#what was your song of inspiration for this colo?
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Hi! I loved the art you made for answer of my ask and I hope it's OK but the mood was so good I decided to colour it. Hope you like it! Keep being awesome :]
#handsome jack#jack x nisha#nisha kadam#borderlands 2#gods DAMN they look hot in colors!!!#what was your song of inspiration for this colo?
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unholy.
masterlist
(azriel x reader)
author's note: once again, this fic is inspired by a song which the full version of actually just released today! unholy by sam smith and kim petras is the ultimate strip club vibes so you know i had to write an azriel piece about it.
warning: public stripping, thigh riding, lap dances, daddy kink and mutual masturbation. honestly, take your pick and it's there.
summary: tired of being the innocent one out of the inner circle, you show azriel your unholy fantasies.
It started out as a stupid dare.
Get up on stage and dance.
A simple enough task, propositioned by the one and only Morrigan. She didn't think you would actually do it. To be fair, you didn’t think you would either, but against better judgment, you found yourself agreeing. Fueled by strong faerie wine and the company of your friends, you were determined to let tonight be the night that you finally let loose.
What started out as a spontaneous performance with the burlesque dancers on stage somehow snowballed into giving Azriel a very suggestive, very seductive, and very unexpected lap dance in one of the private rooms at Rita’s.
But you were getting to that.
In hindsight, perhaps things had gotten a little out of hand, but at least now no one could ever accuse you of holding back.
Out of your circle of friends, you were always considered the innocent one. The sweet and demure healer who blushed at Cassian’s flirtatious remarks and balked at Mor’s suggestive dares. It wasn’t like you were inexperienced, but your hesitation and reluctance when it came to the inner circle's wilder antics unintentionally created a good girl persona for yourself that couldn’t be further from who you really were.
In truth, you were just a notorious overthinker and it took awhile for you to get comfortable showing others your true colors. The majority of the time, you were perfectly content letting everyone chalk it up to shyness, but tonight Cassian’s teasing managed to get under your skin.
“There’s no way you’re going up there, honey.”
Even the nickname, dubbed by the Illyrian general to commemorate your first meeting at Madja’s clinic when you smeared honey salve on his once tattered wings, alluded to your supposedly saccharine nature. The rest of your friends spurred you on to join the burlesque dancer beckoning you onto the stage. All except the shadowsinger, who offered an apologetic smile on behalf of his brother.
“Don’t listen to Cas. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”
The remark was incredibly thoughtful of Azriel, but unbeknownst to him, it contained just the right amount of challenge to nudge you out of your comfort zone. You were tired of everyone assuming that you were coy and naive and perhaps showing them a different side of you would change their assumptions, Azriel included. Though the shadowsinger never made you feel ashamed of your more cautious approach, you wanted him to see you as more than the designated innocent member of the inner circle.
“What if I want to?” you ask with a raised brow.
The mischievous grin that spread across his beautiful face sent shivers down your spine. “Then you’d be making every male in this place very, very happy.”
With a wicked smile, you rose from your seat and tossed your jacket at Cassian who stared after you in disbelief before launching into a deafening cheer. Beside him, Rhys and Feyre clapped while Mor whistled. Amren smirked over the top of her wine glass, but Nesta, who was the only friend who had ever witnessed your wild side first hand thanks to your countless girls night out with the Valkyries, simply mouthed a message of encouragement.
Give them hell.
Your skin buzzed with anticipation as you climbed up onto the makeshift stage at Rita’s, sidling in next to the pretty pixie who twirled you around towards the audience.
“And who is this pretty little thing joining us tonight?”
You blushed, blinking under the bright faelights pointed in your direction. The varying colors flashed with every shade of the rainbow. “You can call me honey.”
The dancer laughs in delight as the roaring cheer of your friends echo through the pleasure hall. “Let’s see if you’ve got some sting to you, honeybee.”
With a snap of her fingers, the faelights dimmed and the music filtered through the room. A smoky blue spotlight kissed you with its hazy ring while fog skittered through your ankles. The pulsating beat thrummed through your body, drowning out your nerves with its seductive rhythm. You must have watched the burlesque dancers perform this routine half a dozen times and while it was more daring than your classical ballet training, the music flowed through your body all the same.
Your hips swayed to the beat, losing yourself in the fluid movements of the dance. Leaning forward, you trace the outline of your leg, fingertips skirting along your supple skin, and stopping right above the hem of your dress. Teasing the audience, you allow the skirts to ride up to your thighs, giving them a brief glimpse of the lace garter holding up your thigh high stockings.
The crowd was rambunctious as you winked before turning around and unzipping the zipper on the side of your dress. The dainty floral fabric slipped off with ease, revealing the lace nightgown that you were wearing underneath. You kicked the dress off to the side of the stage with your right heel, eliciting a roar of cheers from the audience.
Mor was full on standing and whistling between her fingers. Teetering beside her, Feyre squealed in delight while Rhysand jokingly covered his eyes. Amren raised an amused brow while Nesta merely smiled. Her mate was the most boisterous of the group, letting the entirety of Rita’s know that it was his friend up there currently stripping for them.
But it was Azriel’s gaze - golden and burning - that pierced right through you. The way the shadowsinger was looking at you made you feel more exposed than the act of undressing in front of nearly half the citizens of Velaris.
Tossing your dark hair over your shoulders, you shot him a quick wink. He leaned forward to the edge of his seat, elbows pressed against the top of his knees while he watched you with unveiled scrutiny. Shadows peered over his shoulders, plunging him into a deeper darkness than the already dim lighting of the pleasure hall.
Azriel had opted out of his usual dark leathers tonight and was instead donning a casual dark button up and black trousers. Thanks to the current heat wave in Velaris, the shadowsinger left the first few buttons of his shirt open, giving you a full view of the sprawling tattoos inked upon his golden brown skin. As if that weren't enough to give you heart palpitations, he'd also rolled up the sleeves to his elbows to showcase his strong arms. Your gaze immediately dropped down to the large veins covering them and immediately felt a bead of sweat slide down your back at the sight. Perhaps it was a peculiar thing to find attractive, but this was Azriel. The male made the act of breathing look like a masterpiece.
The other dancers gyrated around you and the pretty pixie gripped your waist, turning you once more to show you off to the crowd, but Azriel’s eyes remained solely fixed on you. An easy smile broke through his usual cool demeanor and a shiver went through your spine when he rose, those powerful wings of his flaring behind his back as he raised a glass in your direction.
You swallowed thickly as he tipped the glass to his lips, the crimson wine sliding into his mouth and tinting those plush lips of his a deliciously wicked red color. Azriel never once broke eye contact while his pink tongue darted across his bottom lip, licking away the remnants of the alcohol.
It was undoubtedly the sexiest thing you’ve ever seen.
Perhaps that single flirtatious gesture was to blame for what happened next.
After wrapping up your brief stint as a burlesque dancer, the drinks flowed and the party migrated to the private room reserved for you and your friends at the back of the building. As you made your way through the packed crowd, several people congratulated you on your performance and some even offered to buy you a drink. Never mind that you couldn’t recall the last time you paid a single coin out of your pocket for your countless nights out thanks to Rhysand’s open tab. You wouldn’t be surprised if the High Lord was singlehandedly funding this pleasure hall on the inner circle's supply of wine alone.
Cassian waved off your admirers, drunkenly draping an arm over your shoulder. “Who the hell knew you had it in you, honey?”
“I did,” Nesta announces proudly. “That was tame compared to the moves I’ve seen her unleash at the tavern.”
You blushed, sticking a tongue out at your friend. “That was supposed to be our secret, Nes!”
Mor chuckled, falling in step beside you. “Cat’s out of the bag now. Our honeybee is a certified smoke show. That little striptease was hotter than the Cauldron.” The blonde’s mischievous sights settled on Azriel. “Wasn’t she on fire up there, Az?”
You elbowed the blonde, but she only grinned in response.
“You brought the whole damn house down, honey.”
Azriel’s words swept over you like a torrential wind. His gaze stayed glued on you all night, serving as your own little spotlight and burning brighter than the faelights from earlier.
As you slid into the booth next to him, your body thrummed from post adrenaline rush. You hadn’t bothered to put your dress back on, opting to stay in the skimpy little nightgown that left barely a sliver to the imagination. Goosebumps prickled your skin as you scooted closer to Azriel, arms and thighs touching as Nesta and Cassian sandwiched the two of you towards the end of the table.
The familiar scent of night-chilled mist and cedar enveloped you on all sides. To your left, Nesta shot you a knowing look which you rebuffed with a subtle shake of your head.
Make a move, she mouthed.
Fuck off, you responded.
The brunette smirked and inclined her chin towards Azriel, who was looking at you expectantly. The boldness from earlier weaned under the intensity of his gaze. Despite Nesta’s urging, you couldn’t muster up the courage to make the first move. You’ve been crushing on Azriel since the moment Cassian had dragged him into Madja’s clinic, fussing and fighting against receiving treatment for a mild injury to his wing.
You’d pulled out a sharp basilisk tooth, threatening to inject him with venom if he didn’t allow you to patch up his wing. Azriel had taken to you instantly after that, often dropping by the clinic to eat lunch with you or walk you home after a long day of tending to gruesome wounds.
You cherished the friendship you had with him, but there were times when you wanted more. Tonight being one of them.
Because in the midst of the loud, crowded room, you only really had eyes for Azriel.
The shadowsinger smiles, draping an arm over your shoulder. A silver necklace peeked out from his exposed chest, settling into the hard planes of his muscles while he scooted closer. “I meant what I said earlier,” he states over the blaring music. “You were great up there.”
“Thank you. It’s been a while since I’ve been on stage.”
Azriel squeezes your arm. “I’m only sorry that I never got to see you perform at the ballet.”
You smile. He knew how much you loved dancing. When you met, you had just finished your stint as prima ballerina at the Velaris Ballet and shifted towards turning your volunteer work at Madja’s clinic into a full time job, though it never really felt like one. You liked helping people too much to consider it work.
“Perhaps I’ll give you a private performance one of these days.”
Just like that, the boldness was back with a vengeance.
Azriel raises a brow. “Feeling daring tonight, are we?”
You shrug nonchalantly. “The night’s still young. Who knows what sort of trouble Cas and Mor have in store for us?”
You nod towards your friends, who were now dancing atop a table at the corner of the room. The wood creaked underneath their weight, but the two didn’t seem to notice.
The shadowsinger chuckled beside you, his fingers skimming the side of your neck. They drummed a pleasant little pattern on your skin as you gulped down a sip of your wine.
“Sorry about their teasing. They can get a little out of hand sometimes.”
“It’s alright, I knew what I signed up for when I agreed to come out tonight,” you glance up at him, cheeks heating from a mixture of the alcohol and your close proximity to the Illyrian warrior. “Besides, it was time for me to come out of my comfort zone.”
“Speaking of comfort zones,” Nesta interjects. “I think it’s time for a drinking game.”
Your friend beckoned her mate over and the rest of the inner circle followed suit. You raised a brow at Nesta, who rarely ever initiated these games. She shot a feral smile at you, which told you all that you needed to know. You were in deep shit.
“What are we playing, Nes?” Cassian asked.
A mischievous smile spread across the female’s face. “Truth or drink.” She lined up the shot glasses in the middle of the table, filling each one to the brim with alcohol. “The person next to you gets to ask a question. You can choose to either answer truthfully or take the shot.”
Mor smirked. “This should be fun.”
Nesta nodded to the blonde, who was sitting right next to her youngest sister. “Looks like you’re up first, Feyre. Mor, will you do the honors?”
The devious smile that spread across the beautiful female’s face was downright wicked as she nodded. She tilted her head, examining Feyre. “Out of all of the High Lords, who do you think is the kinkiest in bed?”
You snorted as Feyre’s eyes went wide. Sheepishly, she mouthed a sorry to Rhys. “Helion, for sure.”
Cassian hooted, clapping his brother on the back. “Don’t take offense, brother. The High Lord of Day would put any of us to shame.”
Rhys grinned. “None taken. Helion can take the prize for kinkiest, as long as I’m still the most handsome High Lord in your eyes, Feyre darling.”
“Get a room, you two,” Amren said with a roll of her eyes. She gestured to Feyre. “Now do us all a favor and ask your mate something to knock him down a few pegs.”
Feyre nodded, determined. “You once told me that you, Cas, and Az measured wingspans. To settle the age-old argument, who has the biggest wings?”
The High Lord chuckled. “Easy. It’s Az.”
Everyone glanced at Azriel, who only shrugged in response. Morrigan raised a brow. “Follow up question, if Az has the biggest wings then does my theory about its correlation to other body parts hold up as well?”
Naturally, your gaze drifted to the shadowsinger who winked in response. He leaned in, shadows wafting over him like smoke. “Don’t tell me you’re curious too.”
“Maybe I am,” you shot back flirtatiously. “For scientific purposes, of course.”
“Of course,” Azriel echoes, squeezing your knee under the table. His hand remained there even as you both drew your attention back to the game at hand.
Rhysand raised the shot glass in his hands. “Now that’s one secret I’ll never tell, cousin.” The High Lord tipped the liquor back and grimaced from the burn of the alcohol.
His laser focus was upon Mor at once, stars winking into his violet eyes. “I think I speak for everyone when I say that this is a question all of us are dying to know. When are you finally going to ask Emerie out?”
