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cultofdixon · 10 months

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You’ll always be important to me

Daryl Dixon • She/Her Pronouns • When you and Daryl started your own little family, Judith thought that meant everything was changing. But she will always be a part of their family • ANGST/SFW • TW: Pregnancy & Birth Mentioned / Anxiety / Sleep Deprivation / Minor Injuries • Commonwealth canon re-written

Requested by: Anon

“Run that back?”

“I’m pregnant, D…”

Daryl looks at his wife a bit taken back by what she said. The silence ate Y/N alive when he didn’t say anything in response after she stated supposedly good news a second time.

Then she was suddenly brought into his embrace feeling the archer tighten his grasp on her carefully.

“We’re gonna be parents…holy shit. We’re havin’ a baby” Daryl lets out a chuckle as he held her close feeling her latch onto him.

“Our family is getting bigger…”

“She’s having a baby?” Judith questions once more to Daryl watching the man nod as she gave him a blank stare followed by silence.

Before he could even question what could be going on in that mind of hers, the young Grimes went in for a hug that he happily returned.

“You and Y/N are going to be great parents”

They kind of…already were because the two took in the Grimes kids when Michonne left on this unknown journey that only Judith knew was to find Rick. Daryl was always Rick and Michonne’s first option when it came to taking their kids in any way. Judith has always been the archer’s adoptive daughter in a way that everyone knew, and Y/N has told him every time they just thought about having kids of their own that he will be great because Judith was his first kid.

She always will be

Even when she has her doubts

The first two months into pregnancy were a bit stressful because Alexandria had just suffered a herd going through it and the news of this new community surfaced. Which lead to a possible ally ship that Eugene, Ezekiel, and Yumiko were being the voices for Alexandria to acquire such. Of course Carol will help in her own way to make sure this community wasn’t going to stab them in the back in any way, but for now their promise of helping Alexandria rebuild itself sounded promising. They even offered housing in their community for those who wanted it until their community is rebuilt. As long as they did their part.

Which is only fair. But it wasn’t going to be easy to try and convince an already anxious person to move into unknown territory.

“No”

“But Y/N—-“

“I’m pregnant! It’s an unknown community! My brother is here, my family is here, why would you—-“

“Jude and RJ are comin’ with us. And Aaron will visit but he’s takin’ lead from the Alexandria’s side on the rebuild”

“Why can’t we help—-“

“Because you’re pregnant and Commonwealth has the resources”

“Resources?! We have—-“

“NOT IF SOMETHING BAD HAPPENS TO YEA!” Daryl yells, which was met with instant regret given the flinch that he drew out of his wife. “I’m sorry…I’m really sorry for snappin’. I just. I can’t lose you…I can’t. Lose. You.” He tried his best to contain his anxiety that was picking at him to get him to sob as Y/N brought herself close bringing her arms around his middle.

“Daryl…Nothin’ bad is gonna happen to me. Or our baby. Or our kids…we’ll be safe…”

“Please Y/N…we don’t have to live there forever. Just until Alexandria is rebuilt…Aaron will come and get us when it’s done.”

Y/N held her husband while all his anxiety continued to radiate off him as she rests her chin on his chest looking up at him.

“Okay”

“Okay?”

“Yes…but I’m not raising our baby in the Commonwealth. Once we are both fit, and Alexandria is back in working order…we come home”

“I promise, sunshine” Daryl presses a kiss to her forehead before her cheek ending with one on her lips. But he wasn’t letting go of her anytime soon. “Yea think they’d try anythin’?”

“I trust our people who found the community when they say to put some trust in this place. But I’m just. If something were to happen, Carol won’t leave us in the dark. None of them would”

“I’ll burn the place down if anythin’ happens to my family”

His wife laughs to such even if it were true that the archer would do such if it came to that. But thankfully, the entrance into this new community wasn’t too bad and that they would be updated occasionally on the rebuild by Y/N’s brother Aaron.

Their temp apartment was a bit small, but once Daryl finished training they put the family of five (including Dog) into a bigger place. One where Judith and RJ shared the other room and the adults obviously got their own.

“I look ridiculous”

“I think…as long as it protects my strong handsome husband from walkers…I think you’ll look fine” Y/N smiles waiting for Daryl to step out of the bathroom in his armor while she waited, Judith came in in the new dress she picked out when getting clothing for school. “Oh my god. You look beautiful! Come here look in the mirror!” She got up from the bed directing Judith into the full body mirror smiling even more when the young child started to smile.

“You think I’ll make friends?”

“Of course I do! You are a wonderful, smart, creative young woman that who wouldn’t be your friend?” Y/N smiles holding Judith close as she held her arms until she felt safe to let go or at least until Daryl stepped out in his armor.

“I really feel ridiculous” Daryl states joining the two in the mirror watching them both look at him. “What? You agree?”

“You look like a stormtrooper”

“What’s a stormtrooper?” Judith questions making Y/N laugh to herself forgetting she was born in the apocalypse.

“It’s what Uncle Daryl is. But Uncle Daryl is on the good side while stormtroopers were bad guys”

“Yknow. There’s a rental video place. I bet yea they’ve got Star Wars…Aunt Carol has a TV”

“I swear. This is a rare sighting, Daryl actually offering to watch Star Wars” Y/N elbows the man while letting go of Judith a moment.

“Never said I’m watchin’. Y’all can watch it with Carol”

“Sounds good. Carol is a better cuddle partner anyway” Y/N playfully jokes resulting in a glare and a scoff from the archer.

“Nah. You and I only cuddle”

“Jealous aren’t we Uncle Daryl?” Judith giggles a bit before leaving the two to make sure her brother was ready to go. Daryl felt the embarrassment upon admitting such bring the heat to the tips of his ears.

The woman laughs herself before bringing her husband in the mirror with her holding him from the side. He wrapped his arm around her bringing his lips to her temple.

“Wanna see something amazing before you take the kids to school?”

Daryl felt her pull away he always hated that feeling and watched her pull her sweater back enough to show that she popped.

“Now how the fuck am I supposed to go to work and focus when that’s gonna be on my mind all day” Daryl instantly brought Y/N close listening to her giggle as he gently rests his hand on her bump.

“You make it look like nothing”

“It’s somethin’, sunshine” Daryl smiles bringing her back into his embrace as she kept her face away from the armor not liking the new plastic smell.

This was nice. Experiencing the good domestic life…something people since the outbreak happened have longed for. The kids were enjoying school, Daryl was slowly rising in his job resulting in his family moving at least two more times in the new place, and given all the medical resources Y/N was healthy and so was their baby girl. Carol did more research and learned that the community did have an intense leader type before they joined and she was taken down by her own assistant who now helps run more of a council system like what they had at Alexandria. So the overwhelming anxiety about their safety lessened but it was still there.

“You’ve been put on bedrest for a reason”

“Did Daryl tell you to come here and just to tell me that?” Y/N scoffs letting Carol into their place.

“I don’t think you should be questioning when you’re not listening to doctor’s orders”

“Daryl left early and forgot to make lunches for the kids…so I had to. All I remember him telling me was you were going to take the kids…now you’re back”

“Cuz well he told me to keep an eye on yea and make sure you were in bed”

Y/N started to ignore her as she tiredly sits on the couch resting her hands on her belly. Carol brought herself in the kitchen to grab Y/N a glass of water before noticing the letters on the counter from Aaron. They weren’t anything bad, just what was promised of him to update her on Alexandria. And updates on Gracie, Maggie and Hershel adjusting,…their family back home. She was getting homesick and didn’t tell Daryl about it because of how great this place is and how he at least wants the baby to be delivered in a place built for it because Commonwealth did have a hospital. She’s just been keeping a lot of her feelings to herself which led to her stressing and the OB telling her to stay in bed.

“You know once the baby is here we get to go home” Carol assures her as she hands the glass while sitting beside her friend. “Once you two are strong enough, we’ll pack up and head home. I know Aaron will be excited to meet his niece”

The silence was killer and Carol couldn’t help but sense there was much more to it.

“Y/N…I won’t tell Daryl anythin’ you don’t want me to” and that prompted Y/N to finally make eye contact with her before quickly looking away. “Hun…”

“I don’t…I don’t want our kids feeling like, we don’t care about them when she comes. I…I know she’s going to be a priority but I’m just worried…”

“Y/N…Judith and RJ are so loved by you and Daryl. It would take killing the both of you to stop such. Even then I doubt you’ll ever stop. You’re bringing a baby into the world. They know it’ll take time to go back to the old routine. But even then, you love so much and I mean so fucking much. They’ll never forget it”

When the baby finally came, Carol brought the kids to meet her once it was okay to do so. And of course Daryl was hogging their baby because when the three entered the room also being greeted by Ezekiel, they noticed Daryl protectively holding his baby.

“I swear D. Has your wife, aka the baby’s mother, even got a chance to hold her?”

“Yeah” Daryl scoffs. “When she came out” he adds and that led to a bit of laughter to fill the room as he brought himself over to Judith and RJ kneeling before them to show the little girl sleeping peacefully in his embrace.

“She’s tiny” RJ comments as he looks at the child shocked on how the fuck this little human came into the world.

“What’s her name?”

“Robin” Y/N tiredly replies from the bed as Carol approaches her side smiling and brushing the loose hairs out of her face.

“You did good, mama” Carol smiles sitting with Y/N on her bed watching the display of Daryl with all three kids. “They’re going to be inseparable”

Robin Dixon was SWARMED when they finally returned to Alexandria. For Daryl’s anxiety, they waited for her to be a month old before moving back. Maggie and Aaron instantly went toward the child, as Aaron took said child from Daryl and before he could even try and get his daughter back Maggie cut between them.

“It’s our time with the newest addition”

“But—-“

“No buts! You took my sister away for almost a year and now I’m making up for that time with my niece”

“You’re gonna take my kid for almost a year?!”

“No! An hour at most” Aaron scoffs followed by a smirk as he knelt down to show his kid her cousin while Maggie showed Hershel their new family member.

Y/N felt overwhelmed with joy, fear, anxiety…all kinds of things. But she was happy to be home…even if some part of her fear was triggered by worry. Especially when she noticed Judith try and get Daryl’s attention when it’s so focused on this little baby. His baby.

