#well me avoiding actually writing
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"are people not into that?" i ask, after posting my weird niche shit to the internet, despite knowing it to be weird niche shit.
#jsyk sylkius or anything adjacent to it does not “Do Numbers” in any way and i observed this some time ago#i assume that's the “rival ships” element at work but who knows really#that sort of thing is like femslash in that everyone approves of it but nobody actually reads or writes it#but who would have thought sylvie beating loki with a stick would not bring in droves of readers???! shocking twist there!#& i don't consider sifki a rarepair but my rarepair standards are VERY strict like if there's >5 fics a pairing is basically mainstream#chasing popularity would annoy me though & i just don't have the mental spoons to try writing stuff i wouldn't personally read#yeah i *could* put my blorbos to work in a coffee shop but what cost to my own enjoyment levels? AT WHAT COST FANGELA???#you can't please everyone so you may as well just please yourself and if anyone else likes it you've found some fellow freaks so yay#i don't mean please yourself in a wanking sense. though feel free to do that too it probably counts as a cardio workout idk.#BUT ANYWAY#fic related#ps i am v glad there's the “warning: loki” tag because i think/hope it acts as a filter for 'he did nothing wrong in his life ever' types#who are Valid & etc obviously but i write my morally grey characters to be morally grey and the tag might help avoid conflict#though tbh i write almost every character to be morally grey in some way so i can't claim to have left my comfort zone here#(i'm not joking when i say the 1987-89 run of Dr Who shaped my entire future fannish life from a young and apparently v impressionable age)
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my greatest achievement in DA2 is maxing out Carver's friendship
and all it took was begrudgingly kissing a little templar ass in act 1 because Carver didn't want to plan a prison break if my Hawke got his ass arrested for being stupid.
#carver hawke#dragon age#dragon age 2#da2#well that and he didn't want leandra gamlen and himself to also get arrested for harboring an apostate but you get me#carver hawke loves his sibling and doesn't want them to get taken away that's why he's such an ass and approves of 'pro-templar' choices#in act 1 he's not pro-templar himself but kissing a little templar ass is how you avoid being arrested#'why yes cullen you are so right the templars are so cool and sexy' my hawke says through gritted teeth for that +5 friendship#look i love him okay he's my favorite and i will go the extra mile to make him happy and it's worth it for how much softer can be later on#honestly maxing out his friendship isn't hard if you're aware of what quests you're bringing him on and make him a grey warden#oh but you do need the legacy dlc otherwise you can't fully max friendship out... you can still get enough to change his dialogue/attitude#also like... we the player know hawke won't be arrested like they're not in any actual dangers from the templars as the playable character#but carver doesn't know that and neither does hawke so the templars *are* a real threat to them#and it's incredibly reckless to purposely piss off templars AND selfish because it's not just hawke that'll be arrested it's their family#for harboring them like we witness templars going after people hiding apostates soooo.....#i'm just saying that carver isn't irrational or just being an ass to personally annoy you okay he has cause#also once carver's a warden and ed has money and the estate THEN he's way more open about telling the templars to piss off#sigh one day i'll sit down and write an essay about carver.... one day
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not me latching onto the tiniest detail of part two in the 666 series ("Val is way better at this part than I am") but how exactly are you picturing what Val and Vox get up to on their own? specifically the aftercare? ngl I'm lowkey obsessed with the contrast of vox suggesting val is amazing at taking care of his partners in bed while also dropping hints about being hurt by him (and not receiving an apology) regularly... what a roller coaster relationship lol
Very late reply to this ask, oops, BUT:
I think Valentino is fully capable of being the exact kind of gooey, lovey asshole (even if he's low key condescending about it in a self-satisfied way) that Vox enjoys post Alastor-inflicted emotionally devastating edgeplay.
Vox refers to Valentino often in 666, and the ways he talks about him are conflicting! He mentions Val being a loving partner, he mentions Val hurting him, he mentions missing Val, he mentions Val doing things that are maybe funny and maybe kind of a fucked up violation of his autonomy. I think this is in line with what we see of Valentino in canon: he's constantly blowing up Angel Dust's phone and flip-flopping from nice to angry and back again. I don't think he's like that, exactly, with Vox, because Vox isn't literal property that he owns the soul of, but I do think he's likely prone to being a very mercurial person depending on how he feels he's being treated.
