#who the fuck uses “lol” anymore
Text
#LOL FUNNY THING#HAHA SO FUHNNY#SO SYPER FUNNY#who the fuck uses “lol” anymore#fucking 50 yr parents#yknow#being tklsh is stupid#like why bro#like bro what did i even do to you#im jus tryna live my life#also getting more tklsh over the years is fucking horrible#not speaking from personal experience#not at all#yall ate lunch 2day?#same#and the other stupid thing is that trying to act tough doesnt work after someone finds our your tklsh 💔#i be hiding this like fucking secret treasure#💔💔💔#anyways#silly goofy ahh
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
Upcoming Ballad changes 👀?
#loz au#wip#Ballad (Kheprriverse)#they/he#thinking about his design a lot more >> just how some things came to be#as I change FD I also change Ballad since theyre kinda linked (lol)#the white in their hair also changed a bit. more prominent + starts on left side of their usual part#but him in his main casual outfit + the green half-tunic is now just a cloth#switched his belt coz thats been bothering the fuck outta me#also changing his biggoron sword because that fucker cant have a single consistent design#yknow after all the trouble i went through making its oh ref twice#scarred eye is now his left (he’s left handed) + starts where the eye is for uh. lore.#also he doesnt close his eye often anymore. tho i may give him some sorta patch to cover it… not sure yet. probably wont#i’ll get to his armor eventually. that ones gotta take a lot of thinking.#ballad’s kind of the main character so I do wanna get their design how i want#they’re justa dad who wants to get everything done with so they can go back to their wife and son#*dont worry about the weird coloration in one spot. i use an auto action to auto-color my line art before i go in manually*#Kheprriart
65 notes
·
View notes
Text
I'M FUCKING SCREAMING WHAT IS THIS????????
#*carly catalogs#the rookie#6x07#*FAT AMY GIF* ENOOOOUUUGGGH!!!!!!!!!#ENOUGH !!!!!!! YOU CAN'T BE PULLING MY LEG LIKE THIS THIS IS IN. SANE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#OHOHOHOHOHOOHOHOHOHOHO THE FORESHADOWING OF IT ALL#WHO GIVES A FUCK ABOUT BAILAN BABY ANYMORE????????? (i never did lol)#ik they threw this in with the promo pics just to really mess with us....#and oh boy is it working cause i am jumping around like a wild monkey!!#tim bradford#lucy chen#chenford#otp: you know me so well
16 notes
·
View notes
Note
i know you're probably not into maleficent/aurora anymore, but since you were like THE malora writer, i'm curious in what do you think would happen to maleficent when aurora dies? either from natural causes like old age or somethiing terrible happened
My friend, this is so kind of you to say!! This is also, unfortunately, MY JAM LOL
So in my personal interpretation, I think once Aurora became more sure of herself and the relationship, she would learn (passively, not even really thinking of it as such) to de-fuse Maleficent a lot of the time. Maleficent is naturally temperamental and always about 3 bad steps away from starting a fight. Once Aurora learns that this is just sort of how she is and she isn't actually mad, and doesn't even usually mean anything by it, Aurora learns to just kind of skillfully sidestep like 99% of Maleficent's bad moods. As a result, because she isn't being fought at every turn, Maleficent (also without realizing it) calms down a LOT, and tends to stop seeing everything as a challenge or threat, even from ppl who are not Aurora. This mostly just freaks ppl out, because you know she always seems super calm until she is suddenly Not LOL, and the average person does not know how to tell Maleficent's "actually calm" from her "quietly seething."
Additionally, while I believe that Maleficent operates on her own code of ethics and doesn't just do whatever, I also think her ethics and what she considers "wrong" differ significantly from where the average human would draw the line. As she grows more comfortable in her relationship with Aurora, I think she would be surprisingly willing to draw lines where Aurora wants her to, at least most of the time, because in her mind, e.g. not harassing someone who mildly annoyed her is important to Aurora, while it's not that important to Maleficent.
However, I think both of these changes, no matter how long Aurora lives, are utterly temporary. Once Aurora is gone, Maleficent will go back to the way she was before, if not ultimately worse, because in a sense kindness will remind her of Aurora, and I don't think she will ever reach a place where that is a good thing for her.
I think Maleficent's first reaction would be a kind of desperate fury, sort of like a wounded wild animal but with very powerful magic. She would be absolutely terrorizing the countryside, especially anyone she perceived to be responsible. It's almost worse if Aurora dies of old age, because then the fault in her mind would lie with...everything, the nature of life itself. This phase could last forever, depending on other factors, and I think it would be a very long time before Maleficent is even slightly functional again.
Even in eg. Prisoner-verse where Maleficent has other friends, I can see her getting into terrible fights with almost all of them. Girl can be next-level vicious when she wants to be, and even if her friends have known grief, most of them don't know exactly what she's going through, and therefore from Maleficent's perspective are not in a position to comment. Also I think "Aurora wouldn't want you to live like this" or similar would be like, the worst possible thing you could say to her, and might send her spiraling into a murderous rage all over again, because how DARE you presume to tell her what Aurora would want?
