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cherry-velvet-skies · 1 year

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Welcome back to another installment of Rating Beatle Eras By What They Looked Like! (Still kinda working on the title 😅)

Part 2: Ringo 🥰 Now our sweet bby Bongo has had many eras so let's get right into it 😁

Stormy Hurricane (Pre-Beatles Era)

Now I will say out of all the Beatles, Ringo definitely looked the best in the Teddy Era

The bit of facial hair he has paired with that sleek silver streak is totally working for him

Plus I see that he knew rings were going to be his theme from the very beginning

7/10 we're starting off pretty strong here and I hope it stays that way lol

Tough Guy Attitude (1962)

Honestly still giving Teddy Era vibes even though he looks completely different

Ringo had baby bangs before they were cool

I know the outfit is kinda basic but he looks fabulous anyway

8/10 nothing too extravagant but he's still handsome regardless

Aspiring CEO of a Hairdressing Franchise (1963-64)

The Mop Top has officially emerged

I feel like if he wasn't a musician the hairdresser thing would've totally worked out

The look is softer than the previous two eras and I feel like that suits him better

8/10 again because even though it's a simple look he still rocks it

Human Sacrifice (1965-66)

I know y'all thought this hairstyle was atrocious but I gotta be honest it's not THAT bad

Like in the Help! movie I thought he looked really cute, and in '66 his hair is the same just longer

I will agree though that the whole longer sideburns thing did very little to help this look lmao

8.5/10 and I know that's a high score but he looks adorable and I will stand by that

Master's Degree From Fashion School (1967)

No because I love this. I used to not like it but now I love it

This era didn't feel like Ringo to me at first which is why I didn't like it, but now I see how he embodies it and I'm so into it

This photo doesn't even need to be in color for me to know there are probably 17 different colors in that outfit and I fucking love that

10/10 and I also love that little pin he's wearing it's so sweet

Textbook Definition of Tareme (1968) (pls google tareme if you don't know what it means I don't know how to explain it)

RICHIEEEEE MY SWEET BABYYYYY 🥺💕

He officially entered Poor Little Meow Meow status when he looked like this and I will not accept criticism

I know I didn't choose a picture from it but the Mad Day Out photoshoot I'm- he looked so precious

1000/10 I want to hug and kiss him NOW 😤

Tumble Starker (1969)

AWOOGA (sorry)

Ringo's best era change my mind (you can't)

I know it looks super similar to the previous one but there is something different here. The last one was cute this is just sexy I mean we can't lie

37561239/10 this man could do anything he wants to me 🥴🥴🥴

500 BC Genetics (1970)

I'm- no. I'm sorry I can't.

Richie bby what were you thinking

He looks like he's wearing his hair and beard like a bicycle helmet

1/10 only because I like his outfit. The rest is unredeemable.

Jesus Impersonator (1971)

The hair is cool but I'm not liking the beard so much

His sense of style is still going strong but between the last era and this I feel like I'm on a rollercoaster

How does his hair grow so fast

5/10 I'm going right in the middle because I neither love nor hate this

Full Coverage (1972)

Well would you look at that the hair got better and the beard got worse

I swear he must secretly be one of those hair salon dolls where you press a button and their hair grows like ten inches in two seconds because HOW

I mean I'm sure it keeps his face warm so I guess that's a plus

6/10 I like it slightly more than Jesus Impersonator but not by much

That'll Be The Slay (1973)

This look had me twirling my hair and giggling like bro he's so fine omg 🥵

I usually don't like this hairstyle but it so works on him

Plus the star earrings are yoU KIDDING ME

100/10 also his character deserved SO MUCH BETTER IN THIS MOVIE I'M STILL MAD ABOUT IT 😤😤😤

Beard Redemption Arc (1974)

What a surprise the beard is back

But would you believe me if I said I liked it this time

It's like a combination of the last two eras and I think I've finally found a hair and beard combo I appreciate

7.5/10 a pretty damn good hair to beard ratio

The Rise of the Silver Streak (1975)

WE HAVE OUR FIRST DILF ERA Y'ALL

I know he had already been a Dad for several years at this point, but this is the first era to actually exude that dilf energy we all know and love

Also I know that the little silver streak in his hair can be seen in many previous eras as well but I feel like he really embraced it here idk

9/10 I'm really vibing with this one

Character Development (1976)

Why does every person who has such luscious hair have that one era where they decide to chop it all off

I mean if I remember correctly he was going through a lot during this time so maybe he just needed a drastic change or something

I do appreciate the silver streak being on FULL DISPLAY

4.5/10 not for me but I respect it

Ognir Rrats (1977-80)

I must say his fashion was on point during this time

A lot of these eras start to blend together after a while since they all look pretty similar lmao

But that doesn't mean that the quality factor goes away. He still manages to pull off most of them

8/10 and the Ognir Rrats movie lives in my brain rent free

YMCA (1981-82)

SEXY COP RINGO NATION RISE UP

Why does he look so good like this omg

I'm not even attracted to the cop uniform usually but I guess that's just the power of Ringo

9/10 this is my guilty pleasure Ringo era

*asdfmovie voice* I Like Trains (1983-86)

Even though I wasn't born yet when Ringo was the Thomas the Tank Engine narrator I somehow still remember hearing his voice when I watched it as a kid

Which is even wilder because he was the narrator for the UK version and I live in America

The conductor look does suit him though

8/10 because watching the show now and hearing him make little voices for all the different trains is top tier comedy

Commercial King (1987-88)

Ringo did more ad cameos in this era than I can count

I'm also confused about the commercials where he couldn't even actually try the product because of his food sensitivities (looking at you, Pizza Hut)

This era is similar to Rise of the Silver Streak, except a little less dilf and a little more "rockstar who wants to branch out and try new things"

8/10 and if you haven't seen the commercial he did for a Japanese sparkling apple juice company, I highly suggest you watch it it's hilarious 🤭

Volleyball Player Braids (1989)

You either get the title or you don't there's no in between

These little braids both suited him and looked very out of place

At least his hair was long enough again to the point where he could braid it

7/10 not my favorite, but he looked good and he knew it too

Experimentation (1990-92)

This is pretty much his default look at this point but the title does have a purpose

He had a mullet briefly in '91 and then promptly got rid of it lmao

Something tells me he made the right choice because despite not choosing a photo of it, it honestly didn't look that great

7/10 I respect him for not only experimenting but acknowledging when something is not working for him

Classic Rock Chic (1993-96)

When I tell you this look goes SO HARD 🥵

He IS a rockstar and is making sure everyone is gonna know it

I know he looked like this for about four years but I wish it lasted longer. This look peaked in '95 and there was nothing else like it 😌

25/10 I feel like I have to file this under the dilf category because I'm too attracted to it for it to be anything else 🤭💕

Fountain of Youth (1997-2020)

I am not joking when I say that he looked EXACTLY the same for TWENTY-THREE YEARS STRAIGHT

He cut his hair short again in '97 and then said fuck it we're staying like this

I do think it's funny how he had so many different eras when he was younger and once he entered his sixties he just found one he liked and stuck with it

5.5/10 I guess the short hair suits him but I'm just admiring the fact that he wanted something more low maintenance as he got older lol

All-Starr (2021-Present Day)

His hair is longer again and honestly I think he looks great

I love that the earrings and ombre sunglasses have not left since the 70s/80s because I absolutely love them