He's a bitch, but he's a bitch who can lovebomb with the best of them if he wants to. He and Vox have both killed each other in the past, but they also love each other. It's fucked up and complicated!
#ask#personal#Anonymous#666 live on air#hazbin hotel#nsft#this is from march 22 QUQ was not joking about being behind on asks#I get a lot of really wonderful ones but many of them are long and require me to sit down and actually brainstorm#to avoid going “I've never really thought about it sorry!”#which if I'm gonna say that I might as well leave it for later until I DO think about it haha#my writing
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boy in silly sitting positions compilation
#cats#I especially like the last one where he just has one single paw poking out of that box for some reason lol#I still have costumes to post and like a billion other things.... grr... constantly failing at staying active on social media aughh#I think because currently my Main Focus is on trying to get my game done and stuff.. which basically just means sitting and writing all day#so there's not much to post about. Though I know the Good At Social Media thing to do would be to post about the#writing and share progress and talk about the game and characters or whatever to try to build interest or something but that is SOOO weird#to me.. I could maybe get it if it was like a tiny tiny discord groupchat of playtesters with like 5 people in#it.. But something about talking openly about things before they happen is weird to me?? Like presumptuous feeling or something#''oooo guess whats gonna happen LATER!!!'' like.. how do you know.. what if it doesnt. what if you dont finish it. what if its not the way#you think it's going to be. what if something changes. etc. Like I literally avoid movie trailers and game trailers for the same reason ghj#Even if it's not ME doing it it just feels... weird.. Maybe it has to do with my OCD and how I just don't like talking about ''future''#things in Certain Terms. Like if I was going to say ''Oh yeah sure. come over to my house in a few months''. I would have to follow it up#with like ''HOPEFULLY you can come over to my house in a few months'' or 'They'll come over in a few months MOST LIKELY''. Because just#stating that something will happen matter of factly takes for granted like.. what if somehting horrible happens and I DONT have a house#in a few months? or what if something bad happens to me. or to the person coming over? I can't ever DEFINITELY say with 100% certainty#that one could ACTUALLY come to my house in a few months. anything could change. So I have to allot for that in my phrasing. hbjjkn#There are a lot of situations where you're expected to just Assume Things but for some reason that bothers me. My brain literally does not#even Assume the most basic things.. like how do *I* know that just because it's someones birthday that they want to be wished a happy#birthday? what if they dont? everyone is different and has different preferences. I should check with them first. or wait until they public#ly announce that theyre accepting birthday wishes. I have to allot for all 5034859069 rare possibilities at any given time and never take#anything for certain. etc. ghjbjhbh.... ANYWAY.. I have been feeling a bit sick lately as usual.. but still slowly making progress on some#things. Moslty I need to edit costume photos. make sculptures. and work on the game. Going back reading some of the old writing from like#2018 and suprisingly I don't have to change that much of it? In fact I like it mostly. so that's good. I would be very interested if I were#playing the game myself. Though that doesnt mean much since my tastes are so niche lol..#Still really want to clear some of my million tumblr drafts as well... alas and aughh and ooughh and so on and so forth. Between all of my#evil appointments other such things...why cant I have one billion dollar to retire into relaxed hermit artist life of no stressors.. bleas
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not even gonna tag this properly bc i don't wanna get Involved but i do have some Thoughts i need to get out into the void so here we go
(aaa quick edit: CW for mention/discussion of Boothill leaks)
#today's gone Badly and i'm upset but instead of venting abt it i'm gonna channel that energy into doing a bit of tag rambling abt Boothill#well. less abt Him and more abt uh. self-analyzing my anxiety surrounding contributing to fandoms. he's just today's catalyst#like. i know it's mostly a me thing. i'm hypersensitive to criticism and very conflict avoidant + socially anxious + perfectionistic etc.#so I'm the one that keeps myself from posting more stuff out of fear of being criticized or called-out for what i've made#bc inevitably Someone's gonna see it and think its OOC or a problematic take or they'll misread my intent. etc etc what have you#but like. that's inevitable. there's no way to communicate every single thing with all of the nuance required to avoid misunderstandings#and other times it's not a misunderstanding it's just a difference of opinions and that's Fine!! there's no accounting for personal taste#there's no accounting for several things actually. taste‚ bias‚ lore-knowledge‚ differing levels of chronic-online-ness‚ etc#so this isn't me complaining abt the state of fandom culture (although i do think. sometimes. ppl take shit a bit too seriously)#but anyways all of this is mostly just anxiety-fueled. it's not like i very often actually even receive negative feedback or anything#if anything ppl tend to tell me that i'm overthinking it and killing my own fun and worried that my stuff is more OOC than it is#which like. yeah. Yeah u right :) but that's just the way that i am! always losing the idgaf war i suppose#anyways what's Boothill got to do w this ur wondering. well. i've been thinking abt the quickly emerging concept that he's illiterate.