#visited it 4 times...
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anyone else have multiple traumatic memories associated specifically with holidays/family vacations? because that is a topic I never see discussed in all the So You Had A Shitty Childhood, Now What? self-help books i've been reading. but for me, it was a significant thing. and the more i think about it the more it seems like this would be an (unfortunately) common experience. would be grateful to hear if this matches other peoples' experiences...
#not a shitpost#serious post#ask to tag#tw trauma#cptsd#c-ptsd#and if so we should TALK about it#because it means there are a whole group of survivors out there whose mental health regularly worsens during holidays#like i know i am most certainly not the only person who feels an undefined Dread hanging over christmas/my birthday/july 4 etc#bc too many shitty things happened during those times and now my brain is hypervigilant bc traditionally these are the Danger Times#and this seems like it would be particularly common for survivors of abusive/dysfunctional households (aka most people with c-ptsd)#because holidays/vacations typically mean 1) the whole family is together/being forced to interact#2) and undergoing external stressors e.g. travel/relatives aka 'outsiders' visiting/routines & coping mechanisms being interrupted etc#3) there is social pressure for this to be a Fun Family Bonding Experience which only highlights the cracks in the foundation#and exposes the common Everything Is Fine/We Are A Happy Family lie#4) the cognitive dissonance of feeling tired/anxious/stressed/afraid during a time when you are 'supposed' to be Making Good Memories#and then everyone is angry/tired/anxious/triggered and things boil over and something or someone goes Very Wrong#weird that i'm posting this in october when halloween is...sort of the ONLY holiday i have only good and happy feelings towards#i got lucky there#also i have positive feelings towards Labor Day but that's for socialist reasons
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first fanart redraw for 4/13
#homestuck#413#davesprite#dave strider#at least i think its my first one#oldest one i could find at least lol#of fucking course its dsprite <3#nr 1 davesprite fan from day one 💪😤🔥#11 years difference >:)#was hoping to be able to redraw it with my right hand but.... such is life#maybe for next years 4/13 u_u#the og piece currently hangs on my grans wall jumpscaring me each time i visit...#my art#redraw#art
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creature (he’s plotting something)
this show got my drawing motivation back so i might make more art of hazbin hotel
#He reminds me of my cousin’s bird who is a piece of shit#Bastard bird attacks me every time I visit#my art#hazbinhotel#hazbin hotel#hazbin#hazbin hotel adam#Lets hope i dont burn out and go on a 4 year hiatus again….
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I'm sincerely very happy for anyone who is enjoying the show but every time I see takes that the show has improved the book characterizations or that the book characters are underdeveloped in comparison to the show...
#our experiences are very different lmao#pjo show crit#sure the show isn't completely out yet#but id argue that the characters (namely the trio) seem way more developed and well-rounded in the book by this point in time (episode 4)#and look im not saying every change the show has made is bad#but by and far there has yet to be a change to characterization that feels like an IMPROVEMENT from the source material lmao#the closest contender I'd say is show Percy does seem a tad angrier than book Percy#but again I wouldn't call that an improvement... its just different and I think that /change/ works because it feels like the same essence#but even that has had some issues because I feel like the show has inadvertently cut down some of Percy's canon book empathy here and there#I think the show has nailed Annabeth's pride and intelligence and her warped worship of her mother#... but they've also made her hyper competent to the point that she's not making half of the mistakes she did in the book#which ISNT good because book annabeth is smart but she isn't infallible#its a big point that she has the theoretical intelligence but none of the real world experience/application#she gets tricked by medusa and goes to visit the Arch just cause she loves architecture and that's okay!! she's twelve and a nerd!#I also dont like that they've cut/toned down her little crush on Luke#actually they've not even showcased the familial bond between annabeth and Luke either in the show so like lmao#and then grover#by now grover's fear of failure and repeating this past mistakes and wanting a license has already been acknowledged in the books at least#in the show?? not so much#and his canon book suspicions and wariness of medusa... were given to annabeth#like medusa in the book was Grover's moment to shine cause his instincts were right!#and in the book fight he even very intentionally attacked medusa#but his highlights there were cut completely in the show#and finally sally#...idk who that is in the show but that's NOT my sally jackson#percy jackson#mine
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Some Bettys!!! I kept on not finishing! But finally did finish today! After remembering they existed and being unable to work on anything else instead of them lol
(Also! In case it’s hard to read, the 3rd pic says: “It’d be fun if she physically couldn’t sleep after becoming magic woman” cuz I’m… evil ghg- I’m that bastard who likes drawing my fav characters suffering…! this isn’t new! This is a known fact about me! Also it /would/ be fun ghgh-)
#adventure time#fionna and cake#betty grof#first drew these around the same time I drew those simons in my style#and then just… kept forgetting to finish it ghgh#but it’s done now!!!! because… they just needed digital coloring and stuff#and I can’t draw in my sketchbook rn cuz I’m visiting family.. and there’s a 4 year old and 7 year old all up in my business cONSTANTLY#I can get a lil bit of drawing done when there at school but. it’s still difficult lol#so. circumstances of life has forced me to finally finish these Betty’s lol#hopefully.. there will be more art. soon.. hopefully. ghgh#hopefully at least more then there were last month lol. aka none ghgh#anyway yeah!!! enjoy the Betty’s!!!!
