#wait and see how you survive it all
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The Green Knight dir. David Lowery | Jeanette Winterson, Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit | Louise Glück, “Via Delle Ombre” in A Village Life | Kenneth Patchen, “Guatama in the Deer Park at Benares” | Czeslaw Milosz, Notes
#the green knight#louise glück#jeanette winterson#czeslaw milosz#kenneth patchen#heroes#film#poetry#web weaving#wait and see how you survive it all#maybe we will wake up singing
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happy mochizuki monday, have a little doodle i made based on a convention i went to this past weekend :)
#persona 3#ryoji mochizuki#minato arisato#lizzy does art#as u can see i went as ryoji. because he's my favorite guy and i love to represent him.#but also i kind of regret it because oof. ima be real guys#ryoji mochizuki would not survive hawaii weather AT ALL it was like 27c 💀#anyway i was very thrilled to see that someone went and cosplayed minato...!#i have to say it was. so funny taking a picture with them and then making a drawing based on it because like#im an ant. as you can see. like. minato being taller than ryoji is lowkey cursed#i also saw sumi with joker (metaverse fit) + some guy wearing the yasogami high uniform...#there wasn't that much persona (as in three. there was plenty of five) but i did get a nice print of sees :D#and i got to walk around artist alley with some of my friends which made me really happy!! i love friend shrimp....#i wish i got to spend more time there but oof the heat got me beat 💀#but seriously though i cant stress enough how nice it was to spend time with friends i think hanging out with people is so swag...#i hope everyone can make positive and fun memories with people they care about :) happy mochizuki monday!!#i think about ryoji and minato 24/7 and i cant wait to draw them more again u have no idea how much i missed them...#they make drawing so fun for me they're the most guys ever <3
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Really fucked up that two ppl can care about each other and make their best efforts to communicate and still end up hurting each other so badly they cannot stand to be in the same room.
#my stuff#i feel soooo bad talking to my therapist about the same topics over multiple weeks#like i feel like they're sooo sick of it like damn can this bitch get Over It alreadyyyy#hi yes actually can we talk about the near catastrophic sense of betrayal and loss that has haunted my soul for over a month?#can we talk about how I overcompensate for other's possible feelings and emotions to desperately mask my terror at feeling out of control#can we talk about how even when I know ppl acted with logical reasons necessary for their situation it still hurt me?#and that this pain fills me up with so much anger and frustration that I'm powerless to put anywhere that won't hurt someone#so it just cooks me inside and makes me grind my teeth constantly for weeks#im so angry i did not deserve to be treated like this it's not fair and I have no capacity to fix it or control when it feels better#i just have to survive and wait until i forget about it and hope they don't decide to reach out and fuck it all up#cause i can see that happening#i'll finally be free of thinking about them and generally going about my day unbothered and they'll ask to get coffee or something#and I have no idea what I should do in that scenario. because I don't think we can be friends.#and you have not treated me with the compassion and warmth I treated you#i would want to say mean things. hurtful things. I would want to bite back for once.#and that's not me. that's not who I want to be.#i don't wanna see you. go away. don't talk to me if you're not going to make the pain go away.
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WAIT WAIT. do plants literally need love to survive???? Tesla died so quickly in part because she was neglected in her needs as a person -- did the twins only survive because Rem showed them that there was a place they COULD survive? Did Tesla's body just go "there's no place for me here" and shut down? The dependent plants only survive because people care for them and tend to their needs. Are independents the same, just with different needs?