The peace sign necklace is also a serve and I'm not ashamed to say that he is the reason I bought one that looks exactly like it 🤭

8.5/10 he's really just adopted that rich guy aesthetic where he either dresses so cool it makes him look thirty years younger or he just wears tracksuits 90% of the time and honestly I love that for him 😌💕

#I thought the first one took long this took me almost two days lmao #Oddly enough for some eras it's really difficult to find HD photos of Ringo #ringo starr #richard starkey #the beatles #beatles #george harrison #john lennon #paul mccartney

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archived-kin · 3 years

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simeon with a himbo boyfriend

note from kin: once again i am writing for the boys because this fandom doesn’t have nearly enough content for them, especially for Big and Beefy Men. let them be in dating sim fandoms too!!!!!! give them more content!!!!!

anyway i’ve made you an angel since i don’t want to have to think about the deeper repercussions of what simeon dating a human would be (i mean we all know what happened to lilith when she tried it)

fandom: obey me!

character(s): male!reader, simeon, luke, belphegor, beelzebub, asmodeus, satan, leviathan, mammon, lucifer, barbatos, diavolo, solomon

pairing(s): simeon/reader but it accidentally becomes everyone/simeon’s boyfriend at some point whoops (this ended up as a pretty big block of text as a result so please let me know if you have difficulty reading it so that i can try to format it better!)

warning(s): nope!

genre: fluff!!!! fluff everywhere!!!!!!!!!

simeon thinks you’re the cutest goddamn thing in all three realms

you may be six foot four inches of muscle but to him that is six foot four inches of ADORABLE

you’re very strong so he likes to just run and jump up at you from behind and wrap his arms around your neck because he knows you won’t be fazed by it (physically anyways, emotionally is another story)

the other angels always gasp when he does this in public because it’s so far from his usual ‘poised and elegant’ thing but how is simeon NOT supposed to climb all over you like a koala when you’re so big and huggable???

simeon just really loves jumping at you like that okay

because every time he does you’ll just pause for a second and look very confused as to why your back has suddenly gotten heavier, and then you’ll turn your head, and your smile and excited little ‘simeon!!’ is to DIE for

he has to be incredibly upfront with you about what he wants because otherwise you will not understand

he has to say, word for word, “i want to sleep in the same bed as you every day” before you actually realise that that’s what he meant

the whole exchange kind of went like this:

simeon, being sappy at like seven in the morning: “i want to wake up like this all the time from now on”

you: “??? do you want me to come lie down next to you before you wake up tomorrow morning?”

simeon: “no, for the whole night”

you: “you want to wake up like this for the whole night??”

simeon: [sighs]

he also often has to be the one taking charge when it comes to physical affection

like you’re always willing to give him hugs and carry him around and let him sleep sprawled out on your chest like a starfish and give him kisses but half the time simeon has to ask you because for some reason you just won’t do it on your own???

at one point simeon starts getting a little insecure that you don’t actually really like physical affection and are just going along with it for him

because he’s a sensible angel, he brings this up with you before jumping to conclusions

he was not prepared for you to reply that you always wait for him to confirm that he wants affection because you’re afraid that you’ll accidentally hurt him with your strength if you go for it by yourself

simeon doesn’t cry a lot but dear god did he come close that day

after that it’s just hand holding and hugs and forehead kisses galore from you and simeon couldn’t be happier

now, it’s time for a bit of backstory

you were created purely to fight during the big celestial war, which is why you are so Beefy and Stupid

the beefy is because they needed you to be both strong and intimidating, while the stupid is because they didn’t create you with anything but fist fighting in mind

during the war you were a force to be reckoned with because you could just run at and headbutt a demon and they’d immediately be flung straight out of the skies and back into the devildom

and, even better, this meant that you didn’t have to kill anyone! you could just punt them so hard that they’d be flung out of the realm where the battle’s taking place entirely

once the war was over though they didn’t really know what to do with you

you were basically just this giant baby who didn’t know how to do anything but war

so they just dumped you in a garden and told you to take care of the flowers

which was how simeon originally met you! he was taking a walk around the gardens and saw you crying over a tree that you accidentally snapped in half with your big clumsy hands

now, simeon wasn’t one to believe in love at first sight, but HOLY FUCK

if he hadn’t already been an angel in the celestial realm he’d have thought you were some divine being from the heavens

anyway long story short simeon consoled you and started helping you take care of the garden, taught you how to live a life in times of peace, spent entire nights just lying awake and thinking about your smile and your laugh and how warm your hands look to hold and how it would feel to hug you, and finally managed to confess to you without you misconstruing it as just a Friendly Act of Kindness, and now you two are the proud holders of the title Cutest Couple in The Universe

granted only asmo calls you two that but you’ll take it

speaking of asmo allow me to segue this to the rad exchange programme era

you get so sad when simeon tells you he’ll have to leave for a year

your face falls when he breaks the news and your voice is all lost and quiet when you ask, ‘does that mean i can’t see you?’

simeon is absolutely devastated

it’s like a thousand puppies and kittens are being murdered right in front of him

he nearly cries (when i say nearly i mean he does)

but he can’t back out of the exchange program now, and one year isn’t THAT much for beings that live for possibly forever, so in the end, giving you a giant hug and about a million kisses to make up for the ones you’ll miss over the coming year, simeon leaves for the devildom

he makes it about a month and a half without you before he starts getting all mopey

and you’re not doing much better up in the celestial realm

michael actually has to message simeon and ask him how to deal with you because you spend every day dejectedly shuffling around the gardens that you take care of and it’s making everyone sad just looking at you

simeon reads that message and immediately decides that either he’s going back to the celestial realm or you’re coming down to the devildom

the authorities are a little cautious about it because you’re one of the purest angels they have and they really don’t want you getting corrupted by demons

but simeon assures them that the few demons that you’ll actually be having contact with wouldn’t do that, and you’ll be under both his and lord diavolo’s protection

so you end up being allowed to join simeon in the devildom for his exchange year!!!

honestly with the way the two of you react when you see each other again you’d think you hadn’t seen each other in years

simeon runs up to you and jumps straight into your arms and you spin him around in a big hug and ahhhhhhhh it’s like a teen romance movie but with an actually compelling relationship

and so you move into his bedroom (because of course you’re still going to share one down here) and take up a temporary position as a gardener to take up time since you can’t really do school

pros: simeon now gets to see you every day again and you look very cute bustling around the devildom’s fancy gardens with a watering can and wheelbarrow. also he gets to watch you lift an entire shed and it’s the best thing he’s ever seen

cons: the others are all basically in love with you now as well

simeon’s torn between ‘why wouldn’t they be, he’s literally the most perfect being ever’ and ‘what the fuck, that’s MY boyfriend’

belphie likes you because you are similar to beel and you’re also warm and big and strong so he can take naps on you and you won’t be bothered in the slightest

one day simeon sees belphie just jump onto your back and start sleeping there while you’re crouched in the garden doing some weeding and he’s so stunned by the sheer audacity that he forgets to be mad about it

honestly you don’t really notice that belphie is sleeping on you until you go to get up and feel something move on your back

and then, being the dumb precious idiot you are, you just lie face first there on the lawn so that he can carry on sleeping without being disturbed

consequence: simeon nearly cries at your sweetness but is also incredibly jealous and belphie is now having Feelings that he didn’t sign up for

beel meanwhile isn’t sure how to feel about you at first because he kind of feels like you’re stealing his twin all the time, but then you make him your special candied fruits (from produce that you grew yourself) and he loves you from that point forward

also PLEASE share your workout routine with him he wants to know your secret

it turns out that you don’t really have a workout routine?? you were just made like that

though the constant exercise and heavy lifting and stuff you do as part of your daily garden-care routine (you take care of basically all of the gardens back in the celestial realm) helps as well

he’s a bit disappointed but he does like that you can pick him up without any effort

one time he asked if you were capable of it and without missing a beat you went ‘let’s find out!’ and straight up swept him off his feet

beel was fucking screaming on the inside but no can’t feel feelings that’s simeon’s boyfriend

meanwhile asmo… okay we all know the way asmo is

boy took one look at you and immediately started drooling (figuratively anyway. physically his jaw just dropped)

kudos to him though, he backs off with the flirting as soon as simeon informs everyone that you’re his partner

asmo may be the avatar of lust but he is no home wrecker (he still finds an excuse to hug you every time he sees you though because awooga, muscles)