I am really a sucker for these kinds of villain backstories LOL, you can play me the same tune over and over and I will never get tired of it. I think the only kind of person who could reach Maleficent would be someone who's sort of similar to Aurora, at least in unfailing kindness. I'm imagining someone just trying to save her village or w/e from being razed to the ground showing sympathy to Maleficent for her lost love, and Maleficent showing just the smallest amount of mercy in memory of Aurora, even if ultimately she hasn't changed or healed at all. (oh my godddddd don't look at me I want to write this now lol)
So anyway, it was 5:30 in the morning, a very normal time to be awake, and I was thinking, well, would anyone in Prisoner-verse be able to calm her down at all? I think she and Kinsale would absolutely get into a really bad fight, and Zenovia would try to be chill about it but she would also pretty quickly be like okay well talk to me when you've calmed down lol. And then I realized............
--
“Hey.”
Maleficent doesn’t move. She doesn’t know how long she’s been sitting here. Odd, that she doesn’t feel a fresh wave of fury at Joy’s presence. Then again, perhaps she is simply too tired to feel much of anything.
“I’m not going to say anything.” Joy holds out her hands in a show of defense.
Maleficent inhales, sighs. Her throat is burning. She only distantly remembers the sound of screaming, and realizes now that the memory was of her own voice.
“Good,” says Maleficent. Joy of all people should know that there is nothing to say.
A long silence follows. Joy joins her on the floor some distance away, and pretends to train her gaze upon the fire.
“I do have one question, actually,” says Maleficent.
“Hm?”
Maleficent closes her eyes. She tries to imagine Joy the way she looked in pictures, with long, beautiful hair that she wore in intricate curls, and a radiant smile full of youthful mischief. “How did you…not…”
But words fail her. She holds out her hand, grasping at nothing.
“What,” says Joy, “burn down the world?”
Maleficent sighs again. It is as apt a question as any.
“Well, it was perhaps to my benefit that I am not nearly so powerful as you, Mistress Maleficent,” says Joy, although her characteristic attempt at wryness comes out remarkably strained. “I wouldn’t have gotten very far.”
Maleficent opens her eyes. The flames of the fire flicker and dance, enticing in their destruction. “I’m not sure I would have cared.”
Joy chuckles, dry and mirthless. “Yes, well,” she says. She does not continue.
Outside, a terrible wind howls, desperate and mournful. The windows rattle and the fire flickers low, casting them both in dramatic shadow.
Maleficent inhales. She closes her eyes again. “Does it ever…?”
The words catch in her throat. She already knows the answer.
“No,” says Joy quietly. A long silence follows. The embers from the fire crackle meekly, and the mournful wind falls deadly silent.
“But…I don’t know. You find…other reasons. To, you know…” She waves her hand vaguely at the fire, and stokes it back to life.
Maleficent shakes her head. Reasons? The word feels foreign, meaningless. “I don’t know that I ever had a reason for anything, before…”
Before her, she means to say, but she cannot. There was always a before her, yes, but now there is an after her. Everything from now on is after her, without her, and the mere idea of it is something akin to drowning, or perhaps slowly suffocating, deep underground, with the weight of the earth sinking down upon her chest. What did she do before? How did she live? However is she to live now, knowing what she has lost?
“Yeah,” says Joy simply.
Maleficent doesn’t know how long they sit together in silence after that. It hardly matters.
--
ANYWAY THANK YOU ANONYMOUS FRIEND I HAD FUN LOL
#character death cw#malora#maleficent x aurora#exciting tag for writing things#exciting tag for answered asks#fic:prisoner#char:joy#god i feel so bad LOL i'm like ahhh i don't really write malora anymore what if one of them DIED :) and now it's fun for me sdkjnfkdjsfnfds#the post editor gets worse every time i use it i stg#guys i'm reeeeeeeeeeally thinking about writing this#you don't understand give me a villain w a lost love who sees sth of their lost love in the protag and i go fucking feral EVERY TIME#one minute im normal the next minute i'm on the roof howling it's really bad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
74 notes
·
View notes
Text
ILY FP 258
I can't believe we're actually passed episode 250 lmao I Love Yoo is truly the never ending story (affectionate). I appreciate how much of the story we really get to dig into at this pace and while I know a lot of people have long-since dropped it, I imagine the rest of us (those reading this post because why else are you here?) also appreciate it. And that's what is even more refreshing about this episode - if refreshing is even a word we can use to describe it. Getting the extra scenes from other characters, a look at their lives and from these glimpses, what we can glean in the unsaid between the lines.
Can you believe I used to prey on Kousuke's downfall? There's so many posts of me talking about him from a different view, believing that the only way he could grow and develop and make the changes necessary to make him a better person was for him to crash and burn, to fail so significantly that he would be forced to pen his eyes to reality. But here we are, me, fervently swaddling him up like a baby and shoving him into my pocket because GOD he needs to be protected.
I don't even remember when it was, that my view on him began to shift, when I went from "he's interesting but awful" to "GOD THIS IS MY SON AND I WILL FIGHT EVERYONE YOU HAVE TO GO THROUGH ME" but.... lol there's no going back!
That's enough rambling, let's jump in.
There is something so painfully devastating about every time ILY confirms to us something we have long-since known or suspected through nuance, foreshadowing, reading between the lines, etc: That Kousuke isn't Rand's biological son, that Shinae was at the formal for Gun Kim, that Kousuke has been manipulated his whole life. Nothing in this episode regarding Kousuke is actually new to us. We have known, and talked about, for months and months long before the confirmation reveal that Yui drugs Kousuke - that he has been manipulated by her his entire life, that she orchestrated his life to manipulate him into situations she could take advantage of. It's the way she spoke about Rand's affair around Kousuke, the way she commodified Rand's love so Kousuke became convinced he'd never earned his father's love, the way she spoke of their family vs others and convinced him from such a young age that everyone was out to get them, to destroy them, and that he couldn't let them get close, couldn't let them near - and how Nol was very much a target planted in his mind.
