hey guys um. fucked up little au idea

Lockdown Bubble - Part 2

The next day I came downstairs before Antony and made breakfast, sittng at the table with my back to the counters and munching away as he walked in. "Morning" he said cheerfully, and I waved a response while swallowing a mouthful of cereal.

"Morning, got anything planned today?", and took in another bite.

"Not really. Weekends aren't the same during lockdown. Day in front of the TV again I guess" he replied busying himself behind my head making his own breakfast. As he bent down to get the milk he let out a short fart. "Oh excuse me! That just slipped out".

Desperately trying to swallow the cereal before I retched it out from the smell, I leaned as far away as I could get. "Oh man, not another one, why do your farts smell so bad?"

"My diet isn't that great" Antony shrugged, then gave his belly a jovial wobble as if to emphasize the point. "If you think my farts are bad, just wait until I've done one of those home work out vids. Now they build up a sweat"

"I'll stay clear of that then until you shower!"

"Who knows, might be something else you learn to love. Like my farts", and that devilish grin returned.

I turned around to deny that I would never, but realised too late the huge mistake it was. Antony had purposely bent forward on the counter with his ass aimed directly at my head in hope his bait would work. As I turned to face him he released another quick airy fart right at me.

Ppfftt

Antony was beside himself laughing. In disgust I shot out the chair to wash my face in the sink. "Omg, so gross!"

"Aww I'm sorry, I was just having a laugh. Didn't mean to get you right in the face. Good job your mouth was closed ay, otherwise you'd have been swallowing last night's dinner again". He chuckled as he sat and ate his breakfast.

I finished drying myself and sat back to finish breakfast. "I'm beginning to think you have a thing for farts the way you keep subjecting me to then"

Antony chewed in thoughtful silence for a moment before responding, "nah, not the farting itself. I just aren't bothered by them like you are. But what I do like is humiliation, subjecting others to it. Like some people love having their feet worshipped, I don't care about it particularly, but if a guy hates feet then that's what I want them doing. I get off on that power". I was stunned by the honesty.

"That being said I am also very good at figuring out what someone truly desires. So either my farts will be a good punishment for you, or they'll be something you secretly crave". And he carried on eating as if he hadn't just dropped a bombshell.

"I can guarantee that I do not want your farts, they're certainly not my thing. And I'm not a big fan of feet either come to that matter"

Again Antony smirked while finishing his cereal. "Dont worry, we will only be vanilla then if that's what you want. I just thought last night you said you would be an obedient slave"

I felt oddly insulted. Was I vanilla? Surely there was a large gap between just wanting to suck a cock or sit on a dick, and having to be subjected to Antony's gaseous assaults. And I was ashamed to admit it, but every time he called me a slave I could feel my dick start to throb. Maybe I could help satisfy his need to dominate without going too far.

"I'm not vanilla! Just maybe you're a lot more experienced than me. I want to please, sir". I paused while giving an innocent doll eyed look, "but maybe, don't be too mean?"

"Of course not, wouldn't want you leaving here. And as a show of good will, how about you suck my cock?" Antony offered.

I felt relieved. It was stupid, but I didn't want to be boring and we'd both said how much fun being a bubble with benefits would be so I didn't want to look like I was bailing on it.

I pushed my chair out and slid under the table. Antony opened his legs so I could get at his crotch. He was wearing the same boxers as yesterday having not changed. The smell of the sweat from the night's sleep and a bit of dried cum was noticeable. Again I didn't want to be a buzz kill so without I protest pulled his fat cock out of the flap. Once in my mouth it started to harden and I began to work it.

Antony leaned back looking under the table at me slobbering on his cock. "Oh damn that feels good. Though I forgot to warn you that I needed a piss..."

My eyes must have shot open in terror. But before I could pull away Antony had slid his large hand to the back of my head and I felt a hard grip hold me in place.

"...I'm kidding! Would I do that to you? Keep sucking on that cock bitch, don't you dare stop when it feels this good"

The grip didn't let off but I felt reassured enough to carry on. Humiliation was one thing, but he wouldn't force me drink his piss surely.  His hand forced me down so the cock was slamming the back of my throat, and he began convulsing in the chair as he came. I swallowed quickly as he held me there for a minute before letting him go, making sure I got every drop.

"Ah, what a way to start the day. Think you can manage that as your new morning routine?"

I scrambled up off the floor. "Erm, yeh I guess, might be in a rush for work if you're not up early enough".

"Ah don't worry, I've got an idea for that". Without further comment on the matter he went to watch TV. I stood there for a moment. Unsure what to make of the morning. I was also sad that I'd not been given chance to come. I did consider excusing myself to go have a wank. But thought best save it. If I didn't want to look frigid, or vanilla, I'd want to stay horny. But how hard could it be to please Antony's needs?

Airy and Popcorn bake a cake :) part 2!!!

yep part two baby! Same warnings and stuff as part one, go read that one first 🤨

“Okay so.. where’s the hand mixer?” Airy shrugged, already breaking the clumps in the ingredients apart. Popcorn huffed and started opening various drawers, until she found the machine. He plugged it in, but set it aside. “You got all the drys in?” Airy glanced at all the powders and crystals on the counter. “I think so.. wait no.. don’t chocolate cakes need.. like a chocolate powder or something?” Airy remembered from the past baking shows they’d watched. Popcorn scratched her head. “Oh yeah.. we don’t have any of that.. oh! I know!” She grabbed the chocolate chips and poured them in a bag. “Popcorn what are you-“ Airy was cut off by Popcorn grabbing a rolling pin and proceeding to beat the bag with it. Most of the chips weren’t getting properly crushed, but it was close enough to her. “Popcorn I.. dont think.. that’ll..” “Shush Airy, a baker needs complete silence to concentrate on her work!” After a few minutes she poured the power in. “Let’s hope that works. K, the drys are mixed together, so let’s just put em together i guess.” He shrugged, grabbing the bowl and pouring it over the wets, coughing as clouds of flour burst up. “Ugh. So. How does this thing work?” She fiddled with the hand mixer, eyeing different buttons. Airy shrugged. “Fine, I’ll just start pressing random things and we’ll see how it works.” She eventually found the power switch, and immediately set it to the highest setting. Airy jumped back as clouds of powder and bits of butter went flying everywhere. “OH SHIT, BAD IDEA!” Popcorn managed to set it to a lower speed, sighing. “Yeah, maybe that wasn’t the best idea I’ve ever had. But hey, i figured out how to turn this thing on!” She grinned. After a few minutes of mixing the batter, Popcorn was getting bored. “My arm hurts!” She glanced at Airy, hoping he would catch the memo. He was currently trying to clean up some of the counter. “Man this sure is boring..” Again, no response. “For heaven’s sake Airy, mix this for me!” He shoved the mixer into Airy’s arms. “Okay..” Airy started mixing the batter, calling Popcorn over when it was done. “Does this..?” Popcorn inspected it. “Yeah, that seems about right! Good job dude!” They poured it into a pan, and put the cake in the oven. “How long, Airster?” Airy thought for a moment. “I’m..not sure.” “Hm alright, uhh.. an hour. That’s always a good stopping point!” They set the timer, and let it be. “Airy, we’re running low on soap, let’s go to the store.” Popcorn suggested. About forty-five minutes later, they came back, to immediately be met with the smell of burning. “Oh shit!” Popcorn rushed into the room, Airy not far behind. She threw open the oven, and pulled out the cake. “Hot! Hot, hot, hot!” He quickly dropped it on the counter. “Is it.. supposed to look like that?” Airy asked, pointing at the charred bits on the outside, with the goopy middle pouring out. “Probably not. But we still gotta decorate!” Popcorn grabbed the various decorating things they had. “Let’s copy that design from the show, to prove it is easy!” Needless to say it was not as easy as it looked. The frosting kept melting off the cake, and the designs were terrible. “Well hey, it might be delicious!” She shrugged. Popcorn cut a piece and handed it to Airy. “I’m..not eating that.” He shook his head. “Your loss!” Popcorn sat down and grinned. “The moment of truth.. is it good?” She took a bite. “Hey.. it’s not bad!” “Really?” “Yeah man, try it!” She handed Airy the fork. He hesitantly lifted the piece to his mouth, immediately spitting it out. Popcorn cracked up. “Dude you actually thought? That shit is terrible! We should give it to my contestants. God that’d be funny, first person to eat their whole piece of my disgusting cake wins!” Airy got up to grab some water. “Oh ew..” Popcorn snickered.

yeah I cant come up with an ending imagine one for yourselves one 18 style lmao

alright doing this now before i chicken out again.

With the way ONEs plot is set up, giving characters specific classpects is honestly a bit reductive, what with how it explores the different ways people react to one situation, rather than the other way around (which is more conducive to assigning classpects). Its also really hard to classpect ONE characters because of how little source material there is to work with, so I'll likely only do the very most important characters.

Character analysis under the cut. If you have any ideas please let me know!!

Even with the characters we could consider the Main ones, it's difficult to get a good grasp on their aspect, let alone their class. Bryce, Liam and Amelia ultimately could all have the same aspect and just different classes.

I feel like either Liam or Bryce is a Doom player, and I'm really leaning on Bryce. Sure awful stuff happens to Liam, but he is a lot more proactive about fixing those things. Bryce is aswell, but Bryce seems more resigned to his life sucking. When he gets a good job and starts actually enjoying his life, he clings onto that hope that the plane isnt real because he knows that if the plane is real, bad things would inevitably happen to him again.

Amelia and Liam gave me a bit of trouble... I'm still unsure about them. I was tossing the idea of one of them being a Void player around, and was thinking that Amelia was the Void player because we dont know SHIT about her, and it seems she doesnt know shit about herself either.

Something a friend suggested though, is that Amelia is a Space player. Space players' tendencies of being crucial to the plot, but still being far away and on the surface ineffectual describes her quite well. Also see my post about how Amelia is almost always interrupted during her speeches, which gives off the sense that she's distant in the eyes of the plot. I'm still quite flexible on what her aspect is though so if you have any ideas I'm all ears

Liam being a Void player is something I'm still thinking about. Another thing that I've mentioned in a previous post is that Void players do not act mysterious or seem like the type of people to keep secrets, rather they seem like they have nothing to hide at all. Although we know more about Liam than we do Amelia, we know juuust enough about Liam so he's not suspicious. But when you think about it, it's hard to name some of his defining traits, like his life or family beforehand.

Void fits him okay, but there may be an aspect that fits him even more. Blood is a bit of a cop out because every protag is Blood coded, but I can't think of much else other than Hope, which has some merit but ehhh the vibes are off.

I don't know where to even begin with Airy. Something important to me is that (though I am willing to hear someone out on this) he is not a master class. A big part of his character and also ONE as a whole is that he's just some guy, so him being The Most Important or The Least Important character would go against that.

I'm thinking Airy is maybe a Time player? It's quite an active aspect for someone as lethargic as him, but he has a lot of power in his position and actually does a whole lot of stuff when you think about it. As for his class, I think he'd be a Rouge. A more passive class, to offset how proactive his aspect is with how unmotivated his personality is, as well as a relocation class, for someone who steals people's lives (their Time) for his own benefit.

He could just as well be a Bard, and that's actually almost what I ended up going with, but I believe the stealing portion of the Rouge class is important to Airy's character.

Stone is a Light player obviously. There's a good chance they're the master class, a Muse, but hmm something is off about it to me that I can't explain. I'm open to other ideas.

Charlotte being a Life player is both funny and fitting, though Hope or maybe even Mind/Heart fits her determination as well. As for her class, maybe Mage would fit, because of her whole 'learning from her mistakes' thing.

Miscellaneous characters... Stella might be a Sylph of Rage, because of the grief she presumably caused Bryce at her dissappearance (passively creating rage/unrest), and Rage players commonly have different facets of their personality they show to different people (like Gamzee), she is quite annoyed with their mom but seems to treat Bryce well and with respect. Can you tell how hard im reaching here

Owen would be a Breath player I think, because of his dichotomy of being carefree and empowered to do what he wishes in direct contrast to Liam. I think Oscar would also be a Light player because uhhh numbers. Also he gave Liam and Bryce information.

hush (m) jjk

pairing; jungkook x reader

genre; established relationship, college au.

warning; public indecency, exhibitionism, exhibition kink, tit sucking, jungkook loves your tits, fingering, degradation, pwp really.

word count; 2598

summary;

➜ when you invited your boyfriend to a study date at the library on a Friday night, studying was your only intention. Of course, Jungkook always had a knack of ruining your plans.

a/n; now that this is out of the wayy, i will now be working on my money matters prequel! i hope you look forward to that one! 

"For the last time, kook," you discreetly pushed off his arm around your torso, hand comfortably purchased on your clothed breast. "I called you here to study with me, not mess around."

He only let out a small airy grunt in reply, not caring about a single word you just said. The wooden legs of the chair he was situated on dragged across the gray carpeted floor as he moved closer to you, once again sliding his arm around your body and fixating his hand back to its previous position.

"J-jungkook..." You whined as you felt his slender fingers gently knead at your mound, even with a bra on, he could sense how hard your nipple has become at his lingering touch. The words that tumbled out your mouth said no but your body language says otherwise. The blunt edges of your teeth painfully dug into the soft flesh of your bottom lip while you tried your best to suppress the needy moans wanting to escape.

"Tell me to stop." A hint of challenge lacing his tone with the slight curve of his lips. He knew how much he affected you; how his honey slicked voice crawled under your skin and shot straight to your core. 

Exhibitionism wasn't on top of your list but it was on his. 

Although no matter how much he wanted to do bad things to you under the prying and watchful eyes of those around you, your consent has always been and always will be his priority.

"Tell me to stop and I'll stop." jungkook was growing impatient by the second, you can tell by how hard he was squeezing at your breast.

"D-dont--" you faintly mouthed, burying your face in the curve of his neck. His musky scent overpowering your senses and doubling the wetness forming between your legs. "s-stop..."

"Fuck" he cursed under his breath, you were too fucking good for him. He temporarily released his grip on you and plotted his next move.

At this point, the only thing you could do is hope your mouth stays close like your eyes.

