#why can't someone do it back for once
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Currently thinking of an Angel AU where Sanji is one of Cupid's angels for the past 800 years. He makes people fall in love. And for angels of love to ascend, reincarnate or reborn they're given specific clients that he needs to fall in love.
But he has a problem. A mold problem. He only has one client left that he needs to fall in love. And it's the lone wandering swordsman with an odd memorable green hair. And no matter what Sanji does. No matter who he matches the swordsman with as every new lifetime pass, the man just never falls.
And so, as Sanji begrudgingly stands on the swordsman's grave alone, he swore that on the man's next life (11th) he will make him fall in love by hook or by crook.
#sanji#roronoa zoro#vinsmoke sanji#zoro x sanji#one piece#zosan#black leg sanji#this is slight angst yall#sanji gave up concealing himself and showed up in front of zoro in the 11th life#his last resort was to annoy zoro to death about opening up and falling in love#zoro still finds love stupid#but falls i love with sanji anyways#sanji doesn't know because angels doesn't “fall”#zoro doesn't want to admit it because he knows once he does sanji will disappear/be gone. his mission will be over.#so he tries so hard to keep his feelings and he knows its impossible. crazy even to love someone that's transcendental#because he had been following Zoro's soul for the longest time he knows he was hiding something but can't make up what it is#zoro thinks all is well until sanji had been weakening. they didn't know why. until they went to an oracle that told sanji had sinned#his wings had started to shed and he grows weaker and weaker. Sanji's sin was Zoro fell in love him and sanji was starting to love him back#to save sanji. zoro was willing to rip & offer his heart up. but doing would remove his feelings but also he can never feel love#or fall in love ever again. zoro says its okay. he didn't want to fall in love with someone that isn't sanji#sanji still doesn't want to bc its the first time zoro felt love in centuries he'd known him. he didn't want to take it away from him.#sanji “dies” but since he was able to make zoro fall in love he passed his rebirth. cupid was moved by their love#so sanji was reborn in the current lifetime with his memories with zoro intact. they met each other after 2 years he “died”#they reunited. zoro met the strawhats during the 2 years.#the end#omg that was pretty long
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#i am once again asking what the fuck happened between february and the first week of may#this is why i don't get how people can say 'oh im sure charles knew ahead of time he just didn't know when xavi would leave exactly'#when nothing he's said today suggests he knew? or agreed to it?#and the timing is bizarre like if this was the plan all along why not do it before the season started#and not 6 races in with no explanation#charles even defended him in front of the press yet again when they were fishing for information#asking if this will mean communication will improve which...... lol fuck off#they didnt even have any major communication issues this year and the stuff that happened before was a result#of general pitwall fuckery - especially in 2022 when the mismanagement and chaos was egregious under mattia#feel like im just yelling into the void but this is seriously pissing me off#say what you want about xavi but this was objectively handled very poorly on fred/ferrari's part#not discussing the issue with the driver is already pretty bad but not even informing him prior to/during the miami weekend.....#that's just fucked up#i can't see mercedes or red bull blindsiding lewis or max like that#even mclaren like afaik whenever someone else has to step in as race engineer for the weekend the driver is aware in advance#like they literally just cut xavi off at the knees to do? what exactly? shove him in some dusty corner back at the factory or wherever?#never to be seen again? yeah fuck them ugh
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(´･ᴗ･ ` )
#I really like the “We're the bad guys' enemy” line. For someone I generally despise Dazai has all my favourite lines in this show…#Idk I can't really vibe with the unbalance that there is between s/kk.#Like when push comes to shove‚ Dazai has the power to keep Chuuya alive or let him die.#I understand why they make a compelling dynamic in their complexity‚ but it just doesn't do it for me.#I'm a little sad my opinion on them hasn't really changed since I watched the anime for the first time...#Also; I really can't vibe with Chuuya allowing Dazai to kill Q. Yes I know Chuuya cares about his comrades deeply.#Yes I know it can be interpreted as Chuuya seeing himself in Q as a living weapon and being disgusted by it#(though I honestly don't think that was intentional of the author).#Yes I know Chuuya is a mafioso and kills people. No I don't think your personal issues justify you being a dick to other people I'm sorry.#Back to my main annoyance with the episode: I must have already talked about this but I hate hate hate the narrative#“the mafia works for the city” “the mafia deeply loves the city too” it's so so sickening and insulting please stop I'm begging.#Please visit any actual city with a rooted mafia presence for once in your life (signed: someone whose hometown was destroyed by the mafia.#The writers really don't know what they're talking about and‚ politely‚ it's offensive.)#Also b/sd keeping being extremely nationalist with Mori (who's largely depicted unsimphatetically for the first part of the episode)–#bringing up western thinkers and subtly mocking Fukuzawa for not knowing them–#and Fukuzawa (the righteous man. the noble spirit and just soul in this episode and Mori's antithesis)–#stepping forward to say that he knows strategists from the east (because who else would he need?)