(he does know his boundaries so simeon doesn’t mind too much)

asmo also very likes the fact that you have such a green thumb because it means you can grow the prettiest flowers and you’re always willing to trim him a few to use as accessories

at some point simeon accidentally eavesdrops in on a conversation between the two of you where you’re just gushing about what kind of flowers he likes and how you’re going to plant them everywhere in the devildom because you like it when he smiles when he sees them

CRITICAL HIT!!!!!

simeon is pretty sure he combusts on the spot, while asmo is just squealing

thus was the origin of the title ‘Cutest Couple in the Universe’

satan on the other hand is mostly disinterested in you at first

the two of you live in pretty different worlds even if you live within the a five minutes’ walk of each other. he prefers to stay locked up in his room or the library and just curl up with a good book or ten for hours on end, while you’re always outside, digging flower beds and pruning bushes and cleaning fences and walls and basically doing every other little bit of manual labour that none of the brothers could be bothered to do before

he does note that you’re pretty good at what you do but that’s about it

until one day

you’re just pottering about in the garden outside the house of lamentation doing your angelic gardener thing when the stray cat that satan’s secretly been feeding for the past month or so comes by for its usual afternoon meal

satan has the window overlooking the garden so he quickly spots its ginger fur as well as you staring directly at it, and he immediately panics because what if you scare it away with your intimidating stature???

(yes, part of the reason satan doesn’t acknowledge you before this is because he was kind of scared of you and your muscles that he heard could punt beings out of entire realms back in your hey-day)

so he quickly dumps his book (though not without carefully bookmarking his place first) and rushes down to the garden in hopes of salvaging the situation, only to find you lying face first on the grass once again, though this time it’s not his little brother on your back

it’s the cat, who is purring like a little motor and aggressively kneading its paws against your back

satan can’t even see your face in this moment but he still basically gets cupid-shot in the heart because this is the cutest thing he’s ever seen

he has to force himself to calm down for a bit before he approaches lest he get overexcited and accidentally incur simeon’s wrath in the process

anyway after that satan makes a beeline for you every time he sees you and learns that you are an Absolute Idiot, but it just makes him like you even more

if satan was intimidated by you at first though, levi is downright terrified

you look like you could snap him in half with a single punch

he doesn’t try to talk to you at all for the first few weeks because how could he possibly find common ground to talk to you about?? you probably hunt dragons and eat rocks or something in your spare time

it isn’t until satan brings you up one day and mentions that you are incredibly dumb of the ass and probably couldn’t hurt a fly even if you tried that levi even entertains the idea of befriending you

he’s still not making the first move though

but it turns out that he doesn’t have to! one day you just show up at his bedroom door holding a giant crate of his latest akuzon haul

turns it got dropped off at the local post office after traffic problems and you volunteered to go pick it up and bring it back

anyway levi thanks you and starts unpacking his stuff, expecting you to leave in silence, but then he looks over and sees you just standing in front of his tv and staring at it

he’d been playing some battle platformer to pass the time before you showed up, and while levi himself doesn’t consider it particularly remarkable, you’re absolutely fascinated

being a gardener in the celestial realm you’ve never really had experience with this kind of thing, and you’re even more tech-illiterate than simeon, so what you’re seeing is basically like magic to you

so levi takes it upon himself to teach you as much about the art of gaming as he can in the short span of the next four hours before simeon gets home from a meeting of some kind and you inevitably immediately run off to greet him

you learn the basics relatively quickly but you’re still pretty awful at it

levi loses count of the amount of times you’ve accidentally run right off the end of the platform and fallen to your death once it reaches thirty two

it’s pretty much the most he’s laughed in, like, forever

congratulations! you have gained a new member in your party! levi will now follow you to the ends of the earth because you are the first person he feels like he can just be totally at ease around without being judged at all and just have fun with

(once, after you leave another gaming session to go cuddle with your boyfriend in the garden, levi catches himself thinking that ‘it isn’t fair that simeon gets to date him’ and has to do some serious self assessment)

mammon meanwhile has none of the reverence for you that his brother does

the amount of times he’s tried to rope you into his money-making schemes (which never work because he fails to realise that you are incapable of doing anything malicious in the slightest) is honestly just embarrassing at this point

simeon has to step in more than a couple of times because honestly mammon could ask you for your wallet and you’d probably just give it to him without another thought

that being said your wallet wouldn’t be much use because you never have any money

you just don’t understand the concept of exchanging money for goods and/or services so you never see any need for it

that being said, simeon does give you some money every time you go out into town on your own because something will inevitably catch your eye and you’ll suddenly realise that you just cannot live without it

the thing is simeon spoils you ridiculously so he always gives you way more money than would be considered a reasonable allowance

which means all mammon has to do is tag along and ask you nicely and you’ll probably buy him anything he wants

he does this a couple of times but then stops because he actually starts feeling bad about it

something just doesn’t sit right with him when he’s walking around with a bunch of shiny new things you’ve bought him with money that was meant to be spent on you while the only thing you’ve bought of your own volition is a pack of chocolate lollipops shaped like rabbits to share with simeon and luke

he may be the demonic avatar of greed but even he has a line that he won’t cross

he makes up for it by buying you things instead

nothing too expensive (he’s still mammon after all), just little things like sweets or bulbs for flowers you haven’t tried planting yet or food colouring for you to use for your candied fruits

speaking of those candied fruits, guess who loves and would probably kill a man for them?

