#which isn’t healthy I know but | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

donnyclaws · 6 months

Text

I was gonan make a post apologizing for lack of regular art but I feel like jts already clear im sporadic and in and out of it bc chronic pain and circumstances. So for now I'm gonna hibernate, get my health steady again, deal with money issues, and art will happen when it happens.

#i do feel kind of worn down by it. i wish patreon and commissions didn't feel so taxing even with accommodations ive made for myself #maybe it'll feel better in the future when less is going on but rn it #places this barrier of management in front of art that makes it less relieving to do #cause there's always a part of my brain reminding me it needs to serve a purpose and needs to pay off in some way #which isn’t a new feeling for artists obviously. maybe doing it all since hs js also why it's tiring. and patreon changjng the way it does #working part time now too. idk if maybe id like to step back from it #it's abnormal that i worked taht hard and it did help me get out from my parents and stay out. but im also tired ect #idw let people down by not being able to keep up with a self imposed expectation or #be irresponsible and remove sources of income for myself. redbubble inprnt and patreon all suck in ways that bother me hugely #i only really enjoy itch.io at the minute #not to say anything bad abt patrons or commission clients you've all been excessively kind and patient and understanding always #i wish i could make them better i feel like there's no way how it is at the minute is of value compared to my output as an older teen #but yknow. self imposed worry. im just worn out and id like to just make things without the management and the fretting and the #i havent made a comic post for patreon in ages or this or this i havent made a speedpaint or a song or #yadda yadda lmao #sorry for the impromptu ramble #this isnt to say id never do commissions or a store or anything again or i want to not make money off art #god knows i will need to be grinding out comms once im well again but ex #i feel like im getting less and less able to manage it and then putting out less and less #and hoping ill somehow get very healthy and active again one day and make it worth the wait yknow.#it's not a feeling i want my art to carry in me.#part of me and the parent in my brain is saying it'd be selfish to give up income but the rest is like #that's cruel. i want to feel good and healthy

29 notes · View notes

arcadianico · 10 months

Text

i think one of the reasons i dislike qtntduo as a ship is that wilbur hasn’t been on since literally before the brazilians arrived and everything about qq and elq was always made to be about him. and listen, i know qq’s obsession played a role in that but also qq’s thing about wilbur is so much more complicated that it usually gets portrayed. also having them be romantic and actually involved with each other would be boring sorry

#like the most interesting thing about their dynamic is the tension #also the unbalanced nature of the interest and the unhealthy route of qq’s interest are compelling as character aspects #but not as interesting within a romantic relationship #qq’s whole thing about wilbur is genuinely incredibly interesting. it also has very little actually to do with wilbur as a person #that’s why it’s able to continue so long without his presence #also every time i see a post about how wilbur will meet elq and immediately know he’s not qq im like ok and???#didn’t literally every other player immediately see that he was acting off as well???#i think their dynamic is interesting and that wilbur genuinely does give qq something he needs (open acceptance in a way he doesn’t receive #from any of the other players)#but that doesn’t mean i want to see that dynamic turned romantic #and i certainly don’t think it would healthy for qq if it did (if he was still here which he isn’t rn so yk kind of moot)#i hope elq doesn’t view him as anything special at all #i hope wilbur was just a means to an end for him and nothing else #but yeah a large part of my frustration comes from seeing qq moulded and filed and chipped away at to fit into the dynamic #rather than being allowed to be a complicated messy interesting character #idk #quackity #qsmp

38 notes · View notes

fellhellion · 7 months

Text

🚬….

#am going to exhibit mental illness in the tags as heads up shdhdjfjf also dw none of what I say is #abt or concerns folks here but #yeah. as a tldr very Gabrielcore of me haha but yeah #I wondered for a long time how I could go years without #when a crumb here awakens a voracious hunger in me for affection and approval #and there is simply an element of ego to it - to enjoying the idea that those I admire like what i say #but I think the larger part is simply that I’m myself here #in a way I’m not irl. I’m not…I can’t be vulnerable to people. I can’t let them see me. I don’t want to be rejected I think #but here I am simply. unaware to people who don’t click with me. no one interacts w me unless they’d like to #and there’s a certainty to that which just isn’t quite present irl #so I think the reason I get so easily attached IS because it’s me. because it’s my true self. and I don’t. I don’t know how to not want that #approval and affection beyond just letting the feeling fade with time. beyond removing myself from spaces where it occurs #because it’s not. it’s not fair to foist that onto people who didn’t enter that knowingly. I don’t #I don’t want to be too much. I always feel like I’m too much. too serious too intense feeling too deeply and on and on #I m want to be just enough. not too little or too much.#and yet that’s not healthy nor is honest to those you want to connect w #and people aren’t obligated to connect w you - it’s egotistical to simply think you can correct social step your way into someone’s regard!#but ah I don’t know. it’s been a night. I just wanted to say it plain and honest and finally get it out #but this isn’t like shdhdj asking for pity and such. I’ll be okay it’s all just part of it #vent.txt