#I don't know if it's meant to symbolize the conflict with an hostile and invading foreign power (the Guild).#But it does come across as. A very isolationist way of thinking.#I know it's subtle but it's really evident for me. And I didn't want to talk about this any further…#But by bringing actual examples of this I hope I can better explain why I think that b/sd holds nationalist views–#and that I'm not just making it up out of nowhere. Otherwise I fear I'd only come off as pettily hostile to b/sd in everything#That's it. I feel like I've been losing a lot of mutuals over my main recently due to not shutting up (sorry)#so I suppose it's only fair I lose them on here too pffttt.#Tune in next week for more bad takes#random rambles
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tfw one of your fav fics got added to a private/unrevealed collection so you can't view it anymore and you forgot to download it so you might never get to reread it again :(((
#eliot posts#why would you do that instead of orphaning it or making it anonymous??????#ughhh i always forget to download fics#at least it was just privated and not deleted so it might come back?#part of me wonders if it was actually an accident cuz sometimes how collections like that work can be confusing to authors#and i don't see the logic as to why someone would do that on purpose?#i wish i could ask why to get my curiosity satiated at least even if they don't end up making the fic public again#but i can't do that without like. commenting about it on one of their other fics. in a completely different fandom#and i'm not gonna do that cuz i reckon it'd just make the author real uncomfortable and i don't wanna do that#but like. it is gnawing at me nonetheless.#it appears to have only been privated for a week or two (after being available for several months prior)#so like hope is still very much there of it coming back#i once had a fic get straightup Deleted for months and the author disappear without a trace only for it to get reuploaded out of the blue#but yeah. reminder to dowload your fav fics! ao3 is not as permanent as you may think#god the fic was just. SUCH a good take on going no contact with an abusive parent and it delighted me to read#actually. i know it's a longshot but if any of my followers fastidiously download fics#do any of you have a copy of a toh fic called ''out of the blue'' abt amity and her family?#i would give you my firstborn for it#which means nothing considering i am not having any biological children but you know
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i’m two thirds through s4 (finished ep 8 tonight, didn’t have time to watch when it was airing live) and... it’s kinda not very good :( there are some things that i love (abraham and his whole storyline, litten who i already loved in s3, some scenes here and there) but overall i’m not feeling it. i have a lot more thoughts but i’m just wondering what the consensus in the fandom is?
#babylon berlin#babylon berlin spoilers#s4#i know i should finish the season before asking but i couldn't resist anymore#why are there so many uhm cringy scenes and dialogue#what's happening#all my conspiracy theories are coming true one by one but i can't be happy about it bc the writing is so lacklustre#once upon a time i thought this show would break the mold of german tv but it's been sliding right back into the fold#where the scripts are the weakest point of the whole production#some eps are better than others and it's not a total dud#but i'm so disappointed#esp since every review was hyping up the season as the best yet#and i'm someone who liked s3 just as much as s1/2 so i didn't expect the show to fall behind that?#they also got me all hyped up with the lubitsch and wilder inspo talk and it's been a massive overselling of what they're doing#like some of the whacky situations and charades are amusing but they have none of the refinement or wit of lubitsch and wilder#almost insulting to invoke them if this is what you're talking about#k that's my mini rant over :(
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having issues with men, the associations the instant distrust, which i dont like i dont want it i want things to be different, just all of it so much just the dynamic i have the relationship all of it the way the world is atleast online and having a younger brother. I wouldn't trade him for the world, I try and talk to him where I can and will continue to do so i adore him but i fear. i believe in him i want joy for him. I fear that his peers will feed him fckn brainrot and it scares me. not even just that he'll fall into that thinking that his fuckn upstanding that his unwillingness to follow ppl will hurt him. crazy shit at schools, like why tf r ppl dying kids young teens killing eaachother with knives? ??I don't want to loose him i don't want to see him loose who he is and the heart that he has i don't and i hope he rises above it all and will continue to. i feel like im stating what he has to be or smth but all i could ask for is his wellbeing, respect, humanity, that he treats himself well know what he deserves and has some sense of self, some gravity. I feel like shit sometimes for this aspect that i'm concerned that i just idk, i dont like the whole 'dont disappoint me' thing he owes nothing to me other than basic human decency and respect, hes a reason why i live but to i just that intrusive thought of there is no different the hell u think of is real about men to someone i hold so fckn dear to in a way show me their fckn fuckery its idk, like another? it'd hurt me, it'd hurt me bad.