But it's the fact that he is speaking of this and acknowledging it! Until now, Kousuke has heavily lived in denial. Again, we know this. We talk a lot about the chasm between reality and the reality he believes in. We talk a lot about how Kousuke couldn't face reality, even though on some level he knew everything he believed and was told was not quite true not quite real, but that he was so afraid of the truth, he couldn't do it. Kousuke admitting that he's been driven by fear and envy explains everything about him, and why he could not accept the only unwavering unconditional love he was offered.
A few weeks ago I saw a video on instagram of this father talking about a conversation he had with his daughter, who was feeling a little uncomfortable with her friend group. A new girl started to play with her and her best friend and she said she wasn't exactly jealous, but that maybe it was that she was afraid that there wasn't enough love to go around. Her dad had to explain to her that love is not like a pizza - it's not finite, a limited amount that could be taken and hogged by someone else. But Kousuke never learned this. His father's love was commodified and he was made to fear this other kid who he mistakenly believed knew a version of his father he'd never been privy to. He never learned that love is finite, that Rand could have enough love for the both of them, and feared that Nol would hog it all - that he WAS hogging it all because whether or not it was good or bad, Nol received more attention that Kousuke did. And that speaks VOLUMES about how Kousuke sees Rand, what he thinks of their relationship. In his mind, he is still unworthy, that he's not noteworthy enough.
This part gets to me so badly. We, as omniscient readers, know that Rand has tried his best, but that Yui runs a spectacular interference with which he can't compete, largely because of the roles their family have placed them in - Rand the busy businessman, Yui the mommy homemaker. But no matter how hard he tries, it isn't good enough. Rand tries to reach Kousuke, but the manipulation and paranoia are so far gone that the times Rand does have the chance to convey his feelings, Kousuke can't even believe it, because he thinks he's not good enough to deserve that love, that he hasn't fully qualified for it yet. And despite that, Nol, who Kousuke feels hasn't done half of what he has to deserve Rand's love, gets the attention. It doesn't matter that it's negative attention, that Rand barks at Nol, that Nol feels Rand hates and regrets him, because ultimately, it's still more than Kousuke receives. And worse, to him, every time Rand is busy reprimanding Nol, he turns away from Kousuke to do it.
I want to make it clear that this is a deep trauma point of Kousuke's. He's never learned healthy love and the only person who gave him healthy love was someone he was set to fear and fight. Something I think about a lot is the flashback to Kousuke, in the bushes, watching Nessa and Nol's display of warm affection, before Yui appears literally looming before him. In that moment, he witnesses something he's been deprived of. "We're not like other families"'. He's told from a young age he shouldn't compare himself to those healthy families, to warm and affectionate relationships that he will not cultivate in this household. From such a young age it is normalized, that they aren't like others, that they are cold and distant. From a young age, he's made to stuff down his feelings, his tender wants and desires, in order to earn them. To be a good little boy who makes his parents proud. To make his father look his way.
There's also something about the way he says "I've been a good boy" that echoes Shinae learning she's been manipulated by Yui, devastated and angry and yelling about how she's been a good girl so why do these things keep happening to her, all she wanted to do was help her dad. Two people who, from a young age, felt they had to be so obedient, so good, to not be a burden, and despite following the rules, despite doing as they were told, despite trying to be whatever version of "good" they believed in, the world still beat them up and mistreated them. The world still punished them.
As Rin in our discord server pointed out, though, to some degree, Kousuke is very much a person who can - and does - act out, when he's emotionally high-strung. He's a volatile man, and it's largely to do with the fact that he's been drugged to placate him for so long. He never learned emotional regulation, he never learned how to deal with high-stress situations or to face conflict or to own up to things. This is something that some readers who hate Kousuke and expect him to act a certain way because of his age are missing. You don't just learn these things with age. You learn them with experience and Kousuke was deprived of the opportunity TO have those experiences. He never had to learn these behaviors, and now as an adult he cannot function when overwhelmed.
Idk this whole episode is just heartbreaking. It's devastating. I remember when I was someone praying on Kousuke's downfall and now I want to take it all back ;___; I always believed he had to crash and burn to be able to see the world for what it really was and to face his fears, but this is somehow so much worse.
And even though he's drunk, I don't think he's going to forget all of this in the morning. Rather, I think what he's voicing are things that have been plaguing him since waking up in the hospital. From that moment, we saw him wary and distrustful of his mother, we saw his concern for Nol rising above everything else, but grappling with the understanding that he doesn't deserve to stand in front of Nol anymore. These aren't epiphanies coming to him just because he's drunk; it's more like he's only voicing them because he's drunk. But even when he sobers up, he will probably still be haunted by these fears, these agonies, these truths, this understanding.
How does he face his mother after this? How does he face anyone? He may not even feel like he can trust Jayce - who while very kind to him, is still employed by his family. He may not even feel like he can trust Hansuke (though I really hope that's not the case).
