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swordheld · 6 months

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hi! your blog is one of my favourites and i absolutely adore reading your thoughts. my grandfather recently passed away and it feels like i lost myself with him. how do i continue living after this? there is this constant weight on my chest and it feels like an emptiness has made a home inside of me. how do i go on when it feels like the world crashed on my shoulders?

hello, love! this is so very sweet and kind of you, and i hope you're treating yourself gently and kindly right now - there aren't words for a loss like this. that heaviness is difficult, and hard, and painful. it's okay if things don't feel okay, right now, or even soon - i think that's something that a lot of the people i know that have gone through similar grief feel: like they should be able to get back to a relative 'normal' in a [insert far too short period of time].

but it's okay if it hurts. that's where i'd like to start. you're allowed to feel that emptiness, that world-crashed feeling that goes beyond words, beyond time. don't feel like you have to rush this to feel some sort of better. things get easier with time, i promise you this, but sometimes painful feelings are important to feel, too. cry, scream, feel your emotions. they're a part of you. grieve.

it's perhaps a little silly, but when i think about death i always think about a couple of space songs: mainly drops of jupiter by train and saturn by sleeping at last. there are perhaps others that speak to the emotions better, but these two have always hit something a little deeper for me, and are popular for a wide-reaching reason.

and while personally i don't know much about grief like this, i do know a lot about love; and i think they're a lot of the same thing.

the people we love are a part of us, and this is why it takes from us so deeply when we lose them, because it does feel like we've lost a part of ourselves in the wake of it. but it's because they were so central to our experiences of living - our lives, that the separation introduces a hollowness - a place where they used to be. a home that now goes unlived in.

an emptiness, like you said.

but just because they're not here physically, doesn't mean he's not still there, in your heart, in your life, your memory. you can hold him close in smaller ways, as well: steal a sweater, or cologne/scent for something a little more physical and long lasting for remembering. hold onto the memories you cherish, the things that made you laugh, the ease of slow mornings and gentle nights. write them all down, slide a few photographs in there, go through it and add more when you miss him. keep them all close, keep them in your heart.

you're not alone, in this. he's still there, with you, it's just - in the little things.

he's with you in the way you see and go about your daily life, in doing what he liked to do, in the ways he interacted with the world that you shared with him. the memories you recall fondly when the night is late or the moment is right and something calls it into you like a melody, an old bell, laughter you'd recognize anywhere.

but i think, perhaps most importantly above all others - talk about him. with your family, your friends, his friends, strangers; stories are how we keep the people we love alive. the connections they've made, the legacies and experiences they've left behind, and so, so many stories.

how lucky, we are - to love so much it takes a piece of us when they go. grief is the other side of the coin, but it does not mean our love goes away. it lives in you. it lives in everyone who knew him, in the smallest pieces of our lives.

the people we love never really leave us, like this: they're in how we cook and the way we fold our newspapers, our laundry, in the radio stations we tune in to and the way we decorate our walls, our photo albums. they're in the way we store our mail, organize our closets, the scribbled notes in the indexes of our books. the meals we love and the drinks we mix, the way we spend time with one another. they've been passed down for generations, for longer than history - and we are all the luckier for it.

think about what you shared with him, and do it intentionally. bring him into your life, like this, again. whether it's crosswords or poetry or sports or anything else. if one doesn't help, try another. something might click.

i hope things feel a little easier for you, as they tend to do only with time. i hope you find joy in your grief, even if it is small and hard to grasp at first. know that your hurt stems from so much love that there isn't a place to put it properly, and that it is something so meaningful and hurting poets and storytellers have been struggling to put it into words and sounds that feel like the fit right for eons, and that it is also just simply yours. sometimes things don't have to make sense. sometimes they just are - unable to be put into words or neat little sentiments, as unfair and tragic as they come.

but i promise it will not feel like this forever. your love is real. and perhaps, on where to begin on from here - i think it's less on finding where to begin and just beginning. and you've already started. you've taken the most important and crucial step: the first one. wherever you go, after that, from here? you'll figure it out. you always have, and you always do. it'll come, as things always do. love leads us, as does light - and you're never alone in your hurt. in your grief, your missing something dear to you. i think if you talk about it with others, you'll find they have ways of helping you cope as well - and they have so much love of their own to spare, too.

