Epilogue

Sessions Series

Paring: stalker Wanda x female reader

Tags Minors DNI: stalking, mentions of a knife, smut, smidge of somnophilia, fingering, strap on use (R Receiving), surprisingly fluff. This type of relationship is super toxic, okay!!

Masterlist

A/N: Thank y'all so so much for reading this series. Truly has been so nice seeing everyones comments and reblogs (the tags kill me every time)! This was my first series and hopefully there will be more, I really enjoy writing and am happy to share with you kind people. Let me know if you have any questions, would love to know what you think!! Thanks 💚💚

New Years Eve 2018

Your senses were heightened as you became aware of a set of eyes on you. Her gaze fixated on you from across the room, behind the crowd of people that swarmed around you. You watch with a familiar spark in your chest, a sense of safety that your shadow was watching over you.

"They're about to start the countdown, I'm going to find Maria!" Natasha yells closely to your ear, breaking the eye contact you held with Wanda.

You give her a small smile and nod, "Alright, find me after!" Before kissing her cheek and giving her a short hug. You watch your best friend push through the crowd until you can no longer see her red head, and your eyes travel back to your shadow. Panic settles in when you realize she's nowhere to be found.

Around you people begin pairing off, touch hungry ones scanning the crowd for a last chance at a kiss before the New Year. A touch on your shoulder makes you smile and turn around, but instead of seeing your Wanda, you see a drunk man attempting to balance himself in front of you.

"Hi sweetie," he slurs, resting his hand on your shoulder. The '2019' glasses he wore took up most of his face, a drink in his other hand sloshed onto your shoes.

"I'm sorry, I'm looking for someone..." You groan and try to push his hand off of your shoulder. To your suprise, he keeps it there.

"I'm somebody, you found me!" His words slur together as he presses closer.

"Seriously? Get off!" You raise your voice and put your hands on his broad chest, pushing him back. It's only a second later that you feel a body pressed against you from behind, the intoxicating scent wrapping around you.

"Hey man, I'd back off." Wandas husky voice sounds from behind you, but she moves to step in front of you as the man steps forward again.

He laughs and holds up his drink towards her, "We're just having fun, you wanna join in?" He slurs again, and Wanda makes a face of disgust.

"Just go away before we do something we'll both regret," she threatens. It's then you notice her hand is behind her back, settled on what you know is a blade hidden underneath her jacket.

Instinctively you reach out, resting your hand on top of hers. You watch as her shoulders drop and her grip on the handle softens. A blush creeps up your neck as you once again realize the affect you had on her.

Who, really, was the mouse?

"Fine, fine, you two are no fun," the man mumbles with a shrug, leaving the two of you in the crowd.

Before Wanda can turn around, you wrap your arms around her stomach, hugging her from behind. You feel soft vibrations from her back as she chuckles, turning in your arms.

"Okay, little mouse?" She asks softly, her demeanor changed in an instant as her green eyes meet yours. You nod and slide your hands up to her shoulders.

"I was hoping you would show up," you bite back a smirk as she leans in. The crowd begins counting down, signaling the seconds to midnight.

10... 9... 8...

"I'm always there, you know that," Wanda rasps in your ear, placing a soft kiss just below.

7... 6... 5...

The thought doesn't bother you, of her always being there watching. Waiting. Instead of dread, you felt comfort. You knew she would always be there. One hand cups her face as she continues to leave soft kisses across your jaw.

You would take any bad, as long as you had this good. As long as you had Wanda.

4... 3... 2... 1...

As cheers errupt around you, shouting, "Happy New Year!" You waste no time pressing your lips to hers, your fingers tangling into her soft brown hair. Wanda holds you tightly against her as she slips her tongue into your parted mouth. You savor the flavor of mint on her tongue, biting down softly on her bottom lip. She groans into the kiss, and you can't help but smile.

"You're going to be the death of me, little mouse..." she sighs onto your lips, and you nod.

"You love it..." You giggle, causing her to laugh. She pulls back with an unfamiliar look in her eyes, lips parted like she wants to say something. You wait, but only watch as they pull into a crooked grin before kissing you again.

***

January 2019

Wanda peers through the darkness into the windows of your house, her figure disconcernable against the shadows.

You walk around, a prickling sensation on the back of your neck, knowing someone is watching your every move. Despite the comforting warmth in the room, a shiver runs down your spine, knowing your shadow was just outside.

But instead of fear, instead of unease, you simply walk to the front of the house and stare out the window.

Wanda remains concealed, her presence a silent observer in the stillness of the night. She looks with curious eyes before realizing what you were doing, and a smirk forms on her face.

Your hands move to the locks, opening them up with a 'click'. As you stare off into the shadows, a sense of vulnerability washes over you, the feeling of leaving the windows unlocked. You have to lock and unlock it three more times before you're comfortable.

"Little mouse.." A whisper in the dark, a body next to yours as you stir in your sleep.

You could've sworn it was a dream as her hand traveled down your body, cupping your clothed pussy. She ran small circles over your clit, the clothing between become wetter. You felt your skin burn under the covers, aching for her as she teases you. Then her hand slides inside of your pants, rubbing against your now sensitive clit.

You awake with a start and attempt to sit up, but her other hand immediately covers your mouth and presses you back onto the pillow. Your hands fly up to her wrist that held a hand over your mouth, your breathing ragged as you attempted to figure out what was going on.

"It's okay, pretty girl. Just let me take care of you.." Wanda whispers, slipping her fingers inside of you. Her body presses further against you as she moves her wrist, her fingers pumping in and out of you at a quicker pace. Your moans muffle from her hand on your mouth.

"Such a good little mouse.." She praises, trapping your moans into the palm of her hand. "You were just begging for me to sneak in, needed me to come fuck you huh?" Her tone is condescending, but you only groan in response as her lips attach to your neck.

"That's it, just like that," Wanda chuckles darkly as you squeeze her fingers tightly, her thumb moving circles on your clit. "Now I want you to be a good girl and cum on my fingers, okay?"

As she sucks the skin on your collarbone, you follow as she commands, coming on her fingers and biting down harshly on her hand. Wanda moans at the feeling and the way you fall apart for her. You knew by the sound of her belt unbuckling that it would only be the first of the night.

***

February 2019

"So you and Wanda, huh?" Natasha laughs, shaking her head. "Was the therapy that good?"

Your face turns a dark shade of red as you think back on your sessions, the dark road it led you down. You shrug and take a sip of coffee, "I suppose it was..."

There was no way you could tell Natasha everything. You wouldn't. The Cat and Mouse game you and Wanda played was special, just for the two of you. But there was no way you could hide your feelings for her anymore, or the marks she left on your body, from your best friend.

"You're happy?"

"For the first time in a long time," you answer honestly. Through the whirlwind of emotions Wanda caused you, you knew you were.

"Taking your medication again?" Natasha raises an eyebrow as you tap the side of your cup 4 times absemindetly.

"It'll never go away..." You refer to your compulsion, "But I'm learning to cope with it."

"Good! Now, when are we going to go on a double date?" She smiles widely at you.

A date... you couldn't imagine Wanda taking you on a date. Maybe you could sit at a nice restaurant and she would watch from across the street. Maybe four rows away from you as you sit in a movie theater. Would it always be this way? Always about the chase?

"Hopefully soon," is all you say, a small smile planted on your lips.

***

May 2019

The microwave beeps from across the kitchen, and you set your glass of wine down before walking over and pulling out a bag of freshly popped popcorn.

Wanda watches hidden in the shadows as you grab a second glass, filling it up and topping off your own. She raises an eyebrow at the sight. Jealousy seeps in through all the cracks of her chest. She knew for a fact that Natasha was with her girlfriend tonight, and you never had anyone else over, especially this late at night.

Two glasses of wine sit on the counter along with a bowl of popcorn as you grab your phone. Her heart races as she sees the smile spread across your lips as you stare at the small screen.

A vibrate from her pocket distracts her from you.

Wanda takes her phone out to check the text, shaking her head with a sigh. She laughs at the message with the ridiculous nickname. It was only fair, she supposed.

You - Want to watch a movie, kitty?

She looks up from the screen to see you standing by the window, waving at her. Wanda tucks her phone back in her jeans and walks towards your house, where she finds the front door unlocked.

"Do you ever get tired of watching?" You ask curiously. Wanda now sat next to you on the couch, her arm wrapped around your shoulders as you leaned into her warmth. New and uncharted territory, the most normal interaction the two of you had privately. It felt so natural. You longed for this.

"No," she answers sternly, reaching into the bowl you held and tossing some popcorn into her mouth.

In the months Wanda had revealed herself as your shadow the two of you became closer, but she still felt out of reach. You noticed during sex that she would never let you touch her, and you craved to reach out and caress her. You didn't know why, and any time you tried to ask her, she would shut it down and become distant. Wanda still watched, too, every night. Any time she wasn't in the room with you, you could feel her eyes on you. By now, you didn't mind it, but you were starting to want... more.

"What if you... didn't have to go far to watch me?" You ask casually, keeping your eyes on the movie that played in front of you.

"What do you mean?" Wanda asks, and by the tone of voice, you could tell she knew what you meant. She wanted to hear you say it.

You lean forward to set down the bowl on the coffee table and move to situate yourself to sit on her lap. Your legs straddled her thighs, and your hands rested on her shoulders. You let the nail on your finger scratch up and down the side of her neck softly.

"Baby.." You whisper to her, feeling her strong hands grip your waist. For some reason, Wanda loved when you called her that, and you saved it for times like this.

You grab her jaw in your hand, tilting it to the side so you had full access to her neck. Your lips descend upon the soft skin, tongue licking a stripe to her pulse point. Wanda shifts beneath you, fingers fidgeting against your hips as you begin to bite down and suck.

"Is that what you want then, little mouse? Did you fully think about what that means?" Her voice is laced with lust as you trail down and leave another mark. "It means you'll never be alone, you won't sleep alone. It means I can use you whenever I please..." Wandas hands travel underneath your shirt, exploring your back.

"I know.." You mumble against her skin, your hips rolling slightly down against her to find she was definitely packing.

"It means you'll belong to me. You'll be mine, completely," Wanda growls as you leave another mark, her senses failing her as you continue to grind against her.

But you stop suddenly and remove your lips from her neck, your hands on either side of her face.

"I always was, baby. I am... completely," you whisper and look into her eyes, finding that same look she gave you on New Years Eve.

Wanda kisses you passionately, slipping her tongue into your mouth the second she can. Her hands travel your body before she's pulling your shirt over your head, you do the same for her.

"I need you so fucking bad," you groan against her lips, the ache between your legs growing as you throb around nothing. Wanda nods and hums in response, lifting you up and laying your back on the couch.

She slides her hand into your panties, feeling just how badly you needed her. "All mine, huh?" Wanda chuckles as her fingers pump inside of you.

"Completely," you moan out as she begins kissing your chest. You reach around her to undo her bra, sliding it away so you can feel her breasts pressed against you.

Wanda marks your skin as hers, fingering you until you're falling apart underneath her. You watch with wide eyes as she takes her fingers out of you and puts them into her own mouth, sucking your juices off of them.

"Mmm, you taste so good, pretty girl.." Wanda gushes and then chuckles as a whimper leaves your mouth. She then leans down and kisses you in a quick and sloppy kiss, letting you taste yourself on her tongue. She parts to unzip her jeans, sliding them off of her before lining her strap up between your legs.

Wanda slides in, filling you up completely with her faux cock. The position, the closeness, this was all so new. Usually you were bound or on your stomach. This was different. It was so much more intimate. She moves her hips slowly against yours, a low moan escaping her throat.

"So good, detka.. always so fucking good," she groans and lets out a few Sokovian curses as she thrusts harder into you. Her arms rest on either side of you, holding her weight above you. You take the opportunity to wrap your arms around her.

She tenses and begins to pull back, but your legs wrap around her hips tightly to pull her closer into you. You both moan at the feeling of closeness, her being deeper than ever in you, and Wanda finds herself lost in you. She lets your hands roam the skin on her back as she fucks you.

"Baby - feels so good!" You cry out in her ear, the weight of her body pressed down onto you as she grunts against your neck. Your nails scratch down her back, causing a guttural moan to escape her lips. You throb around the plastic cock at the sound of it, wanting her as close as possible.

"I know, I know... so good... Christ," she praises you and moans in agreement, pace picking up. You can feel the muscles in her back flex as she pounds into you. The way she's moaning into your skin, you can tell she's close.

She fills you completely with every thrust, hitting that one spot that makes you see stars over and over again. Your fingers feel every inch of skin she'll let you touch, from the few moles that spread along the top below her shoulders to her back dimples on the bottom. You let your nails mark into her skin again, and Wanda feels on cloud 9. Pure bliss.

"Fuck, pretty girl I'm gonna cum," Wanda moans in your ear and picks her head up to look in your eyes, finding only pleasure written on your face. You nod at her words and hold onto her back, your legs still gripping tightly around her hips to bring her desperately closer to you.

"Me too, baby, I-I'm so close!" You gasp, feeling her lips on yours.

"Fuck, fuck! Always.. so good, fuck, I love you so much.. oh God," Wanda moans into your mouth as she thrusts into you, fucking you hard into the couch. You don't have time to register what she says before the tight coil that had built up inside you releases. A wave of pleasure crashing over you.

The two of you come at the same time, the sounds of your moans and Wanda chanting your name as she slaps her hips into yours. Wanda slows to a stop once she's sure she's taken everything she can from you.

Your chest moves rapidly as you look up at her, her jaw tense as she lets out one last groan. The muscles in her back tense up as your fingers trace small circles on her skin, and she begins to move away.

"Stay... don't move, please?" You whisper, pleading with her. Wanda sighs and gives in, too tired to move. Your heart races as you replay her words over and over again in your mind.

You bring your other hand up, stroking her brown strands of hair that splayed across the two of you and closed your eyes. Wandas arms wrap tightly underneath you as she rests her head in the crook of your neck.

She had never let you hold her like this before, touch her like this. You knew what she said was true. Her words were not just words spoken lightly. Maybe she hadn't meant to say it then, but you knew she loved you. You knew she would never let you go, even if you didn't love her back.

But you did. With all of your mind, body, and soul. Everything that you were, are, and will be.

More than you loved the special bottle of red that sat on the counter, more than the feeling of a paintbrush in your hand, more than I Love Lucy, more than counting to four.

Wandas breathing slows against your neck, her body fully relaxed as you caress her. You had never seen or felt her so at ease before.

"I love you..." You whisper as you hear soft snores fall from her lips.

It doesn't take long for you to fall asleep after, the sounds of her quiet snores and slow breathing along with the comforting weight of her body on top of yours, lull you to sleep.

Dreaming, hoping, there was a way Wanda would give in to you.

To let the game fade away.

But when you awake in the morning, you're alone on the couch. A blanket covers your naked body, hopes and dreams fading away into reality.

Wanda was gone, and the worst part was you knew she would be back, out of reach again.

You give yourself a moment on the couch, only a moment to cry, before wiping your tears and shaking the sounds of her soft snores out of your mind. The way her body melted into yours as your hearts beat insync, the way she kissed you lovingly, the words "I love you" slipping from her lips in a desperate, intimate moment. It was all a game, after all.

The wine glasses and popcorn bowl were missing from the coffee table. Curious, you wrap the blanket around your body and walk to the kitchen. The dishes were clean and sitting on the drying rack. It was then you saw on the counter a glass of water and a bottle of your medication along with a paper and pen. You slowly pick up the paper, an old receipt you had lying around, and read the note:

I'll be back later with some boxes. Don't forget to take your medicine.