Hours passed…the Dixons and Grimes were back in their house putting everything away and Y/N was thankful for the nursery being finished when they arrived. By help of Maggie. As Daryl started to get Robin to calm down to sleep, Y/N went to check on the Grimes kids. Finding RJ already passed out in his own bed, leaving her to check on Judith who sat on her bed looking at Carl’s hat in her hands.

“You happy to be in your old room again?” Y/N smiles leaning against the door when she noticed a few tears in the young girl’s eyes. “Hey…” her smile faded as she brought herself in closing the door not all the way before sitting beside Judith. “Love, what’s wrong?”

“I miss my mom…my dad…Carl…” Judith sniffled as she carefully hugged the hat while Y/N wrapped her arm around her shoulder. “I know change is normal and all…but I just. It’s been a month already and I feel like I’m just going to be forgotten about”

New baby. New environment. Y/N was still in that weird haze of unwelcome emotions do to hormones as she brought Judith close resting her head on top of hers.

“No one is going to forget you. You are very important to a lot of us. You are so loved and you are a huge part of why a lot of us got together. You are a big piece in our family, Jude”

“Then…wh…”

“Hm? What is it?”

“I know she’s bright and shiny, and his blood…but I just. Don’t think I’m that important to Uncle Daryl anymore”

Right before Y/N can assure her of anything, the door pushed open finding a semi tired RJ that was eavesdropping but also the archer standing behind him. The display made both girls think that RJ heard Judith was in distress in some way that she needed an adult. Which was the truth but he was looking for Y/N first, and found Daryl.

Now they’re here and Daryl felt awful hearing such as he enters with RJ who instantly sprinted to Y/N when he started making his way in.

“You are very important to me, Jude.” Daryl brought himself to sit on the opposite side of her as all of them were on the bed now. “Yeah, I’ve got a baby now…but in a sense, she’s not my first kid. I helped raise yea. Took care of yea. Made sure you had some sense of a childhood in this hell of a world…and did my best not to let you feel an ounce of abandonment when Michonne left. Same for RJ. Yeah…your mom will come back after she finds whatever she went out there for. But you’ll always be my kid”

Judith couldn’t contain the tears anymore as she sobbed into Daryl when he brought her into his embrace. He held her protectively…the same feeling…

Like when he first held her

#cultofdixon #the walking dead #daryl dixon #daryl dixon x reader #daryl dixon fanfiction

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bootlegramdomneess · 11 months

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The Bear Season 2 thoughts

After watching The Bear season 2 and letting things marinate, I think I’d like to share my thoughts. First, as a therapist, for me this show perfectly depicts trauma and its effects in its most raw form. It was so uncomfortable and heartbreaking to watch at times, I felt like one of the themes of this season is sacrifice. What are you willing to sacrifice to A. Discover your purpose and B. is it worth sacrificing so much for success? I saw this theme numerous times throughout the season particularly with the Star convo and from Chef Luca when Marcus asked if it is all worth it and the convo Carmy had with uncle Jimmy about the story of failure

The Xmas episode: This was hard to watch. I had to keep pausing it. Donna is so dysregulated and disturbed. But what I really want to discus and Mikey and Carmy’s dynamic. Mikey is so troubled. He is so unwell. Mikey is Carmy’s hero, but I think Carmy doesn’t see how deeply troubled his brother is. Mikey admires Carmy so much because Carmy was brave enough to get away from the family to pursue his dreams. So heartbreaking. SO MUCH DYSFUNCTION.

Claire- Her character wasn’t fully developed, but I feel like maybe it was done purposefully. We are seeing her through Carmy’s eyes and Carmy doesn’t seem to really know how he feels about her, or know her. He says he’s in love after being forced to choose a feeling, but really he’s only just connected with her. I think perhaps he is equating that feeling of enjoying being with her with love, or maybe even having sex with her with love. He latched onto Claire because she is good at comforting him. Many people who come from dysfunction struggle with this and will latch onto people who appear to be good at this. He’s with her because he thinks, oh, this is fun and normal. He used the term seeking “FUN” but he is searching for normality without a clue as to what normal is. Even deeper, he’s searching for a true path to becoming a healthy adult.

Carmy: I empathize with him so much. I do see Carmy has made some progress. His insight has improved a bit as he recognizes how much trauma he has experienced and how it has manifested in his adult life. He is trying. He is seeking to change. He has recognized the need to be less emotionally inhibited. His judgement is a little impaired though. He sort of thrives In Chaos. That’s why the alarm going off wasn’t bothering him. That’s why he created this entire scenario by getting in a serious relationship with a stranger. He is so emotionally inhibited: The excessive inhibition of spontaneous action, feeling, or communication, usually to avoid disapproval by others, feelings of shame, or losing control of one’s impulses. inhibition of Positive impulses (e.g., joy, affection, sexual excitement, play); (c) difficulty expressing vulnerability or communicating freely about one’s feelings, needs, and so forth; or (d) excessive emphasis on rationality while disregarding emotions. I think this is his main Schema. Yah boy is messed up and needs some one-on-one therapy. I can go on and on about this. There’s so much. Carmy’s actions are pretty on point for someone coming from trauma, dysfunctional parents, and alcoholic parents. He behavior breathes asshole, but really, he has a deeply wounded, lonely, angry, abandoned and abused inner child and his adult self needs some serious healing.

Sydney: I love how they wrote and expanded her character this season. I love how vulnerable they showed her to be. How hard she worked to deal with the growing anxiety. I felt her loneliness when she was eating that giant sundae alone, but I also loved seeing her in her element. Her dad is an ace. She has such a grounding, funny, hardworking energy.

Carmy and Sydney: my babies. Their dynamic is so sweet. So genuine. So raw and real. How many times has he had a panic attack and thoughts of Sydney grounded him? Like..sir. I also feel he’s trying to protect Sydney in a way, and I see this in the star conversation. Underneath his words he is saying: I had to give up so much to get this and I don’t want that for you. It’s hell. It’s fucking terrible pressure. You don’t want this, but also not saying it because maybe he doesn’t want to shatter or shit on her dreams and ambitions. The foreshadowing of the growing anxiety she’ll likely face in the next season with the receipt machine going off in her head was telling. I think this is what Carmy is warning her about. I love when she jokingly teases him. I appreciate how he notices things about her: “you like making people happy.” I like that she calls him out and communicates her needs to him. This is a slow burn. They’re so awkward. They want to hang out. I don’t think they realize they may have feelings yet or if they ever will. They are so much a like in certain aspects but so different in how they view the world because of how they were raised.

Lastly, Richie is the MVP for me this season. I have a soft spot for him.

#sydney x carmy #carmy x sydney #syd x carmy #syd adamu #thebear

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beansterpie · 7 days

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agon/hiruma 8, 9, 17, 33

aaaaand charlotte/casca 8, 9, 26, 43

Hahaha! Thank you for the ask! <3

Agon/Hiruma (ty for letting me ramble about my obscure ship <3)

8.) What do they love most about the other? Why?

The way I see it is that they were initially drawn to one another because they're both assholes who operate outside of the conventional lol. Agon is a genius who believes in his superiority to like, everyone else, and therefore believes that rules don't apply to him. Hiruma is smart enough to know rules are made up and audacious enough to take advantage of that lol. And whenever they meet in middle school (because the exact point of their first meeting is never shown), I imagine both of them probably didn't have any peers or friends they could relate to, so ended up latching onto each other even if they obfuscated that behind other bullshit.

And the other things they like about each other grow from that. Agon (grudgingly) likes how smart and creative Hiruma is, he likes his audacity in the face of social convention/any and every life obstacle, and he finds his antics amusing. Even if he'd never admit it, or possibly even realize it, I think he also likes that Hiruma doesn't take his shit and can actually keep him on his toes. He also just plain likes how in sync they are, how they seem to keep falling into the same wavelength lol. Hiruma just makes his life more interesting.

And on Hiruma's end, he likes what a flashy asshole Agon is lol. He likes gaudy things, and what's gaudier than Agon? Agon doesn't give a crap about what's proper or trying to spare people's feelings-- if he wants something, he'll just take it, and I can see how that would attract Hiruma, at least initially. And even with all the history between them, Hiruma likes that Agon is... not nice lol. Because Hiruma isn't nice (he can be quite kind, but he's not nice), and I think he likes that Agon is cut from the same cloth. And of course, he also likes that Agon is good at football lmfao, it has to be said.

9.) What do they dislike most about the other? Why?

hohohoho, so Agon hates that Hiruma prioritizes football over him lmfao get rekt. By the time they get together (which happens in uni in my head) Agon has matured a bit and is slightly more chill about this, but I think he'd still hate that Hiruma has other friends that he might prioritize over him. And he sometimes hates that Hiruma is a good guy at his core, because he always thought Hiruma was rotten like himself, and that puts them at odds.

As for Hiruma, he hates how plain cruel and petty Agon is. Things would get better after the Youth World Cup arc, especially once they actually make up, but the shit Agon pulled in middle school, the way he hurt Kurita and also threw Hiruma aside? That left pretty deep scars and it would take Hiruma a long time to fully trust Agon, even once they get together. He'd also hate his lack of drive rip. Agon has everything, he's a prodigy and a genius and he wastes his talents by looking down on everyone around him and assuming his natural talents will come out on top no matter what, and Hiruma hates that mindset with every fibre of his being.

17.) How well do they communicate? Are they open with their feelings/thoughts or more reserved? Why?

Not Well™ lmfao. Agon has all the emotional intelligence of a broken crayon and Hiruma has trust issues when it comes to showing his vulnerability, especially to Agon, sooooo getting them to admit anything to each other would be like pulling teeth. Generally they'd express their feelings through actions, but they'd really fumble through it, lots of ups and downs. Plus they're both assholes so that doesn't help.

The crux of it is that Agon is insecure deep down about Hiruma losing interest in him, like growing out of a phase, but he also has a lot of pride and would never admit that. And Hiruma, subconsciously or not, believes that the reason Agon betrayed™ him in middle school is because he never really valued Hiruma as a person, and fucked with him and his friends for shits and giggles because he could (rather than it being out of jealousy). He isn't insecure in Agon's perception of him (I think he was hurt by it, but it didn't impact the way Hiruma views himself-- it just reflected on Agon and what a dick he is) but he's very congizant that Agon is fickle and it could happen again. So that ends up with them always being on the back foot with each other emotionally for a while, until something gives.

Though once that thing does give...

33.) How do they flirt? Who’s the worse flirt?

