#what the appropriate way to write that is
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It's... complicated?- Rafe Cameron × polyam!reader & JJ Maybank × polyam!reader
summary: you're in a relationship with Rafe, but a one night stand with JJ turns into more and suddenly you find yourself entangled in a relationship that you don't plan on getting out of any time soon
general warnings: cheating, angst, fluff, smut, swearing, lying, reader being a bitch, talk of marriage
angst warnings: mention of death, downward spiral, self-doubt, fighting (verbally), fighting (physically), traumatized reader
smut warnings: p in v (unprotected), oral (f & m receiving), 3 way, cnc, creampie/cumdump, spanking, dirty talk, praise kink, degradation kink, (heavy) pda, subdrop adjacent, aftercare, foreplay, toy use (not primarily), overstimulation
word count: 19k
author's note: this started as a Rafe fic but immediately my brain fucked me over and then I was too deep to change it so I kept it and decided to explore the throuple idea. I wanted to not have it be cheating plot but I couldn't figure out how to do that while keeping the set dynamic, so I hope you're gentle with me on that :) I genuinely hope you enjoy it, it's the longest one part one shot I've ever written lol (p.s. I wanted to do dvp here but I couldn't find an appropriate place for it, but if you want it, I can write it separately)
“Can you maybe not do lines on my boobs tonight? Last time you got some on my vintage Chanel dress and I haven't managed to get it out yet,” you ask Rafe while leaning in the door of his room, watching him get ready.
“I'll just buy you a new one,” he shrugs and buttons his shirt up.
“That's not the point, babe, and you know it,” you shake your head, swaying your perfect curls. “It's also vintage, and you can't just buy a new one. Besides, I paid for it, not you.”
“You mean your dad paid for it?” he eyes you with a smirk playing on his pink lips.
“Nope, pretty sure that it counts for me now,” you smile, faking it as per usual when the topic of your dad comes up. “Dead people can't pay for shit.”
He steps over to you, tilting your chin up and kissing you. “Let's not talk about him. Instead, we can go and have fun, all right?”
“Eugh, whose house is this?” you scoff as he stops the car in the driveway. The mansion isn't even half the size of your own, and it makes you feel a little disappointed.
“Hey, be nice,” Rafe smiles and takes your hand up to kiss it before getting out and opening your door for you.
“I am always nice,” you tell him, but he knows it's a lie. Your way of being nice is what other people would call bitchy or bossy. You aren't nice like people want you to be, not since your dad has died. He was the only one who you had tried your best for.
“You know I love to see your claws out, but I have to sell shit tonight, so none of that, please,” Rafe begged, his arm tight around your waist.
You roll your eyes and look up at him, “fine.”
The party is already going, and a few people greet you while walking in. You find Topper and Kelce rather quickly, taking your seat next to Rafe you let your eyes wander as they talk.
“You know, you guys are boring as fuck,” you groan after having had to listen to them talk about golfing for twenty minutes straight.
“Since when are we here for your entertainment, y/n,” Kelce scoffs, but he gulps as you get up and lean over him.
“Maybe you should suck a dick to fix your fucking attitude,” you snarl and walk away towards the kitchen. You never cared what Rafe's friends thought of you, you never cared what anybody thought of you.
“Look what the cat dragged in,” you roll your eyes at the blonde boy, who's leaning against the counter. His ring clad fingers are holding onto the solo cup, but the flirtatious smile is just for you. You had gathered as much over time.
“One day, you'll beg, y/l/n,” he says and takes a sip.
“Not if I make you beg first, Maybank,” you smirk and take the bottle of tequila to fill two shot glasses.
“I never beg,” he counters, and you laugh.
“Oh, I'd bet my BMW you do.”
“Does Rafe?”
“I won't tell you that, you'd just go runnin’round tellin’ people,” you poke the inside of your cheek with your tongue and hold the shot out for him to take. “Be happy that I'm keeping him on a leash. He'd have ripped your head off by now if I didn't.”
You watch him take the shot, and follow. The slight burn in your throat wakes you up, and the warmth in your stomach is familiarly cozy.
“And why would he do that?” JJ asks, tilting his head to the side.
“‘Cause you won't stop staring at my tits, Maybank,” you bite your lip and take the step over to him, leaning in and whispering into his ear. “I know how you look at me, as if I'm the ultimate price. But you wouldn't even be able to handle me on your best days, pretty boy.”
“You underestimate me, princess,” he whispers, and you pull away to look at him fully.
“Maybe in another life, Maybank,” you wink at him, grabbing the bottle of tequila and making your way back to the couch.
“What he want?” Rafe asks as soon as you get back and take your seat by his side.
“Nothing,” you sigh and kiss Rafe's cheek, leaving a lipstick mark behind. He doesn't need to know how much it riles you up when JJ flirts with you. How much you have to suppress the need to kiss him whenever you see him. It doesn't even make sense why it is like that.
JJ and you have nothing in common, and you are happy about that.
You love being in a relationship with Rafe. You don't care much about love anyway, so why would you need to love the person you are in a relationship with if they are perfect on paper? Rafe is everything your dad had wanted in a future son-in-law. He comes from good money, takes care of the people close to him, and knows how to act around money. You don't need to love him to build a good future with him. After all, your grandparents had done it the same way. And when you look at your own parents' life together, you keep wondering if it had really been the wisest decision to marry for love.
No, love was overrated, and so was whatever you felt when JJ looked at you.
“You sell any yet?” you ask straight out, and Rafe clears his throat and gives you a look that doesn't really make sense to you. “What?”
“You know they won't buy shit when you're here, unless you act it,” he whispers to you and you roll your eyes.
“Fine, but only one,” you cave, and for the next few hours you play the dumb girlfriend. For some reason, all of his buyers are some type of misogynistic asshole, and the only one who you could talk to without feeling looked down on is Barry. But Barry never gets invited to the parties, because he doesn't fit in.
To you, he's not much different than the businessmen your dad had worked with, the same ones you would have to deal with once you were officially taking over the company.
“Baby, c’mere,” Rafe claps on his thighs, and you turn to straddle him, giving him a single warning glance to not fuck up.
“Love when you use my tits for it, babe,” you giggle stupidly, but internally you feel like throwing up. And it just gets worse when he puts a little line of the fine powder on your skin and dips his head down to snort it off. Your eyes cross with JJ's as soon as Rafe's head is down, and he vanishes from your vision the moment Rafe comes back up, wiping his nose.
“Thank you, baby,” he smiles and kisses you. It's a show. When you moan into him and buck your hips; and for once you're not sure if the show is for his clients, or for the blonde Pogue who can't keep his eyes off of you.
“I wanna go upstairs,” you whisper to Rafe and he nods.
“Just gimme ten and I'll meet you there.”
You get up and walk off, towards the stairs. A quick glance back to Rafe, who's focused on counting money, before you take the stairs, downstairs instead of up.
You decide to take a look around. The pool is a perfect 80 °F and if you had swimming stuff with you, you'd consider swimming for a while. Training a little to clear up your mind.
“Didn't you tell him you'd be upstairs, waiting?” You hear JJ behind you and turn around.
“And? I changed my mind. He doesn't care if he fucks me here or at home,” you shrug and JJ shakes his head.
“God, you really are something.”
“What do you want, Maybank?” you sneer, walking around the pool towards the sauna at the end of the room. The sound of your heels on the concrete floor echoes through the huge room.
“Why are you with him if you hate him so much?” he asks and starts walking closer, following you.
“I don't hate him. I hate his friends, anyone but Barry, basically. I hate how he acts around them. But I don't hate him,” you clarify, and JJ nods.
“But you don't love him.”
“Who needs love anyway,” you smile. The picture-perfect smile you had practiced in front of the mirror since you were 12, the same one you had to relearn when your dad had died. It was an ironclad mask.
“I forgot, you don't have a heart,” JJ smiles but drops it instantly.
“Tell me what you want, or leave,” you roll your eyes at him and he steps closer. Your heart starts racing as he leans over you, brushing a curl from your face and tucking it behind your ear.
“What do you want?” he rasps quietly and your eyes flutter, it's a reflex, and you don't know why. You don't understand why he has this effect on you.
“Nothing,” you press out, and his thumb ghosts your lips.
“I don't like when you lie to me, y/n,” JJ whispers, and you can't stop yourself from getting lost in his blue eyes. They are so different from Rafe's. JJ's eyes are bright and hopeful, they feel like happiness entrapped to you. And you can't stand it, because this isn't how it's supposed to be.
“Tell me what you want,” he demands, leaning down to smell your neck, his nose brushing against your skin and giving you goosebumps.
“It’s neither appropriate nor allowed,” you hush, and he chuckles.
"Since when do you care about any of that? You make the rules on this side of the island, don't you, princess?”
You blame it on the tequila when your lips find his. You blame it on the daiquiri when he leads you into the cold supply closet, without pulling out of your kiss. You would blame it on the coke, when he pushes your dress up and sinks into you; but you hadn't had any coke that night.
“Fuck, you're so wet for me, baby,” JJ groans, he had sat you down on a lower shelf, and you did your best to hold onto the metal structure that was pressing into your back.
“Shut up and kiss me, asshole,” you gasp, and he does just that. His kisses are wet and sloppy, just like his fast thrusts. But you can't stop kissing him, not only because it feels like heaven and hell combined. But mainly because you know you'd be screaming by the way his cock keeps kissing your cervix.
“You're so good at taking it, princess. Fuck, you feel so good,” JJ moans, and you can't help but feel pride in how much he seems to love it.
“Look at it,” you demand, and he dips his head, focusing on where you are connected. Your slip tucked to the side, but it's ruined anyway, it had been from the moment on he had started to flirt with you.
“What's that say,” JJ asks, his thumb rubbing over your tattoo, making you smirk.
“Eat me, Maybank. It says, eat me,” you moan, and he grins.
“Next time, princess,” he growls and starts rubbing your clit in harsh circles. You don't understand how he does it, but he has you moaning even louder, and clenching around his cock in the matter of minutes. The band in your stomach is ready to burst, and you don't think you've felt this good ever before. It feels like he's made for you, but you know that can't be the case.
“Cum for me, pretty girl. Soak my dick,” JJ breathes into your ear, and as soon as you come undone, he pulls his hand from your clit and shoves his fingers down your throat to shut you up.
You feel afloat and completely dazed when he pulls his fingers out and clasps his hand over your mouth.
“Shh, quiet,” JJ whispers, and you hear footsteps outside the closet. If someone finds you, you're screwed.
“No, she's not down here either. Check upstairs again, man,” Rafe's annoyed voice carries through the door, and you stare at JJ. You're not scared of what might happen to you if Rafe found out, but more so that he'd finally snap and actually hurt JJ like he had threatened so many times before.
Rafe is still outside the door when JJ decides to start fucking you again, and your eyes roll back uncontrollably. He knows how badly you want to make a sound for him, but you can't let yourself.
As soon as his footsteps carry Rafe back upstairs, you let out a loud groan, pulling JJ into a kiss and purposely squeezing his dick just to prove to him that you're the one in charge. And when his hips stutter, and he spills out inside of you, you don't even mind it. You like the feeling, especially when he keeps fucking it into you, muttering incoherently about how good he fucked you.
“Do you always praise yourself after?” you ask him after having pulled your dress back down.
“Do you always cheat on your boyfriend with Pogues?” he smirks, and you push him back against the shelf.
“If anyone finds out about this, you are dead, you understand? Either you shut up, and hope for a second time, or I can ruin your life. I don't need Rafe to do it for me, I can do it all by myself. Do you understand?” You poke into his chest and he nods.
“Good,” you take a step back again, and he grabs for your chin, pulling you close again.
“I have one question, princess. Has he ever fucked you raw?”
“I don't trust him enough for that,” you reply, and JJ snorts.
“Why'd you let me, then?”
“You don't sleep around as much as you pride yourself, Maybank. I mean, you're not bad, but- Well, it all comes down to the circles you run in and the ones you don't,” you give him a mean smile and open the door to go look for a bathroom.
“How do you plan on not letting him find out if he never-”
“I told you, he does what I say. If I say no, he's not getting any,” you tell him and turn a corner towards the bathroom.
“You really got him wrapped around your finger,” JJ laughs.
“You too,” you grin before sitting down to pee, you don't care that he is standing right next to you.
“Didn't you literally call Cally R. disgusting for insinuating that she doesn't mind peeing in her boyfriend's presence?” JJ laughs.
“First of all,” you say while finishing up and standing. “Cally R. is a lying slut, the only reason why she keeps having to piss in front of her boyfriend is because she can't get rid of her std. And why doesn't it go away? Well, because little miss piss queen keeps on fucking Tyler Folly on the side. Calling her disgusting was the kindest thing I could do to her.”
“And the second reason?” JJ cocks his brow up.
“You're not my boyfriend, Maybank. And getting rid of your shit inside me, is kinda necessary unless you want me ending up like Cally,” you give him a threatening smile, and he holds his hands up in defense. “Good.”
“I'm just wondering if it's not hypocritical, with the whole fucking on the side and all,” he mumbles before wetting a towel and trying to remove the red lipstick marks from his face.
“I don't claim to love my boyfriend, and Rafe never claimed to love me. He thinks we have an open relationship on his side. I don't see why it can't be open on both,” you shrug and pull the lipstick from your bra to reapply it.
“Was I- was I better?” JJ mumbles, rubbing his hand over the nape of his neck.
“Could you choose between your two favorite types of food?” you ask, and he starts to grin.
“You know, that's a weird metaphor.”
“Simile,” you correct him, and he exhales a laugh.
“You're a real smartass, y/l/n.”
“And you can be glad you're pretty.”
“Pretty enough to fuck your brains out,” JJ turns you towards him and leans over, his lips ghosting yours and when he pulls back you exhale a breath you hadn't realized you were holding. “See,” he smirks.
“If you want to do it again you can't fuck around, and most importantly you won't tell a soul. But then again, who would even believe you,” you scoff and turn around to leave, taking the stairs and vanishing in the crowd before anyone had noticed where you had come from.
“Where were you? I was looking all over,” Rafe sounds concerned and hugs you, out of courtesy, surely. Rafe rarely hugs you unless you ask for it, or the social obligations call for it.
“Just here and there, I went upstairs and forgot why. I'm sorry, babe,” you tell him, and he lets it go.
“Hey, y/n, wanna play a game with us?” Topper asks, and you turn to look at the group of people gathered, your eyes get stuck on JJ for just a second before they snap back to Top.
“Sure,” you smile and push Rafe into a chair, sitting down sideways on his lap.
It's a dumb drinking game, just like always. It stays rather boring until Topper's new girlfriend gets to speak, and you instantly regret your choice to take part.
“Never have I ever had sex with someone in this room,” she giggles and falls back down into Top before they each take a sip of their drinks.
You take a sip, focusing on Rafe, but Rafe is staring right across from where the two of you are sitting.
“Why does Maybank keep staring at you,” he whispers in your ear and you shrug.
“He's a creep, you know that, babe,” you try to calm your boyfriend down, but you know it's not gonna help much.
“Never have I ever cheated,” JJ says and takes a drink, but the chatter went mute as soon as the words left him. “I thought we were being honest, guys. God, you guys really are some Kooks,” he laughs and stands up to leave. His eyes are yet again fixed on you, but this time you can't force yourself to look away.
“Maybe cheating is just a Pogue quality,” you say, and a few silent mumbles seem to agree with your lie.
“You must know all about that, princess,” JJ smirks and tips his non-existent cap to you before turning and walking away, out of the house and into the darkness.
“He’s so weird,” Topper's girlfriend lets out a disgusted grunt.
“Was he even invited?” Topper asks and I roll my eyes.
“They don't check invitations at the entrance, stupid,” you laugh it off.
“He probably stole something,” someone out of the crowd suggested, and you stood up in a light fit of anger, before you realized that you couldn't act on it.
“What would he steal here? Cheap candles from Target?” you scoff and walk off. “Rafe!” you call out, and he takes a moment before he meets you outside by the car.
“I didn't wanna go home yet,” he complains.
“And? You have to drive me home. After that, you can do whatever the fuck you want,” you scoff at him, crossing your arms in front of your chest.
“What's up with you?” he snorts, opening the door for you and letting you get in.
“I'm tired and annoyed by these people who think they're better than anyone else, just because their dad's play golf and fuck their secretaries,” you mutter, and he stops asking, dropping you off at your house and driving off as soon as you are inside.
Weeks go by in which you don't even see a glimpse of JJ. You manage to push the memory so far back into your brain that you don't even dream of it, well, not as often.
And when Rafe fucks you, it's good, it's great, but you don't feel as complete after as you had with JJ.
“Best pussy in the fucking world,” Rafe groans as he pounds into you from behind. Your face is pressed into the duvet and your ass is high up in the air. He had been stretching you out for what felt like hours. It was good, he hit every single spot inside of you perfectly, but you couldn't get yourself to cum.
“Would be so much better without it, baby,” Rafe rasps, and you're not really listening, just nodding and groaning in response to whatever he's saying.
Before you can actually register what is happening, he has pulled out and slammed into you again, but it feels different. You can feel him more clearly, every single vein on his thick cock, the soft tip that kept nudging your cervix as he went deeper.
“Fuck, I love you, I love this pussy so much,” Rafe moans and without a single warning he cums inside you, filling you up and clouding your mind. You gasp, close to an orgasm but not yet there and if he'd just- but he pulls out and you all you can feel is used.
“Shit, did you not,” he pulls you into him, having fallen into the sheets by your side, but you put on a smile.