10 notes · View notes

stood-onthecliffside · 1 year

Text

.

#since no one is online i can actually say this #i don’t think bella hadid or kendall jenner etc etc are icons #they might be lovely people and good models but they don’t set a good example to anyone but especially young girls #you don’t have good skin or body because all you do is eat healthy or workout which is like a different conversations all together but also #you have the money and privileges for to attain that lifestyle (everything is so performative to say the least)#i always thought that my younger sister would have a better culture whilst she grows up and was so relieved about that because no one #deserves to go through it and that is making me fucking sad and angry #and i see a lot of people being like it’s the kids / girls fault that they are being influenced and they know it isn’t the real world #even when you’re fucking self aware about everything doesn’t mean you don’t get affected by it

17 notes · View notes

pepprs · 10 months

Text

btw @ dear anon. idk how often u check my blog or if u are a mutual or anything or if you’ll even read this but know that i am giving u specifically a thank you kiss on the cheek everytime u send me an ask. i appreciate all of ur messages they brighten my days so much and i WILL reply to them someday and im sorry i haven’t yet but for now just know they mean a lot to me 🫂❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️

#purrs #i think it’s literally been a year since ive answered asks atp and also i have 384729472973 unread messages too. i will get to them i swear #but thank you for wanting to talk to me and sending me nice things it really really does mean so much to me. i love this silly lit website #ik it isn’t always healthy to be posting so much abt my life on here but it rly helps to know when ppl are listening / caring abt me and im #so lucky to be here with all of u which is maybe a little silly to say but i mean it. MWAH! ok back to scrolling the dash and pretending its #not 12:30 am on a work night and i have an entire kitchen to clean all by myself 😻😻😻😻😻#*silly LITTLE website??? wtf

9 notes · View notes

herbofgraceandpeace · 5 months

Text

absolutely wild how I equate a feeling of happiness with being in a state of virtue. Sometimes it’s just chemical lol

#Which is not to say that the happiness produced by a healthy body is not Not produced by virtuous choices!#But I don’t think that’s why I’m feeling cheerful today haha #Although I do think it’s because I have a clearly defined and achievable task to do at work #Which is immensely cheering! manageable level of difficulty! reasonable chance of success! What are we waiting for?#What’s the C. S. Lewis quote about being grateful when your feelings are good but recognizing that it isn’t everything (poor summary I know #Hope y’all are having a good day too!

4 notes · View notes

afieldinengland · 5 months

Text

.

#i’m starting to wonder if i hate myself for having been born a transsexual #it’s not shame— but there’s something in the way i think about myself that’s deep and bitter. i don’t know. well i’ve never enjoyed myself #in general. i’ve never been ashamed of it and i’ve never been proud of it in fact i hate talking about it entirely #and i’ve realised i don’t even like thinking about it too deeply. too knee-deep in history’s men-image #(by which he means richard ii and oscar wilde and injured knights with long hair and poets on laudanum and artists on cocaine)#i feel sick. it isn’t a sickness because i can’t be ‘cured’ and i don’t want to be and it’s intrinsic but modern vocabulary feels heavy in #my mouth and puts me in a petri dish. even ‘transsexual’ feels like uber modern parlance sometimes. i can’t do it #but that’s the word. just sometimes i think it would have all been easier if things had gone otherwise. and i know that makes me bad at thi #i have to speak to you in your language. and i don’t know what i mean by that or even where that thought comes from. it’s your language #i should be in the bronze age right now i’m sorry i got waylaid. i got lost #i can’t stop being it but if i think too much about it i start wanting to eat my own fingers and i think— and this is my hypothesis—#it’s because i’ve never enjoyed myself i’ve never been in a healthy relationship and i can’t remember the last time i had fun #but then that’s another thing i’m not made for. that’s a lie there is a desperate aesthete in here who has been so starved of hedonism for #as long as i’ve had him that he’s hoarse. i’m tired i’ve been walking for nine hundred years my feet hurt #i don’t know. why me why now et cetera. i’m just wondering if i don’t despise myself a bit for it— like it’s a trick i did in a past life #again. it’s a privilege. it’s more intrinsic to my personhood than blood type or astigmatism or that weird thing i have with my hip #and i could be proud of it if only i could work out how. i’m content— in the same way i’m content with everything— but i don’t know.#i don’t like talking about it i don’t like thinking about it because it feels like i’m losing the game i’m constantly playing against mysel #in my head. i’m my own personal spin doctor you see #whatever. sorry. in light of doing better i can get this out too. can you believe i haven’t been kissed in years