You felt the hem of your skirt hitch up as his right hand roamed the expanse of your quivering thighs. Just as you were about to close it shut, he jammed his hand in between them.

"I don't think so, baby." It came out as a whisper and got you squirming in your seat. He scanned the premises of the facility, the number of people inside could be counted with the fingers on his hand. It was pretty empty considering that it was a Friday night, most college students would rather hang out at a party than study in library.

In the eyes of an outsider, the two of you only looked like a normal couple. A loving boyfriend letting his exhausted girlfriend take a nap on his shoulder. How sweet. 

What they don't know won't kill them and if they find out, well, it'll only rile him up more.

At the back of your mind, you thank god that you chose a spot facing the wall. If you didn't, the person sitting on the table parallel to yours would have a front row seat to your dripping pussy.

"You like that?" Jungkook's hand found its way to your clothed core, trailing the pad of his fore and middle finger over the newly moistened patch. "God, you're always so fucking wet for me, y/n."

The heat and wetness of your aroused cunt have gotten to him, a noticeable tent forming at the crotch area of his sweatpants. He quickly grasped your hand and pressed it against his growing erection.

 "Shit..."

 You shut your eyes even tighter and braced yourself for what was about to come next when he began pushing your underwear to the side.

A breathless whimper was all you can utter at the sensation of sudden intrusion, his middle finger shoved inside your hole down to the last knuckle.

"Always so tight, you dirty slut. Clenching around my finger like vice grips."All his words came out as a mumble, barely audible, still it sent shockwaves of electricity throughout your entire body. Nobody does it like him, only jungkook has got this much control and power over you.

"Be good a girl for me and unbutton your shirt, I want to suck on those perky nipples of yours."

Somehow your breath gets caught up in your throat, and you're suddenly gasping for air. How can his presence be so suffocating and enticing at the same time like you're drowning in a deadly sea with a lifeboat next to you but you decided you’d rather die and be enveloped by the waters. 

You do as you're told, unbuttoning your blouse half way through just enough for your boobs to poke out.

"Damn," Jungkook kissed your forehead, giving you ample time to hold your head steady after leaning on him for a while.

He then laid his head cradled by his arm on the surface of the table, his face conveniently positioned in front of your chest. With his same hand, he hooked a finger under the front band of your bra and tugged it downwards. Your plump breast bounced deliciously against the force and you can see the way his pupil blew up with lust and fervor.

"Will never get tired of these." Jungkook confessed, dipping his head closer and taking in one pert nipple in his mouth. Slowly and surely, he was taking time sucking at your sensitive nub. His idle hand took note of the nipple he physically couldn't reach with his mouth and did its purpose. Pinching and tweaking.

The wet feeling of his mouth, tongue and fingers on your burning skin had you bucking your hips into his stagnant finger. Whining and yearning for any sort of friction.

"Oh," he smiled while still latched onto your nipple, "I'm sorry, I forgot." He sunk his teeth into your hardened bud; the ardent sting has got you curling your toes inside your shoes and hands gripping at the edge of your seat.

"They don't call you golden tits for nothing," he proudly boasts, not his fault that his girl was one of the hottest chicks in the entire university.

He slid another finger in you, pumping it at a leisurely pace while his hot mouth was still connected to your breast. Lapping and nipping at the bud and the skin around it, eliciting goosebumps to emerge on every square inch of your body.

 "J-jungkook.."

 "Yes?" He cooed, slightly tilting his head up and peppered your collarbone with kisses. Occasionally stopping and sucking at a certain spot until a purple bruise blooms.

You deduced Jungkook was certainly taking his time. His digits stroked your aching walls at an excruciatingly timid pace, thumb not even meeting your clit once. At this point getting caught was the least of your worries, the only goal you wanted to achieve was to come.

"Please, please, please..." You lowered your head and rested your burning forehead against his cheek while he continued marking your unmarred skin. "I w-want to cum,” 

You almost choked on your own spit as you fought the sob crawl from your throat when he shoved his digits deeper into you, the tip of his finger caressing the rough spot inside your sex. Your back arched on the backrest of your chair and you held your head from falling back too far. 

“Hmm?” his hooded gaze stared at your face inches away from his, a recognizable grimace inscribed on it. Your brows furrowed, almost meeting at the center of your face; eyes shuttered, scantily masking the ache you were feeling; cheeks flushed hot, dusted with a carmine tinge. Your lips trembled, even when set in a thin line. Jungkook knows this ‘face’ of yours all too well, he’s well aware of what he needs to do.

“Please…” this was too much, you could feel every muscle in your body tense up and knot to the point where it started to hurt. Your hands shook uncontrollably when you clutched onto Jungkook’s shoulder, nails digging into his jacket, pleading, begging.

“Jungkook…” Tears began gathering at the corners of your eyes, threatening to spill if you were still denied of your craved orgasm. 

“Y/n,” You opened your eyes only to see Jungkook staring intently at the distraught mess you’ve become. “Hush.” With a lecherous smirk etched on his pink lips and an amorous glint in his deep-set brown eyes. 

His wrist snapped and his calloused fingers recklessly propelled into the deepest depth of your pussy. The clogs in the pit of your stomach finally began turning, and you felt your strained shoulders loosen up as he continued to assault your starving cunt with his straight jabs.

You steadied your breathing as best as you could and carefully observed those around you. Thankfully they were still busy minding their own business to notice yours. You leaned back in your seat and angled your hips so that your boyfriend’s fingers can sharpen its thrust into you. A relieved and blissful sigh escaped your lips as you revelled at the new and exhilarating emotion this was bringing you. 

“Such a needy slut.” Jungkook chuckled, watching his digits get sucked in by your narrow cavern and every time he pulled out, it got even more coated with your slick juices. He suddenly pulled out completely, making you clench painfully around nothing and you wail a little too loud. Your hands came flying straight to cover your mouth.

Jungkook’s clacked his tongue on the roof of his mouth, eyes piercing through yours “If we get caught, you won’t be able to cum, understand?” He inserted his two fingers drenched with your essence inside his mouth, hollowing his cheeks and sucking on it until it was bone dry, releasing it with a lewd pop. “Now, be a good slut and shut that dirty mouth of yours or else.” You know Jungkook well enough to know what me means with ‘or else.’ He’d have no trouble depriving you of your orgasm and walking out on you this instance if you commit even the slightest mistake.

 You obediently nodded without hesitation. 

 “Good girl.” He gently stroked your tear stained cheeks with his thumb and placed a small kiss on the tip of your nose. “Now,” This time he advanced three fingers past your dribbling folds and the stretch is indescribable, divine even. The way his long digits mercilessly scissored inside you, going against the natural reflex of your walls to constrict them has got you soaring near your anticipated high.

“Fuck,” he groaned at the way your balmy velvet walls wrapped around him perfectly. “You’re even tighter than before, fuck.” He imagined his dick in place of his fingers being hugged and milked by your incredible pussy for all it's got. The mere thought of him pounding into you made him harder. Shit, he can do that later. Now, he needs to give you what you want, what he came here to do. 

His lips found your neglected stiff nipple, latching onto it and sucking like a starved infant. 

"J-jungkook.." You sighed, droplet of sweat forming at your temples. The library was fully air-conditioned, but you were sweating buckets like you've been sitting in a sauna for the last ten minutes. Damn this boy and what he does to you. 

The force and accuracy of his fingers pushing into you and abusing your sweet spot while suckling on your bud has sent you spiraling into a delirious state. It's so tight, the coil in your stomach. "I'm so close…" 

 "Then come."

 He coaxed, tripling the speed of his digits rubbing against your convulsing walls. You never ceased to amaze him, if you were already tight before, he doesn't understand how your pussy is still clamping down on his fingers. "Fuck… Your cunt is fucking amazing..."

It doesn't take long before your eyes start rolling to the back of your skull and images of white stars fill the back of your eyelids. Relief, sweet relief flooded your body the moment you came. 

Before any of your juices got the chance to dribble down your thigh, Jungkook slides his finger across your swollen slit, scoops it up and shoves it back into you making you squeak in surprise.

 "You're not gonna let any of that go waste until I eat it out of you, understand?" 

A sly wicked grin appeared on Jungkook's face and you knew exactly what that meant. 

 --

 The jog from the library to Jungkook's apartment was the longest five minute in your life. Every part of your body, even the backs of your knees were coated with a thin sheen of sweat. Fuck all of this, you couldn't wait any longer. You slithered your body between him and the door and attached your hungry lips to his jugular. Your manicured fingernails scratching and digging into his back with much impatience.

"Fuck baby." Jungkook groaned as you nibbled and licked the expanses of tense his neck. Tasting the concoction of his sweat mixed with his favourite scent from Hugo boss. God, you loved how he tastes. How hot his skin becomes when it collides with yours, and how he makes you into the horny mess you are now. Fuck, you love everything about this man.

"So impatient." He fumbled with the keys for a few seconds before finding out it was unlocked. Hyung must have left if unlocked since he knew I was coming home, he thought. Paying no mind to it, their apartment building had great security anyways. 

"Kookie," you moaned, desperately trying to peel off his restricting clothes from his body while he did the same to yours. "Want you now." You mumbled, gliding your hand over the taut muscle of his abdomen.

Jungkook captured you by the waist, allowing you to wrap your legs around his torso. Taking a handful of your plump ass in his hand and then giving it a harsh slap. He trod the ten step walk from their front door to the living room couch, gently setting you down on the soft furniture.

"Want you, too" He couldn't wait either. With hooded lids, he marvelled at your immaculate image sprawled on his sofa. Supple skin glowing under the fluorescent light, tits barely contained by your lace bra, and your hair acting as a halo around your radiant face. You looked fucked up as ever, and he lives for it.

As he was about to unbuckle his belt and finally stick his dick into you, he was interrupted by a cough.

 "Um, excuse me?" Jungkook's platinum blond haired roommate started.

 "Oh shit, Yoongi-hyung." 

You bet yourself you were faster than flash, grabbing the decorative pillow next to you and concealing your exposed body.

"I-I thought you were..." anyone in the room can hear the sound of Jungkook gulping. "out with Namjoon-hyung?" He gave a crooked smile, side-stepping to the left just enough to cover you with his own naked self. 

"Last minute cancel," the elder shrugged nonchalantly, as if he hadn't seen something he shouldn't have. "Don't worry about me. I'll mind my own business. You love birds can continue." He retreated back to his genius lab.

Jungkook looked at you, blush creeping up to the curve of his ears. "Sorry about that," lips curling into an innocent smile "where were we?" 

Your fit of giggles we're unstoppable as you threw the pillow you were holding onto, aiming for his face. “Shut up, Kook.” You couldn't believe the audacity of this boy. 

--

I like your writing a lot (especially fire force).I have a request for Benimaru x reader who can’t speak, she can fight and her ability is good but everyone ignores her,Beni noticed that, how would he comfort her or maybe confess to her.

Hey thanks for the request! I really liked writing this and I got to include the only JSL sign I know which is for thank you ���� I hope you like this!

Your neck hurt from where the blast hit you but you used the momentum to your advantage, turning it into a back handspring. You slide on your hands then when you land on your feet you’re pushed a little more from the force.

You don’t let the white clad pop off any more blasts, immediately pulling the heat from the atmosphere around you and adding it to your flames as you use your ignition ability. the rocks around your feet begin to float, making them glow then light on fire, burning bright and hot as you pour the heat and energy into them. You snap and they all fly towards the white clad “rocks? That’s your weapon?” the white clad begins to laugh but you just smirk. Using your ability to control the speed and precision of each one. you send them all to specific pressure points in the white clad’s body, one to the neck, one to the jaw, and one to each temple.

You watch as they strike them, the smirk on your lips growing into a look of satisfaction as the white clad falls to the ground, unaware of the man watching you from his place in the sky.

Waka hops down from his flaming broom to the tower beside Konro and he hums “who is that?” he asks and Konro sighs “ y/n l/n.” “Is she new?” Konro shakes his head “shes been here two years almost. She’s a mute, lost her voice when an infernal attacked her home, her parents died and the burning roof fell on her. She landed on the edge of a knocked over chair and the force of it destroyed her voice box.” Waka doesn't say anything, just watches as you pop your neck and stretch out your shoulders, making your way back to the guardhouse since he called the fight over.

You enter the guardhouse and like usual, no one really looks at you. You get one or two nods but this was normal, you couldn’t speak and so people didn’t want to even try to talk to you. Having to wait while you write down responses or trying to learn how to read your gestures or lips was just too hard for them, you guess. But you really didn’t mind. You liked to be on your own for the most part, used to it by now. Benimaru watched your interactions with your peers and scowled, why did they treat you like an outsider?

After your shower you decide to head on a walk to watch the stars before you go to bed, walking down the nearly empty streets as you cleared and relaxed your mind. .“Hey” his voice makes you jump and you clutch at your heart with a small smile and empty laugh. “Sorry, i didn't mean to scare you” you smile softly at him, a little confused as to why the captain is talking to you but he doesn’t seem commanding right now so you don't salute, which he doesn't mind.

You raise your hand to your throat and he nods “i know. Konro told me” you raise your eyebrows and he looks into your eyes for a moment, he didn’t know it was possible for someone to have such beautiful eyes. “Can i walk with you?” he asks and you stare, shocked, for a moment before smiling again and nodding.

“I saw you fight today” you feel butterflies enter your stomach, he watched you fight? He took time to watch ~you~ fight? You couldn’t believe it, you thought for sure there was someone better to watch, someone more powerful. “You’re strong” he says and you feel your cheeks warm, you bow your head in thanks and you flatten your hands, bringing the edge of your right hand against the back of your left wrist in the JSL sign for thank you. He watches you and understands your sign, already having looked up some basics before talking to you.

When you raise your head he gets a glimpse of your adorable blush and the corners of his mouth twitch, threatening a smile that he forces away.