#and it just. has me feeling a lot of ways. and watching ppl disagree over it has me feeling some Bad ways. bc it's def a loaded topic!#if you'll pardon the pun there. and i don't rlly have anything new to add other than that i'm conflicted abt it.#like yeah i saw the leaks days ago. of him mentioning 'not hitting the books' much as a child when we ask him why he sends voice messages#or voice Transcriptions ig. ykwim. and like. *braces for impact* ...i liked it? like. it doesn't feel right to call it endearing#i'm not trying to infantilize him. ok that's not the right word either but ugh. you know? what i mean?? who am i kidding even i don't know#it's not quite right to say that it feels like Representation either. but it's something close i guess#as a southern person myself who didn't receive a 'complete' education due to factors that weren't to do with my intelligence#the concept of seeing him as a capable force to be reckoned with and respected who also happens to have not received much formal education#i like that. i do. but there's so many issues w it at the same time. like. as i said‚ being southern myself has me Wary of the way Hoyo is-#writing him. as well as of the way that the fandom is taking the bits of his lore and running away w them. and i'm Very aware of how ppl-#will see a southern character and be All Too Eager to agree that they're lacking intelligence based on our Redneck™ stereotype#sigh. and before we even go too far with this. it's not even confirmed that hes completely illiterate. which is a valid criticism i've seen#there's Multiple reasons that could make him prefer voice to text. but regardless. i'm just worried that ppl will misconstrue my intentions#like. example: that edit i made the other day of him saying 'no thanks i can't read'. wasn't me playing into the stereotype of-#'haha dumb country boy can't read!' it was. in my eyes. something he'd say as a joke to make light of a potential insecurity#like. i think there's far more depth to Boothill's character if ppl could look past the surface. and i dont wanna contribute to the problem#but sometimes ppl Will have stereotypical traits and i wish the same could apply to characters as long as it's done Thoughtfully.
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no i cAN'T binge rewatch the untamed right now i have to defendmyfuckingthesis i don't have TIME for a breakdown i don't i DON'T
#wei wuxian i know failing terribly at the final hurdle and tumbling into hell would be a hilarious way to honour you#but i would actually rather avoid that can you stop being so tragic and compelling#and could mdzs fic writers stop being so fucking good like y'all are writing things that make me insane#trying to put together coherent sentences so i can leave grad school but inside i'm a dog alternating between rabid snarling#and piteous whines#anyway things are going well#mdzs#the untamed#into the abyss
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tbh tho i think my art is fugly af LMFAO
#not in a '>w< eeeek! i wish i could drawww 🥺 i can only cobble such measle crap with my lowly peasant paws.. *unveils mona lisa*'#sense but like a my style makes me want to hurl whenever i look at it bcs it's a constant reminder that it can only be what i can make it be#and bcs it looks bad to me then that means i cant make things look good if u get my sense like#idk man 😭!! im just sick of being scribbly!! and not clean! i wanna ink my art! have crisp lines! dark lines!!#not have to put stupid darkening filters on everything bcs i cant color or shade so my art is just stuck with the blinding white background#well the frustration is more how i CAN color and shade.. i CAN ink my lines with a darker one#lets not excuse my laziness now cmon ted omg dumbass bitch#it's just that doing so makes me . crazy#my attention span like. crumbles when i try to add color or ink over lines bcs thats Such a commitment to me#i HATE leaving things unfinished when it seems so monumental#like unfinished sketches or prompts? fine. those are sketches. little prompts. even if u post it it's shit#but starting big things is a COMMITMENT.. with CONSEQUENCES ! ! i just want to avoid them ig#it's like im stuck between art being a fun lil past time and being a perfectionist actually so no. no it is not#but also i NEED to draw i NEED to write SOMETHING! SOMETHING!! then i realize the weight of things and purposefully hinder myself#then later hate myself for hindering even tho it felt so good and right in the beginning ORGHH or WHATEVER#idk one of my friends told me my style reminded them of the new tmnt movie (which has been praised yeah#for like beautiful ugliness tho) and like. i KNOW it's a compliment... but. why did it make me Feel 😭 like i wanted to rip my art 2 shreds#once i lined my art and my friend (an artist i admire) said smthin like 'omg finally! ted lined art! gorgeous!'#& i KNOW. I KNOW IT'S A COMPLIMENT. BUT WHY AM I THINKING LIKE. SO VIOLENT. NOT ABT THEM. BUT MY SHIT NOW#like UGHHH i just HATE feeling trapped and helpless when actually theres help available but im just DUM!! JUST LINE UR ART TED#art is like playing sport is like making good grades is like working well is like being a good friend is like being a good person#literally. just be GOOD.#it's all a performance to me ARGHARGH! I HATE THE JOKER! I HATE BEING CRINGE@! RAGGHH I HATE THIS SHIT#<- mfs when no basketball#mfw i cannot avoid enlightenment via the meaningless distractions i codepently craveRAGGHG!!!!!!1!
