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#while living the high life as a revered angel up in heaven
justmenoworries · 2 months
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"Oooo Adam has a right to hate Lucifer, Lucifer took Lilith and Eve away from him"
Adam was an abusive asshat to Lilith. Lilith chose to be with the one who actually respected her and didn't demand she be solely his submissive hanger-on.
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"From the dust of Earth, [the angels] created Adam and Lilith. Equals as the first of mankind, but despite this, Adam demanded control, and Lilith refused to submit to his will. She fled the Garden."
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"Drawn in by her fierce independence, Lucifer found her and the two rebellious dreamers fell deeply in love."
2. Lucifer didn't "take" Eve. He offered her the forbidden fruit and she accepted.
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"Together, [Lilith and Lucifer] wished to share the magic of free will with humanity, offering the Fruit of Knowledge to Adam's new bride, Eve, who gladly accepted."
We don't know what happened after aside from the fact that apparently because Eve took the fruit "evil" was let in to the world the angels created. Since humanity still, y'know, exists, we can gather that Eve stayed with Adam and they had kids like in the original myth.
3. It really says a lot that this wording denies Eve and Lilith any actual agency in what happened in favor of pushing all the blame and responsibility on Lucifer and making Adam out to be a poor uwu misunderstood baby. The misogyny is strong in this one.
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helluvapurf · 7 months
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HB Reimagined HCs: The Ars Goetia
Randomly had some thoughts back to my HB Reimagined AU atm, and since I already chatted a bit about Stolas earlier... who wants to hear some lore I had in mind for the Ars Goetia society itself?
*To clarify, as this is ofc an AU this is not meant to be a criticism against the canon HB's lore or however... just something I wanted to make for the fun of it 'cause well- I love demon birds lol*
-Many, many millennia ago... the Ars Goetia were descended from fallen angels, cast aside from the great war to serve loyally under Lucifer's will. Being renown for their beauty, grace and feathered forms even back when serving Heaven... overtime they formed into the (mostly) avian high-society folk you see today.
-The Ars Goetia, revered as they are overall, are actually split into their own personal hierarchies based on what powers/roles they serve to King Paimon. Some (aka: Stolas) are tasked with looking after celestial bodies, prophecies, and other forms of black magic... while others (aka: Andrealphus) use elemental spells to provide comfort to their fellow Goetias against the generally toxic Hell environment. On the "bottom" tiers of Goetia society, would be the typical noble-class who'd just socialize with one another, provide gossip/useful tidbits for their admired royalty (aka: Stella through her marriage to Stolas), and keep things "entertaining" to their own standards. It may not provide much "usefulness" in terms of gaining power/resources... but for how dangerous and unpredictable Hell can be, its helpful to at least keep a "peaceful comfort" type of vibe, anyway.
-Marriage within the Ars Goetia is a bit of a... "mixed" bag, primarily done for either political power gain, wealth improvement, and sometimes even for actual-love (though rare, its not impossible given how irl birds can form a "mate-for-life" type of bond). Arranged marriages can be formed from when a pair is either young (childhood-teen years) by their parents/other relatives, or between the couple themselves offering said proposal to eachother once they're matured adults. Other Goetias may have multiple spouses instead of staying strictly monogamous, have same-sex marriages, or even not marry at all (depending on the individual).
-The concept of "precautionary heirs" isn't really a thing since Goetias are among the classes of Hell demons who are widely-considered "immortal"... so with such long lifespans one would expect a Goetia couple to wait a bit in having children (unless they genuinely, truly desire to be parents right away), or just not have any at all if there's no risk in their lives. Stolas was among the older-aged Goetias who only recently decided on starting a family (due to the increase in Heaven's "exterminators" invading Hell); having the premonition in seeing himself "die" in a holy way down the line... hence Octavia being as young as she is rn (though Stella lowkey wanted a kid alot earlier in their marriage, Stolas just didn't have the time to bring up said topic due to his own responsibilities over the stars, herbology, etc.).
-When a Goetia child is conceived, they first start out life through... well, an egg lol. Often coming in a wide variety of spots, colors, patterns, etc... these arrivals would often be celebrated through "nest showers"; taking place with the parents' close companions giving their blessings/gifts to the little one. A common bonding activity at these events is through casting a magical light under the egg, the hue glowing the color of respective embyro's sex (ex. pink for a girl, blue for a boy, sometimes flickering the same/both colors twice if the egg is carrying twins). When it comes time for hatching to begin, typically the egg-laying parent would gather up all the comfiest of blankets/throws/other items to create a "nest" for the egg to incubate in... taking over a good few days until the first few cracks of the shell start to form.
-Upon hatching completely, a Goetia chick would typically be born without feathers (depending on the specific Goetia species), blind and constantly "chirping" for food. To any other Hell species these babies may not exactly be... well, the "cutest", but to their parents they're often praised as the pinnacle of beauty, and dolled up to show off wherever they go. After a few weeks/months as a hatchling, the chick will steadily open their eyes and "fluff up" in downy feathers... only increasing further in adoration by both loved ones and outsiders-alike.
-Goetias may not have "visible" wings on themselves like a typical (anthro) bird... but when they feel the mood to "fly" around high places in Hell, they can sometimes shift their arms into a pair of wings for help in gliding. Others like a waterfowl-based Goetia use their arm-wings for swimming underwater at swift, graceful movements.
-Among the usual love languages of kisses, cuddling, gift-giving, and so on... a common way for a Goetia to show love is through "preening" (aka, nibbling their beaks to clean through a patch of feathers). For Goetias this is often a soft, intimate gesture only preserved for the closest of bonds (a parent and child, lovers, best friends, etc.). On a non-Goetia, this gesture would feel... "awkward" to experience, since there's no feathers to actually preen through (so the skin would basically just be all scratched/nibbled on, really lol).
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cast-you-dxwn · 19 days
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Lore drop: Legio Angelica 778
There are seven hundred and seventy seven Legions of Trueborn Angels, beings created and brought up to be Heavens preeminent warriors, the Hosts fearless soldiers who stand in defense of Creation and the throne of The Lord Most High.
They are the most elite amongst all of Heavens militant orders, a single angelic Legionnaire capable of feats of combat unheard of in the mortal worlds most outlandish heroic tales, in fact some of those tales originate from mortal interpretation of a Legionnaires intervention in earthly matters
But with the population of earth increasing, the Faith spreading across the Levant, North Africa, the Mediterranean, and then Europe, more and more of the souls who passed through the gates were of a militant bent, men and women who spent their lives combating evil or at the least angered at the pain it has caused both themselves and those they loved.
In many cases they were not satisfied to enjoy the eternal bliss of Heavens streets, and clamored to join the angels they had long respected and revered in their endless war against the dark. Saint Michael, seeing the value in these souls, but worrying for their safety, approved their service in auxiliary roles, largely as support and logistical staff that would almost never see combat themselves.
But these mortals, people of passion, faith, and fire, wanted for a more active role in The Long War. These petitions were finally heard in 1185, when Baldwin IV, King of the Crusader State of Jerusalem, arrived in Heaven on the heels of many of his knights, cured of his leprosy that had plagued him for his entire mortal life.
Noting the restlessness of the mortal Auxiliaries as well as the extremely advanced technology that Heaven had at its disposal, the former king threw himself at The Praetors feet, bringing to him the proposal that he and many of the other great mortal heros had pieced together. A force made entirely of mortal souls, equipped with the strange and advanced technology of Heavens forges, a secondary order to reinforce the Trueborn Legions as needed, and they would be so often needed so that the Angels could focus their ire upon the more pressing enemies of Heaven.
Michael heard this proposition, and found it suitable, a less dangerous niche that would allow these humans to serve in a capacity that would satisfy them.
So the 778th Legion was formed, with Baldwin as its Legate, the first militant unit of Heaven to be populated by mortal souls.
The 778th are amongst the proudest of Heavens citizens, though they hail from many places and many times, they are united in faith and service, the unerring knowledge that they stand in defense of their fellow Saved and those upon the earth who have not set set foot in front of Saint Peter.
They are clad in the finest and most technologically advanced armor that Heavens Craftspeople can produce, augmenting their strength and reflexes to superhuman levels and powered by the sun fire of faith. They wield the most fearsome weaponry that the Holy Realms forges can produce, hand weapons that may rival the Trueborns own and firearms meant to piece apart creatures great and terrible which would normally make a mockery of mortal-crafted artillery.
They are also the most numerous of all of the militant units, consisting of many tens of thousands and growing in number with every Saved soul who cannot stand to simply bask in Heavens light while others upon earth continue to suffer.
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stonechatcher · 2 months
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Dead boys x (Y/n) intro
Warning, zombies, Ghosts, and more undead. Also mentioning Suicide in Axar's part.
Zombie (Fleshy) -
Fleshy was bitten by a zombie when the first outbreak happened. When he was alive, he was 24 years old, and on his way to work. He was a Caucasian male. Now bears pale, sickly skin.
CAUSE OF DEATH: Infected (Living dead.)
When he was alive, he was very popular, played soccer, and was a very smart guy. He worked at a business that handled finance. Life was good for Fleshy. But his name wasn't always Fleshy, it was Walker. Walker Wood. He's quite the prankster, and loves to pull pranks on people. But… Sometimes, when his hunger is to hard to control, and he will try and eat you. He is still dressed in the attire he died in, now very tattered and beaten. He has short, messy black hair. His eyes are a dull, lifeless green.
Ghost (Axar)
Axar died before the zombie outbreak. He died in the 80's by taking his own life.
Cause of death: CLASSIFIED (Rumor is it is unknown.)
But not even in death can he be free. He's bound to this world for a ghostly reason. He was in his late 20's, maybe even his early 30's when he died. He travels as he pleases, moaning and crying for a second chance at life. He seems to deeply regret taking his life.
Seeing as he's not attached to a building like other spirits are, he watches the living with jealousy. He's not sure what he was when he was alive. He simply forgot.
He doesn't look like the others. He looks like a normal human, just a little transparent. He can touch you, but if you try to touch him, your hand will go through him. He prefers colorful attire, wears his hair up in a pony tail. African American male. Any and all information about spirit is unknown.
Fallen Angel (Asgore)
Asgore was Heaven's most beautiful angel. High above the clouds, he lived with Helios, the revered god of the sun. Asgore wanted to have powers like Helios did, he was tired of being ignored and shunned away from the god's praise and worship. Jealousy took over and he attacked Helios one day. The two were locked in battle for 2 days, and Helios banished Asgore from Heaven. As Asgore fell, Heaven began to crumble and collapse.
Asgore was banished to the earth, where he fell into to a forest where no light shines. He would forever be cursed to roam the forest, becoming a hideous, horrible creature who lives in jealousy and hatred. Asgore reveres himself as a god, but he will never match the strength and power a true god holds. He shows no mercy, nor will he pity those in need.
As Asgore fell, his form began to crack and break, turning him into a ugly, hideous creature. Before he hit the ground, he transformed himself into a cat, a black cat with orange eyes. He uses this to hide his true form, and whoever lays eyes on his true self, dies a painful death because of how ugly it is. He feasts on the corpse after. He has built a throne out of the bones and pieces left behind of those who had such a fate.
With the zombie outbreak in tow, he begins to see less human activity and more zombies. But, he will feast upon anyone, regardless if they are infected or not. Unless he finds you beautiful, you will be spared and kept as his "bride". He shows no mercy to his bride and keeps her and the others locked away in a tower. Countless have failed to rescue them.
He was once a very skilled musician, but now, his paws don't allow him to play. So he'll attempt to sing, but it's more like a screeching sound that the locals say is the Rapture. Every life form freezes in time and cannot move while he is "singing".
He is Hispanic, having had long white hair when he was an angel. His wings were a pure white, and reflected the sun beautifully.
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Devotional Hours Within the Bible
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by J.R. Miller
The Child in the Midst (Matthew 8:1-14)
Jesus' interest in children appears throughout all the Gospels.
It was a strange question which the disciples brought to Jesus, "Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?" These men, although occupying so sacred a place in their Lord's family, were still very human, and had their natural human ambitions. They even seem not to have been free from the passion for official or political positions which afflicts so many people, sometimes even very good people. They had only the earthly idea of the kingdom which Christ was to set up. They probably had been discussing the question as to which of them would occupy the highest place in this kingdom.
One remarkable feature of biography writing in the Bible, is that it takes no pains to hide the faults of the saints. There is encouragement in this for us; it shows that even the holiest people have their faults and often do foolish things. Of course, this makes no excuse for us, however, for we ought to be very much better than even the apostles were, since we have more light, greater privileges, and better opportunities than they had; and so we should understand better the teachings of Christ.
There is one proper way, however, of wishing to be great in Christ's kingdom. It is right that we should long to be great Christians. It was said of a certain Christian man, that his daily prayer was, "Lord, make me an uncommon Christian." That was a good prayer. There are plenty of common Christians. It is right to pray always, and to strive to meet the level of our praying, "Nearer, my God, to You."
The answer of Jesus to the disciples' question, was beautiful and very suggestive. "He called a little child unto Him, and set him in the midst of them." He answered their question by an illustration. "This is greatness," His act said to them. A little child in the midst is often used to teach great lessons to older people. When a new baby comes into a home, God sets it in the midst of a family as a teacher. Parents suppose they are training their child, and so they are, if they are faithful; but the child also teaches and trains them. Thoughtful and reverent parents learn more of the meaning of fatherhood of God, and the way God feels toward His children, in one week after their first baby comes - than they had learned from teachers and books, perhaps even from the Bible, in all the preceding years of their lives.
Every child's life is a book, a new page of which is turned every day. Children are not angels, and yet they bring from heaven to earth, many fragments of loveliness. Their influence in a home is a constant blessing. They change the center of life in their parents - it is no more self ; they begin now to live for their child. They train their parents in patience, in gentleness, in thoughtfulness, in love. While a young child is in a home - a school of heaven is set up there.
After Jesus had set the child in the midst, He spoke to the disciples, putting His lesson into words, rebuking their ambition and startling them with most serious words. He said to them, "Except you be converted, and become as little children - you shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven." His words implied that they were not now as little children, that their grasping after high places was anything but beautiful. They must be changed in spirit - before they could even enter into the kingdom of heaven.
But the lesson was not for the first disciples only - it is for us also. What do these words say to us? What is it to become a little child?
There is a legend of a man whom the angels loved and wished to have honored. They asked God that some remarkable gift might be bestowed upon him. But he would make no choice. Urged to name something which should be given to him, he said he would like to do a great deal of good in the world - without even knowing it. So it came about that whenever his shadow fell behind him, where he could not see it, it had healing power; but when it fell before his face it had not this power.
That is childlikeness - goodness, humility, power to do good, helpfulness; without being conscious of the possession of these qualities. Ambition to win distinction, craving for human praise, consciousness of being good or smart or useful or great - all are marks of a worldly spirit which is neither childlike nor Christ like. Moses knew not, that his face shone.
Jesus went on to speak other words about the children, while the little child still stood in the midst. He said, "Whoever shall receive one such little child in My name, receives Me." Many wrongs are done to children. Very grave, therefore, is our Lord's word to those who hurt a little one. "But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin - it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea!" There are many ways of causing little ones to sin. He does it who sets a child a wrong example, thus influencing him to go in the wrong way. He does it who tempts a child to do anything that is not right. It is a fearful thing to offer a boy the first glass of alcohol; or to whisper in a child's ear a doubt or a sneer at sacred things; or to put a bad book or paper in the hands of a young person.
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when tomorrow comes 🌳
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good gods i know it's ship day but this is solely a gen michael & lucifer & raphael & gabriel fic :')
Inspired by Sam & Dean's S.W & D.W carvings on Baby. Who's to say the Archangels weren't first in that idea?
Rating: G (Gen Archangels fic)
Special thank you to my beta!
Playlist & Fic available on AO3. (it's also under the cut, if you prefer that!)
Heaven's lush hills always seemed greener and livelier when all four archangels lay against them. A rarity the occasion was, a trivial shard of diamond in the cascading abyss. It always seemed that Heaven needed an archangel here, there, everywhere at once; It made familial bonding far more complicated than things used to be.
However, a special day plucked from each year never failed to offer the archangels plenty of time together. A day of thanks, a day where Heaven displayed gratitude for their eldest brothers—Michaelmas, the Feast of the Archangels.
Morning sun rays highlighted soft violets and dusk plums of aster flowers, a humble gift for the very firsts of their species. By nightfall, bright angel-made clusters of heat-producing hydrogen and helium littered the black sky in the name of each archangel. Fledglings flocked to watch the fiery protostars burn in the cosmos.
While Lucifer happily revelled in the praise, Michael hid his jittery hands by tucking them behind his back and flashed a polite, yet photogenic smile to his newest siblings. Raphael, seemingly indifferent to the holiday, remained by Michael's side, occasionally shooting their brother a subtly reassuring look. Jovial, yet also graciously wanting to include others, Gabriel mingled in the crowds with the fledglings to watch the protostars, enthusiastically explaining to Heaven's children how the young stars would eventually grow to become massive beacons in the night.
By the time the thick, yet routine night fog had clouded the view of the protostars, the flocks of angels had dissipated. It was their cue to leave; The archangel hideout awaited. Or, as Lucifer liked to call it: the Badass Lair.
The refreshing air genially accommodated them, the chilled wind carried their wings as they flew. There was always a sense of thrill around the Autumn Equinox, nearing Michaelmas—perhaps it was the comforting thought of familiarity, a high from nostalgia of sorts. Whatever the seed, it didn't matter; Focusing on the blossom of a sibling’s love and appreciation was much easier.
Raphael's garden always seemed to flourish increasingly with every rare gathering the four indulged in. Even midair, as they descended upon the immense greenery below, Michael had already begun to muse about how the banyan trees had expanded since his last visit. Raphael quietly, yet blithely soaked in the adoration from their archangelic brothers.
The softness of the grass, however, always remained the same. Lucifer was the first to land, being the quickest flier of the bunch. He cracked an astonished grin as he surveyed his younger sibling's growing garden, slightly pivoting to catch the vibrance of Raphael's indigo feathers amongst the blackness of the sky.
"Not bad, Raph!" The Morningstar loudly called out, adding more quietly with a snicker, "For a kid."
The thunderous sound of strong, flapping wings echoed behind him, prompting Lucifer's playful smirk to widen.
"I'm literally only four hundred years younger than you," Raphael's familiar voice remarked, and Lucifer turned once again to meet his sibling's deadpan expression.
"And despite the age difference, Raphael has created far better things than you have, brother," Michael offhandedly commented as he silently landed farther away from the pair. Lucifer's face contorted into a pout, and Raphael fought to contain their own appreciative smile at the eldest angel's words.
"Woooow, Mi! I'm hurt!" Lucifer faked offense.
The heavy fog of nightfall seemed to become almost pellucid at the very presence of Heaven's firsts. Peeks of sheer luminosity from the protostars of Michaelmas seeped from the impervious midnight clouds. Even the banyan trees seemed to lean into the comforting presence of archangelic grace.
Lucifer squinted into the elegant cloak of the night sky. "You think Gabe's gonna break his neck when he crashlands?"
Raphael turned their attention to the sky in search of the youngest archangel in question. "He's been getting better at landing. He'll do fine."
Lucifer hummed in response, brightening slightly when he caught sight of Gabriel nearing the garden. "Mn, doubt it. Wanna bet? Loser has to listen to Michael's fifty page manifesto on why ducklings are Pop's best creation."
Raphael blinked, looking over to Michael in bemusement. "Your-... your what?"
Michael's eyes darted to Lucifer to glare daggers at him, who only sniggered in response. A gust of wind washed over the trio, and frantic fluttering of golden wings broke Michael's glower. Beside him, Gabriel was close to landing—or rather, close to failing at landing. It was really more similar to falling, with his limbs flailing all about and eyes squeezed tightly shut in preparation for impact.
Michael sighed hopelessly at the sight, extending one of his grandiose fuschia wings low to catch his younger brother. Upon the soft sensation of Michael's velutinous feathers, Gabriel's eyes reopened in surprise.
"Hey, no fair! You interfered!” Lucifer huffed at Michael, who merely rolled his eyes and helped Gabriel to his feet.
“I almost made it, I was so close!” Gabriel whined, furrowing his brows as Michael thumbed a smudge of leftover party sweets that was stuck to his cheek.
“Next time, bug. You’ll get it next time,” Raphael reassured, and Gabriel’s grace seemed to relax at his older sibling’s encouragement.
Lucifer yawned, and the twinkle of the protostars above them began to reflect the dew on the grass. “M’kay, new bet. Last one to the tree has to listen to Michael’s manifesto.”
Gabriel perked up curiously and cocked his head at Michael. “What manifesto?”
Michael shook his head and stubbornly huffed. “I was two hundred years old, Lucifer. The duckling phase of my life is over.”
“Oh? So you’re saying ducklings aren’t the greatest living creatures?” Lucifer pried, exaggeratedly leaning his ear towards Michael to hear his response. Raphael and Gabriel eyed the two bickering brothers and exchanged amused glances.
Michael shifted uncomfortably in place in an attempt to keep in his passionate ramblings; He ultimately failed. “I never said that. Ducklings are the epitome of absolute goodness and commendable purity in the universe. The best traits of all of creation can be found in their small yet mighty little bodies. Not only do they bring togeth--”
“Blegh, no more lectures! Lulu, your bet’s on!” Gabriel groaned, spreading his sets of still-developing golden wings.
"'Atta boy," Lucifer impossibly brightened, his grin quickly returning. "On three! One... "
With one singular number down, Lucifer watched in incredulity as Gabriel mischievously laughed, a flash of golden feathers passing them all by. After the initial shock wore off, Lucifer briefly hummed, nodding in approval.
"Touché, little brother, touché," The Morningstar muttered to himself, before theatrically shrieking into the night, "YOU'RE DEAD MEAT, GABE!"
Gabriel's boisterous bursts of both elated and happily frightened screams in the distance elicited an endeared smile from all three of the older angels. With a whistling streak of vermillion wings, Lucifer chased after his youngest archangelic brother.
Michael and Raphael observed them in comfortable silence, the illumination from the protostars just bright enough to see the vivid colors of their wings against the midnight sky. As the breeze audibly raked through the trees, Raphael slightly swiveled to curiously peer at Michael.