You walk in comfortable silence for a while, stopping by the river for a moment to look up at the moon before your curiosity got the best of you. You turn towards him and lay your hand on his shoulder so he would look at you. You raise your eyebrows in question and mouth the word “why?” “why do i walk with you?” he asks and you nod, your hand falling from his shoulder

“i don't understand why you’re an outsider if you’ve been here for 2 years. I want to spend time with you and see if you’re a good or bad fit in the company. So far, your fighting is powerful, you are trained well and obviously know what you’re doing. I’ll be spending the next few days with you to test your skills as well as learn why you’re still an outsider and why you have no friends” his words were blunt and although you didnt mind not really having friends in your company, it still stung to have him say it so bluntly. It’s not like they dont like you or anything, they just dont want to spend the time getting to know you. You furrow your brows, hoping he doesnt make you leave the company because of that.

Sure enough, the morning comes and he’s there, watching you during breakfast and noticing how you interacted with team mates, noticing how they all just .. ignored you. He humphs, catching Konro’s attention. “She does her thing, and everyone just lets her. It’s like shes a ghost. I’m not sure if she minds though. We talk sometimes, she’ll write down responses or make signs she knows, sometimes she mouths words and i’ll read her lips”

The afternoon rolls around and after Benimaru is finished with his paperwork he walks the halls, asking any team member he runs into about you. “Shes just.. weird.” “It’s weird shes mute.” “it makes me uncomfortable to talk to her” and more things were said, but none of them were worse than that. Everyone just didnt want to try talking to you because they were uncomfortable with that way of communicating. It annoyed him how stupid his company was. He asked them if they trusted you in battle though, and all the answers were yes. They all knew how you fought and you were amazing and powerful. All of them would team up with you on the field in an instant.

He watches as you train, alone as usual, and studies your fighting style. It was a mess but he was impressed because it actually worked? Like you made your own style that was the opposite of every other style, he went through your style in his head, putting it against other styles he has seen from whte clad and you had the right angles and moves to completely work around them.

He throws off his sleeve and stands in front of you, wanting to put you to the real test. He represses a smile, he actually hopes you give him a good fight worth his time. You smirk, there was no way you could beat him but you’d give it your all.

He nods, signalling for you to go and you use your ignition powers, taking the rocks behind him on the ground to fly towards him with the same force as the ones with the white clad. As he was distracted turning his head to see, you use the same power, this time focusing it on the soles of your shoes and adding to the power and force to which you ran. He gasped softly as you surprised him, appearing right beside him as you went to jab but as he went to dodge you faked him out, kicking the back of his knees and making him fall flat on his back.

You gasp softly and raise your hand to your mouth, you didn't expect to actually land a hit on the Captain. You hold your hand down to him and he takes it with the smallest of smiles. “I didn’t expect that” he says “you surprised me, but know this, it won't happen again.” he dusts himself off and then gets back into position and makes eye contact “begin”

He was right, it was a fluke surprise thing. You never got another hit in but you fought so hard you kept him on his toes. It was like a dance as you sparred. you didn't hold back and neither did he, although he did withhold his ability. You almost thought at the end you would get him again but he twisted the last second and you ended up flat on your back as he crouched beside you. “You’re more powerful than I first thought” he said and you felt your cheeks flush.

At dinner, he moves from his usual spot at the head table and finds you outside on the back porch, leaning against one of the beams and tossing bits of your rice to the birds. “Is this.. Your normal?” he asks when he sits beside you and you straighten up, not expecting to see him again today. You nod twice quickly and he hums before sitting beside you. “The company, they trust you in fights but ignore you in person, it doesn't make sense.” you laugh, just a soft sound of air from your nose and he cursed the sake he had at dinner for making it harder to hide his smile.

“Do you care?” he asks and you shrug. You didnt really care now but at first it was hard. You used to be the center of attention, laughing and joking and making friends easy. But two years later you had zero real friends.

“cause i could make them treat you better” he says and you look at him with wide eyes and mouth “Dont.” while you shake your head. He laughs a little and the sound makes you feel warm despite the cool night breeze. You mouth you next words slowly so he could read your lips “not a big deal” he nods “i envy you. Sometimes i wish people wouldn't talk to me” you give him a soft look with another airy laugh from your nose that says “i guess we envy each other”

Since then, even if you didn’t see him all day or communicate with him, he would eat dinner beside you outside every night. He decided that since he couldn't make anyone be your friend, he would be your friend. He would ask you simple questions at first, yes or no, before he got more comfortable with your responses and knew what you were saying with your eyes and facial expressions. Sometimes you didn't even have to mouth anything at him if it was an easy night.

He got back late tonight tho and missed dinner. You sat on the porch and felt like your heart wasn’t in your chest as you picked at your meal, feeding most of it to the birds and the stray dog that came around sometimes. You could tell you were developing feelings for your captain and it felt so cliche. You knew nothing could come of this so you just forced those feelings down, convincing yourself that your empty heart was just heartburn and it’ll go away eventually.

The next day you had off, so you spent it like you usually do any other off day. You took your sketchbook and pencils and went to the top of one of the guard towers.

You sit in the sun and enjoy the cool afternoon, the sounds of the city and pencils softly dragging across paper filling your senses. “You're pretty good” he says and you don't even flinch, you just smirk, used to his silent ways by now. You look up at him and roll your eyes before smiling softly and waiting for him to tell you what he’s doing. He sits beside you and you turn your body so you could look at him.

“is this how you spend your day off?” you nod and he hums “it’s nice up here, I can see why you like it” he holds his hand out for your pad and you hesitate for a moment before handing it to him. He raises an eyebrow at your hesitation but understands when he flips through the pages. It’s pages were filled with drawings of your company, team mates, the guardhouse, Konro had a few pages, you had to admit it was fun to sketch his hair and large stature. What impressed him the most thought, were the pages that had pictures of him.

Two or three pages had multiple different angles of his face but his favorite was the one where you drew him sitting beside you at dinner. You caught the feelings in his eyes and his body language, he looked like just a peaceful man. You titled it, the captain’s peace. And he felt his cheeks flush just slightly.

He holds his hand out for a pencil as he flips to a clean page and you set it gently against his palm, your soft fingers grazing his calluses send tingles up his arm.

He turns so you can't see the sketch pad, leaning it against his knee that he brought up and tucking his other foot behind that leg. You bring your knees up and lean your head against them, watching him as he sketches what you assume was the city. Your eyes focus on the clouds that roll by behind him as you just enjoy the soft sounds of pencil against paper. When the paper tears you gasp and look back to him, reaching out for it, wanting to see his work. “Not this time” he says with a chuckle and folds the drawing, tucking it inside his shirt. You pout and he about gives in, it was the cutest thing he’s ever seen.

He hands you back your pad and your pencil and you furrow your brows as you roll your eyes, taking the pad with a huff. You quickly sketch out a rough drawing of the city below surrounding the guard tower, then you draw more details on the tower before you add in him holding your pad and drawing and you sitting beside him. You title it, keep you secrets then, and then tear it out carefully and hand it to him. He laughs when he reads your title and folds it as well, placing it beside his other.

That night, in the middle of dinner, the alarm rings. Your bowls are forgotten about as you drop everything you’re doing. You run alongside Benimaru before you grin and salute him before running down a side road to fulfill your duty of getting the people to safety before helping out if you are needed, which you most likely would be needed with the multiple infernals. Beni does what he does best, gets brooms and goes straight to the largest infernal.

When you both get back, you sit beside him on the porch, your food cold and your bodies exhausted. You lay back on the hardwood at the same time, making you both smile softly at the ceiling. “You did well.” he said and you felt a sense of pride enter your heart. You reach out to pat the back of his hand, a way of returning the compliment, but you gasp when as you try to move your hand, he hooks his pinky around yours and holds your hand there beside his. You feel your cheeks warm because of this action, your heart racing.

Sure, the company saw your growing friendship, and as weird as they thought it was, they wouldn’t say anything. They would pretend they saw and heard nothing, too nervous of what their captain would do if they started anything.

You couldnt sleep, your face still felt warm from the small contact you had with him. You get up and walk down to the river, watching the moon hanging low as the morning approached. You sighed as you looked down into the water, looking at the reflection as you leaned against the railing and set your head against your arms.

You see his reflection, he’s looking at you in the reflection of the calm water. He smiles softly and sets a hand on your shoulder “it’s a nice night” he says softly, like his voice was only for your ears. You turn and look up at him with a small nod before smiling at him. His eyes looked tired, like he hadn't slept either. You reach your hand up, wanting to touch him but your hand freezes in the air and you frown. You dont really know if this is okay, you dont want to make him uncomfortable or anything by touching him. You almost drop your hand but he takes it, bringing it to his own face “it’s okay” he whispers and you feel your stomach flood with butterflies.

You reach your other hand up, cupping both sides of his face as your thumbs brush across his skin. You looked at him like you really saw him, not like he was some spectacle of power to behold. You looked at him like he was just benimaru, nothing more nothing less. That’s why he fell for you.

“If those bastards,”he brushes your hair from your forehead and smiles, truly smiles down at you, you’d think he was drinking but his breath smells like mint toothpaste. “can't see your worth, as a friend and comrade outside of battle. And since you don't want me to make them... “ he cups your cheeks as your hands move to his shoulders “Maybe, you'd allow me to stay by your side” he says as his face draws nearer to yours.

Your hands move around his middle as you close the distance between him, gripping the back of his shirt in your fists as you stand on your tiptoes to brush your nose against his, making him gasp softly before chuckling. “I take that as a yes” he says and you nod, your heart hammering in your chest as tingles run across your skin.

He looks deep in your eyes for a moment, and you try to put your soul in them. Try to tell him how you feel about him with just a look. He smiles and presses forehead to yours with a soft sigh “I can see everything in your eyes” he whispers before pressing his lips to yours.

(Bonus bc the story flowed different than I imagined in that moment and I want it to stay relevant)

He leads you by the hand to his bedroom, nothing in mind, just the desire to sleep. Once in his room he lets go of your hand to take off his shirt and you walk further in, looking round at his things. You smile when you spot the drawing on his dresser, the one you made for him. You gasp softly, gaining his attention as you take a step forward. “I uh” he swallows hard, a little embarrassed as you pick up the paper

The drawing he made, was of you. And it was beautiful. Your hair in the wind and your gaze far away as you reasted your head against your knees. It was titled ‘silent, strong, beautiful.’

oh Kise?

oh worm??

Why I like them

I’m actually gaining a whole new appreciation for Kise these days; underneath the airy smiley surface he’s a really nuanced character, and every time I rewatch/reread KNB I notice something new about him. I love how his passion for basketball grew when he decided to devote himself to it, and how he’s inspired by Aomine and motivated by losing to Kuroko and Kagami, how he’s desperate to improve and play to the point of overwork and injuring himself, and still keeps going. He’s got a very satisfying arc when he learns to appreciate his team and respect his seniors, and I’ve learned to appreciate and respect him for it too.

Why I don’t

All that said... sometimes he can still be a little grating. He’s a little too superficial sometimes, especially dealing with his fangirls, and he seems to get the anime trope treatment disproportionately often compared to the other GoM. Much as his arc and motivations are well-written, I feel like they could be pushed just that little bit further to make him more compelling, but that’s honestly getting into nitpicks, he’s still a great character for what he ended up being.

Favorite episode (scene if movie)

This might not seem like a very important scene, compared to some of his others, but I just fuckin... love the restaurant scene after the first Seirin/Shuutoku game, where he sits at the same table as Kagami, Kuroko and Midorima, and talks about why they play basketball and how losing changes them. (Midorima looking at him and saying he’s changed “your eyes... they’re strange”, before realizing he’s actually gone back to how he was before the Teiko finals is... Important to me) 

Favorite season/movie

Season three Kise can GET it. The ultimate glo up, he’s so awesome in the game against Haizaki’s team, and rematch against Seirin; I love Kasamatsu being like “go give them a greeting” and he just squares tf up it’s so badass. Side-note -- he’s also one of the only characters the Last Game treated well, after being considered “the worst of the bunch” he totally earned his moment to be the best, most powerful member of the GoM for a little while.

Favorite line

That moment in the Seirin/Kaijo game when he gets off the bench despite his coach’s disagreements and goes back into the game, because “I love this team”. I cry every time. “I liked being Kise of Kaijo” is a close runner-up.

Favorite outfit

Okay all his model outfits slap, but hear me out... season one when he shows up at Seirin and goes one-on-one with Kagami, still in his suit pants and shirt and he still kicks ass... iconic.

OTP

Um... so KiKasa or KiKuro seem like obvious choices, and they do have some great development... but I’m actually weaker to KagaKise I think. I don’t know why there’s something about their dynamic, they’re just such friendly rivals (by season 3 at least) and seem to bring out some really good things in each other (and I love the concept of Kagami being able to get Kise to loosen up and be more human, see Two if by Sea by tormalyne) their relationship is just so interesting to me. KiKuro is also up there but I think KagaKise beats them out by a hair.

Brotp

MidoKise. I have seen the light. I could also see them work as a romantic pairing, but the way they play off each other and banter is the Actual Best no matter the context I love these guys.

Head Canon

Kise strikes me as like, the worst enabler in existence. I feel like he shrugs off serious topics and plays things off as no big deal all the time, and he just does whatever he can to minimize discomfort and drama, if it means avoiding difficult conversations, or placating people with material things to get them off his case. He lets a lot of things slide and turns a blind eye when there might actually be something wrong, and it’s not very healthy how he constantly dodges people’s efforts to help him.

Unpopular opinion

Not really an unpopular opinion as much as a lack of understanding, but I just don’t... get AoKise. I mean I get it, but I don’t Get it, you know? Like they’re alright, they’ve got history and some chemistry and you all know I ship Aomine w literally everyone, but I just... still can’t get myself to see it as anything more than a casual fwb deal, or at best an unrequited love. I don’t see the compelling star-crossed romance other people seem to see, I don’t know why. (If anyone wants to try to convert me, I’m all ears, I’m mostly just perplexed by the popularity of this ship). 

A wish

I sincerely wish Fujimaki had the balls to make Kise gay. Not as a device to set him up with people so my ships can be canon, far from it, I just think he’d be a much more compelling character if he was, and out of everyone in KNB (except maybe Mibuchi) he’s the one with the most pieces laid out. It’s right there, and it would add so much depth; having to put on a hetero performance for the sake of his modeling career, trying to differentiate between genuine admiration and attraction, worrying about not being accepted by the friends he’s been able to make if he were to come out... it’s just a shame we weren’t given that bc Fujimaki insists on having everyone but the caricatures be straight. 