“It's okay. Next time,” you tell him and get up to clean yourself up. You curse yourself for losing yourself in your thoughts about JJ instead of paying attention to what your boyfriend had said to you. And now you had two guys thinking they could fuck you over anyway they wanted.
“Are you okay?” Rafe asks as you leave the bathroom wrapped in your robe.
“Yeah, just next time, maybe warn me beforehand. Probably would've been better if we had both finished,” you say and roll your eyes while your back is turned to him.
“Why are you getting dressed?”
“I have to buy q tips, we don't have any left,” you lie and he scoffs.
“You could just ask the help to go buy some, and I could make it up to you. Come on, baby,” he slaps the empty bed to his left, but you shake your head.
“I just need some air, all right.”
“Fine. But text me so I know you're okay,” he sighs and gets up to take a shower.
You basically run out of the house, jumping in your car and driving off towards the Cut before you realize you don't even know where to go.
You pull out your phone and scroll down a long list of contacts before you find his number, saved under three Xs to remind you to never text him, but here you are, doing just that.
“Where are you?” you type out and hit send, a second later a text appears on your screen.
“why?”
“Tattoo” is all you say, but the three small dots stay for a while and then they vanish. You are about to curse him out when a text pops up.
“you know the Château?”
“Routledge?”
“yes”
You put your phone away and start driving again. Maybe you'd have to thank Topper's weird obsession with Sarah for knowing where the house was, but you really couldn't.
As soon as you arrive, you kill the engine and jump out of your jeep, stomping towards the porch.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” Kiara sneers at you, but you don't pay her any attention. You grab JJ's hand and drag him into the house.
“That's the wrong way,” he chuckles and holds you back from going deeper into the house, pulling you to the side and into a small bedroom.
“Tell me what's wrong,” he asks, wanting to hold onto you, but you brush him off.
“He said he loved me,” you yell at JJ even though it's not his fault, nor can he do anything about it.
“And that's bad?” he raises his eyebrows at you and you huff.
“Yes. Yes, it is. You don't fuck someone, not let them fucking finish and then tell them you love them,” you hiss quietly, not wanting his friends to be able to hear it all.
“I see. I can help with one of those,” JJ smirks and pulls you into a kiss. A kiss that makes you forget why you even came over. Like a snip of his finger, he had erased all the bad thoughts and feelings inside of you, replacing them with warmth and desire.
“They didn't believe me,” he whispers against your lips before bringing them into another kiss. You pull on his shirt, and he takes it off.
“Told you they wouldn't,” you smile and take your own shirt off before starting to fumble with his shorts.
“Now they have to,” JJ chuckles and pushes his pants down, leaving the boxers on.
He pushes you onto the bed, kissing you all over, especially focusing on your tits, and you nearly cum just from that. His skilled tongue toys with your nipple while his hand squeezes the other tit mercilessly.
“You have the best tits, baby,” JJ moans against your skin, squeezing them another time before trailing his lips down the valley of your breasts and over your stomach to the hem of your jeans shorts.
“Are you sure?” he asks while looking up at you, but the way he's lying between your legs is godly. His unruly hair is hanging into his face, his lips slightly parted in a mischievous smile.
“I'll go ask one of the others if you don't want to,” you tease him, and he nips at your hips.
“Don't ever suggest that shit again, princess.”
“Noted, but only if your tongue’s as good as your dick,” you smirk.
JJ takes his time taking off your shorts, teasing you and edging you on, and you want to drown in the feelings he can so easily conjure in you.
“You smell different,” he notes and presses his nose against your slip. “I'm not gonna do this when you smell like him.”
“I told you,” you sit up on your elbows and look at his disgusted face.
“You didn't say he fucked you raw. That's different, and you know it,” JJ complained and sat back up.
“I don't see the problem. It's an easy fix,” you shrug and pull him closer by his neck. Your lips press against his until you have him lying underneath you.
“See, easy,” you grin down at him, pulling his boxers down just enough to let his hard cock spring free.
“Aren't you pretty,” you whisper to his pink tip, placing a kiss on it and tasting his salty precum.
“If you do that again, I'm busting a nut. You gotta warn a guy,” he laughs nervously.
“Cute,” you giggle and lift yourself up, pulling your slip to the side and brushing his throbbing tip through your aching slit. You let out a sigh of relief as you sink down on him, the familiarity makes you feel better instantly.
Fucking JJ is easy, it's messy, it's freeing.
You don't mind that he can't keep himself from cumming when you do, because he's ready instantly as if it never had happened.
You claw at his chest while you bounce on him, screaming of pleasure and not caring who can hear you.
Your pussy sounds obscenely wet, and can feel the mix of your many releases spill out of you and onto him. But JJ doesn't care as long as you keep fucking yourself with his dick, he doesn't even mind having to take over when you get a cramp in your leg.
He's moaning and cursing worse than you, calling you all kinds of dirty things, but mostly he's showering you with compliments, which turns you on even more than you had ever thought.
And when he finally pulls out, your pussy is still clenching, pushing out all of his and your cum.
“Would you look at that, princess. We should definitely not clean you up and send you back home just like that, show him who's actually better at fucking this pretty pussy.” JJ says and takes two fingers to push his cum back into you.
“J, please,” you beg him to stop. You are overstimulated and sore, so sore you feel like you might not be able to walk properly the next few days.
“Oh, but we haven't even done what you promised me, princess. You wouldn't let a poor guy starve, would you?” JJ gives you a pout and moves back to kiss your swollen cunt. A jolt goes through your body as he does it another time.
“You taste so sweet, baby,” he moans into you, his hands massaging your thighs; tongue dipping into your hole and nose brushing against your clit.
You moan and mewl as he slowly kisses and licks you to your orgasm, you can't even remember how many you've had that day, but what you do know is that the last one was the best one.
“Where'd you learn to use your tongue like that?” you ask him out of breath as he's lying next to you.
“Natural talent, y/l/n,” JJ boasts and turns his head to kiss you, twisting his tongue with yours and then pulling you closer. His hand is harshly gripping your thigh, pulling your leg over his own; while your own hands are entangled in his hair. There's a sense of security in the way he kisses you, like you know he won't leave even if you'd tell him to.
“JJ-” you try to pull away, but his lips keep on chasing yours, even when you try to get his attention by biting him. So, you pull on his hair, holding his head in place and making him whine with it.
“S’unfair,” he murmurs.
“I have to go home, it's late,” you remind him.
“You could stay, I could show you how much better I am at morning sex,” JJ tries to convince you, but you know it's impossible.
You let go of his head and twirl a strand of his hair in between your fingers. “It's a charming proposal, but you know I can't. He'll come looking for me, and we don't want that to happen, do we?”
“I’ll let you go if you answer me one question.”
You roll your eyes at his antics, but agree to it anyway. “Deal, dumbass,” you smile.
“Why’d you text me?” JJ whispers, and you sigh, turning around to look at the ceiling.
“I don't know,” you lie.
“I think you do, you're just lying to yourself if you say anything else. Because I wouldn't have told you to come by if I didn't feel the same,” he admits and nuzzles his face into your neck.
“It's a polar opposite. And I never thought- It's difficult to know you want a specific thing when you never had it, and once it’s there, it's hard to forget about it. And he won't give me that, I know it,” you explain quietly and JJ kisses your neck in response.
“I would never even consider not letting you cum, baby,” he hushes against your skin, and it gives you goosebumps all over. It's cozy and loving in a way, and it might just scare the life out of you when you realize that you crave this affection he's giving you.
“I have to go,” you press out and jump up, leaving JJ groaning as he runs his hands over his face. You find your clothes pretty quickly and put them back on, while he stays in bed, lying there looking like a Greek god.
“You look severely fuck out. I like it,” he grins, his head propped up on his hand. “Walk of shame material?”
“Nah, nothing to be ashamed of.”
“You know that's not what I meant,” you sigh and leave the room to go look for the bathroom.
“Left,” JJ calls out, and you turn left, towards the end of the hallway and enter the small bathroom. You don't understand how they can live in such a narrow space, but you know mentioning it will not end well.
Your curls are standing up in every possible direction and your eyes look extremely tired.
“See, not bad at all,” JJ smirks, leaning in the doorway of the bathroom.
“Do you have a hair tie or something?” you ask, and he steps behind you and pulls a drawer open. You pick out a simple black hair tie that could easily pass as one of your own, and wind your hair into a loose knot.
“Tell me again why I should let you go back to that asshole?” JJ asks, laying his chin on your shoulder.
“One, because he's not an asshole, and two, because he's gonna kill you. I don't want to see you dead, you're really good at what you do,” you say while looking at him through the mirror, and the smile on his face gets deeper as you speak.
“The secret side piece,” JJ flashes his brows at you, and you can't stop the light chuckle that leaves you. Charming and sweet and all you should ever want and need-
“I really have to go now,” you remind yourself, and he lets go of you.
When you walk out onto the porch, your eyes meet Sarah's and your heart stops, but you can't let yourself get caught up in it. You know, she hasn't spoken to Rafe in a whole year. She surely won't break that silence just to tell on you.
Your feet quickly move you towards your car, but before you can open your door, you are harshly turned around and pushed against the metal.
JJ kisses you so hard, you wish you could go back inside and do it all over again. His hand is holding onto your neck while the other is gripping your waist. It feels like the best kiss in your entire life, and it awakes something inside of you that you had long thought dead. The tiny flutter in your stomach is as faint as a gust of wind in spring, but you know it's there, and you know it'll just complicate everything else with it.
When he pulls away, he does it slowly, leaving an abundance of small, soft kisses on your lips before running his thumb over them.
“She won't tell. None of them will, I promise,” he whispers and you nod, believing him.
“You should go. Didn't know kissing alone could turn a guy on like that.” You smirk innocently as your hand traces over his erection, and he can't even hide it because he hadn't thought about putting on anything more than underwear.
“That's all you,” JJ whispers and kisses you one last time. “Text me,” he says before stepping back and letting you get into your car.
As you drive off, you can see him flipping off his friends before going inside; and then the house, and all of them with it, vanish as you make your way back home.
“Where were you?” Rafe bludgeons as soon as you get through the door.
“Out. You don't need to know everything, you know?” you snap at him.
“You didn't text and were gone for hours, y/n.”
“Shit, you sound more like my parents then my parents ever did,” you laugh and make your way into the kitchen, pouring yourself a glass of orange juice and downing it in one go.
“Excuse me for giving a fuck,” Rafe barks, and you roll your eyes.
“If you hadn't been selfish, like fucking always, I wouldn't have walked out.”
“I wanted to make it up to you. You left!” he counters and you gulp hard.
“Tell me what you would've done. Something that puts me first for a change or no?” Your blood is boiling and there is nothing that can stop your fit of rage. It had been easier to look past Rafe's selfish tendencies when you hadn't known any better, but now that you do, you can't help but get annoyed at him for it.
“Where's this coming from now?” he laughs, pacing along the room.
“God, why can't you fucking open your eyes! You know, sometimes I fake it just so it's over quicker,” you spit out, but he knows it's a lie, it's the one thing you promised each other to never lie about.
“You never tell me what you want either,” Rafe says, and you hate that it's true.
“Would you do it if I did?”
“I can try,” he raises his shoulders in what feels like defeat to you, but you can't be sure.
“Good,” you glare, but you know it's unnecessary.
“Now?” he asks, somewhat hopeful, but you shake your head.
“Maybe tomorrow, or whenever. I'm tired right now,” you sigh and make your way upstairs to take a bath.
The hot water is soaking your body, and you close your eyes and let it play out again. How JJ kept kissing you as he fucked you senseless, how his praises worked way better for you than Rafe's degradations. How he had kept looking up at you with his head buried between your legs.
Your hand travels down between your legs, rubbing soft circles on your clit, and it's not enough. Your fingers plunge into your pussy, curling perfectly, but it's not enough. You can't reach, and it frustrates you.
You step out of the tub, dripping wet as you make your way into the bedroom and Rafe doesn't complain when you straddle him. And he complains even less you start to fuck yourself with his dick. It's not something you’ve ever done with him, but he wants to be better for you, and he doesn't mind as long as he gets to fuck you one way or the other.
“Tell me how much you want me,” you moan softly while bouncing on his huge cock. The light stinging feeling his size always causes you just adds to your pleasure.
“You're so fucking hot, fucking me like the slut you are,” Rafe rasps, holding onto your hips.
“No, something nice. Tell me something nice.” You shake your head but keep going anyway.
“Uhm, okay… You're fucking me so well, baby,” Rafe says, but his eyebrows are furrowed until you moan louder.
“Yes, more.”
“I love your tight pussy, baby,” he groans, and you fall down on top of him, kissing him, but it doesn't feel at all like you had hoped. He tastes like whiskey, but you craved the mix of weed and beer. Yet all of your thoughts about it fly out the window when he stops your hips and starts pounding into you from below.
“Faster,” you gasp into him, biting his lip and digging your nails into his shoulders. It's mind-bending, they way he fucks you and his uncontrollable noises turn you on even more. Rafe grunts and moans like you've not heard it before, and you wish you had made him try it earlier.
“Fuck, baby, tell me you're close,” Rafe moans, and you press your face against his shoulder, feeling the band inside you tighten.
“So close, babe, don't stop,” you cry out and snake a hand down to your clit rubbing harshly and suddenly JJ's words echo in your mind.
“Cum for me, y/n. Be a good girl and let go.”
You scream when your orgasm rips through you and Rafe follows just a second later, pushing in deeper and painting your walls in his pretty white.
“Keep going, just a bit,” you instruct him, and he fucks his cum into you with a few more thrusts until you tell him to stop again.
“That was probably the best sex we ever had,” you sigh, still not ready to get up and have him leave you.
“Definitely top ten,” Rafe pants and runs his hand over your back.
“No, definitely the best,” you argue with a smile and he caves.
“All right, the best.”
After having cleaned up you're back in bed, and cuddled into his side, your head resting on his chest.
“Why didn't you tell me all that earlier? We could've done this already,” he whispers, and you don't know how to come up with a good lie.
“I don't know. Maybe I hoped you'd figure it out on your own one day.”
“It's very different from what we usually do,” Rafe mumbles, brushing over your hair.
“I like how you fuck me, but sometimes I need something for me. I need control too,” you whisper and he kisses your head.
“We can do that.”
“Good.”
“I love you,” Rafe sighs, and you can hear his breath slow as he falls asleep.
Your dreams are haunted by JJ, always, and you wish you could turn it off. Sometimes Rafe gets to him, other times you see yourself living the Pogue life, as if that was ever something you'd even do as much as consider. But tonight it's different from any other time.
You are at home, Rafe is sitting at the kitchen island, and JJ is lying on the couch. They are both aware of each other and not actively trying to murder one another. The whole scene makes you incredibly suspicious, but it just gets worse when two blonde children come running in.
“Dad!” one of them yells and both JJ and Rafe pick up their heads.
“What's up?” Rafe asks and gets up from his seat, giving you a loving smile before leaning down to the child and talking to it.
“Well, your friends are pretty fucking stupid for not getting it,” Rafe tells the child and JJ snorts.
“Yeah, what's not to get? My wife has another guy, and we play daddy roulette every single time.”
“Daddy roulette?” you ask and furrow your brows at the two.
“You said it's better to not know. Removes the thing for fighting or whatever,” JJ explains.
“This one, definitely mine,” Rafe points at your stomach, and you look down at yourself to see yourself severely pregnant. Your belly is bigger than you'd ever imagined and it feels even worse.
“Why is it so big?” Your heart starts racing, and you feel like you're about to fall over.
“That's because we're having twins. You got a Maybank and a Cameron in there, baby, just like you love it,” JJ grins and your vision goes blurry.
“Y/n, will you please stop screaming? I was trying to sleep!” Rafe groans after shaking you awake.
“Sorry,” you mumble and turn away from him.
“Bad dream or what?” he asks.
“You don't have to pretend to care,” you whisper, and he snakes his arm around your waist, pulling you flush to his chest.
“I do care, but I also really need to sleep, baby,” he mumbles and kisses your neck a single time.
“We should just sleep,” you mutter and this time you are allowed to get your few hours of dreamless sleep instead of being haunted by your mistakes.
Weeks turn into months, and one hookup every other week turns to some every other day.
The more Rafe tries to focus more on you, the more you seem to crave JJ and the lightness of what you have with him.
Like the quick fucks in the Country Club restroom, or the “business meetings” you tell Rafe about. After all, you really don't have a choice, because where Rafe is still reluctant to go down on you, JJ is offering it every single time, even when you are really not capable of cumming another time.
You know it would be technically easy to break up with Rafe, but you can't. You promised your dead father to marry a good man, someone from a good family. And Rafe is exactly what your dad had in mind.
And even if that wasn't the case, you still couldn't, or just don't want to, really.
You like that every girl on the island seems to want what you have, especially with both boys on your leash. You like that people are scared of you, because they know Rafe does what you tell him to, and not because he’s scared, no because he knows it's the best way to live his life. What most people don't know is that although still rich, the Camerons had suffered a dent in their savings, and not a small one. But you, you are secured by a long line of rich assholes. Old money. More than you could ever spend in a lifetime. Which just means that Rafe doesn't have the faintest idea why he should ever leave you. You are his perfect package deal.
“boat day?” The text from JJ rips you out of your thoughts, and you praise the fact that Rafe has the day packed with meetings.
“sure” you reply quickly and get back to doing your hair.
