rewatching httyd and getting depressed because you know you’ll never have what hiccup and astrid have and you’ll never ride on a dragon

blame me if you want.

other works by green.

pairing: jeongin x gender neutral reader

content warnings: heartbreak, angst, crying, break up

rating: 13+

summary: you deluded yourself into thinking you and jeongin were meant to last forever. but after some time where he felt distant, you come to find out why.

🍂 untitled — hyunjin & i.n (2 kids’ show)

His hands shook slightly as they held your face as though you were to break into a thousand pieces if he let you go, and you thought you might, too, since your heart had just been shattered by the man you’d once named your forever; why not let your body and soul follow your heart into the disaster it is now? You watched as tears threatened to spill, his voice cracked and his lips formed a trembling frown, though it didn’t compare to the storm of tears rolling down your cheeks or the sobs that continuously escaped past your lips, your expression twisted into one of pure heartbreak.

“I— I really didn’t want us to end like this, Jeongin,” you sobbed, and you knew he could barely understand what you were trying to say through the hiccups and cries. “But it’s like you’ve mentally been away for months now and I don’t know what I can do anymore. I can’t continue living like this, losing sleep because I can’t figure out what is happening and you keep refusing to talk about it.”

Jeongin pulled you to his chest, resting his chin on top of your head as the fingers of one hand gripped your shirt. He was shaking all over, but you were inconsolable.

“You’ve said it on my behalf, Y/N.” He began, voice crackling as he held back tears. “At some point, your eyes felt so cold, and perhaps I am the reason, but —”

You pulled away from him, eyebrows furrowed. “If I ever looked at you coldly, I never meant it. Baby, I promise that —”

“No, not like that,” he interrupted. “I mean, I didn’t feel the same way that I used to. I’m not sure how or when it happened, but it did. I couldn’t figure out how to tell you, but I really didn’t want things to get to this point.”

A tear finally rolled down his cheek as he spoke, voice growing thicker as he held back his own devastation. His words felt as though he’d pushed you off of a cliff and now you were just falling without a safety net by yourself.

“Y/N, I know in my heart that you leaving me and finding someone who truly deserves you before this pain gets any deeper is the best thing you can do.” A choked sob escaped from his lips and he sniffled, looking away for a moment to compose himself. “I tried to be your forever, I really did. But now I’m not sure of anything; did I really fall in love? Or was it a selfish decision made for my own sake to escape from my loneliness? At first, I didn’t even want to entertain the idea but, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since.”

The room was spinning at his words, your sobs intensifying while you pulled away from him completely. You were angry now, hurt, betrayed.

“What are you implying?” Your voice was louder than you’d intended, but you also couldn’t bring yourself to care when your whole world was collapsing in on itself at the moment. “Are you saying that everything we’d been through wasn’t real? Every beautiful minute spent together didn’t make you feel like this could be forever?”

You were standing now, looking down on his shiny eyes as more tears rolled freely down his achingly beautiful face; even with emotions running high, it took everything in you to not kiss them away. But he didn’t deserve that anymore, and you were well aware. When you called him over with the intention to end things, you wanted him to argue with you and tell you that you guys could work things out. You wanted to hear him say that he loved you, and that he didn’t agree with this decision. Anything to show you that he cared and was willing to fight for you and your relationship with him. Instead you found yourself feeling as though he’d punched you in the gut when he agreed wholeheartedly. Now every year spent with him was in question as you wondered just how much of it was as real to him as it had been for you. How many times did he lie through his teeth as he told you he loved you? The thought had you shaking with rage.

Jeongin didn’t respond, only sat there as he watched you back away from him slowly.

“Was I really just someone to keep your bed warm? Who the fuck says that?”

Jeongin finally stood up, hands attempting to reach you but you moved away before he could. “No, I don’t think it was like that —”

“You don’t think, Jeongin? This was the part where you told me ‘No, Y/N, it definitely wasn’t like that’. But you stand there and tell me you don’t think I was just a warm body so you didn’t feel so lonely? You’re such a coward.”

“I know that I am!” For the first time ever, Jeongin raised his voice, which took you aback. “You can blame me if you want, Y/N, but you have to believe me when I tell you that I didn’t want this to drag on like this. There were so many times where I tried to be honest about my feelings but I would look at you and always feel like such a monster for wanting to end things when what we had was so good. Don’t you think I hate this too?”

You remained silent, his words echoing in your mind. It didn’t make sense to you, nothing did. “If what we had was so good, then why did you stop loving me? When did you stop seeing me as your future?”

He opened his mouth but nothing came out. His shoulders slumped when he mumbled, “I have no idea.”

You sniffled, wrapping your own arms around yourself as you watched him. The crying had subsided a little bit by that point, and you could feel your chest becoming numb the longer he remained there. He stood before you, a shell of a man who had once decided to fall with you, but now he watched as you fell on your own to your own doom. The future looked so bleak without him, and you didn’t think you could ever forgive him for this.

“Do you think you would’ve said something sooner rather than later if I hadn’t called you over?”

“I don’t know. I hope so.”

You inhaled sharply, and exhaled shakily, your heart beating in your throat as you prepared to say the next words you’d never even dreamt of saying: “I think you should leave.”

Worst of all, Jeongin only nodded before walking out of your place. He didn’t even look back before closing the door behind him, leaving you a shattered mess.

word count: 1.1k 🍂 posted: 11 • 30 • 2023

💬 a note from green;

i watched hyunjin and i.n’s 2 kids show yesterday and their untitled song had me in tears and inspired me to write this sad little thing. i hope you guys enjoy, i might post something with hyunjin too though i don’t know.

🪲 TAGLIST !

# @grandpafelixx

Nothing Like Bonding During A Storm

Summary: In a modern world, Toothless has trouble adjusting to the surface world. Fortunately, he knows he can always count on Hiccup, even when nature's extremes bring down her wrath on the world.

Rating: General

Characters: Hiccup, Toothless

Words: 3 075

Author’s Notes:

That moment when you finish and post a one-shot about an AU that's been developing since February before finishing the actual main fic.

Anyway, I've been watching a lot of videos on YouTube about tornadoes and I find them very fascinating to look at. I often find myself wondering "how do people deal with possible natural disasters in a world that has ended" and this came to mind.

This is basically just dipping my toe in a concept with countless of possibilities and I will probably return to it later to explore it some more.

I have barely slept the past two days, I hope it doesn't show in this one-shot. It doesn't feel as exciting as I want it to be.

Also, hopefully I can finally get the main fic over and done with instead of daydreaming about it. I literally have another finished one-shot of this AU that I haven't posted yet.

Constructive criticism is appreciated.

Enjoy!

Ao3

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Hiccup muses that today is simply the culmination of his hubris. His natural and unrestrained curiosity, his want to travel, his workaholic tendencies, having a best bud for a dragon who would love to explore this new surface world with him... All of this was bound to come back to bite him in the ass someday and today is that day.