#im having a lot of half-formed thoughts about how the plants 'know' 'how to be' a person/a part of something greater#they have a more powerful connection to symbiosis than humans do -- they KNOW they can't survive without community#humans can -- and often do -- lie to themselves that they don't need other people#but the plants KNOW that they wouldn't survive alone. and they know that humans wouldn't survive without them#the independents play a different role. they're able to see and understand humans' frequent need for self-reliance and they refute it#wait don't only the first couple tags show up in search#trigun maximum#trigun tesla#trigun#ok back to rant#independents are the mouthpiece of the plants -- their advocates#most symbiosis in nature works on a more fundamental level where such communication isn't necessary#but the humans' symbiosis with the plants operates on a higher level of consiousness#free will and sentience are essential elements of it. the humans' inventiveness and enduring will is needed for the survival of the plants#this is all just a bunch of loose post-its on the wall btw otherwise id jyst make a post about it lol#anyway thank you for your time i love yall
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More like rad-b-gone lol
#I love that you can see me back off to dodge his grab before I’m like oh wait I can just bonk him lol#thank you radagon for being the only boss I could see myself doing hitless#except my dodge rate for his stomp/poke combo is like 5%#so it’s only feasible if he doesn’t do that move…#oh and the “nothing personnel kid” teleport and fast smash can also suck it#him the crucible knights and the bell bearing hunter are the only enemies I’ve learned to consistently parry in ER 😮💨#I tried learning malenia’s parries but her damage is so overtuned it str8 up was not worth the risk and effort 🥴#radagon definitely isn’t the most fun boss in Elden ring but I think he’s like the most fair out of every single one#which is why it’s gr8 that all my goodwill gets toss out the window with Elden beast 🥴#I had one moment where he did Elden stars chase attack the triple closing rings and then sword swipes#and got absolutely annihilated bc I could not dodge all 3 attacks at once#like attack RNG has always been part of the difficulty in these games but with my limited knowledge this is the first one where#(( outside of gank fights ))#the RNG difficulty slider goes from manageable all the way to full health to death#had one round with malenia where she used waterfowl blade SIX TIMES and I only managed to survive bc I was playing around with a mage build#and was letting bby tiche do most of the damage while I pulled aggro from far away enough that I could dodge WFB comfortably#can you tell I’ve only ever done double godskins with both NPC summons and tears#I’ve heard enough about that fights bullshit that I straight up trivialize it every time I get it to it#Elden ring truly is the most difficult and easiest fromsoft game to date… dialectic 🥳#excited to see how they balance things in the DLC bc honestly outside of WFB malenia really is a fun boss#I don’t mind that her normal attacks are so punishing bc dodging around them or knocking her out of certain attacks feels gr8#so if bosses are malenia level TUNED without WFB level BULLSHIT I can see myself getting really into it 🥳#tsuchi plays games
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Another thing that should have tipped me off that I was trans was I was raised on country music, yeah? I'm not talking the good country between ~1940-1980, by the way, I'm talking the 2000s, but all those country songs that the man was talking about his girl? I always pictured this distant future where I was like this cowboy who got all kinds of ladies.
I don't think my closeted self would dream of myself being where I am now, but I still do hope being a cowboy is at the least in my future...
#trans#transgender#lgbt#lgbtq#ftm#nonbinary#i love reminiscing about my egg-y self. the fool was simultaneously aware AND clueless as all hell and we love to see it#(the song i still remember this clearly was Gimme That Girl)#i stand by my opinion that 2000s country paved the way for me putting undue hate onto the entire genre#now when i imagine being a cowboy it's like. an emo cowboy. i'll have the cowboy hat but we're playing MCR in my huge truck#it's crazy that i survived over ten years of listening to nothing but that type of country music though#if you're wondering: yes i should be asleep but consider i am in a Silly Billy type of mood#wait should i make a playlist of all the songs that made me euphoric as a kid. i want to see what the overarching trend is#(that is if i can even remember them all...)#also if you read this far (congrats btw) put some egg moment of yours that makes you like 'how did i NOT know' if yoh have one of those
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mood
#slow damage#wait not mayu being the first character i end up actually fucking#that scene caught me completely off guard it was so random#and then the game just ends???? wtf!#towa my guy you couldn’t just go about your day after having the worst sex ever?#note to self: use more save files#‘cause i be surviving off quicksaves#and the last proper save file i had was before asakura’s interrogation!#so seeing the credits roll had me like 👁️👄👁️ huh???#thank goodness for the skip text feature lmao that was like two hours of reading i’d have to get through to get to where i was#also i guess i ended up on taku’s route?? idk how i feel like i didn’t notice the story branch at all…? i’m befuddled#i love taku and i’m intrigued by his storyline so far but.#i wanted to go for my love rei first hehe#anyway#michi yaps
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can't believe fuckign gamers in early day scp: secret laboratory made me question my own identity. thanks fellas 👍
anyways when i was obsessively playing scp (u need a mic to play), i can't even COUNT how many people came up to me and were like i can't tell if ur a girl or boy ?? SO MANY PEOPLE. AT LEAST ONE EVERY MATCH EVEN. and i was like .. uh, yes? sure. i am a boy today. always have been. what's a woman. never heard of her.
. fellas i don't think i'm normal. no norm. no conform. just me being confused as FUCK !!!!