as an aside, here is the song (northern star by dom fera) i was listening to when i wrote this, for no other reason more than it makes me think of connections, and love, and how we hold onto the people we love and how they change us, wonderfully and intrinsically. it's a little more joyous than the others i've mentioned, and plays like a story, and it made me think of what is at the core of this, love and stories and i am here with you, and maybe it'll bring you some joy, if you'd like it. wishing you all my love and ease 💛

#q&a.#birdsong.#wishing u gentle ease; the death of a loved one is near inexplicable to put into words and i hope you take care of yourself gently <3 #i hope this will make u laugh: when i was a tiny child in middle school there were times i would go outside in my tiny suburban cul de sac-#in the rain and sing along to my lil ipod nano and i only remember doing this to drops of jupiter. can you imagine going out to get the mai #after a long day of work and you just hear this kid singing train in the streets. in the RAIN.... it makes me laugh like i really.#i really thought i was so cool and deep and emotional ghjkd but i find it v funny that i only remember it w/ that one train track.#and saturn just. it's my fav s.a.l. song for a reason. that slow violin opening? the piano coming in gentle and easy?#it feels like light. like hope. like something new - a dawn after the long dark. that beautiful things can begin again even where #it hurts. and there is nothing more human than a sentiment like that.#how rare and beautiful it is to truly exist. what it is to be alive and get to be here and live with other people. with those we love.#i think your grandfather was so lucky to be able to know you. to have you in his life for the time you had together.#i'm no spiritual person; but i like to believe when you're thinking about him? he's thinking about you too.#the second law of thermodynamics (physics nerd mode) is that no energy has ever been created/destroyed since the beginning of the universe.#so it has to go somewhere - it's that carl sagan quote of 'we're all made of stardust'. because we are. we used to be stars; planets; etc.#i think it's why i think of these space songs - because they're a part of everything; once more; when they go. us and everything else.

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londyboobs · 6 months

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after this episode i’m even more grateful that marie didn’t fell completely for indira’s bullshit and i really think is because unlike cate and jordan she was really loved by her parents and her trauma comes from a completely different place

#mommy and daddy issues are nothing compared to sibilings issues #add the killings and the fact that she cant control her powers #and you have a very determined and brave woman #marie is the type of character i love the most #she saw the worst from people and herself #but she still has a good heart #and is a good person even if she doesn’t believe #marie moreau #gen v

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fireheartwraith · 4 months

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Defending Forever online is not enough I need a gun

#qsmp #he's POSSESSED #>>POSSESSED<<#IT'S NOT HIM #also this is Main Lore btw because he’s possessed by baribal aka dark Cucurucho #why him and not anyone else who got infected?#because he’s the president and baribal wants to control “their leader”#he does not have Forever's memories #the arg was @v@ tricking his conscience (us viewers) into giving it information #he gad to ask the eggs who their parents were for example #also it stated that it does not care what happens to Forever's body #the Cucurucho who we saw trying to “help” forever with the infection was actually baribal in disguise btw #which is why the infection got worse with the medication #and remember he only got infected in the first place because Cucurucho told him the eggs were in the nether and he went investigate #also stop blaming him for happy pills? Cucurucho literally kidnapped and forcefully drug him #once again because he’s president and has to be the model resident #and let the leo thing go omg it was one time six months ago #unless leo brings it up herself it has nothing to do with this!!#JESUS #and if I see one person asking who's the president now I'm gonna blow up the presidential building myself #NO ONE #THE ANSWER IS NO ONE #qsmp forever #qsmp baribal #qsmp dark cucurucho

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bumblingbabooshka · 7 months

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Harry Kim saying Naomi is lucky to be born on Voyager and that he would have given "anything" to have her life when he was a kid...

