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jerzwriter · 1 year

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Things Unsaid (2/3)

This fic is part of a new Tobias & Casey AU, What's Forever For? (Learn more about it here.) For those who follow my T/C HC, their background is a little different here. A headcanon will be posted in the next day or two. 😊

Book: Open Heart (Post Series-Alternate Universe)

Pairing: Tobias Carrick x F!MC (Casey)

Characters: Sienna Trinh

Rating: Teen

Category: Angst/Short-Series/AU

Warnings: Regret, divorce, mention of miscarriage

Series Summary: Three days. That's all that stands between Tobias and Casey Carrick and the end of their marriage. The house is sold, they've said goodbye, and now they just have to wait to make it official. But what happens if one (or both) have second thoughts?

Chapter Summary: Having a hard time handling her upcoming divorce, Casey spends the day with Sienna, and the women share an enlightening heart-to-heart.

Words: 1,946

A/N: Participating in @choicesmonthlychallenge - Friends WFF? Universe Info & Masterlist Tobias & Casey Masterlist All Works Masterlist

The grandfather clock down the hall chimed twelve times. Its loud gong echoed throughout the tiny home, louder each time it struck. It was already noon, but that mattered not to Casey. She pulled a pillow over her head, hoping to muffle the offensive noise, but it was too loud, and her attempt failed miserably. Didn’t the damn clock understand? Sleep was the only place she could hide nowadays. The only place where her heart, body, mind, and soul found as much as a kernel of respite. And this offensive object thought nothing of stealing it away. She struggled to sit up, having decided she’d have to face the day at some point. Besides, Sienna’s couch wasn’t all that comfy anyway.

“It’s a difficult time,” her mother would say. “But you’ll get through it. You’re strong! You can do this!”

And it wasn’t only her mother. Well-meaning friends offered up unsolicited advice and platitudes daily. Sometimes sharing their own stories of personal triumph to convince her she possessed what it took to make it through. On the best days, Casey smiled politely, and on the worst, she walked away. She didn’t need them to tell her she had what it took. She knew she was strong; she knew she’d survive. But she didn’t want to be strong… she wanted to be loved… and to love in return. She wanted to turn back the hands of time and pray for a different outcome, one that didn’t leave her heart torn in two. But the clock couldn’t do that for her; all it could do was rob her of the only peace she had left.

Somehow she managed to sit upright but had no plans of getting up. She stared blankly out the window, watching the sunlight poke through the new leaves covering the trees. Spring. Rebirth. This was usually her favorite time of year, but now there was little joy to be found.

Sienna poked her head in from the hall; her heart ached to see her friend so forlorn. Most days, she wondered if she’d ever get the old Casey back. But she wasn’t giving in. No, she was determined to get her best friend back on her feet, and sometimes, that required tough love. She walked across the room with conviction and firmly poked Casey on the shoulder.

“It’s afternoon now, you. How about getting up? You should get showered and dressed.”

“Why?” Casey groaned, pulling the blanket up over her head.

“Because it will make you feel better. Come on, we can do whatever you want, my treat! We can get lunch, or go shopping, take a long walk? Oh! I know! We can go to one of those places where you get drunk and throw axes at things! That’s what we should do!”

Casey lowered the blanket just a bit, and Sienna was delighted to see a hint of a grin on her face.

“That would be the opposite of good, my friend. Trust! You don’t want to be around drunken Casey with sharp objects right now.”

“Why not?” Sienna shrugged. “I have nothing to fear. I thought places like that were practically made for people going through your situation.”

“Maybe for some,” Casey smiled sadly, “but not for me.”

“Perhaps not, but your approach is sleeping on my couch until mold overtakes your body isn’t working either,” Sienna scolded. “I’m done coddling you. You need to rejoin the land of the living, and not only when Kyle’s around. Come on! You need to come to.”

“I will,” Casey sighed grievously. “I just… I wish this week was over already. I just want it in the rearview mirror.”

Sienna’s demeanor softened, and she took her friend into her arms.

“I know,” Sienna whispered, her mind rushing back to the day she stood next to Casey as the beaming couple exchanged their vows. No one ever thinks it will end up here. “I can only imagine how hard this is, but each day will get you a little further to healed, right?”

“Huh,” Casey snorted, pulling away and sitting up straight. “Yeah, right. In three days, I get the privilege of entering a courtroom, looking at the only man I’ve ever loved in his eyes, and signing a paper that essentially says that the life we spent over a decade building together was all for shit.”

“Casey,” Sienna consoled, “you know that’s not true!”