"I'd actually like to hear about these ducklings," Raphael calmly stated, gesturing with their head towards the specific tree that Gabriel and Lucifer were headed for.
The blinding look of pleased excitement on Michael's face was enough to bring a smile to Raphael's lips.
˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚
In contrast to the vivacious growth of much of Raphael's garden, the Badass Lair retained all of its youthful glory.
The haphazardly-built abomination of a fort from sticks and logs stood distinctly adjacent to the veiny streams of the garden. Across from it dwelled a meager hill of lush grass and florid lilac petals of asters—A place where Michael taught all three fledglings to fly, a place where Lucifer created his first defective star, a place where Gabriel grew the lavender flowers as a gift to Raphael. It was their safe haven, a site of alleviation and bliss.
In the center of both dear venues settled a special banyan tree— their banyan tree.
Against the smooth, grooving bark of their tree, Michael’s ginger fingertips almost seemed to purr. The swaying aerial roots that veiled the intricate trunk wavered joyously over his head, and in a sense, their tree looked overjoyed to see Michael. Behind him, Raphael sincerely watched at the way their older brother’s fingers reverently traced the markings on their tree.
“You know… it’s not just gonna disappear, Mi,” Raphael’s voice was soft, a kind whisper carried by the midnight wind. Michael’s hand never halted against the tree bark, marginally turning his head to look at Raphael with a sad smile.
“That’s true,” Michael’s gaze fell back to the etchings on their tree. “It just seems like it was yesterday when… You three have grown too fast.”
Raphael sympathetically tilted their head, stepping forward to place a soothing hand on Michael’s shoulder. Up close, the carvings on their tree stood out boldly, a beloved memory held close to all of their hearts.
Under the then-small aerial roots of their banyan tree, each fledgling archangel had carved their names into the young bark. Something to hold onto, Michael had stated, a bittersweetness as Heaven had first begun to flourish; The eldest had an inkling that duty would steal time spent together—And he was right.
Raphael could still make out the places where Michael had once helpfully guided Raphael’s shaky hand, the spelling mistake in Lucifer’s name, the heart that Gabriel had drawn after his name, and Michael’s near-perfect handwriting, even in carving-form.
“Lusifer?” Gabriel, who seemingly appeared out of nowhere, squinted as he approached the base of their tree. Both Michael and Raphael struggled to repress a thoughtful smile as Gabriel sounded it out again.
“That’s how my name should’ve been spelled!” Lucifer called out from above, and his siblings gazed upwards to catch him resting against an exposed branch. “Lucifer with a c… ridiculous! Looks like luck-i-fer.”
Michael’s rapture remained as he lightly shook his head. “Brother, you are just stating this because you lack efficiency in spelling.”
Lucifer playfully stuck his tongue out at his older brother. Michael scoffed in good nature, and Gabriel giggled at the sight. Raphael’s attention wandered outwards to the perched hill, a peaceful silence enveloping the archangelic siblings.
The argent light from the protostars shone divinely upon the lucid green and lilac of the hill, an invitation of sorts. The sifting breeze was cool, a grateful lullaby to its archangelic inhabitants. The night was the epitome of perfection, though not because of nature—rather, because of the familial love that radiated energetically from each of their graces. A comforting peace, a cherished silence of nostalgia lingered between the four… until Gabriel’s reticent, yet hopeful voice proposed a profound request.
“I wanna stay with you all forever,” His voice was dreary, a sweet innocence embedded into his tone. It prompted all eyes to shift to him. “Let’s stay together no matter what, okay?”
A beat of tranquility followed, their banyan tree leaned in to listen. Michael was the first to react, tugging Gabriel into a tight hug, a sentiment that few were blessed upon. Gabriel’s toothy beam was evident in his quiet giggles as Michael held him close, before the eldest pulled back with a gentle smile of his own.
“Of course,” Michael assured, crystal emotion brimming in his eyes.
A rapid flash of vermillion flared from the top of the tree, and both Gabriel and Michael’s squeaks of surprise induced a jump from Raphael. Lucifer, who had quite literally deliberately plummeted from the tree, now held both of his brothers in a deathgrip hug, a wide grin across his face.
“You’re a real dumbass if you think you’ll ever be able to get rid of me,” Lucifer sniggered lovingly, and Gabriel leaned into his brother’s embrace. Michael lightly elbowed Lucifer for the profanity, yet his delighted simper lingered on his face.
Raphael shuffled closer, eyeing their brothers with absolute admiration. Their hand moved to lightly ruffle Gabriel’s hair, who turned his cheery beam to his sibling. Raphael’s brothers observed them with a giddy sense of euphoria, the aura resonating a promising hopefulness in anticipation for their response.
“Without a doubt.”
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lepidopterium · 2 years
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I'd like to share a little brain worm with the class that I've been ruminating about for a while but I'm going to do it under the cut because it's embarassing and I don't want to run the risk of coming off as full of myself or self centered.
Here's a list of things that I've grown up with:
1) Martyrs are revered both in my culture and religion because self sacrifice for the will of God (which is justice and kindness towards others no matter the cost) will earn you a special place in heaven, and because colonialism turned imperialism turned civil war and dictatorships will make people value their life very little in comparison to valuing a cause, whatever that may be.
2) I was named after an activist poet whose poetry chronicled the suffering she saw around her because of the Isra*li occupation. In one of my favorite poems, she closed with
I'm afraid of tomorrow
I'm afraid of the unknowable resources of fate
O God, don't let me be a burden, shunned by young and old
I wait to arrive where the land is silent, I'm waiting for death
Long has been my journey O God
Make the path short and the journey end.
3) My name means "self sacrificing protector"
4) My mother has always wanted my brothers and I to be exceptional. When I was younger, I had a birthmark on my thigh that was shaped like a leaf. My mother, who's always believed my dad's family comes from a lineage tied back to Prophet Mohammed (pbuh), insisted that was proof. When I revolted against her abuse, she became convinced I was possessed by the Devil, until we both finally got too tired to fight each other. She still tells me about how one day I'm going to change the world.
5) I grew up being a star. I was top of my class, I could sing and act, I was the leader of the playground. I was the poster child and I shut myself in from the world to cultivate that for as much as I needed to to stay that way.
6) Senior year of high school, I was in a chemistry class with a bunch of sophomores. I was catching up on all the classes I missed after I functionally dropped out sophomore year so I could graduate on time. I switched chemistry classes about two weeks in, but I remember at the end of class a few days before I switched over, my chemistry teacher stopped me before leaving, nodded, and told me that I'm going to be someone very special.
7) I had to play therapist/talk a lot of people out of hurting/killing themselves, more than I ever wanted to. I was told again and again how I saved their life, they wouldn't be here without me, they wouldn't be able to live without me, that I'm an angel, that I'm a blessing. The same year that I attempted suicide 5 times back to back was the same year that I was stressing myself trying to comfort people who I wasn't close to through the terrible things they were going through. And I was glad for it, it gave me a sense of worth. But I was always so scared of fucking up. I had to stay this perfect, selfless person no matter what. (Obviously that burned me out pretty quick, but it gave me a good enough reputation that no one was really upset with me when I started to ghost them)
8) I'm deeply nauseated by the idea that I'm destined to be anything, let alone a "hero". More than anything I just want to live a quiet life by the ocean.
All that to say is it's been very hard trying to untangle who I am from this martyr-savior identity that I was pushed into. What especially sucks is I can't take being called a good friend or a bright student or an amazing person because it makes me feel so scared that I'm going to be put back on a pedestal. But in any meaningful relationship, you're bound to have others express good will toward you. I can't keep slipping away from people just because I'm scared of someone misunderstanding who I am.
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ridetherain · 3 years
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Febuwhump Day 7
Febuwhump Day 7: Poisoning
Rating: G
Words: 2379
Fandom: Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild
Poisoned
After pulling the Master Sword, Link found his life much changed. Moving to the barracks within Castle Town felt similar to his regular soldier quarters in Hateno Garrison, but the city was very different. His old garrison was some distance from the nearest towns, and any mischief stirred up by soldiers was unlikely to be discovered by the public. The ruckus and gambling antics kicked up by the uncouth soldiers were generally ignored. In contrast, people of all kings surrounded the castle barracks. The city folk viewed the soldier's training as a sort of entertainment. The practice yard always had a crowd which kept the soldiers relatively on-task with their training and exercise. Families came with their unruly children and let them mimic the soldiers, and the servants used the area as a breakroom. Occasionally, the captains would lead an exercise for the older boys as a pre-recruitment opportunity. Young women were always around during these sessions as it was their best opportunity to flirt with the soldiers in training. The nobles weren't immune to the fervor surrounding the training yard either. They tended to stop on a walkway and gaze down at the warriors before turning and bustling away whenever another noble happened across the same path.
Several times, in the heat of midday, the Princess even paused on the noble walkway. She gazed down at the orderly sea of soldiers and knights from high above like an angel looking down from the heavens. The men were not unaware of her presence; they worked harder in her view, the ones sparing took more risks, and the ones running moved faster - even Link found himself striking his dummy harder and transitioning between attacks quicker. The air was thick with tension in the yard, and it only broke when the Princess turned her back and continued into the castle. It seemed that the whole company exhaled when the doors closed behind her form. Whispers broke out all around whenever she disappeared from view.
"...the goddess..."
"...Hylia on earth.."
"...beautiful..."
That was another difference between Hateno and Castle Town. Everyone in Castle Town was devout in their piety to the Goddess Hylia. They recognized the old goddesses but did not worship them any longer. Only Hylia filled the hearts of the people here and all others were cast aside. Pockets of the old faith lived in the people around rural Hyrule, and Link himself was raised to know and love the Goddess Hylia in addition to the old goddesses. The Goddess Farore oversaw his birth in the spring, so he worshiped her above all others. She was the patron of his birth, the land he was raised on in Faron, and, now that he pulled the Sacred Sword, patron of his Courage. Link's worship was not widely known but, it would likely cause a stir even without the added interest as Hylia's Chosen. The people of Castle Town were fascinated by the Spirit of the Hero. The children would look from face to face in the crowd of soldiers trying to discern which sweaty body belonged to Hylia's favorite. Their eyes would skip over him and hesitate on the tall and the bulky. It was welcome at first but insidiously worked in Link's subconscious. Why was he chosen? A bigger man, a more devout one, or a more charismatic one would be better than him.
They were used to seeing Hylia on earth when they looked at their Princess. It alarmed them that the Chosen was among them, but hidden. When Link wasn't training in the yard he was put to work as a royal guard. Despite the name, he generally spent his time guarding High Priest Volk instead of the royal family. Volk's fervor for Hylia was off-putting to nearly everyone around him which made him a prime target for pranks but not real attacks. He berated everyone for their failure to observe their devotions to the Goddess to his satisfaction while simultaneously shirking every tenant that he didn't personally agree with. Even the King was not safe from his admonishments though he was kinder about it with the monarch. The Princess took the brunt of his ire and could be seen standing steadfast as he accused the vilest concoctions his mind could invent. She was less than her mother, too frivolous for the Goddess's favor, not pertinacious enough to convince anyone of her worthiness, too emotional for wisdom. The list went on, and the Priest never relented even when the Princess stood before him with a straight back, clasped hands, and a wet face. She endured all manner of physical torments at the behest of the horrid man as well. He would dump buckets of water on the floor to simulate the sacred springs and order days of fasting for her to keep vigil in the temple without rest. When he ran out of steam he would send the Princess to the statue of the Goddess to pray alone while he preached to those who witnessed his tirades.
Volk spared Link his attitude for the first week of guard duty. The Priest seemed to find him lacking but kept quiet since he bore a physical reminder of the Goddess's favor on his back. He was spared, that is, until the Priest caught sight of a wooden talisman sewen to the inside of his tabard. The circular charm was fashioned in the shape of the Mark of Farore and the High Priest nearly fainted at the sight.
"What is that!" He cried in genuine fear. "You are the chosen of Hylia, why do you wear that blasphemous symbol?"
Link looked down at his tabard and back up at the Priest. The Mark was barely visible and pressed to the inside of his uniform. It was a wonder that the Volk had noticed it at all much less recognize the shape for what it was.
"You must remove that device at once," Volk ordered, "It is an affront to decency for Hylia's chosen to wear the device of a different goddess. We do not worship Farore in Hyrule, Master Hero, you cannot think to dishonor yourself with this blasphemy."
The High Priest of Hylia seemed to think that was enough of a rebuke to end a lifetime of devotion. He turned on his heel and walked back into the Temple to begin a new sermon. Link followed behind and stood guard while listening to the lecture on the evils of straying from Hylia and the depraved practices of those who loved Farore. He seemed to think that Link was planning to ritually sacrifice half of Castle Town and then eat the remains. At best, the ignorance was obviously false, at worst, it was actively demonizing Link's family and friends in Faron. By the time Volk was suggesting that the Princess's powers were locked away until such time as the country turned from "false deities" Link was seething behind his blank poker face. When he suggested a quick remedy of shifting the line of succession to a cousin Link was forced to turn his back on the priest under the pretense of facing the statue of Hylia. The Princess still knelt in the damp on the floor in obeisance to an unmoved Goddess. Several days of standing the nave while High Priest Volk made oblique references to Link's "barbaric" worship of Farore and Farosh gave Link all the practice he needed in keeping a straight face and his mouth shut. The vitriol became commonplace and Volk never escalated beyond preaching. Link was not required to like his charge so he stood at attention and let the words wash over him. The common people didn't know about this war of words and silence between the two men. A fervor began to take hold of the community, who believed the High Priest's sudden interest in the old goddesses was in response to a demand from Hylia herself. Volk was revered more than ever now that the people believed that Hylia spoke to him directly.
So, it was odd a few weeks later when Link was nearly done with his shift and saw that nearly no one showed up for the last service of the day. The temple was clear of the usual devotees, and the High Priest looked harried. Link was immediately on his guard, nothing was out of place, there was no suspicious activity or person, but the air felt different. His instincts screamed at him to return to the castle where a whole army was in residence.
"My lord, High Priest," Link said in a low voice, "I believe we should return to the castle. I am concerned that the congregation has not appeared. It is unusual, and I believe you can observe the required rituals from the chapel."
"No." Volk said crisply, "You do not understand the importance of this worship. Since few are here, come closer and observe the practice fully. I insist."
Link ground his teeth together. He could force the priest to return to the castle. He was allowed to force his charge to observe any safety requirements as he saw fit. But should Volk take offense, then he could retaliate. He could make Link's worship of Farore public, which would turn the citizens and possibly the royal family against him. Volk's followers could be convinced to turn their back on not only Link but also the Princess and the prophecy. It was better to get his consent.
"I worship Hylia daily, sir. I am familiar with the forms and I am certain they can be performed in the chapel. I would prefer your safety is assured."
Volk gave a pretentious sniff but bowed to Link's experience. They hurried together back to the castle and found a mob at the gate. They were shouting incomprehensively and pushing against each other, all trying to get as close to the closed doors as possible. Nervous-looking sentries stood guard on top of the wall looking down at the people. Link pulled the Priest to a side door before anyone could recognize either one of them. The sconces were unlit, and the hallway was dark. The stone floors didn't have any carpeting, and the bare walls left the enclosed space chilly.
"Apologies, my Lord." Link said in an undertone, "We will need to cross through the servant's quarters to avoid the throng. Please wait here while I ensure that none of the crowd has entered as we did."
"I want a second guard starting tomorrow," The Priest returned, too loudly, "This is unacceptable."
To keep from rolling his eyes, Link scouted the corridor, and found no unusual people wandering the halls. Several rooms were occupied by castle staff, of course.
"...poison they said..."
"...too late..."
The stable boys were gossiping in their rooms. Link tried to ignore their words until he had a chance to get some real information. He returned for Volk and led him through the maze of corridors until they reached a better lit hall, and Volk seemed to recognize where he was. He took the lead and led Link in the wrong direction for the chapel. They were following a direct path to the royal quarters and from there to the council room. Link took a step inside, did a sweep of the room, then stepped out and nodded to Volk before taking his place outside the door. Other council members trickled in over the next hour until the King arrived, and an impromptu session began. Relief guards arrived when Link's eyes started to blink more frequently, and his stomach rumbled ominously. He quickly made his way to food and information.
The mess hall was packed with the day-shift guards and the afternoon patrol which was apparently pulled in early. Link found a table with the Court Poet, Shant, and a young knight, Zain, who Link found to be restful company and good for local recommendations since he grew up in Castle Town.
"Zain," Link said in greeting. Zain nodded his welcome and moved his tray slightly as an invitation to sit.
"What's going on?" Link asked in a low voice. Despite the press of people, it wasn't loud in the hall. Everyone looked over their shoulders and whispered in hushed voices to their friends.
"The Princess," Zain said, "She's in the infirmary, and they've locked down the castle. Closed the gates and whisked the King off someplace. They say she's been murdered, and the King is dying as well."
Link's heart clenched. This was a disaster. With Ganon on the way and no royal family left they would be sitting ducks. But, he had seen the King not long ago. They couldn't have taken him out of the council room without Link noticing.
"The King is fine. I saw him enter the council room midafternoon, and he was still there when I was relieved a few minutes ago."
"The Princess is alive but unwell," Put in Shant, "I saw her to the infirmary. The doctor said something about silencing a princess, so it must be malicious. I'd guess poison."
Link tuned them out. This Princess was a magnet for danger. It must have been horribly difficult for her to be poisoned right now since the High Priest was restricting her to a cruel fasting regime. There simply wasn't enough opportunity with fewer meals sent to the Princess every day. Unless... Volk clearly was not pleased with the Goddess's chosen duo. The Princess was powerless, and he had made his opposition to Link very clear over the past few weeks. The common people believed the Princess to be the Goddess. It was only the nobility that thought of the Princess as someone replaceable. It was only Volk who policed the Princess's food.
Link couldn't accuse Volk outright. He didn't have enough clout in court. And Volk knew about his Faronian roots, which could turn the King against him. He needed evidence. The spirit of the hero within him screamed for the threat to his Zelda's life to be removed. He would find the proof... After he found an excuse to visit her in the infirmary. She didn't really know him but he needed to see with his own eyes that she lived. She was his to protect.
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New Post has been published on https://lovehaswonangelnumbers.org/the-lionsgate-88-portal/
The Lionsgate 88 Portal
The Lionsgate 88 Portal
By Tanaaz
The Lionsgate 88 Portal is activated by the numerology of 8/8, the Sun in Leo Season, and the rising of the star, Sirius. This combination of energy opens a galactic portal that allows high vibrational energy to be sent to Earth, which we can all tune in and connect with.
The Lionsgate 88 Portal peaks on the 8th day of the 8th month, but we are likely to feel the current of its energy before and after this date too.
In numerology, the 8th day of the 8th month is a highly spiritual and charged time.
The number 8 represents infinity – the infinite soul that we are and the infinite journey that we take. It represents the “forever conscious” part of our soul; the soul that has lived and will continue to live long after this incarnation.
8 is also the number associated with DNA activation, abundance, power, and higher realms of consciousness, making 8/8 a super potent time to charge and clear our energy for receiving.
Lionsgate is not just about numerology but also astrology, and involves the Sun in its ruling sign of Leo and the rising of the star Sirius.
Sirius is one of the brightest stars in the sky and is known as our Spiritual Sun. While our earthly Sun illuminates our physical world which is an illusion, our Spiritual Sun illuminates the truth of our timeless soul.
The ancients were very in tune with the star Sirus, as they believed it was the gateway to heaven and the home of higher vibrational beings. They believed the energy of Sirius carried highly advanced wisdom that we could tap into and utilize whenever Sirius was strong in the sky.
Sirius Rising at this time of year was a special and sacred occasion and marked the start of the new year. The ancients would also observe things happening to Mother Earth as well.
In Ancient Egypt, the rising of Sirius coincided with the flooding of the Nile. They viewed this as a gift of prosperity and fertility and revered Sirius so much, they even aligned their pyramids with its rising as well.
There are also theories that the pyramids would act as transmitters, helping to amplify the energy of Sirius in order to channel and download its messages with greater ease.
The Great Sphinx with its lion-like qualities, also aligns with the Leo zodiac during this time of year. This alignment is believed to aid in the receiving of Divine messages from both Isis and Anubis, the Gods connected to Sirius.
It wasn’t just the Egyptians that revered Sirius, all across the world from the Mayans, to the Sumerians, Babylonians, and the Dogon tribe, there is a strong connection with this bright blue star.
While our Sun is responsible for beaming down life for our physical bodies, especially when it’s in its ruling sign of Leo, Sirius is responsible for beaming down life for our spiritual bodies.
This is why the opening of the Lionsgate Portal can bring awakenings and lift our consciousness to new heights.
Here are a few things we can set an intention to experience under Lionsgate:
Heart healings: the Lionsgate portal activates the heart chakra. Old or even current wounds of the heart may rise up for healing. We may finally feel free from any grief or sadness that has burdened our hearts. For more guidance with this, read How to Open and Clear Blocks in your Heart Chakra.
Third eye awakenings: the Lionsgate portal also activates the third eye chakra. We may feel more intuitive or learn something new about the way our intuition speaks to us. Our intuition is likely to be strong and if this is something we want to work with more, the Lionsgate portal is a great time to begin. For more, read how to Open and Activate your Third Eye Chakra.
Higher Chakra Openings: while we have seven main chakras or energy centers in our body, we also have hundreds of smaller, more sensitive chakras that can be activated and awakened during the Lionsgate Portal. This helps us to tap into new wisdom and higher spiritual knowledge.
Psychic downloads: with the high vibrational energy from Sirus beaming our way, we are more likely to receive psychic downloads. These can come through our dreams, visions, spirit guides and angels, or through simply hearing things while in a state of relaxation. Meditation and automatic writing are great ways to open to this energy and to receive guidance.
Visitations: the ancients believed that Sirius was home to heaven, angels, and other worldly beings. Under the Lionsgate Portal energy, we are more likely to receive messages, dreams, signs, and visits from our loved ones who have passed and from our spirit guides and guardian angels. Encountering alien beings may also be more likely too.
Freedom: one of the strongest vibrations from Sirius is this energy of freedom. The idea is that our earthly Sun illuminates this physical world which is an illusion. But Sirius illuminates our soul and spiritual bodies, which is the truth. By understanding this, we gain a sense of freedom.
Peace: Sirius has very peaceful vibrations too, so spending time in nature and meditation is a great way to tap into this peaceful energy and use it for healing and restoring your mind, body, and soul.