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen

I think the worst thing that could happen to Kise is for him to get bored with basketball. Because that will mean there probably isn’t anything he can get into that he won’t tire of eventually, and it leaves the rest of his future looking pretty bleak. I don’t know how likely it is to happen, but at his rate of improvement he very well might face an Aomine-esque spiral one day, and that is... a troubling thought. 

5 words to best describe them

Bright. Flashy. Idyllic. Pursuant. Ravenous.  

My nickname for them

Golden Boy. I also tend to call him a labrador retriever in my head, which, if you know the parallels I draw between him and Mr Peanutbutter...

Top 50 Songs of 2019

1.  Julia Jacklin - Head Alone

Lyricism, pace, snowballing, power, catchiness. Pure catchy and melodic, angelic, lovely, lusty.

2. Cate le Bon - Sad Nudes

Her voice, always, a thing of intelligent beauty. 

Interesting subject matter.  Reclaiming nudes?  Is it sad to take nudes? I feel like it’s empowering but not also.  I hate the thought of men requesting nudes.  My sister and her peers get this a lot and I don’t like it.  It confers power to the voyeur (often deeply unattractive comparatively!) 

But then it could be seen as empowering also, if it’s just for yourself taking it.   For centuries, people want to see themselves depicted in narrative and photo form - is this what makes us human?  Fascinating.  

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

As a tenuous link between Cate’s track and Julia Jacklin, Julia also has a track named ‘Body’ which explores a past relationship.  It reflects on a relationship that ends.  These next lines are powerful:-

‘I’m not a good woman, when you’re around’  (Cat Power’s - Good Woman also explores this, what defines this?  Why do people make us feel like we need to perform the role of a ‘good woman’ - why do we feel bad, if we are angry or negative or depressed?  I think says a lot about the social construction of femininity being tied to ‘goodness’ I think it harms us sometimes, comparing ourselves to these ‘selfless’, good women that are also beautiful, hard-working, intellectual, but not too intellectual, and always sensitive to men’s needs over their own. 

Back to Julia’s perfect lyrics:-

That’s when the sound came in.  I could finally see.

I felt the changing of the seasons // All of my senses, rushing back to me.

Go your own way // Watch me turn my own head.

Eyes on the driver, hands in my lap, heading to the city to get my body back. 

I remembered early days // when you took my camera

Turned to me, 23, naked on your bed.  Looking straight at ya.

Do you still have that photograph? Would you use it to hurt me?  Well I guess it’s just my life and it’s just my body.  

I guess it’s just my life, and it’s just my body.

That feeling of intrusion, I can relate to massively. Sometimes you feel alienated by your own body and that it is “just a body”, and that you’re not really valued for anything but your body.  I think it’s more of a female experience. 

3.  Sharon van Etten - Seventeen

Strength, defiance, powerful, connectivity, ageing.  Ace lyricss, “I used to be 17, now you’re just like me”.  There is such beauty and wisdom in this song, “i see you so uncomfortably alone / I wish I could show you how much you’ve grown”   “I used to be 17, I used to be 17.”  Love the way she signs “la la la” oh gorgeous simplicity but with this intelligence and edge.  “I know what you’re gonna be, I know that you're gonna be”   “Afraid you’ll be just like meeeeeeeeee”  (Och, sad/sweet/reflection, feeling old but with the responsibility and confidence that comes with it.  Sounds a wee bit like Patti Smith on the extended high notes on “meeeeeeeeee” so feisty.  How we are all basically that under confident, anxious 17 year old, even when we’ve grown and learnt all these life lessons.  

4.  Sault - Up All Night

Opening bongo drums and bass, slick and classy, draw you in. Such a catchy tune.  “no time for sleep”.  Such an exciting weekend song, makes you feel excited.  I like the kind of declarative “shut up you need to shut up” entwined with “don’t stop the beat again”  I can’t work out if the male vocals are referencing vulvas, if so, hell yes.  “And I will walk alone” Such feistiness and catchiness.  At around 2 minute 32, it picks up volume into some kind of psychedelic and calediscospic drop that just keeps building and I feel like I am in a 70s movie walking along the pavement, euphoric and bombastic.  Then drums again.  The drums, vocals and bass are the strength of this track.  

5.  Faye Webster - Room Temperature

Wonky, sassy, hubby, intelligent, sarcastic, bittersweet breakup sass.  

6.  Buzzy Lee - Sundown Queen

Purely for the most gorgeous, romantic voiced line of the year:-

“In the seventies, we’d be in love”.

7.   Ada Lea - The Party

Another brilliant female vocalist.  “Ditch the party, in your beat up truck.  You’re always leaving when the night starts”.

Fave line - And the moon was a strange shade of green, orange, was i wrong cause I couldn’t tell the difference at all?

At all, at all, at all.

Stood on the porch, watching you get away.

Second fave line:-

And the night, that night was a pure shade of honest, or something Was I wrong? 'Cause I couldn't tell the difference At all, at all, at all, at all

So it’s kind of like the moon and the night verses, are similar, in tone of voice or enunciation and I really really like this.  

8.  Grace Ives - Anything

Lovesong, post-modernity.  Like a future scape, electronic, tinny, flimsy but with a depth to the writing, also a boom boxy 90s feel. 

Rhyming.  

Electronic.  “Holding hands, silence sigh”  “I can’t think of any way to move, I look you in the eye”.  

“I’m right here, I wanna love you.  I wanna fight”.

“I would do anything, anything, anything to keep you in my life”. (Oh my life)

“That’s the way it’s got to be from now on”.

“I’m gonna talk, I’m trying harder, I’m sleeping less”.

“I would do anything, anything to keep everything above my chest”.

“Chest” it’s the way she says it.  Dark, light, sarcastic.  Kind of reminds me of Cher or someone with a deeper vocal range.  

“That’s the way it’s got to be from now on”.

“Oh that’s the way it’s got to be” (highness, lightness)

That is the way, it’s just the way it’s gotta be (guaranteed to get in your brain all day).

Also, a mention for her song Mirror which is brilliant.  It’s like a song we might have heard when we were 13, but so much better and sassier.  It has this 90s r+b feel, but is smart and weird, “I think I think about it too much right now, I didn’t know what I was about, I think I finally got it f- figured out”. 

Mirror, mirror on the wall

Money, move me along

Heart, in the air

Baby, I don’t care 

Also another mention for Butterfly

It’s so sexy and her high range is amazing.  

9.  Ztella - Samba

Do I like samba songs because I spent my late childhood/early adolescence in a dance hall in Bolton doing the samba with various girls from places in Bolton I didn’t know.  Yes, I am pre-disposed.  

But this song is fine.  It’s fit as.  Exuberant.  Classy.  Mid summer evenings.  Breezy holidays, sun sea air catching your neck, and making you want to dance.

10. Brijean - Show and Tell

Those hazy female Californian vocals I like so much like Mama Cass.  So slick and lovely, also a few 70s funk whistles and synths as the drop comes in.

11.  Babii - Seizure

12.  Jorge Albrecht - Only Gonna Break Your Heart

Those male/female vocals, laced, layered with back and forth woozy bass, similar to some other songs I like such as Marilyn by Them are Us Two and Soft as snow (but warm inside) by MBV.

13.  SASAMI - Pacify my Heart

Classy, sad, melancholic, fresh, zen, neutral, complexity.  

14.  Weyes Blood - Picture be Better

All the Joni vibes on this record.  Sad sad reflection on wanting to be redeemed and seen in a better light.  I love her voice, production, depth to the lyrics.  I like how her voice is in a lower key than most, lyrics flowing with such intricacy yet also stripped back and melodic.  

15.  Noname - Song 32

Sweet rhyming style, super feminine and confident flow, so slick tho, could be any male rapper.  “I am the Kennedy’s out for lunch” nice reference to history.  “Diddy money” oh yes, talking about this commercialisation of rap backed by big business (1 person monopoly).  Also, what I like about this track is that it reminds me of being younger and in the summer listening to pop and rap and r&b in the garden, only it’s a kickass female rapper who is smart and funny.

16.  Big Thief - Not

So fulfilling to listen to, belting it out and feeling angst.  

17.  Planet 1999 - Spell

Dream like 90s vibes, lush harmonies are so light and airy and then the bass and drums kick in.  So melodic, I feel like I am feminist Barbie listening to this.  Beautiful vocals.    

18.  Lightning Bug - Vision Scraps

Distortion opening, reminiscent of MBV.  Sweet hummingbird vocals, laced with distorted guitars. Nice drums. Having to really listen to the words. Break in the distortion at approx 2 minute

19.  Carla dal Forno - Dont Follow Me

20.  Teen Body - Dreamo

Twin peaks synths and guitars open the song.  Lovely MBV drone guitars on the 2 count, lovely, dreamy.  Then vocals begin so angelic and beatific, i love it.  Could be a much clearer Blinda Butcher vocal.   Hazy, woozy, wavey and repeat.  Male/Female vox interplay I like, so reminiscent of MBV.  MBV being the best archetype.  Male vocals, a little too high in pitch to be as good as Kevin Shields, however, still this track is very pleasing.  “I could have told you that”

Nice wee break in the track at 3 minute 34 secs.  

21.  James Massiah - Natural Born Killers (Ride for Me)

Trippy, bubbly, spaceagey, acid vibes, dystopia/utopia cityscapes.  Danceable, intelligent and jocular.  

22.  Sandy - Not There

23.  Mount Eerie - Love Without Possession

24.  Easter - Muscle

It’s no wonder to me that Easter is a novelist because her word play engulfs you in these romantic, callous, cruel, visceral, trippy, sexual double entendres and European flaneur narratives.  

While the (heart) beats are 90s Euro beats but with a finesse and style no one rivals. Also, about the drums and electronic synths - they really punctuate the spoken word lyrics, it feels like a marching band or something - so taut and percussive.  

I’m going to eventually write a list of my favourite Easter lyrics and this is such catharsis, they bring me joy.  Smart and critical but trippy and fun.  Decidedly adult.

“Back to the studio.  Holding my crotch.  Laying it down”.

“Sadness is an evil gas inside of me”.  (I can totally relate).  

“like a pack of miniature Russian figure skaters on a suicide mission across the frozen lakes of the world to find true love” Oh my, the imagery, startling and beautiful.  Think about also trafficking of Russian women?  Is this what she is referring to?  Or Russian athletes?  Intriguing.  

“A future where each pussy gets a puppy when she hits the floor”.  What does this even mean?  Cats reigning supreme.  Women/femininity to be rewarded for action or inaction?  Fascinating.  

“I fall asleep on these sticky sheets to dream of you and how we’ll meet, again one day to fuck, and eat, and drink and kiss and never sleep”.  Holy cow!!  Gut punching eroticism and obsession.

25.  Okay Kaya - Ascend and Try Again 

Great guitar, slow melancholic and then the singing starts which is just gorgeous and reflective. 

“Ascend and try again” (I like the lyrics, I want to ascend to be honest).

Her voice feels so comforting with this depth and clarity that shines through.

Definite ear worm you can’t stop singing. 

26.  Sandy (Alex G) -  In My Arms

27.  American Football - Every Wave to Every Rise

28.  Sleep Over - I don't want to hide

29.  Molina - Venus

30.  EDDYEVVY - All for Me

31.  Fauness - Soon There Will Be No Summer

32.  Infinite Bisous - Island

33.   Aldous Harding - The Barrel

This song is catchy, but slightly off beat, you don’t know where she’s going to go with it, left-field, jarring.  I wasn’t sure about the vocals initially, but each time I listen, I enjoy it.  

34.  Free Love - Everyone

35.  Eartheater - Concealer

36.  Hand Habits - Placeholder 

37.  Erika de Casier - Good Time

38.  Aya Gloomy - vs Reality

39.  Fee Lion - Re(Visit)

“I love you but I cannot think about you anymore”.  Pulsating bass and catchy distorted synths.  Vocals are beautiful.  “Time to erase our time”.  Breakup contemplation.  Becomes more intimate yet intense, picks up tempo but vocals are more stripped “I am walking alone, feeling fine on my own”.  REPEAT.   Pertinent.  More explained.  “I knew you, oh how I knew you, oh.  I kne-ew you (lovely enunciation” Can we really stake claim to having known someone once?

“All I have is time, time to erase our time”.  When you just want to erase someone so much and it takes a long time because the way you think is so merged with that person.

Ultimate power track.  Deriving power.  Gaining strength.

“Feeling fine”.  One last declaration of strength.  

40.  Equip - Shop (New Inventory!)

This is the song I want to soundtrack my weekly shop so I can imagine being a vaporwave, nintendo or anime character going about the shops, similar to kick ass Negative Gemini, but instead I will reconcile I am a boring nerd (while listening to sick beats, yo!)

41.  Pearly - Too me

Self-composed/self-control

Post-rock with Julee Cruise angel vocals I love.

42.  Mount Kismet - Teenage Fantasy

43.  Prince Rama - F.A.T.E. bought us together

44.  Space Drum Machine - The Mauskovic Dance Band

Infectious, brilliant sitar sounds and synths, makes me want to dance.  Light, breezy, melodic holiday song that sweeps along at pace.  

45.  Ariana Grande - Ghosting

Such a sad melody and lyricism, that sounds cinematic its perfection.  Woozy synths and sirens, that engage the listener straight away.

“I know you hear me when I cry

I try to hold in the night”

Sadness, her voice is stunning.  

“Baby you’re doing so well” Her voice.  Oh so beautiful.

“We’ll get through this, we’ll get past this, I’m a girl with - a whole lot of baggage” (I can identify).

I dunno what this song is about - a couple becoming stronger

The strings, the synths becoming more orchestral.  

‘I know that it breaks your heart when I cry again”.

46. Lana del Rey - California

I could have put any track off Normal Fucking Rockwell to be fair as her songs are ace.

47.  Elena Setien/Mary Lattimore - Wreckage of the hunt

Beautiful harp offsets beautiful vocals.  Lovely and classy.  

48  Blue Hawaii - All that Blue

“Give me sunshine too, oh yeah”. 