Flying way, way out West in the hopes of finding more human settlements that wished to regain contact with others, Hiccup and Toothless find themselves far away from home.

Though his father was initially against it, his plan on returning the vast network of communication that mankind once had before it was taken from them turned out to be a fruitful one and that is the only reason why Stoick ever agreed on letting Hiccup stray even farther away from home.

He still isn't quite so keen on letting his son out of his sight, even after all these years.

So far this country has been just as empty as he already figured it would be before they left Berk. It's been days since he and Toothless arrived and they have yet to find a single remaining human settlement.

Plenty of birds, critters, and other local wildlife, but no humans.

Not that they have managed to explore much. They have found an abandoned town close to a beach and spend a little while combing through it, but once it became clear that it was empty, they moved on.

But finding no human life on this mission to do just that will have to wait. There is a matter far, far more urgent that needed their attention.

High up in the sky, Toothless rumbles his concern to his Rider. Hiccup is already looking in the same direction he is, the map in his hands temporarily forgotten.

"I know, Bud. I'm keeping an eye on it, too." He tells him and it's as if the dragon understands, relaxing just a tad bit with the knowledge that Hiccup is aware of it, too.

In and around the Northern island of Berk, extreme weather isn't something Hiccup is unfamiliar with. The Winters could get so cold, especially during the weeks that he and his people nicknamed "Devastating Winter". A fitting name for the below-freezing temperatures and the blizzards that buried their houses annually.

Many people from different countries have called them stupid for continuing to live here, but then, they are descendants of the Vikings that once lived there. So maybe their problem isn't so much stupidity as it is pure stubbornness.

And with climate changing, though it has most likely slowed down since the year everything went wrong, the temperatures during Winter are even colder than they used to be when Hiccup was a child. And the Summers so much warmer.

On the North Sea, you can expect the occasional waterspout as well. But so long as it didn't come on land, it wasn't too much of a threat, not too much. For the island's inhabitants, that is.

But the clouds Hiccup and Toothless see swirling are a little too threatening for their comfort.

They are dark, appearing to be stacked on top of one another to create an uneven tower as wide as it is tall with a thick saucer-like shape at the base. The clouds that make up each level appear restless, opposite from their usually fluffy nature.

Above them and the flying duo lies a dark, ominous blanket that stretches for miles. There is a strong wind, conflicting up and downdrafts fighting for dominance, and they make the clouds and column dance and swirl. There is a downpour of rain and hail beneath as well. It makes the area underneath it seem foggy.

Their appearance makes Hiccup's heart swell in awe-inspiring trepidation and he has to swallow as his mouth feels dry. Meanwhile, Toothless looks on in fear.

He still hasn't had much experience with the surface's weather. The sight of this dark sky makes him feel like his heart is about to burst right out of his chest.

Hiccup hasn't forgotten, of course. He knows his Bud is completely inexperienced and relies on his Rider to know what is best.

Thankfully, always having been quite fascinated by things that could potentially kill him ever since he was young, Hiccup has done his fair share of research on certain weather phenomena. Much like Fishlegs and his interest in geology and mineralogy.

What Hiccup is staring at right now, it could possibly be called a mesocyclone.

There is a supercell inside that thing and the winds around them are getting harder to fight.

Lightning weaves its way through the clouds for miles. There are multiple strikes and they follow each other closely, speaking volumes of the storm's electrical strength. The thunder is a good indication of how close Dragon and Rider are, too. It is deafening.

Mindful of the metal holding Toothless' prosthetic together, Hiccup decides it is wise to land.

Folding the map in his hands up and pulling his backpack to his front to stuff it away, Hiccup then continues to look at the world below them.

There is plenty of space to land, lots of open fields for miles around them. But with how close those clouds are, Hiccup would feel better if there is a shelter or something they can hide in. Preferably a storm shelter just in case that supercell had a particular surprise in store for them today.

"Down there, Bud! Let's land and see if we can ride it out there." Hiccup tells his Night Fury when he spots two buildings on the ground with a fence all around the perimeter. An abandoned machine stands in the middle of an overgrown cornfield. It looks to be a farm.

Right at that moment, the downpour catches up and soaks them both in seconds and the winds grow even fiercer. Quickly after, hail that grows to be almost the size of the palm of his hand.

Toothless lets out a panicked yell, startled by the sudden shower.

"I know, Bud, I know! Set down near that farmhouse! Those wooden houses over there!" His Rider points them out to him and he folds his wings for a quick dive. While holding onto the saddle, Hiccup attempts to shield his dragon's eyes from the hail.

They land on the dirt road before the home that is swiftly becoming muddy beneath their feet. Toothless wastes little time to jump underneath the roofed porch, escaping the rainfall. Hiccup dismounts, pats his dragon on the neck, and goes to work on finding that storm shelter.

Sunlight teases them from the edges of the miles of clouds, but it is much too risky to try and escape this storm. Not with the speeds at which this supercell is traveling and certainly not with winds so strong possibly dislocating wings as wide as Toothless'.

Leaving the restless dragon on the porch, Hiccup runs down the steps and back out into the downpour, his prosthetic slipping in the mud. His hair and his clothes already stick to his skin.

One look told him the entrance to their salvation wasn't there under the porch. But on farmland miles away from the nearest city and closest hospital and with weather like this not being completely uncommon, there has to be shelter around here somewhere

Running around to the side of the house, it isn't long before Hiccup finds a set of slanted metal doors leading to a concrete room underneath the home where the basement should be. Approaching it and finding it without a padlock, Hiccup opens both doors and finds a stone stairway down into darkness. It's a storm shelter.

The hinges of the two doors rattle slightly with the wind and that worries him, but this place will have to do. No use taking to the skies now.

Something spooks Toothless and he calls out to his Rider. In the rain, thunder, and the hail, Hiccup can only just hear him and he turns around, shielding himself from the large chunks of frozen water, to find a sight that makes him stumble. His eyes would've widened in wonder if the rain didn't make it too difficult to see.

At the base of the mesocyclone, the rapidly whirling clouds have formed a greyish funnel-like shape that reaches for the earth. Witnessing the birth of what could possibly turn into a tornado, one of nature's most dangerous phenomena, is truly astonishing and Hiccup can hardly put his feelings into words. Such a library of languages at his disposal and not one word can describe them.

It is fast, too, much faster than he previously anticipated, and the girth is quickly gaining width as well.

But enough staring in wonder at nature's lethal beauty, Hiccup can tell that Toothless worries. That Night Fury has never seen anything like this before and is rightfully freaking out.

But what he can't tell and Hiccup can, is that the swirling of dirt and debris on the ground means that the tornado has already touched down and the funnel simply needs to follow to make its conception complete.

Hiccup also realizes, much too his growing discomfort, that it is much closer than he originally thought.