He's so miserable and it genuinely hurts to have him lay it all out for us - everything we've known and suspected, like how it was so painfully clear he WANTED Nol's friendship, their brotherhood, but feared it, didn't believe that there was enough love to go around, that there could only be one of them and that even if it was for good or bad reasons, Nol cast him in the shadow. And all these years, watching as Nol, as Yeonggi, grew into this person who sounded so very much like this unknown version of their father, someone funny who makes others laugh, someone goofy, someone so boyish in the ways Kousuke was never allowed to be. Watching as he gathers friends, while Kousuke, so unlikeable, is wanted only for his money, for his status, for the clout.
He doesn't even know WHO HE IS! Questioning his own traits he's believed of himself, wondering if this is even him, if these parts of him are real or does he just act it, say it, pretend it, while trying to fulfill a role he was shoved into. That makes me feel SO deeply sad, because it's something I've been anticipating for so long: Kousuke wondering WHO he really is, how much of him is real and how much of it is the result of manipulation.
And that moment that he catches himself and says no no that's offensive and rude you can't be like that. ;AAA;
For him to admit how much he envies others, how much he craves the kind of connection others have, the kind of family others have, to feel that love and warmth that he's been deprived of, forced to endure this solitude because, as he believes, he didn't get the good parts of Rand. And what will happen when he learns that Rand isn't his father? That he never stood a chance to inherit any of those traits. Kousuke has operated on this belief that, if he tries hard enough, he can earn the things he craves, but I fear learning about his parenthood will make him think that no matter how hard he tried, he would never earn that, because none of it was ever him, could have gone to him.
I think this is where Shinae, in the future, will come in. I feel so very strongly that she will be someone who helps Kousuke to see that this isn't true, that these kinds of personality traits aren't something inherited, but rather something learned. For him to one day realize it's the paralyzing fear that holds him back, not his genetics. Of course, I acknowledge this will still take a lot of therapy but...
Something else very remarkable to me is the way Kousuke recognizes Shinae in Shinhye, because their eyes "feel the same" and he opens up to her - on some level, whether or not he is consciously aware of it, Kousuke knows, or maybe just wants to, that he can trust Shinae. That she is someone who is safe. He even knows how she feels about his mother. I don't think we'll see a lot of Kousuke and Shinae's friendship until we're passed our timeskips, but it makes me feel a little hopeful about it, that she'll be able to reach him, because she feels like someone who is safe. It's the way he sees Nol in her and wants to try to have that do over, a relationship with someone who has unconditional love for him. It's the way he knows he mistreated Nol, that it was wrong, that he took it all out on this kid he was so afraid of because he had no other outlet, and he wants to do better but knows that there's nothing to salvage anymore.
But also, it just makes me hope more and more that in the future we WILL see a reconciliation between the brothers. As I say every time, it doesn't mean they have to become brothers or friends, but I just want them to see each other fully. Kousuke knows what he did to Nol. He doesn't deny it, even if he might not say it out loud unless he's drunk. But Nol is still so in the dark. Yujing is trying to tip him off and make him aware of it, but I hope one day when Nol realizes it, when he finds out that Kousuke, too, was Yui's victim, that he wasn't the only one, that Kousuke was made to fear Nol's love, he might.... understand. I'm saying understand here loosely because I don't want people to get the idea that I mean Nol will forgive him and Kousuke will be justified, but rather that Nol would be able to understand why Kousuke felt that way, and move on. But I can't help but hope that it will lead to an understanding, a reconciliation, where maybe they can try to be in each other's lives.
I think it's also interesting that Shinhye was somewhat honest, even if she wasn't very forthcoming, with Kousuke about her own family. It sounds like her mother has been gone for a long time, that she's been on her own the whole while, and I think it reinforces the idea that she believes both that Simhan is her father and that he rejected her, that he didn't want anything to do with her. It lines up, too, with how she feels that he wouldn't react well if he saw her (although I think she credited that to looking like their mother). In the same way that Shinae has felt abandoned and cast aside by their mother, Shinhye probably thinks their father never tried reach out, to find them, to maintain a relationship with her. Or perhaps it's that her mother fed her lies about him, made her believe him a different type of man, made her believe there would never be anything of their relationship to salvage. And given that she's the one who Kousuke opened to, it makes me think that there must be some kind of parallel there; the way she mentioned her own mother feels like maybe her mother, too, was a manipulative - or at the very least, dishonest - person.
I don't speculate a lot on Shinhye because frankly I don't think I know enough about her to really try to talk about her, but I do think that it's very likely there's some kind of connection between Shinhye and the Hirahras or Gun. To be clear, I don't believe she's working with Yui at all. I think it's more like... Alyssa isn't the only girl who has been trafficked by Gun. What's the likelihood that Shinae and Shinhye's mother was? Given her history, the gambling addiction that was so egregious her reputation haunted Shinae and chased her to a new neighborhood and school, was she seeking money somewhere else, somewhere more dangerous? Is that part of why they had to change their name? There's so many questions left about them, and I look forward to learning more about her, but, much like with Alyssa, I think it will take time and be dropped in little tidbits like this - things to read into and try to glean something from.
And maybe we'll see more of this duo in the future? It would feel a little weird to give them this one single run in, but I'm not entirely sure. Quimchee likes to keep us on our toes. After all, Minhyuk and Shinhye have also had only the one run in. Still, I think it would be interesting to watch, if Shinhye ever felt.... I want to say maybe compelled? to dig in more to Kousuke, ever feel a kind of kinship. I don't think she'll open up to him at all, but rather, maybe she'd keep going back because a. he's wealthy and there's more she can nick from him (assuming he doesn't realize she stole anything while in his apartment, if he even remembers any of this) and b. wanting to gather more intel.