Technology: Sirius is also associated with highly advanced technology. If you have a new tech innovation or would like to start a website, blog, app, or anything else related to technology, this would be great energy to use to your advantage.
Creativity: Lionsgate is also a highly creative time and the perfect opportunity to try a new creative project or to take action on a creative project you have been looking to get off the ground.
The energy of Lionsgate can connect us with the cosmic skies, galactic frequencies, higher dimensional beings, and our own intuition.
It can also activate heart healings, the expansion of spiritual wisdom, and help us awaken to our true potential.
On Lionsgate 88 set an intention of how you wish to use this energy, and then create a ritual or practice that allows you to harness and work with it.
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All of Creation Is watching Earth  and witnessing its Ascension Process. They are ready, ready for this Planet to be Declared a Light Only Zone. All of Humanity are called upon now to Step Up in fulfillment of their Divine Soul Contract.
The dark has been cleared, fully defeated and New Earth, Nova Terra, is ready to begin. This requires each Being to fully clear the remaining density within their bodies, to awaken to full remembrance of their Galactic Truth, their Soul Essence, their Divine Blueprint.
This is not a Drill, in Real Time, Present Moment of Now Mother of All Creation is on the Planet and she is Our Divine Director, Our Eternal Mother. She hired you for this role  and She is here to guide you.
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orthodoxydaily · 3 years
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Saints&Reading: Sat., Jan. 30, 2021
Commemorated on January 17_by the new calendar
Saint Anthony the Great ( 356)
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     The Monk Anthony, a very great ascetic, the founder of wilderness-monastery life and as such the father of monasticism, is entitled "the Great" by Holy Church. He was born in Egypt in the village of Coma, near the Thebaid wilderness, in the year 251. His parents were pious Christians of illustrious lineage. From his youth Anthony was always serious and given over to concentration. He loved to visit church services and he hearkened to the Holy Scripture with such deep attention, that he remembered what he heard all his entire life. The commandments of the Lord guided him from the time of his very youth. When Saint Anthony was about twenty years old, he lost his parents, but in his care remained his sister, a minor in age. Visiting the church services, the youth was pierced through by a reverent feeling towards those Christians who, as it relates in the Acts of the Apostles, sold off their possessions and the proceeds thereof they applied in following after the Apostles. He heard in church the Gospel passage of Christ, spoken to the rich young man: "If thou wouldst be perfect, sell what thou hast and give it to the poor; and thou wilt have treasure in heaven; and come follow after Me" (Mt. 19: 21). Anthony understood this as spoken to him personally. He sold off his property that remained to him after the death of his parents, he distributed the money to the poor, he left his sister in the care of pious virgins in a monastic setting, he left his parental home, and having settled not far from his village in a wretched hut, he began his ascetic life. He earned his livelihood by working with his hands, and alms also for the poor. Sometimes the holy youth also visited other ascetics living in the surrounding areas, and from each he sought to receive direction and benefit. And to a particular one of these ascetics he turned for guidance in the spiritual life.
In this period of his life the Monk Anthony was subjected to terrible temptations by the devil. The enemy of the race of man troubled the young ascetic with thoughts, and with doubts about his chosen path, with anguish over his sister, and he attempted to incline Anthony towards fleshly sin. But the monk preserved his firm faith, he incessantly made prayer and intensified his efforts. Anthony prayed that the Lord would point out to him the path of salvation. And he was granted a vision. The ascetic beheld a man, who by turns alternately finished a prayer, and then began to work – this was an Angel, which the Lord had sent to instruct His chosen one. The monk thereupon set up a strict schedule for his life. He partook of food only once in the entire day, and sometimes only once every second or third day; he spent all night at prayer, giving himself over to a short sleep only on the third or fourth night after unbroken vigil. But the devil would not desist with his tricks, and trying to scare the monk, he appeared under the guise of monstrous phantoms. The saint however with steadfast faith protected himself with the Life-Creating Cross. Finally the enemy appeared to him in the guise of a frightful looking black lad, and hypocritically declaring himself beaten, he reckoned to sway the saint into vanity and pride. But the monk expelled the enemy with prayer.      For yet greater solitude, the saint re-settled farther away from the village, in a graveyard. On designated days his friend brought him a scant bit of food. And here the devils, pouncing upon the saint with the intent to kill him, inflicted upon him terrible beatings. But the Lord would not allow the death of Anthony. The friend of the saint, on schedule taking him his food, saw him as though dead laying upon the ground, and he took him away back to the village. They thought the saint was dead and began to prepare for his burial. But the monk in the deep of night regained consciousness and besought his friend to take him back to the graveyard. The staunchness of Saint Anthony was greater than the wile of the enemy. Taking the form of ferocious beasts, the devils again tried to force the saint to forsake the place chosen by him, but he again expelled them by the power of the Life-Creating Cross. The Lord strengthened the power of His saint: in the heat of the struggle with the dark powers the monk saw coming down to him from the sky a luminous ray of light, and he cried out: "Where hast Thou been, O Merciful Jesus?.. Why hast Thou not healed my wounds at the very start?" The Lord replied: "Anthony! I was here, but did wait, wanting to see thine valour; and now after this, since thou hast firmly withstood  the struggle, I shalt always aid thee and glorify thee throughout all the world". After this vision the Monk Anthony was healed of his wounds and ready for renewed efforts. He was then 35 years of age.      Having gained spiritual experience in the struggle with the devil, the Monk Anthony pondered going into the deeps of the Thebaid wilderness, and in full solitude there to serve the Lord by deed and by prayer. He besought the ascetic elder (to whom he had turned at the beginning of his monastic journey) to go off together with him into the wilderness, but the elder, while blessing him in the then as yet unheard of exploit of being suchlike an hermit, decided against accompanying him because of the infirmity of age. The Monk Anthony went off into the wilderness alone. The devil tried to stop him, throwing in front of the monk precious gems and stones, but the saint paid them no attention and passed them on by. Having reached a certain hilly spot, the monk caught sight of an abandoned enclosed structure and he settled within it, securing the entrance with stones. His faithful friend brought him bread twice a year, and water he had inside the enclosure. In complete silence the monk partook of the food brought him. The Monk Anthony dwelt for 20 years in complete isolation and incessant struggle with the devils, and he finally found tranquillity of spirit and peace in his mind. When it became appropriate, the Lord revealed to people about His great ascetic. The saint had to instruct many layfolk and monastics. The people gathering at the enclosure of the monk removed the stones sealing his entrance way, and they went to Saint Anthony and besought him to take them under his guidance. Soon the heights on which Saint Anthony asceticised was encircled by a whole belt of monastic communities, and the monk fondly directed their inhabitants, teaching about the spiritual life to everyone who came into the wilderness to be saved. He taught first of all the need to take up spiritual efforts, to unremittingly strive to please the Lord, to have a willing and unselfish attitude towards types of work shunned earlier. He urged them not to be afraid of demonic assaults and to repel the enemy by the power of the Life-Creating Cross of the Lord.      In the year 311 the Church was beset by a trial – a fierce persecution against Christians, set in motion by the emperor Maximian. Wanting to suffer together with the holy martyrs, the Monk Anthony left the wilderness and arrived in Alexandria. He openly rendered aid to the imprisoned martyrs, he was present at the trial and interrogations, but the torturers would not even bother with him! It pleased the Lord to preserve him for the benefit of Christians. With the close of the persecution, the monk returned to the wilderness and continued his exploits. The Lord bestowed upon His saint a gift of wonderworking: the monk cast out devils and healed the sick by the power of his prayer. The multitude of people coming to him disrupted his solitude, and the monk went off still farther, into the so-called "interiour of the wilderness", and he settled atop an high elevation. But the brethren of the wilderness monasteries searched out the monk and besought him at least often to pay visits to their communities.      Another time the Monk Anthony left the wilderness and arrived amidst the Christians in Alexandria, to defend the Orthodox faith against the Manichaean and Arian heresies. Knowing that the name of the Monk Anthony was venerated by all the Church, the Arians circulated a lie about him – that he allegedly adhered to their heretical teaching. But actually being present in Alexandria, the Monk Anthony in front of everyone and in the presence of the bishop openly denounced Arianism. During the time of his brief stay at Alexandria he converted to Christ a great multitude of pagans. Pagan philosophers came to the monk, wanting by their speculations to test his firm faith, but by his simple and convincing words he reduced them to silence. The Equal-to-the-Apostles emperor Constantine the Great (+ 337, Comm. 21 May) and his sons deeply esteemed the Monk Anthony and besought him to visit them at the capital, but the monk did not want to forsake his wilderness brethren. In reply to the letter, he urged the emperor not to be overcome with pride by his lofty position, but rather to remember, that even over him was the Impartial Judge – the Lord God.      The Monk Anthony spent 85 years of his life in the solitary wilderness. Shortly before his death, the monk told the brethren, that soon he would be taken from them. Time and again he instructed them to preserve the Orthodox faith in its purity, to shun any association with heretics, and not to weaken in their monastic efforts. "Strive the yet more to dwell ever in unity amongst ye, and most of all with the Lord, and then with the saints, so that upon death they should bring ye into eternity by their blood, as friends and acquaintances", – thus were the death-bed words of the monk passed on in his Vita (Life). The monk bid two of his disciples, who had been together with him the final 15 years of his life, to bury him in the wilderness and not arrange any solemn burial of his remains in Alexandria. Of his two monastic mantles, the monk left one to Sainted Athanasias of Alexandria (Comm. 18 January), the other to Sainted Serapion of Tmunta. The Monk Anthony died peacefully in the year 356, at age 105, and he was buried by his disciples at a treasured spot glorified by him in the wilderness.      The Vita (Life) of the famed ascetic the Monk Anthony the Great was written in detail by a father of the Church, Saint Athanasias of Alexandria. This work of Saint Athanasias is the first memorial of Orthodox hagiography, and is considered one of the finest of his writings; Saint John Chrysostom says, that this Vita should be read by every Christian. "These narratives be significantly small in comparison with the virtues of Anthony, – writes Saint Athanasias, – but from them ye can conclude, what the man of God Anthony was like. From his youth into his mature years observing an equal zeal for asceticism, not being seduced by the avenues of filth, and not as regards infirmity of body altering his garb, nor the any worse for it in suffering harm. His eyes were healthy and unfailing and he saw well. Not one tooth fell out for him, and they only weakened at the gums from the advanced years of age. He was healthy of hand and of foot (...). And what they said about him everywhere, all being amazed at him, whereof even those that did not see him loved him – this serves as evidence of his virtue and love for God in soul".      Of the works of the Monk Anthony himself, there have come down to us: 1) his Discourses, 20 in number, treating of the virtues, primarily monastic, 2) Seven Letters to monasteries – about striving for moral perfection and regarding the spiritual struggle, and 3) a Rule of life and consolation for monastics.      In the year 544 the relics of the Monk Anthony the great were transferred from the wilderness to Alexandria, and later on with the conquest of Egypt by the Saracens in the VII Century, they were transferred to Constantinople. The holy relics were transferred from Constantinople in the X-XI Centuries to a diocese outside Vienna, and in the XV Century – to Arles (in France), into the church of Saint Julian.
© 1996-2001 by translator Fr. S. Janos.
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Matthew 11:27-30
27All things have been delivered to Me by My Father, and no one knows the Son except the Father. Nor does anyone know the Father except the Son, and the one to whom the Son wills to reveal Him.28 Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.30 For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.
Hebrews 13:17-21 
17Obey those who rule over you, and be submissive, for they watch out for your souls, as those who must give account. Let them do so with joy and not with grief, for that would be unprofitable for you. 18 Pray for us; for we are confident that we have a good conscience, in all things desiring to live honorably.19 But I especially urge you to do this, that I may be restored to you the sooner. 20 Now may the God of peace who brought up our Lord Jesus from the dead, that great Shepherd of the sheep, through the blood of the everlasting covenant, 21 make you complete in every good work to do His will, working in you what iswell pleasing in His sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory forever and ever. Amen.
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My Love Awaits
Summary: A bittersweet tale of what Loki might find once he finally walks through death’s door.
Rating: PG-13 for death and brief mentions of blood.
Taglist (open): @yespolkadotkitty @just-the-hiddles @nonsensicalobsessions @vodka-and-some-sass @he-is-chaotic-she-is-psychotic
A/N: I believe I got this idea from a prompt I saw on here, but I can’t for the life of me find it. If this concept sounds like something you’d put into prompt form, please let me know so I can credit you properly!
Here is the song that I listened to while writing this fic: Sleep by Eric Whitacre
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He knew the day would come.
The day when his cunning would fail him, when his speed and strength wouldn’t be enough, and he would fall to the blade of his opponent.
For all of his bravado, his ferocity and strength, he was tired.
He had been fighting for so long, working to protect his long lost love’s precious Midgard, warring alongside several iterations of your beloved Avengers in your honor and nothing else. You had pleaded with him, as you took your own dying breaths upon the battlefield, that he would protect your friends, your family, your people.
And the stubborn fool that he was had granted that dying wish.
The other? That he attempt to move on with his life, seek happiness with another, remain open to love? That was a vow that he could not uphold.
He hadn’t closed himself off to the idea, but no real effort had been put forth to see it through. How could any other woman, mortal or otherwise, hold his attention when the contours of your likeness had etched itself onto his mind’s eye? What was he to find in another when he knew the depths of your love? What could compare to the sound of his name on your lips, the softness of your skin beneath his calloused fingertips, the warmth and light in your eyes when you looked at him like he was the most wonderful being in the nine realms?
Every other had seemed dull in comparison, so he simply lived to fulfill his duty to you.
And, as he lay gasping for air as the warmth of his blood coated his rapidly chilling skin, he could only hope that he would not see you in the Hel that he was surely destined for as his emerald eyes lost their luster and stared unseeing up into the overcast heavens.
It was as simple as falling asleep, sinking into the darkness that beckoned him, and when he regained awareness of his surroundings, he saw not the forests that would lead him to his justified end, but a building of grand proportions. The roof was thatched with golden shields that glimmered in the yellow sunlight, shining brilliantly. Fields of grass waving in the breeze stretched into the horizon, the faint rustling of their movements a soothing symphony to accompany raucous laughter from within the expansive structure before him.
His awestruck eyes took in the familiar face he hadn’t seen in many years, taken by battle as she would have wanted. Dressed in her gray well-fitted armor befitting her station, the Valkyrie closest to his blundering, but well-meaning brother regarded him with an unreadable expression: Brunhilde.
She appeared in her prime, dark skin glowing and body fit for battle. While she had grated on his nerves, treating him and his brother with far less respect than was warranted, he had to admire her fighting prowess and fierce determination. Brunhilde was not one to be trifled with, and that knowledge was bestowed upon anyone dull enough to spar with her.
She approached him from where she had been leaning against a broad golden tree that stretched farther than should be possible, a swagger in her step that spoke of her rejuvenated body. He glanced down at his own form, slender and strong beneath his simple black tunic and pants. The vitality of his youth thrummed in his blood, as strong as the magic that he felt deep in his core.
“She was right,” the Valkyrie called, bluntly pulling him from his self-inspection.
He lifted his head to her, cocking a brow. “She?”
Brunhilde stopped just feet away from him, settling her weight on one hip and crossing her arms over her stomach. “She swore to us all that you would return to her here, but there were some who doubted her. It seems many owe her a debt.”
His heart leapt into his throat at the implications of her words, but he tamped down that hope just as quickly as it resurfaced. She couldn’t be talking about you, surely not. You were mortal. Were mortals allowed here? If they were, you would be found among those walls.
If anyone was worthy of such an honor, it was his beloved.
He moved passed the troublesome Valkyrie without further comment, intent upon sorting out her riddle in the most straightforward method possible. After a moment’s hesitation just outside of the wooden doors, he shoved them aside, striding into the room with a keen eye already searching the faces of those within.
Jubilant faces stretched as far as the eye could see, grinning from ear to ear and roaring with laughter. The smell of mead, thick and sweet, hung low in the air, filling the tankards across the many tables of fallen soldiers before him. Among the din, faint song could be heard, the youthful voice clear and bright as it told tales of the battles that had brought so many souls to fill the benches and bring life to the hall of the fallen warriors.
And there, standing in the midst of it all, you were, your own watery smile gracing your angelic face.
His long limbs ate up the distance between you in no time at all, and he took you into his arms, holding you so tightly to his chest that you weren’t sure where you ended and he began.
“Welcome to Valhalla, Loki,” you said quietly, words muffled by his neck where your head had found its natural resting place. Your voice was a bird’s song, the sweetest music to his weary ears.
His eyes closed to fully immerse himself in the moment, memorizing the feel of your soft curves against the hard planes of his body. You felt just as you had the last time he had held you, pulled from his iron grip too soon. You smelled not of copper and sweat, but of the natural scent of your skin, fresh and clean and so very you that he could breathe it in for the rest of his days and never have his fill. His whole being sighed in sweet relief that he hadn’t known for as long as he could remember.
“It is you,” he whispered, pulling back enough to cradle your face in his deft-fingered hands, stroking your cheeks reverently as he drank you in like a man dying of thirst.
And he had been. Thousands of years he had waited for this moment, hoping against his better judgment that he would have the honor and pleasure of staring upon your exquisite face again. His heart, once broken and cold, pounded in his chest, swelling against his ribs and threatening to burst with happiness and relief he could barely contain.
You were here. You were whole and lovely and a balm for the wounds that had cut deep into his soul ages ago.
He curled his body around yours, claiming your mouth for his in a thorough kiss into which he poured all of his love and passion for you, uncaring who saw the very public display of his affections. He would shout it from the gilded rooftops, willingly swear fealty to your glory, if it meant that the world knew you belonged to one another.
You were both breathless by the time he pulled away, ending the kiss only so his eyes could open and take you in as he rested his forehead against yours. He had been granted the most wondrous gift, to be reunited with you, and nothing could surpass this moment.
It didn’t matter that tears of the purest joy glistened in his eyes, or that he was smiling like the most lovestruck fool. He had never known bliss and safety as all-encompassing. It settled over his soul like a comforting blanket, granting him peace unlike any he had ever known.
Your hands curled into the fabric of his tunic, holding him to you as you beamed up at him, radiant and glowing like the sunlight that streamed in through the large windows set high into the walls.
“It’s me, sweetheart. And now you can rest, knowing that you have earned your place in this hallowed hall.”
He anchored his lips to your forehead, bringing you back into the safety of his arms as he looked over your head at the kind figure of his late mother, Frigga, illuminated against the flames of a roaring fire that danced at the end of the hall. She dipped her chin to him in a slow nod of salutation, and even from such a distance, he could easily read the pride that reflected in her winsome features.
“Rest does sound most welcome.”
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15th May >> Mass Readings (USA)
Saturday before Ascension Sunday
   or 
Saint Isidore the Farmer.
Saturday before Ascension Sunday
(Liturgical Colour: White)
First Reading
Acts of the Apostles 18:23-28
Apollos established from the Scriptures that the Christ is Jesus.
After staying in Antioch some time, Paul left and traveled in orderly sequence through the Galatian country and Phrygia, bringing strength to all the disciples.
   A Jew named Apollos, a native of Alexandria, an eloquent speaker, arrived in Ephesus. He was an authority on the Scriptures. He had been instructed in the Way of the Lord and, with ardent spirit, spoke and taught accurately about Jesus, although he knew only the baptism of John. He began to speak boldly in the synagogue; but when Priscilla and Aquila heard him, they took him aside and explained to him the Way of God more accurately. And when he wanted to cross to Achaia, the brothers encouraged him and wrote to the disciples there to welcome him. After his arrival he gave great assistance to those who had come to believe through grace. He vigorously refuted the Jews in public, establishing from the Scriptures that the Christ is Jesus.
The Word of the Lord
R/ Thanks be to God.
Responsorial Psalm
Psalm 47:2-3, 8-9, 10
R/ God is king of all the earth. or R/ Alleluia.
All you peoples, clap your hands;    shout to God with cries of gladness. For the LORD, the Most High, the awesome,    is the great king over all the earth.
R/ God is king of all the earth. or R/ Alleluia.
For king of all the earth is God;    sing hymns of praise. God reigns over the nations,    God sits upon his holy throne.
R/ God is king of all the earth. or R/ Alleluia.
The princes of the peoples are gathered together    with the people of the God of Abraham. For God’s are the guardians of the earth;    he is supreme.
R/ God is king of all the earth. or R/ Alleluia.
Gospel Acclamation
John 16:28
Alleluia, alleluia. I came from the Father and have come into the world; now I am leaving the world and going back to the Father. Alleluia, alleluia.
Gospel
John 16:23b-28
My Father loves you because you have loved me and believed in me.
Jesus said to his disciples: “Amen, amen, I say to you, whatever you ask the Father in my name he will give you. Until now you have not asked anything in my name; ask and you will receive, so that your joy may be complete.
   “I have told you this in figures of speech. The hour is coming when I will no longer speak to you in figures but I will tell you clearly about the Father. On that day you will ask in my name, and I do not tell you that I will ask the Father for you. For the Father himself loves you, because you have loved me and have come to believe that I came from God. I came from the Father and have come into the world. Now I am leaving the world and going back to the Father.”
The Gospel of the Lord
R/ Praise to you, Lord Jesus Christ.
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Saint Isidore the Farmer
(Liturgical Colour: White)
(Readings for the memorial)
(There is a choice today between the readings for the ferial day (Saturday) and those for the memorial. The ferial readings are recommended unless pastoral reasons suggest otherwise)
Either:
First Reading
Acts of the Apostles 4:32-35
The community of believers was of one heart and mind.
The community of believers was of one heart and mind, and no one claimed that any of his possessions was his own, but they had everything in common. With great power the Apostles bore witness to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus, and great favor was accorded them all. There was no needy person among them, for those who owned property or houses would sell them, bring the proceeds of the sale, and put them at the feet of the Apostles, and they were distributed to each according to need.
The Word of the Lord
R/ Thanks be to God.
Or:
First Reading
Revelation 3:14b, 20-22
I will dine with him and he with me.
The Amen, the faithful and true witness, the source of God’s creation, says this:    “Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, then I will enter his house and dine with him and he with me. I will give the victor the right to sit with me on my throne, as I myself first won the victory and sit with my Father on his throne.
   “Whoever has ears ought to hear what the Spirit says to the churches.”