Lol I feel like their flirting would be almost indistinguishable to their insulting each other. Like, they'd talk shit to each other but there'd be an underlying tone of flirtation that might go over (most) everyone else's heads. Plus, at least at first, Agon would def be that homophobic gay guy trope (or homophobic bi guy in this case) so he'd avoid doing anything obvious in public, like flirting. But once they both feel more secure in their relationship, I could see Agon pretty quickly no longer giving a fuck about what other people think, and then he'd be the most obnoxious flirt. Hiruma's flirting would stay implicit with his taunts and sly comments lol.

---------

Charlotte/Casca

8.) What do they love most about the other? Why?

While Casca initially kind of resented Charlotte's sweetness because she saw it as a result of her naivete and sheltered life, once they get to know each other better I think Casca would come to really value it. She's sweet and tries to be kind, and she IS naive but she has steel in her when it matters. I also think Casca would find her cheeriness and optimism refreshing after like, you know, her life and the world they live in lmfao.

There's a lot of things Charlotte loves about Casca, but above all Charlotte would value Casca's honesty. Casca doesn't lie to her or coddle her the way many other people in her life have, and that's the thing that would eventually have her trusting Casca over everyone else. She also just thinks Casca is cool af, she's cool under pressure, she can fight, she's very handsome. But then she also gets flustered pretty easily if you compliment her too much or try to be emotional with her, and Charlotte finds that endearing.

9.) What do they dislike most about the other? Why?

Casca dislikes Charlotte's... presumptuousness, because she's like, as privledged as you can be in the world of Berserk lol. I think it would get a bit better throughout their relationship, but Casca gets really frustrated with a lot of Charlotte's casual opinions on the world because she fundamentally doesn't understand the hardships that most people have to live through.

And Charlotte dislikes it when Casca shuts her out lol. Casca has a tendency to get resentfully silent whenever she's feeling defensive around the princess, and it drives Charlotte nuts. In part because this happens most often when Charlotte makes a good point about something that is in Casca's field so to speak, and Casca doesn't want to admit that Charlotte might have a point, which of course makes Charlotte feel like Casca is patronizing her.

26.) What sacrifices do they make for the other?

Hmmmm I guess this depends on what point in their relationship we're talking about lol. In a general easy sense, they'd have to come to a lot of small compromises in terms of being patient with each other or altering their world view in small ways (or big ways, more so with Charlotte lol). Once they get together, I guess having to hide their relationship would be a sacrifice, especially to someone like Charlotte who has such starry ideas of romance, I think not being able to show off the person she loves would be difficult. And on Casca's end, I think it would be a pretty big deal whether she realizes or not that she's now like... prioritizing someone else over Griffith lol (she'd honestly probably be in denial about that fact for a while though)

43.) If they picked out outfits for each other, what would they look like?

Casca would probably try picking out something more practical for Charlotte lol, but I also think something would hold her back from like, putting Charlotte in trousers. She still grew up in the Berserk world and has some backwards ideas about womanhood lol, so I think she'd still see Charlotte as a 'proper lady' (as opposed to herself, who is not) and trousers don't come into that. I can imagine Casca picking out something that reminds her of the kinds of clothes the women would wear in her home village, though of much nicer quality.

And Charlotte... I think Charlotte kind of loves the more masculine clothing that Casca wears, and she finds her very fetching in them, but I also think her curiosity would get the better of her and she'd try to dress Casca up in pretty dresses lmfao. Which would make Casca uncomfortable and shy, though maybe a bit flattered too lol. But once Charlotte had her fun, she'd still prefer Casca's usual clothes, though maybe she'd pick out something with a little extra flair and ornamentation than what Casca usually goes for.

------

Thanks again for the ask! Sorry this took me a minute, I had to sit and think about some of them lol.

#ask meme #ship ask meme #marley-manson #eyeshield 21 #agonhiru #agohiru #berserk #chasca #charlotte/casca #long post #lol sorry this got so long

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numbknee · 1 year

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Why do you think Kyman gets so much hate? I can understand some things about what people don’t like about it but some of the things they say, the harassment is so out of pocket. Especially on Tik Tok! It is like a battle ground out there and they all will shoot you down immediately if you SAY anything. I just wanna love Kyman without it seeming like a punishment 😭😭

Dude I totally feel you. It's so much easier to live and let live so I don't understand how these ppl have the energy to be so aggressively hurtful all the time. This has been said before ad nauseum but for god's sake, it's JUST a fucking tv show. I'm too old for this shit.

(longer explanation under the cut! like... extremely long lol I'm so sorry my thoughts about this have been building up for a while 😅)

I think the extremely aggressive kyman hate is a symptom of growing poor media literacy and the larger "purity culture" trend that's been present online for a while now. It's very reminiscent of American Evangelicalism or Puritanism, where members of the church have to follow a very specific set of rules for behaving and thinking and if you deviate from those rules in the slightest, you're shot down immediately by the community and shamed for being sinful and blasphemous, all to keep you on the "righteous path" and avoid burning in hell for eternity. This is why so many puritanical christians in the US hate themselves for doing what most of the world sees as normal behavior, and simultaneously force that self-hating worldview onto others to "save" them. (For example see this video by FD Signifier on youtube explaining how hardcore religious ppl/conservatives are doomed to be bad in bed because they see sex as "evil" when in reality it's a normal part of human behavior 😬 It's long but very good).

Though, it's important to note that ppl who think this way may not even be christian themselves, but the behavior is so pervasive in american culture that you absorb it even if you're not a puritanical christian. (for example, to quote Ian Danskin, athiests may think "I don't believe in god, but the god I don't believe in is Jehovah). Tons of the first generation of white USAmericans were exiled British puritans who were kicked out of their home country for essentially being self-righteous assholes and trying to force their shit worldview on everyone else lmao. And I think because so many online spaces are so USAmerican-centric, people from all over the world have started adopting that purity culture as well.

Now, South Park is extremely popular (duh). It's been around for decades so it has a ton of fans both old and new. Unfortunately a lot of new fans, especially young people, follow the show for very different reasons than the average normie/not-terminally-online viewer does. They take the characters out of their original context, use them like dolls to make their own stories and fan content, and ignore all the other blatantly controversial shit that's been going on in the show since day 1 (which is why so many exclusively make blasé creek fanworks imo). They want to keep their thoughts "pure" and only engage with content that's approved by the puritanical online community

It's extremely fitting but also sad that Cartman is the scapegoat for everything wrong with South Park, both in the show and in the real world. Either ppl don't want to acknowledge he exists, or ppl latch onto him and project all of that puritanical hatred toward him or anyone that likes his character. Hell, even I'M guilty of this kind of thinking before I watched the show and understood Cartman's character better.

Kyman in particular is a target BECAUSE it involves Cartman, but also because people boil it down to shipping a nazi with a jew which, at the surface level, seems horrible! But if you've ever actually WATCHED the goddamn show, you know that is an extremely reductive and inaccurate interpretation of their characters. It's horribly poor media literacy. These ppl CANNOT seem to comprehend that you can enjoy watching a character who's a "bad person" without condoning their actions, and that enjoying the shipping dynamic of such characters DOES NOT make you a bad person by proxy.

A huge role of fiction as media is to explore ideas that may be harmful in the real world in a safe way because... *gasp* it's imaginary!! It makes you think and experience emotions you may not have the opportunity for otherwise! However, in the eyes of puritans, the fact you're even thinking about something like that makes you a sinner. It's a thought crime, which is why they consider us mentally "sick" for shipping kyman. So, they send hate at the drop of a hat and publicly vilify kyman shippers to reinforce that behavior with each other, all to say "Hey look at me!!! I'm a Good Person! see how much of a Good Person I am??? I'm gonna go to HEAVEN, and YOU'RE going to HELL". Like I said before, it's not that they necessarily believe in heaven or hell, but that's the general root of the behavior. It's performative puritan dog-piling. Also, because they haven't even fucking watched the whole show, they conveniently ignore all the other horrible shit the show portrays because random kyman shippers online are easy targets while Matt & Trey are gajillionaires who are essentially un-cancellable for things they do on the show at this point because, to quote Trey: For anyone to go up and go "Did you see this thing on South Park? That was really offensive" someone's gonna be like "Dude shut up 😒 that's just South Park".

Geez man this got super fucking long lmao. But my advice is to please take care of yourself because, and this super cliché to say, but FUCK the haters dude 🖕🖕🖕 You're engaging with media that brings you joy and exploring interesting ideas with a community of awesome artists/writers/meta-analysts and more. This is supposed to be FUN!! Anyone who tries to take that away from you or shame you into stopping is a fucking immature, holier-than-thou asshole who needs to get a fucking life. The block button is your friend, so use it early and often. You have the power to curate your own online space, and you shouldn't subject yourself to dealing with these dickheads (this is a big reason why I don't have a tiktok lol)

Good luck dude, and keep on shipping kyman 😎🤘❤️💚

#ask #anon #kyman #jesus h christ this is so long ajsfklsdf rip #lots of thoughts to get off my chest. yeesh #my post