Like I said though, she's hard to read so I don't want to cling too hard to any ideas and, instead, sit back and enjoy the show.
#ILY Brainrot#ILY FP#ILY Spoilers#I Love Yoo#Kousuke Hirahara#Shinhye#idk what to tag her as because we know she isn't known as Shinhye anymore#and because Simhan and their mother never married AND she was from a previous relationship Yoo isn't even her family name#so I can't really use Shinhye Yoo lol#alas#anyway this episode was DEVASTATING and quimchee said it's the beginning of the sad episodes meant to happen in March#literally said 'It's all downhill from here'#which I take to mean til the timeskip#BUCKLE UP BABIES WE'RE GOING FOR A BIG CRY SESH ;______;#i gotta say tho this episode didn't even make me cry - i guess because none of this is new and I've been bracing myself for it#Kousuke is so fucking wet cat it agonizes me ;_____;#I could write a whole essay on how Yui destroyed him and Nol in one fell swoop#i think a lot about precocious little Kousuke who tried so hard to be a good little boy and rushed through school because he wanted so badl#to hurry up and catch up to his father and join him in the workplace#all the opportunities he lost#the way he tried to fit himself into a personality a person he never picked out but just believed would get him what he wanted#he lost himself in the process#or maybe he never even got to know himself#i think too a lot about Kousuke who played piano and gave it up when he came to believe it wasn't important to his dad#that it didn't garner the attention and praise he seeked#so he dropped it to better mold himself into someone he thought Rand WOULD be proud of#FUCKING DEVASTATED#I'M GOING TO JUMP OFF THE ROOF SOBS
19 notes
·
View notes
Text
This post is not an invitation for sinophobia piss off
God hanfu spaces can be so vile 💀 using 'manchu' and 'dog' so interchangeably is crazy, reason 10339405060 why I never look into the comments of Twitter posts abt hanfu
#diary#hater tag#stop oppression complexing we've been at the bottom of the hierarchy for a century and were at the bottom before qing as well#i try to keep this in private but you can only see ur ppl called so many slurs before getting irritated#also han women continued wearing hanfu into qing+ hanfu is better preserved than many ethnic minority clothing histories but whatever#i dont want to incite sinophobia but if i have to see 1 more person pretending theyre so kind for treating us minorities so fucking well#lol#as someone w plenty of experience of racism both back home in the mommyland and in c*nada#oh my god lol i keep quiet and struggle against sinophobia as much as i can but it feels like im defending ppl who see me as dirt sometimes#my tags have spiraled and arent rlly abt manchu anymore ngl 😨 my worst experiences at home have been wrt being hui and muslim lolol#since manchu are sinicized basically only terminally online pplare haters#anyways i might delete this later but ive kept quiet as much as i can for a long time and its getting frustrating#also hui and manchu are aggressively sinicized so the way i know less sinicized minorities have it even worse than my familyand i lol
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
loki season two has me screaming crying throwing up trying not to get dragged back into the mcu trenches
#i am stronger than this. i am better than this!!#by the trenches i mean consuming fanfiction at an unhealthy rate. fourteen year old me was insane i think i was on ao3 more than i slept#that’s not exaggeration. i was getting four hours of sleep on school nights and frequently went to bed at 5am on weekends#it is ONE good story. one. literally not worth it. i don’t even care about ninety percent of the mcu characters#i will ignore the little voice in my head reminding of the sheer amount of fanfiction. this was my pre-tumblr days#so my fandom interaction was like. youtube and ao3. maybe instagram posts sometimes. it was so much fun like. zero drama zero discourse#i was honestly living my best life. got less interested when i joined tumblr and went full doctor who mode#and after endgame i watched i think wandavision and loki and that was it. just didnt care anymore lol#i know exactly why this is happening tho. currently the thing i am insane about is my own damn project. which i am in the process of writin#for obvious reasons no fandom there. bc it lives in my mind twenty four fucking seven#i do wonder if i’m kind of growing away from fandom anyway? the closest i’ve got since toh ended was homestuck tbh#i want to feel obsessed with something again!! everything i’m into now - tma tlt and the like - i love them#but it doesnt hit like it used to. i don’t know it’s hard to explain#like video essays that i would have loved a few years ago!! the hour long ones about representation and queer media#they just irritate me now! i got halfway through one last week and had to bail i just could not care less#how did 2020 social media have me convinced that x character being gay was super important politically economically socially etc#ofc the answer is that i was a baby lesbian getting even less social interaction than normal#like representation is important obviously but also. sometimes it was not that deep#i don’t know if i’m making sense tbh but you get my drift#morganposting
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
saw some old stuff i wrote about 3h and man. i really used to love that game huh