“Isn’t it?” She jumped to her feet. “Isn’t it, though? Congratulations, Dr. Carrick…oh, and you, Dr. Almost Not Carrick Anymore! You’ve given your blood, sweat, and tears for this… you gave your heart, and your soul, and your… everything… and it wasn’t enough. You gave it all, and it was all for shit!”

“It was not for shit! You have….”

“Don’t say, Kyle! I know our son is a blessing and, yes, I know he wouldn’t be here if….” Casey covered her mouth and swallowed hard only to gather herself, for there was no way of holding back tears. “… I couldn’t even give my baby a good home,” she sniveled. “I failed at everything.”

“OK, now you need to stop! A marriage takes two people, Casey; you didn’t end up here alone! And you’re not a failure! Marriage is hard! That’s why half of them fail! Besides….”

“Si,” Casey interrupted. “I know you mean well, but….”

“I’ll stop,” she acquiesced, motioning for Casey to join her on the couch. Once there, she laced her fingers with her friends and gave them a tight squeeze. Casey smiled softly, remembering how many times that tiny hand held onto her and got her through.

“Do you want me to take Wednesday off? I’ll go to court with you if you want. You shouldn’t be alone.”

“No, Si, I appreciate it,” she smiled sadly. “But this is something I must do alone. Don’t worry. I’ll make it through.”

“I know I was harping on you to go out today, but we can stay in if you want. I’ll order pizza and get a bottle of wine. We can watch movies about women who killed their husbands and got away with it.”

Casey let out a sharp cackle, holding her side as laughter overtook her. Sienna thought she was home free… but within seconds, the laughter turned into tears.

“Si, I didn’t want this,” she wailed.

“I know,” Sienna replied. She held her friend closed and stroked her hair, wishing she had the magic to make her happy again. “I know you didn’t.”

“No, you don’t understand. It’s not past tense, and I’m not being theoretical. I don’t want my marriage to be over.”

“Case, what are you saying?”

“I’m saying that I still love Tobias. I don’t think I’ll ever love anyone else, and I don’t want to go through with this.”

Sienna was dumbfounded. “Casey… I know this is becoming real, and it’s got to be so painful, but you said… you said this was what you wanted?”

“Well, what else was I supposed to say? What else was I supposed to do when my husband told me he didn’t see us working out. That he had nothing left to give? It doesn’t matter what I want if he….” she stopped to bite her quivering lip. “He didn’t want me.”

“But, Casey… you’re the one who filed… I don’t….”

“Yes! To beat him to it! He was feeling so guilty that he wouldn’t pull the plug. It was dragging on and on, and I couldn’t live in limbo anymore. I couldn’t wake up every day wondering if today was the day I’d get served. So, I beat him to the punch! Because… because….”

“Because you wanted to hurt him as much as he hurt you… and Case, I’m not judging you. Hell, I would even say kudos if you were a divorce was what you really wanted… but if that wasn’t your desired end, then… then….”

“Then I fucked up.”

“Well, you both did your share of fucking up. But hindsight is 20-20. But what would you do right now? If Tobias burst through that door and said let’s call this off, I want to make it work. What would you say?”

“I’d say yes,” she replied without hesitation. “I’d say yes, let’s do it. I don’t care if we already split our things and sold our house. I wouldn’t care if people mocked us or said we were idiots. If I had another chance, Si, I’d grab it in a minute.”

“Then,” Sienna said firmly. “Then you know what you have to do.”

Casey looked at Sienna quizzically, a nervous chuckle in her chest as she shook her head.

“No. Absolutely not. Don’t be ridiculous!”

“I’m not. This isn’t something to take lightly. This is a divorce! This is final, and if you’re uncertain, you have to let Tobias know.”

“Sienna, I may have been the one who filed… but he’s the one who told me our marriage was over. He’s the one who said we’d be better apart. I pulled the plug, but he set it all in motion. He doesn’t want to be married… at least not to me… and I can’t grovel for him to tell me that one more time.”

Sienna’s face twisted, and she bit her lip to prevent herself from saying any more. But she and Casey were two peas in the same pod, they knew each other too well, and Casey could almost feel the words her best friend wouldn’t say.

“What? What do you want to say?” She ordered.

“Case… you guys have been through so much in recent years. So much, and… ever since….”

“You can say it, Si, ever since my miscarriage.”

“I’m just saying it was a lot for anyone. Maybe you both just needed more time….”

“The miscarriage was hell, but in its aftermath… that’s when we learned how different we wanted our futures to be.”

“If that’s true, then why second guess your decision now?”

“Because I realize that I jumped the gun. I was being as stubborn as he was and unwilling to compromise. And a marriage takes compromise. If I had a chance to do it all again, I would have handled things so differently, and the outcome may have been the same, but I would have done more and tried harder. We were… we were worth it.”