lucifer

man may not seem like it but he has a hell of a sweet tooth

there was a bit of tension between the two of you when you first met (well there was tension from lucifer anyway) because he’d never met you like he had simeon and luke and had no idea what you were like

plus he’d heard about how you’re everyone’s favourite now back in the celestial realm and the little piece of him that still misses his life as an angel is a little petty about it

but then he interacts with you more and he realises that that favouritism is absolutely deserved

he will not admit it but he has wondered what being carried by you would feel like on multiple occasions

figures out how to read you really well which isn’t much of an achievement when you wear every single feeling you have on your sleeve but it still brings him a bit of satisfaction when he notices something that simeon doesn’t

he may be a pridey mcprideface but he is willing to give up a bit of that pride by pretending he can’t carry something heavy so that he can watch you do it

simeon acts like he doesn’t notice this but he absolutely does and he doesn’t know if he should tease lucifer about it or whack him over the head with a newspaper for it

all that aside though, much like simeon, lucifer also thinks you’re just the cutest

he comes across you building a pillow fortress in the middle of the house of lamentation’s living room one day and is understandably like “what are you doing in my house and what are you doing with those pillows”

you explain very seriously that satan asked you for help in an apparently pre-arranged pillow fight with mammon and that every warrior needs a well-protected base of operations and offer to show him all the optimised battle features somehow recreated from nothing but cushions and blankets and chairs

lucifer’s heart goes d o k i d o k i

he also has experience with Big and Dumb men from dealing with both beel and diavolo (when the three of you are together it’s just himbo3) so the stupid doesn’t bother him much

speaking of diavolo (wow i am nailing all of these transitions from character to character look at me go)

this man is basically just a grown up golden retriever boy and you are a big gentle st. bernard so the two of you get along like a house on fire

you’ve seen how much this man gushes about lucifer. now imagine that times a thousand

that is how he talks about you

honestly sometimes you’d think HE’S the one dating you

simeon would probably get defensive if he didn’t get so much whiplash from their conversations about you

diavolo: “i must say, i never would have pinned [name] as being your type”

simeon, ready to Fucking Brawl: “excuse me?”

diavolo: “though i don’t blame you, have you seen his page in that book about the celestial war? the illustration does his true beauty no justice, of course, but it’s enchanting in and of itself. to be honest i’d have loved to have seen him in action during the war, i imagine it would have been quite breath-taking to see”

simeon: “…what”

barbatos is usually just there in the background during half of these exchanges and he has to seriously stiffen up his poker face to resist just bursting into laughter

the other half of the time the conversation is just simeon and diavolo going back and forth gushing about you

barbatos honestly dislikes you a bit at first

not for any personal faults of your own! it’s just that all your garden work + your very forgetful mind means that you’re often tracking dirt everywhere

it doesn’t help that diavolo keeps inviting you over to the castle for tea and a chat and half the time you leave these big footprints on the floor and he wants to cry because he just spent four hours mopping that

he mentions it to diavolo in passing at one point, who then passes the message on to simeon

barbatos kind of gets concerned for himself because he knows simeon does not take well to you being insulted (one time a demon at the r.a.d. called you an ‘unintelligent buffoon’ and he was ready to start a fist fight right then and there)

not that it was an insult, but you never know how love can blind you to reason

but simeon just assures him not to worry and tells you to remember to clean your shoes as well as changing clothes after doing some gardening

normally you’d forget being told these things within a few hours but simeon offers to give you a kiss every time you remember to do this so now you remember every single time you’re about to enter a building after doing some gardening

after that barbatos holds no ill will to you at all

he teaches you how to bake and is honestly so endeared by how clumsy you get in the kitchen

you knock an entire container of salt into the cake mix by accident because your hands are too big and you moved too fast and barbatos is just like 🥺

he low-key babies you even though he’s like an entire two heads shorter than you

you don’t mind though because getting babied by barbatos means you get given all sorts of cakes and sweets all the time

simeon isn’t sure how to feel about it but it doesn’t seem to be the patronising kind of babying (it’s more of an affectionate doting) so he lets it happen

what he doesn’t let happen is solomon’s relentless attempts to feed you his food

you are both too dumb and too nice to realise just how bad his cooking is, but simeon knows you have a sensitive stomach and are actually a pretty fussy eater - you just tend to stay quiet when something isn’t to your liking because you don’t want to complain

having had a sample of solomon’s food himself in the past, he knows that you’ll probably get sick eating it, and he doesn’t want you to be uncomfy so he refuses to let you try even a bite

it’s like he has a radar in his head that goes off every time solomon approaches you will a bowl of ‘noodle soup’ that looks more like something he’s fished out of a nuclear waste tank

solomon, when he’s not trying to indirectly poison you, is probably the guy you spend the most time with apart from simeon and luke

he’ll just hang around nearby with a spell book while you do your gardening and show you some neat little magic tricks every now and then

he tries to help with the gardening but he’s not exactly physically strong and he nearly breaks his back trying to lift a giant bag of compost

so he decides it’s probably better for him to just watch from afar

kind of wants to conduct an experiment to see just how much weight you can lift before you start getting tired

one time he sees you cut down a whole tree with one hard swat of your hand and just walk off carrying it over your shoulder and he has to take several deep breaths

luke knew you already, so not much changes while you’re in the devildom

he really wants to learn to make candied fruits the same way you do but he can never get the hang of boiling the sugar mixture to the right heat and consistency (plus he’s kind of scared of how hot it gets)

you like to just carry him around on your shoulders and while luke would normally bristle at being treated like a child, you act like this with nearly everyone

(once he sees you running around the garden with diavolo of all people perched on your shoulders, arms raised in the air like he’s on a rollercoaster ride, and he nearly passes out on the spot)

he seriously adores you and acts like a guard dog whenever he feels like any of the others are trying to take advantage of your dim-witted naïveté because NO demons are allowed to harm his big brother like that

he will also chase them off with a stick if he has to if they get too close because no being is allowed to even remotely try to disrupt your relationship with simeon

simeon himself is no fool, and he’s well aware of the effect you have on pretty much everyone you come across, but he trusts them because they’re his friends

besides (and he isn’t being cocky or anything), it’s not like the relationship you have with them even holds a candle to what you have with him

they’ve all known you for less than a year, he’s loved you for nearly two millennia

they might be allowed take naps on your back while you work or be carried about on your shoulders, but do they get to spend every night snuggled up in your arms, feeling your chest rise and fall with every breath you take? no, he doesn’t think so

in conclusion: one day himbos like you will probably take over the world with their big muscles and unwavering loyalty and clueless grins that could make anyone’s heart skip a beat, and simeon’s pretty sure he’d be okay with it

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monkey-network · 2 years

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Good Stuff: Turning Red

Being able to be a giant red panda is fucking cool

That's it, that's my thesis for this review. I got other things to say but, keep that in mind. Hell, it's all I had in mind since it was announced. We can go over how this movie managed to make Twitter shart itself once again, but I don't care. My mind kept to the premise, that one idea, and I waited well enough to see if it delivered. So with it finally out, did Turning Red blossom into potential kino or is it all just appearance?

With its... painfully relatable moments?

Honestly, there is one scene I take issue with in this film as a whole and I mention this before but, trying not to spoil, it's early on involving Meilin's mum that rubbed me the wrong way no matter how many times I saw it. Personally, they took it too far when they didn't have to and it feels almost out of place regardless of how real it got. But honestly, that's a minor stain in an otherwise enjoyable movie.

Definitely one of Pixar's funniest

I adore the energy of this, lads. I'd say it's if Luca got to have a little more pep to it. I could go on about what the design style these characters remind me of, I just know Domee Shi made the most of this honestly being Pixar's most expressive and bouncy film to date. What helps the most is the believability in this film. I love that Mei has her squad of boy band loving friends, has a bully that isn't an exaggerated douche, has a loving family that indeed wants what's best for her, better or worse, has her moments where she goes Awooga at somebody (don't lie, you did it one point), and more importantly, she has her grounded life as a growing kid with her school life and her helping with the family temple. On top of all this, in spite of initial terrors, she gets to be a giant red panda which, again, is pretty fucking cool. However...

a change in how you look can change how you perceive

The film nicely shows that becoming a red panda can lead to reevaluating your idea of life. Ya don't know where things could lead but you know it can be different. It hit close to home when Mei in the beginning feels like she's walking on easy street, she has herself figured out until... she becomes a red panda. It catches her off guard, but she works through it because she received something that she didn't really get from her mother: support. And that's carried into the conflict as Mei finds that her mom's support was as much a guiding hand as it was a developing cage that she herself had to make with her mother. If being a giant red panda can be this fucking awesome, why must her mom oppose it so much? This young panda could see the cage incoming and knew that wasn't support, what was before wasn't support, but expectations, and her mom needed to see that herself, both as a panda and as a human. I admit, the stakes for this are iffy with me, but this was nonetheless another refreshing coming of age story that I can appreciate as Pixar's shift in thematic energy. I can't 100% relate to Mei (boy bands were never my thing, and I'll just say the balls dropped sooner while the real growth came later) but I can understand what she went through. Change can come at you, fast or slow, but it's all your path.