#fandom killed it and spat on its corpse#genuinely that was the worst fandom i've ever been in the middle of. nobody was immune from the consnat fucking discourse#the moral judgements the racism the misogyny the homophobia the ableism the raw INSANITY#i've never seen a fandom so obsessed with ''morally ok to like these characters/morally evil to like these ones''#and ofc everyone had their own list that they would then frantically alter to please each other and it was just insane#still is but i refuse to interact with it anymore#but yeah i can't even stand to look at claude anymore i used to love him but now. eugh#i just associate him (and almost every other character) with the Discourse and the ''if you like hilda kys'' types#don't even get me started on bernadetta and the number of so called friends who treated me like shit for being hurt by her portrayal lol#or the number of again so called friends who would bully people for not liking ede/leth#just. horrendous. horrendous fandom#i pretty much only care about flayn now#not that she didn't get her fair share of disk horse but like. it was never the quantities that almost every other character did lmao#other than the people talking about how she was a disgusting nepo baby they wanted to stomp to death or w/e. there was a lot of that#txt
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
that stupid post I rbed earlier (in the morning, when thoughts and feelings are valid) hit me bc I'm literally sitting here like what if I asked for ex bestie's forgiveness bc I'm the one that fucked up (I am going through it rn 🙂👍) and then I looked at the clock and my brain went aha you are invalid you're poisoned with Nighttime O'Clock. go drink a seven up
#apple lady words#i complain here a lot abt this and while ex bestie is nameless i still dont want to put their 'name' down here as evil and im a saint and#blameless.#like there is never a case where someone is blameless. i participated in the downfall of the friendship (that lasted months)#but i truly tried everything i could to salvage anything and those last few months were truly awful. i felt like shit all the time#and felt cast aside by them#and w them gone i STILL feel like shit lol! but it's bc im going through the motions. and i just have to get used to the drastic change of#them not being in my life anymore and not want to fall back into familiar and safe but toxic patterns w them#i need to brave this fucking storm and i am trying my best but [tiny and small cat. crying. lying on the floor face down]#dl#does any of this make sense who knows
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
god i hate my damn school 😭
#vicki's shit#like they find EVERY fucking reason to torture me its insane#and like make fun of my parents and my family#LIKE HOW DO YOU EVEN KNOW MY FAMILY??#who are you to comment on that?#“she's only here cuz she has good grades and plays instruments” yes. yes i am#HAVE YOU BEEN PLAYING THE VIOLIN FOR 7 SEVEN FUCKING YEARS? HAVE YOU PATRICK??! DIDNT' THINK SO!#like im so sick and tired of adhering to the expectations that society has of me#like i will ALWAYS be the lonely depressed girl that doesn't wear makeup much and#doesn't have the money or the desire to buy chanel or whatever fucking brand and#has puffy hair and listens to weird music and doesn't have friends#like i have friends i think i have a really close one#but idk anymore#we used to be rly close- now they're slowly turning into one of THOSE girls and is invited to the parties i'm never invited to </3#its just hurts yknow?#it hurts knowing you'll never be like them#cuz it feels nice to be wanted#and i'm not.#anyways sry lmao#no ones gonna fucking read this lol#if you're here reading this thanks <3 and i love you
6 notes
·
View notes
Note
How much have you spent on w101? Because BROOO I'm embarrassed of how many crowns I've bought 😭😭😭
Listen my brother you are NOT alone 😭😭😭😭 my wizard hyperfixation has cost me well into the hundreds. I haven't been counting so I don't know the numbers specifically but I literally wasted all my allowances and birthday money on Wizard101 when I was younger and everyday I want to kick myself in the ass for it
#i could have used that money for OTHER THINGS. LIKE OTHER GAMES /j#i remember how many crowns i spent on the hydra pack bc the hydra mount was my dream. (shudders)#i always bought the 13 thousand crown pack and that was like 20 dollars? which was my allowance back then#and sometimes i saved up to get the next crown tier which i forgot was like maybe 50 dollars? i did this for months#i wasted so much fucking monry on the hydra ALONE#and then there was the baba yaga house mount....... which i still never got#and who can forget the gamestop wizard bundles??? the ones that cost like 30 dollars each????????????????#i got.... too many of those#and then my dumb fucking dummy dumbass would basically just recycle the items from the bundles i didnt want-#so THAT was basically an even MORE colossal waste of money#this is why im broke today. this is why.#also contributed to me not playing w101 anymore its too expensive LOL#you cant do shit without membership and basically everything new costs crowns so#this isnt like a new thing to say but being a f2p in wizard101 sucks ass#ANYWAYS. yeah i sold my firstborn for wizard101 /j#wizard101#w101#wiz101#asks#bubba609
8 notes
·
View notes
Note
HOLD ON WAIT UP HOLD THE PHONE
I KNOW I WAS GONE FOR A FEW MONTHS THERE BUT HAS BLUE LIKE DON'T FORGET ABOUT ME ALWAYS BEEN A PART OF A SERIES OR IS THAT A NEW DEVELOPMENT???
I FEEL LIKE ITS CHRISTMAS ALL OVER AGAIN FUCK Y E A H
Okay so
I...
have been cooking
by which I mean illusions of grandeur and
schemes
And I have not been forthcoming lol Everyone kind of disappeared all at the same time so I kind of stopped talking about what I'm doing but I have been biding my time, quietly putting mechanisms into motion and plotting and occasionally cackling over my cauldron.
I finished the first draft of Blue like don't forget about me and didn't like it so I cut out all the sci-fi fantasy stuff (bye bye aliens farewell superpowers) and in November wrote a new first draft that's all contemporary romance babeee and I'm so in love with it I'm turning it into a little 3-part (possibly 4 if I can't control myself) series.
The original childhood years have been split off into a prequel novella called Red like my bleeding heart in your hand. Then Blue like don't forget about me will take place 20 years later. Nash works at Cherished Hope Nursing Home
“And what is it you do? At the nursing home, I mean.”
I wipe shit off of old people.
And Teddy’s a hockey player. What’s Luke, an underwear model?
He shouldn’t have come.