"Come on, Bud!" Toothless doesn't need to be told twice and he comes with a leap. Looking down into the shelter, he gives Hiccup a skeptical look.

"Hey, I may be an idiot, but humans know how to build things." Hiccup tells him, shouts at him over the growing noise all around them, though he worries whether his dragon will actually fit.

"This will keep us safe, Bud, trust me." He places a hand on Toothless' head, scratches him behind his earfin. The rain is pouring, the hail is falling, and his heart pumps blood through his veins with great speed, but Hiccup still smiles as if aerial wrath isn't about to descend upon them.

Where he gets that kind of bravery, Toothless honestly doesn't know.

Reassured by his Rider's calm demeanor, Toothless finds it in himself to descend into the near pitch-black shelter. The pouring rain stops for him.

Toothless fits and Hiccup feels comforted by this. It is without a doubt not spacious down there, but at least they won't have to face a storm that size.

Speaking of which, he turns to face the monstrous clouds behind him and his breath is taken away.

There is something gorgeous about the display he sees before him.

The funnel now connects the earth and the sky. The clouds are dark, but still, the tornado contrasts greatly against the grey background. The rain doesn't hide its deadly beauty and its enormous size makes him feels insignificant and small. More so than even Toothless had upon their first meeting.

If he'd been born and raised in this country, he probably would've become a storm chaser, of that Hiccup is sure. If life hadn't been turned upside down on a global scale.

Sounding almost like a human groaning in annoyance, Toothless briefly leaves the shelter to grab Hiccup by the shirt and pull him down the stairs.

"Yep! I'm coming! I'm coming!" Snapping out of the trance that will probably kill him someday, Hiccup follows.

Why must the human be so attracted to things that are lethal him? Are all humans like this or just his? He knows Astrid is a lot more careful than Hiccup.

"Toothless, can you find the light switch? I've shown you what they look like, right?" Hiccup asks as he struggles to close the metal doors. The wind has picked up and dirt is starting to fly up outside. The neglected fields are being flattened and by now the rotting fence in view is knocked down. Debris is approaching and before long the tornado itself will be there.

Two trees are uprooted just as Hiccup manages to hold them close and he fights the urge to figure out the EF ranking of this specimen.

The light flickers on and Hiccup finds the latch to keep the entrance closed. Once again he is grabbed by the back of his shirt and he lets Toothless pull him further down. He is in a hurry to get Hiccup with him.

There are many dusty shelves down here, but besides cobwebs and the occasional spider, they are already empty. Plundered empty, most likely. Or the family that lived here, took everything and left. Either way, there isn't much room for something the size of a Night Fury.

Toothless lies curled up with Hiccup in the middle and still he can only move so much.

The roaring of the storm outside grows and grows and the doors aren't quite enough to keep it out. The house above them begins to creak and groan as the unforgiving winds beat it mercilessly.

Despite his size and his lethal nature, Toothless shrinks underneath the unfamiliar noise that sounds so much louder in his sensitive ears. He's never been through a storm this size before. And while Hiccup hasn't either, he at least knows and understands what is currently raging right above them, tearing apart everything in its path.

"Shh, it's okay." Hiccup kneels beside him, pulse just slowing down.

The dragon's instincts are screaming at him to get out and flee, his fear is almost suffocating. All that grounds him now is his human's presence. In the still short time that they've known each other, Hiccup has already proven himself to be far braver than Toothless can ever call himself, though his Rider would disagree. He trusts his judgment.

The house above them gives in beneath the endless abuse and is loudly ripped from its foundation. It is proof of the twister's power.

The dragon yells in Hiccup's face as if he even needs to be told and the human pulls his head onto his lap and embraces it.

He can't imagine how scary this must be for him. Before the surface world, Toothless didn't even know what rain was. So extreme weather like this was like a nightmare come to life.

Wrapping his forelegs around his Rider, Toothless finds solace with him.

The two don't know which is louder. The thunder booming above them or the roaring of the twister that, by all likelihood, is leveling everything above them.

Hiccup attempts to cover his Bud's ears. His own eardrums feel like they are about to burst.

This couldn't have lasted for more then a couple of seconds with the wind speeds this storm travels with, maybe a minute or two at most, but it felt like an eternity. Toothless' grip on his Rider tightens.

And then it passes.

The roaring leaves them, the explosive thundering moves on. Gradually, careful silence returns.

Their ears continue to drum for a little while longer.

Toothless moves to look up to Hiccup to see what the knowledgeable human thinks, but Hiccup shakes his head and pulls him back down.

They wait for at least an hour just to be sure.

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Toothless is close to napping when his Rider moves. Letting go, he raises his head to watch Hiccup rise awkwardly on his prosthetic.

He doesn't say a word as he climbs the stairs and out of Toothless' sight. The grating noise of metal sliding against metal reaches his ears and light comes shining down into the shelter.

Hiccup returns soon after with a smile.

"Come on out, Bud. It's safe now." He tells him and Toothless once again doesn't need to be told twice.

The air outside is relieving and welcomes the dragon as he ascends the stairs and exits the shelter. It is humid and a little chilly. Toothless takes a deep sniff and still smells the rain.

The tornado is gone and the wind has calmed. The once quaint farmland, though abandoned, is in ruins all around them. The long grass of the fields and the weeds lie flat against the ground, there is corn all around them, and trees are torn in two or entirely uprooted. Half of the barn has collapsed, but the house has been mostly leveled. Nearby lie the crushed remains of a metal contraption that humans call a car.

Turning his head, in the far distance, Toothless spots the dark tower and lightning is still striking. The thunder isn't as loud now.

But Hiccup isn't looking at the carnage. Hands on his hips, he is staring up at the sky.

Coming to stand next to him, Toothless follows his example.

The clouds above them, now tinted a lovely orange, are strangely shaped now. There is an entire blanket of them separating the earth and the sky above it. There are rows and rows of fluffy pouches that reflects the light of the sun beautifully.

He can see why Hiccup would smile at the sight. And in an area as abandoned as this, no human or dragon life was lost that they know of, so they can only bask in the moment.

"Glad we got that tornado warning, huh, Bud? The movies never said that we still needed to deal with natural disasters. Ah well, the joys of a post-apocalyptic world, I guess." Toothless doesn't know what his Rider is talking about, probably something he used to know from the time before their worlds met.

Hiccup kicks a nearby wooden board away and removes his backpack to check its contents. There are some things in there that can't get wet. Fortunately, it is a good backpack and everything inside it is still dry. He briefly ponders his raincoat, but leaves it. His plaid shirt and the one beneath it are already wet, no use pulling it out now.

But they were lucky, that is for sure. They are probably bruised, to be sure, but that the hail didn't hit them in the head, or the eyes in Toothless' case, is nothing short of a miracle. And to come upon this abandoned land with a storm shelter when they needed it most... If people still lived here then he and Toothless would have been forced to brave the storm.