The Word of the Lord
R/ Thanks be to God.
Or:
First Reading
Revelation 19:1, 5-9
Blessed are those who have been called to the wedding feast of the Lamb.
I, John, heard what sounded like the loud voice of a great multitude in heaven, saying:
   “Alleluia! Salvation, glory, and might belong to our God.”
A voice coming from the throne said:
“Praise our God, all you his servants,    and you who revere him, small and great.”
Then I heard something like the sound of a great multitude or the sound of rushing water or mighty peals of thunder, as they said:
   “Alleluia! The Lord has established his reign,    our God, the almighty. Let us rejoice and be glad    and give him glory. For the wedding day of the Lamb has come,    his bride has made herself ready. She was allowed to wear    a bright, clean linen garment.”
(The linen represents the righteous deeds of the holy ones.)    Then the angel said to me, “Write this: Blessed are those who have been called to the wedding feast of the Lamb.”
The Word of the Lord
R/ Thanks be to God.
Or:
First Reading
Revelation 21:5-7
To the thirsty I will give a gift from the spring of life-giving water.
The One who was seated on the throne said: “Behold, I make all things new.” Then he said, “Write these words down, for they are trustworthy and true.” He said to me, “They are accomplished. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will give a gift from the spring of life-giving water. The victor will inherit these gifts, and I shall be his God, and he will be my son.”
The Word of the Lord
R/ Thanks be to God.
Either:
Responsorial Psalm
Psalm 1:1-2, 3, 4 and 6
R/ Blessed are they who hope in the Lord. or R/ Blessed are they who delight in the law of the Lord. or R/ The just will flourish like the palm tree in the garden of the Lord.
Blessed the man who follows not    the counsel of the wicked Nor walks in the way of sinners,    nor sits in the company of the insolent, But delights in the law of the LORD    and meditates on his law day and night.
R/ Blessed are they who hope in the Lord. or R/ Blessed are they who delight in the law of the Lord. or R/ The just will flourish like the palm tree in the garden of the Lord.
He is like a tree    planted near running water, That yields its fruit in due season,    and whose leaves never fade.    Whatever he does, prospers.
R/ Blessed are they who hope in the Lord. or R/ Blessed are they who delight in the law of the Lord. or R/ The just will flourish like the palm tree in the garden of the Lord.
Not so, the wicked, not so;    they are like chaff which the wind drives away. For the LORD watches over the way of the just,    but the way of the wicked vanishes.
R/ Blessed are they who hope in the Lord. or R/ Blessed are they who delight in the law of the Lord. or R/ The just will flourish like the palm tree in the garden of the Lord.
Or:
Responsorial Psalm
Psalm 15:2-3a, 3bc-4ab, 5
R/ The just one shall live on your holy mountain, O Lord.
He who walks blamelessly and does justice;    who thinks the truth in his heart    and slanders not with his tongue.
R/ The just one shall live on your holy mountain, O Lord.
Who harms not his fellow man,    nor takes up a reproach against his neighbor; By whom the reprobate is despised,    while he honors those who fear the LORD.
R/ The just one shall live on your holy mountain, O Lord.
Who lends not his money at usury    and accepts no bribe against the innocent. He who does these things    shall never be disturbed.
R/ The just one shall live on your holy mountain, O Lord.
Or:
Responsorial Psalm
Psalm 16:1-2ab and 5, 7-8, 11
You are my inheritance, O Lord.
Keep me, O God, for in you I take refuge;    I say to the LORD, “My Lord are you.” O LORD, my allotted portion and my cup,    you it is who hold fast my lot.
You are my inheritance, O Lord.
I bless the LORD who counsels me;    even in the night my heart exhorts me. I set the LORD ever before me;    with him at my right hand I shall not be disturbed.
You are my inheritance, O Lord.
You will show me the path to life,    fullness of joys in your presence,    the delights at your right hand forever.
You are my inheritance, O Lord.
OR: --------
Responsorial Psalm Psalm 23:1-3, 4, 5, 6
The Lord is my shepherd; there is nothing I shall want.
The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.    In verdant pastures he gives me repose; Beside restful waters he leads me;    he refreshes my soul. He guides me on right paths    for his name’s sake.
The Lord is my shepherd; there is nothing I shall want.
Even though I walk in the dark valley    I fear no evil; for you are at my side With your rod and your staff    that give me courage.
The Lord is my shepherd; there is nothing I shall want.
You spread the table before me    in the sight of my foes; You anoint my head with oil;    my cup overflows.
The Lord is my shepherd; there is nothing I shall want.
Only goodness and kindness follow me    all the days of my life; And I shall dwell in the house of the LORD    for years to come.
The Lord is my shepherd; there is nothing I shall want.
OR: --------
Responsorial Psalm Psalm 34:2-3, 4-5, 6-7, 8-9, 10-11
I will bless the Lord at all times. or Taste and see the goodness of the Lord.
I will bless the LORD at all times;    his praise shall be ever in my mouth. Let my soul glory in the LORD;    the lowly will hear and be glad.
I will bless the Lord at all times. or Taste and see the goodness of the Lord.
Glorify the LORD with me,    let us together extol his name. I sought the LORD, and he answered me    and delivered me from all my fears.
I will bless the Lord at all times. or Taste and see the goodness of the Lord.
Look to him that you may be radiant with joy,    and your faces may not blush with shame. When the poor one called out, the LORD heard,    and from all his distress he saved him.
I will bless the Lord at all times. or Taste and see the goodness of the Lord.
The angel of the LORD encamps    around those who fear him, and delivers them. Taste and see how good the LORD is;    blessed the man who takes refuge in him.
I will bless the Lord at all times. or Taste and see the goodness of the Lord.
Fear the LORD, you his holy ones,    for nought is lacking to those who fear him. The great grow poor and hungry;    but those who seek the LORD want for no good thing.
I will bless the Lord at all times. or Taste and see the goodness of the Lord.
OR: --------
Responsorial Psalm Psalm 103:1bc-2, 3-4, 8-9, 13-14, 17-18a
O bless the Lord, my soul!
Bless the LORD, O my soul;    and all my being, bless his holy name. Bless the LORD, O my soul,    and forget not all his benefits.
O bless the Lord, my soul!
He pardons all your iniquities,    he heals all your ills, He redeems your life from destruction,    he crowns you with kindness and compassion.
O bless the Lord, my soul!
Merciful and gracious is the LORD,    slow to anger and abounding in kindness. He will not always chide,    nor does he keep his wrath forever.
O bless the Lord, my soul!
As a father has compassion on his children,    so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him, For he knows how we are formed;    he remembers that we are dust.
O bless the Lord, my soul!
But the kindness of the LORD is from eternity    to eternity toward those who fear him, And his justice toward his children’s children    among those who keep his covenant.
O bless the Lord, my soul!
OR: --------
Responsorial Psalm Psalm 112:1-2, 3-4, 5-7a, 7b-8, 9
Blessed the man who fears the Lord. or Alleluia.
Blessed the man who fears the LORD,    who greatly delights in his commands. His posterity shall be mighty upon the earth;    the upright generation shall be blessed.
Blessed the man who fears the Lord. or Alleluia.
Wealth and riches shall be in his house;    his generosity shall endure forever. Light shines through the darkness for the upright;    he is gracious and merciful and just.
Blessed the man who fears the Lord. or Alleluia.
Well for the man who is gracious and lends,    who conducts his affairs with justice; He shall never be moved;    the just one shall be in everlasting remembrance.
Blessed the man who fears the Lord. or Alleluia.
An evil report he shall not fear;    his heart is firm, trusting in the LORD. His heart is steadfast; he shall not fear    till he looks down upon his foes.
Blessed the man who fears the Lord. or Alleluia.
Lavishly he gives to the poor,    his generosity shall endure forever; his horn shall be exalted in glory.
Blessed the man who fears the Lord. or Alleluia.
OR: --------
Responsorial Psalm Psalm 128:1-2, 3, 4-5
Blessed are those who fear the Lord.
Blessed are you who fear the LORD,    who walk in his ways! For you shall eat the fruit of your handiwork;    blessed shall you be, and favored.
Blessed are those who fear the Lord.
Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine    in the recesses of your home; Your children like olive plants    around your table.
Blessed are those who fear the Lord.
Behold, thus is the man blessed    who fears the LORD. The LORD bless you from Zion:    may you see the prosperity of Jerusalem    all the days of your life.
Blessed are those who fear the Lord.
OR: --------
Responsorial Psalm Psalm 131:1bcde, 2, 3
In you, Lord, I have found my peace.
O LORD, my heart is not proud,    nor are my eyes haughty; I busy not myself with great things,    nor with things too sublime for me.
In you, Lord, I have found my peace.
Nay rather, I have stilled and quieted    my soul like a weaned child. Like a weaned child on its mother’s lap,    so is my soul within me.
In you, Lord, I have found my peace.
O Israel, hope in the LORD,    both now and forever.
In you, Lord, I have found my peace.
Gospel Acclamation
Matthew 5:3
Alleluia, alleluia. Blessed are the poor in spirit; for theirs is the Kingdom of heaven. Alleluia, alleluia.
Or: Matthew 5:6
Alleluia, alleluia. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be satisfied. Alleluia, alleluia.
Or: Matthew 5:8
Alleluia, alleluia. Blessed are the clean of heart, for they will see God. Alleluia, alleluia.
Or: See Matthew 11:25
Alleluia, alleluia. Blessed are you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth; you have revealed to little ones the mysteries of the Kingdom. Alleluia, alleluia.
Or: Matthew 11:28
Alleluia, alleluia. Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest, says the Lord. Alleluia, alleluia.
Or: Matthew 23:11, 12b
Alleluia, alleluia. The greatest among you must be your servant. Whoever humbles himself will be exalted. Alleluia, alleluia.
Or: Luke 21:36
Alleluia, alleluia. Be vigilant at all times and pray that you may have the strength to stand before the Son of Man. Alleluia, alleluia.
Or: John 8:12
Alleluia, alleluia. I am the light of the world, says the Lord; whoever follows me will have the light of life. Alleluia, alleluia.
Or: John 8:31b-32
Alleluia, alleluia. If you remain in my word, you will truly be my disciples, and you will know the truth, says the Lord. Alleluia, alleluia.
Or: John 13:34
Alleluia, alleluia. I give you a new commandment: love one another as I have loved you. Alleluia, alleluia.
Or: John 14:23
Alleluia, alleluia. Whoever loves me will keep my word and my Father will love him and we will come to him. Alleluia, alleluia.
Or: John 15:4a, 5b
Alleluia, alleluia. Remain in me, as I remain in you, says the Lord; whoever remains in me will bear much fruit. Alleluia, alleluia.
Or: John 15:9b, 5b
Alleluia, alleluia. Remain in my love, says the Lord; whoever remains in me and I in him will bear much fruit. Alleluia, alleluia.
Either:
Gospel
Matthew 5:1-12a
Rejoice and be glad, for your reward will be great in heaven.
When Jesus saw the crowds, he went up the mountain, and after he had sat down, his disciples came to him. He began to teach them, saying:
“Blessed are the poor in spirit,    for theirs is the Kingdom of heaven. Blessed are they who mourn,    for they will be comforted. Blessed are the meek,    for they will inherit the land. Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for righteousness,    for they will be satisfied. Blessed are the merciful,    for they will be shown mercy. Blessed are the clean of heart,    for they will see God. Blessed are the peacemakers,    for they will be called children of God. Blessed are they who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness,    for theirs is the Kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when they insult you and persecute you    and utter every kind of evil against you falsely because of me. Rejoice and be glad,    for your reward will be great in heaven.”
The Gospel of the Lord
R/ Praise to you, Lord Jesus Christ.
Or:
Gospel
Matthew 5:13-16
You are the light of the world.
Jesus said to his disciples: “You are the salt of the earth. But if salt loses its taste, with what can it be seasoned? It is no longer good for anything but to be thrown out and trampled underfoot. You are the light of the world. A city set on a mountain cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and then put it under a bushel basket; it is set on a lampstand, where it gives light to all in the house. Just so, your light must shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your heavenly Father.”
The Gospel of the Lord
R/ Praise to you, Lord Jesus Christ.
Or:
Gospel
Matthew 7:21-27
The house built on rock and the house built on sand.
Jesus said to his disciples: “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the Kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name? Did we not drive out demons in your name? Did we not do mighty deeds in your name?’ Then I will declare to them solemnly, ‘I never knew you. Depart from me, you evildoers.’    “Everyone who listens to these words of mine and acts on them will be like a wise man who built his house on rock. The rain fell, the floods came, and the winds blew and buffeted the house. But it did not collapse; it had been set solidly on rock. And everyone who listens to these words of mine but does not act on them will be like a fool who built his house on sand. The rain fell, the floods came, and the winds blew and buffeted the house. And it collapsed and was completely ruined.”
The Gospel of the Lord
R/ Praise to you, Lord Jesus Christ.
OR: --------
Gospel Matthew 11:25-30 Although you have hidden these things from the wise and the learned, you have revealed them to the childlike.
At that time Jesus exclaimed: “I give praise to you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, for although you have hidden these things from the wise and the learned you have revealed them to the childlike. Yes, Father, such has been your gracious will. All things have been handed over to me by my Father. No one knows the Son except the Father, and no one knows the Father except the Son and anyone to whom the Son wishes to reveal him.    “Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart; and you will find rest for yourselves. For my yoke is easy, and my burden light.”
OR: --------
Gospel Matthew 13:44-46 He sells all that he has and buys that field.
Jesus said to the crowds: “The Kingdom of heaven is like a treasure buried in a field, which a person finds and hides again, and out of joy goes and sells all that he has and buys that field. Again, the Kingdom of heaven is like a merchant searching for fine pearls. When he finds a pearl of great price, he goes and sells all that he has and buys it.”
OR: --------
Gospel Matthew 16:24-27 Whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.
Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. What profit would there be for one to gain the whole world and forfeit his life? Or what can one give in exchange for his life? For the Son of Man will come with his angels in his Father’s glory, and then he will repay each one according to his conduct.”
OR: --------
Gospel Matthew 18:1-5 Unless you turn and become like children, you will not enter the Kingdom of heaven.
The disciples approached Jesus and said, “Who is the greatest in the Kingdom of heaven?” He called a child over, placed it in their midst, and said, “Amen, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will not enter the Kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the Kingdom of heaven. And whoever receives one child such as this in my name receives me.”
OR: --------
Gospel Matthew 19:3-12 For the sake of the Kingdom of heaven.
Some Pharisees approached Jesus and tested him, saying, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any cause whatever?” He said in reply, “Have you not read that from the beginning the Creator made them male and female and said, For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, man must not separate.” They said to him, “Then why did Moses command that the man give the woman a bill of divorce and dismiss her?” He said to them, “Because of the hardness of your hearts Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. I say to you, whoever divorces his wife (unless the marriage is unlawful) and marries another commits adultery.” His disciples said to him, “If that is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry.” He answered, “Not all can accept this word, but only those to whom that is granted. Some are incapable of marriage because they were born so; some, because they were made so by others; some, because they have renounced marriage for the sake of the Kingdom of heaven. Whoever can accept this ought to accept it.”
OR: --------
Gospel Matthew 19:27-29 You who have followed me will receive a hundred times more.
Peter said to Jesus, “We have given up everything and followed you. What will there be for us?” Jesus said to them, “Amen, I say to you that you who have followed me, in the new age, when the Son of Man is seated on his throne of glory, will yourselves sit on twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel. And everyone who has given up houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or lands for the sake of my name will receive a hundred times more, and will inherit eternal life.”
OR: --------
Gospel Matthew 22:34-40 Love the Lord your God and your neighbor as yourself.
When the Pharisees heard that Jesus had silenced the Sadducees, they gathered together, and one of them, a scholar of the law, tested him by asking, “Teacher, which commandment in the law is the greatest?” He said to him, “You shall love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the greatest and the first commandment. The second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. The whole law and the prophets depend on these two commandments.”
OR: --------
Gospel Matthew 25:1-13 Behold, the bridegroom! Come out to meet him!
Jesus told his disciples this parable: “The Kingdom of heaven will be like ten virgins who took their lamps and went out to meet the bridegroom. Five of them were foolish and five were wise. The foolish ones, when taking their lamps, brought no oil with them, but the wise brought flasks of oil with their lamps. Since the bridegroom was long delayed, they all became drowsy and fell asleep. At midnight, there was a cry, ‘Behold, the bridegroom! Come out to meet him!’ Then all those virgins got up and trimmed their lamps. The foolish ones said to the wise, ‘Give us some of your oil, for our lamps are going out.’ But the wise ones replied, ‘No, for there may not be enough for us and you. Go instead to the merchants and buy some for yourselves.’ While they went off to buy it, the bridegroom came and those who were ready went into the wedding feast with him. Then the door was locked. Afterwards the other virgins came and said, ‘Lord, Lord, open the door for us!’ But he said in reply, ‘Amen, I say to you, I do not know you.’ Therefore, stay awake, for you know neither the day nor the hour.”
OR: --------
Gospel Matthew 25:14-30 Since you were faithful in small matters, come, share your master’s joy.
Jesus told his disciples this parable: “A man who was going on a journey called in his servants and entrusted his possessions to them. To one he gave five talents; to another, two; to a third, one– to each according to his ability. Then he went away. Immediately the one who received five talents went and traded with them, and made another five. Likewise, the one who received two made another two. But the man who received one went off and dug a hole in the ground and buried his master’s money. After a long time the master of those servants came back and settled accounts with them. The one who had received five talents came forward bringing the additional five. He said, ‘Master, you gave me five talents. See, I have made five more.’ His master said to him, ‘Well done, my good and faithful servant. Since you were faithful in small matters, I will give you great responsibilities. Come, share your master’s joy.’ Then the one who had received two talents also came forward and said, ‘Master, you gave me two talents. See, I have made two more.’ His master said to him, ‘Well done, my good and faithful servant. Since you were faithful in small matters, I will give you great responsibilities. Come, share your master’s joy.’ Then the one who had received the one talent came forward and said, ‘Master, I knew you were a demanding person, harvesting where you did not plant and gathering where you did not scatter; so out of fear I went off and buried your talent in the ground. Here it is back.’ His master said to him in reply, ‘You wicked, lazy servant! So you knew that I harvest where I did not plant and gather where I did not scatter? Should you not then have put my money in the bank so that I could have got it back with interest on my return? Now then! Take the talent from him and give it to the one with ten. For to everyone who has more will be given and he will grow rich; but from the one who has not even what he has will be taken away. And throw this useless servant into the darkness outside, where there will be wailing and grinding of teeth.’”
OR: --------
Gospel Matthew 25:14-23 Since you were faithful in small matters, come, share your master’s joy.
Jesus told his disciples this parable: “A man who was going on a journey called in his servants and entrusted his possessions to them. To one he gave five talents; to another, two; to a third, one– to each according to his ability. Then he went away. Immediately the one who received five talents went and traded with them, and made another five. Likewise, the one who received two made another two. But the man who received one went off and dug a hole in the ground and buried his master’s money. After a long time the master of those servants came back and settled accounts with them. The one who had received five talents came forward bringing the additional five. He said, ‘Master, you gave me five talents. See, I have made five more.’ His master said to him, ‘Well done, my good and faithful servant. Since you were faithful in small matters, I will give you great responsibilities. Come, share your master’s joy.’ Then the one who had received two talents also came forward and said, ‘Master, you gave me two talents. See, I have made two more.’ His master said to him, ‘Well done, my good and faithful servant. Since you were faithful in small matters, I will give you great responsibilities. Come, share your master’s joy.’”
OR: --------
Gospel Matthew 25:31-46 Whatever you did for the least of my brothers, you did for me.
Jesus said to his disciples: “When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit upon his glorious throne, and all the nations will be assembled before him. And he will separate them one from another, as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will place the sheep on his right and the goats on his left. Then the king will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father. Inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, a stranger and you welcomed me, naked and you clothed me, ill and you cared for me, in prison and you visited me.’ Then the righteous will answer him and say, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? When did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? When did we see you ill or in prison, and visit you?’ And the king will say to them in reply, ‘Amen, I say to you, whatever you did for one of the least brothers of mine, you did for me.’ Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you accursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the Devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me no food, I was thirsty and you gave me no drink, a stranger and you gave me no welcome, naked and you gave me no clothing, ill and in prison, and you did not care for me.’ Then they will answer and say, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or ill or in prison, and not minister to your needs?’ He will answer them, ‘Amen, I say to you, what you did not do for one of these least ones, you did not do for me.’ And these will go off to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.”
OR: --------
Gospel Matthew 25:31-40 Whatever you did for the least of my brothers, you did for me.
Jesus said to his disciples: “When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit upon his glorious throne, and all the nations will be assembled before him. And he will separate them one from another, as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will place the sheep on his right and the goats on his left. Then the king will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father. Inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, a stranger and you welcomed me, naked and you clothed me, ill and you cared for me, in prison and you visited me.’ Then the righteous will answer him and say, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? When did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? When did we see you ill or in prison, and visit you?’ And the king will say to them in reply, ‘Amen, I say to you, whatever you did for one of the least brothers of mine you did for me.’”
OR: --------
Gospel Mark 3:31-35 Whoever does the will of God is my brother and sister and mother.
The mother of Jesus and his brothers arrived. Standing outside they sent word to him and called him. A crowd seated around him told him, “Your mother and your brothers and your sisters are outside asking for you.” But he said to them in reply, “Who are my mother and my brothers?” And looking around at those seated in the circle he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers. For whoever does the will of God is my brother and sister and mother.”
OR: --------
Gospel Mark 9:34-37 Whoever receives such a child as this, receives me.
Jesus’ disciples had been discussing among themselves who was the greatest. Then he sat down, called the Twelve, and said to them, “If anyone wishes to be first, he shall be the last of all and the servant of all.” Taking a child he placed it in their midst, and putting his arms around it he said to them, “Whoever receives one child such as this in my name, receives me; and whoever receives me, receives not me but the One who sent me.”
OR: --------
Gospel Mark 10:13-16 Let the children come to me; do not prevent them.
People were bringing children to Jesus that he might touch them, but the disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw this he became indignant and said to them, “Let the children come to me; do not prevent them, for the Kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Amen, I say to you, whoever does not accept the Kingdom of God like a child will not enter it.” Then he embraced them and blessed them, placing his hands on them.