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I'm sorry I ship them i don't know why
#inanimate insanity mephone4#inanimate insanity#mephone 4#two tpot#tpot two#ii mephone4#mephone4 ii#mephone4 x two#two x mephone4#twophone#i may be cringe but i am free i#i have now an excuse to draw them kissing#i love them so much#i bet mephone if he had enough time would visit two on his free time#why did i draw this
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#kirby#daily kirby#my art#digital#hal laboratory#nintendo#good news we found out which program my wife matched into#and it's the geographically closest one that my partner didn't outright refuse to move to 👍#so not only will she be easier to visit and have an easier time visiting us#(I can actually be driven out there instead of having to fly which would be Very Unsafe)#but we may not be living apart for the entire 4 years either#so that's nice :)#(she also likes the program for its own merits)#(these are just the benefits for me lol)
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twink peaks
#william clarke#whos lila#who's lila?#the speed that i abandoned my current art project to get this out#i have so many different angles of these falls locked and loaded. i visited that town like 4 times last year#great hiking
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Travelling from the big city all the way to the English countryside to solve the missing lettuce case. Bless this old lady!
Transcript:
[Noah holds in his laughter and avoids eye contact with the old lady while Renee, looking down, is too shocked to speak, Like the team leader he is, only Darius keeps a serious face and continues the questioning]
Darius: Excuse me, Ma'am. Please could you repeat that for us? [very confused] What exactly happened?
Carla: I woke up and brushed my teeth. Put the kettle on for a morning brew. Ah! Do you fancy a cuppa dear?
Darius: [politely declines] We are fine thank you. Ma'am, could you skip to when you found out?
Carla: Of course [thinks back carefully] I'm devastated to say someone has stolen my prized possession.
Carla: My giant lettuce is missing.
#ts4#sims 4#ts4 gameplay#ts4 legacy#postcard legacy#postcard gen 3#renee reichmann#noah ngata#darius monet#she mustve dialled wrong station panicked and didnt share all details#bless her#idk what im doing ok!!#thinking of useless cases#and this is what comes to mind lmao#renees not too happy oops#i mean its wasting time she wants to solve “real” cases this isnt it!!!#im not rly inspired atm but im having fun visiting henford on bagley
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staring contest....
#rwby#blake belladonna#another jojo drawing. idk what character this one is from sowwy LOL#i was visiting my partners across the country for like 3 months so ive drawn. 2? times in the last 3 months. wanted to do something easier/#lower effort to get back into it while still being able to focus on anatomy n such yknow#btw i say easier cuz A. im drawing in a lower detail artstyle compared to my larger/serious pieces#B. im drawing a pose 100% from a reference as its directly based on a jojo pose where normally i use pieces from 0 or 2-4 references#mod suffering
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New bunny ref for Art Fight! My username there is Skitty. Come draw my bunny and maybe some of my other guys and get art from me in return!
#art fight#art fight 2023#furry#anthro#ref sheet#new ref nearly the same but marginally better proportions#and now with 25% more washed up rich sleazebag depression#in case you're wondering (you're not) he is not wearing underwear beneath that concerningly short robe#unfortunately for everyone who had to visit him during his slump era#verse: amaranthine#my ocs#hyden#really wanted to get one done for alex and ridge too but it turns out a month is actually just 4 weekends#and that's not actually that much time
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next // previous
august 25, 2021
8:00 p.m.
the black pearl
[grant] well, i know it doesn’t fix the existential angst and you shouldn’t ever feel like it needs to go away instantly, but i guarantee you will be a good dad.
[grant] any kids you have will feel loved. they’ll be set up for the future no matter how everyone’s lives play out. i know you’ll do your best, and i know soobin will, too. you guys have worked so hard to have such a long and healthy and sincere relationship.
[grant] and the fact that you’re worried about any of this means you’re going to do a good job. shitty parents and shitty partners don’t ask if what they’re doing or about to do is wrong.
[grant] everyone is going to make mistakes sometimes but it’s about getting most of it right, and i believe you will. soobin doesn’t hold it over your head that for a while, your fear made you a little controlling. you improved and she forgave you. you’re smart, you’ll adapt, and most of all, you should know you’re loyal. at the end of the day, a parent who puts their kids first and never turns their back on them is the best parent in the world in my eyes.