i've never understood men or boys, amab, who go on about their connection or like protectiveness of their sisters of their mother but treat other women like shit like their familiars aren't women? you don't want to fuck them so its different? what is it like just whats the difference why does it have to pertain to you for you to care? do you care or do you see them as an extension? is it a personality trait for you? a 'lover boy' thing? a signal to women, women u imagine u want and is going to be 'ur woman' but u cant even like visualize them in a way that doesnt pertain to your sexual interests? a signal so people can say oh he loves his mother so hes good to go and prime? a 'mummys boy' ? are they not real women just because u dont feel that sort of way? talking about women that way with your friends? do i have to bring up the fact those same people could date your sister etc for you to care? those people could make the kids that surround your kids, your daughter. idk.
its like okay u want sex so u respect them less? did no one hear dont bite the hand that feeds you? what the fuck is going on. you cant fuck them so its all good? the demeaning-ness? lack of gravity, venom is just rapid, vapid
#*txt🗣️#real world issues#i instantly think of counter points before i say anything especially online and i hate it because its like im accustomed to ppl being accus#atory. at being contrary. shitting on vulnerability. shitting on emotions. shitting on hhumanity. shitting on the ability to care.#women can be pieces of shit men can queer folk can i can be you can be to me theres an ability just as people and the world of choice that#-e have. im not saying everyones on the brink of doing the worst and makes a choice not to either if ur going through that u need to seek#help or some sort of sincere dialogue well and truly. but the world around me has made me who i am just as much as my reaction. not all etc#is a no brainer. ppl dont have a neon sign on their forehead. its understandable why the caution has been fckn drilled into so many afab so#many women in the hearts of many and thats hurt fear and absolute rage simmering anger for bs. i understand proventitive cautions to ppl#especially those who tend to be the direct target demographic but to drill in fear to woman to afab not even just on a personal level imsur#everyones experience is different on that front and their thoughts but on a society level and then take no action to then be like atleast t#my knowledge or its just not fckn working bitch its crickets. men should be able to feel safe enough to share their fears and worries to be#vulnerable but that isn't coddling bs and pointing the fingers at women at afab. theres weight in the way both sexes have been socialized#its cause and effect i refuse that it can't be helped. i refuse it. i reject it. thats not me discrediting or trying to come at gender(s)#at ppls gender identity etc. i mean everything makes us who we are. its all part of a journey. ones sex doesn't invalidate such a thing.#humans are so complex to say someones just pulling shit out their ass for the giggles is wild. no matter what it rings true for people#its not for us to choose for eachother we don't choose what others want to share we can't decide how someone else feels we can't read them-#back a book they feel like they've never heard or is bs and give them the finger. u can't tell someone they're the authour and they didn't#write the book or they didn't hire you or agree and want u to write it for them? ur not a ghostwriter bitch ur writing perception#i mean the way we're brought up the way society has become accustomed it effects results its a world in of itself made#to no fruitful benefit atleast to me for any party. when desire grips you at the throat when you allow your will you allow your every whim#the desire isnt even desire anymore. now you're creating a loop you're creating a possibility for a life with no balance#if men are so upstanding they aren't like one another they aren't the bad ones why is the refusal to move forward and write past men up#write them wrong feel so heavy or resound so heavily atleast to me. write for better because you're better. know you're better.#excitement as it once was turns into not enough then again and again. and the core issue even thbere i care for other parties responsibilit#relationships are a back and forth dont choose for others what they want dont decide for others. ask them.#u shouldn't have to constantly prove ur different but heres the thing if in ur life those who know you atleast if u have walked the road#u speak of the valiant road you've trecked supposedly there'd be nothing to prove. you've walked it. if a new person comes along you dont#need effort to show you have basic respect for another. and if u dont have that respect dont get mad at those who dont want u in their live#u took yourself out their market. life is a in moment custom experience. buckle up. not me talking about love like a business worker or smt
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One of the problems with Scribe being so cursed now (for me, at least) is that. You know that one post with the person talking about their partner being out of town and them doing something weird where someone was like "Why?" and they replied "She's like 85% of my impulse control"
That's us but with executive functioning. Before she got sick she was most of the reason I remembered to eat, and now with her mostly bedbound most days, I will go an entire day without ever acknowledging that food exists. It's bad.