OR: --------
Gospel Mark 10:17-30 Go, sell what you have, and give to the poor; then come, follow me.
As Jesus was setting out on a journey, a man ran up, knelt down before him, and asked him, “Good teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?” Jesus answered him, “Why do you call me good? No one is good but God alone. You know the commandments: You shall not kill; you shall not commit adultery; you shall not steal; you shall not bear false witness; you shall not defraud; honor your father and your mother.” He replied and said to him, “Teacher, all of these I have observed from my youth.” Jesus, looking at him, loved him and said to him, “You are lacking in one thing. Go, sell what you have, and give to the poor and you will have treasure in heaven; then come, follow me.” At that statement his face fell, and he went away sad, for he had many possessions.    Jesus looked around and said to his disciples, “How hard it is for those who have wealth to enter the Kingdom of God!” The disciples were amazed at his words. So Jesus again said to them in reply, “Children, how hard it is to enter the Kingdom of God! It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for one who is rich to enter the Kingdom of God.” They were exceedingly astonished and said among themselves, “Then who can be saved?” Jesus looked at them and said, “For men it is impossible, but not for God. All things are possible for God.” Peter began to say to him, “We have given up everything and followed you.” Jesus said, “Amen, I say to you, there is no one who has given up house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or lands for my sake and for the sake of the Gospel who will not receive a hundred times more now in this present age: houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with persecutions, and eternal life in the age to come.”
OR: --------
Gospel Mark 10:17-27 Go, sell what you have and give to the poor; then come, follow me.
As Jesus was setting out on a journey, a man ran up, knelt down before him, and asked him, “Good teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?” Jesus answered him, “Why do you call me good? No one is good but God alone. You know the commandments: You shall not kill; you shall not commit adultery; you shall not steal; you shall not bear false witness; you shall not defraud; honor your father and your mother.” He replied and said to him, “Teacher, all of these I have observed from my youth.” Jesus, looking at him, loved him and said to him, “You are lacking in one thing. Go, sell what you have, and give to the poor and you will have treasure in heaven; then come, follow me.” At that statement his face fell, and he went away sad, for he had many possessions.    Jesus looked around and said to his disciples, “How hard it is for those who have wealth to enter the Kingdom of God!” The disciples were amazed at his words. So Jesus again said to them in reply, “Children, how hard it is to enter the Kingdom of God! It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for one who is rich to enter the Kingdom of God.” They were exceedingly astonished and said among themselves, “Then who can be saved?” Jesus looked at them and said, “For men it is impossible, but not for God. All things are possible for God.”
OR: --------
Gospel Luke 6:27-38 Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.
Jesus said to his disciples: “To you who hear I say, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. To the person who strikes you on one cheek, offer the other one as well, and from the person who takes your cloak, do not withhold even your tunic. Give to everyone who asks of you, and from the one who takes what is yours do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you. For if you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do the same. If you lend money to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, and get back the same amount. But rather, love your enemies and do good to them, and lend expecting nothing back; then your reward will be great and you will be children of the Most High, for he himself is kind to the ungrateful and the wicked. Be merciful, just as also your Father is merciful.    “Stop judging and you will not be judged. Stop condemning and you will not be condemned. Forgive and you will be forgiven. Give and gifts will be given to you; a good measure, packed together, shaken down, and overflowing, will be poured into your lap. For the measure with which you measure will in return be measured out to you.”
OR: --------
Gospel Luke 9:57-62 I will follow you wherever you go.
As Jesus and his disciples were proceeding on their journey, someone said to him, “I will follow you wherever you go.” Jesus answered him, “Foxes have dens and birds of the sky have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to rest his head.” And to another he said, “Follow me.” But he replied, “Lord, let me go first and bury my father.” But he answered him, “Let the dead bury their dead. But you, go and proclaim the Kingdom of God.” And another said, “I will follow you, Lord, but first let me say farewell to my family at home.” Jesus said to him, “No one who sets a hand to the plow and looks to what was left behind is fit for the Kingdom of God.”
OR: --------
Gospel Luke 10:38-42 Martha welcomed him. Mary has chosen the better part.
Jesus entered a village where a woman whose name was Martha welcomed him. She had a sister named Mary who sat beside the Lord at his feet listening to him speak. Martha, burdened with much serving, came to him and said, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me by myself to do the serving? Tell her to help me.” The Lord said to her in reply, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and worried about many things. There is need of only one thing. Mary has chosen the better part and it will not be taken from her.”
OR: --------
Gospel Luke 12:32-34 Your Father is pleased to give you the Kingdom.
Jesus said to his disciples: “Do not be afraid any longer, little flock, for your Father is pleased to give you the Kingdom. Sell your belongings and give alms. Provide money bags for yourselves that do not wear out, an inexhaustible treasure in heaven that no thief can reach nor moth destroy. For where your treasure is, there also will your heart be.”
OR: --------
Gospel Luke 12:35-40 You also must be prepared.
Jesus said to his disciples: “Gird your loins and light your lamps and be like servants who await their master’s return from a wedding, ready to open immediately when he comes and knocks. Blessed are those servants whom the master finds vigilant on his arrival. Amen, I say to you, he will gird himself, have them recline at table, and proceed to wait on them. And should he come in the second or third watch and find them prepared in this way, blessed are those servants. Be sure of this: if the master of the house had known the hour when the thief was coming, he would not have let his house be broken into. You also must be prepared, for at an hour you do not expect, the Son of Man will come.”
OR: --------
Gospel Luke 14:25-33 Everyone of you who does not renounce all his possessions cannot be my disciple.
Great crowds were traveling with Jesus, and he turned and addressed them, “If anyone comes to me without hating his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple. Whoever does not carry his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple. Which of you wishing to construct a tower does not first sit down and calculate the cost to see if there is enough for its completion? Otherwise, after laying the foundation and finding himself unable to finish the work the onlookers should laugh at him and say, ‘This one began to build but did not have the resources to finish.’ Or what king marching into battle would not first sit down and decide whether with ten thousand troops he can successfully oppose another king advancing upon him with twenty thousand troops? But if not, while he is still far away, he will send a delegation to ask for peace terms. In the same way, everyone of you who does not renounce all his possessions cannot be my disciple.”
OR: --------
Gospel John 15:1-8 Whoever remains in me, and I in him, will bear much fruit.
Jesus said to his disciples: “I am the true vine, and my Father is the vine grower. He takes away every branch in me that does not bear fruit, and everyone that does he prunes so that it bears more fruit. You are already pruned because of the word that I spoke to you. Remain in me, as I remain in you. Just as a branch cannot bear fruit on its own unless it remains on the vine, so neither can you unless you remain in me. I am the vine, you are the branches. Whoever remains in me and I in him will bear much fruit, because without me you can do nothing. Anyone who does not remain in me will be thrown out like a branch and wither; people will gather them and throw them into a fire and they will be burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask for whatever you want and it will be done for you. By this is my Father glorified, that you bear much fruit and become my disciples.”
OR: --------
Gospel John 15:9-17 You are my friends if you do what I command you.
Jesus said to his disciples: “As the Father loves me, so I also love you. Remain in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and remain in his love.    “I have told you this so that my joy might be in you and your joy might be complete. This is my commandment: love one another as I love you. No one has greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. I no longer call you slaves, because a slave does not know what his master is doing. I have called you friends, because I have told you everything I have heard from my Father. It was not you who chose me, but I who chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit that will remain, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name he may give you. This I command you: love one another.”
OR: --------
Gospel John 17:20-26 I wish that where I am they also may be with me.
Jesus raised his eyes to heaven and said: “Holy Father, I pray not only for these, but also for those who will believe in me through their word, so that they may all be one, as you, Father, are in me and I in you, that they also may be in us, that the world may believe that you sent me. And I have given them the glory you gave me, so that they may be one, as we are one, I in them and you in me, that they may be brought to perfection as one, that the world may know that you sent me, and that you loved them even as you loved me. Father, they are your gift to me. I wish that where I am they also may be with me, that they may see my glory that you gave me, because you loved me before the foundation of the world. Righteous Father, the world also does not know you, but I know you, and they know that you sent me. I made known to them your name and I will make it known, that the love with which you loved me may be in them and I in them.”
The Gospel of the Lord
R/ Praise to you, Lord Jesus Christ.
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new-endings · 4 years
Text
The Nice and Accurate Guide to Courting
Summary: As Hell’s bastard prince, Crowley is expected to wed an Archangel of Heaven’s kingdom to bring peace between the two warring nations.
It really is too bad he only has eyes for his sweet, bastard of a Guide, the Principality Aziraphale, who is dead-set on making sure the engagement happens.
Chapter 3: 
Interlude: A Guide’s Folly and Frustrations
ch1, ch2, ao3
Chapter Summary: In which Aziraphale struggles to find the meaning behind Crowley's exceedingly odd behaviors.
Special thanks to @top-crowley-central, @sadwendigo, @imjustadrummer and of course, @hope-for-snow (dw bby I’ll give you yours next time) for helping me come up with these little courting intricacies!
Aziraphale fought the urge to pace back and forth.
He’s late. Again…
Aziraphale could understand being nervous; he himself was the last person to fault another for such feelings. It was, after all, quite a momentous occasion.
The Angel did his best to set the mood: an abundance of miracled flora sprawling vibrantly over the white walls, the clearance of both his and Crowley’s schedules, and all on a lovely sunset—clouds painted with lovely pinks and blues as the warm, orange twilight bathed the castle in its romantic glow.
Aziraphale ducked his head out from the balcony and his heart caught in his throat—
Ah. Finally.
The prince had arrived.
Aziraphale sighed a breath of relief and smiled to himself as he let his eyes trail over him. Well, doesn’t he look fetching?
Crowley tended to wear darker garb, as was customary for many people in Hell, and while he hadn’t altered that aspect of his wardrobe, he did heed Aziraphale’s light suggestion in wearing something a little more form-fitting… something that accentuated Crowley’s height, his lean body, and elegant lines. And the results were nothing less than spectacular.
Crowley, unfortunately, was making a face far less pleasant to look at.
Or rather he did until he met eyes with Aziraphale; a bright smile graced his lips and Aziraphale gave a little wave back.
Good, Aziraphale thought. What was probably pre-date jitters seemed to melt right off. Aziraphale gave an encouraging grin in return and made a gesture for the prince to get on with it.
Archangel Uriel wasn’t going to stand around at the keep forever.
The prince made a show of rolling his eyes before sauntering towards the awaiting Archangel, her shoulders visibly stiffening at the sign of the prince’s approach.
Holding a breath and uttering a short prayer, Aziraphale forced himself to watch on with apprehensive hope. It was quite difficult to get a hold of any of the Archangels, but with the deleterious prospect of war hanging over their heads, the Archangels were less inclined to deny a Prince of Hell private audience.
Then, it was simply a matter of choosing one that best suited Crowley’s fancy.
Archangel Michael was the most revered of the Archangels: her fortitude in the battlefield earned her place as the Queen’s Right Hand—
—but that being said, she was also terrifying, slain innumerous members of Hells’ army, and in Crowley’s words “a wanker.”
Though Aziraphale sputtered at the last bit, Aziraphale supposed he should count their lucky stars that there were other choices to speak of; Michael, for now, was safely off the table.
Then there’s Archangel Gabriel—
—to which Crowley vetoed outright. “Angel, does it look like I fancy the prospect of going for an early morning jog every damned day for the rest of my life?” And, well…
Aziraphale could hardly fault him for that, now could he?
That left Archangel Uriel.
Calm and steadfast in her mannerisms, Aziraphale felt that out of all the Archangels, Uriel would probably be their best bet in going forward with their Queen’s plan. Sure, she seemed a bit cold. Standoffish, really, and a tad intimidating—but she was also a refined lover of the arts. Something that Crowley (and himself) could greatly appreciate.
There, Aziraphale thought triumphantly. An Archangel who isn’t interested in liquid protein concoctions and an Archangel who you can bring home to without constant threats of assassination for vengeance. Crowley, begrudgingly half-heartedly, agreed.
Oh! They’re conversing! The Angel fought back a delighted sound. He really, really hoped this would go well. He prayed that they’d at least get along. Aziraphale wasn’t naïve—he knew how much of a sacrifice this was for Crowley—for anyone, really. To tie one’s life to another for an end for a conflict, rather than for the simple joy and a promise to live a life together. It was…suboptimal, to say the least. But it must be done and all Aziraphale could do now was hope that Crowley could find both; that this would all work out in the end and that the prince would find himself with a happy marriage and live in an era of peace.
A happily-ever-after.
Aziraphale, with his love of romances and tales, was a Principality to his core. Despite their roles during the wars, Principalities were ultimately made to love.
And oh, how Aziraphale loved love.  
Hope bloomed in his chest as the minutes ticked by. It seemed to be going well enough.
Well enough being the key phrasing here. Neither of them made the efforts to step closer, keeping a sizeable distance as they conversed. It was always difficult to read Archangel Uriel, but with their backs turned, perched on the keep, and Aziraphale only able to observe from a tower balcony, it was impossible to tell the reality of things.
But at least the prince wasn’t flung off across the battlements, so Aziraphale would take that as a small victory. A positive sign.
Or it was, up until Crowley likely made a bad joke, judging from his shaking shoulders and the way the Archangel slowly turned beside him. Aziraphale’s high hopes took a sharp nosedive to the pits of his stomach, a feeling of dread creeping up to within him.
Oh no.
The pair seemed to exchange a few words before the Archangel Uriel turned and walked off, a noticeable haste in her stride, leaving Crowley making a hapless shrug at her exit.
Aziraphale blew out a blustery sigh, mourning the failed attempt. Back to the drawing board. He rushed out of the room, out of the spires, and towards the gardens at their designated meeting place.
And in his rush, he completely overlooked the triumphant grin on Crowley’s face and the pleasant tune he whistled out as he walked off.
.
“That went terribly.”
Aziraphale would have felt much more sympathy had the other even bothered to sound afflicted. “Prince Crowley—”
Slumped down on the stone bench next to him, Crowley rolled his eyes. “Just Crowley, Angel.”
“Your Highness,” Aziraphale continued irately. “What in Hell did you say to her?”
“Nothing,” Crowley replied but Aziraphale could see he was biting back a smile. “I was an utmost gentleman, I assure you.” He gave that same damned smarmy grin again. “Would I lie to you, Angel?”
The very one that made the Angel’s blood boil. “Recent history has proven that, yes, yes you can,” he sniffed. “Quite gleefully, might I add.”
Crowley made a show of pouting, but Aziraphale was not swayed. “Are you ever going to let that go?”
The Angel sent him a flat look. “Not on your life.” No siree. Not after that first humiliating encounter at the hands of Crowley’s deception.
The prince seemed to ruminate this for a while before sighing. “I’m sorry.” Huh. Aziraphale could almost believe that tone. “Honestly, I am. For how it made you feel.” Hesitantly, Aziraphale turned and was met with amber, pleading eyes.
Good grief. Aziraphale shook his head. “Crowley, it’s not my feelings you should be worried about!” He pinched his brows. “If Uriel makes a poor impression out of you, it may prove even more difficult to court—”
“Not exactly what I was apologizing for but,” Crowley paused at the sight of the unimpressed look Aziraphale shot back at him. “Yeah. Sorry about that too, I guess. What can I say? Birds don’t exactly have the best sense of humor.” He smiled to himself, obnoxiously smug. “As recent history has proven.”
Aziraphale let out a gasp. “Crowley!” Gracious, it was like he wanted things to go amuck! “You honestly shouldn’t sound so, so—”
Crowley gave a tilt of his head. “Dinner?” At the mere mention of it, Aziraphale cursed himself for his mood mellowing almost immediately. “To get your mind off it,” the prince continued. He eyed the Angel thoughtfully and Aziraphale fought the urge to squirm under his golden gaze. “There’ll be other opportunities, Angel. For now, let’s just enjoy the night.”
He already stood while Aziraphale uselessly floundered with his options; on the one hand, it would be best to regroup and discuss the meeting with Uriel thoroughly. That first impression seemed to have gone… less-than-ideal, but it was better to learn from the experience and make good use of it. On the other hand, it would be nice to get their minds off this first little misstep. And what better time to regroup than after filling their bellies to further fuel their conversation and ideas?
Crowley looked expectantly at him, hand outstretched to pull the Angel off his seat.
I talked myself into this, didn’t I? “Oh, very well,” he sighed, allowing himself to be whisked away for the night, much to his chagrin and much to Crowley’s glee.
Just like every other night, it would seem.
At least Crowley looked to be in high spirits. “Excellent! Say, how about we try that place with the thin pancakes that you like so much?”
“For the last time, Crowley, they’re crêpes—"
.
If the past few weeks taught Aziraphale one thing, it was that Demons were an astonishingly generous bunch.
Of course, he’s only had a sample size of one thus far, but Aziraphale feels that he’s got the basics down at least.
Crowley had a flair for opulence. Of course, this wasn’t unusual. He’s a prince—but Aziraphale couldn’t help feeling a slight shift as of late. Of course, Aziraphale still wanted to treat the prince as a guest of his kingdom; this often entailed Aziraphale scheduling meetings at lovely sights and monuments around the capital, the fine eateries and haunts Aziraphale frequented and could therefore vouch for in quality, and yes sometimes it would be on Crowley’s coin—
(All right, discounting their first meeting with the oysters, it was always on Crowley’s coin.)
— it seemed as though the prince’s natural desire for luxury eventually won out. Tender, juicy meats cooked to pinked perfection, fresh, flaky fish fillets lusciously seasoned, beds of vibrant and verdant vegetables, and ripe, refreshing fruits, assorted together in the varying styles of each of the four corners of the kingdom, far beyond a standard Principality’s paygrade to dine upon on a regular basis. But it was ever his fortune that as lavish the lifestyle of a prince must live (bordering on extravagance, really), Crowley was always more than willing to indulge Aziraphale’s tastes. He was delightfully thorough and thoughtful to his preferences, indeed.
Having been trained and stationed at the Eastern Gate for so long, Aziraphale’s mouth watered at the flavorings and spices of the North, the fine fragrance of the South’s wines, the luxury and decadence of the West’s desserts. He was quite eager to share them and their rich history, and Crowley…
Well he seemed to be content just to sit there and converse, letting the topic drift anywhere from the best plays that were in the theater to the rambunctious fun Crowley got into as a boy.
And to drink, of course.
Oh… Aziraphale sighed, breathing in the delicious aromas marrying together from the plate before him. The Archangel of his choosing will be surely a lucky one!
Aziraphale valiantly ignored the strange taste in his mouth at the thought. He succeeded with the aid of the lavish meal he dug into. The sea bass was cooked to perfection and paired nicely with the lemon jus and Aziraphale savored each lovely bite. Ah. Bliss.
Unfortunately, it appeared that Crowley didn’t quite agree. He had barely touched his meal and instead laid his elbow on the table ( Poor etiquette, Aziraphale thought; he ought to remind him not to do such a thing in front of an Archangel) with the palms of his hand resting his chin and staring…rather intently at Aziraphale.
The Angel blinked. “Is the food not to your liking, Crowley?”
That seemed to startle him out of whatever reverie he was under. “Hm? Oh, no—no, I mean it’s good. Just…”
“Not hungry?” the Angel offered.
Aziraphale was certain that although the poor dear gave a brisk nod, he was indeed lying. He looked positively starving! Perhaps he just wasn’t one for fish?
“Well that was scrumptious,” Aziraphale sighed, already feeling the day’s stresses dissipate. Still, the matter of the next attempts of wooing should be discussed and Crowley was looking quite famished. Perhaps they could opt for another night in at his quarters. “What are you in the mood for?”
Something flashed in those golden eyes but Aziraphale couldn’t quite put a name on it. “Alcohol. Quite extraordinary amounts of alcohol.”
.
The second thing that the past few weeks taught Aziraphale was that Demons were an incredibly forgetful bunch.
Aziraphale eyed the state of his quarters: various articles of dark clothing strewn about, sashes, scarves, coats, all matters of jewelry, even a bloody diadem just hanging on the post of his bed at one point—
Crowley really ought to take better care of his things. But, Aziraphale learned from the last venture when he had dutifully gathered up the rich cloths and glittering treasures and brought them back—
Only to be met with an…uncomfortable look from the prince and some rubbish about him Having another just like it somewhere in his wardrobe and Save it, would you? For safe keeping.
Whatever that meant.
“Oh! Before my mind slips from me,” Aziraphale said, compliant as ever in reminding Crowley about what else he decided to stow away in the Angel’s quarters. “You forgot your—”
The prince waved off the comment before resuming his regular position on the Angel’s new sofa. “Keep it; I’ve got plenty more at home.”
“Crowley,” the Angel chided. “Your ring? The one bearing your family crest?”
Amber eyes briefly flickered to the item in Aziraphale’s hand, blinking before giving a careless laugh. “Keep it; I’ve got plenty more at home.”
This little— “Oh you…” At the other’s playful grin, he had half a mind to throw it at his companion’s head, if not for sheer propriety holding him by the scruff of his neck. Crowley was a guest after all. “Fine, I shall place it here for safekeeping,” he announced, heading straight to the corner of his room that slowly turning into a prince’s lost-and-found, brimming with the other items Crowley has left and/or given him over the course of a few weeks. Books filled most of the shelves, a feather here, a vase of Imperial Snowdrops there, a constellation of gifts and memorabilia dotting the walls.
“Why not wear it?”
Aziraphale nearly dropped the ring in his hands. Has the alcohol gotten to him already? Aziraphale gave a (breathless) chuckle. “Sorry dear, I don’t think your ring would be a proper fit.” He gave a short demonstration, fitting the band and exhibiting how it stopped at the proximal joint of both his middle and ring finger.
Crowley protested to that immediately. “’course it will.” He gestured for the Angel to come closer and despite the warning signs, Aziraphale sighed and headed over anyways. Taking the Angel’s hand in his own, Crowley gave a bleary-eyed examination before plucking the ring, “Fits right…” and slipping it over Aziraphale’s pinky. “Here!” he deemed with a happy finality.
And it was a perfect fit.
Crowley sat back, looking so pleased with himself that Aziraphale could only answer with a mild, “Oh. I guess it does.” He examined the ring closer under the flickering firelight, fighting the urge to pull away from the warmth of Crowley’s hand still holding his.