The curved letters tug at your heartstrings, the next lines causing another spark to ignite in your chest.

I love you

I love you

I love you

I love you

If the game was still afoot, Wanda was winning, because you were utterly and irrevocably hers.

***

October 2019

In the sunlit room, you stood in front of a canvas, wooden brush in hand. Each stroke, movements precise and deliberate, guided by a vision taking form in your mind. You inhale the scent of oil paint as you take some more on your brush before leaning in, adding intricate detail to breathe life into your creation. Time seems to stop as you lose yourself to the creative side of your brain.

You don't hear the creak of the door opening, or feel Wandas gaze on you as she stands in the doorway, admiring you.

The large button down you wore loosely was covered in paint, a work of art in itself from all the leftover paint of paintings you had done. You hummed along to the music, playing softly behind you, tongue between your teeth and brows scrunched together as you concentrated on the small details.

Wanda can't help the crooked smile on her face as she takes in the sight of you in your element. Her heart pounding out of her chest as you brush a piece of fallen hair out of your face. She walks closer, setting her hands on your waist.

You gasp at her touch, the feeling of her nose tickles your ear as she kisses your neck.

"Baby.. you scared me," you giggle and rest a hand on top of hers, leaning back against her.

There it was again, that feeling Wanda would never get used to. The feeling that wanted to drop her to her knees right there and whisper devotions between your legs, something she did more often since you had moved in with her.

"I got tired of watching," Wanda jokes, a rumble in her chest as she laughs. You turn yourself in her arms, resting your hands on her chest.

"I don't mind you watching... but I prefer you touching," you whisper the last part sinfully, the word darkening Wandas emerald eyes. She picks you up easily, you squeal with excitement, and wrap your legs around her waist.

And there on the floor, in the room Wanda had transformed into your art studio, she whispered those devotions against your skin and between your legs.

You lay on the cloth tarp that covered the floor underneath your canvas, drawing patterns on the skin of Wandas stomach. You turn in her arm to look at her.

A jaw sculpted by God, green eyes blessed by the angels, and a smile gifted from the Devil.

The sun shines on her face, highlighting smudges of green paint on her cheek. You giggle and let your fingers travel to the colored paint stripes spread across her body, a handprint on her shoulder.

"You're my favorite work of art," you murmur to her, feeling her thumb brush the paint on your hips. She smiles, your favorite crooked smile.

"Little mouse?" Wanda asks, her voice low and calm as she stares into your eyes.

"Yes, baby?"

"Marry me.."

And it's not a question, it's a statement. A declaration. You didn't need a moment to think, because you already knew you were hers, forever.

"Yes," you say anyways, nodding your head. Wandas' smile widens, and she lifts you on top of her, kissing you the best she could without letting her smile go.

***

Christmas Day 2021

The snow crunches under Wandas' boots as she watches you walk from the kitchen to the living room, a towel on your shoulder. Your hands fumbled with something unseen, hidden from her view. Your brows furrowed in concentration, and you shook your head, mumbling something to yourself.

And then you looked up and saw her. The widest smile overcame your face. You radiated pure joy.

Wandas' heart sped up at the sight of you as she carried wood and walked towards the front door.

"Reminiscing, kitty?" You purr as you greet her at the door with a kiss and a hug, she hums against your lips.

"You don't miss it, little mouse?" Wanda chuckles and kisses your jaw, the wood dropping to the floor.

"Not when I have all this..." You sigh happily as she kisses down your neck, her hands moving under your shirt.

A cry from the other room interrupts the moment.

"Mm, those boys always know when to start, don't they?" She mumbles, "I knew when I heard twins, they would be trouble."

Wanda hears a radiant laugh escape your lips, and she gives you a crooked smile in return. You cup her face in your hands, the ring on your fourth finger on the left hand is cool against her cheek.

"I loved you then, and I love you even more now, Wanda.." you whisper, breath fanning against her face.

"I love you even more, little mouse.." she says softly, giving you one last kiss before walking into the living room, your hand in hers.

Tillie teasing \\ Mapi Leon x reader

2017

Stepping off the plane in Barcelona, the heat immediately hits you in the face. After clearing customs and collecting the many bags you've brought, a woman holding a sign with your name and the Barca logo under it waves you down. You find out she's the assistant manager and that the team sent. After anxiously fiddling with your fingers, the car turns into Barca's training centre. Backpack in hand, you follow the assistant manager as you meet all the behind the scenes people.

When meeting the team, you look eyes with who you believe is 'Maria'. She smiles at you and holds her hand out for you to take. When someone starts speaking to the both of you, your hands drop and a subtle blush both of your cheeks. You nod as you got the basics of the conversation, something about you and Mapi and an apartment. A soft nudge in your ribs turns you towards the brunette. She holds out her phone and you see google translate on.

Looks like we'll be seeing more of each other beautiful. They are putting us in the same apartment.

You smile and point to her phone as to say you want to type something. She nods and you type away.

Can't wait gorgeous :)

After the flirty interaction, you both move to the locker room and field to check it out. Since you both don't have to participate in this training, coach says you can go home and rest. The same driver from the airport takes you and Mapi to the apartment.

2019

Throughout the 2018/19 season, you, Alexia and Mapi become the Aussie/Spanish trio no one needed but everyone loved. You taught them English and they taught you Spanish in return, allowed Barca to organise more media interviews in the 2nd language. Alexia noticed over the last couple of years how smitten you both are with each other so she decided now is the time to meddle.

"Hola y/n/n, are you free tomorrow at 7?" Alexia asks as she swings an arm over your shoulder.

"Yeah, why?"

"Maps, are you free?" Alexia ignores your question as she turns to Mapi on her other side.

"Depends"

"Great. I'm not so enjoy your date chicas!"

You and Mapi look at each other before laughing at what had just happened. You and Mapi walk to the car talking about who should plan the date.

Safe to say the date led to both of you confessing your love for each other and the beginning of a beautiful relationship.

2020

Before anyone realised, the world was shit down due to covid. You were extremely anxious the first few weeks as the area in Australia where your family and friends live got Covid first. Then you and Mapi saw how fast it was spreading in Spain. Mapi had been your rock through it all. She always was there to distract you from the news from outside. Since you were in lockdown with the rest of the world, you couldn't see your best friends from the Tillies so you all had to resort to Zoom calls.

"So y/n/n, what's up with you and Mapi?" Macca teases as she wriggles her eyebrows in a playful way.

"Nothing is go- hola bebé" Mapi leans over and kisses you quickly before you realise how she's dressed.

"Nothing going on my ass!" Sam yells out, focusing you back on the call.

"Okay we're dating but you cannot tell a single soul. I mean it"

"Oooh protective y/n/n"

2021

Early in this year, the Tillies had a camp in Australia for the Olympics qualifers for Tokyo. Spain had a break during this time so Mapi though she'd come and support you and you girls (but you didn't know that). Currently; you, Sam, Macca, Caitlin, Steph and Alanna are eating breakfast when the woman of the hour calls you. Macca looks at your phone and her eyes go wide at the name.

"Hola bebita"

You stand up and move away from the table to escape their teasing, oh how wrong you were. When you come back the girls are making kissy faces at you and you shush them before anyone sees.

"How's lover girl?" Sam asks with a mouthful of banana.

"Fine, bored without me I think"

"Yeah, I bet she is" Macca mumbles before being elbowed by Caitlin.

A few hours later, you all arrive at the stadium for teh game against China. You are in the starting lineup alongside Sam and Caitlin. For some reason you are nervous, even though you shouldn't be. You receive a text from Mapi of her decked out in your yellow jersey and dark green shorts.

Maps 🔥: not sure which one you're wearing so I'll wear both :) good luck out there mi amor, go qualify for the olympics <3 p.s. i love you princesa 😘❤️'.

You: we're wearing the yellow so your pants need to come off now? 😉 Thank you for watching mi amor, it means a lot ❤️ p.s.s. i love you too. talk after xx

With a boost of confidence, you walk out with your team and made sure you win. After the first half, Australia was still goalless, sam eas China. Going back on the pitch, everyone gives it their all then disater struck. China got a goal. 1-0. You gave Sam and Caitlin the look and you all work in overdrive. Meanwhile in the stands, Mapi was stressing. She knows how important this game and any Matildas games are to you. Normal game time finished and 4 extra minutes were added. You look up and see the extra time and yell to the girls. Within 2 minutes of that, you get a through ball from Caitlin and non one is around so you take a shot. You know it's going in but you check anyway and start running around like a crazy person. Alanna pushes you down and starts a dog pile. The game quickly restarts and then the whistle blows for full time. You wave out to the crowd and see the familiar neck tattoo. You run over to your mismatched girlfriend and hug her tightly.

"What are you doing here?"

"Wanted to surprise you princesa"

You respond by kissing her and pulling away before too many teammates saw.

"I fly out tomorrow. Are you coming with me?"

"Of course, I'll change the flight tonight"

"Meet me at the hotel and you can stay with me" Mapi nods and gives you a quick kiss before moving back for the fans to meet you.

Little do you know, your best friends were watching the whole interaction. You walk back to your friends and they start making kissy faces so you walk away, making them look like idiots.

Back at the hotel, Mapi is waiting texting you every minute if you're here. You get inside and spot her instantly. Mapi feels two arms go around her waist and a kiss on her cheek, she relaxes instantly.

"Ready for bed?"

"Let me get my bag from my room and I'll come?" You nod before telling her the room number. A small peck and she's off towards the elevator.

You feel a sharp slap on you back and you look towards Macca, giving her a death glare.

"I'll stay with Lani tonight"

"Thanks Macca"

After going up to your room, you see Mapi waiting outside. You sneak up on her again and she give you a hard glare. The door unlocks and Mapi walks in, dropping her bag at the foot of the messy bed. Since you showered at the stadium, you get straight in bed signalling mapi to join you. You quickly change Mapi's flights and she's now on the same flight back sitting next to you. You cuddle up to the Spaniard and try not to fall asleep.

"Bebé?" Mapi whispers.

"Hmm?"

"I want to post us" You open your eyes and look confused and the heavily tatted woman.

"You want to announce us on Instagram?" You confirm and Mapi nods. You show Mapi the photo that one of the staff had taken and sent to you. Mapi agrees and you post it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

liked by stephcatley, samanthakerr20, caitlinfoord, mackenziearnold, marialeonn16 and 56,843 others

ynyln: goals and surprises… best day in the office 🤩🥺

view all 8,901 comments…

marialeonn16: te amo princesa x

Ynyln: my baby ❤️

samanthakerr20: it’s about damn time

Ynyln: stfu

Mackenziearnold: no more secret keeping… yay! Happy for you xx

Ynyln: love you xx

caitlinfoord: so you both can visit now?

Ynyln: we will, promise!

2022

Liked by alexiaputellas, marialeonn16, alannakennedy, mackenziearnold and 104,723 others…

Ynyln: six years later… can’t wait to spend the rest of our lives together… te amo mi amor ❤️

HEY!! what're your fav cadina fanfics? and do you have any suggestions for new fanfic writers 😭

omg okay so i saw this morning while i was at work and knew this had to wait until i got home to get my FULL attention and then i had to stay at work late so here we go!!! this is LONG so i put it all under the cut!

cadina fic recs (first, some ones from my friends, and then many others i heavily recommend, in no particular order):

Get in, Loser! We're going... to fall in love? - SUPER cute slow burn made by the incredible amazing talented stunning 16Sydd16. Genuinely one of my favorite Cadina fics of all time.

ANYTHING by the Cadina Captain herself, Chisamaya. Maya's been holding down the Cadina fort for YEARS and has 13 INCREDIBLE Cadina fics on her AO3. She's also on Tumblr @chisamayas and posts super cute fanart of Mean Girls and Cadina all the time! My personal favorite fic of hers is Collared (very smutty pet play fic) and I will live and die a Collared stan.

can i come and sweep you off your feet? - super adorable (and angsty at some points, especially for poor regina) fame AU by my very talented friend ninesixtheenths / @girlkisser-wieners on Tumblr! i absolutely also recommend her rugby fic, which is rejanis but is 10/10.

(mean girls) series by anonymous - this is from another friend of mine who posts these anonymously instead of tying them to her account. there are SO MANY good ones in here (12 at time of writing this) including a soulmates au, a superhero au, and some GREAT character studies of both regina and cady. there are a few rejanis fics in this series too but they're all phenomenal.

okay onto fics that aren't from my friends but i heavily recommend, in no particular order:

Mirror Me Back - okay i know i said no particular order but this one's a lie. if you haven't read MMB yet, stop what you're doing and read it right now. it's very smut heavy, however, this is genuinely the fic that got me into writing for this fandom and it is one of the best fics i've ever read across any fandom. every day i perform rituals for an update /j

On Predators and Pack Dynamics - omegaverse fic that is genuinely incredible. obviously very smut heavy but i love the characterization of them here and i also often pray for updates on this one.

if i could tell her (how she's everything to me) - role reversal & arts high school AU from 2020 where cady is the popular one and regina is a little socially awkward. very cute, very sweet, very fun.

Pretty Girls - mean girls 2024 rewrite where cady and regina were anonymous pen pals before cady moved to evanston. really loved this one!! one of the first i read in the tag.

To You, I Can Admit That I'm Just Too Soft for All of It - grad school au that i absolutely LOVE. the chapters are unordered snippets but they are so cute and fun. the author also does some social media stuff with it, i believe on tumblr, so it's a cute little tie in!!

you would find her in a polaroid picture - SUPER good college au!! genuinely recommend anything this author writes tbh i adore their stuff!!

i choose you and me, religiously - once again recommending anything this author writes as well. SO talented. this one is a slow burn idiots in love au and it's just. chef's kiss. muah. i love it.

to answer the other part of your question, about the writing advice, my genuine main piece of advice is to just keep writing. even if it's stuff you don't intend to publish, or a half-baked idea. write drabbles for yourself and just let the words get on the page. i used to publish in a different fandom circa 2017-2019 and hadn't published in YEARS until i started writing a thousand pictures (well, really, don't look for me, but ya know, this all REALLY took off with a thousand pictures). despite the fact that i haven't published in a very long time i never really stopped writing. my google drive is full of folders of assorted drabbles of self indulgent bullshit. snippets from other fandoms, self insert scenarios, some original ideas that with a lot more cooking, could potentially be novel worthy one day. (i am a LONG ways off from that though lol)

my point is, publishing fic can be daunting. even writing coherent or long enough fic to make a cohesive story can be daunting at first. it's better to write for yourself and get the practice of writing even just singular or small series of scenes if you aren't ready for a full fic yet. writing should be fun! make sure you're having fun doing it and trying not to stress the details too much!

if you have any other questions about writing please feel free to ask!! i love talking about my process and stuff and am always willing to share gjsnkgng

Christmas Miracles (Alex Keller x GN!Reader)

A contribution to The Holiday Writing Challenge, sorry I've been so MIA my dudes.

| Blog HQ | Modern Warfare 2019 / 2022 Masterlist |

TW for slight angst with a happy ending, Cat Dude!Alex with OC feline Neko

“It's Neko.” Your husband trailed off, grief saturating his tone. After a minute of loaded silence he continued. “The vet said she's in stage II kidney failure.”

Your jaw dropped at his words, hand covering your mouth as you listened to the soft whimpers on the other end. Comprehending how half his world just fell to pieces.