The blonde shot her cousin a glare. It had been nearly a year since Morrigan finally felt comfortable sharing the truth about her sexuality and all of your friends had been extremely supportive. On top of that, each of you were particularly invested in her budding romance with the Illyrian female.
“Emerie and I actually already went out last week.”
A chorus of gasps and inquiries erupted from your friends. Derailed by this new revelation, you watched in amusement as Cassian grilled the blonde for details. Sipping your wine, you tried to look everywhere but the hand resting on your knee. The front of your dress had slightly ridden up your thigh so Azriel’s fingers were splayed out on the sliver of exposed skin between the hem of your dress and the tops of your stockings.
The shadowsinger was facing straight ahead, but a hint of a smirk graced his beautiful face as you tried not to squirm in your seat.
“Enough about my love life,” Mor says with a wave of her hand. “It's your turn, Cas. Last Winter Solstice, I gave you custom red leather boots, but I have never seen you wear it once. Were you lying when you said you liked them?”
Cassian’s eyes widened. You chuckled as the Illyrian general dramatically picked up his shot glass, tapped it on the wood, and downed the liquid in one gulp.
Mor gasped, slapping the sticky surface of the table. “You told me you loved them!”
The wings upon Cassian’s back twinged slightly. “No comment.”
“With you two? I thought the boots would get some use in the bedroom,” you say, wiggling a brow suggestively between Nesta and Cassian.
Immediate regret shot through you like electricity as Azriel’s hand inched higher up your thigh. He squeezed gently and you nearly knocked your knee into the top of the table. Shadows pulled your ankles to the floor while Azriel's cool demeanor never once faltered.
While Mor and Cassian duked it out, the shadowsinger leaned over conspiratorially. “It’s not so nice to be on the receiving end of the teasing, is it?”
“That's not fair. You're playing dirty and you know it, Az.”
The grin he flashed was nothing short of feral. “Oh you have no idea how dirty I can get, princess.”
Heat flared through your skin in response. What the hell was happening? You swallowed thickly, trying your best to keep up with the line of questions going around the table. In true Cassian fashion, the Illyrian general turned upon his mate with a downright ruthless smile.
“During your last girl’s night at the House, all of you got drunk and decided to skinny dip in the Sidra. Two of the Valkyries backed out, but the others almost got caught by the sentries posted by the river. Which of you had to run buck naked through the night with only burlap sacks covering them?”
Nesta’s gaze met yours. You gave her a small nod, confirming that it was alright for her to reveal your crimes.
“It was me and honey.”
The room erupted into boisterous laughter. Rhysand narrowed his eyes. “That was you two? The sentries woke me up in the middle of the night to ask if they should go after the streakers.”
Nesta only shrugged. “Your turn, honey.” Her unyielding gaze flickers on your face, examining you with careful consideration. Then, a smile bloomed on her lovely face. “Have you ever had a dirty dream about anyone in this room?”
Shit. You were going to kill her. Nesta was well aware of the answer to that question since you had shared a particularly steamy dream you’d had of Azriel that would’ve made Sellyn Drake herself blush. The shadowsinger’s fingers hovered over your skin, noticing the sudden stiffness of your limbs and the shift in your breathing. You twirled your finger around the rim of the shot glass, deciding your fate.
“Yes,” you finally answer.
Nesta smirks. “Care to share who the dream was about?”
“You only get one question, Nes.”
Your friends groaned, but Nesta only chuckled. “Fair enough.” A vexatious glint shimmered in her eyes while she nodded to your right. “Ask Az a question then.”
Azriel smiled as his fingertips traced idle patterns on your skin. The contact made you clench your thighs together, but the pull of his shadows spread your feet apart so his hand could travel further up your leg.
The Illyrian had a wolfish smile on his face as he whispered only low enough for you to hear. “Better make it a good one, princess.”
You examined the male, grin growing wide as the perfect question came to mind. If Azriel wanted to play dirty, so be it. “Have you ever used the chains and whips in the dungeon for anything other than torture?”
The whole room held their breath as the shadowsinger’s gaze met yours. Those hazel eyes of his beckoned you forth like a magnet, never once leaving your face as he picked up his shot glass. Licking his plump lips, he gave you a wink as he tipped the alcohol back.
Cassian chuckled. “I think that was answer enough.”
Azriel shrugged casually, not a hint of emotion breaking through that cool exterior of his. The game continued with another round of questions and the shadowsinger swept his hot touch over your skin once more. The caress held nothing but promise.
“You’ll pay for that later, honey.”
The threat made you dizzy with arousal. You were barely paying attention to the scandalous information being discussed, too busy with the task of discretely ogling Azriel through the rim of your wine glass. Your hot gaze trailed from the soft dark hair curling around his ears, inky strands caressing the sharp angle of his cheekbones. The glow of the faelights bathed his golden brown skin in a soft halo, hugging the elegant slope of his nose and framing his smirking mouth. With the rim of the wine glass caught between them, Azriel's lips appeared so enticing that it was almost criminal.
Gods, he was so fucking beautiful. It almost hurt to look at him directly.
Azriel squeezed you gently. “See something you like?”
“Mhm,” you murmur. “You’re just so pretty, Az.”
You reveled in the blush that swept over his cheeks. “Fucking hell,” he muttered under his breath. “You’re the only pretty thing I see here, princess.”
You grin, batting your lashes. The rest of your group seemed utterly oblivious to the game happening between you and the shadowsinger. He inched his way closer to the edge of your panties as you sucked in a sharp intake of breath. The arousal coating the lace fabric had you soaked right through. The scent of it wafted up to Azriel who only smiled, satisfaction written all over his smug face.
“Now be a good girl and ask me another question.”
An hour and two drinks later, you found yourself perched on the shadowsinger’s lap. The longer the night went on, the touchier you both got. It started with you playfully stretching your legs onto Azriel’s lap, which led to him pulling you by the ankles to bring you closer, and eventually bouncing you on his knee so you could hear each other better.
The rest of your friends had joined the crowd outside, no doubt dancing the night away as you and Azriel stayed behind in the private room. On any other night, you would’ve been out on the dance floor partying it up with Mor and Feyre, but right now, you were perfectly content where you were.
Azriel tucks a loose strand of hair behind your ear. “You should wear your hair down more often,” he states in a low and husky voice. “I like it this way.”
His fingertips skirt over your collarbone, toying with the strap of your lace nightgown. The flimsy spaghetti strap slides off your shoulder, revealing the blue lace bra underneath.
“This dress,” he murmurs in appreciation. “I like this dress on you, too.”
You blush, tipping your head back in laughter. “Are you just going to keep naming things you like about me?”
“We’d be here all night.”
“You’re a shameless flirt, Az.”
A shiver snakes its way up your spine as his shadows sweep over you, their cool touch caressing your cheek. “Only for you.”
“You seem different tonight,” he whispers into your ear. “Less guarded. More confident.”
“Maybe I’m tired of everyone thinking of me as the innocent one.”
Azriel chuckles. “The first time I met you, you threatened to stab me with a basilisk tooth. You never had me fooled for a second.”
“You know what I mean, Az. I’m the one that always holds back. The one that overthinks everything. For once, I just want to be the fun one.”
“Hence the stripping on stage?” he teases, twirling your hair between his fingers. You rolled your eyes playfully and he tickled your cheeks with the strands. “You are fun, whether you’re undressing for all of Rita’s to see or curling up with one of those smutty books you like so much back at your flat.”
You tilt your head to the side, biting back a smile. “I don’t know. It might be silly, but sometimes I wish I had the courage to be this version of myself more often.”
Azriel’s fingers traced the curve of your jaw. “You know you can always be yourself around me, right? The good, the bad, the ugly. I like every version of yourself that you allow me to see. Tonight is no different.”
Warmth spread through your cheeks and you pitched forward, covering your face within the dark curtain of your hair. “You’re my best friend, Az. You have to say that.”
The shadowsinger lifts your chin, examining your features with tender eyes. Your heart was pounding inside your chest so frantically that it would take a miracle for Azriel not to hear it.
“Friends don’t think of each other the way I think about you,” he says softly.
The butterflies in your stomach fluttered erratically. “And what exactly do you think about me?”
He pauses, taking you in. “I think that you’re smart and sweet and funny. I think that my day never really feels complete until I talk to you because you’re honestly one of my favorite people.” Your heart fluttered in your chest as a hint of mischief flashed through Azriel’s eyes.
With his voice low and his gaze hot, Azriel adds, “And I think that if I told you the filthy thoughts that crossed my mind while you were dancing on stage, no one would ever see you as innocent again.”
A shiver went down your spine. You’d imagined crossing this line with Azriel so many times, but you were too afraid of ruining your friendship to ever pursue it. The flirting and the touching wasn’t anything new. You and Azriel had a tendency to draw towards each other wherever you were, but besides the occasional suggestive remark or lingering touch, neither one of you acknowledged the sexual tension brewing between you.
More than that, Azriel truly was your best friend. You talked about anything and everything under the sun and you just understood one another. It’s rare to find a connection with someone like that. So, you kept your feelings under lock and key, but now Azriel had unlocked unknown territory.
You couldn’t deny the desire rolling off of you in waves. The thoughts running through your head were ones that you only allowed yourself to think about when you were alone. Usually in your bed or in the bath with your fingers between your legs, but now, the male that consumed your thoughts just admitted that you consumed his too. You weren’t about to let this moment pass you by.
Music pulsed through the room and you could feel the seductive beat thrumming through your veins. You rose to standing, perching yourself between Azriel’s thighs. Guiding his hands over your waist, you shot him a seductive grin.
“What are you doing?” Azriel asked, his voice so low you could barely hear it.
“Showing you what I think about when I think about you.”
The dim faelights flickered as your body swayed to the music, hips rocking side to side as you circled Azriel. The glow of the siphons on his hands reflected off the lights, bathing the entire room in a hazy cobalt fog. With the pulsating beat of the music and the sultry lighting, your body moved of its own accord. The shadowsinger's eyes followed your movements, from the way your fingertips traced the soft curves of your body to the sensual pop of your hips as you dropped it low. You slowly rose, bending over backwards and giving him a full view of your backside.
You continued to gyrate, your body flowing as smoothly as the Sidra. Winding and grinding, Azriel craned his neck to watch as you danced around him. You kneeled, fingers twining with his while you twirled back up to standing. Slowly, you pressed your chest against his and let your lips brush against his cheek while the tops of your breasts grazed his mouth. You tugged at the chain dangling on his neck, watching as his eyes fluttered close while you placed a kiss on the corner of his mouth. He tried to capture your lips in his, but you only chuckled while you turned around and perched yourself on his lap.
Azriel’s tongue darts out from between his lips as the straps of your dress fall over your shoulder. He inhales sharply as you settle between his thighs, grinding against him slowly while your hips rocked in a steady rhythm. The shadowsinger grips your waist in his large hands, fingers disappearing underneath the lacy fabric of your nightgown. Finally, you turn to face him and the ravenous look in his eyes made you shiver with anticipation.
He traced soothing circles against your skin as you settled over his right thigh, your arms hooking behind his head. Deft fingers hike the skirt of your dress up even more until your lace panties pressed against the fabric of his trousers. You rocked your hips over his thigh, moaning as the friction rubbed against your already soaking core.
“Is this what you think about?” Azriel whispers into your ear. “Teasing the absolute hell out of me until I’m so hard that I can’t even think straight?”
“Yes,” you whimper as you buck against him, your arousal coating your lace underwear and his trousers. His fingers lace through your hair, gripping the back of your head with light force. “I fantasize about it all the time. In my bed. In the bath. Anywhere I can.”
“Fuck, that’s hot. Do you get yourself off while thinking of me, princess?”
“Always,” you admit breathlessly. “It’s always you.”
“Do you touch yourself and imagine that its my fingers inside of you?” He groaned, kneading your ass with his hand. “Do you fuck yourself and call out my name?”
You nod, the hazy fog of lust clouding your thoughts. “I do.”
“Then show me, princess.”
Azriel guides your hand towards your lace panties. He yanks them off you, tearing the delicate fabric and exposing your bare cunt to the cold air. The ruined lace rolls off your ankles and he discards them to the floor without a second glance. He lifts you gingerly, sliding out of his own pants so he could feel your arousal against his leg.
“What would our friends think if they could see us now?” The dark chuckle that followed told you exactly how little he cared if anyone were to walk through the door. The risk of getting caught made this that much more enticing.
“I don’t care,” you answer. “Do you?”
Azriel guided your hips over his leg once more and the skin on skin contact nearly made your eyes roll to the back of your head. “My little exhibitionist,” he says with a smirk. “Tell me what you want.”
You bit your lip, thinking. “I want to ride your thigh.”
He chuckles darkly. “Not so innocent now, are we? Is that really what you want? To ride my thigh until you’re nothing but a needy, whining mess in my lap?”
“Yes, Az. Please,” you plead, pouting your lips.
“Come get yourself off on my thigh then, princess.”
That was all the encouragement you needed before you needily grinded against him. Azriel’s warm mouth connected to your neck, leaving a trail of open mouthed kisses along your skin. His lips skirted over the hollow of your throat, nipping and sucking all the way down to your collarbone. He pulled down the straps of your dress, letting it drape down your torso as he admired the lacy blue bra hiding underneath.