2 notes · View notes

sombrerokiwi · 6 months

Text

Moots if you ever meet me irl and I feel comfortable that I can talk to your vocally without crumbling into myself I’m going to first apologize because I am one of those people who fluctuates a lot between talking about my interests and showing you a lot or asking you questions and then adding myself in.

I’m a big talker when I get out of my bubble/if I’m bored enough.

Yes I am an introvert but I will talk a lot if I get comfortable.

#kiwi says things #you’re not getting a lot though if you ask for romantic advice #I probably would just say to tell them straight up #Which isn’t helpful if you don’t know if they like you back #but honestly you kind of have to be up front anyways for communication #got to communicate for healthy relationships. consider this one to be the first step #but seriously though I will talk a lot if I get comfortable with talking #at first I’ll lurk and be awkward but eventually something will happen

2 notes · View notes

fleshdyke · 1 year

Text

i almost feel bad making fun of dancinbutterfly bc this is clearly not a normal response for like anyone and this has to be some sort of mental health issue

#they’re over 30 and work in mental health… they should know how to regulate their emotions better #like they said their trauma response is getting angry which like. sure. fine. but if i can deal with my emotions in a more mature way than #they can? when they are a grown adult in the medical field and i’m a teenager ??? HELLO #like they should know how to not explode on people like that… get off the internet babe. touch grass #like genuinely it isn’t a normal healthy response for like anyone to be over 30 and start yelling at a 16 year old for lying abt bathrooms #and to be comparing me to abusers and rapists and TERRORISTS? be serious #like there’s no way this is a healthy response to any of this. especially for again someone who works in the mental health field #plus i know cringe culture is dead but jeeesus christ the way they type sometimes…#‘this is the HELLSITE and you my good sir have failed at hellsiting. welcome to the blocklist!’ please.#god. get off tumblr please.#rambles

12 notes · View notes

robertsbarbie · 1 year

Text

i understand venting without wanting solutions but sometimes there NEEDS to be solutions and you NEED to accept help otherwise you life is always gonna be fucking miserable

#[redacted]#please i do understand not wanting any help solving your problems and just ranting about them #but when there are things people can help with you need to trust that they can help #my mother is working on my sister’s grad cap and was going on and on about how #i needed to look at her because she looks like crap and she’s not going to have time or energy to shower before tomorrow and my sister is #going to be so embarrassed #and so i asked what can i do to help #thinking she could go shower while i placed things togetehr or whatever #and she in a very just flat out condescending tone was like ‘well it’s not like you know how to iron’ (by the way i DO and shes literally #SEEN me iron but i digress) and when i stated that i did she got very mad and got very accusatory saying where the hell did i learn to do #that (which??????) and that no offense she doesn’t trust that i won’t fuck it up and she can’t take that chance #and i get not trusting people but holy fucking god at some point you HAVE to #and this is just one example of this week this is how she gets with EVERYTHING #and i know i can be annoying and aggravating in the way i try to fix things especially in situations i don’t fully understand #but telling your children that they are incapable of doing anything and you have to do everything you isn’t healthy 💜💜💜💜#idk #eris: text

2 notes · View notes

milflewis · 1 year

Text

sometimes i look at my sister and i see all the worst parts of me and it’s not terrible bc i don’t want that for her. which i don’t. but it’s terrible bc she’s doing it wrong