Though they can still see flashes of lightning in the clouds in the far distance, the storm is dying. And with the sun setting in the horizon, Hiccup figures it is probably wise to find a nice spot to spend the night. Somewhere far away, where he would be certain they will be safe.

Gabriel Agreste: A 3-Part Character Study

Part 3: How Gabriel Agreste and Hawk Moth SHOULD have been written

Welcome back, and welcome to the final part of my essay series with regards to Gabriel Agreste.

In Part 1 I explained my reasoning to write this series in the first place. If you haven't read that yet and would like to follow my train-of-thought, feel free to go back and read that part here.

Part 2 consisted of my headcanon of what Gabriel's life was like, and his basic personality, prior to the viewer meeting him within the structure of the “Miraculous Ladybug” TV series. At no time did I attempt to justify or condone his actions, but I did try to explain them. It isn't anchored in any sort of canonical facts, but it does ring true for me. If you're interested in this psuedo-narrative short story, you can find it here.

In this final part of the series I want to talk about how I would have written Hawk Moth and Gabriel Agreste for this show. I focus on ways of making him the sympathetic villain Thomas Astruc seems to be aiming for, but without the “hiccup” of child abuse/neglect/endangerment. Because, honestly, Hawk Moth could very much be the Ladybug equivalent of the Batman villain Mr. Freeze. The basic structure is there: a man madly in love with his wife, keeps her “alive” in a tube-like coffin (for Freeze it's because he has his wife in a cryogenic chamber), and turns to a life of crime as a means to revive his wife as quickly as possible.

This would have worked beautifully. It could have been the same sort of homage to a sympathetic villain as Ladybug is an homage to Spider-Man and Sailor Moon. It's a shame Astruc didn't calculate for Adrien. There was probably a reason why, when Dave Wood and Sheldon Moldoff created Mr. Freeze for the Batman franchise, they didn't have him be a father.

I explore a way to both keep Hawk Moth as Adrien's father, as well as make him a sympathetic villain. One where we won't know if we should cheer against or for him. One where we hope he can be redeemed. One where the inevitable battle between him and Adrien becomes a much more powerful, heart wrenching, and emotional encounter.

Let's start out by saying how beautifully painful it is that Hawk Moth and Chat Noir are actually, and secretly, father and son. It has a sort of Darth Vader/Luke Skywalker feel. It's always wonderfully heartbreaking when family are forced to attack each other. So, bravo on that. It's a shame that in creating this dynamic and “plot twist” (we all saw it coming, but okay...) Astruc ended up creating a sort of casual and brushed off outlook on child neglect and endangerment, as well as mental and emotional abuse. I don't think Astruc realizes he created this blasé attitude about poor family dynamic. I believe he thinks he created “dynamic” characters by having Adrien being this sweet, good-natured, always look for the good in people, used to disappointment kid who should have become a villain (especially with the power of destruction) but instead followed a brighter path. I also believe that Astruc thinks Hawk Moth is sort of his Darth Vader, and can have a similar “self-sacrifice at the last second for the love of his son” level of redemption. That in the end Hawky will FINALLY realize what truly matters and will give up everything for Adrien, and the audience will forgive Gabe and think “what a tragic character.”

And there could be audience members that will think that. Those, like me, who never experienced the pain and trauma of unkind parents, might fall under the spell of the story Astruc tells, and might feel that sympathy. I have to admit, I felt a twinge of sympathy when I saw Gabriel collapsed in that chair in the beginning of Queen Wasp. I felt how deeply he loved his wife, and how crushed he was at potentially giving her up. In that moment I forgot about Adrien and everything that poor boy has to endure. So, Astruc may very well get away with this storytelling angle. I'd hate to admit it, but it's possible.

However, there is a toxic element of letting Gabriel get away with how he treated Adrien. It will definitely send the wrong message if Adrien forgives his father for everything. If they do end up bonding in the final episode; the Agreste men now having the family they both desperately yearned for. It's not a good message to send out to any child watching who is experiencing similar abuse/neglect/endangerment. It's a painful slap in the face of those who survived parents like Gabe. The whole thing just cannot end well for Mr. Agreste.

If Astruc wanted Gabriel to be redeemed, if he wanted Adrien to get his father back, if he wanted Gabe to realize as much as he'll miss Emilie he still has his family, if he wanted the two of them can find a way to revive Emilie and be one big happy family, if he wanted any or all of that to happen, all he had to do was change one thing. Just one.

Have Gabriel Agreste actually be a loving father.

That's it! He can still be Hawk Moth. He can still attack Paris. He can still direct akumatized supervillains away from where Adrien should be so his son could be safe (oddly enough, he's shown doing this sort of thing more in the first season than he has in the second...). He can still be so maddeningly in love with Emilie that he's willing to do all sorts of evil things as Hawk Moth in order to try to revive her. Hawk Moth as a whole could be basically the same, just change key factors of Gabriel.

Have Adrien call him Dad instead of Father in order to show that the two did bond and have a connection, at least until Emilie disappeared. How much more devastating would it be if Adrien “lost” both of his parents when his mother “disappeared”? He went from a warm, loving family unit to a broken one with a father who doesn't know how to get over his grief, and therefore pulls away from his son.

What if Adrien looks upset in the portrait of just him and his father not simply because he’s grieving his mother (they are in black... such a weird time to get a portrait done...), and not because now he’s stuck with the parent he can never bond with? What if he looks depressed because he noticed a change in his father and he fears “losing” a second parent?

Adrien can still be used to these negative feelings by the time his father becomes Hawk Moth so he doesn't trigger an akumatization. Either that, or Gabriel is willing to do anything to bring out LB and CN, except for akumatizing his own son. Then Adrien can feel as depressed or angry or scared as he wants, but never calls an akuma to him because Hawky refuses to send one. How bittersweet would it be if Gabriel’s Miraculous alerted him that someone was set to be akumatized, only for him to realize it’s Adrien? He could then feel guilt about failing his son and GO TO HIM to try to help cheer him up.

Adrien never becoming akumatized even when he knows the trigger and knows he’s experienced it could easily be written off by Adrien as “I have a Miraculous, so I can't be akumatized” and he would only start to question his lack of being akumatized after Queen Bee turns into Queen Wasp (as seen in Queen Wasp). Which will be great because it will add a sense of mystery for Adrien now, as well as a new level of angst. Not only does he not know who Ladybug is, but he's questioning if Hawk Moth knows him and is protecting him. He may begin to question the adult figures in his life, just as Gabriel is questioning if Adrien is Chat Noir.

There could be a very – excuse the pun – cat and mouse game going on between the Agreste men, in which Gabriel wonders if his son is Chat Noir, but various things, such as both “Adrien” and Chat Noir being seen together in Gorizilla, makes him doubt his deduction. Likewise, things like Gabriel becoming akumatized, as seen in The Collector, could throw Adrien off his father's scent.