“I should come pick you up”
“no, you really shouldn't.” You shake your head at his dangerously stupid idea. The boat thing is after all already risky, you don't need to up the chances of anyone finding out. “Will be there in 30.”
“What the fuck is she doing here?” Kiara scoffs as soon as you get out of your car.
“I invited her,” JJ shrugs as if it's nothing special and keeps walking towards the pier.
“You shouldn't get to invite anyone, especially not the Kook bitch who keeps fucking you on the side to get back at her even worse Kook boyfriend,” Kiara complains.
“I'm not getting back at anyone,” you smile at her, knowing how much it must enrage her that you keep your cool and calm exterior.
“Just, please be nice, Kie,” JJ yells from afar and you hide your grin.
“John B!” Kiara hollers and walks back into the house, while you keep standing there, leaning against your car.
As soon as JJ comes back they all gather on the porch, discussing the matter of your attendance.
“You know I can hear you, right?” you say loudly after Kiara had called you a slut the third time in a row.
“Then why are you still here?” she snaps at you.
You stroll towards the steps that lead up the porch and walk to where they are standing. It's not that you are particularly happy that they are all there too, but you at least have the decency to be nice to them, if not for anything but JJ’s sake.
“I'm interested in what your issue is here,” you ask and Sarah scoffs.
“Maybe that you're a horrible person. Using JJ? Cheating on my brother?”
“Oh, a horse can only be that high,” you smile at her.
JJ tugs on your hand and makes you look at him. “You said you'd be nice.”
“I am nice. I'm not the one calling people slut and whore and what else y'all can come up with for me. But I'm not gonna stand here and hear these insults if they can't even take one back. And for the record that wasn't an insult, it was the truth and y'all know it,” you say and John B runs his hands through his hair, visibly on edge.
“Are you kidding me? You literally insult us all the fucking time,” Kiara spits at you, and you can't help the tiny laugh that escapes you.
“I don't insult Pogues, you guys have it hard enough as is, but… you're not a Pogue, Carrera. I guess that means you're fair game, because that one,” you point at Sarah, “is basically family, as much as I hate to say it, and you don't go against your own.”
“You’re not my family. You'll never be,” Sarah shakes her head.
“Okay,” you roll your eyes at her.
“Can we just-” JJ tries to get control of the conversation, but Kiara stops him.
“No, we can't. If she's here, I'm leaving.”
“Y'all are the worst fucking friends in the world,” you laugh and take a step back, ready to leave. “Incredible.” You turn around and walk back to your car, JJ right behind you.
“Don't leave, please,” he asks, and you stop in your tracks, turning around on the dirt and looking straight at him.
“I tried, you can't tell me to do more than that. I'm not gonna be called a whore and slut every five fucking minutes. It's appalling how your friends can't even pretend to like me for a few hours, but I'm supposed to do so while also being insulted. I'm not doing that. I'm sorry.”
“I'll make it up to you, just don't go,” he begs and you shake your head.
“No.”
“What do you mean no?”
“I mean, no, because you have nothing to make up to me. They are the ones constantly fucking up. Last time you told them beforehand, and suddenly they all had different plans. They hate me,” you tell him, but he didn't seem to wanna hear it.
“Can we just try and-”
“I did try. Don't force me to do this, J. I can't do this if they can't even manage to not call me names,” you say quietly, and he takes your face in his hands, warm and calloused.
“Will you wait just another few minutes and if I can't fix it, we will go to my place. Sound all right?” His voice is low and raspy, and it's making you wet just a little bit.
“You never invited me to your house before,” you whisper, blushing and pressing your thighs together to try to get rid of the growing desire between them.
“It's an equally favorable outcome to the other thing then?”
“More favorable to me,” you smile and lean up to peck his lips. “Use that magical charm of yours,” you whisper and push him back to go talk to his friends.
Half an hour later you're all sitting on the small boat somewhere in the marsh.
“You want a beer?” JJ asks and hands you a can. “You know how to shotgun, right?”
I can pretend I don't so you can show me,” you smile at him and he laughs.
“That would be cheating.”
You grin at him before taking out your keys, plunging a hole in the can and chugging it in a matter of seconds.
“Impressive,” JJ notes before shotgunning his own can and dropping some beer on his sun kissed skin. You don't even think about it when you lean in and kiss the droplets away. Your kisses trail upwards, along his neck until they connect to his mouth, and he kisses you like his life depends on it. His hands come up to hold your face, while yours are in his neck, twirling the hair at the nape of it.
“I should shotgun a few more if this is the new process,” JJ smirks, his forehead leaning against yours.
You blink slowly, pulling your bottom lip between your teeth and giving him a small nod. “M-hmm,” you hum, and he places another kiss on your lips.
“Should we, uh, play a game or?” Pope suggests, and you turn to shift your focus away from JJ and towards the people he calls his friends.
“What type of game?” you ask with a genuine interest.
“Truth or dare,” Kiara suggests with a mean smile on her face.
“Who starts?” you ask and give her a polite smile, serving its intended purpose when she rolls her eyes.
“Truth or dare, princess,” JJ asks and turns your head towards him with a simple nudge of his finger.
“Truth,” you whisper.
“Why did you come when I asked?”
“Because I like you,” you gaze into his blue eyes, and he smiles, “for more than the incredible sex also. It's actually pretty fun with you.”
“Definite win on my end,” he whispers.
“Truth or dare… John B,” you say before turning your head to look at him. He gives you a confused look, his eyes jumping between JJ and you.
“Truth,” he shrugs.
“Do you actually hate me or do you just hate me because your girlfriend hates me?” Your smile is sugar sweet, but the glare you give Sarah could definitely make milk curdle.
“I mean, you're a Kook and I don't understand what this is,” he gestures at JJ and you. “But I guess, I don't know you enough to hate you or like you.”
His answer genuinely surprises you because you didn't think he'd be honest and not just say the thing Sarah wanted to hear.
The game goes back and forth with a few dares and a few harmless truths in between, until it's Sarah's turn, and she glares at you as if she wants to actually kill you.
“Truth or Dare, y/l/n?”
“Dare,” you reply quickly, and her mean smile grows wider.
“Call Rafe and tell him where you are,” she demands.
“It's 2:30pm, he's in a meeting. I'm not gonna call him during a meeting just because of a stupid game,” you scoff and laugh at her stupid dare.
“How do you know he's in a meeting right this second?” she hits back at you, and you can't help but laugh even more, but you catch yourself and answer a bit more seriously.
“I have his schedule memorized. That's what you do when you're a good girlfriend.”
“A good girlfriend wouldn't cheat!” she screams at you.
“You think he doesn't? That's a pretty narrow-minded way to look at it, sis.” You know the new nickname has her boiling, and the little sadistic part of your brain loves to see it. “And you don't get to talk about cheating, everyone is aware of your timeline errors.”
“I never loved Topper,” she defends herself, as if it makes her morally superior to you.
“And I don't love Rafe, but you at least had a fucking choice because your shitty life was never bound to you marrying whoever your parents pick so you ‘get to’ inherent what would rightfully be yours anyway. So don't fucking tell me what to do with my life, because everyone else has always done it too, and they had more legitimacy for it,” you yell at her, unintentionally spilling more of your secrets than you had initially wanted to, and they all go quiet. The only thing you can hear after you're done is a few frogs, the birds close by, the waves crashing against the boat and your heart pounding in your chest.
JJ pulls you in closer and hugs you while placing soft, calming kisses on your neck.
“I wanna go home,” you whisper to him, tired of having had to pretend, even if it had just been for an hour.
“Let me talk to them. I promise it's gonna get better,” he says and gets up.
There's no doubt in your mind that it won't. Yet you don't understand why you keep giving him, and with it, them, one chance after the other, when you wouldn't usually give anyone even a second chance. You look out onto the water, your legs propped up, arms around them and your head lying on your knees. You think back to the last night you had with your dad, before he had died in a horrible car crash. T-boned by a drunk driver who hadn't seen a red light. You think about how you had tried to convince him to change his mind, that you could run the company without a man by your side, that you were good enough. But all your pleas had fallen on deaf ears. And your mom isn't any better. She decided to stay away, vacating in Palm Beach and only coming home every other month to make sure you are still alive. She deals with grief like that. By sunbathing and drinking and pretending like everything is fine and perfect and not at all in shambles.
Instead, you decided to close off your heart, and that worked for nearly two years until JJ decided to charm his way into it. You don't like it, the thought of feeling all this pain again. Or worse, to know once you let yourself love, the pain will be inevitable. People leave one way or the other, that's how life has always been and how it always will be.
“Hey,” John B rips you out of your head, and you don't even turn to look at him as he sits down next to you.
“What do you want?” you say in the meanest way you can conjure, but it still sounds pathetic.
“I'm sorry about your dad, I know he died a few years back. I, uhm, I just wanted to say I understand how hard it can be to live up to their expectations, especially after they-”
“I don't need your pity, Routledge,” you snap and look at him. “You don't know anything about me. You don't have to pretend to care.”
“I was just trying to help,” he apologizes and gets up again.
Your mind wanders back to the night, to the pain. It's scarily easy to revisit that memory. Seeing yourself standing over the table in the morgue, having to identify that, “yes, that's my dad,” because your mother had broken down as soon as the message had come through. You were keeping yourself together for her, for everyone around you who came with their condolences and expected a consolation prize for caring the bare minimum. You remember taking the ring from his cold, stiff finger. You remember having to pick out the casket, the suit, the food, where and when and how and-
You feel like your lungs are empty, like you had stopped breathing air, but pain and desperation instead. Tears are building in your eyes. You can't blink, can't let them run, can't let anyone see you cry, especially not these people. The only one who has gotten to see you cry ever, apart from your parents, is Rafe. And maybe you are aware that you can't leave him because he knows the part of you that you try so hard to keep hidden. Because he was the only one caring for you when everyone else was solely relying on you.
And now you are hurting him, in a way you never thought you would, but you can't help it, you're too far in it now. You need to tell him, needed two months ago, but you hadn't, because you were scared of breaking his heart. Because you know telling him might mean losing the one good and secure thing you had going for yourself.
Maybe you never considered it love, because it doesn't look like the love from the movies and books you basically inhaled in your early teens. Maybe you do have a childish outlook on love after all, because whatever connects you and Rafe goes deeper than that.
“You okay?” JJ asks, standing over you, and you muster a faint smile for him.
“I just really wanna go home now, I'm sorry,” you apologize for it, although you know you're not the only one at fault for it. You're soft for him, because he needs it, because you need it in a way. But it's so different from Rafe and you don't know if you can survive without either of them. If you could, you'd put them in a blender and get the perfect boyfriend out of it. But life isn't a fairy tale.
“It's okay,” he smiles and kisses your forehead before turning to the steering wheel and starting the engine.
As soon as you're back at the Château you get off the boat and basically run towards your car. If not for JJ, you wouldn't even think twice about ever coming back. But this was his second home, his happy place.
“Hey, y/n, wait a sec,” JJ calls after you and you stop to turn around.
“I don't care if they like me, J, but I'm not gonna be able to do this again. Not like this. I really want to, for you, but if they can't bring up the same amount of- They need to try too, all of them, and not when I accidentally tell them my whole life story so they can pity me. I'm not gonna do it that way,” you say softly and he nods.
“I understand. Will you text me that you got home safe? Please,” he whispers and you nod. There's a moment of silence, insecure and heavy, as if he doesn't know what to do, so you do the only thing you can think of to stop the awkward moment from prolonging. In a quick motion you lean up and kiss his cheek.
As soon as you come home you text him a quick “am home” and turn back to wallowing in your sadness.
It takes Rafe another two hours to get back home and as soon as he walks in, you jump into his arms, trying to find the little security you knew you could always hold onto.
“Hey, baby, what's up? Huh? Missed me that much?” Rafe asks with a light chuckle while holding you up, with one arm around your waist and the other holding onto his bag.
“Missed you,” you mumble into him, not wanting to actually tell him why you are feeling down, but you know you need to. Soon. Very soon.
He puts down his bag and carries you into the kitchen, sitting you down on the island and taking your puffy face in his hands.
“What happened?” he asks softly, softer than you know him.
“I don't want you to be angry with me,” you whisper, and he prods the inside of his cheek with his tongue before nodding.
“I won't be, I promise.”
“I, uh…,” the words get stuck in your throat, and you feel the tears well up again.
“Whatever it is, you know I love you,” he says, and it makes your heart feel even heavier.
“I've been seeing someone else,” you whisper, and he takes a step back, laughing and running his hands through his hair. There is no mistake in how mad he is, because this was a new level of mad, one you haven't seen before.
“Who?” he barks and you flinch. “Who is it, y/n?”
“No, you'll hurt him. I won't let you hurt him,” you shake your head, and he steps closer again.
“Why should I give a fuck about how you feel right now? Huh?! For how long have you been cheating on me?” he screams into your face.
“Rafe, please,” you beg softly, and he takes a step away again, and a second later his fist lands in a cabinet door.
“How long, y/n?” he yells.
“Four months,” you whisper and he laughs.
“You gotta be kidding me.”
“I didn't know- It's confusing and then today-” you stammer, and he interrupts you.
“You were with him today? That's why you're crying? And you expect me to not go and kill that guy instantly?”
“I love you,” you yell at him, and he stops, furrowing his brows and looking at you more confused than you have ever seen him.
“What?”
“I think so, at least. It's very confusing,” you mumble, looking down at your hands.
“Is that supposed to be an apology? You tell me you've been fucking some asshole on the side and think it'll all be made okay by finally telling me that you love me after two years?” His anger is back, but he's still confused, and you don't know what to do about it. All you know is that you need to be truthful about it, as much as you can, as much as he lets you.
“I know it doesn't make sense and I know it's not an apology. I don't mean it like that. But today, things were said by other people, not him, he was trying to help- I don't know what I feel,” you shake your head.
“None of that makes any sense, baby,” Rafe runs his hand over his face.
“I didn't think that what I felt for you was love because no one ever told me it could be like that. But I do. I love you and I made a horrible mistake, but I would have never known- I can't survive on just one. I need both of you to be happy,” you say, and he steps closer, harshly taking your face in his hand.
“Who!”
“JJ,” you whisper and his hand slips down to your throat, holding you tight enough to restrict your blood flow, making you dizzy.
“You let a dirty Pogue fuck you? And then you come back here and pretend like nothing happened?”
“I love you,” you are practically begging him to not hurt JJ, your own well-being has become secondary the moment you decided to tell Rafe about it all.
“Is that why you wanted to do all that new shit?” he laughs almost hysterically, squeezing a little tighter and your vision starts getting blurry.
“Please,” you choke out, and he lets go again.
“You know what the worst part is? That this started making more sense in the last few months, and now you're tellin’ me it's because you’re fucking Maybank on the side. That's fucked up, y/n,” Rafe shakes his head.
“I never got mad at you for cheating on me,” you remind him quietly, it's a low blow, but you know it's gonna do the trick. His escapades early on in your relationship, and even a few slip ups in the first year after your dad hadn't bothered you much anyway back then.
“No, but you never got mad at me for anything because you don't have a fucking heart. You were acting like a fucking robot until-,” he doesn't even finish the sentence, only shaking his head yet again.
“I don't understand why, Rafe. You have to believe me. And I tried not to. I did. For months before. And then it happened once, and I tried to stay away but then you- you hurt my feelings and I had no one else-” you stammer, and he glares at you.
“The best sex we ever had? Because you had just fucked him?”
“I know you. You're not happy with all I need. And everything you can give me- It's not enough, and I hate myself for it. I wish it was but it isn't. And I can't keep on trying to change you. I won't do that to you. It's not fair to either of us,” you whisper.
“You think you can have us both? Maybe we should call your little boy toy and ask him what he thinks, because apparently you value his fucking Pogue opinion more than me!” Rafe snaps and rips the phone from your back pocket.
“Rafe, please don't,” you cry, and he smirks, but it's neither playful nor sweet, it's simply vicious.
“Oh, I have a way worse idea, baby, and you won't say no because you love me, right?” he taunts, and you nod slowly, knowing whatever’s to happen next won't be the last punishment you receive for your crimes.
Rafe throws you over his shoulder and carries you upstairs and into the bedroom. Throwing you on the bed as if you weigh nothing.
You know not to move when he's in a mood, he'll do it by himself or give you strict orders to follow. Doing anything on your own account will just make it worse for you.
“Take off that horrible dress,” he barks while walking into the closet to pick out a tie and get his special box for you. You do as you are told, and he comes over to you, pulling on your arms and tying your wrists together behind your back so you can't use your hands anymore.
Then he pulls on the strings of the tiny bikini you had on, having expected to go swimming before you had left for JJ’s. The flimsy piece comes undone and Rafe slaps your ass a single time, but it stings harsh enough for you to whine a little.
“The more you cry, the worse it'll get,” he threatens, and you try to swallow the pain as he sits and pulls you to lie over his lap, spanking you for half an eternity. And even when he's done and goes over to softly massaging your butt, it's still stinging, and you don't know how much more you can take if this was the start of it.
“You think that was enough? Or do you deserve some more?” Rafe asks and you gulp before replying quietly.
“I was a very bad girl,” you say, just like he always wanted to hear. It had only happened two times before that he had decided to play these games in such an extreme way. The first time you had drunkenly flirted with some Touron and Rafe had decided it was the best way to teach you a lesson. That was a month into your relationship. The second time was a week before your dad had died, and he keeps telling you that he regrets doing it, but you know he doesn't. You had made fun of his family that night, just a little bit, but it had been enough to grant a punishment.