#He sees NO downsides????#Also I love how Neelix was yelling and panicked and Harry was like 'haha ok buddy. Hey this little guy is ugly huh~? See ya later!'#absolutely unbothered and not the least bit curious - love him <3 #saw someone post about how they don't like 'once upon a time' bc Neelix doesn't tell Naomi right away about her mother .... bro.#c'mon. Anyway I love Neelix and him trying so hard to shield Naomi from bad things / upset bc he KNOWS how fucking painful #it is to lose a family DID make me tear up.#Also Naomi in that burned-down forest (symbolic of innocence?) was a kickass visual. Neelix telling her about his family and Naomi trying #to comfort HIM??? SHE'S SUCH A GOOD KID MAN....Neelix making her a flotter doll was also v cute #OH AND Naomi going 'I Am Borg...' and Neelix going '~??? No you're not~!!!' and Naomi giggling...added NOTHING to the #episode - as it should be!! Sometimes you've just gotta have a really cute silly moment <3 #Tuvok: [says something] / Tom: Nice bedside manner Tuvok =_=#Tuvok: [about to say the most beautiful comforting words you've ever heard one parent say to another] And I took that personally.#Love how Naomi is scared of Seven at first...girl that's your roommate.#HEHEH she starts off the series scared of her but by the end she's her little buddy and also her intern #but yeah never forget that Harry Kim can and will say the most unhinged things but so casually that no one will really clock it #NEVER forget that he says he remembers.....either being an infant or his own birth - both WILD to me #Harry Kim lowkey loves destiny and being special and the idea of 'chosen ones' and the narrative even though he will fight it all if it #harms the ones he loves #Harry: (guy from an alternate timeline who replaced the dead Naomi with the alive one from his own) That kid's living the dream <3

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cloudofbutterflies92 · 2 months

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I pretend to look around, but I'm actually looking for you

Valentine's gift for @corvosattano and their pairing Lily and Graves 🌹(She's so beautiful and I love them🥺❤️❤️❤️)

#oc: lily watt #call of duty #phillip graves #phillip graves x oc #cod mw2 #call of duty original character #call of duty modern warfare 2 #v: nothing personal

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xappetites · 11 months

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sleep together in the stars

Rodolfo Parra x Reader | just fluffy riding this man on the couch and a bunch of praise because it's sundress season | word count: 1,696

“What?”

It’s a sweet question, asked in the sweetest tone, with Rodolfo’s darling eyes on you.

It half takes you by surprise, mostly because you’ve been standing there in the middle of the kitchen, stuck in your head. Staring at him as he dries his hands and finally sinks into the loveseat. The last plate snug in its cupboard and table cleared.

And you don’t really know how to answer, being honest. Not sure how to put into words the feeling that’s been eating at you for most of the dinner, turned sobremesa, turned merienda. From the moment Alejandro turned to your boyfriend, big smile and shining eyes, clapping his shoulder so hard, Rodolfo almost spilled his coffee.

“So, you got yourself a spitfire.”

It’s a compliment, you can tell even if this is your first time meeting Colonel Alejandro Vargas, shining star of the Mexican Special Forces and the most important person in your boyfriend’s life, after his mom. It should feel like an honor, how readily and completely you’re ‘approved’ of, but something in your stomach fucking flips in the most unpleasant way.

It's the story of your life. A long line of: spitfire, bossy, strong willed, bitch. Sure, you’re friendly; people like to be around you, just not for a romantic relationship. Not when you’re as vocal about what you like and don’t like as you are. No man wants to feel like they’re in the middle of a test and bombing it , you’d been told once. You can’t even take a joke.

But it was easy to dismiss, coming from men who had let you down in one way or another; who made it clear that they weren’t looking for a partner, not really. You could have a good cry about it, work through the frustration and move on.

With Rudy, it’s a terrifying thing. You like Rudy, like him for real; feel your chest swell almost painfully when he so much as looks at you, especially like this, when he makes it seem like you’re the only person in the world for him.

You don’t want him to tell you you’re impossible, don’t want him to even ever think it. Honestly, if you could, you'd love nothing more than to curl up in his arms and do whatever he wants, because you trust him with the outcome. You could leave your heart in his hands and bet money on him being careful with it. You just don’t want it to end up being a burden.

So you keep this ache to yourself; choosing instead to kick your shoes off and find your way to him, to stand between his legs, bracketed in and fucking safe.

Even this feels too much, though, the rushed way you bend in half to kiss him. And you try to soften your desperation, sweeten the way you gasp into his mouth, that turns to humming when his hand grabs a firm hold of your thigh. His solid, calloused fingers indenting the flesh over the summer dress you usually wear to impress him.