“She's fine though. She eats, drinks, follows us to the bathroom and screams at random.” You whispered, shocked by the news you just received. Your husband brought the cat in for a minor dental procedure, not to write out her final will and testament

A couple of small sniffles, “I know. They said she'll be ready to pick up in an hour or two.”

“I'll talk to my lead and pick you up. We'll go together.” You decided, sitting back in your chair. “It'll be okay, I love you.”

“Fuck I feel pathetic. I love you too.” Alex sighed, ending the call. Tears burned in the back of your eyes, knowing the undescribable bond between the two.

“I'm nervous.” He whispered, knee bouncing anxiously against yours. Eyes scanning the room as he waited for your names to be called.

“It'll be okay.” You mumbled, fingers slipping through his. Squeezing three times; silently forgiving him for not returning the gesture.

His eyes were red, and still swollen despite mostly calming down 20 minutes ago. The entire ride to the clinic was filled with apologies and wondering out loud if the staff will notice he was crying minutes prior.

“Hey you two, we're going to exam 3.” The tech walked over, gesturing for you to follow.

“So, before we bring Neko in we want to review the notes from the procedure and discharge paperwork.” She started, eyeing at your boyfriend who was staring mindlessly at the door. Unable to process any of what was said until he knew his feline soulmate was alright.

“Procedure went amazing, we didn't pull any teeth as the previous problem resolved.” The tech explained, showing you images of the x-rays and Neko's teeth. “We did notice on the pre-op labwork that she does have evidence of some kidney disease however.”

Your eyebrows raised unconsciously. Relief flooding your system. Disease isn't nearly as bad as failure.

Nudging Alex with your elbow, silently reminding him to be present in the conversation; you listened as the vet tech continued to explain the ranking of severity. Stage IV being failure.

Neko was stage II. Mild to moderate disease.

“So, to make sure we have it right. She doesn't have kidney failure. Her kidneys just aren't as effective as they used to be?” You asked, feeling Alex relax beside you. Letting out a loud sigh of relief when the tech left the room to grab his cat.

New tears brimmed in his eyes when the carrier was brought into the room. Irritated meows flooding the room, along with your husband's soft sob.

You listened to the dietary changes, recommended supplements and follow up appointments as Alex cooed at the small animal. Chuckling softly as she continued to berate him for leaving her here all day.

“Thank you, we'll call in the new year to book.” You smiled, waving at the staff before leaving the clinic. Rolling your eyes at your husband, who held the carrier up to his face. Apologizing to his feline friend, and explaining to her how awesome it is that she'll get so much more soft food now!

“It's a Christmas miracle.” Alex sighed happily on the drive home, one arm in the carrier. Scratching Neko's cheek as he smiled wide.

“It's a sign you need to brush up on your medical terminology.”

Taglist: @bloodonmyhands-1221 @bowtruckleninja @v1naco

Alex Keller Taglist: @glitterypirateduck @deadbranch @gcing-back-to-505

A/N: This is 100% based off my situation today, except I was Alex. I cried thinking my cat was in kidney failure.

Except it was my husband (Alex Keller at home) who has zero medical training who thought disease and failure were interchangeable. Leading me to pre-maturely mourn my feline soulmate.

Reviewing Every UKISS Release: By Unpopular Demand ~ CONTI UKISS

Welcome aboard this hell ride, Kiseop! You're not getting off until 2019, and even then you're never really gone before throwing yourself back into the fray in 2022! You're here for forever now!

The hard and pitiful struggle era is over, they've discarded the good and cute boy image, and are now into their edgy woman-hating bad boy period because that's actually what was kind of in at the time. Gone are the perms, bowties, and sweatervests, and enter confidence-bestowing guyliner, entire bottles of hairspray to hold their aggressive sideparts, and attempts to look brooding

CONTI UKISS - 3rd Mini Album | 2009.11.06

So I don't remember when this dropped, but I do remember that I started listening to them shortly after they released this. Now, I wasn't too young to be on the internet, but too young to find browsing forums interesting, however I do remember my sister and brother both being into them, and their friends at school too. I think if you go check some old LiveJournal pages, this is around the time they really started popping off.

Kiseop is now in because NH thought having another flower boy would help boost their popularity, and you know, in typical NH fashion, they give him like 2 seconds of singing, and tell him his job is just to dance and look pretty. My gosh, did he ever look pretty, so pretty that even little almost-a-tweenie me picked him out to be my new delusional celebrity crush. Who needs lines when you look that pretty? Mind you, I still was very normal about them at this time. I liked ManManHaNi, but I didn't love it to the point of being not-normal about them. That happened around 0330, if you care.

We're also now entering the Quintessential UKISS Sound™ era, which is really just what a lot of pop music at this time sounded like - lots of stylistic autotune, the heavy dance beats, lyrics all about partying and/or angry love songs. This entire mini album basically encapsulates that late 2009-early 2010 pop sound, and I love that for them.

ManManHaNi, as we know, saved their careers not once, but twice, and will probably continue to be their lifeline until we all turn to dust, and maybe even after that. So yeah, I have a very love-hate relationship with this song because I'm very grateful that it was their big break and memorable enough to keep them around for so long, but like I'm also just really sick of hearing it.

Intro | YouTube Music 6.2k | Spotify 5.6k

Even though it has that autotune sound, it still sounds out of place because of how lowkey the music is lol

"shawty" #2

"Shake ya booty left and right" great one liner by Xander

Very well balanced intro, it actually does feel like a more-than-two-person collaborative effort between Soohyun, Kevin, Xander, Eli, and I think Kiseop who gets to whisper-sing "shake shake shake it shake it"

It could be Kibum, but I'm 99% sure it's Kiseop from how soft the voice is

Is this the precursor to Rock Ya' Body?

7.5/10 I liked it, but it's not a wowing banger like Pump Pump or On Fire.

ManManHaNi (Audio) | YouTube Music 12M | Spotify 1.38M

If I'm being honest, I don't even think it's possible for me to give much of a coherent opinion on this

Like I said before, I'm always a little happy to hear MMHN because you know, it made my boys famous and saved their careers, but like I'm also super sick of this song

Deadass this is on none of my playlists other than my Complete UKISS Discography one because it has to be

Okay I have the JP version on a couple, but that's because I actually bought their 2016 compilation album, and I'm sure as hell gonna get my money's worth of it

The opening evokes some visceral feeling I can't quite name

"Bad girl", "crazy girl", what have women done to you boys??!?

Also lol things UKISS have called me in one song - baby girl, bad girl, crazy girl, yeougateun/foxy girl

Since I basically never listen to the plain audio of MMHN, and usually only hear it when I watch their live shows and whatever, I was actually expecting to hear Hoon for the third verse, so imagine my surprise when I hear Kibum

"Love's final round" such an iconic line, thank you, Soohyun

The random cat noise during Eli's rap always takes me out

"You make me pissed off!" literally pops into my head randomly all the time, Eli's one liners never disappoint

I guess it's the 4th verse, but yeah the verse right after Eli's rap is sooo cursed

Someone on Twitter did a compilation of it a while ago, and there's like 6 different versions of it

I do like it though, the rhyming is cute, and Dongho, Kiseop, and Kibum do all have vaguely similar voices - soft and weak-sounding

Both of Xander's rap verses are also uniquely cursed, courtesy of that same Twitter user, there's like 6-7 different people who've done it

Anyway, standard "UKISS break up song where they also kinda hate women but lowkey also still sound a little in love" song

Unsurprisingly, a Soohyun and Kevin duet with features by Eli and Xander, and a featuring feature of Kibum, and Dongho and Kiseop were there

For real, how do you put a guy into a group and then only give him one word for his debut

Uh 7.25/10 I don't actually know because I don't even think I can fake an objective rating for this. It's a catchy and fun aggressive dance song, I don't know what else to say. The autotune makes it difficult for Soohyun and Kevin to have these standout vocal moments, and they obviously sound great, the rapping is kinda cringe but also kinda iconic, people were present, I don't know I've heard this song a million times against my will.

ManManHaNi (MV) | Official MV 1.1M | Fan Upload 1.8M

Why was the official one only uploaded 2 years ago?

I actually don't remember if we all just watched the fan upload or if there was another official MV because I haven't watched this at all in like 10 years

Love that official MV only goes up to 720p give us low budget please

And the 720p is giving 360p, perhaps a very generous 480p look

Was this shot on the same famous expensive camera they used for Shut Up!!

We've also abandoned having a plot for this MV it's just them dancing and trying to look hot (or in Kiseop's case, just actually being hot)

The stupid blurry-to-focus shots are sending me

Oh these outfits are legendary, peak 2009 bad boy looks with unnecessary bondage gear, hair so styled they could survive a typhoon, pasty your-lips-but-actually-too-cool-toned lipstick, and guyliner so thick that raccoons are jealous

The pants, the boots, it was hot it was fresh it was 2009

This is such a dramatic hairstyle, and I like the colour

This was actually so chic for the time though - the super long bangs covering one eye, the streaks, so 2009

Kiseop, looking amazing as always in the back with the quintessential bad boy flower boy hair

And Soohyun with a very standard 2009 male idol hair, but a little edgier

Blond is not Eli's colour, I'm sorry but I hate that they made him blond so much from 2009-2013 because I think he looks best with dark hair, or that red hair from PaNiC!

And I'm also not a fan of the hairstyle he had from 2009-2010, he looks best with it styled away from his face because then his eyes get emphasized

Xander is rocking a tall wannabe-slightly-off-centre pompadour

Dongho has what I've seen described as a 'baby bonfire' (and it's even red!!!)

I'm gonna go off on a rant real quick, but I actually hate Full Blondie!Kevin so much

I don't know what it is, but he's only had one full blond look that I didn't hate when they did the Love On U MV

I hate his blond hair in MMHN, I hated it Alone, I'm not counting the blond/caramel highlights from 2014~2015, and I hate his blond hair right now

Something about it makes me react like an aggressive possum

It washes him out a lot, especially if the colour is super light like in MMHN, and the lipstick (or lack thereof) isn't really doing him any favours

At least this blond look is styled to not show off the hairline because speaking as someone with a similar skin tone and large forehead, blond roots make us look like we're balding

Moving on, the shoulder dance is so iconic

The heel bouncing, the 'ripping my heart out of my chest and throwing it away' choreo, legendary I tell you

This is such a funny shot and I think it's because the lipstick is making him look like sick Victorian child

The random shots of Kevin in the car are killing me like why is it yellow? Could NH not get like a cool red car, a sleek black car, or what?

He's not even driving what are you doing where are you going

I like his silver jacket though I wouldn't wear it, but I like it

Also, Kevin's heavily styled hair just flapping around while they dance because it's so long, but also not even losing its shape is great

Oh, I really unironically love these outfits I'm a sucker for suits/suit-adjacent looks

Kevin's sparkly blue dress shirt is great, and the sublte blue details everyone has

Eli and goofy hats, almost as iconic as Eli and terrible one-liners

Isn't this the same alley set they used when they filmed Quit Playing? It also kinda looks like Love On U too

Love that the direction here is clearly 'look brooding'

Kibum posed the hell outta that shot, good for him

Can't make out their expressions, but Xander and Kiseop look like they're serving something

Soohyun and Kevin are making me laugh, as always like why are you both trying to look cool by the wall

I love Kibum's random scarf so much like you don't understand

It's so random, so out of place, and he's working the hell out of it to look brooding and cool

And so with the fashion zeitgeist at the time we were really accessorizing everything with anything just because we could

"YEOUGATEUN GIRL" you will always be famous

More peak emo bad boy flower boy idol shots

I love how this MV is also clearly low budget too, but feels less cheap than its predecessors just because they spent all the budget on clothes, hairstyling tools, Kibum's scarf, and the car they only used for like 3 shots

There's about 3-4 sets used here - the warehouse set where they shot most of the group dance, did some solo shots against the white brick wall, and probably the car scene too; the wood panel room where they did the other solo shots, the white backdrop for the rest of the group dance, and they narrow alley that I think actually might just be a part of the warehouse set

7.25/10 There's not as much to make fun of compared to the other two, and not as much to cringe at. Yes I cringed at Blond!Kevin, but that's personal beef and not an actual sin, and honestly, it just feels like such a 2009 boy group MV. No plot, just dancing and solo shots where they attempt to smoulder with varying degrees of success

ManManHaNi (Stages) | Highest viewed stage 772k Music Core

Like the MV, I don't think I've watched any of their music stages for MMHN in years (not including the MMTG stage, and concert stages, obviously)

So I tried to find the earliest stage of this, and what I got was an Inkigayo one dated 091108, so let's do that one first then the HD MuCore one

Firstly, this choreo was made for Dongho, like he's so effortlessly arrogant it's amazing

Secondly, I love the opening choreo of them just kind of rolling their necks and fixing their clothes it's so fitting

It's only 480p, but bear with me. Love 5/7 of these outfits I'm a huge fan of the military-esque top, and tell those don't look like something a boy group would wear nowadays

I like the weird culotte-cut pants because this is the transition era between baggy 2000s pants to the skintight look of the 2010s

Thank you stylists for giving the right people the sleeveless tops

It's all sooooo late 2000s bad boy - the black/gold colour scheme, the random embellishments like they were just attacked by a craft store, the dramatic visual kei-inspired hair, the gloves, the boots, the thick guyliner, I love it

Unfortunately, they still have those pasty lips :/

That part is so aggressive it's so 2009 that was trendy

Love love love his jacket it's absolutely gorgeous, and I bet they blew the entire comeback budget on it

The camera dude zooming in on Kibum every time they do the MMHN bit before quickly zooming out is sending me

I like his top too - less embellished than Kevin's but still a very stylish military tunic

I like the less blond look, but still don't love it. I'm also kinda torn on whether I like his outfit or not since I love the epaulette and chains, but I'm not a fan of the vest

Same thing with Kiseop I like the aiguillette and gold lining, but I think the cut of the top is just bland

Xander's is borderline because it's so overly-embellished that it compensates for the simple top

Why do they all look mildly frightened here

Also, I think Xander and Kibum are both wearing some kind of weird black/gold cloth around their waist? Or maybe it's from their tops? I don't know but it's flapping around

Not the camera pulling away when Xander does his fox sign why do you hate me

Kevin is particularly committed to this shoulder shimmy of MMHN like it's not that the others are slacking, but he's just doing it super aggressively

It's definitely live, you hear Soohyun and Kevin loud and clear, the rapping was live, Kiseop and Kibum were quiet but live, and the only part I think was lipsynced/had a super loud backing track was Dongho's bit but that's like a single word

On to the MuCore one so I can actually judge the dancing a bit more and see perhaps more than 8 pixels

It's not important but I like the starting shot on the disco ball

The bondage outfits!!!!