#this was 5 years ago.#i brushed it off cus i was like im content with being known as a girl#but then i thought back to my childhood and was like ..#wait i didnt like girly stuff. i never did. i thought i was a boy for a while#i even labelled myself as a tomboy for a while.#then suddenly had a revelation (midnight. as you do)#wait. i like being a guy. sometimes.#sometimes i like my voice being deep. or androgynous.#i hated wearing skirts and dresses and all that. absolute disgusting feeling in my stomach anytime i see myself in one of those.#how did i survive secondary school- wearing a skirt everyday. uggrhghh#i never conformed to the girly stuff. bro i liked ben 10 and jurassic park and other stuff that girls my age did Not like.#(assumed from ones from primary school. no one was like me there.)#but sometimes i just like being seen as a girl. or both. or neither. idk#anyways i'm still questioning who i am. idk if it's a phase. but its something i've felt for a veryveRYVERY long time .#anyways that's enough hydra lore. i dumped far too much whoooops . time for me to go to bed#art#digital art#comic#sketch#oc artwork#my sona#genderfluid#queer#lgbt#sentient sen#hydrx art
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if nothing else u must remember in ur hearts of hearts disposability is the way of our world currently. waste, alienation, isolation, grimdark shounen, all that glaze and polish and bandaids being traded out for prettier bandaids like ai fanart/art and my local university renovating every community structure without ever divesting. you must remember what u see. U have an ability to remember. It is essential u get it back and go back for it, every day, like taking a healing medicine, to remind urself u have the ability to remember and to cease forgetting.
#u have an ability to cease forgetting to slow it down to obstruct it. In ur body. The bodymind is both clever and elusive when u do not take#yours seriously. I need you to take your bodymind seriously now. Go to bed and eat and drink water and piss and shit and remember what#kinda world we live in that let 2 medics fail hind that baby girl with a mother waiting for her so quickly it inspired killing intent in me#remember what it means to nurse the intent within you. It will begin to trust you and you will begin to see that your bodymind is on your#side and it has been since u were born and there has been violence visited upon you and your anger and nausea is your way forward.#Go forward and throw off all your baggage. You must be militantly on your own side as anne lamott said in the 1990s. When u begin to take#urself seriously you will hear a new kind of gong an old kind of gong and it will resonate within you and grow from there outwards.#Burn and shine baby. Burn and shine. Be like the sun. Don't ask if you're good enough. Burn and shine.#Be like water as the abolitionists say. Be like water. Be like the trees. Be like water. Movement is all we can speak of so make your roots#We need you.#reminders#how to be a militant#survival#we can grow the spines we need to stand up for our lives.
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He can’t forgive you if he already belongs to something else.
#Art#Artist#original art#artist on tumblr#digital art#My art#firealpaca#So anyway I got my contract terminated at work today :)#In all honesty this is a good thing. I was planning to leave in April anyway#It’s just a shock to have it happen yknow? Like hey! Hey wait! I was going to leave you! What!!!!#So today was kinda. Mmmm.#It was my birthday on Monday and we were meant to get. Idk something for it? A cake or a meal or something. They told me we would#And then we did not and then I got laid off orz#I get four weeks pay so yknow. I’ll survive. Maybe I’ll travel. Volunteer. Mmmm. See how things… go. Yeah.#Anyway here’s this art! I like it! It’s actually Theo and Cain this one time. The vibes are right. Pleading and hateful respectively#I think it’s maybe a little too dark. Theo’s head specifically kinda… merges into the background a bit?#It’s not a story scene it’s just the vibe of the story. Chase your brother. Plead with him. He’ll refuse and refuse and refuse#Maybe one day he’ll agree. Keep trying. It’s all you’re good for after all#Mmm. I have. Things to think on. See ya#Trade-marked
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That fuckin new bucket list trailer for 8?????????
hey what if we all just cut ourselves in half after this huh
#snap chats#OH MY GOD WIFE DATE REAL ????#'the first time i pay my respects' and it just so happens yall show up together...... just tell me theyre married already..#sorry guys im delulu about the marital status of date and kiryu like.... wife...#bUT MORE IMPORTANTLY SURVIVE REUNION SCENE REAAAAAL WHAT IF WE ALL KILLED OURSELVES#i love how akiyama.#its genuinely so funny how this whole time everyone @ akiyama like 'kiryus dead you have to move on'#and he Rightfully So is just Nuh Uh <3 like can someone tell my guy he was right#I Repeat absolutely no one who knows kiryu ever believed he was really dead cmon now..#OK BUT WAIT SPEAKING OF BEING DELULU POCKET CIRCUIT FIGHTER PLOT SIGNIFICANCE REAL ? MAYBE ?#idc im just glad..... photo....... i also think kiryu and PCF are married btw#lovers in another timeline... if fate didnt pull them apart theyd be forever <- if kiryu committed to stop being apart of the yakuza#LET ME SEE GRANDPA PCF NEOW#sorry this was the cutest trailer. and by Cutest Trailer im going to fucking throw up WAHHH#i cant ignore the fact i had to listen to goofy's eng va deliver the fuckin uhhhhh what the word NARRATION. YEAH.#there's a kingdom hearts joke here so imagine i made it but anyway. thank you for drawing this to my attention#im going to go eat shit and die
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Ada Limón, “In a Mexican Restaurant I Recall How Much You Upset Me,” from Bright Dead Things
[ID: But love is impossible and it goes on / despite the impossible.]