#'can't you just go back to what it was like when you lived alone?' well you see it was pretty much exactly like this#i remember i once almost went to the emergency room because i was so convinced something was seriously wrong with me#and something was! but it was the fact i was averaging 800 calories a day#and also low on sodium as a result which was fucking with my POTS#when scribe moved in with me my physical health improved almost overnight#because i was no longer experiencing like. eating disorder levels of malnutrition purely on accident#however. fate wants me dead so bad#so here we are again#genuinely do not know what to do about it. i was building better habits but they were very reliant on someone i live with helping me out#which like. i do not think is inherently codependent#but that isn't really an option now#anyways guess who did not eat yesterday and only really realized when i was like wow i cannot function today why is that#how do you even manage that? like seriously how
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not to overreact on main but.......why do white people go to actual effort to engage in microaggression like i am genuinely so.
#this man is just flat out calling me by my last name no title in front of it nothing#he did it in his first email and that was whatever he may not have known but when i replied i signed off w my first name#he used it once#and now we're back to just addressing me by my last name and like......idk i hate it#it is genuinely easier to use my first name to use the name i signed off with why are you not#and this is why posts about how we need to be kinder bc white people are 'trying' regarding our names just bother me bc it's like#it is so often laziness#so often people not giving a shit and not bothering to check#i can tell when it's laziness and i can tell when someone's genuinely trying#i would never get on someone for genuinely trying#but if you demonstrate being able to address me correctly and then.....stop doing that#what am i supposed to think lol#this happens so often i'm just tired. why am i supposed to suck it up when you can't get my damn 4 letter name right#delete later#sorry. it's been a Week lol
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my football team is so hopeless
#not dortmund lol i mean the club i play at myself#it makes me want to quit ngl#there are just so many things i'm fed up with#at times it's not fun anymore#i like playing football but there's just a lot wrong with this team#but i'm mostly just hanging around because i don't want to let my coach down like he cares and genuinly seems like a good coach#the only thing which gives me a bit of hope#and i hate letting people down 😅 that and also i hate giving up#but i have never seen a team more hopeless or felt more hopeless playing a sport 😅#and he apparently thinks i'm kind of important to the team which i kind of get but also it doesn't really make a difference...#we're just so hopeless i can’t turn this around lol#i always start and i hope it continues but there's not much i can do#we just have too many people who don't care last match so many have given up#some of our team just refuse to run or move at some point it's awful#like why can't you try#we always loose so high like what's the point but still don't give up#besides that the endurance (and also sprint speed) of most is awful which could be trained to a point#but whenever the coach tries to do that almost no one shows up 💀#and i usually play wing or outside midfielder but i'm supposed to also be a defender apparently what#whenever we get a goal on my side and i'm not back in defence someone moans at me like that's my fault#i get working back but i can’t be everywhere especially when some people don't move#and i actually try to get the ball foreward or try to get the ball back in the front because i don't give up when we're behind#i want to score goals and not settle with loosing and only sit back to do defence anymore#naturally there will be open spaces when i try to do that but how is giving up better even when it's hopeless we could still try scoring#and i can't be everywhere they should try my position they would never last 90min running like i do#besides i'm already exausted each week from my training before like i do sports 2-3 hours 6 or 7 days a week#unfortunately i have to because once again i'm trying some entrance exam (for sports to become a teach in sports and english hopefully)#asides from that i don't like most of the people at my club 😅 it feels a bit like highschool again and i didn't like highschool#so many are ignorant and judgemental#like the girl i told you about with her comment about the cleaning lady instead of wanting to clean up her stuff herself 🙄
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starting an origins server with some of my siblings friends and i just found out everyone's making characters up for it i feel like the combo i picked has so many possible outcomes