Teddy comes back to town for a funeral and
Teddy looks at him for the first time in twenty years and every ounce of warmth leaves his expression.
Message received. He should not have come.
OKAY SO AND THEN the next book will be Jo's POV and is called Violet like these delights. and MAYBE there will be a 4th from Luke's POV bc he gets to live this time by the grace of god (me) but it'll depend on how Violet goes (its current state is mostly vibes and a single overarching theme so, stand by).
Red needs a clean-up round of edits to snip out the few little threads that connected it to OG blue. And rewritten blue is basically done. I've done the major revisions and am about to start line edits and after those are done I'm sending it out to beta readers (lmk if you're interested).
There are concise actual summaries in my pinned post btw lol
WHICH REMINDS ME
The series title is Wildflowers of Deliverance. Which I'm extremely proud of. Did you notice did you notice how each title incorporates a wildflower did you did you? and the town they grew up in where Nash and Teddy first met is called Deliverance!!! It's okay I know I'm a genius.
And this brings us to the meal okay? because like I said I've been Cooking™ quietly but steadily for a few months now. ANd what have I been cooking? PLOTS and PLANS
I've decided on a pen name: Sarah B. Elisa
I've created a(nother) side blog for it that will be exclusively centered on my og writing and geared more toward readers rather than writers like this blog is: @sarahbe-writing
I'm going to create a website (as soon as I convince myself to spend money)
and a newsletter (as soon as I convince myself to spend money and do work)
I'm still waffling between trad publishing and DIY. I really like all my hats and it would be a shame to have to share them but oh my god I don't want to do all the marketing but trad pub seems hit or miss on how well they market you so I might get half of my hats taken away and still have to do the marketing bullshit UGH
anyway
OH YEAH and the OG draft I wrote for Blue? I'm going to spin it back to its OG OG roots [parkner, naturally--Return of The childhood friends to estranged almost lovers to super-powered rivals to reluctant allies to friends to lovers finally wip!!! AKA: We Were Gods (we were kids)] and that will fix all the things that went wrong and I didn't like 😌 so it's basically like double Christmas I think
#i have been#a tad reluctant to use the tag list#since because I scrapped the whole plot and genre and started over#feels like a teensie bit of a betrayal?#so idk i think i need to make a post (way fucking shorter than this one) and tag everyone and see who still wants to be tagged in stuff?#or maybe im close enough to the finish line i shouldn't do tag list stuff anymore? I'm kind of wary of oversharing bc#i totally did before#and the word count is smaller now#and there aren't like Plot Twists#it's a romance we all know how this is gonna end#so idk that's mostly why i've been quiet like haha what should i say and to who?#But anyway this weekend I'm going to get my shit together and put up some posts and get the ball rolling again#share some excerpts#get people excited#put out a call for beta and sensitivity readers#you know. work lol#also i missed you and i'm glad you're back <3333#my notes were sooooo quiet lol#and i don't just mean on my writing stuff i love seeing all of your tags in my activity like Yay that's my friend!! And they're yellin!!!#we love to see it <3#anyway#:)
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
genuinely so angry and scared im shaking. how many other times this week this month this year have i been exposed without knowing it. do people even tell each other anymore. it’s just so grim. it’s so fucking grim
#purrs#delete later#covid19#i am fighting for my fucking life every day to stay safe and to keep the people around me some of whom are disabled / chronically ill /#immunocompromised / medically vulnerable safe. i am fucking fighting for my life. it’s already hard that i am usually one of two people in#any given room still wearing a mask let alone an n95 mask. hard and bad enough that we get looks for wearing masks and people think im crazy#for my life still being on hold and for my family still basically never going anywhere. ITS FUCKING WORSE that we are still very much in the#throes of all of it and we are in constant physical and quite frankly EXISTENTIAL danger not only of getting sick / becoming (more)#disabled / literally fucking dying but also returning to the absolute hell of lockdown which while important was psychologically damaging in#ways that are difficult to even articulate. like not only have we as a society decided to not give a shit about unpacking all of that and#healing from the trauma and assuming everyone went through the same thing when we very much did not and to just send everybody back to#school and work because 🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑capitalism🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑 but we have ALSO decided to pretend like the freakish unceasing danger just doesn’t exist#anymore and to get rid of every tool we had available to keep us safe or at minimum make people have to pay exorbitant amounts of money to#access them because 🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑capitalism🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑 !!!!!!! im TIRED. im so fucking tired of it. i am so fucking exhausted and angry and scared. and i#HAVE the luxury and privilege of being able to afford n95 masks and covid tests and to be able to work a job that i can do remotely if i#need to and to not be disabled or immunocompromised. what makes me fucking furious is we decided to throw all the people who don’t have#that access or privilege under the fucking bus and forget about them lol. but what do you expect from a country rotten to its core the way#it is lol. im fucking despondent. why are we living in an incinerator.#* the lockdown(s) werent just important they were necessary. and arguably we should have another one even though if we do i genuinely fear#for my mental health both during and afterwards and quite frankly before. im tired. i am grateful for the life i live which has resulted in#part from the different things that have happened because of the pandemic but i also so desperately wish this never happened and every day I#think about what life would be like if it hadn’t happened. the grief of it all is unspeakably big.