Dongho's slightly off-the-shoulder jacket is such a good design choice like I don't know if they tailored it to do that, or taped/pinned it or what, but it emphasizes the shoulder shimmies soooo well

I don't know what they did to Eli's hair I don't think his bleach would've washed out to that colour so quickly, and it's just such a weird colour

Actually love the "grabbing my heart and throwing it away" choreo

You can see who has good back flexibility and who doesn't lol

I'm surprised Eli didn't go lower because he's crazy flexible in his back as we saw in We Are Dating; not surprised about Kevin we know he can fold himself into a suitcase; Kiseop's pretty good from what I can see, not surprised about Dongho, Kibum, and Xander

Actually maybe Eli just didn't go low because he's not as committed to the bit as Kevin and Kiseop

Okay, I'll be fair it's equal parts flexibility and core strength, and I'm still not surprised by who's uber committed

ELI WHAT ARE YOU WEARING

Also oh my god his eyes are huge here

Dongho, Kiseop, and Kevin all serving face here, good for them

Tell me this choreo wasn't made for Dongho he's absolutely killing it

Soohyun looks a little pained

I know they need a wide stance for the heel bounces, but can we talk about how wide Kibum is? Love that for him

Another one of my favourite bits of MMHN

Circle formations in dances are always fun to do and interesting to watch

Kevin wags his finger a lot it's pretty funny

"YEOUGATEUN GIRL" come on camera guy just zoom in on xander for his moment

Looks like Soohyun's about to shove Dongho aside

And an unflattering mid-transition shot of Kevin

Camera guy is struggling to pick who to zoom in on for the final chorus

You know, I felt like I knew the MMHN dance from all those concerts and shows, but it turns out there's chunks of choreo they've simplified or just straight up discarded over the years

There's a whole bit with all the non-Soohyun members after Xander's last rap where they're just doing a bunch of dancing I've never seen before?

Again, footwork isn't super complex, but there's a lot of formation changing, a lot of entering/exiting circles and back into a line

When they do the leaning circle thing when Soohyun's singing "ddeo-olla", that actually requires a lot of core, glutes, and lower back work

The shoulder shimmies during the chorus would need a lot of core muscles too because their alignments are all fairly straight (or at least it should be)

It's also so weird to see them attack the choreo with so much aggression, like yeah they usually commit to MMHN choreo anyway, but there's just that extra snap they had for the music stages

Guess performing it a couple hundred times a year sucked the fun out of it, huh?

But overall, lots of improvement from Talk To Me

Kevin and Kiseop still stand out as the best dancers with the most committment and ease of movement

Dongho is another standout, mostly due to how well-suited he is to the choreography, and by this point he was a pretty competent dancer

Soohyun is a bit harder to tell because he has less dancing parts, but he's never disappointed me

Xander, Eli, and Kibum all blend in well, which again, is a virtue in group dancing

They all look so confident and comfortable on stage, and they're all much better at working the camera, it's kinda crazy to see how much they improved from Not Young

Singing here is live too, clearer than the Inkigayo one, though that might just be a mic/video quality thing

7.75/10 enjoyable to watch, no back pains from cringing, and they're committed to the concept.

Just as a bonus, here's some more costumes they wore while promoting MMHN because I think that's the most important part of a comeback lol

Love the jacket colour it's so pretty

And the tight pants so with the times

Not the recurring trash bag material

But the all-black look is so bad boy

Not the suit tops paired with the golden trash pants

There's a lot going on with those jackets

Peak 'attacked by a Michaels before the music show' look

The random feathers, ruffles, embroidery for god knows who, chains galore, the randomly recurring houndstooth pattern, fringes because why not, I love it

OK! | YouTube Music 368k | Spotify 29k

I actually do like this song, like unironically it's on some of my regular playlists

This is a Kevin song featuring Soohyun, Xander, Eli, Dongho, and Kibum + 4 words from Kiseop, bless his heart

NH really hired him for his looks and gave him nothing

Never bothered to look up the lyrics until now, so I thought it was just a dance song, but I was wrong

Rare anti-simp song that also isn't anti-woman, truly impressive for the time

It's basically just them going "oh I was such a stupid doormat who let my girl walk all over me but now I freed myself and I'm sexy free and single and out to party"

Also an ongoing theme of being like a beggar to this girl

Normally, especially after looking at the lyrics, I would advocate for this to be a Soohyun-centric song because his voice has that bitterness that suits the concept

But I think with the brighter music and the self-deprecating lyrics, Kevin's sweet voice really does suit this better

Like he really does give the right balance of bitter remorse and optimism

Kevin and Kiseop splitting lines is so very dear to my heart

Even though the autotune kills some of this, I've always felt that their voices complement each other very well

Keep a pin in that because I'll be coming back to harp on this later many many times

No funny Eli one liners, but we got some great ones from Dongho and Xander

"I can go to club again" Yeah it makes sense with other half of the line being guilt-free, but something about the way Dongho says this is sooo funny

"I don't love you no more it's time to gotta go" Thank you, Xander

Also, this song talks about getting drunk at the club, and how many of them could even drink at this time? Weren't you guys just at the Mickey Mouse Club?

7.75/10 The autotune, while a stylistic choice I understand, really dampens their voices, but overall I really like this song - it's fun, catchy, bright, and with some silly one liners, which is all I could really ask for

So, I actually have two fun facts for today because the first is really short, and the second is less fun and not even that unknown, just kind of fascinating.

Around this time, I think either during or right after their MMHN promotions (not sure, but definitely in this timeframe because Kevin still has that cursed blond hair), Kiseop was in a variety show about ulzzangs. They bring in Soohyun as a guest for an episode, and they're supposed to try to shock each other by exposing secrets, and Soohyun just loudly and semi-proudly declares that Kiseop and Kevin borrowed his laptop, and when he got it back, he found porn.

And Kiseop, my boy Kiseop, just goes "yeah that's true", and I want you to keep a pin in that because it'll come up again next album.

The next not-so-fun fact is oh my god they've done so many different versions of MMHN. They have the original Korean version, the Japanese version, a blended Korean-Japanese version, and then all the different lineups. What I've learned from collating this information is MMHN requires just two people to work, and here are the lineups I'm aware of:

Xander, Soohyun, Kibum, Eli, Kevin, Dongho, Kiseop | 2009-2010

Soohyun, Eli, Kevin, Dongho, Kiseop, AJ, Hoon | 2011-2013

Soohyun, Eli, Kevin, Dongho, Kiseop, Hoon | 2012

Soohyun, Eli, Kevin, Kiseop, Hoon, AJ | 2013-2014

Soohyun, Eli, Kevin, Kiseop, Hoon | 2014

Soohyun, Eli, Kevin, Kiseop, Hoon, Jun | 2014-2017

Soohyun, Eli, Kiseop, Hoon, Jun | 2017

Eli, Kiseop, Hoon, Jun | 2018

Soohyun, Kevin | 2020

Soohyun, Hoon | 2021 (I don't know if there's a full version of it)

Soohyun, Hoon, Kiseop | 2023

Soohyun, Hoon, Kiseop, Eli, Xander, AJ/Siyoon | 2023

Soohyun, Hoon, Kiseop, Xander, Siyoon | 2023

Soohyun, Hoon, Kiseop, Eli, Xander | 2023

Why the hell is their lineup so unstable? It's like once a few years pass, they have to change lineups. Also, insane that Soohyun has only not been in one version, and Hoon has only missed one since joining.

Oh, well I guess the real fun fact is that they've had 3 songs where all 10 have performed it at some point - Not Young, MMHN, and Without You, hilariously.

So we're closing off their rookie era now, and into...actually, I'm not sure what to call 2010 as. Their success years? Don't really know, but I'm excited we're coming up on Bran New Kiss where I have a whole essay prepared on the vocal line because I think they're absolutely fascinating.

UKISS Era - Cringe Rookies - Complete!

Here's to spreading positivity as we look back on 2018! What are your top favorite moments /pieces / interactions here on Tumblr? Tag some people who made a difference in your life and send them some loving! 😘❤️

this is such a wonderful question!! ❤️

i’m tagging you, @trishmarieco first, because of how inspiring i find you, your writing, and your love for those around you (jongdae included, each time i see him, i think of you, you’re that powerful!). i’m very glad to have gotten to know you at least a little bit! ❤️ naturally, i’m tagging @noona-clock as well because B has been nothing but wonderful. talented, beautiful, and funny (and underrated just like T) – i am constantly amazed and very lucky to have met you, B! ❤️

i have to tag @kpopehell whom i met because of tumblr but she became one of my closest friends overall and now we have a different conversation happening on every social media we have and i wouldn’t have it any other way. love you always, vosa! ❤️

i’m also tagging @do-wow-oon as the person who constantly makes me laugh and everything we say to each other turns into an inside joke, i swear. and @prince-of-wind who is easily the kindest person ever and i’m so glad we met! and @shininjjongg who has the greatest opinions about everything, is so much fun to talk to, and i love her very much ❤️

i am tagging @byunfirstlady who’s so talented and sweet, it should be unfair for one person to be this wonderful! and @jjong-dae77  who is the very definition of the word sweetheart, i get so soft whenever i see your posts on my timeline! and @isakwon who’s very comforting, reassuring, and so kind, it’s calming just to see your username! ❤️

also, @alittlebabybird @vnrgaard and @michael-gordon-clifford because i’m forever grateful for your support, i hope this year brings you happiness! ❤️

@def-sol @jbdefsoul9 @yeolsangeleyes @baetential and everyone who’s read holic and left messages about it – i see you and i appreciate you so much, i wish i could give you a million hugs each! ❤️

i know i still forgot to tag a bunch of people and i’m very sorry about that, i still appreciate you even though my goldfish brain forgot to tag you!

though, honestly, if i could, i’d tag every single person who’d chosen to give my writing a chance. so, thank you, everyone, for making my 2018 better ❤️

Red

contents: trafficking, long-term captivity, expIicit dubcon which turns into expIicit noncon, intimate/affectionate whumper, manipulation, forced romance, overstimulation, ignoring safewords, gaslighting

We're back with the very nice man and his stubborn captive <33 Jian finds out that what saying yes really means <33

(ALSO!! I'm gonna go thru and edit the previous chapters eventually, but Richard Lee has a cat now! Her name is Cordelia, and she's a tiny calico fluffball of an old lady)

October 2019

taglist!!! @yet-another-heathen @much-ado-about-whumping @minerscanary

<- prev 🌲🌲🌲

Days passed, and they didn’t talk about it. Jian ate those pancakes dutifully and tried not to imagine Dickass Lee on the kitchen floor, sweeping up eggs and shards of china. The cut on Jian’s arm was on a likely path to heal without even leaving a scar, and they returned to the version of normal that Jian had come to miss. He slept in the same bed as the man, and they didn’t touch until Jian inevitably rolled over in his sleep. And like he’d promised before, Dickass Lee didn’t take it as permission.

They walked along the trodden paths of Dickass Lee’s woods, and Jian pretended it was the slightly chill air that made him shudder whenever they passed one particular tree.

To say that he had relaxed into the routine would’ve been a fucking lie, but it was one he was trying his best to convince himself of. So he pretended to feel surprised and betrayed when on one of their hikes, Dickass Lee’s hand slipped from Jian’s and wandered to his lower back. Jian stiffened and told himself it meant nothing, tried to pay attention to the crunch of leaves under his feet, but he wasn’t listening to himself.

“Is it the same deal?” Jian blurted after several attempts to focus on birdsong instead of Dickass Lee’s sly, greedy hands proved fruitless. “I say yes or I go back into that room? Or you leave me out here again?”

Dickass Lee’s hand returned to Jian’s, and the birds started to sing again, but Jian could only think about the calloused thumb that rubbed against his soft knuckles and made his skin ache.

“A bit crass to call it a ‘deal,’ Jian. I’m not one of your clients,” Dickass Lee said. Jian squinted at the peachy horizon of approaching dusk. He swore he heard a hint of disappointment in the man’s voice.

They were almost back to the house. Dickass Lee still hadn’t answered his question, and Jian knew better at this point than to push for one. It meant that whatever truths there were to be unearthed, neither of them would feel fulfilled by what was dug up.

The golden scale in Jian’s head that weighed the costs and benefits of every choice he ever made was broken, delicate chains tinkling to the floor, and Jian stepped over them into the man’s bedroom. Still, bravely or stupidly, Jian gently pulled back when Dickass Lee started easing his shirt off for him. He felt like they were standing in three feet of snow, tall powdery dunes forming all around them.

“Oh, sweetheart,” Jian heard Dickass Lee purr, and like looking down and suddenly realizing his feet had been dipped in concrete, Jian realized that his body had already begun to respond to the touch. “I’m curious if you can handle something more this time.”

“I don’t w--”

“It’s okay, Jian. You don’t have to do anything.”

Jian felt in equal measure the innocent draw of gravity and the greedy tug of a rope pulled taut when he fell into Dickass Lee’s arms. He let himself fall to duck the incoming kiss, to find something soft he could push against. It was to get away, to surrender. To balk, to beg.

It was a hug. All Jian wanted was a hug. A fucking hug. To pretend for a moment that there was one person in the world who cared about what he wanted, and who wanted to give it to him. And that accepting it wouldn’t sink him into a pit of social debt, or lead him to a cruel and deadly trap after the first reward. He just wanted to be offered a fucking hug, basic human comfort without bribery and shame.

Dickass Lee gave him that one long awaited gift without even the decency to let him experience the moment without fear of what was coming next. Jian produced one exhausted sob before Dickass Lee was holding his head up again and drowning whatever protests he might’ve still been able to deploy beneath a deep, slow kiss on the mouth that made them both quietly moan despite Jian’s chapped lips. Dickass Lee herded Jian to the bed, walking him backwards with his kiss as a guide, only releasing his face to gently topple Jian onto his back on the edge of the mattress, his feet still hovering just above the rug.

Jian bounced once and laid still, staring at the ceiling, trying not to hear Dickass Lee unfastening his pants or doing the same to Jian’s. There was no violence, not even the threat of it. As long as Jian stayed soft, stayed receptive and pliable, he would be okay. He would not cry. He would not cry. He would not--

His quiet sob was immediately hushed by a soothing hand petting along his cheek and jaw, and cut short by a tender hand warming between his legs, coaxing a short gasping moan out of him instead.

“Are you okay?” Dickass Lee asked without pausing. Jian had to find the space between horrifically gentle strokes to eventually weep out a response.

“I don’t know,” he keened, all traces of dignity lost in the wind of his own voice and in the soft ripples of pleasure that had begun to bloom at his core. He turned and pressed one side of his face into the mattress, feeling the dark red sheets soak up a smattering of teardrops, and allowed Dickass Lee to keep going, like he had a choice. “I don’t know, Richard, I don’t know.”

“Relax, Jian,” Dickass Lee said, drawing out a shudder as he teased his way up Jian’s chest and successfully lifted his shirt away this time. “It’s okay not to know. Let me do all the thinking.”

Jian wished it was harder to admit the strength of the temptation. But it wasn’t like he couldn’t see for himself that his body was basically begging for it already. And he’d been fine, last time. If he just did as Dickass Lee said, he might even be able to find it within himself to enjoy some of it now. Some of it.

He hummed hesitantly, averting his gaze, but his hips were already bucking under Dickass Lee’s careful hands, and even though he chewed the inside of his cheek to tamp them down, little moans kept bubbling up to his surface. Dickass Lee swallowed them with another kiss, which Jian returned, telling himself that it was better that way, though his chin trembled as he did.

“Come here, I want you on top of me,” Dickass Lee said once he broke away, his face still inches from Jian’s. His voice was slightly breathless, just a little desperate, and Jian’s stomach twisted at the reminder that the man was human. “You still doing okay?”

Jian shut his eyes. He lifted his head those couple extra inches and touched the tip of Dickass Lee’s nose with his, then bowed slightly to bring their foreheads together. If there was comfort in the action, he took as much as he could mine from it, or else convinced himself of its presence. He nodded in an almost imperceptible movement, but Dickass Lee felt it on his own skin.

“Good,” he purred, then kissed Jian lightly on the nose and climbed onto the bed himself, reclining against the cushioned headboard and inviting Jian to join him. Jian took the man’s outstretched hand and let himself be drawn up onto Dickass Lee’s lap. At the same time, Jian cinched off all the connections in his brain which let him see his own emotions, shutting his eyes inwardly, refusing to even make a subconscious attempt to pick apart the confusing mix of trust and fear and disgust and want that was jostling around inside him.