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Guy who doesn't know anything and never learns voice: "Yeah I can work on this smaller project to take a break from my bigger projects. Surely it won't become Another Big Project."
#guh.#it's one thing to design an outfit (x2). it's another thing to think of poses (and how they tell a story)#it's another thing to think of dialogue. it's another thing actually write that dialogue so it flows properly#it's another thing to --#well. you get it. i'm so tired.#but it's just four illustrations. it's not a whole comic. it's four illustrations. one of which you can take a shortcut on#but not really because if you're me you're allergic to digital art. so your shortcut k#cat incident. i don't feel like fixing that. but your short cut is to use a lightbox.#worst part is this is appealing to me and only me. i'm not super content/numbers brained like i actively try to avoid that#i'm better than that. you're stuck here with ME. you are entirely at the mercy of my whims.#i am also entirely at the mercy of my whims.#still. god give me strength to accept when i drop this whole ass full blown Thing and nobody gives a shit#give me strength to not blow this whole building up. amen.
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I'm so sorry if you get tired of answering asks about Pompey and Crassus BUT your response to the anon asking if Crassus let Pompey get away with things really got me thinking! Specifically about the way that Plutarch (I think?) says that Crassus didn't hold ill-will against Pompey for "stealing" his triumph. And how it feels like Crassus just kind of decided to shrug it off and instead asked Pompey for help for the consulship elections. Crassus seems so ruthless and direct while on the field, and I have so many questions about how he and Pompey worked together in Spoletium which will never be answered 😭 But then when it comes to politics I really can't see the pattern!
oh, I love talking about Crassus (and Pompey too, by extension), literally I can't stop. you can ask several people. I'll be talking about one thing, and all of a sudden: Crassus has entered the conversation. it's terrible, I can't stop. mostly, it takes me a thousand years to articulate my thoughts in any kind of way that makes sense.
I actually think that there are two times that Crassus subtextually calls Pompey a bitch, and the triumph incident is one of them!
specifically in that Crassus's comment about it:
Crassus, for all his self-approval, did not venture to ask for the major triumph, and it was thought ignoble and mean in him to celebrate even the minor triumph on foot, called the ovation, for a servile war.
Crassus is also not the first person to hold this sentiment.
Crassus' Ovation in 71 B.C., B.A. Marshall
I think it's important to remember that for Rome as a whole, the Third Servile War was terrifying because of the scale of the threat it posed to how an imperial wheelhouse running on a slave economy functions, but also because it's really fucking embarrassing for Rome's identity.
Crassus is also not the first person who commands the leading role against Spartacus. Spartacus goes through two other commanders before Rome asks Crassus to enter the scene. Crassus specifically is a private citizen when he is asked to step into this role: up until now, Rome's own praetors and consuls have failed to rise to the occasion.