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starleska · 2 years

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the early bird is the worm - some thoughts on Warren the Eagle

i’ve been fixating on Warren from DHMIS a lot (oh lord why did it have to be him 😭💖) and enjoying a lot of the conversation around his character, both positive and negative! so i wanted to get some thoughts down about him and see what other people think. the writers did an amazing job of portraying an instantly unlikable guy, and i want to examine that unlikability, to see what we can learn about him and his mindset:

a little bit of a recap: when Warren accuses Red Guy and Duck of being bad friends, and the two respond that it’s Yellow Guy’s fault for forgetting the password, Warren doesn’t try to defend Yellow Guy. instead, he goes on a defensive, egotistical tirade about how because he’s not ‘technically affiliated’ with the OK Stop organisation, they don’t think he knows a bad friendship when he sees one. with no prompting, Warren has inserted himself into the interpersonal troubles of another group (that he doesn’t know!!) and made himself out to be the person being attacked. Warren is not a good Samaritan. it’s got nothing to do with Yellow Guy being bullied at all - this is all a vicious ego trip for Warren, who feels persecuted by people he doesn’t even know and projects himself onto other people he perceives to be victims. it’s fascinating, and why i feel it’s a disingenuous interpretation to assume the ‘Warren the Eagle’ name is some mean-spirited joke towards trans people - as a trans person myself, i was worried too! but i realised that it’s not literally about him not being an eagle because he doesn’t have wings - it’s because Warren is oblivious to who he is and the way he treats other people. he’s a social parasite who dresses up his problems in victim-supporting language, validating his toxic behaviours that leave the people around him exhausted and upset. Warren refuses to take accountability for his behaviour and latches onto Yellow Guy despite not having a genuine interest in him or his wellbeing. Warren just wants to be liked, and he realises that in Yellow Guy’s safe space (his brain), he can be...even if he ends up hurting Yellow Guy in the process. Warren being a worm is visual shorthand. pretty much everyone immediately had a visceral response to him and his uncomfortable, invasive behaviour, and the fact that he views himself as a creature that is so radically different from what he actually is - an eagle instead of a worm - is supposed to communicate to us that his perspective is warped to the point that he cannot (or just refuses to acknowledge) how nasty he is to others. you’ll notice that Yellow Guy’s Brain Friends - who are portrayed as a positive, healthy force - are immediately accepting of Warren’s identity and validate his thoughts without question, because they want to be supportive. they’re doing a nice thing, and it’s not played for laughs! but Warren takes advantage of that kindness, and it doesn’t take long for those friends to grow tired of his behaviour. they do the healthy thing by removing themselves from the equation. so, yes...i like Warren as a character a lot, because i think he is a great representation of how you can’t just appropriate the language of positive mental health without doing the actual therapeutic work of unlearning your problematic behaviours. he’s equal parts stubborn and ignorant, and it seems he identifies with being an eagle less in a ‘this is a trans allegory’ sense, and more in a ‘i refuse to acknowledge that i’m being an asshole to the people around me because i am the best and everyone should cater to me.’ sense. that being said, i’m very excited to see more lore and meta and character development for Warren from the fandom! i think headcanoning him as trans is awesome - on that note, did you know that earthworms are intersex? i’m also delighted by the rise of the LoveBird ship (Shrignold/Warren) and the potential for both of them to learn to love in a way which works for them both...the dynamic is so neat 😖💖 that being said, what do you think? do you love Warren? are you indifferent? do you want him to die in a fire? i’d love to know! 🥰

#is it in bad taste to say i have brainworms for Warren because i can't stop thinking about him #he's such a pathetic little creature and i cannot resist the urge to examine him under a microscope. tell me your Warren thoughts!#don't hug me i'm scared #dhmis #warren the eagle #dhmis warren #don't hug me i'm scared spoilers #dhmis spoilers #starleskatalks

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kken-kenn · 1 year

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# ⎯ 〚 ❝ 𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐏 𝐎𝐅 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 ❞ 〛

𝐫𝐞𝐪. 𝗒𝖾𝗌

𝐭𝐰. 𝗇𝗈𝗇𝖾

𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐜. 𝗀𝗇!𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝖾𝗋

𝐰𝐜. 𝟩𝟤𝟤

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦. 𝖮𝗉𝗉𝗈𝗌𝗂𝗍𝖾𝗌 𝖺𝗍𝗍𝗋𝖺𝖼𝗍, 𝖺𝗂𝗇'𝗍 𝗍𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗍𝗋𝗎𝗍𝗁?

𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞. 𝖺𝖻𝗈𝗎𝗍 𝗁𝖺𝗅𝖿 𝗐𝖺𝗒 𝗍𝗁𝗋𝗈𝗎𝗀𝗁 𝖨 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝗅𝗂𝗓𝖾𝖽 𝖨 𝖻𝖾𝗀𝖺𝗇 𝗍𝗈 𝗌𝗉𝖾𝗅𝗅 "𝖬𝖺𝖽𝖽𝗂𝖾" 𝖺𝗌 "𝖬𝖺𝖽𝖽𝗒" 𝗌𝗈 𝗃𝗎𝗌𝗍 𝗂𝗀𝗇𝗈𝗋𝖾 𝗍𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝗐𝗁𝗂𝗅𝖾 𝖨 𝗐𝗂𝗅𝗅 𝖿𝗂𝗑 𝗂𝗍 𝗌𝗈𝗈𝗇.

𝐇𝐀𝐓𝐄.

The feeling someone gets when they incredibly dislike a person, wether with a reason or without we all hate something.

You, just so happened to hate everyone, you found people to be dull and unfulfilling, boring and obnoxious. And the way you acted surely added to that experience. You never said more than a sentence, voice low and laced with irritation.

Your eyes never met the persons you we’re speaking, wether it was because you didn’t like eye contact or you found it boring to communicate they didn’t know, for no one could break the iron wall that surrounded your heart.

You were content to stay this way until a particular Hatter came skipping down the halls, set on making you some friends. “Hai! [Name]!” She would call out loudly over the railing, garnering the attention of passing by students.

She would sit with you at lunch sometimes along with her pet mouse named ‘Earl Gray’. Whenever it was time to pick partners for a project her hand would shoot up as she would exclaim confidently how she was going to be your partner.

Now I can not lie, in the beginning it was infuriating, you enjoyed being invisible now with Maddie basically attached to your hip it was like you were the glaring sun when you walked the halls. She was trying to penetrate the walls you had built up, and, she was.

Slowly but surely, her loud good mornings in the day would bring a smile to your face, sitting with you at lunch gave you butterflies in your stomach from how close she would get. When you would suddenly pay very close attention to class when the girl spoke up, or when she would latch onto your shoulders in a fit of happiness and you could feel the blood rush to your ears.

Her smile so bright when she say your face made you just as happy as well, and you couldn’t help but giggle whenever people would give her weird looks when she indulged in her mad personality, Maddie was truly something for the ages.

⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ♡ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅

“Maddie?” You had asked silently, gazing out across the forest line. “Yes, [Name]?” She answered looking at you while she held a tea cup and saucer in one hand and the pot in the other. “I…I think I don’t hate everyone now,” You told her, bringing your knees up to you chest.

“Oh that’s wonderful [Name]!” She laughed, looking at you with her soft blue eyes. “So tell me, what changed your mind?” You smile ever so softly, “You,” is the only thing you say as Maddie tilted her head in confusion.

“Maddie your not like the other kids here,” You chuckle, “But that much is obvious, your loud, eccentric, bubbly, happy, hex even colorful!” You explained while Maddie’s face soon began to change into something akin of embarrassment.

“Madeline Hatter, you bring life into this black and white view that I call my life as cheesy as that sounds, your the one thing that I can gladly say I would wake up every morning of it meant I could see your smile, that beautiful glowing smile,” Maddy has by now stopped talking, instead choosing to listen to you gratefully with both hands nestled over her heart.

“When I look at you I’m filled with this warm feeling inside, at first I thought it was just a feeling that meant I enjoyed your presence, but now I see it’s more than that…” Moving to sit in front of her taking her hands so they lay in yours, “Maddy I hate a lot of things in this world, but the one thing I don’t hate is you.”

“Really?” Maddy asks, while her smiles grows impossibly bigger than it was already, you nodded frantically, “Now I don’t know where the confidence came to tell you all that but there still one last thing I want to say.”

“Maddy, I love you, okay?” You tell her to which Maddy suddenly leaps on you, wrapping her arms around your waist and shoving her face in your neck, her laughter sounding much more joyous than before. “Im so happy!” Maddy sits back up, looking at you cheerfully, “I don’t hate you either!” She looks at you cheekily, while you roller your eyes.

“Maddy you don’t hate anything!”

⎯ 〚 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐝. 𝟤𝟥.𝟣.𝟤𝟥 〛

#ever after high #eah #ever after high x reader #eah x reader #ever after high imagine #eah imagine #ever after high fanfic #eah fanfic #ever after high fic #eah fic #ever after high madeline #eah madeline #ever after high madeline hatter #eah madeline hatter #madeline #madeline hatter #madeline x reader #madeline hatter x reader

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sleepy-aletheas · 2 months

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There is something really satisfying to me about the Story Quests in Genshin. I know that many people hate that the quests about the playable characters center around NPCs, but honestly? I fucking love that.

(this is more babbling than I thought it would be, but I was thinking about this before taking a nap, so now I'll put it here to stop walking in circles anymore)

They are people of this world. They live there with neighbors and fellow citizens; they work and have colleagues with whom they communicate with (or not); they have duties and hobbies and dreams, just like everyone else. The playable characters we meet and get to know are complex, but they feel more alive and well rounded, because the people around also have depth.

There are NPCs with conflict, complex histories shared among them. There is loyalty and love. There are dreams, and there is despair. The characters we are interested in are designed to be interesting, but they do live outside the Traveler's orbit too. They wake up and have a full day before them, they have plans and whims, deadlines and duties, they talk with people close to them, with people we don't even know exist.

And these story quests are a great way to show how these characters we latch onto, and want to know more about, how they interact with the world around them. How the world interacts back. What these characters think about others. How others think about them.

I loved Yoimiya's first quest a lot, because it was mainly about the NPCs. We saw what fireworks meant for them, how precious it was. We had two story lines paralleling each other at the same time, with the overall message being "this is what connects us and only us" and we get to know what Yoimiya gets out of bringing this to people. We didn't need to go in-depth through her childhood to know that this is fulfilling to her, that she loves bringing people a spark of happiness only they can truly understand, and we see people love and appreciate her back. We don't need NPCs shout how amazing she is, because she is their friend, their neighbor, a daughter, a role model. We get to see how they talk to her, what they say, what she says and how she says it.

Kokomi is still my favorite Inazuma character and her story quest made me love her more, because we see her care for Watatsumi, her relentless pursuit for the better future that hangs just out of reach now. We see how she's loved, revered, idolized and cared for. We see people needing her do her duty, but also caring for her wellbeing, because she's human like them. And we see she made a space just for herself when she's exhausted, when she needs to recharge and be Kokomi, not the Divine Priestess Sangonomiya Kokomi. We read her diary! We get to know she has a very limited social battery she needs to push daily to do her duties. She is anxious, tired, and so in love with her home and her people, she will go through this endless exhaustion with pride and care.

I even liked Ayato's quest, because it underlined his whole character nicely. He is important to the commissions, he has a good enough pull in matters. He is polite, and he worked his way up from not knowing how to lead to be at the place he is now. And meanwhile we are trying to solve the whole wedding fiasco, he is...quiet. He observes and comments, and observes some more. He pushed people to think for themselves in ways that benefited everyone, so he doesn't have to clean up more messes later. He is calm and pretty neutral overall, and the lack of interest from his side says way more than if he spilled his guts to us or we had an emotional conversation with him, when he is not the type of person to do that.