He kept his eyes locked on Dickass Lee’s and surrendered to whatever the man had planned for him, because it had to be better than fighting it. He tried to make himself believe that he wanted it, and quietly wished it wasn’t so easy to.

He didn’t remember if he’d been the one to initiate it or if Dickass Lee had guided him along, but under some kind of duress or another, Jian knelt around Dickass Lee’s hips and eased the man’s length inside him, drawing gratified moans from both of them. Dickass Lee’s voice was breathy and low, a grumbling purr that fed embarrassingly well into Jian’s whimpering keens as he started into a slow, rocking rhythm, Dickass Lee’s wide hands on his hips providing support when he faltered and a rev to his engines when he tried to slow down and breathe.

It was one of those revving interruptions that made Jian’s body take the first unwitting step onto a dangerously steep ramp of pleasure, and Dickass Lee seemed nowhere near finished with him yet. Jian twitched, clenching down automatically and feeling his thighs tremble with the effort of holding himself back from terminal velocity. A quiet, vulnerable, almost subvocal “oh” slipped from his lips, and he tapped Dickass Lee’s waist gently, somehow deluding himself for a second into hoping that the man below him planned to listen to his needs at all.

“Ss-slow down,” Jian whispered, his voice shaking along with his thighs.

Dickass Lee ignored him, keeping a steady pace, and Jian clamped his hands over Dickass Lee’s where he held them at Jian’s hips, but the man was thrusting into him from below now too, hitting a spot that made Jian’s eyes cross and his hearing go dull.

“Oh fuck, Richard, slow down, I can’t--” Jian’s voice was slipping out of his grasp, wildly varying pitches making him sound whiny and tearful and betraying how desperate he had become, or was just about to be. “Wait, Richard, you’re gonna-- I can’t have more than o-- o-oh, oh fuck, oh fuck--”

Dickass Lee surprised him with one singularly intense thrust that made Jian squeak out loud and nearly lose his imaginary footing on his own treacherous, slippery ramp. He slammed his fists into Dickass Lee’s open chest and only released his fingers to claw at the soft skin beneath them.

“Slow down, Richard, please. If I come, I can’t-- I can’t--”

“Shh, you don’t have to worry about that, Jian,” Dickass Lee said, easing his own pace a bit but still rocking Jian’s hips with his hands, drawing him down deep before rolling him back again. Jian’s claws retracted and he pressed his palms against the headboard instead, still whining low through the overwhelmed, beseeching call of his impending orgasm. “You’re okay, just relax.”

“Fuck-- Fuck, Richard-- nn, no no nononono, wait. Wait.”

Jian drew his thighs closer together, smacking Dickass Lee in the ribs with his knees as he tried to rise, but the man just pressed hard fingers into Jian’s hips and forcefully guided him down again, right onto the spot that burned a desperate pit into his core.

He used to be good at this. He used to be able to ride out the hitching racks of pleasure, to hold off until he felt like ending it. Checking out of his body and watching the scene between him and whoever he’d ended up with as if on a screen, playing director, creating a cinematic experience for his client or partner. It had even proven useful with Lucia’s clients, sometimes.

Dickass Lee kept him trapped inside sensation. The man had broken the frosted glass shield around Jian’s brain, wielding jagged shards to slash at him every time he tried to escape.

Jian was already--

“Richard. Richard, please-- I can’t--”

Dickass Lee’s hands gripped tighter onto Jian’s hips, and Jian exploded into sobs as he came, spilling onto the chest of the man who still wouldn’t let him go, wouldn’t let him breathe or slow down or even collapse into a hug which he now desperately needed, a craving that shot needles of nausea up through Jian’s stomach if he thought too much about it.

But Dickass Lee didn’t allow him to think. Before Jian had even stopped shuddering, Dickass Lee flipped him over onto his sweaty back with a practiced smoothness and a chillingly gleeful sparkle in his eyes, and thrust into him hard, way too hard, pounding Jian more suddenly and viciously than he’d ventured to yet. Every ounce of pressure buzzed straight into Jian’s nervous system like he was being fucked with a cattle prod, and he could do nothing but cry out his pain, because he knew that no matter how much he begged for it to stop, Dickass Lee would just keep bearing down on him. Jian couldn’t contain the segmented, rhythmic, pointless wailing sobs that poured out of him now, and he blindly reached out and caught one of Dickass Lee’s arms, clinging to it for dear life.

“Look at you,” Dickass Lee breathed in an awe-stricken tone, easing Jian’s knees up into the air with a firm hand that felt like it was packing pushpins, just so he could lean in closer. “Right there, Jian. Just hold on to me.”

“No, stop! Ow! I ca-- OW! I can’t-- PLEASE!”

But he had already been following the gentle command. He couldn’t breathe. His grip had become more desperate, and Dickass Lee kept pushing him harder, already miles past his limit. Jian was babbling nonsense into the warm, rigid forearm he cradled against his dry mouth, wretchedly begging for a stop to the sandpaper friction, to those inescapable punches from deep inside him which felt so incredible they felt awful.

All he’d ever needed was one fucking moment to clear his head and catch up to the level that Dickass Lee had unexpectedly brought them to. But Jian was even more trapped now. Everything was sensation, and the sensation was too much, so much that all of it hurt, even the innocuous touches of Dickass Lee’s arm against his face and the slight backwards bend in his hips that had started out so gentle. It had all flipped so suddenly into searingly bright pain that pulsed and dragged Jian deeper and deeper into mindless agony the more it went on.

“Red, RED, RED!” Jian screamed, scrambling for… what? A safeword? He knew it was no oversight that Dickass Lee had never even broached the topic. But there was nothing in his brain, no room for even the simplest of thoughts behind the torture of it all, except that he needed it to stop. He could feel nothing other than this. He was worth nothing more than this. It always came back to this. “Stop! Fucking please, please please pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease, Richard, stop!”

Jian tumbled headlong into that panic, the steam-pressure fear that he’d always feel like this, that the man wouldn’t be satisfied until he could reach inside of Jian’s body and wrench another orgasm out of his writhing form, another orgasm that would not come. And it wouldn’t be over. It would never be over.

It’s gonna happen again and again.

With every ounce of power left in his lungs, Jian let loose one screeching sob through clenched teeth when Dickass Lee reached down between the tangle of their bodies and started stroking him again. But Jian had already been sobbing and begging Dickass Lee to stop, and it had done no good even then, back when it was only truly a plea to slow down and let him breathe. All it had done was get him here. Spur the man on, deepen his craving. He liked it. Dickass Lee wanted him desperate.

And unwilling. No matter how much he denied that particular desire. There was no way the man couldn’t see this for what it was.

Dickass Lee hit a spot with his thumb that coaxed a sharp, pitchy squeak from Jian’s mouth, and the man zeroed in on it without a shred of mercy.

No.

Paralysis took Jian’s body as he felt another impossible crest approaching, and he knew the wave would pick him up and slam him against a concrete wall when it hit, scattering the broken pieces of his body into the water as it rushed past.

“No…” he whined.

“Fuck, Jian,” Dickass Lee huffed into his neck. “You feel…”

He could see the white cap of the wave bearing down on him. He felt the rush of the ocean in his ears and a compulsion in his lungs telling him to scream. He opened his jaw to follow through but ended up biting hard into Dickass Lee’s shoulder and muffling his wail of agony through the man’s muscle tissue. When he came, it was accompanied by a choked, gasping sob and desperate claws drawing blood from Dickass Lee’s back as Jian’s whole body stiffened and shook for what felt like an eternity while flat white error screens overtook his brain. His right thigh cramped bone-deep, but he couldn’t even release his twitching hips until the water finally receded and he was left trembling and salt-stained in an empty tide pool. A string of drool followed his tingling lips when he released Dickass Lee’s shoulder from his jaw.

“No more,” Jian whimpered, and it didn’t sound like him at all. “No more, pl-lease, ple-ease, no more, no more…”

Dickass Lee’s weight settled on top of Jian’s empty shell, and the man’s placid stillness slowly reintroduced Jian’s brain to the possibility of life without overwhelming stabs of what pretended to be pleasure constantly raking through him, ripping his skin and electrocuting his insides, making his organs spasm like a bucket of worms. He whined wordlessly and buried his face in the crook of Dickass Lee’s neck, wrapping his arms around and holding on tight when Dickass Lee maneuvered them both into a reclining position, Jian a twitching creature in Dickass Lee’s lap.

“To-o mm..much,” Jian sobbed into Dickass Lee’s warm skin. The man started rubbing slow circles into his sweaty back, and Jian shuddered as he fell into another round of sobs. “Too mu-uch, it was too much, I ca-an’t, it HURTS, Richard, it HURTS--”

“Shh,” Dickass Lee soothed, massaging Jian’s scalp with his other hand, pulling Jian’s face even more firmly into the comforting false privacy of his chest. “You did it, sweetheart. And how are you feeling now? Are you still okay?”

Jian coughed out a shuddering sob that would’ve been blazingly furious if he had the room for that kind of emotion anymore. As it was, he shook his head against Dickass Lee’s chest and cringed at something warm and sticky that spread over his cheek as he did.

“Tell me how you’re feeling, Jian.”

“I can’t… I can’t do mm--” Jian’s whole body twitched, and he huddled as close as he could to Dickass Lee until the aftershock passed, ignoring the sticky spots on Dickass Lee’s chest that Jian was massaging in with his own cheekbone. He just wanted a hug. Fucking hug. “More than…”

“You did.”

“No…”

“You did. I knew you could handle it, Jian,” Dickass Lee said. He kissed the top of Jian’s head and spoke his next words directly into Jian’s skull, pressing his lips and nose into sweaty black waves that pitched and bobbed as Jian cried beneath them. “You’re alright, sweetheart. I’ve got you. I’ve got you.”

Jian desperately wanted what only Dickass Lee could give him right now. But the man was holding comfort just out of Jian’s reach, like a carnival barker dangling a prize in Jian’s face just to pull it back at the last moment and demand payment in the form of accepting his bullshit. Jian knew it was bound to work on him eventually, and he couldn’t do a fucking thing to stop the seeds from sprouting in his mind.

“I hate you,” Jian whispered, and nuzzled close, handing over one red paper ticket.

“I’ve got you,” Dickass Lee murmured again, tossing the payment behind the curtain, into a big glass jar that was already nearly halfway full.

-~-~-~-~-

Cordelia purred on Jian’s lap where he sat sideways on the couch. He held her in a loose cradle, brushing her long coat and staring listlessly while she kneaded tiny snags into the thick pajama pants he’d changed into. He’d at least convinced Dickass Lee to let him shower on his own, and could now bask in the precious few minutes of solitude he got while Dickass Lee took one for himself. Jian’s brain felt numbed, lidocaine injected straight through his ear canal. The static sound of the shower running upstairs was the only thing he could handle, and when it stopped, he realized he’d wasted away the entirety of his private time in a daze.

Cordelia let out a mrrp and craned her tiny head backwards to watch as Dickass Lee joined them in the quiet living room. Jian kept his face hollow, but it wasn’t much of a conscious choice.

“Hey there, sweetheart,” Dickass Lee cooed, and it wasn’t until he reached into Jian’s lap to pat Cordelia’s head that Jian realized he was talking to the cat. Probably. Actually, he still wasn’t sure. On the principle of the thing, Jian didn’t respond, instead just curling his knees in a bit tighter when Dickass Lee took a seat on the unoccupied cushion in front of him.

At Dickass Lee’s intrusion, Cordelia stretched and yawned and crawled higher up onto Jian’s chest, tucking her face beneath Jian’s chin and huffing out a grumbly sigh before settling into a nap. Jian held her close, cherishing the warmth and affection which came without any demands besides getting fed on time. He watched her whole body rise and fall along with his breath and ignored Dickass Lee, deciding that the sweetheart in question was the cat, and that the man hadn’t acknowledged him at all yet.

“You still hate me, Jian?”

Jian shut his eyes and scratched Cordelia behind the ears. He took a slow breath to steady his heartbeat and preemptively dial down his tone.

“You know the answer to that, Richard.”

“I want to hear--”

“I really don’t want to talk to you right now,” Jian interjected, opening his eyes to glare at what he could see of the man over the tops of his knees. He smoothed his palm over Cordelia’s coat when she rustled at his sudden volume.

“I want to hear it from you anyway. And I think we should talk.”

“Yes, I still hate you,” Jian snapped, barely allowing Dickass Lee to finish his own thought before the words spilled out. “What the fuck is supposed to have changed? Was I supposed to see the light while you were in the shower, scraping my cum off your chest? Fuck off.”

Jian’s cheeks and throat were starting to burn, and he buried his nose into Cordelia’s fur before the quickly rising tears could infect his voice. Dickass Lee leaned back, still watching him closely.

“Jian, I can tell that was a lot for you. If you need any--”

“Oh, great, so you did hear me begging you to stop. I was going to ask when you’d started going deaf.”

“Jian.”

“Richard, I only asked you to slow down!” Jian said, and abandoned all hope that he’d finished crying for the day. His voice broke raggedly, and when Cordelia wriggled in his arms with an offended little noise, Jian let her hop off his chest and onto the floor where she curled into a round puddle and fell back asleep, ignoring them both. Jian continued, his voice trembling. “I told you, I can’t come more than once. If you’re gonna fuck me, can you at least pretend to give a shit about me while you’re doing it?”

Dickass Lee blinked at him, but that invested, diagnostically inquisitive look in his eyes never changed. He wasn’t fucking listening, Jian thought bitterly. Dickass Lee was just drinking in Jian’s misery, waiting patiently for him to reach a breaking point so he could wrench his fingers inside and pull him apart at the most destructive moment. The sprouts in Jian’s head had grown springy leaves, and he couldn’t stop himself from giving up every drop of the ammunition Dickass Lee was after.

“I would be a lot more willing to say yes if I knew you weren’t going to just-- I remember you saying you were gonna make it easy for me. Are you taking that back? ‘Cause that was…” Jian sniffled, his voice giving out for a second, and there were tears running down into the neckline of his shirt, which he pulled up to wipe his runny nose with before taking a cold, shaky breath and falling straight back into his cascade of ill-advised venting. “I’ll kiss you, Richard, and I’ll… I’ll… There’s a lot of things I can do, but… I just need you to listen when I tell you there’s something I can’t.”

There was a long pause, and Jian stared into the pit of his lap while the back of his throat filled with more and more pressure with every second his words hung in the air on their own. He sniffed again in the silence, and couldn’t take it anymore.

“Okay?” Jian muttered, his voice crackling. He looked up, feeling catastrophically pathetic as he tried to hold Dickass Lee’s gaze for more than a moment before blinking away another wave of tears. “Please?”

Dickass Lee kept his thoroughly and infuriatingly unreadable expression steady, looking and not looking at Jian at the same time. Jian swallowed painfully and turned his head to watch Cordelia on the floor instead, counting her tiny breaths.

“Of course,” Dickass Lee said softly. Jian shut his eyes against the burning pressure behind them and kept quiet. The green sprouts in his brain lapped up every tear that didn’t fall. “Of course, Jian. We’ll figure this out together. In the meantime we’ll take a break, and we can talk more about what we can do to make it easy.” Jian flinched in the dark when a warm hand found his trembling knee and started on a gentle massage. “Anything you need. We’ll be okay, sweetheart, I promise. I’m going to help you make it easy. All I need you to do is tell me when it’s too much.”