“If you really feel that way… then you have to tell him.”

“I can’t….”

“Yes, you can! What do you have to lose? You’re getting divorced Wednesday. The only way there is a change that changes is if you talk to him.”

“Sienna! I can’t do it again. Do you know how it felt to hear him tell me we’re through? To see him look at me like I was a stranger. I can’t be vulnerable again. I can’t hand him my heart to let him smash one more time.”

“What if he feels the same? What if he’s somewhere now telling someone the same thing you’re telling me.”

“Huh,” Casey laughed ruefully. “He’s not. Trust me, he’s not.” Her mind drifted to his friends who he had been leaning on since things changed between them. Casey wasn’t a fan, and they returned the sentiment. Especially one friend… that’s likely where he was.

Sienna sighed in frustration and threw her hands in the air. “When is he due to pick up Kyle?”

“Tomorrow night. Why?”

“Why? Because I’ll be there when he arrives. Kyle and his favorite aunt can do something together, so the two of you can talk!”

“Sienna! I appreciate you, but all that’s left is our signatures. We had a thousand chances, and we blew everyone.”

“So then don’t blow this one. Because you still have one chance left, Casey. I don’t want to see you live with the regret of not taking it. You have one more chance.”

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#choices fanfic #open heart #choices open heart #tobias carrick #tobias carrick x mc #tobias x casey #playchoices fanfic #alternate universe #angst #love #romantic drama #family drama #what's forever for?#my babies are happy in their hc....#<- Mantra lol

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inkskinned · 6 months

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in internet posts it is easy to cut them out of your life. they are hurting you! they aren't listening to you!

they held your hair back. they lent you lipstick. they held your hand at the train station and got you home safe. they rounded on your bully, got loud, said get fucked, spitting-mad in your defense.

they also cut the hair off again. told you that you should really think twice before wearing something like that. took you for granted. took your insecurities and threw them in your face again.

you know logically it should be easy. all the internet advice comments always read it will feel better. like an equation - if a person is rotten, you just remove them. you pull the tooth that's hurting.

but it was never a big flare-up moment. you don't live in a sitcom. they never tried to take your boyfriend or steal from your apartment. they showed up to birthdays and they wrote songs about you and bring you water without you asking. once you found out they carry an emergency inhaler for you, even though you haven't had an asthma attack in years - just in case.

where is the line? people fuck up. sometimes they fuck up badly. sometimes people have raw personalities, like a powerline, and being around them is dangerous. addicting. sometimes they can't help themselves, but you know they're trying. sometimes they are just rough-around-the-edges. sometimes they don't even realize how they sounded when they said that. sometimes it's just - you've both loved each other for so long now, the way this thing hurts goes back to the root.

and that's the fucked up part. you have pushed your fingers against the sweetheart of memory. things these days are electric, tense, harrowing. they didn't used to be. there were a lot of good days in there. sometimes you want to just close your eyes and say can this be over yet? do we still need to be fighting?

doing that would give up any chance you get of getting an apology, but you don't always know that you need an apology, you love them. once they flaked on your birthday party. once they told you to get over it, people are always dying. they also let you crash on their couch for a week after the breakup, handfeeding you when you were so sad you couldn't eat. they are also judgmental about everything, occasionally react to banal statements with an attitude that is weird and fiery. they also love you like a lighthouse sometimes, so strong they cut the storm like lightning.

but the problem is that you might be storm. you might be the thing that needs breaking. what if you are two forces who are desperately, horribly drawn to each other, shaped by the other person's passions, and both good for each other and bad in equal measure.

what if you're both just people, and you're no saint neither.

just cut them off! swallowing the saltwater, you catch yourself in the mirror. you've been shaking more than usual. there's an ache in you that is oblique, loud, impossible to soothe. is this what it looks like? when life is "easier"?

your mouth will always have a hole, is the thing, if you remove the tooth.

#spilled ink #warm up #writeblr #this is about someone specific but feel free to blorbo on main.#tbh this is familial for me so that is an element but it's also about childhood best friends #and probably about ur enemies to lovers blorbo #(but i want to specifically say if ur partner is like this. not necessarily a good partnership lol.)#(the dynamics at play in familial/friend relationships feel equally important and in some ways are HARDER to escape.#bc we can see that this is a potentially toxic romantic foundation.#but in family ? ...... it's toxic and it doesn't stop u from loving them. bc u always have.#and i think that makes it harder. by a lot. which is what this is referencing).#but genuinely and really truly forever feel free to tag ur potentially toxic enemies to lovers on this and all my poetry #here i'll do one for u - adora & catra :x

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