And that's another thing I like: the spaces between what is said. The insinuations, the lack of elaboration, the glossing over and switching of topics that were trying to get somewhere. Sometimes we get to know more about people by the things they don't say or that they avoid. And I like that it's portrayed in characters that aren't really open about themselves, be it through emotional distance, their work-life balance, or just them being really liking privacy. And it's not just the silent types that do that like Ayato or Alhaitham. Yae Miko doesn't really spill anything either, with her being so seemingly light hearted with a sharp edge, she directs the conversations masterfully away from places that are vulnerable.

I just love that we can see different facets of the characters through them talking, people talking, the silence and omission, the hints and jokes. The world is alive, the characters are alive, the NPCs are alive, and they all coexist. It's just the Traveler that gets roped into the shenanigans of the few powerful ones that have visions and those are the characters we follow.

There are so many characters I love, that make my day, that give me new train of thoughts to evaluate and settle my own mess of a life. Some are frustrating to the point of intrigue. Some I don't vibe with and I love them for that more, because that makes me wanna understand more.

I just really love the way the game handles the characters, even the ones I don't like. There is care put into them, and yes, there are obviously some that are more fleshed out by a lot more details and are brought back over and over in events, but all these playable characters have depth, even if it's sometimes overlooked or overshadowed by someone else. Sometimes the depth is hidden by frost to not get deep, sometimes the characters themselves put stones in the way so no one tries to dive deeper.

My love just simply overrides the weaker moments, and my mind fills in the blank spaces left behind, and I don't mind that at all.

#genshin impact #i'm rambling again #i could dissect Ayaka's story quest and why it's so dear to me #I could rant about Alhaitham's for 4 hours straight and still go on a tangent after that #i love seeing my emotional support terrors exist and i like to care for the NPCs too because they fill the world #there are too many NPCs i care about in general. some i might love even more than a playable character with how attached i get #maybe one day i will write physical love letters about all the characters that make the challenge of living so much more rewarding

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hed-romancer · 1 year

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epithet erased: prison of plastic thoughts (spoilers)

finished the book! and before i go look at what everyone else thought, here's what i thought. negatives first, then positives.

NEGATIVES

brendan blaber really is a visual storyteller and you can tell reading this. if i read this again i'm making a drinking game out of every time he says someone was acting "like" someone else. 2 shots if it's doing something like a little kid

"also, there's just spontaneous dramatic exposition in places there really shouldn't be. someone should explain "show don't tell" to this guy because he'd randomly cut to paragraphs of a character's serious backstory with how exactly they reacted and felt and why, and it could get pretty awkward and borderline insulting.

I definitely liked Rick Shades more towards the end, but why was his whole character gimmick that he seems like a really creepy guy preying on tween girls, but actually he isn't? Like. I'm glad he does have good intentions, but having to sit through chapters of not knowing that was kinda rough and anxiety-inducing.

Also, the whole "isolated community with its own race of people barely represented in the mainstream society is really barbaric and people need to escape it and join mainstream society" rings some warning bells for me.

Also, while I liked Rick Shades more towards the end, I really do think it was a wasted opportunity having him along on the adventure instead of Sylvie (or Percy). It would've been interesting to examine Molly and Sylvie's parallel but different adult mentalities and actions, while not having to dive into the extremely fantastically-horrible situation Rick had going on.

POSITIVES

not that the rest of this book sucked, cause it was pretty good, but the rest of this book could've completely sucked and i still would've loved it for giovanni "kidnapping" molly at the end

i really liked lorelai's characterization. while her being boy crazy was mentioned a bit too often for me, her latching onto giovanni as someone who actually appreciates her creations was cute, and i like how her whole concept is of someone just completely unwilling to face reality and resenting anyone who tried to make her. this might've been annoying had it been an adult character, but since she was 14-15 when her mom died, this makes total sense and i dig it. the realization that she didn't know if she killed her mom and was going to such lengths to avoid considering it was genius

Molly was also done really well. I liked how she was very understandable but not perfect either. She doesn't appreciate her sister's creations or understand what her sister is trying to do at all, but she's got bigger stuff on her plate and you can't help but feel for her the whole time. (again tho, way too much exposition on how she thinks everything is her job. did not have to spell that out so many times for the readers)

giovanni being completely clueless almost the entire time was hilarious

trixie and feenie were pretty cute

martin blyndeff is written wonderfully. he's a horrible guy but he's genial enough that he can trick himself into thinking he's the good guy. good foil to lorelai

the worldbuilding was great

i loved how it was a magical story that focused on how these two girls cope with a horrible situation. i love that blend of magical and non-magical problems

#epithet erased #epithet erased spoilers #molly blyndeff #giovanni potage #lorelai blyndeff #prison of plastic #martin blyndeff #rick shades

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indulgentandidiotic · 1 year

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Riddle Rosehearts w/ an S/O Who’s Reluctant to Initiate Physical Affection

Warnings: formatted like a oneshot(?), cringe /hj GN Reader

Synopsis: When you're stupid and he's stupid and urgh you two make me so mad pls just kiss already oh my god COMMUNICATE *jumps off a cliff*

It wasn’t that you didn’t love Riddle. You loved him to the moon and back, but initiating physical contact just wasn’t a thing you did. It wasn’t something you were used to. So when you and Riddle started dating, nothing really changed.

Perhaps you’d give him a peck on the cheek or lips here and there, or you’d give him a pat on the shoulder before leaving Heartslabyul after teatime, but that was it. To the public, if they weren’t there to see those small instances of affection, it looked like you and Riddle were just good friends. And Riddle wasn’t very fond of that.

He too, wasn’t good at initiating physical affection, him being too shy–but he still craved your touch. He still wanted to appear as a couple to others. Though it was embarrassing to admit, he desired your arms around him in an embrace, your lips on his in a kiss, or your fingers intertwined.

After a month or so of no special affection from you, Riddle grew frustrated. Yes, it wasn’t like he was trying to initiate, either, but we don’t talk about that. It was silly, he thought, to think that you loved him less just because you weren’t showing your affection in ways typical of other couples. You still gave him your full attention. You still indulged him in his wishes. You still looked at him with all the love in your heart. But he wanted more.

And in your mind, you were still waiting (like a fool) for Riddle to give you explicit permission to touch him. After all, you weren’t the type of person who wanted to be poked and hugged and clung to all the time. You didn’t want to accidentally overstep Riddle’s boundaries, though you had a lot of love you wanted to give him. Oh Dear Seven please just communicate

Finally, Riddle had enough. He was dying inside, his desire to hold your hand for the first time ever burning like a fire inside him! But oh, ever as fragile as a flower, he was still so reluctant to take action. But he came up with a plan. Perhaps if you and he just went about on some date or outing, and he found a reason to hold your hand, he could ease into the action of it. Start with a practical reason, and end with normalizing the practice of holding your hand. Yes, how could this plan go wrong?

It went wrong.

You and Riddle had been strolling about on Heartslabyul grounds when Riddle found the most opportune moment to grab your hand.

“Oh? What’s this all about?” You had asked. Unbeknownst to him, your heart had jumped when he suddenly latched onto you.

Riddle had meant to say, “Well, I just wanted to hold your hand~" all suave, but the small smirk on your face (read: flustered grin) caused him to panic and backtrack, leading him to stutter out an, "Ah, the ground is uneven and I'm wearing heels! So I'm just holding onto you to keep balanced."

And unfortunately, his explanation led you to shake off his hand when the ground became stable.

Plan A had failed, but what about… *drumroll please* Plan B?!!

Plan B was a bit more convoluted, but still a promising route. For a week, Riddle read various articles on the psychology of love and desire, hoping that it would help him learn how to get what he wanted without communicating with you.

The conclusion of his research led to you two playing chess. Not at all out of the ordinary. When you played, you often took a while to think and moved your hand over the board slowly. Riddle was much the same. But this time, he moved quickly, often making moves right when you finished yours, causing your fingers to brush against each other. It happened multiple times, and you often caught a smug grin on Riddle’s face when it happened.

After a few games, Riddle moved on to the second phase of the plan–initiating more hand brushes inconspicuously. While walking together in the halls he’d tap a finger against your hand, and when studying together he’d make an effort to reach for the same book or turn the page at the same time. He even pooled together the courage to say, “Dear me, it’s like we can’t get enough of each other!” when your hands touched for the 108th time that week. And he did all this in the hopes that it would subliminally send you the message that he wanted you to hold his hand.

It didn’t work. You just thought it was a series of happenstances or things that didn’t mean much. Oh you, always the one who needed things spelled out.

But Riddle wasn’t going to give up. He had one more plan that was sure to make you understand what he wanted! He was willing to sacrifice his pride for this one he should be sacrificing his pride actually communicating with you It was fairly easy to enact this plan. Bugs were abundant in the Ramshackle dorm, and all Riddle had to do was play the role of a damsel in distress.

He pretends to be scared when a cockroach skitters across the floor, sidling up to you in hopes that perhaps you’d play the manly heroic act and be his knight in shining armor. Perhaps you’d put an arm around his waist and say something cheesy like, "I'll protect you!" But no.

Instead, you say, "Oh. A bug,” and you rush to throw it outside. No heroic acts like in the movies or romance novels. Riddle threw away his pride for nothing.

At this point, Riddle is out of ideas and fuming. A month of no special affection from you has turned into two, and Riddle is hurt. Yes, he was partially to blame. He didn’t communicate with you at all, but surely you must’ve noticed the hints he was dropping! Riddle feels that perhaps you don’t care as much as you say you do. Maybe he was wrong about you all along…

And all those thoughts and frustration ended with Riddle bursting into Ramshackle at 3am, sniffling with hot tears running down his face. He had not slept, and his hair was a mess from running through the wind. He’d been overthinking every action of yours all that week, wondering why you hadn’t been doing any couple-y things with him, and it all just came to a head.

Riddle spilled every single thought he’d had to you, while you stood concerned and groggy from being woken so suddenly. And as Riddle was going on a near-incoherent rant about how you hadn’t even hugged him once during your relationship nor shown him any special affection, you pulled him into your arms.

Had this discussion been at a time other than the middle of the night, you might’ve been a bit more reluctant when hugging Riddle. But, being that it was late and you were a bit dazed, you enveloped him in your arms and held him to your chest with abandon. Soon, his cries became soft stutters of breath, and your head cleared enough for you to lead him to your room and make space for him on the bed. You couldn’t have him walking all the way back to Heartslabyul at this hour, could you?