It was a pale gold, unlike the dark, muted colors and vibrant reds that accentuated Crowley’s hair and eyes. It glittered, defining the details of a magnificent serpent sinking its fangs to the breast of a ferocious bird of prey. Aziraphale swallowed, suddenly feeling his mouth dry and cheeks flushed.
He looked up to find Crowley staring at him again. He seemed to be doing that quite often as of late.
“Right, then.” Aziraphale didn’t know what to make of the ring, the crest, and why Crowley wanted it on his finger, but he’ll keep it on to appease Crowley. He finally dropped his hand and Aziraphale scurried back to his desk, a pounding in his chest he could only attribute to the wine not pairing well with the fish he had earlier.
Thankfully, Crowley didn’t comment on the matter any further. Instead, what he did choose to comment on was much worse.
“Of course. I leave my feathers here after relaxing my poor, aching wings, and you use the primaries as—a quill?”
Aziraphale, paused, looking down, He was, indeed, using one of Crowley’s abandoned plumes as a quill. The Angel huffed. “You said to do what I want with them—especially after you begged me not to throw them out.” It wouldn’t do to have loose-lipped maids discovering that the prince was molting from finding the evidence in the trash and he couldn’t very well chuck them in the fireplace.
They were fireproof after all.
Crowley made a face. “I didn’t beg.”
It was Aziraphale’s turn to roll his eyes. “Right, dear. And I’m the one molting right now.”
“’m not molting!” he defended (rather poorly, in Aziraphale’s opinion). “’Just. Not acclimated to the weather here. That’s all.” He stretched the magnificent wings out, causing Aziraphale to startle at the large wingspan. “See? Does that look like a mess of molting to you?”
They weren’t. Either that, or Crowley was among the few birds that could molt gracefully without looking like a plucked chicken.  
Aziraphale bit back a smile. “No. I suppose not.” By the Queen herself, Crowley’s wings were gorgeous. Blacker than night, not a feather out of place despite how many he seemed to lose whenever he brought them out in Aziraphale’s quarters.
“Hey, Angel?” Aziraphale turned from his chair, glancing over to where Crowley was perched on the sofa. “Let’s see yours.”
Aziraphale wasn’t even aware he was making a face until Crowley pouted.
“C’mon give it a go. I’ve shown you mine already,” Crowley bargained. “It’s only fair.”
This time Aziraphale knew exactly what kind of face he was making. It was one that lead the petulant prince to pout at him.
The third little oddity—err, quirk he had noticed about his sample size of One, was that Demons could be…oddly affectionate.
At least, by Angel standards.
The sharing of feathers, the demand request to see his wings—
All quite…intimate things to do, but nothing out of the ordinary for close friends and families; a gift of feathers from one of a different flock was a declaration of forming new bonds, an act of adopting an outsider or joining as a family.
It made…for a strange warmth at the pit of Aziraphale’s belly and before it even fully registered, a flurry of white enclosed his peripheral vision.
They were smaller than Crowley’s. Not by much, mind you, but longer; he was made for gliding, soaring, rather than the wings of agile flyers like Crowley’s were.
And as such—they were also a terrible pain to preen.
“Don’t you ever take care of them?” Crowley gave a long once-over to each folded wing as he sat up. “Poor things look like they haven’t been groomed in ages.”
“Yes, well,” Aziraphale started, folding up his wings self-consciously. “I suppose it has been a while,” he murmured, tracing along a primary. Too long, really, since he’d had a partner to preen him. A partner to preen for. He beat back the unpleasant feeling as he cleared his throat. “I’m sure your staff keeps your wings well maintained, but not everyone—”
“They don’t.”
Aziraphale blinked. “Oh, but…” He stumbled. “Your family must—”
At that, Crowley gave a bitter laugh. “Pfft. Nah.” He gave a meaningful look to the Angel and his ruffled wings, and to his own, lovely pair. “I wouldn’t let them touch a feather.”
But whatever meaning it was, Aziraphale couldn’t understand.
 ..............................
Crowley didn’t know whether to thank his lucky stars or curse them to his kingdom and back for making the Angel so thick.
He’d watch on, unabashedly trailing his gaze from the way that soft, pink mouth opened and closed around every morsel of food, to the way his eyes fluttered shut, from way the Angel gave an enticing little wiggle as he savored each and every bite, to the polite and delicate way he dabbed at the corners of his mouth with the napkin.
The prince, with his food long forgotten, found that he’d much rather make a meal out of this delectable Angel instead.
Crowley never thought of himself as a glutton for punishment, but watching Aziraphale indulge and sigh in honeyed bliss gnawed at the chains of his control to not simply take the Angel by the hand and lead him somewhere nice, dark, and far away from prying ears just to hear what else Crowley could do to elicit such wanton sounds from that sweet, sweet mouth.
Crowley shook those thoughts from his head; it wouldn’t do well to be this aroused during one of their meetings. Not with Aziraphale insisting that he wear something a little too tight around the trousers—
—but ah those coy looks trailing over his form from the Angel himself was too difficult to ignore. Perhaps he’ll wear similar garb more often and hopefully speed up this entire ordeal of courting in the process.
And ordeal was putting it lightly.
Angels, from the sounds of it, needed far more reassurance of compatibility before initiating acts of courtship, hence why Aziraphale was there to give some insider-details of the Archangels’ follies and fancies. It absolutely would not do to initiate acts of courting without due introduction and shared interests.
Demons, however, tended to gauge all that through acts of courting.
It’s not uncommon for the two to share meals and outings together, even if it ended with Aziraphale giving him a tour of the kingdom. In the beginning, Crowley preferred those days the most since he gets to see Aziraphale in his most natural element: enjoying himself. But other times, the Guide’s sense of duty breaks through and Aziraphale will begin with such nonsense like “Oh Michael’s swordsmanship is legendary, but she has quite the affinity for spears as of late, so for a courting gift—” and other such useless topics. These were the times that regrettably reminded Crowley that he’s here to wed one of those wankers instead.
So, Crowley often deflected, steered the conversation away from unsavory waters, and navigated them towards more pleasant shores by innocently asking, “Right, good, but do you like the North’s dessert wines or do you prefer the South’s reds?”
Of course, Aziraphale will naturally start another hour or so lecture about why nothing beats the Southern reds.
And some nights, Aziraphale will find a nice bottle of Southern red and Crowley is duly repaid with a sunshine smile and his Angel in a happy mood the next day.
Using that same method, Crowley gathered all sorts of interests from the Principality; from his preferences of bygone authors and poets, to the locations of his favorite bouquets of rare Imperial Snowdrops, to which shops baked the sweetest cakes and other delicacies.
A fine ordeal, courting. But Crowley didn’t mind it.
When it came of official courtships, jewelry was traditional, but outright presenting them to the Angel was tricky; he couldn’t very well offer them as payment for his guidance and company as Aziraphale wasn’t took keen on adorning himself, save for a few choice items. So, Crowley did the next best thing: he took to leaving them in the Angel’s little nest instead. An armband here, a bracelet there, and Crowley chuckled at the memory of the Angel carefully wrapping his own diadem before presenting it back to the prince with a pinched look. My dear, I know you’re a bit scatterbrained, but please don’t leave such treasures in my room where I can be easily accused of stealing.
Let them know they’re gifts, Crowley strongly hinted suggested, but Aziraphale made that familiar downturn of his lips that let Crowley know that his “joke” wasn’t appreciated. He took back the headpiece and a few choice items. Obsidian blacks and bloody rubies were hardly Aziraphale’s style anyways.
Books, as scarce as they were in Hell, were Aziraphale’s favorite weakness. He’d never refuse such a rare gem for his collection, so Crowley had taken to sending requests from couriers with the implication that they were being utilized in the name of courtly love. And that was their designated purpose, but decidedly not in the way that would please the King, the next-in-line, nor the entirety of his own damned kingdom—but sharing that bit of information wasn’t necessary.
Wining and dining were a staple in all cultures across the lands, but it was especially appealing for Demons to seek a mate that could provide for them (and Crowley could, would, and was proving this aspect quite thoroughly) and it was nothing short of instinctively pleasing to know Crowley could nourish and sate his future mate to his heart’s content.
Not only that, but since food and drink were consumables, there’d be little evidence of the existence of said courting to point a finger at. Other Birds wouldn’t bat an eye if a prince went out to dine at expensive restaurants and demanded the finest of wines and liquor—oh, for him and his companion? Well he’s a prince after all, he can’t settle for anything less. It was perfect, really. Crowley’s preferred method of courting for this very reason.
Another bite of his meal and his Angel moaned, face enraptured, absolute ecstasy painting across his features. Crowley carefully adjusted himself in his seat.
Among other reasons.
By Crowley’s standards, his Bird was thoroughly courted—
But for better or worse, Aziraphale hadn’t noticed it at all. It seemed that they were on very separate wavelengths when it came to matters of the heart.
Which was really such a damned shame because Crowley, on the other hand, was growing restless and his senses going wild.
Wild in the sense that if he didn’t see Aziraphale at least once that day, his instincts itched and gnawed at him from the marrow of his bones to ensure Aziraphale’s safety; in the sense that he was becoming in tune with the Angel’s needs—It’s lunch time and he should be peckish by now, He’s brooding, Angels aren’t supposed to brood at least not mine something’s wrong and I need to fix it, He’s hardly sleeping and is probably up all night reading those novellas I sent him last week so maybe we should schedule our meeting later in the morning; in the sense that it drove him absolutely mad that he was not able to scent himself on Aziraphale—because if he can’t claim him, then anyone else could just as easily walk by and snatch his little Bird up—
Wild in that sense.
His thoughts were plagued with it and Crowley grew antsier by the day. There were some things he could intercede on behalf of his own sanity, at least.
Although he couldn’t very well scent Aziraphale’s form, his Bird’s little nest was helping soothe that ache. It was cluttered with shelves and collections upon collections of tomes, tales, diaries, and journals and most importantly— cluttered with things of Crowley.
His coats still hung by the rack, his pendant at the side of Aziraphale’s desk; wraps and cloths were strewn over by a chair, folded neatly on a shelf, inside a drawer that contained a variety of Aziraphale’s own outerwear, soft golds of bangles and rings tucked neatly away in a small chest within the trunk at the foot of Aziraphale’s bed—
Even his feathers.
The first time Crowley had been given entry to Aziraphale’s quarters, he was ever-so-fortunate that Aziraphale had been distracted with hunting down a bottle of fine wine to share when those bloody vestigial appendages popped from his back, leaving several feathers in its wake.
Crowley did the only thing one could do at the time—aside from panic: sprawl himself over the sofa and take a nice, big, stretch.
When Aziraphale returned with a vintage bottle, he gave one raised brow at the Demon. Making yourself comfortable, I see?
Crowley barely tilted his pillowed head from the outdated cushions. I’m trying but, this thing’s so ancient, it might disintegrate if so much as twitch.
(As a small aside, there was no way Hastur and Ligur believed him when he used his own coin to replace the battered old thing with something more opulent—something sturdier. All because the legs collapsed after Crowley gave one, hearty sneeze. They had sneered and mocked, rudely implicating that the causal activity likely had been a bit more rigorous to break the sofa.)
It seemed customary now; every time Crowley so much as set foot in Aziraphale’s nest, the night-black wings would manifest without fail. Crowley didn’t know if this was some sort of deeply rooted predisposition left over from their origins as Angels. He just hoped he wouldn’t find himself doing some idiotic mating dance next that consisted of flapping his useless wings around.
But Aziraphale didn’t seem to mind. In fact, he was being a bastard and teased him about his little molting issue.
Which it isn’t!
Crowley, please collect your feathers.
Daft bird. What am I going to do with my own feathers?
Well. what am I supposed to do with them?
Make a cozy pillow or something. Anything’s better than this stiff rock, he had said with a wide gesture to the array of cushions Crowley haphazardly displaced.
He’d meant for that to be a joke, but he quickly warmed to the mental image of Aziraphale curled up to a pillow made of his own down.
The Angel could say what he liked about the issue; so long as he finds use for those feathers. It just seemed. Right, somehow. Even if it was currently being utilized as a writing tool—delicately held in Aziraphale’s plump hands, well-manicured fingers tapping and twirling the plume, the absent-minded brush of the pen against his mouth as he contemplated something— Crowley wouldn’t complain.
In fact, he couldn’t say much of anything as he watched.  
.
Surprisingly, it was Aziraphale that took heed of the last little courting gesture. One that Crowley hadn’t even realized he’d been doing.
Since the little sofa incident, Hastur and Ligur had transitioned from merely ribbing him of the time he spent with Aziraphale to outright stalking them. Every so often, he’d catch a whiff of brimstone and find the pair staring back at him unabashedly. It made Crowley downright uneasy, knowing that they were tracking his movements, their activities.
Who knows what they’d report back to Hell…
Aziraphale was less perturbed by the whole thing. They’re your footmen, Crowley. Shouldn’t you be glad they’re actually doing their jobs for once?
But he relented under Crowley’s insistence that they meet at obscure areas and then head out for the day. Of course he had to deal with the Angel’s insistence that this is ludicrous! but Crowley won him over in the end.
He always does.
Getting Aziraphale to meet him at the designated destinations had been an ordeal of its own, however. It took quite a few trials and errors, but Crowley thought they had a pretty good system down by now. They’d already made four rendezvous points at this time, and it was going swimmingly—
Even if the Angel couldn’t remember between the bandstand (4th rendezvous point) and the national library storeroom (the 2nd).
Hastur and Ligur—as well as any other Demons that came aboard with him, were out of sight for the past week. Still, that did little to ease the anxiety slowly coalescing within him. He’d taken to surveying the area, half an ear attending to whatever his Angel was prattling on about, another honed on dark whispers, covert murmurs, and listening for telltale wheezy little laughs.
He didn’t know if Hastur and Ligur had more contacts, if people started talking and speculating about how much time he spent with this particular Angel. Sure, he can spin the tale justifiably since Aziraphale was ultimately his Guide to the kingdom, but sooner or later, people will be demanding results and progression towards his wooing to an Archangel and by then, Crowley will either need to have won Aziraphale over or—
“Crowley, could you please stop that?”
He startled, turning to the Angel. Aziraphale sighed and tugged him towards a quieter street and away from the throngs of people.
After taking a few lefts and the crowds walking by thinned down, Aziraphale forced the prince to look straight at him. He gave an annoyed huff, but there was no mistaking the worry in those stormy eyes. “You were making me dizzy.”
Crowley blinked. “What?”
There was a stern frown set upon the Angel’s lips now. “Did you even hear a word I was saying?”
A quick scan through rote memory and: “The musical. Yes. The Archangels will be there.” Right. That was why his Angel was wearing new attire: a coat, vest, and trousers of soft creams and off-whites—different from his usual robes. “You were showing me to the theater.”
Aziraphale nodded, suppressing a shudder. “Yes. The…Sound of Music.” He made a face like he had just sampled an under-seasoned cut of steak. “Gabriel’s favorite.”
Crowley grimaced. Ah. That. Archangel…romance-business.
“Yes; honestly not my favorite production but—there you go again!” Aziraphale gestured about him. “Kettling as we speak—”
“Kettling,” Crowley spat, heavily in denial though he halted his movements and…was altogether unsure exactly how he went from being right in front of Aziraphale to standing just by his left. Right. “Ridiculous—”
His Guide shot him an exasperated look. “Circling, then. Stop it, you’re making me feel like—prey.” Aziraphale raised a brow at the convulsion of emotions that just flashed through the prince’s face. “Crowley, is everything all right?”
The prince snorted, none-too-delicately. “Fine. Just…fine.” Prey?
For Go—Sa—for someone’s sake.
He really didn’t get it, did he?
“No, not just, Crowley,” Aziraphale started, patiently. “You’ve been acting all out of sorts for the past few weeks. It’s been worrying me.”
Crowley fought back a wince. “It’s—”
Nothing, really. I’m just upset and bloody hormonal because I can’t scent you, I can’t mark you, I can’t let anyone know you’re mine, and now I’m paranoid that my own men are going to turn against me because I’ve went and decided that I’m simply gone for you.
But obviously, he couldn’t say all that. Not now. Not yet. “The, uh. Situation’s finally gotten to me, is all.” Crowley gave a swallow at the confused look on the Angel’s face. “I’m not used to it. The responsibility. It makes me...anxious,” he ended.
“Oh dear…” Bless—curse this Bird for his cloud-puff soft heart and pleading eyes. “I thought you were adjusting so well.”
“Not your fault, Angel,” Crowley muttered. “New territory, too. Being in Heaven, that is. Can’t help but feel uneasy.”
Tentatively, Aziraphale reached for arm and Crowley wanted to take his hands again, just like that night under the stars weeks ago. Instead, Crowley let it hang limp as the Angel gave a comforting pat.
“My dear, I may not have my sword anymore, but you needn’t worry.” He gave a small, encouraging smile. “I promise to protect you.”
At that tender declaration, Crowley’s brain temporarily short circuited, causing him to trip over his own two feet.
“Crowley!”
That felt like final nail in the coffin: he’s so deep in love to the point it’s physically ruining him and his reputation.
.............................................
Crowley was late. Again.
And when Crowley was late, it never ended very well for Aziraphale and his best-laid plans.
“Well, well.” A Demon stood before him, blocking entrance from the West Wing where Crowley and the rest of his legion resided. Dark hair and complexion with fiery eyes. Ligur.  
“If it isn’t the Guide,” another called out from behind the Angel, effectively blocking the exit. An unnatural pallor framing dark, dark eyes; Hastur, then.
Aziraphale had no time for this. He cleared his throat. “Hello, gentlemen. Is Prince Crowley ready?”
He turned to see Ligur shoot a knowing smile to his companion. “Off to another affair?” he asked, ignoring Aziraphale’s question entirely. Okay. Fine.  
The Angel decided to play along. “We’re meeting in regards to the progression of—”
“Right, right…” Hastur muttered dismissively. He inched closer to the Angel with a toothy grin. “Say, he is wooing an Archangel, right?”
Aziraphale tried very hard not to give him a look that would have implied insult to his intelligence. “Yes, of course. That’s what I’m here for—”
“Just making certain that things are going according to plan,” Ligur assured with a complacent smile.
Yet something behind that tone made Aziraphale think twice about his intentions. “Yes. No hitches or road bumps,” Hastur added with a smirk at the way the Angel stiffened as he came up behind him.
“No…distractions,” Ligur added with an intimidating step forward.
Oh dear.
No wonder Crowley preferred spending time over at Aziraphale’s quarters if this was what he had to put up with. He nodded primly despite his mounting annoyance. “Quite right, gentlemen. I’m sure you’ll be relieved to know that things are progressing as expected, and that the Prince will be meeting with Archangel—”
“Oh good, good.” Ligur gave another shared smile with his Demonic mate. “Delightful to hear.”
“Yes,” Hastur nodded perceptively. “Especially since the prince has been exhibiting, well,” he gave a vague gesture. “You know…”
“Hastur,” his companion admonished with a scheming grin. “Careful, now. We wouldn’t want word to get out.”
That gave Aziraphale pause. “Word?” Was something wrong with Crowley? “Exhibiting what, exactly?”
Hastur gave a mocking gasp. “Oh, you haven’t noticed?”
“The prince has been exhibiting a few…peculiar behaviors of late, hasn’t he?” Ligur prodded.
Before Aziraphale could refute, deny, or even concede, Hastur answered for him. “Indeed, he has. Tell me, Bird,” he said, turning to Aziraphale with a blade-sharp smile. “Do you know how Demons court?”
Aziraphale didn’t know what to make of that question; it certainly never crossed his mind that courting differed between their two kingdoms. “I’m sure just the same as anyone else.” After all, love was Her creation. It shouldn’t vary so much…
Right?
Ligur gave a thoughtful hum, kettling—but this time, leaving Aziraphale feeling exactly like prey. “Not exactly. Not how you Birds court.” His eyes flashed with humor. “No preamble, no pussyfooting. Straight to the meat of the matter, as it were.”
“The courting itself is a means of gauging compatibility,” Hastur added, circling clockwise to his partner’s counter. “Gifts, usually food and jewelry.” He gave a pointed look to the ring on Aziraphale’s finger. “And other preferences,” he added with a furtive smirk.
The tartan bowtie Aziraphale had eyed yesterday at a shop and found neatly packaged in the middle of his bed suddenly felt tight around Aziraphale’s throat.  
Were they implying—
No. That’s…that can’t be, that’s—
Preposterous.
They must be messing with him. Playing him for a sucker. Ugh. It was no wonder Crowley could barely tolerate their presence. They were proving exceedingly poor company. Still, Aziraphale plastered on a placid smile. “Well! Then it seems our sessions have been fruitful!” His smile widened as the two paused in their movements, a few inches away from a full-on collision. “Crowley is ready to court, it would seem.”
There was a cruel smile etched on Ligur’s face. “Oh, I do believe you’re right, Angel.”
Aziraphale didn’t outwardly flinch. It was the same word Crowley had repeatedly called him; it was what he was, an Angel of the Queen, down to his very core of being. Yet somehow, it sounded so wrong coming from this Demon’s lips.
And he really didn’t want to stay there any longer. “Right. In that case, with the air cleared, please let me through. I do believe we’re running a tad behind schedule now.”
Hastur pulled to the side, the maw of the West Wing entrance left open to him. “By all means, don’t let us keep you.”
Aziraphale gave curt nod of thanks before heading off.
“Yes, and oh,” Ligur called after him. “Send Prince Crawley our best wishes.”
At that, Aziraphale stopped. He swiveled around and marched straight towards the grinning pair. He shook his head. “Goodness, what a noisy lot you are. And to address your prince as such?” He crossed his arms, a bite of authority in his tone. They may be guests but that didn’t mean they had free reign to do as they pleased. “Have you no tact? We’re all working on the same side, here! And your prince is making a noble effort for peace. That ought to deserve some respect from his men.”
At that, the façade cracked, even for just a second. “The same side,” Ligur sneered. “What do you think this is about, hm?” He took a step forward, surprised to find that Aziraphale held little to no fear in his eyes. “Have you no brains, little Bird?” Merely contempt.
“Leave him be,” Hastur admonished. “He’ll find out soon enough.”
The Angel wisely paid little heed to that statement; probably another taunt to rile him up again. “Hmph.” Aziraphale narrowed his eyes but turned all the same. “I bid you two gentlemen a good night.”