Azriel inhaled sharply at the sight of your cleavage. He continued kissing your chest while dexterously making quick work of the hook of your bra. Releasing your breasts from their constraints, he cupped your soft flesh before taking a nipple into his mouth. Your back arched as his tongue swirled around your peak and you continued riding his warm thigh, the slick sound of your arousal rubbing against him filling the room.
The sensation on your clit is heavenly and you could feel yourself closer and closer to reaching your reprieve as he hums against your skin. A slick sound interrupted your thoughts and you looked down to find Azriel pumping himself while he watched you get yourself off on his lap. The sight of his hard cock in his hand made your mouth water.
“Touch yourself for me, princess.”
You whimpered, sliding a finger over your clit and rubbing the sensitive bundle of nerves while Azriel continued to rub himself underneath you. Two fingers slide into your pussy, coating them with your juices while you and Azriel watch each other masturbate. You bucked against your own hand, imagining that it was his cock underneath you and releasing a loud moan.
“That’s it, princess. Keep fucking yourself against me until you cum.”
The buck of your hips turns erratic as Azriel continues to watch you shamelessly get off on his thigh. Your toes curled, body tensing as waves of pleasure washed over you. The friction made your head swim with incoherent thoughts.
"Azriel," you gasp, moaning his name into the crook of his neck while you worked yourself towards release.
A light tug at the back of your head placed you face to face with the shadowsinger. His hazel eyes glowed with desire, drinking in the sight of you pleading his name like a prayer.
"Say it again."
With your mouth slightly open, panting as the pressure built behind your needy core, you whimpered. "Azriel."
His free hand drifted up to your nipple, rubbing and teasing as you bucked against his touch. Azriel licked the hollow of your throat, nipping at your soft skin and sucking at your flesh so hard that it was sure to bruise. You could only imagine the trail of love bites littered all over your neck.
Azriel grinned into your skin. "Don't cover my marks. After we walk out of here, I want everyone to know who did this to you. Who made you whimper and moan and beg. You're mine, princess. Do you understand?"
You whimpered against his neck. Shadows coiled at the base of your throat, turning your chin to place you face to face once again. The intensity of his hazel gaze burned into your skin like a brand.
"When I ask you a question, I expect an answer." Azriel withdrew his touch from your nipple and you whined at the loss of warmth.
"I'm yours, Azriel," you answer in a breathy pant. "I always have been."
The growl that emitted from the back of his throat was nothing like you’ve ever heard before. Azriel’s free hand tangled through the back of your head as he forcefully pressed his mouth against yours. Your lips melded together, making your head swim with lust as his tongue slipped inside your mouth. The kiss brings you over the edge and a whining pant escapes from the back of your throat as Azriel swears.
“Let go, princess. I’ve got you.”
Azriel kisses you, deep and slow, while you give yourself over to your orgasm. The tension in your abdomen uncoiled and you came all over his muscled thigh. With a growl, Azriel releases his cock from his right hand and plunges his own fingers inside of you. The peak of your release intensified as he curved his middle and pointer finger inside your walls, eliciting wave after wave of pleasure to rack through your body. You whine as he withdraws seconds later, your juices coating his digits. Arousal glistened on his scarred fingers and he brought them to his mouth, licking up every last drop of you.
“You taste like fucking heaven, honey. Better than what I could’ve imagined.” He brought his fingers to your lips. “See for yourself.”
You took his digits into your parted mouth, swirling your tongue and tasting yourself on him. His eyes were nearly black as you sucked on his fingers, releasing them with a loud pop as he pulled them out of your mouth.
“Such a good girl for me.”
“I want to taste you, Az.”
The curses that flew out of his beautiful mouth would’ve made a sailor blush. You smirked, giving him a quick peck before sliding down onto your knees. Above you, Azriel watched with lust blown eyes while you grip his cock in your dainty hands. Lifting his shirt, you greedily licked a trail up his abs while he shuddered at the sensation of your warm mouth.
His wings flared behind him as a moan ripped through his chest. Pure, unadulterated pleasure rocked through his body while his eyes nearly rolled to the back of his head. “Keep teasing like that, princess and you’ll have me on my knees by the end of the night.”
Satisfied with that response, you pumped him in your hand and grinned. You spit in your right hand, rubbing up and down his length with determination. Flicking your hair over your shoulder, you licked his long, hard member from base to tip, catching his precum in your mouth while Azriel gathered your hair in his hands.
Glancing up at him through your lashes, you squeezed him in your hand, slowly pumping his member as you began to take him into your mouth. Tears pricked the back of your eyes while his cock hit the back of your throat. Azriel was bigger than anyone you’ve ever taken. You gagged on the sheer size of his member, your spit trailing down his lap while you fucked him with your mouth.
“That’s it, honey,” he said gruffly. “You can take it.”
Azriel guided the back of your head, helping you bob up and down his length while he moaned your name. He yanked on your hair while you gagged, the sloppy sounds of you choking on his cock filling the room. The filthy swears coming out of his mouth only served to turn you on even more.
“Does my pretty little princess like to choke on my cock?” He shudders, bucking his hips into your mouth. “You’re just begging to have your throat fucked, aren’t you?”
You whined, inhaling through your nose while tears streamed down your cheeks. Saliva dribbled down your chin and you were pretty sure that you’d been reduced to nothing but a slobbery mess, but you were determined to get Azriel off with your mouth.
“Fuck,” Azriel swears, rolling his head back as he spoke. “How are you so good at that? Taking me in so deep like a good girl.”
You hummed while sucking your cheeks in, letting his length hit the back of your throat over and over again. The shadowsinger shuddered, wings fluttering behind him as he came closer and closer to his release.
“I want to make you cum, Az.”
“Not yet, princess. I want to feel how wet you are for me first. I could smell your arousal all night and I want to fucking bury myself in it.”
He released his hold on your hair, picking you up from your kneeling position. Your legs wobbled underneath you, but Azriel steadied you and placed your hands on the wooden table directly in front of you. He swept away the remnants of food and drinks littering its surface onto the floor and hovered over you. Shadows swirled through your ankles, spreading your legs apart with force as Azriel cups your ass.
“Be a good girl and bend over.”
A shock of electricity jolted through you as you leaned over the table, face down and ass up. His fingers traced the thigh high stockings covering your lower half, cupping your ass in appreciation. A loud smack echoed through your ears as Azriel brought his hand down on your right cheek. The action stung and it would no doubt leave a handprint on your ass until the next morning, but your head was reeling with too much pleasure to care. Steadying himself on the table, Azriel lined the tip of his cock on your wet cunt and teased along your slit.
Your pussy throbbed with desire, needy and desperate to feel Azriel buried deep inside you. A whine escaped your lips as you greedily rocked against him. The shadowsinger smacked your ass again, gripping your waist in place.
“I wouldn’t do that again unless you want to get punished. I decide when to put my cock inside you. Do you understand, princess?”
You nod, goosebumps prickling over your skin. “Yes, daddy.”
Azriel chuckles darkly. “Absolutely fucking filthy. My spoiled rotten little princess.” He braced himself behind you. “Now try and be quiet so the rest of the people here won’t know that daddy's about to fuck you into oblivion.”
“I’ll be good.”
“That’s what I like to hear.”
Azriel eased himself into you, swearing under his breath when he slid into your wet pussy. You were dripping for him and it made it that much easier for him to slip all the way in. He moved slowly, thrusting into you at a steady tempo until he hit that sweet spot within you that made you cry out in pleasure. Encouraged by your reaction, the shadowsinger rutted into you relentlessly and you tried to desperately swallow the moans rising within you. A small whimper slipped out and Azriel leaned over you, his lips grazing the shell of your ear.
“What did I say about being quiet?” he hissed into your ear, suddenly pulling out of you. The absence of his warmth inside you made you whine in desperation.
“Please, I swear I’ll be quiet. You just feel so fucking good.”
“Look at you begging for me. You just can’t help yourself, can you?” Azriel’s hand trails up your torso, squeezing your breast on the way up before wrapping his fingers around your throat. “I suppose I’ll just have to find another way to keep you quiet.”
Shadows clamp down over your mouth while Azriel pounds into you again, squeezing gently on your neck. The lack of oxygen combined with his aggressive thrusts had you reeling with pleasure. Until now, you’d never really understood the appeal of choking, but with his hand wrapped around your neck and his cock buried deep inside you, Azriel was convincing you otherwise.
With your face pressed against the table, Azriel gathers your hair into his fist and leans over so that his chest is touching your bare skin. The cold sensation of his necklace hit the small of your back while he savagely pounded into you again and again.
“My honey’s just so pretty when I’m fucking her senseless.” He presses a kiss on your shoulder, teeth sinking into your skin as he railed you from behind. “Feels so fucking good. Like your pretty little cunt was made just for me.”
The vice grip of your walls pulsed around his member while he hit all the right spots. Your legs were shaking as skin slapped against skin, the tempo of his thrusts matching the pulsating beat of the music blaring through the pleasure hall. If any of your friends walked through that door, they’d see the tears forming in your eyes as you begged Azriel for more. The thrill of getting caught in the act made you moan into the shadowsinger’s hand.
He eased on his grip, leaning over to hear what you had to say. “Fuck me, daddy. Fuck me until I cum all over your cock. Please.”
Azriel chuckled. “Since you asked so nicely, princess. I’ll let you cum first.”
His hands traveled south, settling on your clit while he rubbed circular motions over the sensitive spot. The shadowsinger rutted even more aggressively into you and the sweet nothings he whispered into your hair had you gushing all over him. Turning your head towards him, he kissed you deeply and swallowed your moans into his own mouth.
“That’s it, honey. Just ride it out. Wanna feel you cum while I’m deep inside you.”
The second orgasm rocked you harder than the first. Your walls clenched around Azriel, coating his member with your arousal while it dripped out of you.
“Such a good girl. You want daddy to fill you up, princess?”
You nod, biting your lip. Azriel’s veiny, tattooed arms came down on either side of you as he released a shaky breath. “Cum inside me, Azriel. I can take it.”
It was all the encouragement Azriel needed to hear before spurting his seed inside of you, his teeth sinking into your shoulder to mask his moans of pleasure. The shadowsinger sighed in contentment, turning you over for a kiss. His forehead dipped down to yours, a shy smile spreading across his face.
“Are you okay?” he asks, his voice laced with concern. It sounded so different from the confident, authoritative male from a few moments ago.
You smiled, nodding your head. “Never better.”
Azriel scanned the room and took in the mess you both made, the food and bottles littering the floor, the ruined underwear hanging over the booth, and finally, your disheveled sex hair. The two of you looked at each other and the gravity of what you’d just done hung in the air. A line had been crossed and you could never uncross it.
Slowly, the shadowsinger breaks out into a grin. The gesture was contagious and you found yourself mirroring the act until the two of you were both bursting with laughter.
“This isn’t what I had envisioned when I finally told you how I felt.” Azriel finally says.
“Oh yeah?” you ask teasingly. “What did you have in mind?”
The shadowsinger chuckles, pulling the straps of your nightgown back over your shoulders. He gathered his pants and pulled them on quickly. Retrieving a small cloth from his pocket, he wiped up the remnants of his orgasm on your leg and set you down on a clean surface of the table. Azriel raked through your hair, wiping away the beads of sweat on your temple and setting a comforting hand over your shaking legs. He kneeled, slipping your heels back on and ensuring that they were properly strapped around your ankles. You couldn't even recall when you'd taken them off.
The gentle manner he took in your aftercare made you smile gently as he kissed your cheek.
“Well, I was thinking that I’d take you out for dinner. Pick you up from your flat and fly into the city. I even planned on buying you a bouquet of irises. Your favorite.”
You beamed as Azriel smoothed down your hair. “Did you think you’d get lucky after our first date?”
“I’d feel lucky just being with you.” Your heart squeezed in your chest. He winked, a mischievous smile spreading across his beautiful face. “But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t hope that you’d invite me up to your flat at the end of the night.”
He tucked a strand of loose hair behind your ear. “I would have waited for you, though. However long it took.”
“Haven’t you heard, Az? Waiting is highly overrated. If I learned anything tonight, it’s that you should just go after what you want. You never know how it might turn out.”
Azriel grinned. “How did it turn out? Hypothetically speaking?”
“Hypothetically speaking, I wish I had taken the leap out of the friend zone sooner. Hypothetically speaking, I think that was the best sex I’ve ever had in my life,” you pause, biting your lip as you consider your next words. “Hypothetically speaking, I should have told my best friend that I was crazy about him ages ago.”
Azriel was smiling so widely that it tugged at your heartstrings. “Factually speaking, your best friend is crazy about you, too.”
He gathered you into his arms, lifting you off your feet as he kissed you gently. You savored the taste of him, the remnants of you on his tongue mixed with the wine from earlier was enough to make your head spin. Azriel pulled away, pressing his forehead against yours.
“What do you say, honey? Will you go on a date with me?”
“I’d really like that, Az.”
The shy smiles on both of your faces made you giddy with excitement. You couldn’t wait to explore this new territory with Azriel. He kissed you softly, feeling him grin against your lips. The two of you were so caught up in one another that neither one heard the door swing open.
A drunk Cassian stumbled in, his eyes glazed over as he leaned against the ajar door. “Where have you two been all night? It’s a party out there.”
Azriel shrugged, casually retrieving your ruined lingerie from the corner of the booth and slipping it into his pocket. “We’ve just been talking. Did we miss anything fun, brother?”