Once again, Giant Red Panda: fucking cool as hell. This film had to try to make me hate it

Unapologetic is what I'd mainly describe this film. The premise spoke for itself and added decent, simple layers to what could've been an otherwise messy story and directorial debut. Domee Shi did great here though as I'll say this definitely reached my top ten in Pixar favorites. Not top 5, yet, but it earned it's spot. Is this biased because this was all I could've hoped for if we're talking a movie about being able to be a giant red panda? I mean, basically. I told you in the very beginning, that was never gonna change.

4 Out Of 5. A Lovably Furry, Fancy Free Type Beat

#Turning Red #pixar turning red #turning red movie #pixar #disney #movies #animation #cartoons #reviews #Good Stuff #long post #analysis

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cardentist · 3 years

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I haven’t been in the star trek fandom for very long (I’ve only just started binging the series in the last couple months), so it’s been pretty surprising to find out just how negative the perception of the reboot movies are.

this isn’t coming from the perspective of someone who grew up with the series, so it hit different for me than it might for people with a different relationship to TOS, but I thought it was genuinely clever and Respectful with how it was handled.

To quote leonard nimoy: “Well the alternative timeline gives them license to escape from canon concerns. I can’t see people saying ‘they shouldn’t do that because…’ or ‘that doesn’t tie in to such and such’ because it is a different time and place. Am I right about that?” [Link]

the entire Premise is that the original series happened as it was presented in TOS, but an event late in Spock’s life caused the creation of a parallel universe in which everyone’s lives were significantly altered through two key changes to the timeline. this gives them the freedom to Both revel in fanservice And explore different facets of the characters and their relationships.

the destruction of vulcan Vastly impacts the characters and the plot moving forward, and its a detail that a lot of people take issue with. but the emotional impact of sarek admitting Directly to spock that there is value in his humanity, that his feelings Aren’t wrong, that sarek married amanda because he Loved her cannot be understated. you can read all of these things into sarek as he was in the original series, but he Never had an open conversation about these things with spock. this creates a Believable and Rewarding change in their relationship, where we get to see a different facet of them Because of the changes made. and that’s exactly the appeal. showing us pieces of these characters that we never got in TOS that are nevertheless undeniably Them.

everyone is Different yes, but they’re also fundamentally the same people at their core and that matters.

kirk’s personality obviously takes the biggest change, with him experiencing trauma at a young age, losing his father, and having an implied abusive father figure after that point. he has a harsher personality in reaction to harsher conditions, he’s spikier and harder to love. but he’s also still fundamentally a Good person whose willing to risk everything to help people. he still has what made kirk prime a good captain and a good friend.

I’m not gonna say that it’s the most nuanced story in the world, but it explores a version of kirk that was born from even Less fortunate circumstances than kirk prime, exploring a kirk brimming with potential who learned to bite back after he was kicked down. exploring those themes of trauma and loss, of insecurity and growth, and coming to the conclusion that Fundamentally He Is Capable Of Good isn’t a Bad thing. you don’t have to like it, but his growth into a better person is The Point. they deepened his flaws (all of which were present in a less exaggerated form in TOS) To Show That Growth.

and then of course there’s his relationship with spock.

people are totally justified in not liking that they had a rough start to their relationship, I usually don’t like to see that kind of thing in reboots or hollywood adaptations either, but the way people talk about it is just unfair.

Yes kirk and spock and bones have a very strong relationship in TOS, they also already know each other by the time the show starts. to look at them having to learn to get to know and trust each other when they first meet and say that it’s Bad because they were already full on ride or die for each other in the og series is silly. TOS kirk and spock had to meet and fall in love with each other too, it didn’t just happen over night kings.

secondly, the entire point of the first movie is that Even With reality itself being altered to pull them apart they are fundamentally compatible people that are Bound to each other. they meet each other on bad terms because of circumstances outside of their control, and yet they’re still pulled into each other’s orbit and find the other slotting into place next to them as if they always belonged. one of the first things that spock prime says in the movie is “I am and always will be your friend,” spock and jim are Meant for each other and the movie goes out of its way to explain that. which is what makes it so Weird to see people complaining about how they don’t like each other.

it’s a Different relationship, but it’s absolutely no less steeped in yearning or queer subtext.

speaking of queer subtext ! some people are Very unhappy with spock’s relationship with uhura.

first thing I wanna say is that making the argument that they’re doing anything that the original series hasn’t done is just, completely untrue. kirk has fallen in love with more girls in the og series than he knew what to do with, leonard nimoy was a heartthrob in his time (and he deserves it, awooga) and spock reflects that ! Spock usually turns the women who come onto him down (or when he doesn’t it’s because a plant has literally altered his mind), but there are exceptions to even that. all of three of the main boys have plenty of romance subplots, it happens. if that takes the possibility of them being queer off the table for you (which it shouldn’t, m-spec people exist) then I’m sorry to say that TOS is not exempt.

now, I can understand why Specifically This Relationship could rub people the wrong way or being disappointed that they didn’t outright depict kirk and spock as having a relationship (if not in the first movie then in the following ones after they’ve gotten to know each other), but even in that context the way I’ve seen people talk about it comes off as insensitive.

no, the relationship did not come out of nowhere. they considered having spock and uhura date each other in the original show (and you can see signs of this in the earlier episodes, where uhura very obviously flirts with him and they spend time together in their down time) before they decided against it, and spock was originally going to kiss uhura until shatner insisted that he wanted to do it (because it was the first interracial kiss on tv). [Link 1, Link 2, Link 3]

nichelle nichols was asked about this exact thing (spock and uhura’s relationship in the movie), you can read the interview in full here [Link] but I’d like to highlight this paragraph in particular:

“Now, go back to my participation in Star Trek as Uhura and Leonard (Nimoy) as Spock. There was always a connection between Uhura and Spock. It was the early 60’s, so you couldn’t do what you can do now, but if you will remember, Uhura related to Spock. When she saw the captain lost in space out there in her mirror, it was Spock who consoled her when she went screaming out of her room. When Spock needed an expert to help save the ship, you remember that Uhura put something together and related back to him the famous words, “I don’t know if I can do this. I’m afraid.” And Uhura was the only one who could do a spoof on Spock. Remember the song (in “Charlie X”)? Those were the hints, as far as I’m concerned.”

the film makers looked at the fact there were Hints for uhura and spock, that they were Interested in exploring an interracial couple for the first time (both before and immediately after interracial couples won the right to legally get married) but Couldn’t because of the circumstances of the times and decided to Make that depiction. you don’t have to Like their relationship just because of that fact, but it’s Incredibly reductive to play down it’s significance as just a No Homo cop out. explicitly queer relationships are not the only progressive or culturally important relationships in fiction.

moreover, if you can’t imagine polyamory in the communist utopian future that’s on you.

moreover, this perception that this was a soulless cash grab is just, unfounded.

leonard nimoy returned to the role as spock for the first time in 16 years (since 1991) and this was Entirely because of the respect they had for nimoy, spock as a character, and the franchise as a whole.