Crassus' Ovation in 71 B.C., B.A. Marshall
Marcus Crassus and the Late Roman Republic, Allen Mason Ward
this is a deeply humiliating moment for the Roman reputation and identity. Pompey taking credit for Crassus' victory is an expected power grab, but it's also kind of cringe that he did it. Crassus was doing Roman's Duty To The State (or, if you like a spicier take on it, may have pulled strings for it. after all, you can't consider a man rich unless he can fund his own army. and the army Crassus brought with him for this was is own)
and so taking credit for that is like. man. this was NOT a "glorious war" that was fought. (Lucullus cites this as a blemish on Pompey's character during his vulture speech, it's very fun!)
so while Crassus may have realized that writing back to Rome and requesting back up was a mistake because whoever showed up would have the world's easiest time taking credit and accepted that it would happen, I do think that he took alternative measures to even the playing field in a 'okay sure, have your triumph, but don't think you're going to have it all,' kind of way because he also does this
Marcus Crassus and the Late Roman Republic, Allen Mason Ward
Pliny, Natural History 15.125
Gell. NA 5.6.23
Cic. Pis. 58
which does not strike me as the behavior of someone who is letting Pompey just run away with it without any kind of pushback.
and now to throw out literally everything I just said about the Triumph Incident, B.A. Marshall (whose article I've cited several times already in this) has an incredibly compelling case to make that there wasn't really as much conflict between the two over this as ancient narratives might indicate (which. seems to be a recurring theme with them)
Crassus' Ovation in 71 B.C., B.A. Marshall
I will stick to my narrative speculation that some of their respective peers probably thought it was at least embarrassing behavior on Pompey's part, because Lucullus has a lot of vitriol to direct at Pompey, and he does cite this incident as something negative to Pompey's overall character) someone who steals credit and glory from other people). so. hm. I think the assumed personal and periodically biting rivalry (in addition to the usual political rivalry) between the two is extremely fun, but so is. this. thoughts! much to think about.
#.....i think i got a little off topic here. i actually have a writing doc up bc i wrote a whole draft for a reply#bc with patterns in their politics is like. ohhhhhh my god do i have thoughts about how they keep working together.#even when they're fighting they're working together it makes me unwell#people will speculate that pompey and crassus may have worked together to avoid another civil war during their lifetime#and i was like. well that's kind of generous. but its like. well. WELL!!!!!#unfortunately a lot of the political undermining and scheming and fuckery fully broke the republic beyond repair like RIP. so sorry for#you all. i cant even fully blame it on them. after all. they are considered sullan proteges. the ghost of sulla strikes again!#anyway i think politically he has a different kind of ruthlessness: iron clad conviction and the brains to know#how to accomplish it. terrifying combination!#like when people were in my tags going 'good for him!' about punching a fellow senator#like babes. he was not the good guy in that moment. what they were trying to pass was very much Not Good For The Republic#like he was absolutely eroding the fail safes on the roman republic political system On Purpose#ask tag#long post
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Wasn't expecting a random interview with Eric to be published today (the day before "House of the Rising Sun" day mind you...) aND I WASN'T EXPECTING THERE TO BE UNFILTERED PRICE-BURDON CONTENT!?!?!??!!??
#WRITING 'I'M CRYING' WITH ALAN WAS CATHARTIC!?!??! REALLY!??!!??#mind you this is a song that each and every animal has done nothing but TRASH for the past 60 years#well.... except for eric who ironically looks back on it the most charitably of everyone....#BUT THIS!??! THIS?!?! I've never seen CONTEXT or MEANING or ORIGINS WAHHHHHH#channeling the feeling of desperation...... in the context of price-burdon..... ohhhh my mind is racing#reminder that alan was 15 and eric was 16 when they met....... aghhhghhgh#saw this article was published while i was at a convention and believe me i was EXPLODING and pacing back and forth around vendors#someone's relationship reminds me of a 'tumultuous rollercoaster' that's for sure........#things i said today#the animals#eric burdon#alan price#aleric#interesting how he avoids talking about the actual 'process' of songwriting with alan....... yeah i think i know what that includes 😔🙏
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I never tried the option myself bc it'd probably mean skipping the Reason You Suck speech at the end (fire for speedrunners though) but I Love that you can frame your Phoneys in 3, especially so if you've already killed the previous two. Like yeah couldn't send you off to die so i'll let the goverment do it for me 🧸 like its just Peak evil imo.