Cassian nods, gearing up to tell you all about the antic he most likely caused outside, but then the Illyrian general paused. His eyes narrowed at the both of you, sniffing the air.
“What the hell happened in this room? It reeks of sex in here.”
Azriel stared at his brother for a split second. Then, he leans over to you dramatically, “Honey?”
“Yes, Az?”
“What do you think about going on that date right now?”
A grin spread across your face. “I think that’s the best idea I’ve heard all night.”
With that, Azriel takes your hand in his and faces Cassian again. “Sorry Cas, no time to talk. I have a date to go on.”
If it was possible for someone’s mouth to fall to the floor, Cassian’s would’ve currently been sitting on the sticky linoleum under your feet.
“I can’t believe you seduced our sweet, innocent honey, brother,” Cassian says, half-surprised and half appalled.
You patted your friend on the arm. “Actually Cas, the lap dance was my idea, but it kind of just spiraled from there.”
The surprised choking sound coming out of Cassian was the only thing you heard before Azriel led you through the door. You both looked back at the male, who was currently gaping at the wall as though he’d just received realm shattering news.
Azriel only chuckled, kissing your cheek. “Looks like you do have some sting to you, honeybee.”
tag list: @despoinasstuff @lahoete @mulansaucey @moony-thoughts @fangirlworld46-blog @percyjacksonspeen
#this...kind of got out of hand#alexa play freaky girl by nicki minaj cause azriel is a capital F R E A K#acotar#azriel#azriel fic#azriel shadowsinger#azriel acotar#acomaf#acosf#azriel x reader#azriel x you#azriel smut#acotar smut#masterlist#jess writes
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I feel like an absolute big brained prick
this just a me thing but I like to think that big red is Beelzebub cuz demon prince and made a deal for food, which leads me to say "Fly upon the wall -chai" is a song I think he would listen to and I'm pretty sure he has seen some weird things, "Bokusatsu tenshi dokuro chan" being one of the weird things he's watch
As me said in tags all the listeners are cool now *hits y'all with my hcs* Casper very much sounds like macaque from lmk and Sunflower sounds like Sun wukong from lmk, also all the listeners are related; the main six listeners are siblings while Buddy is their cousin
Another prick move from me to the yv fan base,
A horror/myth/Eldritch au for all of the boys(along with songs/inspo), I'll go first; I made Al a kitsune with power over fire(cuz there's 13 types of kitsunes)and has 7 tails, his inspiration was the meaning of fox towards a person and the song "The Good Child and the fox spirit- Kikuo"
Seth is based on a inugami, cuz sad dog years
Charlie is based on a colo colo(from mapuche myth) and inspiration was from the song "Chiri Chiri Juso(Dust Dust Curse)- Kikuo"
Finn is gonna be based on Hecate and some mythical figures that have three heads cuz of the three different versions of him, song for him "Hit Single Real: Tracheal - Killin Dirty by churgney gurgney"
Big red is already based on myth/horror type of stuff, just gotta crank it up to the specifics; Beelzebub or just based on abstract idea of gluttony
Faust & Auron are gonna be based on twins in mythology with Faust having powers over the weather and Auron not having any
And if you're asking for the many listeners/lovers for them, then you can put your own idea of what myth your character is or you can go with the idea that the listener has a myriad of nicknames and positions but they are one immortal person (Faker and Black Sun FNF cover- churgney gurgney)
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Today I’ll be diving into an up and coming band in the DMV scene here. For information I’ll be using their description on spotify and interpreting their lyrics. This is all public information and free to interpret in any way you want to.
First, I’m going to give a general overview of the band from the two times I have seen them live. There’s guitarist and vocalist, Nick Groves, with bassist, Alex Cole, and lastly drummer, Ian Andrew. Originally the band was formed in December 2021 with guitarist and vox Nick Groves and drummer Ian Andrew later adding bassist Alex Cole in March 2022. From the first time I saw them I had originally gone to see another band named Colo at The Pocket. The lineup was Sacricide, Greenhead, and Colo. I went with no prior knowledge of any of the bands besides Colo. Nonetheless, I came out of there with a new idea for how music could be. I had listened to stoner/doom metal before with popular bands such as, Bongzilla and Toke, but this opened my eyes with Greenhead’s low, consciousness-expanding, and mind-bending beats. In words that I overheard from my first show I call them, “psychedelic metal”. As of right now they only have two singles out: Indigo released in 2022 and Nature’s Pyramid released in 2023.
Indigo starts off with an opener that, like their cover art, makes you feel like you’re transcending through space and are getting geared up. I mean you can’t help but to head bang. In an odd sense I feel their lyrics in Indigo are almost military like with a chanting formation. Their lyrics speak to the volume of pain and hurt. Or where at night your mind is wandering just trying to touch “the light” and sense of hope almost. I’d like to highlight points like, “This purple haze impairs our gaze trapped inside our dreadful mind; enlighten us to see the way away from misery.” Groves in this moment sings in a strong, commanding voice to emphasize his words. I see this as some sort of mental fog clogs your mind where you’re stuck in a dismal state where some outside force needs to light the way from one’s suffering.
Nature’s Pyramid has a distinctive intro where it’s very structured and a very keen composition. Groves sings, “hypnotize by your brain, under his control.” Again they strive to speak about a higher power who uses their influence to control what you may say or do. In my mind I see it as fighting against an oppressive being. Even with a second vocal track in the background of a deeper, more powerful entity taking over as you struggle with fighting them off. There’s a lot of contrast between the lower guttural voice and the chant-like vocals. To follow along he sings, “sacrifice to save yourself from your wicked ways.” The cover art for this song has a similar look to Mayan temples where it was commonly known to sacrifice members of the tribe to save themselves from a god’s wrath.
Let’s talk about where they get their inspiration from. They list names like Sabbath, Iron Maiden, Led Zeppelin, and others; however, from the people I have shown their sound to they all collectively say TOOL. I would like to add in similarities to Toke. They add in bands from stoner/doom metal such as Sleep, Mastodon, Electric Wizard, and many more. Including other hardcore bands from the local cities and states. Their message states, “Each of us in the group finds a sense of catharsis creating energetic music, and to create this feedback of energy with the crowds we play to.” I am genuinely fond of their music and I know that makes this video heavily opinionated, but I hope that when you listen to them you find where I’m coming from.
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Secret Love Song
GIF Not Mine
Information: This is heavily inspired by Little Mix's Secret Love Song hence the title but as I was making it I feel like I got a little side tracked lmao. Some lines are still from the song but you can be the judge if I got the message right
Summary: Natasha is in love with you but you only see her as your best friend. When you married Wanda, Natasha was never the same. She became more pushy and clingy to you but as her best friend, you never left her even with Wanda’s disapproval of the sudden change in relationship. One night she asked you to go to a dance, you agreed but not because of what Natasha expected
Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Reader
Theme: Pure Angst
TW: uh none? let me know if I missed one
Word Count: 1, 772
Today, Natasha is happy. Her teammates watch her walk to the kitchen with a bounce in her steps, a smile so wide it’s creepy and a glow they no longer see since that day. The day that is a taboo to talk about
They watch her greet everyone in a cheerful voice, they were happy to see her like that again but the lingering question in the air spoke for itself
Why?
Hesitant, yet they dare ask still. Trying to be as discreet as possible. The purpose of the question went above her happy head as she answered
“Y/N and I are going to a dance tonight” She answered as if the reason for her happiness is obvious
Everyone looked at each other, hesitation evident in their eyes. Clint, who was the second closest to the woman was a bit more courageous than the rest
“Wanda agreed to that?”
Natasha’s face turned sour immediately with the mention of the name. A once friend who knew, yet didn’t care. Shaking her head to remove the thoughts in her head, she smiled, your image in a beautiful gown, smiling at her, arms wrapped around hers, it’s what calmed her down
“I don’t know” she answered, taking a spoonful of her oatmeal and then shoving it in her mouth “I don’t care” she continued after swallowing. She finished the bowl before excitedly jumping off her seat “As long as Y/N said okay, it’s the only thing that matters” she then threw the bowl and spoon in the trash, never minding the look that her teammates gave her
“She does know that those are not disposable bowls and spoons, right?” Sam asked and that only earned him a lot of blank stares
“Just go and get it” Steve ordered and sighed, wondering what will happen that night
Night came, Natasha was standing in front of Y/N’s new house. One in the middle of a small town, far from the compound. Natasha hates the place. She thinks it doesn’t suit you at all. You were always talking about wanting your own penthouse in the middle of the city, overlooking the city lights at night and wanting it to be close to the compound so you can get to work easily, and can visit her often
But none of that came true after you married Wanda. She wanted to be far from the compound, the Avengers, the fighting, the missions, from Natasha. You resigned the day before your wedding, only being an agent under the direct orders of the Avenger, they can’t stop you. Wanda is on indefinite leave. No one knows when she will be back but Steve said it may be never, that she is to be called only when the earth is in world destruction
Then you packed your bag the day after the wedding, the day before you went to your honeymoon somewhere far and isolated. No one knew where but Natasha knew it was on a beach, somewhere you did not choose at all. You always told her that at your wedding, you wanted it to be somewhere simple, like a vineyard where everyone can enjoy some wine and have fun but Wanda wanted a beach wedding, so you had a beach wedding. She was so sure that you also didn’t get the honeymoon you wanted. One where you get to know the locals, taste different type of foods, join in on some festivals because Wanda brought you somewhere isolated, where it’s just the two of you
You also never got back to the compound after the honeymoon. You arrive and move to this small house that not even the color is to your taste. It’s too plain, too white and too traditional.
Your room in the compound was modern, with large windows you requested, and plants. The paint you preferred to be dark gray with a hint of your favorite color, it was a bit dark, and you enjoy the peace in it, but this house lights up in the morning and at night. She wonders if you can sleep well at night in it
She sighed, thinking of all the things you wanted but never got because you chose Wanda
As the door clicked open and you stepped out, wearing a beautiful gown…in red. She frowned, that wasn’t your color, it was Wanda’s. She took a deep breath, closing her eyes to calm herself. Tonight, nothing can stop her from having fun, enjoying your company and marveling at how breathtakingly gorgeous you are, even in a color she learned to despise
You walked over to her and smiled. It wasn’t one that reached your eyes. The smile that she fell in love with is not in your face and it bothered her, but she pushed the thought away as she kissed you on the cheek. The coldness of your skin is not something she was used to, but she brushed that away too
She told you how beautiful you look and you did the same, getting in her car and driving away. The trip was silent. Only the hum of the car engine and the soft music playing in the stereo surrounded you. To Natasha it was peace, to you it was turmoil because tonight, you would dance with your best friend, drink wine and eat a 3 star meal in a 5 star hotel but also tonight
You would have to break your best friend’s heart
It was late in the evening. You finished eating, you drank your wine, refilled it and then finished it again, and again. Anything to delay the night, you wanted it to be something she would enjoy, to be honest, it seems cruel to you, like you are giving her the last meal
Now you have her in your arms, bodies swaying with each other, slowly, softly, innocently. Her head gently tucked in your neck, eyes closed and savoring the heat of your body, the smell of you, the sound of your heart. She’s savoring it all, because she’s not stupid
She knows
But she go through with it, because if it’s the last time she can hold you, she would sure savor every minute of it
You now sat in the car, in front of the compound. You asked her to drive you there instead. Natasha knows why. You are concerned for her, to drive after this conversation, it wasn’t a risk you are willing to take
“How are you getting home?” She ask in whisper, almost afraid to speak
“She’ll come and get me” You answered, Natasha was thankful of the consideration
She smiled because you know her well enough not to mention the name. But it slowly turns to a frown. She has kept you long enough, she hates that you are so considerate of her, of letting her just sit in the car, watching her for almost an hour now, checking if she’s ready now because she knows, that you know, that she knows.