But now there's that unease. That questioning. That element of mystery and pull at trust. Especially if Gabriel is now a loving father. Adrien already lost his mom, he couldn't possibly believe his father is a supervillain, could he?

Adrien doesn't have to be isolated all the time. Gabriel could have his lunches with Adrien. They could bond after work/school. Gabe could purposely set up his at-home office hours to coincide with Adrien's school work and numerous after school activities. That way he'd be an available father for when his son is home.

You can also still have Gabriel be a very driven fashion designer. Maybe Adrien is used to his father pulling away for a month or so as the deadline for a new line premiere approaches. He's not a fan, but he knows his father loves him, and he's proud that his father is doing something he's passionate about. He gets it. He hopes to become that passionate and dedicated to something some day. Gabriel can still be a recluse, which is why he won't show up for things like Career Day or competitions. That way Adrien still tries to coax his father outside, and gets disappointed that he can't convince him. That way Nathalie still adorably carries around the tablet to Facetime with Gabriel at events the designer should be at. That way it's still The Gorilla and Nathalie taking care of Adrien outside the mansion.

It's not because Gabriel is neglectful. It's because he's agoraphobic, or because he's hounded too much by the media, or because he is grieving Emilie. Something sympathetic and at least a better excuse than “he's a dick and doesn't want to leave his home because he's stubborn and has to be near his lair in case he can akumatize someone.”

As for school, perhaps Gabriel and Emilie really did fear putting their celebrity child in public school, which is why they homeschooled him. Perhaps Adrien's only friend was Chloe growing up because the Bourgeois were the only friends the Agrestes had who had children, let alone children Adrien's age. It wasn't purposeful isolation, it was to try to protect Adrien from the media, and they couldn't find a way to branch out. Gabriel and Emilie tried to make up for this by being Adrien's playmates. Even The Gorilla and Nathalie could have been his extended friends. Which is why Nathalie and Gorilla seem to have a familial bond with Adrien.

If it were crucial that Adrien had to “fight” to get into the public school in the Origins episodes, then perhaps Gabriel was just so fearful of losing Adrien like he lost Emilie that he became overly protective. “I don't want you leaving this house. There's nothing for you out there. I want you here so I can protect you,” instead of Gabe's actual BS of “You are my son. You aren't like everyone else.”

This paternal panic could have really given him sympathy points. Most parents would understand the want to just bubblewrap and lock away your child to protect them from the world.

As for the modeling? Maybe Adrien likes to do it. Maybe it's a way for him and his father to bond. I will never attempt to sell my crocheting, but that doesn't mean I don't like doing it, even when I'm stressed because Christmas is right around the corner and HOLY CRAP I DON'T KNOW IF I'LL GET THIS PROJECT DONE IN TIME! I HATE CROCHETING! WHAT AM I DOING!? So maybe Adrien is the same way with modeling. He likes it. He's good at it. He finds it fun. Maybe he does kind of like the attention... when it's from afar... he just doesn't want to make a career out of it once he's out of school.

Adrien could really enjoy sports as well, which is why he is in fencing and basketball. Out of all of his activities, the only one that he could be “forced” into might be Chinese. And that could just be a loving parent pushing their child to learn a language that might become very handy for him in his future. While my mom didn't force me to take Spanish, she did very much encourage me to chose it (over French or German) because she felt it might be very useful for me in the future. Especially with more and more Americans being native Spanish speakers.

So, even with this change of Gabriel actually being a loving parent, you can still have Adrien’s character build be basically the same. He could still feel trapped at home because his parents kept him isolated to keep him from the harassment of paparazzi. He could feel lost because he lost his mother, and in doing so, his father feels like he's pulling away too. He can still be disappointed that his father won't show up for things like Career Day, concerts, and competitions, but still used to it because his father has a presumably legitimate reason for being a recluse. He can still have the busy schedule, but this time WANT to be that busy. He can still depend on his bodyguard and Nathalie as extra guardians. He can still be his wonderful sunshine self despite the tragedy in his life. And he could LOVE being Chat Noir because it means he can be free.

Adrien can be goofy and wild as Chat Noir, things he self-imposed on himself that he can’t be, after being taught that he's always in the public eye. Gabriel and Emilie didn't force him to be that reserved, he did it himself out of respect for his parents. (Trust me, I did the same thing. I was a pathetic goodie two-shoes growing up simply because I didn't want to shame my parents in any way. I was only goofy while around my dad because he was goofy and I felt safe acting the same way around him. I have since fully embraced my “chat noir” side thanks to my hubby)

As for him not being able to hang out with his friends in order to keep up that dynamic? Maybe Gabriel plans Family Nights in order to stay connected with his son. I know many parents who demand their kids do these bonding nights with them, especially when the child is a teenager and the parents are afraid of losing that precious connection. They're worried they aren't going to know what is going on in their child's life. It's annoying to the kid to not be able to hang out with their friends all the time, but the forced familial bonding is done out of love. And it could be for situations like in Glaciator where Adrien is just grabbing ice cream with friends. “No, Adrien, you’re not grabbing Lover’s Ice Cream with your friends. Are you even dating anyone? Nevermind, you’re staying here, and we’re playing Parcheesi.” 

In truth, we got to see a lot more of Adrien hanging out with Nino in season one, so why not keep up with that dynamic?

Random after school meet up at the zoo (Animan)? Going to a TV station to help support Nino (Simon Says)? Meet up at the local park with the New Girl to discuss superheroes (Volpina)? Rock concerts (Pixelator) or pantomime plays (The Mime)? An afternoon training for a video game tournament (Gamer)? Loaning out services as a translator for the afternoon (Kung Food)? Watching a foot race with classmates (Timebreaker)? 

Honestly, it didn't seem like Adrien was really barred from any sort of socializing in the first season. He was even seen casually riding the subway by himself in Puppeteer. The writers just needed an excuse for Marinette to become upset about her lack of interactions with Adrien, and therefore turn towards Luka. I love Luka, but.... it's a lame excuse to change Gabriel's behavior to be more of a controlling dick, and less sympathetic.

Speaking of, that scene from Sandboy where Gabriel showcases how much power a holder has over their kwami? Yeah. Just. Don't do that. That's about par with the Writing Cardinal Sin of killing the dog (or kicking the puppy).

Instead of Gabriel being the evil slave driver we see canonically, how about this take? Nooroo could be concerned about being misused to create supervillians, but what if Gabriel and Nooroo bonded the way the other holders did with their kwamis? What if Nooroo understands Gabe's motivation and is willing to help in order to revive Emilie? This way the audience isn’t fearful for Nooroo, Gabriel isn’t doing another harsh thing that makes him irredeemable, and it adds a whole new level to the show. I'll get back to this point later when I talk about the Final Showdown. In the meantime, let's talk more about Gabriel as Hawk Moth with this new “loving father” character trait in play.