[grant] mistakes can be forgiven if you put your kids first and treat them like a human being who matters.
[henry] thank you. i appreciate it. that means a lot coming from you.
[grant] and i understand your main fear in the first place. i've thought about it many times. i never worried about myself dying but others dying. elizabeth, uh...yeah. those big family losses seriously will ruin you forever in one way or another. the way you lost your father only makes it worse. it does strip away any feeling of invincibility you have.
[henry] you can say that again.
[henry] i'm glad someone understands.
[grant] you can never really know, i guess, what’s going to happen to you or to anyone you know, and it’s not helpful to say it’ll be fine because we all know crazy and terrible things happen. it's unfortunately mathematically true. but trust me, i'll kill you if you die!
[henry] you’ll kill me if i die? haha.
[henry] thanks for making me laugh, too.
[grant] yep. i will re-kill your ghost.
[henry] i'll kill you if you die.
[grant] thank you, buddy! you’re a real one.
[henry] dude, ugh, i googled life insurance policies a month ago. ew, adulthood.
[grant] life insurance is a good thing to have, though.
[henry] it is, it is. even if my hypothetical kids just buy a fucking pool with the money.
[grant] i mean, if it benefits them, right?
[henry] let me add a note to the policy saying you can either get an in-ground pool put in or free college tuition–one or the other.
[grant] does that include getting a sick ass waterfall feature installed on the pool or no?
[henry] by the way–
[henry] disclaimer that this is just an idea, not concrete at all, but soobin and i briefly mentioned moving back to korea as a way to make sure our kids have a good life.
[grant] wow, really? it is worth thinking about! it is rational. most of your family is here and all of soobin’s family does live here, and you do have to consider what’s best for you and your family, current and future. before i did move back home, when i was with you know who, i thought about this, too, if we ever had kids that maybe we could or should move back to michigan so they'd have my whole family around.
[grant] and just so it’s on the record, you have my full support in any decision here.
[grant] are you interested in moving back?
[henry] i don’t know. i haven’t lived here since i was five years old. i've only visited, and then came back for one year to do the military service because i was wary of giving up my citizenship. but i almost did because truly, i did not want to go into the army. that shit sucked.
[grant] what does soobin think?
[henry] well, it was her idea. i'm very whatever about wherever i live. i feel no strong pull one way or another at the moment. but it’s different for her.
[henry] she lived here much longer than me. she cares much more and has a preference. i mean, she spent pretty much her entire life here except since college and during the school semesters between sixth and twelfth grades because her parents sent her to a fancy private school there.
[henry] i will say, soobin’s main point isn’t wrong, and it's the one you brought up. most of our family is here. it’s like you and michigan. that’s where your folks are. and that support is invaluable when you have kids, both for their social development and for financial reasons. plus, my mom actually wants to move back. she never talks about it, but i know she does.
[grant] i get that, too.
[henry] like i said, she’s just never been the same since my dad died. which i don't fault her for. she does her best to be happy, you know, but i think she feels very alone, even more now that i don’t live on the upper peninsula anymore. she was with him forever. they were soulmates. and her life drastically changed after he died.
[henry] this has been the first time she's had a job since, god, the 1980s. she loves being an art teacher for school kids, but that's a huge change in addition to the sudden loneliness.
[henry] and on the loneliness side, she has your family and they've been close for a long time.
[grant] she was literally over at my aunt bridie's house the other day making shampoo with her.
[henry] yeah, so she sees them pretty often and she also has her book club and some other friends, but she knows way more people here. seoul's where all her family and friends are.
[henry] i want my mom to be happy, you know? it’s my job as her son, and i'm the only child she ever had. she doesn’t need me to look after her every day, not really, but i want to and she deserves that. and truth be told, a part of me believes that if she comes back, i would feel not very good about being away from her.
[henry] i think that if i encourage her to come back or talk to her about it and she does go through with it, that would sway me more to soobin’s side. again, i want my mom to be happy, and i'm also scared of losing her. it doesn’t matter if it’s sudden or slow. i don’t want to lose her, and especially not if i feel like i've spent my whole adult life away from her, not prioritizing what time is left with her.
[henry] not to be morbid, but she’s almost 60. at some point you do ask yourself how much longer you have left with your older family members around. life is unfortunately very short.
[grant] of course. that’s totally understandable. she's a great mother, and you wouldn't want to miss out on that. and i'm sure you don’t want your kids to not have their grandma present in their lives.