You and her, you both just understand each other well
And she knows you are miserable tonight, and she feels selfish keeping you like this so she’s done. She’s ready
“I hate it so much” She started, you didn’t look at her but she knows you’re listening “Why can’t you hold me in public, why I can’t kiss you while we dance” she swallowed the lump in her throat “ why can’t we be like that?” she asked, almost pleading, but tired, her voice was very tired
“We tried” You answered, looking at her, finally. You watched her hand next to you but you didn’t dare take it in yours, because you will crumble with it “We tried, Nat. I tried holding you in the street, tell the world about our love”
“But time wasn’t our friend” Natasha continued, you nodded, tears falling from her cheeks
It took so much from you to stop yourself from wiping it away, wiping her pain away. It shouldn’t be you, because you are the cause of it
“I…when you had to leave, I shouted my feelings up on the rooftop. Asking the gods why I didn’t say I love you before you left, why we can’t have what the other people have” You lean back on the chair of the car, tears of your own soaking your cheeks “You left, you came back with Bruce holding you, because we are uncertain, we are not established”
“And then you fell in love with Wanda when I was ready for you” She smiled, bitter smile, one that doesn’t do anything but hurt her and you
“Yes” you sighed “With Wanda, everything felt right. We are on the same page, at the same time. With you it’s…” you open your eyes, meeting hers
“With me it’s painful, wrong” she continued and even if you didn’t want to admit it, it was exactly what you felt
“We are too much of the same Natasha, the same piece, the same pawn, the same character” you choked “We are too similar, and we will never fit. We need someone different, someone that will complete us, not be us”
For the first time that night, Natasha looked away from you. She bowed her head, nodding repeatedly as she hug herself. You hate that it was you again, seeing her so small, so terrified, so uncertain, and it’s because of you again
“You are right” she muttered “you deserve someone better, better than me”
“No” you chuckled, but it was of pure pain “No Natasha, no one is better than you. You understand me, what I like, what I am” you took a shaky breath, all the words leaving your mouth was painful, a painful air that’s scratching your throat that you were sure it would leave scars that will bleed and drown you
“I didn’t need someone better, I needed someone that’s not me, and that’s not you”
Natasha watched you through blurry eyes. She watched you as your small form walked towards Wanda, someone who can support you, be with you and comfort you. She watched Wanda hold you in her arms protectively, let you hug her and cry to her. Natasha watches you broken, but Wanda completes you. She understand this now
She hugged her body, and she hugged herself closer as Wanda looked at her, giving a small apologetic smile before guiding you to her car and driving away
She understands now why you two can’t be how she wanted it to be. Yet it’s still you
She still wishes to be with you
Because all of her, is yours
She’s yours
#natasha romanoff#natasha romanov#black widow#natasha romonova#natasha x y/n#natasha x reader#natasha x you#black widow x reader#mcu imagine
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BLACK STAR RIDERS | Robert and Ricky on working with Pearl Aday on the new album
Heavy rock luminaries BLACK STAR RIDERS are just over a week away from unleashing their new album Another State Of Grace via Nuclear Blast Records. In a new trailer released today, Robert and Ricky discuss what it was like working again with Meat Loaf's daughter, Pearl Aday. Pearl lends her soulful vocals on the track 'What Will It Take?' - find out more here: youtu.be/rlXW0B3Uo0Y
Another State Of Grace is available on CD, vinyl and vinyl picture disc, limited edition boxset and limited edition light green vinyl. Pre-order here: nuclearblast.com/blackstarriders-asog
Robert and Ricky filmed an exclusive acoustic version of the band's new single 'Ain't The End Of The World' recently, which is now live on YouTube: youtu.be/Gz143L6ZckQ
Watch the official video for 'Ain't The End Of The World': youtu.be/mv-tccUbm6U
Pre-save Another State Of Grace on Spotify, Deezer and Apple Music: nblast.de/BlackStarRidersPreSave
Order the album digitally to receive 'Another State Of Grace' and 'Ain't The End Of The World' instantly: nblast.de/BlackStarRidersASoGIT
Another State Of Grace is a stunning collection of songs that will further develop the band’s burgeoning reputation as one of the most essential contemporary rock acts. Recorded at Sphere Studios in Burbank, California in February 2019, the album was produced & mixed by Jay Ruston (Stone Sour, Anthrax, Uriah Heep).
Watch the official video for the title track, 'Another State Of Grace': youtu.be/1VVvp_jnUX8
After a lengthy period off the road, Black Star Riders are back with a 15 date UK & Ireland Tour with special guests Stone Broken and Wayward Sons. The dates for the UK & Ireland tour are as follows:
Oct 10 Bristol - O2 Academy *^
Oct 11 Cambridge - Corn Exchange *^
Oct 12 London - O2 Shepherd's Bush Empire *^
Oct 13 Wrexham - William Aston Hall *^
Oct 15 – Dolans Warehouse – Limerick City, Ireland §
Oct 16 Dublin - The Academy *
Oct 17 Belfast - Limelight *
Oct 18 Glasgow - Braehead Arena §
Oct 19 Newcastle - O2 Academy *^
Oct 20 Nottingham - Rock City *^
Oct 22 Bexhill - De La Warr Pavilion *^
Oct 23 Bournemouth - O2 Academy *^
Oct 24 Cardiff - University (Great Hall) *^
Oct 25 Wolverhampton - KK's Steel Mill *^
Oct 26 Leeds - O2 Academy *^
Oct 27 Mancheste - O2 Ritz *^
Special guests: * Stone Broken | ^ Wayward Sons
§ BSR Only
Tickets are on sale now: blackstarriders.com
The band will then be hitting the road in Europe with support from Diamond Head and Waywards Sons. The EU tour dates rack up as follows:
Oct 30 Roskilde - Gimle +
Oct 31 Malmö - Kulturbolaget +
Nov 01 Stockholm - Fryshuset Klubben +
Nov 02 Gothenburg - Trädgår'n +
Nov 03 Oslo - Vulkan +
Nov 05 Tampere - Talo +
Nov 06 Helsinki - The Circus +
Nov 08 Borlänge - Liljan
Nov 09 Esbjerg - Tobakken
Nov 12 Hamburg - Markthalle +^
Nov 13 Köln - Die Kantine +^
Nov 14 Dresden - Reithalle Strasse E +^
Nov 15 Aschaffenburg - Colos-Saal +^
Nov 17 Zurich - Dynamo ^
Nov 18 München - Backstage (Halle) +^
Nov 19 Nürnberg - Hirsch +^
Nov 20 Prague - Nová Chmelnice ^
Nov 21 Leipzig - Anker +^
Special guests: + Diamond Head | ^ Wayward Sons
Tickets are on sale now: blackstarriders.com
ICYMI:
Robert and Ricky sit down to tell us a bit about the new line-up and how they met Chad and Christian: youtu.be/vaSO2-KLRlw
Robert and Ricky sit down to tell us more about the band's new single 'Ain't The End Of The World': youtu.be/GyySCAYOLfY
Robert and Ricky explain how the band came up with the ideas for the new album’s packaging: youtu.be/rvet2BDKtBs
Robert and Ricky on why the band decided to record at Sphere Studios: youtu.be/Is5upqZebPk
Ricky and Robert discuss what it was like working with Jay Ruston: youtu.be/L0pjxhnb1UQ
Robert and Ricky discuss the themes and inspirations for the album, in particular the title and how it came about: youtu.be/pSe9jDVp0t8
Robert and Ricky give us the lowdown on what fans can expect from this new album: youtu.be/72-aHyNj4Cw
The band will be taking part in a series of in store performances and singings in the UK and Ireland this October. See below for details:
Oct 10th - hmv 24/26 Broadmead & Upper Floors, 26/28 & 30 Broadmead, Bristol BS1 3HA @ 2pm
Oct 11th - Fopp, 37 Sidney Street, Cambridge CB2 3HX @ 2pm
Oct 12th - Fopp, 1 Earlsham Street, London WC2E @ 2pm
Oct 16th - Tower Dublin, 7 Dawson St, Dublin 2 @ 12:30pm
Oct 17th - hmv, 3-6 Donegall Arcade Belfast Northern Ireland BT1 1PT @ 2pm
Oct 18th - hmv, Unit 167, Braehead Centre, Kings Inch Road, Glasgow G51 4BN @ 2pm
Oct 20th - Fopp, Broadmarsh Shopping Centre, 49 Broad Walk, The, Nottingham NG1 7LH @ 2pm
Oct 23rd - hmv, 5/6 The Avenue, Commercial Road, Bournemouth, BH2 5RP @ 2pm
Oct 24th - hmv, Unit 4, 53-57 Queens Street, Cardiff CF10 2AS @ 2pm
Oct 25th - hmv, 8 The Gallery, Mander Square, Wolverhampton WV1 3NJ @ 2pm
Oct 27th - hmv, Unit 92, Manchester Arndale Shopping Centre, Manchester M4 2HU @ 2pm
These are wristbanded events. Wristbands will be available with the purchase of a copy of the album ‘Another State Of Grace’ from Friday 6th September onwards. Pre-order your copy of the album in store now to guarantee your wristband.
More info:
HMV: https://www.hmv.com/hmvlive/black-star-riders
Tower: https://www.overdrive.ie/overdrive-presents-black-star-riders-exclusive-in-store-dublin-performance
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20 questions tag 🌹
tagged by the lovely @anna-something !!! (:
Rules: Answer 20 questions and then tag 20 people.
Nickname: well my name’s yulin & I feel like thats a weird enough name in itself, its quite asian and most people cant even remember that to start with haha.
Zodiac: Aries, & just to throw it out there, i’m an infp!!!
Height: 160cm?
Last thing I googled: party baby bap dress code LMAO just to remind myself for taipei boom in a few days.
Favorite music artist: not counting b.a.p/kpop.. theres so many… owl city, years and years, stromae, troye, melanie, lana…. etc
Song stuck in my head: the title song of the film ‘our times’ (cutest movie)
Last movie I saw: Your Name (i love all things anime hmu to chat about anime all day everyday)
What am I wearing right now: a pink shirt with the word ‘pink’ on it i love clothing that states itself
Why did I choose my url: i LOVE the rose concept and jongup… and I can totally imagine myself aggressively but lovingly throwing all the roses at jongup
Any other blogs: yes I was SO active on tumblr when I was 13-16 ish I had a soft grudge(still don’t know what that is tbh), pastel, pale, writing, kawaii/japan/cute, and even a gore blog (yes I was very emo)
What did your last relationship teach you: N/A since I never told my crushes how I feel lmao!!! esp since my last crush already had a gf haha I hate my feelings
Religious or spiritual: can’t I choose both? my family is hardcore buddhist and I guess I am too. I used to meditate and I really should continue, haha.
Favourite coloUr: I study in the UK now so this is the correct spelling yesss, and its pink and black, blackpink.
Average hours of sleep: I mean in art uni you really get inspiration at like 4am so usually I don’t sleep until 3,4am which is so bad but, if I have anything on the next day (like actual life) then maybe 1, 2 am.
Lucky number: I don’t understand the concept of a lucky number like?? how do I even choose a number in all the numbers of the universe?
Favourite character: any fictional character? from my favourite ghibl film, San from Princess Mononoke, or, in an anime, the pink-haired girl from Future Diary just bc she has pink hair (I cut my pink hair recently;;cries) and is super sadistic. from books there’s too many aahh.
How many blankets I sleep with: just my one pink duvet. and 10 cute plushies, they dominate my bed. I sleep in the corner.
Dream job: a free-lance artist that makes enough money to support my family who gave up so much $ for me to send me to art uni aaaaaa, realistically its hard, but I hope I can get there one day!
Tagging (you in no way have to do it!) (I’m quite a new BABY blog so I don’t know many blogs on here so I’m sorry if you’ve been tagged 100 times already): @junhongiee @jion-a @daestopiaa @tigerbaby @fluffybbang @ribbon-in-the-rose @b-ap @bap-chalddeok @bangxster @stanbap @happy-daes @daeumie @baphae @s-kydive @siriuslyjongup @damatoki @daehyuns-beautiful-golden-skin @daehnii ♥
#thanks for tagging me!!! this is actually my first tag ive done on here thank u#sorry for taking up so much space on y'all's dash#i love all of you so much i'm always sitting here on tumblr looking at your posts ok#hope you all have a good day#Be Happy#=BAP#<3#tagged#answered
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20 questions tag 🌹
Tagged by @yikes-anotherkpopblog ah thank you mi darling <3 enjoy reading some boring tid-bits about me
Rules: Answer 20 questions and then tag 20 people.
Nickname: don’t really have one (two syllables guys it’s just two syllables) but I have been called Mother in the past.
Zodiac: Virgo. according to my horoscope my enthusiasm and optimism is still intact. hahah ‘intact’.
Height: about 5ft10
Last thing I googled: err Virgo Daily Horoscope. I refer you to the above.
Favorite music artist: jesus no don’t do this to me...... Florence and the Machine. Gah I could list here. wHyY must we limit ourselves.
Song stuck in my head: My Name is Tallulah - Bugsy Malone and I cannot for the life of me tell you why it just is I haven’t even heard the musical since I performed in it when I was thirteen but the song won’t leave and I’m scared.
Last movie I saw: I think ‘La La Land’? I’m bad with movies there are tons I have to watch.
What am I wearing right now: Knitted warm-up shorts and a t-shirt
Why did I choose my url: My name + lack of inspiration + an innate desire to be as non-committal as possible like how I do with all things in life.
Any other blogs: Nope. All pre-B.A.P followers must not use tumblr anymore because why else are they here.
What did your last relationship teach you: I don’t really get into relationships so this is kinda a N/A area
Religious or spiritual: ?? spiritual?? if I have to choose one. I’m agnostic. Open but not a believer.
Favourite coloUr: (English from England RISE) but apart from baiting spelling wars my favourite coloUr is red.
Average hours of sleep: if no nightmares then about 7 hours
Lucky number: again don’t really have one but my brain tends to spurt out 4 so let’s go with that
Favourite character: Cordelia Chase. Has been for years. Fight me.
How many blankets I sleep with: I got one blanket (and a big ol’ quilt)
Dream job: I want to either go into genetics or neurobiology. Or reach a state where I don’t need to achieve anything to be happy. Preferably get paid for it. So I can house myself.
Tagging (and you in no way have to do it!) : @everybodyelsesgirl @daestopiaa @fae-hyun @zeloswaffles @roses-for-jongup @dreamermoonchan @brainboxy @happy-daes
#Anna speaks#tagged#question tag#I feel like I reveal too much about myself on a daily basis#hey-ho what is life#I realise I haven't tagged 20
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Concluding post: Evaluation
In this evaluation, I will be analysing what went well, what didn’t work and why, in relation to my project aims and summarise the learning that I have gained. I will also be reflecting on professional and artistic skills I have developed with relevant research references. I will also close and discuss how I might utilise this experience in my future career.