49.  Xavibo and Aleesha - Last Call

Best line “some drunk cop might pull me over’.  I like how American people are contextualising this in regards to people of colour being pulled over by inept cops.  Worrying it still happens though.  I guess as well, you wouldn’t really expect a hyper feminine female pop track to be referring to this though - which is great. 

50.  Automatic - Calling It.

Nice drums and guitars, kind of 60s sounding, building and building.  Then female sass vocals, loud and joyous.  “Emotions always out of reach”.  The guitars have this throbbing kind of swagger I also like on a track by Maraudeur named ‘Computer Dreams’.

“A picture of your changing face / To hold it all together”.

What I like is the merging of guitars with synths to make these future/retro narratives that are existential and narrative based.

HOW CUTE WAS THAT PIZZA FIC??? Can we have the same kind of set up but with Aaron Samuels?

One of the strange things about staying home for college instead of leaving was seeing everybody else come and go during breaks.  For months, you could go to the store without seeing anybody you graduated with, and then you would suddenly see three or four people you’d never wanted to see again.  You’d have to ask those obligatory questions, you’d forget the answers immediately, and you’d have to do it over and over again.

It was the worst.

Summer began, your old classmates came home, and Chicago felt far too crowded.  The best solution to the overcrowding was, for now, staying home.  Thank God for takeout.  

You had grown used to getting the same two or three pizza delivery guys, all of whom were in high school.  They were about as disinterested in you as you were in them, so the exchange was quick and painless.  Today, you opened the door, and it was not a kid on the other side.

“Aaron Samuels,” you said, voice going up an octave in your surprise.  You cringed.  “Hey!”

He smiled, and your throat felt a little tighter.  You hadn’t been ready to see anybody today, least of all somebody who actually mattered.  “Y/N!  It’s been a while.”

“For sure,” you said.  You had seen him around a few times since graduation - at the store, movies, graduation parties.  Normal places.  Never on your doorstep, in a work uniform.  “So, you’re a pizza guy now?”

“College was too much,” he sighed.  “I thought this was a better career plan.”

“Totally,” you said, working to keep a straight face.  “Work through the ranks.  Save your tips.  Buy the city.”

“Pizza is the future,” he said, and handed you a receipt to sign.  “No - this is my summer job.  I wanted to make a dent in the decades of college debt ahead of me.”

Aaron was at some out of state school, though you couldn’t remember which one.  It hadn’t really mattered back then, when he was a popular guy with a popular girlfriend.

The problem with guys like Aaron was that he deserved his popularity.  He was worth knowing, worth liking, and thinking too much about him made you want to think about him more.  It had been easier to avoid thinking about him at all.  Now he was on your doorstep, and he had a pizza, and there was nothing else to think about.  You suspected that thinking about him now would be just as dangerous.

“Try to marry somebody rich,” you advised.  “No need for pizza deliveries when you have somebody to pay for your every whim.”

“I haven’t met anybody that rich,” he said.  “But I’ll keep an eye out.”

The pizza he gave you was still warm, and the smell hit you like a ton of bricks.  

“Have a nice day,” you said.  When he left, you wondered if you had said that many words to him in all of the years you were in school together.  You wondered whose fault that was.

Aaron was a good pizza guy.

You started ordering a lot of pizzas.

It had nothing to do with Aaron being a good pizza guy.

Probably.

“I’m going to ask a question that I should probably already know the answer to,” you told Aaron.

“Shoot.”

You schooled your face into the most casual, businesslike face you could manage.  You immediately started wondering if that was the wrong face - you wouldn’t be asking if you didn’t care about the answer.  “Are you still dating Cady Heron?”

“No,” he said, and his face was as blank as yours.  “No, we broke up a little after she started college.”

“Are you guys on good terms?”

He shrugged.  “We aren’t really on any terms.”

You had liked Cady.  She seemed nice, most of the time.  She seemed like the type of girl that Aaron would be good with.

“Is that a good thing?”  He didn’t seem totally broken; he was always genuinely cheerful when you saw him.  The way he looked now - carefully empty, like he was making sure not to react - did not seem as casual.

“She felt like we were heading in different directions.  I disagreed.  It didn’t matter; relationships have to be mutual, but breakups don’t.”  Aaron picked at the corner of your receipt compulsively.  “It’s been a while.  I’m fine.  I’m sure that she’s fine.”

“That’s good,” you said cautiously.  “Fine is good.”

“It’ll do,” he said.

“And you haven’t seen anybody since then?”  You were pushing things now, surely.  No casual face would mask the fact that you were asking if he was single.

“Nope.”  Aaron blinked at the receipt and smiled apologetically.  It was mangled in one corner.  “No, I’m not seeing anybody.  Are you?”

“No,” you said, and the nod he gave you was a little less than casual.

“If you find somebody rich to marry, you should pay for my pizzas.”

He snorted.  “Why?”

“Because,” you said grandly, “I’m tipping you really well.”

He hummed.  “So I should pay you back for paying me to do my job?”

“I’ll be your best friend,” you offered.  You felt like a six year old.  From what you remembered of six year old Aaron, he got in trouble for drawing turtles, no matter what he was supposed to be drawing.

That did not make six year old you want to be friends with him.  That definitely made current you want to be friends with him.

“That seems like an unequal friendship,” he said.  “If you want to talk to me, I have to bring you a pizza.  If I want to talk to you, I have to wait for you to order a pizza.  I’m not sure that it’s worth it.”

“Fine,” you said.  “I’ll add you on Snapchat.  You’ll still have to bring me pizzas.”

“I don’t have Snapchat,” he said.  As it turned out, Aaron didn’t really do social media.  You could see why - Northshore hadn’t had a great media environment.

“I guess I’ll have to buy my own pizzas,” you sighed.  

“I do have a phone,” he said.  Your eyebrows went up - the words had come out in a rush of air, like he had been as surprised to be saying them as you were to hear them.

“That’s good,” you said, not sure how he wanted you to respond.  “It’s hard to get a job when you don’t.”

“No - I mean, I don’t have social media, but I do have a phone.  If you wanted to be able to contact me.”  Aaron didn’t meet your eyes while he spoke, but the was a whisper of a smile that gave you a warm, jittery feeling while you wrote your number on a scrap of paper.

“So, now you can buy my pizzas.”

“No.”

“How long is your shift today?”

“Eight hours,” Aaron sighed, and the look he gave your pizza box was hysterical in its longing.

“I’ll bet you’re wishing for that sugar-momma now, huh?”  You opened the box and gave a dramatic inhale.  “Oh, that smells amazing.”

“Don’t be cruel,” he warned.  “I deliver your pizzas.  Someday I’ll spit on it, and you’ll have no idea.”

“Now that you’ve told me, I will.”

“You won’t know when.  It could be next time.  It could be a year from now.  You’ll be terrified until I do.”

You shrugged.  “Fine.  I’ll use the request section to ask for literally any other pizza guy.”

You both knew it was a bluff, but he didn’t call you on it.

“I’ll recruit them,” he said.

“What, you’ll woo them into submission?”  Realistically, he could.  Aaron Samuels got more attractive by the day - or maybe you were just more attracted to him every day.  It was a thin line to walk, but you fancied yourself a decent acrobat.

“If that’s what it takes,” he said, and his smile had enough of a edge to it to make your chest flutter.  “Don’t play a player.”

You gave a snort of laughter.  “Aaron Samuels, a player.  Sure.”

“You’ll never see me coming,” he said.

The next time you ordered a pizza, you requested that he deliver it.

Y/N:  Aaron

Y/N:  are you working?

Y/N:  i heard a funny joke, and i’ll tell you if you deliver my pizza

Y/N:  if youre working, dont reply for 3 minutes

Y/N:  im ordering a pizza

Aaron:  I wasn’t working.  I was sleeping.

Y/N:  yeah.  i know that now

Aaron:  What was the joke?

Y/N:  you lost your joke privileges

Aaron grinned, lopsided and wonderful.  “I can see the perks of the guy that controls dairy, from season one.”

“You’d be the perfect pizza guy,” you said, and he laughed.

“What about you?  What Misfits power do you want?”

“I’d be okay with the time travel,” you said.  That had always seemed like a no brainer to you - time travel was a prime power.  

Aaron took his hat off and ran his hand through his hair.  It was a hot day, and his hair was sticking up in wet clumps.  “You seem to have things pretty together.  Is there really something that you regret enough to go back in time for?”

You twirled the receipt pen around your fingers.  “I should have listened to My Chemical Romance before they broke up.”

“That would have made all the difference.”

“Mikey Way would have fallen in love with me, I’ll bet,” you said.

“And all of your college debt would be taken care of,” Aaron said, and the way he smiled made you drop the pen.

“What about you?  Any big regrets?”  You picked up the pen and handed it back, making your voice light and airy so you could ask a hard, heavy question.  “I’ll bet it’s Cady, right?  Maybe you’d go back and fix things with Cady - live happily ever after with your beautiful wife and decades of debt?

He shook his head, thoughtful.  “No, I don’t think I would change that.”

“No?”

“I regret the way things ended, maybe,” he said.  He handed off the pizza box, and you were so focused on his words that you almost didn’t take it.  “I don’t regret the fact that things ended.”

You picked at the hem of your shirt, not wanting to look too happy or too interested.  It would be so easy, when he was looking at you with that smile and those eyes, to believe that the only reason he was single was that he wasn’t with you.

“Maybe it would be different, though, if you went back,” you offered.  “You could go back and be with the Cady that loves you.”

“No.  The Cady who loves me isn’t the person I want to be with anymore,” Aaron said, and proceeded to say something about needing to go back to work.  More pizzas to deliver, and all that.  You didn’t have the chance to ask him what he meant.

It made you feel a little queasy to ask Aaron if he was excited to go back to school, and he looked a little uncomfortable while he answered.

“Yes and no.  I like school, but I really like not-school.”

You nodded.  “When do you go back?”

“In a couple of weeks.”  He held the pizza box steady so you could sign the receipt on it.  “I have less than two weeks before I stop working.”

“And I’ll have to break in a new pizza guy,” you sighed.  “What a shame.  You’ve been doing such a good job.”

“Tragic.”

Your feet shifted a little.  “And, you know, I’ll miss seeing you.”

Aaron’s face softened, and a few strands of hair fell in his eyes.  “I’ll miss seeing you, too.”

“If things were different -”  You paused, brow furrowing.

“What?”

“If you were staying, I think I would ask you out,” you said.  There was no point lying, not when he was about to leave.  If he didn’t like that, you would just start ordering more Chinese.  “We’d hang out all the time, and we’d be able to see each other every few days.  It would be really nice, and I think we could make it work.”

“Yeah,” he breathed.  “If I was staying.”

You took the pizza, stuck somewhere between happy that he hadn’t laughed and sad that he seemed as wistful as you were.  For the rest of your life, he was going to be your ‘almost.’

“Y/N?”

You paused, only able to see a sliver of him through the crack between the door and the frame.  “Yeah?”

He was almost smiling, but it wasn’t quite happy.  “If that was a roundabout way of telling me that you like me - likewise.”

You had not ordered a pizza, but Aaron was standing on your doorstep with one.

“I think that you’re doing your job wrong,” you said, raising one brow at him.  “You only give food to the people who paid for it.”

“I paid,” he said.  “Do you want it, or not?”

“I want it.”

Aaron gave a pointed look to the room behind you.  “Are you going to invite me in?”

You crossed your arms.  “Are you going to tell me what’s going on?”

“I haven’t found a rich woman to marry me,” he said.  “So I thought, hey, maybe I should start looking for somebody who I might like for reasons other than money.”

You bit back a grin.  “How’s the search going?”

“That depends,” he said.  “Are you going to invite me in?”

You took the pizza, making sure to let your fingertips touch his hands as you did.  He smiled, running his hands through his hair.

“This is only because of the pizza,” you lied.  “Anything for a pizza - even if I have to deal with a boy that’s leaving.”

“What if I promise to buy lots of pizzas?  I guess I’d have to visit sometimes, but it’s a cross I’m willing to bear.”

“I guess I’ll have to let you in lots of times.”

In the end, you would let him in empty handed.

The Unknowns: Twenty Five

This is a continuation for The Unknowns.  A one-shot turned into a long ass Prologue.  One   Two   Three   Four   Five Six   Seven   Eight Nine   Ten  Eleven   Twelve   Thirteen   Fourteen Fifteen   Sixteen   Seventeen   Eighteen   Nineteen Twenty   Twenty-one   Twenty-Two   Twenty Three  Twenty Four

Dean x Psychic!reader

Teaser/Summary: An AU sparked from a songfic challenge, The Unknowns is based on Season One Episode Nine, Dean met reader in Lawrence as a child and they created an unbreakable bond. At the end of The Unknowns, reader decided to stick with her boys because she felt something coming but she holds secrets; one she holds close to her heart and a few that she doesn’t even really know yet.

Word count: 4250

The dark forest was suffocating. The tall, dark trees, skinny but reaching with hidden claws that ripped at my hair, arms, and shirt. I could only go so fast on treacherous ground but I couldn’t ignore the hissing laughter echoing around me or how the trees seemed to breathe.

I needed to get out of here, I needed to move faster. I needed to warn Sam.

A dark shadow raced across my path maybe ten feet in front of me. I veered hard in the opposite direction. A wooden fence came out of nowhere and the pain slammed into my thighs before I was airborne. I hit the ground hard and air was non-existent.

The heavens above me peeking through the trees shivered.

I needed to move! I didn’t have time for this but nothing was responding. I forced every ounce of energy to my muscles that wouldn’t respond. I needed to roll over, to get up, to move!

A face leaned in and those eyes… those damned eyes burned into me. “Sorry about that, Princess, but you just wouldn’t listen.”

Suddenly, I was upright in the middle of a field and he was standing in front of me. I tried to back up but my legs still wouldn’t respond. The yellow-eyed demon smiled and I grit my teeth. “I could make an exception for you.” He waved his hand and Sam was standing beside him, staring straight ahead, “you could be his Queen.” I growled and he laughed, waving his hand again. The image wavered. “You weren’t around back when Queens didn’t always fuck their kings. At least, not just them.” His smile widened with such a wolfish delight just before the entire scene changed and Dean appeared next to a familiar bed, his arm wrapped around me, his other hand diving into my pants as my head fell back.