I already discussed the concept of Gabe organizing his work life around Adrien's school life so that they could bond whenever his son is home. Well, thanks to Sandboy, we know that his broach blinks when someone is feeling negative feelings. Gabriel doesn't have to just wait around in his lair all day. He gets an alert.

We also know that Nathalie is in on the whole Hawk Moth ploy, as seen in both The Collector and Style Queen/Queen Wasp. Gabe trusts his secret with Nathalie, and she's always right there. What if, while he's having bonding time with Adrien, he passes the broach over to Nathalie. Then, when it blinks, Nathalie can feign an important work emergency which would call Gabriel away to his office. As they reach the office, she can hand him the broach so he can transform.

This way Adrien can still feel upset with his father's new flaky behavior roughly once a day (assuming Hawk Moth didn't already transform someone while Adrien was at school or out with friends; and yes I am of the headcanon that Hawky can only akumatize one person per day to make up for his lack of 5-minute count-down). It can also still create situations like in Glaciator where Adrien complains about being forced to stay home, only for his father to abandon him to be alone for the night. That can still very much be a valid dynamic, and give Adrien the “Adrien might not be able to leave, but Chat Noir can” attitude.

Alright, so I think I've firmly showed how Gabriel being a loving and compassionate person could both change so much of the basic dynamic between him and Adrien, but can also be done so not too many elements in either of their characters need to be changed. Now let's get to the real reason why this is the better way of writing Gabriel Agreste: The Final Showdown

With the canon dynamic, when we finally get to the point in the series where Adrien finds out that his father definitely is Hawk Moth, it will be painful. He will feel betrayed, but he might also see it as fitting. It could very well be the point of no return for Adrien. Up until that point, he has forgiven his father and gladly lapped up any attention Gabriel has given him. But to find out that his father is also his arch nemesis? The man who has been terrorizing Paris? That may be when Adrien finally gives up believing his father is a decent man. He may even give a “Mom wouldn't want this” speech that tears Gabriel deep. It will be a rough moment in the series, but in the end, Adrien may find it easy to take his father down. The man deserved it.

Now, let's think about that Grand Reveal moment from the perspective of Gabriel is a loving father.

Adrien finds out that his father, a man who has protected and nurtured him, a man who has struggled to still bond with his aging teenage son, a man who has tried to provide for him, and a man who represented the last of his family, THIS is also the man who has terrorized Paris? Adrien can't comprehend it. His father is a good person! His father is a caring and nurturing person! His father isn't capable of doing something like this! There must be a mistake. 

And you know that trope that appears in a lot of fanfiction/fanart/fancomics? The one where Chat Noir is tempted (or is completely swayed) to help Hawk Moth in order to save Emilie? Yeah. I can’t see Adrien doing that under canon circumstances, but if Gabriel is a loving, nurturing father? 

Adrien might be persuaded to think that everything WAS for the greater good. Gabriel had no choice! He HAD to become a villain in order to find the Ladybug and Cat Miraculouses. That’s the only reason he did what he did, and he couldn’t pull a 180 and ask for help once LB and CN came onto the scene. Why would they believe someone who just terrorized Paris? Poor Gabriel had no alternatives; it wasn’t his fault. Besides, with Ladybug’s powers it wasn’t like Paris was ever REALLY in danger. Gabriel wasn’t REALLY threatening anyone. He would have made it all right if he won. Of course he would, because he was a good person! He was only doing everything out of love!

Ladybug would have to either fight both Hawk Moth and Chat Noir alone - and how painful would it be for her to be betrayed by CN and have to take him out too - or Adrien would be forced to take his father down even though he wants the same thing: for Emilie to be brought back to them. Especially when Adrien might find his father’s methods valid.

Adrien could even still give the “Mom wouldn’t want this” speech as he tries to convince Gabriel to give himself up. In the end, Ladybug would win. Gabriel and Adrien would weep over what they had to do to each other; what they had to take from each other. Gabriel would be devastated that all the time he’s been attacking Chat Noir he was actually attacking his precious, beloved son. And they would have to give up Emilie together, because Master Fu already explained to Ladybug how dangerous it is to use the Ladybug and Cat Miraculouses together. 

Adrien and Gabe wouldn’t want to fight each other, but they both HAVE to in order to protect their ideals and goals. Or Adrien would HAVE to choose between fighting the love of HIS life, or giving up his mother again.

And Nooroo? Remember when I said I’d get back to him? Yeah. Imagine Gabriel Agreste actually being a decent human being? A true villain of circumstance? He hates what he’s doing but feels like there is no other option aside from giving up Emilie, and he just CAN’T do that. Now imagine that he convinced Nooroo to join him. They’ve bonded and are just as close as Adrien and Plagg, Marinette and Tikki, or Fu and Wayzz. Nooroo is there, along with Nathalie, to comfort Gabriel whenever he fails to defeat LB and CN.

However.... the other kwamis don’t realize any of this. They still think Nooroo isn’t capable of helping a villain. They still think he’s a slave, and in desperate need to be rescued. So that whole dynamic doesn’t change on that end. We still get that beautiful moment of Plagg being worried about Nooroo in Sandboy, and even still have the plot device of the kwamis all getting together to try to find Nooroo.

Except, Nooroo maybe informs Hawk Moth how to send his will back in order to try to track down the rest of the kwamis? Nooroo could point out Plagg and the fact that he’s CN’s kwami?

And in that final battle, when Plagg thinks he’s saving Nooroo, only to find out that the moth kwami was a willing accomplice the whole time? That Nooroo is just as broken as Gabriel that his holder’s wish can’t be granted. Nooroo even YELLS at Plagg and Tikki for interfering instead of helping.

ALL THE ANGUISH! ALL THE FEELS! ALL THE BITTERSWEETNESS TO THE HEROES WINNING! Sure, Paris is saved, but at what cost? Can these relationships heal?

SEE HOW MUCH BETTER THE WHOLE SERIES WOULD BE IF GABRIEL JUST HAD THAT ONE CHARACTER CHANGE!? If he was just a loving father? If he was a decent human being? If he hated having to be a villain, but truly sees no other way?

Well, thank you for spending the last hour or so with me. Hopefully it was all worth it. What are your thoughts on everything? Please let me know in the comments.

Learning to Fly: A reflection of 2016

2016 picked up right where 2015 left off, after a whirlwind of heartaches and hiccups, adventures and life lessons: damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead! I made some very bold choices at the beginning of this year, that changed my life forever. I married my best friend after being together for five-short-months. 

3,2,1: We eloped: A young sailor in his uniform and a blonde girl in a baseball hat. A casual pair who stood in front of a notary on a random Monday in March, committing to love each other for all that they are, and all that they ever will be, by simply signing a piece of paper. Though perhaps one of the crazier and seemingly impulsive decisions I have ever made, it is one that I can say with certainty and affirmation that I will never regret. A decision I made with my whole heart, and as a result, my life changed so drastically for the better. 

