buy me coffee 👉👈

i absolutely hate doing this........ but i've stumbled upon a financial crisis recently because our dad has left us (me and my family) for another woman and he was the only source of income to the family lol i am in law school and my sister is in highschool and well i am struggling to find a job until i graduate (bc rn no local cafe or shop wants an employee) and my mother makes $300 a month (of which we pay $180 for the monthly bills) so we are rn barely surviving!!!! it will be all good !!! staying positive and all!!! but um i could really use a liittle teeeny tiny bit of help until i find a paying job to support my family 😭

my dog didn't make it through the night, apparently the vet rang my mum in the early hours and she had worstened, and either the vet or my mum had to make the decision to let her go peacefully & to put her out of her suffering .......

i finally managed the courage to go downstairs but almost lost it when i saw my mum moved her food/water bowls into the kitchen, it's something that's minor & like the food one gets moved daily for washing but the water one .........

part of me thought i would've moved out of this house before something like this happened, so i wouldn't have to witness it all, to have to wake up to what feels like an empty house.....

I'm really ready to try and have a ADHD diagnosis (though considering how much time I spend doing nothing the H is probably too much), but I understand nothing how to do it as an adult, there's like two psychiatrists who can do it here, and obviously for first appointment you have to call (did I told you I'm over 30 and this fucking call thing is still a problem), it's expensive as hell but I can pay. But like all this trouble to find out I have nothing and I'm just a lazy bitch..

Bref s'il y a des français here pour m'aider... Franchement je suis prête à dépenser de l'argent et monter à Paris pour ce diagnostic à la con

If we're being totally honest, the reason I always refer to my friends boyfriends as "your little boytoy" is not because of my natural charm and silly nature, but because I never bother to learn their names

*charles wtf discord react*

also i sent an email i kind of regretted. but also feeling that a large part of that was formed by the very intense emotional state i was in where i was experiencing crazy anxiety and doubts and shame about the way i acted and i felt like everything i wrote in that email was so terrible and also i felt so emotional and so ashamed of it and so sure everyone who knew it woild judge me and know how irrational i am and i could tell logically it probably wouldnt be a big deal but couldnt feel it and like. i feel a bit awkward now but ive fully calmed down and honestly? it was kind of fine actually. its just been a while since ive been UP THERE in that kind of state and i guess it kind of does give you perspective on how your emotional state really affects you so deeply and your perception of things. and like yeah i might retract a few things or be like "eh not mt best move" on some things but realising overall it doesnt matter and i can FEEL that. it is really crazy how many problems exist in your head and you can understand logically its not rational but you just have to bear it for a bit

//

on one hand immy is the oc that isn't tied to my catholic guilt/issues and is free of it, on the other hand angel immy....

Reading and listening to people talk about this country’s government and its desire to go to war with Russia and China at the same time. Thinking about the logistics and ramifications of it all. The absolute threat to all life on earth nuclear war is. The lies being shoved down our throats to manufacture consent and justification for it. How very real problems like Covid, the crumbling infrastructure, a collapsing education and health care system, the national debt, the seizure of power by ultra right-wing conservatives, the complete uselessness of Democrats, the encroaching threat to queer people, women and individuals of color, the fact that everything is behind a paywall, and the fact that most of this isn’t even a blip on the collective conscience of a large majority of Americans.

A few weeks backed I dreamed a war started, and the first thing attacked was the country’s already weak infrastructure, both cyber and physical attacks.

The power went out, and it never came back. There was nothing for it to come back to. Overnight, all of that American arrogance became irrelevant.

I said to my friend "call me Woody the way I would peck her" (yk bc woody woodpecker) during a movie and they looked so disappointed at me

((I kind of stopped following Dangan Ronpa for a very long time when I realized how toxic the fandom can be

I can go on to talk about the dramas, but one of them involves the fandom harassing the writers + the voice actor for a certain character over headcanons

Those who know, know))

On the bright side, the selfish gremlin I am, is happy to have a good TV show adaptation not being trendy and having to enjoy it without all the annoying mainstream drama. I don't like to share my things with a big audience.

There, I said it.

Today's gender is having like 30 ao3 tabs open

Yeah....

me at 8:30am when my alarm rings: *regretting all my life choices*

me at 9:30am when i'm waiting for my tram: *regretting all my life choices*

me at 10:30am when i'm sitting at rehearsal watching professional actors do professional actor things: *forgets everything bad in the world*

Imagine if the war with Scaleswind properly lasted a long period of time, or the Tu’La occupation was a serious long term threat

I wish world stuff had more long term affects

HONESTLY. yeah me too. everything was in the timespan of a couple minutes to afew days at most.

then you have a fucking 5 minute : 15 year fucking timeskip.

i do wna make things last for a long time, like the war could be a thing that lasted for a couples weeks at most yknow? they needed time to first find nicole, and then go back, try to get the attention of the lord of scalewind. espcially bc i know zane isn't stupid enough to actually hide her near the actual battlefield. he'd probably try to send her away to even tu'la so it'd take so long trying to find nicole.

and then the clean up, healing the wounded and rebuilding after that, lasting a couple weeks to a couple months as well. sure u have magic users, but they can't be healing at a constant and lucinda can't just make healing potions nonstop as much as she tries to. even then people still died and most of the main cast, especially ppl in phoenix drop, have never experienced war.

i think the war is what also caused phoenix drop to ... drop. i mean, they lost their leader and i think they can manage.. or at least barely hang on because they've gone through this before. sure they dont have garroth but they still have dante, they have other people who could've been just as useful. so i think the damage and money the war had costed them also forced them to leave. so much shit could've played into it

the tu'la region oh my god. YES. i wish it was more more much more prominent throughout the series. i do like how they appeared in o'khasis and especially how this fear of tu'la trying to take over has affected ppls views of the tu'lan's (???), thinking that they could be spies and such. it affects those from tu'la as well. AND THEN there's mikai, i found it so interesting and sorta now thinking about it, it's sorta surprising how jess added the whole mikai helping people leave tu'la to ru'an bc of their tyrannical leader.

though ofc it was used just for aphmau and i dont think we ever see them again.

BUT I WISH THERE WAS MORE. just even slight subtle ways. michi turning the trio into meif'was and when the wolf guards look @ michi in a sus, giving her a 'they aren't.. yknow..' look. michi then her rolling her eyes and going "no, they're not tu'lan spies". even after they escape, they get weird looks, people asking if they're from tu'la and such. then sometimes they're travelling near a place along the coast, they find small villages overtaken by soldiers from tu'la. i just think that it's the small things that help with the whole slow build up.

im not really good @ plots w/ war but im trying sobbign and my brain is unable to focus to well atm so i hope

i hope this.. makes sense FIGWEUYGWEIYU