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
yesterday i spent 45 minutes of my life watching a video essay criticising the use of cheap shock values and crossing of taboos for a video game and i went from "he has a point even if he's explaining it in a really inflammatory way" to "oh umm... i can see how he thinks that way even if i don't agree" to "oh this guy's just straight up using people on tumblr as material for an audience to get mad at like other outdated people on the internet. nvm he's just an asshole"
#yuu rambles#it was about the coffin of andey and leyley btw - i agreed w him on the first half of the video about how it felt rather noncommittal to it#concepts and themes but i recognise its not really *trying* to be serious which means its not a reasonable#framework to judge the intention and execution of its work - an apple pie does use butter in it but just bc it does#doesnt mean you get to compare it to steak; a dish that also uses butter. this is intuitively easy to understand for me#but nonetheless it was like 3 am i had stuff to do so i just put it on my background to listen#he makes a diss at “people on tumblr” early on that i just raised my eyebrow at but shrugged it off bc its such an old joke#its lost its zinger; and im p sure its just confirmation bias from going into the tags of the thing you dont like lol if you use tumblr#normally you wouldn't come across things you dont like bc you'd have blocked them. But Anyways#then at the end he got sooo self righteous about how people on tumblr are insane and weird and showed screencaps about how twisted everyone#who likes the game are. there were some screenshots of people's post that were like “incest is bad and shouldn't be explored in media.#paragraph break‚ me who is an incest survivor and finds it helpful for working through my trauma: lol”#those types of post. but then lmfao he started going out of pocket and just mentioned the lists of other people he doesnt like which are#a screenie of a video essay about how kink is important at pride#and then some other stuff i dont remember anymore w the tumblr screenies#it was very mockingly written and said and at the end of it i felt sad i couldnt#block people on youtube lmao. like its not i dont want this guy to comment on my videos. i dont want to see his channel involuntarily#recommended to me ever again. just resorted to the most base sort of trolling behaviour he accused and judge other game devs for in his#video essay. good fucking god. the psychological projection is unreal#i dont have any strong feelings towards the game at the end of it even though i thought i would be like Eugh at first#but my bleh for any cheap gimmicks is overshadowed by my disdain for this guy's reliance on self righteous rhetoric#i discovered another new channel i really like tho after that vid!! bc i had to watch smth else to cleanse my palate lmao#they're jacob geller and freddydude! ive only seen one vid from freddydude about his essay on#detention‚ the horror game set in taiwan during the era of white terror under new cn leadership after ww2#im personally quite jumpy so his humour and the way he edits his videos to make it silly even though its Scary#made me like it a lot!! im going through jacob geller's other vids but ive watched three specific types of terror#and the one about pinocchio which made me go :00 wow his scripts are super good!#again everything at your own discretion esp w the whole james somerton shit‚ but i enjoyed what I've seen so far#i just wanted to end this in a somewhat positive note JSHDKSJDJD the ramblings Continue...#theres a pedantic error in one of ky tags but im gonna update it when im on comp bc mobile sucks smh my head
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
"babes i'd get you mcr merch before getting my own lmao" literally wtf did i do to deserve this girl
#'think of it as a reconciliation gift' BUT IM THE ONE WHO FUCKED UP OUR FRIENDSHIP WHAT DO YOU MEEAAAAN#im really glad to just have her back in my life and she caught me so off guard with the whole mcr thing#bc she said it feels wrong for her to go without me bc mcr was always My Thing and im like 'lol im poor anyway its fine'#so she said she'd get me merch and i was like 'oh you dont have to really'#and then she said THAT#and im like *through tears* 'bro what the fuck'#and now im panicking a little bit bc i feel like i should do something nice for her too but i dont want it to seem like im#just trying to be even?? bc i know that's not what shes doing shes just genuinely thinking 'oh theyre his favourite band'#and i do still remember all the things she used to love and be into but at the same time maybe her interests have changed!!#maybe she's not BTS-posters-all-over-the-walls and spider-man-rug-on-her-bedroom-floor anymore#maybe she hates anime now#maybe she sold all of her gaming shit#i dont know!!#wait i could ask her#but see now it feels like the catch-up-small-talk phase has passed us and it'll just be weird if im like#'so. what are you into these days other than cars?'#or maybe im overthinking it! probably#maybe when she comes to town next month i can catch up w her#captain speaks
25 notes
·
View notes
Text
*kicking my feet n twirling my hair* i wanna kill myself
#personal#not just personal but also relatable#im rly fucking bothersome and i feel rly dumb 4 it bc this shit shouldnt matter but it doooooo it rly do im such a big crybaby itsembrassing#i wanna kms bc nothing in my life is ok#moms relationship with me is getting rly bad again#we cant talk anymore bc she just wants 2 control my life forever#i told her i wanna move back to FL on my own with my best friend#she said shed literally go crazy on me and loose her fucking mind and hurt me LOL#she literally threatened me haha#i hate it hereee#my mommy wantz me 2 stay forever bc im a source of income#she wants 1000 instead of 500 and doesnt care how i make it work if i leave my partner#she said do OF or feetfinder idc how u come up with the other 500 u dont pay rn just get a full time job n sell ur ass idc#she would rather me work a fuckton and still hav to sell my body than me just move out and us go seperate ways#whatever#i hav to think on this apparently#i just wanna move back i want friends i want to be near my family#im miserable here bc im alone with the people who all abuse me#no wonder i puke 24/7 this home life isnt normal
2 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
story-writer-person
It's Story Time
wasteland-acolyte
Wasteland Acolyte
helpdonald
#helpdonald
bakersfield-row
sesbian lex coll aps bare astards ❤️❤️
bagel-lox
*AOL dialup noises*