But neither of those come close to the pain you imagine he must be feeling right now. And you rather let him take his anger out on you than go and hurt JJ. That was the better option, surely.
“Yes, you were, baby. That's why you're gonna do whatever I say now. You know the rules. And if you cum I'll hurt you some more,” Rafe pulls you back up and you nod.
“Won't cum.”
“Good. Now lay down and let me fuck your throat,” he says, and you hesitate for a second but do it anyway. He's aware that you don't like it, not because it's not fun, but because he's simply too big for you to be able to breathe properly while doing it on his terms.
Yet here you are, lying on the bed with your head hanging off the edge. But before he tells you to open up, he goes to his box, taking out a tiny device and smirking mischievously.
“You know what, we're doing it differently tonight,” Rafe pulls you up to sit. Then he goes to bend you over and for a moment you think he's just gonna fuck you, but instead he shoves the toy into you, filling both holes without any prep, and you cry out at the unexpected intrusion and the low vibrations of the toy.
“No. You're not gonna cum from that, and if there's anything on that when I pull it out, I'll make it hurt worse. Do you understand?” He warns and you nod.
“I understand.”
“Good. Kneel,” he orders and points at the rug in front of the bed and you follow diligently.
When he tells you to open up, you do it, and when he tells you to moan around him, you do it, and when he tells you to look into the camera, you do it, albeit reluctantly.
Rafe doesn't care that you're close to choking on his cock, or that you can't stop the tears from streaming down your cheek. He doesn't care that your jaw will hurt for the two following days. He doesn't care because he knows it's still not enough punishment, and you know he's right.
Once he's happy with his little video, he tells you to get up and lie down again, and once you do, he pulls you towards the edge of the bed again and goes back to fucking your throat. What you can't see, because his balls are in your face, is that he's gone back to filming you, especially the part where his dick goes so far down your throat that it's visible on your neck.
Somehow you managed to blend out the vibrations in your pussy and ass, the low intensity was barely doing anything to you but edge you on more and more.
“You're a real slut, aren't you, baby,” he huffs after pulling out and manhandling you to be face down before him. Your legs are propped up and spread wide as he harshly pulls the toy out, and you can't help the gasp that escapes your throat.
“Tell me you love me again, and I might stop,” he rasps, and you are about to say it, but just as you open your mouth to speak, he thrusts into you. An obscenely loud moan is all you can conjure before he starts ramming into you.
“Tell me how much you love me!”
“Love you, Rafe. Love you and your cock so much,” you cry out and a second later your phone lands on the bed right next to your head.
“Look who called to check up on you, baby. Tell him how much you love when I take what's mine!” Rafe demands and your eyes fill with tears as you see the screen.
“What the fuck is this?” JJ asks and you sob.
“Rafe, no,” you cry.
“You want him so bad, he has to know what it means to share you. Because I'm not letting you go, baby,” Rafe growls, fucking you harder and your tears keep on streaming.
“Princess, it's okay. Focus,” JJ tells you through the phone, and you don't understand why he didn't hang up immediately.
“I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Rafe, please,” you beg, but he won't stop, not until he's got what he wants.
“Tell him how much you love me,” Rafe barks, pulling on your hair and yanking you towards him. “You don't get to make any demands tonight, baby. You know what you did to me!”
He pushes you back down, and you land face first in the duvet, sobbing uncontrollably. “I'm sorry. I love you. I'm sorry,” you are close to hyperventilating. Your body is sore and tired, but he won't stop the attack on your poor pussy.
“You hear that Maybank, she loves me!” Rafe says, jealousy drenching his voice, and picks up the phone. “But I still don't think she deserves to cum. Do you?”
“You're sick, Rafe,” JJ hisses through the phone, but your mind is starting to go blank, the noise of his skin slapping against your own, and the quenching sound of your pussy is filling your ears.
“No, she's sick. One dick isn't enough for the little bitch. Nah, she needs two fillings to feel better about herself,” Rafe laughs, and you're so far gone that you can barely hear him anymore.
“Princess, focus on me. Come on, pretty girl,” JJ pleads and you nod absentmindedly.
“Shit, stop,” Rafe moans, but you can't. JJ's soft, loving words of encouragement have triggered your release, and you really don't have any control over it.
You moan so loud you think the whole island might hear, but you don't care, actually. And when you push your ass back into Rafe he loses his game and cums so hard that he collapses onto you almost instantly.
Panting you lie there, incapable of saying a single word, but at least JJ had disconnected the call.
“I get it now,” Rafe pants and pulls you into him, hugging you and kissing the top of your head. “Maybe I can learn to live with it.”
“Love you,” is all you manage to say before your exhaustion takes over, and you fall into a deep dreamless slumber.
You don't even feel like getting up the next morning, but you do it anyway. Pulling on one of Rafe's shirts to feel a tiny bit of familiar comfort you prod downstairs after having cleaned up the tiniest bit.
“Good morning,” Rafe says as soon as you step into the kitchen.
“Morning,” you walk past him, kissing his cheek just like any normal day. But unlike any normal day, Rafe isn't dressed yet, he's only got his shorts on and something tells you he had planned it.
“I don't think you should get to wear my shirts right now. I'm still mad at you, remember?” he nods at you, and you sigh, wanting to turn back and go change, but his hand shoots out to hold you back. “Oh, no, no. You're gonna take it off here. And you're gonna eat without it on.”
“But I don't have anything else on,” you complain quietly and he shrugs.
“Not my problem.”
You pull the shirt over your head and hand it to him. “Anything else?”
“Actually, yeah,” Rafe gives you a lopsided grin before sitting you up on the island.
It stings when he pushes into you, stretching you to your limit without any prep. But it's a punishment, you shouldn't enjoy it anyway.
His grunts and curses and intensely hard thrusts make you whimper, but at least he doesn't tell you off about it this time. Instead, he encourages you, wanting to see the tears and as soon as they start running his thrusts grow sloppier.
“I brought waffles as a peace offering,” you hear JJ's voice and footsteps that are coming closer. Your head spins around, and you stare at him across the room. The shock on his face tells you that he had just as much been blindsided by this as you, and it takes him another moment to drag his eyes away from the scene. But Rafe just laughs and keeps fucking you.
“Look at him, he can't even look at you while I fuck you. How the fuck is that supposed to work, baby?”
“As if you'd like to see it the other way round,” JJ snaps back at him, his back still turned to you. But the pain is too much, you can't take it anymore.
“J, please,” it's a mere whisper that leaves you, but he walks over to you anyway, avoiding looking at Rafe.
“It's all right, I'm here,” JJ whispers to you while caressing your hair, and you look up at him, into his pretty blue eyes.
“Make her cum,” Rafe demands and JJ rolls his eyes.
“You know, if you were better at it, she would've never fucked me in the first place,” JJ glares at him, but you pull on his collar, kissing him and moaning into his mouth while Rafe keeps fucking you.
“You're doing so great, princess. Such a good girl,” JJ praises you and your stomach starts filling with tiny butterflies.
“More,” you moan and JJ looks up at Rafe.
“Touch her,” he orders and for some reason Rafe does what he says and starts rubbing harsh circles on your clit.
“Oh God!” you scream, so close to your release that you feel like bursting. Your back lifts off the cold marble and your lips tremble.
“That's it. Look at me baby,” JJ whispers and when your eyes meet his you feel afloat, just like the first time. “Let go,” he hushes, and your eyes roll back. You scream and feel how hard it is for Rafe to keep fucking you, but he tries anyway until he can't hold back anymore and fills you up with his hot seed.
“That was better than last night,” Rafe pants while tucking himself away and JJ comes around to pull you up and carry you upstairs.
“Is this what you want?” JJ asks quietly after sitting you down on the toilet. Your voice is strained, but you only manage to nod a yes.
“We'll have to put down some ground rules, because I really don't wanna be in a situation where I find out what Rafe looks like when he finishes. That was way too close already,” JJ says while letting in a bath for you.
“I'm sorry,” you rasp, but he shakes his head.
“Don't apologize. If I hadn't told you to come by yesterday, this wouldn't be happening. And you should save your voice,” he smiles.
The hot water helps with the pain, but leaning back into JJ and being with him without having to think about what might happen if someone finds out is freeing. It's nice and good and feels a thousand times better than before.
“I don't care if they get it or not. I know you can't help it,” he whispers to you, softly massaging your sore thighs under the water. “Stupid hearts,” he sighs.
“You okay?” Rafe asks, standing in the door, and you turn to look at him and nod. “Good. I have to go to work,” he says and takes a few steps over to kiss you softly. “Love you,” he whispers and turns around to leave without waiting for you to say it back.
The following days are filled with planning and talking and fighting over phrasings, but in the end they manage to come to a conclusion that they can both live with. The easiest one at that. You get to choose, anything and everything when it comes to what happens between the three of you, in this weird new relationship you found yourself in.
Most nights you find yourself sleeping in JJ's bed instead of your own, but Rafe doesn't mind it much, never having been much of a cuddler himself. But when it gets to your darkest moments, you don't trust yourself enough to talk to JJ, maybe it's stupid, but somehow you can't change it.
Yet you also don't think you'll ever regret your decision, especially when you're waking up to JJ plastering you with kisses before slowly fucking you awake. Or when he goes to eat you out while a boring movie is playing.
Or when Rafe comes home frustrated from a meeting and uses you in any way you let him, and sometimes he even lets JJ join and not just sit there and please you mentally.
Your new favorite thing has to be sucking off JJ while Rafe is plowing into you.
With every deep thrust of Rafe's hard cock into your clenching core, you moan louder around JJ, and it's even harder for him to not cum as soon as he sees your puffy lips wrapped around his dick. And you love to swirl your tongue and play with his balls a little, slapping your lips and cheeks with his pretty cock until he begs for you to suck him dry.
The days in between when you get time to recover properly are filled with surf lessons from JJ or going shopping with Rafe.
It's passed the point where only the three of you and the people close to you know about the arrangement. Especially parties start to be a boiling pot for dramatics.
You're at the Boneyard, playing stupid drinking games with JJ, having fun the way teenagers are supposed to be.
You're aware that the people around you talk, but you couldn't care less because you're on cloud nine, too happy to let anybody ruin it. But JJ is the complete opposite. The more people he hears, the more agitated he gets.
“What’ya say?” he snaps at some guy, pushing him back.
“Chill bro,” the boy tries to laugh it off.
“No, repeat what you said, asshole,” JJ pushes.
“Only the biggest of sluts need-” He doesn't get to finish the repetition of his words when JJ's fist lands in his face. You yell for him to stop, but it's like he's in a trance. It takes both John B and Pope, who storm over from the other side of the party, to pull JJ off the guy.
“What the fuck, bro,” John B shoves JJ backwards but J just laughs.
“He deserved it.”
“Why ‘cause he said something mean?” Pope snaps, and you cross your arms in front of your chest.
“You wouldn't get it, Pope,” JJ shakes his head and looks up at the night sky. “Y'all just don't get it.”
“We don't, because it doesn't make sense,” Pope counters and you scoff.
“Just because you don't understand something, doesn't mean it's shit or that we're horrible people for it.”
“I didn't say that,” he shakes his head, but you're done with them, you have been for a long time.
“C’mon, J,” you say and start walking towards where you had parked your car.
At home, you start by cleaning him up, kissing him all over in the shower until he pins you against the tiles. His kisses are forceful, and he's groping at your ass and thighs. Picking you up and fucking up into you while you moan and gasp. He doesn't give you time to cum when he finishes and puts you down on your feet.
This is different from what you know of him, but it intrigues you too.
JJ turns you around and snakes his arm around your thigh, pushing two fingers into your sore cunt to stop you from spilling out.
“I know I should've asked, but it's gonna be great. I promise,” he whispers into your ear before leading you into the bedroom and making you lie down.
JJ is standing in front of you, your legs pressed to your chest, and he’s holding onto your hips as he fucks you. It's not loving and soft like any time before. It's harsh and fast, and you like it too much. You like the sound of his claves crashing into your ass, the way his balls slap against your skin. The wet noises your pussy makes when he drags his cock out of you just to slam right back in. And the way your tits jiggle with the movement.
Your hands are clawing at the sheets when JJ starts playing with your clit, making you cum in a matter of seconds. You know you'll be there for hours when he shoots his cum into you and just keeps going. You haven't quite figured out which way you like it better; with JJ’s incredibly small refractory period, or Rafe's stamina to hold out for just how long he wants to.
“Who's gonna clean that up?” you hear Rafe ask and your head spins around to look at him. Your mind is blurry with pleasure, your mouth agape and JJ doesn't stop and rips another orgasm from you. Rafe has never actually watched him fuck you, but something about this is making him want to stay and watch.
Your back arches up again, and JJ grunts and curses, filling you up for the fifth time that night, and you watch Rafe's face contort in a light confusion.
“You just keep going? Maybe you should give her some time, dude,” Rafe says, and you shake your head at him.
“She'll have time once I'm done,” JJ growls, and it sends shivers down your spine, making you roll your eyes back. “Isn't that right, baby?”
“Yes, yes, yes-” you scream each time his cock pushes against your cervix as if he wants to pass through it. “Want your cum, JJ, all of it,” you babble, maybe you like giving Rafe a show too.
“Good girl,” JJ moans and cums another time, making you clench around him with ease.
“You see that,” JJ smirks down at you, and you prop yourself up on your elbows to see the tip of his dick poking against your stomach. “That's it, princess,” he praises you before pushing down on your stomach, and you fall back, moaning, incapable of holding yourself up with the intense pleasure he's giving you.
“Give me my phone,” JJ orders and for a moment you have forgotten that Rafe is still there, still watching. He hands JJ his phone and J points the lense right at where you two are connected.
His free hand is back to rubbing torturously harsh circles on your clit, making you mewl and cry out.
“Cum for me, princess. Make me proud, baby,” JJ hums, and you let go of the tension. Screaming his name and squeezing his cock so hard that he cums almost instantly, pushing in farther and holding himself there until he's all done.
And once he's pulled out, he goes down on his knees before you, pointing the camera right at your pussy, clenching around nothing and pushing all his cum out of you and letting it drip down onto the rug.
“What she do?” Rafe asks just as JJ comes back from the bathroom, a wet washcloth in his hand.
“Nothing,” JJ mutters while cleaning you up, but you can't move, not yet. Your legs feel like they are made of rubber and your mind is empty, only having enough capacity to listen to their words.
“Why'd you do this then?” Rafe points at your utterly fucked out state.
“Do I ask you why you do what you do? No. Just let it go,” JJ snaps at him and leaves for his room.
“You could at least change the fucking sheets!” Rafe yells after him, but it's no use.
“Y/n, are you okay?” Rafe whispers and picks you up, holding you in his arms while you regain your strength.
“Frustrated,” you mumble and look at him with your glossy eyes.
“Maybank? Why?”
“Fight- Asshole-” you stammer, and he carries you out of the room and towards JJ’s.
“What did you do?” Rafe barks at JJ, your body still tightly wrapped around him.
“None of your fucking business,” JJ hisses.
“It fucking is when it ends with her losing all bodily capabilities, you ass,” Rafe yells, and you try to cover your ears, but it doesn't really help.
“He called her a whore, and he had to pay for it. I don't care what they say, but they don't get to insult her,” JJ explains harshly, and you start to slowly feel your toes again.
“Doesn't explain why you nearly fucked her into subdrop,” Rafe shakes his head and caresses your back. “You can't just do shit like that, and you know it.”
“She said she was okay with it.”
“She's a fucking people pleaser, asshole,” Rafe snaps, and you lift your head from his shoulder.
“Please stop,” you whisper, and he wipes a tear from your cheek.
“It's okay, baby,” Rafe whispers to you before turning back to JJ. “Don't let your fucking anger out on her without making sure she's alright.”
“Noted,” JJ says, and you can practically hear him roll his eyes.
“Good, because you gotta aftercare the shit out of her now. I'm not cleaning up your messes, Maybank,” Rafe tells him and basically hands you to him as if you were nothing more than a puppet.
“I'm sorry, love,” JJ whispers, placing you in the hot water and running his hand through his hair.
“S’okay,” you mumble and look up at him with a droopy smile.
“I'm gonna clean up, and then I'll be right with you, all right?” He kisses you gently and leaves again.
You think back to it, the moment he snapped. He looked like a different person, more like his dad in a way, and although you never even saw Luke Maybank up close, you know it’s true. You know the rumors are true. He didn't tell you, but in your heart you know it.
If his friends hadn't come, he wouldn't have stopped. If they hadn't showed up, the other guy would be dead. If it hadn't been for you, none of it would've happened.
It’s a rather quick spiral that you go down, and you can't stop yourself from crying, not even when JJ comes back and looks at you rather confused.
“Hey. Hey, pretty girl, don't cry. It's okay. You're okay. I'm here,” he tells you and pulls your head to his chest. But it doesn't help. You can't stop feeling like it was all your fault, all the pain in your life is your fault.
“Rafe!” JJ shouts, and it only takes a minute for him to run in.
“What you do now?”
“Nothing, I came back, and she's crying, and she won't stop,” JJ defends himself.
“Go. You seriously have no clue,” Rafe shakes his head and takes JJ's spot next to you.
“What's wrong, baby,” Rafe whispers to you, holding your face in his big hands.
“It's my fault. I killed him. It's my fault,” you sob and he shakes his head.
“No, it's not. You know it's not,” Rafe assures you, but you're too far gone for it to work.
“I did it. I killed him,” you cry and he clenches his jaw.