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12. laughter for AuRaApril and 12. treasure for VieraprilJust a lil sketchy for today <3 <3 laughing around a table full of delicious food is the real treasure hehe
#AuRaApril#AuRaApril2024#Vierapril#Vierapril2024#ffxiv#Styrnrael tag#Bertram tag#Seishin tag#I felt soooooo emotional making this one#Niko planned a very elaborate RP in which Bertram made a 7 course dinner for Seishin and Styrnrael#He hid clues about his life and story within each dish...#And with each one Seishin and Styrnrael learned more and more about Bertram through the meal#Styrn had almost no experience eating such fine cuisine so she also learned a lot about appreciating food#She had once just seen it as a way to survive...#Instead of a comfort or form of love -- Bertram and Seishin had their own ways of seeing some things as means for survival#But in many ways this was a turning point where they were no longer just trying to survive...#They were home#Their home#And so making this really made me feel emotional because I wanted to express how happy they all are to be feeling this#but also because I am still so appreciative of that very special RP and for the people I get to be creative with#Sharing a meal really is a treasure <3#I better go before I cry!!!!#Bye! Love you!#Mwah!#oh wait#meguart#okay bye for real
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just got to the stupid zaharas chapter and went through dimi and claude's conversation and my god
they really did not use a single quarter of a brain cell when putting that conversation into ag
"your issue is with the church, not with faerghus?" eh wot hootie tootie claude never had a problem with faerghus and hasn't been acting like it. makes it sound like they've been fighting each other (i.e. this is meant to fit gw but and they just copy/pasted the whole conversation bc it just makes no sense).
"we have nothing to gain by fighting you." yeah, you... haven't been and never said you were planning to.
"we could've been friends." and whhhhyyyy can't you? there is an entire zero bad blood between y'all and lorenz has already pretty much said this whole second half of the war thing has been proof of the friendship between the kingdom and alliance soooo...?
"had i joined with you" uh um but you literally did this has been ongoing for half the war now
additional funnies are claude just being so butthurt that dimitri is like this might endanger your life and claude is like aw shucks my life has been endangered since i was born i'm basically an endangered species!
also, dimitri saying it brings guilt to do the things claude would do bc he's been there. lel. claude had no guilt in gw tho (for killing rhea and all that shit).
but fr tho, it just seems like gw claude and dimi got warped into zaharas and the ag ones are just passed out in the normal world having the same yeehaw ass fever dream LIKE
this entire conversation legitimately makes worse than zero sense. i can only imagine how confused people were who played ag first and got this conversation bc it like, legitimately has no place in this route. this is like a fever dream on steroids that were laced with drugs.
i was lucky i was playing ag while simultaneously watching the other routes on youtube or i would have also been absolutely bonkers confused.