#luly talks#i do relinquish in the pain and the agony but dont get me wrong the thought of any of them 3 getting jailed makes me SO sad#rog esp since he's the one im writing about and the biggest nerve wreck#gingi voice they'll be the last one to pick the board game for prison-game-night..........#actually yknow i wonder if rog would end up almost believing it after all when you try to gaslight him for the shits and giggles#(as in: telling HE was victim of the bite of 87 and the like) he tells you to not do that bc his brain is already scrambled or something#so there's a chance perhaps he'd believe it if he had everyone constantly accussing him of it?#not like it'd matter much i have no hopes for the dsaf justice system i know its been 35 years since jack got framed but still#i just remembered when the option popped up i said ''god im really becoming steven 😭''#first time i made the joke too was when i said ''imagine your boss sucks so bad you turn suicidal'' no clue what the context was#OH YEAH JAKE SAYING HE'D RATHER FUCKING DIE THAN KEEP WORKING HERE yeah. poor guy.#anyway im derailing my own post again uhhh. yeah. yeah i dont trust any phoney is avoiding the death sentence#dsaf#roger jones#dsaf roger#btw just for the sake of yapping longer i truly cant decide whether harry or jake would survive better in the enviroment#probably jake to be honest. I mean Harry has a lot of experience inside freddy's but he didnt really live outside it muhc#jake is so confrontational though#hey did you guys watch the hit movie felon? sure that guy wasn't framed but. i feel like jake would end up w that attitude#except for. you know. everything else that happens in the hit movie felon.#hey actually forget about this game go watch the 10/10 movie Felon from 2008 starring Val Kilmer and Stephen Dorff#because its one of my all time fave movies and probably the saddest i've seen#not bc there arent movies that are more tragic but bc no movie was able to break thru my walls of idgaf and make me cry anyway#yeah you thought i couldnt bring up my movie fixations on my different fandom posts well you were WRONG in fact#im gonna go tag my other post i left untagged yesterday bc my ass was Cooking
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*charles wtf discord react*
#my fellow piarlie friends... particularly those of you who are against the cursed ship aka l*stappen...#i have just made a discovery that has made me simultaneously hopping mad and incredulous and deeply disgusted#and i have been ranting about it in the besties' dms for almost half an hour now but im going to put it here too#because honestly WHAT THE FUCK#you see#some lestappie - some fucking delusional; embarrassingly desperate lestappie - decided to write a charles/max fic#IN WHICH THEY TOOK THE PIARLES TENNIS DATE AND WENT ''NO ACTUALLY LET'S MAKE IT MAX''#i am not joking. they genuinely WROTE MAX INTO PIERRE'S PLACE for the monte carlo masters tennis date#i am still sat here with my jaw on the fuckign FLOOR to be honest with you#how desperate do you have to be to take a canon event FROM ANOTHER SHIP and write your character in??? like????#i would be. literally SO EMBARRASSED if i ever did that#well i DONT have to because unlike some ships; piarles actually like each other and CHOOSE to spend time with each other#but yeah....#the delusion levels of the lestappies are truly through the roof. what the actual FUUUUUCK#and also. HOW BLOODY DARE THEY#i am irrationally mad about this lmfao#i may or may not process it by writing a fic that has max at the monte carlo masters too... trying to get in charles' pants or smth...#BUT FAILING HORRIFICALLY BECAUSE PIERRE IS THERE. and charles only wants pierre#charles also avoids max like 'ew wtf are you doing here'#would that be a very toxic thing to write and do? yes of course#am i going to do it anyway?#honestly..... PROBABLY#🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🤬#is how i feel about this#HONESTLY.
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...