Riddle was a bit reluctant to sleep with you, but you convinced him. There was no way he’d be going back to Heartslabyul at this hour, especially not when you two needed to have a discussion in the morning.

As he lay in bed, he almost laughed at how silly this situation was. He’d been avoiding communicating with you because he was embarrassed, only to explode at you in the most embarrassing way possible. He almost wanted to cry a second time for how foolish he was. But as you drew him ever nearer to your heart and gave him a goodnight kiss on the top of his head, he thought that perhaps the outcome of this disaster wasn’t too bad.

Morning came all too soon, and Riddle found himself wishing he could hide in the rosebushes as you sat across from him at the Ramshackle dining table. He wondered what you thought about his silly little plans to get you to notice that he wanted attention.

You were holding his hands in your own, probably trying to make amends with him after last night’s outburst.

“Riddle, my love, I’m sorry. You went through a lot to catch my attention and it all went over my head! I didn’t mean to neglect you. I was just waiting for you to give me explicit permission, but I should’ve just asked.”

Riddle kept his eyes trained on the floor. “You don’t think I’m… silly? Or childish for acting in such ways? Though you didn’t ask for my permission to touch me, it’s not like I communicated with you, either. I used roundabout methods of trying to get you to love me, in the way that I wanted, and it all backfired horribly! I feel like such a fool.”

You squeezed his hands, causing him to glance up at you.

“Oh no!” You said, shaking your head. “No, it wasn’t silly at all! I mean, now that I know what you were trying to do, it all seems rather cute, but- No! You- were embarrassed, and that’s understandable. I don’t think any less of you. And I’m glad that I know now, because it means I can give you as much love as you want! I promise I’ll give you all the hugs and kisses you desire!”

Riddle was taking deep breaths, a faint blush on his face and teary eyes.

You noticed, and chose to tentatively put a hand on Riddle’s head and ruffle his hair. “I love you, Riddle~”

“I love you, too. And… thank you. To make it even, I promise you that I won’t keep it in anymore. I’ll tell you what I want, even if it is embarrassing.”

And thus begins the stage of your relationship where you shower Riddle with love and affection forever and ever! >:D

**Bad endings? What is that? Never heard of them.**

#indulgent writing 🍓#riddle rosehearts #riddle rosehearts x reader #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #previously found on theheavilyinulgentgoat. but no more

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averseunhinged · 3 months

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💌 send this to the twelve nicest people you know or who seem to have a good heart and if you get five back you must be pretty awesome. 💌 :)

ilu, ella! you're cool and nice and you should probs know that i've prev screenshotted your translated class notes for my own further investigation. you're like a history stuff influencer.

here is a thing from further on in i never said i had the answer i thought you might enjoy! it's v rough and idk what the final form of it will be b/c there's a giant chunk of s4, plus boring new orleans supernatural politics, left to go before this, but it involves my favorite pet theories about the elena + caroline + bonnie friendship.

“You got into Yale?” Elena questioned with a little laugh, dripping in disbelief.

“I had the highest GPA in our graduating class,” Caroline scoffed and crossed her arms, leaning her weight back on one hip. “I got a 2130 on my SATs in one try. Yeah. I got into Yale.”

“Because you’re organized and you obsess over stuff. Not because—”

“Whoa, Elena,” Bonnie protested off to the side.

“Not because I’m intelligent or hardworking? Or because I dedicated myself to cheerleading and student council and spent most of my spare time doing civic activities and community service, because I wanted to be the most attractive candidate to every school I applied to?”

“That’s not what I meant,” Elena insisted, squeezing her hands into fists and pressing them into her stomach, like she always had when she argued with Caroline before turning sucked out her personality and replaced it with Damon’s.

“Of course, that’s what you meant. Because I’m just bitchy, bimbo Caroline, right? Nothing else to see here, right?”

A petite, delicate hand inserted itself between their faces. “Absolutely not,” Bonnie demanded. “You are not doing this to me. I refuse to relive the freshman year fights.”

“Freshman year fights?” Stefan asked, heroically latching onto the attempt to defuse the two women.

“Caroline makes varsity cheer squad freshman year, so Elena goes on a date with Caroline’s crush. Caroline embarrasses Elena in front of said crush and he doesn’t ask her out again. Elena tells the sheriff about the college guy hitting on Caroline, so she gets grounded.” Bonnie flopped onto the sofa next to Stefan. “Why does Elena look better in low rise jeans than I do? Why is Caroline’s hair always shinier than mine? I love you both very much, but I swear I’ll figure out a way to dagger you like Mikaelsons if the alternative is living with that for the rest of my life.”

The room was quiet for a moment, until Damon loudly slurped Liz’s Maker’s Mark. Caroline rattled a disgusted noise deep in her throat when he responded to her disapproving glare with a toasting glass and a show of settling more comfortably into his chair, like he was ready to be entertained.

“I thought we were all going to Whitmore together,” Elena finally said.

Caroline took a steadying breath and tried to shake off her defensiveness. Forced herself to uncross her arms and roll the tension out of her shoulders. She explained, “We were! Yale was just a last minute whim, because they have this specific interdisciplinary Classics program, and I didn’t know when I applied, but the head of the department is a vampire, so when I said I wanted to minor in finance, too, it raised some flags,” she paused and then burst out in a quick rush of justification, “and I might have used a passage I translated out of an old journal in Grams’ collection as an example of the work I was interested in doing. I didn’t think it had anything obviously witchy, but it rang more bells.”

“Jesus, Barbie,” Damon groaned.

“Well, I know it was dangerous, now,” Caroline stopped and thought, frowning. “Mostly because they recognized my last name and universities have problems with hunters infiltrating the student population with their kids. They waitlisted me while they investigated, but I really am a vampire. So, they didn’t have to kill me and everyone I know. Crisis averted. Everything’s fine.”

#awkwardly dragging in a dead rat as a gift for being awesome #pre-canon elena was as much of a cheerleading mean girl as caroline #and bonnie had to mediate about things she didn't understand the point of caring about #but then elena's parents died and caroline couldn't execute a friendship pivot quite as quickly as bonnie was able to #and that's the dynamic in s1 #also researching the sats in the early 2010s made my brain bleed #and i should apologize to my siblings for not understanding what a huge pita it was to graduate high school 2006-2016 #24/7 sylvia plath #i never said i had the answer #canon divergence as an extreme sport

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trans-eddie · 2 years

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both "eddie munson is sexually experienced and suave and really good in bed and knows what he is doing" and the "eddie munson is a lame dork loser nobody likes and obviously has to be a virgin because there's probably no way he's ever kissed anybody" are both like. fundamentally incorrect with the information we are given about him.

first and foremost: he is coded sexually, if we are interpreting him as queercoded. the hanky code, the handcuffs, those are not just "gay signals," they communicate s&m top. that's a pretty bold (and almost impossible) statement to make for someone who exists pre-internet, if he has no experience. that's not readily available knowledge to someone who is not on the scene and actively picking it up.

BUT we also have to consider: he is very young, still in high school, and socially rejected.

important to note though, examining his behavior, he is not socially awkward. awkwardness to me implies a level of unintentional clashing with social rules, and eddie very specifically seems to clash on purpose. he knows what he's doing and that's why he's doing it. it's part of the "rebel" design of his character; he knows the social rules, and that's why he's able to say "fuck them." that's also why he can pull it off without most people cringing over it, because, speaking as an autistic person, if actually socially awkward people (like autistic ppl) do half of what eddie did, it would instantly cause mockery. but eddie conveys disdain for the rules and social conventions, not unawareness, so he can pull off that behavior in a way that makes the audience like him.

which means reasonably (as we are shown) he would mesh INCREDIBLY well with other people like him. nerds, rejects, outcasts, other metalheads, etc. the kids latch onto him quite a lot for someone who is supposed to be socially awkward, because he isn't. he IS charming and magnetic and inspiring....to a select sub group of people.

part of his queer coding IS his social reject status. which literally means other queer people are likely to connect well with him, because they are also going to be socially rejected. and eddie DOES display a level of aptitude when it suits him (like how easily he made chrissy feel comfortable using the exact same overdramatic "socially awkward" behavior and seemed to know it would work.)

in fact, chrissy actually mentions that she thought he would be "mean and scary," which is based more on assumptions made bc of his associations with metal music and d&d, which is also the basis of the cafeteria monolgue; he wasn't seen as a freak for his "dork" behaviors or for being a nerd, like more modern d&d players might. the theme of the season was the satanic panic, and eddie's social reject status was based on everything about him being demonized as evil, not socially awkward. in fact if you observe, he consistently shows very nice and even gentlemanly behaviors, meaning that everyone who percieves him the way they do does it bc of stereotypes and associations, not out of observing his behavior.

the point I'm trying to get at: in a little rural town like hawkins, liklihood is he doesn't have a lot of opportunity or even a decent enough pool of people to choose from; but also he is implied to have some level of sexual experience. i would posit, then, that he has only a little bit, probably just hookups (bc of the nature of flagging,) due to things like the constraints of his age and location. he wouldn't have had much of a shot before becoming an adult because high schoolers were afraid or wary of him, but outside of school where he wouldn't carry that reputation, there would be no reason why he wouldn't succeed.

eddie probably has a level of charm and natural draw and talent that would work pretty effectively on the right people (but not most,) but probably not enough practical experience to actually be knowledgeable.

and i would very easily say its likely he has no romantic experience and probably has never dated before.

but like. the two ends of the spectrum on this take are both easily contradicted by actual canon evidence, so they're getting to be fairly annoying interpretations. he is neither a smooth sex king nor an awkward virgin.

#stranger things #eddie munson

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uldren-sov · 5 months

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AHEM. HEM! FAVOURITES, TATTOO, HERO, LYRICS, PLS AND THANK YOU (MS CAMY ROSE CALL ME)

omg!!!! tyty for the questions!!!! ms camy rose is free on thursday night....

Favourites: Which song of the band’s is your MC’s favourite? Which is the fan-favourite?

