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the-ferocious-kittyrose · 4 months

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Hazbin Hotel Ep1 Rewrite

Okay, let’s get the shit I like first out of the way. Animation? Beautiful. Art style? Iconic. Music? Pops off.

Okay, now the fun part…

First let me just say, I adore biblical lore. So when I see something changed from the og lore, where I think the og was more interesting, I cannot let it go.

(I’m gonna focus on the Charlie storyline in the episode)

1. The Backstory

Let’s start with the first scene, the backstory of Lucifer and Lilith. In the show, they got some of the timeline and motivations wrong. I understand that the story is sugar coated, but hear me out.

“Once upon a time, there was a dazzling kingdom protected by golden gates, known as Heaven. Home to beings of pure light. Angels that worshiped good and lived in peace and harmony under the rule of God. The most beautiful of the Angels was Lucifer. He was a dreamer, with fantastical ideas for all creation. But he was restricted by God and the elders of Heaven, for they felt his way of thinking was dangerous to the order of their world.

Outraged by this injustice, Lucifer gathered an army of Angels, and declared war on the kingdom of Heaven. The battle raged on for centuries, but in the end, Heaven reigned victorious. As punishment for their betrayal, Lucifer and his army were cast out of Heaven. Banished to a crumbling wasteland, where the light of God could not reach. But Lucifer would not wallow in failure. From the barren landscape he rose a beautiful golden palace, crowned himself king and crafted a plan to share his freedom with God’s newest creation. Humanity.”

(I like to imagine that when Lucifer and his army fell, their wings burned up, leaving scattered feathers everywhere. In order to fly to Eden, Lucifer gathered these burned feathers and turned them into a new pair of wings for himself. They were black, messy, and trailed billowing smoke, but they could fly.)

Now for the Lilith part of the story. The more popular interpretation of her is that she is the first wife of Adam, but there is another version too, one where she is Adam’s second Wife after Eve. I personally prefer the latter because I can’t see anyone sinning or getting cast out of Edan before Eve eats the apple.

“He approached the garden of Edan in disguise, and offered the forbidden fruit of knowledge to the mother of humanity, Eve, who gladly accepted. But with the gift of knowledge and freedom, came a terrible curse. Evil bleed into the earth, and humanity was infected by darkness and sin.

For her disobedience Eve was cast out of Edan, to the dismay of her love, Adam. To appease him, the Angels crafted him a new bride, Lilith. Lilith was beautiful, with a voice so enchanting even Lucifer was mesmerized, but she was strong willed and refused to be subservient to her new husband. She fled from the garden, and rather than chase her, Adam found the tree of knowledge and bit into the forbidden fruit, so he could follow his true love, and be with her once more.

Lilith wandered, lost and alone, until she was found by Lucifer. Enamored by her beauty and iron will, he gave her his heart and made her his queen.”

Then you have the bit about Lucifer becoming depressed while Lilith thrived in Hell. I hate this! I was looking forward to a demonic Mortica and Gomez, not another Stolas and Stella. Plus, I’ve never been a fan of uwu sad misunderstood Lucifer. He is a complex character, but too often he’s over simplified by people who read Paradise Lost in high school and misinterpreted Lucifer as a tragic anti hero who was treated unfairly by the evil Angels. Lucifer can be tragic, even sympathetic. He can be fun and a caring father. But don’t forget that he is king of Hell. He is the prince of pride. He has an ego the size of east Texas and waged war against God himself.

And let’s not forget that in the show he is the head honcho over a strict cast system that encourages violence, allows the worst of the worst to take power, and leaves the hellborn races at the bottom at a severe disadvantage.

In this rewrite, Lucifer and Lilith essentially switch places, except Lilith isn’t a pathetic push over, she’s an incredibly famous rockstar, who’s always busy and not around often, but still has a bigger role in her daughter’s life than her husband, who’s been mia doing king shit.

And the last thing we hear about in the intro monologue is that the exterminations happens to prevent Hell from rising against them, which while that may be the case, don’t have Charlie say it!!! That realization for her would make the entire hotel superfluous! Charlie has to think that the problem truly is overpopulation.