I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to move away from the image, but I was still rooted to the spot. Moans echoed around me, sounds that were once just Dean and mine, but somehow he was perverting them.

I hummed loudly to clear the image, to ignore whatever the demon hoped to accomplish.    

Hot breath scraped against my cheek and ear, my skin crawled. I wouldn’t open my eyes. I wouldn’t give him anything. “I can make exceptions for you just because you’re so special. I’d let you keep them both. For a price.”

“For a piece of shit that’s been around so long, you don’t know a damn thing about us.”

Fingers dug into my cheeks and jaw then my face was jerked up. My eyes opened without my command and I stared into those disease riddled irises filled with an intensity I couldn’t fathom. “You will see. It takes your kind a little longer but it’ll come.” He lifted his wrist up in front of my face and the welling blood was far too bright in the dark. The stench stung my nose as he shoved it against my mouth, smashing my lips against the open wound, “just a few vitamins can go a long way, kid.”

I thrashed with everything in me, but I was still frozen with screams stuck in my throat as my body burned from the inside out.

I slammed against the ground, air knocked from my lungs. I jumped to my feet, thrusting my fist through nothing but air. I spun around searching for him, but the room slowly came into focus. I was still at Bobby’s. A soft cry shook out on an exhale. I touched my mouth and my cheeks as I rushed over to the mirror above the dresser.

Dry. Normal. My eyes were still bloodshot from the alcohol earlier. Pamela must’ve given me her own special hangover cure when she brought me to bed because my head wasn’t spinning. At least, not that kind of spinning.

A glimpse of the nightmare from last week, blood leaking out of Pamela’s mouth flashed in front of me. I covered my mouth as another whimper slipped out.

It wasn’t real.

It didn’t happen.

Just a dream.

Another nightmare.

I stared in the mirror reminding myself he held no power over me. “He can’t hurt me there… not in my dreams,” I whispered to my reflection. Deep down the fear shivered, lie, lie, lie.

A buzzing vibration made me jump unleashing another shaky cry. I glanced at the door, still shut. I crept over to the bed steeling myself for what could be on the line imagining a hundred thousand terrible things. I shook my head to erase the ridiculous notion of a phone call from the source of a nightmare.

My phone continued vibrating on the nightstand. Sam flashed in bold letters across the small screen and I forced a deep breath. I picked it up chiding myself as sat on the bed blowing out a long breath that was still too shaky.

I cleared my throat as I opened the phone, “hey.”

“I need help. I think you not being here is making it worse. If you had seen his face earlier tonight… he…”

“Sam, wait, slow down. What happened?”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, why?” I held the phone away and cleared my throat again before bringing it back, “just woke up from a... nap. Are you okay?” I held my breath through the empty space over the phone line.

“We bumped into this other hunter and he’s… something’s not right and Dean… he won’t listen to me right now.”

I released a breath and looked at the time on my phone. It wasn’t even that late, I had only fallen asleep a little over an hour ago. That rage I had felt earlier through the bond, had that really been just hours ago? “I’ll talk to him. I’m pretty sure I felt him.”

“I'm sorry for calling like this. I know it's…”

“Don't. Don't you ever apologize for calling me.”

“It's not fair to…”

“DONT!” I didn't mean for it to come out as harsh as it did and I had to force another deep breath. “I don't care what's going on or how much you hate me, I will always be here when you need me. Always, Sammy.”

Another pause and my chest ached.

“I don't hate you.” He was so quiet.

I dropped my head into my hand, picturing that little boy who snuck into my room after a nightmare. Did he still have those nightmares? How had they changed over the years when we stopped talking about them? “I'm not so sure about that but it doesn't change the…”

“I don't. I could never hate you. I'm just…” he sighed.

The silence filled me with such an exquisite pain.  “You have every right to…”

“I love you, y/n. I will always love you, I could never hate you. I just… I'm angry. I always seem to have something to be angry about and being angry at you hurts.” His breathing stuttered, “it hurts so much but I can't erase it. I got your message earlier and I think you’re right about so many things but...”

I swallowed hard but the lump didn't budge, “some things can't be fixed.”

“But time can loosen it. Time can change it. I have to rely on that because I can't imagine losing you. I can't. I need you too much.” I covered my mouth but that fractured noise still squeaked out. “It will get better… I’ll find a way because I have to. I just need time.”

“I’ll be here no matter what, no matter how long.” Those yellow eyes flashed in front of my face and I squeezed my eyes shut thrusting it away.

“I know.”

The silence fell again and I wanted to say something but I didn’t have any answers.

“Y/n?”

“Yeah?”

“The thing with Sarah… when you were… you were trying to keep me from doing something I would regret, weren’t you?”

I tried to swallow the thickness in my throat even though nothing worked, “yeah.” It was too airy, too choked. It wasn’t right. It all felt so wrong.

“And when the demon had gotten into your head… you were afraid it saw Jess.”

It was so much more than that but yes! I opened my mouth but only a choked exhale broke free.

“It did. That’s why you froze and then lost it on the front lawn. I’ve been thinking about it. Going over everything you put yourself through for me. For her.” He sighed, “I could never hate you. Never.”

I covered my mouth as best as I could but I couldn’t stop the cries that smacked against it, or the air that escaped my nose and gave me away.

“Goodnight.”

I pulled myself together enough to whisper, “night, Sammy.”

I dropped the phone on the nightstand and grabbed my pillow to swallow the cries I couldn’t hold back. I rocked on the bed, terrified the tears would only make me fall back to sleep if I allowed myself to lay down and get comfortable.

I had to do everything possible not to fall asleep tonight. I’d wait until the sun was up. It’d be better once the sun was up. I had no proof for that but I didn’t care if it was a lie, I needed it just to be able to breathe.

When had it become so hard just to breathe?

~~

My days were becoming so predictable in such a heavy way. Read, eat, run, read, wash, pass out, and repeat. My late nights were spent with my cell phone clutched to my chest until it was pressed against my ear unless Dean was on a stakeout. Fortunately, most nights I fell asleep to Dean’s voice and woke to his goodnight texts.

I had yet to tell him about the nightmares. It couldn’t affect me in the real world, not through dreams, but I’ve had one a week for the last four weeks. At least those are the ones I can remember.

There was nothing about it in any of the old tomes I’ve been through. Nothing about the demon with yellow eyes or any prophecies ever actually being fulfilled. There was some old medieval lure about incubus and succubus but I didn’t believe for a minute the damned thing was trying to impregnate me.

Maybe for a few seconds. Every other hour.

The days stretched on forever and I still hadn’t found anything that lined up with the information that I did have.

Yellow eyes. A psychic army. Made of a bunch of demon babies.

Ridiculous. But what he said about kings… why was that dream so clear? Not one of them have been as vivid as that one.

If the dreams kept up their usual schedule, I was due for one in the next two nights.

I twisted in the kitchen chair, stretching my back as much as I could before scanning the books filling every open inch of the table. My eyelids heavy and my neck stiff, but I had no answers, no information that could fill in all the blanks.

There were so many blanks.

How could I help stop anything when I didn’t even know what I was looking for? My hope that I could stumble across something important if I only kept at it was dwindling with every pointless bit of knowledge I combed through, every ancient book that passed through my hands.

My head bobbed again and I put the book down on the table. I stretched my arms over my head and stood from the table. The coffee pot was empty, my mug perched in the tiny open spot on the table long past cold. I dug the heels of my hands into my eyes until spots burst against the backs of my lids.

Still no answers. No magic equation that would give me something to go off of.

The image of Mary staring up at me, the plea in her eyes, the pain. That night was not your fault. It was mine.

Had Mary gone through the same thing? Had the demon visited her in dreams… filled her womb with its blood and waited until a child was knit together in it? I pressed my hand to my stomach and thought back to the last time I had my period with agony scraping through my chest.

I shook my head viciously and shoved the thoughts away. I wasn’t late and I had been on birth control for far too long.

It was ridiculous. There’s no way Sam had anything like that in him. I thought of that sweet baby Sam and I had found through his vision. Rosie. Her mother didn’t look like someone plagued by dreams of insane demons feeding her blood.

Shame my mother ran out without even a goodbye to another safe house. She could’ve been a nice and easy distraction but then I probably wouldn’t be able to keep up with any discussion anyway.

Poetic that she was the one slipping out while my back was turned this time.

“We need to get out of here.”

I jumped at Jess’s voice and released a harsh curse. “Are you trying to give me a heart attack?”

She chuckled, dark and low, setting a shiver off down my spine, “you’re doing a fine job of that on your own.” She glanced at the coffee mug with a frown, “have you even eaten anything today?”

Ancient demon names swarmed my mind, but the one I sought so close like it was buried in the tip of my tongue. I shrugged and a tang filled my mouth. I gagged and grabbed the mug, ignoring the cold liquid as I swished it around to remove the filth.

It was all in my head. Just in my head. It was just a couple of nightmares when I’ve had so many others. I couldn’t let them affect me like this.

“Do you even know what time it is? Do you know why you’re so damn exhausted?”

I finally looked at her, the scowl that dug into her brows, her assessing gaze that made me feel too bare. I had no answer. I swallowed with some difficulty as I searched for my phone and then panic sliced through me, had someone called? Had something happened to give her that look? I jumped up, “Sam and De…”

She cut in as she stalked toward me, “are fine.” She passed by and opened the fridge, reached in, and pulled out the orange juice and a wrapped bowl of salad. She moved stiffly toward me again and dropped both on the books that I reached out to try to protect. “They will not wither but you already are. Sit and eat.” She turned back to the fridge and pulled out more items I couldn’t see. “I said sit.”

I dropped into the chair at the command laced in her voice. “Geez, Jess…”

“Eat.” She sighed, “please.” The fridge shut and she moved to the stove, pulled out a pan as I pulled the wrapping off the bowl of salad without taking my eyes off her. As if she felt my gaze still on her, she paused then took a deep breath and released every muscle in a smooth show of will, a wave of relaxation down her taut body. “You need to get out of your head, I think I’m going to truly lose it if you keep digging further into this hole.”

I snapped my gaze to the bowl, picked up the fork I didn’t even notice was there before, and stabbed into the greens before shoving them in my mouth. “I don’t know…”

She growled and I twisted toward her. She actually growled. She turned slowly and stared at me, things flashing across her face too fast but the fear, grief, and rage flared in my chest before disappearing under a blanket. She had gotten so strong during her months with Pamela and Bobby. “Have you even looked in a mirror recently? The dark circles under your eyes? The fatigue? If Dean were here, he’d probably be able to coax you out of it but I don’t know how! I’ve tried the easy way but you… it’s like you don’t even hear me! You’re draining yourself. Obsessing over that stupid prophecy, you’re jerking awake in the middle of the night from things you won’t mention, that you brush off as nothing.”

Maybe more than once a week, but those were the ones that felt real.

She frowned and waved her hand as I tried to interrupt, “don’t tell me you’re not, I’ve been here, present while you hide in those books.” She turned and pulled a knife from the block on the counter and dumped the chicken tenderloins on the cutting board. She started chopping, “I see the way your muscles tense and never release, the jumpiness, the goddamn weight on your shoulders even when you’re not reading. I know what you’re focusing on. You’re taking on so much that you had no control over!” The knife hit the counter with a snap and she turned, “admit it, you are obsessing so damn much about things that you’re not looking around you, you’re not present!” Her voice wobbled, her eyes misting, “you’re killing yourself and I can’t stand by and watch anymore. I may not have the magic to save you yet, but I can drag your ass out of this house with my own two hands.”

I stared at her, my mind completely blank for the first time in weeks. She spun around and threw the chicken in the pan that immediately sizzled. “I…” I cleared my throat and tried again, “I didn’t mean… shit.” I closed my eyes and felt for Dean’s hum, curling myself around it for some stable ground. “I don’t know what else to do.”

“Neither do they but they’re out doing something. I think we should to. We can find cases, you could show me the ropes, anything to get out of this house that is becoming a tomb for you.”

I mulled it over as the kitchen filled with an aroma that made my mouth water. “A few easy cases, get some air, maybe stumble on something out there?”

“I was thinking… maybe we could track the gun. Pamela used a spell to check up on you. Maybe we could rig it to track the gun?” Her focus still on the pan in front of her and the ingredients she pulled from the cabinets. She worked as she meandered through her thoughts, “but… I don't know how we’d get something of the gun. She used her connection with you as a focus.”

I didn’t want to throw away her idea but the thought of the demon somehow finding out we were looking, about a possible visit in my dreams giving him something. I sighed, trying not to seem too invested, “the demon would never let us…”

“It’s better than sitting around here. You’re driving yourself insane between the guilt and fear and really how different is it than what the boys are doing? We’re all just chasing the wind but at least they’re doing something to occupy themselves. You were the one that told me you couldn’t focus on an unknown or you’d just go insane. So, let’s go shake a few trees, it’d be better than sitting around here waiting to crack. I can’t watch you… like this anymore.” She snapped the stove off, lifted the pan and dumped the chicken onto a plate, pouring the remaining sauce over it.

“Okay.”

Her head snapped up and she looked at me, “okay? We’ll go or track the gun?”

“Maybe both? But definitely hit the road. You frighten me, I’d like to see that directed out in the field at anything instead of me.” I managed a small smile even though a tiny part of me was terrified, but I had always wanted to hunt with her one day.

She grinned and brought the plate over to the table. I was able to move the books before she placed it down and then grabbed another fork and two glasses. She sat at the table and nudged the plate toward me. “You better eat most of this, seriously, you’ve missed two meals already. And no, those granola bars don’t count.”

I chuckled, shaking my head as I stabbed a seasoned chunk of chicken that looked delicious and smelled even better, “you and Sam were just made for each other.”

“Well, I can’t let his cheerleader waste away and I don’t even want to think how Dean would react.”

“I’m sorry I scared you.” I grabbed her hand and squeezed, “thank you for kicking my ass verbally instead of dragging me out of the house.”