[henry] but then i have to start over with my job and maybe i lose contact with my friends if i leave. i do have friends here–sorry, they weren’t able to come hang out this time, maybe next time–but my real two best friends are in michigan. it’s you and ben. i don't let anyone else get that close to me except for soobin because to me, my best friend slots are full. i don't want anyone else. no one else is worth it.
[henry] and i always said you’d be my kids’ godfather. i don’t want them to miss out on knowing you the way they should.
[grant] there’s facetime! and i'd come visit. and i'm so goddamn annoying, i will be texting you about everything i think about in the world for the rest of our lives. you're not going to lose me.
[henry] i try my best to believe i won't lose you.
[grant] also, don’t stress out too much about this yet. you do not have to make any of these decisions now, and when you do need to, the right answers will come to you.
[grant] and listen, one last thing and then i'll shut up. i don’t know how, i don’t know why–i don’t think there is an answer to this–but the people we lose are still with us, even if only in spirit. i am famously a skeptic, but i felt something this year that changed my mind. i know you miss your dad but he’s still with you. somehow he’ll see your kids grow up, and he’ll be there guiding you to make the right decisions.
[grant] your dad loved you, like, beyond what words can express. he loved your mom just as much. he would never willingly leave you. if there's something after this mortal existence, he's still with you.
[grant] oh, and we should probably eat this pizza before it's frigid.
[henry] fuck, i forgot about it. thanks for reminding me. yeah, let's demolish this pizza, and then i'll take you to that cool arcade i told you about. we'll make up for the awful arcade experience at your cousin's bachelor party.
#ts4#the sims 4#sims 4#sims 4 story#sims 4 storytelling#simblr#hlcn: everything the stars promised#PARALLELS I LOVE PARELLELS *stares at the aoife subplot that we started in the last batch update*#also not me writing in the fact that this is a deco pizza and i can't show them eating it#well maybe with poses but y'all know i hate posing sims no really just posing them in the chairs without accessories was enough#also just bc the scene was a long time ago...#when grant says something changed his mind he's talking about his sister's birthday and visiting her grave - that scene#holocene.png#holocene.docx#hlcn: grant#hlcn: henry
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It’s crazy how many years I’ve been checking your blog for news and how we’re still not any closer to DA4.
Just wanted to say thanks for keeping this blog updated all this time. <3
peering at the sky like, isn't it?
here take my hand, lets grow old together 🥺
#dragon age: dreadwolf#dragon age 4#the dread wolf rises#da4#dragon age#bioware#mj replies#peachking#video games#tysm for visiting over time and for the lovely msg :'))
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#ts4#sims 4#samssims princess legacy#princess gen 5#ts4 legacy#ts4 gameplay#time for the generational grandparent visit
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7 Sins Legacy - generation 4 (pride)
Supriya asked a couple of her coworkers to have some drinks at the lounge with her after a long work day because she got another promotion. Among the people that joined were Nathan Forte (pinstripe suit) who was Supriya's running mate she had to be a replacement candidate for in the last Governor's campaign, Tommi (red lipstick) who leads the charity organizer branch within the party, Tristen (glasses) who is a recently hired employee, and Rohan.
complete the chosen career (6/10)
#I put some basegame sims from Maxis' gallery in my game and I'm happy I did because they are at least all fully dressed for every category#now there are less weirdly not fully dressed and bald sims I constantly have to change outfits for or remove every time I visit a new lot#the sims 4#ts4#sims 4#the sims#sims#simblr#ts4 legacy#sims 4 legacy#ts4 gameplay#sims 4 gameplay#7sinslegacy#gen4 pride#supriya#rohan
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To like not be trying to shove all my little thoughts in a reply bc I feel like someone may find them amusing but Ohmygosh the thoughts got rambly.
And lol, yeah, it does feel silly. I was getting all ready to be like yeah even first relationship and the fun that goes with it was w a girl. But started rembering that maybe I liked that her guy best friend was a her a roommate a bit too much. He didn’t like me much, prolly some jealous (he seemed way into her) but prolly was annoying how I loved getting her to make a lot of noise. While I just like that, def also enjoyed knowing he heard and def was hoping he’d use us as porn. Other times with her I’d be imagining like if some man (or sometimes men) were watching. Maybe peeking in from the windows that I feel like we’re never totally closed or just like in the room.
Also like wanted to add that first time I sucked someone’s cock and got facefucked, I was still saying I was a lesbian.
#w first bf (first guy who fucked me)#he had told me something like when he first visited me that I was still mostly being like I like girls only#but meanwhile I was like so so eager for him to fuck me#sexuality stuff is weird#there was probably a good 3 or 4 years I really considered myself a lesbian#even like tried a more stereotypically gay at the time haircut at one point#oh I even tried to come out to my mom which was mostly ignored#personal
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