So I chose the title Wasted Desires as the fan fave. It's THE ONE LOVE SONG on the whole album The Gambit that talks about the love lost from her and Seven's actual breakup and the regret in how it ended. And OF COURSE the fans latch onto it, of COURSE it's their favorite, she kind of hates that its their favorite, she does not want Seven to be any more responsible for her success than he already was. She needs to prove to herself that she can do it alone and more than that she needs to prove it to him. So while he still colors a lot of inspiration in her songs, this is one of the few times she sang about him more directly and it's annoying that the fans love it. (Whether or not it's due to the fact that the lyrics are just better bc they're more authentic, or because they just love drama, WHO'S TO SAY but it could really go either way.) and im SO BAD WITH SONGS. But I think maybe the first song they did without Seven is her favorite, not because it was necessarily good, it wasn't, but after writing and rewriting and moments the effort of holding back the tears meant there was no energy left to sing with, but she did it anyways. She stuck it out and stuck her pieces back together for herself and for The Band - because they're relying on her they're the ones who need her and they threw the weight of their dreams onto her shoulders and her shoulders alone - and she knew at least that it only gets easier from then on. Or so she hopes :)

Tattoo: Did they keep the tattoo with Seven’s initials? Why/why not? What was that decision/execution process like? (Bonus: What do they think of Seven keeping their tattoo?)

She did! But she almost didn't!! Because it wasn't only The Vote, it was The Fight, where she and Seven said some unforgivable (at the time) things to each other, and then Seven ghosts her for like a month. So that means, to her, that he cuts all communication but he also doesn't come back home to her (probably staying with his mom again) and the next time she sees him he's halfway through packing his things away in boxes, with him being unwilling to work anything out they fought again (bc that's all they were good for at that point), and he says if only she could have come back when he was done - with nothing left but the spare key slipped under the door. So her knee-jerk reaction was to get rid of everything else, including the tattoo. She booked the appointment and everything before she realized she was being just as impulsive as he was. She told herself to think on it before she did anything (or anyone) as a rebound from all this hurt - she wouldn't sink to Seven's level and risk hurting herself more if only to have the chance to hurt him. So she cancelled the appointment, promising to revisit it on a later day. But then she didn't. Other tattoos help now that she can get them without holding his hand and by the time she considers it again, the significance of the tattoo is as much a headstone as it is a shrine to what their relationship was. And on her lowest nights she kisses it, to try and get any kind of spark of the love she had and has never known again. She misses him and is willing to forgive him some things... but not everything. She never expected Seven to keep his, not with how he acted, not with how hurt he was, not with how viciously he broke up with her. It's almost incomprehensible and is completely at odds with how she thought he would act. Despite her better judgment she's hopeful...

Hero: What is their favourite thing about G? Why is your MC such a big fan?

(Funnily enough I have Griffin, because Gina was an ex bestie I had in HS that did me REAL dirty so I still hate the name Gina lmaooo) Probably the nostalgia lmao. She was a HUGE fan of Misfit Alley and especially when she was that young she was like "if G can do it, I can do it." (Which was, I'm sure, the marketing point they were selling) So G really helped her steel herself when it came to how nervous and uncertain she was when she and Seven were in HS and thinking they were crazy for even considering starting a band. So she tried to see herself in G, manifest that kind of success, and fall back on that idolatry when she just didn't have the confidence in herself (which was often back then.) When no one else got/gets me I know G got/gets me. - Camila Rodriguez-Rose, age 16 The fact that she had a HUGE crush too didn't hurt lolol. NOW though it's so wild and interesting to think about G as a person and strangely enough on such a similar wavelength, the few times they were able to be alone with one another. G talking about how many different versions of himself are in other people's minds, talking about how he's the villain in people's stories, struck her to her core in a way that she has not been able to feel in a long time. The fact that such sentiment, that she can relate to, is coming from G fucking "Reign" is so wild to her that she almost can't believe it. But she certainly believes it when she keeps finding similarities between them and felt the way she did when they sang together...

Lyrics: What are some songs you associate with your character? Any specific lyrics that really scream your character?

SO IM SO BAD AT MUSIC but I want to thank @sotc for giving me songs that made them think of Camy lmao bc otherwise I wouldn't know what to put here lolol I should really get better at this for a music-based IF but here's the two: Uffie – Papercuts generally and Stupid Girl - Garbage

EDIT: I just thought about one of Camy's like "voice claim" bands and this actually really fits: Roots - In This Moment: You wanna know why I like the pain you say There's some sick part of me thankful for the hate I stay positive and I push forward ya see I gotta do the right thing for my family So I smile and say that the world is just fine As these fucking parasites eat up my spine So I ask you once and I ask you again Where do your roots start and where do your roots end

#Ask meme answers #OC: Camy Rose #Infamous oC #BLEH this got long but im just INSPIRED lolol so <333 tyty again for the questions!!

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sohoscribblers · 5 months

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A Deeper Dive into First Person POV

by @adeptdragonfruit54

What is First person POV more specifically?

First-person perspective is a storytelling technique that narrates the story from the POV of a single character, usually the protagonist but sometimes it can be a side character linked to the protagonist. If it’s the protagonist telling the story, you’ll see the pronoun “I.” In this form of storytelling, the story unfolds through the eyes, internal thoughts, and emotions of the “I” narrator. It’s a very intimate form of storytelling that lets the character speak directly to the reader or even lets the reader feel that they are the narrator. In the “I” form of storytelling, the reader is looking through the eyes of the protagonist directly and experiencing everything without the filter of the author as narrator.

For example:

Consider the last scene in Season 2 of Good Omens on Amazon Prime when Aziraphale turns his head away from Crowley to hide his emotions/tears. Let’s write that in first person and then third person.

First person POV Aziraphale: “You idiot, we could have been us,” Crowley said to me. Words jammed in my throat and creased my brow as I looked my companion of many long years. A half motion toward him and a half motion away repeated several times indecisively made my body rock back and forth. Hot tears welled in my eyes. Finally, the waves of emotion became too unbearable. I turned my face away quickly to stifle the cry of pain that threaten to break from my throat as a single tear rolled from the corner of my eye. But as quickly as the tear could slip from my eye, I heard Crowley’s light footsteps cross the space between us and felt him grab the lapels of my jacket. And then his mouth was on mine, hot and demanding an answer; demanding that I understand what he was trying to say.

Third Person POV: “You idiot, we could have been us,” said Crowley. He paused a moment, hoping for some affirmative response, or any response from the angel. Aziraphale looked at him with a creased brow, his shoulders rocking first toward the demon and then away as if undecided which way to move. Crowley watched this indecisive little movement, hoping against hope that his angel would decide to move to him in the end, but his hopes were dashed when Aziraphale simply turned his head away and refused to look at him further or to speak. Then, in one final, desperate act, Crowley closed the space between them. He latched onto Aziraphale’s collar and kissed him, trying to communicate all his love and need and desperation into that one single human act. He demanded with his lips that Aziraphale understand everything that words had failed to convey. He hoped for a Vavoom.

Advantages of first person

The most obvious advantage of using first person POV is that it establishes an immediate rapport between the reader and the narrator and lets the reader form a deep connection with the character. You can really explore a character’s growth and viewpoints throughout a story using this perspective. Second, it can lend the story credibility which if you’re going for the angle of an unreliable narrator can be useful for misdirection. The trust between a first-person narrator and reader can be built by using a narrator who lies and then later broken when the truth is revealed. Another big advantage of narrating in the first person is that you can express an opinion. A great example of this is To Kill a Mockingbird. The narrator is six-year-old Scout and the opinions being explored are bias and racial prejudice in the American south. Finally, as a writer, you can also use multiple first person POVs to express different character views and opinions and tell the story from many viewpoints. This can be an interesting tool for building intrigue in the story if each person telling it only knows part of the story at any given moment.

Continue on AO3

#good omens #scribblers of soho #writer stuff #new writers corner #writers doing research #writerscommunity #creative writing #writing #writers toolbox

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katyspersonal · 11 months

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Hi! Can we get some headcanons or theories on Old Hunter Vitus?

HEY who is pulling that prank where people act like they want to hear my thoughts all day again?! xd /j

🧭 Okay, first things first - he was one of the less strong Old Hunters, that I am basing on the fact that his right-hand weapon requires Strength first of all but this is his lower stat (along with Arcane). He also has average build of the body; sliders are all on 128- I mean, Henryk whom I often see perceived as smaller has larger body according to sliders! Also both of his weapons are upgraded to full +10. Basically, he had to rely on agility, skill and upgrading weapons with Old Hunters' gimmics (with blood gems).

🧭 He is also a bit stuck-up and would not trade his weapon for anything else even after better ones were invented, despite Beast Cutter being far from perfect, especially for him. He is the type to latch onto the first thing he obtains until its end that can't and won't experiment.

🧭 It was @val-of-the-north's idea that the Chalice Dungeons go under ocean's level at some point, that might be further supported by the skeleton of a whale you see in Fishing Hamlet found in the dungeons too, and them being wet in general. We headcanon that Vitus is one of the 'still alive' cooperators, and he ventured down in the dungeons to try and find the exit in the 'real' world approximately in New Loran (or at least 'real' Yharnam) despite the long way. He's been looking for the exit for many years and has the most elaborate (and even semi-useful!) maps of the dungeons. Honestly, absolutely insane idea, but at the same time it might work. Eventually.

🧭 Him being slightly rigid and non-adaptive to new ideas played a very good role in keeping him sane and focused despite spending years in the dungeons. In communications and relationships with other people, though, he is like that one grumpy grandpa who thinks only his generation knew shit and younger people are too spoiled, though would offer advice and listening ear in good faith. Think of Narrow-minded Man but quite skilled and educated, and not shaming any category of people in particular.

🧭 He has Fire Paper, so I presume he has been there when Old Yharnam was burnt:

🧭 So, he left on his journey under assumption that Healing Church had it together and didn't need Old Hunters' help anymore- heck, he thought burning Old Yharnam was able to seriously hinder the beasthood spreading! But more importantly, he felt severely demotivated to stay after Gehrman's disappearance. He knows he is a dunce and needs an authority figure, that he simply didn't acknowledge in Ludwig. Like I said, he hardly can adapt to a change. Just eternally cursed with the duckling effect.

🧭 For this reason, he had many good, decades-long friends in his life that he still feels are bond to him despite their departure (or even death), but never was able to find a couple. He'd not venture unless he could find absolute commitment, but he was getting all too serious about living whole life and working together too soon, that'd push women he met away - sometimes it felt like 'rushing it', other times he just felt like the most boring guy ever. He just lacks this 'romantic' and emotional aspect, and quite basically just looking for a companion.