#i'm thinking of going a grimwalker route where they like a memoryless clone of someone they never knew#my spawn is in the nether and i def wanna make it my home base. i don't think anyone else is spawning in the nether so that'll be fun#interesting for me bc i'm usually the one leeching off others recourses to build stuff but ALSO story wise very isolating#you wake up in hell and it's gross and weird but something about it is familiar.#not in memories per se but muscle memory. not things you did but knowing what not to eat#what's friendly. what hurts. maybe they know their a reincarnation of someone else deep down.#but that person was a blip in time. discipated into the endless seas of molten lava a long time ago.#their soul and magic just now mustering up the strength to become whole again. to become SOMETHING.#it was many eons ago that that person existed. their belongings and home have long since decayed and become one with the hellish landscape#there is no time to think of who you once were. there is only survival.#but the moment you have a home and supplies and are truly safe. you feel a deep fear.#a fear of who you once were long ago. who they could've been. what you should be. momories you no longer possess.#a longing to understand and go back to being a self you never were.#a person who's existence has been lost to time.#you shake off these feelings as best you can#but every time you find yourself in the overworld looking out at the vast ocean#you can't help but wonder wether they hated the deep blue sea as much as you do.#sassy speaks#mc#WHY DID I WRITE SO MUCH HELP I DIDNT MEAN TO DO THAT-
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#now my aunt is in remission...#a lot is happening and i feel the loneliest I've felt since high school#I've only been getting worse since my family denied what i went through and sat there and told me i wasn't probably remembering it correctly#i know what it was like growing up even if it comes back to me in spurts..#but they really have started to make me doubt myself and its the worse cause they never apologized for the neglect and abuse#and they all took their side and acted like i was mistaken and said “ i never saw it happened do it didn't happen#and now i dont even talk to the only two friends i had cause i dont feel the same#if i don't text them first they never ever message me first or even check on me#and im always the one being there for them and listening to them and im just tired lf it all#i dont want a future anymore and im slowly losing my grip ive held on do tight even at my loneliest and now i feel like im losing#i was never anyone's best friend and everyone of the people ive called friends were always closer to someone else#ive only always had myself but im losing hope for the future and i just feel so extremely empty again#i just want to end this feeling and the weed isnt working anymore and working out doesnt work... i need God ive been so far away from him..#Im just slowly losing it more and more im tired of being the friend everyone goes to for advice and laughs or enjoyment#im tired of it so much#the only time i feel joy is the bliss i feel when i sleep and even that joy is never truly felt cause i constantly fight my sleep#i only sleep when my body forced it self to cause i can't naturally just go to sleep st s set time anymore..#im so tired of being people's escape or advice person I'm probably only saying this for the overwhelming feeling#of being a colossal failure and disappointment even so i still try snd try and fail some more#why don't i quit I just dont know why its just something in me that has some glimmer of self hope ive only tried to kms once and failed#maybe ima bit glad i failed but apart of me laughs cause i even failed at kms and find it ironic cause i fail at so many things#im so incapable of salvaging some semblance of normality or consistency#Mr.inconsistent that i am and have been but i refuse to let myself end that way i have to fight for something even in this haze of mine..#i just want to be better why cant i get better and stay good.. maybe it hurts more than i let on finally speaking of what happened#and for them to deny it may have really affected me a lot snd i am just now seeing it manifest it self now ...#i just gotta live with it and just TRY to do better every single day snd in every single situation snd action i take...
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idk maybe it makes me a child or Someone With Shit Media Literacy, but i feel like when people discuss fictional events that were good or bad writing, they often look to general fiction tropes rather than what makes sense for the individual story? like, oh, well, this is a [genre] story, and in these, it's either X or Y, so it's going to be either X or Y. or: this character technically could count as a [character archetype], so obviously they only have one very predictable ending. what wonderful, emotionally moving writing!
and like. are we writing stories, or producing products that check off all the most common boxes on the Successful [Genre] Story list? this is not to say that you can never kill off your mentors/father figures, or that your protagonist should never fail miserably in this or that point of the story -- sometimes it really is the most fitting and sensible solution! sometimes leaving a character alive would undermine or muddle up the message, if there is one, or it would simply make it more difficult for the writer. and it's fine. but when your reason for this or that writing choice is not "because it makes the most sense" but rather "because that's what happens in other stories", it's, uh, not good writing at all. it's barely any writing, really!