“Good night, Principality Aziraphale,” Ligur intoned with a mocking, sweeping bow.
The pair watched as the Angel made his way through the halls and to the Prince’s quarters, his footsteps echoing all the while.
Then, somewhere in the distance, an echoed, “Oh. Angel! You’re here already?”
“Yes, we need to be there by dusk, I told you this already!”
“Ah, right, right…”
Hastur gave a raspy chuckle. “Rather feisty, isn’t he?” There was a cruel upturn of his lips. “I can see why Prince Crawley has his eye on him.”
.
The carriage ride to the theater was a silent one. Mostly because Crowley was sulking at the prospect of spending the next few hours listening to inane singing, earworm-inducing tunes, and approaching yet another Archangel by his own Angel’s design.
For Aziraphale, the ride over was a rather pensive one.
He couldn’t help but replay their words, blood burning beneath his skin at their blatant disrespect and insinuations. But…that disconcerting meeting might have given Aziraphale insight and an answer to all of Crowley’s strange behavior.
But was it true? Was Crowley truly exhibiting courtship behaviors?
Was he ready to take the next step?
He couldn’t tell for sure. After all, Crowley was right in saying that his footmen were a wretched bunch, though they were lenient enough to let him do he pleased so long as he got himself out of trouble. Aziraphale knew that logically, he shouldn’t pay heed to them. Surely, Aziraphale would notice by now if Crowley had been showing signs of interest, signs of love—
He was a Principality, after all.
“Penny for your thoughts, Angel?” Aziraphale turned to see Crowley, once more slumped over in his seat. Goodness, can’t he sit straight for once?
“Careful, dear,” Aziraphale warned with a smile. “In for a penny, in for a pound, as they say.”
He gave a teasing grin. “Brooding, then?”
“What—no,” Aziraphale assured. “Just. Reflective.”
Crowley nodded. “Ah. So you are brooding.” He gave a chuckle at the derisive snort he received in turn. Golden eyes flickered from the Angel’s face to his vestments. “You’re wearing it, I see.”
“Oh.” Aziraphale straightened the bow with a pleased smile. “Yes, it’s lovely. Thank you.”
Crowley cleared his throat. “Think nothing of it. I think I did the tailor a favor, taking that thing off his hands. Really, Angel? Tartan?”
“It’s stylish,” Aziraphale countered. “And I adore it.”
An indulgent smile made its way to Crowley’s lips as he leaned back in his seat, looking quite accomplished with himself.
Aziraphale nearly let out a gasp.
It finally clicked into place. The gifts, the food, the books--! It all made so much sense now. And Aziraphale was frustrated that he couldn’t see it sooner. That he couldn’t help Crowley sooner.
Crowley was obviously exhibiting courtship behaviors to see how Aziraphale would react to it! That way he could gauge how an Angel would respond to the practices before displaying them in front of his intended Archangel!
It was brilliant, really! The marriage of two cultures shouldn’t just be Crowley forced into the traditions of Angels, but a collaboration between two courtship efforts!
It was…decidedly odd. But Crowley was an imaginative and decidedly odd Demon to begin with.
Still… Aziraphale thought. Practice…for courtship?
It was beyond odd—it was mad. But perhaps it’s just imaginative enough to work.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Aziraphale: Pure of heart. Dumb of ass. I’m sorry, Crowley. The light in your sky, the love of your life, is a moron.
Shout out to Binging with Babish’s “Jurassic Park’s Chilean Sea Bass” recipe.  
Also vultures, do not in fact, circle their prey.
I am so sorry for this mess lmao
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purkinje-effect · 4 years
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Nuka-Cherry
Ours Is the Kingdom, Chapter 4. Go to previous. Go to next. A little wasteland catechesis.
“For the life of the flesh is in the blood: and I have given it to you upon the altar to make an atonement for your souls: for it is the blood that maketh an atonement for the soul.”--Leviticus 17:11
Nineteen years ago
In order to investigate a rumor he’d heard at the Brass Lantern, August paused his jobs for those in Megaton and Girdershade to venture North a ways. The hematophagous protectors of Arefu could be the first truly omnivorous settlement he would encounter since moving to the Capital Wastes three years ago. The possibility he could have a place among them precipitated a visit. Asking around the settlement, which stood atop a section of still-standing overpass, yielded unnerved aversion from its inhabitants, but they were not shy to direct him to a place called Meresti.
Deep in the prewar tunnels had once run high-speed passenger subway trains. The damp, decaying walls felt like home already. Now, the metro station housed those who called themselves the Family, who knew of his arrival before he even reached the track-riddled bowels in which they resided. Their leader, Vance, was in his forties, with short dark purple hair and the palest skin he’d witnessed of anyone outside Appalachia. Wearing a leather duster, he stood watch over his adoptive brood from the balcony which overlooked the metro station’s lobby, stern, distant, and ever wary.
Vance already long since knew a great deal about the gangling dark-haired eighteen-year-old, and spoke with him as though a relative he had not seen since the boy was too small to remember him. He knew August had come to speak with someone about the Craving, and they conversed at length regarding the Five Laws of the Family. Ultimately, he left the decision up to August, whether to move in with them, and adopt their ways. As with all who sought shelter among the tunnels of Meresti, their leader sent him to reflect in isolation for three days, with the promise of his guidance if he accepted their ways as his own. In his guest room, he reflected upon his conversation with Vance, and did his best to determine whether belonging both to the Family and the Children of Atom were identities in opposition.
He worked his way in reverse through their tenets, observing a form of catechesis similar to that which he underwent when he first joined the Children. At the very least, the exercise could hone for him his connection with his faith.
The Fifth Law: Kill not our kindred: slay only our enemy. This is our justice.
He could rationalize the respect and unity in not killing Family out of anger or revenge. To not kill one another in any way, though. Confessor Cromwell and Mother Maya both preached the glory of the day Atom--Megaton’s eponymous bomb--would send them all to Division. He’d visited the Apostles of the Holy Light the year before, in the misguided expectation they too might follow the divination of Mothman. The Acolytes of Eternal Light had descended from the original Cult of the Mothman which had inhabited the Lucky Hole almost two hundred years ago. The Apostles, however, were Children who had broken away from Megaton. They believed in purposefully irradiating themselves, gradually, rather than awaiting a single great act of irradiation such as Megaton’s eventual detonation--and that diligent irradiation could bestow ghoulishness upon the faithful. To them, ghouls were the Exalted, angelic agents standing as proof Heaven was the Earth in the wake of the Great War’s Rapture. Their ultimate goal in faith was to remain on Earth as long as possible and serve Atom, past humanity and on to ghoulishness for centuries. Megaton’s Children revered ghouls, such as the bartender’s assistant in Moriarty’s Saloon, but Apostles regarded all ghouls with steep reverence, believing non-feral ghouls’s erratic behaviors and rasping diced language to bear the flame-tongue of Atom which no human can parse.
He very often stifled the desire to slay those who disrespected Gob. The ghoul was only doing his best, and it maddened August to know the ghoul had been bought out of slavery into his current position under Colin Moriarty’s management. Surely, there had to be a better lot for Gob. Maybe the Children, or the Apostles, could amass enough tithes to buy him from Moriarty, and free him altogether...
Since his separation from the Acolytes of Eternal Light, he’d struggled to find any alignment with others’ faith, scavenging bits and pieces from larger movements and amending them to his own. Atom’s path thus far shined brightest to him: Surely, Mothman forever chased Atom’s holy light. To him, also, the vessel was just as vital as the world-soul it contained, a physical manifestation of the galaxy he’d cultivated. He could come to emit the same light he sought in the world, if only he could cement his purpose and faith. In his baptism by Quantum at the bottling facility, he’d accepted Nuka-Cola would be his eventual portent of the great things he knew Atom had in store for him. Perhaps sooner, rather than later, Atom would send him a sign.
Ultimately, he decided it was right that only those who deserved to die, should die, and that lust killing should be consensual. That didn’t mean he couldn’t enjoy the act--simply that the act needed to serve explicit purpose. He needed to remember to ask Vance whether consuming Family, especially fallen Family, was against their ways. Raised an Acolyte of Eternal Light, he was no stranger to finding food wherever possible, and in many occasions it was the highest honor for them to preserve kindred in such a mode of self-sacrifice. They wasted nothing, not even each other. If it was not by Atom’s guiding hand, the only death he found righteous was for protection of the innocent or himself, or for sole sake of sustenance. It wasn’t up to him when a person’s world-soul might disperse its galaxies.
The Fourth Law: Seek not the sun’s light; embrace only the shadows. This is our refuge.
To find refuge in the dark only served to contrast the Light. August supposed that such an asceticism which could heighten one’s appreciation and acuity for even the smallest Light. The darkness had been as familiar as another relative in his childhood, as his first family had lived deep in the bowels of the West Virginia mine known as the Lucky Hole. Noticing even dim lights, the slightest presage, came easily in such an acclimation. Bright lights did hurt his eyes... and many of his fellow Brothers and Sisters in Atom did find it unusual that he tended to worship in the bomb’s wellspring at night rather than during the day.
He could find peace in the reflected light of a full moon.
The Third Law: Feed not for pleasure; partake only to nourish. This is our dignity.
He wondered whether indulgence could be divided in such a way. The flesh had needs, and pleasure was a need. The Acolytes had always taught this, and it been an uncomfortable patch of adjusting to the meek ways of the Children. He could see dignity in abstaining from killing solely for sport, but no dignity in denying oneself due sustenance or denying oneself the satisfaction in it. He earned his meals, worked hard for them. And he should savor them.
Some needs held priority over others--and pleasure. Pleasure of every kind did seem to him the greatest obeisance one could make to the Eternal Light. It was pleasurable, to act on its behalf, to add to his world-soul, to become the greatest galaxy he could in his lifetime; pleasurable, to savor adding those unworthy of their world-souls to his own. And it was pleasurable, to admire what his faith had given him, to worship what Atom had made of him... like the limb that following Moira Brown’s guidance, alongside that of the Confessor, had bestowed upon him.
As with the fifth law, he understood the difference between murder and killing. The Children made no room for either. They made sharp distinction between self-preservation and self-defense... and denied themselves a majority of pleasures altogether.
The Second Law: Bear not the child; welcome only the exile. This is our fate.
With August’s predispositions, this preclusion would be the least trying law to live by, and the simplest to understand the logic behind. He’d once heard the aphorism, that the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.
Blood, thicker than water.
Consanguinity. Through condition, not through breeding.
The Acolytes and the Children both upheld this ideal. Virtue and ideal offered magnitudes beyond mere birth rite.
Only just recently eighteen, August only had a few years’ personal understanding of coitus. He had asked Vance whether abstaining from fathering children meant a total abstinence. The Family’s father figure had replied in affirmation, that they did not self-populate, but were not expressly celibate. They did not force induction through marriage, and did everything it could to avoid passing down the Craving through lineage. August simply was forbidden from fathering children in this law, but Vance had every enthusiasm for welcoming anyone with the Craving into the Family, as a sibling, or a cousin, or even an avaunt or parental figure. The Family sustained itself solely through adoption, regardless of the familial role an individual came to fulfill.
The Family existed to accept the forsaken and afflicted, and help them overcome their shame. In recent years, while it had made them somewhat less of a secret to the Capital Wastes, they’d found greater purpose in protecting Arefu. They did not consider Arefu or Meresti a holy ground, yet protected both inexhaustibly. Megaton and the Lucky Hole were holy, were they not? He’d protected them. He could defend Arefu and Meresti in kind, if they would have him... and perhaps, in effect, come to understand their sanctity. Though, he wondered whether he’d ever find anyplace that felt as vastly holy as Appalachia, or as potently holy as the crater.
The First Law: Feast not on the flesh; consume only the blood. It is our strength.
While he could make broad peace with the other four tenets, the first and greatest roiled in his heart. For the first two days of his isolation, he’d worked his way ascending and descending the rules of this refuge to exhaustion, trying to find an understanding for how the Family might justifiably live in such a way. Here, again, it beset him in a grimace as he lay back on the bare mattress in thought.
Within his cobbled-together faith, he had found his most current definition for the Craving which had compelled him since childhood. The world-soul resided in the blood, and he could appreciate an ideology which upheld its sanctity. Consuming blood consumed the world-soul, added its constellations and systems to one’s own galaxies, the sacred geometry of strangeness, charm, and nobility. To waste blood was unspeakable.
Yet, Vance had told him, consumption of the flesh is unclean. Filthy. Humans treat us like animals when we consume their flesh. We are not animals. We are the Family. We do not eat the flesh of those we kill for food.
He had been raised in a holistic fashion. Waste nothing. Use everything. The Acolytes of Eternal Light had taught him to tan, to butcher, to cook and preserve. If one had to kill, or if one had to die, if at all it could be helped the life taken should not be in vain.
Unlike the Savage Divide, such meats were a rarity in the Capital Wastes. For the past two years, he’d made do in Megaton knowing how to discern between iguana and other wasteland meats when they happened to crop up in the various craterside establishments. He would take an errand from Moira as an excuse to step out and cut down a convenient raider, anytime only a fresh kill could sate him; the Super-Duper Mart was a favorite nearby hunting ground of his. No one in Megaton, Children or otherwise, had indicated they took kindly to purposeful cannibalism of any sort. The local raider-turned-mercenary Jericho may have noticed his preference for iguana at some point, but said nothing, when he’d spent time with him so the old man could teach him to use a rifle.
The Children had taught him shame alongside humility, blurring the notions indiscreetly. He had not known shame until he traveled outside the Savage Divide, and he’d hoped to find pride and modulation here with the Family.
For a time, blood was the one thing from a kill he didn’t consume, instead favoring crafting Stimpaks from it. It was easier to obtain blood packs from Moira or Doc Church, under the premise of medical provisions, than ever actively seek out iguana in town, though. In his adolescence, he’d learned how to craft Stimpaks from human blood, as well as how to craft something they called Skeeto Spit from the mixed blood collected from Bloodbug sacs. Stimpaks healed the injured after ceremonial wasteland battles as well as after defensive encounters, while Skeeto Spit increased the longevity of those who stood for sake of the cult. Such that non-human blood might function in kind with the chemistry required of the intravenous prewar healing device, he had taught himself how to refine the compatibility between the two formulations, only to later develop in this practice the deepest ritualism he would ever find. Up until the cult’s demise, he had kept his technique to himself, noticing in his own self-experimentation that the use of Wasteland Stimpaks magnified the Craving--a trait that, while not shunned by the Acolytes, not all Acolytes exhibited, nurtured, or actively invoked as wholly as he did.
It wouldn’t be for many years of regular use of his dark craft that other side effects would manifest.
The Acolytes had not believed in world-souls, purely upholding the very present, corporeal, preternatural vitality Interlopers might bestow, and it was of his own spirituality adjunct to that of the Children that he had come to the understanding that Stimpaks surely held some key to discovering how the civilization that came before tangibly interacted with their world-souls. The Capital Wastes didn’t have Bloodbugs, however, and most of its wildlife didn’t have blood to collect directly either. It had been two years since his last synthesis of Wasteland Stimpaks, and he nearly left the area on several occasions just to resume his observances, now that he understood the greater connection of The Blood and The Life. He wasn’t sure what kept him in the Capital Wastes. He supposed he disliked the idea of straying too far from the crater, though entertaining a trip back to Appalachia under the premise of pilgrimage didn’t seem so fractious perhaps.
He had never found another who seemed to pursue personal growth in the same way he did, and it didn’t seem anyone in the Family held overlapping beliefs with him either. Vance agreed with him, though, that those with the Craving were either not born human, or became that way--and that the Craving was a deficit of soul. The leader had a word for those who drank blood and abstained from the flesh: vampire. For August, cannibalism was a form of transubstantiation, a transfusion by which he could feed an incomplete or once-absent spirit, and as an extension, Wasteland Stimpaks posited a way to add world-souls of wasteland creatures to his own--or at the very least, modify his vessel to be that much more capable of containing the world-soul he cultivated through piousness. Perhaps they were both right, and August’s aspirations sought to right that he had not originally had any world-soul to cultivate in the first place.
The Family tempered the Craving by drinking only the blood, and leaving the body for ceremony. Acolytes with the Craving tempered it by consuming only the body, and leaving the blood for ceremony.
A Child of Atom could belong to the Family, and a Child of Atom could belong to the Acolytes of Eternal Light... but an Acolyte could not belong to the Family.
He couldn’t make peace with the thought of one kill providing only one meal. One kill in the Savage Divide had provided easily a week’s worth of meat and offal, a good bit of leather and bone for crafts, and the blood... The blood couldn’t be the only thing taken from a kill. Yet, some of the Family preferred not to kill at all, and sustained themselves on blood packs donated from Arefu’s settlers in exchange for the Family’s protection. August perceived such an act as a communal blood pact. In this exchange between the Family and Arefu, he understood why they had grown so close so quickly. In a way, they were slowly acquiescing into one overarching shared world-soul. The idea of it harbored a deep dread in him, and even as his second day in Meresti closed, he still couldn’t discern whether the dread compelled or repulsed him.
He would stay one more day, to make sure he still felt the same by then, and then find a way to estrange a slaver from Paradise Falls before returning to the Church. His means of tempering his cravings as a way of protecting the wasteland’s innocents sufficed. The world-souls of raiders and slavers would be his, and he would use them properly in Atom’s sight. People who wasted their world-souls debasing others and sowing suffering were the greatest affront of all to the Holy Light, and if that was the purpose that drove the Craving, he could find peace and identity in it.
Perhaps after this visit with Vance, August could make better sense of whether he belonged under the guidance of Confessor Cromwell and Mother Maya, or under that of Mother Curie.
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COVID Diaries; Pennies
It is March 2020 and I’ve channeled the spirit of Paul Revere. As Los Angeles erupts into rioting and mass fentanyl suicide, I dive headfirst into the cabin of the Mazda, and gun the packed ship upwards along the vacant I5 corridor. Every smouldering city under Gavin Newsom looks further gone than the last. The navigation takes me on some perverse fantasy detour thru post-apocalyptic San Francisco. It’s been a long time coming but now it’s solidified. The mayor and her delegates have chomped their cyanide pills and now the streets and bridges offer rotting cars beside silent, beautiful Victorian manors. Still in full color, the sky is blue and the sun is yellow, gleaming indifferently. I am nervous about San Franscisco County. The shelter in place order says no one shall be out on the street without proper reason. And, proper reason or not, I have a pharmacy of drugs in the trunk of my car. Will it be enough to wait out the pandemic in my mother’s house? Enough to keep me sane tucked in the basement of the compound on Cougar Mountain, Issaquah, Washington, for GodKnowsHowLong? My very own Bavarian Alps.
For years in LA I have lived for high speed and hard sex in a blackout frenzy which no young American could denigrate without looking like a nerd. In our culture of excess I sought the most insane, unexplored corridors. Chavionistic romps through the bitter forests of lust, contamination, too-young suicide, too-good blowjobs that leave explosions on this cast of characters flown from every corner of the globe, all with the same indelible fever. I come to now, in this chaotic month handed down by God, March 2020, and I’m withdrawing from all of it in the penthouse on the side of the mountain.
In this moment the fantasy is fading fast, like being jolted from a wet dream by a home invasion. For a lot of people the American dream was already a flickering ember in the distance, a relic of some stupid pilgrimgrage for egoic glory, a blind propaganda puzzle piece with no jigsaw to belong to. But I had formed my own relationship with the concept, and, until now, had believed wholeheartedly in the myth in America; or at least that myth’s capacity to spur significant action, which could abolish hunger and pain, mistreatment and misunderstanding, which could deliver us from evil and unto the kingdom of heaven.
I am not, to many of her 300 million pairs of eyes, a portrait of traditional American success. I am the starving artist archetype. I’ve lived in abandoned buildings and shot cocaine into my veins in the speeding bathroom of many an Amtrak carriage. These may be my most definitive traits, save for the music I somehow manage to draw out of all of this. Albums worth of potential answers to the impossible questions. Sometimes I think I’ve reached the peak, with the LSD and the naked festival girls. I am 26 years old and feel incompetent. I go to pay a traffic ticket or am electric bill and find myself paralyzed at the entrance to the website. In a moment of otherworldly strength I call the bank and my debit card has been cancelled. I stare at the parking ticket in my pod, which has been rented from a company called Up(Start), and is arranged in a row with twenty others. At least I’ve made it to Los Angeles.
Up(Start) is a strange place. I find most people don’t last very long in this community. They leave back to their hometowns or find apartments. The ones who stay haunt this place like ghosts, with no discernible goals and mysterious incomes. I’ve learned not to ask how these life-longers pay the rent. The answer is not translatable.
Willow is one of these life-longers. She always talks about moving out; sometimes to an apartment in LA, most recently about some nebulous palace in France. She says her grandmother died and left her everything. She shows me a suitcase full of watches and rings that still can’t fully convince me of her story. She drinks vodka when she wakes up and convinces me to fuck her when Jesse leaves us in his room alone.
Jesse found his way out to a beautiful house in Silver Lake. He had been at Up(Start) for a year before that. He is the nicest guy I know, offering the coat off his back for nothing but a swig of your vodka in return.
I left these characters behind, keeping a steady 65 on the interstate and stopping only to black out in a hotel room in Redding, CA. Summer, inspirational barista and blowjob queen, dared me to stop and see her in Portland, but my body was crawling from scabies from Lucy, (who was also in Portland and, I would later learn, infected with the virus) and I sped right through.
My younger brother Jon was at the house and had been awaiting my arrival. I instantly understood why. My mother had become a figurehead for the national panic, and shoulder-hugged me with her mask on. She is, as we speak, sterilizing the place.
I’ve gotten to spend a good amount of time with Jon, and am somewhat surprised to find that he faces the same existential torment as I do. This is not something we talk about, but I can feel it on him. He is super into Xanax, and orders pressed bars off the darknet. I share the drugs I’ve brought with him. Kratom, weed, and, —most enticing— Flubromazolam. I learn that he has been kicked out of UW on academic probation. I ask him about it in front of my mother and stepdad. With a casualness that shocks me he says he just didn’t care about any of his classes. But he’s got reaccepted to the school and he says he’s going to make it this time.
I show him how I order my drugs online. I show him the designer benzodiazepines on the clearnet, pennies per dose. We place an order for O-DSMT. It’s an insane solution to our problems, but I guarantee you it works.