She winked, “I can’t make that promise. It fully rests on you.”

~~

My bag was finally packed and I heaved myself on to the bed. Tomorrow morning we would leave and I’d finally have something else to focus on, some actual work to keep my hands and mind busy.

Falling into bed exhausted had been the plan for a week now and so far it seemed to be working. I grabbed the second pillow and held it against my chest. I closed my eyes and focused on the hum. “I miss you,” I whispered into the pillow.

It wasn’t even close to the truth. There wasn’t a word to describe the need, the yearning, the bone-deep pain that had lingered for weeks now. Something I couldn’t say out loud and just make the whole situation worse.

Every phone call only lessened it a bit. I could hear it in his voice, both what Sam had told me about and what I felt. John’s death was eating away at him, our distance didn’t help matters, and he was trying his best to deal with Sam’s feelings while also working through his own. And I couldn’t do a damn thing for either of them.

My phone vibrated on the nightstand and I reached out grabbing for it blindly. I finally got it and flicked it open as I brought it to my ear, “ello?”

“Hey sweetheart, I didn’t wake you, did I?”

I smiled, “just thinking about how much I miss you in my bed. This bed partner is just not cutting it in the satisfaction department.”

“What partner?”

“A very nice body pillow. Not quite as stiff as I like maybe.”

A warmth unfurled in my chest as his laughter made my skin tingle. “Hmm… you holding that pillow tight in your little underwear and tank top?”

“I still have my shorts and shirt on, sorry.”

“Mmm, that’s alright, I know how much you love the anticipation.”

I chuckled even though just the way he said it caused my body to react. “Damnit, too far.”

“I wish I was there too.”

“I know.”

“Any more feelings slipping through?”

I sighed, snuggling into the pillow more, “a few. Mainly anger though, or at least shades of it. I wish I knew how to help.”

We fell into silence and I pressed the phone tighter to my ear and listened to his breathing, pretending he was with me. A few minutes went by and I whispered, “Jess and I are leaving tomorrow. An easy case in Wyoming.”

“That’s good, get your hands busy.”

“Stop it.”

He chuckled, “what? That’s what you said to me the other night. Not my fault your head’s in the gutter. Of course, there was that other night...”

I barked out a laugh then sighed, “truth, give me the deep down dark of it.”

“I can’t stop thinking of where he is. That he’s there because of me. And that if he wasn’t there, you’d be...”

“He’s there because of the demon. He made a choice just like you were making a choice not to go because of me.”

“I know. I’d make a pretty shitty ghost. I’d be worse than that pillow that’s for sure and then our relationship would really go down the gutter.”

“I know it’s harder out there and I know this whole thing is just…” I blew out a breath looking for the right word.

“A giant clusterfuck of shit?”

“And I feel like the cause of it but I know I’m not. Why did it all have to blow up at the worst time? Why does it feel like the universe is just fucking with us on purpose?”

“Because we’re a good fuck?” I snorted and he laughed, “got ya.”

“I just… wish that one day we could… just be us and do something stupid like go on a double date. I’m not even being picky, a bar would be fine, you know? Just us and music, and a good time without… all the bullshit.”

“It’s a nice wish. I like it. And then Sam and Jess get their own way home and we get in baby and have some good old time fun.”

I groaned and warmth pooled in my chest before spreading outward. Tears sprung to my eyes as his joy caressed across my shoulders and down my arms. “That’s a neat trick.”

“What?”

“I felt that, your joy at the thought.”

“Oh, sweetheart that was more than joy.”

“Hmm, I see. Didn’t have the same effect over the distance.”

“I guess we’re just going have to work towards it, huh?”

Twenty Six

@duchessofwinchester , @jodyri , @jencharlan , @deanssweetheart23  @torn-and-frayed , @chrisatplay , @mogaruke, @captainemwinchester  , @ashrod98 , @mrswhozeewhatsis , @caitsymichelle13  , @escabell , @thealyana , @michellethetvaddict , @ashch , @rashinyx2002 , @tamtamlov 

REVIEWING THE CHARTS - CHRISTMAS SPECIAL: 9th December 2018

Geez, today was a busy week. Before we talk about the top 10, however, let’s just get the massive elephants out of the way.

CHRISTMAS NONSENSE

It’s the festive season and one way people celebrate the holidays is by listening to its music – usually, Christmas music, of course, and since I review all returning entries that I haven’t talked about yet, sigh... There are seven of these so I’m going to go as quick as possible, but just bear with me throughout this section because I really don’t like Christmas music all that much. Let’s just get it over with.

#39 – “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” – Brenda Lee

This is “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree”, a song written by Johnny Marks and released in 1958 in the US, being left on the shelf for four years until its release in the UK in 1962. In 1963, it peaked at number-six and has since re-entered due to digital downloads, with one of its highest recent peaks being number-seven last year. It’s pretty inoffensive rockabilly, with some nice very-50s guitar licks coming in throughout, and some decently-sounding production, but really it’s not anything of internet until that sax solo. That solo is freaking gorgeous, and I’m glad it’s there, because otherwise this would just kind of fall to the wayside. Not sure I like Lee’s voice on here, it comes off as a bit nasal, but it’s not a big deal. It’s alright, I guess. I expected to say RIP here since she was popular such a long time ago, but no, she’s still alive and kicking. Good for her.

#36 – “Merry Christmas Everyone” – Shakin’ Stevens

Now this is where it all breaks down into dread. This song by Shakin’ Stevens is Godawful, mostly because of how painfully manufactured the whole thing is. It’s overproduced Christmas music that is just jolly feelings and nothing else. Those horns that kick in after the first verse are pretty cool, but Stevens doesn’t sound great here – or at least I can’t tell because he’s drowned in reverb – and the choir might as well be a computer for all I care. Also, the sax solo was cool the first time in Brenda Lee’s track, but here it’s just trite, especially when you add those shooby-doo-wops over it. This track was initially the Christmas number-one for 1985, and I understand why, but does it really have to come back every year since 2007 – for over 60 weeks in total? Oh, it peaked last year at #10 too. Let’s hope this upwards trend doesn’t continue.

#35 – “Santa Tell Me” – Ariana Grande

Now for a more recent one from arguably the biggest popstar in the world right now, with her 2014 song that actually failed to chart in the Top 40 initially until last year at #29, and that’s its peak so far... whilst I’ve never been a fan of the cleaner, refined Ariana Grande records, I do have a soft spot for this one. That melody is infectious and the sleigh bells complement the synth bass in a way I didn’t think they would, and it’s not like the drums are all that overpowering here, although a trap skitter would have worked better here (yeah, I know, not something I say often). It’s surprisingly romantic and sensual for a song with Santa in the title, actually, although it’s about men who have wronged her. Anyway, Ariana kills it but what else do you expect from a song from her at this point? It’s a good track, although the final chorus with the choir is really cluttered, just saying, it’s messy.

#30 – “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas” – Michael Bublé

This here is Michael Bublé’s cover of traditional Christmas classic written in 1951 by Meredith Wilson, and it’s not great. Obviously, I mean, it’s Michael Bublé, ever since “Haven’t Met You Yet” he’s been utterly useless seasonal radio fodder. Bublé never really sounds bad but he never sounds interesting, and this production isn’t doing him any favours. It’s sickly sweet strings and brass for the most part, with some piano added in there for good measure, after what seems to be way too long of just airy synth, string and guitar noise – that’s really out of place, guys, why is this on the single edit? Ah, what else to say? Oh, right, nothing.

#26 – “Do They Know it’s Christmas?” – Band Aid

Oh, I know it’s Christmas time, alright, this song won’t let me forget it. I could ramble on about how preachy and awful this charity single is but other people have done it better. I just have four short things to say – 1.) this was the most popular song in the UK of the entire 80s. Yikes. 2.) This is the worst thing the Boomtown Rats have had any involvement in. They’re such a great band, hell so are Culture Club. How do Boy George, the Boomtown Rats, Ultravox, Phil Collins, U2, Kool & the Gang, Sting and Duran Duran make something this awful? They’re all absolutely fantastic musicians in their own right. 3.) That synth that kicks in after a while is pretty ugly, not gonna lie, and is unfitting for the condescending Christmas charity single angle they’re going for here – mostly because that’s what it really is. 4.) We’ve remade and reissued and re-entered this song too many times. Let it go, Britain. Please. We’re begging you. It’s for a good cause, and I appreciate how much money it’s raised, but it’s also garbage.

#18 – “Fairytale of New York” – The Pogues featuring Kirsty MacColl

They use the word because it was the 80s, it’s not meant to mean homosexual and it’s not used in that context – albeit still a negative one – and the climate of Ireland, especially the Celtic punk scene, wasn’t exactly going to care about dropping that slur in their Christmas single. It should still be censored, though, I mean, black rappers saying the N-word is morally okay, but we still mute those, right? Anyway, this is one of the best songs I’ve ever heard. It starts with a beautifully elegant piano melody, with the lead singer of the Pogues, Shane MacGowan, mumbling his way through his verse, but instead of people like Future or Lil Baby, there’s still a lot of sincerity there, I feel, and a lot of soul is put into expressing the lyrics here in the raspy tone that I absolutely love. I’m not going to talk much about the story here mostly because I’m not going to go in-depth, but it’s about a typical love story going awry at some point due to a betrayal. Oh, and the moment the Celtic traditional instruments come in is one of the best moments in music – ever. Kirsty MacColl sounds so lovely here, and the harmonisations in the chorus are fantastic. That flute solo is gorgeous, and the juxtaposition between “you’re a bum, you’re a punk, you’re an old s--- on junk, lying there almost dead as a drip on that bed” and the cheerful instrumental is just hilarious to me, especially since right after “Happy Christmas your a---, I thank God it’s our last” is immediately followed by the bombastic drunk sing-a-long chorus. The third verse is also such a great back-and-forth, man, I can’t even bring to words how much I admire and adore this piece of music. This is the best song I think I’ve ever talked about on this show, by far, but it could have easily not been close if “2000 Miles” by the Pretenders returned this week. We’ll just hope for next week, I guess. Rest in peace to Kirsty MacColl, gone much too young.

#14 – “Last Christmas” – WHAM!

Finally, we have our last Christmas song for this week’s holiday REVIEWING THE CHARTS special. It’s an anti-climactic end, to be honest, because I’m pretty indifferent to this song. It’s pretty 80s, to be fair, so I’ve got to like some of the cheesy falsetto vocalisations from the late George Michael at the start, as well as those repetitive synths that keep themselves from sounding awful by having those sleigh bells and pretty damn nice keys covering them. That chorus is iconic, but the rest of the lyrics are just forgettable. Honestly, it’s a good background song and it’s a well-written, catchy pop track with Michael putting in some good vocals throughout, but, it’s nothing special. Nothing but respect to George Michael, though, rest in peace, he’s a pop legend over here.

Christmas Conclusion

The best Christmas song on the charts right now is easily “Fairytale of New York” by the Pogues and Kirsty MacColl, but an Honourable Mention goes to Mariah Carey for “All I Want for Christmas is You”. Yup, that’s still here, we’ll get to that in a second. Worst of the Week goes to Band Aid for “Do They Know it’s Christmas?” You should be ashamed, Bob. Dishonourable Mention is going to Shakin’ Stevens for “Merry Christmas Everyone”. Other Christmas songs you should check out are “Christmas in Harlem” by Kanye West, Teyana Taylor and CyHi tha Prynce featuring Musiq Soulchild (heck, check out the longer version if you wish), “2000 Miles” by the Pretenders, “Stop the Cavalry” by Jona Lewie, “Christmas Lights” by Coldplay, “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch” by Tyler, the Creator and “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” by DMX. Yes, those last two actually exist. Now, this Christmas section has taken longer and is longer to read than about half of my normal episodes, so I think we should get straight into...

Top 10

Well, this all feels a bit more familiar. “thank u, next” by Ariana Grande is still at the top of the charts five weeks in, and it doesn’t really seem to have much competition.

Ava Max, however, is making a surprise run for the top, up four spots to number-two, with “Sweet but Psycho”. I wouldn’t exactly be complaining if this hit the top either.

“Without Me” by Halsey is up a spot to number-three.

We have a new entry from the most recent X Factor winner, Dalton Harris, with a cover of Frankie Goes to Hollywood’s Christmas classic “The Power of Love”, featuring James Arthur. I guess awful Christmas songs aren’t going away for that long, huh? Obviously this is Dalton’s first top 10, and Arthur’s fifth.

“Thursday” by Jess Glynne is down two spaces to number-three.

Up a whopping 28 spaces this week to number-six is, you guessed it, Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas is You”. This isn’t its first top 10 turn, and it’s not its peak, but still impressive to reach here nonetheless.

This means “Woman Like Me” by Little Mix featuring Nicki Minaj is down five spaces to number-seven.

“Rewrite the Stars” by James Arthur and Anne-Marie has actually gained nine spaces, surprisingly, and to my dismay, to number-eight, becoming Arthur’s sixth and Anne-Marie’s fifth.

Oh, and if you wanted even worse news, up an even larger 29 spaces is “KIKA” by 6ix9ine featuring Tory Lanez, becoming both their first (and hopefully for 6ix9ine, only) top 10 hit at number-nine. I like the song, but I don’t like Tekashi, to say the least.

We have another new entry at #10 this week with “Nothing Breaks Like a Heart” by Mark Ronson featuring Miley Cyrus. This is Ronson’s sixth top 10 hit and Cyrus’ fourth (yeah, I thought she had more too).

Now, instead of separating what happened on the charts into Dropouts, Climbers, Returning Entries, Fallers and such, let’s separate into two sections: “What Survived” and “What Suffered”.