Jian had heartstrings like a wooden marionette doll, and Dickass Lee maneuvered him around in the most natural-looking of severely unnatural ways. He didn’t have the energy to dispute him, to remind him that he had clearly fucking told him exactly when he’d gotten overwhelmed. Rage was overshadowed by fatigue and the dread awareness that he would soon be too worn down to even recognize the man’s lies anymore. The calf massage started feeling too much like relief, and Jian was terrified that he’d lose his nerve and go chasing after Dickass Lee’s manufactured comfort if he let it go on for too long, so he swung his legs down off the edge of the couch and shimmied the rest of the way to the floor. Cordelia gave a surprised mrrp and Jian scooped her liquid, half-asleep form into his arms, holding her close in the warm nest of his body. She settled instantly, purring loud.

“Okay,” Jian mumbled, trying not to let his sour tone of defeat slip through. Dickass Lee leaned over to kiss him once on the crown, then stood and skirted around the coffee table towards the kitchen. Jian lifted Cordelia from his lap and stuck his face into her soft belly, pretending she could save him if he telepathically beamed an S.O.S. directly into the fluff. He was so fucked. He was so thoroughly, invariably fucked.

sunrise. pp x reader

summary: y/n finally arrived back in new york after a year in cali. not only does she find that her little corner of the world is disappearing, but that he little crush just so happened to not have disappeared. word count: ~1,900 warnings: none that I can think of. a/n: i hope you like this. this has been in my drafts since 2019 i think.

✨☁️💭🪴🪐🧋🛼🎐

Y/N’s hand touched the railing of Peter’s balcony. It was a simple apartment, one that she would expect for him to have. It was a small, one bedroom and one bath apartment that sometimes had hot water and sometimes had mice, but nonetheless, Y/N loved it. It was the first time she had ever seen his apartment other than in FaceTime, which were far and few between. He had such a perfect view of Queen’s where the tree’s sang beautiful songs and the bird’s would join in with harmonies. It reminded her of those times when she would go to Aunt May’s apartment and sit on the fire escape. She missed the yellow chipped paint and the abundance of plants. It was small and minimal but it was home. Pictures would line the walls and almost every surface that she could fill - many of them were Peter and her or Peter and his parents, but when he began bringing home Ned and Y/N, the pictures became more inclusive of their friendship.

Y/N always brought a Kodak camera everywhere. Those pictures felt the most authentic. The most real, so those were the ones she gave Aunt May. Every Christmas, every birthday, were just months worth of pictures that she could put anywhere she imagined.

Everything felt so normal, but they weren’t. Of course, they weren’t. Washington Heights experienced a blackout, one that hadn’t hit for ages. Everything was going away from her in so little time. Nail Venom was moving, shops are closing down, people are leaving. Her humble abode is leaving and it was getting close to her parent’s closing up their ?? and leaving Washington Heights for good. Leaving what she knew for good.

“Y/N?” Peter yawned. She turned her head to look at him in all of his glory. He jue woke up but he looked so stunning in the rising rays and he looked like a Renaissance painting. His curls were much messier than they were last night and his beautiful chocolate brown eyes looked like the perfect coffee that she would get back at UCLA. He was shirtless and only wore a pair of gray sweatpants and my Gods he was made right out by the Gods themselves.

“I’m here.” She whispered before turning her head back to the world in front of her. Not wanting to give it up for just a moment longer. They had practiced some Spanish, drunkenly, she must add. He was good at it, not that she would ever tell him that. Never would she imagine giving him such a big head like that.

“Are you ready to try again?” Y/N asked, implying to the previous Spanish lesson. It was so early, but she felt so at peace. The corners of her lips rising a bit more when Peter answered:

“I think I’m ready.”

“Okay,” Y/N paused, turning to leverage herself on the railing, pushing back for a moment, a wide smile spreading across her face as she looked at Peter. “Let’s go.” There was a moment as she thought of what to say. Something that he knew? Give him something hard. A curse word? She would laugh if given the chance but then the idea of her home. En Washington Heights. Her esquina was slowly leaving this earth for good, only few being able to tell the story of Washington Heights.

“Esquina?”

“Corner.” Peter answered correctly, a short lived smile creeping towards the corners of his lips. He knew he was right.

“Tienda?”

“Store.”

“Bombilla?”

“Lightbulb!”

“Too easy” she thought to herself. She turned her head to look over the horizon. The world was wonderful with how the sky was painted orange and pinks. The moon was still out, it was beautiful. And not only that but this world had Peter, the most wonderful man she had ever been lucky to know. Well, shit. Maybe not wonderful.

Last night was a lot. The lights were brighter then than any light now. The screams of joy and laughing from everyone around her, we're nothing like her experience. A drunken Peter was angry that Y/N’s father didn’t accept their relationship. He was so angry and the way he threatened his internship at Stark Industries (not that papi would get anywhere). The world felt like it was ending and it kind of did. All of Washington Heights suddenly became dark, a forgotten and hidden place in the world. The once joyful noise turned into horror and fear, everything quickly declining. And then she was alone.

In the middle of chaos, she was alone.

But now, here she is on Peter’s fire escape. The beautiful and peaceful world going on around her. Sure, it was hot. But the world was so much better. The people were quiet and asleep while the sunshine danced along the buildings. Animal’s running the streets freely before everyone woke up. Everything was right.

“You’re sure?” Y/N questioned after a moment of reminiscing. She gave him a smile after biting her bottom lip for a moment. He was right and she knew it but she just wanted to see if he was confident in himself and his answers. He hadn’t taken Spanish since high school and he claimed that he forgot a majority of it, but she always questioned it but never pushed him to speak in her native language with her.

Peter paused and pushed himself off the brick wall, taking a step towards her. His eyes searched for a reason to stop, but he couldn’t find one. Hell, he wouldn’t be able to ever find one. “I’m sure.”

“Three out of three, you did alright.” Y/N pushed herself off the railing and took a step towards Peter, her head tilting back to look up at him. She couldn’t help but be infatuated with Peter. She had only been back for a few days and all of the past feelings came flowing back. She spent so long believing that she would never be good enough for Peter that she just hid the idea of ever being with him or him sharing the same feelings. Oh, how she was wrong.

“Well teach me a little more…” he trailed, his hand going to touch Y/N’s cheek. He didn’t immediately touch her however, he wanted some form of consent and when Y/N leaned her face to touch his hand, he took that as an ‘okay’ before brushing her cheek with his thumb.

“Calor?”

“Heat.”

“Anoche?” Y/N raised her eyebrows.

“Last night.”

“Dolor.

“Pain?”

“That’s right.” She confirmed, eyebrows knitting together. She lifted her right hand and laid it on Peter’s chest, staring at it as the words left her lips like endless lullabies. Not taking any longer to think of what to say, she knew what needed to be said for both of them. “Llámame?”

“Call me.”

“Ámame”

“Love me.”

A breath escaped Y/N’s lips. They felt so close yet so far away from one another. Her eyes lifted away from being set on her hand on Peter’s chest to look at his beautiful, comforting eyes. “Perhaps I do-”

“Well, how do you say “kiss me”?”

“Besame.”

“And how do you say “hold me”?”

“Abrázame.” Y/N inevitably whispered, the words all making the flutter in her chest more intense. Her eyes were filled with so much joy yet so much anxiety at the same time. “Al amanezer. At sunrise.” [need to look up]

“Anything can help at sunrise.”

Y/N looked up at Peter’s eyes, she just wanted to kiss him right then and there. They held eye contact for a moment before her eyes dropped to his lips, leaning in a bit closer. She could feel how clammy her own hands were. She hated the feeling of it, but she knew this could dictate so much more especially considering her future. This action could change so much between them and she wasn’t sure if she was ready for it. But maybe she should just dive in head first. Her heart thumped against her chest, eyes closing for a moment as her lips parted, allowing air to escape and to his Peter’s lips.

“What will he say?” Peter pulled back, removing his hand from her cheek and dropping it down to his side, fiddling with the pocket that was hanging out of the sweats.

What a dramatic ass.

“Que dirá?”

“When he sees me around you?” He asked, eyebrows knitting together with concern. Y/N understood exactly how he felt. The fear of losing one another to her father. Losing this connection again. Y/N always believed that the time wasn’t right and that if it were destined to be, it would be.

“How do you say “Promise me?”” Peter asked, quieter than before. His forehead was pressed against hers, eyes closed as they took in the moment, hands briefly touching as a spark traced up their arms.

“Prometeme.”

“Promise me you’ll stay beyond the sunrise and that we won’t care what anyone has to say -”

“Beyond the sunrise.” Y/N cut off Peter. Their eyes met, searching for an invitation to kiss one another. The world seemed to stop at this moment. The trees' sweet songs slowed down as Peter leaned into the small space between he and Y/N. The birds stopped their harmonies and the cars stopped the melodies, it felt like the perfect interlude to any great story.

And then it just happened. Peters hand cupped her cheek like an angel cupping a baby for the first time. He softly guided her lips to his; it felt so soft and secure. His lips touched hers and in the moment she swore she was infinite. She was so alive and free in this moment. His lips melded with her like a beautiful piano melody being played. Everything that she could ever love and more was right here. Her heart pounded to the thought of him. To the action that was being played out.

Never in her wildest dream did she think she'd be kissing Peter Parker. During the sunrise. In Queens. She always thought that maybe one day, when they're older and they finally come to the conclusion, or maybe her accepting it more than she did before. She wasn't too sure how it would happen, but this was never the plan.

As quickly as it started, it ended. Peter pulled away, breathless

“Promise me you’ll stay.” Peter whispered against her lips as he pulled back. There was a moment of hesitation. Stay… how? With him? In New York? She wasn’t too sure what he meant, but those were the words she’s always wanted to speak to him. Just the act was something she thought about many times in high school. She had told herself that if she didn’t go to UCLA she would finally man up and tell Peter about her little crush and go to a school in NYC. But then she left.

“I’ll stay.” Y/N promised, her fingers interlinking with Peter’s. The pad of his thumb rubbing across the top of her hands. A promise that she would swear to fulfill. If not for her, then for him. She couldn’t imagine the world that he has around him but that world would be her’s. He would become her world in such a short amount of time.

Beyond the sunrise.

For the Ghost band ice breaker:

Prime Mover, Square Hammer, Cirice, and If You Have Ghost.

You don't have to answer all of these, of course! Pick any you wanna answer. :)

hiiii!!! i'm happy to answer them all :)

Prime Mover - When did you become a Ghost Fan?

I originally started listening to them around mid to late 2018 I think?? My brother had gotten really into them and would not shut up about Cirice in particular so I had to give it a shot lol. I def got sucked into it, I remember Prequelle already being out because that was the album I listened to the most right away.

Square Hammer - Who is your favorite Papa and why?

Technically not yet Papa but I'm a sucker for Cardi C - he was my intro to Ghost and that's what really hooked me in during my first ritual in 2019. I was a v casual fan up until this year tbh, I knew the singer was behind a mask and there was some interesting backstory to the whole thing but I never dug into it. It wasn't until Call Me Little Sunshine came out this year that I launched into the whole ~fandom side of things and it's like a little h0rny lightbulb went off in my head for the fuckin rat man and uhhhh now we're here lol

ok but also Terzo is my dumb slut baby and I love him, rip in pieces :') i also think i especially have a soft spot for him because meliora might be my favorite album overall!

Cirice - Favorite Ghost Song?

STOP THIS IS SO HARD i cant pick just one????? square hammer, mummy dust, cirice, absolution, per aspera ad inferi, year zero, I COULD KEEP GOING TBH EVERY SINGLE ALBUM IS A NO SKIP AND I STAND BY THAT

If You Have Ghost - How has Ghost affected your life?

I've actually made a couple posts that touch on this lately so I'm just gonna copy those lol:

i was a kid who didnt have a lot of IRL friends growing up so online fandoms were a huge part of my adolescence, especially from ages ~11-18ish and then it kinda faded in college. 1D took over big time for a while (and then just harry) but i was always mostly a lurker on here and didn’t participate a whole lot so it never really felt the same as when i was on the fall out boy message boards and fueled by trash lmao. BUT THEN the last couple of months since i found the ghost fandom have been fucking W I L D, i feel like a kid again and like i can actually participate in a community and it’s v healing for my emo inner child i love it :’)

as someone who grew up being pretty anti-religion but also obsessed with christian/catholic aesthetics, historical europe (specifically medieval and renaissance eras), and anything spooky - there has never been anything that’s made more sense to me than the concept of ghost and holy fuck it’s literally everything i’ve ever wanted i’m in l o v e

okay so that's it for ya nonny!!! im gonna reblog the list of Q's again in case anyone wants to know more lol

holiday blues (3). [ timothée chalamet ]

PART ONE | PART TWO | PART FOUR

summary: reader slips up that she has a boyfriend and begs timothée to be her pretend boyfriend during the holidays

warnings: i tried being poetic or some shit like that (oh and swearing

word count: -

author’s note: happy new year, everyone! hope you all enjoy 2019 and enjoyed 2018 (bc i’m sure i didn’t lmao) 💙 y’all thought that this was the end? lmao well guess what? this has another part bc i’ve reached the text limit ;(( hdjdkskskdkf i know that this sucks so much (i feel delusional bc i’ve stayed up until 5-7 am for a more or less than a week just to write this).

(y/l/n) - your last name

─── • ° *｡✧ ───

the soft light seeping through my curtains illuminates the room, setting a white warm glow around the room. i could hear the blows of the cold breeze trying to get into the room. i could see the tiny snowflakes falling from the sky and landing on the blankets of snow on the ground.

i rub the sleep from my eyes before turning around in bed. i expected to face the pile of stuffed animals i arranged last night as a border between timothée and i, but instead, i face the sleeping brunette boy who not only had his arm wrapped around my waist but also is inches away from my face.

i feel my cheeks burn as i move away from him. he only groans and pulls me closer to him, wrapping his arms around my waist tighter.

a few seconds later, his eyes start to open to reveal his green eyes. though they were sleepy, they were still beautiful.

timothée yawns and unleashes one arm from my waist to rub his eyes. “good morning,” he says, smiling sleepily.

gosh, he’s so cute.

“can you let go of me, timmy?” his face turns into a confused expression until he looks down and notices his arms around me. he looks back at me with pink-tinted cheeks, but his flustered face quickly turns into a smirk.

he shakes his head and says, “no.” as i was about to say something, he gets on top of me and tickles me. i start to laugh out loud, hitting timothée repeatedly and trying to get away from him, but his legs were at my side, making me unable to escape from him.

“t-timmy-y, stop i-it!” i say in between laughs. he stops and puts his hand on his chin, acting like he was thinking. “hmm, no thanks,” he says before going back to tickle me again. “y-you’re such a f-fucking child-d!”

i grab one of my pillows and hit timothée with it on the head. he finally lets go of me and lays on the bed, with his arms raised in an attempt to protect himself from my hits whilst laughing.

i climb on top of him and continue hitting him until he says, “okay, okay! i give up!” i return the pillow to its original place and do a little victory dance. “take that, chalamet! who’s the boss of you now?” i say, victoriously and my small victory fades away when timothée rolls us over and gets on top of me, pinning me against the bed.

he smirks when he sees my confused gaze. “obviously not you, (y/l/n).” i roll my eyes as he chuckles.

after his laughter tones down, i couldn’t help but stare at timothée’s eyes, him doing the same with mine. he quickly glances at my lips then to my eyes, slowly leaning in. i could hear my heart pounding in my ears as his hot breath fans my face. our noses touch and we slowly close our eyes, ready to feel each other’s lips on one another before i hear the door burst open and mom’s voice calling for timothée and i.

