things lost and not yet found
prompt: "it should have been me"
whumpee: gereon rath
fandom: babylon berlin
here's a short little thing exploring gereon after returning from the war. hope you like!
He is supposed to be dead.
Or at least, he is supposed to be missing. And Anno is supposed to be here in his place.
He is lying flat on his back atop his bed in his family’s home and the war feels like an open wound in his chest.
It has been three months since he returned. He cannot stop flinching at loud noises, and sometimes his hands shake so badly that he cannot hold onto anything at all.
He wishes he could have at least returned strong. He would still be the wrong son, he would still feel everyone’s eyes on him whenever he leaves the house, but maybe, if he was stronger, his father would not hate him quite so much.
As it is, though, Gereon is weak. He’s survived, yes, but he should not have. Perhaps this is his punishment, for being the one who returned.
The torment does not let him sleep, most nights. Several times a week, he wakes up with a jolt, soaked in sweat and breathing heavily and terrified of things he never quite remembers.
He sobs as quietly as he can. Not that anyone would come knocking if he was louder. But sometimes he wakes up screaming, and his father pounds angrily on the door.
He wants to leave. Wants to return in time and stop himself from going to war. Be a better child, somehow, and earn his father’s adoration.
He wants, quite often, to die.
It should have been me.
The words echo through his head every time he catches someone looking at him, in pity, in disgust, in concern.
It should have been me.
There is no reason that he should be here, and Anno should be trapped somewhere foreign, if he is even alive at all.
Anno is the golden child, the prodigy, the pride of the family. God should have protected him. But it is Gereon who is here, and he does not deserve it.
He prays for his brother’s return, for the nightmares and the terror to leave him, for people to look at him without seeing Anno’s ghost behind him. For the ability to look at himself without seeing Anno’s ghost behind him.
He wants something that he does not know the name of, something that lurks in the back of his mind but never quite makes itself known.
He drifts in and out of restless sleep and hopes uselessly for things to be different when he wakes.
thanks for reading!!
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No. 18 "I tend to deflect when I'm feeling threatened."
@whumptober-archive
Blindfold | Tortured For Information | "Hit them harder."
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3
Unfortunately for Harrison, the help was not what he'd wanted. He'd been left to recover from the waterboarding, a reprieve he so desperately needed. It didn't last forever, though, woken with a rough shove while the sky was still dark. He made no attempt to move, too utterly exhausted to do more than lift his head. They'd seemed to anticipate it, a blindfold roughly shoved over his eyes as the men hauled him to his feet. His hands were bound in front of him, though it felt more for show than anything else; both parties were aware he could do close to nothing. They were surprisingly gentle as they dragged him up and out of his cell, which only made him worry. If they were being 'nice' to him, he must look like shit.
Harrison hated not knowing what was happening, unable to see his surroundings and completely at the mercy of his captors. He didn't have his leg, either, which only made things a million times worse - of course, with the state of his stump, he doubted he'd even be able to wear it, but that wasn’t the point.
As the cold air hit his face, he flinched, instinctively pulling away. He'd not expected the outside, and his heart sank. If they were moving him, it meant that Fred had been close to finding them, that he was being moved just to prolong his suffering.
A small part of him wondered if they were just going to execute him, take him somewhere and shoot him, dump him, maybe in a river. But, then again, he'd overheard them on the video stream say they were having far too much fun just torturing him for the information he wasn't giving up. He knew they were getting close to his mental breaking point, though; his body was already almost there.
He was brought back to the present by a shove in his back and the bite of cold metal against his skin. He'd barely got his hands in front of him before he'd hit the deck, the soft hum of an engine just confirming he was getting moved. He groaned as he was shoved again, rolling onto his side. He could almost get the blindfold off, or at least up slightly, able to see more of his surroundings
Surprisingly, once the doors were shut, the guard with him spoke up.
"You can take it off for now. I'll tell you when you need it back on."