What Survived

What survived means essentially everything that still managed to chart this week, and I’m actually surprised by how much power some of these songs have. Going in reverse order, I have no idea how “Arms Around You” by XXXTENTACION, Lil Pump, Swae Lee and Maluma managed to cling on despite a 17-space fall to #40. “Promises” by Calvin Harris and Sam Smith is down 16 to #38, “Baby Shark” by Pinkfong is down four to #37, “Empty Space” by James Arthur is down 10 to #34 (why did James Arthur of all people have the strength to stay during the avalanche?), “Hold My Girl” by George Ezra is down eight to #33, “Shallow” by Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper is down 27 to #32 (considering both streaming cuts and Christmas bloodbath), “Leave a Light On” by Tom Walker has returned to #31 for some reason, “when the party’s over” by Billie Eilish is down seven to #28 (again, surprised this one’s still here), “Taki Taki” by DJ Snake, Ozuna, Cardi B and Selena Gomez is down eight to #27, “1999” by Charli XCX and Troye Sivan is down 11 to #24, “Polaroid” by James Blue, Liam Payne and Lennon Stella is down 11 to #23, “Let You Love Me” by Rita Ora is down eight to #22, “Better” by Khalid is down five to #20, “Sunflower” by Post Malone and Swae Lee is down seven to #16, as is “ZEZE” by Kodak Black featuring Travis Scott and Offset right next to it at #15, “Funky Friday” by Dave and Fredo is down five to #12, and everything else that’s currently charting is either simply not notable (a drop or climb less than four spaces), in the top 10, a new arrival, a Christmas re-entry or in the top 10. Jesus. Now, what’s gone?

What Suffered

This is a little nicer name for what’s dropped out in the absolute onslaught of Christmas music and new arrivals (all returning and new entries this week total to 12 songs that weren’t on the chart before). This week was an absolute bloodbath, and these are the murder victims. Former #1 “Shotgun” by George Ezra is out from #30, “Advice” by Cadet and Deno Driz is out from #28, “AirForce” by Digdat is out from the #20 debut, “Mo Bamba” by Sheck Wes is out prematurely from #27, “This is Me” by Keala Settle and the Greatest Showman Ensemble is out again from #36, another former #1 “Eastside” by benny blanco, Halsey and Khalid is out from #31, “Happier” by Marshmello and Bastille is out from #32, “I Found You” by benny blanco and Calvin Harris is out from #29, “MIA” by Bad Bunny featuring Drake is out from #35, “Always Remember Us this Way” by Lady Gaga is out from #39, “Goodbye” by Jason Derulo and David Guetta featuring Nicki Minaj and Willy William is out from #40 and finally, “Back and Forth” by MK, Jonas Blue and Becky Hill is out from #37. I’d say it’s time to move onto the New Arrivals – but before, I’d like to say that the BBC redesigned their UK Top 40 page, and it looks pretty cool. Anyways:

NEW ARRIVALS

#29 – “MAMA” – 6ix9ine featuring Kanye West and Nicki Minaj

Of course, DUMMY BOY only had a stunted tracking week last week, so we have the effects of the album this week. This is 6ix9ine’s third top 40 hit in the UK, Nicki Minaj’s thirty-seventh (yeah, I know, it’s insane), and Ye’s even crazier forty-third, and to be honest, it’s inoffensive, which is something I’d never thought I’d say about a 6ix9ine song, but, hey, it is what it is. Murda Beatz’s production is pretty cool for what it is, and I do like the eerie synth loop. 6ix9ine’s delivery is lazy and boring – and I still think we shouldn’t let rappers say they kick women out of doors – but he doesn’t last long so when Kanye comes in with that “man, oh my God” refrain it gets so much better. I’m so used to Kanye West’s pop-culture rambling, social media criticism/obsession, somehow relating to women nonsense he brings to nearly every single verse he does recently that I’m used to it, it’s just something I’ve heard before delivered relatively comedically. Nicki’s refrain and verse actually has some work put into it, unlike the dudes’ bars, so yeah, I appreciate that, although her delivery and cadence is exhaustingly blunt and straightforward, to the point where it’s just kind of tiring. There’s some decent wordplay there, I guess. This is okay enough, and pretty much top-tier Tekashi to be honest. “KANGA” also featuring Ye is even better, though.

#17 – “Going Bad” – Meek Mill featuring Drake

Meek Mill and Drake working together is something I expected to happen anyway. Meek and Drake have seemingly squashed their beef and have relaxed after the “Back to Back” situation and their popular 2015/2016 beef that revealed a lot about Drake, specifically his ghostwriting from Quentin Miller, and eventually stressed Meek’s relationship with Nicki enough for them to break up as a result. Oh, and you better believe they mention “back to back” because of course they do, it’s the only funny wordplay they can conjure up, apparently. This is Meek Mill’s first ever top 40 hit in the UK (congratulations) and in stark contrast, Drake’s forty-fifth (yes, even more than Kanye), and his thirteenth just this year (probably and hopefully his last), and it’s mediocre. I didn’t know what to expect because I’ve never really cared enough about Meek to listen to him, but an out-of-tune piano absolutely demolished by some bass while Drake spouts off with stuff like “I got more slaps than the Beatles” isn’t exactly the best first impression. Is there a chorus here, or not? I can’t tell, everything’s just kind of the same until the ad-lib break that’s long enough for Genius to count it as an entirely different section of the song than in Meek’s verse. It was “Interlude” when I looked but it might be “Post-Chorus” now. Yeah, it should be clear I don’t care enough about this song. I do like Drake’s delivery in the hook, though, it’s pretty energetic, but not enough to save it.

#10 – “Nothing Breaks Like a Heart” – Mark Ronson featuring Miley Cyrus

So, yeah, I like this. It starts with some beautiful strings right before Miley Cyrus fades in with her country twang that I’m starting to really appreciate, and those guitars come in to complement her and the deeper bass that I like the addition of, it really contrasts the otherwise pretty light production, that seems to be dramatic but kind of unfitting for the lyrical content about how the world can hurt you but heartbreak is the worst possible thing, because despite the beat’s melodrama it’s too upbeat to really work here, I feel. Ah, well, the hook is pretty memorable, and the orchestral stings is just one little barely-noticeable production quirk that I can talk about, seriously, Mark Ronson puts so much effort into crafting these songs over the years, it’s pretty great. It may be a bit too repetitive and slow for my taste, but, yeah, I can dig this. Good song, just not much to say about it.

#4 – “The Power of Love” – Dalton Harris featuring James Arthur

The girl gets Leona Lewis, the Scouse dude gets Kaiser Chiefs, yet the WINNER gets James Arthur?! Really, James Arthur? Poor dude. You must know you’re an amazingly talented singer when you get James Arthur put on your song and you still make a surprisingly decent winner’s single, hell, even win in the first place. Arthur is such an awful vacuum of talent, I was scared Harris would be affected by this but no, even with my half-bothering with the show this year I can tell he’s been consistently great, and he’s definitely not bad on here either, although the production has no unique charm to it and is just plastic Syco production as you expect, with James Arthur bringing an above-average performance (this means still pretty bad) with his moaning and straining that just pains me to listen to. Seriously, James, let’s have a cactus-to-man talk and let me teach you how to not sound like my dead cat who just popped some Xanax.

Conclusion

Worst of the Week goes to Dalton Harris and James Arthur for “The Power of Love” – at least “Going Bad” has some energy and legitimate soul to it, although Meek Mill and Drake still get Dishonourable Mention. Mark Ronson and Miley Cyrus take Best of the Week home for “Nothing Breaks Like a Heart”, and hell Kanye and Nicki made “MAMA” bearable enough for them and 6ix9ine to get Honourable Mentions. See ya next week, where we’ll probably see a few more Christmas songs. Delightful.

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And you can deliver a more unified and immersive user experience with new multitasking features, including drag and drop for iPad, the new Files app, new camera APIs, new SiriKit domains, Apple Music integration, and more.” What does all this mean for you? More power… More possibilities… More va-va-voom… So why choose MY course over others? Im Rob Pervical, Udemys all time bestselling instructor, with over 600,00 students. Take a peek at my iOS 10 course and youll read things like: ***** Excellent explanation, right pace. Appreciate the exercises together with solutions right at the end of each part. Nice compromise between depth and overall view. Good Job! P. Leikauf ***** This course is simply too good. Rob does a great job in explaining and it is very easy to understand. Also, all the challenges are very interesting and I am loving it !! :-) V. Saravana ***** This course is so well planned out with the perfect blend of teaching vs challenging. I love the fact that as each and every minute goes by in the videos I am becoming a better swift programmer. Well worth every cent!!!! M.Fenech But enough about me! What about YOU? My guess is youre looking to shake things up a bit. Change career, rev up your earning potential, sock it to the man… Am I right? Well, if you sign up today…. you really can. And this is what youll get to set you up for success.. Sign up now and immediately access: A colossal 34 hours of rigorously tested, five-star pro content A complete toolkit to get designing your own apps with iOS 11, Swif 4, ARKit, MLKit, MusicKit and the new Depth Photo API. PLUS → A side-scrolling running game (like a Super Mario clone) AND a new Bluetooth app $100 AWS credit – instantly. And, like all my other courses you get my ULTIMATE JUMBO BONUS BUNDLE →→→→ $200 worth of unlimited web hosting (for a whole year) *Limited to one year per student not per course* Instant access to my five-star rated book: How to Earn $10,000 While Learning To Code Your very own graphical asset library, worth $300 and featuring over 1000 backgrounds, icons and buttons. Wait, still not convinced? I really am so confident youre going to love this course, Ill give you your money back within 30 days - if youre not completely happy. Ready to jump in? GREAT. Click that BUY NOW button to your right… or read on for the full course outline. ***** Very thorough clear explanations of swift development concepts. Best iOS development course I've tried so far. J. McCraw ***** From knowing nothing about makings app, I feel confident with being able to construct my own apps now. I'm only mid section 5 right now. Excellent course! H Hazari XCode and Interface Builder Inputs, Buttons, and Reactive Interfaces Apples New Programming Language: Swift Variables, Arrays, Tables, and Loops Navigation, Storage, and Live Content Images, Maps and Music Accelerometers and Motion Feedback Core Data and JSON Online Storage With Parse Games and the Sprite Kit Instagram and Snapchat Clones App Store Submission Making a Marketing Website For Your App Novice? Beginner? Programmer? Pro-developer? Yes, this course is absolutely for YOU. Whatever stage youre at. Beginner? No problem. We start with the basics. Already coding? Good. This is the perfect refresh for your skills… Its all about building your confidence at this stage. How? Because youre literally building apps as you go. Theres no better, or more exciting (or efficient) way to learn. We know youre busy. We know you wanna get started. And we hear you! Youll find the lectures whizz by, as you dash through each one, picking up my most powerful strategies for using iOS 11 - and quickly tessellating them into your own projects. Youll be staggered at how quickly youll pick things up (and how you barely notice as we shift things up a gear) into more advanced apps like x and x, using x, x and x. Imagine how youll feel after building own version of Super Mario World? According to this guy, pretty awesome, amIright? ***** The videos are awesome, the teaching is awesome, the examples are awesome. I started with never having built an app on iOS and now I am extremely comfortable building apps. I don't know why you would need any other course for iOS development. Just in case I was not clear: this course is awesome. S. Ramakrishnan Look: you dont need to remortage your home or sign away three years of your life… I recommend taking this course in six weeks. 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Anyone wanting to learn how to build apps People wanting to make a living (or side-income) from app development Anyone who wants to learn to code The Complete iOS 11 & Swift Developer Course - Build 20 Apps course download The Complete iOS 11 & Swift Developer Course - Build 20 Apps full course download The Complete iOS 11 & Swift Developer Course - Build 20 Apps read course online The Complete iOS 11 & Swift Developer Course - Build 20 Apps full course nulled

Saturday, November 4th

10:10 PM 

Hey baby ko, thanks for that message... I miss you so much and I’m glad that i know that at least you still care for me... I know it went against what you said, but you dont have to feel bad. I made you feel like this, its only right i go through shit like this too. I miss and love you so much. I hope you had an amazing weekend filled with good vibes and alcohol! haha, maybe if we ever get back together and stuff we can finaly drink together more than one shot hehe. No, i know. you arent thinking about that... Im sorry, I just I like telling you about my thoughts but i also want you to know that I understand where we are and how you’re feeling and thats just okay. It has to be okay. i love you. 

The tournament was pretttyyyyy crazy, and I wish I could tell you more about it but it’s too hard to do so in a post. We won, so that’s pretty cool. I know it looks like I’m super huge but I swear this shirt is just really big haha, like yeah I got bigger but the shirt was so airy... I talked to Ate Jessa and Kuya Jory about us since they kept bugging me about it, and since I’m really close to them. Ate was super mad at me, and called me dumb just because her and Kuya were in this same situation. But when it was just Kuya, he talked to me about his situation before and what happened and well... It’s the same thing with what you want. I got to work on being better in all aspects, school, health, work, everything. And I just need to let you be, and let you do you. Of course I can miss you and wait and stuff, but I have to be better for you and for myself. He told me that it was hard, because I just wouldn’t know a lot of things, no reassurance and not being able to talk to you and all that... but that I had to trust in you and in God to help us out. He said not to give up, because if this is real, like what he and ate has, then things would work out for us in due time. I just had to roll with the punches and take whats happening, since I was the one who caused it. It’s funny because our situations are so damn similar and it was just reassuring to know that at least I could cry to him about it. Because i hella cried in between my games, and he was the one who talked to me and stuff... So here I am, told to be better and to not give up and to give you all you want and e v e r y t h i n g. And welp, so I shall. 

Other than that, yeah everyone was pretty annoying about it. Dad and Mom kinda gave me a talk on the way there. They said that they know that I’m going through a lot and he can feel my aura and sadness, even with me trying to hide it. That I can talk to them about it at anytime, but try not to be like that in front of your team since they’re trying to win and blah blah blah. So I participated in the entrance as best I could, and played in the championship as best I could. Everything in between was just hell. I sang the national anthem, and all I could think about was you pushing me towards the mic, me wishing you could be with me right then and there. And me knowing that you couldn’t. They played a lot of our songs through the speaker and that’s what broke me down. At one point mom had to hug me since she felt something was wrong, but you know I powered through it I promise, Im being better!!! I just miss you so fucking much lol this is so hard. I deserve all of this shit though, I know. Keep doing you baby. And have a safe and amazing time at your new rotation! i know you must be excited to be in sports and you talked about it a lot... I wish I could be there to talk to you when you’re stressed out and try to help you when youre feeling overwhelmed. I’m cheering you on, always! You can do it, love!