Lets look at some quotes from nimoy in interviews regarding the film:

Leonard Nimoy: When I first read the script (...) I immediately contacted J.J. and said “I think it is terrific…I think you guys have done a wonderful job. There is still work to be done, but it is very clear that you and your writers know what you are doing and you know how to do this movie and know what it should be about….and I am very interested.” Then as time went by we worked things out with Paramount, but the most important things were J.J. and the script. (...) I am very pleased about that and I am very comfortable with where this is going. I think the writers have done a terrific job. They have a real sense of the characters and the heart of Star Trek and what it is really all about.

(...)

TrekMovie.com: Now in the case of the new movie you have been retired from acting for years. What was it about this one that made you want to act again and go through the make up again? What was it that made you say ‘I really want to do this?’

Leonard Nimoy: You are right, this is a special situation. First it is Star Trek and so I have to pay attention. I owe that to Star Trek. Second place is that it is J.J. Abrams who I think very highly of, he is a very talented guy. Then came the script and it was very clear that I could make a contribution here. The Spock character that I am playing, the original Spock character, is essential and important to the script. So on the basis of those three elements it was easy to make the decision. So those three things: Star Trek, J.J. Abrams, and an interesting Spock role.

[Link]

Praising the cast playing younger versions of characters from the original 1960s TV series, he [Leonard Nimoy] said: “Let me take the opportunity to say this. Everybody at this table [the cast] are very, very talented and intelligent people.”

“They found their own way to bring that talent and intelligence to this movie, and I think it shows. (...) When Karl Urban introduced himself as Leonard McCoy and shook hands with Chris Pine, I burst into tears. That performance of his is so moving, so touching and so powerful as Doctor McCoy, that I think D. Kelley would be smiling, and maybe in tears as well.”

“The makers of this film reawakened the passion in me that I had when we made the original film and series. I was put back in touch with what I cared about and liked about Star Trek, and why I enjoyed being involved with Star Trek. So, it was an easy way to come on home.”

“[In this Star Trek] they said things and showed me things, and demonstrated the sensibility that I felt very comfortable with, and I think that shows in the movie. I like it.”

[Link 1, Link 2]

again, you don’t have to like it just because leonard nimoy did, you don’t have to Agree. but the idea that nobody working on the film Cared is provably false. near everyone working on the project was already a fan of the series or were excited to be involved and did their homework. it’s genuinely a Miracle just how much of a labor of love this was, and in my opinion you can feel that through the movie itself. I’d highly recommend looking into interviews and behind the scenes details about the movies. they had a respect not just for the source material, but for leonard nimoy as a person.

there’s definitely more I Could say about this, but it’s 4 am now so I’m gonna shelve it jklfdsa

that said! it’s Fine to not like the movie, not everything is going to be suited to everyone’s taste, but the specific criticisms I’ve seen feel very off base

#star trek #kirk #spock #uhura #nichelle nichols #leonard nimoy #star trek aos #aos #star trek tos #tos #meta #long post #hello followers I write essays about star trek now

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taetaespeaches · 2 years

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Liv! Idk if you’ve watched turning red or not but it’s super cute and there’s this whole scene that totally gave me Jimin and Dear vibes. There’s this scene where Mei is running around and sees something attractive (sorry trying to be vague and not spoil anything) and goes Awooga! And that just reminded me of Jimin and Dear. Like maybe they’re watching movies one night and Jimin’s pouting about something between Dear’s legs and dear leans downs and goes “i can fan over you if you’d like” all seductively before going “Awooga!” In Jimin’s war and this just ends with them laughing

I haven't seen it yet I need to watch it! Omg this is so cute?! :( who would have thought that the phrase "awooga" could be so adorable lol I can definitely see them doing this, Jimin would lose it and Dear would feel so accomplished by making him laugh

#anon #asks #i love that you thought of this omg #we love a cute jimin dear moment #jimin/dear #concepts

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mtt-metal-crusher · 7 years

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Mettaton’s Little Star in the Making

Mettaton mentoring Frisk in acting:

2037 words. Request by anon.

“Now, are you absolutely sure you’ll be okay with looking after them? If you’ve changed your mind I can always find someone else...” Toriel fussed, holding tight onto Frisk’s hand as though she were ready to run back out the door with them at any moment.

Mettaton rolled his eyes at her, “Don’t worry so much, darling- you’ll make yourself sick. If I say I’m going to do something- I’ll do it. And plus, it’s barely ‘looking after Frisk’- it’s spending some quality time with my favourite little human,” He said, ruffling their hair as he did so. “Honestly, Toriel, I’ll be fine with them. We’re gonna have fun!”

Frisk smiled, trying to slip their hand out of Toriel’s grip so they could go sit on Mettaton’s sofa. Or his ‘chaise longue’ as Mettaton liked to call it. Either way, it was the comfiest sofa Frisk ever sat on and they had their eye on it already.

At long last, Toriel let go and Frisk made a dash for it, as though it would be taken if they didn’t sit on it straight away. Mettaton chuckled, knowing his apartment must be a wondrous place for anyone who weren’t used to such expensive luxuries. The only problem he had about the place was that it wasn’t quite big enough for him. One day he’d have to pack up and move into a mansion, but until then he’d have to make do with his lavish apartment.

Once Toriel finally accepted that Mettaton was perfectly happy to have Frisk over, she parted with them, hugging Frisk tight before she left. Mettaton waltzed over to the kid, sitting by them with a confident grin.

“So, darling, you know why Toriel is so worried about me taking care of you? Does she think I’m going to let you fall off a balcony or something?” Mettaton quizzed, unable to stop himself from prying.

Frisk shook their head, “Nah, she’s just worried that she’s imposing,”

“Imposing?” Mettaton asked dubiously, “But I was the one who offered,”

“Yeah but, you’re a celebrity. She always thinks of you as working hard twenty-four/seven. She doesn’t want to interrupt anything,” Frisk said, kicking their shoes off and crossing their legs on the sofa, “Anyway, you gotta rest at some point, right?”

“You’re absolutely correct and I do rest... sometimes,” Mettaton stretched out, realising that he should probably rest more often than he does, “Does flirting with cast-members count as taking a break?”

Frisk held their chin in thought, “Depends, are you working while you’re flirting?”

“...Yes,”

“Then it doesn’t count,”

Mettaton squinted at them, twisting his mouth, “You’re probably right. I’m an incredibly good multitasker. I can flirt and act at the same time. There’s no need for breaks,”

Frisk tittered pulling their backpack off of their back and placing it on the coffee table in front of them.

“Hey, MTT?” They said as unzipped the bag, rummaging inside.

“Yes, darling?”

“You talking about acting reminded me of something,” Frisk told him, pulling out bundle of paper from their bag, handing it to Mettaton. He accepted it, looking over the scruffy looking sheets of paper with interest.

He hummed with delight when he saw the title, “Is this a script?”