Soft hands untied his, waiting for him to take it off. Harrison moved slowly knocking the blindfold off and onto his floor. It took his eyes a moment to adjust, frowning at the kindness. It only confused him more as the guard chucked a blanket at him.
"Wrap up. It gets cold back here."
Harrison pushed himself into the corner, pulling the blanket around him. His chest already felt rotten, the change in position setting him coughing. He was grateful for the blanket, the cold already getting into his bones.
Despite everything, he must have drifted off, the sudden cease of the engine noise startling him awake. His captor didn't seem bothered, didn't seem in any rush to get him tied back up, so he slowly relaxed against the wall. He hated himself for not fighting back like he usually would, but he had nothing left. He was just conserving energy, he told himself, that was all. Not giving in, not yet.
The soft hum of the engine started up again, and before he'd realised, he'd fallen asleep, the rocking of the vehicle pulling him under. It was cold, the guard had been right about that. It had settled in his bones by the time the guard shook him awake, groaning in pain. He was confused and disoriented, arms pulled in front of him and bound once more. There was a whisper of an apology as the blindfold was replaced, dropping him back into darkness despite the dawn. They continued to drive for a while longer, just to make sure he was disoriented and had no chance of knowing where he was.
As before, the guards hauled him out of the van, one under each arm. A gun cocked from somewhere beside him, but he didn't flinch. It almost gave him a bit of hope that it was coming to an end, but he wasn’t that lucky.
He got shoved into another cell, smaller than the previous one, and colder too. With his blindfold removed, it took a moment for his eyes to adjust to the room, but it was easy enough to notice the dried blood on the walls and floor. There was no cot, either, and the bindings on his wrists were quickly swapped from rope to metal cuffs. The blanket he'd been allowed was long gone, left to shiver alone in his cell, their laughter echoing in the hall.
Arms tied above his head, he somehow dozed off again. A sharp kick to his ribs woke him up, completely winding him and only making the nausea worse. Laughter erupted around the room, and he hung his head in defeat. They were obviously there to have their fun.
He was pulled to his feet and dropped onto what once might have been a wheelchair. Metal grated against metal and the chair was dragged out of the cell, down corridor after corridor. He hung his head, just waiting for the pain to start.
The two older men didn't wear masks, but the clearly younger - and greener - ones did. He sighed, wincing as it pulled at broken ribs. They were obviously using him for teaching, which meant nothing was off limits.
The brakes were put on - not that it made much difference; the wheels barely worked anyway - and his arms tied to either arm rest. His head spun, ears ringing as dizziness threatened to overwhelm him. The older men were talking to the others, clearly showing them what to do. The one that had instigated the water sauntered over to him, a quick punch to his chest to get him to curl over, followed by an even harder uppercut that sent him reeling.
He took a moment; if he hadn't been almost about to pass out, he certainly was now. He spat blood from his mouth, his head hanging low. The man in front of him was talking, but he couldn’t get the words to work. A rough hand grabbed his chin, forcing him to look at him. He couldn't focus, couldn't work out what was being said, and his frown deepened.
His captor seemed to finally realise, and he laughed, dropping his hand from his chin. He turned to the group, offering them the floor.
"See what you can get out of him. He's pre-broken for you." He laughed. "He's normally a snarky piece of shit, but he's not very fond of water. You've got to find what your bargaining chip doesn't like, use it, abuse it. At the end of the day, you need the information, you need to get it, whatever the means."
"We're not going to use water today, but have at him, anything you want. Just don't kill him. You can't get information - or money - when they're dead."
The first masked one walked up to him, trailing a knife across Harrison's cheek. "Are you gonna be helpful? Or do we need to loosen your tongue?"
Harrison pulled away, turning his face. "As I've told your idiots, I've got nothing to tell them."
"That's a shame. It's sad to ruin such a pretty face."
"Like they've not already had a go. They've broken my nose enough they might as well go into plastic surgery."