“Y/n, you didn't drive that car, it's not your fault. Please, listen to me,” Rafe pleads, but you shake your head, not wanting to believe him.
“Hey, hey, look at me,” he orders, and you turn your eyes back on him. “Three things you feel, name them.”
“Pain. Tired. Sad,” you answer slowly.
“Four things you can touch.”
“Water, you, me, bathtub,” you reply a little faster and he nods.
“Five things you see,” Rafe whispers, and you look around in front of you.
“Towel, shower, robe, painting-” your eyes get stuck on the blonde boy that is standing in the doorway of the bathroom, “JJ.”
Rafe snaps around to look at him. “I told you to leave!”
“What's wrong with her?” JJ asks quietly, and your heart sinks to the bottom of your stomach.
“Leave!” Rafe yells, and it takes a moment for JJ to realize that it will have consequences if he doesn't. But Rafe had already turned back around to you, stroking your hair. “We should get you to bed, baby.”
He dries you up and puts you in a shirt of his to sleep in, before laying you down in your bed and turning off the lights.
When you wake up, you're alone, and you decide to not get ready and just go downstairs the way you are. Before you can meet the boys in the kitchen you overhear them talking and stop in your tracks.
“That doesn't make sense,” JJ says.
“No shit. But that's just how it's been ever since. Your stupid fight triggered something, and the day is coming up in a week- It's a fucking minefield this time of year,” Rafe sighs.
“So we distract her?” JJ asks and Rafe scoffs.
“That's just delaying it. No, you just gotta stay with her and make sure she won't spiral. And when she does you have to keep telling her that it's not her fault, and pull her out of it. The naming thing always works,” Rafe replies.
“And what if it doesn't?”
“I don't know.”
You turn the corner and pretend like you had just come down the stairs, walking straight to the coffee machine.
“How did you sleep?” Rafe asks with a smile.
“Alone,” you say and take your mug, nearly burning your tongue as you take a sip.
“I'm sorry, y/n, for yesterday and all,” JJ apologizes, but you just shrug.
“Shit happens.” Pretending to not care was easy, too easy.
“I’m gonna be at the office all day. You think you're gonna be all right?” Rafe asks and you nod.
“I don't know why we shouldn't be.”
You spend your day training, not having done so in too long for your own liking. The water calms your mind and gives you enough time to reflect on your life choices.
You know Rafe is right. You know that it's not your fault. But the guilt you feel around it doesn't just vanish because of it.
Later that day Rafe texts you that you're having dinner at the country club with his dad, meaning JJ isn't allowed to come.
“I'll just enjoy the view right now,” JJ smiles and watches you get dressed. The underwear set is new, and you can tell by the way he's looking at you that he wants nothing more than to take it off again.
“If it was my call,” you start, but he interjects.
“I know, but it isn't. Besides, I don't really give a shit about family dinners and all that fancy bullshit.”
“Sarah will be there, and John B,” you remind him, but he shrugs.
“So what?”
“Have you talked to them at all in the last few weeks?” you ask and JJ rubs over the light stubble on his chin.
“They didn't reach out either.”
“They are your family though. That's what you told me,” you whisper.
“I have a new family now. I have you,” JJ smiles and takes your dress from the clothing hanger.
“That's not enough, and you know it,” you say while stepping into the dress and letting him zip it up.
“It's enough for you,” he says, and you sigh, looking at him through the mirror in your closet.
“But I'm a heartless bitch with more money than anyone else on this island. I don't need anything more, and if I did, I could just buy it.” Your fingers fumble with the necklace until JJ takes it from you and places it around your neck.
“I know there's a heart in there,” JJ says while holding you from behind, his right hand resting on top of your chest.
“Horrible. We should go get a knife and cut it out,” you whisper with a smile and he kisses your shoulder.
“You'd kill me if I said what I was thinking right now,” he mumbles against your skin and your heart stops for a moment, scared that he would say the dreaded words that you knew would definitely complicate your life even more.
“Then you really shouldn't say it.”
“I should, but I won't,” he looks back up, leaning his head against yours, smiling.
The dinner goes rather smoothly, although Sarah still gives you a side eye and once the Camerons are gone, John B asks how JJ is, but nothing more.
“Boring as ever,” you complain on the drive home.
“Glad he didn't ask when we're getting married,” Rafe exhales a laugh.
“Hmmm, let me think,” you tap your finger against your chin in a joking manner. “We can fuck them all over and just fly to Vegas right now.”
“Wouldn't be the worst idea we ever had,” he laughs and takes your hand up to kiss it just as he turns into your driveway.
“My mom expects a huge white wedding. At least a hundred guests,” you sigh while getting out of the car.
“We should start planning then,” Rafe grins at you, pulling you into his side and kissing the top of your head.
“What happens to that one, once we get married?” Rafe asks you, pointing at JJ who is standing in the kitchen with nothing more than his boxers on.
“They should make this harem thing legal,” JJ says and shugs the rest of his drink.
“A harem is one guy with many women, dumbass,” you laugh.
“The opposite of that then,” JJ shrugs.
“Sure,” Rafe rolls his eyes at him and JJ flips him off.
“Sometimes I think you guys forget who's the boss around here,” you say and zip your dress open, letting it fall to the ground and walking upstairs. “First one up gets to start,” you call out and hear them arguing already.
“Just because you're first, doesn't mean you know what you're doing,” JJ complains.
“Fine, you start then, genius,” Rafe scoffs, and you furrow your brows, it was unusual for Rafe to give in and let JJ do anything to you unless you specifically asked for it.
“What's the plan here, boys?” you ask with an anticipating smile on your lips.
JJ pulls you into his arms, kissing you deeply and pushing you against the bed. The backs of your knees hit the wood and you fall down.
“Just relax, gorgeous,” he muses and drops down on his knees before you, taking off your heels and letting his hands run up to your thighs. You sigh into it, the feeling of his fingers digging into your skin and the kisses he leaves on the inside of your thighs before unclasping the lace body right on top of your pussy.
JJ rolls the fabric up to reveal your stomach, kissing and nipping at your skin; biting your hip and making you jump in surprise. He loves to tease you, and you'd never tell him to stop, ever.
He comes up to kiss you, pushing the lace up even farther and helping you take it off completely. Kissing your neck and leaving marks you hear him chuckle, then his lips meet your ear, and he whispers, “you think he's taking any notes?”
Your eyes dart over to Rafe who has pulled a chair over and is watching you carefully. “Maybe,” you reply.
JJ hums, picking up his head to smile at you. “Hopefully.”
JJ kisses down your neck, following along your collarbone and to your tits. He sucks on your nipple, grazing over it with his teeth before he pulls on it and your back arches up.
“Would be neglectful to not give you the same attention,” JJ says to your other tit, and you would tell him off if he wasn't squeezing your sensitive nipple right in that second. His hand is playing with your sore tit while his mouth attacks the other. It's overwhelming and perfect, and you don't see any reason to hold back. Your moans and gasps fill the room, and they continue on even once he has let off your boobs and moved downward again. He sucks hickeys into the soft skin of your thighs, making you mewl and squirm.
“Tell me what you want me to do to you, princess,” JJ demands, and you grasp into his hair to push his face into your clothed cunt. He blows a little against your wet slip, and you instinctively want to close your legs, but he holds them in place.
“You should let me take this pretty thing off first,” JJ smirks and you lift your hips. The tiny slip is off faster than you can say your own name.
“Tastes so fucking sweet, baby,” JJ moans after licking over your wet pussy, his tongue dipping between your folds and torturing your clit a little.
“Hold on, princess,” JJ smirks up at you and your hand finds his hair, tugging on the fine strands as he plunges his tongue into your pussy. His nose presses against your clit, and with every stroke of his tongue, he edges you closer.
“More, JJ, please,” you moan, and he starts to suck on your clit while pushing his fingers into you. Curling them and sucking harsher, almost biting down on your clit, and you can't help but grind your hips against him. When his fingers come up to your face, and you lick them off, you already feel like you're about to explode.
“Cum on my tongue, baby,” JJ hums into you, licking long strides up your pussy before pressing his tongue flat against your entrance and rubbing his nose on your clit.
You keep rolling your hips and moaning his name as you come undone for him. His new technique isn't as good as the old one, but you're not one to complain about it.
JJ gets up and wipes his face on a small towel that Rafe hands him, but you can't stop staring at the wet spot in his boxers.
“Again?” you ask JJ with a smile and he shrugs.
“Can't help it. You taste too good, baby.”
You hold your hand out for Rafe after sitting up, and he takes and intertwines your fingers. He's still in his suit pants and shirt, looking down at you with a lustrous smile.
“You look really hot in this,” you whisper and nod, but your hands wander to the buttons, slowly opening the shirt until you can push it off his shoulders. His abs look so rideable to you, but you are still unsure if he'd let you once you ask.
“You're way hotter, baby. Next time I get to take off the fancy shit,” Rafe growls, his hand cupping your tit, brushing his thumb over your tit, but his eyes shift towards JJ. “You understand?”
But JJ just holds his hands up in defense and sits down on the chair.
“Take the pants off, babe,” you pout at Rafe, and he slowly opens his belt, pulling it out and dropping it to the side. It was like he was doing a strip show for you, and you loved every second of it.
Rafe pushes you to lie down, your hands pinned over your head as he kisses you aggressively. His free hand gropes at your tit, and you lift your hips to press your wet cunt against his hard cock.
“Always so needy,” Rafe mocks you before going down on his knees between your legs.
He's aggressive and fast, sucking on your clit with so much pressure building that you are scared he's gonna rip it off. But your screams just turn him on even more. His tongue thrusts into you with a harsh pace, and you try to get away from him, but he's holding you in place.
“Curl it,” JJ says and Rafe listens, curling his tongue up and ripping an orgasm out of you in a matter of seconds.
“J,” you pant and Rafe wants to get up, but you close your thighs around his head. “No, you stay. J, come here,” you tap the bed right next to your head.
They do as you say, and while Rafe is eating you out another time, JJ is fucking your throat and praising you.
Before JJ can cum you pull him from your throat and pump his cock slower, trying to pace him just a bit. But when you look at the two boys, so helpless when it comes to your wants and needs, you can't help yourself.
With a quick move you have J’s dick back in your warm and wet mouth, swirling your tongue and hollowing your cheeks. Your hand is massaging his balls, and he throws his head back and fills your mouth with his salty cum. It feels so good, you cum instantly, creaming all over Rafe's pretty face.
“Definitely doing this again,” you sigh, falling flat into the bed and not planning on getting up anytime soon.
The engagement dinner is jarring and the only reason you can get through it is, because Rafe keeps reminding you that it'll be over soon, his hand resting on your thigh the whole night.
But the engagement party, the weekend after is fun, is actually fun.
You invited everyone you knew, including JJ's friends and Barry, who you hadn't talked to in ages. You spend the first half of the night tightly wrapped in Rafe's arm, smiling and laughing at some things his friends say.
Sitting on the couch on Rafe's lap you let your eyes wander, and they get stuck on JJ who is visibly uncomfortable while nipping on his beer.
“Maybe a blowjob will lighten his mood,” you whisper to Rafe, but he shakes his head.
“No, but honesty might.”
“What do you mean?” you ask and look at your, now, fiancée.
“I mean, he's been miserable and fighting it ever since we brought up that this would be happening. Not like you have much of a choice anyway,” Rafe shrugs lightly and runs his hand over your back.
“How do you know he's miserable?” you wonder, eyeing your boyfriend across the room.
“Because I use my eyes, and to be fair, I'd be pouting too if you wanted to marry him instead of me.”
“And what am I supposed to tell him? He knows I don't have a choice if I wanna keep the company,” you sigh.
“The truth. That you love him,” Rafe whispers and kisses your cheek.
“You can't know that,” you shake your head and he laughs.
“I see the way you two look at each other. I love you so much baby, but you've never looked at me like that.”
“That doesn't mean anything,” you fight his words, not wanting him to be right about it.
“I mean, you can try it with the blowjob, but I think the truth would be better,” Rafe smiles and slaps your ass, signaling you to get up.
You're dragging your feet walking over to JJ. “Look at that, a Pogue in a Kook mansion,” you tease with a smile.
“Hey,” he mumbles without looking at you.
“You okay?” you whisper and he nods, avoiding your eyes.
“Why shouldn't I be?”
“Because you've been avoiding me all day.” You reach out your hand to hold onto his and as soon as your delicate fingers close around his, he stares at you. Pain filled blue eyes and a merely unnoticeable tremble on his lip.
“Do I have to be happy about it? You want me to be happy about the fact that you're leaving me?” he hisses at you, but you feel like a weight is lifted off you, a soft smile tugging at your lips.
“Come on, I need to tell you something,” you whisper and lead him upstairs to your bedroom, unlocking the door and stepping inside.
“Why did you bring me here?” JJ asks, his hand is holding onto the bottle for dear life.
“Sit with me,” you say and place yourself at the edge of the bed. He follows reluctantly, yet again avoiding to even look at you.
“JJ, I'm not leaving you,” you whisper and he scoffs.
“Sure you aren't.”
“I'm serious, J. Just because I have to marry Rafe, doesn't mean anything changes between us.”
“Sure it won't, until you want to have kids, and then it's no longer appropriate,” he mutters, and you don't know how to convince him. Maybe Rafe was right with his assumption about him, about you. But the thought of it is debilitating.
“When I have kids they will have my name, JJ. Do you not want kids?” you ask and he sighs.
“I don't just want any kids, y/n, I want your kids,” he whispers and turns to look at you.
“Why would you think I'll leave you then?”
“Because you are marrying Rafe. Starting a family with Rafe. Just like the plan was. I'm nowhere close to being part of that picture,” he talks himself down, and you really have no more words left inside you.
You take his face into your hands and kiss him. Your heart is racing while looking at him and your throat feels dry, but you know you have to do it. And you know Rafe is right, you've known it ever since you let JJ compromise your thoughts from the very first time.
“I love you, JJ,” you whisper, and his eyes go wide.
“You sure?” he asks and as soon as you nod he pins you down onto the bed and starts kissing you. Your giggles and the soft attempts to get away from him are making it even better, until he has you pinned right where he wants you, and you are panting, looking up at him.
“You're so beautiful, y/n,” JJ whispers, diving down to kiss you, sloppy and with a smile on both your lips.
“We should go back down,” you whisper and he shakes his head.
“Not yet.”
“They might be looking for us and I don't-”
You don't get to finish your sentence when his lips find yours again. He sucks your bottom lip into his mouth and entangles his tongue with yours until you moan into him.
“I love you, y/n,” JJ whispers, and nuzzles his face into your neck.
And before you can think twice about it, your little make out session has turned into the best sex you've ever had with him. JJ is sitting under you as you softly roll your hips. He's buried so deep into you that every miniscule move is sending shockwaves of pleasure through your body. His hands are rubbing over your hips and ass in a perpetual motion, while yours play with his hair.
You think you could stay like this forever, just you and him in perfect synchrony; in love.
And the only time his eyes leave yours is when he dips his head to suck on your tits, or kiss your neck.
When he turns you around to lie down and thrusts into you, it's like he's fucking you for the first time. A plethora of praises and a dozen more “I love you’s” fall from his lips while all you can do is moan and babble incoherently about how much you love him too.
When you find your way back downstairs, after what felt like an eternity, his arms are wrapped around you. JJ is himself again, flirty and always joking, and so incredibly more touchy than before.
“I see you made up,” Rafe smiles and holds his hand out, for you to take your seat back on his lap.
“Excuse me, you had her all night,” JJ complains and pulls you away, just to sit down right next to Rafe and let you kiss him like you had wanted to.
“No more trouble in paradise?” Rafe whispers to you and you shake your head.
“I love my boys,” you sigh.
“And I thought you went with the blowjob,” Rafe teases you and you roll your eyes.
“I could've gotten a blowjob?” JJ gasps quietly and softly pinches your thigh.
“You get those all the time, dumbass,” you giggle, and he smiles at you, completely enamored by your whole being.
“To think I get to be this lucky just because I couldn't stop staring at your tits, princess,” JJ whispers.
“Pretty nice tits,” Rafe agrees with a mumble.
“Pretty nice dicks,” you giggle and cuddle into JJ, bathing in the newfound closeness and in your mind you're already planning it all out; the kids, the dog, and the two loves of your life.
please don't copy and/or post my work onto other platforms! ~e©ho
taglist: @ijustwantttoread @spideysimpossiblegirl @redhead1180 @princessmaybank @kys4-20 @drwstarkeyy @immyowndefender @julczimozart
#jj maybank#rafe cameron#obx#outer banks#obx fanfiction#jj maybank x you#rafe cameron x you#jj maybank x reader#rafe cameron x reader#jj maybank x y/n#rafe cameron x y/n#jj maybank smut#jj maybank imagine#jj maybank fluff#rafe cameron imagine#rafe cameron smut#rafe cameron fluff#my writing#~fanfiction#jj maybank angst#rafe cameron angst#outer banks fanfiction#obx smut
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Can you write how Geo would deal with a mc that is always sick? (Totally not cause I'm sick too)
My Remedy for your Malady. (All x Sick! MC/Reader)
Anon. First and foremost, I made you wait 5 1/2 days. I am truly, wholly sorry for this *humbly bows*. (▰︶︹︺▰)
Secondly, I decided that I'm gonna do this for all 7 of our characters, because Jess, Brit and Deryl deserve more attention. I hope you may forgive me for my lateness, and enjoy this fic nonetheless (btw get well soon if you're not already <33).