Firstly, for my professional directions project, I set out to present myself as an artist venturing into the music industry. My aims for the project were to record songs, create a website, perform at launch festival, perform at events, attempt songwriting, research techniques to improve my singing and interview artists in the industry.
In terms of what went well with my project, I feel a lot of things went according to plan and surpassed my expectations. One of those being the techniques that I learnt to help with my breathing to sustain and hold notes in my singing. I found this technique on a youtube video by Burklee online. The straw technique was a very useful exercise on my journey as it surpassed my expectations. At first I did not think I would see any improvement, however on analysis of the exercise 6 weeks apart it became clear that practicing this exercise had dramatically changed. On reflection, I can now hold my breath for twice as long compared to when I first started with it and release it slower in order to sustain notes, which is something I can take forward in my professional career.
Another thing I feel went well on the project is getting the chance to perform at launch festival and other events. I was not sure I was going to get many chances to perform at events since I was just starting out. However, I auditioned to be part of Musical Theatre’s fundraiser, to which I ended up closing the show which was a big thing. Then to have also been given the chance to perform at music societies variety show was very humbling, and of course launch was also a great chance to perform aswell.
In terms of what didn’t work in my project, I feel there was only one aspect that did not go according to plan and that was the songwriting. No matter how much I tried songwriting I just could not quite get the tune I wanted on an instrument to match what was in my head and I feel that was my downfall as the writing part came quite easy.
Thirdly, in terms of professional skills I developed on this project I feel I have developed my time management skills, my planning skills and also my communication skills. I feel have developed these because I have been able to manage my project by sticking to my plan of what I was planning on getting done when. I also feel in terms of communication, I have had to communicate a lot from meetings for launch festival and also setting up/ conducting interviews. I feel these are key professional skills that I have developed that will aid me in my success for the future.
Moreover in terms of artistic skills I have developed I would say I have developed my diaphragm, my voice and also my ability to perform at different events. I feel through the exercises I found on the youtube video ‘Anatomy of Breathing’ I have managed to develop my breath management skills and that is something I can always build upon as a singer. As Claudia Friedlander states in her book ‘Complete Vocal Fitness’, “While your approach to singing technique may involve exercising control over the rate at which your breath releases, the ability to simply let it go in a complete and uncomplicated fashion is a prerequisite for the development of breath-management skills”. Therefore, breath management is a very useful artistic skill I have come across because it enables me to approach my singing in a new way that will enhance my ability to sing and sustain notes.
In conclusion, I would like to reflect that for this project I feel I have developed many skills both artistic and professional that will aid me in my future career. I also feel that in order to move forward from this project to achieving future success I need to: continue working towards getting a better social media following, keep creating more recordings, start a youtube channel and also promote myself as much as I can in order to get gigs and events that I can sing at. Overall, from this experience I plan on moving forward with my project and really delving into the music industry in the hopes that I can make it into a successful future career.
Bibliography
Berklee Online (2019) Voice Techniques: Anatomy of Breathing|Singing|Vocals|Voice|Berklee Online. Available at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FSkwDqP-1ZA
Friedlander, C. (2018) Complete Vocal Fitness: A Singer’s Guide to Physical Training, Anatomy, and Biomechanics. Rowman & Littlefield Publishers, p. 29.
Swanson, S. (2006) Inspiration for songwriters. Denver, Colo.: Stony Meadow Publishing.
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memory safe
Hey Andy,
I’m delighted to hear from you, though I’m having a hard time processing it. I’m sad that you’ve had a difficult time processing this and that I’ve been absent through that. I would feel a lot better if I’d been connected and supportive in the ways that you needed. I hope you have found ways to grow positively from the experience. I sincerely love and appreciate your vulnerability, honesty, and care. I feel very cared about, even given the circumstance and tone, and that’s precious. Thank you.
From day one, you’ve had a key role as an inspiration and motivation to me. You’ve encouraged me to be creative, allowed me to be elegant, and dared me to be expressive. I feel like we’ve shared some of the most difficult and wonderful times of college with each other, beside each other, vicariously and apart. This includes so many coffee shop hangouts, long distance phone calls, adventures pursuing photographs, magical notebooks, hikes, drinks, laughter, and tears. And to top it off, you’re an incredible adventure buddy. You are one of my people.
I think I’ll always hold these memories close to my heart; they’re all incredible and lovely gifts. Seriously, it takes quite a spirit to want to go with my crazy ideas, let alone a spirit like you who challenges me to more adventures. In whatever form they came, I always enjoy exploring and sharing with you.
I’ve been soo off the grid and slow to reply; I am sincerely sorry for this. You should know, I think of you often, and fondly. I’m living in Colorado, filling my life with positive things. you are constantly a hole in my life and I hope you’re game for the fight I’m about to put up for the opportunity to rekindle our connection.
I had a difficult time facing that because of my friend, you felt in pain. You were wonderfully courageous to share your feelings with me. Colorado shed light on a different side of our relationship, but I know that there is so much more to the situation and our relationship.
added bonus, my life became a wreck.
like, an awful wreck. I pretty literally disorganized myself; this was harmful to me and my loved ones. It’s been a pretty weird time for me, like I’ve been grieving. as you’ve aptly said, understanding and talking about feelings is difficult. I’m sad I didn’t act sooner; I’ve been scared to trust that we might find some peace. I hope that song #3 on our Lumineers album isn’t played to me /// I’ve come to recognize the handful of individuals I am willing to fight for
A piece of this has been writing and forgiving myself and realizing that I’ve made my own kind of wonderful hero’s arch by deciding that I’m okay for going to the mountains to care for myself and my family. I decided how I’ll take on each piece of my messy life and figure out how to love myself through it. again, because of our trip to Colorado and because of your outstanding compassion, you’ve had a part of inspiring me to do this -a very wonderful part - and I hope you can recognize this with some happiness.
All said, I have no expectation of your acceptance/forgiveness/love. I’m not proud of who I’ve been, and if you feel like letting go of me, I’ll live with that. From the depths of my heart, I care about you and your beautiful, creative soul. I will always have gratitude for our connection, and I’m happy to give it as much work, space and time as it needs to heal in the way best for us both. I don’t want to sound like I’m trying to be perfect, I can’t be. but. I can keep it real between us, and put forth the time to let that happen. That said, I can only imagine what a painful distant few months it has been. Please get help or do whatever you need to be happy and free. I totally advocate for talking to someone. Talk to me or don’t. Seriously. you deserve happiness; If I have a healthy place in that, wonderful! but, If not, I will be at peace for your happiness. I’m really really sorry that I cannot make space to be anything but friends. Right now, that is the only kind of relationship I can imagine. I too fully understand that hurt people hurt people; as I was hurting, I felt best keeping a healthy distance and begin to feel whole (-ish) so that I won’t hurt those I love. I am soo not proud of any of this. Talking about feelings is hard, especially when they hurt so much. Thank you for encouraging me to talk anyways.
So I moved to Colorado close to family, and I’m doing a lot better for the most part. I’m happier but incomplete. I really believe that everyone who is in our lives is playing a key piece in helping us; I know you have for me, and I hope I have somehow for you.
I wish you happiness, health, and peace. You’ve been one of the most wonderful persons in my life and I’m glad I know you.
P.S. I saw this ad and knew I must send it to you. Then I received a message from you that evening. Soo It’s pretty necessary. and I loved the photos from CO, thank you.
THE GAZETTE - COLORADO SPRINGS, COLO. is looking for photographers:
applicants should possess a portfolio demonstrating technical proficiency and showing versatility, creativity and good use of light. Applicants must be able to work well under deadline pressure.
applicants should have a basic camera kit including at least one camera body and a range of lenses from wide angle to short telephoto and an electronic flash. Photo interns are provided with a Nikon D4s and Nikon D3 cameras and a 17-35 and 70-200 for use during the internship. Applicants must have their own reliable transportation.
Application Process:
Applicants should send a cover letter and resume with references and a CD or DVD portfolio. Though CD/DVD is my preferred method, I will also accept email applications with cover letter, resume, references and a link to an online portfolio.
Email your application materials to [email protected].
Application materials should be sent to:
Christian Murdock
Director of Photography/Video
The Gazette
30 East Pikes Peak Ave.
Suite 100
Colorado Springs, CO 80903
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Late to Yet Another Tag Challenge
Yup. Me again. Late to all the tagging games. Honestly, I’m just a mess. Sorry to the lovely @starlitdaydreams and @praise-the-lord-im-dead who originally tagged me in this one! (As usual, I’m spitefully adding the u’s into all the words that need them. Fight me).
Name: Jess
Gender: Female
Star sign: Taurus
Height: 5’5”
Sexual orientation: Bi?
Hogwarts house: Ravenclaw
Favo(u)rite colo(u)r: Sunset orange, forest green
Favo(u)rite animal: Foxes, tigers
Average hours of sleep: School? 7 hours or less. Holidays? As much as I can fit in without being entirely unproductive
Cat or dog person: Neither, I don’t think I would personally want a pet
Favo(u)rite fictional characters: Too many!
Dream trip: India. My dad won’t take us for fear of Delhi belly but I would love to go.
Dream job: Prime Minister (am I joking? Who knows?). Author.
When this blog was created: Summer of 2016
When your blog reached its peak: That damn post I made on a total whim
What made you decide to make a tumblr?: Uh, I already had a messy fandom blog but the lovely @lyssthewriter the writer set up the @writingwritersgroup which is a fabulous summer writing group and all year round squad of awesome people, so I brought this blog into being to join that. And I haven’t regretted a second of it!
Fictional character I’d date: My mind is blank except for my OCs; how arrogant is that? And I’m mainly interested in shitty bad boy characters, who I would never want to date. Probably Finn from Star Wars, or Poe or Rey. AHSOKA! Probably young Clone Wars TV show Anakin too because I’m bad at life choices and also I love him. Non-SW characters too but I’m having a brain blank!
How many blogs do I follow: 325
What do I post about: Writing! My writing, other people’s writing, prompts both mine and others. A lot of superhero related stuff, because I have *counts* 6 different superhero novels in the process of being planned and out interlinked, with four different but ultimately subtly related casts. It’s complicated, but it means that nearly everything superhero related has someone in my universe that I can tie it to. Also fantasy inspiration images, and fashion inspiration posts because of my dear darling Rosalie.
Last movie I watched: LEGO Batman Movie. I cried real tears of laughter.
Last book I read: I’m currently just starting Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo. It’s been so hyped that I just had to pull it off my bookshelf and carve out the time to read it!
Where would you want to time travel to: The future! Just to see if we all get ourselves killed via war/nukes/climate change in the end, or if we thrive and prosper and grow better as people.
Fictional character I would hang out with for a day: Princess Leia.
I’m cutting out the part about the first ten songs on shuffle because I’ve rather run out of time. Tagging @gallivantingfox @s-the-dragon @albatris @oqualo @jamieanovels and @sroloc--elbisivni for this one (even though I bet a whole bunch of you have already done this one, lol).
xx
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Welcome to Music Monday when we bring you blockbuster songs with jewelry, gemstones or precious metals in the title or lyrics. Today, Mumford & Sons’ frontman Marcus Mumford paints his spirit gold in the Grammy-nominated 2012 hit, “I Will Wait.”
Mumford told MTV News that the song was written on the road and inspired by the band’s hectic touring schedule. Life away from home can take a toll on relationships, and this song serves as a solemn reminder of why it’s so important to cherish the ones you love.
He sings, “Raise my hands / Paint my spirit gold / And bow my head / Keep my heart slow.”
While the repeated chorus, “And I will wait, I will wait for you,” is directed to Mumford’s significant other, fans have shared their own heartfelt interpretations of the song. Some have recounted how they waited patiently for years and then finally married the girl of their dreams. Others reflected how they hope to be united one day with loved ones who passed away.
Released as the first sing from Mumford & Sons’ second album Babel, “I Will Wait” became the group’s biggest hit, selling more than five million copies and charting in 17 countries. Babel was named “Album of the Year” at the 2013 Grammy Awards.
After listening to this rousing Bluegrass tune, one would assume that Mumford & Sons have their roots in Nashville. But that couldn’t be farther from the truth. The band was actually formed in West London in December 2007.
Frontman Marcus Mumford had been playing for various acts in London, where he met the other three founding members of Mumford & Sons — Ben Lovett, Winston Marshall and Ted Dwane. The men bonded over their passion for bluegrass and folk music.
Please check out the video of Mumford & Sons’ live performance of “I Will Wait.” The concert took place in August 2012 at the Red Rocks Amphitheatre near Denver, Colo., and the video has been viewed 164 million times. The lyrics are below if you’d like to sing along…
“I Will Wait”
Written by Ted Dwane, Ben Lovett, Marcus Mumford and Winston Marshall. Performed by Mumford & Sons.
Well I came home
Like a stone
And I fell heavy into your arms
These days of dust
Which we’ve known
Will blow away with this new sun
But I’ll kneel down
Wait for now
And I’ll kneel down
Know my ground
And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
So break my step
And relent
You forgave and I won’t forget
Know what we’ve seen
And him with less
Now in some way
Shake the excess
‘Cause I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
Now I’ll be bold
As well as strong
And use my head alongside my heart
So take my flesh
And fix my eyes
A tethered mind free from the lies
And I’ll kneel down
Wait for now
I’ll kneel down
Know my ground
Raise my hands
Paint my spirit gold
And bow my head
Keep my heart slow
‘Cause I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you
Credit: Image by Rob D [CC BY]
Visit our website at whitejewelers.net
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Rebel Girls – The New York Times
And a few boys, too. When riot grrrl pioneers Bikini Kill played their first New York show in 22 years, these are the fans who showed up — one as early as noon and two who hadn’t told their parents. Hi mom and dad!
