything to make them happy. It’s why I think Diluc is the older of the two, even if Kaeya also has many older sibling traits).
- Kaeya got sick fairly often as a child, but has grown up to be healthier. Adelinde took good care of him whenever that happened. (Chronically ill Kaeya truthers rise up! Also, he was probably sickly because of a few factors: not having the immune system for Mond’s diseases, probably living in the Abyss, probably having malnutrition, he was abandoned in the MIDDLE OF A STORM, and because winters in Mond are harsh).
- Adelinde knows exactly how Kaeya likes his food.
- Adelinde cares a lot about how maids are supposed to behave, but only on the surface level. If Kaeya can word something correctly, she’ll happily capitulate.
- Kaeya knows a lot about the winery business. (Supports my personal headcanon that Kaeya was supposed to take over the Winery’s business after Crepus’s death, but then the fight happened).
- Kaeya loves to act and would consider doing it full-time. He is also apparently very good at it (wow shocker. Boy who was raised as a child-spy and is constantly lying is good at acting.)
- While onstage, Kaeya is allergic to subtlety. (I love this. 10/10, throw off the shackles of destiny and toss a prop into the audience).
- Kaeya doesn’t like to bask in the glory of the good things he does, sneaking out just as songwriting preparations are getting good (Kaeya is also fairly shy at his core, but the persona he’s formed won’t allow for that).
- Kaeya is known to be thoughtful and is a good gift-giver.
- Venti wholeheartedly accepts Kaeya as a child of Mondstadt, considers him a friend, and wants to see him throw off the shackles fate placed upon him. (I actually liked Venti a lot this hangout. We get to see him be silly but also wise, understand how he feels about the whole ‘worshipping Barbatos’ thing, and watch him encourage the creativity of others. Plus, imo this hangout basically confirms that Venti 100% knows about Kaeya’s predicament and more than anything wants to see that Kaeya is happy and cared for in Mondstadt).
- (Kaeya at least suspects that Venti is Barbatos. The way the english VA acted things was a little too pointed to seem like genuine lack of knowledge about Venti’s identity.)
- Barbara cares about family the most, to the point that she will suggest that over even the worship of Barbatos himself (this is unsurprising, but also very sad considering how rarely she and Jean get to interact as sisters).
- Diona will sing hymns about fish-related foods and Venti 100% supports singing about that over Barbatos (also unsurprising).
- Diluc CAN AND WILL kill anyone who harasses his staff (somebody please draw fanart of Diluc fucking bumrushing poor Captain Wu to defend the maids, the image is simultaneously sweet and HILARIOUS).
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i think i’ve learned a lot when it comes to not applying my own values to the media i consume
for my script analysis class yesterday, we discussed two gentleman from verona, and nearly every classmate of mine was up in arms about how sexist the story is.
and i'm not saying it's not, or that it's not infuriating to read. but i'm also not putting my energy into getting upset about something written 500 or so years ago. and i'm not about to put my own beliefs onto these characters that are not me. i'm going to let their choices speak for themselves, and interpret it in the context of the story.
all that said, this now brings me to the point of alastor in episode 5, and how viscerally people are responding to it. those of you up in arms about the choices he’s making, and the violent threat he gave husk, you’re missing the entire point of his character, of this place they’re in, of the story being told. he’s an overlord, and he became an overlord by killing much bigger overlords and broadcasting their deaths over the radio.
HE IS NOT A GOOD PERSON.
if you started this show with the belief that every character working the hotel is a good person, you’re in the wrong place. watch the good place if you’re looking for a good wholesome story about getting dead sinners into heaven, because that’s not what this show is about.
you’re more than welcome to hate him after seeing the way he exerted power over a being whose soul he owns, but you’re doing the media you’re watching a disservice by writing it off so quickly. if you don’t like to be uncomfortable watching media, watch something else. this is an uncomfortable show, it handles uncomfortable topics, and it’s going to be an uncomfortable ride, and if you’re not up for something like that, then you should take a break from it and pick up something else. you don’t have to get online and defend your own ideals while you watch a show that goes against your ideals.
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tbh the more setting details i notice the more i realize how the other Vees are signaled as complicit/participant in Angel's abuse.
It's not just Velvette's 'love potion' being used in an attempt to roofie him out in the world - it's a huge poster of her advertising the 'love potion' put up in Val's studio, notably paired with a Voxtech 'Trust Us' poster on another wall. When Vox is walking past posters in his first appearance, Angel Dust posters are noticeable, along with a Love Potion advertisement that features both Val and Velvette and a poster that just seems to be for the Vees in general. When Angel backs away from Val in his dressing room, a scene where he's been taken out of sight of Charlie and is alone with Val - up pops a Love Potion on his dressing table to one side of him, and a Voxtech camera trained on him on his other side. The other Vees are present, in spirit. When Vox and Val fuck off at the end of Poison (and there's YET MORE to be said about that moment) and Angel finally has his moment of genuine breakdown, there's a Voxtech camera in the foreground pointed at him. Even when he's 'off-camera' he's not safe from observation, and even when he and Val are 'alone', the other Vees are there.
also Velvette is wearing the same outfit she's wearing in the Love Potion poster as she is in the finale, I don't think that necessarily means anything but well. i noticed it
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If you go with the theory that Dazai came from a super rich family and changed his identity once he was no longer with them, what if Bruce had met Dazai before he was Dazai?
Lol the whole "rich old-money Tsushima family" theory is very beloved to me, though im not sure how true it will end up. I have this inkling that Dazai's backstory is Not as dramatic as other's characters, but also at the same time!
Theory that Dazai was a rich kid with his parents having been tied in some way to the mafia (just like the Wayne family!) and then they suddenly die and at somepoint he is put under the care of Mori who's a trusted personal doctor of the family (and runs an underground clinic JUST like Leslie Thompkins, the Wayne's trusted doctor who runs an underground clinic on Park Row), and gosh thinking abt this potential backstory, dont you think about how if Alfred wasn't around, and Leslie was more of a control freak, she and kid Bruce would have marched up to Carmine Falcone's bedroom, slit his throat, and taken over the biggest organized crime family in Gotham. Oh. That's a cool batman au wait.
Ahh well anyways. Bruce meeting kid Dazai sometime during his misc. time going around the world and learning different fighting techniques and kid Daz or Shuuji or whatever being the. troubled. kid he is gets absolutley facinated by Bruce's quest for justice or whatever.
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