Frisk nodded, “For the school nativity this Christmas. I thought they stopped it when I turned eleven... But we’re doing it again this year. I’m going for the part of baby Jesus,”

Mettaton didn’t know a whole lot about the nativity, or Christianity for that matter, but he knew that the baby Jesus probably didn’t have many lines. “You’re... going to play the baby?”

“Yep. It’s the best part. I don’t come in until the end and then I take the limelight being the most important character,” They explained, taking the script back and flicking through to the end, “There’s the lines I have to practice,” Frisk said as they passed them back.

“Hmm... Well, I can tell a teacher wrote this,”

Frisk eyed him, “How can you tell?”

Mettaton scoffed, “It says, and I quote ‘I am the baby Jesus, born on this day to bless humanity’. Where’s the passion? If I was born with the ability to talk, I’d probably say something a bit more exciting. Like ‘Huzzah! I have finally arrived after my vacation in the womb! I’d now like to bless you all with my exquisite presence. Now it’s time to party!’” Mettaton acted the whole thing out with dramatic hand gestures and varied facial expressions, making Frisk feel like they were a part of a movie. A very dramatic and silly movie anyway.

“That would make more it interesting...” They commented, “But I don’t think we’re allowed to change the script,”

Mettaton sighed, “A shame, I’d be able to convert this into a work of art,” He held his chin as his eyes scanned over the words, “Well, I’m anything but a quitter. I can work with what we’ve got. It’s all in the intonation, darling,” He stood up, gesturing for Frisk to do the same, “Come over here, let’s get some room. I’m going to teach you how to accentuate your voice and make sure all eyes are on you,”

They moved out into the middle of the room to give themselves some space.

“First of all, we have to warm our vocal chords up. Repeat after me, ‘awooga’!” Mettaton said, with the voice of a modern-day siren.

Frisk chuckled, “Awooga!”

“Louder!”

“AWOOGA!”

“Perfect!” Mettaton said, taking a deep breath, “Alright, now that our voices have been successfully warmed, let’s move onto building up our confidence,” He looked at Frisk’s demeanour, they seemed pretty casual, not much sense of nervousness, but he had to prepare them for every eventuality- including potential stage fright. “Now, as you’re only young, I won’t suggest you imagine your audience naked- though that barely ever works anyway. Let’s instead focus on your role; you’re the child of God, the definition of importance. Everything’s lying on you to make a good show. You may feel pressure to be the best person on that stage but I wouldn’t worry- you’re playing Jesus! That kid doesn’t have words anyway. Even if you make a complete flop of your lines- who cares! That whole play is about you. People will think you’re great regardless,”

“Noted,” Frisk shrugged, “I won’t ruin my lines, though! I have you as a teacher!”

Mettaton smirked, “You little charmer,” He said while shaking his head, “Alright, now let’s look at your lines- how about we start from the top, repeat after me, ‘I am the baby Jesus!’”

“I am the baby Jesus,” Frisk said back at him.

Mettaton looked at them from over the script, “Not to be harsh, sweetheart, but that was incredibly lacklustre. Say it as though you mean it!”

“I am the baby Jesus?”

“Now you just sound confused. You’re telling people who you are, not questioning your existence,” Mettaton said, knowing he should probably give them an example, “Instead, say it like ‘I am! The baby Jesus!” He spread his arms wide as he announced this, as though he was yelling it for the world to hear. “Born on THIS DAY to bless humanity!”

Frisk looked dubious, “I am the baby Jesus!”

“I am!” He said, “Accentuate, darling! Feel the words as they leave your body!”

“Okay, okay,” Frisk cleared their throat, “I am! The baby Jesus!”

A slow smile grew upon Mettaton’s lips, “Brilliant! You’re going to get this part if it’s the last thing I do,”

The school’s hall was full to the brim with parents and family members, all here to support their kids as they performed that same play that they did every year. The nativity. The highlight of the school year for the drama kids. For the others, it was just another day. Frisk had almost every member of their adopted family there to watch, the loudest of which, was Mettaton, telling whoever he could that ‘his favourite little star’ was performing. As soon as he was informed that Frisk had been given the part, he promised that he’d spare the time to watch them perform, and here he was.

He was sat in the middle of the row, on one of those uncomfortable plastic chairs they force kids to sit on for the majority of their education.

“Mettaton! You’re here to see Frisk too?” A skeleton asked as he sat down next to him, a large grin on his face.

“I sure am. I helped them rehearse their lines,” Mettaton said proudly, stars in his eyes.

“Oh! I helped them as well,” Papyrus said, tapping the tips of his fingers together with delight, “With both of us as teachers, they’re sure to be the star of the show!”

Mettaton chuckled, “Of course,”

They looked over at the stage expectantly, waiting for the show to start. But they’d only just arrived, Mettaton knew it may take a little while yet.

“Do I know you?” Mettaton asked after a moment, turning back to the skeleton next to him.

“No! I’m Papyrus- I’m a friend of Frisk’s,”

“Likewise,”

“I’m actually quite a big fan of yours,” Papyrus said, as nonchalantly as he could, “Now I know how Frisk improved so quickly, being trained by someone as brilliant as you,”

Mettaton placed a hand on his chest, “You flatter me... You’re not wrong, though,”

The audience quietened down as the lights dimmed and the curtains on the stage opened, revealing the children dressed in their costumes, speaking their lines as though they were reading them straight off of the sheet. Mettaton wasn’t one to criticise kids, they were still learning, but he couldn’t help but feel glad that this was Frisk’s competition. They’d shine brighter than anyone else on that stage.

At long last, after everyone in the town was rude enough to close their doors on Mary and Joseph, they found a stable, noting the time for Frisk’s arrival was drawing near. When Mary finally had the baby after much suspense, Frisk stood from the crib they’d been hiding in, ready to say the lines they and Mettaton had put so much effort into.

“I!” They began, and then their voice faltered, seeing how many people were out there, “I am the baby Jesus, born on this day to bless humanity...” They said quickly, barely audible. Mettaton’s heart lurched, knowing how nervous they must feel. He’d put too much pressure on them to do good, and now they must feel as though they’d let him down. He couldn’t have that. He raised his hand in a wave, smiling brightly. When Frisk caught his eye, they smiled back, giving him a small wave in return. He gave them a thumbs up to tell them they were doing well, hoping they knew how proud he was.

“I am glad you could all join this celebration o-of my birth. Now, we m-must celebrate,” They stuttered, trying to get the words out as fast as possible.

Mettaton smiled again, trying to catch their eye. They’d got the part, they played the most important character on that stage and they’d tried their hardest to make everyone proud. In Mettaton’s eyes, they couldn’t have done any better.

When the play ended and the curtains closed, the family members congregated in another large room, waiting for the kids to be let out. Frisk was finally released, but they didn’t look wholly impressed. Toriel picked up on it immediately, kneeling to place both hands on their shoulders and asked what was wrong.

“I screwed my words up,” They complained, looking annoyed at themselves, “I didn’t do any of the things Mettaton taught me,”

But Mettaton just shook his head, “Really? You were excellent up there, honey, I’ve never been so proud. You’re a little star in the making,” He enthused, kneeling as well. He opened his arms for them, and they leaped into them, hugging him tightly.

“Thanks MTT,” They mumbled into his shirt, “You’re the best teacher,”

“Ahem,” Papyrus coughed by the side of them, pretending he hadn’t by looking in the other direction.