“Amor—”

“Please,” you interrupt, clinging to his neck like you’re begging, because you are. And he must see it clear on your face, since he drops it in favor of tugging you down to straddle his lap.

“Come here.”

He guides you, waits patiently as you settle. Steadies you with nothing more than a light touch over your waist and his eyes tracking the path of your skirt. Riding high, inch by inch, just enough to show him how your skin slowly meets the rough fabric of his jeans. And the roll of his hips that follows might start as an instinctive reaction, but he makes it this slow, dragging thing against you.

You’ve come to know this as something Rodolfo does from time to time, a teasing so loving and full of promise that it makes your teeth ache. He’s not riling you up just to pull away, he’s simply taking his time. A constant buildup of careful kisses, like he’s trying to coax the thought you won’t share with him out of your mouth.

He shifts again, close as he can get; forcing your stance wider, lower, until you feel his half hard cock bumping insistently against your clit. And his hand lands, encouraging, over the curve of your ass. So, you start rocking your hips, short of breath at the way he lets you taste his moan straight from the source.

“Así, amor. Steady.”

He means don’t rush, you know this too, let me feel you. It’s in his eyes, pleading, until you give him the rhythm he’s looking for. You’re rewarded with open, unashamed praise falling honeyed on your tongue.

It has you panting, straight up sobbing, mumbling his name into the silence of the living room with every word he speaks into you. To the point that the forced, controlled pace makes your thighs shake and then Rodolfo’s hands are guiding you to your feet again.

“No, Rodolfo—“

Your voice sounds almost panicked even as he moves with you, hooking both thumbs in the waistband of your underwear and nuzzling the space between your breasts as he peels the lace off you.

“I’m here,” he says, almost mouthing it against your body. Sighing a warm breath that raises goosebumps wherever it reaches.

You can feel him smiling at how easy it is to fit a finger inside you, to add another one in the second stroke.

“God, you’re so wet for me.”

“Yeah, for you. Just you, Rudy,” it’s a babble, your answer. Caught in your throat with the effort of twisting your body to kiss him, because you know it’s the only way to distract him enough to work his cock out of his pants.

He moans, loud. And your mind goes lopsided with need until you’re sinking down around him, like a fucking puzzle piece, like it was always meant to be.

You tighten inside, a spasm of muscles, and he’s sure you don’t know what you do to him; how hard it gets him to see the tension fall off the line of your shoulders at just the weight of him inside you. How your sigh has him clawing his way back from the edge. It’s a contented sound, a ‘finally back home’ sigh, and it has his heart on his throat, his pulse beating in double time at the base of his cock.

It’s why he suggested this dinner, most Vaqueros have a similar system with one another, someone who understands the implicit request in a meeting like this. The ‘in case something happens to me…’

A measure Rudy never thought he’d resort to, until you were the first thing on his mind while he crouched behind a half dilapidated car, shots ringing all around him, and he realized there’s no coming back from you. He could spend every night watching you melt against him, feeling your pretty little cunt holding him tight, and still beg for more. He’ll live his life hiding from his mom that your birria is ten times better than hers, he’ll take the crabby, pre-coffee, good morning grunt and he’ll kiss it off your lips to make you smile to start every day.

He doesn’t know if you know, but he wants you to, so he tells you. Mouths an ‘I love you’ into your collarbone in time with the rolling of your hips. Rough and sweet and useless to resist, like the tide coming into shore.

Pleasure rises from his gut, tensing his spine and driving his hands up, up, until he’s cupping your cheeks, keeping you in place so he can watch your eyebrows pinch with effort.

“I love you so fucking much,” the confession comes out out of you stumbling, mostly involuntary, pulled out of you by the fingertips that skim over the back of your neck. And you don’t notice the tears ‘till Rodolfo swipes them away with his thumbs.

“Why are you crying then, amor?”

It’s overwhelming, both the affection he graces you with and the way he thrusts up, gentle but insistent. He feels so deep, such an intrinsic part of you, that you will never be the same after this. Nothing past the panic in your gut and the humming in your clit, shoving you towards an orgasm that feels like it might undo you.