Also I know that Jess especially is shorter (literally teehee) than the others, but I'm gonna get the hang of her eventually. Same with Deryl. >:]
ALSO, you're in an established relationship with them, so that's why they have (very legal) access to your residence!
- Signed by biggest-geo-oogami-enjoyer
Remedy: a medicine or treatment for a disease or injury.
Malady: a disease or ailment.
—---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Geo was concerned when he found out you were ill.
When you didn't show up to school for the last few days, he texted you to find out why; to which you bluntly told him you felt like utter shit.
He doesn't pick up on the fact you're sick until you straight-up tell him.
Depending on what type of sick you are, he'll get the appropriate medicines/remedies and speed his way towards your home, hell, he might even skip archery, and he *never* skips archery.
Would rock up with food he knows shouldn't cause any problems or nausea for you and will probably make soup.
And you better fucking eat it.
He will feed it to you (reluctantly, but if you seriously can't do it yourself, then he'll manage).
Will ask you how the hell you fell ill anyway, and depending on your answer, he'll be either:
Pissed (if you caught it from someone else),
Or exasperated (if you stopped taking care of yourself or didn't equip yourself well enough to deal with the weather).
Will take care of you either way.
Will read to you in Japanese to help you sleep.
Will try to not lie near you if possible, unless absolutely needed. He does not plan on catching shit.
Will remain at your residence until you recover; unless he has classes that are either critically important and/or ones you're also in.
Will lend you his notes.
Will also take them back after a few days.
Will also just probably talk to you while you're bedridden, unless you cannot, in which case he'll simply watch you sleep, occasionally stroking your head and hair to try and comfort you.
He's trying his best, okay?
Sol will freak when he finds out you're sick.
Doesn't care what he's got on next, he's gonna go take care of you.
Will probably feel bad for not telling Hyugo anything about suddenly vanishing
, but he'll understand right?
Will spawn outside your home with:
- Medicine,
- Your favourite comfort food (if you can eat it without the fear of vomiting),
- Probably will bring poetry and art with him, so you both have something to do (that's not him) when you're bedridden.
Will try and hold you if possible, doesn't mind if he gets your blessed germs on him.
You'll have to tell him that you'd worry for him if he fell ill, so he'll respect that.
But he will feed you. You don't have a say in that.
You're being babied now.
He's gonna make sure everything you want (and can have when sick), you'll have.
Is honestly okay with not going to any class, he'll just ask Hyugo for notes if he hasn't been MIAing.
Covers you in blankets if you've got a cold.
If you have a fever? Ice cream. >:]
Essentially tries to uplift your mood as much as humanely possible.
This guy will do anything for you. <33
Crowe will ensure that when he arrives at your home, you'll have everything you'll need.
Will cook your favourite food.
Will make you eat soup and light foods that are easy on the stomach.
Won't touch you, he doesn't want to fall ill, but will read to you.
He's got a soothing voice I just know it.
And he's 110% going to put you in a coma from how tired you feel when his voice hits just right.
Or maybe you're just fatigued because of your body waging a war against god-knows what kind of virus.
Will make you all forms of beverages to suit your illness, will also go out of his way to purchase any, after all, he's got the funding.
Will still go to classes, and takes extensive notes for you.
Will also tutor you the content if you're up for it.
Will stroke your hair if it's not sweaty, as a form of comfort.
Will make you feel as loved as possible.
Because that's what you deserve.
Brittney will be appalled.
How did you get sick? More importantly...who got you sick?
She's gonna yell at them.
Or fight them.
Maybe both.
Will buy a bunch of goodies for the both of you.
She can't cook for shit, so she'll just get takeout as food and order a fuckton of cough drops and Panadol.
You're both gonna be painting each others' nails.
And spilling gossip. Oh my god, she always had gossip.
Will give you notes to subjects that are majors, or ones you share.
Other than that can't offer much.
Will sit away from you to not get sick, but she'll 110% be supporting you emotionally.
Will probably give you a massage when you get better.
Idk she gives the vibe that she would.
Is the most aggressively supportive girlfriend ever.
She only wants you to recover ASAP, and to feel as content as someone who's sick can be. <333
Jess will be focused solely on you recovering as swiftly as humanely possible.
Is upset when she finds out you're fallen ill.
She'll drive to her home, grab the best shit she has and drives to your home.
Stays with you for days on end.
You've become her priority now, after all.
Jess is a very devoted (and lonely) girl, what can I say.
Will try and comfort you via reading to you, or listening to you talk about literally anything.
She just loves your company and you. Poor girl's been neglected her whole life.
She'll try her hardest to take care of you, and she does a very good job. (Ask Brittney teehee)
You're more than glad to have her.
And she to have you.
Hyugo will be astounded.
You? Got sick?
Why?
Did someone make you sick???? (if so teehee someone's getting food poisoning~)
He's at your home, with everything.
Literally everything.
Blankets, movies, games, medicine, puns, your favourite food and whatever else he deems necessary.
Will hug you if you're not aggressively sneezing/coughing.
Will watch movies with you on the couch with you lying on his plush fucking thighs.
Says the most stupid shit in Japanese (such as teaching you how to hide a body) and making it sound like flirting.
Tells you jokes and puns to make you feel better, until you laugh too hard that is and almost die.
Will make food for you.
Will ramble on about random shit to you, or listen to you talk (if you can).
Literally just seeing you content is more than enough for him.
Deryl will be SHOOKETH.
He will sprint to your fucking house. He doesn't care.
You're his only priority now.
Will magically appear at your home, and immediately hugs you.
You can be fucking dying, he doesn't care.
You're getting squashed.
Will be asking if you're okay 24/7
Until he realises he forgot to bring food.
Then he runs to get it, along with tablets, Panadol, all that jazz.
Like RUNS.
HE WILL RUN.
HE IS A FAST MOTHERFUCKER.
FAST!!!!!
Then he gets tired, so by the time he gets to the store, gets the food (and the 'goods'), he's gonna just call a fucking cab and crash at your place. (he forgot takeout existed lol)
He doesn't mind, and frankly, neither do you. The food and snacks was awesome (well, what you could eat anyway).
Will try his absolute best to take care of you, but often gets carried away with his energy. Often talks and rambles to you while you happily lay in bed next to him and listen.
Will call Geo or Jess for how to make a warm soup to feed you.
Then it becomes 'we've got Masterchefs at home'.
Shit goes crazy when Deryl's around tbh.
And you're more than happy to enjoy the ride (in more ways than one ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)).
#reminder that geo is superior#the kid at the back#tkatb#tkatb vn#geo subaru oogami#geo oogami#crowe ichabod#jericho crowe ichabod#hyugo sugimoto#tkatb x reader#solivan brugmansia#sol brugmansia#jess sitrus#brittney claire#deryl helianthus#tkatb hyugo#tkatb geo#tkatb crowe#tkatb sol#tkatb jess#tkatb deryl#tkatb brittney#IM SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG ANON#FORGIVE ME#RAAAAAA#also if some of these are short im sorrryyyyyyyy#( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)#heeeheee
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pspspsps; can you do some headcannons for Lucifer getting a crush on a friend and how this absolute disaster of a man would handle it? thanks love you <3
One Hazbin Hotel Lucifer headcanon is coming up!! Also, you are not dumb, Anon. I also sometimes forget that I write for two different Lucifers it gets confusing at times! I appreciate the clarification!
~~~~ HEADCANONS ~~~~
HAZBIN HOTEL friends to lovers Lucifer x Reader
You and Lucifer went way back, back in heaven back. You heard all his ideas and thoughts, never once questioning him or calling him out like others did.
Lucifer thought he would never see you again when he fell from heaven. That you would be a distant memory for him to look back on.
He always kept a picture of you from your younger years in heaven tucked in his pocket. He even told Lilith all about you and Charlie.
Imagine his surprise when he entered his daughters hotel to see her for the first time in ages and there you were sitting at the bar talking to a cat demon.
He was in shock but due to the Radio Demon needing to butt in he was quickly pulled out of his shock.
Once things had settled at the hotel Lucifer learned from Charlie how she found you wondering the streets not to long after their father-daughter argument just before the hotel opened.
He was impressed that you willingly lost your title among the elder angels all because you couldn't stand the thought that innocent souls were being played with every year.
As he watched you coach Charlie and assist in the hotel he was taken aback. You may be a demonic angel now but you were just as breath taking as when you were teens.
Your (H/C) hair was pulled back from your face as you worked on a billboard for Charlie to hang. He loved your devotion to his family even if you never knew she was his till he appeared.
When he sought your company out privately for the first time after reuniting with you he was a complete mess.
He talked to himself in the mirror, talked to Charlie, Alsastor, hell he even turned to Angel dust on how to rekindle the old times with you.
Ironically after all this planning and attempts to talk to you, you were the one to ask him out for a day on the town you know for old time sake.
He was so excited yet so crushed that you made it a 'friend' date. But he knew he was getting ahead of himself. He would court you appropriately he wasn't going to mess another relationship up.
The date went well besides the 12 poles, 6 signs, 4 people, and 2 cars that he has tripped, walked, ran, and crawled in too. He couldn't help it you were just so you.
He was falling fast and hard as he learned more about how you were one of the only activists on the angelic counsel fighting his fight even after he fell.
When Adam threatened war on Charlies hotel he knew his hands were tied due to his deal with the Angels. Yours weren't though however. Once you guys learned about the Angelic Steel you and Vaggie took to training the cadets.
When Adam saw you down with Charlie baring arms he was taken aback you one of the wise elder angels fighting him? Oh this was gonna be so sick killing you.
You fought harder and better though, till Adam went for a lethal strike on Charlie. Without hesitating you took part of the blow for her when pushing her out of the way.
When the carnage and battle was over Charlie went searching for you scared for the worse. When Lucifer chased after her asking what was wrong and saw you barely breathing he was devastated.
You were nursed back to health by the Morningstars for weeks. Never once being allowed to even exist alone.
Once you were okay again and getting ready to re-debut yourself to society Charlie pulled you aside and told you how she would be totally cool with it if you where another mom for her.
When you confronted Lucifer about the weird conversation you definitely saw him turn in to a puddle and disappear.
Slowly though over time Lucifer you and Charlie started making your own little family. You were hesitant especially with Lilith still being out there somewhere but you would fight for what you loved if you had too.
When Lucifer finally confessed his feelings after almost a year and half of you being back in his life he made it a big big deal.
The whole hotel was involved having every guest help surprise you with either old pictures from your angel years together or even some new ones from now.
Once you finally got to Lucifer he did one hell of a showstopping number to confirm what you had begun to suspect.
When you accepted his confession whole heartedly he was so happy and excited that the next day he made a public message to all of hell how lucky he was.
He couldn't be more happy with his new little family, even if Lilith came back he would be happy with you. All three of you could assist Charlie and redeem those in hell together.
#x reader#headcanon#hotel hazbin#hazbin#hazbin hotel#hazbinhotel#hazbin lucifer#hazbin hotel x reader#hazbin hotel lucifer#lunarwritings#moons
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kand out of blue but whats your thoughts on the law switching his and luffys heart trope?
When I see it I love it 😭 esp with like long term established relationship (shout out to the marriage track in the truffyfest tarot interactive story). Personally tho in like stuff I write/draw/hc I reserve it for the immortality surgery (you can see it in some of my immortality surgery comics in my master post under the worst timeline). I like the idea that that’s part of how the surgery is performed, esp if it’s being used in a life saving (not just life preserving) kind of way. The user giving up their life force and all that etc etc. not to actually theorize on main but if law dies (I die) I think it would be beautifully appropriate for him to go out by giving his life as a gift to someone he believes in, like his life was a gift from someone who believed in/loved him. And what better visual for that than him literally giving his heart ok bye 🥲
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just keep swimming - ART DONALDSON! short blurb
description- ever since y/n moved in to a new house with a pool, the caretaking of the pool started to take a toll on their schedule and something had to change. their pool company offers to send a pool boy out for maintenance. unfortunately for y/n, he’s blonde and SUCH a charmer. a universe where art probably never went to summer tennis tournaments and instead was a gorgeous pool boy!
warnings- 18+ (vulgar language) but really just so much flirting!! i'll decide later if I want to write smut if you all like this so far :)
•*• *•* •*• *•* •*• *•* •*• *•* •*• *•* *•* •*•
Summer came around again like clockwork. I can tell by the way the sun torches the pavement and the bugs fly around you no matter where you are. I had just moved in about half a year ago, and unpacking has been slow. Usually my Saturday afternoons are for cleaning and organizing, and even clad in shorts and a tee shirt with my hair tied up, I was still sweating. On my pathway to the kitchen, I pass my sliding door window out to the backyard. All I see is my covered up, likely hideous underneath, swimming pool. Annoyance etched my features. I've been avoiding the pool because I just got a new job as well and my schedule has been busier than I ever imagined it being. The idea of chopping off the time to take care of the pool myself this summer seemed like such a hassle. Setting my laundry basket down with a plop, I look up the nearest pool service company and give them a quick call. The representative assured me they’d send out one or two “fellas” out tomorrow, as the gruff old man told me during our conversation. I’ve been swimming all my life. My parents taught me to swim really young, and I continued competitively throughout college. I am as much fish as I am human. It was only natural that when I searched for my own place at 25, I wanted a pool to continue my love for the activity. However, the relief that flew through me when the call was finished was enough to allow me to move to the next room to clean.
THE NEXT DAY was somehow even hotter, if it was possible. Once showered and dressed for the days events, I was making my lunch and watching my comfort show when there was a knock on the door.
“Oh great, those must be the pool cleaners", I thought to myself.
Giving a quick glance at my appearance, I was satisfied with opening the door. Smooth, shaved legs, blue denim shorts, and a yellow tank top with sandals seemed to be appropriate for guests in the back yard to me. Upon opening the door, there are two older aged gentleman a decade or so older than me.
“Hello Ma'am! We’re Marcus and Devin and uh…”
One turns around with eyes squinted from the sun and gestures back to the service van where there is a figure messing around in the trunk with heavy equipment or something.
“That’s Art back there in the van, new intern.” Says Marcus, who I now can see the name tag of.
“Well alrighty! Thanks so much for coming, let me show you out back and assess the damage.” I take them out through the side yard and show them the monstrosity of a chore I've been putting off.
The two gentleman eventually wrestle the pool cover off and look around to see what needs to be done. They're talking amongst themselves, and hopefully it's not too much of a big project. Having an in ground pool was a luxury and I knew it. Thats why I was so appreciative of them coming out. They told me in general how much it was gonna cost, and said they’re ready to start whenever the intern made his way on over.
“Well I will leave you guys to it, knock if you need anything! In a hour or so I might bring out some lemonade for you all, it’s so hot!” I say, shooting them a smile. They beam appreciatively and I set for inside.
Busying myself while people were making loud, machine sounds in my back yard was harder than I thought. I liked to watch it all get done. But in general, watching people out of the window was frowned upon. After I finished eating my sandwich, I decided the best use of my time would be to just veg out in the living room. After roughly three or four episodes of a show pass, I figure it's time to make my signature lemonade and bring it out to them. These gentleman won't know what hit them. I've been complimented on my lemonade recipe before, so I was excited to see the final opinion. Setting four glasses on a wooden tray, I make my way out of the front door and around the side yard, as to not walk right up into their space by using the sliding door. I don't get very far into my backyard before I almost drop the tray of lemonade because I collided abruptly with a body. A warm one. Pool company shirt drenched in sweat, I looked up at the figure obstructing my path. I was met with someone roughly around my age, maybe a year or two younger. A simply gorgeous man, one of paler complexion, but sporting a full, fluffy head of blonde hair. So bright it makes the sun look like a dying flashlight. His eyes were so breathtaking and his lips looked so soft and pink, he was a sight to be had. When he smiled at me before he opened his mouth to apologize, that was even brighter. I step back and laugh sheepishly.
"I am so sorry!" That barely gets out out my mouth because this beautiful pool man standing before me says,
"Holy shit, I am so sorry are you okay?".
He backs up, and gives me a once over. Something that was probably just him making sure I wasn't hurt or covered in ice cold lemonade. But the once over brought out some sort of stirring in me, and I questioned if my outfit was actually okay or not because now it mattered that the man in front of me liked what he saw. The genuine concern in his voice was refreshing to hear though, so I recover from the initial embarrassment.
“Yeah I’m fine, it’s alright! I'm Y/N, Y/L/N, I own the place.” My cheeks blush because now I’ve bumped into the most beautiful man and he’s here to clean my pool. It almost looks like he smirks at my coloration. But it could've been the sun's glare playing tricks on me.
“Lovely pool you got out there ma’am. And yard too while we’re at it.” He wipes the sweat from his forehead with his forearm and sticks that same arm out to shake. Watching a sweaty hardworking man was one of my favorite past times, and the fact that he used the same hand made me insanely hot in the face. His hands in mine feel firm, but respectful.
“I’m... uh, Art Donaldson, by the way. Im the…”
“The intern?” I tease.
He gives a look of panic when he whips his head around and shouts to his older crew mates.
“I told you guys to stop introducing me like that!”
I can hear deep chuckling somewhere in my backyard and I smile at the interaction between the three gentlemen. Art spins back around to me, laughs, and rolls his eyes.
“Sorry about those guys. They mean well of course. I think they’re just jealous of my amazing pool skills. What I was going to say, is that I’m the person who’s going to be doing routine checks once we clean it out completely. Every three weeks I come back without my two friends over there, and I deep clean and treat the water. Or more often, if you want to upgrade your plan. ”
These words weighed on me. This man would be in my back yard by himself and I had the option to make it more often? I would be lying if I said I wasn’t considering it. But having him around so often would be a personal distraction right?