#well. today was a nice day of not doing anything but drawing really. theres an au where i went to art school and am a happier person lol#except not really bc im sure my head would ruin that too. anyway. its a shame i have to return to the pain tomorrow. i have so much to grade#plus a paper to write plus data to work with. a protocol to figure out. and an exam to study for and a final project thatll kill me#god. i also have to get ready for lab Monday. christ. and what shall i say to my therapist Tuesday? well we could try to tackle the deep set#looming issue that prevents me from getting better in our tiny 50min session or i could be like listen. just fucking listen. let me give u#the case 4 and against me having adhd so i can stop feeling fucking nuts. just like give me feedback. ya kno?#it would b inattentive bc im not hyper unless im losing my mind and bordering on hyp0mania. but my focus is something i cant control#executive functioning has always been a problem but now im so worn down im in danger of actual consequences. and its not just things i dont#wanna do. im not just anxiously avoiding. i cant start tasks and stick with them. i flip back and forth and get nothing done. i spiral#sometimes for hours. im not doing anything fun im just not doing anything. frozen in anguish. i dont even wanna think abt how much money ive#lost by not filling out reimbursement sheets which arent hard to do. theyre easy i just never do them. why??? i dont fucking kno. but im not#forgetful. im thinking constantly abt these things. i just cant make them happen. theyre stuck buffering. i do have memory issues tho#my short term working memory is like that of a literal child. so i cant follow complex instructions. i constantly need new info. constantly#need sound. spoken words plus music at the same time. but the main reason i need an answer to this is the reading issue. which is that im#dyslexic but also my thoughts r like an interfering frequency. without realizing ill b thinking and not reading. its a problem no matter#what im reading. its severely disruptive. i will physically read out loud to try to hold my attention in place and still get distracted by#my own head. do u kno how frustrating it is to read something aloud 3 times and not know wtf u just read bc u arent thinking abt anything#interesting u would rsther b reading but u can't fucking pay attention long enough. genuinely if its not adhd and i cant get medication to#fix my focus issues i dont kno wtf im gonna do. im so bad at reading and its extremely frustrating. but is it just dyslexia? idk what i#described doesn't fucking seem normal or like a reading problem. sounds like a focus issue. so riddle me that#idk ive got adhd on both sides of my family plus my focus fluctuates with ny hormones plus homones possibly induce hyp0mania. like i mean#ive got other issues which make a diagnosis difficult to parse but like i feel like that's decent evidence for possibly adhd? my friend said#she was always worried she had a brain tumor before she was diagnosed. to me ive always felt like my brain is full of holes. im missing the#parts that would let it operate correctly. the frontal lobe is just fucked. ugh. i wonder how much accommodation i could get from the#disability office if i actually went to them. i wont bc im fucked up and i dont think they could actually do anything for me at this stage#but alas im curious. ugh. y do i do this to myself? i kno y but not enough time for that in 50min. bad attitude mostly. half my brain#just craves death. the other half is just trying to tread water but its hard with someone trying to drown u. so its all fucked#unrelated
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I’m taking some community college courses soon and istg if someone doesn’t see the fandom related stickers on my laptop and immediately become my lifelong bff I’m dropping all classes idgaf
#LMFAOOO IM JOKING OBV#likeeee persona fans flock to me please#persona fans out in the wild pls be my friend 😕#“out in the wild’’ I say in reference to the college campus 💀 I’m cooked#my honest reaction as I register for college after years of claiming I’ll never go to college 🤯#LMAOOO#I woke up last month with the random realization that writing is my lifelong passion that I’ve been avoiding fully delving into—#out of fear of failure#so this is what we’re doing now ig!#“Gio what about coding and game development?’’#well unfortunately coding makes me enter a state of misery every time I attempt it#so I’m putting that on the back burner for now#I’m not giving up on it by any means!! but I enjoy writing so much that it seems more sensible for me to pursue that at the moment#ANYWAYS#sorry for always rambling on here 😭 lol#my laptop is actually coveredddd in persona / chainsaw man / genshin impact stickers I’m lowkey embarrassed#I also have an Ib sticker but I’ve never seen like anyone talk about Ib unfortunately 💔#Ib fans where are youuuu#is it unprofessional to have ur laptop covered in stickers am I cooked 😕 idk how college works like at all#I’m so fucked oh my god. LMFAOOO#mfw I lack basic knowledge#I’m trying my best over here fr 😞😞#I ALSO HAVE MIKU STICKERS#can’t forget the miku stickers ofcccc#I’m sure you’re all really invested and interested in what stickers I have on my laptop#I mean this is world altering info. really crazy stuff#💀#someone take the tag feature away from me at this point
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Have you ever thought about how Linebeck describes Jolene as "crazier than a rabid squid"- only to then be possessed by a literal rabid squid later in the game?