Frisk chuckled, “You’re good too, Papyrus! You both are! I’m glad you could both be here today,”

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world, sweetheart,”

#mettaton #frisk #papyrus #toriel #undertale #hope you liked this anon!!#it's super long compared to the others aaaa #but i couldn't leave it without them going to the play!#that would be... wrong!#angel's requests

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samanthasroberts · 7 years

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5 Reasons Threesomes Aren’t As Awesome As You Think

Once, in a world both distant and full of tears, I invited myself to a group sex orgy humptathlon, and it was weird. I felt weird. I looked weird, and it was because I was naked. Others looked more or less weird, based on my personal tastes and standards, because they were also naked. But the whole thing had less an air of intimacy about it, and more an air of “tailgate party with balls.” Was there a way to mix the debauchery of more than one partner with the relative intimacy of less than 30 partners? Yes. The answer was sex with less than 30 people. I decided to try three.

#5. “Third Wheel” Is An Expression For A Reason

To clarify before anyone corrects me, I know the idiom is “fifth wheel,” but we fudged it into “third wheel” in the popular vernacular, and I’m sticking with it. Anyway, the reason you see two people out on a date way more often than you see three is because no one likes a third asshole. Literally and figuratively. The third one is in the way and will inevitably be a distraction to one or the other. Someone is always feeling left out when there are three people.

On the bright side, this gives you way more time to quietly spit in their beer.

Asking a couple if they would be amenable to you joining them is awkward at best, and I’ve found even getting them to include you in dinner plans can be a hassle. Naturally, this likely has a lot more to do with me as a person than the idea of any random person, probably, but I imagine there’s at least some generalities here. Of the several couples I approached, it took an offer to pay for all three of us to see a movie just to get that far. This was killer for my self-esteem. I’m like a reverse prostitute, and not the good kind: the kind who has weird-smelling gaps in their oak-shaded teeth. I don’t have that, by the way. Makes it all the more sad.

#4. This Will Test A Friendship

If you ask your best friend and his wife if they’d like to have a threesome, be prepared to sit on the sofa for a moment not saying anything. This will occur when you do the same with your next-best friend, your old roommate, and the neighbors. It’s the go-to reaction. It doesn’t last long, but I suggest you savor it, because you’re going to be wistful for it fairly soon.

In general, you could sum up most people’s reactions to being asked for a threesome as, “No.” If you’d like specifics, well, let me just say I’m not welcome at a couple of Christmas parties now.

Apparently, it’s out of favor to get drunk and spend most the time leaning crotch-first under mistletoe.

In all likelihood, you’re going to want to use a little class to broach the subject and — this is key — do so with a couple in which at least one member has at some point expressed something even remotely close to attraction to you. This is for your own good. But hey, I’m writing a comedy article, so I literally asked the first five couples I could find. Plus, a hilarious bonus I’ll get to later. No reading ahead, you little comedy scamps!

I learned fairly early on that, if I’m friends with a guy and then became friends by proxy with his wife or girlfriend later on, simply by virtue of being friends with the male half, the female friendship can become remarkably tenuous when you propose a debaucherous interlude. I feel like for this to ever work, both halves of the couple have to have the exact amount of interest at the exact same time to avoid alienating one another. Like, if the dude was all, “Hot damn, man sex!” and his wife was maybe less impressed with the idea, that would be bad for their relationship. Likewise, if she hopped in my lap right away and called me papi or whatever, he might start wondering if there was more to this spur-of-the-moment invitation than meets the eye. Realistically, both parties probably have to think something like, “Well, better than a Big Bang Theory rerun,” and say it out loud in unison. Anything else, and one of us is never getting looked in the eye again.

Suggesting you actually watch the rerun will produce the same result.

#3. No One Trusts Me

When you write comedy articles for a living, and people know this, they will automatically assume something is up when you approach them out of the blue with a request for somewhat-askew sex. After that period of silence I mentioned earlier, my friend asked me if this was for an article. That’s the world I live in now. I can’t just want to have sex with my friends for kicks; it has to be because Cracked is paying me to do it. Incidentally, Cracked did not pay me to have sex with my friends, per se. I tried to have sex with my friends, and then, afterward, informed Cracked that I was billing them for it as a result of the article I wrote. So it’s not like Adam Brown is my pimp. He’s more like a peepshow enthusiast paying to see my goodies after the fact. The difference is subtle, but it may come up in court one day. Who am I to say?

I mean, the shades are pimpish, but the hat is clearly all wrong.

In total, three of the couples from whom I requested a threesome assumed right off the bat that it was for an article, and that immediately disqualified it as a possibility. Like your sex is so fucking majestic it couldn’t possibly be fodder for comedy. Listen, kids: No matter what you do when you rub your grunt widget against your partner’s squirt goblin, I guarantee that if you include me, something hilarious is going down. I don’t even need to bring a spinning bow tie or a sidesplitting awooga horn. Sex is always about two farts and a well-timed pun away from a vaudeville act, and that’s the way it should be. No one likes Downton Abbey sex, when your pinkie is up and everyone is dour and clenched. That’s how old people fuck. Trust me, I watched some at that orgy.

Also, Earl Grey tea is a terrible lube.

Source: http://allofbeer.com/2017/07/13/5-reasons-threesomes-arent-as-awesome-as-you-think/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/07/13/5-reasons-threesomes-arent-as-awesome-as-you-think/

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jimdsmith34 · 7 years

Text

5 Reasons Threesomes Aren’t As Awesome As You Think

#5. “Third Wheel” Is An Expression For A Reason

On the bright side, this gives you way more time to quietly spit in their beer.

#4. This Will Test A Friendship

Apparently, it’s out of favor to get drunk and spend most the time leaning crotch-first under mistletoe.

Suggesting you actually watch the rerun will produce the same result.

#3. No One Trusts Me

I mean, the shades are pimpish, but the hat is clearly all wrong.

Also, Earl Grey tea is a terrible lube.

source http://allofbeer.com/2017/07/13/5-reasons-threesomes-arent-as-awesome-as-you-think/ from All of Beer http://allofbeer.blogspot.com/2017/07/5-reasons-threesomes-arent-as-awesome.html

0 notes

adambstingus · 7 years

Text

5 Reasons Threesomes Aren’t As Awesome As You Think

#5. “Third Wheel” Is An Expression For A Reason

On the bright side, this gives you way more time to quietly spit in their beer.

#4. This Will Test A Friendship

Apparently, it’s out of favor to get drunk and spend most the time leaning crotch-first under mistletoe.

Suggesting you actually watch the rerun will produce the same result.

#3. No One Trusts Me

I mean, the shades are pimpish, but the hat is clearly all wrong.

Also, Earl Grey tea is a terrible lube.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/07/13/5-reasons-threesomes-arent-as-awesome-as-you-think/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/162955471097

0 notes

allofbeercom · 7 years

Text

5 Reasons Threesomes Aren’t As Awesome As You Think

#5. “Third Wheel” Is An Expression For A Reason

On the bright side, this gives you way more time to quietly spit in their beer.

#4. This Will Test A Friendship

Apparently, it’s out of favor to get drunk and spend most the time leaning crotch-first under mistletoe.

Suggesting you actually watch the rerun will produce the same result.

#3. No One Trusts Me

I mean, the shades are pimpish, but the hat is clearly all wrong.

Also, Earl Grey tea is a terrible lube.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/07/13/5-reasons-threesomes-arent-as-awesome-as-you-think/

0 notes