“Well thanks for being my pool cleaner I really appreciate it. I love to swim but I’ve just been so busy lately and I haven’t had the time to maintain it.” I tell the guy, hopefully not looking as upset as I really feel. He looks at me in a way I can’t decipher.
“Don’t worry about it you did the right thing calling us.” He says, offering a stunning smile. Not sure where to go from there, his eyes shoot anywhere but mine it seems, and lands on the lemonade tray in my hand.
“Oh my god please tell me that is for us I am sweating like a dog out here.”
He leans his head over and shakes his blonde curly hair that I am already fond of and I watch as the droplets drip down on my patio brick. My throat hitches at the strange sexiness of the action and I awkwardly cough it out and hand him a glass.
“My speciality! Enjoy.”
He basically chugs it and leaves a cliche and comical "Ahh", after the sip.
"Thank you, it's amazing", he says out of breath from the gigantic sip he took and grins.
"It's just so hot out here ya know?", he spoke softly, lolling his head to the side and glancing up and down at me with a smile that punched me in the gut. Whether he's talking about me or the weather was really up to debate with the look he gave me.
Art looks down at his lemonade, and back at me. Well, back at my tits it feels like.
"Matches your tank top", he says nonchalantly
Then Art grabs the tray from my hands, something I wasn't expecting. When the exchange happens, our fingers brush over one another's. We snap our heads up at the same time and look at each other. The electric jolt of his touch and the comment about my choice in clothing made my brain spin. He smiled to himself, like I wasn't supposed to see that one.
"Let me take these to them for you. See you around Y/N." He turns around but doesn't get far before shouting,
"LEMONADE! GET YOUR FRESH LEMONADE!"
I spin around to go back inside but not before laughing at this energetic, and playful man romping around my yard to give his coworkers my lemonade.
An hour goes by and now that I know what Art looks like, the itch to look out the window was increasingly difficult to resist. Eventually I cave and pull back the curtains slightly and look down at the back yard from my bedroom window and see them out there, standing on the perimeter of the hollow ground. They're almost finished actually, just about ready to turn the water pump on if I had any guess. I spot Art easily, and watch as he lifts up a heavy trailer cart of material away from the pool and to what I assume is the front yard to take to the van. He stops his trek and drops his cart and though I can't hear him too well from the upper floor, it seems as if he lets out an expletive.
"FUCK it's hot." It sounds like.
In a matter of milliseconds, Art's company shirt gets tore off and all that's left is a devastatingly handsome body, covered in sweat from working in the conditions. He looks like can use a dip in the pool himself he's so hot. Nothing could've prepared me for seeing him shirtless in my back yard, but yet here we were. It was bordering on ogling at this point, but the abs to blonde hair ratio nearly made me collapse. I guess I picked the right time to do this because Art looks up at the window AS IF he knew I was watching. His face brightens up at the sight of me, sees where my eyes landed and smiles to himself. Then waves to me with the shirt in hand and I wave shyly back and watch the man return to his journey with the cart of heavy things. I start to tear my eyes away from the window and retreat, pretending I wasn't checking out the man who will be cleaning my pool for the next short while. But not before noticing a boyish smirk placed on his lips as he turns out of vision. Having a beautiful pool boy in my yard was going to be a lot harder than I think I would ever anticipate.
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let me know what you guys think! i wrote it for fluffy long hair art but the gif i chose matched the hot summer day and sweat aspect of this blurb.
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lietomevpr
#art donaldson#mike faist#challengers#challengers movie#art#josh oconnor#zendaya#art donaldson fic#mike faist you are beautiful#team art
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actually, violence and sexual violence and child abuse happen in real life.
saying that people who want to talk or write about it are sick and depraved and wrong is not the equity win that you think it is.
#and no#you don’t get to decide for some internet stranger#what the appropriate way to write that is#discourse#whump discourse
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Porcelain Steve - Part 7
Part One🦇Part Two🦇Part Three🦇Part Four🦇Part Five🦇Part Six🦇Part Seven🦇Part Eight🦇Part Nine
((TW for this part; period typical slurs and internalized homophobia. Read the tags before clicking readmore if you want the details))
Steve has been a porcelain doll for seven weeks when disaster strikes.
"What is that," Jeff says, because even though the words are in an order which would suggest that it's a question, the tone of voice Jeff uses decidedly is not questioning.
"What is whaaa-AH! Nothing! It's nothing!" Eddie, who was torso deep into his closet throwing things around to find his backup amp cord, turns to look at what Jeff was talking about, and is now launching himself across his room to stand between Jeff and Porcelain Steve. Porcelain Steve, who Eddie had lain on his bed, propped slightly on a pillow, headphones carefully perched on his little head, hooked to a cassette player currently playing the first hour of last week's Top 40 countdown that Eddie had taped for him (all three hours of it, leaving out the chatter of the radio show host. He'd had to use two tapes to get it all).
"Nothing sure looks a lot like a doll in headphones, Munson," Jeff has an amazing poker face but Eddie's certain he can see a bit of judgement underneath the carefully blank expression Jeff is wearing.
"I don't know what you're talking abo- hey! Hey, no, no, don't!" Eddie tries to bodily block Jeff when he moves forward and the two end up wrestling, a match that Eddie almost wins, if not for the hazard that is his messy room. He gets Jeff walked almost to the door before he steps wrong on something, ankle rolling and sending him down sideways. He clutches at Jeff but can't make purchase and Jeff, the bastard, does fuck-all to try and catch him. Instead, Jeff leaps out of arm's length, then lunges onto the bed as Eddie collapses to his floor.
Eddie frantically tries to stand and, in his haste, ends up with his feet tangled in a pile of dirty laundry and that sends him crashing down again, this time forward onto his hands and knees, so he gives up on standing and crawls the few short feet to the bed, finally looking up to see that the damage has been done.
Jeff has picked up Steve, holding him inches from his own face, eyes squinted in suspicion. Eddie is frozen, horrified and afraid, and can't bring himself to do anything as Jeff examines Steve closely, turning him around, poking his torso, flipping him upside down to examine his shoes more thoroughly. It's only when Jeff reached for the shirt, pinching the hem of it between two fingers that Eddie kicks back into action.
He lunges up, one knee on the bed, leaning over to grab Steve and yank him from Jeff's grip. His first instinct is to throw Steve over his shoulder, out of sight out of mind mentality, but as soon as he does, he realizes his mistake and twists, lunging to catch Steve in midair. He does manage to catch Steve, but it sends him bouncing off his dresser and almost back to the floor before he manager to regain his balance, where he proceeds to cradle Steve to his chest, which is heaving from the adrenaline, wrestling match, and subsequent dive after Steve.
Jeff is giving him a concerned look but something else piques his interest; Jeff reaches over and picks up the headphones, holding them up to one ear. His face goes through every emotion a human could possibly experience in less than fifteen seconds as he listens to whatever track was at the forty-ish minute mark on the Top 40 countdown.
Slowly, Jeff lowers the headphones, letting them drop to the bed before he gives Eddie a new, more judgmental, yet infinitely more concerned, look. "Eddie. What. The fuck."
Honestly, he's not sure there's anything he can say in response.
"Why- I don't... are you okay, man?" Jeff sounds both scared for Eddie, and scared of him, at the same time.
"I'm fine," Eddie manages to squeak out.
"Eddie," Jeff says seriously, "this is not fine. This is- this is insane behavior. You know that, right?"
"I've no idea what you mean," Eddie doesn't even know what he's defending himself from but his default response to anything is to defend himself. He grips Steve tightly around the torso with one hand and then moves both his hands to be behind his back so Jeff will stop staring at Steve.
"I mean this fuckin' insane shrine you have dedicated to Steve fucking Harrington. How did you even get a doll that looks like him. Did you- did you make that?"
Fuck. Holy fuck. What can he say to defend himself here? Is there a single way for him to come out of this not sounding deranged? If he agrees, let's Jeff's drawn conclusion be the truth, then that's all but confirmation to Steve about his big fat crush, so when Steve's back to being Steve he'll never look at Eddie again. Jeff might think he needs mental help, but he'll be here for Eddie. If he tries to deny the accusation, then he'll need an explanation. He'll have to tell Jeff something that make him seem less like a creepy stalker, but what? He can't tell the truth, not without letting everyone know he's going to tell Jeff. There's a whole other secret he'd have to let out to even have a chance of Jeff believing him.
Jeff must take his silence for acceptance or guilt, because he's speaking again. "I.... man, this is not healthy. Please tell me you aren't, like, hoarding a lock of his hair or his clothes or something."
Involuntarily, damningly, his eyes dart to the closet, where several of Steve's sweaters hang from when he'd borrowed them and never returned them. And it's not like Steve doesn't have several of Eddie's own articles of clothing, like his battle vest and a few shirts. But Jeff doesn't know they easily, willingly, swap clothes, so his eyes go wide and dart towards the closet, as if he can pick out which pieces belong to Steve on sight.
Actually, he probably can.
"This really isn't what it looks like," Eddie says because he has to say something. Being silent is too incriminating.
"I don't think you're aware of what this looks like," Jeff says, wiggling himself off of Eddie's bed to stand at the foot of it. "Of all the boys in Hawkins.... I knew you liked Steve but this is.... creepy. That doll looks so much like him that I recognized it. Does Steve know you're in love with him, or is this like a way to process your crush without having to-"
"Jeff!" Eddie yells, mortified. He can feel his whole face heat up, knows he must be bright red. Because Jeff just said, out loud and for Steve to hear, the thing that Eddie very much hasn't even said out loud to himself, even if he knows how he feels deep down.
Jeff must know he's overstepped some invisible boundary he wasn't even aware of because his face immediately shows regret. He takes a step forward and Eddie takes a step back.
Immediately, Jeff stops his forward momentum. "Shit, I'm sorry, Eddie. I'm sorry."
When Eddie answers, his voice sounds like he's been eating gravel, "Just, can you go wait in the living room? I'll be right out, and we can talk, or whatever, but can you just..."
A nod, and then Jeff is gone, closing the door behind him.
With shaking hands, Eddie brings Steve back to the front of him. Looks down at him. He's not even aware he's crying until he watches his tears mark Steve's tiny polo. He can't keep holding Steve. Can't keep looking at him. Not when- not when his best friend just outed him in the worst way possible. And Eddie can't even be upset or hurt about it because Jeff didn't know. He's teased Eddie about his crushes before, and in the safety of his own room, there was no reason for Jeff to have to watch what he was saying.
Even knowing that Steve is okay with Robin, loves her anyway, without the ability to confirm that Steve doesn't hate him right now, Eddie's going to freak out. But he can't. Jeff is waiting in the living room, and the band is waiting back at Gareth's. This was just- they were supposed to just grab the amp cable and get back, a fifteen-minute job at most, and now.
Now Eddie is staring down at Steve, willing himself to not have a panic attack.
"I'm sorry, Steve. I'm so sorry. You shouldn't have heard it like that, it s-should have come from me. It should- you-I'm sorry," Eddie gently underhand throws Steve onto the center of the bed. He lands face up and Eddie sinks to the floor because he can't stand anymore, and he can't really breath.
Steve knows Eddie's a fucking faggot now, and that he wants Steve, and there's no way he'll get to keep the friendship they had before this. There's no universe in which Steve isn't creeped out by this information. There has never been an instance where a straight boy found out about his crush on them and didn't abandon him. Not always cruelly, he'll admit. He's had friends that learned and just... slid from his life with no words and no fuss. Eddie just never spoke to them again because they never came back around, but they also never outed him.
That's what will happen with him and Steve. He'll quit inviting Eddie around, or calling when he's bored, and eventually it will get to the point that Eddie only sees him at BBQ's that Joyce drags him to.
Fuck. FUCK!
He's not sure how long he's on the floor but eventually, he finds the will to get back up and resume digging through his closet to find the amp cord. It doesn't take long, he was ridiculously close to finding it earlier, it seems.
Before leaving his room, he picks back up the cassette player and headphones. Silence comes from them, so he pops the tape out before flipping it to the B side and popping it back in. He puts the headphones around Steve's head again and presses play, doing his best to not actually look at Steve. He'll just have another breakdown if he does.
He trudges out of his room, closing the door behind himself before taking the short walk to the living room, where Jeff waiting on the couch, elbows on his knees, fingers steepled under his chin, eyes faraway as he stares towards the wall in front of him.
"Hey," Eddie says, to get his attention.
"Hey," Jeff says, sitting up straight and turning towards Eddie. "I'm sorry. Whatever I did, I'm sorry."
"Why are you apologizing? I'm the fucking psycho here," he sighs, leaning sideways against the kitchen counter, arms folded across his chest, hand clutching at the amp cord just for something to ground him.
"Forget that, whatever I did, or said, or whatever, you were- when you yelled my name. You looked terrified. Of me," Jeff almost whispers the last sentence, and if not for the stark silence in the trailer, Eddie wouldn't have heard.
"Not of you, Jeff," Eddie whispers back, but his voice doesn't stay quiet because 'quiet' isn't a thing Eddie does easily or often. "Of... of myself, and these- of how I feel- I'm a goddamned faggot and now that Ste- when Steve finds out I'll lose him! Like I've lost every fucking person who ever even suspected I was a fuckin' queer!"
Silence stretches between them, enough to make Eddie fidget, dropping his crossed arms to twist the amp cord about anxiously with both his hands.
"Look, man, I don't know what's, like, the appropriate thing to say so I'm just going for the honest thing. You got me. You'll never lose me. And all those other assholes that you think you lost? You're wrong. They lost you. And if Steve Harrington is gonna be another one of those, then you aren't losing him. 'Cause he was never really in your corner to begin with."
If this were anyone else, with the exception of his uncle, he would be able to hold it together better. But it's Jeff. His best friend. Who never believed Eddie committed unspeakable horrors over Spring Break last year. Who didn't question the strange, new friends he suddenly had afterwards; who accepted as the only explanation a softly spoken 'they saved me' and that was enough. Who had said 'ok, cool' in response to Eddie telling him he was gay, years ago now, and continued trying to find out if Eddie had a secret relationship, switching girlfriend for boyfriend like it wasn't a big deal (Eddie did not have a secret relationship; his good mood that week was the result of snooping for his birthday present and finding the guitar hidden under his uncle bed).
It's Jeff. So, Eddie does the most metal, manly thing he can and bursts into tears, blindly reaching for Jeff and pulling him off the couch so he can bear hug him and sob into his shirt.
"There, there, you big baby," Jeff rubs his back soothingly, "let it out. Then pull your sorry ass together, because Gareth and Brian are going to think we died in a car crash on the way here if we take much longer."
"Ah, fuck," Eddie manager to say around the sniffling he's trying to get control of, "you're right."
"You good, though?"
"Uh, I will be."
Jeff nods and steps back. "How about this. We go to practice, and then you can come to my place tonight and we can like, hangout and talk. If that's what you want."
He's already nodding as he says, "yeah. That would be good. I- uh, I have something to do after practice, but yeah, after that I'll come over."
Eddie tosses the amp cable to Jeff after they climb into the van and head off.
Halfway there, Jeff says, "you know Gareth and Brian are in your corner, too. If you ever feel like telling them one day."
"One day," Eddie agrees, "but today has already been... a lot."
Practice goes well, with some ribbing for their tardiness allowed. If Gareth and Brian notice Eddie's been crying recently, they keep it to themselves. Which is good, because Eddie cannot handle one more thing today.
A promise to meet up with Jeff later and Eddie's back home.
Back to where he left Steve, who will be laying in silence on his bed because it's been well over two hours since he and Jeff left, and the tape only held an hours' worth of music on each side. Back to the nightmare of not knowing if Steve hates him now, or if Eddie's, and this is the most likely scenario, being a bit overdramatic.
His uncle is home, so he greets him, asks after his day, gets told dinner is Fend For Yourself Night (which just means leftovers or a TV dinner), and gets asked about Steve. Because of course he does.
"You sure he went on a vacation willingly with those parents of his, and he ain't actually kidnapped and trapped somewhere?"
That's a little bit too true. If only Wayne knew. "Well, no. I'm not sure. All I know is what he said when he left."
Wayne gives him a look. One Eddie is used to seeing, that says 'I know more than you think but I'm waiting for you to tell me' and Eddie's a little afraid of what Wayne thinks he knows. So, instead of prying that box open, Eddie just says he's tired and goes to his room.
Steve is exactly where Eddie left him.
Suddenly, without reason or logic, Eddie is angry. He's so pissed at Steve for being gone for this long. For having transformed in the first place. For not being able to assure him they'll still be friends, regardless of Eddie's stupid crush.
He snatches Steve off the bed, hand clamping around one of Steve's arms and his torso so he can hold him up with one hand. Steve's face, permanently stuck into a blank expression, looks back. Even knowing that Steve sees and hears through this thing, Eddie's so angry at the doll. If Steve hadn't been turned into this stupid thing, if Eddie wasn't so helplessly in love with him, this wouldn't have happened. Eddie could have taken his own time telling Steve, instead of hearing his deepest secret spilled easily from Jeff's lips. Instead of this not knowing what Steve is thinking, or how he feels. Is he recoiling in disgust at the fact Eddie's making him look at his face? Or is Eddie being awarded the same kindness as Robin, a quiet acceptance that won't change their friendship?
Eddie doesn't know that answer and he hates it.