2. Meeting with Adam

Let’s start with Adam himself. I hate this character. Especially as an adaptation of Adam. Yes, Adam is misogynistic. He expected Lilith to be subservient to him, but he wouldn’t be the frat boy type of misogynist, he’d be the old school chivalrous type. Grandpa style sexism. And shouldn’t the father of humanity care about his descendants? It doesn’t make any sense for him to be an executioner. He should be the leader of the guardian Angels or something.

In this rewrite, Adam is not the leader of the executioners, instead it’s the Angel Dumah. Dumah is the angel over the wicked dead, and he was appointed by God to torment sinners in Hell.

I want him to be an actual intimidating antagonist. He rarely speaks (his name means “silence”) and has many eyes (is described as having a thousand eyes)

As for the exorcists, they are Angels, but not actual dead humans wearing mask. They just look like that. Dumah is described as having tens of thousands of Angels of Destruction at his disposal. That’s what the exorcists are going to be, but instead of thousands, I’ll give him five. They don’t speak and are hardly sentient. They stand on top of the tower like gargoyles, until they “come to life” for the execution.

“But it’s a comedy! Shouldn’t they be funny?” No. It’s all about how characters react to them. The Litch in Adventure Time is a good example of this.

So obviously the meeting goes a lot differently.

Charlie gets a call, looks at the number, and excitedly tells everyone to, “shooooosh!” She takes the call nervously, saying, “yeah! Okay! Yes! Of course! I’ll be right there! Thank you SOOO much!!!” She hangs up and happily tells Vaggie that Dumah requested a meeting with her. Vaggie is nervous and says she should probably go with her, but Charlie says that she’ll be fine and tells her to stay and work on the commercial. She leaves excited that the Angels may finally be taking her seriously.

She makes it to the clock tower’s board room, where Dumah sits silently at the end of the table. Charlie nervously starts to greet him before she realizes they’re not alone. The Angels, Gabriel and Uriel have come from Heaven, for a meeting with Hell’s princess.

Uriel remains professional, politely bowing her head as she greeted Charlie. Gabriel on the other hand, threw his arms out, happily yelling, “Charlotte!!!” He wrapped her in an uncomfortably tight and awkward hug, saying how much she’s grown since he last saw her. He’s like a chill but estranged uncle meeting his now adult niece who he hasn’t seen since she was a baby and has no memory of him whatsoever.

Uriel watches the whole thing in embarrassment. She tells Charlie that Dumah had contacted them, regarding some, “interesting,” ideas about the extermination.

Charlie starts with her pitch, but Gabriel insists that they should take some time to catch up first. He claps his hands and summons plates of food for everyone. When we cut back to them, Gabriel is in the middle of telling the story about almost getting his ass kicked by Joseph when he told him his virgin wife was pregnant.

Uriel cuts him off, saying she doesn’t need to hear this story for the eighth millionth time. She turns to Charlie, exasperated, and tells her to get on with the pitch.

Charlie says that she has a potential solution for the over population problem in Hell. Uriel, Gabriel, and Dumah look at her blankly. Gabriel asks, “overpopulation?”

Charlie goes on to explain that she knows overpopulation is a big problem, but 275 sinners were executed this year alone and she just can’t stand to watch her people be slaughtered anymore.

Uriel asks if she’s suggesting an alternative, and Charlie very excitedly pitches her idea for the hotel. Uriel and Gabriel wear a matching “wtf” face and look back and forth at eachother like, “does this girl know what she’s suggesting?”

As Charlie is finishing, Uriel is visibly annoyed. She interrupts Charlie, complaining that this is ridiculous and has all been a massive waste of time as she stands up to leave. Charlie tries to stop her, saying, “please, you don’t understand.”

Uriel snaps back, “no, you don’t understand! They had their chance in life and they earned damnation.”

Charlie responds, “you're wrong. Sinners made mistakes, sure, but everyone makes mistakes.”