I tell Jon about my life in LA with the stuff. Taking it and driving weed deliveries all day. I don’t tell him about the long nights with Lucy, telling her the love I feel from the opiate is sourced from her, then failing to get hard.
Jon, for his part, tells me about the peak of his Oxycontin habit, poppin 7 OC30’s a day with his buddies at Rolling Loud. I was just a few blocks away. I didn’t know he was in town.
We order the O-DSMT to his apartment in the U District, stopping to and snag it on our sole vacation to Dad’s for dinner. Two packages have been delivered. We have the save pavlov response. We carry the packages to his apartment on the top floor and split the bubble wrap with a butterfly knife. Out of a manilla envelope comes 100 green Xanax bars. From a bent UPS envelope comes a gram of O-DSMT and 250mg of 4-ACO-DMT, a bonus for me (Jon says he hates psychedelics).
We set to the scale and split the gram, dosing 50mg then and there to get through dinner. The next day he visits me in the basement, saying “Yo, this O-DSMT shit… it’s dope.”
I say “I’m with you.”
My days are spent deep in the dream flow, recording songs for a hopeful fourth album. The third one is still far from complete, but I can’t go back and meddle with those songs now. Wouldn’t dare touch their Los Angeles essence with the hand of the evergreen state. They will go to Rob and Twon and Andy as they are.
I’m back to guitars for the new album. Cardinal sin AC/DC type songs. I think it may be a double album, quarantine permitting. I want an exploratory, unstructured, throw paint at the wall and see what sticks, White album/Life of Pablo situation. I want solo piano pieces and Aphex Twin-esque 808 excursions. I want the label to release it on white vinyl with extensive liner notes. Indulgence. I want this album to be the one where I say “indulge me.”
If Rob is vehimently opposed to the idea I had the fantasy of making an easy album. Taking songs like Parade Owl, See You Tomorrow, Miss Can’t Sleep and putting out a whole album of them. Good rock music. Take a step back from the frontlines; the cutting edge. We’ll see what sticks to the wall after this quarantine is over.
Weeks drift by. There’s a trade route for all the beer that gets brought into the house. It goes from the garage fridge to the basement fridge to my eager hand, to my mouth, to my blood. Night by night the ritual recurs, til my mom takes out the downstairs trash and finds all the empties. She makes some subtle comment. I tell her to buy more White Claw.
Despite the drug flow my inspiration seems to be drying up. Rob took a listen to the twenty five songs I’d completed since arriving in Issaquah and said they sounded like Dogs. The old band. The old rock and roll band we’ve been trying to move away from. I was disappointed to hear him say it. I was disappointed he wasn’t excited about the songs. “Fuck it, should I scrap them all?” I asked myself. Then I started to look around the house and understand that if nothing came of these songs… I must be insane. I must be losing it. The stupid research chemical stimulants don’t help. I thought they would. Productivity and all… but I’m just jittery, texting strangers on Instagram for hours, all the while feeling like I should be doing something else. And the television is on in the background, and I told myself I was going to do so much to day. And I did it. And people on Instagram say “you seem busy.” They’ve always said I seem this and I seem that. I never agreed with any of it, but they probably know me better than I do. How could I see myself? I look for myself through a fog and it’s only a ripple of a shadow. A microcosm a million miles away through a hellscape with no up or down, no east or west. They say I’m social. They say I’m a socialite. Really I just get drunk and unleash all my nervous energy on the party or, nowadays, the Zoom meeting.
Today I drink Modello. Ma and Chuck went to the Seattle waterfront for a picnic or something. I didn’t get the details. But the sun should be going down now, and she’s texting me asking if I want to play a board game when they get back. I say yeah sure I do. My temper when I’m off these amphetamines analogues, though… I worry I’ll flip the Pictionary board. Slam dunk the wine glass onto the wood floor. Now the cliffhanger; will this Modello calm my nerves?
This morning I went with mom to buy plants for the garden. I thought we were going to get seeds but she wanted the already grown ones. She was ready to be angry. Nothing made her happy. We went to three different garden store. I think she got some tomatos. How the hell am I going to get out of this one? Feels like the walls are closing in. I feel like I’m in the freezer in the back of McDonalds. I feel so sad for her, but I also feel so sad for myself. I feel cut off. I feel short of breath. I feel terror. It is Friday, April 17, 2020. Dread, terror, paranoia… I’m sure it’s been felt a million times by a million people, but here’s my version of it. In this McMansion on the side of the mountain, feeling less like I have a mission than ever. Calling nobody. Freezing. Yeah I’m freezing.
My brother and I both have drugs to get through this crisis but I’m planning to get off them. I sold him half of my etizolam and half of another shipment of O-DSMT the other day. He wasn’t at all interested in the 2-FDCK, an analogue of the dissociative Ketamine. I am still not really sure what dissociatives do to consciousness. They can move you into states profound darkness. You feel like your life is a black and white film and it is raining outside. And it drips off the palm trees and you sit in traffic on the way back from the Boy’s and Girl’s Club, where the boys and girls wouldn’t listen, they’d just go off into their own worlds. I wonder how they’re all doing now, tucked into their parents houses in Calabasas.
Anyway, I said to Jon “I’m getting off the stuff.” And I intended to. This journal finds me at a crossroads between fantasy and reality. What is my life going to be for? Where do I cast this fishing pole? Well the pole’s been cast. It’s out there in the middle of the ocean. But at the same time it’s in my hand, in this very moment, and I can chose where to dip it. I’m not trying to catch a fish in this scenario, I just like the serenity of the bay.
The question on everyone’s mind is: “If not drugs, then what!?” That’s a great question and I’d be bullshitting if I said I could answer it. I don’t know what lies on the other side of this life. I want to find out. Do I truly? I have to truly. Love, sex, work, victory… I’ve seen all these things before. And I keep turning to these substances. They fill up my days and my hours and all the music is informed by them. They move my hands to play the guitar and my voice is scratchy when it comes out. I’ve formed an identity around these drugs to a certain extent. That idea of me has to die. It does. I’ll have to mourn it. I’ll have to mourn a lot. I guess I don’t know what to be afraid of. I know a lot of stuff is going to come up through this process. The drugs numb it all out. People say that but it’s really really true. Bad news doesn’t don’t hit you as hard. Most things don’t hit you at all. You’re in your world. You’re off in a cloud. You’re unaware of the world around you. You’re afraid to engage. Why?
It’s easier not to ask why. It’s easier to get the immediate relief of a squirt of etizolam tincture. Or a gross tossing of O-DSMT powder into your mouth and a quick washdown with water. In this way you don’t have to answer any questions. In this way nothing hits you. And guess what else? All your heroes did the same thing.
But a lot of them died doing it. And you don’t want to die. You really really don’t want to die. You want to live a long life, with kids and grandkids, and see what happens to America and what music turns into. You don’t want to die, but what do you have to live for? You know you can make things up. Everyone’s always making shit up. All of this is made up. The culture, the value of a dollar, the value of a Benz. We just decide on it. And that takes a lot. But you know what takes a lot less? Deciding how you want to react to each moment. This one and this one and this one. Do you know what I mean? They say a lot of stuff about the world. The world’s fucked. They say the world’s burning to the ground. They say we can’t leave our houses. They say America won’t be a super power by the end of all of this. But they’re making shit up. And I’m making shit up too. I’m whipping up like a chef. Throwing dishes out from the kitchen, but the dishes are words and actions and the kitchen is my mind. What kind of food am I throwing out? What kind of food am I serving the world? Let me serve love and hope. But for that to happen, let me cultivate it in myself first. Let me nurture it like a child. Let me see it sober. Let me take the steps in the right direction. It’s simple. It’s simpler than you think it is. What are you going to do right now, after reading this? Or while reading this? How are you going to face the world?
Jon told me he got into Xanax from the Famous Dex song “Japan.”
“Baby girl, what you doing, where your man? I just popped a xan, fifty thousand in Japan”
He told me his friends heard the song and picked up some Xanax because of it. They liked it and reached out to him “You’ve got to try this,” they said. My little brother, in the throes of this batshit demon force that will bury him. It might bury me too. The jury’s still out. Mom, just let me withdraw in peace. She brings down a space heater. I grow to love it. I lay down on the wood floor that the spiders sometimes dash across. The space heater comes close to burning me, but I’m ok. I stand up, dizzy from all I’ve done to try to combat the withdrawls. Way too much etizolam, way to much kratom, getting to the point of way too much weed and alcohol. But hopefully it’ll all be over soon, and I can call my friends in peace and not want to slam down the phone whenever there is the tiny threat of silence, or whenever I speak, or whenever they speak. I can’t any of it sober, that’s what I think. Life is hard sober; it’s a breeze when you’re floating thru it. A good dream. So why get sober? They say it’ll kill me. Well, I said that. In this very same paragraph. And maybe it will. But when you’re withdrawing like this… all you want is a moment of peace.
Oh God, at dinner tonight I started to go off about my own mental state to the family. I should have known it was a big mistaken, but on my way home from Doordashing a rainy Issaquah I stopped at QFC and got a bottle of True Eagle American Spirits, Kentucky manufactured vodka. And, helping myself to serving of kimchi,  I said to them “I think I’m losing it.” And the conversation spiraled until my mother asked me “Are you suicidal?” And “Are you struggling with drugs?” Jon, between us, must have felt betrayed, but I just wanted to feel understood. I feel Chuck does not want to understand. I understand what he’s sacrificed for the life he has, but what value does that life has to him? He has a tumor in his jawbone, and it’s eating away at him, and no one can do anything. And they can’t get out to the specialists on the East Coast, and they won’t do the invasive surgery. He’s too busy. I know, in some capacity, he understands. Because he blows these things off like they don’t matter at all, when anyday he could have a stroke like Grandma had, fall to the floor of the kitchen while dishing up his kimchi, or pulling a slice of pizza out of the carton. I feel the same way. I have no idea what’s going to happen, but I know that I am mentally unwell. And I avoid the questions about my drug use and about my suicidality. I miss girls, ma. I miss pussy and parties and not giving a fuck. The way I don’t give a fuck now is in these terrifying sound collages drafted on the latest of nights, in the deep dark depths of quaratine. What was I saying in the last one? Something about how I didn’t wanna kill the crabs on the beach on Whidbey Island as a kid. Holy shit I’m losing my mind. But it’s all fine, isn’t it? As long as the music comes out fine.
What could I possibly do to get healthy? I feel so far off the deep end. You have no idea; I feel like crying. My best friend, living with the girl I thought I could always go back to. We don’t talk. I mix these ketamine analogues in with that cheap cheap vodka (plus etizolam) and cry tears onto this plastic table. It’s pointless to keep up the tinder courtships. I feel like this will never end. And it started with such a bang. I was such a part of history. Now I’m a nobody; I’m a junkie, holding on by the thinnest thread. No energy to pray. I feel like Cobain, and I know so many people do… but I really do. I can only imagine. But I’m only listening to Mingus, Lana Del Rey and Radiohead (Kid A thru Hail to The Thief).
Should I throw weed in the mix? Lord knows I have enough of it. It’s my number one priority. I’ve made enough songs now that we could workshop what I’ve come up with years. What else is there to do? Mingus ripped the piano strings out of some pianist’s instrument in front of a live audience, then stormed off the stage. Where the fuck is that in my life? I’m in front of the computer, weeping because America has come to a close. You know they sent jazz to the Soviet Union as a WEAPON? A weapon of freedom and democracy and individualism. What the fuck happened? It all makes me want to cry. It’s all too much; this world. These people I’ve known and loved and lost. This music I’ve made that they promise me will be something, but I don’t know if I believe them. I don’t know if I want anything to do with this life. I can’t engage with my culture anymore… my history. I feel like I’m not a part of it. I feel so disconnected. Who’s rippin the strings out of MY piano? Or who’s piano am I ripping the strings out of? We’ve lost so much… I mean… I’ll do my best to work with what we still have, but we’ve been so fractured. It wouldn’t surprise me if this was the end. Of America. Of our culture. Of our music and our hustle and bustle and industry and lover’s lanes and rites of passage. I feel like I’m mourning it now. Mourning my culture. Maybe mourning the illusion that was sold to us. Believe me, I was first in line to buy. That’s why it destroys me so deeply to see it collapse.
I guess we’re all one people. I’m crying writing this. Weeping, weeping, weeping. Grieving. You know what grieving is. I remember what’s-her-name in the pool. We went to every hot tub, each a different temperature, in the Desert Hot Springs Resort. Then Lucy’s friend’s new boyfriend told us Bernie Sanders had stayed there when he had visited DHS. I laughed so hard. Lucy ordered me another drink. She didn’t mind the cost. She liked me to be on her level. And I didn’t mind. I was proud to sip. We went back to the hotel and did god knows what. Feels a million lifetimes away.
This was back when anything could happen. When America was a blank slate and no one could predict anything. When you could go outside and say “What the fuck is up?” and get in adventures. I mourn the loss of that. Maybe it’s all in my head. Maybe that’s still there. But I’ve emotionally severed my ties to it. And I wish I didn’t. Because I love it. I love it so much. It’s not a myth. I swear to god it’s not a myrh. It was a reality… until all this happened. You have no idea. I mean, if you’re reading this and weren’t around before. You have no idea. I mean… I don’t know what things are going to be like after this. But not the same. There’s no way they could be the same.
You know I hope I get this shit. I hope I contract COVID-19. Lay in this guest bedroom bed with the scabies I may or may not have gotten from Upstart Creative Living… and which wouldn’t die off. I hope I can’t breathe. I hope I’m immune. I want to walk the world. Maybe I should go out, get it, isolate, heal, be immune… if that’s even possible. At this point we don’t even know if immunity is a thing that happens with COVID. But even if I could walk the earth without fear of it… everyone else is cowering, and they pull away from, seeing I’m not wearing a mask or gloves, or even if I am… I’m so sorry. I didn’t know it would all end this way. I would have done so much more. Focused so much more on each kiss. Even every note. I did my best, I guess. It feels like it’s all coming to an end. It’s Thursday, April 23, but that doesn’t mean anything. You have to understand how little dates mean in this time. It’s like we’re living in one of those time capsules buried beneath the walkway at WWU. Stagnant… yeah we write songs and poems and do our work and keep the economy from faltering completely… but there’s a different angle to look at it all now. The world is over. I mean, aha, to use the words of Rem… “It’s the End of the World As We Know It.” Key words: “As we know it.” I had no idea this would happen in my lifetime… I couldn’t even conceive it. If you would have told me this would have happened six months ago I wouldn’t have believed it. America seemed so stable. And now it feels like it’s in shambles. It really did feel stable. You may think I’m insane for saying America in September, 2019 seemed stable… but shit, we were free. And we were headed where we were headed. This throws a wrench in all of this. And it could be the end. And I thought this was the greatest country on earth. Happiness is a buttery, try to catch it like every night.
I’ve been fascinated in American history since I could understand it. Most specifically, I’ve been fascinated about how history is still happening. The closer you get you the current day, the harder it is to get a straight story. FDR did what he did and we won. That’s fact. That’s cement. Nixon? Everyone agrees he was a crook. But what about Reagan? What about Bush Sr? What about Clinton? The closer you get to the modern day, the more difficult it becomes to discern what is real and what is fake.
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queen-of-bel · 5 years
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Another Devil Survivor character analysis! This time, I'll be talking about my favorite SMT law rep, Amane.
naoya | kaido | atsuro | gin | mari
As the Shomonkai's maiden, Amane is a very quiet and reserved girl. I think most of her personality is shaped by her father, who has very clear expectations for what kind of person Amane should be.
Amane seems to be very distant and detached from other people. We know she's not in school anymore as her father pulled her out of school once she finished her compulsory education to focus on her duties as the Shomonkai's maiden. But even while she was a student, I can't imagine she had many friends. Her dad is a cult leader, and Amane is part of that cult, so I think she may have been alienated by her peers while she was in school.
If we look at how the other members of the Shomonkai treat her, we can see that she's basically placed on a pedestal and revered among them. They always call her "Lady Amane" despite her young age.
Essentially, I don't think Amane has ever had any meaningful interaction with people her age, or at least someone who views her as an equal. This lack of connection leads her to become seemingly detached to other people, and I think this is exactly how her father took advantage of her.
As I mentioned earlier, Amane's father has a very strict and precise image of how his daughter should act. She is the maiden of the Shomonkai. She should be calm, charismatic, and above all, display leadership qualities equaling his own.
The first time we see these expectations is actually in the prologue of the game. After Naoya tells Amane that the demon summoning program is complete, Amane asks Naoya if he would be willing to cooperate with the Shomonkai.
Now, if Naoya agreed to this, it would be a huge win for the Shomonkai, and this isn't something they can afford to mess up. Amane's father needs to be certain that he gave this his best effort.
I would've assumed that the founder himself would be the one to ask, but the fact that he asked his 16 year old daughter to do so instead says to me that he expects her to be able to deliver the same results he would have.
Another thing I want to point out is that I think it's very possible that Amane was Naoya's primary point of contact throughout his development of the demon summoning program. If Naoya was primarily in contact with somebody else throughout his time working with them, it would be weird that Naoya delivers the finished product to somebody other than that person. Again, the founder's plan hinges on the success of the demon summoning program. To put her as the face of this project instead of himself really speaks volumes about his expectations of Amane.
Even if Naoya's point of contact was somebody else, we know for sure that her father trusted her enough to ask for Naoya's help. We can start to see how high his expectations for Amane were, and imagine how the pressure of this must have affected her.
Another example of Amane's, quite frankly, dysfunctional relationship with her father is with the whole Jezebel mess. When Belberith made a pact with her father, her father agreed to place Jezebel inside Amane. I think we need to pause and really acknowledge how fucked up that is to do that to your own child.
Now, I'll be honest. I don't think her father did any of this with any malicious intent. Her father does love her and care about the wellbeing of humanity, but these feelings are extremely misguided. He's a naive and idealistic man, as we see when he takes Belberith's words at face value. He also believes in the greater good, thinking that the lives of the people who were killed by the summoned demons are a necessary sacrifice for humanity's survival.
Amane initially shares these sentiments, but when she starts hearing another perspective from Remiel, she begins to change her mind.
Like her father, she still wants humanity to survive the ordeal sent by YHVH, but she now sees there's a way to do so without causing so much destruction and chaos.
Amane defying her father and siding with the angels actually is another perfect example of how detached she is from humanity.
The truth is, the lockdown was caused by a single person-- Amane's father (no, Naoya has no fault in this. my Naoya analysis has the justification for this). As such, humanity's potential judgement day is solely the responsibility of the Shomonkai's founder.
Now, to kill everyone in the lockdown and strip away the freedom of every person on the planet based on the actions of a single person is... harsh, to say the very least. If you're not only going to agree with, but also advocate for the ones who propose that idea, you have to be disconnected from humanity.
I'm in no way trying to say that she's a mean or cruel person, but to me, her viewing humanity as a collective whole as opposed to being made up by billions of individuals does reinforce the fact that she lacks meaningful connections with people.
Still, she's only doing this because she thinks this is a better outcome for humanity. Her primary goal above all else is to save as many people as possible. Unfortunately, for most of the game, she has only really been exposed to 2 methods: her father's, and the angels'. Both are extreme, but the success of one plan would mean far fewer casualties than the success of the other.
Amane doesn't really want to side with the angels, but for her, it's more of a "lesser of two evils" type of situation. Her actions on Naoya's no kill route prove this.
She at first very strongly objects to Kazuya becoming the King of Bel because she believes he will use the power of demons for evil. As of the seventh day, she still believes that becoming the Messiah would be the best way to save humanity.
On the eighth day, however, Remiel flees from her mind and returns to heaven. Remiel does so in order to prepare God's Thunder to purge the world, but Amane doesn't know this yet.
As I said before, Amane lacks real friendship or connections with other people. I think it's safe to assume that Remiel was the first person/being to treat Amane as something other than the Shomonkai's maiden. I'm sure she was already traumatized by her father placing Jezebel in her, so the comfort of divine intervention was something she clung on to.
So how did she feel when she realized Remiel had abandoned her without explanation? Hurt, for sure, possibly betrayed. Her father has already been killed by Belberith, and her only other source of comfort is now gone.
She initially feels bad for failing Remiel. She really thought she'd be able to convince Kazuya to become the Messiah, but instead, the opposite happened. After seeing how hard Kazuya is working for humanity's sake, however, those reservations disappear.
It's at this point that she realizes she was just a tool for both sides. Her ability to hear both holy and unholy voices was manipulated by demons and angels, and that realization came crashing down on her.
If Kazuya chooses to convince humans that the angels are the true enemy instead of killing all those with dissenting opinions, Amane will attempt to take lead of the Shomonkai, vows to never yield to YHVH and the angels.
She steps into the battle when a faction of Shomonkai members who are still loyal to Belberith attack Kazuya. If Kazuya saves her, it solidifies her opinion that Kazuya's path is the correct one to follow, and she pledges allegiance to the Overlord.
This is a very drastic shift from her moral stance two days prior, but it's actually very in line with who she is. Remember, Amane isn't necessarily on the angels' side, but the side which will save the most humans. After seeing that Kazuya ordered the demons to stop attacking humans, and knowing that the angels are more manipulative and selfish than she originally thought, she now sees the best way to ensure everyone's safety.
In the fight against Metatron, Metatron asks Amane why she has switched sides. Amane firmly states her wishes have never changed. Sick of being manipulated by both demons and angels, she goes on to say that humans must now stand up to regain control of their own world.
Interestingly, this moment is the only time we see Amane speak with such emotion and conviction for herself. Even in her route, she still has the calm demeanor she's always had. When she thanks Kazuya, she thanks him on behalf of Remiel and the other angels. But in Naoya's route, when she defies Metatron, it really feels like she's speaking for her own beliefs. She's not spreading the teachings of her father. She's not speaking to others on behalf of the angels. It feels like she's finally broken out of the shell that her father built for her, and she's standing up for what she believes in, as Amane Kuzuryu and nobody else.
Amane is a very sad character to me because she's always been used her whole life. She's devoid of any personality of her own because everything about her very existence has been strictly dictated by her father. The angels manipulated her and she followed that path because she felt it was her only option. It feels more like she's just a shell of a person, only walking the path she's on because somebody else led her there. She's a lonely person who was never allowed the opportunity to express herself or be who she wants to be.
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