#DCB Three Hopes Run#FR THO LIKE. THAT ENTIRE CONV IS LIKE. WHAT JUST HAPPENED???#WHERE DID THIS ALL EVEN COME FROM??? MATTHIAS IS ALIVE YOU KNOW#CLAUDE GOT TO SEE FAERGHUS' LEGENDARY HOSPITALITY (he fucked the king)#at this point like. im just laughing bc. did they even NOTICE the context they copy/pasted into this route???#even if ag claude post war still wanted to fight rhea and yadda yadda hoo haa#half the conv still makes absolutely no sense at all and doesn't even follow the route#ag is aaaaallllmmmmoooost perfect but then like. the oversights are so bad lmfao#i still look at this and am like. how. no like literally HOW. how did they look at this and not be like#hmmm this makes... so much of no sense to this route that we should prob make a new conv for it#WAIT I GET IT NOW THIS IS WHY RODRIGUE DIES#HE SAW THE FUTURE AND WAS LIKE OHHHH HELL NAH#RODRIGUE SAW THE ZAHARAS CHAPTER AND IT KILLED HIM. BUT! IT WAS A DOUBLE KILL! RODRIGUE DEFEATED THE ZAHARAS CHAPTER!#HE SACRIFICED HIMSELF SO AG WOULDN'T HAVE THE BIGGEST MOMENT OF WTF IN FODLAN GAME HISTORY EVEN INCLUDING HEROES#RODRIGUE SAVED US ALL. HE COULDN'T BEAR TO LET US WITNESS IT#THAT'S WHY IF HE SURVIVES WE GET THE CHAPTER!!! BC HE DIDN'T REALIZE IT WOULD HAPPEN SO HE DIDN'T KILL IT!#AND SINCE HE DIDN'T KILL IT IT DIDN'T KILL HIM BACK. IT'S LIKE THE BARRIER THINGY IN RD'S FINAL CHAPTER#THAT PROTECTS ASHERA. IT DOES HALF THE DAMAGE TO YOU THAT YOU DO TO IT#SO IF YOU'RE NOT CAREFUL IT CAN ACTUALLY KILL YOU. THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED TO RODRIGUE#BUT THE DIFFERENCE IS THAT HE KNEW HE'D DIE BUT HE HAD TO DO IT TO EM#HE HAD TO DO IT TO SPARE EVERYONE THE WONKIEST FEVER DREAM KNOWN TO MAN AND DRAGONKIND
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I confess, I am... kinda excited ; w ;
#sometimes i feel like all i do is just work and survive#once in a while get myself a takeout#i work so much and what for#i never buy anything it's so depressing to think about#since bookdepository closed even my occasional 'buy a book i'd never read' shenanigans stopped#i was lately contemplating buying a new pc‚ and while that's undoubtedly a treat‚ it does fall within my very strict:#'a useful electronic' category of allowed expenses#like i was wondering between ps5 / pc but again those are planned for for years now‚ and hardly can be called 'indulgence' given how#one is for work and the other is years overdue since i was waiting for it to be less expensive..#ah‚ i babble 🙈#i did decided i will not share this irl though#i figure‚ i want it to be my private little positive treat#without the unnecessary opinions about how a 'book is not worth that much'#i mean i agree but did you see the book#it's the sexiest book i've ever seen in my life#i am not sure if i'll go ahead and get oathbringer in a few years#but wok-wor are literally the two books i love the most#my most beloved#my light in the dark#-coughs- ok ok.#yeah.#this is the most you heard me babble here in a while -laughs-#i've had a rather rough few weeks and has not been present the way i wanted to be-- those i have not yet answered to-- i will-- soon.#buns.txt
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I want to be a hater about the cyl results so I'm making my own post so i can bitch in the tags about it. The tags will get long so the tldr is BOOOO everybody but Alfonse.
#man. MAN!!! after all the hexes and curses I tried to set upon her Bern sure did win huh.#like on the one hand i'm impressed on the other i hate her!! i hate her i hate her and I'm tired of pretending I don't!!#when i was playing 3h i could appreciate her good moments in between being insufferable and i liked her alright. she was fine#but like. we're 5 years out from 3h at this point and i'm just fucking sick of her. i don't understand her lasting popularity. i'm tired#Felix... should have been Sylvain.#i like him fine. he grew on me. but he certainly is not one of my enduring favourites from 3h. he fades into obscurity for me.#that said i don't hate him. i'm happy for his fans. you guys worked hard (clearly) deserved i just#i love 3h!! i do! but like. the accident was 5 years ago it's time to let her go.#and out of all the guys in 3h! if it had to be one of them! him? fr? whatever.#i've just never cared for f!robin. i feel nothing looking at her. less then nothing.#so i guess her winning isn't. bad per say. i guess it's a non issue.#that brings us back to MY MAN!!! ALFONSE!! lets goooooooooo#i'm so happy for him. always really liked Alfonse he's so <3<3#i know i don't post about him that much but#it's just that me and feh itself have a tumultuous relationship so i don't see him as much as i'd like >_>#he's the one i'm going to pick and i'm not going to bother rolling for the others#also the fact we have to wait til the 31st for the full results is agonizing#i wanna know if Rein survived. he didn't make ton 20 but i have to know how bad it is#if it's horrible the reason is obvious. he got an alt the week before cyl#can't imagine that'll put him at the top of anybodies list for needing at alt (except mine lol)#but still. at this point i'm just hoping for top 50 orz#snow blogging
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