He's so angry with himself because he should know better. He's forcing his own insecurities onto Steve, about acceptance and caring, when nothing Steve's done since they've become friends is prove that he'll always be Eddie's friend and not even the apocalypse could change that.
"I'm going to hang out with Jeff, so you're gonna be alone a bit longer. Or maybe I should drop you off at Robin's when I go," Eddie goes to toss Steve back on the bed when something pinches his palm. It's a startling sharp pain, quick to fade, but it's surprising enough for Eddie to let go.
Eddie watches, horrified, as he falls to the floor. He twists in the air, landing with a dull thump and cracking sound on his left arm before falling onto his back.
"Shit. Shit! Fuck, Steve, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to," Eddie is crouched, already in the process of reaching for Steve when he freezes.
There is a crack on Steve's left arm, a line that starts above his elbow on the inside of his arm and runs down and across his arm to his hand, where Steve's pinky finger is gone. Looking slightly to the side, Eddie can see the small porcelain piece that Steve is missing laying on the ground next to him. Eddie's own hand is hovering in the air above Steve, shaking.
This can't be- how did- Eddie wracks his brain. Was the crack there already? Did Eddie cause the crack when he bounced off his dresser earlier? When did it happen? Does that fucking matter when it's Eddie who broke a piece off him? If Steve didn't hate him before, he's got to now. Eddie doesn't have time to panic about this, he's got to- El. El can talk to Steve. Find out if he's okay. What if breaking him-
Eddie launches himself up and to his dresser, grabbing at the Walkie up there. He pulls the antenna up, clicks it on and tries not to actually shout as he says, "Code Red! Code fucking Red!" He lets off the talk button, counts to seven in his head, enough time, he reasons, for someone to respond before he repeats the process. "Code Red!! Code Red!"
He repeats this process for three minutes with no response. Where the fuck is everyone!? How is he supposed to- Oh! The phone!
He tears down the hall and to the phone. He must look a right state, because Wayne looks very concerned and is halfway to standing up when Eddie gets to the phone beside him. He yanks the phone up and dials the number for the Byers-Hopper household, holding up a shaking finger to Wayne, a silent plea to give him a moment.
It rings and rings and rings before the answering machine kicks in. Eddie presses down on the disconnect button before dialing the Wheelers' number next.
"Hello?"
"Mike! Code Red! Where the fuck is everyone and why aren't they answering!?"
"What?"
"Code Red! Where's Nancy. Put Nancy on."
"Dude, slow down, what's-"
"I broke St-it. I broke it and someone needs to get El here now. Code Red does not mean ask questions, Mike! It means Code. Fucking. Red."
"Shit, shit, right! I'll get Nancy and we'll get everyone- just- we'll be there soon."
Eddie slams the phone down and has to meet his uncle's eye now.
"Eddie. What is goin' on?"
Eddie inhales a breath and can feel his lower lip quivering. "It's- can we talk about it later? I promise I'm not the one hurt, or in trouble, or- it's not me, ok. I just-"
"Yer shakin' like a leaf boy. What's got you so spooked?"
Eddie just shakes his head and flees back to his room, slamming the door shut between him and his uncle. He can't bring himself to cross the room to Steve. He slides himself down the door to sit on the floor, pulling his knees up to hug.
"I'm so sorry, Steve. I'm sorry."
#steddie#my fic#porcelain steve#TW: Eddie calls himself a faggot and he means it in a bad way#did I make a playlist on spotify w/ Top 40 songs for June 21-27 1987 so id know how many tapes eddie had to use to record it?#yes. its 2 tapes fyi‚ using side A and B of one. a total of 2h54m. in my defense it was a writers block activity.#couldnt figure out what to have jeff say to comfort eddie that was in character and era-appropriate so... playlist it was!#if i were titling these parts this would be Eddie's No Good‚ Very Bad‚ Terrible‚ Horrible Day#I mean... he's had worse days (Spring Break '86) but this is up there for him#also back to back updates!? who am i??? but don't expect another one too soon#i started this one as part 6 originally but decided i wanted a more lighthearted piece first#so i wrote like 2/3 of this before writing what i posted for part 6 so finishing this was quick
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i'm not gonna lie. most of the time the "is this character female coded" as well as "can you write this character as trans" discussions simply get too close to notions of gender essentialism for me to take them seriously.
#personally i do not see anything wrong in writing and headcanoning any male character as a woman#because again. refusing to play with concepts like that in fiction also strikes me as gender essentialism#but the way some people talk about it. on both sides of the discourse#differentiating between characters who are “appropriate” to read as a particular gender and those who should not for [whatever reason]#insisting that it's wrong to gender bend characters at all#essays explaining why characters are a specific gender...#i'm sorry. what is it all about atp
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Hi! I was wondering what other vld ships you like/ship? If you don’t mind me asking
Though it's been a hot minute since I've really indulged in vld outside of working on LB, I'm one of those multishippers who can be persuaded on mostly anything so long as the narrative is compelling enough (particularly so far as Keith is involved)! My staples tend to be keitor (obviously) & sheith, but I have a fondness for fics that explore keith/kuron, keith/james, keith/regris, keith/allura, keith/matt in an interesting manner, and I've even read a few solid pieces featuring keith/lance, keith/kolivan, and (most surprisingly of all) keith/zarkon.
So far as non-keith-centric ships are concerned, I'm far choosier, but lotura is always a heartbreaker, ezor/zethird is cute but seldom written (bonus points if axca is their fwb third), shiro/ulaz lends itself to a tender sort of angst, and zarkon/honerva is just outright sad.
I can also go for all the above in a non-romantic sense, of course, but my major platonic dynamics are Pidge & mostly everyone, Keith & the entire BoM, and Lotor & the galra girl squad.
Less so than the ships themselves, it's actually the manner in which any given dynamic is written that sees me become particular: the portrayal of the characters, their mannerisms, their interactions with one another, the circumstances in which they've come together, etc etc... but if you have any fics that you would absolutely swear by—whether they feature a ship listed here or not—then by all means send them my way!
#as you can probably surmise I like dynamics with a little bit of ✨spice✨#it's about the //tension//... the //bite//... out-and-out sweetness is nice and all but it just doesn't grab me yk?#tbh you could probably even persuade me on a sendak fic if it was written in the right way#here's the thing: the dynamic doesn't necessarily have to be 'healthy' per say but the author //needs// to know what they're doing#the best example i can think of for this isn't even VLD it's a LoZ ghiralink fic uhh hang on—#'How Does It Feel' by Maiz_of_Light on ao3#now THAT is how you write a //deeply// greymoral dubious & dark scenario with the appropriate sensitivity#sa screams back#the author speaks
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Thoughts on non con fics or just people who are into non con in general?
#sunshine#asks#18+ only#idk man I have a degree in gender and sexuality studies my thoughts on the matter are more nuanced than I can easily explain on tumblr#but like take a look at the things I write and take a wild guess on my broad stance 😂#as long as the real actual living human beings involved are all consenting adults I really don't give a shit#or think it's appropriate for anyone else to try regulating#I'm more interested in mitigating actual real life harm to actual real life people than handwringing over fanfiction#(not to mention I could go on a whole tangent about how shitty the way people talk about actual rape that happens to real people is)#(but that's not what you're asking about so I'm not gonna go there)
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Because I keep questioning my own writing a lot; especially in terms of ending a short story... sometimes, it really is easier to just treat what you write like a movie or a TV show you're watching. Especially if it's a short fic that is basically just a single scene. Like... Would there be a scene change now and it'd feel complete? If yes, then it's an appropriate ending. If no, then either you write one more paragraph or let it rest for a bit, come back to it, and see how you feel. Or you find a spot a little earlier because sometimes scenes can drag on for too long and need to be cut shorter in order to be satisfying and make sense.
#i treat all of my writing like it's a movie or something because i'm a very visual thinker and i imagine everything vividly#so it comes naturally and that's the only way i can somewhat assure myself that the cut i made or the ending is appropriate enough#sometimes i'll still be unsure but heyyy it is what it is i guess#if i keep rewriting it any more i'll delete the whole thing eventually so whatever#anyway this is about the fic i just posted because holy fuck i was so proud when i finished writing it this morning#then i kept re-reading it to make sure it all makes sense and there aren't any grave mistakes#and every time i read the ending paragraph i got more and more confused#until i had rewritten it like 10 times and deleted the entire paragraph to end the scene a little earlier#because if this short fic was a scene in a movie or a TV episode it'd have been fine#there's no more to it necessarily#and the ending paragraph was just to wrap it up some more but it wasn't at all necessary#hopefully it doesn't feel too abrupt now tho omg hdsffhkds#jesse.talks
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Will still there be Test Dive Part 2???
yes yes i’m just trying to make him… normal…ish…. normal enough? part one was also a partial dialogue study for me, which, through writing part 2, i have realized, doesn’t come so easily to me with yuuta 😭
#anonymous#he's not though so u can imagine how difficult this is for me#what happens to me when i write modern au yuuta is one of those things:#one: i exacerbate his kindness/anxiety/aloofness end up writing him to be more nonchalant forgiving than he probably would be#which leads me to reread what i wrote and go he would no fucking say that LMFAOOO#(which is what keeps happening with test drive)#or two: i write him doing the absolute most insane and unwarranted behaviors exhibited and realize it's not appropriate for the au at hand#tldr i am trying to make him weird and possessive but not off-putting and strange which i... clearly need practice with !#also with him writing a person to be a conflict point is interesting because (1) he doesn't have any/many canonically#and (2) he seems like the type to get in his own way more often than not LOL
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if you have a rewrite of rwby & claim to be better but repeat the same mistakes as the dudebros in the original writing team, with absolutely the same lack of care for social or ethical consciousness in the worldbuilding of your story — vis a vis appropriation, racism, sexism, etc — then how much better than them are you actually?
especially when we’ve seen that criticism against these works are taken just as poorly with marginalized people being attacked for voicing concern yet again.
#rwby#rwde#fixing rwby#ais.txt#is writing a rewrite / fix it / au easy? no!#its hard. we've found it really hard with azre sometimes#& there have been times azre has overstepped in sensitivity#& we need to dial it back#attacking people voicing their legitimate concerns is not the way? like?#what honestly makes these creators different to those being rwby itself?#especially when only ONE member on the team#was willing to reflect & not take it as a personal attack?#blows a kiss to the sky for edelweiss my boo#but yeah#this isn't an attack but it's pointing out some ugly hypocrisy tbh#& we're kinda tired of seeing it from people who claim to be#'making rwby better'#also to the person who freaked out on quibs for pointing out racist shit#you a punk ass bitch#just because it wasn't romani appropriation doesnt mean#it was GOOD#goofy ass
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things that would be hard to justify if this was still vorkosigan saga fanfic that i get to amuse myself with:
helen definitely actually fucked all of her sex ed teachers on gnilles, while sasha only fucked the woman. when sasha finds out he's like YOU'RE LITERALLY NOT EVEN ATTRACTED TO WOMEN THOUGH? and helen is like. well it would be a waste not to make sure
sasha has been out-gayed by his straight sister. devastating
after helen and sasha gave up on fooling around with each other (years earlier, mere seconds into the attempt to kiss) helen was like. well. okay yakov do you want to make out and yakov was like DO I
arguably they lost their virginity together but they were also like 12 and both agree that educational fooling around with sort-of-your-cousin does not actually count (this is one of very few things helen agrees with yakov on in general)
helen's father does NOT die while sasha is pulling his little mercenary con, as he is safely back on kavagor, fretting himself into the ground about how helen is doing on her First Bodyguard Mission
after jaz pulls maksim into the closer social circle and maksim and yakov spend more time together they do actually have sex, mostly because despite all his shit-talking yakov trusts maksim will not actually be shitty about yakov being straight
except yakov is not straight, he's bi, but also kavagor is a binarist society and yakov is not attracted to men. he does still have sex with maksim at least one more time because there are so few people a kavagoran man can ask to fuck them in the ass, platonically
lady sveta, yakov's mother, officially hands off the duty of finding a bride for yakov to maksim
no one ever explicitly tells lady sveta that her son finds bottoming in anal sex such an essential part of his long-term sexual satisfaction that it's a deal-breaker to not do it, but maksim and yakov are uncomfortably sure she knows that's the connecting line between all of maksim's matches for yakov
maksim's longest-term relationship ends up being his relatively-frequent guest appearances in sasha and jaz's bed
delara jokes that maksim is trying to get the entire generation of petrov kids, and maksim is like....sasha and yakov are both only children? so did i not already do that?
she's like no, i meant our other son. you know, the emperor we fostered? although i guess i should also include helen in that case?
and maksim is like WELL I WOULD RATHER SHOOT MY SHOT WITH THE LITERAL EMPEROR THAN WITH HELEN THANKS
this is also how he finds out delara petrov knows he had sex with his cousin yakov. like sure, it's not hard to notice when he stays the night in sasha and jaz's room, but who tf is telling people about him and yakov? not him! not yakov!!!
i think the absolute funniest time for yakov's entire sexuality crisis, search for a wife, and marriage to a friend the entire world has always known as a man would be "while nikolai is off at Clone Rehab" so nikolai comes back and is like what the FUCK happened here
so much of his intel was wrong. like. so much of it.
yakov definitely forgot nikolai even existed while he was at clone rehab. you can't just give him a brand-new cousin after twenty-seven years and expect him to remember that!!!
delara takes maksim aside and is like okay you're a grown-up and he's technically a grown-up but i do want you to think really hard about whether or not you need to fuck my youngest son
maksim is like I AM NOT ACTUALLY ON THIS QUEST YOU MADE UP AUNT DELARA
the fact that he has also had sex with the emperor by this point is IMMATERIAL, he's not doing it on purpose, he's not having sex with helen, and he's not having sex with nikolai, STOP LAUGHING
at some point helen is like, it feels like it would have been funnier to fuck you before nikolai showed up. now it would feel like pandering
maksim is like i don't know why it's MY family that has a reputation for being impossible assholes, petrovs are the WORST
yakov's wife is Not Afraid of emil petrov. in fact emil petrov was daniil's woobie. or poor little meow meow maybe? because emil petrov is arguably a war criminal. he was also an infamously sad wet beast in his 20s. daniil is like you are so inspiring. emil is like??? you didn't even join the military though? and daniil is like no but every time i got dumped i thought of how you carried on after your first wife and then your awful boyfriend and i was like. okay daniil you can do this
daniil got most of a pharmacology degree and because of being closeted before marrying yakov was home-brewing hormones on technically illegitimate lab time obtained by means of favoring the nobility
when yakov is like but how did you get the blood work done without a doctor's order, daniil is like. hey remind me what kind of crimes you're duty-bound to report to a superior officer again and yakov is like WELL LET'S JUST SHELVE THAT CONVERSATION UNTIL WE'RE MARRIED AND I DON'T HAVE TO TESTIFY AGAINST YOU
jaz immediately approves of daniil and daniil gets "gendering jaz" privileges, which literally no one else on the planet has
because daniil only uses it to be like "girls' night!" or "excuse me, we need to have a man-to-man conversation" when they are both in gowns
ani the second half of this list appears to be about your OCs and not about the vorkosigan shit you stole at all?
yes. because i'm having fun. thank you.
#kavagor#not actually writing#i mean it is still all from me extrapolating what queer society would be like on barrayar#i think a noble doing the work for but not technically receiving a pharmacology degree is very appropriate#and i think that noble using their knowledge to homebrew hormones so their parents don't find out about it is plausible#and i DEFINITELY think vor parents are allowed access to way too much of their children's medical information until they get married
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I hate fake freaks, why the hell are people freaking out about the grave scene in Saltburn? I haven’t even seen the fucking movie and even I know it’s supposed to be symbolic/thematic/representative WHATEVER
nah anon you've got it wrong i need it to be about 30-75% more intense. there should have been actual necrophilia. cannibalism too actually. also no shitty twist at the end so the symbolism of the acts remains relevant. i know you havent seen it but jesus christ it was such a bad film
anyway people are freaking out because they don't actually care about the themes or symbolism of saltburn they just want to be like "ooooh this film is sooo fucked up oh my god emerald fennell is a sick sick woman."
#wrong ask to send me hfdjkshfg#i loveee the symbolism dont get me wrong but i'm here wishing there was more fucked up shit#saltburn was NOTHING in terms of fucked up films. i've watched more fucked up films on an average tuesday. and enjoyed them more#because they're better constructed#i do think one of the faults of the grave scene. if we're talking about it divorced from the "ohhh this film is so fucked up'' thing. is#that it has no real thematic relevance. same with the bathtub scene#i cannot appropriately discuss them within the context of the film in the way i want to (about whether they went far enough) because#the last act of the film negates everything we've seen so far#not in terms of lying to us. but in terms of oliver's motivations#and it makes so many of oliver's actions entirely unnecessary#it's entirely inconsistent#''ohhh but he's an unreliable narrator''#that still doesn't make it a well constructed narrative about an unreliable narrator#yes he's an unreliable narrator. and then he goes and tells us what the audience has already figured out.#it's sloppy. it's sloppy writing.#it doesn't trust the audience enough for that aspect. and i'm not sure if making an oliver an unreliable narrator on that second layer#even *was* intentional#anyway anon all of this is for people who have seen the film not you#asks
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#can someone come talk to me about the appropriate way to address ghost getting counseling or therapy#because I think he deserves it and I’ve imagine in my universe that it’s something he would need to truly be intimate with someone#and to open up to his partner#but I don’t want to write it disrespectfully if that makes sense#idk what do you think message me
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