#shrimp thoughts#i still can't understand how people not only expected izzy to die but also found it satisfying. like. you have GOT to be kidding me#you have GOT to be closet izzy haters who thought that saying 'oh i was so moved it was so beautiful' would like. legitimize your#'grr grr stupid baka character want him to DIE'#it must have been said at least 49857 times by people way better at words than me but it would've been cheap and frustrating if it was#izzy ~redeeming himself~ to save ed and doing a very last minute u turn from the path of Villainy. but he was not a villain he was barely#even an antagonist. and he was first and foremost and accepted part of the crew for (over?) HALF OF THE SHOW by now#and saying that he had to die precisely because he 'redeemed himself' (hello hello i'm starting to hate this word yknow) doesn't make it#better. if anything: worse.#and the argument that izzy had to die because he's said it himself -- babes. what. izzy is a character. in a VERY badly written episode if#he has to explain HIMSELF why he's dying and why it's necessary. like. you can see it right. you can see it. right?#post sponsored by me once again letting the curiosity win and finding out the sad way that i made the right call by unfollowing someone#for the grave sin of not liking my blorbo back in 2022
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I wait for you
;Alex G
#alex’s diary#I knew there would be a day where we wouldn't be together anymore.. I just didn't think it would be that soon.#I'll never understand the ending of us. I'll never understand how it came to be. I'll never understand any of it#I wish they'd understand why I'm upset at them. The ending of us left me confused and lost. Wondering why did you go quiet on me#quiet on me without saying anything before closing the door?#I reread our text messages and I don't understand. How can I ever understand when you said these certain things to me?#To make me feel so loved and cared for and understood only for you to leave in a way.#While I'm trying to trick myself into believing that you still love me - I know you don't. not anymore.#You said you'd always love me.. but oh what a sweet lie that was you gave to me. I was stupid enough to fall for it.#I foolishly still hope that some small part of you still loves and misses me.#But incase you find yourself wanting to come back.. know I'll still be here.. waiting for you.#I meant it that day when I said I'll wait for you.#There will be a day where I've moved on.. but I'll still love you nonetheless.. I'll still find bits and pieces of me missing you#How can I move on after the things we've been through? I mean.. I know I will one day but today is not that day#I'm still lost and confused and upset.#I know I wasn't the best for the last few months we talked... but all I needed was help.. not from you obviously.. I just needed a therapis#Which I have found and she's helping me. but I wish you didn't have to walk away. I wish you didn't have to call me draining.#I'm sorry I was.. I wish I wasn't like that. Maybe if I was someone different you'd still be here.#I want to stop loving you so bad but I can't. it feels impossible to stop loving you. I hate it. Do you want the same but can't get it?#I know you once loved me so that should be enough.#I wish it was just me and you again. I wish it was just us. I miss when it was.#I hope wherever you go you find happiness and love. I hope you forever chase your dreams and that you catch them one day#I thank you for everything that you have given me.#I'm sorry we ended the way we did. I wish we didn't have to come to end.#But sometimes things must end for the world to become bigger. For us to follow a new path. For us to grow and blossom bigger than before#Just know. even though I'm upset and confused. I'll always love and miss you. and I'll wait for you.. I'll wait for you till we meet again#no matter how long it takes. I'll wait for you.#im sorry for everything.#I think I'll always miss you forever like the stars miss the sun in the morning sky
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#the real question is why do they care?#why does my coach want me back on tranings? like i was never that good anyways#what he wants more money?#there are so many new people now my payment wouldn't have changed anything#so why?#why is he asking when ill be back#why is he saying that he's waiting for me?#it just doesn't make sense since he has no profit out of me being there#and that one friend who is a fucking pro?#why did he say that he can't wait for my comeback?#i was never a worthy oponent#so why? what's the poit of having me back when ill be just useless?#what does he expect that ill be back as strong as that other guy after a knee surgery?#bruh i will not#why are they saying that they miss me?#why do they say these things?#if i just left and never came back nobody would've noticed#ive been there once and now im not#im not even a skilled fighter who would be good at tournaments#im just a kid that pretends to be someone more this is all#so why do they lie?#what is the price for this attention?#am i just too stupid to know what the price is?#when will i learn how big my debt is?#they can't profit out of me so WHY DO THEY CARE?!#im sorry for this