🧭 He knows a lot of stories, both his own and ones his friends told him, and could tell them in precise detail, down to year, month, day and hour like it happened today. Really good person to sit at the fire with.

🧭 Earlier, he used to run into other roaming hunters or Tomb Prospectors though, and would give them really cool items he found in the dungeons, to deliver to the surface. Currently, in his loneliness, he even learned to speak with Loran Clerics that would have the braincell to not attack him. From the audio files @val-of-the-north sent to me, Pthumerians have an unusual "language".. and I swear, Vitus is dangerously close to be able to teach it :') He tried to write a book of sorts on it, but it was unfinished and abandoned in one of his nooks. He doesn't stay in the same place for too long, and he tries to not carry too much unnecessary stuff with him.

🧭 In Loran Dungeons, there are a few followers of Irreverent Izzy that seek "enlightenment" she (or he, either works) found there once, by trying to communicate with its ancient beasts. Like Josef! They wear Charred Hunter set not because they once were those hunters, but because Charred Hunters were once chasing them with murderous intent, then killed and robbed of clothes for its incredible protection against the fire. They know to be scared of Vitus, since he doesn't spare them. He doesn't aspire to kill them, but will attack on the spot, it is 'you can live if you can run fast enough' attitude.

🧭 He read every book in the Old Hunters' workshop. That was his normal hobby outside of the hunt. By the time of the game's events, he'd need reading glasses though, since old age and spending too much time in hardly-lit areas reduced his eyesight a lot. The adventurous stories going into further detail about tech or nature or history were his favourite! I think his favourite author would be Jules Verne.

🧭 He was one of the people telling Maria to 'just drop the pretend and be herself' when she joined the Old Hunters, presuming that there was no way an aristocratic, noble woman from Cainhurst would willingly look modest and even masculine like other Old Hunters. He believed the nobles to be "all the same", but kind of overcame his doubts about her after the day of seeing her all bloodied and dirty, dragging Gehrman that just lost his leg all by herself and showing quite the leader skills growling at the others to get their shit together. It is just one of the examples of where he'd only drop a stereotype when something jaw-dropping happens. It is also one of the examples where he obtains a respect to a person that doesn't fade through years; if you show yourself to be very worthy and strong to him once, this effect will linger probably forever, even if you fall from grace afterwards.

🧭 Yeahhhhh I know I am making the 'quite rigid mind and if he remembers something fondly it is forever and also eager to learn' his whole personality, but I think he is understandable by now! I do not have much complexity for him, he is just another old man! ...well, he was middle-aged man in Old Hunters' prime, but you get my point!

___________________

Thank you for the ask! Some of the points I've made existed for a while now and just were forgotten, so it was nice to blow the dust off the old ideas.. Honestly, other Chalice Dungeons summons could use my attention too at this point.

#bloodborne #ask replies #old hunter vitus #bloodborne headcanons

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grey-sides · 2 years

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Okay but steve speed dating the whole town just to forget billy? Fix it for us greye! :)

Anon, I tried to fix it! I hope I did a good job! Spoilers abound for S4, so do be cautious. This is the last of my prompts, so feel free to send more in! Ya'll are the best :) <3

Steve is used to casual, quick relationships that are just about sex. He’s used to only calling someone up to see if they wanna get off and quickly moving on. He did that a lot before Nancy and is content to get back into it after Nancy. He's only nineteen, he doesn't have to know his soul mate just yet.

But Billy made him think maybe. Maybe he could be "the one." That they could be it, despite all their differences and the nasty words and sometimes feeling like they don't always see eye to eye. Billy would make Steve's stomach flutter and his chest warm up when he would look at him. And it had always been casual. Casual’s good. Casual’s great.

But casual hits differently when you’ve had a taste of Billy Hargrove. When you know what your name sounds like in his voice and your breath tastes like in his mouth. Steve tries the casual thing again, a few months after, when he feels like he can pick himself up off the floor.

Candy is nice. Sarah tells good jokes. Brenda gives great head and if Steve squints, he can almost pretend her hair is Billy’s. But none of them ever last and honestly, Steve thinks he might not be putting in much effort on his side. None of them are Billy.

He literally does a speed dating thing at the pool hall in town. And it’s fun, a unique way to get to know other people and a mad scramble to finish a round before the whistle is blown for the next rotation. But Steve doesn’t hit it off with any of them.

If a girl has blue eyes, he thinks of Billy. If they have blonde hair, he thinks of Billy. If they mention listening to Joan Jett, he thinks of Billy.

Steve wants to be an attentive date. Wants to focus on each girl and make her feel special like he’s always been known for. But his mind wanders. He thinks about kissing underneath Skull Rock with a leather jacket spread beneath his back so he doesn’t ruin his shirt. He thinks about dropping by the community pool for a quick cool off even though his pool is perfectly serviceable.

He thinks about a deep voice that inexplicably has the barest hint of a southern twang and blue jeans that fit just right. Steve thinks about boots tucked up against the edge of his bed and a white t-shirt discarded somewhere across the room.

He loses more pool games than he wins and he declines to meet up with any of the girls again. Goes home to mope and doesn’t even get off and if he’s not even getting sex out of this- what’s the point? Steve can’t forget Billy, can’t forget the feeling of his fingertips with the nails trimmed short on the bumps of his spine. Can’t forget how Billy takes his coffee black in the morning with a hand rolled cigarette.

Steve can’t forget, despite his best intentions and that makes it all the worse when they start to understand Vecna. What makes him tick, what makes him latch onto people. At first, they thought it was just grief, but it’s guilt. Guilt that eats people up inside until they’re just a shell of themselves. Steve thought he was holding it together pretty well.

It starts with the headaches, terrible ones that leave him feeling blind and dazed. He has to take more than the recommended dose of painkillers to even function and Max starts to look at him worriedly.

Then come the nosebleeds followed quickly by the nightmares and Steve gets too lost in trying to find a song that might revive him to really focus on anything else. It’s bad and everyone feels like they’re at a stand-still, waiting for Steve to start seeing clocks and hearing chimes. He’s never alone and Nancy keeps pressing him to talk about his guilt. Like that can help alleviate it, like she’s not carrying the weight of Barb on her back.

Steve’s guilt runs deep and sits as high as the overlook at the mall. At being unable to jump to the floor below so he could stop the Mindflayer or at least die with it. He and Max carry the same guilt and she does not know. Steve thinks about writing letters, briefly, but then he thinks about bravery and putting yourself between the monster and the people you love.

Steve doesn’t know if Vecna can be defeated, but he’s going down swinging either way.

He manages to get alone, convinces the others he’ll be fine, he has his music. Good Old Fashioned Lover Boy because he loves Queen and he thinks of Billy every time the song is played. Steve just hopes that his broken corpse doesn’t look too terrible if this doesn’t work.

Steve waits, sitting in his bedroom and looking out over the pool. He shouts into the air, goading Vecna on and there’s only the flash of a clock before he’s taken over. His headphones are around his neck.

Max hadn’t described her experience with Vecna, but Steve would put money on it being rather similar.

Billy, in his tank top covered in blood and blue jeans. His favorite boots. His curls look good, but he looks pained. Sad. Tired. His voice is wrong, but he’s reached into Steve’s head and scooped out all the thoughts he’s had about wanting to die too.

It’s when Billy touches his face that he transforms. From a calloused thumb to a slimy hand, cold and unloved and Steve’s eyes span open. He doesn’t flee, he plants his feet and he draws a charge. He thinks of Billy when he rears back and hits Vecna directly in his face, right where his nose would be.

The…whatever the fuck he is, stumbles back, surprised. Vecna blinks and he roars at Steve, getting back into his face, lifting his tentacle hand to rip Steve’s soul from his body.

But Steve has had enough time to find a weapon, this is the Upside Down version of his bedroom and he’s always had a baseball in it even if this one doesn’t have nails driven through it. Steve draws another charge, one breath in, one breath out and he swings.

He pours his guilt into his swings, his rage, his tears and grief. Steve hits Vecna over and over until the fucking thing is begging him to just get out, blasting him with waves of psychic damage or something. Steve stands his ground, he’s not leaving, not until it’s fixed. Because if Vecna can possess people in the real world, he can bring Billy back. Steve knows he can.

“Do it!” he shouts, Steve knows Vecna is acutely aware of what he wants. Has sifted through his mind enough to know. “Bring him back!”

His voice is ragged, ripped raw from his throat as he continues to wail on this monster in his conscience. And maybe Steve is mentally stronger or love is a more powerful weapon or something equally poetic. Steve doesn’t know and he doesn’t want to know.

All he knows is one moment, he’s swinging his bat into Vecna endlessly, over and over and it’s not doing anything except stunning the bastard and the next. The next moment. He’s listening to Freddie Mercury.

Steve wants to be angry, wants to shout at whoever brought him back, but when he opens his eyes he thinks he must have died. That Vecna did get him.

Because there is Billy, looking whole and hale. As if the Mindflayer never got him and he’s staring at Steve with fear in his eyes, pressing the headphones over his ears as hard as he can.

Steve sobs and curls his fingers in the front of Billy’s shirt. Green. For spring. And Billy is whole to the touch. Warm and alive and his heart is beating beneath Steve’s fingers.

“Shit, knew we shouldn’t have left you alone,” Billy says, shaking his head.

And Steve- passes out. Just keels over in Billy’s arms. A shaking mess, a tangle of limbs, a refrain of Freddie Mercury coming out of tiny headphones.

When he wakes up, his memories are different. Will had called his memories from the Mindflayer now-memories and Steve thinks he knows what that’s like. The time before, when Billy got flayed, those memories are fading. Now it’s Jason, in his mind, heading to Benny’s diner one night to add more decorations, getting snatched off the road.

Steve doesn’t need to know exactly what happened, but Jane explains it anyway, when she can. Vecna can do many things, but his primary power has always been time manipulation, she says. And that Steve’s rage or his love or his bravery, had touched the broken soul of the boy still in him and he had shifted the timelines. Had brought Billy back.

Jane remembers both timelines, and has to pause before she says anything to everyone to make sure she’s not getting them mixed up. It makes her quieter, but Steve is a little quieter too. Because he may not have the memories, but he has the feelings of knowing something is different and being grateful. Always grateful.

And when Billy takes his hand and drives too fast past Brimborn Steelworks. Steve asks him to take it a little faster.

#harringrove #st4 spoilers #greye writes #anon #drabble #stranger things

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