Uriel pinches the bridge of her nose (or where a nose would be on a person) “a mistake happens once. It’s an accident, an error in judgment due to naivety. Of course mistakes can be forgiven, but we’re not talking about mistakes, are we? These sinners had a choice, and they chose to live in sin.”

“A choice they now regret!” Charlie defends.

“It takes a lot more than regret to be forgiven.” Uriel says coldly. “It takes remorse.”

Gabriel chimes in, “she has a point, Charlie. It’s easy to make someone regret their actions, but to have them feel true selfless remorse, that is much more difficult.”

Charlie furrows her brow and starts to look defeated.

“But perhaps not impossible.”

Charlie beams with excitement. Gabriel explains that this is a big decision, too big to be made right now, but if she can successfully redeem one demon, they will allow her to come to heaven and pitch her idea to the entire Angelic court. Uriel tries to argue, but Gabriel just says they’ll discuss it later. Charlie gives him a tight hug before he and Uriel disappear.

As she turns to leave, Dumah puts his hand on her shoulder. This is the first time he’s moved in the entire scene. He stares at her coldly and says, “the only reason you’re here is your father has spared you from the executioner’s blade. If I had my way. Each and every one of you would be slaughtered.”

Charlie stares up at him. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

For context, part of the reason Gabriel and Uriel were initially confused by Charlie’s proposal is because they know that Lucifer is trying to keep Hell’s population as high as possible, in preparation for the second war with heaven. That’s why he and the other princes of hell work to manipulate humanity and temp them towards sin (i.e. succubi and incubi). That’s why he arranges marriages between powerful demons to make powerful demon children (i.e. Stolas and Stella). He needs as many demons possible for his army if he’s gonna have a chance at winning. So obviously, sending sinners to heaven, aka the opposing force, is the LAST thing Lucifer would want.

#Hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel critical #hazbin hotel rewrite #charlie morningstar #adam hazbin hotel #hazbin lucifer #hazbin lilith #lucifer morningstar #lilith hazbin hotel #vaggie hazbin hotel

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badpancakelol · 1 year

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some of the intro of my new chapter, THE MISSTEP !!

See, the best type of fake ID is a fake ID that draws on reality. It isn’t hard to look like he might be twenty-one, when he’s nearly there already — nineteen and going strong. When Eddie hands his card over to the bouncer, a man with a slightly receding hairline and an eyebrow piercing, he isn’t even worried. He knows that the lights cast shadows across his face that make him look a little more gaunt and weathered, but as he’s ushered in, a welcome, Eddie on the lips of the bouncer, he doesn’t really care.

The thing is, he was right. When he was talking (read: arguing) to Gareth in the van about any type of non-straight scene in Hawkins, he was right: there isn’t one. And, no, he doesn’t count the secret show-up-to-some-dude’s-basement-party-who-kinda-gives-off-queer-vibes as a ‘scene’, okay?

Out here in Indianapolis, not so far that it’s hard to get to, not so close that he thinks he’ll run into anyone (and, really, if he does run into someone, what are they even gonna say to him? They’re in the same goddamned club as him), it’s easy enough to feel open and free and loose in a way that sings beneath his skin.

He knows that his bank account is gonna suffer for the gas it took to come up here, but as the lights shine over his face, blinding in colours that are vaguely familiar, with shimmers of some he didn’t even know were possible, he doesn’t find himself caring.

Eddie isn’t stupid — he knows why he does it. Why he goes alone to the club, instead of with his band members who, without a doubt, would support him every step of the way, who would probably enjoy being in an atmosphere like this.

But ever since that car ride with Gareth, there’s been some sort of tension between them, like an invisible rubber band that was pulling and pulling until it finally snapped and crackled — a sharp sting, and nothing more, really — but the rubber band is still there, smaller, quieter, as well as the hurt.

Eddie had apologised, yes, and Gareth had quietly told him that he was still there, no matter how you wanna approach this, okay? He said that he wasn’t going to push it, and he didn’t. Didn’t even bring it up again, didn’t mention anything about Steve, or Eddie’s lovesick lyrics, or even about him being not-so-straight. And, yet, the rubber band lingered.