“(y/n), timothée, get up! we're—oh!”

timothée quickly gets off me and i sit up, our faces even redder than before. “i’m not interrupting anything, am i?” mom asks, raising an eyebrow. “no, no, no, no! nothing happened. i swear, mom!” i cover my face with my hands, trying to hide from the embarrassment. “please don’t tell dad.”

mom looks between timothée, who was looking at somewhere in the room, too embarrassed to meet my mom’s eyes and me, who was covering my face with my hands.

“okay,” mom says, dragging out the ‘o.’ “i’ll see you two downstairs.” she glances between us again before walking out the room.

as soon as mom is gone, i grab my pillow and groan as loud as i can. it’s only the morning and i’ve already managed to embarrass myself.

i can’t wait to embarrass myself even more today.

***

after breakfast, i decide to relax with the rest of my family in the living room. a smile grows on my lips as i watch timothée play with my baby cousins (who were asleep the whole day yesterday). my 11 months old cousin sits on his lap, staring up at him as my 5-year-old cousin leans over to put a princess crown over timothée’s head.

i cannot help but feel my heart do flips as i watch the scene in front of me. timothée who can be so goofy and cheeky when with me, can be soft and gentle when with kids makes my heart flutter.

i wonder how he’ll be when he has his own kids someday.

“are you in love with him?” i hear my aunt ask.

i snap out of my trance and nearly choke on my own spit when the words register inside my head.

“what?”

“with timothée. are you in love with him?” she clarifies.

“i-i don’t know, auntie. it’s too early in our relationship to say that.”

“but do you love him?”

that question strikes me even more than the previous one because i honestly don’t know if i love timothée or not. i mean, i love him as a friend and i certainly do have feelings for him, proven through his stay at my parents’ house, but do i like or love him?

i look away from her and glance back at timothée, who was now laughing along with my 5-year-old cousin as he tries to apply lipstick on her lips.

i chuckle, the smile staying on my lips as my laughter fades. “yeah, i do love him.”

“oh my god!” a loud yell erupts in the room, making us all turn our direction to the corner of the room where my cousins are sitting on the floor, looking between timothée and the tv screen as it plays ‘call me by your name.’

oh no. here we go.

my youngest cousin, rose stands up from the ground and points at timothée. “you’re elio from call me by your name!” she points then to the tv where timothée’s scene of elio watching oliver play volleyball is playing.

“you’re an actor?” i hear the voice of my dad ask as he comes into the living room with a mountain of gifts on his arms. timothée’s cheeks redden and before he could answer my dad’s question, rose immediately comes up to him with the rest of my cousins and starts asking him questions.

dad approaches the christmas tree and puts the gifts underneath it. when dad leans back up straight, he watches the movie for a while until he says, “he’s a great actor.”

“dad, i can explain—“

“no, (y/n). no need for explaining. clearly, he can take care of you financially if he ever decides to marry or have kids with you.”

i open and close my mouth, but no words come out of it. dad approaches me and takes my hand with an apologetic look on his face.

“(y/n), i’m sorry for being rude to timothée. i was only doing that because i thought that he had no job and that when you two get married and have kids, he won’t be able to make you and your family happy.”

“dad, i don’t care about money and financial stuff. i only care about love, happiness, and trust in our relationship. he could be the poorest man alive and i would still love him.”

he sighs and looks down. “i know. i’m sorry for only caring about money.” he looks up at my eyes. “i’m really sorry, honey.”

i pull my dad in a tight hug. “it’s okay, dad. on behalf of timothée, you’re forgiven.” i rub his back, comfortingly before pulling away.

as if my mom was listening to our conversation, she comes into the room and calls for everyone to come in the living room.

my cousins finally leave timothée alone and i approach him as he gives back my baby cousins to my aunt. i take a seat beside him and he wraps his arm around my shoulder. “hey, so how did your small meet and greet go?” he rolls his eyes and chuckles. “it was fine. turns out that rose actually wants to be an actor and asked for tips on how to become one.”

i open my mouth to say something, but my mom shushes me. i pout at her and cross my arms around my chest as she laughs.

“so, we will start with the gift-giving!” mom gets several gifts from underneath the christmas tree and distributes them to almost everyone in the room. she gives me her gift and i thank her, kissing her cheek.

“timothée, i’m so sorry that i don’t have a gift for you. i didn’t know that (y/n) would be bringing her boyfriend and i didn’t have the time to buy a gift,” she says and timothée reassures her that it’s fine and that the best gift he could get is being able to be with me and my family.

it goes on for a while until it was my turn. i stand up and get my presents for my family from under the tree. i then give the gifts to my family and then i turn to timothée who looks up at me with a smile on his lips.

i hand out the remaining present in my hands to timothée. he looks at me with surprise and says, “(y/n), you didn’t have to get me anything.”

“just shut up and open your present.”

he tears the christmas wrapping and opens the box inside to reveal a polaroid camera (a/n: idk but this kinda suits timothée’s aesthetic and i literally can’t think if anything else okay shush).

his eyes sparkle in excitement and he jumps up from the ground, pulling me into a tight hug. “oh my god, thank you, thank you, thank you!” he lifts me from the ground and spins me around, making me laugh.

“okay, okay. cut it out, lovebirds. go get a room.”

he finally sets me down on the ground and he kisses my cheek. his mouth goes to my ear and he whispers, “thanks for being a good friend.”

friend.

“it’s the least i could do for getting you to be my pretend boyfriend.” i try to hide the sad smile and i sit back to my previous spot.

my eyes glance over to the tree and notice that there are three presents left, but i get confused because i’m pretty sure that everyone has given their gifts, but my thoughts are interrupted when timothée approaches the tree and picks up the presents.

he brought gifts? even if he’s pretending to be my boyfriend?

before he goes to give his gifts, he stands in front of us with a guilty look on his face. “i’m sorry that i didn’t get everyone gifts. i didn’t know that (y/n)’s extended family would be attending and i expected it to be only her mom and dad.” he chuckles, making everyone chuckle as well.

he approaches my parents and gives them two of the gifts as my parents look at him in awe. my mom stands up and hugs him and when they pull away from each other, my dad stands up and shakes timothée’s hand.

“i’m so sorry for being so rude to you,” my dad apologizes. “it’s okay, mr. (y/l/n). i completely understand.” timothée smiles at my dad and unexpectedly, my dad gives him a hug. timothée stands shocked for a while, but nevertheless, he hugs him back. when they pull away from each other, dad says, “welcome to the family, son,” only making timothée’s smile grow even wider.

he walks away from my family and walks in front of me. he smiles down at me and places his gift down before helping me up. timothée then hands me his gift and i raise an eyebrow at him.

“timothée, you really didn’t have to—“

“just shut up and open the gift,” he says, mimicking my words earlier. i chuckle and playfully hit him on his shoulder before opening the gift.

my eyes widen and my jaw drops to the floor when i see a beautiful sparkling necklace. the necklace is white gold and has a small heart as a pendant (a/n: cliché af but uGh i would die if someone gave me this i swear).

“open the heart,” he quietly says and i do so, opening the heart pendant to reveal a picture of timothée and i. the picture is from the time timothée and i went on a “friendly date” to celebrate the first year of our friendship.

“so that you wouldn’t miss me too much if i’m away shooting a movie,” he claims.

timothée grabs the necklace from my hands and puts it around my neck. i lift my hair from behind as he chains the necklace on to my neck.

“timmy, it’s beautiful.” i grab the necklace and admire the simple yet meaningful gift. “thank you.” i pull him into a tight hug and bury my face into his chest. i inhale the scent of his cologne as i feel myself melt into his arms.

i truly treasure this moment because although he’s pretending to be my boyfriend for my sake, he doesn’t fail to show me love and his gratefulness of our friendship.

snap!

timothée and i pull away from each other and see mom holding her polaroid camera in her hands. “you two are so cute!” we back away from each other with red cheeks and smiles on our faces.

***

the rest of the day goes smoothly contrary to my words earlier.

i‘m catching up with my uncle who i haven’t seen a long time due to him working overseas and timothée is playing with my baby cousin alongside rose who tells him stories about her “theatre adventures” as she would call it.

i laugh at a joke my uncle says until i hear one of my cousins call for timothée and me. i excuse myself and approach my cousin as timothée walks to my side.

my cousin smiles at us mischievously and i ask him, “what’s up?”

“see for yourself.”

he points above us and i nearly faint when i see a mistletoe above timothée and me. my cheeks turn into a deep red and i look over at timothée, noticing that his red cheeks match mine.

“we don’t have to do this, you know,” he says, approaching me with anxious eyes. “we can just kiss each other on the cheek or—“

“just kiss me.”

“what?” timothée’s eyes widen at my statement. “(y/n), are you sure?” i nod my head and the next thing i knew, he leans into me and i feel his lips against mine. i wrap my arms around his neck and tangle my fingers in his curly hair as his hands grip my waist, pulling me closer to him.

i wouldn’t lie, i’ve always wondered what it’s like to kiss timothée and wondered how i would feel if he did and as cliché, as it sounds, the kiss felt like fireworks and i felt a warm feeling inside my chest.

i pull myself away from him and open my eyes to see his green ones staring back at me.

as much as i enjoyed the kiss, i couldn’t help but feel guilty and anxious. i just kissed timothée, my best friend.

i open my mouth to say something but quickly close it when nothing comes out. i look around to see my family who’ve gathered around us then i look back at timothée who looks back at me with a worried expression.

“(y/n), are you okay?” he asks, but before he could say anything else, i grab my coat and walk out of the house, murmuring, “i need some fresh air.”