#like. she is showing it Wrong !#she is taking all this anger and rage at herself and shoving it at everyone around her and making her problem everyone’s problem and smth in #me physically recoils every time lol #like. visceral. smth deep inside me. just. says No <3 with teeth #but this isn’t wrong ! she is fifteen ! this is a child. this is a person. who is angry and in pain and messy and doesn’t know how to deal #with it and is being so v unkind to herself and is going through it by putting this on other ppl and picking fights so the anger can go #somewhere. and this isn’t healthy but holy fuck is it so much better than what i did and just internalised all of that until i couldn’t #speak about it for years lmao #it’s not wrong. it is not. but it feels like it is. my knee jerk reaction is what are you doing. stop. stop! keep that to yourself like the #rest of us. i don’t say this to her obv bc. ofc not. but jesus . yeah . yeah #and so i end up saying nothing to her or the diluted version of the right thing bc i’m so scared to tell her to do it like me which i do Not #want. like at all. she is not me and this is such a good thing #she also has a tendacy to bite the hands that fed her which. doesn’t help lmao #just. needed to get that out #delete later

4 notes · View notes

arklay · 2 years

Text

sorry okay i can’t shut up. also. i am deciding to take like the vibes and kinda appearance but like tweaked of my hawke and throwing him into resi because um. brainrot. also ada simulator???

#sorry. like. the original idea with diana was to kiss ada then look what happened. look. i got bewitched fr. but yes >:) i am thinking about #it. like da just isn’t v fun for me anymore like the fandom kinda ruined it for me which. sadge. but mayhaps i will go back to it one day #with new ideas for hawke. and i’m keeping mehlia so that’s fine. but like :) just. yes my pathetic wet rag of man let’s goooo time to take #your mullet and your piercings and your muscles over to this universe now!!! come on let’s go!! also i mean cause i had projected some #things onto them already but didn’t talk about it ever obvs i won’t explicitly state those lmao so i wanna explore that all better and it #would be inchresting… also this relationship is gonna be soooo not healthy but you know what. good for them. like go have fun guys good job #definitely a situation of oopsie deep down she has a soft spot for him but the job always come first :) but who knows what happens >:) but #like. the red and black aesthetics l?? yeah yeah and omg i can do more 90s vibes mayhaps……..like diana’s got her weird vibes and dani’s is #more like now era stuff kinda but :0 #also i do have a name already and i’d like to let you all know my double ds are turning into triple ds :) all the resi kids names start wit #d and it was on accident i just had a name pop into my name for all of them and they stuck #head* oml i’m tired #leah.txt

7 notes · View notes

deancaskiss · 2 years

Text

this week has been quite intense honestly. with a crazy anesthesia for a dental on a patient on monday, doing a spay surgery on a dog on thursday, a 6-hour appointment with a patient on wednesday where the owner was the nicest guy ever but he wanted literally everything done and it was super stressful on me to get everything done, early mornings almost every day this week. and on top of that, I have been concerned about my own dog (his name is max and he’s 12 years old) and have taken him with me to work twice this week- once on tuesday for one of the specialist doctors to perform a neurologic exam on max, and again on friday to have one of the other specialist doctors perform an abdominal ultrasound on max. luckily, my lil max is doing okay. even though he’s been showing some weird signs at home, the neuro exam went perfectly and he’s neurologically stable. they ran bloodwork and there was some abnormalities on his liver values and his urinalysis. so then I took him back to the clinic with me on friday for them to ultrasound max to see if there was any masses or tumors on his liver (because he had a liver insult in 2018 and we were concerned something else was going on). luckily his ultrasound went well and there is no masses. most likely it’s chronic damage to his liver. but now we are switching him back to the liver meds he was on a few years ago to see if that can bring his values to a better range, along with giving him some pain meds due to some hip pain that he has to see if that helps him to feel more comfortable so he can act more like himself again. last night he was playful and happy and I feel like I made the right choice in taking him to the clinic and I’m hoping he feels better now. but god, it was really stressful and scary to worry about him and still continue to keep working with other patients.

#bex talks #vet school adventures #also balancing writing drabbles every day and reblogging everyone else’s drabbles #trying to keep up with everything has been a lot #I’ve honestly given up sleeping a lot this week #which I know isn’t healthy #but there is too much to do and too many people to please #i don’t wanna disappoint anyone or let anyone down #so I just keep pushing myself

7 notes · View notes

finalhaunts · 11 months

Text

> I go to calculate my BMI on a website

> Straight up just gets called obese