He shakes himself off, a little flurry of more-than-usual messy hair, that can easily be excused away as a shiver from the change in temperature, or maybe some alternative dance move. Oh, you don’t get it? Must be too underground, or something. Eddie didn’t come here to wallow in self pity, or think of how to apologise. Out of everyone, he knows that sometimes apologies aren’t enough.

Making a beeline to the bar, he orders a fancy cocktail that Hawkins could only ever dream of serving. It’s citrus-y with hints of coconut and lime, and some other fruit that he tries to get a hold of. It’s expensive, yes, and kind of tastes like lolly water, but god if it isn’t gonna make him tipsy.

He sips it through the straw, grateful for the plastic cup when a girl knocks into his shoulder. She shoots him an apologetic smile before racing off into the crowd. Eddie feels the slight stickiness of the table, slick and hot under his partially spilt drink.

Eddie watches as the girl, easy enough to spot in the crowd with her glow-in-the-dark earrings and pink teased hair, runs to another girl. He sees them embrace under the pulsing lights, and looks away, feeling as if he was intruding on a moment that is too private, so safe, within the confines of the bodies on the dance floor.

The music, while not what he would listen to in his spare time, is good. It’s poppy and it’s preppy, but he can appreciate the classics, the gay icons of music, and their soulful vocals and disco song. Maybe it’s nice to pretend that he’s someone who comes here often, who’s maybe twenty-one or older, who likes to listen to the Top 40 Hits on the radio.

Secession turns to Depeche Mode turns to Erasure to Bowie, and he’s gifted with the sounds and the feeling of a hundred voices screaming their lungs out to gay anthems, of people who made it, who continue to make it, who say we are here, and we are terrified, and we are alive. Eddie looks to the crowd, tries to catalogue the nameless faces of these beautiful people who are singing, who are crying, who are dancing and kissing and drinking like there’s nothing that can possibly hurt them.

There are so many people, so many goddamned people, people who are like him, and it is nothing like Hawkins at all. He catches the eye of a man wearing thick blue eyeliner, who has his hair drenched in sweat, his arm around his partner, and there is a moment where nothing is said, where nothing is even heard over the people, over the masses, but the man with blue eyeliner mouths words that are lost amongst the crowd, words that seem to ask are you okay? and Eddie realises that he is crying.

And it feels good.

It feels so fucking good to cry.

So he nods back to the man with blue eyeliner, who sends him an understanding smile over the heads of people, and then he is whisked away into the crowd. Eddie leaves his drink by the bar, finished with the cocktail, and merges into the warm bodies, lets them envelop him. Everyone is uncomfortably sticky and warm and sweaty, and Eddie is sure his makeup has run from his tears, but when he dances with them, shouts and sings will it come true? Will anything happen? Will I see you again? he finds himself at home.

(When he is done for the night — bone-tired and ecstatic, buzzing in every sense of the word — he heads to the bar for a bottle of water for the road. Eddie’s lips feel tingly from where he kissed a man with short brown hair and a soothing smile in the heat of a Queen song, and it makes him feel giddy inside. Because there was no expectation, no promise, just a meaningless, meaningful kiss, for the sake of kissing. And he gets it. He understands.

Eddie slides up to the bar, shouts a hoarse voice over the counter in the kindest way possible. The bartender nods, no doubt more tired than himself, and slides the cool bottle across the counter. And when he turns for the door, he spots a head of hair that is all too vaguely familiar.

Robin, from band, from drama.

Robin, from Hawkins.

He spots her word vomiting to a girl that looks enraptured with her, shy in a way that’s endearing. When Robin pauses to take a breath and tilt her head up above the crowd, they make eye contact, and it’s like a connection has formed).

#steve harrinton #steve x eddie #steveddie #eddie x steve #steve harrington #eddie stranger things #eddie munson #ao3 #ao3fic #stranger things 4 #stranger thing #stranger things

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