Cause I sure have- especially after seeing a lot of your BellumxLinebeck stuff
mmmmghmm im gonna be honest i haven't thought about it much at all
linking it to my bellum x linebeck thoughts, im not too sure what to make of it in context with my other linebeck notes and w/e
there's also my idea that linebeck has a special interested in shellfish and by extension squids, and the idea of him having a weird thing for bellum, and just... enjoying sealife, and it's kinda of...
he compares her to a rabid squid to link in order to i think... offer a shorthand explanation of what she's like, and i think it (with some other stuff) is kinda just another little peek into how he might feel abt her?
i mean he also compares link to a dog in that one letter? i'm not sure where im going with that one. i dont think linebeck particularly likes dogs
i'm not sure abt the link between that and him getting possessed, jolene is kind of just... there a lot of the time and doesn't really do anything except 1) show that linebeck has enemies and 2) show that people know about link's quest by the end, linebeck generally references sea creatures a few times in ph
relating to bellum x linebeck, i dont see him comparing jolene to a squid an indicator of anything in relation to that, with linebeck having a thing for bellum its more of like. there's a lot of complicated ideas i have with what goes on between them during bellumbeck and bellum being a squid thing is more linebeck having a bit of a monsterfucker streak and having a bit of a thing for like. being tied up. as for literal squids he kinda just likes them as food and to dissect and learn about
like i think 'rabid squid' is more like linebeck just tossing out some derogatory shorthand to explain how he thinks of jolene as some fucking. violent annoyance he has to deal with that he doesn't fully understand
tbh i see the comparison but imo it comes down to a difference in characters and interactions and histories, there is the rabid squid thing (and i think in the manga too theres a vague parallel drawn ig) but im not. sure. what there is there just beyond. linebeck talks about sea creatures and wants to get the fuck away from jolene
i'm not entirely certain what you've been thinking about with that comparison, but i haven't been thinking much about it and it's kinda. eh ig???? its something
#asks#musicncomics#like im gonna be real jolene is a character i do everything i can to avoid half of the time#im not too sure what your thoughts on this are but i can tell you like jolene leagues more than i do so like. idk#idk i have a hard time talking abt jolene bc i Do Not like her so im not really sure beyond this stuff its just. idk#bellum also isnt a literal squid like looking at actual squids the most comparisons are surface level and dont work too deeply#he kinda just looks like one at first glance but 1) doesnt line up well enough and 2) we dont have enough info on him anyways#hes more a reference to a squid than an actual squid bc there is the reference to sperm whales and giant squids fucking hating each other#but while oshus is literal whale bellum is like. some thing in the shape of a squid#im not sure what parallels oyu can draw between the jolene thing and bellum thing. if anything theyre opposites?#w/ jolene its like things got so bad (or w/e) that he just robbed her n fucked off and she decided that was enough to warrant murder#while with bellum things get so good (w/ link and co) that he risks his life for em and is turned against them for it?#tbh this kinda comes down to me having a pretty negative bias against jolene and. that ship. so yeah sorry#im not gonna give this any main tags or anything this is way too far off the beaten path and kinda negative#idk i hc linebeck as gay and a lot of other linebeck hcs just kinda. suggest that he kinda had a really shit time w/ jolene#i dont like her im trying to figure that shit out so i can be like. fair at least in how i write her but i dont like her#salty talks#sorry that i keep tearing away from the rabid squid thing but its like a minefield when i try to talk abt anything w/ jolene#theres not a ton of parallels or like shared themes or w/e and its just too dissimilar in little ways that its just. a thing#ill add this in a few hours later idk if youll see jt but like. i can go in depth and discuss stuff#in dms like im fine with that its just weird in posts bc like tagging and my thoughts are a mess#like if you wanna elaborate on your thoughts thats fine
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I literally cannot find one single platonic Gale & Reader fic!
#if anyone has a recommendation please for the love of god send it to me#if not i suppose i must write my own.#i don't really like writing fanfiction that much though. idk i guess for me it's like the writing equivalent of junk food#in that i enjoy writing it sometimes but it never like... it's never new or interesting (for me) and i don't feel proud of my work or...#like... fulfilled? it isn't even like a I Am Enjoying It So I Feel Guilty thing so much as like... i write it because i'm avoiding thinking#about like... my actual stories that i want to write but that require some problem solving. it feels like stagnating and just.#i don't know how to explain it junk food would be the best way like.#i love junk food it's great and i'm not denying that the flavors Do go well together and imo it's good for the soul to eat junk food#but if it's all that you eat you feel like shit and you aren't getting a Balanced Meal and in fact are lacking important things in your die#idk how to explain it!!!! i do think fanfic can be art like. it's not that i don't think it's Real Writing or sm but like... i gotta vary i#ANYWAY all of this is to say that i may in fact write platonic gale fanfic because... the world (me) needs it#dante dicit#gale#gale dekarios#gale bg3#might delete
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