Photographs by Nina Westervelt
Produced by Anya Strzemien
Interviews by Sharon Attia
June 7, 2019
If the end of this decade is memorialized as a time when women got really angry, and then even angrier, the music of Bikini Kill could provide the soundtrack.
The feminist punk band — credited with helping to launch the riot grrrl movement of the 1990s and writing its anthem, “Rebel Girl” — hadn’t played since the band broke up in 1997. But they reunited this spring for two shows in Los Angeles and four in New York. Next week will bring two more in London.
A lot had happened in those 22 years. And yet, the sound of thrashing instruments and women screaming seems more relevant than ever. As the critic Evelyn McDonnell put it: “The return of Bikini Kill feels less like a blast from the past and more like a superhero’s intervention.”
Here are a few of the fans — many of them surprisingly young, from places as far-flung as Minneapolis, Montreal and Florida — who attended the first New York gig on May 31 at Brooklyn Steel. They had all come in search of a good time (actual moshing and crowd-surfing included) and to witness a history-making moment.
These interviews have been edited and condensed, and profanity has been removed (sorry, not very punk of us). A few follow-up questions were asked later over email or DM.
Kayla Brooke, 27
Montreal
How early did you get here?
Noon.
You’re basically third in line.
Yeah. The other couple was here before us and they’re such angels. It’s very community feeling.
Would you consider yourself a riot grrrl?
Yes, but a modern riot grrrl, so a little bit more intersectional, if you will. That’s something that’s huge for me in my feminism: intersectionality. Because if we’re not talking about all those things then what are we doing? If our spaces are just for white women, then we’re not really creating safe spaces.
Bria Bisono, 21, and Xavier Medina, 19
Florida
Did you fly or drive to New York?
Xavier: We flew. We bought the tickets at the end of January. I was like, “It’ll be cool, I’ll come with you. I know they’re cool.”
Bria: We didn’t even ask our parents. We just booked it.
Alison Mop, 19
New York, N.Y.
How did you get into Bikini Kill?
Probably from YouTube, to be honest.
And what’s the name of your band?
How long have you liked Bikini Kill?
I’ve liked them for a while actually. I was a teenage punk girl, so they were always a big influence for me. I never actually thought that I would see them live, so this is an opportunity I couldn’t miss.
What about their music do you love?
I’ve always loved punk rock because it was a really inclusive movement, and as a handicapped person I was always welcome and felt safe in that spot. And when I found out there was a feminist movement within the punk movement, I was attracted to it. And I found this band and was like, this woman is my hero. Kathleen Hanna is great.
Molly Schnick, 40, and Nic Offer, 46
New York, N.Y.
Is this your first Bikini Kill concert?
Molly: No.
Finally! When did you see them last?
My former band played shows with them in 1994.
What was your former band?
We were called the Tourettes.
Olivia Linnen, 18
Bronx, N.Y.
and Leila Roberts, 18
New York, N.Y.
How long have you been into Bikini Kill?
Leila: Probably since I was 8 or something. My parents grew up listening to punk and stuff, so I grew up listening to it as well. And then I put her on to it when we became friends in high school. And then I started showing her stuff when she was 16. So this is her first punk show.
Did you grow up going to punk shows with your parents?
Yeah, for sure, totally.
Are they here?
No, they’re not.
Heather Hildreth (a.k.a. “Siouxsie Cupcakes”), 34
and Naomi Parnes (a.k.a. “Siren Sixxkiller”), 28
Denver, Colo.
How long have you two been friends?
Naomi: Our best friend title became official sometime in 2016 after we performed our “Wayne’s World” burlesque act for the first time, but that’s an entirely different tangent. One of us was like, hey, I’ve been calling you my best friend lately, that cool with you? And the other of us was like, yeah I’ve been doing the same, should we send out an announcement or something?
Do you consider yourselves riot grrrls?
I can’t officially speak for both of us — our telepathy isn’t quite that honed yet — but I have a feeling I know that Heather would say the same as me, which is unequivocally yasss, I consider myself a riot grrrl. It’s been a label I’ve been inspired by for many years.
Your mohawks* are cool. What’s the story behind them?
Thank you! I definitely enjoy having a mohawk, even though it’s the most high-maintenance hairstyle I’ve ever attempted to maintain. I’m Cherokee and Jewish, so my hair genetics are strong and mighty — even with half of it shaved off on the sides, there’s still just so much of it to control.
*pictured at the top of the article
Daniel Abbott, 34, and Jen Varani, 37
Raleigh, N.C.
What does riot grrrl mean to you?
Daniel: I knew that it wasn’t specifically for me as a male, but as a queer boy they were singing to things that I was experiencing. I was experiencing bad dudes, I was experiencing people critiquing my appearance, and so it still resonated with me.
Morgan Mitchell, 23
Cincinnati, OH
Is that a Daria tattoo on your leg?
Yeah, it says, “You’re standing on my neck.”
And what’s the other one?
This is like a Joan Jett/Siouxsie Sioux punk girl.
And what’s she holding?
It’s a switchblade, and it says “Rebel Girl.” So, a Bikini Kill reference.
Tiffani Argentina (a.k.a. “Gemini Blitz”), 29
and Torrie Ogilvie (a.k.a “Torrie Rose”), 31
Brooklyn, N.Y.
What is it about riot grrrl that you like?
Tiffani: Female solidarity.
Torrie: It’s really especially impactful at this time in our country’s history.
What’s your favorite Bikini Kill song?
Tiffani: I would have to say “Rebel Girl.” It’s an anthem! It’s just like, “We’re girls and we want to be cute and we want to have fun but also don’t mess with us.” That’s the kind of spirit that I like to embody on a daily basis.
Chloe Smith, 18, and Anna Murphy, 16
Red Hook, N.Y.
So, given your age, this is obviously your first Bikini Kill concert. How’d you get into them?
Chloe: In ninth grade, because I was watching “Portlandia” and then I became obsessed with Carrie Brownstein and I was like, all right Sleater-Kinney kind of goes, so then I like dove too hard into “Rebel Girl” kind of stuff. I did a presentation on it.
Angelica Moreno, 27, and Bobby Bosak, 32
West Palm Beach, FL
How long have you been into Bikini Kill?
Angelica: Since high school, so I was probably like 14 when I got introduced to them.
Bobby: When I started getting into punk music, about 17 or 18 or something like that.
Cool. What is it about their music that you like?
Angelica: I don’t know. It’s just like the message that they portray and like hell yeah, women. I just love everything about it.
Bobby: What she said.
Danielle Cusack, 22
Minneapolis, MN
Why do you think this reunion is important?
I think it’s important because there’s generations of people here. At the L.A. show there was a little girl on the shoulders of her father watching Bikini Kill. It was so heartwarming and amazing to see that this tradition is being continued. And I think it’s always important for people to see women on stage who are angry. Because we’re constantly told that we have to contain our anger or we have to be sad.
What are you angry about?
Everything. For real.
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Jon ALi Presents: The Top 20 Music Videos Of 2018!
Hello, it’s me (again). Just yesterday, I worked my way through my Top 50 Albums Of 2018. And now, it’s time lay your eyes on a visual treat: My Top 20 Music Videos of 2018!
This list was fairly easy to make, considering we don’t really get that many great music videos anymore. It’s been a dying music accompanying art form for years, but luckily, there’s always a handful of artists who decide to step up their game and rise above the basics of the world. As always, let me know what you think and feel free to comment below with your own list. BESOS!
youtube
20. St. Vincent – Fast Slow Disco
St. Vincent dropped her serious artsy antics and let loose in this wonderfully steamy Zev Deans-directed clip for the re-worked version of her song “Slow Disco,” which sees her dancing through a sweaty crowd of men in a gay club. We must appreciate!
youtube
19. Years & Years – Sanctify
Olly Years and co. dropped a few stellar visuals this year to bring their Palo Santo vision to life. “Sanctify” kicked things off properly and saw Olly deliver his best dance performance yet. He shall not be ignored!
youtube
18. Anderson .Paak – ‘Til It’s Over
More artists should just get FKA twigs to dance in their videos for them. The results are spectacular.
youtube
17. Drake – Nice For What
Drake gets enough attention, but he did good in dropping a star-studded music video to accompany his 2018 smash love letter to all of the strong, independent women around the world. More of this, please.
youtube
16. Kim Petras – Heart to Break
The deliciously sweet and cool, cotton candy princess fantasy we all needed in 2018 was brought by this rising pop starlet. Escapism at its very best.
youtube
15. John Duff – Girly
“Hate on it, Say what you wanna say say…” Paying meticulous homage to pop queens including Madonna (“Hung Up”), Britney Spears (“Stronger”), Beyoncé (“Crazy in Love”), Christina Aguilera (“Come on Over”) and most heavily, Mariah Carey‘s “Heartbeaker” turned out to be quite the serve for Mr. John Duff. There’s simply no denying… he did THAT!
youtube
14. Céline Dion – Ashes (from “Deadpool 2” Motion Picture Soundtrack)
A Canadian legend and a lovable superhero dancing in heels. Yeah, this video is here simply because it brought me so much joy. Enough said.
youtube
13. Bruno Mars – Finesse (Remix) [Feat. Cardi B]
Sometimes all you need is a bit of nostalgia. Rocking ’90s fashion while recreating scenes from the sketch comedy series In Living Color, Bruno and Cardi proved to be quite the winning duo. It was simply everything we needed at the time. Good vibes all around!
youtube
12. Kali Uchis – After The Storm (ft. Tyler, The Creator & Bootsy Collins)
Kali‘s hairdressers are birds? Her husband and children are plant people? All of the processed food in her “After The Storm” universe has Bootsy Collins on it, and he’s singing to her? Yeah, there’s a whole lot going on here but it’s executed in the most vibrant of ways. Visual eye candy that made the song even better.
youtube
11. MNEK – Tongue
MNEK takes full control of the spotlight as he directly makes eyes across the dinner table at another man before severing up some fierce, vogue-heavy choreography with his dance troupe every time the chorus drops in this extravagant pop clip. I absolutely loved seeing MNEK embracing his sexuality like never before. A moment, a vibe, an artist fully coming into their own. Forever LOVE!
youtube
10. Kendrick Lamar & SZA – All The Stars
This arresting clip saw two superstars embrace the African aesthetic via a variety of looks and stunning imagery inspired by the groundbreaking Marvel superhero film. K-Dot even walks around with literal black panthers at one point. It’s truly something from start to finish… continued kudos to Kendrick for consistently pushing the envelope with visual after visual. I can watch these two do anything all day.
youtube
9. Billie Eilish – when the party’s over
Sometimes, the beauty of a video lies in its simplicity, and that’s just what’s happening here. Pay more attention to Billie Eilish!
youtube
8. Troye Sivan – My My My!
This glorious, ’90s-leaning visual directed by Sky Ferreira and Lorde collaborator Grant Singer – saw our rising gay pop prince Troye looking and sounding more secure than ever in his sexuality. If only I had more Troye Sivan’s when I was growing up. Endless love for this one.
youtube
7. Ariana Grande – thank u, next
While there’s no actual narrative here, it’s without a doubt pure campy fun to see homages to movies about women – Mean Girls, 13 Going on 30, Legally Blonde, and Bring It On – and their strong friendships in the context of a song about being happy with yourself, instead of the dependence that comes with being boo’d up. The song was a big ol’ meme to begin with so it was only fitting that the video would be filled with the forever meme’s themselves. Once again, nostalgia wings!
youtube
6. Calvin Harris, Dua Lipa – One Kiss
This whole video is just a god damn VIBE, MOOD, AESTHETIC… whatever you want to call it. It’s all the things with a hefty dose of ’90s vibes throughout.
youtube
5. Janelle Monáe – PYNK
Janelle Monáe gave us an abundance of visual eye candy this year, but the female celebration that is “PYNK” without a doubt takes the cake. PYNK Vagina pants. PYNK Vagina pants. PYNK Vagina pants. The end.
youtube
4. The Carters – Apeshit
Beyoncé and Jay-Z took over the Louvre and made a music video. NEED I SAY MORE?!?
youtube
3. Ciara – Level Up
This instantly viral, non-stop dance romp is exactly what we’ve been wanting to see from Ciara for years. A long-awaited, much-deserved win.
youtube
2. ROSALÍA – MALAMENTE
There are many things I can say about this visual event and it’s leading starlet, but I will leave it at A Star Is Born. GET FAMILIAR.
youtube
1. Childish Gambino – This Is America
Coming in at number one with easily the most socially impactful music video this year is Childish Gambino‘s “This Is America.” Drenched with symbolism, the epic clip directly criticizes American gun laws by depicting scenes of senseless violence while dancing along as if everything is fine. It’s essentially 2018 wrapped up in a music video.
from Jon ALi's Blog http://jonalisblog.com/2018/12/28/jon-ali-presents-the-top-20-music-videos-of-2018/
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Yoga Journalsat down with the singer to talk about how she got her start as a musician, what singing mantras means to her, and why the new long-form Gayatri mantra is like medicine for the soul.