I moved away from all I had ever known, my small town and six jobs. My friends and family and first apartment I was so proud of. I set sail to a new life, as a new wife, packing up my little civic and making the long fourteen hour drive (yet again) with my father and sister to see me off. 

Here, I had a new house to turn into a home, and had to establish a new normal. I picked my grandmothers brain for recipes, turned white walls into collages and had fun “nesting” creating our little life here. Between building this nest, I found myself itching for more, longing to take off in any direction I felt would satisfy my desire for success, for perfection, for normalcy. I wanted to be better, and get there faster. I wanted to keep up with my beloved husband, who I felt was flying so high. I could only stare in awe.

The clouds of my ideas floated in the sky, just out of reach. Career options, schooling options, so many snap decisions that I believed were essential to building a life here. I leaped after them, only to fall beak first into the hard ground. Slightly humbled, slightly annoyed, I dusted myself off, climbed up the stone wall back into my cozy nest. Perhaps the cloud on the right would serve me better. 

Day after day, fall after fall, I climbed back into my nest, feathers ruffled as I would wait for my husband to soar home each night. Snuggled up together, I would sigh in what I felt was utter complacency. He encouraged me every night, not to worry, it would happen. I would find my direction, I would learn how to fly.2016 was learning that things truly do take time. 

It was learning patience in moments of frustration, and to be happy, and even grateful, in silence, and moments when life felt like it was at a total stand still. It was figuring out that sometimes the “hard work” people always describe is sometimes long, tedious and monotonous. No matter how long you’re in the fast lane, at some point you will hit bumper to bumper traffic. But even sitting in traffic, you are still in route.

This was an emotionally charged year, for everyone I know. It was very bittersweet. One of my dearest friends got pregnant with a child she had so desperately longed for, watching her transition into motherhood, (even if it is just in spirit) has been beautiful and inspiring. She is an amazing young woman and her child is so lucky to have her as “Mommy”.I got to be there when my best friend got engaged to a man she loves with all of her heart. We had a dream weekend together in Disney, that made the souls of our fifteen year friendship jump for joy.

I made some really strong new friendships here with the navy, and now I feel my heart start to ache as they are ready to depart to their next duty stations. One of the harder parts in the navy is saying goodbye, but we will meet again. I reconnected with lost friendships, and I lost friendships I felt most connected with. I learned how hard it can be to stick to your guns, and that the right thing is not always, (as a matter of fact, it is rarely) the easy thing.

 I learned that you can miss people (family or friends) who are truly toxic for you, and the discomfort of missing them is healthier than the discomfort of relationship. How I wish I could have learned this earlier, yet I am still grateful to be coming to terms with it now.I experienced loss, a truly devastating loss in my family. I had to deal with grief for the first time, and like a little child all I had ever known about object permanence was ripped away from me.

 I realized when one of the strongest people I know was taken away from me, just how truly temporary and fragile we all are. But the beauty among the pain is that all throughout his life, he gave us no room for regret. Everyday without fail he shared his love to his family and friends. Even if it was the only text I received all day I could count on “I love you” from him.

 I will live on with his example, and keep his advice and spirit in my heart forever.  I see his passion and fire in his children, and I am inspired by their bravery as they move forward, and continue to grow and shine as individuals in this crazy big world.It is turns out, the ever unsettling sentence that eats away at me also known as “it takes time”, is every bit true. 

All of the cleshe’s about life being a journey and not a destination are also true. When I explain to be people how I learned to ride horses I always say “I learned by getting on, eating dirt, getting back on, and eating dirt some more.” When it all comes down to it, its the same as you learn anything else. You try again, forcing yourself to experiment with new ways until you succeed. 

There is something healthy about never being satisfied, but it is equally imperative to to live in the moment. Learning to fly, for me, is a balance of both. I look forward to the sights I will see, and the flights I might take in the coming years ahead. 

return and pride : part one

[ part one : here ] [ part two : incomplete ]