“I don’t wanna lose you, I don’t want you to get sick of me,” in the aftermath, hours later, you’ll be surprised that he made sense of the whimpers that have your shoulders heaving, but he does.

He rocks you in his arms, one hand sliding to grab your hair, not painfully, just pressure that grounds you. An unwavering hold so you can let go, coming so hard that you’d be screaming if you could.

“I’ll never get sick of you, I can’t get enough of you.”

You barely hear his words, attuned instead to the groan that warps them, putting emphasis in weird places as he fills you. But you believe him, with his heart pounding against yours. You surrender to the warmth of him all over you, taking over your world.

“You know he meant it in a good way, right?”

Rodolfo’s voice is soft, probably much softer than he needs to be once your breathing’s evened out and you’re simply slumped there against his chest.

“What?”

“When Alejandro called you a spitfire —you flinched.”

You do it again right then, a quick full-body-contraction that earns you a kiss on the crown of your head.

“It’s just, no one’s ever meant it ‘in a good way’ before.”

“He does. I do. I won’t ever say it again if you don’t like it, but I promise I wouldn’t change a thing about you.”

“Ok,” nodding is uncomfortable in the position you’re in, hoping he understands how much you trust him.

Rodolfo promises a lot more, he thinks. Though, he knows it’s too much right now, so he keeps it quiet in his heart: he’ll show you he’s telling the truth, he’ll keep coming back to you from the worst of it. And he’ll never let you go.

#m: cod #r: smut #r: fluff #rodolfo rudy parra x reader #rodolfo parra x reader #i posted this on ao3 a couple weeks ago but was kinda shy about posting it here #im v rusty posting fic on tumblr ig 😅#anyway i love rudy and i wanna whisper sweet nothings in spanish to him #personal

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ohfallingdisco · 1 year

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from now on your personality is defined by the shakespeare characters you shipped the most. mine is hamratio go

#shakespeare #tragic danish boyfriends #brutus and cassius had a history i don’t make the rules #hamlet #julius caesar #macbeth #twelfth night #much ado about nothing #henry v #a midsummer night's dream #romeo and juliet #honorable mention: mercutio and benvolio #katherine from taming of the shrew was def a lesbian #literature poll #personality test

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aroaceleovaldez · 7 months

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You have no idea how surprised I was to see you in Alabaster tag. I guess I'm just used to see you with meta (which are always a delight to read btw)

What are your opinions about Nico/Al and Percy/Al

Do not let my meta fool you I am a rogue demigods fan first and person second. I love Alabaster. I do not interact enough with the rogue demigods/Titan Army side of the fandom for the amount of thoughts I have about them 😔

As for Alabaster ships - I have heard much about Nico/Alabaster and I think it's very fun and cute. In my Nico Ship Survey it by far swept for most popular Nico/Minor Character ship. I generally think Nico/Minor Character ships tend to be very fun and interesting, I love the minor characters, I love the rogues, and throwing Nico with another rogue and/or another chthonic demigod is always very [chef's kiss] for me.

As for Percy/Al, well. I did fully intentionally make my Alabaster design mirror my Percy design.

(My main reason for doing so was cause I thought it'd be funny for Al to hate Percy and then to learn that Percy also has a streak in his hair in the exact same spot and get SO pissed that Percy not only ruined his life but is also stealing his brand.)

But yeah I think it's very interesting! I love Percy getting to interact with demigods outside of the camps and I am always down for more rogue and/or Alabaster content. And again, nudge the chthonic demigods together, hell yes. No pun intended.

I just think Alabaster is neat. Let him do whatever he wants forever.

#pjo #riordanverse #percy jackson #nico di angelo #alabaster torrington #Anonymous #ask #my art #Percy is a chthonic demigod on technicality. part-time chthonic. maybe.#depends on version of his dad but for sake of fun rogue demigod dynamics he counts for these purposes #and thank you for the lovely compliments to my meta btw ^v^#but yes please talk to me about rogue demigods i love them so much...#i have so many thoughts and ocs and hcs about rogues #we have like NEXT TO NOTHING in canon about them! even though 2 of the known big 3 kids are technically rogues!#maybe 3 if you count Cassius being a potential one and 4 if you count Meg as a Big 3+ Kid #but yeah i am not the world's most shippy person BUT i am always here for rogue content

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