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ok now tht i’ve gotten my mushy gushiness out can i just say.... that it is soooooo funny tht midlevens FINALLY got their i love you after four seasons..... and it.... lmao... i can’t even say it 🤭... it was... 🤭 bdjshfbdj based on a literal boldfaced lie that mike’s boy best friend told him and it was that boldfaced unbelievable and so painfully clockable lie that made mike feel loved and seen and safe enough to give eleven what he previously could not and stubbornly would not and that even when he did finally give her his speech after his boy best friend told him to it just made the vines around her neck tighten and was filled with things that the show itself refutes and proves to be yet another lie. because even when he says it... he isn’t saying it. he can’t say it. not really. not to her. not in the way she wants. LIKE LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOO 🫣🤭💀
#byler#so insane. rip in peace to eleven tho and max who literally died bc of mike's gay ass. other things too bt im ignoring tht rn. BDFHJBDJHBFJD#thinking abt how mike has tried to recreate moments he had with will with her but failed [which implies tht they are romantic and moments he#felt were important to him and ones that he believes you should have with a lover which makes u wonder why he had those with will#when HE'S the one that initiated said moments with will and claims tht they're just friends seriously JUST friends but ok..]#and when she begs him while crying to please tell her he loves her he cannot do it and refuses to do it because mike is NOT a liar#and he won't lie not about this and not to her which is why he won't even WRITE it as a goodbye he's never said it#bc he knows the way that she'll take it and he knows he won't mean it that way#and it's only when his boy best friend who is JUST his friend and ONLY his friend confesses his love and makes him feel seen#for the very first time in his life probably and shows him that he IS worthy and he IS MORE than enough and that he's so very loved#and SEEN and WANTED that he goes and does it but ONLY after being pushed to by said boy best friend who's JUST a friend#and then when he DOES tell her he loves her finally his speech is a direct response to his boy best friend's confession that contradicts#everything that she wants and is and needs and lies because he's scared and overwhelmed and doesn't want her to fucking DIE#because if SHE dies if SUPERMAN dies then they're ALL dead and it's like season one when mike CANONICALLY says that they need her#because they're no use without her#and they can't fight this evil in hawkins and save the literal world without eleven#but like. yeah. okay. midleven rulez and she's definitely NOT going to dump his ass and that painting and entire confession is#definitely NOT EVER going to come up again not even ONCE not even in PASSING nope absolutely not surely bc midleven is endgame<3#bc of course the girl who just went through an entire fucking journey this season to AS SHE SAYS WITH HER OWN MOUTH find out who she is#is going to want to go back to someone that she CANONICALLY does not need and has not spoken to and tha#--t made her feel like a monster at her lowest and that simply does not see her as anything other than the weapon they found in the woods#of course she wants to go back to someone that idolizes her and it's totally meaningless that the memories she thought of#while reviving max were 'not hopper. not mike. you.' and 'there's more to life than stupid boys' literally right after tht monologue.#like im srry bt. girl what world are u living on<3#the crazy together scene was planned before the kids were cast it was part of the audition dnd is canonically code for mike and will#eleven literally thinks tht mike is going to be her brother in s1 and everything that she asks him to do or that everyone expects him to do#for her is something that he UNPROMPTED does for will without hesitation and their first kisses were put in bc of millie not written in#but yeah. ok. midleven is endgame. sure. ofc. yes. ur so right. mr shawn 'nothing is an accident' levy is wrong. the duffers r wrong. yup.#[and mike does love her platonically n see her as a person bt. she's superman before she's el hopper. he idolizes her. max sees her. u kno?]#mine
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I need to meet some transgender gay communists irl nowwww
#thinking abt contacting the ml group on campus when the semester starts but also. hmmm the terrors (entirely irrational anxiety that I can't#do anything about)#It's so fucked up how I can tell myself exactly why I don't need to be worried about basic things but then it just makes the anxiety worse#Also meds haven't helped and neither has therapy so. Like what am I supposed to do? Live in fear and die alone?#I'm not upset rn btw I'm just really really annoyed#Like the only thing that works for me is actually doing the thing a few times like getting used to it or whatever#But the only way I'm able to do that is if I'm with someone in familiar with but literally the only people in familiar with are my parents.#So basically. I can only do things with my mom like I'm a toddler or something#Okay now I'm a little upset bc I'm thinking about how I haven't had any irl friends in like. Five years??#And even then I never spent time with any of them outside of school once they all started making other friends and then it turned out I was#incapable of doing that!#Okay whatever I'm gonna try to get back to sleep now -_-
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