Deva Premal’s new album drops October 17. This Exclusive Track (And Interview!) Will Make You Want to Pre-Order Right Now.
I’ll never forget the first time I listened to Deva Premal’s Gayatri mantra.
It was the fall of 2001 and I was on a New York City subway train, heading to work as an assistant at a magazine in New York City. The Twin Towers of the World Trade Center had fallen, and the city’s fences and walls were plastered with “missing” signs—pictures of men and women, many of them as young as I was at the time, who weren’t actually missing but who were victims whose loved ones would miss them forever.
It was a sad, stressful, traumatic time. And like so many New Yorkers, I found solace through yoga. After one class during which my teacher had played one of Premal’s beautiful mantras, I downloaded her first album, The Essence, and there was the Gayatri mantra.
It was both soothing and inspiring, haunting and uplifting. And when I listened to it, I felt this deep sense of peace. Without trying, I was able to drop my near-constant worries about more attacks on my city and where I might be when they happened, and I put aside the grief I felt for all of those innocent lives that were lost. I listened to the Gayatri again and again, and it quickly became my go-to for tough times.
Fast-forward 17 years and I jumped at the chance to see Deva Premal in concert in my new hometown of Boulder, Colo. And while she didn’t sing the Gayatri as I hoped she would, she graced the Boulder Theater sangha, Sanskrit for community, with something special: an early listen of the long-form Gayatri (get a sneak preview here), something she didn’t even realize existed until recently and a track that’s on her new album (out October 17, which you can pre-order here).
When I spoke to Premal recently about her new album, I told her how much her version of the Gayatri mantra meant to me in 2001, and how much I loved her new, long-form version of the mantra I heard this year. She went on to tell me about what both mantras mean to her, how she got her start as a musician, and so much more.
See also Hot and Holy: 13 Songs to Replenish Your Yoga Practice
Here’s our interview:
For an exclusive listen to one of the tracks on Deva, Prabhujee (feat Anoushka Shankar, click the video below.
What inspired your new album?
The inspiration is always there. We always love to record the mantras, because that’s when you can really get them as close to how you want to hear them.
How did you get your start as a musician?
I started singing as soon as I could talk. I was introduced to mantras—or actually, I should say I was bathed in them—by my parents before I was born. Especially the Gayatri mantra. They chanted it to me when I was in the womb; my sister and I shared a bedroom growing up and we’d all chant the Gayatri mantra three times. As soon as I could utter words, some of them were the Gayatri mantra. My father also gave me a personal mantra—Sat Chid Ananda—and I’d repeat that after the Gayatri. It was something my father designed for me. My sister had one, too. I don’t actually know Sanskrit; I can’t read it. But I can make these sounds easily. I can memorize them. It feels like a language I’m at home in, in some ways.
Tell me more about what you remember about your parents …
I grew up in Nuremburg, Germany, a place so connected to Hitler. The rallies were there, and the grounds where he’d have his gatherings. I think my father’s mantra practice was somehow his way of creating healing there. He’d make it his practice to walk around the walls of Nuremburg three times a day, chanting mantra—a practice that took him 3 to 4 hours. I think of him as this prayer wheel; maybe somehow he was healing some of those terrible things that originated there. I hope it helped in some way.
My parents were students of Osho in Pune, India, and when I was 17, I went to Osho’s ashram to discover his teachings for myself. As soon as I was with Osho, I felt at home. In Osho’s world, mantras weren’t part of the practice. But his Indian disciples would sing mantras because it was in their blood. Like mine.
When did you start singing professionally?
My partner, Mitten, and I met in India. Mitten was a musician all his life, and he was the musician for the daily evening meditations for anywhere from 2,000 to 3,000 people at Osho’s ashram. When we got together [romantically], all I wanted to do was sing with him, so I could be with him all the time! That was my only aspiration as a 19 year old. And then we realized I could hold a tune, and we really did sound good together.
We started traveling together around the Osho centers in Europe, sharing our music with these sanghas. We spent seven years like that, traveling in our little van. In one of those Osho centers in England, I heard a friend of ours sing the Gayatri mantra—and in that moment I realized, Oh, this is something very easy for me to sing. Suddenly the shyness I felt all those years before disappeared and my voice unfolded. Mitten and I started singing the Gayatri mantra, and people would say, Wow, what is that?
The next step was recording it, because people were asking for it. I thought we’d make a little album just for our friends. Rishi, our Danish percussionist who’s touring with us now, was so generous and supportive; he came with his recording equipment to my mom’s house—the place where I was born—and we recorded The Essence. When it came out, we sold 1,000 in the first month and started getting all of these orders from the United States.
See also The Surprising Benefits of Chanting for Stressed Pets
What do you think your fans will be most excited about on the new album?
On the new album, the mantras shine through in a way that’s unobstructed. There’s nothing between the listener and the mantra. It’s the reason I’m calling it Deva.
Is it an album that’s very personal?
Actually for me, the album’s name is a symbol of the transparency of it. Deva means divine. It’s almost no name—because there should be nothing, no personality, between the listener and the mantras. As much as possible, I’m not taking attention or distracting from the essence of the mantras with my voice, so that they can come through unobstructed. I want the experience of listening to these mantras to be direct, and lacking emotional expression. Because mantra isn’t emotional. You sing mantras with devotion, not emotion. It’s very subtle. So although it may look like, with this title, I wanted it to be a very personal album, it is actually the opposite. The real feeling is that there is no name, that there is nobody, just the divine.
What’s the song on this album you’re most excited about?
The seven chakra Gayatri mantra. For many years, I didn’t know there was a long form of the Gayatri mantra. When I discovered there was, I thought, Wow, wouldn’t it be amazing if there was a melody that came out of me to share this mantra? But I’m not a composer, so I never came up with a melody. Joby Baker, our producer on this album, said, “Let’s just do it. You’re going to make this melody.” He provided the soil—the key, the pulse, and the rhythm—and then this melody came out of me. The composing process felt right, and now it feels right to sing this melody. It’s got nothing to do with me. It was the melody needed to share this mantra.
It’s powerful to have this long form Gayatri mantra. You can tune into this long form and see where it fits into your life—if it touches you and fits into your flow. It’s beautiful to have it available because it addresses every single one of our chakras individually. It’s wholesome; it’s strong.
After Mitten had a heart attack and bypass surgery, he was crying his eyes out with this trauma his body had suffered, trying to come to terms with it. During one particularly hard night he said, “I have to listen to the seven chakra Gayatri mantra.” And it just changed everything immediately. Peace descended, and we could curl up and sleep for the rest of the night. Listening to that long form mantra was like our own medicine.
See also 5 Practices Energy Healers Use to Clear Themselves
0 notes
Link
Yoga Journalsat down with the singer to talk about how she got her start as a musician, what singing mantras means to her, and why the new long-form Gayatri mantra is like medicine for the soul.
Deva Premal’s new album drops October 17. This Exclusive Track (And Interview!) Will Make You Want to Pre-Order Right Now.
I’ll never forget the first time I listened to Deva Premal’s Gayatri mantra.
It was the fall of 2001 and I was on a New York City subway train, heading to work as an assistant at a magazine in New York City. The Twin Towers of the World Trade Center had fallen, and the city’s fences and walls were plastered with “missing” signs—pictures of men and women, many of them as young as I was at the time, who weren’t actually missing but who were victims whose loved ones would miss them forever.
It was a sad, stressful, traumatic time. And like so many New Yorkers, I found solace through yoga. After one class during which my teacher had played one of Premal’s beautiful mantras, I downloaded her first album, The Essence, and there was the Gayatri mantra.
It was both soothing and inspiring, haunting and uplifting. And when I listened to it, I felt this deep sense of peace. Without trying, I was able to drop my near-constant worries about more attacks on my city and where I might be when they happened, and I put aside the grief I felt for all of those innocent lives that were lost. I listened to the Gayatri again and again, and it quickly became my go-to for tough times.
Fast-forward 17 years and I jumped at the chance to see Deva Premal in concert in my new hometown of Boulder, Colo. And while she didn’t sing the Gayatri as I hoped she would, she graced the Boulder Theater sangha, Sanskrit for community, with something special: an early listen of the long-form Gayatri (get a sneak preview here), something she didn’t even realize existed until recently and a track that’s on her new album (out October 17, which you can pre-order here).
When I spoke to Premal recently about her new album, I told her how much her version of the Gayatri mantra meant to me in 2001, and how much I loved her new, long-form version of the mantra I heard this year. She went on to tell me about what both mantras mean to her, how she got her start as a musician, and so much more.
See also Hot and Holy: 13 Songs to Replenish Your Yoga Practice
Here’s our interview:
For an exclusive listen to one of the tracks on Deva, Prabhujee (feat Anoushka Shankar, click the video below.
What inspired your new album?
The inspiration is always there. We always love to record the mantras, because that’s when you can really get them as close to how you want to hear them.
How did you get your start as a musician?
I started singing as soon as I could talk. I was introduced to mantras—or actually, I should say I was bathed in them—by my parents before I was born. Especially the Gayatri mantra. They chanted it to me when I was in the womb; my sister and I shared a bedroom growing up and we’d all chant the Gayatri mantra three times. As soon as I could utter words, some of them were the Gayatri mantra. My father also gave me a personal mantra—Sat Chid Ananda—and I’d repeat that after the Gayatri. It was something my father designed for me. My sister had one, too. I don’t actually know Sanskrit; I can’t read it. But I can make these sounds easily. I can memorize them. It feels like a language I’m at home in, in some ways.
Tell me more about what you remember about your parents …
I grew up in Nuremburg, Germany, a place so connected to Hitler. The rallies were there, and the grounds where he’d have his gatherings. I think my father’s mantra practice was somehow his way of creating healing there. He’d make it his practice to walk around the walls of Nuremburg three times a day, chanting mantra—a practice that took him 3 to 4 hours. I think of him as this prayer wheel; maybe somehow he was healing some of those terrible things that originated there. I hope it helped in some way.
My parents were students of Osho in Pune, India, and when I was 17, I went to Osho’s ashram to discover his teachings for myself. As soon as I was with Osho, I felt at home. In Osho’s world, mantras weren’t part of the practice. But his Indian disciples would sing mantras because it was in their blood. Like mine.
When did you start singing professionally?
My partner, Mitten, and I met in India. Mitten was a musician all his life, and he was the musician for the daily evening meditations for anywhere from 2,000 to 3,000 people at Osho’s ashram. When we got together [romantically], all I wanted to do was sing with him, so I could be with him all the time! That was my only aspiration as a 19 year old. And then we realized I could hold a tune, and we really did sound good together.
We started traveling together around the Osho centers in Europe, sharing our music with these sanghas. We spent seven years like that, traveling in our little van. In one of those Osho centers in England, I heard a friend of ours sing the Gayatri mantra—and in that moment I realized, Oh, this is something very easy for me to sing. Suddenly the shyness I felt all those years before disappeared and my voice unfolded. Mitten and I started singing the Gayatri mantra, and people would say, Wow, what is that?
The next step was recording it, because people were asking for it. I thought we’d make a little album just for our friends. Rishi, our Danish percussionist who’s touring with us now, was so generous and supportive; he came with his recording equipment to my mom’s house—the place where I was born—and we recorded The Essence. When it came out, we sold 1,000 in the first month and started getting all of these orders from the United States.
See also The Surprising Benefits of Chanting for Stressed Pets
What do you think your fans will be most excited about on the new album?
On the new album, the mantras shine through in a way that’s unobstructed. There’s nothing between the listener and the mantra. It’s the reason I’m calling it Deva.
Is it an album that’s very personal?
Actually for me, the album’s name is a symbol of the transparency of it. Deva means divine. It’s almost no name—because there should be nothing, no personality, between the listener and the mantras. As much as possible, I’m not taking attention or distracting from the essence of the mantras with my voice, so that they can come through unobstructed. I want the experience of listening to these mantras to be direct, and lacking emotional expression. Because mantra isn’t emotional. You sing mantras with devotion, not emotion. It’s very subtle. So although it may look like, with this title, I wanted it to be a very personal album, it is actually the opposite. The real feeling is that there is no name, that there is nobody, just the divine.
What’s the song on this album you’re most excited about?
The seven chakra Gayatri mantra. For many years, I didn’t know there was a long form of the Gayatri mantra. When I discovered there was, I thought, Wow, wouldn’t it be amazing if there was a melody that came out of me to share this mantra? But I’m not a composer, so I never came up with a melody. Joby Baker, our producer on this album, said, “Let’s just do it. You’re going to make this melody.” He provided the soil—the key, the pulse, and the rhythm—and then this melody came out of me. The composing process felt right, and now it feels right to sing this melody. It’s got nothing to do with me. It was the melody needed to share this mantra.
It’s powerful to have this long form Gayatri mantra. You can tune into this long form and see where it fits into your life—if it touches you and fits into your flow. It’s beautiful to have it available because it addresses every single one of our chakras individually. It’s wholesome; it’s strong.
After Mitten had a heart attack and bypass surgery, he was crying his eyes out with this trauma his body had suffered, trying to come to terms with it. During one particularly hard night he said, “I have to listen to the seven chakra Gayatri mantra.” And it just changed everything immediately. Peace descended, and we could curl up and sleep for the rest of the night. Listening to that long form mantra was like our own medicine.
See also 5 Practices Energy Healers Use to Clear Themselves
0 notes
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