While the elder had been careful to position himself to the right of Harrison, the younger man didn't seem to realise. With a grunt, Harrison kicked out his leg, catching him in the kneecap and sending him stumbling backwards.
"What an idiot." Their leader snapped, dragging them to their feet. "Are you fucking stupid?!"
"He kicked me!"
"Do you want a gold star? Of course he did. You didn't make sure he was secured, did you?" He shook his head. "Next!"
They cycled through, Harrison doing his best to not break. It was getting harder and harder, blood dripped from his nose and cheek, and there'd been several knife wounds by the time the first lot had finished.
The first man stepped up again, no knife, just his fists. He swung for Harrison, his fist connecting with ribs, but no response from him.
"Again, hit him harder!" He did as he was told, but Harrison barely made a gasp, too exhausted to recognise the pain. "Again! Harder! Like you mean it!"
As they swung for the fifth time, they slipped a thin blade between their fingers, desperate for a response. Metal connected with skin, glancing off the bone and into the delicate lungs. Harrison groaned in pain, paling as he realised what they'd done. He didn't have the energy to raise his head, it was already becoming harder to catch his breath. He hung his head, spots dancing in his vision.
The captors seemed to approve of that, laughing as they dragged him back to his cell. They tipped him to the floor, letting him collapse in a heap. They tried again to get the information they wanted, but to no avail. After a quick glance left and right, they grinned, standing up. Their boot connected with his head, jerking him backwards. They were far from bothered, laughing as he crumpled, unconscious on the ground.
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bandages
prompt: makeshift bandages
whumpee: sakari nurmi
fandom: karppi/deadwind
hiii what's up! here's a short little thing ft. plenty of blood :) hope you enjoy!
His mouth tastes like blood. The air smells like it, metallic and heavy and warm. The only thing he can hear, besides the sound of his own heartbeat pounding in his ears, is Karppi.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck. Hey, keep your arm raised!”
He obeys, though his muscles are getting tired. He rests his arm carefully against the hard concrete wall behind him, feels the blood dripping down his skin and soaking into his sleeve.
There is an unconscious man lying on the ground a few feet away, and the knife he’d had is currently being used by Karppi to tear her shirt into strips. Sakari watches her work and tries to ignore how lightheaded he feels.
The cut across his wrist is deep and painful. The knife had cut him almost down to the bone, he thinks, and the bleeding is heavy and hot against his skin.
They are waiting for an ambulance, but they’re in the middle of nowhere and it is taking too long to arrive. So Karppi is making bandages.
When her shirt is thoroughly destroyed, Karppi moves forward into his space, takes hold of his arm without allowing him to lower it, and uses the knife to cut the fabric of his shirt away from his wrist. She is careful and it does not cause him any more pain, but it takes all of his willpower not to flinch or tell her to stop. The knife’s blade is still speckled with his blood.
When his sleeve has been cut away at last, Sakari looks upwards at the damage. The skin around the cut is stained bright red and the cut is a darker shade of maroon, fresh blood continually pumping out of the wound and trickling down his arm.
He looks away rather quickly.
Karppi does not waste any time. She wraps one strip of fabric around his wrist, directly atop the cut, and ties it tightly. It hurts horribly, but Sakari grits his teeth and bears it. He tries not to think about how dirty the fabric might be, pressed against his open wound. For now, it is enough that the bleeding slows. He can worry about everything else later.
Another few strips are tied atop the initial bandage. When Karppi finally runs out of material, Sakari can barely feel his hand for the pressure exerted by the tightly-tied fabric, but he’s pretty sure the bleeding has indeed slowed.
He carefully lowers his arm, rests it in his lap. This time, Karppi does not stop him. He leans his head back against the cool concrete and closes his eyes. His head is still spinning.
He hears a shuffling noise, feels Karppi sink down beside him. She grabs the hand on the uninjured side of his body and squeezes it. He can feel his blood on her fingers.
“You’ll be okay,” she says, like there is no room for argument, and he believes her, just like that.
thanks for reading! hope you liked it, love u <3
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