Hanzo's mouth had went dry the very moment warping metal had let out an echoing groan from beneath his feet and around his head, watched as cold eyes widened then quickly narrowed in thoughtfulness before him and thin lips drew tight as string as the spider calculated it's next move; sight flickering about in such minute movements that an untrained gaze would not have caught it and then her arms raise up and she's moving. He catches the sound of concrete being rended behind him- comes to realize that the splinter sound was in fact Widowmaker's hook digging into the neighboring building later -and then there's a jagged pressure forcing the air out of his lungs as dagger heels dig their way into his solar plexus. What little breath that remains ultimately disappears as his back makes contact with the window behind him, shattering wood and glass into his skin with an overwhelming crash, then the wall of the opposing structure. He scrabbles for purchase, something to slow his descent, despite the screaming pain that ricochets about the cavity of his chest and finds nothing; he feels his prosthetic fold in upon themselves when he finally makes contact with the ground, false nerves setting themselves alight with devastating hurt, senses blood rush into his mouth as he bites down on his tongue in an attempt to keep from letting out the shrill noise he feels build up in the back of his throat- he was a prideful man, despite all his regrets and shortcomings, and he would not let himself sound weak before the enemy. She lands with the kind of precision he could not, it makes his face twist into a snarl as a red hot burning sensation flares in his core, he does not take kindly to being on his knees before this creature and finds himself letting out a wet growl as her lips twitch up behind the scope of her gun; she looks close to laughing, delight dancing behind her eyes, it's almost as if she's alive- like the mauve of her face will suddenly wash away with a long since forgotten warmth, and it's then that he realizes he will not be leaving this place in anything other than a body bag. He gives his life with a irked sigh and a tilted chin, not willing to die such a purposeless death with his head bowed- he desired to retain some semblance of honor before his end -and sucks in a low breath at the cold press of a barrel upon his throat after doing so, his ears begin to ring. Her lips part and Hanzo's met with a wicked set of teeth, watches her mouth move around the knifes but in the end hears nothing besides the shrieking within his ears and his pulse starting to slow, body shutting down as if that'll somehow save him from the bullet about to tear its way through his trachea to leave him choking on his own blood. He doesn't expect the familiar sound of someone fanning the hammer of their revolver to pierce through the veil that had been casted over him, yet it does, startling both him and the sniper whom swears in her native tongue; she moves quick enough that he can barely process the butt of her rifle facing him or the sneer upon her face as she hisses- "Jusqu'a la prochaine fois, dragon bleu." -and brings down unforgiving metal upon his temple. He wakes to the taste of battery acid, the sound of eerie silence, and the feeling of drying blood bonding his clothing to the ground beneath him; each dull thrum of his pulse brings him to a new state of awareness, until his chest is seizing with short aborted breaths, and he can feel each portion of his body with intimate detail- the glass embedded in his back, squirming within his flesh, tearing skin and muscle a like as he curls inwards- the clutching of his throat, stomach seizing, as he watches from what feels like outside of himself as he spills ichor past his lips on to the pavement- the dark burgundy that paints his stomach so heavily that he can't distinguish whether or not it's a nasty contusion or blood swelling inside of him from a ruptured organ. He has to force himself to look around in spite of the pounding sensation plaguing his head, he's cradled between fallen rubble and the wall of the building he was forced against, faint light peering in from crevices in the debris; he finds himself quickly growing bitter, being crushed or shot would've been leaps and bounds more desirably than dying miserably slow within a tomb of crumbling foundation with nothing but his thoughts to keep himself company in his final moments. He feels butterflies creeping up his throat as another coughing fit tries to rear its head, he lets a few slip even though it burns hot enough to make his eyes water, speckling the front of his kyudo-gi crimson with blood as he tries to drag himself to an up right position will sputtering so that he may rest his shoulders- which are by far the least damaged part of him by now -against the surface behind him. He wonders, idly, that maybe if he shoved himself back hard enough he'd be able to end this a touch quicker and it sickens him that the only reason he doesn't is due to a twisted sense of honor that he cannot seem to shake no matter how hard he tries. It takes him a fair share of moments to hone is hearing to a point in which he can discern the noise of distant voices, heavily distorted, streaming from a crumpled piece of plastic he can only assumed used to be his communicator; he goes to toe the object closer but fire shoots through his thighs and blind panic flows through his veins as he sees his legs utterly torn a part- again, again, again. He loathes the way water collects in his eyes enough that it's threatening to spill over, burning sensations littering his body that he can't escape and then he's hiccuping, reaching out, hesitating and brushing across tarnished metal. The words echo around his skull, 'You need to be made an example of--', and all he can think is not again, please, not again. He recoils as if the metal is searing, lets a litany of curses tear out from his lips, and urges his gaze upwards with gritted teeth- tries to level his breathing as he pointedly averts his gaze from the absolute carnage of his prosthetics before starting to grope blindly for the disfigured earpiece, a low groan ripping out from within him as he's forced to stretch forward in an attempt to grab at it. The pad of his finger eventually catches against the ridge that, at one point, fit snugly around the curve of his ear and he's dragging it carefully closer- doing his best not to damage to device further -brings it to his ear only to have dread closing his airways almost immediately. "Get on the damn shuttle, McCree, right now, that's an order." The words are being barked out like a true commander, not quite shouting but irrevocably stern all the same, by none other than Soldier:76- otherwise known, as of recently, by Jack Morrison -and he feels his heart sink; not out of fear, or bitterness, of being left behind- he's not stupid, it's the tactically smart thing to do, foregoing one's needs for the sake of many others -but what he most certainly know is about to come next. "Eat shit, old man, I ain't leavin' without him." Stupid, stupid, stupid- idiot cowboy-. "Get your head out of your ass, boy-"  He hears Jesse's breathing hitch. "-we can't stay here any longer or else-." He feels as if he's going to be sick again. "Then fucking go, Jackie, y'know what-- all of y'all just-- just go." He's going to be sick again. He hears the soldier murmur something close to, if not actually, 'ungrateful' and can practically feel Jesse seethe- he hears the cowboy scoff, loud and unyielding, most likely throwing his arms forth in a gesture of anger- taking up as much room as possible, like always, dumb cowboy. "I'm ungrateful? You're the fucking ingrate, Jack, he's saved all our asses who knows how many times and you're ready to leave 'im here to fuckin' die!" Hanzo senses his face tightening up into a wince, pain thrumming in surges throughout his head at the shouting, jaw setting as if that'll somehow ease the ache. He fiddles with what he can only hope is the button on his com among the twisted pieces of it, prays he'll be heard when he speaks, that the moron will listen to him when he says that he is not worth it. "Do not do this." He begins with a snarl, feels heat gathering in his face, voice much more gravel-like than before. "You must leave." He hates the way his voices hikes into vaguely pleading or how his heart sinks when he's given no reply. Anger quickly replaces his desperation, he wants to swear again- maybe even throw something akin to a tantrum -chuck the broken thing across the small concave in a fit of rage but it drains almost as fast as it had arrived; he settles with merely letting his hand drop to the ground and his fingers unfurl. Their argument lasts less than a minute longer- what is said, Hanzo does not know, focusing on their words would only serve to rile him up once more -and then there's silence. He wants to believe that perhaps McCree had come to his senses against his better nature, truly, but isn't surprised in the slightest when his wants go unmet- the familiar drawl echoing out from the device at his fingertips, mocking him, rending him. "Heya, Shimada." Anger flourishes for a few moments, he wonders if perhaps he had merely been ignored rather than unheard, but it dissipates quickly as the cowboy continues. "Can't hear me right now, can ya? Probably broke your flimsy ol' thing a while a go, haha, 'ssumin' that's why you've been so silent." There's a pause. "Or dropped it." Another trying to ignore the most obvious answer- even if, in the moment, it is not true. "Imma keep talking though, after all, I sure do love the sound of my own voice." There's a tired laugh that follows that, low and aching, then the sound of earth crunching beneath spurred boots- he's left his line open, presumably in hopes that maybe- just maybe -it's actually getting through to the archer, that he might get a word or two back. There's a pregnant lull in the one-sided conversation despite Jesse's claim, Hanzo nearly let's the urge to rest consume him to the idle noises of the sharpshooter stomping about, when the gadget crackles back to life. "Awh, darlin', 'm really sorry." He shifts, runs his fingers through his own cooling blood, notes that he's getting fretfully pale. "For all my boastin' it seems I have some shit sight when it comes to you, kept an awful eye on ya, haven't the slightest where you are." The thought that he most certainly is going to die comes back to him, the pain has slipped away- from shock or blood loss he assumes -disconnected from his body, though if he moves he still feels the urge to writhe. "Lena said she saw you take off with Widowmaker- what I would do to have seen you two dukin' it out like that -sure you gave her a run for her money, Han." The cowboy speaks with reverence and adoration, Hanzo thinks that perhaps if his blood wasn't slowly draining out of him that it might have rushed to his face at such blatant veneration, he thumbs the plastic in his hands. "You'll have to tell me 'bout it after we get back to base." "You will be disappointed." He finds himself replying softly, knowing his words are falling upon deaf ears, ignoring the way his voice is merely a hoarse murmur despite the effort it takes him. He doesn't like the thought of failing the other, it causes a churning in his stomach he can't put a name too, and briefly finds himself thinking that then it's perhaps a good thing the man's chances of finding him are close to nil. He let's his eyes close- maybe for the final time - before huffing a dry laugh to himself, how childish, he'd literally rather die than upset the cowboy. He falls asleep to the sound of Jesse's breathing.

Open indefinitely for McHanzo Prompts! Send them in.