MASTERLIST

Harvey

Date: Wed, 22 May 2019 13:39:09 -0500 From: gwen uni <[email protected]> Subject: Harvey Was A Bitch by Cutter09 gay adult/youth Please remember to donate to Nifty. The thousands of stories available for your reading pleasure is provided by Nifty, so give a little and get a lot. Cutter09 http://donate.nifty.org/donate.html You can find more of my stories listed on the prolific authors page under Cutter09 Harvey Was A Bitch  To say that we were surprised by the impact of Harvey would be an understatement. Being in Houston for years, and having worked on oil rigs in the gulf, I had survived many bad storms. But Harvey was a real bitch.  In my area of town there had been flooding a few years earlier that had come to within a couple of blocks of my highrise apartment. They had said at the time it was a once in five hundred years flood. So, with Harvey imminent, I stocked up on food, water, batteries, etc., and planned to hunker in and ride it out. I was even smart enough to get coolers filled with dry ice for perishables.  I expected power outages, and not being able to get out of the area for a few days, but Harvey decided that wasn't enough of an inconvenience.  I watched the storm from my window on the sixth floor. The wind and rain were incredible. The lights went out fairly early in the storm, and with the flashes of lightning I could see the trees swaying as much as a forty five degree angle.  Across from my building is a very nice subdivision with large houses set on large lots. Many nights I would sit on my balcony and watch the residents around their secluded pools, thinking they weren't being seen as they did all sorts of fun things. A lot of the women liked to sunbathe topless during the day too, and with my binoculars, I got some nice views.  As I watched the storm, I happened to look down at that subdivision. One house in particular, I had seen the lady of the house blowing her hubby poolside one night. I couldn't see the pool.  I thought the storm was just distorting things, so I got out my trusty binoculars. That's when I realized Harvey was a bitch. I couldn't see the pool because it was under water. The car in the driveway was only half visible too. The last flood hadn't even come close to these people's house.  I don't know what the difference was, but within five minutes, the half visible car was no longer visible at all. The water was rising rapidly.  I didn't have a lot of time to consider the situation because another situation knocked at my door just then.  "Oh thank God. I was afraid the whole building was empty," said the young teen boy at my door.  "What are you doing out in this storm?" I asked, opening the door to let him in.  He was a full foot shorter than me at about five feet two inches [1.55 m] tall, maybe a hundred ten pounds [50 kg], tousled light brown hair, big brown eyes.  "I live on the second floor. I didn't know how bad it was, until water started coming under the door. I tried to stop it by putting towels under it, but soon that was useless. It was up to my ankles when I decided to leave, I opened the door, and the water in the hall was already knee deep. I knew the first floor was flooded, so I decide to try and find someone else still in the building. I knocked on every door on the way up. Nobody's here. You're the first one to actually answer the door."  "Where are your parents? Do they need help?"  "No. My mom just married her boyfriend. They're in Paris on their honeymoon."  "They left you alone?"  "No. My grandmother was supposed to check up on me. When we heard the storm was going to be bad, she said she'd come pick me up.That was yesterday. I think something might have happened to her."  "Do you know your mom's cell number?"  "Yes."  Surprisingly I got a signal, and handed him my cell phone. "Call her and let her know you're okay."  "Mom?... Yeah, I'm fine... I don't know where she is, she was supposed to pick me up but I think something happened... I'm with some guy on the sixth floor... Just a second. She wants to speak to you."  "Hello."  "Hello. Uh... Who am I speaking with?"  "Brandon Duncan."  ""Mr. Duncan, how bad is it there?"  "Well, I'm afraid your apartment is completely flooded. The power is out, and the storm isn't letting up. I have food and water to last awhile, so I think we'll be alright."  "We've just heard about the storm, and were going to fly home, but nothing is landing in Houston."  "Don't bother. It's going to be awhile before the water recedes enough to get here even if you were able to land. Just enjoy your honeymoon as much as you can under the circumstances. I'll keep you informed if things worsen."  "Thank you Mr. Duncan."  I handed the phone back to the boy.  "Yes Mom... He does seem like a nice guy... yeah I'll behave... Ok, love you too. Bye."  "So, what's your name kid?"  "Blake."  "Well Blake, are you hungry?"  "A little."  "I doubt that Domino's pizza is delivering tonight, so how about some peanut butter and jelly sandwiches?"  He shivered as he nodded his head. I noticed his jeans were soaked halfway up his thighs.  "First, let's find you something to wear."  Leading him to my bedroom by flashlight, I pulled out an old basketball jersey from my bottom drawer.  "It might be a little big, but it will do," I said handing it to him.  Blake wasted little time in taking his jeans off. Then he removed his tee shirt too. I had the flashlight trained on him, and could see his tight white briefs in it's glow. The jersey fit him like a dress, hanging to his thighs. It was then I realized it was mesh, and I could see through it. He either didn't notice, or didn't care.  "Thanks. It feels good to get out of those wet jeans."  I made the sandwiches and poured the last of my milk into two glasses to go with it. At least it wouldn't spoil. I lit a candle and set it on the table. In its dim light, I could still see Blake's chest and and briefs through the mesh material.  After we ate, we stood at the patio door watching the storm ravage the city.  "May I use your toilet?"  "Sure. Down the hall on the left."  I started to lead him there with the flashlight, then had a thought.  "Wait. Uh... the plumbing is probably not going to work. We'll have to go down to water level and do our business in the water."  "Won't it go into people's apartments, including mine?"  "Afraid so. But they're already ruined, and that water is a sewer now too. You don't even want to know all that's in it."  He worked it through his head, and nodded."  I reached for some toilet paper. "Uh... I don't need that right now," he said.  I led him down the stairwell till we reached the water halfway up the second story.  "I never thought I would be doing this," Blake said as he tucked the jersey under his chin.  The beam of the flashlight was soon joined by a stream of urine from Blake. I slowly trailed the beam up the stream to its origin.  Blake had a thumb holding his underwear waistband down, as his other hand held his dick. It was soft, about three and a half inches [8½ cm], fairly thick, with a nice round knob. I could make out a few hairs at its base, and his balls were mashed against his cock by his underwear. I would imagine it being a really nice cock when hard.  When he finished, I turned to go back upstairs.  "Don't you need to go too?" he asked.  "I might as well, since we're already here."  I pulled the waistband of my sweatshorts down in front. It took me awhile to get my stream started since I wasn't in dire need. The whole time, Blake had the flashlight pointed at my cock.  We headed back upstairs after I finished. Blake broke the silence by saying, "I've never seen a dick that big."  "Your's is pretty big too for your age. How old are you anyway?"  "I'll be thirteen next week. You're not mad about me looking at your dick?"  "I can't complain, I looked at yours too. It's only natural. If someone is standing in front of you with their genitals on display, you're gonna look. Male or female, it's hard not to look."  "At school if you're caught looking at another guy's dick, they call you names," Blake noted.  "Yes, that does seem to be the case. It's the unspoken rule in any public restroom. But most guys are gonna look if they can get by with it."  The storm continued to rage outside as we watched from the balcony door. Blake seemed pensive, so I asked him if he was okay.  "Yeah, I guess. It just seems like this storm is never going to end. Do you think we'll be alright here?"  "We're about forty feet [12 m] above the water. If it get's this high, there really isn't anyplace safe to be. Most of Texas would be gone. If worse comes to worse, we'll move higher. This building has ten floors."  Later I showed him to the guest room and left him with a candle. I had barely settled in my bed before the door opened.  "Brandon, can I stay with you?"  "Uh... sure."  He approached the bed, and with the candlelight, I could see he had taken off the jersey. His briefs glowed in the flickering light as he sat the candle down on the bedside table.  He blew out the candle and crawled in beside me. He lay perched on the edge of the bed as if he didn't want to invade my space.  "It's okay to be scared, Blake. This is a really bad storm. A lot of people are scared right now, even grown men."  "Are you scared?"  "I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little scared. But I know we're gonna be okay."  Blake moved closer and drew my arm around him, laying his head on my shoulder.  "Thanks, Brandon."  He lay his hand down between our bodies, and discovered I was naked.  "Brandon, are... uh..."  "What?"  "Uh... nothing, never mind. Good night."  "Good night, Blake," I replied placing a light kiss on his head. ***  It was still raining when I woke up, though some light was coming in the windows. Blake lay on his side, drooling on my chest. His morning erection poking at my hip, his hand on my own morning wood. I thought about removing it, but if he woke up at that moment, it might appear as if I was trying to place it there, not remove it.  I decided to just leave it and let him figure out what to do. I lay there about fifteen minutes until Blake began to wake. I feigned sleep as he looked up at my face. He then squeezed my cock, checking how hard it was I guessed. His hand slowly made its way down to the base squeezing it along the way. Then all the way to the head, still squeezing it, checking the length.  He stroked it a couple of times, causing me to moan slightly. This scared his hand away from me, and he rolled onto his back. So I rolled onto my side facing him. I still pretended to be asleep, as I lay my hand down on the front of his underwear.  He let out a moan as my fingers lightly gripped his cotton encased erection. I released it, then moved my hand up to his belly, to slip my fingers under the waistband. He made no move to stop me, so I proceeded down to grip his young cock.  "You have a nice dick, Blake."  "Um..Thanks. I thought you were asleep."  "I was until you played with my cock."  "I'm sorry. I woke up and it was in my hand. I just wanted to see how big it was when it was hard."  "Show me yours, and I'll show you mine," I said with a smile.  He understood the schoolyard humor, and reached for his underwear. Once free of confinement, I could see his dick was a little over five inches [13 cm] long and thick for his age. On his tiny body, it looked huge. He only had a few hairs, and a set of balls that I couldn't wait to run my tongue over.  He got impatient as I stared at his jewels. "Can I see yours now?"  I pulled the cover off us, and got on my knees in front of him.  Blake gazed at it for a moment, then his hand wrapped around it.  He looked up at me and asked, "Can I suck it?"  Thank you God for sending me this angel.  "Only if I get to suck yours too."  He leaned toward me and took it into his mouth. It had been twenty years since I had been with a boy. My best friend Aaron and I had messed around when we were about Blake's age. I have dreamed of being with a boy ever since. Now I had that chance, I was going to take full advantage of it.  I could tell he hadn't ever done this before, but he was very enthusiastic. He knew what he wanted. A cock in his mouth. He yearned to feel it, and taste it. He also wanted what was soon coming his way. A full load of man sperm.  He worked hard for what he knew was his reward. His lips and hand moved in sync, enticing the load from my cock.  "Do you want me to cum in your mouth?"  Blake nodded and picked up the pace.  "I'm cumming."  Blake's cheeks puffed out a bit as my first shot fired. He quickly swallowed, and coaxed the rest out with his hand. Swallowing twice more before slowing his motion. Then he just lovingly sucked on it.  The kid was a natural, and liked it. I had just given him his first taste of something he would crave the rest of his life. Even after taking his mouth away, he still stared at it, wondering when he would get to do it again.  That time would come soon enough, but first, it was my turn. I swooped down and swallowed his boy dick. My mind instantly flooded with the memory of sucking Aaron's dick. His silky hardness filled my mouth, reaching the entrance to my throat. Blake was so turned on by sucking me, he didn't last thirty seconds before I got a taste of his boy cream.  The worst of the storm had passed, but it was still raining. We didn't bother to dress as we went down the stairwell to stand side by side and piss into the water below.  We laughed all the way back to the apartment. Blake immediately reached for my cock. He already needed another serving of cream. Who was I to deny a budding cocksucker.  We were sitting on the sofa, when his face dropped into my lap. His lips wrapped around my cock, and he slowly sild up and down on it. He didn't seem to be trying to make me cum, it was more like he just wanted to enjoy having a cock in his mouth.  I leaned back and let him have his way. His head lay on my stomach as he nursed on my cock, almost like a baby with a pacifier. After a couple of minutes, he pulled it out of his mouth, and held it straight up admiring it. His hand slid up the shaft and swirled around the knob end before sliding back down. Then he put it back in his mouth to nurse on it some more.  "You really like my dick, don't you," I pointed out.  Blake nodded, then pulled away long enough to say "It's beautiful. And so big."  As he put his lips around it again, I slid my hand down to his butt. I squeezed his little butt cheeks before slipping my middle finger into his crack. He pressed back into my hand as I toyed with his pucker. This got him excited enough to start sucking my cock in earnest. His head bobbed up and down my shaft quickly and when he felt my balls tighten up, he took me into his throat for me to explode there.  I pushed my finger into him up to the second knuckle and worked it in and out. Blake grabbed his dick and stroked it twice before firing his load onto his stomach.  "Are you ready for some breakfast?" I asked after we had calmed.  I scrambled eggs on the side burner of my gas grill, and we sat down to eat. I had never sat and ate with a naked teenager, but hoped it wouldn't be the last time. Neither of us seemed bothered by it, in fact I think Blake enjoyed it as much as I. He had a constant smile on his face, and kept glancing down at my cock.  We were cuddling on the sofa when I heard something. A motor. I stepped to the balcony railing and looked down. There was a guy in a bass boat looking for people who needed rescuing.  I yelled down to him, "Hey! Is all of Houston under water?"  "Just about. You need help?"  "If it doesn't get any worse, we'll be alright. It would be hard to get down there anyway. We have food and water to last awhile."  "Ok. I'll swing by again in a day or two to check on you."  "Thanks. I'd appreciate it."  Blake had a smile on his face as I entered the patio door.  "What?" I asked.  "Nothing. At first I thought you were going to ask him to rescue us.  "Do you want to be rescued?"  "You already did," he said, and threw his arms around me.  Later I was teaching him to play the card game 'Spades', and he began looking a little pensive.  "What's wrong?"  "Nothing. I'm just worried."  "We're gonna be just fine. The rain will stop soon, then the water will go down, and you'll be back with your mom."  "That's just it. When they get back we're gonna move in with Lucas."  "He didn't live with you here?"  "No. He's rich, and has a really big house north of here."  "Oh? What's Lucas's last name?" I asked, hoping he wouldn't say Bishop.  "Bishop."  "Shit. He owns the company I work for. He's probably fifty years old. How old is your mom?"  "Thirty. I guess she's like a trophy wife or something. She's really pretty."  Now I was getting curious. "What happened to your dad?"  "Never had one. Mom's worked for Bishop since she was sixteen. He got divorced last year, and started dating my mom."  "Had you met him before they started dating?"  "Yeah, he's been to our place lots of times. I can't remember when he wasn't around."  Okay, things were getting clearer. There has always been rumors about Bishop and a young girl. So, putting the rumors with this information, I would guess that Bishop knocked up a sixteen year old girl, kept her and her son around, divorced his wife and now married the mother of his son, I also knew he only had two daughters by his first wife. Maybe he decided he wanted a male heir.  "Well, after this storm, I'm sure you would have to move anyway."  "You're right. I know. But now that I've met you, I don't think I want to move. I've never been so comfortable around anybody like I am with you."  He reached for my cock again. "I've never been able to sit around naked with anybody, or play with their dick, and let them play with mine, like I can with you."  "You know, I will probably have to move too. The lobby is gone, all resident services are gone, the elevator probably won't work for a long time. It will be at least a year before this building is habitable again. Maybe I'll check into a hotel near where you live, and we can still see each other."  This brought a smile to his face. "Will you really? You will still want to see me after all this is over?" He seemed surprised that I would want to.  "Of course I will. Why wouldn't I?" I asked.  "I sorta thought this was like a convenience for you. You know. Like, 'I'm stuck with this kid, I might as well get my dick sucked' kinda thing."  "I don't let just anyone suck my dick. You're a beautiful boy and I like you a lot. And you have a pretty suckable dick too," I laughed.  My cock had grown hard in his hand. He was staring at it while lost in thought for a moment.  "So... If I wanted to do more, would you?" he asked without looking away from my cock.  "More? Like what?"  He hesitated for a moment, then said, "I really liked the way your finger felt in me this morning..."  "So you want to try something a little bigger?"  Blake smiled and nodded at me.  "I'm pretty big. Are you sure you want to?"  "I trust you."  I used my fingers, then a couple of different sized candles, to stretch him a bit. With each progressively larger item, he moaned and groaned as his hole was widened, but he never said stop. In fact, he seemed to enjoy every step of the way. His dick receded at each step, then returned to rigid hardness as I worked the candle in and out.  Blake lay on his back, and I was poised at his opening when I gave him one last chance to back out.  "Are you sure?"  He smiled and pulled my cock to his hole. "Please fuck me."  I leaned down to kiss him as I applied pressure. All the prep work had helped, and I popped in fairly easily. Blake groaned into my kiss, and wrapped his arms around me. I moved slowly in and out, gaining ground with every third or fourth stroke. He moaned as I took possession of each additional inch of his chute.  At about six inches [15 cm], I tried just fucking him with that, but he wanted more. Bucking up at me, and wrapping his legs around me to pull me deeper, I gave in and slowly fed him the last three inches [7 cm] of thick cockmeat.  As my balls banged against his butt cheeks, Blake screamed out, "Oh God!"  I felt his dick throbbing between our bellies as he unloaded his cream there. When his orgasm passed, Blake's lips met mine again, and he humped his hips up at me wanting more fucking. I obliged, and started to pound him pretty hard.  This kid was born to be fucked. I've never had a woman who was as enthusiastic and responsive as Blake was. His moans of pleasure in my ear were just as exciting as his tight tunnel gripping my cock.  His second orgasm pushed me over the brink, and I unleashed my cum in his colon. I collapsed on top of him, and we both tried to recover.  "Are you okay?" I asked after a couple of minutes.  "Couldn't be better," he whispered.  I started to pull away. "Please don't take it out yet. I like the way you feel inside me."  Looking down at him I said, "Where have you been all my life?"  "The first fifteen years or so of it, I wasn't born yet," Blake laughed, causing his ass to squeeze my cock.  "Just for that..." I said, and jerked my cock from his butt.  "Ooh... That was mean," Blake complained.  "It's up to us old guys to teach you young whippersnappers a lesson."  He pulled me back for a kiss. "Lesson learned. Now put it back in me."  "Later. Let's get something to eat."  Blake made his way downstairs to our toilet, as I grilled steaks and roasted corn on the gas grill. The rain had slowed, but still coming.  "The water didn't get to the third floor, but almost. And I think it's gone down some."  He sat with a big grin and watched me going to and fro as I prepared our dinner. His gaze never far from my swinging cock. When I sat the plates on the table, he stood on his toes and leaned up for a kiss. I leaned down to kiss him, and his hand grabbed my cock.  "I feel like a girl on her honeymoon, and I can't wait till my husband fucks me again."  I didn't make him wait too long. As soon as it was too dark to see, we went to bed. Blake was so anxious, he practically raped me. He pushed me onto my back, straddled me, and impaled himself on my pole. In the flickering candlelight, I watched his face. There was nothing but pure bliss to be seen. His dick was hard and drooling as he rode me. He soon squirted out his first orgasm, and I flipped him over and fucked him hard. ***  The man in the bass boat returned, but we declined assistance. The water slowly receded, and we spent the time fucking and sucking as it did.  As suspected, there was nothing in his apartment worth saving. The lobby area was even worse, and I knew I was going to have to move.  When I heard the first cars moving down on the streets below, I told Blake he should get dressed.  An hour later there was a knock at the door. Blake's mom and her new husband were happy to see Blake.  "As soon as I heard your name, I knew Blake was in good hands," my boss said.  "How is that sir?" I asked, taking his offered handshake.  "I make it a point to know about my employees. I told Tammy to relax, that you would make sure Blake was safe."  I wasn't aware that Mr. Bishop even knew my name.  Blake's mom still had him in a strangling hug as Bishop said, "Pack a bag. There's no reason to stay here. You're coming with us."  Blake told of how scared he had been and that I took really good care of him. He loved telling how we used the staircase as a toilet.  "Just think Mom, you probably walked through my poop on your way to the apartment."  She turned to her husband and said, "I'm throwing these shoes away." Which brought a laugh to everyone.  Bishop's house is excessively huge and luxurious. I was assigned a bedroom next to Blake's. I was a bit apprehensive when Blake snuck into my room the first night. That didn't stop me from planting his face in the pillow and fucking the life out of him.  It was two weeks before I could get my stuff packed and moved. Bishop gave me a condo in the building across the street from our company headquarters. I got the impression it was where he had taken sixteen year old Tammy and put Blake in her belly. Probably spent many a lunch hour there with her since then too.  My new position as 'Head of Operations' pays double what I was making before, and Bishop never questions the amount of time I spend with Blake.  He has however mentioned how well Blake fills out a speedo, then adds "As I'm sure you know." I suspect he knows about our relationship.  He says Blake and I are like the two sons he never had. I know that I am the only one that isn't his son, and since Tammy is pregnant now, maybe he'll have another.  Yes, Harvey was a real son of a bitch to Houston, but it was great to me. The End © Cutter09 Please send comments: Cutter09 would love to hear what you think of the story! Do you enjoy having access to all the great fantasy material and also having a place to share your own stories without having to censer them for a general audience? Please donate to Nifty and help support and maintain this free service. http://donate.nifty.org/donate.html